Chubby Behemoth - Big Air Don't Care

Episode Date: February 8, 2026

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/     Sponsors: PrizePicks - Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/CHUBBY & use code CHUBBY to get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5. Max Discount for the Big Game: Drake Maye just needs 1 passing yard, add Drake and another player to your line up. If your picks hits, you can cash in!     Cash App - #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/en-us/card-agreement. Direct Deposit, Overdraft Coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http:///cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the Sam and Becker are at Sophie's place in Denver to watch the Olympics and Football. Sam explains to Sophie why he is rooting for the Patriots, got to be a snow bunny, and is pretty upset there isn't an egg foo yung waiting for him. Sophie really loves the USA for two weeks, barely had hoop bangs, and teaches Sam how to watch the Olympics.     00:00 Socks And Pace Picante 02:41 22 States 03:23 Block Child 05:48 The Man Is Gleb 08:42 Two Crimson Flamingos 10:10 Regret That Tattoo 12:24 Pork Pie 15:52 Let Her Have Her Speed 19:34 Think They Just Did Something 21:22 What's Wrong With Him? 25:19 She's Bleeding 26:56 Didn't Want To Wait In Line 28:19 The Dads Left 32:10 Wants To Be Bane 34:00 It Would Make Sense 36:24 Y2K In The Desert 39:09 Skunk Mop's On Our Team 42:25 What's Vince Doing? 46:58 Ride That Donkey Brother 49:14 Head Written On Them 51:12 Chunky And Too Much Sun 53:39 Came Down Squished 55:16 They Have To Work? 01:00:20 Busted     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1

He knows that he'll never be as close as me in London. Unless we can become physical. Yeah. Why do you have such nice stock? Me? I don't know. You like his socks. Stant's stocks are nice.

They're fine. Mine are cooler. Mine are from sockadelic. Well, imagine if, like, you know, the metal hand like this. Yeah. Sophie. Imagine if your feet could do that. That's the equivalent of these socks.

Let everyone know. And also there's like a weird like, well, it's an iron cross. But I don't know why. It's not. No, it's off proportion. I'm no expert like you. That's a Christian cross. Well, I think it's the independent trucks cross more than anything.

They lengthened one end though. Anyway. Sophie was the one saying all the slurs earlier, not us. You're recording? Yeah, yeah. We are here. Sorry, I thought this was for a real combo. No, no, no, there's no more real conversation, Sophie.

Every conversation is monetized, and we have to do ad reads. It is just so. Like dad at mom's eulogely. That was crazy that dad plugged paste pecante salsa during mom's funeral. Betsy liked one thing. It was the fresh, chunky taste of paste pecante salsa. That was her favorite. I remember she'd say.

Julie. Julie. Sophie, have you thought about mom recently? We're here at my sister's house. She is watching the Olympics. She is wrapped in the Olympics. She loves the Olympics. It's ice skating right now.

Currently Madison Chalk and Evan Bates are lacing up their laces. Ann Arbor. Ann Arbor, Michigan, yes. They are going to get us gold tomorrow in the finals. My sister, it's actually, I mean, I appreciate. you first of all letting us podcast here but no one and I mean no one gives as much of a shit about the Olympics as my little sister it's adorable it's endearing it's strange I don't understand it I think it's a nationalism thing I think that the flag waving and it's not fun for

two weeks to watch the top elite people in the world do something he cries at the anthem don't let him bully you about nationalism how much national Is journalism involved for you, though. I do really love the USA for two weeks. And specifically, the 30 Olympians that Colorado sent. Yeah, winter? We have the most. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last night at the opening ceremony, they said something about... You were saluting, you said for 40 minutes? No, they said, what did they say? They said, I don't know, something about flying down I-7... The skaters, they fly, these speed skaters fly faster than people's coming down I-70 on a sunny day. At the opening ceremony, I live

off of I-70. Well, you know, I think probably 22 states live off of I-70. So that was a victory for... But they're talking about Colorado, the mountains. It's the Winter Olympics. Hey, dude, when I hear Colorado, you know what I do? Talk about Michigan.

No, the sacadelic. I'm doing it right now. You just can't tell. Did we just hung out with this baby? My sister and I, who's very close to us? And his feet were so fucking small. I was also there. This kid's a chode.

Becker, you were there too. But I mean, before you got there, it was a real hang. Yeah. Yeah, you kind of blew the ratio. It didn't make sense. Fat baby, tiny, tiny feet. Jesus. Like little pig hooves.

They kept them curled. Such a fat little baby. And it has hip dysplasia, so it's all wide out like this. So it's just a wide little block child. It's perfect. John Doe. Shout out John Doe. Shout out Chando.

I literally forgot his name was Oscar until Joe said that. I literally, if anyone would have asked me, hey, by the way, what's this baby's name that you're obsessed with? I'd be like, Chondo? You mean, Chondo from Chondo Livestream, the only group chat I care about? Is that what you're talking about? I stressed out during the drive because I was like, fuck, I have to remember. I can't just walk in and be like, nice, little Chondo. Hey, Chondo.

Yeah, no, the baby's name is Oscar, but I have not once thought of that. name since the initial look at our baby text yeah so yeah we decided on chondo was it in new zealand i tried to get chondo to be the name of megan de ponsos bar i wanted to be called chando's mud hut pushing really hard for that which would have been awesome let's go to chondos get some mud you know and then all the beers are dark sophie would have loved it said she had to go to wide right But great wings Great wings I miss those wings Sophie's making wings tomorrow for all of us

Nice I've never done it Mel can't be here So I have to figure it out I have to grill I think that's the most efficient way to do it Mel found a sports book where he can Wager

But you don't have to put up money You can put up punches in the stomach But it's an international water So he has to go out tonight Off the coast of California to put his wager in for the Super Bowl tomorrow. Now, if he wins, does he get money or does he get to administer? He gets paid money.

But yeah. So you have to go in and like when you make your bet as a security, since you have no money, you have to get half the amount of punches in the stomach. So that's right. So is it half, Sophie, or is it a quarter? Half. Sophie signed him up for it. Now here we are.

We have Diana Davis and Gleb Smolkin. Now how can you not root for Gleb Smolkin? That's Gleb. The man is glab. Whoa. The man with his shirt way unbuttoned. His shirt looks like it's made of reptile hide. He's got to finish it.

Alan Strickland Williams face. All I can think of was the initials. Very good. Man. All right. So Becker, he's back. Yeah. So Sophie, you like the ice pageantry, the grace of this?

That was pretty nuts what they just did where he like went around her when they went to the ground. Wait till he is on one foot and throws her in the air. air. I have no argument against this being a great sport. I like it a lot. I like that his name is Gleb, Smolkin. I like the Yoshido. Where are they from? What's Gio? That's the Republic of Georgia, which if you remember is actually on a lake and it's frozen half the year. So in order to get to school, to get to church, these guys had to ice skate. That's why the best ice skaters in the world come from Georgia. Well, USA. You're thinking, you're thinking of Black Hollywood, Georgia, but no. USA.

USA's number one? Yeah, Sam. You're saying that the state of Georgia is better than the nation of Georgia, or you're saying our ice skaters are better. Our USA ice skaters are number one this year. You know what? I'll tell you what. There's not a Waffle House in Birkenovic.

I'll tell you what. They're also coming off of that plane crash. What? You know all the ice skaters that blew up when the Black Hawk hit the plane in Washington, D.C.? You're telling me a BBC got in a propeller. Those were ice skaters. skaters that were on that? Yes, those were

an helicopter ex. I didn't know those were ice skaters. It was ice skaters. Holy shit. They should have been wearing their helmets. Whoa. Yeah.

Very sad. Damn. So this is like our second strings kicking everyone's ass. I don't know. No, so these are the survivors, and they said that the souls of the damned actually got absorbed into them,

so they have the strength of, was it 13 skaters, Sophie? How many of them? How many of them cooked? You didn't even know what happened. I didn't. I didn't, but I don't know anything about ice skating news. You know, I didn't, I didn't read page 38 of the newspaper.

The helicopter crash was nuts. What? It was a commercial flight from Kansas. Oh, it was like the first one when all that shit happened, right? All all the planes started crashing and the doors were falling off. That was like the one that it was like, that was like the black eyed peas when you show up the junior prom. Let's get it started. No, back then it was still.

Let's get retarded and queer. We punched it up with Anne Queer. Yeah, no man, that sucks You never want to see heroes burn No Especially young attractive ones like Gleb Smolkin and his ilk Glebs hair is really doing most of the work Now look at this

Look at that, that rocks That's nuts He's crazy He's doing it now for the audio And the visual listener We should just be doing live commentary Can we do that? Turn it around on this.

It'd be late. We don't have any streaming equipment. Yeah, we could just turn it around and do commentary on it. But imagine two crimson flamingos. I do think you should turn it around when the USA is on next. I think that's illegal. Yeah. I think we'll all go to jail.

You, since it's your IP, you'll go to jail for sure. It's like when that person downloaded child sex abuse material at Adam Caten Holland's house. You hear about that? that selfie? No. Yeah, the cops showed up like the bad cops

came to house and they were like, hey, there's been a bunch of sea porn downloaded from this IP and he was like, what?

I know I look like exactly the type, but hold on. And then some guy was coming and like hacked into his Wi-Fi and it would sit in front of his house

and download the worst stuff in the world. According to me and you, Sophie, I don't want to judge Becker. Whoa. But yeah, it was terrible.

Damn. How long do that take to clear up? I don't know. That seems like it'd be a problem. Were you ever sentenced? No. Yeah, that sucks, Sophie. So that's why you got to be careful. Also, I'm not retarded.

Sophie doesn't want to be in frame. Yeah, no. I was just trying to watch the Olympics, and then now they're making me mute it so they can sit on the couch. Yeah, we told her this is a classic Chubby Bee sports experience on the weekend. We said we can't do a podcast unless it's

real late. I've already been on an airplane and Becker's drove three hours and we have to watch some sports on NBC because Sunday night football of course is on NBC Sophie. And Sophie that brings us to the reason that I'm here in Denver. The Super Bowl. Yeah. Thought Sophie? We thought it was going to be the Broncos so you were all stoked to come. Yeah, I had my plane ticket purchased. I was coming in. I regret getting that fucking tattoo. But, yeah, I don't know. It would have been nice to have the donkeys, but I will be proudly.

The Seahawks fan. No, I will be proudly and wrongly probably rooting for the Patriots. Why? I don't like the Seahawks fan base. It annoys me. No, I'm not. I know you can't because you're only, you already have your patriotic sports that you love,

which is the Olympics. You can't be a Patriots fan. No. Because they beat you. Because they beat you. You're crazy. Because they beat me and you? Yes.

Well, so did that farm hand who live next door and we still went to his arraignment. You know, Luke's going to be here tomorrow. Yeah. And he hates the Seahawks. The shitbirds? Yeah, the shitbirds. Yeah, the Seacocks. Nice.

Yeah, that's mine. I'm selling shirts. And look, you know what? If you're a fan of the Seahawks. She's 36, he's 38. Yuck. Sorry, I'm ruining the pod. Let me put the Mac down.

You're not ruining it. the pod. Is that like very old? Yes. Okay. The other two were just 23. It's like if me and you were out there cutting the ice. Yeah, it really is your guys' age, right? Yeah. You're the girl, of course. Becker's in pink. I'm the crafty veteran. I got you there with my strength. You're going to hold me up and spin me around. She looks stronger than him though. Well, she's everyone's favorite. She had the same eyeliner on as you. That's my same pompadour wig that I wear whenever I go to the jazz shows. That guy looks like his Lego hair. I tell you. I tell you. I tell you, you, I almost got talked into wearing a fucking pork pie hat.

You did. I'm so glad you didn't. I'm so mad you weren't talked into it. Really? You would walk around with him? We would have filled the hour. The hour would be full. If salmon walked in a pork pie, rode off the hat.

You would have wanted to be on camera. You would have been like, I want them to see what my eyes are saying to. You would have put the hat on for the last half. Yeah. Oh, that would have rules. Did you have one in middle school? Yeah, Uncle Tom threw it out the window. Yeah.

Uncle Tom shocked it. You thought you were so cool. Yeah, I did. You were all so fat. That was terrible. Well, we all make mistakes. We all have fashion poe paws. Mom loved you because, God.

I remember a little girl with big hoop bangs. Not me. Barely. That was a phase, but because Alita had him. Mm-hmm. Alita poisoned your forehead. It was a thing that's bad. With one of her Latino trips.

That's the tricky side of the family, of course. Fernandez is. The dread pirate Fernandez is. Yeah, they're a weird crew. They really were Mexican in high school. Yeah. I was burning my eyeliner because of them. Yeah, that was crazy.

Burning it? Yeah, she always had a lighter in her makeup kit when she was like 10. And it's because What was that girl's name? Chastity Bono What was her name? It was Alita No, it was that little fucking

Trollope girl You always say this What was her name? Crystal Benedetto I think you had a crush on her. No, I didn't She came over and it looked like Mimi from the Drew Carey show

Was there to play softball With my sister. Sam, it was crazy Where's this girl had makeup on But she didn't wear makeup She just had perfectly curled eyelashes She had all the makeup in the world on

It's like she fell down It Herod. It was crazy. Sophie. You're nuts. No. It was like, she was like,

divine was showing up. He's been obsessed with this little girl since she was like six. It burnt a hole in my brain. I was nine if she was six. And for some reason, it was like John Bonnet Ramsey was there.

Yeah, you noticed. It was freaky weird. It would be weird to just see curled eyebrows or eyelashes, though, and think that she had a bunch of blue eyeliner on and went full Mimi.

Sophie's husband just showed up. it's a dog folks get Mimi on the pod hold that mic up to him hey Mimi this is Miho the dog oh he probably hates that mic because it smells like cigarettes yeah I told Becker he couldn't reek when he came in to hold the baby I did not I appreciate that yeah no siggies no reiki no freaky Riki yeah you can't smell like a longshoreman when you're holding a baby I don't like holding babies it makes me very nervous. Makes you jealous.

Makes me really nervous. It makes me really nervous. You don't have any big friends who could hold you like that. I'm so afraid I'm going to just fall. So this lady just stood on his thighs with razor blades. I know. It's so crazy. I don't know.

Is he a bulletproof pants on? Because if he does, why isn't one of the proud men and women of the U.S. Armed Forces wear those? I mean, they're not. Nike can make him bulletproof pants. The shape of it's not just a razor blade. It's two blades with a curve in the middle, so it keeps it from going in.

I mean, I've been cut by a razor blade. No, but I played hockey forever and the blades are the same. Could have been in the Olympics. For hockey? Fuck no. He couldn't have gone for the same reason that, what's that little tumbler lady who spazzed four years ago? Simone Biles. Oh, I would have totally spazzed like her if I was doing anything like that.

Yeah, she couldn't win in the Olympics because she couldn't get her at her all. That was eight years ago. Eight years ago, yeah. She came back this last last. Oh, and she ripped ass. And look, they should have her fucking have her at her all. All right?

Japan. Let her have her speed. Enough of you guys did a lot of crazy stuff all, you know, hopped up on a similar drug. Yeah, you guys had your fun. Yeah, you were flying bombs into our boats. Yeah.

Bombs, I mean human beings in airplanes. And she wants to go over there and fucking flip around and defy gravity. You guys love little people who flip around. It's like a lot. What? I mean, the ninjitsu culture, you know, Pokemon. There's a lot of flipping in Pokemon.

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I don't know if I can legally say that. It's a number. 50.5 rush yards. Sam Darnold, who is spearheading the effort for one of the franchises. Two, three point five pass yards. I think more. Right? I can say more. The only thing I love more than more is less, which you can also say. You're allowed to say more. You should say less. Price picks now has early payouts. Cash out your winnings before the game even finishes. Price picks even lets you see Friends lineups. Send them your picks or copy and paste

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thinks they just did something. I love how much you hate everyone else in the Olympics. That is, it is pretty awesome. Yeah. spent $8,000 last night to get one of the beanie's that Nike made that has Garden of the Gods on it. Whoa, they made a... All the merch is Garden of the Gods, Olympic City.

Fuck. My mortgage! Becker's like, I have to go. Damn, yeah. He jumps through the window. He dives through it. Damn. Yeah, dude.

I'm going to have to figure that out later. The only way you can get is if you're in the Olympics. It's illegal for them to sell it. It's illegal for them to sell it. Look who's famous. And look, they're in Italy right now. He's already been on the pot. We interviewed him.

I know. I just saw where they were sending all this up in Milan and on the road up to Cortina. God, I want a Milano cookie. I want a big Panetone from Milano. I ate a whole bag of caramel chocolate pretzels. Oh, and I sucked down the dust. Yeah. I tipped it.

And that last bite, of course, all salt. Not good. Yeah, Miho, you get it. You got the sneezes. No. Miho. How do you feel about your countrymen down there competing for old Mexico? You should superimpose, like me going like, I am very excited about my men and women.

It's the only voice I can do. Oh, miho. We're going to give you big bangs like a leader. Let's get him a wig. Let's get this fucking dog a wig. Mijo, get back over here with your little brown ass. Come on. What?

Okay, I think the, I think we're next. Okay. Look how goodish the Italian team is. You mean the guy in the way back dressed like a zombie? Is he a vampire? Crazy. I think it's just the blue glasses. No, he looked gray.

Oh my God. What? That was insane. I think that guy. Oh my God. You know, he's from Vesuvia. What's wrong with him? He's covered in volcanic ash.

That guy is a vampire. Yeah. He is. He invented ice kid. This isn't us. No. But it's close enough. Oh no.

Canada. No. Selections from the White Crow. I was just in Canada. Let me tell you. Keep it up up there. Yeah? Had a good time.

People last Vancouver, they're like it's dirty and dangerous. I don't know. It was beautiful. It was a beautiful city. Stanley Park is like, we did the whole sea wall. If anyone's from Vancouver, rock and roll forever. It's a nice place. And we like walked east of Hastings and shit.

And like, it wasn't that. bad. I mean, maybe for Canada it's really bad, but like, you know, grow up. Go go anywhere in Indiana. Go to the Indianapolis. There's a white castle across the street from the Greyhound station. Hang out there for six hours because you're waiting for your bus and it's the only place where you can charge your phone. And then tell me you're afraid of like the wooks on fentanyl in Hastings. It's ridiculous. It's like a bunch of old people bent over and they're like, watch out. They'll steal your soul. And it's like, no, they got the fucking dope sick lien. Yeah.

You know? Yeah, no, I don't know. And also, like, we went to Richmond. I mean, we did the whole thing. We took a ferry, Grandville Island. Really, really, really just a nice place to be for a couple of days. Did you go to the ski resort? Yeah, we went to Whistler.

Nice. Yeah, and that was very nice. I mean, I was like, you know, it's really good. It just felt like Vale Village. And Emily was like, no, Vale Village is like snooty. This is just normal. I was like, oh, is it normal? Why don't you pay for it?

Why don't you put your card down then? Huh? How normal is this? It was funny. You know, you have her find my fee? Yeah. Do you have her? I don't know what, like, head you have for her.

Oh, yours was funny. Mine's ridiculous because she looks like an egg that's crying. She looks like a molested egg. Oh, the one you put in your story was, yeah. So I was just following that all day, just like watching her. I was a snow bunny. Yeah, you were chilling. I read a book and a half.

I read one and a half books. I was in the hot tub for like four hours. I drank multiple hot cocoa. Nice. One was a hot cocoa. One was a mocha. But yeah, I mean, I ate a whole porchetta sandwich before noon. Whoa, nice.

It fucked me up. Really? The wrong thing to do. Sounds really good. It was like that big of a portcetta sandwich. Yeah, and it was really a bad thing to put in yourself before you're trying to have a chill day, beach or, you know, pool side. Oh. Yeah.

I don't know. sounds all right to me. Well, it's like just another day for you. You're a bison when it comes to pork out of sandwiches. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't train for this. Ooh. But yeah, man, Vancouver.

I guess all the Chinese billionaires bought up most of the apartment, so they had to make a law and said no, no. Oh, really? Oh, really? Yeah. Knocked off, Brangus Chang. They can't buy anymore. Was that the name of the baby, Sophie? Brangus Chang.

Brongas? Brondus? Brondus? Brondus Chang. That's the baby's name. Yes. That's the funniest fucking mistake.

The human restraining order. That's the baby's name. The virus. The virus. That's a good nickname for a baby. Yeah. Granville Island's cute. It's like a little market and we took a little ferry ride.

We didn't go to Victoria. I want to go to Victoria one day. I want to go to Vancouver. Vancouver Island and do all that shit, but it was like five hours round trip. Damn. We saw one Aaron Eurist. We saw him again. Mm-hmm.

He came up to Vancouver. He's lost 100 pounds. He looked good. He looked better. Better, yeah. Better for sure. I think she cut her knee open. No.

Look. You hope she did. No, look. Hold on. She's like bleeding. She's bleeding. She's bleeding. Oh my God.

She beefed it right there, too. That was a total beef. Well, do you know how to read, like, how you? you watch the Olympics. Do you see the curve lift for it tells you the max and the one they got? Oh. On each move. No, I didn't know how to watch the Olympics until right now.

So they all have to do these moves? No, but. They tell the judges what their routine is ahead of time. And see, that one's under review. Yeah, because they went chin to chin. She beefed it because she's bleeding because she didn't wear the bulletproof pants. that Nike gave her because she's Canadian. She says, we don't need this, man.

We don't believe in violence. But it's crazy. She just keeps going. I mean, it's not terrible. I mean, it looks kind of bad. I mean, what are you going to do, though? Stop. I know.

It's the Olympics. Put on your bulletproof pants, stupid. It's the Olympics. It's not a fashion show. God, God bless her. I love that she's competitive. I love she finished. Yeah, they do need bulletproof pants.

They should be like those cut gloves. You should have some watching this. They should all be more. wearing the nothing you didn't get it the what you should have some on watching this because you're so turned on oh i'm not turned on sovi you should have bulletproof pants on right now you and emily both should have your metal pants on is emily home loving this to prevent all the hell from raining down on me oh okay

got you emmy was in the wood chipper and that I get in Sophie's car and she's like, I need to get 40 tampons. Oh my God. What? That's okay. It's natural, Sophie. I offered to go buy them for you, didn't I? Yeah, why don't you tell them why you ended up buying them?

Because they didn't want to wait in line. Yeah, you just came in. I was already like scanning my card. I was listening. I was listening. I did. So Sophie, let's something. I didn't know that that existed in the safe way.

Yeah, that was crazy. That's a new development. Isles in the middle. There's a safe. way inside of the safeway now? Yeah, so you can't steal tampons. It's not cool. Oh, that sucks.

I could have got you some. I would have done the bag trick like the old days. Bananas. Now, bananas, they knew about right away. The bagel bag trick was the move. Yeah, I did that actually for a while too. Everyone at Mouthouse did. Yeah, I mean, anyone who's brainwork did.

It was the ultimate. Now, I feel like the Georgians did better than these people, but they didn't bleed. Here they come. Yes, Madison Chalk and Evan Bates. Evan Bates is your friend. He's Michigan. Dude. Whoa. Oh, look at them.

Bates' moms. Chalk. Moms. Oh, wait, it's both of their moms. I thought he had two moms. Yeah, no, guess what? Their parent, the dad's left. I think the dad was the fellow with the flying on. Those are their moms.

Their bio-dads out of the picture. It's crazy. Their moms are so old when they're not that old. Are they old? Nancy. If Evan wants to play a little bit. hockey he can. But I can't have the only boy in Michigan who's

out there without a stick in his goddamn hand. I can't raise a gay boy in Ann Arbor. I really want to know how old they are now because those women are very fucking old. The one on the left especially, the one on the right might just look old. He's the first ice skating butler.

So that was like a big deal for him. This sucks for people that can't see it. That was his outfit from when he danced in Beauty and the Beast on Ice. it's crazy that like that's the goal it's either you're in the olympics and everyone's sharing you on or you're in like shrek on ice yeah you're you're half of donkey that's or you're in the olympics i don't even think that's in either or i think like once you're done it's not an e or it's

a different meal once you're done being at the top like how many jobs are there otherwise i think you end up doing a lot of that stuff no i know like that's the goal it's like you're either in the olympics and everyone all your countrymen are like rock and roll yeah or And then you get to be the stud on Disney on ice. Or you're like on a cruise ship? I don't know. I love how stressed the moms are. Yeah.

Oh, my God, they're perfect. Sam's going to cry. No, I mean, it's just cool because like they sacrifice too. You know how bad it is to be an ice skating parent? It's a lot of hours at the rink, you know? Yeah. It's a lot of cold time, a lot of early mornings before school, after school. It's super boring.

You're not sitting there being like, I understand. why they wanted to devote their life to this. Most of the... This is beautiful and good and valuable and I will refinance. Most of the figure skaters went to my high school if they were training young enough. And they lived hell lives. Because you were always targeting them.

That too. Yeah, for sure. Because you were there. Blowing lucky strikes into their place. Fuck, yeah. The figure skaters brought. Do you want to go to Sonic? But they'd be at school for like an hour and 45 minutes a day and then they spent the rest of the day at the rink.

it was fucked. Yeah, but they'd be training at the World Arena with the Olympic team and shit. So it was like, our district made an agreement since it was the closest thing. Wait, are you Colorado Springs? Yeah.

No wonder you want the Garden of the Gods? Yeah, I grew up there. Damn. Whoa. You and Mel. Yeah, I grew up in the Broadmoor. And that's what they all Baxter spooned it down there.

Lived, yeah. Mel spent his, I don't know. There was some. Broadmoor living too. Yeah. Yeah. So like those, like even as kids when we didn't appreciate anybody having a worse life than anyone else,

we were all like, God, those figure skater girls are fucked. Yeah. They have to be up at 3.30 in the morning to be at the rink by 4.30 every day. Then they come to school from like 8.45 to like 11 and leave at lunch to go back to the rink. Well, they're skating to paint it black. That's kind of cool.

Yeah. Mel had a, his mom built a house on the same street as the Zamboni inventor. Oh, cool. Yeah. Nice. You're talking about Randy? A lot of ice. No.

Randy Zamboni? Maybe. Yeah. Whoa, she just mule kicked. Look how cool they look. All right. So now watch their Max difficulty and then see what they score. We rule.

I just wish he was not dressed like that. She looks cool. I like that she doesn't have a dress on fully. She kind of has the Flamenco gown. Yeah, he looks like a bad superhero. Yeah, he looks like he wants to be bane. Yeah, there's weird stripes on his rib cage that are... Look.

Okay, they were only like that, 21 off. Look at that. Oh. They're amazing. They scored him. Oh, yeah, flip her over. Where? Yeah, where?

Oh, hello, that's what I would do. That's the same T. See, no other country did this. Well, that move right there was like something me and Sousa were doing in the pool. And I don't know if it was actually worthy of the Olympics. That's all I'm saying. They lost a full point on that. That's not fair.

Why? I don't know. I think because she's half Chinese. I was just going to say it's also objective. The judges hate them. Or subject. They hate us because they ain't us. They are.

The world hates us. Right now and always. Right now, I think especially. They can't deny, though. like this is incredible well I don't know if young gravy's the best representation of what we can do look at those twizzles

I love the twizzles don't get me wrong I think that they should have scored those twizzles higher they're about to do something crazy no oh what if he just came double undertook DDT drops her ass oh my god you get 14 calls in a row

from one yep Do you actually know what song they're performing to? Yeah, it said Painted Black. It'd be sick if he just like suplexed her, like out of the rink. Like, oh God, she's been eliminated. Another girl comes in. They hit her music.

She runs down. She has to pick it up. I'm so glad you weren't a figure skater, Sophie. I wish I was. I'm glad you did normal stuff. Softball. Softball. Rodeo.

She was a barrel racer. Whoa, nice. Yeah. She was the barrel. Why do you believe anything he said? Because you remember Elizabeth. That would make sense. That's a believable wood.

We were not cow people. I'm not cow people and I learned how to heal. No, I think I've had a horse once. He does rakey. Look, I'll laugh if you guys won't. I've been cooking over here. No, that was, I liked that a lot. God damn it.

I did learn how to heal though. God damn. but I wish you were a Reiki healer. That's what you were doing in Trinidad. It would make sense. You were down there in a crystal studio lighting candles. It would make more sense. God damn it.

Than just having the cheapest mortgage ever. Yeah. When are we going to fucking just admit that the dream is dead down there, huh? When are we going to move back to civilization? What's Lund going to do? I don't know what Lund... Get him out of there. Lunt's tied to a bookstore.

God damn it. Burn it down. What are you and the game? bang go down there instead of, you know, rustling hobos on from underneath the bridge. Go start a fire? Burn down Kvon's building. The whole block. Kavon might be less upset about that than Megan.

Yeah, no, obviously. But don't do that. But it would be cool if we could drive Lund through this. Oh yeah, Sophie, we're gaslighting Lund for the month. Yeah, what do we pick? We're trying to make him believe something that isn't real. Is he listen to the pond? He's not going to listen to this one.

He doesn't listen if he's not on it. Is it a Patreon or a free one? Free one. Free one? In that case, hey everyone, get your tickets to Raleigh. Come on. Good nights for Valentine's Day weekend. Becker will be there.

Lund will be there. Bonzo will be Bonzo. We're going to have Bonzo from Wide World fame. He looks like the Turtle Boy of Ed Templeton's design. Come on out. Demand to meet Bonzo. And when he says, hey, you know, make sure you parrot his voice.

right back to him. He loves that. Hey, I'm Bonzo. Are you Bonzo? You're Bonzo? So, Raleigh, that'll be huge. And then we're rolling into old Albuquerque after that. Oh, yeah. We'll be eating all the Autobot. Sophia, you love Albuquerque. Remember when we spent

Y2K in the New Mexico desert? Because dad was getting sober. Whoa. Read them at the end. I think that's, I think that's the truth, right? We did go Y2K in the desert. And I never understood why.

We did. No. Yes. Why 2K? We went to Taos. Yes. Yes. I mean, it was the middle of nowhere.

I don't remember a goddamn star in the sky. That's for sure. Oh, wow. We have a real murderer's row. Albuquerque and then Springfield, Missouri. Yeah. Springfield. Which has almost no direct flights.

Oh, it's terrible. You don't have to go. Actually, there is a direct flight. Yeah. From here to there. Yeah. From Denver specifically. There's front of.

and shit. But why don't you guys fly in to Springfield at the new Blue Room, formerly owned by a guy named Crisco, who, God bless him, one of the Lord's Perfect Angels, he got hit by a bus, this comedy club owner, Sophie. He was like the coolest guy in town in high school. He was a DJ. Everyone loved him. It was like 1999. He was super cool. Imagine Darren Moon, a Darren Moon-esque character. Does that help you? No, how about Brandon Waymire? That was more your heartthrob. I don't know either of those people How old do you think I am? You just named people that I probably was never in high school with.

You're 44, right? Jeez. Anyway, this guy, Criscoe, got hit by a bus on his rollerblades and he got changed forever. But the town loved him, so he became a mascot and they were like, well, what job can we give Crisco? How about he runs the comedy club?

So then comedians from all over the world were subjected to Criscoe's antics for years and years. Whoa. And now he's out of the way. Oh, he's done that. One of the, you know, two companies who owns comedy, I guess, and keeps things nice and competitive and fair. That place is there now.

So Springfield, then Minneapolis. Oh, Sisyphist, that's going to be a heater. I'll probably bring that to that. Boston. Laft Boston. If you're in Boston, get those tickets. All right? I got to shove it down their fucking throat.

Are you going to Boston? No. San Francisco? I want to go to San Francisco. When is San Francisco? End of March. Oh, yeah. It's right after Crystal Bay, Nevada.

We're doing Reno. Yeah. Yeah. Are you going to go to Reno, Sophie? Yeah, man. Are you? Rolling with the homings. Is it like a couple?

Yeah. Wait, you get to bring Lund to Reno. But San Francisco doesn't let you. Yeah, they do. Bring your, no, they don't. Well, they're going to this time. Because baby's playing ball with them in. That's right.

Houston. Doing the punchline this time. Nice. Okay, hold on. Pay attention. The score's coming. I just have to, you have to see how good we are. Okay, Madison Chalk and Evan Master Bates.

We need a hundred and twenty-four. Look at the freaks that are standing behind them with the feathered hair and that girl has skunk mop. That's our team, our ice skating team. Skunk mops on our team? Yeah. What? She's solo. That e-girl?

Look at that. What? 133. Oh, yeah. Second place is 124. We dusted them by nine. Yeah. By nine.

Yes. Told you. suck my skates the rest of the world. I love ice skating. I love figure skating. Now you love the USA. Oh, I love chalking bates. Is that one somebody's mom or a very young boy?

That guy's not standing up. He is a guest of one of these two competitors. And that man is married to one of their parents. And he didn't stand up. Yeah. You butt fucker. How else do you think you're going to Milan? Gary?

Huh? You married into royalty. You won't stand up? Who's Andrea Joyce? A legend. I'm kidding. I know who she is. For sure. She was like a photographer for Andy Warhol or something. I don't know. She has wacky hair. God, they're the best. This is ice dance, though. Okay. Well, hats off to them. I can't get enough of their stuff. That was great. Maybe they'll have a big parade for Evan Bates in Ann Arbor and I can go and moon him.

Yeah. That'd be sick. If I was, if I was like climbed up a time, power and they were like, oh no, it's a shooter. And like right before they shoot me, drop, drop, moon them. Show them a little butt. Yeah, my butt, it says, welcome home. Thanks for the gold. My butt is an exact replica of the gold medal, like painted. Yeah, he would probably like it.

Come and get it. He's seen some butts. Yeah. Oh, I would encourage everyone to get involved in Anthony Jesselnick's book club. They just read The Getaway and his breakdown of The Getaway is on YouTube. Getaway by Jim Thompson. Excellent novel. He's reading another book by the guy who did hurricane season or the person.

I can't remember. But yeah, I'm reading the books along. I'm loving it. Colorado Springs. Double Colorado Springs. Nice. What were their names? I don't know.

But that one guy looked like what Joe whispered to his baby earlier. Who the fuck is this guy? Elia Melanin. I don't know, but that outfit looks out of lines. What the absolute fuck, dude? What are you, Mr. Tumness? That's fucking crazy. some respect for the sport

What the fuck is he doing? Not just for the sport. That feels like some sort of appropriation. That feels like in a fucking embarrassment ritual. What the hell was that? Oh, hell yeah, bigger. We went past this. This is fucking terrifying.

The sheer size of this was fucking terrifying. And La Vinoa Snappark. Wolcott. Wolcott. God damn. Olly Martin, go huck that carcass for Wolcott, baby. Do it for the weavers. Jesus Christ.

Where is Wolcott? Do you guys know where Wolcott is? Of course, I'm from Colorado. Where is it? God. God, embarrassed. You're sad. Embarrassing.

You take a fucking elevator up. Yeah, and you have to fight three guys in there. And the winner gets to come out. What's Vince doing? Vince Carter with the slamma jammer. Why is this? So Vince Carter is actually competing in the big air. And he has to dunk a basketball at the end of his room.

You didn't know about this? Oh, he's never eating this. It's an effort to make leader's more open to different cultures. Because right now it's- That's Snoop. Predominantly white. Also, but he's famously like, you know, one of the biggest air-getting dunking motherfuckers ever. They're making a comparison.

So if you couldn't figure it out with the sound off? No. Come on. It's about big air. Don't care. Big hair. air all natural. Jesus Christ. This is gonna be bad. A lot of people are gonna get hurt. How do you get into it? That's my question for the ski

jumping. So all the other stuff I get how you like progressively get good. Oh I know exactly what it is but just hucking your ass down one of those is fucked. Mom wanted a girl to do equestrian girl didn't happen had a boy what can we do not cute enough for pageants you get them into big jumping right but do they have kids going down like five foot jumps? You should have Stephen Whistler, dude. They were going nuts. Look at that. That is a 8.40.

I can't count that high. Ollie Martin. What the hell. Oh, he beefed it. He beefed it. Fuck you. Take his passport. Oh, he landed that one.

All right. Second place. That's what losers get. Allie. That was just his second run. You're going to go back to Walcott with your dick between your legs? Come on. Fuck.

No, this is his final. final one right here. I can't wait to look up this merch. Wait, so is this going to tell, this is the finals? Driving distance, Walcott, Colorado. Look, that's Colorado right there.

Vale. Calls me Nana. His grandma. His grandma's holding a sign. I'm his grandma. It's an Eagle County, Fee. Vale, huh? This episode's brought to you by Cash App.

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Cash App Green, overdraft coverage, borrow cashback offers, and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block Inc brand. Visit Cashap. Dot app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Now back to the show. Come on. What's he doing? He's going side saddle on it. This is for gold.

Ride that donkey brother. Come on. Hook it. Oh, look at it. him twist that up. Jesus. Oh, he landed switch. He did it.

Come on. Come on, baby. What do you got? What do you got? You big blue bastard? Give us a smile, kiddo. Give Daddy a smile for us. What'd they give him, Fee?

He's too nervous. This poor little kid, he looks so young. How old is he? I don't know, but he looks like 17. Two, three, four, five, five, six, seven, seven. eight, nine, landed switch. He did a McTwist.

I think, I don't know, but he grabbed it. And he landed in the correct area too. Hey guys, I hope this inspires you to watch the Olympics. All right, because if you could only see what we're seeing, it's bitching.

This is crazy. Oh, look at the little, look at that all white room up there in Vail. Grandma looked like she, like, immediately started cry yelling. Oh, grandma's crying? Oh, no.

I'm hearing reports. The grandma actually had an orgasm, watching her boyfriend. Ben. Yeah. When she was a girl that used to put her in the dishwasher.

And it reminded her of being free. That's what my reports are saying. Yeah, Grandma good all over and now the roads are closed and veiled in a flash flood.

Shit. Yes. Yes. No, that's good. Is this the finals? I don't know. All these kids are trying to do math, failing.

They're stoked. God. I don't want gold. Francis. Well, guys, Becker, anything you want to tell them? I haven't done. I've just gone on walks this week and cleaned my house. Not a lot of big stuff.

Yeah. My car is fucked. Back to me, huh? I'm extremely angry about how fucked my car is. What's the matter with your car? I need an intake for my fuel injection. No. And I can't fucking find it.

I found somebody who said they'd make me one. and I can't get them back on the phone after four weeks. Whoa. So that's cool. And then my break kit that I paid for two weeks ago hasn't shipped yet, that I paid for three-day shipping. So I'm just getting fucked in every direction on the car. Oh, my God. It's as if that car shouldn't exist still.

My laundry machine, my refrigerator both started leaking when I got home. Well, yeah, you shouldn't use the same mechanic for all these. And then the bathroom plums. plumbing started leaking under my house like the week before. I told you to lay off the chili dogs. And so, yeah, I'm just, I'm not excited about figuring all that out. Oh, yeah, that's all bad news. In the next month.

So I think you can get a new washing machine. Yeah, I have to do that. I just have to order it and figure out a little bit of a new car. No. No. No. No new car. Never.

Never a new car. No, I don't want a car built after like 2005. I don't think ever. Well, this one's been so trustworthy and easy to use, so that makes sense. It hasn't been bad. It's been the parts because I bought a unique car. Lindsay Von Skis just have the word head written on them. Did you see that?

Did you see that? With the torn ACL that she tore on Tuesday, she's going to do it. Why? It does just say head. Get out of the way. She's also sponsored by Kappa, which is just like the two naked chicks. But, wait, Sophie, she's taken up a spot with the torn A.C. Yeah, but she has a special

brace and she's gonna do it. She's queen. But there's some young stuff to get out of the way. She's like 40. This is her last chance. I know. That's what I'm saying. And she's still top tier.

With a torn ACL. It's currently torn or she tore it on Tuesday. Yeah. That seems like hubris. Can she not compete? Is she doing it because she has to? No. Well, if they have backups.

They have backups though? Okay. I don't know, man. That's not team play. No, that's kind of shit. She has a special brace. She feels great. I've seen her in the gym. She looks fine. Look, no one loves Lisa Vaughn more than me. Lindsay. Are you from...

Please. Miss Veronica Vaughn. It's a sweet piece of ace. Whoa, what's going on here? I don't know. So if you're you looking it up? What? If she has to compete? No, she doesn't have to.

What are you looking up? Laboooooo near me? No, I was just seeing where she was from. Oh, she's from Kiowa. She's from Minnesota? Mm. Someone from Colorado. If she was from Colorado, I'd say let her play. But I really do feel like this might...

Based on the two sentences my sister gave me, I feel like that is not in the best... She might have lived here when she was training. She moved here in the late 90s. Yeah. So she had Colorado. Because weed was legal. And because all of the Olympic training center

was in Colorado Springs. And then all of the mountain shit was here too. Yeah, she moved here when she was like 11. I can't believe we passed on the Olympics this year. I can't. It's such a bad fucking decision to have the Olympics. I don't know, dude.

Sophie says that the mountains here don't have snow and everyone wants their money back. Yeah, it was the same thing in Whistler. It was all like chunky and there was too much sun. So there's all these edges to it. So it seems like skiing is collapsing. It is.

Well, it's moving to other places. Where? All the big resorts are collapsing. No, like the snow in Japan's supposed to be the best to ever been this year. That's what the old guys says. head in Whistler.

I was in the hot tub for six hours. I heard about all the snow in the world. Yeah, but it's like just shifting. So like telluride and Vail and Aspen and Whistler. A new boy would get in the hot tub and I'd go, where are you from? Mark my book. Jovi, I don't like that Veronica Vaughn got hurt. Lindsay.

I'm doing a bit. But I really just hope she does what's in the best interest of the team and not her. Yeah, that's, that is hard, though, when you've competed that many times and you're the face of the sport. And it's your last time for sure. Yeah, do you go in and put in your best effort and make that like your legacy, or do you let somebody on the team go fuck them up? And I get being a gamer and you're like, look, I'm going to step up, I'm going to do it, I'm still the best. And if that's the case, then Lindsay is still the best. No one's going to be cheering for you more.

We're also going to beat everyone no matter what. Well, no, there's the Japan is competing. Yeah, but our cumulative score always fucking buries them. Oh, you mean in the trophy race? I mean on her on the ski team. Like the women's ski team is going to fucking bury the rest of the world. So even if she gets second in her race and like she gets to show off that she's a badass, maybe it's not the worst thing for the team because it's still good for the sport.

I don't fucking know. I learned last night though that Norway has the most winter medals. Olympic medals. I mean, yeah, they have like 10 months a year to train. Yeah. Fuck. But I just assumed it would be America because we roll. How did Cortina horn in on the naming?

Because they had the Olympics of Cortina way back in the day. So all the old ski jumps and runs and shit was still there because no one ever uses it for anything ever again. I had some of the best ravioli I've ever had in Cortina. It was beat. It was filled with beats. Beats. I would have never ordered it. but they had like, it was one of those restaurants where they have like four things.

You probably forgot. And your turd looked like your shirt and you were like, oh, no. It was bad. It was bad. Like this guy just landed on his balls. Did you see that? No, I nailed it. Oh, yeah.

I mean, he crushed it, but I think he came down squush. He's not happy. He's screaming, dude. He's like, my test. He popped his ball. No. Someone threw a frisbee at him. Oh, no.

What the hell? That makes a lot more sense. I don't know. Someone. I thought that the skeet shooting was here. I was wondering the idea of somebody winging it that perfectly. Yeah, I thought they threw up a clay. And he's like, my ball.

Oh, see? That's why I thought, because he's like, oh, oh, God. I split it. I swished them. I tore my bag. My bag has been rendered known. That's Japanese translated. Whoa, the end of his board's like square.

Yeah. Damn. What did he get, a hundred? I don't know. I'm going to be pissed. Yeah. All right. He just crushed our ass.

Get out of the way, Rory. He's chewing his fucking gator. What was his name? Ollie. Ollie. We love you. Walcott's own. Look, he's like, yeah, I'm going to get so much pussy back in Nagoya.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't care that my balls are smashed. Oh, fuck. I mean, to be fair, he threw the hammer down. Yeah. Hammer down for Kira. Hell yeah.

That rules. He's like, yes. Just how happy he is rules. You're going to allow me a child. I do like that part of the Olympics, getting stoned and watching people like cry with happiness. Look at Japan. They really rocked it. I mean, they won in skateboarding.

I know. I'm happy for them. I'm happy they found a new national pride. If you ever want to meet a bunch of Olympians, the Home Depot on Lake in Colorado Springs employs an insane amount of the ice skating team. They have to work? Yeah. Yeah, how much sponsorship money do you think there is to go around? Sophie, that Nike bag of crap they got is like their entire payment.

Yeah, they can sell that shit on like... Yeah. They don't make shit. No. Most, like, unless you're playing like basketball or you're like somebody who becomes a Paul Anton owner, Ono worked there all through high school. I mean, this New Zealand guy. Oh, God. No.

No, there's no fucking money in it. These people are chasing a dream and then once they achieve it or they don't, it's fucking over. That's off. A man is dead. Look at this. So he knew that he really had to smash this thing because the Japanese are powerful.

Right. So he gave it his all. So he didn't even like look. He's just like, I'm just going to spin it. He really doesn't look like he's looking. Oh, crap. And then his face takes the fall right here.

Oh. Yeah, his nose is gone. His eyebrows are missing. Something fell off. The drone. Dang. Where's he from? New Zealand.

Damn. Some of the biggest winter sports enthusiasts, they're like, yeah, he's not going to be pretty anymore. Fuck. Kickflip Unruh, dead. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. When everyone else wins is. Fuck.

Look, brother. He's not even up? He's lame. They're not showing him. That's how bad it is. Whoa. My eyes are bad. I thought two brothers won first and second.

I took my hat off. His stance? This Chinese guy? Goofy. Because he doesn't recognize. Taiwan. Come on, Becker. I didn't know if you were supposed to say it.

What, Taiwan? That they don't. I'd say it. Yeah. They don't recognize it, but. Yeah. He's a cool Chinese man. He is.

You know what? I think most Chinese guys are cool. And if he can win right here, we're going to see the ramifications of a Chinese lifestyle. Are they historically good? Lindsay Vaughn's coming up. Everything. Chinese? I didn't know if they'd had snowboarding teams.

He doesn't care that they'd. there's blood on the snow right now. He just wants to compete for the red flag. Oh, man. This is fucked. Yeah, I mean, no one should be allowed to do. Whoa. Oh, my God.

That was dope. Well, now, he has like an ancient blood feud involved now because the Japanese guys are winning. So this Chinese guy, that was crazy what he just did. Yeah, it was, but he's doing it for his ancestors right now. Look how cool he is. He's stunting. Yeah, he's stunting.

It looks like he has rolled up jeans on. Yeah, he remembers the, he remembers Nand King. Golly. That was nuts. Oh, yeah. A hundred feet in the air. Oh, God. Look at him.

Ollie? Oh. Oh, no. That was still good. He touched down. Ollie, man, you're soft, bro. Come on, man. He's just a kid.

He literally has a breakout on his lip right now. He knows. For a kid. Ollie, you got a long life ahead of you of getting cool ass all over Eagle County. Yeah, you're going to be the king of that mountain when you're teaching ski school. You're going to own your own western wear company in like 12 years. You're going to have your own cologne. Sophie's going to run into you in like 15 years at a gas station and going to say,

oh my God, are you Ollie? She has a southern accent. Oh, my God. Are you Ollie from Walcott? I remember I was watching you when those Asian fellas dusted you with my brother, Sam. Yes, that Sam talent. Mm-hmm, the senator And his friend Jake, R-I-P,

and we... Oh, fuck. Sue yimming. Fuck. Sue yimming. Had to put your hand down. Olly. So what does that mean?

Third for Olly? No, he got bumped to fourth. He's off the podium. My heart breaks for this sweet boy. Off the fucking podium. Look at him. He's being nice. Look, Ollie, that's what a man does.

That sportsmanship right there. Oh, he's doing a great job, but his eyes are betraying him. That's okay. Doesn't matter. He still said congratulations. He did the right thing. He's a good dude. You know what?

Ollie, you're a kid, brother. You got a long life ahead of you of hucking that thing. You're going to be all right. This is the Chinese century. Oh, there's another Japanese guy? Yeah. What was he thinking? He still had a shot.

Their first and second. Yeah, I know. I mean, Ollie, come on, buddy. He was hoping. He's 17. Damn. He's 17. That dude threw his ass at the hill.

He had a better chance winning in fucking Starcraft than out there. on the slope. Why are they so good? It's crazy. Why didn't they show the landing? I mean, I think... I think he did the sucket when he landed. I think there's a bunch of camera guys and drone guys

trying to get it together while somebody else is fumbling alive. I think he did the Xbox socket in midair. You think he did, yeah. I mean, think of one of these guys landing with the splits. Oh, this still Ollie? Oh. Oh, no. They just busted the Chinese.

and the Japanese competitor Chris. They're trying to drum up a heated rivalry storyline because they know how popular that's been. I'm just telling you that there's already, just read your history books. There's a lot of bad blood going around. Yeah. I mean, historically.

I think it's well documented on this podcast. Yeah, we've talked about it. We've touched on it. I like Sue Yimming. Because the name's fun to say. Ollie. Ollie. And then Dane Menzis, Sophie. Dane Menzies.

That's what you're on. The Dane Menzies. My sister's got the Dane Menzies. I can't sleep in the house. Too many wallabies crawling about because of her menzies. Sophie, did you order dinner? No.

If there's not a fucking Egg Foo Young here as soon as they put this microphone down? You said you ate dinner. You had confetti Cheerios, a bag of chocolate pretzels. I'm a witness. Shut up. Yes. See?

I was kidding. I was kidding. I had a protein shake and a bag of pretzels and you said, that's enough for you, Piggy. We don't want you turning out broad like Chondo. It's cute for Chondo. I tore my ACL over here like Lindsay Vaughn.

You're not going to have an egg food young here waiting? 944. Oh, I forgot. Denver goes to bed at 10. Good point. They do. Fucking illegal Pete's closes at 11. There's a bedtime city.

You're not supposed to eat this late. Maybe my happy ass will walk over. to 715 and get a slice of pizza. I walked a half marathon this morning. I can eat whatever the fuck I want. They're open until two. You ran half a marathon? I walked it.

Well, this is some news. I mean, anything. I do 13 to 22 miles a day. Your car is sick. Was the big news for you. I've told everyone that I walk a lot. 13 to 22 miles a day? Yeah, when I'm home.

I do 13 to 22 a day. In one go. How long does that take you? 22 takes like four hours and 20 minutes. Why? Why? Because I'm crazy. I have nothing going on.

It's very nice to walk the whole mountain. Sounds not agreeing. He doesn't have to ever worry about seeing Lund out there. Never. I've seen him outside while walking once. And I do like 100 miles a week at home. That's crazy. Do your feet hurt?

No, I mean, I get really bad calluses, but they don't hurt at all. That's wild. I love it. And I can eat whatever I want. I can eat four foot of sub after I walk 20 miles. For real. Emily told me I was going to get fat again as soon as they figured out my ear, and it's been in my head pretty hard, too.

Really? Uh-huh. I don't feel so. I think I will. I gained 30 pounds in two weeks in Italy, and then I've lost it already again, but. You were never fat. I was 265 pounds when I got sick.

How come I don't remember you like that? Because I don't carry it here. 265? He had Lyme disease. How tall are you? I don't not remember that. You look like the man in the background from Italy. Yeah, there was a picture of me that Carlos posted from Skankfest, like right before I got sick, like weeks before, and I'm fucking big.

Wow, that's crazy. Yeah. 265. Yeah, I also, I think I was like the heaviest I was in Denver was probably like 225. I gained like 40 pounds in Trinidad. well yeah keep walking yeah what is this women's hockey initiative they're jamming down my throat well it's been a push for a while how is this my problem well it's not your problem it's that the college donate to the wnba the college teams took off after the big push for that in the early 2000s

you had a big push for the toilet coming so like there's been like a normal actual interest rising happening amongst young women i think women's hockey is great and anything that keeps them out of the nail salons and becoming esthetians or whatever, I think it's awesome. Dude, women's hockey rules. They beat the fuck out of each other. Sophie, I said, estheticians. That's what I am.

Oh, fuck. God. I know, that was a bit, dummy. It's Lisa Vaughan all over again. You don't pay attention to what I do. Well, you're actually not an esthetician so much as you are just the HBIC now.

That's true. But you have all these little worms scrolling around and you say you don't get your birthday off Olivia. Oh my God. Only one of you gets to come to my Super Bowl party. That's how snowy it was. Fight for it. Sorry.

She does. Yeah, make her walk. They have to walk up. That's how snowed out the view was when we took my mom to the top of the Italian Alps. And my sister was maybe the maddest I've seen her since we were like 12, 13 years old. She wanted to kill everybody. They're just digging in.

We're testing her knee. Man, all right. Look at that brace. Where are we at on this? Damn. We're done. We're done. All right.

Well, we'll finish the Lindsay Vaughn race. No. So if anything you want them to know about Lindsay Vaughn and what the Olympics are in general. Colorado, man. Winter Olympics. Colorado. How many times have you seen Colorado? More than any other state.

Yeah, it's so cool. No, it rocks. I love it. If anybody has the hookup on any of this Garden of the Gods merch, give it to me. And they won't. You guys got free Italian treats. I didn't get a fucking thing from.

Guess who also didn't get any from that? What do you mean? Me. That bakery guy? Yeah. Sent you a bunch of baked goods. Uh-huh. Not me.

Yesterday and Lund said he'd hit me up after the funeral. When we all more and differently. Then he went home and he grieved into his cakes. Jesus. He ate all your cakes. I don't know, but he didn't hit me up and he knows him gone all weekend and they're baked goods. So how long can they be good for? This guy is scum.

I'll tell you what? I'll tell you what, and I don't, I might tell you off the pod, but the other day I made Emily cry talking about something that I have intended for Lund, like how sweet it was, and how moving it is. And meanwhile, he's eating all of your treats. Oh, I don't think maliciously, just not with any extra effort. What do you mean maliciously? 100%. No extra effort to get him out. If he's picking up a cupcake that says, to Becker, keep it up, and putting it in his mouth,

and eating it joylessly and then chasing it with dog food? He better, he, God damn it. I don't know why that makes me so mad. Share the treats. I clocked what he didn't hit me up after the funeral. Like later that night when I drove back past the bar and saw he had gone home. God damn treats. No.

Well, hey, we had to edit because Lindsay Vaughn was attacked by an eagle. we're all praying for your eyes Lindsay It was crazy Hopefully they give your foreskin back No so I don't want to go on record As being anti-Lindsay Vaughn I think she's the she's a total stud Great history

You know Big part of Colorado culture Has made America very proud I just believe in team play Because I have an offensive lineman That's all right Yeah There's four other Americans

That qualified And yes Yeah she's like also one of the only skiers to ever make like a full on living doing this. So she could let any glory go to anyone else. We restarted the recording because I wanted to be adamant about my admiration for Lindsay Vaugh. Anyway, guys, thank you for listening. We love you.

And I bring me some treats to good night. Say how to Bonzo. Angelon Nail Spa. Facial spa. Sorry, facial spa. Oh, my God. If you need a facial in Denver, you go to Jalan and you ask for Sophie and you say hey I want a facial and you be very polite

and I don't care who gives it to me yes and then you walk over to our restaurant mama Kim's and you enjoy some food yeah mama Kim's is absolutely lights out as is Jalon honestly I really like Jalon I want you to extract me tonight okay