Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - She Said, He Said - Having Sex, Fucking, or Making Love???

Episode Date: December 7, 2020

Do we ever know the difference? How does one know if you're having sex, fucking or making love? Can you 'make love' with someone you're not in a relationship with? I grab my buddy Paul Foster to thrash this out (pun not intended) together.  For more content, head over to: http://sexandsingaporecity.com/ Or come say HAIII Nixxxx on Instagram: @nixalina

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships and sex. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex in Singapore City podcast and I'm Nick Salina-Watson. Hi everyone and welcome back to another episode of She Said, He Said with my co-host Paul Foster. How's it going, everyone? Always good to be back. I love it. It's always nice having a chat with you, Nick Salina. Thank you. You too. No weird social distancing. That's it. We're being very, very safe here in this little setup. Ken's got it going on

here. I love it. We've got safety first is the most important thing. Of course. So this episode today is going to be tricky. It is having sex, fucking or making love. Oh, yes. I love this. This is one of my all time favorite things to talk about. I always bring this up with friends and I absolutely love it. How does one know? How does one know? Oh, you know, you know. and that's it that's the end of the episode you know motherfuckers

um having sex fucking or making love i mean you start sure because i bring this up a lot because i love this topic and of course you do and yeah i just love sex but people just you know a lot of times people just don't realize they're like what are you talking about it's kind of like all the i'm like no it's not all the same no it's not like it's not it you know having sex is having sex that's just the physical uh relationship and experience you have with someone right that physical sexual uh relationship and yes we all have sex but then i won't even say a relationship i'd say a moment yeah okay yeah well yes yeah again it's a it's a transaction in that sense right yeah yeah yes i mean yeah yeah yeah you get my payload i mean shit so having sex is having sex

right it's it's coitus it's it's sexual intercourse it's it's and it's lovely it is lovely yeah it is right and but there are times then when you you know you really fuck someone right yeah it like gets to that level of it's just fucking it's it's a little bit more intense and harder and faster and uh just it's a different feeling it is a different way of sexual intercourse that fucking and then you you make love you have that loving sentimental really romantic feeling like it could still be like um you know sexual fucking in nature but it but it's still romance you're still making love because there's there's feelings involved and and you know i don't want to say like making love always has to be slow and sensuous and all that no not not that yes that is making love yeah

yeah you know but you can still make love in the making love way because there's that feeling of love so i always say that when you have these three ways of of intercourse of of this relationship with someone i think that's like the perfect relationship that you can have it's very holistic because you're with someone and you can have sex with them you can fuck them or you can make love to them and yeah see i have a different vibe because for me fucking is somewhat emotionless and often quite degrading oh okay so having sex i guess would be how i would if i began dating someone okay yeah and then and i was probably really into them so i'd have sex with them okay and hope that my glorious sexual techniques would lock them in right weirdly they

never called how strange you never ended up making love with them huh no god most of the time actually i just end up getting fucked if i'm totally honest in every possible way yeah which isn't a bad thing oh no i loved it i loved it but there's no when you can tell after you've like okay take a take a distinctive tinder one night stand approach okay that would be fucking where a guy is like I'm going out to get a bang. Yep, yep, yep. I'm going to fuck someone tonight. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And the sex on the receiving end, you can tell that it's basically a hole in a goal. Right, right, right. Okay, ooh, yeah, that's, yeah. See, I'm a different kind of guy then, because I enjoy it more than that. You know, it should never just be that,

because even if you're just going to bang someone and fuck, i mean you're gonna do it in a great way and in all different ways and that's just the way it should be and um but you're right no sometimes it's just better than a hand job you know like do i masturbate tonight or do i go and bang someone right right right right right and i guess it depends who you meet and where and how and what's the feeling i guess i mean that has to be some sort of connection no you keep talking about feelings no no no but a connection because you have to be at least sexually physically connected yes yes but you're right there are a lot of times when it's just like uh didn't really pick anyone up oh shit the lights have

come on yeah it's last call okay you'll do yeah she's had a few too many yeah do you want to come home with me yeah okay great you know that kind of thing and this is can we just say we're not being gender specific here girls do the same yeah it's not just like girls can be like fuck i just want to have a bit of dick tonight that's it and it goes this one goes both ways yeah for sure yes there has to be a sexual attraction of course you know unless you're really that struggling and you just want anything in which case like wow yeah damn yeah okay but usually there but for me fuck see i feel like when you talk about fucking you talk about fucking in a relationship where like you go a bit animalistic on each other which of course you know is wonderful

but i see as a different thing i see it as like a single single well yeah so even when you're single you either have sex or you fuck but you don't really make love never no when you're when you're single if you you know especially if it's a one night stand or yeah um something very casual yeah right it's you know and whether it's been multiple times with one person but casual i mean it's very different that the making love part like i said is probably more reserved for yes if you're really in a relationship and you can have all three in a relationship yes but when you're single or when you're just playing the field or yes um again being casual it's having sex or or fucking for sure and because obviously to make love you have to be in love yes yes that

yes exactly there has to be some sort of emotional investment and and connection and i think dare i say it from both of you because one of you might one of you might think you're making love and the other one's like i'm just gonna fuck yeah oh man that was a great fuck excuse me we just made love uh yes sorry yes whatever you just said i could give a shit i'm just gonna roll over now and pass out and hope you're gone in the morning fuck you i'm gonna go eat your chocolate but um no yeah you're right you're right and and yeah let's let's take it off the table of being in a relationship or being so let's just say for for anyone in that matter i think whoever you are whatever you do um throughout your life if you haven't thought about it you

know think about it now but and think of a think of all the experiences you've had and categorize it of like having sex with someone fucking someone and making love to someone and i hope the making love part is you've done it with someone that also is reciprocating that that feeling good start yeah that's a good start but um you know again i dare say that you know as long as you've been in a loving relationship you can you can tick that box but um the other two for sure but the funny thing is i've spoken to you know friends about this and a lot of them haven't categorized it that way or um i guess just haven't thought about it that way until they really thought about it like oh

yeah okay that kind of makes sense so but there's a fucking what i will say is because in my head it might be misconstrued as in like rough sex or like bdsm but like i was with a guy for two years It's my Mr. Boss, who bondage was the thing. But we had feelings for each other. Yep, yep, yep. I think I had a bit more feelings for him than he did for me, in hindsight. And we never made love. That's the paddle of love.

I love it when he smacks me with that. I really feel like he's loving me. So not everyone gets wit to show they love each other. Oh, no. As I'm handcuffed to the fucking towel. morale so so we fucked but we did have feelings but it was yeah i guess we had sex well again the the categories merge in that sense of like there's no i think you can have no feelings for having sex and fucking but you can also have feelings for

having sex and fucking like i said love we can take off the table of there has to be that feeling yeah that has to be there but yes you can have it both ways where there literally is zero well i hope there's no zero connection because that would be pretty bad if you were doing that with someone and there was zero connection that to be some sort of connection but you're right you can um you can um yeah i wouldn't say you're right i guess it's not about yeah being rough and like oh yeah i you know pounding and that kind of fucking you know no it's not no that's not what we mean it's just um and it's not like animalistic but there is a like i said a bit a bit more of a difference in terms of of how um you know you

have sex and i mean there's there's so many ways there's like you can have a quickie just because you don't have any time and you just want to have a quickie or you do have time and you you know you've gone away on a romantic holiday or not even romantic just a holiday you actually have time because you're not working you're rested you're relaxed you know um and then you can have like longer sessions with each other so there's so many different ways you can be um physical with someone but i think it also it really does depend on yeah the situation the scenario the person you're with um and but how do you okay so how do you know then you've transitioned from having sex to making love does it have to be i love you i love you too it has to be vocalized or is it more

do you feel a change i think a feeling is probably a good way to put it you kind of know um but i also do find that making love uh is a little bit more sensuous as well yeah yeah like you know a little bit more efforts put into it and you brush your teeth beforehand you take your socks off yeah yeah you light a candle perhaps a little bit of incense yeah yeah like make it smell nice yeah but i think you're right it is definitely a feeling yeah um and you know i i know not everyone has felt that yet and i'm gonna say yet not before because i i do believe that everyone should hopefully have that opportunity to feel that love at that moment well i will tell you the first time i made love was with my partner now and i was

29 and until that point i mean i'd had partners yeah but you weren't in love it was having sex right well like i guess that's tricky because at the time you think you're in love yes right yes but i'm also i felt like i was very young so the loving relationships i had um before mr boss they i don't i didn't connect sexually but you when you're like 20 21 anyway sex is still like a terrifying experience yeah yeah and you got it fucking clear what you're doing and you're more concerned about how you look or oh is he enjoying it or what am i supposed to do with it rather than feeling the connection yeah yes right yes right too too many thoughts yeah in the mind which clouds being in the moment of enjoying yeah so i feel like i never i mean i had great sex with my

partners but i don't think i ever had that making love yeah mind space to be able to do that and then i went into the bondage relationship which was awesome if not unstable so then when i first met my partner i could tell from the very first time we had sex i was like fucking hell this is yeah this is something this is special this is what they talk about in the movie it's ridiculous like yeah and he even said i just sense that no one's ever really like cared for you or like people have he said it makes me angry that i think about guys just having sex with you i'm the same i'm the same when i'm like you know same sort of thing when girls are like oh wow that that you know that's it or i'm like wow what have you what have you been experiencing

your whole life and you know and i have to agree with with your partner on that that's like that's important like there has to be more devotion and care in that sense it doesn't have to be love but there has to be oh you fucking don't love me now let me tell you that yeah there has to be there has to be yeah yeah he was like i just want you to feel yeah and and also i care about you so much and i want you to feel what it feels like to have someone care about you and and want to make love to you and i'm just like yeah oh my god yeah and it's next level it's like it's like epiphany right it's like whoa it is and then you look back on all the other times you're like that was just having sex yes 110% yeah so that's where I want our listeners to kind of kind of go back to yeah

when have did they realize when that would happen to them or if they haven't yet I hope that one day they they they will and I think I think you do know I think yeah it's a total change yeah it Well, it really was. It takes time. It takes time to, I think, meet that person. It takes time to, I mean, even from a personal standpoint, to, I don't want to say practice makes perfect, because that's not the right term to use in this instance.

But go out there and bang as much as you can. Fuck everyone until you can make love with that someone. is the worst advice yeah that that is definitely not what we're saying here but i cannot endorse anything that's coming out of his mouth but i think um you know it's that's i think that's when you do find that person that you you you fall in love with or you connect with more and um and care for each other more and that all i think that all comes together i mean it's a whole package but um I mean I'm not saying that you if you don't feel that that you're not in love you might be in love but I feel like it's also I wasn't I wasn't receptive to being loved either

so yeah you weren't ready yeah yes so it was all very like yeah like having it was just having sex and he you know my exes did say I'm in love with you and I said I love you and we had amazing sex but only once you make love can you really tell the huge difference. It puts everything into perspective and positions. You're like, oh, wow, okay, I see now. I see where it all fits. And you can still fuck in your loving relationship, but you can even feel the loving feelings during that moment as well.

Yeah, definitely. And then sometimes it takes time as well. I mean, I think it just takes time. And, you know, we and people are people are at different levels, even if it's, you know, sex aside, we're all at different levels of our own journeys as we go through things of being receptive. I think that that word that you put out being receptive is such a key word here, being open and being willing to to attract that kind of energy and goodness in that sense. And sometimes just for a long time, you're closed. You've got too much going on. Yeah.

You don't realize you are. yeah you're going through school you're stressed about that you know you've got to find you know got a fun job and you're working and you're building your career and uh you just are having fun with your friends and all that you just haven't really met anyone and blah blah and you just don't think about it and hasn't really opened up and clicked and and nothing wrong with that it's just it happens when it happens there's also nothing wrong with fucking either i don't want to don't want to neg out the people because everyone you know girls gotta eat we've all got needs so if you want to go out and have sex and the same for guys then do it yeah just as long as

you don't hurt something what i what i'm resentful against is the guys that go out and fuck and women that pretend they're after more uh yeah that's what i was always on the receiving end of yeah so you gotta be you gotta be very clear i think it's like listen again casual tonight we'll see how it goes but tonight i mean i'm not there's nothing more nothing less do you know how many guys though would be like yeah i told her she didn't fucking listen you know like i'm sure there's like lots of girls thinking oh if i keep having sex with him he might have developed feelings for me right right right yeah and the guy's like i fucking said from day one you know so i get it's a very uh gray area but fucking's great if you want to go out and just yeah hook up

as long as you're both on the same page yeah same page i mean be safe be responsible but have your fun sure i mean we're not here to say we're not here to preach that we we're the know-it-alls and we know everything and and also like don't don't go and enjoy your life but um yeah i think you're right just you can go out there and and i find also when you talk to people and you put that up and you get that on the same page on the table and you're like okay yeah cool cool i think that also makes it more fun in that sense you're like okay cool so we you both know what you're you're getting into um and of course if one of them respectfully declines like i feel like this is a one-night thing and she says i'm not about that then okay fine move

yeah move on don't see it as a challenge that's it find someone else yeah see because i'm sure there was someone else there that night that's wanting you know a little bit more or a little bit less and it's just up to you how you're feeling that night um well i heard on tinder you can just slide into dms and get a shag session hooked up like the next day yeah apparently these days maybe yeah the last few months maybe yeah i mean yeah because you're not going out anywhere are you and even like if you go out you can't intermingle yeah so if i was like oh and i wink at you across the room then what yeah yeah you've got to carry one of these uh these these shields of you everywhere and then you can just like all right yeah on the table okay hey how's

it going i mean you see the little hole at the bottom of this uh of this uh um plastic uh shield yeah that's uh that's what we call a transparent glory hole oh god this has gone so dark but no it's really get back back to the topic at hand of having sex and and fucking and making love i mean yeah i feel that that a lot of people haven't made the distinction between the three um and a lot of people it's just sex yeah because that's that's the word yeah that's what it is yeah so it's just sex but um i think if you especially those who are a little bit more open with it with this and um all that they i think maybe they they might realize it a little bit earlier and i guess these kind of people teach others that way like again when you meet someone and you're like whoa

that that's that was like amazing sex you'd be like oh yeah well that's how it should be most of the time all the time really um because that's just the way it is but everyone's different not everyone thinks the same way and would want to do more than they have to like you said um and and it's yeah it's i find that sad i do find that sad i get a little bit upset when i think about it like oh man okay but but then when you do find that that one person that really rocks your world yeah that's the one that's when you know okay cool that that's nice i mean i'm quite glad i had all those shitty experiences because then i wouldn't know if i didn't i wouldn't know how fucking awesome it is right and then like how lucky how blessed you are exactly met the one

that's like yes and and then to know and that i think is what makes a difference yeah when when you kind of know like okay this this is good this is it um and this is what i want and then that puts you into that next realm of realizing um kind of how it all works in those categories yeah yeah what I will say actually is that I'm probably being like gender stereotyping here but I think women fuck with their emotions more than guys right because guys have the ability to cut off and spread thou seed far and wide I think it's a it's like an inbuilt thing yeah yeah don't matter if it's you know in a piece of fruit in a tissue in a hole like we gotta get out somewhere on my face fine yeah right whatever whatever you need to do bro whereas i feel women we get emotionally

connected through sex so i think what happens a lot of the time is it's having sex or fucking and we think it's making love right we misinterpret it or we go oh my god that felt so great or like you know maybe it was amazing sex with that guy and then we latch on to that right and i think that's it yeah and i feel that's where a lot of issues happen in especially in early relationships yes when you're younger yeah definitely or when guys are like i've just i'm just seeing you or guy you know and then the girl's like feels like it's a thing and the guy's like well you're too much yeah yeah and i think that is what i feel is a big unfortunate error i would say error because yeah it's a struggle for women i do believe we have a more of an emotional tie through the physical

act of sex than men do fair enough i think right that probably makes a lot of sense because you guys can blow and go right well i mean i'll always get a tissue here you are at least i had one guy chuck the toilet roll at me like clean yourself up wow oh and then i had another guy marine this was when i was really a lot younger who when we were getting in someone's toilet i can't find where he was getting naked i went to take his blazer off he's like don't touch that it's expensive fucking hell and i still had sex with him that was a one night stand but i'm like now if that was me now i'd be like you can don't fucking touch this this is priceless you ain't you ain't touching this yeah i was just like oh my god he's so pretty

you must have sex you know and even then i'm like okay well i've got here now and we're getting undressed i gotta go through with it yeah different see again and that you're i think age is very important in that sense where where you you start to realize things and you we grow we get older and we we we know i guess what's right and what's wrong better or what we need and what we don't need yeah or what we want and our own self-value yeah and self-worth yeah definitely definitely because now i wouldn't as much as i you i probably would still but if i had to meet someone new i wouldn't confuse sex with loving feelings anymore totally i would be able to make that distinction yeah yeah and i think everyone should get that chance to feel and

experience that distinction uh and i say this because obviously we're talking about it because we've been very lucky that we we've already experienced it but for anyone out there who's like you know listening and they have or they haven't i i hope you do because that that'll help you kind of realize okay this is this is what like it's all about in that sense you'll know yeah you know it's just mind-blowing and then you want it all the time yeah yeah and then you grow up a bit more and then you're like that's a lot of effort yeah that's it yeah fuck it's actually really tiring gosh and then you see and then you revert back to let's just fuck let's just have a let's just have a quick shag you know because i've had a long day but i still love you and

and i and i and i want to be physical and do this because you know this is this i love doing it but it's just a lot of effort can we save that for our date night in two weeks time yeah we've got that really nice dinner booked at that really nice restaurant yeah you know that kind of thing you know how many times i'm still like look just just get over and done with i'll roll over but like or it'll be always the morning i'm like babe morning breath or i want a coffee or the cat's crying i'm like look i'll just lie on my front you do what you gotta do that's still making love the intention there is love there the love is i'm fucking letting you do it in the first place it's funny how it goes full circle actually right yeah when you when you're with someone

amazing and it's all good you revert back to like yeah fuck it let's just yeah yeah let's let's just that quickie that'll do it and then you'll both there'll be no you're not like sad anymore that you don't cuddle after you just get up like put the kettle on right time to make some money so that we can you know yeah pay the rent love you yeah love you it's true it's definitely true but it's still amazing the sex feelings are still a fucking amazing thing right because that that At the end of the day, it's still having that connection with your partner or with someone. I think at the end of the day, intrinsically, deep down inside,

we're all human beings. Our main job as a human being is to procreate and breed. And that's what we were put on earth for always. Caveman style, take it from then, Adam and Eve, that kind of thing. It's just that's what we do. That's what a man and a woman technically do. yeah so it's it's fun what can i say it is fun having sex fucking and making love is all fun yes it's it's great it's makes me happy that is the end of this episode to sum up it is all fun

and you know we still need many people to write into us give us more topics to talk about or share your experiences so we can bring it up uh do you think we're wrong do you think is there a fourth category challenge us let us know yeah is there something beyond those three or do you think having sex and fucking is the same same or yeah i'm i'm here for it if you think we're wrong yeah let us know let us know let us know we're very open i'm more no i'm not good I'm more open than he is okay and on that note I'm gonna go

thank you so much for joining me and it was wonderful having you as always and I look forward to the next episode definitely always am

and thanks for listening guys take care take care bye bye thanks for listening to the Sex and Singapore City podcast this episode was produced

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