Can't Keep My Mouth Shut - Women Who Can't Orgasm Through Penetrative Sex. Let's Discuss

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

Yes, it's more sex talk. Yes, it's honest. Too honest, some might say. Do I care? Do I f*ck. 

This podcast contains strong language and discussions about relationships and sex. It may not be suitable for younger listeners. This is the Sex in Singapore City podcast and I'm Nixalina Watson. Hi everyone, Nixalina here and I'm back with another episode of my podcast. How you're doing? Happy Monday. I hope everyone's had a great weekend. Perhaps you're hungover as fuck. Perhaps you're feeling fresh and ready to take on the working week, however you're feeling. I hope you're ready to listen to some fucking sex talk. Oi, oi.

This episode is called Women Who Cannot Orgasm During Penetrative Sex. Let's discuss. This was a topic that come up, excuse the pun, with my girlfriend. we was at a bar having happy hour drinks and as we all know happy hour drinks is the best conversations ever and for some reason and I couldn't tell you because obviously hashtag happy hour how we got onto the topic but she then said oh I can't orgasm through sex and I was like me too ah kindred spirits and then one of our girlfriends who was at the table was like what I mean, I just met her that night as well.

She's cool as fuck, but this is sort of, you know, how open I am. And I was like, yeah, no, I can't either. And this, the third girl, I couldn't believe it. She's like, yeah, kind of like every time. So me and my bestie, we both looked at each other and was like, I'm so glad you said this out loud because I kind of thought I was the only person who couldn't. And she was like, no, I've never done it like through sex either. it's always had to be extra stimulation and then she said you should do a podcast on this because you'll be surprised how common this is but not spoken about amongst women and I guess men as

well and people who single and in relationships so here I am burying my soul as requested admitting that I don't orgasm through sex oh god I fucking hope my dad doesn't listen to this I really really really fucking do i wish that i could bar it from family members oh sorry dad so i'm gonna go back down into the orgasm history files a la nixalina this is like that was me going through the paperwork okay i really do need my own uh sound man so back into when I was 21 12 fucking years ago so old I am 21 first ever orgasm ever right so I up until that point didn't actually know what an orgasm was and sex was basically the guy comes and then gets off and then I've been in two relationships by that point so um one was

one and a half years and one yeah about two years so um yeah I kind of you know I was no stranger to sex I was just a huge stranger to an orgasm I'd never had one I met my then fiance oh fiance can you fucking believe that I was engaged at 21 that is going to be another podcast episode for sure what a story so um yeah I had no idea how an orgasm happened for a woman in that even if I googled it or researched it or anything I could never get there myself I didn't really know what it felt like or what the big deal was and I certainly didn't feel like I was ever going to get there through sex and lo and behold one random day with my then fiance I had a first ever orgasm and oh my fucking god you know like when you see those scenes in the

movies where like the heavens opened and angels fluttered down and crowned me with a golden halo um no it was just actually fucking amazing i'm not gonna lie probably the turning point as well because i had started sex in london city when i was 23 so two years in i was still clearly obsessed with orgasms that I wanted to make a blog um yeah oh wow sounds like this is this is literally what guys have been fucking going on about it forever I can get it now but I'd never really got there with a boy and even with this guy it took me a long time to to feel at ease around him and I feel like a lot of my problem with not being able to climax was because I felt so fucking uncomfortable about being naked about my body I was so young I mean like even my whole mid-20s I guess I look

back and think I was always so concerned with about how I'd look or how I felt or oh god what if I don't know I hadn't shaved my legs in time or what if at that angle I've got five chins and now it's like with my current boyfriend I hit 30 I am naked all the time except I have my curtains closed because that's illegal in this country and I do not go on my balcony naked Singapore I promise that's my disclosure okay but yeah I'm pretty much naked all the time I've never felt more comfortable with my body I've never felt more sexy I've never felt more attractive I've never felt more at ease and they do say that 30s is like your best years and is the new 20s i'm so here for it many 21 year old me still very like body conscious still very

worried about sex not being good enough for the man i'm still thinking sex was about the guy climaxing and still thinking i should make all the right noises like oh oh yeah you're so big in fact i do sound a lot better than that i'm not gonna lie but i don't want to upset my producer So, you know, by sitting in here doing sex noises, there's got to be a fucking limit in there. So I found an orgasm and I found it not through penetrative sex. It was, of course, clitoris stimulation, which I believe is something like 80% of the women population out there can only orgasm through. so since I found it I then found vibrators when I obviously become a sex blogger you know vibrators came in thick and fast I handed them out at Halloween like popsicles here you go kids

it's for your basket and I didn't apparently that would have been wrong and um and yeah vibrators then clit stimulation orgasm bang bang bang life is fucking great I just couldn't ever still come through sex and as I ventured into my mid-20s and late 20s I still can't come through sex I could come and I could come during a sex session with a guy but I couldn't actually come through physical sex and I remember having a conversation with my girlfriends about it a long time ago in London and one of them was like oh I always always climax when I'm on top i said yeah but how i mean not how would you get on top i i could do that i'm not that fucking useless oh so you climb on and then what use it as a gear stick but she said that what she does

was she would be able to get on top and have sex but also stimulate the clitoris during the movements like moving back and forwards and that way she could come i tried it couldn't fucking do in fact it's so alien to me that during sex i don't even feel like oh i reckon this might be what they're talking about or oh maybe if i kind of got in that position or listen i've tried all fucking positions i've gone on for hours and hours i've introduced sex toys for ages and nothing works so my girlfriend my Singapore girlfriend who sparked this whole podcast episode so you guys have got her to thank she is my age and also same same has never come through sex so while I was looking into this episode idea because I generally don't just sit on the mic

can talk shit for like 20 minutes. I do have some sort of prep. It's 98% talking shit. So what I've discovered is that most women, around 80%, as I mentioned earlier, can't do it through penicillin sex. It has to be through clitoris stimulation. Okay. As we all know, the clitoris, not the vagina, is the female sex organ okay so this is where the majority of the nerve endings are which then leads to the orgasm the orgasm lives in that little clitoris area i understand that there's also the orgasm you can find it through the sexist way women can do it but the clit is probably the easiest go-to and the best i can't compare but obviously i fucking love it um orgasm through the clit so in sexual positions usually the penis doesn't get to that

the clit area i mean i'm not going to go into a fucking biology lesson here but it's really difficult right usually the penchant sex is about the guy going in and out so there are certain positions that you can also get a clit rub at the same time but correct me if i'm wrong it has to be a really good fucking position to orgasm on the clit and the same time as the guy i mean i've never done this same time cum thing ever i don't understand what it is what i will suggest is using a vibrator whilst you're having penchant sex that is pretty fantastic because also the vibrations can be felt for the guy as well. But yeah, why am I doing this episode? Because I want to make it very clear to both guys and gals that women who don't come through sex,

there's nothing wrong with them. There's nothing wrong with anyone who's not been able to do that, because actually, it's really quite hard for us to do that. We're kind of genetically designed to have an orgasm on the outside. And also, there's a lot of women that take a really long time to climax. You know, like, and I've got to be honest, the fingering thing, oh, God, it was never good. Never good. Guys, never good. Not for me. I don't know what you're up to there. It felt like you're trying to fucking start a fire, right? Not nice. I had burns rather than pleasure so personally I do I'm a four-player girl obviously and I do need either toys or I need my guy to go down there but even then it takes me a really long time and I just why am I fucking

airing my dirty laundry because I want women to know that it's actually okay when I said this with my girlfriend at our happy hour drinks we kind of looked it was like whoa I can't believe I thought it was just me she's like yeah no one talks about it but I generally can't and it was like a aha moment between us um we cheered cheers to our lack of orgasm but no it's like it shouldn't be something that we don't talk about and it shouldn't be something where you feel ashamed or oh like there's something wrong with me and that was my thought process through most of my 20s in fact I remember I was um yeah 24 25 and I was sleeping with a guy who was older um and I was just so so uncomfortable I didn't really fancy him anyway if I'm totally honest

and I remember afterwards he was like oh okay well we need to find out what you like and I was like what do you mean he's like well you know you haven't come and I just felt so much pressure and I was like oh just is that a bad thing because like I don't really anyway ever and it was a really awkward convo and yeah it kind of like unknowingly shamed me for not coming he was he wasn't a bad guy he was being nice he was basically saying look I want to make you happy too but I didn't really know what made me happy or pleasured so I couldn't really give any direction and I just felt then pressured and then the next time we tried to sex I was just like pressure pressure pressure pressure pressure like a fucking boiling

kettle wasn't good so the more pressure you feel the less orgasm you're gonna get it's a vicious circle so yeah women who can't orgasm let's discuss it i have is pretty much most of us to conclude you can orgasm just not through penetrative sex and it is okay to the women that can orgasm through penetrative sex please dear god give me a fucking workshop so i at least understand and could perhaps try and get there myself. I would like to think that it's possible for me somewhere along the lines, not because I feel incomplete, but I'm just morbidly curious and of course a sex blogger. So I almost feel like it's in my duty to hunt down this penetrative sex orgasm. And also leading me on my thought process to my next point, just because women don't come

during penitent sex doesn't mean we don't like it. I love sex. Let's say it for the people at the back. I love sex. I love sex. It's great. The sex with my partner is the best sex of my life. I've never felt more comfortable. Like, it's just amazing. And I love the connection as well. Do I orgasm through penitent sex? No, I don't. But I still love sex. You know, and it's like, I also, when I first met him, I tried to kind of explain in the nicest possible way, it's actually not a reflection on you. If I don't come, that doesn't mean you're shit in bed. I just never have. And at this point, I was 29 when we first met. Never have. Never through sex? No, mate. What, through sex? No. But you've orgasmed? Oh, yeah, loads. Like three times a day at the moment.

free sex no never no never and to this day still no never not that i'm gonna stop trying but um it's kind of like it's just totally okay 80 is a fucking huge lot of the population my females i don't do this right you're not weird there's you're not broken you don't have an issue. It's not that the penis isn't big enough or fat enough. It's not that you're not really in love. Oh, God, he doesn't make me calm. Do I even love him? Is that a problem? None of that. None, none, none. Clear all that messy thoughts. We're just biologically designed slightly differently. That's all I can say. Clit, orgasms, great. If you haven't found one of those, then that's that's definitely something you can chase for sure i would wholeheartedly support

buying a vibrator doesn't have to be massive doesn't have to be dick shaped even just like a couple of rabbit ears will be fine this definitely should be sponsored by a sex toy brand by this point this is a clearly open market to plug someone's vibrator and i've just decided not to do it so anyone who wants to plug your vibes come at me but yeah definitely chase an orgasm for sure and definitely explore it yourself that's how part and parcel what I first found like I really love my orgasm was because I then got a vibrator right so I'm like wow I can come not through sex and then kind of went down that avenue so at least I know how it feels I know what turns me on. I know what pushes my buttons. I know what to then guide my guy with, like doing this a bit

faster, a bit slower. But through sex, it still eludes me. And you know what? That's okay. I'll update you when I found it. If I ever find it, I may go to the grave, never having an orgasm through penitentious sex. I'm sure I will be absolutely fine if that's the case. And that's the end of this episode. Ciao, ciao, ciao. Thanks for listening to the Sex in Singapore City podcast. This episode was produced and hosted by me, Nixalina Watson,

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