Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Storytime - I punched someone else's flukes (intestinal worms) to death, on a toilet

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

Google 'flukes' I dare you. Sigh.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships and sex. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex in Singapore City podcast and I'm Nixleela Watson. Hi everyone! I'm back with another story time. I know it's been quite a while since I've done a story time and I'm telling you, this one's fucking worth the wait. I have introduced some sex-focused episodes and then realized actually yeah it's been a while since we did a little story what I'm about to tell you is fucking disgusting right but all real

you can't make this up you literally can't make this up so you know when you listen to it you know I haven't made it up why am I telling you this story I don't know because maybe you're having a run or yeah on the toilet in which case if you're on the toilet you're listening to this bad choice my friend or maybe you're at the gym or you're just chilling out and you fancied some light-hearted humor it wasn't humorous for me last for sure but it's been a few years so I'm ready to tackle it. Okay. This one is called, I punched someone else's flukes, intestinal worms, to death on a toilet. So, let me set the scene, shall I? I'm at work in London and I work for a big company at the time. I'm going to try and avoid names. Quite a

young millennial focus focus company there's many many floors seven floors in the building many many many workers so 50 yeah like three to four five hundred workers that could be even more um i was on floor five but but i have lots of people and there's a reason i'm telling you this lots of people would tune in to different floors to go to the toilet right so sometimes people go down to one or come up to five or whatever, whatever. So lots and lots of access of different people to their bathrooms. So I go to the toilet. Got that image in your head? I go to the toilet and I flush the chain. And there's two black, tiny, miniature leech looking things moving stuck to the toilet bowl and at first i stand there and the only reason i'm looking in the bowl

is because i turned around to flush as one does couldn't be asked to put the toilet seat down so i just flushed it and then just glanced down and they're moving and at first i thought is is this a trick of the light doff doff my eyes deceive me no they're fucking moving two of them so I have to bend down right to get closer to the basin I have flushed so it's okay it's still pretty gross but the whole thing is gross so we're at a level now let's roll with it so I bend down on my knees looking and they're they're like wagging like imagine a tiny tiny leech moving its tail you don't know where the head is right it's also black it's like they were half the length of my little fingernail they were tiny like a grain of rice is better to describe

the size and they were moving so I don't know what to do at this point because as far as I'm concerned these things have just come out of my body right so my first instinct is to flush them away. But then I don't know what they are. And if they've come out my body, I should fucking know what's living in me. Bearing in mind about a month before this, I just traveled back from Thailand and I'd been living on an animal sanctuary for three weeks looking after elephants. So I was an elephant volunteer. So I've been in the literal mountains in the middle of nowhere looking and staying and sleeping and living with animals and I come back and then there's you know two living things in the toilet bowl. So for me I now have to deal with the idea that I can't flush

these away because I need to know what they are because they've just come out of me so I got some tissue and I scooped them out on the tissue I got loads of tissue not some fucking loads right I think the whole roll was gone just wrapped it around my hand around my hand around my hand and then just scooped these two mini leachy looking things out and then and then put the toilet on the toilet top right then I shut closed the lid and then I just put it on the lid and they were still moving on this tissue I just couldn't believe it and I was like oh my god I didn't have my phone on me because I obviously always went to the bathroom and my phone was at my desk so I I don't know what I mean like they're moving I you know what I finally

had my phone I could have fucking taken a photo or filmed them and at least I could have shown someone or not shown someone look at my intestinal worms so I do the only logical thing I can think of right because they're still fucking moving I need to keep them and show a doctor this is what I'm thinking because I don't know why they're in my body and why they're in my toilet but this has happened so I got fucking deal with it so I wrapped the toilet roll up and I punched it I punched it and I punched it and I punched it and then I opened it up and they were both flattened and dead come can we just take a moment I'm in the fucking toilet intestinal worms which I didn't even know

at the time that's like well they were i have no idea what these things are they look like weird mini leeches that's all i knew we're still moving around when i fished them out the toilet bowl even though i've already flushed the chains they didn't even go away they stuck there so i had to punch them to death in in toilet tissue this gets worse because then i got taken i got taken back to my desk haven't i because i need to take them I need to take them to a doctor so I fold the tissue up having punched them to death and I put the tissue in my pocket I go back to my desk and then I'm like what the fuck what the fuck so I'm like I'm starting to

feel really anxiously sick now because I'm like I can't believe that just happened there's something living inside of my fucking body so I pull my boss over there's like I've got to go home I've got to go I pull my boss to the side we guys said I need to talk to you really urgently so we go into a spare room she is by the way now one of my best friends one of the coolest women you will ever meet and her reaction she's what a gem so I'm like I need to tell you the truth um I think I think I've got like intestinal something or I've got something living in me because um yeah I just had to fish out the toilet and uh and it's and she was like where are they now I was like they're in the tissue in my pocket so she was like yeah I think you need to go to the doctor super chilled

like oh you could tell she was a bit taken back but she was trying to be calm because I was an angst fucking mess by this point so I then get a little tiny Tupperware box put the tissue in there and close it up and then got a train straight back home from work I called my mum I was like you need to come to the doctors with me I was freaking out by this point I'd like to think there's something living inside of me and then I went to the doctors and made him look so I had to like pull out the tissue and he's like you know what did they look like I was like I've actually still got them on me if you want to see them he probably felt like any other human I would have flushed them away but I didn't I punched them to death and took them home

so I showed him and he's like yeah yeah these are flukes f-l-u-k-e-s I was like I don't know what this is at all he's like they're intestinal worms well they can also live I believe in your liver and your kidney and all these other places I think maybe your lungs as well I don't know so we were talking he's like maybe you got it you know if you were working with animals in Thailand it sounds quite right that maybe there's a condition there I don't know I've got fucking no idea I kind of like blacked out mentally at this point and let my mum take over because i was just registering what was going on and then he said what we need to do is do samples like we need to do blood tests we need to do urine samples and stool samples and basically really

nail down what they are where they've come from and then work out the treatment and the treatment is a form of chemotherapy and radiation to kill them i believe in their eggs like i said i kind have blacked out at this point I heard the word chemo and I just freaked out so I go home and I start making a joke about it I'm preparing for the fact that yeah because I'm the kind of person that would make a joke about having to have chemo for having something living inside of you because when I don't have anything else I've got fucking humor so I started like oh I wonder what me and my flukes want to eat for dinner tonight and patting my stomach in all sort of yeah in hindsight it's terrible and my sense of humor sick but yeah so I kind of um I was like

going around saying you know I've got like a colony of other human mini things living inside of me not human at all obviously more alien and um kind of getting my mind over the idea that I was going to have to start having some weird radiation chemo on my body and I just he said it's like chemo but not you know it's very different but it's like a radiation form to make sure we kill off all of it that was in there so I go and do my samples my tests as requested they all come back normal they all come back fucking normal so do you know what this means what this means my friends is that those flukes were someone else's intestinal worms and the person who'd used a toilet before me because i didn't bother fucking

looking in the basin when i first went in i just sat down i went into autopilot i just sat my fucking arse on the toilet, as I think most us women just do, because, you know, I don't look and observe beforehand. Maybe if I had, this story wouldn't have fucking happened and wouldn't have been so gross. But someone else clearly left them because they were clinging to the toilet bowl even after I flushed. So that means they were from someone else's body. And I fished them out. I fished someone else's intestinal worms out and punched them to death and carried them home. that had been living inside someone else's fucking intestines. Fucking awful.

Even saying it out loud makes it even worse. And do you know what? I checked the toilet bowl religiously for months and months, even like up to a year after that, because I was like, nah, maybe they are mine. They're not. They were not mine. I've never had a problem at all.

All of my results come back normal. I even had a full health screening check when I first moved to Singapore. Everything is fine. They were not my flukes. And that is the end of that story time. I hope you all recover in time. Thanks for listening to the Sex and Singapore City podcast. This episode was produced and hosted by me,

nick selena watson and recorded at the splice car studio in singapore we're available on apple podcasts spotify google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe for a new episode every single week please do give us a five-star review it helps other people find our podcast we're also on social media with facebook and the gram don't be shy send me a message and come say hello. For more information and to read more articles, please do come over and say hey at sexandsingaporecity.com. That's sexandsingaporecity.com.