Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - The 2024 Nixalina Wrap Up & Season 8 Finale: My Most Influential Year to Date!

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

Wasn't 2024 quite the year?  It seemed to play us all, with ups and downs worse than a rollercoaster. Allow me to reflect on my last year and close season 8 with tonight's episode. With love, Nixalina. ​For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hello! Hi, 2025! Hello, everyone, and welcome back to my podcast, can't keep my mouth shut. It made sense to me to start the year by ending the last year and season eight. So this episode today is called the 2024 Nick Salina wrap up and season eight finale. My most influential year to date. That's intense given most of y'all know I had a pretty shitty breakup at the start of the year. What start of the year? I say

halfway through. Was it April, May? God, who fucking knows at this point. And I actually kicked off season eight with my Heartbreak Hotel, which if you were on my Instagram, and if you haven't been, please go check me out at Nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A, because I just posted a reel of my Spotify podcast creator wrapped. And you will see that miles, miles ahead, the most favorited, most listened to show was the Heartbreak Hotel. I'm like you guys man fucking sadistic you're like Nick's Lena's heartbroken let's fucking tune in for that I'm kidding I know it's because it was the first show of season eight and it was in end of May and I had left you guys for half the year so I firstly want to apologize once again

for dipping out for like six months um what happened was I fell into the dick sand the thing I always tell you not to do um yeah I was just in a relationship I'd finished writing my novel like months before I was taking a creative break but I didn't expect to take that much of a break I was supposed to just you know recharge be present be in my relationship it, be very focused on here and now and happiness. And yeah, the energy got sapped right out of me. I had no idea it was that long. So on that basis, thank you to everyone who jumped right back in with me and enjoyed season eight of the podcast. I appreciate the loyalty and it was a long time for me to disappear oh I will not be doing that to you again nay nay in fact next week I'm kicking

off season nine that's it there's no break these days we're going in balls deep straight away so let's wrap up 2024 why was it my most influential year to date I am going to separate that into two categories, career, all that jazz, and then personal. Yes. So we'll deal with the personal. I was processing said breakup, said heartbreak hotel check-in, love that for me, for I'd say about four months of the year. I'm trying to think. It wasn't a long relationship. It wasn't as, yeah, it didn't fuck me up as much as the engagement, obviously. And it was a very different processing. Like I was more going deep inside of myself in terms of looking at my patterns. Like why did I accept that low level of behavior? Why did I not walk

away when this happened? Why did I not walk away when that happened? Why did I think I deserved that? And I had, I'm not going to, I'm not going to sit here and spill out exactly what happened. You'll be horrified, but I don't really fucking care anymore. And I keep saying that in each episode because I'm worried that you will check in and be like, oh my God, she's going to finally tell us? No. But what's important is not how someone treated me. It's how I treated myself in the aftermath. And namely, I went solo, self-exploring, therapy, amazing, fucking level up, glow up mode. So I always say this, and it's so true. You have to really sit in healing. and this is what I did for the second half of 2024 I sat in it and I sat in it alone and I

I mean like alone I had my guy that brought me back to life shout out to you babe I still love you I mean me and him we still like I think we had like an hour call the other night I love him he's incredible um and I'm glad he came into my life 110 percent but I'm also glad that I was predominantly alone. And I made sure it was that way. I turned down dates. I refused to give my number out. I'm like, it was difficult. Yes, I was craving sexual attention. I was craving physical touch. I was craving going on dates. But I just knew that I needed to break this cycle of the kind of man I was attracting. And I needed to just, I just needed to be alone, like at peace in my own home. I was so fucking miserable and I didn't realize how miserable I was beforehand

that once I found my peace, I was like, no one's interrupting this. I also discovered how much I fucking love meditation and yoga. Please tune in to next week's podcast because I'm going to discussed that um for how to make you know 2025 your healthiest and best year yet but it I know it sounds all whoo it does work meditation and mindfulness fucking works I promise you I am not the same woman I was at the start of 2024 I mean literally I was in a relationship I was very miserable deep inside miserable I was very I was low confidence which wasn't my fault it was being done to me on purpose yeah I just wasn't good and then that breakup my god it was a fucking blessing absolute blessing and you know when you've healed to the point you could go back

to your your ex and give them a hug even if they were fucking assholes just give them a hug and be like thank you thank you for being you because you doing what you did to me made me who I am now and I fucking love it love love love love do I have more healing to go sure but we all do you're gonna be you know I feel like we're all gonna be on a healing journey until we're fucking dead right so if you're like next you said you were healed after the last one and now you're healing again yeah you could I could have therapy until I'm dead right I love therapy therapy's great I love to talk right so someone for an hour just listening I love it if I could afford it I'd pay it like three times a week right you sit and listen to me talk about

myself for an hour and I feel better afterwards and perhaps I'll cry or perhaps I'll rage and then I go off and get a coffee but yeah 2024 personally so influential for me I discovered so much inner work that I I worked on and uh oh it's great just great I'm not the same person I have boundaries now I speak my truth now like if you know through friendships with with family with colleagues, everything. It just, it changes your whole behavior and stuff towards every aspect of your life. I have taken a step back in wanting to control outcomes as well. Very present. Very, very present. And it's fucking great. I'm so happy. In case you haven't heard through my tone of my voice. I'm so, so just happy. And that transitions into the next part of this, which is the career

side. As I've learned to sit in my own existence, to be alone, to love myself, to love my values, to appreciate who I am, to appreciate what I deliver and bring to the table, to realize what i do deserve to realize i've been settling for below par less than less than treatment of people to realize the validation comes within not externally once i sat in all that i'm telling you the universe was like right my girl's ready let's give her everything she could ever fucking want and wish for. Lest we not forget to discuss 2024, I had three publishing deals for Lolly, my debut novel. Three. Three! Okay, let's just take a moment. That book, it's my blood, sweat, and tears, my baby, my creative outlet, my memories, my experience, my existence. That

book is my everything. And it took nine years of my life to write, right? So I finished it November 2023, right? Right, right, right. To write, right? And I finished it 2023, yes. And then I just took a debrief break. Like, you know, it's a huge piece of work. It's, God, 120,000 words. It's like 300 pages long. So I needed to just recalibrate to then go back and reread and reread and reread and re-edit. And as any artist and creator will know, you can edit your work to the nth degree. Like you could just edit it until it never finished. So I wanted to reread it once, edit it myself after taking some time and get fresh eyes. And then I paid an external editor to go through it for me, but I'd already sent off my non-edited manuscript. And I felt

like this was say June because once again for the first half of the year I did fuck all I did fuck all on myself to to improve myself I was I was just in dick sand and I fucking hate that I fell into it I warn you all and I do the exact fucking thing I warn you all not to do so um June I sent everything off and I was like well fuck it we'll see how and when I got the first publishing deal I think I screamed I was outside my office in the road on the phone to my best friend from the UK just screaming because it was like I couldn't believe the words like here's a proposal here's your contract agreement I'm like what what what what what it's the best feeling I've ever ever had. It's better than any fucking anything a man has ever bought me. It's better than any

engagement. I should know. I've had two of them. It's best. It was incredible. Incredible. But on my newfound self-worth, let's sit in things vibe, I didn't take it. And I didn't take it because it was my first ever and because of the agreement itself I thought I deserve better I was like yeah okay cool then I got my second deal then I got my third deal and the third deal is the best of all of them and I'm still sitting on it I'm still sitting on it because there's actually many external things going on. I can't tell you guys a lot about what's happened in 2024. I have been quietly hustling on things that, yeah, I just can't

talk about. But the book, I can. And so what's happening in 2025, I'm not sure yet as to when I'm going to release the novel. I am going to release the novel 110%. But I'm also, once again, still holding out. Not like I'm saying I deserve a four for fifth deal. And I know it sounds like I am not being grateful for what I have. And I totally am. But it's such a big thing to sign your work, your life work over to the hands of someone else. And it's something that, you know, I never expected to get one of let alone three deals and three deals within half a year it's insane I'm so so fucking proud of myself and one of the publishing agents of the third deal which is why it was like probably my favorite she rung me and she's like Nix please tell me that like

this isn't based on your life tell me tell me you've made this book up and I'm like you know I'm going to tell you. It's the truth. It's memories. And she was like, I was so afraid you were going to say that. She's like, it's absolutely gripping from start to finish. And she was like, I was just screaming at the protagonist, you know, like, don't do that and get out and do this. She was like, I just was so invested. And I was, I knew it would, the way it's written, I knew it had to be from what you've lived through because you can't, like some of this stuff is so raw and so gripping that it's almost impossible to have made that up I like yeah no memories so yeah but once you put yourself and that level and your hands in someone

else it's like it's I'm signing you know a two-year contract it's a big fucking deal so I'm still sitting on it and I'm gonna yeah I'm gonna sit on it some more but my and I because my career has just taken off I am just so shocked at all the aspects of everything I do coming together even something as silly as hitting 50,000 followers on Instagram last year like I'm so grateful for that I'm not the kind of person to go oh my god hello um I've finally reached this milestone so now I want to reach 100k everyone everyone follow me everyone follow me to reach 100k I'm not that I see a lot of that I'm just like it's organic I'm you know I'm like okay cool but I am quietly proud it doesn't go unnoticed I think that's what

I'm trying to say I'm not ungrateful and I'm not I don't I don't not notice it so that's always been a milestone you know like okay and if I sit on 50k for the rest of my life good you know great I just I'm shocked I'm just shocked that there's like 50,000 people out there that give a fuck about me following me half of them probably follow me because they love to hate me you know I'm Marmite I know I am I know y'all y'all stalking because you're like oh she's a dick and I'm like you know what I am a dick carry on stalking but yeah 2024 for. It was bad and it was good and it was low and it was so high and it was painful and I had some dark, dark days in the summer. I'm very, very, very alone and vulnerable and insecure

and insecure about my body, insecure about my face. I've never been insecure like that. I've always been so fucking confident I got I just got broken down by someone in my life and it's sad and I rebuilt myself out of that and along the way as I rebuilt myself the universe gave many opportunities that I am still shocked even now that I've received I'm just so thankful and I'm now at the point where I can accept any outcome and that's the great thing about when you reach where I am is you can go like, if this doesn't come, okay, cool. Something else will. If this doesn't work out, okay, cool. If I date, I'm trying not to tell too much. If I date and I have connection with someone and

I can't wait wait wait wait if if I the outcome I'm not outcome dependent anymore on anything let's just say that I'm actually blushing I can feel myself blushing in the studio you know you know I've got shit up my sleeve I want to talk about but I can't yes I'm not outcome dependent on anything anymore and what I've also learned before I sign off and say goodbye to season eight. I learned in 2024 that it's really good that I really keep my private life private. Y'all see me on Instagram. Oh, she's always out drinking. No, you see me out at press events and I post when I'm out at press events because that's obviously what the client wants from me. They want me to showcase what brand offerings they have.

They want me to showcase their new menu and blah, blah, blah. But you don't see me on the nights I'm not posting, you don't know where I am. And I like it like that. I am so happy having private privateness. I assure you, I post only what I'm willing for you to see. And I'm going to leave it like that. Thank you to everyone who followed my journey in 2024. And thank you to 2024 itself for being the best, worst, best, worst year yet. And here's to 2025. So let's leave all that negativity behind and let's move forward into season nine starting next week. And I'm going to give you tips on how to make 2025 your glow up year, your best year yet. So stay tuned for that. And I will see you all next week.

thanks for listening to the can't keep my mouth shut podcast produced and hosted by me nick selena i'm recorded in the splice cast studios in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a to find me don't be shy come say hi