Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Sex is Better Sober, Change My Mind

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

Sure, some alcohol lubrication helps get things along between the pair of you, but the actual act of sex itself is much better sober. Here's why...

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex in Singapore City podcast, and I am Nixalina. Hi, it's Nixalina. Welcome back to another episode of my podcast. Hope you're all doing well. I shall request forgiveness for having a couple of weeks off publishing episodes. I was moving home. I'm busy, busy, busy. No internet. You know the drill when you've got to uproot and get everything sorted. So thank you for bearing with me. I think it was only like

perhaps two or three weeks I was gone. I'm here now. Yay. And I'm back. Yay. And this episode is sex is better sober changed my mind okay why do i want to talk about sober sex well you see what i didn't realize in my last long-term relationship was alcohol was in fact a prevalent third party of said relationship when i first met him it was just drink drink drink drink drink drink um great like super fun champagne nights champagne here champagne there super fun but it's all a blur of alcohol right and the guy used to love topping my drink a little I'm not I love a drink I'm not placing all the blame on him whatsoever but what I want to reflect on is like drink drink top up drink so by the time come the next morning most of the night was a blur for

me not for him for me because I'm only little um so he'd regale like the sex we had and I couldn't remember a fucking thing or I'd have like flash like mimic flashback little bit oh yeah yeah I remember um and then as the relationship progressed and obviously that little honeymoon phase dies down and I'm like look bro I'm getting fat this is not sustainable for me I like I don't drink this much you know um and he'd drink like four times a week minimum um you know like Saturday mornings he goes off to bars on his own to drink I kid you not whereas I don't do that right I'll have like usually my aim is once or twice a week maximum like blowout nights but um yeah like I don't get home from work and be like oh I need a glass of wine or anything judgment free by the way

to those that do, but I just don't operate that way. I also can't do hair of the dog, Ava. Like, if I drink the night before, if you try to give me a beer the next day, it's hair of the dog. I'd probably vomit into the bottle of beer. So in this relationship, alcohol played a heavy part, and as did drunk sex right and as the relationship progressed or shall I say declined it's all fun and games at the beginning isn't it when you don't know the person then you get to know him and you're like fuck you're an asshole um as the relationship progressed what I soon learnt was that sober sex didn't really um didn't really happen uh yeah because he needed uh Viagra and all sorts of other things for sex to happen he also just stopped having sex with me

because he was in the devaluation stage of the narcissist cycle which we all know and love not so I just like become the person at home that like he didn't fancy and whatever he was he's too busy screwing all of his other bitches so the sex primarily was drunk right drunk sex now fast forward I'm enjoying sober sex and when I say sober sex I mean I'll have like two coronas right chilling out with the guy two coronas and then we'll have sex um oh my god oh my god oh my god it's fire it's fire sex okay like the last time I honestly I just was lying there and I was like what what have I been missing out on that for like the last year and a half, because fuck. Yeah, we even went to high five about how great that sex was.

High five. Well done. But what it got me thinking the next morning, like, sex is actually better sober. And I was reflecting on the drunk, wild sex I, you know, I had with my ex, and of course, many, many times before with my previous partners. And it feels like we often go to alcohol to help lower our inhibitions when we were going to get physical with someone. You know, you go on dates, you'll be at bars having a drink, or you're at bars and clubs, you're drunk, and you go home with someone. So alcohol does seem to play quite a large part when we are having sex and actually it also ruins the sex so what like the sober sex I'm you know two coronas was absolutely fine for me I didn't want or need anymore I was just having such a good

time and it I like I felt all the feels so this is the main reason why I'm like sex is so much better sober I felt everything everything it was like yeah everything and I was thinking well if I was off my face like you know with my ex what was usually happening I wouldn't I wouldn't be able to feel this deep you know deep deep stop oh Nick stop yeah it was huge stop you know it was and I just was like wow I'm really connecting with the act of sex it was just fantastic the other main point is you remember it how many of us have woken up and looked at the person next to us or even like reminisce from the last night and someone's already left or whatever and you're like did I oh my god I did I did can't even really remember if it was good or not right you can't

remember. So say this guy or girl hits you up. You're thinking, well, I know I had sex with them. So I obviously fancy them. I must do. But you can't gauge whether even the sex is good. And that's like going back to my ex when I first met him. He'd come to a party. I was five hours in of bubbles, right? I was really knee deep in a housewarming party. He turns up, I'm already drunk. we go back to his we drink more he claims we fucked four times that night but honestly the year after of seeing the actual sex life i now think that was you know i'm calling bullshit but i wouldn't know because i was so drunk and i'm like if we had sober sex the first couple of times the first two months the first three months if i'd had proper sober sex i might have realized

that actually the sex isn't amazing you know he doesn't last long he he needs external help like to get hot I might have realized that but I didn't because it was always drink fueled he would be secretly popping viagras and um then it went oh my god we had amazing sex and I'd be like isn't life great no so I couldn't really gauge if it was good or not by the time you do start to like objectively look back at the sex connection usually you're so emotionally connected that you almost fabricate a great sex life so I did I did love sex with my ex but that's because I was emotionally connected to him it wasn't the act of sex itself and now I'm having sober sex that's fire, now I'm like, oh, okay, now I get it. Because I'm not, you know,

emotionally embroiled in it. I'm quite objective and I can just be like, that was fucking great. I want that again. And then I can look back and be like, hey, I never, I don't recall or remember a bedroom session that fire before. And I was going to marry the guy, you know? so for me you can gauge if the sex itself is really good if it's sober sex right another point of why sex is better sober is you're more likely to practice safe sex let's call us a spade a spade how many of us right i've been like oh yeah i've got the condoms yeah i'm ready yeah and then in heat the moment we don't we don't do it do we hands up put my hands up now if that's happened in the past where you neglected your safe sex put your hand up please my hands up here not proud

but yeah if you're sober you're more likely to be like yo I'm not on the pill or I'm on the pill or we need a condom or are you clean am I clean I have a conversation when you're off your face you're like yeah let's go home yeah fucking my place or your place way and all that logic and rationale goes out the fucking window as does your memory of said sex um but also having sober sex one of the main points that I love is you actually end up requesting for your needs to be met so you you're able to be like you know that hurts or i don't like this position or put your hand here or stay down there longer whatever it is you're more likely to vocalize what you want because you're in a sober frame of mind you're in the moment you can feel what's going on you know

you're not just lying there drunk and this guy is fucking eating you out like he's licking a lollipop badly or worse is when they go down on you for like a couple of minutes and they're like right done my turn and you're like what what fucking stay down there like at least another 10 minutes bro what are you doing i used to fucking hate that about my ex he was never like just down just stay down there what you why do you think i'd like a five minute quick lick and then i'm something what got to come all over your face and be in ecstasy. No, graft more. But it's almost like, oh, I know, I'll just lick it a bit and then I get to shove my dick in and cum and then I'm the king of the world. Well, that went off on a tangent, didn't it? We're always learning,

aren't we? But yeah, if you're sober, you can be like, yo, stay down there. I don't like that. Move your fingers that way. No, you're not doing it right. Or this is amazing. Don't stop. Don't fucking stop. Don't stop. You know, when you're a drunk mess, you're just more likely to not communicate that. You're just sort of all over the place, right? So yes, in my opinion, my new awakened opinion, sex is in fact better sober. I understand alcohol does help lower our inhibitions and of course, usually that means we are more likely to have sex as well because, you know, you see a hot guy or girl at the bar, you're feeling it, you're thinking, you know, you've got some Dutch courage, you've had a few beers and you're like, yeah, I'm going in. If you were sober,

you might not make that step. But that's all about self-confidence. That's something in, you know, a different world entirely about having self-confidence to approach someone and take rejection and know that's part and parcel of life. That's a very different category to what we're talking about here but I you know this is what I mean like have a couple of beers it's fine if you need to just loosen up a little bit a few a glass or two of wine is fine but I'm talking about drunk sex like you're off your face versus your sober sex and oh take it from me sober sex is fire fire like afterwards you're lying there looking at each other like yeah I get yeah I know I know exactly what you're thinking because I'm feeling it too

um yeah change my mind come at me with stories of drunk sex where it's also been fire I want to know whether you agree with my newfound reasoning or you think sex is just better drunk because you're more likely to have sex when you're drunk so it's the law of averages isn't it you're upping your possibility of having sex when you're drunk but you are also upping your possibility of sleeping with someone you are mortified about in the morning and greatly regret. Or you're also up in your possibility of being sucked in to someone who's presenting their fake self and who is an absolute knob. There we go. That's my rant over, and it is a rant. Slide into my DMs on Insta, please for your opinions on this at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a and I will see you all next week

thanks for listening to the sex and singapore city podcast this episode was produced and hosted by me nixalina and recorded at the splice car studio in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more awesome content and features to read you can check out my website sex and singaporecity.com that's sex and singaporecity.com i'm also on social media simply search at Nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A to find me. Don't be shy, come say hi!