Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - She Said, He Said - Let's Discuss Being "Friendzoned"

Episode Date: March 1, 2021

Have you ever been "friendzoned"? Have you ever had to friendzone someone else? Can it ever work out just fine, or is there always one side wishing for more than just mates? Let's discuss shall we!  For more content, head over to: http://sexandsingaporecity.com/ Or come say Haiiiiii Nixxxx on Instagram: @nixalina

this podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships sex and love it may not be suitable for younger listeners this is the sex in singapore city podcast and i am nick selena hi it's nick selena and welcome back to another monday night of me except tonight it's not just me I have my co-host back in the studio for another episode of She Said, He Said. So everyone say hi to Paul Foster. Hello, Nick, Selena. Hello, everyone.

I'm here, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I'm ready. Are we still friends? We are. Of course we are. Have you friend-zoned me? Yeah, I think that happened quite a while ago. Oh, good, because that's quite topical.

because today's episode is let's discuss being friend zoned okay good good one good one i like this i feel like the reason i love this topic is because i feel like it's super um topical for both genders yep we've all been friend zoned yes it's really hard to navigate and also i've only been friend zoned once in my life and it's stuck with me oh wow okay what that's pretty impressive Yeah, it's a scar on my back. Okay. I wish it was something on my back. I wasn't friend-zoned.

All right, well, I mean, yeah, look, I think I've been friend-zoned a few times, but it might have been in my younger years, so that's a bit different. Maybe being friend-zoned when you're nine doesn't count. Yeah, we're all friends. Did they just not want to play with you on the playground? That's it.

I want a different kind of plane. And they were like, no, no, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Okay, can I, all right, because I really need a guy's advice on this. Sure. So I'm going to tell you my friend zone experience. Like I said, there's only one.

It's really stuck with me. And I wanted you to tell me how you feel from the guy's point of view, because I'm sure you've also friend zoned women. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Okay. So let me go.

So I matched with this guy on Tinder. Okay. so we both swipe right which I thought means we both fancy each other physically and he kind of reached out to me first and I didn't realize he would message me I was super busy so eventually he then messaged again and said maybe we should meet up in person obviously like not much of a texter so I was like oh shit I'm so sorry like it's not that I've ignored you just busy so then I started whatsapping him and uh yeah we hung out and I really like I liked his vibe I wouldn't say the first date was like the most amazing first date ever we didn't kiss or

anything obviously but um as soon as we left he like texted me and said I want to see you again um so yeah for me great first date like it was we just you know i was super nervous i remember at the time anyway right so it was that because it was like a first date in a while for you yeah yeah yeah yeah it was the first day in a while and also like he's hot oh okay which is a super bonus fucking snack okay wow okay so that's why this hurts even more uh-huh oh we'll get to that Nick Salina does not take no for an answer, motherfucker. So I felt like, okay, for me, I always, first dates can always be quite awkward. Awkward, weird, anxious.

And I probably wasn't me. So, but we already, he said, like, I'd love to hang out with you again. So I was like, cool. So we planned a date for like the following week. But before we even got to the second date, he's like, I just want to let you know, just friends. Wow. Yeah. so he was literally gonna go on a second date with you just i mean for the company of being social

i assume so yeah because also he told me the day before and i feel like the vibe i get is he's a good guy so he probably didn't want to just ditch me in it okay so he's like we can hang out tomorrow as friends yeah so i was like cool cool cool cool so i i'm denard and i thought yeah no like i still would love to go see him so we had a second date which was actually so much better than the first okay i say date because he's already friends i was gonna say is it really called a date no what's the term catch up catch up yeah we had a second catch up yeah yeah and we got on really well we had like it was so i was like felt so much pressure off my shoulders as well okay so i was like well i can talk to you about all the shit i shouldn't talk to you about

because you're hashtag buddies yeah and um yeah i come away from that liking him even more oh okay yes and he was like god damn i dodged a bullet there yeah she told me too much shit now that i'm so glad i friends on her before okay probably now on the head yeah i'm like done episode done yeah so i obviously for me i was like okay cool we like we we got on really well my this is the problem that i have is he texts me every day he was texting me every day okay and we were getting flirty yeah and it was yeah like it was flirty you know like he would he would want to come and like watch me play netball or whatever it was like maybe i just saw it as me flooding i'm trying to you know not yeah you're trying to you're trying to put reason to all this yeah but I

felt it was flirting the some of the stuff you said was definitely not friends vibe in my opinion but I was enjoying I didn't want it to stop anyway you know yeah yeah third date comes and we got I got friend zoned again so this is like the third conversation by this point about being just friends but you know what I'm like I'm really stubborn yeah so I thought in my head I was like I can just break him down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's more of a challenge now, you know?

I'm a tourist, baby. It's a red flag to a bull here. Okay, yeah. So after we had the third chat about being friends, I was like, look, fine. I can be your friend. I love hanging out with you. He says he loves hanging out with me,

but you can't flirt with me the way you do. You said that to him. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And obviously, you've got to expect the fact that we matched on Tinder. I'm not swiping right on Tinder to make a new buddy. Yeah. Right?

I'm making, I'm trying to find an F buddy. Yes. Not a friend buddy. Yeah. And, you know, when I'm around him, I'm very sexually attracted to him. So it's very hard for me to keep that distance, especially when we're drinking together.

Anywho, fourth catch up. Nick Salina does what Nick Salina does best and has one too many drinks. and it turns into a shit show oh okay yeah yeah so what happened i believe is my ego was like are you seriously friendzoning me yep and he was like yeah i am and i was not having any of it okay yeah so that was a fucking disaster okay so you you you broke the friendship i did okay i did so okay I did it was terrible and then afterwards I felt terrible and then I had the hangover shame and then I was like right I just reached out to him I just wanted to clear the air I said look I

am so sorry for putting you in that situation honestly never been friend zoned in my life don't know how to handle the situation I can't I never I never wanted friends I fancy you like i like i like you you know i don't text someone every day if i don't like them like i i have boy mates yeah i fucking speak to him once a month yeah right yeah so i made it very clear so look obviously i can't be friends with you that and then we just agreed like okay and he you know he told me some of the stuff i said oh my god oh boy oh so you mean you don't even remember some of the stuff you said not towards the end no no wow okay okay so yes and and then since then like it was friends but he still texts me every day every day every day i'd like to think

he sounds like a nice guy yes like genuinely sounds like a nice guy yeah um he must have his reasons obviously whatever it is it's you know it is what it is um he's obviously very confident and comfortable with himself to be able to friend zone an attractive intelligent woman right are you listening to that babe write that down it's it's recorded here don't worry it's recorded here um who who again you guys matched you're right you guys matched um and i'm sure he's also intended to find someone to be in a relationship with not just to be friends with yeah having said that he's obviously going through his due process and if he finds that he connects with someone but doesn't really want to be with them in a relationship friend zone yes and he did

it after date one yeah so he figured out very early on for some reason yeah he just doesn't see you and him yes being boyfriend girlfriend right being a friend buddy not f buddy uh that's a tough one though I again I dare say he didn't want to hurt you later down the road but he didn't think he'd be hurting you by doing what he did yeah because I did I did get hurt yes if I'm honest yeah I feel like like I was over a month by that point yeah and I was very invested in him my end and the stuff I said and the it's just like the energy like I was texting him the way with my best girlfriends who who I speak to all day every day like so I don't do that with guy mates and and he seemed always very interested in me so I couldn't understand like you know

and he said like you're very attractive like you're very sexy you're very attractive he's made that very clear and we get on so well so my head was like why the fuck are you friend zoning man again look he has his reasons obviously uh but look i want to i want to say that's why he's so comfortable and confident in talking to you he doesn't think the way he's conversing with you is flirting yeah he's just being friendly and why i can say that is i can draw a lot of similarities with how that's how i talk with a lot of people right and people get it mixed up sometimes that are like wait so is he flirting with me or you know whatever and i'm like no no i'm just actually connecting with you and i enjoy this conversation so you know it's it's nothing more nothing less

in that sense right let's let's not talk about friend zoning and all that i mean just human to human yeah yeah so and but you are because for me not you're not you are quite a flirty person i don't mean flirt like you're not sexually flirty yes you're just an outgoing flirty person correct but it's not it's not got a sexual back end to it your end yeah right a lot of people misinterpret that whether that's from someone else or whether it's on the person who's actually receiving it so that's where it can get a bit messy and that's where i think he he's probably figured this out yeah he doesn't sound like a dumb guy so he's not he's extremely intelligent as well it's super annoying wow these guys are i want to know who this guy is he sounds

like a he sounds like a full package i mean that's the problem that's why my ego is like if you don't fall in love with me i will fuck you yeah it's it's like i'm looking into a mirror and i mean this guy he is extremely intelligent he's very kind he's extremely attractive and and i have i am friend zoned so i was like i don't know what to do with this so i will give him credit because I reckon he's gone down this road many, many times already. That is why. And that is why he respected you enough

and liked you enough to tell you early so that there was no confusion from catch up to onwards. I mean, that was it. But he didn't anticipate that you would have taken it as badly as you did. He just didn't anticipate Nick Salina. That's the problem. If he had any comprehension of who he was dealing with,

He probably would have friend-zoned me and gone, like, I can't see you again. Well, yes and no. So now you have been his next learning curve because you've taken it to the next level. Oh, that I did. Where he's done this before and it's worked for him where he's really like, you know, before the middle one, I'll say you're like, say you're number three. Before number two, it's when he learned the hard way. oh crap, I should be friend zoning earlier because I've been hurting girls along the way when we go on two, three, four dates and then I friend zone and then they get more hurt because

there's been more time invested. And then he's like, you know what, if I don't feel something straight away, let's friend zone it from the very beginning. And maybe that's worked until he met you. So now you're his next learning curve of going shit balls. I didn't want to hurt her and I've done what I've set out to do, but it's still an actual fact. I've still hurt her. But again, he's dealing with a new breed, something unique in Nick Salina. I don't give up, my friend. Yeah.

But the fact, let's just say this, the fact that he's still willing to be your friend after Catch-Up 4. Shit show. Okay, not even Catch-Up. Shit show. It was. The shit show, right? Yeah.

Means a lot, too. It does mean that he still respects you a lot, that he does enjoy. Babe, it was so bad. I don't know if he can respect me. He walked out. He had to leave. But that's more to respect you even more. The fact that he didn't hang on and he probably knew there was no chance we were going to be able to figure this out tonight.

Or have any normal conversation. Yes, at this point in time. But if I walk away and let things simmer down, let the emotion get out, let her get sober and hungover. if she comes around to me and reaches back out i'll give i'll give her that benefit of doubt again and which you guys totally did you you know and communication is key doesn't matter what the relationship is it's all about communication and i i have to say i like this guy because he's still talking to you yes yes and i was very honest my end i said look it's my ego sure this is the first time i've been friend zoned yep the rejection bit i can't handle

I wasn't, you know, I didn't sugarcoat it or say like, oh, we should be soulmates. You know, like I made it very clear with him as well that I'm not looking for a relationship. So this was my other problem that I had because I just got out of, you know, an intense, toxic relationship. So I just wanted fun. And I made that very clear to him that I'm not after wedding bells. Did you make that clear to him on date one as well? Yeah. So and that's probably why he safeguarded himself.

oh surely he's he's already on tinder to also find a partner someone to be with in a proper relationship maybe wedding bells further down the road that's probably what he's looking for so when you told him that he was also like well that's the case then i don't want a casual fuck buddy i do want something more so in this case i will just friend zone you and maybe you have equally attractive and intelligent and emotionally available friends that you can introduce me to oh my god stop that is what i think is probably the road we're going down and that's totally cool baby am i a bridge am i a fucking bridge to the other side which other side are we talking about um is he gonna walk over my back to get to my friends

no i i i don't i don't think he would do that on purpose he doesn't sound like the kind of guy with that intention in mind he's a really good boy but the fact that you guys connect so well I always say that obviously then you'll be friends with other people and if you introduce other people to him they would probably connect very well too so the chances yeah and I'll fuck them both up yeah right well I'm friend zoning all of you motherfuckers and that's it we're done I'll be like baby he's gay I'm friend I'm friend zone I'm unfriending both of you so okay so let's take friend zone as a general vibe because we've heard my one story which clearly you know hurt me in ways I never thought possible but also was a very good

learning curve for me and my ego because I'm not going to pretend like I don't have one I never before this guy I've never been sexually rejected I gotta be honest like most guys even if they weren't interested in the long haul would definitely like sure blow and go yeah right let's take advantage of this situation sure absolutely you know and i'd have one too many now but like you know don't even remember my name at this point i don't care yeah but this was the first person that i felt i connected with that was sexually like not into it fair enough so i'm like even more respect for the guy i know this is the problem it's worse right it's like a i like him so much like and the more he says no the more i'm like you're such a good human my guy if you're

listening congratulations you have broken nixelina without even touching her too wow he's the only guy to have broken me without even touching me exactly exactly fuck and and i'm like i want to still talk to you but this is the other problem i had when when i apologized for the shit show i said very clearly i don't think i can do friends like at this point i've been kidding myself it's been over a month kidding myself that i just want you as a friend yeah so we can't do that yep he says completely agree it's not possible yep but then still contacted me every day yeah like i mean there's always going to be some residual right obviously he still thinks about you after what my after my fucking behavior if it was the other way around paul i would have

blocked and deleted wow 110 yeah but you're a cunt so we just we just established this guy seems to be really nice so you know it's it's again it's like our relationship i'm the nice guy and you were the not so nice guy when we when we became friends so i mean we've always been friends but you know what i mean can could you at least like me a little bit i just need someone to like make is my producer think i'm okay of course he does we all do but uh as friends yeah as friends um so can you all right so is there any scenarios and as the man have you ever friend zoned a girl and it's gone a while a little bit yes so um again i i can really sympathize but

also understand what this guy's doing because that's kind of like what i what i was used to doing when i was younger and i realized when he says younger it's because he's old as fuck exactly when i was not an uncle he's like 60 oh i was a young uncle so yeah almost um but i would i would say like you i was single and ready to mingle and just looking for a fun night with a girl but I would very often say, listen, if you come home with me tonight, it's only going to be for tonight. I would already tell them that beforehand because you can always reverse that later. If it was amazing and it's all good and you connected more and you could always reverse that. But if you don't say that first, the expectation of them getting hurt because they

think, oh, this could lead on to more later. So I would actually say that a lot and I would make it abundantly clear that it just for tonight but this is sexual based is there any has there been anyone where you're like i really like you but i don't want to fuck you oh man oh did you fuck them all oh you did wonderful um i don't think i ever got to a point with anyone where um i emotionally you know open up myself enough and then let them emotionally emotionally open up themselves enough where we could potentially go down that road of of being something and then deciding oh maybe not um so have you gone on a like say you went on a first date with someone and then you're like oh I didn't feel it do you would you do you say I just want to be friends

or do you shut it down so to be to be quite honest I never really used to go on many dates oh yeah you did say that before you weren't a date boy yeah i went on dates only after i felt there was some sort of connection and i was establishing something that i would be like all right you know what yeah my focus and attention is going to be on you and now it's like my courting process i'm going to take you out for it for dates now to get to know you more and connect more right so i never used to like just go on dates to see whether i would um connect with someone um just it wasn't my my style so okay can i have your opinion then because i feel like there will be a lot of viewers that might that are in my position

yeah would you advise that i still hang out with him as a friend or would you say next cut and run you obviously think you have to cut and run because you can't deal with it i just want to sit on his face yeah exactly wait what and he wants you to sit next to him yeah that's the problem or maybe now maybe across from him you know yeah now it's a different table baby you take your prosecco you go over there and we'll text or maybe even sit on zoom and be like let's just like catch up on zoom you know so at least i can see you that's nixie just smacking her face on her microphone by the way that is so raw and so true yeah so because you can't deal with it i'd say you should cut and run to be quite honest but i've told him i can't deal with it and

then he still texts so then i'm like do you answer yeah of course okay well didn't you say this now that you would normally on the flip side you would block yes if not oh my god so on the flip side so why couldn't it be the exact same thing now except the reversal of roles because he's not done anything for me to block and delete he's a good boy exactly in that instance but he's done enough for you to be like look i don't think i can continue being friends with you because i do like you much more than a friend and i do want more and if you can't give it to me i don't know what i can do this is and this is the real problem is there's a part of me even when i hear you say that there's a part of me that still thinks i can win this right exactly there you go i'm like i can

grind him down wow i can get there okay yeah that's and i don't know if i if anyone's listening who has been friend zoned i'm sure people are like friend zone me now talk to me in a year we'll be in a different space so when you are friend zoned is it that point where you you think if i just continue pretending i'm okay being friends will they come around you know that's tough a lot of when i put out my thing on social media i actually had a couple of people message me and say one of them had friend zoned her partner for nine years oh wow and now they're together okay but what was the age of that friend zoning for example because that also matters a lot Yeah. If it's like young school. Yeah. And then you come full circle later on.

Yeah. Or maybe it was in the middle somewhere and then you met later on as well. I think in this in this middle gap right now, it doesn't work. It wouldn't work. And well, some nine years, you know, that's a long time. She said, according to my husband, I put him in the friend zone for two years before I finally realized I liked him back. he played the long game and i guess it paid off okay because now they're married so i've got a couple of most people said friend zone really hurts like i absolutely hate it it's really painful but then there's a couple of stories where people like actually are friend zones and it worked yeah i think it won't work for you because you you both are looking for two

Ken, is there another beer at this point? You're both looking for two totally different things. Yeah, I know. That's the problem. Yeah, I know. And I think you both made it clear at the beginning what you both were looking for, and it really just didn't match. So in actual fact, he's not only protecting you and not wanting to hurt you,

he's actually protecting himself. Because maybe you can get start casual, but maybe he might fall for you because he already connects with you on so many levels. And then in three months when you're like, okay, buddy, Now we can be friends because I think this is like, it's run its course. And he might be like, holy shit, but I really like you. I think we can have more than that. And then he's friend-zoned three months from now

when you're done with the casual stuff. And then he gets hurt. Oh, it's so many games, Paul. It's not games. See, it's not really games. It's just you both are just at different junctures at this current moment. So advice to me then, because there'll be so many girls listening that like nix i feel you that's how i feel would you say would you advise me to cut off now or just

continue and if he says like i want to have lunch with you like we always have do i from me personally yes i would because i really think those are really cool relationships to have because you guys are so open with each other and you know every you know every day like you have a very good foundation which is super strong i really like and i really like him and i like for he's one of the few guys in my life that actually gave a shit about what i did so he would ask me questions about my day he would talk to me you know like he cared you know and i hadn't really had that before so that was another thing for me i think also because i come from a very broken background so i probably latched on to a lot of this very normal stuff and i saw it has like oh

my god he relaxes me so refreshing is this normal this is great wow yeah yeah because because he asked me how my day was yeah because he asked me about you know where am i moving to or why am i up to at the weekend or he asked me about my work and because so this is normal behavior by the way this is good normal healthy behavior yes which you have seemed to have forgotten i didn't have it yeah i didn't have it in the first place okay well now you know depleted so i think what's happened is he's comes from a very normal healthy background exactly i come from a very broken toxic background and i've emotionally latched on to all of these points and gone oh he's really he really likes me yeah so again from my point of view yes i think you should continue it but i think

for you no you shouldn't because you obviously can't and he's also baby he's also really hot yeah which is very difficult I'm a woman I've got needs absolutely and you know I mean this is something like a long time friend I've had where at the time we were getting to know each other more as well she was also heartbroken and recovering from you know a long-term relationship that she broke up with and she even though I was helping her at that point in time right we never did anything because she was not emotionally ready and she was trying to figure herself out so even And I was like, I'll take care of you as a friend. I mean, there obviously was an interest and a connection

and we could have done something, but I thought, no, I can't because I could end up hurting her more because she's not quite ready yet. She needs to figure herself out. So I think it's a very similar situation that you're in right now. So maybe give it a bit of a break,

maybe like a break from nothing technically, but you know, until you have, maybe until you found that one or two or three guys that you want to have this particular kind of time to have casual yeah um i don't want to marry any relationships with and then when that's kind of out of your system this guy could be then become that that kind of good friend that you could have yeah yeah because i do like i i have this is also i have a very good friends boy mates i'm like 33 years old of course i've had boymates i've never had i'm a perfect example of one not a perfect one a very average one god damn it i'll take that i'll take that beer now please

shit you're you're you're okay you're an okay version of one okay that's not any better that's actually worse shit for anyone listening i do love him very much like This is why I'm spending my Friday nights. Yeah, Friday nights, exactly, exactly. So I have had boymates, but my boymates in the past have very much been like, hey, how are you? Let's go for a beer. And we haven't spoke for a month.

Or like, oh, I see you moved to Singapore. And they didn't even know I'd moved. And I'm like, yeah, honey. It's been all over my social. Like, okay, well, when you're back in the UK, hit me up. Or I'll message them like, oh, you've moved to a new home with your missus. How are you? it's never been as intense as what i what it was been with this guy so i think i confused that as

well with with mixed signals i've never had a guy in my life who doesn't want to sleep with me who's a boyfriend boyfriend yeah yeah yeah who then still wants to hang out like blessing me would still want to hang out with me but who also doesn't want to get in my pants which is a shame because you're missing out bro i don't do sex in singapore city for nothing but like i've never had that attention like it's yeah it's daily yeah so i think what was happening my end is i completely confused the signals we both were on very different pages about what a friend is and i had boy mates that were just casual loose hey how are you let's have a beer done yeah and i would see these guys once in six months yeah i'm home for christmas let's

go out for a beer yeah and he's obviously got a different viewpoint where he would still text his girl mates every day yeah yep and like let's just catch up let's do this let's do that yeah yeah and like let's go like we were even talking about like how we're always going out and getting drunk which is you know for nixalino and prosecco not a vibe so he was like let's go for hikes let's go do stuff together and obviously i mean i'm not gonna plan that now but like the the chat was it's hang out and i still thought that meant something yeah there was there was a glimmer of hope yes yes that's it yeah and i was hanging on to that which was that glimmer he was trying to squash from date one that that's that's my point here he's

just dealing with a different breed of female right now this is like fucking therapy with paul like this is why i do these sessions because it's cheaper than a therapist and all my girlfriends give me anything i want to hear and paul's like no bitch he told her from date one honey yeah i think again i think you guys just were on totally different wavelengths like you said different pages of the friend ship oh you know connotation and and he i was on the ship he jumped into the fucking lifeguard boat he swam no lifeboat he just jumped in and swam away he's like this girl cannot laugh i'm i'm out of here so uh no yeah credit to him and and sorry sorry for you but you know you are looking for male companionship in a different way yeah at the moment and hard

yeah that's the way i'm looking for it yeah and he's just for some reason for some reason he's not he ticks all the boxes for that but he's not giving you that which is which is strange but again he has his reasons and i think uh i think he he did genuinely respect you enough to not want to hurt you even though he subconsciously did yeah i was hurt i was hurt i'm not gonna pretend i wasn't i was really hurt but i i got over it he just didn't want to be topic of your podcast and inadvertently he also became a topic of your podcast he's like oh no i've done everything right here i cannot become brought up as a some sort of issue or topic for anything she talks him up for her work cannot be cannot nope boom first episode in for 2020 my guy has made it

2021 sorry 2021 are you still living because i don't want to go back to last year you could be there if you want that was a terrible time for us all yeah yeah i'm still got scars from it i guess don't take a spot babe so give it okay so people listen in they were tuned in and they'll be like right okay i've been friend zoned or or i want a friend zone do you have any advice for for a girl or a guy that's been friend zoned that feels more for a person would you what would you say they do like do they continue messaging do they that's that's tough um i mean you just brought up a few examples where they didn't stop and they were like no um but obviously they didn't pursue the relationship but they maintained the friendship this is the trick here

yes so if you maintain the friendship it can maybe eventually blossom into a relationship yes but if you cut the friendship that's it you've lost both you've lost friendship and relationship which is why people don't do like i think that's why people stay in a friend zone right but then what could happen is a year down the line you're in the friend zone and the person's like i've told you a year ago yep yep or you're all dating other people and doing whatever you're doing and it's just like what do you mean this is this is never going to become what's going to become but things can change um maybe that can be a back pocket thing as long as you are going out and still trying to meet other people and do that because it could be a cock block right yeah you're

cock blocking yourself yes which is the worst thing uh-huh you are fixated on this one person And you think maybe there's a chance I've got with this person. And then you miss all these other great people that you could have connected with. And, you know, and that's what it's all about. So it's, I would say if you can, yes, maintain the friendship. That will never be lost, but still be open to meeting and connecting with other people. Would you advise to maintain the friendship if you are, if you fancy them more than a friend? because then i i worry that people will suppress yeah how they feel so that would be unhealthy

yes which is what happened to me and then when i got drunk suppress nicks come all out didn't she so you think actual fact what would have been better was because of your shit show yeah it would have been better if he was just like you can fuck the right off and if he actually blocked and deleted you basically and just said you know what this is this is this is i expected this girl has too much baggage she's you know she's looking for something else we we worked on that friendship relationship for a period of time but yeah it's it's not gonna work now right so i even i'm i'm followed him on instagram okay because i was like right this is done like you know i'm taking off and that's what i expected i did expect that like she's hit a limit i've hit

my limit done so the fact that that never happened and i was like oh fuck like he's even talking to me in a nice way and still he's a nice guy oh he is a nice guy for me if you were in a good headspace and all that so when i say me i mean like him because i think we're very similar uh it's okay to do this because he's already made clear his intentions and everything but for you i think i think no i think you should yeah i think you yeah you need to i think it's a better call for you okay um i mean you can say we can be friends but i want the friends with the maybe i'll message you in six months just to see how you are we can go for a beer kind of thing like we need to cool this off now okay um let's really friend zone it and friends on it to the point

where it's my kind of friend zone where i think i need to like get you out of my system for whatever reason that there was nothing there in the first place which is even stranger which is which is you know yeah it's tough because like nothing happened no there's nothing to get out of my system exactly But if I saw him tomorrow. Oh, sorry, yeah. But if you saw him tomorrow, the same feelings would still be there. Of course. You would try to be, yeah.

Yeah, I would be all over him. Exactly. Which is what happened last time. I was like, give me your face. And he's like, I don't think so. So I would, for your sake, I would have to say you should probably cut this relationship and give it some time and see what happens maybe later on. Who knows?

So if people are listening and they, if you're, what you're saying is like, if you can't deal with the friendship, your end, it's best to stop it for your own sanity. Yeah. If you think, do you know what? I would rather have them in my life and not have them. So if it's just friends, so be it. Then you, you carry on. Yeah.

This will be your test. I'll give you this. Cut it. Yeah. as in i don't want all this everyday communication stuff we can be friends but we're not not every day right get this casual relationship stuff out of your system give yourself that time when you're over that and then you want to start to look for a proper relationship hit him back up again and just be like we'll catch up don't say anything more okay now i'm ready for that catch up and

when you catch up tell him you're in that better headspace now you're actually not looking for the casual fuck buddy relationship but now you're actually trying to find someone to be with his perception might change for you then because that's what he's looking for so that means in that interpretation that means he's interested in me sexually and physically and personally but he just knows i'm not in the right space right now the impression that i get is physically not his back like really yeah i'm as shocked as you are babe because i'm a fucking stunner okay bro you don't want to hit this ass what is wrong with you yeah yeah i don't want a relationship i'm laying it on the plate like come on yes here you are yeah but maybe maybe he wants

more of a challenge maybe maybe maybe and also maybe maybe just need some time so why don't you try that just uh do that we'll be friends but not in touch every day um let it let it fizzle out you know question and then i have a question for you because obviously the the episode here is friend zones like let's discuss does it ever work yes does it work in your opinion what does it work for who and i mean okay so say obviously you're in a relationship and say you were met a girl and you really liked her she was just cool as hell and then you got the vibes that this girl was like wanting more and your friends owned her like yeah definitely that has to be done obviously yeah but then if say you you were like let's be friends

and then you went out for coffee and she was still trying it on yeah do you just go do you know what honey like yeah it's probably it's probably dangerous yeah not dangerous that maybe I would react and and cave in I mean primal nature is there obviously if there was that connection but also just for my partner right for my girlfriend it's not fair right if if you knew someone was like genuinely liking you and wanted more then that's just don't never don't put yourself in that situation and would you ever friend zone someone that you did fancy or was sexually attracted to because you had lots of different women that were friend-zoned and you wanted to hang around all of them is that an option oh that's a weird one i've never heard

that one before you know like collecting little people oh whoa whoa whoa that's jeez that's a that's a little bit i'm just psycho you know um i don't know if guys friend-zoned girls but keep them around in case the other ones fall through like okay i've got five girls friends own four of them want to fuck one of them the one i fuck decides to move on right i got four other options wow i okay to be honest i've never gone down that road of thinking like that holy shit that's that's pretty deep i'm a sociopath that's a whole nother episode next to lena that that wow uh no i i personally haven't done that i don't know i don't know as well personally of anyone who has done that but hey if someone has write into either of us because i we would like

i would like to know you can be anonymous as well yeah yeah yeah that's it's a judgment-free zone but i was just wondering whether that's a thing people do where they meet people friend zone friend zone friend zone but it's only to keep pockets of people there until the main supply or option goes away and then they're like right i've got a whole lot of people that i know are interested in me wow okay well but there's so many other single people for that that's what the whole point of going out and trying to do it that way right maybe times have changed i mean i don't know i haven't really dated in so long right maybe times have changed shit he is he is out yeah exactly time for bed this is late for you yeah i know okay so we're gonna wrap this up as far

as you're concerned with friendzone it can work on the premise that you're both on the same page absolutely my my tale of woe is that we weren't on the same page but but friend zoning never it really is most of the friend zoning that happens the only thing you hear is they're not on the same page in the first place because someone got friend zoned very good point yes very good point in fact that is the status quo of it right that's right it is not the same exactly right so one of you's going to get hurt basically and the person that's friend zoning probably is very happy to still have you around because they like you enough to be a friend exactly the person who's on the receiving end is probably hurt but pretending to be okay correct to not want more but might want more

so again it comes back to this it's all about timing that's the thing yeah how far along in the relationship did the friend zone happen so in your situation respect to the guy because he did very very very early on yeah which means he was already protecting both of you whereas you hear other stories where it's like a month two months three months what if they sleep with you and then they friend zone you exactly and then you get to that level that's where it's bad that that's a that's a little bit worse so this is how i'm comparing your situation in that sense so if i okay so anyone listening if i'd slept with him and then he friend zoned me i would be super hurt yep and I'd be like but you're not friendzoning me because you found me sexy enough to sleep with me

so obviously the sex changed your mind or you were trying it on for size and it didn't fit well like a garment um but after that I would not be friends because I if I've had sex with someone I could not then just be like oh okay thanks for friendzoning me and fucking me last week let's just hang out and have tea i couldn't yeah that's fair enough and i think a lot of people can't do that no a lot yeah so if you're in that situation and someone's slept with you but then friend zoned you after you slept with them and then wants to keep you around i'd say it's quite a selfish mindset if i'm honest because they're not thinking about your feelings and probably best to leave that one alone yes right yes if you haven't slept together like me and they say very

early on like you know we're really cool as friends then it's up to you whether you decide to continue basically try and you can't that's okay at least you tried right yes agreed agreed so you go down the line look you know what sweetheart i love being around you but i actually do want more and i'm sorry yeah and this is just not going to work which i think is what you might have to do i'm afraid but if you're cool with that and you're actually like do you know what it's really uncomplicated this way then yeah you can friend zone them and eventually as you do start dating people and meeting new people your sexual attraction for them will probably yeah it might actually become like really true friendship in that in that regard yeah so that's

the thing don't fixate on the one and and forget about the other opportunities um keep keep keep your perspective and and mind open at least and your heart obviously but not your legs open they're not interested he's not interested motherfucker and on that note yeah i'm gonna end this episode please do message us either of us and it also can be anonymous you can email us as well we'd love to hear about your friend zone experiences um i'm on instagram at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a paul you yeah paul foster with the three r's at the end triple r no one knows why no one knows why r-rated you know i could have put triple x because it didn't fit into my name so uh yeah yeah let us know guys let us know we'd love to hear any friend zone experiences that have also

turned into marriage as i said earlier which was fantastic to read or if you're like me turned into a shit show and on that note we out goodbye friends thank you bye everyone thanks for listening to the sex and singapore city podcast this episode was produced and hosted by me nick selena and recorded at the splice car studio in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more awesome content and features to read you can check out my website sex and singaporecity.com that's sex and singaporecity.com i'm also on social media simply search at

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