Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - The Expat Struggle: Too Foreign For the Home You Left, Too Foreign For the Home You Found

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

​Only once you've lived it can you truly understand how bizarre this feeling is. Let's discuss the struggle of expat life, shall we? With love, Nixalina.  For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hi, it's Nick Salina. Welcome back to another episode of me. This is a very interesting topic today, but it's kind of niche in terms of who can relate. And basically, the people that can relate are expats, and that's it. And it is called The Expat Struggle. Too foreign for the home you left, too foreign for the home you found.

This is a thing that nobody warns you about when you become an expat. And I became an expat blindly. Like, I didn't, whatever. ever. Yeah, I'll move across the world. What's the worst that can happen? Never been to Singapore, never been to Asia. Well, I'd gone to Thailand to an elephant sanctuary. That's as far as I went. And yeah, I just, I didn't think about expat life. I didn't know the word expat, right? True story, 29. And then when you become one, especially the way I did it, where you just dive in head first, There are so many things about that lifestyle choice that you aren't prepared for.

Now, I knew I would get homesick a lot because, of course, your whole life has changed. Your family unit's not around you. If you're lucky, you get to move with a partner, but I moved solo. You've left your comfort, your surround, everything, everything. so you get I expected homesickness what I didn't expect is to feel like I can't go back and I also can't stay so this is why I'm going to try to explain hear me out what happens when you you become an expat and you love where you've moved to there are many expats who move somewhere and go oh not for me and they're back home within

12 months. I originally had a 12 month idea in my head of how long I'd stay here. And that was nine years ago. Nine years ago. I just love Singapore. As soon as I landed here, I was like, yeah, this is for me. This is for me. So I've kind of, but I always figured it'll be a long short term as in it won't be my final destination I would do x amount of years each year rolls by at some point I'll move back to London at some point I'm going back and I've told this to my friends and family oh my god I have crisis every few months I'm moving back I'm moving back I've even like got quotes to move my cats back like I almost booked that one-way flight and then I go back to visit the UK and I'm like I don't belong here anymore this ain't this ain't

my home I don't feel like I fit in in it anymore like I it's not that I've outgrown it because that's the wrong word because that sounds quite arrogant and it's not that it's that I've the The person I am now doesn't fit into that lifestyle that I had. Hi, allow me to pop right in here for a quick break and introduce you to today's sponsor, which is The Meat Club, an online food delivery service based in Singapore. These guys started out in 2014 because they were finding it difficult to source high quality, affordable meat in Singapore. And I totally get where they're coming from.

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on the same score I feel like sometimes I don't fit long term into Singapore either you know this is like it's such a hard thing to get your head around and that's what I mean when you're when I say you're too foreign for the home you left and you're too foreign for the home you found that I live in two worlds and I belong in none of them and it's such a crazy concept but it's how I feel I don't know where I'm going to end up and I don't know which lifestyle choice will make me happier like sometimes I just crave the British countryside cottages and gardens in spring and sheep and cows and fields and greenery and woodlands and fresh air and I crave it so bad And then I think, oh, next, just move back, move to the countryside, buy the house, get the garden.

And then every time I go back to the UK, I'm like, within a few days, I'm like, no, I want to be in Singers. I want to be home in Singers. Get me on a plane back. Isn't that crazy? And that's been cyclical. It's gone on and on and on and on and on. And I have reached the point, though. wonderfully wonderful gorgeousness point of my life where I am so happy with my lot in life

and I've just moved condos and I'm like I could yeah I could stay here and it was touch and go like even at the start of this year I was moving back in like March kind of vibe that that's where I had some career stuff going on, which I can't talk about. But luckily, things moved in a different direction. And I'm just so relieved. And I'm like, oh, thank fuck for that. I didn't have to move back. And then that's where my brain goes, hang on a minute.

You're relieved about not having to move back to the UK. So you want to be in Singapore, right? I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I guess I do. but then there's always a part of me that's like is Singapore's never a long-term plan for you so what where next it's so insane and it's a real head trip because trying to get your mind around the fact that you don't feel like you really have a home it is scary it's unsettling and yeah it makes you feel a bit lost but you're not lost

like you have an incredible lifestyle I'm very lucky to have an incredible lifestyle I also you know my brand's here my podcast is here my community's here all the press events I get invited to it's all here I go back to London yes I had a huge London profile back in the day that was nine years ago I'd have to start from scratch I don't I'm two years old for 40 and I start from scratch again like you don't even times have changed it's like you then feel like hang on a minute well no now I'm here now Singapore is now my home isn't it is it not because you've got the expat label I'm on an employment pass that job could be taken away in any moment and you're done and that's the other thing about being an expat in a country where you have to have a visa a working

visa. Anything happens to your job, you've got 90 days to get out of the country. What? Yeah. Because you can't legally work there unless you get another job. It's always this unsettled, I don't know, unbalanced part of life. And yeah, I just wanted to talk about it because it's been something that's been on my mind that I just don't think anyone's really touched upon. Like, you can feel that you live in two different places and you don't know which one is you anymore am I the British writer who loves countryside am I the expert in Asia podcaster who walks to work in the sunshine and lives by the palm trees like who am I and you're both and then you're also neither. It's very difficult for me to get that across. But it's just something I want to voice

because especially if you're an expat or you're thinking about becoming an expat, this is something that no one really prepared me for. If I had known back then would I have changed my mind about moving and emigrating? No, I would still have done it. But I might have been a bit more thoughtful in terms of like my actual five-year plan each step of the way um I'm actually glad to be honest I didn't know that this could happen because I wouldn't want it to have tainted my mindset or made me change my mind because moving to Singapore was the best decision of my life um 120 percent but it's not and I'm not I don't regret it and even now I don't regret it like I fucking love my life I feel very very grateful but it's just this constant underlying unease of like

is this my forever life and you just go well no because I'm an expat how can it be your brain is like well of course at some point you'll go home home being the UK of course of course right you want to settle down you need to go home you know what I mean it's actually then like but no because it doesn't feel like home anymore. It doesn't. It doesn't. Am I making any sense? Probably not. I am going to cut this episode short today because I'm sure you can hear I have a very hoarse voice at the moment. So talking a lot, especially doing back to back podcast episodes is draining my vocal cords. So I will love you and leave you, but I'm really interested in people that feel this way. So if you're an expat or you've been an expat

or you thought about it and said, no, I'd love to hear from you, please message me as always. You can slide into my DMs, at nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A. And with that, I will see you all next week. Thanks for listening to the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, produced and hosted by me, Nixalina. I'm recorded in the Splice Cast Studios in Singapore. I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google and all major podcast listening

apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening please do give me a five-star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com I'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a to find me don't be shy come say hi