Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - She Said, He Said - When to Break up With Someone

Episode Date: February 3, 2020

We're back! Nixalina & Paul Foster here, battling it out for the genders, dissecting topics and issues that we all face during our single, dating and relationship lifelines. This episode explores - When is it time to break up with someone?

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships and sex. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex in Singapore City podcast and I'm Nixleena Watson. Hey, it's Nixleena Watson and I'm here with another episode of She Said, He Said and today we're discussing how do you know when it's right to break up with someone? and here with me to discuss this is my co-host paul foster how's it going hey good to be back thanks for having me on the show obviously uh i did well in the first episode because i'm here again so guys i've done well i've done well it's actually shutting you up which is gonna be the

hardest bit that's when you know to break up with someone done when they ask you to shut up i mean And more, it might be, can you shut the fuck up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then that's it, and you're out. So I find the reason I want to talk to you about this is because it's really difficult, especially in long-term relationships, I find, is it a bad patch?

Is it a blip? Is it someone's maybe going through some shit, so beyond the relationship, career, family, so they're not invested in the relationship. Is it time to heal, or is it time to move on? And I feel like there's so many people in this situation that sometimes I have to carry this out for years and stay and they should leave because they're too comfortable in the relationship and they're scared of what's out there yes yes

well they leave and they go around saying you know what the fuck have I done that's the one that got away right so this is why we're addressing this situation and I feel like it's really topical yep yep and um yeah basically I would I want to know from you as a guy's point of view like how you would decide whether it's the right time to break up with a partner. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, put you on the spot. No, no, no. Again, I think this is something that everyone goes through, right?

But it just depends at what stage in your life are you going through this. Yeah. Because every relationship we go through builds us up. You know this very much right now. Yeah, I'm living it, guys. You are. You're going through it. It's been three years.

Yeah. So this is raw for you, but you did it. You had to do it. Yeah. You did it. But even then, I didn't know if it was the right thing. Yes. Yes. You were caught between the two and wondering, did you exaggerate? And did you push too fast, too soon? Yeah. Did I jump to conclusions? I think that's what happens a lot when you make a decision to break up. you think did I make this all up in my head if I should I be more rational because when you're so emotional as well when something has happened to cause this idea of breakup you're so emotional

yes then when it happens and you step out of that box and you've got a much more rational mindset yes then you start to look at things differently anyway and oh I maybe I shouldn't have done that or maybe or you get angrier like how fucking dare they do that yeah and that love that used to have turns to hate it's just yeah I'm stuck so I think um I think you can look at this in a few different ways obviously a lot of breakups happen because something has instigated this this path of breaking up with someone so or is it a fizzle out well that's the thing so something's happened right that's now forced this breakup or are you drifting apart is it fizzling yeah you know is the spark gone um and and do you not see yourself on this journey together anymore

um so i think there's there's there's two there's the abrupt one there's something that over time a cause and effect yes right and there's a slow burnout yes yes but still on back to the topic of what we're talking about is is there still a right time either way like When do you know that this relationship is over? I think the biggest telltale sign would be, are you hurt and are you not happy anymore? But you might not be happy with your career, with your finances. And that spills over to the relationship. And then maybe you're so stressed and the other person wants attention.

Here's an example. I don't know. And you can't give them the attention because you're focused at work or you've had a family bereavement or something and then it spills into the relationship okay tough but I think that's what a relationship is supposed to be right you support each other no matter what and yes maybe person b wants all that attention is feeling the lack of it because problem a have all these issues but shouldn't problem b be also maybe sympathetic and empathetic to problem a's issues I mean you what i mean but again yes so so like a girl's dream guy dude fuck i have a penis i assure

everyone i don't know i assure everyone i think mine's bigger than you for reals yeah so what about something as as brutal as finances say one tweet as a couple she thought everything's great sex is great yeah but you can't get on board with finances one of is broke or the other one's always having to pay yeah yeah then is that a reason alone do you love that person enough to be with them still I think again are you still happy and but you probably do you love them to death exactly and um look I've done this before too because you know in a lot of past relationships my my partners were much younger than me so they weren't quite ahead in their career yet yeah so I would help support them more but that's a that's an age thing but

you know there's so many different variables involved here but if you're like almost the same age and you've had enough time to work on on your own individual careers and you're still in a relationship and someone's not kind of pulling their weight yeah in the finance department that's definitely a big strain on a relationship whether it's a cause to break up with someone i think if it's you've been together for a long time and let's just say one of one of you lost suddenly got made redundant lost your job so you become a you change from a dual income household to a single yeah i mean of course if you've been together for a long time and you love each other that other person should support you right circumstantial that's right it is circumstantial

but there's always some people that always just don't have any money if you never know these people well they earn every month but if that's yeah yeah yeah i can't afford no savings anymore you're literally living patriotic happens a lot in London by the way because London is so fucking expensive exactly everyone says Singapore is expensive no London is fucking expensive

listen I think again it's very circumstantial I think if you're in a relationship and you're together you know I think you just know and if you can't if money is an issue and you're making it an issue maybe you're not meant to be together

because that I think creates other issues yeah it should be like a foundation workaround that like yeah that it can't money should never ever in my opinion get in the way no but i have this ridiculous like i read way too many romantic literature novels growing up and i'm like money doesn't matter love is love yeah and then and then when you realize that like reality of life and money and bills. And I tell people all the time, live within your means. If you're struggling because your finance is not in order and you're struggling to live your life together, you're doing way too much that needs money. So simplify your life. Start to just be like,

all right, maybe we shouldn't be going out for three dinners a week. Maybe we shouldn't be drinking as much wine as we have been. I mean, this is just, this is just foundation stuff. And I know there are a lot of people out there That can't seem to do that Yeah, I was about to say You'd be half-naked surprised, darling Yeah, I know And I know that

But I don't think that should be an issue Then to break up with someone If you really genuinely are In a relationship with someone And you love them I think you can get past A financial difficulty element In a relationship

What about sex? Or lack of? Okay, ooh, yeah Or quality of? Or quality of? Oh my goodness Yeah Oh man

I need another sip of me beer. Yeah. Listen, sex is, I think, definitely a fundamental of a relationship. Of course you'd say that. He's a fucking guy. Yeah. He's not going to go, I love you no matter what. Yeah, yeah.

If you don't suck me off, jog on. Is it time to take the back door? Yeah. You know, like, is it, is it, yeah. Oh, twice a year. Yeah. No. Look, I'm a very sexual person by nature.

So for me, being with a partner who's as equal with me or more, wow, is important. It's nice because, I don't know, I'm a very physical person. And it doesn't just mean sex. I mean, like, I like cuddles. I like to be physical with my partner. You are literally the perfect dude. Yeah. Fuck.

I love to smell, like, skin, skin. and if anyone goes if we see people out and he sniffs your skin no i i only say that for for for joey for for for my girlfriend you don't randomly sniff stranger's skin no like on in the mrt but you know pheromones right pheromones are the first are the first attraction right smell almost even before sight like a smell is very very primal women using you've heard of that right okay so women use vagina juice to rub on as perfume oh yeah using the the vapors to make the rice to and feed it to a man and he will be yours wow and adding all sorts of other stuff in there no it does not work that way so with the this is

what i want to get because i've heard this a lot with the lack of sex right you've been with each other a long time the sex has of course changed what because it's not you know the honeymoon period was a pity not for me i'm still great three years in just be very clear here it's fucking honeymoon with all two of her men that she slept with yes she was fantastic wait can we clarify that's two men my whole life yeah yes yes yes not one not one go it was a it's across her lifetime yes it's not i didn't have a threesome and it was great never happened there was no lack of sex in that threesome that's all i know but there's because because of a natural relationship change and a dip which everyone goes through yep yep yep how long do you leave it before you go

this isn't working or before you go this is a dry spell oh because there's a dry spell say i've had people six months or years six months one year longer okay get out of that two years get out of that relationship no sex for two years and and obviously but this is because of i'm a sex blogger a lot of girls come to me asking for this kind of advice sure and i don't know what to say because i personally couldn't put up with that yeah i don't think i could either no because it's for me even after arguments the makeup sex is like it's a reconnection yes yes yes yes yes and it just solidifies it so to be having your bickering or your conversations and no sex at all but then they they love each other there's just the sex is dried up when do you go enough is enough

i think if you start to have sexual urges for someone else because of the lack of sex in your relationship if you start to then feel a sexual energy and want not say that you have even gone no because that's bad the urge but even the urge and the want like you're starting to be like oh my God, I'm starting to like be attracted to this. But everyone's eye wanders, right? Yeah, but that, no, but that's different. That's wandering and looking and flirting and just being attracted is, that's normal, right?

It's like, like if I'm on a diet. Oh, go on. I still want to look at the menu. You are so food orientated, dude. I still want to look at the menu because I want to see what I'm missing out on. But I'm on a diet, so I'm not going to have it because I know what I want.

I have my one dish that I'm very happy with. I'm happy. But when I'm on a buffet and that spread is right there, and I'm thinking, yeah, I feel like that Chinese dim sum tonight and, ooh, that Jamaican jerk chicken looks awesome. Maybe that will be tomorrow, you know, that kind of thing. I can't believe anyone's ever questioned whether you're Singaporean or not. Like, you are so Singaporean.

Food, right? Food, exactly. Food orientated, 100%. My point is that, yeah, I think if you really, okay, well, let's just go back to like a sex and relationship and causing a breakup. If it ain't going to get fixed and it's genuine an issue in your relationship and you start to think that one or both of the partners are going to stray or have the urge to, I think that's a pretty big indication that your relationship is not healthy or working anymore. So you do think sex is like a strong foundation of whether you should stay with someone? I think in most modern day relationships, yes, yes. I mean, how do you make a family?

How do you, you know? My mum said that it comes from the stalk from heaven. Oh, I got the cabbage patch. Yeah, okay, you got heaven. You got a good one. Mine flew in and got dropped on its head. Yours got dragged out from the ground. and that's probably why you turn out the way you have you got dropped on your head

at a very young age that is offensive and i won't have it okay so what about sex aside this is what i hear a lot as well it's just a lack of attention so you go away on holiday doesn't call you doesn't not interested you send him photos and he's like oh nice or he goes on holiday and disappears or they absolutely haven't lived through that doesn't there is a very obvious doesn't really care yeah that person isn't bothered about you know whether you're in bali having fun or whether you're at home he's not checking in yeah if it's just a general lack of attention and then and when you speak to him about it and you're like you know whatever i love you don't be ridiculous i'm just busy it's just whatsapp i'd rather see you face

to face like when does that start become an issue I think you kind of blur the lines with also lack of attention but lack of respect right you know just everything you kind of mentioned there yeah go on just drink in here please continue I mean gee there's there is a line I mean someone that's always wanting you all the time this and that that's a bit much but I think yeah yeah there's a line for that but yeah if you can't keep in touch with someone that you're in a relationship with um on a day-to-day basis within reason yeah but then needy is also an option to break up with someone absolutely absolutely this is a very delicate balance then because one of you might not be given the attention because the other one is too fucking needy yeah

but wouldn't you have known someone was needy from almost the beginning since day one exactly So that's my point I'm calling a spade a spade That's it I have not been any different Well there you go So I think when you get In a relationship with someone

Yeah I think you pretty much know If they're kind of needy or not Yeah Maybe they get more psycho needy Hold on Yeah Yeah

Confirmed Yeah But You kind of know You know And I think again I think it's more of a respect thing Than attention

Yes that's how it feels It feels like a respect thing Like Yeah It's like Oh I just don't care Or like I don't Yeah

like oh get like i i see how i feel like the receiver is there's no respect or there's just like a i just don't care about you enough right even to pretend to care right right right but it's like tough i'm more like even you know years and years in i want to know where they are but not like a stool career and you know on an app yeah there's an app you can get why are you saying you're at the corner shop when you're supposed to be at work no i just want to like are you having fun and i feel like i like to be included yeah so if he's you know my boyfriend's on sound holiday and a lad's holiday i would still like the odd photo or like oh we're staying out till 5 a.m just kind of radio check-in yeah every now and then and that's fair i think that's fair and i

think that's when you have a very strong trustful communicative communicative relationship i think i think that that's fair enough um and then of course you have your two extremes either way Do you think a lack of attention is that the love has dwindled? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. Do you think the lack of attention can be a blip and it can be worked back up to the way it was before? Or is it just a downward spiral to one of your gives in? Wow. I want to say maybe more of the latter. Yeah.

Because I think that could be a first sign of is something wrong if that was never an issue before. Again, without the circumstantial stuff. Yeah. But I also think if you're in a relationship with a partner, you can communicate. It should always be open communication, even if it's shit. Yeah. If you are having problems and you are suffering and then your relationship is suffering, you should be able to talk to your partner about it. So in a sense, they might not be getting the attention they want, but at least you're communicating and you're talking.

There's still a respect. Well, if you don't talk, there's no fixing it. So exactly. And I think that's how a lot of breakups happen. Yeah. I think it's a red flag. Yeah. Yes. Right. And I do think it does lead to furthering the actual inevitable breakup. Well, also all potential cheating, because if the attention gets withdrawn and it's a very long period of time that the person is feeling unloved and like neglected, it's a neglectful feeling, then they will definitely look elsewhere. And that's the right time to break up then. Again, back to that last headliner we had, right?

The lack of sex, I guess. If you're looking outside of your relationship for that, I mean, obviously you might as well break up with someone then. You just break up with someone and move on and do whatever you've got to do. So you don't think there's any way that things can be rekindled? Oh, no, no, not saying that at all. But again, I think these are a lot of red flags where the relationship has definitely spiraled to a point

where it can be salvaged, obviously. yeah but does do both want to do that or does one want to do it in the first place and the worst is when one wants and the other doesn't oh that's that that's tough that's really tough at least when both want to and they've acknowledged something's wrong they want to fix it great and when both don't want to and you're like okay that's easy because i'm done but when it's one and and the other that that that's that's really tough and i think the same thing you just you gotta talk it out you gotta fake you gotta literally sit and just figure it out like what are we doing I had a relationship once um not just once many times yeah back in the day

that basically became so close we were like brother and sister yeah yeah and that was a reason I broke up with him and it sounds horrendous no actually I think that's a lovely reason in a way I think that's that's kind of even more special and you're like listen man I love you so much but it's almost like we're best friends or siblings and but i i didn't have the the sex went along with that because i it become it moved to up we don't do that in london either just to be very clear seven thousand miles away still not okay but it was just i felt like i really loved being around him but i didn't every time he cuddled me in a sexual cuddle like i got cringed out and it was and then when i kept trying to break up with

him i was devastated because i loved him so much and i cared so much about him he was crying that made me even worse because it's like my brother but you had i think sometimes in this in these circumstances you have to be selfish because you have to look out even though you're breaking someone's heart in that sense you have to still look up for yourself first and you weren't feeling that anymore no the relationship so you had to do it but it's so hard to to work out how you're feeling though because then you're like you start saying is this what a relationship is like is this how married people feel and and you love them so you're so worried that you're gonna give up the love of your life and you still don't want anyone else to have them oh see now that's the

worst i hate that i hate that oh i can't can't break out of them because i don't want them to go and find someone else uh wow okay that's too selfish because that's selfish because you're stopping someone else from maybe finding happiness like selfish for yourself because you must have been through that feeling where like you're in a breakup but you don't want the idea of someone else touching her makes you feel sick nah if it's gonna break up you're gonna break up go for it like go and do it go why is it so logical and rational because you can do because then you can go and do exactly that as well right yeah but it's surely there's like honestly the thought i don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me fundamentally yeah yeah fundamentally it's

like okay so you don't want to be with me but you're fucking staying yeah yeah put the tv on that's it and kettle kettle on a cup of tea and let's watch singapore social right which i did in in one day fyi eight episodes you beat me wow i didn't we did it in two days so one day is impressive i was putting the tree up at the same time oh good yeah yeah yeah the christmas tree went up as it was on perfect and then i just perfect yeah it's it's that kind of show it really is i know when you heard me come on you're like oh wait okay you gave more attention i was Where are that dickhead? Tell me when he's off.

Yeah. It's gay. I was. Figure, figure, figure, figure. Figure. Figure. All right. Okay.

Hit me. So a third party involvement. And this, I've heard a lot of this as well, where one of the people in the relationship have a friend, male or female, that are so close as a friendship that it is a constant issue for the other partner. At the same score, everyone should be friends, i believe with male or female like i think agenda do you really believe that do you want me to bring

up the example of how you actually unfriended me for a while because your ex didn't like me even though he didn't know who i was personally but just because he saw us like communicating on instagram posts he's like who the hell is this actually it was lacoste vent what i went to the lacoste vent you were hosting and i put up a selfie of us uh-huh and then he was like that's it you can't be friends with him anymore wait you're just hurting yeah what are we i didn't do anything i was working you put up the selfie yeah so that is i can't believe you just called me out because you know that actually hurt me a lot because i was like we are we're just i'm like we're friends so if he and but i think he thought there was something more but that's his problem

and you told him no i told him i sucked you off exactly but after that was after that was after our second date though not our first so yeah see yeah not the first day exactly never first date yes so he came back if you don't if you didn't listen to our first episode go back to it now we're pushing it back yeah and he paid and then i paid for drinks and then here we are but you see so i i felt that was more of um he had an insecurity on on himself and the relationship but he didn't trust you which is which is sad because at the end of the day like again we were we are friends and you you had just moved to singapore and you were building your career up here and and you were meeting people i mean you can't go it's like basically then you

couldn't go around and make any male friends that are good looking and disclosure i'm not agreeing with what you're saying right now this is his own list go on simply amazing and threatening for no reason whatsoever besides my smile being you know whitened yes yes so i mean there's no teeth whitening plug in this not yet um but it was sad it was sad um i'm glad you came round i'm glad you came round his concept was that we had only met a few times i mean you've laid all my shit bare so i might as well go into it we've only met a few times so how real friends could we have been we were texting quite a lot he was obviously 7 000 miles away and i think he knew that you would be my type so you were you know yeah i mean a threat right right so but then

when does that if one person because i'm going i was going through the same with him and a work colleague where i saw her as a threat he's saying 110 nothing happened and i'm like i just you're too close for comfort yeah yeah yeah so when does the friendship when does this third party involvement when do you say right i have to respect my partner yep and you know distance myself from the friendship to make my partner at ease or when do you say now fuck off i should be friends with who i want trust me there's nothing going on if you don't like it leave yeah so i like your second option because that's how it should be um i also very feel very strongly that um any past friendships you had pre you know pre-relationship that the new partner has no say on old friendships like

if you just came into the picture and you're like and i've lost i've lost a lot of friends that way too because again i'm a threat and i'm just like i'm sad i'm like wow we've been friends for 10 years and you get a new boyfriend and he doesn't like me because of your face your white teeth exactly and now you have made the choice on your own to unfriend me you're lost yeah if people got to know him he would not be a friend and it's sad but i don't think that so again i still think it lies with the you you have to make that decision and you have to stick up for yourself whether it's an old friend or a new friend i still think you have to be like well listen trust me nothing's going on but just friends and if you have an issue with that it i i feel it's always the partner's

issue if they bring keep bringing that up and like no i don't like it i don't like it i don't like you hanging with that person I don't think you guys should be friends it's like it just it's strange and you had just like I said you had just moved here so you you were making new friends yeah um I mean were there other guys that he for example that he told you that you should not be friends no it's just me yeah fuck I'm special yeah well that's not again that was it's not about me it's about the relationship right um but have you never been jealous of a friendship with a partner i'm again i'm open it doesn't matter right like i don't think but what about an emotional connection because you can't be a hypocrite i think you can't be a hypocrite you can't be like

you can't be friends with you can't make new friends you can't be friends with people that visit sex and then because i have a lot of friends who are girls i have a lot of friends who are girls wow that means i would never be in a relationship if that was the case you know do you think it's about communicating with your partner about that friendship absolutely so maybe for instance like i didn't say anything but i think because i didn't say anything really about seeing you that night and maybe that was a trigger well i didn't know you were going to be there well that's what i mean what was the context behind it you came to an event because it's your job yeah and i was hosting and i saw you and i rolled my eyes i was like oh fucking hell here we go

that's what i mean can i have a drink please this toss is it so i mean that exactly shut up give him a microphone yeah I was doing my job no yeah to be fair like you were yeah but I filmed you on your socials because when I go to press events if there's someone doing a speech I film it I know that you don't have to explain oh sorry you're explaining to everyone else listening I know that which is why it was really weird that he didn't get it this was also your job he said because I because I was doing it to spite him but he obviously felt I was using your presence as a way to try and hurt him red flag red flag red flag red flag yeah come on to spite him for what yeah like trying to make him do it some people do that as well they use their friends of other

genders to make the other partner jealous when they want attention uh i don't think that's so when is it okay to call off the relationship if someone else is just too involved i think if they're just literally like telling are you uh sorry flip it around say i'm like do you know what this chick is fucking way too in my life yeah yeah yeah so say i don't this doesn't happen but as an example say like he was calling her every day or texting every day say every time i went away on holiday he was wanting to spend time with her alone or like when does it go this is too much too much right and it feels almost disrespectful to the partner yeah um or do you just think it should never be i think everyone's different um i don't think it should be

but you're right when it comes to emotions and and you know i think it's the connection yeah i don't like the idea of like my partner being emotionally connected to another person but don't we connect with people every day? And sometimes you just, you know, as long as it's not, as long as it's not sexual for me, as long as it's not sexual, you can still emotionally connect with someone, but, and also make it like totally pure and clean.

Like there's no ulterior motive. But how do you make it pure? I don't, I'm just, I'm not cool with it. It has to be a serious discussion where he's like, this is this person, meet her, if you want or like yeah yeah yeah I think that's I think that's the first thing I think well I've asked to meet the girl that I'm not happy with you won't let me and isn't that another red flag oh yeah but I'm a crazy bitch yeah I should bring red flags next time and I just like on the

toothpicks and I can stick it stick them into you every time um I think that's a great way I think everyone should know each other for starters and I think if you make it weird and uncomfortable and awkward that i don't want you to meet that person or i don't want yeah then it becomes like then then that's weird yeah it's something yeah something's not right about that like you shouldn't have to hide people away um especially friends yeah like what do you why are you why what's the issue yeah yeah when they get defensive about that person yes yes because there's nothing going on so what's the problem yeah i think there should be a lot of reassurance with third parties absolutely um i think the it can be difficult you're right it is a tricky terrain yeah i know it's just two

of us speaking about this now and our personal thoughts and feelings about it but it is very tricky it is tricky and i think it is on both ends of it it is a reason to break up with someone for instance if if i continuously express if i just said nothing and then there was this friendship blossoming that was too close and i said nothing nothing nothing and then i'm leaving that's not cool right if I continuously say like I'm not comfortable with this and all I get is met with defensive anger like there's no fucking going on that kind of almost semi-aggressive reaction then I'm like but this sounds like there is because why are you being like this if I was met with sweetie there's nothing to worry about like meet her if you want that's right here's my phone

you can read the messages I want you to be as comfortable as you need to be so that I can have this friendship yes because I like her but I'm in love with you yeah right there you go so I'll be as open as I can about the relationship with her because you're always my priority when is that what you said for me I like him but I love you no I didn't fucker yeah I can I can unfriend him no worries you can tell he's over it by the way um all due respect though at least ladies and gentlemen at least she told me she's like listen i'm just i'm gonna have to unfriend you i'm like oh she didn't just like one day like block me off everything i just chose not to communicate she did explain the situation and unfriend me so i'll give

her that due respect yes i was honest enough and i said like at the time because i thought i was doing the right thing by putting my relationship first so okay i love him to death he's not happy with this friendship yeah he's ghost first going long this is very difficult yeah long distance if it wasn't long distance that probably would never happen like long distance exaggerates yes so much you're right you're right so that's and i think a lot of people do that where they would as you've been you've been at receiving end where friendships get cut off yeah yeah and i think if it's i think if it's friends before you've met your partner you have no say in that relationship correct at all correct because that's a relationship built you you didn't even exist

correct right correct if it's a relationship that's super new during the your relationship and it's a friend that's come out of nowhere and one partner feels uncomfortable about this new connection definitely needs conversation yes probably many conversations correct but the one who's in the friendship needs to reassure the other partner if they get defensive if they get angry if they like get say i don't know change the pin on their phone if they're somehow lying about where they are and then it turns out on social they're with this person then that's red flag red flag red flag yeah 100% of course totally and I think you have every right if you're on the receiving end to say like I deserve more than this correct and then you can leave you

can break up and leave the relationship agree with you completely I don't have to repeat anything what you just said that was that was perfect oh stop yeah oh I mean that's pretty much oh yeah one more let's do one more one more one more one more breaking up with someone because this is perfect for what we just spoke about what if your career paths take you to a different part of the country the world you know what a career path doesn't have to take you to another part of the world um i've i've lost a lot of relationships just because our career paths in the same country have just our journey was no longer together um well like schedules didn't fit yeah or just yeah, schedules, work, everything. It just wasn't, I was light years ahead and they were just always

catching up, catching up, catching up. And it just, it just wasn't working anymore. And it's almost like if you're too far ahead and you're trying to help hold onto someone to guide them through, you can do it at the beginning, but after a while it, it, there's too much of a disparity and in a way they're almost holding you back. So you have to let go because then it means they can grow on their own and do their own thing as well um and i'm a true familiar because i've lived that several times over now um there's that element of one because i found that a lot as well one has sort of serious career success or aspirations and the other one is happy just in a job that's right for example and it is that people have broken up because of that and then they love

each other sure but different but what's the future then yeah yeah and maybe one wants to just get a house settle down have babies like they're not concerned and the other one wants to grow do this do that do that yeah a bit more ambition a bit more a bit more goals to kind of achieve the small goals to lead to that ambition and so you think career paths can also be a reason to break up with someone yes I do I do I do genuinely believe that yes yes it's tough it's a tough one because there's always love there this is what I mean like because this we're having a different career path or moving across the world or whatever it is you still love that person to death i think again if you can't grow together and keep going and you know if that starts to

not go in equal parts with each other or at least a good balance i think that's also a very very big sign that you should probably break up with someone yeah sometimes you have to let you have to let people go you have to that's like a perfect um summing up from the whole thing like you have to grow together and through all of this right yes yes yes finances sex attention third party career if you have to grow together and if it's veering off into a fork then it's time to break up with someone yeah and that is the end of our episode thank you so much for you welcome thanks for having me always and looking forward to next week yep thank you bye thanks for listening to the sex in singapore city podcast this episode was produced and hosted by me nick selena watson

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