Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - SG's Jill Lim talks being a Young Mum, Media Career Success & Marrying a Rockstar

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

Did you want to know how it feels to marry a rockstar who was on a dark path? Or how about juggling being a mum AND keeping your career as a radio host? What about dealing with a loved one in prison? I sit down with Singapore's home grown Jill Lim of Kiss 92 FM to discuss all of the above, and then some. She's cool AF, you're going to love her. 

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex in Singapore City podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hi guys, welcome back to my podcast. It's Nick Salina, and I hope you're enjoying season four. I hope you found it even better than one, two and three. and if you didn't then just let me know and I will ignore you I'm kidding I'm kidding today I have a guest on my show I've been wanting to get her on for months we met at a media gig together where we was talking about mums sex babies pregnancy sex sex mums and sex and how

I wasn't getting it like lack of sex and I thought yeah I like a vibe so without further ado I'm going to introduce you to jill lim the gorgeous radio host hi hey thanks for having me what's your radio station uh kiss 92 and when do you go on i am on from eight to midnight it is a lovely woman skewed station that focuses on family and how do you get a family by having sex i didn't know that yeah and fun fact so after getting pregnant and after giving birth the first time I had sex was after you and I had sushi remember and I was like I need to get sex I need to have sex I gotta do it and you were like focus you gotta do this you can't do it you can't do it get over it it's mind over matter and then that night we did we did it yeah um to fill you guys

in she had like a few months four or five months of a dry spell post-pregnancy which I believe is totally normal and was at this media dinner and um we just it was getting a wee bit tips we got we got a lot tips yes yeah and I was doing the like coaching like just like it's like getting back on the bike you just gotta get free just gotta do it and I'm scared she's like I'm scared it's gonna be painful and I'm like just go for it and I did and I did and it was great and then we've been having sex ever since so yes that was lovely so if Jill's husband is listening you have me to thank for your sex life. Correct. Accurate. So Jill, for people that don't know of you, give me a little bit of your background. Like, are you local? Are you born here? How did you

get into radio? What's the deal? Okay, so I'm local. Born, bred, went to school here, everything. My mom's Eurasian, my dad's Chinese. They're very, I guess by local standards, is very liberal very open and they're down for a lot of things um my mom said don't get pregnant so when I was 13 years old I was like can I go to a party he was sure just don't get pregnant I'm like okay cool and after I had my daughter my dad my mom told me do you know when you were in school your father said if you know I because I have an elder sister so my mom said you know your father said if any one of them comes home pregnant we're keeping it I'm like oh okay I didn't know that that was weird so I could have had you know I could have been a bit more reckless not that I am

okay you know anyways what's the question the question was darling are you local we got that one we figured out mom and dad roles in your life they're fine yeah very clear and how did you get into being a radio host oh my sister was a radio dj before I was so Rod Montero was my mentor and my sister was on the show with him and she left to do law because that's where the money's at and um I my sister and I didn't have a good relationship until my daughter came actually so we didn't really talk to each other we weren't really like in any case so she left to become a lawyer and I tried to audition and much to her dismay I got the job and I've had the job ever since oh wow so radio is your gig it's your your main bread and butter yeah I know it's very unheard

off that people stay in the same industry for like over 10 years but i started when i was about 18 wow and you love it it's decent it's all right yeah you work four hours a day i can't complain ain't nobody complaining at four hours a day right right so you've been in radio most of your life you then have like you meet your husband well oh my husband that's a whole different story so my husband is a singer uh in a prominent rock band he's a rock star he is uh yeah he's actually really good but we are about the same age he's a year older than i am and when we were younger we used to go to this place called third place which is at utram near this area and everyone used to play and he was really really short and really skinny and he looked like donkey from shrek

and he was the most annoying thing really annoying he wasn't in any band so he would have to try to make up for it by being the host of the show and he'd be like all right so guys i'm so glad you're here the next band needs no introduction but you know they're really cool i'm like shut the fuck up you said they don't need an introduction just let them play and you thought i'm gonna marry you no no i was 13 i hated his band i thought like they were so lame they had a song that was the biggest song was called cheers to love oh they're a rock band okay and the song is called cheers to love i can't remember like msn messenger back in the day oh yes everyone's um like the name and the bracket was cheers to love i'm like what the damn hell this

is so lame um but fast forward 10 years from that met him when i was 23 and i was like oh you got tall which was one of the first things I said to him I was like oh look at you you grew like you're taller now uh and yeah he was nice he was nice and he had a girlfriend at the time that I did not know about yeah it was a whole thing it was very dramatic uh but yeah so I married him I don't know if that's the winner in the story but he's a nice guy like he's really changed a lot he was he had a whole his whole alcohol thing the typical rock star live fast die young yeah I've read an article on you recently in honeycombers actually went to jail very cool article I was like oh that's my girl and it's nice how honest you are and like yeah the whole I guess the rock star

lifestyle comes with the baggage you know it's really cliche and really stereotypical but yeah the whole depression and then he got kicked out of the band which which was like terrifying to me because like oh shit this guy's gonna fucking spiral which he did uh and then of course you his family was trying the hardest to get him together and I was trying my hardest but you don't you don't fucking want help man when you're in that state so you look for your feel-good friends and he did and he was at Orchard Towers that night uh drinking with his friends and they got into a fight and if anyone knows Orchard Towers you know how badly things can go how left how quickly left thing how wait what am I trying to say how quickly things can turn left

uh thankfully it didn't the police came and he assaulted a police officer so he went to jail for that which is like oh okay great and was this when you like was you trying to support both of you on your radio career like he has uh he's been a barber and he's a really good bar he's this is the disgusting annoying thing about him he is really talented and he doesn't have to try which pisses me off because here I am trying to hone the craft trying to try now be a writer really practicing hard at that and this asshole is like well I can sing I can play the guitar I can cut hair people like me I'm just a very nice person which he is everyone just loves him and people just want to work with him so he had his barbershop and he was pretty much given the

barber shop his tattoo artist yeah decided like you know what you're a nice guy you work really hard and you're a really good barber would you want to go into his venture with me i'll settle everything damn who does that so the everything was settled and all he had to do was cut hair and bring in the clients which he did and it was just really annoying so um no i wasn't supporting us at that point in time but he wasn't really working because he was drunk all the time he was not showing up for work he had depression he was on meds and alcohol uh but he had barbers so the shop was making money and therefore he was making a little bit of money and he was going for therapy which i was paying for because oh damn this was when the parents didn't believe in

depression the parents were just like no he's just he just needs to stop drinking stop drinking everything will be okay yes it did improve but no you're depressed so when he when that night at Orchard Towers happened he woke up in jail and usually you're in lockup for 24 hours

and you get your statement and all that but they couldn't have him take a statement because he took his blood test and he was still drunk after 24 hours it was still above

the legal limit so he had to stay in lockup for 48 hours and this is something that I did not know they don't call your parents so for over 24 hours

we're like where is he by the way we were broken up at this point in time right And they're like, where is he? Did you see him?

Do you know where he is? I'm like, no, I don't know. So we called the hospitals. We called a lot of people and we realized, okay, he's in lockup. That's fine. At least he's alive because that was my fear. I thought, okay, he's going to chest up anything else. He's just going to be dead.

From that day, he came out and he was sober. Because I was just going to say, how do you go from that kind of situation to then starting a family together? i thought the sobriety would help right it did not his behavior did not change if anything he was even more reckless and even more of a fucking asshole she loves him by the way everyone listens she loves him okay it really was i was just like what the damn hell you know we were blaming all of this behavior on the fact that you were an alcoholic now that you're sober you're still a fucking dick like what what what is this and it was like oh you know i'm going to jail i'm scared

this is how i'm dealing with him like fuck the excuses are never fucking ending right he finally goes to jail and he's taken away from his friends people who are telling him yes all the time he's taken away from family he's taken away from me he's taken away from everyone and all he has is himself his sobriety and having to deal with the fact that he fucking cut a lot of people drunk when he was an alcoholic he said a lot of things he said a lot of crap he didn't mean and now it's just being sober reconciling with that when he came out he was a different ass person and when he was in jail I was writing him right and I said yo two things I don't know how you're gonna be when you come out because before you went in you were sober when you come out you're probably gonna

be sober also I don't know if you're gonna have a come to Jesus moment and decide that you know what I am not for you because just so you know I'm not changing my life I'm a drink I'm a go out I'm a party this has nothing to do with me it's not a me problem is a you problem so you may come out you may not love me anymore you may not want to be with this kind of person anymore and at the same time I let you know I do not love you the same way because before he went in I was like Bonnie and Clyde I'm your ride or die I'm gonna be with you no matter what and with so much disrespect that happened I was like you know what I love you but if you're not gonna you know it's done it's a different it's not it's no longer an unconditional love yeah I mean I gotta be honest

if it was me I would have walked yeah I really would have I don't I think that's a really I mean it's a testament to your strength of your love but I don't know how many people would really churn through that and you know I mean I love seeing you guys together and obviously you have beautiful kid together now but at this point you know like just so it's been so much drama and it just sounds like a very mentally upsetting state for you two weeks into knowing him I wanted to marry him already because you could tell two weeks into it he oh he lacked confidence the most so it's if I'm with this group of people and this group of people like me because I'm a drunk and they like me drunk and they think i'm fun i'm gonna be a drunk if my band likes me because i'm

gonna perform really well i'm gonna perform really well if joe likes me for this i'm gonna i'm like bro who are you what do you like about yourself let's figure this out because you're trying to please all these thousands of people who mean nothing in your life in the bigger picture so when he was in jail he realized that yeah actually i don't i don't like a lot of things and i i'm not living my life for other people i mean it sounds like the jiao time changed a lot like right thank you changi prison yeah not sponsored by changi prison and can i just say okay totally unrelated he came out beefcake i'm like oh you went you went in a skinny boy you came out like prison yard hot you're like damn yeah have my babies no literally yeah right oh yeah so he comes out you two have

got over the worst of it and then you're um I want to know the point in your life because I think this is a really pinnacle thing to talk about not many people talk about it it's like the change in mindset to I want to start a family I want to be a mum but I also have a strong career like you do you know you're the face of a radio station you are I have a presence you know you're writing for these publications. And how do you go from that mindset to that girl to becoming a mom and that girl? I've come from a really large family. So my mom has nine siblings. I have like 30 something cousins. So from the time I was seven years old, there was always a baby around. I thought it was fun. I was like, oh, okay, babies are cute. They're fine. They're fun.

And I had a real sick mom and she was a great mom. So she would tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up I'm like a mom and she goes oh come on have some ambition and she's a teacher so I want to be a teacher it's oh come on make some money so it was really like I loved my mom and I thought yeah you're cool let me be like you and she didn't compromise on a lot of things you know she was really cool she did all the you know she lived her life and I just happened to be in it so I thought that's a nice way of parenting that's a great way I would like to live my life so yeah it wasn't like a scary thing like oh shit you know when you have a child you're not your life is going to change you're not going to be able to go out you're not going to be able to do this

and she wasn't like that and I'm like yeah I like kids they're fine and I'm gonna have cute kids which I did so they're fine yeah they're right yeah take it or leave it as my mother says like when I asked her why did you have children and she goes you know after a while you get bored with your husband so you have a child and then when you're bored with that one you have another one legit legit you ask her that's what she says so when you like when you found out you're pregnant yeah what's like yeah were you two both like we're all in I was on radio so I was on air and shit man pregnancy tests are expensive ovulation tests are expensive so when we started trying it was 20 2018 and okay so you were actually you were actively trying yeah and how long did it take

not quick so I was 28 years old and I thought because you know we have been conditioned like don't have sex you're gonna get pregnant you're gonna get pregnant um I thought it's gonna happen instantaneously it did not so it took about uh eight seven eight months and nothing was happening i'm like okay i like sex but let's get it done you know i'm here for a purpose let's get this get the source and it wasn't happening and in singapore for some reason if you're under the age of 30 and you have been trying for less than a year they don't really help you very much they just you know just keep trying naturally you'll be fine track your ovulation try it this way but they're not going to give you like any tests they're not really going to give you any medication

to help the process along unless you've been trying for at least a year okay so fine uh we did a lot of things um ovulation sticks are very expensive anyways it happened and i was on air and i was walking on the way to work so i walked past the guardian and guardian was having a sale and it was like buy one get one 50 off i'm like all right that's cheap for a pregnancy test it's about 14 for a pregnancy test i'm not gonna fucking spend like 14 each time i just love the thriftiness leading the convo like fuck the pregnancy for a minute did you know it was like buy one get one free yes ovulation sticks are 40 a pack what yes i have an ovulation at what i have an app flow no you gotta pee on this stick and actually see you're ovulating by the way

i don't know why i'm stupid when you read on the internet it says you ovulate from 12 to 48 hours Yeah So I thought okay lah I've got a two day window It's up to So you could be ovulating For 12 to 48 right So 13 hours

You could be ovulating For 16 hours It does not mean You ovulate the full 48 hours Okay Which that's what I kept thinking I was like Well okay

I'm ovulating I'm peeing on the stick Stick says I'm ovulating So therefore I've got two days to Get it in To get it on Let's love and get

Get it on Cheers to love involuntary gag no but yeah so it came to a point where i realized okay i wake up in the morning i pee on the stick i'm ovulating by the time i get to work yeah i'm no longer ovulating oh yeah so my window is really really tiny anyways it happened i was on air i'll say hey by the way i've got pregnancy kits and my friend was visiting from australia so i'm gonna drink tonight so i better you know for fuck's sake miss trailer so i went to bathroom peed on the stick carried on the radio show and realized oh crap i've got a yeah for anyone listening she didn't pee on the

stick as she was sitting talking on the radio station she actually excused herself yeah we're not allowed to have food or drinks in the studio but i brought my pee stick in the studio with me essentials right so after this show i i looked at it and like this is a really faint line and the pregnancy test says you know you shouldn't keep it for more than an hour i'm like oh maybe it's wrong whatever so i just went out and i had like a big glass of sprite with cucumbers so it looked like a gin and tonic no one cared no one questioned like bitch why you drink so big because you know elky so just like all right sound looks looks all right had the night out drank nothing but sprite sprite is really not good i mean like no one's sponsoring the show right i know but you

don't have to whisper okay you can say Sprite's not good all right uh I was pregnant maybe I didn't like it because I was pregnant but if you do like Sprite we don't judge the twist of lemon I heard it's good so the next day I take the pregnancy test again I'm like she I'm pregnant and this was when COVID was happening huh guys so COVID was happening I took a pregnancy test I was pregnant and my husband I didn't tell my husband because I wanted to like I haven't changed my surname since we got married and I thought the only reason I would change my surname is if I had a child you know make things easier and it's a cute way of surprising him he wanted to have sex and I was not in a fucking mood to have sex so he's like you never want to do it I'm like ah

it's because I'm pregnant and he's like what so you like did you oh oh I see that's how you announced it I know it was Jesus I just didn't want to have sex with him at that point in time I'm pregnant You could have Softened it a little bit Or add some florals Or something Fluff

I'm like don't touch me And he's like Are you for real I'm like yeah So I showed him The pregnancy kit And he didn't believe it So he's like

Go to the polyclinic Get it checked Properly I'm like Bro it's COVID You really want me to go And he goes Do it

So I went to the polyclinic They you know I peed They checked it And I was pregnant I'm like by the way You owe me $8.22 $8.22

Because I'm pregnant Give me the $8.22 It's a lovely marriage We don't count We don't We're not calculated at all So Can I

I'm gonna stay on track With the sexing For the nine months Pregnancy Was you still like Nah I'm pregnant Or did you let him Have some sex

Was there a sex drive There at all No Oh shit For the full nine months Bro Even after the baby came So at least a year

He didn't have sex So if he cheated on me I totally understand Shut up You just didn't get the horn Um The first trimester, it felt like I woke up with the world's worst hangover. Every day for the first three months, it was like, I wake up with this hangover.

I'll go to work. And in the evening, the hangover will start again. And I can't, you can't vomit. It was just terrible. And then after the first trimester, we were in quarantine. So, okay, I think I gave him a blowjob maybe like once. I felt bad about life. Honestly, maybe once, maybe once.

Good for you. Yeah. Good for you, babe. We all do things we don't want to do. yeah yes i think i gave him a blowjob at least once or maybe i dreamt about it but whatever and then i was on bed rest the rest of the time because my cervix the part where the baby comes out of it was prematurely opening okay so i'm like if it's opening nothing else can go in like that would just make it open even more so wasn't allowed to have sex for the last three and

a half months of my pregnancy fuck yeah and we met four months post-labor and we had sex once kind of like it couldn't go all the way in like so let me let's explain what we what we talked about so basically you had a psychological fear of sex because they had you're torn during labor as most people do and they'd stitched you back up uh it was a lot more to that so my epidural didn't work oh god lovely um yeah so the epidural i'm just strapping myself in for this fucking ride that i don't want to hear um so nothing went according to plan my water didn't break uh so the doctor had to put his hand inside me to manually break my water bag so a whole fucking hand bro like up to your wrist is inside you to break the water bag so that happened and the

epidural wore off before i even started pushing oh my god no the epidural ran out before i started pushing and then while it ran out i could feel it and my doctor oh don't worry um you'll you'll stay numb to four to eight hours bitch i could feel i could feel everything and while i was pushing the baby wasn't coming out because i knew this beforehand that the head was slightly bigger than my pelvic reason uh region but he's like don't worry you can push it you'll be fine wasn't fine so he put in forceps forceps look like those really big salad tosses so all that went inside and while one went in he had to put his hand in my vagina as well to feel where the baby's face was how the fuck does that all get in i can't even get my partner's

dick in how does that all get in i will get to the dick so he puts his hand in to feel the baby's face so he can put the forceps away from the baby's face right so you don't blind the kid and a bunch of stuff so while this is happening i'm vomiting simultaneously because i'm having a bad effect with the epidural and that's one of the side effects of epidural it makes you vomit so i'm trying to push oh my god just stop and i'll vomit and i'll push again and he's so he was like i just need one big push one big push and i pushed and the he's wearing visors so i can see the baby No not the baby So I can see it

Right I can see the black Come out To the baby's head And then I started Vomiting And he's like Okay stop stop stop

And it went back in Oh Jesus She's never coming out She's never fucking coming out And he goes I can I can cut you It's called a

Episodal That's not the technical name Epidepid No Is it Episodal I don't know Well he was like I can cut

I'm like just get the fucking kid out of me man so he's like okay so he's like he gave me one big push so i pushed and he was holding on to his forceps he snipped my perineum perineum pulled the baby out that came out she came out she came out she's really cute so she came out and i had a fourth degree t so most women have one to two degrees so one is just basic caring two is like a little bit more you need stitches and all that a fourth degrees from your vagina to your ass so it's just open right my husband is watching this the whole time i'm like you'll never want to have sex with me again that's crazy uh he stitched me

up and that was fine that was okay the recovery was fine honestly so i still want two more kids because it was everything was fine but the getting back into sex was really difficult the psychological bit because she thinks if she whispers no one can hear what we're saying but everyone's listening because he went like oh you know to get things going let me finger you a little bit and whenever he would put it in I would think of the doctor's hand going in to break my water yeah it's like trauma mental trauma it was terrible and I remember you telling me that because he that the four degrees tear is the biggest possible tear you can have right and you were you were concerned that he'd actually overstitched you because you felt so small um okay so Casey Casey's mom is Indian

his father is American he looks nothing like a Caucasian Casey's the husband by the way oh yeah I'm like where you're white where are you white his dick is white he got a big dick like disclosure other dicks are also big well this was the first Caucasian dick I've seen it was big and I remember The first time he came over He was really skinny No he's put on weight But he was also really skinny And I went down

And I gave him a blowjob And when he left my house The first thing I thought about I called my friend Oh my god He's Caucasian from the waist down He's Asian waist up But that's where it all came

It culminated in his dick He got a big dick I just need to confirm I slept with Caucasian men before Back in the UK There was some small ass penises He's like a ketchup bottle Yeah I've had not

there yeah I think that's just a lucky vibe that you know I don't know man that's not all hype Caucasian men I've had some fucking tiny ones I've had one that fell out because it couldn't stay in because it was so small I know yeah I've had that too every time they pull pull away to do the movement it just fell out yep yep so the vibe went like sorry bro anyway his bit his dick is big confirmed so well done to him um and you for marrying him well so i figured if a baby can come out of my vagina why can't your dick go in my vagina it's a fair thought so i thought oh my doctor must have overstitched me like that's it and i googled it as in he tried to push it in he just wouldn't physically go back in it was so painful it was so painful and did he say it felt

any different for him he said it felt like there's something blocking it right so like i can go in but it's just not all the way in and i googled it and there's something called the daddy stitch or the father stitch where um women specifically ask can you stick like if you need four stitches can you do one extra to make me tighter and all that and i'm like oh shit this is what must have happened and the only way to counter that is to force it in or to go back and get cut open again I'm like this is it this must be what's happening

until I met you and then I realized no no no it's all in my head and life was good again yeah that was one awesome press dinner

see this is a true account everyone who's listening that my advice generally works I don't talk shit I mean like

some 70% I talk shit a lot well whatever the case is it works yeah that's because

you told me that you'd actually been you know you were you've been to see people you had checkups and you were stitched fine fine yeah it was just a yeah it felt like it was all psychological that's all I was hearing when you was telling me like it's a mental trauma and what you went through sounds traumatic and not many people talk about this side of labor right it's like you have a baby it's the most natural amazing thing on earth you you heal you go back into a loving sexual relationship this is one girl

who is also a mom and she's in the media and she's like yeah you know after I gave birth the day after I asked my husband just can you just rub my clit I'm like bitch you fucking lying okay you lying first and foremost you do not feel sexy at all secondly your clit is still swollen from giving birth and she had a vaginal birth so who the fuck are you trying to kid who what are you trying to prove and who are you trying to kid that the very next day I asked my husband to give me a little rub-a-dub no I'd ask my husband to get me like I don't know McDonald's and I will sleep and I've asked my husband like look after the baby because I've done my I've done my bit right it's your fucking turn for nine months at least you fucking do it for nine months yeah dude uh yeah

that's probably the last thing I think on most people's minds so I didn't believe that and I think that's also a very toxic thing that's happening in this aside from bounce back culture where after you give birth you're expected to bounce back into shape it's the postpartum body right yeah oh my god this is me four days after i gave birth who cares bitch like no one literally only you care no one cares and yeah which is fine but you know it's also like there's some women who okay maybe a month after giving birth or two months they have sex already and that's great that's fine for you but to over sexualize the experience some no it takes longer for other people and it's fine yeah and husbands need to know it's fine yeah just normalize it get it

handy or blow it her mouth still works and it's fine your yours works very fine it's shut it up that's the problem yeah that's true he needs to put his dick in it a lot more that's what he says You're like, I'm going to put my dick in your mouth. I'm like, yeah, you should. So we've got to the point where I came into your life. Ah, sex reform. When did you go back to work? Because I heard that the average maternity leave in Singapore is four months.

See, in the UK, we generally take a year off. Yeah. I mean, it won't all be paid. Maybe six months will be paid, but generally like, okay, six months or seven or whatever it is you have in your company, it varies. but most mums will take the year what about the dads what is the oh working well oh they work throughout that paternity leave for a dude is i think two weeks okay so paternity leave for dads here as well as two weeks yeah which definitely is not enough yeah that's not enough i feel like

it's really not okay not enough not for the father to bond i don't really care about the father bonding with the baby at this point in time that will come later but the mother needs help so if you don't have a helper and you have a year off your body still needs to recover man you need help someone needs to full-on take care of you for a month which a lot of Singaporeans they do confinement I didn't do confinement it's also a huge adjustment like my voice went really high it's a huge adjustment to your life in that like you've become a mom your vagina is like splayed open or now it's stitched up but you're pissing on there but you're you're in a very different space to where you were before it's really okay so i saw this uh meme right if you

get a pizza plate what is it eight inches or something if that is burnt into your back and that's an open wound people will be like oh my gosh you gotta take time off you gotta you know really treat that wound and everything because they can see it but whatever's happening inside your womb which is the same thing because you can't see it okay go back to work after four months But to answer your question I went back to work After two months What?

I was just so fucking bored You gotta You gotta keep in mind COVID was happening So Casey Who is a barber He came into contact With someone that was

Suspected of having COVID Because he His majority of clientele Were expats at the time Okay So he was placed On a two week quarantine When that two week quarantine

Was up The nation Went into lockdown so that was three months three month three and a half months of isolation when we came out of lockdown I had two weeks of freedom I went out and then bam I was on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy so I was just isolated for the majority of 2020 and I just could not wait to go back to work so after two months I was like okay all right I'm done I'm going back to work you're like hey guys so did you have a radio host take over your slot for that interim and then

where you're like they were supposed to be four months and you're like get off it's my show well it evened out because i wanted to work till the day i gave birth but it was like hey surprise guys can someone cover me because i'm go live i'm fucked right now but yeah so it worked out but at that point in time i was only doing weekends and then when i came back in january i was like yo i don't want to do weekends anymore i want to do a weekday shift okay because the bitch is good at what she does so give me a fucking good show and the boss was like right you sure you can oh that was the other thing though my bosses are men i love them they're great but there was a lot of because i'm handling more than just doing the radio show i do a lot of

other things as well and you're like well how are you going to handle that how are you going to you know handle being a new mom and doing all you're gonna fucking ask a father that bitch you're a father how are you gonna handle work no what so why am i being asked this is actually such a great thing to what I want to get to as well about this is how you feel about returning to your career your career in media and the perception of you as a working mom and this is exactly what I I thought it would be like I it really okay so the other really tragic thing was my original boss passed away oh i'm so sorry yeah so that's anyways he passed away so a new guy took over and he was rightfully so we didn't really know each other he didn't really know my working style or my work

ethic or what i am capable of so he was just like uh well you're doing a radio show which is now monday to friday and you're also doing production and you're also doing social media and you're also doing client-based things how are you going to handle all this with having a child I'm like the way I've been doing it all the time man do you think as a mom that's a fair question or would you rather it just wasn't asked and just like accept it I've come back to work because I can handle it I think there's a way of asking right so I came from a weekend shift I specifically came back and say yo i want to do a monday to friday so if i want more that means my state of mind is all right and i'm i'm i'm down i'm like i i can work if anything else i can work and i want

to work and that's where i get my happiness from baby is cute i love her but you know yeah of course you need a break from your child i love that to be real so yes i want to work and then like you it's worked out and of course hubby completely supports this of course and you know mom life yeah and do you feel there's any mom shame to you wanting to work is is there anyone that's like oh you went back to work after two months did you even bond with your baby yeah so the other thing is breastfeeding i think this is like a universal cult where moms who breastfeed are like breast is best and if you don't breastfeed there is automatically a stigma of you're not a good enough mom why are you doing this your child why are you giving them man-made substance formula

it's not man-made it's cow you know it's fine so um so i had a whole different thing when i was breastfeeding it was suspected breast cancer at the same time and it came down to do i want to continue breastfeeding my child and risk having breast cancer uh i stopped breastfeeding and turned out it wasn't breast cancer and a lot of moms were like you see you see what you did to your child you should have breastfed her you should have carried on breastfeeding her so aside from working it's a lot of shame from any angle and the fact that i can say yo you got to get away from your kids sometimes moms don't like that moms want to perceive that i love my child my child's my world i don't want to have any time away from like you're lying yeah you're right i

whisper every time you say something that's going to be you're like I'm just gonna whisper it yeah bullshit everyone can still hear Ken turn all that bit up any whispers turn the volume up I promise I'm a DJ I know how radio I know how audio works yeah I can imagine this I have I mean obviously I have friends who's pregnant my sister's pregnant I have a little niece um so I get the stigma attached yeah um and i think it's very very boss of you to go back to work after two months and say hey like i'm a good mom i am a good mom and i love my kid but fuck i love my career as well i'm a better mom because i get to go back to work because i would like fucking lose my ever-loving mind if i were

stuck at home all day every day so shout out to like single moms shout out to uh stay at home moms because I do I I would always put on my Instagram I am not an infant mom I love my child when they're a little bit more independent when they can fucking hold their head themselves and sit up themselves but I was not an infant mom and everyone's like you're gonna miss it you're gonna miss it I'm like bitch no I bitch no I'll whisper it again bitch no I do not miss a helpless sack of skin okay I'm very happy when my child could when she could sit up by herself I'm like oh i like you you're cute let's talk a little bit more um but on that note you are planning to have a few more sack of skins yeah i want two more and your and your big aim i guess is to stay

in radio and continue to be mom career mom career yeah i'm just all for that i mean i think we're gonna wrap this up but i really what i want to know as well is like juggling the balance between your media career and being a good mom like do you have any tips of advice or like what you found worked or hasn't worked so a couple of things firstly your child is young they're not gonna remember they're not gonna fucking remember that you're not there that you didn't put them to sleep on the 22nd of july or at 5 p.m or you missed their nap time on the 2nd of march they're not going to remember this bullshit okay parenting is a marathon it's consistency when they can remember show up when they can remember so when i do all my media things at night like right now we're

recording in the evening i'm like oh man i'm missing a bedtime again that sucks she's not gonna remember this man so be there when they're older and be there when it counts right now doesn't really count it's all ego you think you're the child's world the child i mean obviously someone needs to put them to bed like that's it they have to have someone there the husband is for you're not just a sperm donor you're fucking dead man up and step up yeah your rock star life is gone baby yeah for me you have wisdom of a mom that's had two or three but you've had one you know like they say like when you have two like two of them they're like oh you know what they'll fall over they'll get up whereas when you're a mom for the first time it's oh my god

they fell over you know well you've fallen over i've fallen over we're fine we're doing all right in life okay after my baby got ripped out of my vagina trust me it's very difficult to kill them like the way the the force that was used to rip her out of me I'm like bitch her head's gonna fall off but it didn't she's fine she's fine I hope everyone who's listened to this episode can understand why I really fucking love this girl yeah she's cool this is the stuff that we talked about in a group chat when we first met and I could tell that me and her like me and Jill were just going more on a tangent here like beyond the plane of what was acceptable and this is the kind of stuff we talk about I hope you don't get hate for this podcast okay mom warriors will come

for you no they're gonna come for you motherfucker don't seem no I want my name no it's not I appreciate your advice and I think it's very nice and refreshing to have some honesty you know and any mom out there who's listening you know who's been through a similar thing who's had the sex issues and the trauma who wants to be a career mom and a mom and do a good job I feel like Jill you are a wonderful example oh sick thanks of all of the above and I genuinely am excited for you having two and three and a weather like a football team I need I need a gunkle I need a gay uncle to support my second and third child because fucking kids are expensive any sugar daddies out there no that's why we say gunkle okay I think gay uncles are more

accepted than sugar daddies when you're married with a child I wouldn't know I mean I'm neither And on that note, what's your Instagram handle, babe? I don't know. I've got to find this out. What the fuck's my Instagram handle? It's something got kill in it. Oh, kill Jill, like kill Bill. Yeah.

Yeah, kill Jill, but the Jill has five L's. Okay. Kill Jill. I knew it was something like that. Okay, so hit her up if you want to ask her any advice about mums, about career, about mum sex, pregnancy sex, and also tune in to her radio. Say it again one more time when you want.

Monday to Friday, 8 to midnight on Kiss92. Peace out. Thank you, Jill. Thanks. Bye. Thanks for listening to the Sex and Singapore City podcast. This episode was produced and hosted by me, Nick Salina, and recorded at the Splice Car Studio in Singapore.

I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google, and all major podcast listening apps. Do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening. please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more awesome content and features to read you can check out my website sexandsingaporecity.com that's sex and singaporecity.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a to find me don't be shy come say hi We'll be right back.