Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - The Nixalina Life Update - Some Tea Spillin'

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

I'm backkkkkk!! And this is what went down so far in my 2024. Enjoy the tea spill! With love, Nixalina.    For more awesome content to read including beauty, fashion or dating & love features, please do head over to my digital platform www.nixalina.com. Don't be shy, come say hai! Head over to my Instagram or Tiktok @nixalina to slide into my DMs

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships, sex, and love. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, and I am Nick Salina. Hello, welcome back, everyone. It has been one and a half months since I've published a podcast episode, and it was done on purpose which is why I'm doing this episode today and it is called the Nick Selena life update let's spill some tea I figured I owed you all an explanation as to where I fucking disappeared to but also I just wanted to talk about yeah

how 2024 has gone so far and obviously I started off season eight with episodes about Heartbreak hotel. And then I thought I should make sure I kind of like close that chapter and, you know, spill said tea on where we are now. So here we are in this episode, updating you about what's happened. For timeline context, I will just briefly say I am five months out of a relationship. And I say five months, but you know what? April, May was a blurry, messy, messiness. You know, you know, post-breakup, we haven't really let go of each other. He's still calling, texting. I love yous. I was going to his house. Blah, blah, blah. He's inviting me over. You know, please don't date anyone else. Stay single, but see me. Blah, blah, blah. So I'd say

April and May was kind of, you know, blurry mess. So technically, we're looking at three months. Three months of being single, newly single, processing a breakup, processing another heart break. And what have I done with those three months? Oh, allow me to tell you. Firstly, I processed the fuck out of the relationship, right? Mentally processed the fuck out of it. At first, I did what I always do, where I'm sad, I'm heartbroken, I miss them, blah, blah, blah. But then I started opening up to people around me about things that were said and done during our short time together. And it was only after I began being quite focal in instances and words said and all that jazz, did I realize, like, shit wasn't okay.

and it's you know they say like you never really understand the impact of something until you tell someone and you see the reaction on their face that's what i was with and i'm like oh i was like that's not okay then and they're like no no nicks that's fucked up and i'm like oh really well what about this well what about this what about and they're like now stop talking like the whole things fucked up. So I went down that route as I'm processing and healing. And then I moved mentally into my accountability on that. So what was my part to play? Like, why did I allow that to happen? Why did I accept bare minimum financially? Why did I quietly put up with the things said and done. Why, you know, did I shut my mouth? And yes, I know, Nick Selena

kept her mouth shut. First and last fucking time, people. So yeah, I kind of went down the avenue of like, right, fuck it. Like whatever his demons are that he's got to work on, nothing to do with me. I need to process my, how I showed up. You know what I mean? And for me, it was very much like, why did I put up with X, Y, and Z? And I know you're going to be there like, Nix, spill the tea. Tell us X, Y, and Z. Tell us, tell us. I don't think I can. I don't think I can because it's it's all it's i don't yeah see words just know that what i've told people at my safe space my tight tight circle and i've actually fessed up that they're they're all pretty shocked um but i also don't want to give you the x y and z uh t spill on what happened because i

just don't want to give it any more airtime in my life. Do you know why? Because I'm fucking over it. I am over it. So part of my processing and the relationship breakup and my accountability, I also cried him out. You know, at the beginning, I sent the text, I sent the calls, I sent the calls. I made the, I sent calls. I made calls, I wrote emails, and I basically just purged them out of my system, you know, emails, I'm like, why, and this, and that, and why did I deserve this, and whatever did I ever do to deserve that, and I never lied, I never cheated, I loved you, I supported you, I financially supported you, you know, like, I did everything possible, why, so it got all that out of my fucking system, and then I disappeared for a month,

so what happened and I want to caveat at the beginning before I say this I know I am so privileged to be able to fuck off for a month I know this and I'm extremely thankful for my current lifestyle my situation my job my friends where I am able to check out for a month like physically um but I did yeah I that was July I basically was like I'm sad but I'm working on it but you know what I need to go so I booked myself a business flight oh just so bougie like it was I just felt like yeah I'm gonna why the fuck not I can so I did and also by the way business class total fucking game changer when you are flying long haul like I had no jet lag so I flew to Europe um yeah and fucked off for a month in Europe

and yeah no jet lag business class because obviously you sleep right I slept the whole of the fucking second leg of the flight and then I was like okay I really don't want to be that person and business class is insanely expensive. But kind of worth it, I guess. Anyway, so I disappeared. But not only did I disappear, I took all digital socials off my phone. And I mean, I uninstalled Facebook, I uninstalled Instagram, everything. I scheduled loads of shit for my actual job in advance. Everything was sorted, plugged in, done, publishes itself. And yeah, I checked out and it was fucking amazing. And I guess part of the story of this and why I'm talking about this is because I do genuinely believe in like, if you're at a sticky point

or a low point, disappear for a month. If you can't do a month, three weeks. If you can't do that do two weeks and if you can't physically disappear change your habit disappear socially like don't go out get your ass to the gym or you know take take a digital detox even if that's all you do like socially media wise disappear but it really really changed everything I felt so much more present for myself I felt so in the moment it was fabulous so fabulous and that I'm still riding that wave so I returned to Singers like a couple of weeks ago and then I had the privilege of going to Hong Kong stayed in a five-star hotel also beautiful also like oh incredible and once again just kept verifying how present I am for myself amongst all of that so you know like I said

April May kind of a crossover sticky blurry boundaries I'd say officially split up like towards the end of May. So I've got June, disappeared for July and August, come back like half July, half August, come back, done work trip, blah, blah, blah. Now we're here. In that time, which is not a long time, I have not had sex with anyone at all. yeah i'm gonna say it louder for the seats at the back i have not had sex at all since my ex and you're like why are you admitting this out loud bish it's important and you'll see why later on but yeah i met my ex in october last year we're moving into september next week this week and I still haven't had sex with anyone else since I met him and I'm so

proud happy about it and I have a feeling it's why I've managed to break through and move forwards from this breakup and some toxic shit that went down so quickly because three months is fucking quick um and I say it's quick timelines are different I usually am a minimum six months with a breakup like I will be devastated for six months but I think it does depend on also the length of the relationship and how much invested you both were and all that jazz so for me my three months like immediate rapid bounce back timeline I'm so fucking proud of myself and happy about it And I think I have to thank part of the reason is I haven't gone near men. I've only had two fucking dates.

Just two. Not like two last week. I mean, since I became single, I went on two dates. And this is all through choice. And that's the other thing as well. It's like, I don't feel like, oh, you know, I'm left on the shelf or no one fancies me. Nay, nay. It's the opposite.

Since I have also, like, come into my own energy and just been happy with who I am and by myself, I am inundated. And that's the other thing I really want to express when you're listening to this as well is, like, once you become so fucking actual grounded happy with who you are, what you bring to the table, once you outline what you do want and don't want from life, career, friendships, a partner, it's almost like the universe just comes together. and like throws you exactly what you need and want and I have had so much now attention and I just turn it down I do I turn it all down like I even had this hot model I don't think he's going to listen um so I can talk about it um but he's been on my case right trying to basically get in between my sheets. And I'm talking like six foot two fucking six pack model. And I just keep turning him down. It's just because I'm not interested. And it's not I'm not not interested in him. He could be lovely guy. He's fucking beautiful. We both said like, you know, when

he'd done the whole what are you looking for? I'm like, no, I'm nothing. I'm not looking for anything bro I'm I'm fun happy fun happiness that's it um so we both kind of outlined as well I just can't have no interest and I don't know whether the sexual disinterest is um like a trauma response to the kind of shit that went down in my relationship oh I just don't need validation anymore what I will say is I will probably admit that the sex wasn't fucking great my end so maybe I just don't have any recent memories to be like oh yeah I should give that a go again um but it was just like not I mean it's such a different era like I'm just like okay one night stand would be nice catch me after a few beers I might give in but if I don't I don't and so far

I just haven't given a fuck and by not giving a fuck I have men throwing themselves at me trying to get a fuck oh life irony isn't it um so bringing it back to that um I've also exercised so I have got fucking abs right and I always felt like I was skinny I always get you know what and you'll notice this on my insta feed and don't say you don't I really get fat when I'm with shitty people as a partner like I will blow out and then as soon as I'm back to being single and like back to my energy I just slim right down again um I did point out on my socials a while ago that like I did lose my appetite when we broke up and that's another reason why I don't want people to say follow me for fitness because like not eating's not good but it wasn't I wasn't

starving myself I just wasn't hungry because I was very sad and I was blamed for a lot of stuff that I shouldn't have been blamed for and my self-esteem was taking hits left right and center on purpose and it was not nice so I pushed into exercise and I'm so glad I did because my abs are fire and now I love exercise even just for my mental health like I fucking love it and I can find myself being able to do more and more and more at the gym each time I go and it just spurs me on even more and I love it and I think you know I could be out on a date right now I could be out getting drunk I could be in bed with a guy I know I want to be here I want to be at the gym alone like dancing listening to my tunes and yeah like just fucking happy so so happy so for me

when I say a life update I guess what I'm trying to tell you is like I'm like in full force phoenix energy 24 7 super radiant genuinely happy everyday mode that's the Nick Salina you got right now and I got here by doing the fucking hard work when it needed to be done as always like I don't know whether anyone else is recently single or going through divorce or going through a breakup or whatever but you can't rebound your way out of the pain misery and healing you can't fuck your way through any kind of healthy healing it doesn't work that way you gotta sit in it live in it feel it cry out send it to honestly i never said no contact no contact i've said this before send a fucking text get it off your chest as long as you're not harassing i guess as long as it's

not like you're stalking I don't know but yeah if you need to get it out get it out and also like he did the same as well so I received the calls the texts and I picked up the calls as well and I kind of acknowledged that he probably had shit he needed to get out of his system so okay but yeah sit in it and then you come out the other side and it's like nothing can faze you and that's the other thing well I say the other thing the main thing I kind of want to end on is like how do you know when you're like super healed how do you know like when you've you're you've reached that kind of like ultimate state of just happy who you are how you are how you're living it's like you don't really need anyone else's validation you don't need yeah physical validation

but you're also emotionally stable so like I can I will be messaged even recently and I find stuff out, which implies my ex wasn't totally, he was playing me dirty a bit. No proof. And I don't know either way. I reckon it could be innocent. Personally, it could be innocent. Honestly, do I think he cheated? I don't know. No, I don't know. I don't know. But I don't care. And that's what I love. That's when you know you've really reached the next level is when you hear shit and you're like I'm good okay all right doesn't it doesn't affect me at all and then also um my kind of sexual appetite is coming back I say that in like I can start to now be like yeah I could meet someone I could date someone I could I'm getting there but I

also don't want them to bulldoze me off my own path and that's the other thing I'm so focused now like elevation time so you want to come into my life you come in you pay half the rent fuck you pay the whole rent you come in you take me on date night every week you come into my life you provide you organize trips away you bring happiness you come into my life you make sure that you've got all your playboy shit out your system and you level up with me. I'm not dragging any boy up to my level anymore. I want someone who makes me want to raise the bar. Do you know what I mean? Someone I respect, someone I look up to, someone that makes me want to work harder, be better. And yeah, and I won't settle for anything less. So yeah, I do realize I've talked. Can I just say

FYI, I always say to my producer, I'm going to do a 10 minute episode. 10 minutes, 10 minutes, 10 minutes. 17 minutes later, I've talked. So I think we've done enough with tea spilling. I'm sure you're expecting loads of gory, dirty DLs. And I'm sure I've let you down because all I've done is given you fluffy overview happiness. And that's all you're going to get. Like I said, if i divulged the truth it would not play out well let me let me just leave that there anyway thank you for all listening in to my life update i hope and um i'm pretty sure it's happening because i get a lot of messages but i hope you can see the difference you can really feel the level of glow up the radiation the happiness that i'm now embodying and it's just

so genuine and so freeing and so glorious and if you are in any kind of similar situation and you want to hear from me or speak to me directly please do i've always got time for everyone let me know how you're feeling or if you want any advice on you know you're stuck in the sad bit and you want to get to this bit really quickly and all that jazz hit me up instagram is best to slide into my DMs at nixalina, N-I-X-A-L-I-N-A. And with that, I will see you all next week. Thanks for listening to the Can't Keep My Mouth Shut podcast, produced and hosted by me, Nixalina,

and recorded in the Splice Cast Studios in Singapore. I'm available to listen to on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google, and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe to enjoy a new episode every monday evening please do give me a five star review it helps other people also find my podcast for more content and features to read you can check out my website nixalina.com that's nixalina.com i'm also on social media simply search at nixalina n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a to find me Don't be shy. Come say hi.