Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - When is the Right Time to Meet the Parents / Friends?

Episode Date: September 7, 2020

When is it cool to introduce the person you're dating to your parents?  Is there a guideline or a rule to adhere to? Is it ever too soon? Worse still, can it put people off you if you ask to introduce them to your close friends or family? Let's talk about it! 

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships and sex. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex in Singapore City podcast and I'm Nixalina Watson. Hello everyone, it's Nixalina and welcome back to another episode of my awesome podcast. This is a request episode, and it's actually something I hadn't really thought about until I got this chick's message. I'll keep it anonymous, my darling, as always, with all of my content. So she wrote to me previously and said how awesome my podcast was, and she tunes in every

week. And then she asked me, what is the right time to meet the person who you're dating, friends or family in that she's just started dating a guy and she met his friends and family but it was all a bit uncomfortable and a bit off and she basically wants to know like is there a good time is there a right time is it a bit weird she feels that she made a really bad first impression um to put it in perspective it was on their second date right yeah she'd met a guy first date second date she meets his friends and kind of introduces her to everyone so she's basically asking me um when is the right time when is it too soon if it is too soon and any tips when it comes to meeting your

potential dates friends and family which is a really good idea actually so thank you girl for that it works both ways for so it's a gender fluid episode so this is about when do you if you do introduce the person you're dating to the other people in your life i'm gonna give an example i I dated a footballer in the UK. I think he paid for Tottenham, but like not the main one, like not the main Tottenham thing. I don't know. You can tell I'm into football, right?

Anywho, I actually liked him. He was very funny. I can't even remember. I think we met on a dating site. He used to come around my apartment quite a lot. By that time, I'd already bought my own place, so he would always come over. And it kind of become, for me, a natural regression. about three months in where I was having a family meal I think it was someone's birthday or we were

just getting together and it was my mom my stepdad my sister my sister's partner and I invited him along for me it was very like here's my family but super chill it was a restaurant near where I lived he was coming down that day I'd kind of already cleared it by him and he's like yeah yeah school's fine yeah like yeah it'd be nice and then after that time he kind of went a bit weird and eventually kind of we broke up and I think he basically well he I know he got he got scared off he all felt a bit much because he was at my apartment three or four times a week off his own a mission I wasn't you know dragging there and I think this meeting my family portrayed a vision of me that he was like whoa fuck that too fast too soon that's not the first time that that's

happened whether it involves friends or family where I've kind of introduced a guy to the people in my life and it's been like whoa and it seems to be that there's this stigma attached still when you meet the person's friends or family that it's like a thing you know because obviously if you're, I don't know, going on a Tinder date with someone you barely know, or you've met a guy a couple of times, you're not really going to hang out with them and your mum or your cousin or your best mate down the beach. You could do, to be fair, you know, hanging out down the beach with your friends and the guy says, oh, I'm around, like, can I come join you? To me, that seems pretty normal. But for some reason, there is this heavy stigma attached to like, oh, it's going

really fast only if I meet the friends and family then then we're thing you know and I feel like that's what happened in my example and just one example because I don't need to give any more it's the same shit different story is what always is too fast oh god I've met her family oh god I've met her friends she must think I'm her boyfriend we haven't even had that conversation yet I'm not her boyfriend oh does that mean I can't see other women oh god this is all too much oh I've like got sucked in and oh it's over fyi it wasn't over it was not the last time I saw him because guys can't stay away but yeah what is that about let's talk about it you know if the shoe oh the shoe was on the other foot so I always try to make it as even as subjective as I can I had a boyfriend I say

boyfriend it was like dating for I think a couple of weeks and he was besotted with me young a lot younger than I was very adorable guy um like would come and pick me up outside work and drive the 50 minutes home from London to where I used to live um just just to come and get me and like it was he was super full-on uh from the get-go in in all spheres like it's I wasn't used to that kind of immediate tension and he then had I think it was like an anniversary in his family or something like that was a family celebration and he was like oh I've spoke to my mum about you I spoke to my brother like we were so excited that you're coming and it freaked me out and I didn't go and I feel really bad but I kind of then phased him out after that and just sort of said I'm

really sorry oh I felt really awful it was like it was like kicking a puppy poor little boy I feel terrible but it did I fucking freaked me out but why because for me once again in the same way this is why I understand how the men feel I was like shit he thinks I'm his girlfriend if I turn up at that family anniversary party holding his hand talking to his mum his dad his brother I am like his partner and I just couldn't handle that and I wasn't his partner and it it made me feel weird it also made me kind of if I'm honest find him quite unattractive because if I'm honest it gave of a very desperate air to me like desperately trying to seal the deal and desperately trying to get me in there in a few weeks and he was wanting to show me off and was very sweet but

that's not how I felt about it. So yeah, I get both sides, right? Is there a too soon? No, because everything is case by case. But I would always, always suggest getting to know each other first, the pair of you before you embark on bringing other people in. Everyone's got their own opinions. Everyone will put their opinions in, you know, you start dating a guy or a girl and your boyfriend or girlfriend will tell like, oh, you know, this is just your type or no she's not right for you everyone will always jump in with their opinions if they actually meet that person at such an early stage their opinions will completely interlace with how you feel and maybe overcome it a little bit and I think you should always give that breathing space

to find out whether you like this person or not just you and the same for that person so you're not interfering with anyone it's just you two for however long it takes to go like yeah we're a thing. And it doesn't have to be long. Me and my partner, we took like a week, two weeks. I mean, that just goes to show, right? Because the other example I gave you, I was like a week, two weeks. Oh my God, it's too much. Within like two weeks of knowing my boyfriend, he was practically moving in with me. And I haven't been able to get rid of him since. That was four years ago. So there is no time limit as such. I think it does depend on the person to person and case by case. But if I had to give an out like rule then leave it like at least a month four weeks just to hang out or like say

you're doing a date a week or two days like eight dates even you know I feel like hanging out with friends should come yeah at least a month in and then it can like hey I've got this cool party or hey I'm at the beach with my friends why don't you come hang and then you're kind of more comfortable with that person you know you've met them loads you're like you you understand how you feel about them like yeah I like this person come and hang with your friends and they can obviously bring their friends or their family whatever down and it doesn't have to be them and your mates or vice versa it can be a big group but I do think sometimes it can put the kiss of death on it if you kind of rush these things and I think meeting the family and friends is quite a rush friends is

a little less severe say like you know you're clicking it off straight away and he's like oh I randomly I've got a house party um which obviously won't be happening now because it's only a maximum of five I have a five max house party that you can't come because it's five of us already but hey um back in the day when we could actually you know mingle yeah he might be like hey I've got house party it's cool why don't you come and you're like yeah it might even be a nice icebreaker date like it's not just us two I get to see how he reacts around other people and I get to see how he introduces me you know is he is he affectionate in public is he introducing me hey this is Nick she's a blogger she's is he positive it's a good thing I just I personally

think it's better if that comes a little later down the line so my example is a girl always asked me about this and hers was the second date I have been on a first date before with someone I thought was like oh my god amazing and then by second day I was like what the fuck oh my god and it was like two different people and that's not happened that once that happened quite a lot in my 20s where I've obviously formulated in my head some idea of a guy and then by date two or three I'm like Jesus Christ what the fuck happened to this dude or he's just let his guard down stopped with airs and graces and showing me who he really was. So for me, if I met his friends in date two, I still don't know who he is, you know? Of course, if it's, it's a timeframe as

well, right? So if it was date one in April and you speak every day, every day, every day, every day, and then date two happens to be May, maybe he's aware, whatever, whatever. Then if there's been a long timeframe, okay, fine. I can get that because you start to really develop a friendship and a relationship just by communication on your phone but if it's like okay we've swiped on tinder or a friend introduced us and we had a date on sunday and then by friday he wants to me to hang up with his friends that would freak me out a little bit i'm not gonna lie that would be like actually i think it's a bit soon and it doesn't have to be an issue you can just be like oh no actually i'm gonna sort of like chill out at home that night you know don't make it a thing

and I think with the family as I learned the hard way the family is a big deal especially meeting the parents the mum and the dad is it is gonna have to be something that you embark on when you're both pretty sure that you want to be with each other it is the stigma but I think it's still very much attached to that one if you meet the parents you're a couple you know that the parents meet and greet is the seal of the deal that you two are together so the time limit whilst it shouldn't exist I believe it does it is case by case but I reckon give it a month just the two of you really before you embark on this next step which is a next step in the relationship um she also mentioned that she felt she didn't make a very good strong impression and the first

get-go. Honey, just always be yourself, right? If they don't like you, they can fuck off. I never worry about making an impression unless it's in an interview for a job I really want. Other than that, I am myself. If I have too many drinks and I swear a little bit too much or my accent changes from British to American to Australian after I've had some Prosecco, whatever, that's me. You know, I make jokes. Sometimes they're dry humor. Sometimes they're terrible. Sometimes I fall asleep when I've had too many drinks. Sometimes I get a little bit leery. Never, ever worry about making a good or bad first impression if you know in your heart and heart you were just exactly who you are, because that's all you should ever be. Unless it's a job interview,

then don't be who you are be the perfect version of yourself for however long that interview takes and always do your top button up and on that note this is the end of this episode I hope it helps any comments as always message me instagram nixalina at n-i-x-a-l-i-n-a peace out people bye thanks for listening to the sex in singapore city podcast this episode was produced and hosted by me nick selena watson and recorded at the splice car studio in singapore we're available on apple podcasts spotify google and all major podcast listening apps do subscribe for a new episode every single week please do give us a five-star review it helps other people find our podcast we're also on social media with facebook and the gram don't be shy send me a message and come say

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