Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - I Don't Love You Anymore

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

It suddenly came to me (call it a shower thought, if you will)  They teach us all how to love, but they don't teach us how to STOP. We need to discuss the ability to stop loving people. For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com.   Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast and I am Nick Salina. Hi, it's Nick Salina and welcome back to another episode of Can't Keep My Mouth Shut. thank you for tuning in. As always, I love to have you back with me. I took a wee little hiatus from creating my content because I just needed some namaste, which I happily found and now I'm fresh, fresh, fresh and back in the studio to bring you your favourite podcast episodes. Yay! And tonight we have I Don't Love You Anymore. Okay. Disclosure.

You're all obviously tuning in thinking you're going to get me to spill some tea. That's not what this episode is about. This episode is way larger than that. We're going deep into not loving someone anymore. So hear me out. I was thinking the other day, pondering, if you will, about the fact that we're all taught how to love, right? From an early age, we would come out the womb, got to love someone. But are we ever taught how to stop? that's like i was i literally was groundbreaking myself are we ever taught how to stop loving someone because actually to learn to love other people is huge you know it's part and parcel of being a human it's it's significant to not becoming a bloody psychopath or a murderer we

must learn to love but we must also learn how to stop and that's the bit that none of us are ever taught. We don't know when, how, or why you stop loving someone. And because we're not taught that, we always end up stuck in toxic relationships or relationships that are damaging for us, friendships, or work environments that are making us not good, like from the inside out, destroying us. But we don't know how to stop loving. So we carry on. And that is why I've done this episode. Because I was like, hang on a minute. I always talk about love, falling in love, dating, when to fall in love, but I've never spoken about when to fucking stop. So here we are. First episode back in, new me.

Holla, Nick Salina. Let's stop loving people. Okay, that came out wrong, but you get my drift. So for me, I'm going to, you know, a little bit of personal experience. I do struggle to stop loving. So once I have decided I'm in love with you, friendships included and family members. this literally extends to any person you have a relationship with when I decide that I love you

I love you for all of your faults for all because I know I have faults you know none of us are perfect so if someone comes up to me and they're like oh no your person did this they did this did you know that person did this and I think well I've done some shit mate I've done some shit fuck me no one's got to enter the nixalina files of the past all right i'll reveal what i reveal when i want to reveal it but yeah i've done some shit i've said some shit so i always think okay well that person's done that but i reason it for them i always look for the good in someone and if i've romantically in love with you you have my heart like you have everything i take everything you have my heart my mind my body my soul like anything my bank account I flew that

fucking cunt over from the UK after two and a half years of long distance as soon as he got over it he started like treating me like a piece of shit let me pick up all the bills argued over having to contribute to rent even though I paid for him and I housed him in the UK as well and then fucked off and tried to make me like I was the problem and yeah enjoyed local delights shall we say but when I broke up with him I was fucking devastated I couldn't stop loving him and that's kind of my personal narrative the same with the fiance it's so nice to sit here and say I don't love you anymore to any of them but it takes so long for me to get to that point yeah I feel so free and so happy to say I don't love you anymore but when I look back on how

long it took to get me here and the pain oh my god the pain that I went through to be here now I look back and I think why didn't you just stop loving him you fucking twat nicks you absolute moron like I mean not nice people but like the fiancee lied from day one raging alcoholic lied even about being at work slept with prostitutes behind my back did all sorts behind my back proposed did more shit behind my back and I still loved him even when I found out I still loved him I still gave a fuck if he was all right I still cared if he was in pain and when he crawled his fucking ass back to me about eight months later because he cried once i was like oh god you're right because he cried once whereas i'd been like unable to eat

unable to sleep i'd lost my home do you know what i mean and i'm like when should i i wish i'd gone oh here's the proof that you're cheating scumbag and not only are you a cheating scumbag right you pay for it you fucking loser you have to pay for it fuck off and then gone on with my life like right you've shown me what a cunt you are so I don't love you anymore but it don't work that way does it it doesn't work that way and there lies the fucking problem which is why I'm doing this episode because I'm like groundbreaking information they teach us how to love but they don't teach us how to stop. And being able to stop loving someone is paramount to creating your own boundaries for yourself, to creating the best healthiest version of yourself, to

enter into a healthy future loving relationship with someone who deserves your love, to putting up with shit versus going no I deserve this this and this and this and this to manifesting your own future and your own potential and stepping into your whole self all of that will come as part and parcel of when you learn how to stop loving someone that's not good for you and obviously you know there's a premise to that it's got to be someone that's not good for you you don't just have like the most incredible partner and go do you know what don't love you anymore yeah i just woke up today and i thought i don't fucking love you anymore that's not what i'm saying all right all right dad thanks for everything you've done for me don't really love you so bye

please don't go and do that guys nick selena said i need to stop no nick selena's saying we must learn when to stop loving someone and like beyond expansion beyond the you know romantic relationships let's look at everything like i had a a friend who was telling me about their alcoholic um an addict friend who was staying in their house and basically treating it like a fucking hostel lying to them drinking all night drinking their life away not clean like treating their house like a fucking garbage bin but this wasn't a one-off this is like what this person does of course they're an addict and i was just like you need to you need to kick them out but I could tell that they loved this person this is a long-term friend and that love for that

long-term friend was overriding the misery and shit and pain the friend was putting them and bringing into their home affecting their sleep worrying about whether the person's topped themselves today or not you know I mean like fucking heavy shit and I'm like I know you love them. But no, you've got to stop. This has got to stop. And even that situation played on my mind because it's like, but how would you? You feel like you're abandoning that person. And that's how I felt with my fiance. I felt I was abandoning him because he needed fucking help. He needs to go to rehab. He needs therapy, beyond therapy, because I could see from an outsider that the reason that we're going to alcohol and we're going to gambling and we're going to sex is because we

have deep issues that like trauma that's not been dealt with right so it's all mass so I felt because I could see all that as a person closest to him I was abandoning him by putting myself first and saying well I don't want to marry someone who fucks whores for instance so it's know from me but it was still like hard like oh god I can't I can't leave him I shouldn't leave him I feel guilt I feel guilt for leaving him and that's the French my friend had the same guilt I feel guilt for saying to this addict please get out my house so you suck it up that love brings in the guilt brings that I don't want to regret I don't want anything like anything bad to happen to them. And these toxic people can cause you so much damage. And your love overrides that

until like you're depleted. Oh, it's very difficult. What I believe now, firstly, well done me for stop loving. There was my party popper. Actually, it just sounded like me opening a can of beer also would do that to celebrate beer o'clock thank you but I found the way to stop loving and I stopped loving them without needing to find someone else mic drop because I learned in the last year last 2022 fun by the way that was a fucking riot for me not please sense my sarcasm I learned to stop loving by focusing on myself so I did the therapy I understood why I attract narcissistic cunts I understood why I struggled to stop loving I understood that like I had to implement boundaries that I didn't know I have standards to myself I didn't know I had

that anxious attachment style i didn't know i had so the way i learned to stop loving toxic people was by loving myself which i didn't know i didn't know i didn't do right so it was only through fucking severe self-healing and going like sitting and wading through all that pain did i did i get here. And I think it's so fucking important for everyone to do the same. We must learn when to stop loving someone. We must learn that loving someone doesn't mean that they're above loving yourself first. Did it hurt walking away from everything I had with him? Of course. And I don't just mean the fiance. I mean the one before and the one before. Like it's not the only fucking boyfriend I've had but you have to you have to because you have to love yourself first

and if loving yourself first means stopping loving them that's what you got to fucking do so many people slide into my dms and they're just in fucking pieces about this person's doing this this person's doing that or they're going back with their ex or they've ghosted me and I'm like they don't care about you and I know I'm brutally honest but this is why you come to me all right I'm like, they don't care about you enough. You're not their priority. So don't even make them part of your life. Yeah, but I still love them. Yeah. And stop loving them. Find every way possible to stop loving them. And that's the trick. Because that love where you don't know how to stop is why you go back every fucking time to people that are abusive, nasty, cruel, lying,

manipulating using you cheating on you abusing you in every possible way abusing your home you go back because you don't know how to stop loving them you are trauma bonded your brain is chemically bonded and we need to learn how to overwrite that and no one teaches us nobody you have to pay from fucking expensive therapy so now I'm giving it to you all for free it's an incredibly important part of dating being in any relationships friendships even oh the toxic friendships that I've had that I've loved blindly and these women just screwed me over literally bent me over no lube I'm telling you strap on no lube that's what they did and I would still blindly love them like oh my best friend it's my best friend it's my best friend no it must

stop this is the era where we stop okay so if you're in this situation with anyone in your life you just repeat after nick selena i don't love you anymore and you say it to yourself as much as you need to get it in your head that you don't love them anymore and the way you do that is you put the healing work in yourself and you realize i'm not putting up with that it's bollocks see you later and you can love them from afar like i think when did i stop loving the fiancee i'm gonna to say December. December's when I stopped loving him. I left him in March. Yeah. Yeah. I left him in March 2022. I stopped loving him December 2022. And it took me that long to stop loving someone that had, and even in that period, all these more shit came out. I found out about all the

whores he was fucking. Like I was just a token fiance in his, you know, game of prostitutes and all that jazz like love up for him great life choice babe keep going but it still took me that long to stop loving him even though I knew all that so I mean we must be taught how to if I could have stopped loving him by fucking May June that would have been fantastic I would have saved myself six months of agony but I didn't because I didn't know what I was doing but now I do and here i am for you that was actually quite poetic wasn't it hey but yes believe me when i say you must learn this you must this is important right and if you need help on getting to the stage where you can say i don't love you anymore and fucking mean it this isn't like oh i don't love

you anymore and then you're stalking their instagram all day no no no no no no we're going to come from a place of I wish you well I hope the best for you and I just don't love you anymore I genuinely don't wish ill will on you I don't wish bad things but also please don't come into my life stay far away from me as possible I am so happy in my own lane doing my own thing and I love myself now so yeah I don't love you anymore that's where I want us all to get to you see the difference okay I hope you've enjoyed this episode thank you so much for coming back to me for season seven oh my god season bloody seven what we on four years four years of the podcast I think fucking hell you guys keep me so young thank you so so much any requests for episodes

as always slide into my dms at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a and I'll see you all next week thanks for listening to the can't keep my mouth shut podcast produced and hosted by me nick selena i'm recorded in the splice cast studios in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more content and features to read you can check out my website nickselena.com that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-m-a to find me don't be shy come say hi