Chubby Behemoth - A Big Night in OKC

Episode Date: February 12, 2023

Extra episodes at Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   3 O’clock and 9 O’clock. Turtle Mountain. Green Peppers? Dayton Bisset. Alex Just. Kyle Huber.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

Is this taping right now? No. Oklahoma's a two-way consent state. I have to tell you if I'm recording. I didn't look that up. I tried to when I had... Kyle, what are your feelings on Native American women? Pro.

You like it? Yeah, two thumbs up, sir. I mean, if you want to elaborate, you should sit forward. I'm not recording. I can sit forward i'm not i'm not recording i can sit forward yeah yeah so the situation is alex you have a uh eager piece of slut is that what you said i did not you have a quivering quim waiting to take your bits it's a quivering crim it's a it's a it's a crim a quivering crim it's a gigged up gig um it's a crumpy quim uh she she's eager yeah she's she's explicit how explicit read me some highlights well it was a

it was a come fuck me oh god so she's no poet well no there was some come frolic there was i'm on gummies there was you, there was some come frolic. There was I'm on gummies. There was foreplay. How many times have you pwned her out before? They know that they need to get direct with me. So this is a non-binary person. I don't think I'm direct. They need to lay it on the line. I'm saying, no, the ladies that are attracted to this also recognize

the directness that's required, I think. It seems to happen. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. And you want it real bad,

you've been saying. No, not, not, I mean, honestly, I... You said you'd risk it all for one slice of nut and pie. You said there's nothing you wouldn't do to anyone alive.

I do, I do subscribe to the Fred Juggs. My Limp Bizkit reference is also going to be funny. Not as funny as the word Jugs. You can't compete with Jugs, man. I do. It is difficult. I don't want to hold you back

from getting it in. You guys have been on the road for what? Whoa, it's been January 31 and today is February 12? Yeah. Something like that? Yeah, so who knows how many days that is. Well, here in America,

we usually say January 31st to February 12th, but not where you're from in North Dakota. What did I say? You said 31 Jan, the year of our Christ, 22-3. The year of our queen. Yeah. Now king.

So here, I'm Sam Tallon, of course. Lund is dealing with some familial issues right now, so he will not be on this week's podcast. But I'm coming at you live from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Oklahoma. Very good. And you guys feel Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Oklahoma. Very good. And you guys feel free to introduce yourselves. Kyle Huber. Alex Just.

I'm Dayton Bissett. Dayton, this is your second time on the pod. It is. You were a big hit. First time was, yeah, I talked about Trump trauma. Yeah. Yeah. When you watched that boy die on your watch.

You want to hear it? I got an update. Oh, well, come closer. This last summer. Oh, good. I worked at the same water park before moving. Yeah. I was up in leadership a little bit.

I had to do CPR on a little girl. How many people died on other people's watches to you to get moved up? Well, I wasn't a part of the first one you know really like i was just the guy passing the buck yeah yeah yeah but this time this summer in july um the day after fourth of july i had to do cpr on a little girl who is now dead wow so two people in the my whole yeah what yeah that's not the fun story you think it is no

I bet Joe Lips has bought you dinner a couple times to hear that you also told the story in a way that made me think that you did CPR on her

and she survived but then she died from a later thing yeah like a bird attacked her on the way to the hospital. No, no, no. You failed to revive a girl. Yeah, she was under and then the lifeguard pulled her out

and we were like, they jump in for saves all the time. But she was like, and we were like, There's saves on paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what corporate calls them. We call them ill-fated stabs. He could have saved her.

He's just sandbagging his stats for the league. Yeah. You're diving for a better draft pick. Yeah. Fuck, dude. How old was this girl? That's crazy. Oh, God yeah she was under for just two minutes just two minutes but she was under for two minutes and um this is at a public pool

yeah water park yeah yeah yeah okay very yeah it's a little dangerous yeah she had to pay for the privilege to die yeah fuck dude that one was more like, cause the first one I had no part in. This one was like me and one other person for like what felt the, when the like lawyers were like, how long were you doing it? I said 15 minutes and I was like, felt sure about it. And then when they went back and like, we were doing CPR for no more than two. Oh God. It felt like, I thought genuinely it was 15 minutes.

Should you be admitting to this, that you threw in the towel? Well, I'm not saying the water park. I'm not saying where it was right now. Yeah, they're never going to get to the bottom of this. I thought I was going to get to the bottom of that. Yeah, all the water parks in Kansas City where they employ inept children. in Kansas City before they employ inept children.

Well, we had, yeah, because Schlitterbahn in Kansas City, too, had the decapitated, the tallest water slide

in the world. And then a kid got decapitated on it. How long did you do CPR on the stump? I wasn't much. Yeah. Stay alive,

stay alive. Now I really narrowed it down for saying it wasn't yeah stay alive stay alive now I really narrowed it down yeah for sure this whole road comic thing is a cover kids gotta warrants

yeah oh my warrants back in KC yeah holy shit yeah are you like at all hurt

that one really yeah messed me up you gave up after 120 seconds. No, I didn't give up. They took over. They pulled you off because you were so hard? We don't know.

You were invisibly swole. Uh-oh. Pulled Dayton off of the girl. Swimtrunks. It's a calming condition. Fuck, in this day and age. Yeah.

What are you laughing about? You weren't alive for that show. This day and age? Yeah. Oh, I remember that like it was yesterday. What? I don't know what this show is. No, you're doing good, man.

Thank you. Did you get in trouble? No, I'm going to court. I don't know when. I don you. Did you get in trouble? No. I'm going to court. I don't know when. You don't know if I'm in trouble yet. That's for a jury. We're not in trouble.

No. We did everything. I mean, we did all we're supposed to, you know. For the duration you're supposed to? Yeah. Well, we did, like, everything right in the CPR aspect, you know. And then the kid. Except for the life-saving part of it.

Except for which end you were blowing on. Well, the first one who died in 2019, he was under for 16 minutes. And then no one got in trouble for that. So I'm assuming this one. There's been a precedent set. I like how he prefaced it with the first one. Yeah. The first notch on my belt.

When you talk about the decapitation, you're like, they also, I mean, they had a decapitation. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no. So I assume, I mean, we we did everything the park will take over for they'll they'll i'm sure they'll get money out of the park but yeah yeah i don't they need to stop hiring 16 15 year olds to was that dangerous pulls this was this summer you're 22 yeah yeah well me no but i mean as the lifeguards I've at least worked my way up a little bit.

Okay. You're a vendor now or what? Yeah. It's a real meritocracy in there. Yeah, he's a vendor. He's the dealer of death. The black widow. I know.

It's bad. I needed to get out of there. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, dude. Yeah, sorry I started this Yeah. Fuck, dude. Yeah, sorry I started this off. No, no.

I'm very glad. Alex, hack the mainframe. I will. I'm in. Fuck. Well, glad to have you back. Yeah. Glad to get an update

from your wild life out there. And then, not so another one. Like, you didn't think, first of all, you thought it would never happen, and then it does. And then you're like, well, now the procedures are very, this can't happen again. Yeah. And then it did. Gosh.

Logic would dictate. Yeah. Alex, I think you hit, like, fan or something. Yeah, I know. No, I got, the system is saying it's going to be off, but we'll see how long it takes to do that. Okay. I'm going to door dash some food. Does anyone want the food?

Whoa, Dayton, you don't have any money. Oh, I'm rich. Well, I'm just kidding. I tried transferring money. I was considering ordering a pizza. And then it said, please enter a lower amount. Use my card. No, no. Yeah, no, no.

Yeah, no, I mean, we're all hungry. You guys are doing me the favor of coming on this podcast. Yeah, I never say no to food, so. Especially if Sam's offering to buy it. Yeah, but usually it's hay being offered to you. Yeah. Yeah, from a pitchfork. I'm corn-fed, actually.

Yeah, yeah. Well, just the wrappers to the corn. You just get the sil and Kyle we're lambasting you because you're from North Dakota correct yeah you know I really got a real who's that of comedy for this pod it's tough when Dayton's the biggest name And you've been out on the road With CIA operative Alex Just For the last 13 days

Yep Dayton Or just pay cash when they get here Okay thank you Use my card The red one It's all good if i don't buy him food he'll kill me

uh what do you want i don't know get whatever you want okay i'll leave it up to you i mean knowing you it'll be a bunch of like jolly ranchers you like pizza you guys pizza up there what you have pizza in north dakota yeah some good stuff what uh the pizza up there? What? You have pizza in North Dakota? Yeah, some good stuff. The club up there, the Cellar, French Street Taproom, next door is Rombus Guy's Pizza. Rombus Guy. Correct. It's a brewery slash pizzeria. Very, very good.

Okay. There's Dwayne's House of Pizza in Fargo. It's a good pizza town. I didn't want you guys to get your plugs in. I'm kidding. You're asking about pizza, man. I don't know. Yeah.

There's some good pizza places up there, sure. Yeah, I'll be up there in Fargo the 23rd and 24th, the last weekend of February. Yeah. At the, what's it called? The Cellar at Front Street Taproom. Didn't it used to be called the Comedy Cellar? It's the Cellar Fargo Comedy Club, I believe is the official name, if I'm not mistaken. That is a great way to optimize your search engine. Put all those words in there.

So you're going to order food? Yeah. All right. I'll order food. I'll leave you guys. I'll come back. What? We're not ostracizing you. I'm not good at multitasking.

Okay, well, you could just sit there and not talk because your phone's going to die. It's going to die. That's the issue. Christ on the fucking cross. You get a goddamn child in here. Ooh, Pizza House. Ooh, Pizza House, he says. He's going to order Oreo crumb cake.

That's what we're going to get. We're just going to get breadsticks and frosting. How does Papa John's sound? Just do it alone. They can't hear you. Like a nightmare. I'll have one large. Yeah does Papa John's sound? Just do it alone. They can't hear you. Like a nightmare. I'll have one large to myself. Okay.

Yeah. That's what you get. Of whatever. Sausage and... Yeah, just sausage. Cool. And green peppers. Sausage, green peppers.

Alright, that's my food. See if they have any sausage and just hops for Kyle. Give me the IPA of pizzas. Yeah. Get him the grain silo explosion. So you're going hole hunting, huh, bud? It's not hunting.

It's a meetup. M-E-A-T. Hey. Yeah. Might go down, might go up whoa you're gonna give oral sex to a stranger oh no i was just saying where in space she would be relative to my center of mass when i fucked her yeah that's all i was going for which wasn't really much of a joke you really put a real put a real bow on that Lily didn't you that's what I was going for that's exciting man and you have a fun angle when you're on

you're perusing correct you're talking about the hot yoga Sam that's all I'm talking about yeah I enjoy going to hot yoga out on the road. Went to a couple classes in a row in Wichita. If we stayed one more day, I'm sure I would have gotten labied and I'd have to get out of town. Yeah.

The bright lights of Cushing, Oklahoma were calling, so we had to hit the road. So you go in the daytime. Yeah, 9.30 in the morning was those classes. You said you get the early morning hormonal pussy correct that's well i said that's what i'm going for i didn't really say this yes well i mean you know i just figured it was a good angle you know just to get them in the morning let's think about yoga lots of good angles right yeah gross yeah that was my first podcast chill out Kyle

you said green peppers and sausage shut up just order me food oh god you said green peppers so no frosting then yeah

do you want pull and peel or regular Twizzlers? You got to chew them up for me if they're regular. He's a little guy. A little southern twink. Yeah, yeah. Man, he can't finish a whole go-gurt.

Dayton did a fun thing tonight where he was on stage And he said Something about He acted like he'd never been To the state of Oklahoma before And then his next joke was I was born in Tulsa Yeah That was insane It's really challenging

For this audience maybe Yeah He was doing a city joke Because Kansas City is partially in Kansas, partially in Missouri. So yeah, he had to do a geography joke about Oklahoma City being next to Utah as a premise.

Oh yeah, you're like, is Oklahoma City in Utah? I'm from Tulsa. I was born in a grandfather club. I was born in a grandfather club. I was conceived at a taffy factory in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. What pizza do y'all want? I swear to God. You figure it out.

How many do I order? You're not gonna eat? No, no, no. Well, you're gonna eat, but not here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Bring in a real WWE hype man.

Bring in some manager energy. Yeah, some Jim Cornette. Uh-huh. Okay. We're all stoked for you. Nothing gets me going more than when one of the fellows pulls some road strange I think that's cool

I know her from before to be clear before her transition yes whoa a lot more pissed from before I met her at the why did the loony bin? Yeah.

Yeah. And she showed up on a lot of edibles and I got her number and then we've, you know, we've exchanged fluids. So this is your lock of the week. This is my lock. Yeah. Of the week, yes. This is minus 1,000. Oh, good.

Well, I'm happy for you. So how does this work you meet her in like a abandoned minekey and you're wearing a mask I don't understand how these random road hookups work you go to her house she has you to her house

no we're supposed to meet up at some type of country bar around the corner from here just happenstance wise I bet you're jealous you wanted to go to a honky tonk yeah I'm very good two steppers up at some type of country bar around the corner from here, just happenstance-wise. I bet you're jealous. You wanted to go to a honky-tonk. Yeah, I'm very good to a stepper. Yeah.

Well, I think she might have moved on to a different place, so you could go over there if you wanted. A second location already. Yeah. Okay. And then she did want to go to a swingers club. There's a swingers club in Oklahoma City. Yeah, it's a big town for it, for whatever reason. How entrenched in this community are you?

I'm not, but I'm just saying. Well, for a guy who's not entrenched, you bring up swingers clubs in a lot of places. You brought it up in Tokyo. I've been on two continents with you where you brought up swingers clubs. No, I'm aware of them. But, I mean mean it's not that great a scene

it's not a good it's like not good looking people yeah it's like what I it's like old people just like geriatrics yeah it's an older crowd and it's a

they're trying hard in certain, even the ones that, you know what I mean? Some of the, some, some of this older crowd would be, uh, you know, and it's gorgeous that they're fucking each other, whatever. Right. But some of this older crowd would be like more attractive to me if they weren't denying the age a bit as much or try. Yeah.

There's some, there's some effort put there that's like a little more depressing than just the specter of death that surrounds everyone even slightly older than you. Well, it's tough when they have an oxygen tank. Yeah, I've never... Yeah, fucking them and the wig falls off.

No, it's not. Come give us an update on what pizzas you chose. There's always bagels, you know. Bagels? There's always a buffet that also has odd choices. So the largest is 14-inch for you with green peppers and sausage whole. Then I did a 12-inch pepperoni. And then I did another 12-inch bacon.

Okay, you like the bacon? I like the pepperoni and bacon. You ordered like what a foster kid would order. See, that's why I needed you. This is like when a kid's parents go out of town, they leave 50 on the counter. And you're like, oh shit, I spent it all on fireworks. That's why I needed you. I guess it's uncooked stroganoff again.

What would you do besides bacon? Don't get the bacon. Okay. Get an onion and black olive. Okay. All right. Will you eat either of those things? No, but I'll eat the pepperoni.

I like the pepperoni. You can have the whole pepperoni. Okay, deal. All right. A 12-inch? Sure. Cool. Beat it.

Okay. I don't know if the sound of scurrying comes through on these tiny microphones. There was some of that. Oh, yeah, we're recording in my iPhone, everyone, so shut up. All right. No one yell at me. I'm trying to keep this operation afloat here on the road. Take the phone condom off.

Is there really a buffet? Eden, yeah. Oh, at that particular one? I don't know. I went to one in New York that was very sad and had a sad buffet. Is it Finger Foods? Yeah, there was bagels.

They were trying to get us to take bagels to go. Was this at a synagogue? Did the IDF arrange this? Like birthright? Come in! Our women! They're great! They're fertile! Come on! Get some mocks! She'll get some cocks.

No, this is a lady. That was a Caribbean accent, by the way. Yeah, this lady was dressed like a fucking Spanish widow. Like there was actual. Like who? Like a black rose. And like a lacy top, but like cleavage. But she's very elderly.

And then there was like a twinkie mesh shirt guy um who was also old and they kind of checked you in and uh lobby with yeah crudite and bagels a very wide variety of bagels for the situation yeah and a variety of white people too yeah and yeah and you go yes and you go in there and then you're like I'll have what she's having some guy's cock shut up Dayton you don't know what those words mean

you said onions and black olives I sure did yes I did Dayton those are vegetables that's what he wants on the cock I know you haven't heard of vegetables. That's what he wants on the cock. Yeah. I know you haven't heard of those. Captain Crunch or whatever he's calling it. Yeah.

His pizza's crunchy. His pizza hurts so bad for my mouth. It hurts my teeth. Grammy's going to be pissed. I ruined her dentures. With my Milk Duds pizza. Oh, he loved the Milk Duds, didn't he? Oh, man.

I mean, he tore through one whole box and then another one. And the Whoppers, you know? He got into the Whoppers, too? Yeah, dude. He's popping. I hate Whoppers. Hey, you can defend yourself when you're back over here. All right?

Okay, sorry. Cocoa styrofoam. If you need my address, I'll give it to you off the pod. I got the address. Well, no, I mean for my card. Oh, okay. Since I'm being nice enough to buy your dinner. Yeah.

I'm Joe List tonight. You are? Yeah. You don't get to fuck Sarah, though. The way he is hammering the milk duds out, he looked like a homeless guy. Like he had to eat in a daze. He really did. Yeah.

He really did. Well, the way that he looks physically, it looked like he had been hiding out at a domestic violence shelter. He looked like he was hiding from his lesbian girlfriend and tuned him up too much. See him at a battered woman's shelter. Oh, yeah, sounds delicious.

Definitely all those clothes look given to him. Yeah. Like a sign to him by the state. Like a bigger boy was like, you wear this. Both of his parents died in a car wreck. Do you know the big McDonald's? Say it so we can hear it. Do you go through the, in Oklahoma, there's that McDonald's that's like a bridge that goes over.

It's like huge. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got this there. Wow. your hoodie that says Oklahoma yeah I got it a long time ago okay better hats yeah you grew into it okay so it'll be here between 1231 and 1241 awesome that's the best news you've ever delivered to me. So what's happening with the lady? She's telling me to hurry up, so I think I get going. I'm going to go.

Go, go, go, go, go. I'm going to go. I wish I said something funny enough that I could plug anything. Hey, please do. Say something funny? No, no, plug. People are very forgiving. Lund's the other host, typically.

Oh, fair enough I will be featuring at Laff's Tucson in Tucson Arizona obviously March 3rd and 4th and then also at the Looney Bin Little Rock Little Rock Arkansas March

aka the good one 20 it's a fun one yeah it's a fun one that's nice of you to say yeah well we'll see no I had fun last time 20, it's a fun one. Yeah. It's a fun one. That's nice of you to say. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, we'll see. No, I had fun last time. That's like, they go Wednesday to Saturday. So that's the 29th. That's a real widow maker. Yeah. Yeah.

It can be rough. I don't know who I'm featuring for there. I don't think. Probably, if I had to guess, it's a pumpkin with a voice machine inside of it. And then a guy in the back makes it say racist jokes. Right. It's Dayton on the shoulders of a mentally handicapped person. Master Blaster. It's called the Who's Walking Who Tour.

And that's Alex, Just Alex online, everyone. Give him a follow. Hit him up about Deep Space Nine. At Just Alex Comedy. Yeah. Yeah, that's how you find me on all the desperation portals. Yeah. All right. online everyone give them a follow hit them up about deep space nine at just alex comedy yeah yeah that's how you find me on all the desperation portals yeah all right we'll have fun i will yeah it's good i will i'll send you pictures and you can put them on the pod oh interesting yeah that'd be cool see you in the morning alex i think you'll smell them in the morning yeah we know we got we're

going all the way to fucking roswell yep we'll We'll fill all this guy's Alex Jones dreams. Goddamn straight, dude. Unless the globalists stop us. No, and we're leaving our cell phones a mile outside, okay? So the government can't track us getting in, okay? All right. Have fun, buddy. Lovely to see you.

Yeah, you too, man. It was good seeing you. Bye. It's nice of him not to say goodbye to you at all until you forced him upon him. I had to yeah that's good you got to make your own opportunities yeah well now that grandpa's gone us young guys we can talk about uh nintendo ds games oh dsi what's that that's the one that has like a camera the little blue one dsi came out after ds out after DS? I haven't played video games

since I think Red Dead Revolver on PlayStation 2 was the last game. Since the pastor found out? Have you heard of the Switch? I have a Switch. I got a Switch for Christmas two years ago. I got it as a graduation present

when I graduated from college in May. And I played Zelda and it was really cool. Yeah, Witch Breath of the Wild. Yeah. That's amazing. It was a great game. Yeah. But then every time I played it, I just had this, like, I felt like such a fucking idiot.

Yeah. I'm like, I'm here playing a children's game when I could be, like, writing my next book. That's my issue with video games. Like, I kind of envy people who, people who can just relax playing video games. I think it's great. I used to play games all the time. And when Red Dead Redemption 2

came out, I definitely told my wife, I was like, look, you're effectively single right now. I'm a cowboy. So either you're married to a cowboy

or it's girls night for the next three months. I played Red Dead, Assassin's Creed, and the Batman games. And those were the only games I ever really. I never was good at shooter games. Yeah. On the Switch, I play a lot of Crash Bandicoot just because I can pick it up for five minutes. Sure.

And then get mad and put it down. That sounds fun. Yeah. There was a game called Ghost of Tsushima. That was the last game I played. I never played it. My friend was really into it. Dude, you're a samurai.

Yeah. Yeah. You're a sneaky samurai. I need to tell him to listen to this because he pushed this game on me dude it was so cool yeah i did a weird period where i was playing that game and then when i wasn't playing it i was reading shogun by james clavel so it was like an 1800 page novel about a guy who becomes like a samurai he gets shipwrecked in japan in like the 1800s and then i would go be a samurai digitally and it was sick yeah it was right after i started smoking weed again and i got in heavy yeah god damn he uh is really addicted to that game it's a great game yeah i i want to play it really bad you never get to be japanese

yeah you know that's my biggest issue with video games is there a lot of suicide in it uh not honorable though oh okay yeah i mean because video games forever you could be italian for like the last 40 years yeah you could be a little wife beating plumber it was awesome yeah you know but yeah you never got to be japanese and that really did it for me yeah god i'm gonna play that i want to play that game again i think it's beautiful too that game it's lush yeah gorgeous did you ever play assassin's creed no i'm not a baby though yeah okay i've been out of diapers a lot longer than you have yeah well the assassin's creed 3 and black flag were like dude i heard about black

flag yeah yeah all the dorks were buzzing in my ear about Black Flag. And that kind of started this weird cultural meme where men were singing sea shanties unironically. Yeah, they do. Yeah. You probably love sea shanties. Sea shanties? I don't live anywhere near a sea. I know. I'm landlocked

as fuck. Do you like songs written by and for men? Yeah. I don't know. I'm a big female vocal fan, actually. Who do you like? Well, I like Ella Fitzgerald and Amy Winehouse. I like Bonnie Raids, you know, stuff like that. Didn't Bonnie Raids just win the Grammy?

Yeah. We were at a bar in Sioux Falls and saw it on the TV. Yeah. You bought a round? Hey, panty droppers for everybody. Bonnie's back on top. Yeah, it was a big... You bought a round? Hey, panty droppers for everybody. Bonnie's back on top. You're talking about John Prine.

She has a really good version of Angel from Montgomery. God, she does. That's like the best. The live version where they play it together. When he died, my mom played that like repeatedly. She mentioned John Prine in her acceptance speech. She got like song of the year this year. She did a Zoom where she played. It wasn't angel for montgomery but a song they did together i forget which one but she was like crying all the way through it and it was hard to watch

yeah yeah i got hard too yeah yeah john prine rules you like john prine yeah yeah yeah. So no, based on how you answered? I mean, you know, I don't mind him. I guess, what, Spanish Pipe? Spanish Pipe Dream would be my favorite song by him, but I haven't gotten particularly deep into his fucking catalog. You don't mind him. What a nice thing to say about arguably

the best singer-songwriter of the last few years. Well, I would feel like a liar if I said I loved him, because I haven't dug deep into his catalog. It's just funny to say. I wouldn't kick him out of bed. Yeah, that virtuoso poet, he'll do until something better comes along. Yeah, I mean, I listen to Korn more often than John Prine.

Oh, yeah, you were telling me. So Kyle and I just met in Wichita on Thursday, and we were instantly charmed by each other. And you were telling me that where are you from again in north dakota bismarck and they would like corn and like tech nine would play there like every year dude tech nine would play bismarck minot and fargo north dakota sometimes not even a year apart sometimes it'd be nine months or even six months apart was he playing these on weekends or this like a like a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? Oh, like I remember 2014.

That was sort of after because I think like 2010 to 12-ish, Juggalos were huge. Oh, they never went away. Coming to Tech N9ne shows. But they were huge coming to tech shows. They go to tech shows and now they come to my show. Yeah. I got a bunch of hatchet fucking family people. But yeah, when I was a senior in high school,

the three of us each had like a 40 apiece and got really high, and that was a school night. Because my mom woke me up the next morning after I missed first period. Yeah. Kyle, no one milked the cows. All the cows bloated and exploded.

You neglected your duties. Yeah, I don't know. You don't drink now, though. No, I don't drink anymore, no. What happened? Well, let's see. I got arrested once. That was when I was living in Grand Forks, North Dakota.

I walked home super hammered, and I walked into my neighbor's house. It was unlocked. I didn't break in. And I actually had picked up a bag of tacos from Red Pepper on my way home, which I don't remember. Man, you love plugging regional. North Dakota fast casual dining. Correct. You mean the Red Pepper?

Yeah, the, because there's three locations. So, yeah, the Red Pepper. Well, that's convenient for the whole family. Yeah. Yeah. Dad's coming home from the textile mill, and mom just got off the fucking slaughterhouse line. Yep. She didn't grab food.

Stuff your face with some soft-shell tacos. Yeah, yeah. Because when you want to get good tacos, you go to Grand Forks, North Dakota. It's very important to remember, if you go to Red Pepper, you're supposed to save your trash, then litter it on the reservation.

That's the big part. Take a picture, send it in. Free green chili next time you go. Yep. Dump it in Turtle Mountain. What's Turtle Mountain? The reservation closest to Grand Forks. You don't know Turtle Mountain?

No, I didn't. I don't know. I didn't get that, Mario. I don't get that. Turtle Mountain. Yep. Did you raise a little hell on Turtle Mountain? Well, no.

I mean, I saw a couple Chippewa girls, but no. I never raised hell on it. That's my favorite John Prine song. You live a John Prine song. That's your life. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Yeah. So you got drunk.

You got some red pepper. You went to your neighbor's house, and they were like, oh, you're here to help throw hay. Well, I mean, i had just moved in so like we weren't like particularly close nor did we ever get close but yeah you know he's after the incident yeah he uh he correctly you know was very upset and called the police and then uh once it was sort of an understand it was like oh you know misunderstanding type of thing uh the state just pressed charges anyway oh no yeah weekend jail. My brother had come from Fargo and bailed me out and shit,

which was not fun. It happened on a Friday, so I didn't get out until Monday morning. Because he had to borrow the neighbor's mule. Yeah. Yeah, he had to give up,

you know, some eggs and twine and whatnot. Yeah. To get the capital. We're not getting that plunger back, Kyle. You're scraping the toilets from here on out. But I didn't quit drinking after that, though.

Okay. I mean, that wasn't that bad, honestly. Yeah. But then I used to... You didn't kill an eight-year-old. Not that I know of. That's fair. That's why I can't drink.

Yeah. You don't drink either? I gave myself the role in New York if it's fair. That's why I can't drink. Yeah. You don't drink either? I gave myself the rule in New York if it's free. Okay. And I've gotten the opportunity a few times. Sometimes I still don't take it just because I don't like me. I like how I feel, but I always get scared in the morning and I'm sick. Oh, sure, yeah.

So it's not good. Because me, not insecure is bad. Yeah. Oh, I can only imagine. Yeah is that like what is fucking cocksure swinging dick dating life i don't think i've ever done i've never got like too hard unless it's like just me and my friends but uh if uh i still like get buzzed and then like the next morning I'm like, did I say something? Because I'll get, like, just free around people and start talking. You start dropping n-bombs and stuff.

All the time. Southern accent comes up. I reveal things that shouldn't be revealed. All my secrets. She was alive when I got her. I pinched her nose. Good squeeze. I gave her tongue during the CPR.

We have a seal easy to do CPR, but I didn't use it. I just lip to lip. I'm God. Yeah. I'm my warm air. Yeah. Well, shit, man. Well, it's cool you guys don't drink.

I think that's nice i still will just that's up well he's fucking poor he's saying well if you know if somebody offers to get me drunk i'll do it but he won't buy his beer is what he's well i can still say but you still say no okay i also don't want to be like my parents are alcoholics sure i'm an addictive personality yeah yeah so uh i can't stop like smoking weed even though i hate it sure like i don't it doesn't make me feel good i on drive long drives is the only time i'm like this is good yeah because it gets me there keeps me awake right sure lets me laugh at podcasts better and stuff but yeah and like when i'm

around people i'm like they'd be my best friend in the world i'm like they hate me huh i just get really in my i don't know why i keep doing it but i keep doing it interesting yeah you got the vape in your hand though that's constant this uh started last year okay and i cannot stop it's really bad i want i've thrown them away i spent so many so much money on them just throwing them away and then getting them the next day. I've been without chewing tobacco since August, and I'm 27, so that was a good 10 years straight of chewing tobacco. What were you?

Let me guess. Kodiak Wintergreen Longcut? Grizzly Wintergreen Longcut. Grizzly Wintergreen Longcut. It's the value brand of Kodiak. Yeah, yeah. Well, and I love that stuff so much. I was so addicted to it that, like, say the last two years,

I didn't want any other dip. If it was Copenhagen straight or it's like I only like that brand at that point even. Huh. Yeah, I didn't even want anything else. I used to chew during football season and wrestling, and you would chew during wrestling to cut weight. And during football, we smoked cigarettes. But they always put us in classes with a football coach, your first class of the day.

Because then they could smell your letter jacket to see if you smoked on the way to school. So we would chew. And when I moved out of my parents' house when I was 18, we moved my mattress. And there was a fucking graveyard of spitters behind my bed that had been against the radiator

for some of them at that point three years and the ecosystems that were growing in there my sister will still bring it up

when she's trying to be mean she'll be like oh yeah you think you're so fucking cool remember when we fucking unearthed

that graveyard of spitters it's like it does hurt my feelings it was so gross my parents had no fucking unearthed that graveyard of spitters it's like it does hurt my feelings it was so gross my parents had no idea I chewed until my dad and I

moved that mattress and my mom initially thought they were piss oh because I don't know if you guys ever had that period in your life where you were like

so addicted to playing Grand Theft Auto 3 that you would just piss in two liters well I've had a lot of jobs where I had to piss in a bottle you got to.

Yeah. Yeah. You filled the cup today. I did. Yeah. That's a, yeah, I do that. Driving. Cruise control.

I've done that way too many times. Cruise control the whole way. Driving with the knee. And then I scoot my chair back, knee, and then my wiener's dangling off the chair. Yeah, we know what your wiener's doing. Yeah. But do you use a solo cup, or do you, I like a gatorade the 32 ounce but why do you need

the wide mouth i usually do gatorade but uh the um i had a taco bell cup yeah cups work too we need the wide mouth on it though yeah the cup makes me nervous because you can feel it and you can hear it like the heat and you can hear it getting fuller and fuller and then pinching usually if you're in a position where you have to piss in a cup or a bottle it's tough to cut that stream after like 30 ounces yeah you know yeah so yeah i don't like the i like the gatorade bottle because it it's a lot it's not going to spill as much urine yeah yeah it's harder to fit plus it's also the easy cap because i always i just i always we know it's also the easy cap, because I always... I'm just kidding. We know. It's a comedy podcast.

It's harder to thin the Gatorade bucket. I'm just kidding. No shit, dude. But no, I've heard you have a legendary piece. They only told me you have a heart. It's big. It's not big. Well, does it just look big on you?

I think so. It's a combination of being bigger than average and you're fucking tiny. I think so. It's seven big. Well, does it just look big on you? I think so. It's a combination of being bigger than average and you're fucking tiny. I think so. It's seven inches. Okay. On the dot. Yeah. So for me, that looks good.

If you put three inches on an American Girl doll, it's going to look good. Yeah. Seven on you. Fucking handle. Oh, my God. It's the illusion. Like the illusion that I'm also tall. Everyone assumes I'm tall because I'm lanky, and then I'm not.

Yeah. Yeah. Ugh. Yeah. It's weird to think about his cock. It's a good one. Oh, gosh. You were here first, folks.

Oh, yuck. I imagine him like Ken down there, you know? Yeah, I know. It's tough to think of him with genitals. Yeah, Ken and Barbie kind of deal with that, you know? Yeah, I know. It's tough to think of him with genitals. Yeah, Ken and Barbie kind of deal with that, you know? Yeah, but no, in fact. Really little balls, though. They never really droop.

They sometimes pop up. Just two little babies in a coin purse. Yeah. I can move them. It's weird. Move a coin purse? Yeah. I can move them. It's weird. Move them? Like, individually? Like, you can flex them?

I can move it up into my leg. Oh, you throw it up in there? They can get out of the sack some time. Out of the sack? Oh, my God. I thought you could bounce them like Terry Crews' pecs. You could make them dance. They're not bouncing.

They don't clap. There's no fun there. So you like finger it back up in there. Yeah. If it's cold enough, if I'm like yanking, it'll pop up. Have you gotten compliments from girls? A lot of girls say, you know, balls are not aesthetically pleasing. I hide my balls.

Like I don't want them to know that they can move. So like you won't let them, like, touch your balls? I will, but I have to... I'll, like, do a thing where I, like, hold... I'm like... Because I can't let them escape the sack. What, like kittens? What are you talking about?

No, like, Rachel, I think it's a problem. Like, I think it says there's a higher chance of cancer for me. Wait, wait, wait. Walk me through this. You're saying that your testicles go back into your body when it's cold. Is that what you mean by they move? It'll leave my... Not into my body, but to the side of my wiener.

The side of your wiener? Yeah, like right here. My wiener's right here. Right here. It'll go from down here to right here. Where a cleaner's right here. Right here. It'll go from down here to like up here. How fucking big is your sack? It's not. That's the issue.

It never like... Oh, well I guess so. You're talking about like... But when you get hard though, like your sack is kind of tighter. So you're saying that yours is so small to begin with that it tightens up into like it's... Yeah. Okay. Weed makes my balls go low and heat.

But that's it. You're never just hanging. Well, I got an – not an MRI but ultrasound. On your balls? Not because of that but I thought one – when I was 14, I thought one was way bigger than the other. So I got it and they said they're perfectly fine. But they don't feel fine. They're like robin's eggs.

It also hurts a lot. Always, like, sometimes it'll, like, pop up in there, and it'll hurt really bad. Like, it'll feel like someone just, right? That just happens randomly? If it's cold, sometimes, like if I move my leg. I mean, I can't speak for you, but typically when it gets cold, there's more of a likelihood of my balls going into my body. Yeah. Which is an evolutionary tactic to protect them.

Yeah. Because they're outside your body. They're an imperfect device. What's this? Balls go into your body? Yeah, so like. I've never had those. You've never had your balls go into your body?

I've seen it in porn, which makes me feel. I thought I was the only one. No, no, no. I was looking it up and it was like uh and i was like oh no but i've seen it i think it's normal and i've never experienced this no my brother got his ball hit up into him playing football sure they had to dislodge that at the er but oh god no your balls going in i don't know what you're talking about I mean, you probably had to go to the large animal vet Yeah You had to go to the farrier

Shit, dude Yeah, so I mean, I don't I mean, I'm perplexed By everything you just said Yeah I don't understand still how they get up To the side of your dick It's

Because they're always below My balls are always below my penis They'll go And Like Mickey Mouse? Don't, yeah the side of your dick it's because they're always below my balls are always below my penis they'll go uh and like mickey mouse don't yeah yeah look i'm not from above just to the side and uh it's awful because you can see the line you can see it's there i wish it was like hidden or something so you would never request that like uh girls like touch your balls like or anything like that? No, I don't mind. But I do have to like kind of sometimes like hold.

Also, I've never been with someone who's noticed it, which shocks me because I'm like it'll like. Oh, they're so forgiving. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. The ladies are they're angels that way. Yeah, they are. Yeah.

They are. Yeah. Huh. They are. Wow. Yeah, I mean, maybe you can draw a diagram or something. Okay. Because I still really don't understand the geometry of this. I'll do that. Okay.

I'll do that. I mean, not right now. No, no. Yeah, draw it. We'll put it on the Patreon. Wow. Okay. Well, we're learning a lot about it.

Any thing you want to get off your chest? He's admitted to manslaughter twice. And then his balls go at 3 and 9 o'clock. Well, I thought it was like an issue of like my balls never like dropped. Because they also like most people say like every boy they hang lower than their penis. Mine never have hung lower than my penis. Maybe you just have a very tight sack. I think so.

It's very tight. Yeah. Yeah. Even when I'm like hot or high, like it's still not that low, you know? My balls don't hang lower than my penis, but I mean, yeah, but they hang all the time. Mine don't. Sam, you said that you've had your balls go, like, in you? Yeah, for sure.

Okay, and you have a regular problem with that? Oh, yeah. Okay. They're in me right now. That's an evolutionary holdover. Because, like, if you think about it, like, our genitals are exposed. They're, like're such a vulnerable thing to have just out dangling.

Having a protective casing around it would be more beneficial. Or just being internal. Being inside of you. I don't know why. I could be completely wrong, but I thought I fucking read a Bazooka Joe comic.

I think Archie and Jughead went through this once. Wow. Okay. Well, good. Good stuff. Yeah. I'm glad. Well, they have to be outside.

You need a lower temperature to produce sperm. Right. But you don't produce sperm in your balls. Okay. Yeah. Your vas deferens are involved in that whole thing oh and your prostate's involved your testicles i don't think actually like because i think everyone when you're young you think your piss and your cum is just in your balls like the left ones for piss right ones for cum correct

right well in your situation yeah you are one of god's perfect angels yeah i think this might be this you might be like i'm gonna ball autism maybe yeah maybe it's like the microplastics in your generation shy yeah yeah you have coquettish balls they climb up and who me yeah you're with a lady right now don't bother me yeah your balls are violently homosexual. But that dick likes the home. You think Alex is already ejaculated at this point? I mean, you know, he's an older gentleman, you know. He's going to need a lot of foreplay probably, you know. I think that he's...

Nice cup of soup. He could be 40. He could be 63. Yeah. I've known him for a long time he's been telling me 43 on the road currently but yeah it's alex so who knows i have no idea yeah good guy as he is what good work buddy oh but has he been what sam what the fuck, David? Hey, what the fuck? He knew when they were going to get it.

That pizza's gone. What time? Oh, I shouldn't ask. It's 1235. Oh, he'll be fine. No, no. Formas calls. What is Alex?

Like, bring the truck. She's dead. She wants to share. lay down the tarp we're headed to new mexico earlier than we thought yeah oh man i wonder if he blew it really bad with the pizza yeah i don't know man or maybe you know he's got four missed calls about is this live streaming girls have heard about his. Now he's getting bombarded with all these calls. No, but I am very worried about our, I don't want to say vicious. I want to say uniquely dedicated fan base who are going to get a hold of this information

and just be in his DMs with like, because they'll send me like really fucked up like medical mishap videos. And then you get your message request and you open up a view photo and it's like a guy who's wearing another guy's hat and you're like, oh no. How did he fit his entire head in there? Also, he doesn't have a key to get back in here. This is going to be a whole scene. You have a pretty big listenership on this podcast, Sam?

We do well. I'm very grateful. I appreciate you guys. Thank you. And ladies. I don't listen to a whole lot of podcasts, so I didn't know if this one had a large listenership. Yeah, yeah, we do good. I'm proud of it, you know. Sure.

I'm happy with what we're doing. How long have you been podcasting? This podcast has been around since 2020. Okay. Yeah, and then I had, like, different iterations of podcasts previous. But, yeah, Chubby Behemoth, this one has been around for almost three years.

All right. Yeah. You start that during pandemic kind of thing? Well, yeah, me and Nathan wanted to start a pod, and then we just had, like, extra time on our hand.

Okay. And he was moving to, he moved to Southern Colorado. Sure. So it was a way for us to, like, make sure that we were always able to talk twice a week. Until he blew it off to go count his Lighthouse Ranch money. Lighthouse Ranch?

Yeah, Lund recently became the spokesperson of a ranch dressing company called Lighthouse. Oh, okay. Yeah, and, like, I mean, I don't know if, I might be telling this story out of school, but he recently found out that they were, were like airing it as a national commercial. And I was like, holy shit, dude, like you're going to get paid. Like you're going to get so much money from that. Like that's a big deal. And then his fucking rinky dink team of managers and representation were like, they don't want to give you any money, but they'll give you a couple jars of ranch.

Like he didn't get any more money. Like, I know. And it's like, dude, you need to figure you a couple jars of ranch. He didn't get any more money. I know, and it's like, dude, you need to figure this shit out ahead of time. He couldn't even parlay maybe a used car or something? Just free ranch? The ranch was used. A used ranch. Yeah, it was a half a

jar. So yeah, I think he might... I know that they were talking about a Super Bowl commercial and I'm like, dude, that's life-changing money. And he's like, I don't think I get anything. Yeah, like, he was in ad week. And also, I got to say, fans, thank you so much for not going come town on his ass and, like, ruining it for him by commenting, you know, the verbal equivalent of Baba Booey. Let's go together.

All right, we'll go together. We're going to the door. verbal equivalent of Baba Booey. Let's go together. All right, we'll go together. We're going to the door. Is there a name for your listeners? Like Stanhope is a killer termite.

ONA had the pest. Oh, my God. I'm here. Dayton got the pizza. This little twink pizza delivery boy entering our hotel room. I think I've seen this movie before. I knocked on the wrong door. Oh, no. I got out of the way.

Dayton, how pissed was the delivery guy? No, he was super nice. He wasn't mad at all? No, not at all. He said I had four missed calls from him, but he thought it was his fault, I think. That's good. Yeah, he said, I saw the text. It said, my calls aren't going through.

I'm so sorry. And I was like, he's like, I can bring it to you. And I was like, no, I'm on my way down. It was super nice. You were like, I didn't get any calls. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No calls. Did you go along with him and agree to his lies? Yeah. Okay, good work. Yeah. I thought you were going to come back with a real sob story. Let's not put it on the ground. Put it on the bed.

Okay. I go in there. I'm not worried about that. That pizza's not the worst thing to hit that bed. Oh, yeah. Okay, well, I thought this was a total failure on your part, and I was eager to make fun of you, but here we are. I got pizza.

Wrist-deep in pie. Oh, my God. All I had today was Taco Bell. All he had today was Taco Bell. Three had today was Taco Bell Three spicy potato soft tacos Buddy you need to get the beans in there You need protein I get cheesy bean and rice burritos always Not today

It's all carbohydrates I got there at 10.30 and they said they're done with breakfast Which they usually stop at 11 So they stopped at 30 minutes early And then I was like Spicy potato soft tacos closest thing to breakfast i get i guess you don't want to be in a position in your life where you know when taco bell breakfast ends oh trust me if you're ever there arguing like look i i know my

rights am i being the damn a sovereign citizen I'll do you like that girl. Okay, well, feel free to eat pizza if you'd like, Kyle. I know you're a hungry, ravenous young man. I think this is the youngest pair of guests we've ever had on here. That's fun. What do I need to know as a 35-year-old man? What are the kids talking about? Yeah, you're on TikTok?

No. Yeah, it's miserable. I was going to have you run my social medias for a while, and then I was like, I don't want to care about this. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. I get it. I mean, I should, but fuck, I hate that idea.

It sucks. It sucks. It does. God, it pisses me off. You do well on there, though. No. Okay, good. Well,iktok i have 11 000 followers but they don't they're not there i'll upload a video that gets um 34 views oh god like

where are these people instagram's working a little bit because those followers are seer stuff yeah and also you post whole on there a lot. Yeah. Kyle, you should do some kind of, like, rural farm life with Kyle. Why? I don't live on a farm. Well, you farm adjacent. I've worked on a lot of farms, yeah. Yeah. So I go, but I should do a what?

I don't know, dude. I mean, the esoteric, the more, like, specific you can get in your online representation I think the more like chance you have for any kind of viral success like just like throwing a fucking another clip into the digital wood chipper of you doing stand up is not where it's at you do little sketches and

confusing videos that I don't get and piss me off it's like a fucking cartoon that came out 12 years ago, and you're like, I loved it. I went with her to prom. And it's like a cartoon or whatever. Yeah, I feel like if you had like milking mishaps

or like, is it a pig or is it a stout or a stoat? Whatever you guys do up there. Like how many eggs fit in this bucket? You could do a lot of fun rural adventures. Nah. Choctaw or Chippewa, you know?

You can just go around guessing people's tribal affiliations. Hitting on girls at the Honky Tonk. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, knowledge tribe. You know Tyler Walsh?

Oh, yeah. He's doing good on TikTok. I bet he's huge on there. Just talking about nothing. Yeah. Oh, he does? Talking about, like, fishing. Yeah.

Like, that's all he... He just talks about just him holding it up. He's always in, like, nature. Yeah. And just rambling. Huh. He does so good. Good for Tyler.

People love listening. I love Tyler. He has a voice like yours. Yeah, a little bit. He talks like Terry Funk. He's like, I'm Tyler Walsh. Cactus Jack, you dirty dog. That, a little bit. He talks like Terry Funk. He's like, I'm Tyler Wolfe. Cactus Jack, you dirty dog.

That's how he sounds. And he's like a hulking behemoth of a man. He was a rodeo clown. I didn't know that. Yeah, and he had to stop because

too many horses died beneath him. Really? Yeah, these horses' hearts were exploding as he was out there trying to corral bulls. That's crazy.

Because he's like 350 pounds. When you say rodeo clown, I think you actually mean bullfighter. Because he's like 350 pounds. Well, you say rodeo clown, I think you actually mean bullfighter. Bullfighter, I know. Well, because the rodeo clown is the funny man with the MC. At a proper rodeo, the clown is the funny man, and then

the MC is the straight guy. I'm very sorry. Rodeo? Do you like that? I love rodeos. Yeah, me too. Rodeos are fun as hell. When living in Tulsa, we went almost like at least once a month. Yeah. All the time, a rodeo. Yeah, rodeos rule, man.

I mean, it was my hometown of Elizabeth. The Elbert County Stampede was like half of our yearly GDP came in from that rodeo. Yeah. The county that I'm from had the first organized rodeo uh in the united states is what they claim that's like on the sign when you get into town but um yeah rodeo is rule have you been in powwow oh yeah i've been to a powwow but i don't i think it was more of like a uh let's fleece these white people i don't think it was i know i've been to one like honest like cultural experience of a powwow in like taos pueblo new mexico oh yeah but the ones we would go to as like kids where they go and there's just like some people you know with the headdress and

like the the sun uh clothes with the tassels spinning like yeah i don't think it was sincere I went to an all Native American school here oh my god I'm part but not a lot my great grandma was like maybe your balls are the issue maybe that's why maybe they're rebelling against your white cop they're like

oh that's here they're killing your custard there you go Kyle Oh, yeah. Where? Oh, I was going to say, that's here. They're killing your custard. Hey, all right. There you go, Kyle. That was good. Don't look at me and shrug.

You did good. Good to have another bite. Oh, I need to talk about this. So to our ardent listeners, Lund and I have decided what our Super Bowl bet is, our annual put the whole Patreon monthly check on the Super Bowl bet. We are putting the whole bag this year on Travis Kelsey anytime touchdown score. I think we got it.

We're good. Oh, God. Yeah, I'm good. Oh, God. Yeah, I'm good. Becker, go ahead and edit that out. God, yeah. I didn't want to eat on air, but you encouraged me so much. Yeah, yeah. Well, I encourage you to chew as well.

I know you probably have a second stomach, and you're used to the cud working its way through. I know CPR. Yeah, you're really fucking good at it. God. God, I hope I'm never in a position where I need you to save my life. Mad. Oh, fuck. Yeah, so the whole bag is on Travis Kelsey.

We need Kelsey to get one touchdown any time at that great game tomorrow. Guys, any Super Bowl predictions? Let's see. I predict I will be listening to it in the vehicle. I think we will be driving through the game tomorrow. That's insane. You need to

fucking get a hotel room and go to a small-ass bar in Aztec, New Mexico and watch the Super Bowl. You have a very unique chance to be part of like just an American phenomenon. I'm serious. Go to fucking Tucumcari or whatever. Wherever you wind up at 4.30 tomorrow

mountain time you need to pull off and go watch the game. What could be more counterculture than rejecting the Super Bowl? I don't give a shit for that line of talk. Alright mister? You better knock that off. All right? This is a red, white, and blue podcast, okay?

I love football. I'm already fucking worried about filling that hole in my life. I don't know what I'm going to do. I love Football Sunday. What about you? Any predictions? I'm just hoping for a KC. No predictions or anything.

If you're out there listening, my leans, I like buying some points for the Eagles, minus 3.5, buy it up to that maybe. I really like Jalen Hurts' anytime touchdown score. I'm going to have my own separate bets, but I think we're putting most of the bag and then we're putting like 10% of the bag on Kelsey two touchdowns. So we'll report back next week. As for me, everyone, if you want to come see me,

I'll be in Fort Collins, Colorado, February 15th at the Comedy Fort. We're doing a fundraiser show. Those always sell out. Get your tickets. This month is for the Northern Colorado AIDS Project. I don't know why we're doing a benefit for AIDS now that no one dies of it, but still. You can hear that. And many more problematic takes in front of a bunch of sick people at the Comedy Fort, February 15th.

I'm off next weekend. I'll be down at the 16th. I'll be opening for Ari Shafir at the Comedy Works. Then I got the weekend off with my old lady. Fargo coming up the last weekend of February. And then off to Grand Rapids. Grand Rapids, the first show sold out at Amour. The second show on my website.

You have to text the lady who runs it. Ann Arbor the 4th, I believe. The first Saturday of March at the Tree City Comedy Festival. I'm up there headlining the Blind Pig. Toronto, Las Vegas, all the dates are at samtalent.com. Our lovely guests, go ahead and tell these people where to find you. My name is Kyle Huber. You can follow me on Instagram at nefla, that's at K-N-O-E-P-H-L-A.

You can also look up the 40 below comedy tour on facebook we'll be doing weebo montana next i believe that's nathan fulcibok's project uh yeah and i'll be at bosses comedy club both fargo that's june 2 and 3 i believe and then sioux falls june 10 opening for alex Just uh assuming he does not die of an STD he picks up tonight yeah they're gonna find parts of his body they're gonna find him in Turtle Mountain uh I'm Dayton very good Dayton no come on plug your shit Instagram's Dayton Bissett um I'm gonna be in Fort Collins I'll headline the Thursday show I think you headline

June 22nd that's my birthday Jesus Christ that place is falling apart I've put in work there I've done a bunch of spots

I know what was the you were like yeah they want you at the joystick right and I was like no they headlined you

why would I go there he just mentioned he said he mentioned wanting you for flood water I know or something

and it didn't work out it didn't work out but they look up to you I love those guys yeah they're all a good bunch yeah Dayton Bissett

Kyle Huber thank you guys for being here thanks for having us go birds except for Kelsey touchdown jeeps