Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Single & No Safe-Distancing? 10 Tips on How to Approach Someone in Real Life

Episode Date: April 27, 2022

WE ARE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. No more group restrictions or safe-distancing yas!!!! Here's how to return to normal dating life again, and my personal handy tips on how to approach a hottie in real life so you leave with their interest and number.  Thank me later.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex and Singapore City Podcast and I am Nixalina. Hi, it's Nixalina. Yay to this episode. No more safe distancing restrictions. we're free guys girls we're free we can intermingle we can have groups of any size I mean don't quote me on that I don't know if there's some secret size limit to groups

but as far as I'm aware we opened the fuck up so I thought it's the perfect time in Singapore to do the episode of 10 tips on how to approach people in real life you spent my friends single friends are hopefully not married friends you spent my friends a good two or so years stuck on dating apps because that's the only way we could meet someone we were screwed even when it started opening up we couldn't go up to that hot guy at the with his friends at the table the max or five you know we couldn't go in and say hey like checking you out here's my number we couldn't do that so we've been stuck to dating apps and it's probably now warped our perception on real life dating and it generally probably made you quite scared to actually uh actually approach

someone in real life. So how do you do it? Okay. I've got 10 awesome tips. I'll be quick as a fiddle with this, but please note them down or bookmark this episode so you can go back to them. Because honestly, I am, I was, and I am the fucking queen of approaching people. I would be slightly cocky in my twenties and go into a club and I'd look around and I'd find this hot guy and I'd be like, right, I'm leaving with his number tonight. That's the guy. Or I would approach people in shops. I would, like, I remember once I saw this hot guy in Primark. The fact that we don't have a Primark in Singapore is a travesty, okay? Let's start an online petition to bring Primark here. I promise you won't regret it. So I was in Primark and this guy was hot. He worked

there I mean this is like my early 20s okay so don't judge me on that but he worked there and I was like hmm yeah hot checked him out here and there I left and I was like fuck this on the back of the receipt that I've just bought some stuff I wrote my name wrote my number walked back in handed him the receipt with my name didn't say anything just hand it over of course I got an immediate text so I've also given people my like I went outside business card honestly my business cards was mainly to give my number to hot guys. I threw them out on the tube, like no one's business, especially after a press event. I would be like, if I saw someone looking up, go and give them a number. Nine times out of 10, they would text or call, right? I had a huge

success rate. And the conversations would be quite brief. And I would make sure I timed it so like it's not awkward. You know, if they're like, I don't fancy you, I'm married or no, thank you. Of course, that's bound to happen. But yeah, nine times out of 10, I would get hit up. So here's my personal tips on how to approach people in real life. Number one, read the room first. Read the room. I'm talking about body language, eye contact, atmosphere, settings, right? Don't go up to someone who hasn't even acknowledged your existence in any way, or doesn't seem interested in anything but hanging out with their friends because you're never going to get a good response and you might even end up just annoying them no no no no read the room

if you then catch someone's eye and there's like you can tell right I mean you can just tell if someone's looking at you you know then you can start to think oh actually like you know this seems to be something here, I might try something. So name point number two, don't send your friends. Okay, we're not in high school. I know it's awkward and humiliating and scary. And what if they like tell you to fuck off or turn you down, but it doesn't matter. Don't send a friend. Okay. It's just too awkward. And it, you know, it doesn't come across with that kind of personal, self-assured confidence that people want to be around which leads me to my point number three is your confidence when you approach this person try and muster up as much confidence as you can

because it's what people are attracted to and it will help you know present you better like you know this guy might be like fuck me this girl come up to me tonight like how badass is that and she was just so like fun and self-assured and confident like yeah I'm in always always go with confidence and fake it if you don't have it and once you do this a few times of approaching people in real life your confidence will naturally come anyway because you'll stop being so concerned about doing it point number four don't be too eager or outstay in that like if you say hey you know like I thought I'd come over introduce myself I'm Nick Selena it's nice to meet you and what are you guys up to tonight um like here's my number if you want to hang out after let me

know or here's my number if you're free at the weekend let's do something and then you leave obviously you know let them respond but you can't just leave without them saying like hi uh yeah I was having a conversation with you and you just fucked off but just don't wait till there's like a natural end to the conversation you can usually tell if someone wants to continue the conversation or they're saying oh okay like so what do you do where are you from how so where are you going after then you know talk about whatever but don't then suddenly you know like immediately join their table or ditch your friends or anything you know like keep it as short and sweet as possible because this also keeps them hanging on to thinking oh yeah she's really she's really awesome she's

really hot. Like, oh, I love her confidence. And she's just like, OK, coming over, giving a number and she's off. Sweet. They'll remember you that way. Point number five, leading on from that point before. Point number five is enigmatic. So we want to be slightly enigmatic. You don't turn up and spill your life story having just met this person two minutes ago. You know, you can get a drink together like, hey, can I buy you a drink? And yes, you can buy men drinks. Fucking buy men drinks. Or they'll probably go, no, let me buy you one. Cool, done, buy me one then. Don't spill your life story.

Don't outstay. You stand there. You want to be enigmatic. You want to be casual. And you want to come across in a way that's like kind of like fun and chilled, authentic, but sexy. And just, yeah, just be true to yourself. Being true to yourself also leads on to point number six. Accept rejection.

this sucks and this is the reason why most of us don't even want to do this in the first place don't want rejection no thank you bye the law of averages says you will get rejected if you approach people in real life you are bound to get rejected at some point that person might not even fancy women that person might be happily married or that person might fancy your friend i mean shit like this happens okay except rejection is on the cards then it's not so scary and it's not an issue like you know what I'm gonna go approach this guy I've got my number ready or I'll want to put it in his phone or take his number whatever he might not want my number but he also might want my number and if he doesn't want it it's okay just another guy it's no love lost and I

won't regret not going up to see him, you know? So rejection's part and parcel of this. And you just got to really get over that hump of being rejected. It's not embarrassing. I mean, obviously handle it well. It's embarrassing if you start going stuff like, well, I didn't even want your number anyway. Crap like that. If you just go, oh, no worries. Take care. Have a great night. And you leave. There's no harm done at all. If that is all you've got to be worried about, that scenario, who cares? Point number seven, be authentic when talking. So if they are engaging in conversation, don't start making up crap like a job you don't do or a lifestyle you don't have or a narrative that's not true because you want to impress them. No, just be authentic who you are

because if this does turn into something, they will remember that first conversation. And if you're like, oh, actually, I'm not a vet. I work in admin. Or, oh, actually, I'm not 28. I'm 19. You know, like often the age thing, and I did it in my early 20s,

if they said, oh, you know, how old are you? And you're like, how would you think I am? And then they say they're like, I don't know, 31. And you're 21. Your instinct is to be like, oh, I'm 25 or 26 because you don't want your age to put them off, this will come out in the end. It always does. So be authentic when you are talking to them. Point number eight, do not get so hung up on this person if it goes well that it changes your entire plans that night. So no one likes a bailer

from the group and you don't want to be like, right girls, I'm going to go, this guy I'm really interested in. So we're going to the bar they're at. Firstly, it seems creepy and weird if you're immediately joining their plans. Like you're all, if you're out, he's out, you're out. You both got things going on. Yes, it's cool to want to hang out. You just met. I get it. But say, say you're going, planning to go home and they're like, hey, well, if you don't want to go home, you can join us. Fine. Or say you're like, okay, well, we're going to go to this bar after this club. And the guys are like, oh, okay, like, maybe we'll come. Fine. But don't be like, right, girls, bye. I'm off. Because also, it looks extremely like on the receiving end, it does look like a bit needy and a

bit clingy and desperate. The attractiveness, it always comes from someone who holds their own space, who has their own life plans, and you don't want to set up from the initial impression that you are so malleable and palatable to just suddenly go to them or whatever they're doing and ditch your own thing, that's never going to, you know, end well down the long term. Point number nine, if they do contact you, respond. Say they text you that night, like, hey, thanks for the number, you know, like you left, I saw you left, are you okay, like what you're up to respond respond to them um don't do this whole oh I'm gonna leave it three days because if you're going up to someone and you've approached someone in real life

then and you'd like then they text you it would look weird if you leave it three days just don't don't play those games text them respond keep it sweet keep it short but be you know be your your authentic self that you were in person like I always text back if I get like a message straight away if I am interested in the dialogue I don't see this like three days rule seven days rule like you don't want to be texting them non-stop of course but don't ignore them because then they might just swiftly forget about you or maybe you weren't the only girl that they spoke to that night and they just suddenly decide because you didn't respond that you're probably not interested anymore and go in with the other one. And finally, point number 10, if this does

all work out and you get to this point, do not immediately add them on social media. Still part of the little enigmatic bubble you want to keep, but also you don't want to be adding anyone that you meet left, right and center on social media because you don't really know much about this person yet. So allow this tryst, if you will, to stay authentic in the present and allow your little like, you know, fan love bubble that you're going to have going on with this person. Allow it to be very present in real life. Don't add them on social media. Don't stalk them on social media because social media, as we all know, is full of lies and bollocks and you will get an impression about this person that might not even be true. And they might then get one

about you as well and might be like, oh, nah, thanks, you know. So keep it purely to actual dating and keep them off social media, especially if all you had was a brief chat in like one bar before you guys parted ways. Okay, I hope that helps you guys. If you are concerned and scared still about approaching people or you've had some sort of horror story which has put you off for life, please reach out to me. And if you're a hot guy at a bar that I've approached with my number, please text just kidding and on that note i'm out thanks for listening thanks for listening to the sex and singapore city podcast this episode was produced and hosted by me nick selena and recorded at the splice car studio in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify

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