Chubby Behemoth - 2 Liter Of Moon Mist

Episode Date: March 30, 2025

SPONSORS: VIIA - Try VIIA with code CHUBBY at https://viia.co/CHUBBY   ExpressVPN - Support the show and get up to 4 extra months of ExpressVPN for free. Head to https://www.expressvpn.com/CHUBBY   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys joined by their son, Little Chuba. Nathan says Facebook is back, wore the shortest shorts anyones ever seen, and knows what he wants to watch after he looses it. Sam is ready to get into textiles, wants to know what’s going on under the pyramids, and has been liquifying his brain pan all week. That’s why I’m afraid of graveyards.     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

Because we are clocking in baby. Hey, look at this setup. Look what we have achieved here. Three men in their prime. Also, one of them drinking prime today. Uh, turning water into prime prime real estate in my mouth. Yeah, you're Jesus Christ there. And of course we have our son here. What up? This is little Chuba. Chuba here. Just happy to be with my two dads all in the same room finally. He, me and Lund rubbed our guts together on a full moon and this little character right here just sprouted off me

asexually and I carried him for you know the four and a half months that was legally bound to. Lund took him for the other four and a half. And it's my God-given right to teach them how to play Spider-Man 2 and show them Hasan Piker and all these sorts of things. This Hasan guy, he's got all types of ideas. Free pee. What the heck? I thought we were, that wasn't Hasan Minhaj. No, no, no.

You're thinking about that. Yeah. He invented a new type of massage, actually it was a salmonage new massage And it took the world by storm, but yeah this little guy right here he has taught us so much This what chat pill is that I'm chat pile chat pile. They're making Songs for the Rust Belt. Yeah. I mean, as as a as a former factory worker, that root and toot and sound that they're making the world go round to it really speaks to me.

Yeah, it really gets everyone going. I really like their song Grimace Smoking Weed dot JPEG. Now, when you say JPE jpeg yeah what does that mean that is a file format for photos as opposed to dot png yeah camera now it's a file I thought it was an acronym the kids are using in their text just post enough cash one pegging of course it stands for Jewish picture grouping Shuba told us about pegging Packing now is that Hank Hill's wife?

That was the cartoon right originally Bundy. Yeah, then Hill. This is yeah pegging. Yeah is you wear a big Fun wig or some glasses and you you have an idiot husband that you have to rein in my wife has what in this place Yeah, you're ready. You got a fat ass though. You ain't no Hank Hill, huh? My man my daddy got a fat ass two asses luckily you got your dad's ass and not this dad's ass cuz barely back there I don't got shit back there either sister your hands are as soft as our thighs you got your father's hands thighs Time to grow into your butt It's from it's from editing video. You just get these soft hands touching the keys. Oh yeah. We need to get you a sandpaper keyboard. Give me all cut up. Yeah. I want you to be. I want you to have grip strength as your father. You know one of them. You teach

me one of two about this griffy dance that all the kids are doing gritty Yeah, I'm talking about you don't listen to me. Well, I don't know gritty. I want to listen I want to use on his hands. I want to be that yeah, we're talking about true grit on there That's a good one sandpaper gritty. My father taught me true grit the original. Mm-hmm None of this Cohen brothers bullshit. Hey people like to go swearing. Sorry Chuba Chuba are Chuba That's where Chuba was gonna be your name You guys aren't really gonna subtract 30 minutes from my fortnight time for every time I cuss right?

Well, as long as you quit buying the damn gift certificates, I won't have to worry about I need my V bucks to buy skins Well, hey, I put condoms in your drawer. Nice. I want you using them. Quit using my handkerchiefs. Yeah, they break in a strong wind. They break right in half. Did someone do paper mache with my handkerchiefs?

Yeah, they're solid. Golly, someone making a mask for Jubilee in here? Can I still tape the used condoms to your ceiling and make stalactites? Or mites, I don't remember. You know, I don't like to curtail your creativity. It's my art projects. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also where we sleep.

Stacked. You know we're stacked. So Papa Lund over there is real close to the ceiling when those, you better connect them real tight Yeah, I'm sorry. They're not tight. They drip, huh? Because they drip. It's gross. I don't like it I'm making my own meow Well other dad supporting you in this and I say move on because you're not that good at filling the condom and making them stick More than a couple hours. I'm still ag tight and I don't mean still ag might

I'm still ag serious about this. Thanks, Pa. You're welcome More than a couple hours. Keep them stalactite. And I don't mean stalagmite. I'm stalag serious about this. Thanks, Pa. You're welcome. But yeah, listen to Short Dad. Short Civil War Dad. Yeah, Papa of Finland over there. You should wear leather.

We got some nice family pictures today where we look stately. We just smile. It's fun. You guys do in the book event. They're like, get a picture, all three of you. And I'm like, yeah, I did a lot. We take it seriously. You were there.

You sat in the back like this. You fell asleep. Not even looking. You're seated in the back of the room. That's not how I was doing it. You're playing that game where you have to guess the thing. You're playing heads's not how I was playing that game. We have to get the thing heads up over the with no one else. No, look, filming. I'm just looking for someone to guess what I am. I don't know. Pat's

over there filming. Oh, I know what you are. Say it. It's two syllables. So I have been wearing an orange coat this evening. Traffic man. It's been the talk of the town. Also stately somehow. Bright orange coat. Dude, I'm telling you, we're going to get in textiles.

Lund is wearing this chef's jacket that didn't fit me because it wasn't long enough and Lund is rocking it. I was high and I was high and short dad up and down. Oh yeah he kept going north and south and back. I was like all right you've had enough. He was feasting? Yeah. He was a pawn. You were leaving no crumbs sis. You felt your son's gaze. He's gonna like kill me. He's gonna try to be me. Well he has been trying to be you for a while. He's gonna be you this weekend. His son is killing his own dad. I know can you imagine? I would never. I gave you everything and then you kill me? I wouldn't do that ever. What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? I carried you for four and a half months in my own asshole

Help pull me out belly. No, he smells like that Put my quad oh pouch egg boy Walking quad oh man Yeah, this orange jackets really gonna revolutionize the game It's pop come and see me wear the orange jacket this weekend in Vancouver, Washington, right across the border from Portland. No one's coming, I've been told. I'll be there. I bet they do. It's at the RV Style Event Center. It's March 29th. I'll be there. Come on, Portland. You're always like, win

Portland. Why not Portland? Here's your opportunity. We're up here in Portland. It's not on fire in Portland. A lot of them can't leave the city. It's not a war zone anymore come on up they're on the chas. Was that Portland? No, Seattle. Oh. But I was doing that well people accuse them of being lawless leftists banging having violent orgies in the streets of Portland. Yeah what a bummer. Oh know, the white supremacists come in and start kicking heads in and then. Did they?

And it all catches on fire. Well, it's just a lot of tension. So what, they don't like wheat bread? What's this guy's angle? A lot of tension between the different whites that are out there, the two extremes of the white. Gotta protect the best spies from the they, thems. If only the supremacists weren't racist

and they were just hardline like, you know, tuck in your shirt. Yeah. We tuck in our shirts at the book events. It's pretty funny to like dress up for the book events. We keep calling them book events instead of whatever the hell you'd really call them. Readings. Just your readings.

The musings of a mind of a generation. A book happening. Yeah. Comedy show, no laugh, big laugh big book the show we've been killing it yeah you guys did crush and are you going to the current book event she looking to the going to the book release gathering are you going to Sam Talents show Sam to win the book event book event well I guess we're trying to it sounds like I'm about to eat a book Yeah, you did you ate elmo from stand from a comedy show

They need to know it's a book of book show big show the gathering of the bookalows who books it who books that brother You kind of have to book it yourself. Yeah via A book a book or two. I want you guys to figure out your signature textiles for this this summer tiger camo Heavy long sleeves. No, I think I'm gonna be sham Bray this summer Shambray, that's not a cheese or maybe sham. Wah sham. Wow Didn't that guy kill a hooker with her?

Sham wow, but Sham wow. But Jacob, you should talk about an ear off of a young lady. I don't know. I think he did Sam highs podcast. Jacob Rupp. Yeah, man. He was scared the whole time. I just kept making him flinch. You watched a bunch of cars. I was talking Lugies on her up. Yeah. Nick put them to work. He organized the warehouse. Oh man.

Rup. You know what we were talking about on the last episode is one's top 26 comedians of all time. Yeah. Well, I could have kept going. You added a new name to that little. If you're not on the fucking chubby behemoth patreon we did a whole episode laying down Oh, dude, we were on this carpet right here

And it looked like seven merry three music video if you thought we look cozy right now No, not seven merry three laying them friends laying on the ground Oh, wait for non-blonde assault for non-bornonde on blonde seven Mary three four non-blondes Seven minus three. Hey I've been with a seven and a three in my day three fat hogs seven Yeah, bikini kill the breeders waves Slater Kenny no waves isn't a girl man

Yeah, but I was just saying bands Buddy the SATs are coming up. I crushed those. Yeah, can you sat on them? Sorry, Chuba. That's how you know what the therapist said. That's what short dad Tommy that you to read you put you sit on it. Well, you don't listen to everything he says.

Remember the bathing incident? Oh no, we took a bath together and we had to throw out the tub. The tub cracked. We had to put the tub down. We had to bury it a mile underground much like these Egyptian pyramid coils. Oh yeah, you brought those up in a car or something and then we didn't talk about them again. What the hell? You've been obsessed with them? What's going on down there? I don't know. What did you say? They just discovered miles. I don't even know. Deep. There's a parking garage. Before they had measurements, man. But they went deep into the ground with. They put that ass to sleep. They put the whole

collegiate asleep as they say. It's cute. Yeah. Uh. No, so they're under the pyramids and there's like a tunnel system that connects all the pyramids. They did imaging. Waves played down there. Waves did a show with Dan Deacon down there. He did a remix of your hit song nightmare bitch. Yeah, I said nightmare bit You can't do lobster guys. That's what I told them lobster guys stays as is But uh, what the fuck was I talking about? So the pyramids are big triangles, but they're 3d and they're in uh, you know Egypt I want to say So underneath them they found these big, imagine a big pole, all right, and there's a coil going around that pole and then

there's a bunch of big cubes around there that people are assuming are batteries and then this is some kind of like generator, but it could also just be like a big staircase going down a pole and then there could just be like buildings down there still I mean they were like kilometer I want to say maybe two under the ground maybe eight football fields who knows you don't remember I don't remember numbers escape me but it was nuts because the pyramids themselves were nuts enough let alone I mean they're there and forever they've been like slaves. They always want to blame slaves I think I think the slaves got a bad rap. You know wasn't easy gee whiz you imagine suck

Yeah, I could imagine saying that the slaves are pieces of shit for building it. I don't know dude I'm I told you you only got an hour of computer time a day. I Spend it on info wars. Yeah, I don't like it Hey, Jay quit licking those frogs. He's saying that the the Simple explanation of there being enough forced labor to make these things happen is I think really the wrong word They want to attribute it to slave labor. Yeah as opposed to aliens human suffering humanoid or God

What if lost magic? What if technology? was cyclical bro They always talk about how fucking we've lived closer to Cleopatra. Yeah, then to the beginning. Yeah, yeah, I just saw that on Facebook. Facebook's just memes and shit. Now, so you, you be a videos. Facebook's pretty cool. Slop, dad, tuba. Facebook's back,

slop, dad, author, dad, slop. I'm slop. You just said Facebook rock doesn't make me slump. Yeah, it does makes me trash. Yeah, it's slop wet trash. It's it's like fat Jesus with like a CPAP machine doing a crossover and that's like can fat Jesus get a hundred likes to get him off his CPAP Rap Jesus Yeah, it's Bart as the son of God art smoking weed, which I normally don't smoking it out of the hole He's smoking weed out of his stigmata. There's a little weed in there like an apple.

We're talking. I gotta get back on Facebook. Yeah, no, it's good. It's back. No, it's different, but it's back. I want you off there, but anyways, you've how can have a civilization civilization that long You're gonna maybe come up with like science magic Well, so so if you want to say aliens sure whatever advanced civilization closer Where'd Atlantis go off to never existed easy boom? No, I'm just saying like maybe there were these like lost civilizations Mmm, I know this is without even like a tin foil hat. It's just like why can't we live in a world where it's like, okay, we thought we had pyramid sust. Turns out there's some shit under there. It's been down there for the whole damn time. You could have, if you gave a shit science, you could have got to the bottom of it. It's right there.

You didn't think to look underneath the pyramids. That's the first place I would have looked. I would have been like, okay, above is wide open. Stay there a while. Yeah. Yeah. Be like, what else is going on around these parts? Sure. At least like tap around. I'm new to these farts. You're in there. while. Yeah, yeah. Be like, what else is going on around these parts? At least like tap around. I'm new to these farts.

You're in there, you're like, oh, that sounds hollow. Where do we go next? Down, around. Right. Can't go up. Nearby, right. Nearby. And also if you're at the pyramids,

you can kind of look over there and be like, okay, sand, what's over here? Oh, more sand, very good. I think that's a pyramid over there. Yeah, go down. And like, if I'm at the pyramids, I'm going to say magic words and spells to see if like shit change moves like a Zelda game or something. Do the Konami code. Yeah. Open sesame bonsai. Cowabunga. And nonsense too. You know,

bunga. I said in nonsense too. You know, I like, yeah. Hey, that came and went. Yeah. That maybe I'll just hit the syllables on accident. I want you to learn Aramaic Chuba. Yeah, I'm working on it. I've been playing Duolingo. What are you learning Spanish? No Aramaic. No. What? Yeah. Just going to go over to the pyramids and I'm going to whisper some, fart around. Yeah. I've been reading captain underpants and Aramaic. Whoa, I was worried it was Arabic. No, okay. It's easy to get fired up. You know, at your age, yeah, no crazy. We carried in at almost older than us catching up. It's great.

More human than human, so you live faster and long. You're catching up. It's great. Almost older than us. You're more human than human, so you live faster and longer. You're more a huge man than human. You're going through the years at a different pace than us. Don't punch down. You guys are skinny now. Pace picante. I'm the only chubby behemoth left on the podcast. I have plenty of behemoth left to go around. I still weigh 300 pounds, but I look like nothing.

I look great. It's crazy. You get denser. Yeah, in photos. I can see results. So can the ladies. Quit flooding. You like the way you look.

I guarantee it. I went up to 50 today, how about that? I'm about to be- You gained 50 pounds? No, no. Oh. Went up to 50 cc's. Oh,cs. Oh cool. On your motorbike. I won't break one anymore. I won't break a 50 cc automatically. I should maybe enjoy one for a

little bit. I like, I like this view on my short dad's thighs. Good, it's a great thigh. Oh, it's a lot of thigh. God, they're, these are short. Oh man, come on. No. You act like you're not trying to entice that homosexual viewer. Come on, no. And then, oh whoops. I wore the shortest shorts anyone's ever seen.

I just wanna live my life. Those are like Michael Cera and Juno shorts. Yeah. Ha ha ha. You Tweet fuck. Ha ha ha. Tweet ad. This isn't Tweet.. Dude, you standing at the TV drinking a two liter of Fago and those shorts was the funniest

thing of all time. Dad's watching standing up. Oh yeah, that got you. I said it was like a dad like an older dad watching football that get stand real close. It was dark side of the ring Mick Foley. It's my whole thing. It all led it all led to that. Shit that was so funny. Better than Mountain Dew, Moon Mist. So much better than Mountain Dew. Standing, standing up. Well, and then once you stood up, it wasn't a bit anymore, was it?

You know what sucks? You worked yourself into a shoot because you stood, you kept standing. I wasn't doing it on purpose. It was great. I was just kind of gravitated. As soon as I saw the first footage of Foley going off the cage, I was brought to my feet. You wanted it this far away. Yeah, I wanted to lick, I wanted to lick the mask.

To go back to a time when God you really thought you had it all figured out and one of the things you knew for sure was nobody was going to actually go off the top of that cage. They were going to get down somehow and then God damn it he fucking got thrown off the top of the cage. And you're like it's over. And everybody was like holy holy shit. And then yeah Well, he's dead then they thought instantly they had to like talk about this moment because it was gonna be the craziest shit ever and then

The match went on for 15 more minutes 17 minute match for more Sucked it through his nasal passage. Oh, yeah Several times it was crazy. You think we need his own tooth Thank God, he didn't pop the my eyes so that he could Yeah, so we can watch it over and over yeah He's in a videodrome with just that on Recumbent like looking at a wall of screen. That's all I want to see

If I start to lose it, ooh, we should pick like what we want to watch when we lose it. No, that's perfect. Cause then at least you got a chance at seeing some good, some cool shit. What in between? You know what you're going to see buddy? A fucking pillow go over your face and then Trub is gonna sit down Trubas. He's gonna crush the ACTs one last time That's a D that oh You said that earlier it was so funny dude, we're so whoa Let's go back I've been dealing with that exact feeling all week that you guys have been here. What? Since you left on Sunday.

Did you have room? No, I've been thinking, this is gonna rule so hard. I have the boys on top of me in my house in Motor City. Boy pile. Boys! Yeah. Boy pile. Well, in this house that you've had, but you know.

It's been empty of sound and laughter people have been in here no one that one guy you know but like and obviously you had a Super Bowl party and some friends came yeah but you haven't had like you're not gonna have everybody over here from Colorado at the same time time zones away now at least the two of us are here. I mean, Becker was in here, that was good. Then Pac got here. So much laughter.

Dude, Becker turned us on to how to use the puff go. We've been liquefying our brain pan all week. Getting to. Just doing hot fucking rails of great rosin from Hunnahash. And watching Delocated. Watching Delocated, watching de located. Yeah. Watching sumo. Yeah. You have to watch de located if you have not. Oh my god. Even if you have. Oh it's been a while. Yeah. Watch it. It's been hitting. It's fucking funny. Do the

bones out the bone. So what did he say about the pillow? You can be the pillow up and down all night. Oh yeah. He was looking at his lady. Scholar cost really got me. Dude, what was the one? Oh, but your knees in the breeze. There was rude Mike, yeah, rock steady Chris, Rude Mike? Yeah, Rock Steady Chris. Rock Steady Chris. Rude Chris and Rock Steady Chris in the Scott Mitzvah episode.

Hey guys, just pause this and go watch the relocated. I'll just play this with my meat. Well, not really. I mean, stick with us. Boy howdy. But when you get the time. Rock Steady Chris. One of, if you, if you.

The ultimate throwaway line if dementia runs in your family make make it a point to have delocated on one of the nine screens You get to watch that's right as you you turn to mush uh oh i'm thinking about it too because If christen to me doing your show. Yeah and talking about working with hall's hummer's patients What a bummer. But yeah, let me watch Delocated and Press Your Luck, Conan, Helen O'Sull, Simpsons. Press Your Luck.

I was kidding, it was a game show. I wanted a random game show in there. Truth or Consequences. I want the match game. Living Skint, check out Living Skint. Oh yeah, so we had a whole night of Living Skint. We've had just like, it's. What is that? I've been thinking about it since you guys got here that it's gonna come to an end and God now it's coming to an end. Yeah, I'm sad

This is it. I know it was like when I was on is when you go on vacation You need to focus on while you're on vacation that this is the vacation the train ride is the vacation the waiting for the restaurant Is the vacation because you're gonna get to the last three days and you're on vacation that this is the vacation. The train ride is the vacation. The waiting for the restaurant is the vacation because you're gonna get to the last three days and you're gonna think, God, I should have enjoyed it more. And that's what I was focused on. As soon as you arrived, I was like, I'm going to enjoy this.

And that's why we didn't go to bed till fucking 8 a.m. every day. And I slept on the grab-ass boiler. Oh my God, the sleep has been just resounding, restorative. Chubas taught us the ways of you know generation alpha Chubas just ahead Yeah, and Gen Z so you can't really be mad at him. He never had a chance. No one can tell him no Zaza ZNA See SZA he's talking about SZA

Yeah, Kendrick. Yeah, I'm not about Capit a lot. My people. Favorite member of Wu-Tang. What? Inspector Deck? Mm-hmm. It's interesting, this dynamic of him being our son now, because we can't just rain blows upon him. Yeah, be nice to me. Yeah, you gotta be nice to your boy. Because it's a good idea.

He's just a boy. Yeah, we've been nice. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you haven't really caught any guff from us this week. Yeah. You've given me golf. How's that make you feel? You told me that I needed to wear suspenders now too fat for a belt. You have a bell. What you wear belt. Yeah. Ah, that's crazy. Yeah. I haven't worn a belt in a decade. I've never worn a belt.

It's not a good idea. Someone die pants look better with a belt man. Die at a wedding. There was also my job interview crazy Pants look weird without a belt. I think that used to be true you tuck in though Not always not always well guess what buddy when you're on talk. No one can tell if you're wearing pants at all I just wear a long shirt. Yeah, go long shirt. I grew smoking weed I mean I grew up a soldier boy the Ninja Turtles drinking 40s. Oh, yeah, you don't even like saying that You have an interesting thing that you told us about that you can do with a 40 if you have a friend

Yeah, what the hell was that? No Go to the graveyard A girl put a 40 ounce in my butt at the graveyard You got fingered by a 40 ounce at the graveyard. She said it was tarot reading, so I thought that's what tarot card reading was. She hit you with the tarot root, man.

She got your ass. She gave you the yam. It's been a hard time. That's why I'm afraid of graveyards. Yeah, we drove by a graveyard, and you were like, I'm not as scared of graveyards. I got fingered by a 40 ounce and won. We were like, whoa. Because with you being from Greedy. We got fingered by a 40 ounce and one. We were like, Whoa.

Cause with you being from Greeny, we were having fun. And then he really hit us with that. I'm never sure if you were molested. That's why you talk that way. Why you talk like this? I don't talk like that. You use a quiet voice. That was a bit I was, that was a bit me and Jack were doing when I first met you.

And I just was, yes, can I have this? You literally talk that way still. No I don't. Maybe sometimes. All the time. You just kept doing the bit I guess. Wait, because we liked it? Talk normal. Hey this is me Patrick. I'm from Greeley, Colorado. Now talk in the voice. Can I have a piece of pie? I don't hear anything different. I got yeah it's day and day one, two, three, four time is money. Money is pussy pussy is family family is everything. I don't think that was out with that is how it went. No, those are it went. Those are the words. Oh, yeah How would you go?

Time is money He really want my name. Hey is pussy Pussy is family Say it's family Family's everything Everything is everything You know we didn't talk about it's how well both of you did it my big show on Wednesday at the stand-up comedy Yes, they call it a live entertainment sandwich. You do a comedy stand-up comedy show in between two book events Yeah, and we both took a big old bite

Yeah, it was Well, we knew that your show would be good because it's good every time you have people that come almost every week every week It's there every week pretty much every time. That's there every week. It's very fun. Yeah, and it was great To me also great so funny So funny. Tiny diamond on mine. To me. There was a moment where Lunn was on stage and he just started kind of looking. Oh yeah you. Yes. Which you revealed. Speaking of. Looking for the light. You thought I was having a medical event. I thought you were. He was scared my brain popped a little well that I had a little brain whoops popular Rosemont

I'm a little just conscious of the fact that you might disassociate It wasn't I got this haircut It was like a month ago. Yeah, so but you were on stage. Just kind of going like this like It's like when you took DMT with butterly and you're like, I didn't but if I add, yeah, no, you still not doing it right. You're doing too much. What you did was so subtle and insane. It was nothing. It was like nothing you'd ever done before. Yeah. Some subtlety to it. It was crazy.

But, uh, no, yeah, it's funny that you saw me and were scared, but it was just me trying to make sure I didn't go long. Cause it was me and then to me. I didn't want to accidentally do 24 after a long show. I know. But then you got off stage and you came up to me and said, Hey, can I talk to you in the green room for a minute? And I was like, Oh no, we have to call up to me and said hey can I talk to you in the green room for a minute and I was like oh no we have to

call the ambulance. I was right. I lost time. I came too and I was talking about Linguists Anyway, where am I Detroit or what? Fill me in daddy. Chuba did good to Chuba did good Chuba rocked with it lean with it. Yeah, it's very good Chuba tell joke You know, so we usually tell a lot of jokes on this podcast. We have a lot of fun with this podcast But this week we have a new sponsor and we've been told to, quote, stick to the script, fatso. So here we go. Going online without Express VPN is like forgetting to mute yourself on a zoom meeting. Do you really want your coworkers to hear you trash talking them?

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been rocking all the way to the free world. Yeah, like three weeks. The free world. It's on my foot. Shoba. It's been, it's been. we've had some nice sunny days here because spring is right around the corner. It's actually knocking on heaven's door and we're in heaven Detroit,

Michigan this spring. Focus on feeling better. So I'm feeling like shit Chuba Chuba. I feel great. It's time to kick back Chuba style and relax pepperoni out of the fridge Chuba. I've been watching trailer park boys. That's what they eat. Not even slice. We got to make sure that we kick back and relax with Vaya. Vaya! I love Vaya. Vaya. Vaya con Dios.

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We should eat some via gummies. We should, man, we should do whatever's in the the house and yeah, there's a bottle of kettle one Yeah, let's all get drunk and kiss Let's get drunk and watch lunch change. Oh, yeah, you keep wanting to watch me change you keep requesting Let me watch trying to barge in. Let me watch you change bud garbage barge in I'm gonna need to watch it watch it change Hey, bud, what are you doing in there? It sounds like some heavy pants just at the floor Before you finish, let me take a peek pop in I want to study your moves not gonna change the undies That's unfortunate socks stay on but the rest of you is completely nude

I'm a foot guy. Imagine that imagine walking on your buddy That's unfortunate socks stay on, but the rest of you is completely nude. I'm a foot guy. Imagine that. Imagine walking on your buddy, completely nude. He just has two little socks on two little guys. And he's like, what? I'm not naked. You can play. You can come in and play with totally. I'm barely nude. Yeah. Yeah. I still have both socks on. What do you even say? Let's talk about taxes. Barely nude. Yeah. Yeah, I still have both socks on. What are you saying?

Let's talk about taxes. Yeah, I can go get the paper if I want. For sure. I have socks on. I pay taxes. God forbid. I go out there in my own property. Newspaper I steal from my neighbor.

It's my body, it's my choice to show it to the school. Yeah, that's why you don't want the school to. I mean, I have been taking some liberties with where I'm new, including in my glass cage. Yeah, that's a risky up there. You're going there. Nude.

I don't know. In general, I go in there. I pretend I'm you type up a little book. My neighbors, if the three of us were just rotating through that room, they'd be like, what is going on? Bring an egg in that room. Yeah, there's just these there. There's three of us were just rotating through that room, they'd be like, what is going on? Bring an egg in that room. Yeah. There's just these there. There's three of them.

We're practicing sumo moves naked in there. That'd be so dangerous. We're eating Japanese breakfast, nude on the floor listening to Japanese breakfast, nude. Yeah. I really want to put on a show for my neighbors. Nice. Let them think. So they all bang the lady.

She's never there. Dude, how similar they've been playing Spider-Man to in the basement. It sounds like yeah, that's we lost some time. I think they're filming a live action monsters university over there. Yeah. I mean what's going on that camera's set up. It's not set up. It's crazy. One of them has like no pants on or is gangrene from the thigh up. They're pounded mountain mist over there. I'm going to be legless. Don't be legless. I'm going to be legless. Don't be legless.

Just lay off the Mountain Mist. The Moon Mist. Yeah. Or only drink Moon Mist when you're standing in front of the TV. You're the one that bought it for the Super Bowl. I did, yeah. And everybody was too above drinking Moon Mist. No, I mean even the kids were drinking Bush Light in the basement.

Your Super Bowl cadillion. Yeah. Your happening Bowl cadillion. Yeah. Your happening Super Bowl event. The football. Super Bowl salon. Nice sports event. Draft is coming up, guys.

Who you iron in the draft? I'm going to have a couple with the kettle one. I kind of hope the Broncos either trade up or trade back. That's what I hope for. Hmm. Because you really. Out. We don't really need any. there's nothing glaring you know. We need a perfect. God the Broncos Reddit is just people saying the word Joker so much

that they banned it. Who's gonna be the Broncos Joker position? They're saying it more than the Nuggets Reddit. I I know and don't forget the Joker shout out to Nicole Yocich if you listen to this hit me up I want to talk horses god if Yocich is listening this he downloaded the wrong podcast there's no way there's no way he would listen to this no it's not about handicapping dwarf racing in Serbia they don't gamble on that stuff there. Did you know that? Yeah, right. I swear to God it's all for respect and tradition. Any sport is being gambled on. I swear to God, right hand on God's thigh. Right hand to God's thigh. You could believe it,

but I'm sure his brothers are war criminals criminals I'm sure they're fucking well when we go to wide world Serbia finding yokich yeah when he's retired that's what we find him like Obi-Wan yeah whoa yeah for sure he's probably gonna retire pretty soon too I hope not I'll shoot I'll shoot myself like a basketball he He just picks horses. He's like I decided I can't I can't I can't keep splitting my heart in half Yeah, I made five hundred million dollars, which is about sixty billion Serbian dollars He's good Kill himself what he should get turned he can get turned into what he's only playing basketball until the technology is exists to turn him into a horse

And then that's the day he never touches a basketball again And then they eat them sort of pop them with his horse mouth and then make himself a saddle I couldn't find me anyone else to play I can finally sleep with horses and it's not looked down on he bites every Every basketball he can find to try to curb He tries to get horses over instead of basketball. What about donkey? He does it? He's the best to ever run to ever horse race Look brother. I'm a horse people start watching horse racing across the globe Donkey basketball exists. That's cool. I want to be a donkey and do that just the donkeys I think Tyler Walsh organized that back in the day in Iowa exists. That's cool. I want to be a donkey and do that just a donkey. I

think Tyler Walsh organized that back in the day in Iowa. It was his job. What do you want? Did you hit a can I have a what he want? Can I have some toxicants? I have stuff. Whatever you're whatever you got. What you have is mine too. Here you go. Juju. Thank you. What are we calling you? Chubby Chuba Chuba Little Chuba This one might have gotten away from us It's good. Okay. I thought that too, but then I guess what I was wrong. Yeah. No, sorry

We have to get that slingshot ready to shoot Pat like a basketball Yeah, you're gonna shoot me into the sun. I want to splatter you against the st. Louis arch arch support. That's that's the helicopter squad that defends the arch. All right, maybe it is a good yeah from his body, his projectile carcass. I'm a kaiju. Oh yeah, you guys are both from mid Midwestern cities only. You guys gonna have to worry

about the space needle defense come to Portland. He's headed to the Portillo's. Yeah but they come down to Portland and stop you from coming northward northbound because you're gonna go north into Washington state. We're barely going into Washington, Vancouver, Washington, RV in style, events and while the RV will we consolidate the shows? Find out Saturday is a helicopter that's going to stop Pat from wreaking havoc. Yeah, Pat, you hear that Chuba?

I'm a Kaiju. I hear it. I'm a big monster. I'm going to eat a whole portillo's. It's not Portland. You're thinking Portland means Portillo's land. I thought that's where it came from. Jordan portal, Lado. No dude, we're going to the strip club.

There's strip clubs in Maine. Oh no, you think you're going to ease. Forgot that short dad gave you geography lessons. No, no, we're going to Portland, Oregon and performing in Vancouver, Washington. That's in Canada. I'm going to hit you. I'm going to do it short. Dad does to me when you're not around it, you hurt people. Yes. These book events, man. They've made me a new man. It's funny to tuck in a shirt

for the book events dude sitting on that sure was so funny gun on it. The two of us on that split bench. Yeah, staying close. It was like we're on a porch swing. You looked like peeps. He looked like two peeps, two peeps in a pot. Yeah. Two peeps in your mouth on Easter. Wow. Yeah. Chocolate peeps. Two wet peeps.

God, how many peeps have you fit in your mouth before, Chuba? Me? You got that big mouth. Chuba bun. Easter 99. I probably fit about 17 peeps in my mouth. Can you fit your big mitts in your mouth? Fuck no, sis.

Try it out. Nah, bud. Put your hand in your mouth? Fuck no, sis. Try it out. Nah, bud. Put your hand in your mouth. Bud, nah. Come on. No. Give them what they want. Put Lund's hand in your mouth.

I could do that for sure. Go in. God, I used to do that with babies all the time. You'd put their hands in your mouth. Yeah, the Susu. I remember when she was crying one time, I was so scared she would never stop crying again. I took her hand and I put it in my mouth

and she was like, totally worked. Whoa Whoa. Yeah she was like four months old and I didn't know what to do. You sucked on her hand. I just put her hand in my mouth and was like and she was like all right. This is good this guy's good. I guess I'll stop freaking out and see what comes next. Well I'd already done the thing where you like blow in the not all blow The baby's face. That's that one's supposed to work Scares them didn't work. Yeah shocks them into Fawning just being like you're restarting them and it was good stuff to his Kush G loud Zen breath. Yeah

Susu here's some nicotine fog. I hope she doesn't smoke or she probably doesn't smoke. She's about to be five men. Well, things change. I started smoking at five. What are you hitting? What are you smoking?

Oh, probably. Oh sorry. Oh god. Is that why you make me do it? Rated R. Smoke? Yeah you're rated R. I'm the rated R superstar. Which one was he?

Edge. Edge, your favorite one. You think you know me. You think you know me. You think you know me yeah. He's back man of all those guys. I would have thought gangrel would be number one when the brood hit. Oh come on. It was crazy. He thought the vampire guy would be well. I guess it was I was like you're like all right. This is the next undertaker. Yeah, I got a guy who does a cool DDT. It's all I needed back then

DDT make you sleepy Right home with your binky, baby boy No spitting No spitting zins on the floor and no spitting rhymes on our pod. I've been putting the zins in the crease of my beanie Okay the zin's in the crease of my beanie. Okay, not crazy. It's pretty cool. I've done that. Yeah, that's a big dad move. That's pretty good. I guess that's all right. As long as you don't put it in the washing machine. Oh, sorry. You don't wash them. Who's washing their beanies? You don't. You've

never. I will do. My beanies get stinky. He must get that from short dad. Yeah. Well, big dad, big tall dad. Don't dude. You must get that from Short Dad. Yeah, well. Well, Big Dad, Big Tall Dad don't sweat. Same genes. I don't sweat. Allegedly. He's indigenous flavored. Isosceles.

Well, you get the rapping acumen from your Short Dad. Not from me. God, at the end of Shining, every episode, David acumen from your short dad. Not from me. God, at the end of Shining, every episode, David would make you do a freestyle. No, dude, he was nuts. It was always involved emptying a chamber inside of a person. Yeah.

But inserting it first. Go straight to violence. It was like pulling a trigger until the pussy quiver type stuff. It was really bad. David loved David loved it yeah I'm sure the pod was him waiting for me to freestyle just running out the clock keeping you distracted so that you couldn't like try to think of rhymes ahead of time yeah just keep you busy so he could spring it on you for

the end. He tricked me into saying a slur on there. No, I'll bet it was a complex inception like trick. I was like, he was like, what? And I was like, I thought that was one of them. I don't know. I don't want to relive it. All right. Yeah. Go check it out. I mean, I was online somewhere. I was 15. No, you weren't. I was just a kid, man. I'm just a boy. You're not that bad blade today. Yeah. Pat pointed it out. Chuba. Oh, dude. You looked like sling. I had Sam got stuck at the park. He couldn't move. That was fucked. That's terrible You fucking skipped a slice of pizza on the lake. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk about that bad pizza and forgot Wow, it's like dude is that the is the medicine working that well, or is no that bad?

It was the pizza stain. I have that. Oh, yeah, I have not had a Side effect be losing interest in food or not enjoying food. I've still enjoyed it. I've just like thought about it less filled up a little easy, a cool, quicker. You become like a day cock. You like to watch people eat from a wicker chair. No, no, I've still eat the whole appetite. Just not usually not as, as ravenous, but, uh, fucking that pizza today was bad. I told you guys all week. You said it was bad,

still got two. I don't think a good slice would be able to be skipped on a lake. That's the one good thing about it. It could skip out of it. It was like a wet rock. It was perfect for that. Yeah, well we had a bad run over there, dude. Oh yeah. I had a cold croissant. Yeah. I was like, can you, can you heat up my son's croissant? I literally was your dad in there. I wasn't even thinking about it.

I served you a cold ham and cheese and I was like, and surely you're going to heat this up, right? Warm it up for me. And she said, unfortunately that's against the law. She was like, it's, it's literally impossible for us to do that. They have a whole kitchen. Yeah, they have a commercial food kitchen in the back. You don't have a microwave in there

next to that bread leavening wand. Unfortunately, I don't. You're gonna make me put it under my armpit? Unfortunately, I don't wanna heat it up and I don't have to, so eat it cold or just throw it away, you bought it. She probably looked at us and was like, they're gonna eat it even if I don't have to so eat it cold or just throw it away you bought it she probably looked at us and was like they're gonna eat it even if I just like wipe my ass with it so you eat it cold stupid yeah what do you care you're barely gonna chew so what does temperature mean? Your tongue hasn't woken up yet.

Does temperature matter when you're just gonna gargle it down like a duck? Yep. My beard got full of flakes. You're just going to stuff your cloaca with this? Don't talk about my cloaca. Oh come on it's a free one. Don't talk about it. I'm worried about what's gray right now. You're not the only one to have a cloaca. I don't want to talk about my gray cloaca. I need to get it checked out. Give me your cloaca. No's why I don't let you guys watch me change, because I'm self-conscious about my little gray cloaca. Oh, how about-

Little gray cloaca. How about this ridiculous shit? At the show- Here we go. God, this is so dumb. At the show, last night, I'm wearing this lunge hat, and a guy is going into the bathroom as I'm coming out and he says hey Your hat says penis

and instead of certainly obviously Realizing that this man listens to this very podcast Behemoth show that I run the other host Yeah in the city where you live where people come and say hey, I love your podcast. Yeah. Yeah, in the city where you live, where people come and say, hey, I love your podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of realizing that right away, I asked this guy, why do you speak Hindi? And it was, it was really something. I mean, it's, if you would have known, well, you knew that and then you saw me staring up at the stars.

Yeah. You didn't cause to be concerned. Man. You should have seen your face man. It was straight up just. I was a little high. Your tongue was out and I was looking for the light and there was no light in your eyes. That's for sure. Yeah. And then you tell the story about and I was laughed out. I was zapped. You thought a guy in a war mode camo hoodie spoke Hindi. Oh man. Yeah. What a stupid. Did he did he rebuke you? He went what? I listened to this podcast man. I was like, oh yeah, of course It's Sam quick something's happened. Yeah, you were like, oh yeah, I'm one One day that's going to be a medical book event or a comedy show. Wait,

who's wearing the hat right now? Yeah, you're going to have to be prescribed that hat to remind your dumb ass. You have another one that says launch and you keep your lunch in it. God forbid you mix them up because then you eat yourself. I must have eaten my own head. He ate most of his hair and some of his beard before somebody was able to stop him. I've never seen a man eat his own nose. He figured it out. He must have really been hungry. Your Honor, I represent the facility where Mr. Lund was stationed we switched up his hats He switched up his own diaper with the hat though

Man oh Yeah, that was um that'll be tough to top this weekend's gonna be hard after this great week Why you still got Chuba. I know, but it's a lot of pressure on Chuba. What's pressure? I mean, you're going to have to entertain me and lift my spirits and be Lund. I'm good at that. All right.

Good. Not as good as short that, but no one delights me more than Nathan. I'm, Emmy gets home on Monday, which is good. When do you get back? Sunday. So you get back Sunday? So you'll have Sunday to scare yourself by thinking I mean when we've been in the basement It sounds so crazy down there. It sounds so crazy up here from down there

It sounds like somebody's rummaging an old creaky cracky house heated something up in the microwave like there's so many sounds I don't get it Yeah, I don't either it says get out and he's always like what do you hang on the basement you can watch the TV like we should go to bed upstairs and I can't have the TV on 98 like I like it dude it's crazy it's fucking located real loud you have it too loud and Chuba pointed out that I like it real loud. The town on a hundred right? Well that was Chuba? No that was Ran Barnacle who came in. You're watching the town on a damn hundred. I heard the gunshots from outside. Duddy's sleeping in that room. Remember how the guest room was right there? Yeah.

Duddy's asleep in there. And I had two vape pens, just. It was the day I got back into weed. Whoa. On the town on 100. Yes, that's how they celebrate it. I literally got back in. I bought a rosin pen that day for the first time ever.

We almost watched the town instead of Delocated. Yeah. Those were the finalists or bone tomahawk You were leaning on bone tomahawk. I mean I was leaning even harder towards dragged across concrete Oh, yeah, and you watch that with him or something But then you you were using the toy microphone and it had deep voice sounds like that sounds like D. Local. I said no And it had deep voice sounds like that sounds like D. Located. No, I said no I did No, let's give him a show man. No, we have to say goodbye soon. I mean we have it some time for fit the game I can't get up. Oh, yeah

Not really can't either not safely. Do you want me to go get it? You don't know where it is But it's probably downstairs. It's downstairs. What'slocated and then it'll be in the oh, yeah I also I also I've said this before I got high enough to where I did not want a bunch of gore or violence I was a little bit like Becker for a sec. Sometimes I get high enough with Megan To where it's like I don't want to watch something like gritty and stressful. I want to watch something funny We yeah, we were all thinking of wicked, nasty fucked up movies and then had wanted to relax. He put on dog day after near nice. Yeah, but then you were like, what about a comedy and we were? It was like you invented comedy movies. We're like, oh

yeah, we could watch a comedy and you suggested comedy and you suggested Smosh Ricky Stanicky your mind went to Ricky's the Nicky. Yeah, you've been talking about Stinicky non-stop. That's your step brother. I did it for the lols. I said it for the it's pretty funny though. I was like I watched it. It was good. It is funny. Almost. Oh yeah. John Cena is pretty damn funny in that. What can't John Cena do? Can't be seen. These wrestlers are so funny. Yeah. 22. Shout out Batista. Yeah. But he's a real one. Cornet. Cornet product. They sent Dave down to us and we did the best

we could with him. Fucking he's the best. We only had him in OVW for a while, but we used what we had. What we had was a powerbomb and a big ol' clothesline and that was it. You try and book a run out of that. You can't do a program around a powerbomb. Do a pretty good cornet, right? Yeah, that sounded alright. It's not bad. Wendy's french fries. That's how I lock in. Wendy's french fries. That's his whole thing. He loves Wendy's french fries.

You gotta get the frosty. You get that gimmick, you pop the lid off, you get those fries in there, but you want them well done. If they're not well done, they'll go limp. In hell. What am I? Chris Jericho's wife? I'm not trying to make anything limp before I dip it. He hates Jericho. What an oddly specific thing that I can do. A six out of ten cornet. It's a seven and a half. It's not bad. We know what else isn't bad is supporting this show by joining the Patreon movement

that we have going on over there. The Patreon. Yeah, God, join the Patreon. We're spiking, we're doing very well. Watch you guys, watch us lay on the floor. Yeah. Yeah, that ended up looking okay, I think. We do take a lot more like big wh to big wax on the patreon as far as like

Cinematography it's like if you like the free ones the patreon ones are usually a little weird or a little more personal whatever I'm on those ones more high They that we want to join we hide our son and behind the paywall so that he can have a little more innocence Yeah, the paywall is the rose emoji that people put over their kids faces So that people with Sponsors of this show can't find them. Here's what I'm saying is join the patreon There's so many episodes that are waiting for you. We have a good patreon. It's such a good podcast I'm so proud of the listeners for getting in on this in the ground floor and now part of our ride coming to book events Part of the lore. So y'all are part of the war. Yeah wearing red tinted sunglasses

Anthony We're on your team We looked you in the eye What was allowed and thank you and if you're one of these guys with more than a little bit of disposable income Come over the wide world patreon you can see videos You'll see a video soon of them playing with the toy microphone and skipping a piece of pizza on the way Wide worlds I forget to plug over there join that I mean hell but most importantly come see me do standing up comedy Kansas City

Houston Vancouver Washington this weekend. What the hell else is coming up? Lexington, Kentucky. I'll be fresh off a Disneyland vacation with Susu. I'll be coming in hot and heavy on that one. Covered in Prince Charming's jism. Oh my God, Patrick. And then, don't talk about your cousin that way. And then you can come see me also in Iowa City and Omaha and then Amsterdam, London, Manchester, Glasgow, Australia, New Zealand, even Paris. And don't forget time is money.

Money is pussy. Pussy is family. And family is pussy. Pussy is family. Family is everything. The train ride is the vacation. Next stop, hell. I'm sorry. Let's just play the hits for a minute. No one can tell me no.