Chubby Behemoth - Angry Kramer

Episode Date: July 12, 2025

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/   SPONSOR: FACTOR - Support the show and get 50% off plus free shipping on your first Factor box. Use code CHUBBY50OFF at https://www.factormeals.com/CHUBBY50OFF   PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys are in Oamaru NZ trying out new hairdos! Nathan identifies as Three now, noticed Sam’s wild decision in the Woolworth’s, and uses a paper towel sometimes. Sam accuses Pat of having a unique heart, went full Jolsen on the clay, and tells Nathan and Becker about the lady that made Pat and him Bonk. Half the time is wiping.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Also Featuring Patrick Richardson and Jake Becker

Are there electric bats in the walls? That's my question. It's an instant water heater. Instant water heater. So I can have all the hot water I want. Yeah, and it's hot right away. What? It is a great thing for the shower. Oh my god, because when I got in there, it wasn't automatic. Really?

But then it got auto? Yeah. Are we recording? Yeah, we're recording. Okay, what's all this crosstalk? He wants me to... Nobody knew we were recording. I knew I was recording.

But yeah, so it works so good that I was already thinking like I should look into this when I get home from my house Mm-hmm. You should because you're always taking tepid baths Well, that's why you don't enjoy grooming more dishes when I went to use the sink in the kitchen and turn it on hot It was immediately hot enough to clean shit. That was dope You know That was dope. You know, after... Speaking of dope, yeah. Having cool

shocks of long blonde white hair. What's your tag team called? We're called the Albino Assassins. And we can kill you anywhere, brother. We just can't go in the sun. Lund would actually look dope with dyed white hair.

That's not Lund. That's not one. That's diode I know I'm mono the diode looks at Where the stalactites? We're the hanging Chad We helped we helped Bush steal the election and now we're gonna bring a hill on you boys, too What do I look like that you have like an emo swoop bang coming down? That's really good. Dad, you

promised that we could have more turkey slices. The doctor said they were fine if I didn't eat them in abundance. A tray who is going to rock forever. So yes, I do want to tattoo on my 18th birthday. Dad, you said... Go ahead, Pat. Go ahead. I'm not turning lip gloss and black down. This is my favorite song. Worth it. Worth stepping on my thing for sure. This is a day to remember. I know that. Whoa, rock and roll. Yeah, why is yours so swoop, swoop jumpy? Hey there. You have, yours looks cool

because it looks like your quaff is a shock of black hair coming out of it. I should be wearing your hat right now. Cruella DeVille, Cruello. You legit look like a professional wrestler. Boy, give me your hat. Look at me, I'm Pete Wentz Remember I was the fat one. Yeah, no lead singer. Yeah fallout boy the other guy

Patrick stump Patrick Stump strum It's your Patrick stump. I'm Patrick stump. I'm stumped as to How one guy can be so hot. Patrick Stump or me? You. Are you trying to get- I'm Patrick Stumped. I asked if you wanted me to suck you off again. I put it out there, I suck you, just because I'm bored. I said yes, Lond, I said yes, I want you to suck me off. You were supposed to clean it off. Clean it and I'll suck it.

I got a- Oh no. you to suck you clean it off clean it and I'll suck it oh no yes thank you emerald it's Shamir again make it look right make it look good come on man have some respect an animal died do the work yeah character work come on oh there we go Oh my name is Zorgo Borgens and I am the preeminent expert on taffy. Thank you, I have all sorts of taffies. Do you have any questions related to taffy for me? Do you have any caramel taffy? Oh caramel cannot be mended into taaffy because it would become to sticky Blackberry Taffy dad that guy's here asking about Taffy again

It's mark. He looks like us though. Wouldn't he be down with us. It's Deborah's son. I Can call you that because it's on my birth certificate dad Dad, can I borrow the key of Sedona? Dad, me and the boys are going to go down to Parkman Osball and I want to rock in the key of Sedona. All right, do that. Or I say, you touched me. How do you want to play this, Pops? You're constantly threatening your stuff, Dad.

I'll do it. I'll do it right now. I'll out you. I'm live. Oh, hey, it's me and my dad or is it my rapist? Can I drive the Sedona I Gotta go press some whips with my boys Pretty sure Dusty Rhodes had that hat this hat now that it's on

Like white blonde hair. This was curly though. I think he had that hat this hat now that it's on like white blonde hair this was curly though. I think he had that fucking hat man. I am so hot in this thing. There's a fire roaring over there because we are in a maru outside New Zealand. We might be the first podcast ever in New Zealand. They they haven't started recording stuff yet. No, no, they're still putting their hits down on wax. They still got radio plays called like Ras Roscoe and the Handmaiden spoken word. It's all like mysteries, spence stories.

Well, they're their oral tradition here. They still have blind cartoonists wandering the streets, putting his posters up everywhere he goes Yeah, that guy was cool Brent Harper Brent Harper. We're not gonna say anything about what kind of eyes he had They're not the same eyes that London had yesterday Yeah, that's good dad you have the same eyes as Lund unless I get the key of Sedona If I feel 16 shouldn't I flirt with 16 year olds dad? dad

When grandma died, I was the first one to get there and I got those pills fair and square. I'm 19 and a half 16 year olds are cool with me and I'm cool with them. I don't even look like you unless I'm nude. What's that mean, Dad? Yes and, said nobody. Feed me more! All you have is your dad's cock. Feed me more! Feed me more. I gotta take this thing off. As much fun as it is. No, put it on. That hair sucks.

No it doesn't. It's good. I'm all natural. New Zealand, huh? How about it? It's fucking crazy. What a fucking place. What a ride. Nothing like it. It's been the best. I've never seen anything like this place. Every 20 minutes you're in a brand new terrain. It's like one of those video games where they randomly generate you a map for your spaceship to fly into. It's like an algorithm is hard at work presenting the most whimsical far-out landscapes and topography that I've ever witnessed.

New Zealand's no man's sky. We've been digging it because of all the snow-capped rocky mountain-esque montañas north-south yeah and then we find out that it's even cooler in the summer when everything is alive and the North Island is like a whole other thing tropical paradise type stuff it's like when they introduced DLC for Red Dead Redemption it's like I have no idea what's up on that North Island yeah it's gonna be nuts it's crazy that we have another week of adventure. What the fuck? This is the best trip of my life. I hands down

Who my wife? Oh, yeah I promise her i'll never be apart from her this long again Yeah, right too long. We're going we're going to kazakhstan. Yeah, not for 20 days or no for two months We're going to Kazakhstan. Yeah, not for 20 days or something. No, for two months. Debt a winner. You have to get your operation over there. If you want me to pay for it,

I get to pick the borders that surround you. It'll save us a bunch of money. Yeah. Turn London to two lawns. We're getting lawn split. Two lawns. I'm gonna have two best friends. I have enough.

Yeah, I have enough for two, so why not? It's not a cloning? Well, some cadaver stuff, obviously. Sure, sure, sure. Your dimensions will be the same You'll just be smaller. Well pretty much. It's gonna be tough to tell to the naked eye But if you're a real lunsman like I am I'll notice what's like how? Colorado and New Zealand are the same square footage, but New Zealand is to

Same right now. I'm Colorado soon. I'll be New Zealand. Yeah, too, right? That's beautiful and both both halves will be completely different one half is single and ready to get South Island says slurs. Yeah, and the other one the other half the other half's wife is very mad at him. So We're gonna and swang in it There will be one that goes on adventures with you guys half the other ones at home doing the Dishes and tell you what I don't know which one. I'm jealous more jealous of I want to do both I like being at home Getting laid with like a school on who says bad word three feet tall. He's always looking up at the gal

Give a face behind those things Nathan, hell of a pleasure to meet you. Why am I so small? So I'm down here. You're thinking if there's six of me, there'd be six small guys. No, I'm talking, you're like, two, I'd be like two hot guys. Well we're gonna actually make three of you. Okay. I'll be honest.

Then I'll be the minions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three minions. You'd be like, yeah, I'm right by your pussy and I got bad news. News travels fast down here, but I'll be passing. Thank you, madam. When a little one scratches his nuts, it sounds like a DJ scratching a turntable. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Yeah. Hello. It's getting warm. Uppy, Uppy, just kidding, I'm an adult man. Yeah, don't infanalize me, infanalyzer. Infanalyzer. What, do you have pedophile eyes? That's the big thing that Pat's been saying about Lunt, is that he has pedophile eyes, and it seemed to have rocked you.

I don't like it. Dude, sorry. It's my favorite new bit that we do. This isn't the best bit. I forgot about the bit. Yeah's got our lives on my shirt. It's my favorite new bit that we do the best bit. I forgot about the bit. Yeah dude. So one of us is standing alone off the tourist destination and then we have three camera guys and we all run up on him and we're like, are you here? Are you? Hey, are

you here to meet a fifteen year old girl? Are you here to have sex with a fifteen year old girl? We have the chat logs. It's like just like Asian people Watching hey making video. Hey, you're gonna call your mother right now and say that you came here to fuck my daughter When I'm wearing this hat so it looks like I'm there to meet a 15 today when you were standing alone on the wharf Yeah with that hat on that was a fun one when you were standing alone on the wharf with that hat on, that was a fun one. Because it looked like that's why you were there. Yeah, I was killing time.

It's fun to run up with a 360 cam like it's a boom mic. Hey, hey, hey, did you fuck my niece? You better not fuck my niece. She's in the van. 50 bucks. No, Pat. God, you have pedophile heart, which is worse than pedophile eyes. Oh yeah. I don't. Yep, you've got ped heart. You've got an extra valve in there.

I've got a struggling 34 year old person's heart that's not a pedophile. Yeah, it is. It for sure is. It loves regular aged hearts. So we met this cartoonist guy who was real sweet, but he looked for sure like Pat's heart. Don't put that on him. No, he's a sweetheart. But it was funny to think of us coming pulling up and doing the sir

Doing it no doing it to becker and that guy like behind like looking at his phone And then he hears us be like are you here to fuck a 13 year old girl? Ah, you're going to jail motherfucker. We just see him like Throw his phone into the ocean like strip nude Then just like we're like laughing really hard and he's like, he thinks he's going down forever. We're all giggling, gotcha Becker, motherfucker are you here to fuck my daughter? You you think that's funny why are you all laughing and then just him in the background into the water no just slowly picking up rocks and putting them into his pocket and then just takes his glasses off and sets him on the shore

and then he's dead Virginia Wolfson so oh yeah Virginia Wolfson she did pocket rocks I think so I'm allergic to this I wish little ones were here I wish I was three yeah I always felt like three. That'll be the next thing, man. Some people feel like, you know, I really wish a girl neither. I feel like three. You identify as three. You're just the rolly pollies from Bugs Life. I feel like a few people. I'm done.

You're three. I can't. My brain can't breathe. Dad, my brain is hot again. Also, the fucking fire. Yeah, we're burning plastic in here to stay warm. That's right One of the bedrooms has six beds Me and Emmy have the the room over here that has a bathroom because she's a girl and they need those And then Pat so daringly so dastardly so devastatingly swift and brutal said I'm taking the other room

and And then that left you guys beat lab. I have to pound it four times I have to hit it from the back. Hey music videos Were you pounding off to music videos when on demand like I'd get home from school and like Comcast on demand music videos. Comcast? Come fast. You're too old for, or too young for the box.

Shakira, Shakira. The box was music videos that you could request if you texted a number I think, you could have them play music videos. When was this? 1986 You could pretty much just get the bangles, you know, they had walk like an Egyptian or vacation and It was up to you which one you listen to first. I think the first one music videos Video killed the radio star. Yeah, I mean it's hotly contested. That was the first one played on MTV. Correct.

Very good, Lund. My pedophile eyes are itching like hell. Don't call yourself that. How's your heart doing? You put that on me. It's full of nicotine and beer. Oh yeah. You put it on me and then I embrace it and you go, no no, you're beautiful.

You're the one that put that on my ass. It was a bit, we were doing it for Wide World. It was yesterday. Let's leave it yesterday and let's get on to talking like this. Hell yeah, brother. This is a cool way to talk. It's fucking nice. Dad, I need $35,000. Dad, I'm tits up. Dad, guess what? That board wax company didn't exist. Yeah, fucking Jameson tricked me, Dad. There's no caruba oil, Dad.

What are we going to do? Turtles don't need wax. We're fucked, Dad. I'm holding the goddamn bag. We're not going to Galapagos, but I bought the tickets. Dad, I need to take the yacht to Galapagos. Non refundable. It's a tax thing. Dad, 35K to take the yacht to Galapagos. Non refundable. It's a tax thing. Dad, 35K, right now. Yeah, I'll take crypto.

Dad, dad, I need your gun. Yeah, the big one, dad. Yeah, she won't call. She just, she won't, I mean, I said, I'll drive you to a different state. We can get taken care of. We can go to fucking Mark's mom. She does them. But no, she wants to fucking have the thing. So fucking Baja is coming up. Do you think I'm going to raise this baby? Knowing her it's going to be pure Mongo. I need two guns, a mask and a bag with a dollar sign on it. Dad, no questions asked.

Dad, I need your identity. I need to be you for 72 hours. That's six days. Before we forget, what can we please talk about your what you got to make pizza? Sure. All right. Okay. What's a world where there's a pizza oven outside that we thought, I went to Woldworth. There's a pizza oven outside that we thought, oh, maybe we make a pizza pie. It was raining, but you still stuck with the pizza move. All day. Yeah, of course. I don't know why.

I don't know why. Because I thought maybe we get there and miraculously the sun's out just over our house. Sun's out? Yeah. Or, I mean- There's a bunch of chicks on trampolines out there. And even still we can make a pizza inside so you stick with that plan. So I got four four pizza crusts. Four pizza base carbos. You got four to work with.

They're a little small. We're gonna eat all four. Think a medium from Domino's? Maybe even a little smaller than a medium. Oh, you know what they are? They're the exact size as the large thin crust pizza, which is the smaller box. Right, yes. Yes, so anyway, we got seven people to feed. A lot of them have big appetites. Four, I'm three.

I mean, I look like one, but I'm three. So I'm eating a lot. When you first said- Becker's surprisingly no pizza, so we didn't have to get eight. Yeah. I just had two salads. Because you're stopped up. Drink a lot of blueberry juice. Becker has is back. Becker is fully reignited. The phoenix has risen. Wolverine, Scott Summers, you're both in luck. All right. He's a manchin'. Yeah, because he is munchin' bro. Dad, Becker's here and he's not sick or whatever.

He wants 400 pizza rolls ASAP. He needs 2K and Google Play Cards. Dad. Give them to me. For games. For different solitaires and candy crush type games. I'm pooping a lot now. I need games for the toilet. I'm pooping a lot now. I need games for the toilet.

I'm pooping again. I need something to do. Dad, his Zune isn't working. He's bummed. My brown launch edition Zunes fucked. It's totally fucked, bro. Ohio is for lovers is not. It's malfunctioning on his Zune.

He downloaded it twice. Ohio is for lovers is not it's malfunctioning on his zoom Heist is corrupted on the zoom dad It doesn't have the parentheses on is for lovers dad. She took your gun We're fucked mega The board wax thing look like nothing So yeah for crusts two jars of sauce. Yes. Both of these things are fine because we used almost all of both of those things.

Normal amounts of both. So far so good. Nice job, Sam. Thank you. Then. I'm also alone in the store doing this. Yes, and people should have helped you. No, no, not at all. I'm just saying like I had to help. No, no, people should have helped you. No no no no no no no

people should have. I stood by the cheese I mean go ahead. You want to provide you want to provide food for your friends which is great. Yep let's go get ice cream. And you've bought food you've made food for people you've made pizzas but you're probably stoned. Of course yeah. Pretty gorg or whatever. Yeah. You get three big bags of cheese, shredded cheese, three big bags of big ass bags of cheese and a big old tub of ricotta. Ricotta. It's a ton of cheese. Also it wasn't three bags. I got four bags of cheese. Jesus Christ. One of them didn't get opened. The Emmental was not touched. Also, why did I get Emmental for making pizza?

Pretty wild. I don't know. I thought it was a Kiwi favorite. I thought it was a staple. I was standing over by that cheese like this. Because we were done filming. We got zooted. We didn't find any penguins.

We were hoping for penguins. No penguins came. There were seven of them, but some of them were morbidly obese and everyone stoned. We got zooted. We didn't find any penguins. So yeah, I'm just over there. We were hoping for penguins. No penguins came. There's seven of them, but they're all, some of them are morbidly obese and everyone's stoned and Emmy doesn't want to eat meat. She will. How about six bags of cheese? Two of them will be mozzarella. One will be just called Italian style. I need a tub of ricotta. It might have been five. It was four.

Four bags? I thought it was three. Four bags of cheese. I might have been five. It was for four. I thought it was three And a tub of ricotta ricotta three onions yes three not big ass There's a small one and a small one than a medium one. Yeah, but three right two red peppers He did one two red peppers one would have been fine one would have been fine for both Thing of sausage you're not gonna use all the sausage, but you wanted sausage. It's fine. We have two sausages There's two loose over four packages, but the cheese man cheese I didn't know so funny and I know I didn't want to grate I didn't want me standing there grating cheese Yeah, so I'll get that I'll get the free. They've done the work for me.

So I'm I'm they're practically paying me to get this. Well, look, I didn't know how much cheese was going to come out of that bag. I was sitting there thinking, OK, this bag is good for half of one. And then I'll be able to cut it with some of the ricotta. I didn't think that one bag of cheese would cover all four pizzas. And then we'd be left holding the bag literally with two different bags. Taking one hand, a bunch of cheese in the other. Yeah, we're just going to give them to Mark's parents tomorrow.

Be like, hey, it's traditional. Thank you for blessing us in your pottery studio yesterday. Wine and or cheese as a nice thank you gift. Right. So. Sometimes both. We want the cheese. And we pre-shredded it for you. It's shredded. Hey, guess what a lot of it I just saved you 45 minutes. Mm-hmm. I know you're busy throwing pots and you know counting money. So

What? Don't you be nasty no, it's good that they're shout out to Salenzio pottery your pot dealer in Amaru, New Zealand. Having fun with it, yeah, pot dealer on the shirt. Dude, that was a blast. That was fun. So cool. True. Great fucking teacher. Sat us down, had us, we made two bowls and then a long conical type thing. A cup, if you will. Yes. Wait a minute, you do not know what a cup is? How do you you drink liquids my left hand has been numb long bowl because it a tall bowl I call it a tall Sally. Oh No, I mean mine was more of was a receptacle for pens is what I designed. Oh, it was pretty much

Yeah, like you can drink a milkshake out of it. Yeah But uh, yeah, that was so much fun, dude. We sat down. We got to get wet with the clay He taught us all about clay, which, hey, I don't care, honestly, you know? It was pretty cool, though. It was cool. It was informative. But if I could have more time on that wheel,

getting wet, getting dirty. Yeah. Because the day before, as you know, I went full Al Jolson with the clay out there at the Red Cross of New Zealand. Nathan did it in there and I thought we were going to get in trouble because the guy was so precious about his clay.

Whoops. I think that... No, he loved it. Right. When he saw your face, he loved it and I was like, thank God. Yeah, it was so funny too because like he was such a good teacher and he was a master of the tactile experience of making bowls and shaping things

that when Lun pointed out, what did you say about him? Well, just like we're all feeling pretty good about ourselves, but eventually I realized he was coming over to each of us fixing the thing, making it good. Yeah. And then complimenting us on how smart we were. He was just like, you'd be like fucking up and he'd come over and just like stare into your eyes and smile and then you'd like look down and your bowl was Like perfect. Yeah, but he was he was nice about it too because he'd be like Oh, and then just what you want to do is you want to have what was he call it? The gun and the ET and the gun. Yeah, and he'd be like and there you go

And all you've got to do is just a little bit of that. Oh my goodness. What a Great bowl you've made. It's brilliant. Really he just did it for you but he'd be like look at that. Oh you're putting me out of a job. Yeah but I did six weeks of pottery in high school and didn't have one thing come out that well. He was a way better fantastic teacher at it too. Also we were all good students. Oh sure yeah. Fantastic teacher at it too. Yeah, we were all good students. Oh sure. Yeah. Yeah, I guess yeah We did all right. Were you getting pissed at all? I'm waiting for you to get low your load getting over it. Yeah, definitely didn't want to make three things Your second one was I think my favorite it worked out. Yeah, they all look exactly the same

I think they all look like an Andrew masterpiece. His fingerprints were all over our stuff. He signed them made by Drew too. It was fun. I had a good time. You know what else is a good time? What? Factor.

Oh cool. Alright. One of our organic ad reads. Well we made food and it was hard to guess how much cheese to buy. Factors not gonna send you four bags of cheese. There'll be no waste. There's no waste. And you won't need a bowl for this.

Yeah, what we're gonna do is we're gonna take those bags of cheese, we're gonna pour them into one big bowl, we're gonna melt them down, and make what I like to call simple man's fondue. Nice. And then we're gonna draw straws, and whoever gets the short one has to down the whole thing through a fucking length of garden hose. Poof! Poof!

And just dome it. Chew it up. And then, yeah. And then you'll be plugged forever. But Factor would never do that to you. Yeah. And yeah, what we did was fun. You got a Factor?

Get Factor. What we did was fun. But you know, it's not always that easy. We've all been there where you're hungry and the only thing in the house in the fridge is half a packet of soy sauce. Oh yeah. I love that. I make soy sauce soup.

You don't love it. That's the worst. Oh yeah. It's that's when you feel like you should join the penguins at the bottom of the sea, but no factors here to turn things around. They're chief crap chef crafted dietitian approved meals. The chief of food himself put his big stamp on this mother. No there's chefs crafted them. Dietitians approved them and they're ready in just two minutes making eating well a breeze. I love eating well. You love welling eat.

I'm always blowing it when it comes to eating. I'm always like, eating bad or decent. You're always eating raisins with ketchup on them. Oh dude, yeah, if I'm lucky. Usually I'm out of raisins and I gotta get some soy sauce and make ketchup and soy sauce soup. Go out to the yard, dig a hole, wait for the water to rise. Any bugs that are in there, that's my protein.

That's two or three options. That wasn't until like a Factor? Factor has 45 weekly menu options. What the fuck? So no matter- That's way too many! What am I gonna do? It's not too many.

I'm just one guy. I have to eat 45 times a week? What? No matter what you're in the mood for or what your lifestyle looks like, they have something for you. They have big tits? They have swinger stuff? Dad, Factor's factors menus giving me paralysis.

Dad, I don't have any choice. I don't know how to kill myself. Dad, how do I work the microphone? Whoops. Microwave, dad. Damn it. How do I start this pod? Is it do I need to buy microwaves or microphones? Dad, make me a factor or else I'm going to tell everybody that you touched me.

Hey, hey Geneva, if you don't make me a factor, I'm calling ICE. Dad, the help looked at me weird. Dad dad. I got ice on speedo If I don't get fucking cool topiary bushes outside my window that look exactly like Jennifer Aniston. I'm calling them Huh Geneva I Want my factor Factor in a mountain deuce that factor Playing your own nip. He plays guitar that guy that kid

Who oh the kid the kid? Yeah Yeah He plays guitar hero Uh, but yeah factor's the best. We all love it Your dad your dad lives on it when he when he runs out of of frozen Panda Express from his 70th birthday party He's going right back to factor. He's sleeping on a big pillow of it My dad has a pillow of Panda and he just shakes it up in the morning. He wakes up and he goes Yeah, it's as close as he's come to a relapse in a long time this panda pillow he gave it a name

He's been calling it bets Gives it a name. He's been calling it bats Gives it a kiss Says it's not Your mom. It's another woman named Betsy. Yes, they're similar, but they're different me in this bag of Panda Express I've been running around for a while Did he have Panda Express catered or yeah, oh yes birthday dude catered yeah yeah birthday dude $800 Panda enough been I'm glad there wasn't a bunch of cheese involved Rose God you would have guessed what 60 bags of cheese for 75 I would have had them back up a trunk I would have just had them

fill up a kiddie pool with shredded Mott's just buckets of ricotta he ordered China for Chinese food like everyone was gonna be us. Yeah, that makes sense. Which was sick. So he's got orange chicken. He has orange chicken in like the boatload. Ever, we ate quite a bit of it at the house after everybody was gone, after the music had died down.

He's been cleaning all of his silverware with the hot mustard. I was in Rapid City. I could have been eating a bunch of Panda. Yeah. You blew it. You blew it. It sucked.

Choose from options like Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, Keto and more to lock in on your goals. Get started at factormeals.com slash chubby50off and use code chubby50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code chubby50 off at factor meals.com Chubby 50 off for 50% off plus free shipping factor meals com slash chubby five zero off Did you get the fucking code bitch?

Did we say it enough times rewind it double deck it put it on frontwards and backwards rewind it double deck it put it on frontwards and backwards little factor oh next ad suicide you sick of it and it go to suicide comm slash and it 50 what you you're like where's my money I do need some money I just been taking body blow after body blow dude every time I get my card out it's like 600 bucks 500 bucks that vineyard yesterday oh mama yeah the surprise pottery class Should ask them hey if I were to make these at home how many bags you think? Oh, yeah, we didn't have a bunch of pizza yesterday We had what to because Emily forgot to order the other two that saved you some money No, she got more wine. Yeah, she was doing there to buy four bottles. I'm here to drink not eat. Yeah because Emily forgot to order the other two. That saved you some money. No, she got more wine.

Yeah, she was in there to buy four bottles. I'm here to drink, not eat. Yeah. God, that was so pretty. Carrick Vineyards in Cromwell, New Zealand. I mean, it's just, let's, I mean, can you even begin to imagine the start of this trip? It's been a feverish, insane, sometimes

phantasmagorical hell ride. Yeah. It's been a steampunk imagination. Yeah. It feels like I'm that train. I try to remember my heroin days and all the days just kind of bleed together for important facts. And why were you trying to remember your heroin days to talk to the owner of the pottery shop? No, just like I can remember a lot of things. I got a weird memory. And my heroin, when I was bad on heroin, everything's just kind of like, well, this happened, and that happened, and that happened.

But I have no concept of if it was like in a September or a January. Like, I just know the sequence of cool things that happened. And I don't have much context for life then because I was just fucking gorked. And this trip, so much cool shit's happened And when I think about like the day before It feels like I'm fucking up, and I'm compressing five days

And it's like no we did go to the Wanaka lake and see that tree And then we were on top of the craziest pass in the world It doesn't it doesn't help when every ten seconds it looks a bunch different. Yeah School I'm on everyone get me pizza. Give me a lot of cheese put the doors on dad Give me my heart Get me my hot rod. Get flames on my hot rod and give me a bag of black tar or else I'm shooting up the school and everybody's going to blame you. Because you didn't raise me good. You didn't even raise me good.

I'm all fucked up. It's your fault. It's your fault. Wait. Dad, why'd you hide the spoons? Trust me with your spoon. Like I trusted you with my car. My heart is a car. And it's in need of new spark plugs.

God, this fucking fire. God, I don't have pedophile eyes anymore because I scratched them out. It's really tough. The accusations are scathing. It's drying out the room. The fire is itchy. It's room. The fire is itchy. It's raging.

The fire's raging. It's right there. There's a fire that's raging inside of my soul. Pedophile heart. Dad. It's not accurate. My murkin. My murkin made me too warm.

High school becker was some of the laziest impression work that was also the best. Yeah, well. The effort to pay off there was quite the ratio. Wow. I'm on heroin. So what about this? Yes. How we started our day. We all start to get up. We start to stir. Oh, yeah. We start to grab our things. And we shower.

And we grab our stuff. Becker showers. Becker's ready for what comes next, which is clean your sinuses with a bottle of water. You always have a bottle of water. You buy it. It's a bottle, you can crack it. The tap water has worms in it or whatever. You can't put it through your body.

Nematodes. Boiling it. If I would have woken up on time, it would have been okay. But boiling it and letting it cool down would have taken like 20 minutes. But you didn't have to wake up early because you have a bottle of water ready to go except you get out of the shower, it's gone.

There's no bottle of water, there was one. There are. It's gone. Yeah, there's no bottle of water. There was one There are gone. This is a real game of clue that develops Yes, because now you have a mystery to solve Yeah, who's drank your water in the amount of time it took you to shower and am I insane? Right was quickly becoming the real thing and then Nathan I've also know I saw it in there Come that there's only four people over there. Yeah have touched this water. Me, Pat, Bonzo, Joe. It wasn't while Becker showered, but it was there late last night because Becker was last to bed. So this morning, it's gone, he notices, he asks the four people, pretty much were right by you because hog pack whatever yeah we're all like awake who drank my there was a bottle of water in here anybody drink it take it everybody says everybody says no

pretty much right away I mean I don't have to think about it I fucking didn't take it Pat's like I don't think I would never drink water yeah I don't like water I'm actually mr. to damn hydrate I don't like onions or water. I might have drank it Oh, no, you knew you didn't no one fessed up to it for so long that I went through like oh He'll find it too is Becker losing his mind. Yeah, who's not fessing up? ever have a bottle of water to Did I do it in my sleep or something? Am I guilty somewhere?

Right, well all of a sudden all of the easy answers are gone. It's not one of the four of us, I see the one in the room, you're like, no, I drank that and then filled it with tap. There was another one that was unopened and so it's like, really, like what the fuck? Also Bonzo doesn't know how to get the lid off of a bottle of water. He doesn't have fine motor skills. Childproof safety. So he's eliminated right away.

Lund can't lie because he is... I drink Tab. Tab is free. He's like that movie companion where he's actually a robot that I had to be my best friend. He can't lie. I'm by centennial men. I still joke. Make it easier to make three of you if you're a robot. Yes. Oh, fuck. Dude, if you were three, but you were actually one of you as a robot. Maybe one of the three would be. We could put one of each of you

in the suitcase. I come out of the room. Yeah. Becker, the first thing anyone says to me this morning is, do you drink a bottle of water? That kind of came in like an angry Kramer. Yeah, that's pretty angry also you were shirtless, but you had that hat on Yes, he did yes, he's like He talks like Sylvester Stallone or like we had a Russian of him in high school Clear to sinuses yet yet so he sounded even crazier. Sam did you drink my bottle of water? I was like what?

When? No I didn't. And you went. That's just great. And then you did kind of like a. Yeah I was losing it. Right. And then you stormed to the back and then I'm kind of like what's his deal you You know everyone's like it's a watergate out here. You woke up like this. Yeah, it's like hey welcome deep throat

That's what Emily walked out and then you didn't interrogate her right? No, I knew if Anybody had come out to use our bathroom. It would have been you like Emily's showering or something. I'm just gonna go hit the bathroom I didn't say I also you knew she'd use our bathroom in an emergency. You knew that... She'd just gone in. The two of us are probably gonna know that you do the water thing. Yeah. So that's obviously the bottle of water.

Right. And I wasn't trying to plant some seeds of discontent because if I knew that there was a bottle of water situation, I probably could have drank it and then blamed it on one of them. Yes. That would have been fun fun for everyone, but no, I didn't have time to do that. But it's like so a couple of minutes right really just like not a who done it, but like what the fuck I'm like looking everywhere like did I misplace it? Did I not put it where I thought I did? I saw it.

You know, it was there. Yeah, I felt insane. oh. It might be, did you drink my water for real, man? Joe, Joe, tell me the truth. Yeah, and then Joe came in and was like, hey, man. Pulls you aside. I did it. Slides you a note. No, he told me. And then I truly felt so much better.

Sends you an email. Right, but yeah, it was so confusing. And also it was funny because his defense was you had crazy eyes. Yeah, he was scared. I'm sure I came out there and said, I'm going to go get my water. I'm going to go get my water. I'm going to go get my water. I'm going to go get my water.

I'm going to go get my water. I'm going to go get my water. I'm going to go get my water. I'm going to go get my water. I'm going to go get my water. I'm going to go get my water. I'm going to go get my water. felt so much better. Sends you an email. Right, but yeah, it was so confusing. And also it was funny because his defense was you had crazy eyes. Yeah, he was scared. I'm sure I came out and he did. Yeah. What the fuck is going on?

And Joe became eight years old. And just was like, I did. Water all over his face. I didn't have it, man. No, and then I thought about it. I didn't drink the guy's water, man. I did put it behind the soap dispenser and shit because we have a littler counter in there

So it did it was where it would be if someone had left us one is I didn't drink it water you black asshole Okay, just you're doing the boys something happening even say anything about all the Cartman I don't know dude. No not not in the last episode. I don't think so I mean, maybe we said that Joe Joe Hatfield Camera guy be on wide world loves he loved Cartman voice when he was a kid when he was a little kid I just remember him doing Cartman voice and sitting in a computer chair, and he was playing the Beavis and butthead like frog stomp video game on his computer And he was big on AOL and you

know. Frog baseball. Right, frog baseball and then Carol would come in and be like, do you guys want some Pop-Tarts? And he'd be like, yeah man. He did it all the time and I was like four years older than him and like it was you know it was cringe to me at that time because I was 11 and he was seven. Because you were writing poems. Right, yeah. You moved on. I was writing to Rosie O'Donnell at that time because I was 11 and he was 7. Because you were writing poems.

Right, yeah. You moved on. I was writing to Rosie O'Donnell at that point. I was trying to get my career off the ground. I was reading for the live action South Park on Ice. I was actually reading for Cartman, but I couldn't skate. But yeah, so Joe's just got a long history of Shut up, man! You know?

Mom, cheesy poofs! Carol would be like, what are you talking about? We don't have cheesy poofs, Joe. Watch the show, man! So, yeah. Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaàààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààà We've been doing it. It's just New Zealand or what? Australia too? Cartman voice? It was mostly New Zealand. New Zealand the last few days. Good lord. That first day of driving, we hit it really hard. Yeah.

We were hitting vampire stuff pretty hard in Australia. In Australia we were vampires. Vamping out. Melbourne vampire weekend party band. Was it already a thing before one of the guys oh the the car rental guy asked if we watch South Park but that didn't start it off we'd already been doing it no I mean we knew that Joe was coming and there's like three things that are knowable about Joe you know he's married he likes to play three instruments he does Cartman

voice those are like the three staples of Joe those are the intangibles he said he he left it behind yeah he hasn't been doing it at all which is annoying yeah and then he did it once and it was it was probably the best one yeah he still had it yeah you should have done to you back here. I think the water man No, and then he and now he feels I have to feel bad I just I've truly felt in Joe Joe why don't you come in here and explain your water behavior this morning come in here and do it and do it in Cartman voice. Yeah, because I then of course, I immediately seize on to the fact that Joe has simply made a mistake

and then don't shut up about it all day. No. I'm introducing him to Mark's parents, like and that's Joe, he drank Becker's medical water this morning and he lied about it. So he's really a sociopath, he doesn't care what he heard.

You know, it'd be like, uh, hey, what's for lunch? I don't know. Not Becker's medical water, Joe. So you probably don't want any of it. Yep. Very simple. Uh, no, the only time I rubbed it in is when I was putting the new bottle in the bathroom. I'm like, Hey, this hey, this one. Little sticky note. Yeah. Now the funniest thing, obviously. Drink it. He did, uh... Not even drink it. Just pour it out and leave it empty on the counter. Well, yes. That was the meanest.

Funniest would be for it to be hidden somewhere so that you freak out again. Just pour it out and fill it up with tap water and put it back. And then reseal the lid. That's like the most sinister thing. Fill it up with Alan P Joe might do that yeah he did like drink your water at that fat Sally's restaurant you're like oh you're adulterating my water again well Joe is a lot like Cartman in a lot of ways

though yeah he might serve you your parent Scott tenor man Scott tenor man we all knew that are we good? Where are we up? We're at 45 What you were trying to call it? I didn't know I had no idea We're having a lot of fun, and I thought oh, maybe it's I have a maybe What you drank the water? No when we saw those seals today I Poked one with the three sixty camera. What? That's illegal. I poked it in the head. You for real poked it. I poked it because earlier you said that and I was like what? And you

went, I didn't do it. See the footage. She poked it in the head. What? Why? I wanted to wake up. He wanted content out of it. You're trying to get a rise out of a wild animal. I wanted it to wake up. Wow. It was too sleepy. It's the first of the month. Hey, if you spot it, you got it. It's the really you poked yourself.

Get going. I really like those guys. Of course you did. Wow, I didn't. You poked the't want those by itself. Yes, you did. No us all today. Let's see the foot I was he already deleted it here. He scrubbed it. You're here to poke a seal motherfucker. You said fuck I had to leave is that way that I would have a seal. No, this was after that. I Went back in her answer about the cameras pissed me off I went back in her answer about the cameras pissed me off

What she said so much she came out and she was like looking at seals We're right by a place that charges like a science museum or penguin conservatory, but we're not in a place You have to pay to be in yeah, there's just seals Near where the amphitheater seating happens to be free seals, right? And when we came in, someone asked in the shop if we had to pay, I think it was Mark, and he went, oh, they're about to close, but we got some time, bruv. You know, he has a liver-pullion accent.

Cousy. Yeah. Get in there, cousin. Get in there, cousin, we gotta go look at the Seals. So we walked back there. Get in there. It's rich with Seals. There's like 10.

Replete, if you will, with seals. They're all over. They're singing. They're sunning, they're fawning, they're rolling around. Log. Mostly log. Not any hedgehogs, except for that one,

but I think he was sick. He was dying. He was upside down. He was a dementoid. I like when they're just like praying. They're just looking up at their creator. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of cool seal movements I mimicked them my mind

The seals for as much content as I could without touching them or assaulting them bonking them. Did you bonk it? You said you poked is this one of those? Eventually like in two years, but I tried to get close a bit, but did you bonk it? Yeah, I bonked it Me and Pat bonked today after we went in and got some coffee at that place next to bonk your own head Cuz she had him or cuz she was hot or she was like smoking beautiful. She had an aura about her Yeah, there was a yellow vibe She made me a delicious cup of coffee When I bought the hard drive at no leming the electronics store no leming's cuz he but hot dude

Yeah, super hot dude Their geek squad they're called Kiwi squad and he came on we fall go and he was all tatted up And he came up. Kiwi falls go. And he was all tatted up. And he just said we have to leave at 8 a.m. Not 8 15. Okurr? That's her quote. Okay you are She does she does Madea a lot. She loves Tyler Perry. She just hit it. Yeah. She says wake up early enough to drink coffee here and we can eat cheese in the car.

And she's right about that. Handfuls of cheese. Wait, no. We have to give them to Mark's parents. Mom, there's only three coffee pods left. Dad, I ate all the cheese. You need to start the siphon. Dad, get the hose.

I'll make the coffee. Scrape. What? There are five. Are you listening? So I don't drink any It's one does were one sure get up this time I Will have some coffee in the morning sure and no one else won Do we use all the grounds at the other place? I don't know But what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take one of those pods I'm gonna hide it in my room

Hey might drink it. What is there a rumble pack on this couch the fire? I think must have moved a little that one Like there was a concrete truck backing up inside of the couch Goddamnit Lund's playing Pokemon Stadium God damn it. Lunds playing Pokemon Stadium. Sometimes Lunds farts sound like a guy ripping out of the upholstery. Not like it's going in, but like it's like, it's really scary. I've had some crazy ones. You know what has sucked? What? Is in the last couple days, something has bound me up so I can go, but it doesn't want to come out it wants to stay like on my butt and in my in my butt so I feel like coax it out I'm what a penguins out of

the ocean and they don't want to come out yeah it sucks I have to like show it like porn so they will come out candy and porn I'm trying to like lure it yeah you lure it out you had to to call in Reinforced paper towels to paper towel it which Ideally at home. It's like one paper towel At the end you're saying this like everyone knows what paper I use paper towel sometimes because it's more durable. It's bigger Yeah, but not only like toilet paper To wipe? Yeah, but not only. Like, toilet paper several times,

and then one... What? One little piece of paper towel for the end. Just get a bidet, man. Eh, bidets just spread it around. That's not true. It is true. It's a farce. It's pseudo medicine.

What the fuck is going on? Bidet? You use brawny on your beads! This might be an all-timer. No, come on. He's also standing up! You gotta remember! Every time you wipe, you stand?

Do you put a foot on the toilet? I can't get in there seated. Do you put a foot on the toilet? You started this as a kid though, right? You've always stood. You have a roll of paper towels on hand. You used to have a much smaller butt, so you were able to get in there as a kid. I guess I stood, yeah, right away.

You need two rolls for your poops. His grandpa and my mom wiped us. Paper products. When we were young. And then eventually, I'm in there alone, and I don't know. I just stood, I think. I don't remember don't remember right right there was more room when I was young so I was probably sitting and then I started standing as I got bigger so you're saying every time you have to use a paper towel no have to I like you said

ideally at home yeah use paper towel that's the ideal to like really get it all like a wet one. A little bit wet. Because I couldn't, I had to stop using the wipes because I think I'm allergic to them. My hand would fucking react. So wet paper towel. Why are you hopping the shower? I don't want to shower every time. You should though.

You're using a different implement. It's okay. Paper towel is like supposed to soak up a pot of coffee. A pot? Why a whole pot pot you spill a whole pot? I tried to make coffee and I burnt my tongue. I'm suing You're right, I know I can't afford it Be in my room If you hear my synth come on, you better not knock. But yeah, today at lunch was rough.

I'm in the handicap bathroom where I belong. And I'm just like, I'm fucked. That's where you're gonna wind up. It's so sticky. There's a ton of it that hasn't come out of my butt. It's just getting wiped, sucked. So what did you do, like call for help? No, I took care of it, but it took a while.

How did you get to the paper towel? There was paper towel. Oh, you're in the handicap. There was paper towel. Oh, okay. But yeah, the toilet paper was paper was like Jesus I'm gonna be here forever. Speed things up. You need ridges. You need some more texture. So much so much toilet paper is a joke. It's a fucking joke. It's not strong enough. It just it just gets shredded. The toilet paper here. Like Becker said, having a hairy butt makes things worse, harder to get really clean. How much gusto are you going at your anus with?

100%. Too much. But I've never had hemorrhoids or anything, so I really don't think I'm like, what? No. So I don't think I'm really going at you. You go at your butt like Becker goes in a bond me. I can't even contribute to this conversation because everything you say

is different than what I think it's going to be. You go one hundred in there. Yeah, but I was kidding, I think. But I mean, I really just want it to be clean. I'm not just going to be like, I'm done. I'm bored. So I'm going to get out of here. Oh, I bet you're so meticulous. I bet tried to do a real good job. Because I always make fun of you for being in there forever but maybe half of it's wiping. It makes so

much more sense. Because if you're in there you know watching an episode of Rugrats, then you start wiping that explains the 45 minutes. 32 minutes. Start to finish. It's with ads. It's an episode of Rugrats with ads. 32 minutes. Should get a timer. We should see how much of your life you spent on the toilet. I bet that would be jarring.

I would never like to know that. Like when I see how much time, I just saw for like the third time ever, I looked at my Facebook usage oh God and I wanted to kill myself. Yeah you're number one. Zuckerberg's just gonna send me like 10k he's like oh yeah. Because you're keeping the platform alive. You fucking did it yeah you're a pillar of my largesse. Wow.

Yeah so I wouldn't. Tell you in like hours? I wouldn't huh? How does it break that down? Yeah, it tells you like how many hours a day? How many on Facebook? God, it was like two and a half hours a day average. But it's not straight. It's like cumulative. It's also an average. Well, yeah. What are you looking at? I mean, some days you probably skip it. Some days it's five. You know what it is now? It's fucking videos. Wrestling and shit.

Some days it's five. No. It's every day. You have to have missed days. It doesn't mean that I'm wildly all over the place. Sometimes it's seven and sometimes it's one. Well, no, it needs like zero and five if it's seven and sometimes it's one. It means that... Well, no, it'd be like zero and five if you averaged two and a half. Great.

But... Yeah. I'll never figure you out. Two and a half on Facebook. Yeah, but I'm saying it's like... Facebook? You're not a widower, bro. I know.

I'm not just scrolling people's posts. There's a lot of stupid videos that are a part of that general social media shit. Here's something. Do you want that edited out? Yes. Becker, make note. Sorry, man. I've got to do stuff. Here's the thing.

I've got to do it tonight. What's fascinating about this is that some of that is also toilet time. Sure. So it's not all that Facebook, some of that is also toilet time. Sure. So it's not that all that Facebook some of that's out and about some of that's on the toilet but it's still around two and a half hours a day. How long is the Godfather? It's got to be around the same. It's probably the exact same amount of time. Yeah I could watch the Godfather every day. Now how does... I could learn a language, whatever. You could become a master potter. You could learn knots. I spend at least that long preparing to get high every day. So...

Well, just here's my question, Lon. Obviously, we're all joking around, but how does that make you feel knowing that? I remember when I said it sucked. Yeah, okay. That was the third time that I saw how much it was. Yeah. It's like, ah, damn it. Facebook. Yeah, and that's... I'm on Twitter too, but Twitter is... I'm reading a lot about like Okay. That was the third time that I saw how much it was. Yeah. Damn it. Facebook. Yeah, and that's, I'm on Twitter too, but Twitter is, I'm reading a lot about like Gaza and shit.

So it's like not completely a real waste of time, but. Damn. Damn, shut up. What do you do on Instagram? I don't know. I don't want to know. Well, maybe Facebook, does Facebook factor in Instagram? Is it all meta-platforms? I don't think. I don't want to know. Well, maybe the face was Facebook factor and Instagram is it all meta platforms?

I don't think so Dude I Mean brother I just I just there's there's a whole world out there, you know, yeah, I've been out here. It's great I can't wait to go home. I like being at home. Well, yeah, I get it. You know look at my phone. Yep Hey God bless you, right? Join the patreon we have like three minutes left great Thank you for sharing that

Sure, I mean obviously I'm not gonna make fun of you ever again for that Yeah, but I'm obviously I'm not gonna make fun of you ever again for that yeah but I'm not I'm not it's all over you know what's not over is this episode this episode of Jimmy Bainman oh dude what was great another thing that happened today Lund had a rain slicker that he put in cuz we were penguin hunting for like an hour and a half in the rain and He finally went and he got his slicker that he got a couple days ago and he put it on and it was a joke Bunch it was not your classic rain slicker. Anyone can wear it put it on over. There's a hood, you know, it's billowy It blows out. No, it's probably from 1983 it was old it buttoned it made you look like a Frank 1983 or something. It was old. It buttoned. It made you look

like a Frank's Red Hot. It had snaps. Yeah. Why was it a button up? It said one size fits all. It was small. You plumped when they cooked you. Yeah. It looked like the sausage in the case that we put on the pizza. At one point he was screaming at the rain as Bonzo was filming him. What did you say it made you look like? A dog's dick. I look like a dog's dick. And no penguins? Cold, get pneumonia, no penguin. Damn.

Well, at least we had that poncho. That was great. Looked like a fat mercury thermometer. You hit about seven of them. It's 110 and fat. You hit 7 of them in a row while we were walking that was getting my ass bad. Yeah. Two and a half hours.

Also getting shut up. Bro. Getting rained on for a while and then going and getting it like, oh, you know, this will help. And then it like barely helps at all I'm still getting soaked no penguins. You look for me. I've only I've only been on Facebook for an hour today, so I'm fiending I'm shaking. I can't look at it outside cuz it's raining Okay, I am NOT Gonna make fun of you at all for that

The patreon is a good option option if you if you want to have... Scroll Patreon. Yeah. For two and a half hours a day you're gonna get a lot of laughs. I mean there's like 200 hours there's so that's like 10 days of like of 100 days of Lund scrolling. There's a little over... How's math work? There's a little over 10 days. Wow. Yeah. No, that would be 200. Anyway, join patreon.com slash shabby behemoth. Do the math. Do the math, man. 51 or 252 Patreon episodes. Damn. One might be the funniest podcaster in the game right now. Yeah. He just keeps rocking my shocks Come see us live

Where are we gonna fuck Auckland? This won't be out in time. No. Yeah, but Perth next weekend being Perth. God damn it come see that show There's still some tickies for that Andrew wolf is opening. He's a loose unit And then I'll be in Dayton and I'll be in Irvine, California and Seattle Sacramento Salt Lake City you guys have been California and Seattle and Sacramento, Salt Lake City. You guys have been begging, clamoring, win Salt Lake, Salt Lake now, SLC Sam win? I want my Salt Lake and Salt Lake. Yes, so come to Salt Lake, samtalent.com for tickets.

I also need to sell a shitload of t-shirts because I am getting body blown down here trying to give you wide world New Zealand Yeah, Lund's gonna be at Sisyphus brewing the day after Christmas Comedy works for the first time Whoa fuck yeah, dude. Is that the Sunday of that you already knew that Is that the Sunday of my weekend? Yeah, so come get see me and then stay for Lund That's like this pod You come for me stay for one. That's what the kids are saying

God we've done so much. I love this pod Can't wait to listen to this episode on the toilet. No cuz Can I see your phone guys? Look at your stats. No, we yeah, we'll look at it again. Let's just do it right now I don't remember for sure Twitter to how to pull that shit up So for the audio listener we are going to look at one's stats How much he is actually on

Social media Cuz Twitter He's on there a lot. I mean obviously he's learning about Gaza so he's looking at maimed doesn't care body parts on Twitter yeah that's a learning here we go average time yeah but you're gonna I'm not gonna do anything I am not I'm just gonna read the data well and it's also fucked because of the last week over here, so it's low. Oh, okay. Just allow me.

You don't know what you're gonna be looking at. I'm trying to do it for you. I know my metrics. Oh, okay. Well, it's not as high. Time per day. Okay. But I'm saying it's low.

So average last week was an hour and a half hour 21 minutes. Well, I'm pretty sure it said to 30 something, two and a half hours, I think. And I was like, Oh my God, this is good. This is that's at home, I guess. And then it's still bad, but it said home. I don't know. There's a lot of random scrolling in between like watching stuff hanging out with the dogs of Megan. There's bad scrolling and Like I said the random stupid videos Telercios deli fucking wrestling Dash cam stuff I think is on Facebook stand up up. When I lose that much time to Facebook

it is when I start looking at clips. Fucking, yeah. So like I said, but it's still crazy. Activity history. Let's see, what's he up to here? Does it just auto scroll through videos? Is that what's happening? Yeah.

Like a TikTok thing where you're just like. You can go to clips. That's crazy stuff. And if you like stop a couple then it'll want you to go to the next one But if you just let them play it'll start going that's the loop they want you yeah Probably because you have the most Besides like clickbait farms in Malaysia. Let's see okay. You like Stacy bottoms comment. That's cool Yeah, but that's not

You like this on't say Powell's post that's like yeah I like stuff I support it's called supporting your friends but it's not showing time it must have been bad before you can see where you visited and how much time you spent on these people's pages. Looks like you have 47 minutes on a woman named. No. Here's the thing. It doesn't matter because we're all doing our best. Yes. All right. I thought that would pay off more. Sorry. Do you poke people on there. No poke anybody. I haven't poked anyone. You got that right. Virgin. Dad, I'm a virgin and I'm 28. What are we going to do? Buy me one. Give me a doll that looks like mom. I'm working shit out. Dad, buy me Sydney Sweeney.

I want a fucker.