Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - The Guy That Brought Me Back To Life

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

Strap yourselves in for some major Nixalina life tea-spilling. And to the guy himself - thank you for coming into my life.  With love, Nixalina. ​For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs.

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nixalina. Hello, it's Nixalina. Welcome back to another episode of Can't Keep Your Mouth Shut with me, your favorite podcast host. And this episode, I'm going to tease Bill. Yes, I am. You see, I'm well aware the internet and the whole world thinks that I hate men. No, nay, nay. I don't hate men. I hate abusive men, toxic men, nasty men. I hate the cheaters and the liars of the world. But when it comes to the healthy men, the masculine, the sexy, the strong, oh, I love men.

And this episode is dedicated to the guy that brought me back to life this summer. So strap yourself in because I'm going to tea spill for you. So let's take it back to the start of the year where I found myself single again and really processing a very turbulent, unhealthy breakup. I'm not going to say too much. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to really go to town on what actually happened. I'm still 50-50 at the moment. But let's start because let's start with that's where I'm at.

Okay, I'm processing. I'm alone. And if you listen to a few of my episodes a while ago, you'll know that I said I've not been with anyone else. Like, I don't want to go with anyone else. I'm very alone. I'd been on two dates the whole year and I was like, nope, nope, not for me. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

and I certainly hadn't slept with anyone else. So there I am in the summer, like the last person I slept with was my ex. And we'd separated, you know, months and months and months ago. And I just like, what is going on? But I couldn't because there were some things said and done in that relationship that really damaged my self-esteem. I believe intentionally as well. and I'm sad that it had the effect it was supposed to but you know I'm not above the human emotions of feeling what I was feeling and whilst people go oh words are just words or they were saying that to get a rise out of you they were saying that to hurt you whilst that's you know logically it's true it still sticks um so so so so I'm off men I'm processing

some trauma I am healing once again from a heartbreak I am alone and I'm unable to get physically close to anyone because so much fear and insecurity about my body arose from my previous relationship and where I just felt like I couldn't I just couldn't and then there's this guy honey slides into my dms and he's like right which podcast should i listen to when i'm at the gym and i look at his profile photo and i'm like fucking hell who is this then i click on the profile and i'm like my god how do i describe him i know he's listening i know he's listening because we'll get there eventually, but I'm trying not to inflate his ego. He's just, he's fucking beautiful. And he's like fucking beautiful on Instagram, but in real

life. He's not, he's not one of those where it's like, oh, you edit your photos really well. He's just a 10. His body, he's ripped six pack, massive muscles. He's six foot tall. incredible blue eyes. Yeah, yeah, I'm here for it. So there I am looking at this Insta like, and I respond. I'm like, don't you fucking dare listen to the podcast. Like, you're not my target audience. And then he sends me screenshots. He's like, too late. I found it. And we just talk. And then I get voice notes off him. And he's like making me smile already. And I'm like, who is this guy? Anyway, I think he ends up saying something like, like, what are you up to tonight? Or I say like, what are you up to? And he says, well, I'm having a drink with you tonight. And

I'm like, ah, fucking smooth. But my head is like going, fuck boy, fuck boy, fuck boy alert, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Because when you're that smooth and you're that like forward, like fuck boy right but I thought to myself I could do with a bit of fun and um and I'm in my fun in that stage where I'm at I meant just go and have some drinks I had no plans as well so I ring my best girlfriend in the UK I'm like I need a moral compass because I'm not dating you know therapist said don't date I haven't slept with anyone but like and I sent her his profile I'm like this guy. And she's like, you will regret it if you don't fucking go meet him, go meet him. And I said, yeah, you're right. You're right. Anyway, so I'm getting ready after work and

there's a part of me that's like, he's too good to be true. He's going to cancel, you know, all that like fear and stuff like this can't be real. No, no, no. And then he sends a car to pick me up. And there's minor details like this that I'm going to weave into this story because it's such a difference to what I'm used to. And I'm like, no, no, no, I'll get the cab to where you are. And he's like, no, no, I'm going to send a car to pick you up. And he's like, it's not a date unless I send a car. I'm like, really? None of my exes sent cars to get me. So this like preeminent cab turns up and I'm still, I'm like thinking, is it because he wants to know where I live? like is he secretly a weirdo and like he'll be laughing listening to this because he has no idea

that that was going through my head but yeah so I get in the car and I go to meet him and immediately he's just this ball of energy and he's so emotionally intelligent but also very vocal like let me be clear this guy he out talks me he out talks me fucking let that sink in all right so immediately he sees me and then he's like oh you're really nervous and then I was like am I and I was like fuck I am and he just calls me out and stuff like that and he's like right what's your favorite bar let's go your favorite bar anywhere tell me let's go I'll get us a cab and I was like oh I don't know like I was like panicking um because also like you know he's dropped dead fucking gorgeous and then so we're in the cab on the way to the bar and he's like

let's just get this out the way you are absolutely stunning he's like you know there's there's women out there that like attract there's a lot of attractive women there are a lot he's like everywhere you look they are women and also women can make themselves very attractive whatever he went but you are like uniquely very very attractive you went you're gorgeous and I just need to put that out there in the cab on the way to I haven't even had a drink yet so then part of me goes oh fuck boy fuck boy and I'm still in heart I'm like okay we'll see and I'm like thank you and this is coming from someone who's also a 10 out of 10 so I'm just like bowled over and I just do the whole like girly giggle he like melts me melted me and anyway get to the bar we have a few drinks he's

like on my wavelength talking to people and he'd be like there's a guy I know and you put that you know that guy over there like clearly fancies you that guy over there and you're with me and I was just like no like no one fancies me he's like yeah they do and we just had such fucking fun and banter and then I could see all the girls looking at him and he just had eyes just eyes for me and then obviously we start making out at the bar and he's like I've been dying to do that since I met you and I'm like thinking okay I don't know I'm getting fucked boy but not anyway anyway let's get to the crux of it so we go back to mine and um I'm on edge because I haven't had a guy in my house since my ex and it's been a long time and he even picked and he's like you're nervous I mean

like I'm like feel like stop stop reading me so well little shit if I'm nervous just let me be quietly nervous and pretend that you don't know I'm nervous but by this point I'd had enough drinks to be like yeah I am because you're here in my house and like you're really hot and obviously sex is on the cards and I haven't had sex in ages and and then I just explain why and I was like you know because my ex said this about me my ex said that and he said this and he did this and like even after we broke up he was still hammering home about like yeah he has a lifestyle choice that does not include being in a healthy relationship with a woman like me. Let's just leave it there. So I basically just word vomited everything to

the guy. And I felt so comfortable doing it. And I was like, sitting there thinking, oh, my God, I've just told him everything. And what he does is he talks me through it. And he's like, sweetie, like, you're up here, right? Your level is up here. You're dealing with a guy who's lower down here. He's trying to control you. He can't control you. So he's trying to bring you down. He's probably really insecure. And he was just giving his opinions about what I'd went through to talk me down and make me feel comfortable before we went to bed. And I love it. This is so much tea spilling. Love it. It's what you guys are here for. So, yes, that conversation really was a game changer because he completely relaxed my nervous system and he relaxed my mind and made me feel sexy again.

And I know you guys are going to be like, Nix, you're in star this, that, now that you're confident, your body, rah, rah, rah. But when someone chips away at you for so long in subtle, poisonous ways at home, you get it into your head. It's very difficult not to listen. So I felt like I'm not sexy. I'm not pretty. I'm not sexually wanted by men. I know. It's absurd.

But this is what happens. so anyway this guy he um yeah he talks me down he's so incredibly articulate and yeah we go to bed and in wake up in the morning and it's all good and then he leaves and then there's a part of me that was like ah fuck like he's seen me naked in the sunlight oh he's never gonna talk to me again because he's seen my body in the sunlight this is not to be clear who I have ever been. I have always been so overtly sexual, so sexually confident. So this is just a whole new world to me where someone's been able to have this effect on my mind and about me and my body and my sexuality. So I start going to work and I'm like, okay, fine. You know, like it could just be a

one night thing. I've broke the seal. We're all good. It's fine. I'm never going to hear from him again because he saw me in the morning you know he saw my vagina and then we're messaging and he's like I said oh fuck like I'm so hungover fuck you and he's like let me send you some food I want to send you some food and I'm like what what no guy's ever done that and then I'm like Oh, thinking, oh, so like he saw me naked and he's still interested then. Oh, okay. And not only is he interested, he wants to send me food in the morning. Like, what?

Because I'm moaning that I'm hungover. I was just bitching and moaning. Like, I wasn't asking for anything. And he's just so giving. And it just may helped me turn a fucking corner. and then after that I thought maybe he's just being nice okay maybe he's just being nice for the next day and let me tell you uh no we talk all the time I have hour conversations with him I have voice notes he'll text me like miss you love and I'm like I fucking miss you too

and it's so natural and I can talk to him about anything and he can talk to me about anything you know like we just both have this open conversational relationship and yeah I love I love speaking to him and that connection has overridden like how good the set okay the sex was great all right it made me squirt he made me squirt so yeah oh yeah I really am tea spilling but but so sex was great and bearing in mind this is that was the first night I'd met him so well played my man um but yeah so aside from him being a 10 out of 10 super hot amazing sex the connection the vulnerability the emotional intelligence, his soft masculinity personality is what attracted me more than

anything else. He made me feel safe in me, my body, in that connection and relationship with him. He made me feel I could be vulnerable and not judged. And yeah, he brought me back to life. 110 he changed he was my game changer this year and he gave me a standard of what I should have I should have someone wanting to pick me up in a cab I should have someone wanting to send me food I should have someone be organizing everything I'm like do you think I lifted a finger when I'm out with him no if I try to pay for a round he's like no no like what are you doing what are you doing I mean the dude the dude's a fucking nutter he's happy to blow 200 bucks on a party bus just to drink some shots on a 10 minute ride I'm like okay babe we could have got a normal cab

okay but yeah I didn't lift I was I was treated like a princess but an equal he wasn't fluffing me up or trying anything. He just, he really respects me as a human and vice versa. And it's become apparent the longer the connections like grown and, you know, I'll send his voice notes to my girls. I'm like, just fucking listen to him, right? Just listen to the shit he sends me. He is an incredible man. And I'm so lucky to have him in my life. And I'm so lucky he kind of came along when you did. And I'm so thankful that my girlfriend said, go on that date, go on that first date. You won't regret it. Because since then, I've never regretted it. And it changed. It changed me. I learned what I want. I learned my value. And I realized that there are incredible

men out there. And that's why I wanted to give this to him and to all of you to dispel any of the rumours and ideas that I just hate men, I don't, and they're, oh, they're so good, and he's so hot, I just can't, I wish I could just put his Instagram in my opinion, but like, there you go, see what I mean, but for privacy reasons, I won't, because you're going to start stalking him, but yeah, thankful, thankful to him to bringing me back to life, and I know he's going to voice note me after he listens to this and I know he's gonna listen to this because he takes a fucking interest in what I do in my life and honestly he would come on the podcast and I think I might get him on at some point I really will because um he has an incredible insightful narrative about dating

and men so yeah thank you my angel for everything that you are and thank you for allowing me to be me and yeah that is the end of this episode as you can tell I'm very happy and hopefully I'll have more positive episodes I don't shit on men for just because lols it's often that the people that need me and the people that need help come to me with these negative things it's just part and parcel right of being a dating coach and being a dating sex and love podcaster that when people are down and upset and hurt and heartbroken, that's when they need me. But yes, if you want more positivity, so you don't think I'm going to die alone with loads of cats, which won't be a problem, by the way, love my babies, then yeah, I can do that for you as well. This is the start

and the first of many happier times. And with that, I'll see you all next week. thanks for listening to the can't keep my mouth shut podcast produced and hosted by me nick selena i'm recorded in the splice car studios in singapore i'm available to listen to on spotify apple podcasts google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Monday evening. Please do give me a five-star review. It helps other people also find my podcast. For more content and features to read, you can check out my website, nixalina.com. That's nixalina.com. I'm also on social media. Simply search at Nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A to find me. Don't be shy. Come say hi.

you