Chubby Behemoth - Big Yellow Couch Cast

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://punchup.live/samtallent     Sponsors: Ridge - One thing to pack, five ways to power! Get 10% @ Ridge with code CHUBBY at https://www.Ridge.com/CHUBBY #Ridgepod #sponsored #ad     Harry's - Chubby Behemoth fans get the Harry's Plus Trial Set for only $10 at https://www.Harrys.com/CHUBBY #Harry'sPod     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week Sam and Pat are together in Detroit. Sam thinks he tore a vocal cord, teaches pat all about a classic Colorado cryptid, and held a man as he wept. Pat wrecked Sam's dent, sat in the stall vaping for an hour, and got called weird by a man wielding a wet racket.     00:00 Proud To Present 01:14 Reverse The Curse 03:05 Hole In My Throat 04:35 The Body-Building Half Man Of Crater Lake 06:00 The Dark Arts 07:51 Name Ten Candy Bars 10:22 Well Said 12:53 The Masters 15:40 Not Many Horses In NYC 17:00 IN On Succession 19:57 I Gave You A Layover 23:19 We Get There At Night 25:30 First Rodeo 27:15 Been In For A While On That 29:19 I Represent A Guy 31:52 Melted From Microwave 33:58 That DLC Just Dropped 35:55 He's Still There 38:36 Cut To Tomorrow 40:56 I Don't Know Why They Didn't Want To Join Us 41:57 I'm Smooth 44:10 Crack Bragging 46:39 Scripture From Youtube 50:02 Racket Sports Of The Mind 52:19 That's The Guy 54:28 The Secret Ways Of The Michigan People 56:39 It IS A Giraffe 59:51 Having An Alright Time     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1   Also Featuring Patrick Richardson

Patrick and Sam are proud to present Big Yellow Couchcast. Welcome to the Big Yellow Couch cast, guys. Happy to have you. Brought to you, as always, by our sponsor, Big Yellow Couch. A lot of people have been out there sitting on tiny red love seats. Yuc. Maybe they're kind of like shipwrecked on like a medium orange ratan chair? Poor.

Yeah, poor. That's just what it says. Poor. What you need is a whole bunch. of yellow to sit on, lays about, you know, kind of, that kind of stuff. Yeah, tumbling, tumblings encouraged, going full egg. Yeah, go cannonball. You can do that on a purple ottoman.

That's not even a chair. No. It doesn't have a back. Garrish. It's not for Pat or Garrett. That's my middle name. Oh, yeah. Your middle name is Garrish.

Garrish, I am. So, yeah, we just want to, if you guys have any, like, couch related queries, please. Keep it to your fucking self. We're not here to teach you. Why don't you sit down? No. I can't see you.

Yeah, I know, because the couch is enveloping me. Yellow envelope. That's what a good couch does. I haven't been able to be over on this couch for months now. You said I could be over here. I said that it was for everybody. No, you said, welcome to the home. You can be on this couch more than anyone else.

Yeah, you can. That couch is like, to your bottom now. It was like that before. No, it was like mine. I had scooped out a little piece for myself. But now your butt's eating my piece. My little butt.

Yeah. My bony little butt. You flatten my dent with your body. Yeah. Give you back my dent. You can have it back. I'm about to leave. Yeah, I don't want you to leave without fixing the dent.

I don't know how. Okay, so what you have to do is I have to sit in it, then you have to sit on top of me. Oh. Yeah. That reverses it somehow? Reversing the curse. reverse the I have to sit on your lap conveniently I have to sit on your lap which what you've been trying to get me to do this whole time every every aching moment that is a huge

lie no he's always like Patrick come sit on my lap to sit on my lap you keep asking me hey why don't you sit on my lap never once have I even considered asking you it's never crossed my mind you're always biting your lower lip and being like come sit on my My lap. Hey, Pat, my lap's empty. My lap's dry. Pat, come sit down and feel this. Viding my lip.

You have never seen you do that and I hate it. Pat, you know what time it is. Come on. What are we doing? Sit on my lap. Sit on my fucking lap. Emily won't be home for 10 minutes. But that's it.

That's all you want. It's not like anything else. No. I just kind of want to like see what would be like to have a big dog. Yeah. Big dogs, you know, it crawls all over you? They acts like a little dog. Yeah.

Kind of big dog, small dog, NG. Yeah. You're not trying to get me to look back at it. Mm-mm. No. I'm also worried that I did tear my vocal cord. I feel like there's a hole in my throat now. You screamed them raw.

Well, that was so stupid. I should have known better. But... It's probably hard to tell how loud you were being. Well, I'm super loud with the AirPods in. Yeah. And their noise cancel. And I'm playing drums in a small room.

Real loud. Real loud. I get off on how hard I'm hitting them. Yeah. That's all I have. That's usually when you want me to come sit on your lap is when you're on the drums. Well, because I want you to work kick drums. You want to teach me how.

I can't reach the kick pedal all the time. So I want you to come down and just handle the backbeat. So the allegations are true. You're becoming smaller in height, too. I'm actually maintaining the same height, but my legs are shrinking while my body's elongated. Your torso's stretching. My torso's stretching in my sleep a quarter centimeter every week. That sucks.

Yeah. So every month, a centimeter taller, 12 centimeters taller by the end of the year. That's a foot and a half. So is it, are you staying the same height forever? You're just losing. I'm kind of concerned that if my legs keep shrinking, I'll eventually just be foot attached to six feet of man body. Your balls are going to be dragging on the ground.

Six foot torso, balls on the ground, on a little scape. Feet, just feet. Well, I'd probably have to just use the skateboard for everything, including my locomotion. Yeah, you'd be like that one small soldier without, or is that the toy story, the one freak toy that has a skateboard legs? Well, yeah, and then there was also the cryptid from the mountains of Colorado, the bodybuilding half man of Crater Lake. Really? Do you know about him? No.

Oh, dude. He scooted around on a skateboard. Halfman real strong. People would be walking by the lake at night, and then all of a sudden they'd just hear like, the board approaches. and they'd be like, what's that? And then a little guy, he would say, prepare to struggle. What?

Yeah, because he wouldn't like, he couldn't like get you real good, but like you'd have to like fight him off. It was a struggle. You know about that? He was a level one cryptid. Yeah, exactly. Just kind of a nuisance. Yeah, pretty much.

He's like the second Jim's number one Pokemon. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So yeah, he'd be, prepared a struggle. And then, like, try and climb here. And he'd be like, Jesus, dude. Come on. There's a lot of people being like, get real.

Put you the bottom of your foot on his face. It's like fighting Chuckie. Ugh. Yeah, imagine Chuckie on a skateboard. He would have got so much doll pussy. Bad boy on a skateboard. He would have been dripping in Barbie come. Oh, my God.

Every kind. Every kind. Every kind of doll. American girl dolls. Oh, they're girls, though. He's a boy. He's a little boy. That sucks.

So it's weirder that he'd be hooking up with Barbies. That sucks that he's horny even though he's a little boy. Yeah, I don't get when people love Chuckie. It's weird me out. Yeah, I think it's like people who got a major who like went to college and majored in like theater tech. The dark arts. No, like theater tech. Oh.

Like not even on stage, but like hanging muslin and like building sex. Like those kind of guys love Chuckie. Yeah. Yeah. And Tim Burton. Dark arts, I think. If you're into the dark arts, you're probably not into Chuckie because you like roll your eyes. Childish.

Yeah. Like, oh, what a juvenile portrayal of my religion. The crow is where I find my true villain. Imagine just being by Crater Lake at night. Prepare to struggle. Yeah, you're like smoking a joint, you know. Looking at the stars laying on the ground. Feet, shoes off, toes in the grass.

The Pokemon. Yeah. noise comes when you walk over some grass with a Pokemon. Yeah. Hey. And then pretty much it's just a geo dude on a skateboard. Hey, hey, I'm going to get you. Come here.

Come here. Come here. Come on. Hey, get out of the grass. I can't be in the grass. Pick me up. I want to grind on the rail. Pick me up.

Pick me up so I can get you. You have to help them get you. Come on. Give me a piggyback. Make it all right. I haven't got anyone in two damn weeks. Just let me get you. There was an old lady asleep.

I got her. Do you have a penis? No, he's a half man. Well, when he said he got an old lady. Well, yeah, you know, like Aver Annogie, pretty much. Well, I don't know where his line is. It's not. I don't know.

His end game. That's your end game. No. It's wrong. But I was curious whether or not he actually had a penis. You projected your intent upon the bodybuilding half man. I have legs. No.

No. Skapboards. I don't need to be doing stuff like that. His like ultimate goal as a monster crypted from beyond is to like get someone down and tap their forehead and say name 10 candy bars. Like that's his finisher. That's as far as he'll go. I like him then. Yeah, he's all right.

Makes life more spicy. I mean, that's one of the best reasons to hang out in the mountains. If you're not snowboarding, you're not skiing. What's his name? The bodybuilding half man of Crater Lake. That's awesome. Yeah. He might have a name, but like that's just what the newspaper calls him.

Yeah. Hey, oil me up. Yeah, I bet he's, buddy's greasy. Come on, help me oil up. He's all greasy. So that's like, he probably secretes his own grease. Oh. Because if you're trying to grapple, like if he's trying to grapple with you, it would aid him to get you.

Yeah, he evolved grease. If he was too slippery for you. Come on, man. Too slippery. Let's knock it off. Damn. Yeah. Do you have any other cryptids you know about?

Well, we met one. geez in Charleston gee whiz is what comes to my mind shout out to all the fine people of Alpharetta aka Atlanta and Charleston

South Carolina just a delightful four days of shows Wednesday in Alpharetta Hot show Hot show Should have bottled that

If it was perfume I would wear it every day That was a great show Shut out good cop Brad cop Yeah And my boy Bobby Wayne

Stats man And tapes Young tapes for driving us. Thank you, tapes. Young sleepless tapes. Anthony. Anthony. Hey.

It's me. He'd be a good bodybuilding half man of Crater Lake. Oh. If he was just like leg decapitated. That could be a good job for him. Glasses. Yeah. Maybe the building, the half man at Crater Lake should get an apprentice to start

passing it down. An apprentice or a familiar? I think that Tapes is magic. would make the bodybuilding half-man's magic more intense. Oh, okay. You could act as a prism for the bodybuilding half-man. Yeah, sort of... Until the bodybuilding half-man turns a thousand.

And then maybe it's tapes. Maybe they go with an outside higher, you know. But you would have to chop off the bottom half of his body. Tapes? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. But he would do that. Oh, yeah, he would do that.

For sure. We stayed at a place in Charleston. It was a real It was a real shit show at the butt fuck factory Well said Because we couldn't find a rental car And I couldn't figure out what it was Someone said it was Black Biker Beak

But that's in Myrtle Yeah, what's the other name for that? I don't know Are you talking about Eastbound and Down? No, Black Biker Week We saw a sign that said like YAM festival or something I don't know I did see the YAM thing

Yeah So I'm sorry, I didn't pick up on your racist joke. I think it was yours. Yeah, that's good. The old switcheroo. That's when the half man skates around, but he's doing a handstand on his skateboard so you can just see his understump. That's so scary.

Yeah, it looks like raw beef, raw hammering. Oh, that would suck, dude. Because it's all mauled from him kick pushing on his nubs. On his, well, he's, he's, he's knuckles. But yeah, he is nude. So sometimes to stop though He puts a knob down and it like grinds Do you think he has knobs?

I see him as just like literally So on the board Like nothing below the belly button He goes into the skateboard shop He's like hey come on Tune me up Yeah And they like make sure he's fastened

My legs are loose I need new bearings in my legs You're like These are trucks sir He thinks he's legs He's always asking What's on the bottom of his board Yeah

What's under there My feet are smooth. I need some new feet. You mean wheels? Feet. As they're, as they're, the whole time, too, they're trying to, like, give him a tune-up. And I give him new wheels. He's still trying to get him.

Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, dude, look, you came in last time and you said you wanted new feet. So we gave you some cool spitfires. And you tried to get me the whole time. Yeah, that's what I do. Yeah, I know. It's in my nature. My feet are all banged up.

He thinks he has feet, but they're wheels. That's what I'm trying to communicate. I have four feet. I have four feet. I used to have clay feet. No, I had polyurethane feet. My mom made me clay feet. Okay.

What the fuck? So, we couldn't get a, we couldn't get a rental car because it. it turns out it's the Masters. So Masters are in Augusta, right between Atlanta in Charleston. So our boy Tapes gave us the six-hour ride. We left right after the show on Wednesday. Pat was there because Lund didn't get a plane ticket. Classic Lund.

So brought Pat, and we trucked through the night, and I was trying to find... I wanted, like, a cute, like, kind of... I don't know. Classic Charleston type, not even a hotel, like a bed and breakfast or like, you know, like a home with a room in it would have been really nice for Charleston. Because I wanted to stay like in the historic area by the water. You'd never been there, right?

First time. Have you been anywhere in the south? I mean, I've been to Bentonville, Arkansas twice. I've been to Virginia. But no, not much. I haven't spent much time. It was my first time in Georgia, too. That's crazy.

dude i know that's a blonde spot for me is the south dude i spent so much time in the south i love the south i like it a lot i just haven't been down there much how do you know you like it then well every time i have i've had some of the best the last time we were did you just turn your mic off i don't think so am i good i didn't turn it off okay yeah we were in key west that's not the south that's a different animal yeah that's a whole different beast you can't get a saddle for that down there no that's a cryptic and it's Oh, Key West. The beast down there.

They should be on the cover of the National Enquirer. The whatever monkeys on the backs of people down there's got a stranglehold on. Hey, what's so? An iguana's the mayor. Yeah. That's what you're telling me. A homosexual iguana is the mayor. All I do is listen to Georgia Florida Line or is it Florida Georgia Line.

I don't know because I don't buy albums. I'm on LimeWire every damn day downloading Florida Georgia Line. And half the time it's damn Soldier Boy. songs. Most the damn time, it's counting crows. Which they're cool. They're cool, man. Yeah, I like Mr. Jones.

What are those crows counting anyway? I don't know, man. Probably their money. Yeah. Probably their damn money, brother. Or all the pussy that man got. That man fucked Monica and Rachel. He just had Phoebe.

He would have had the cycle. He would have gotten a turkey. That's what they call that. I mean, shit, I would have rather had Joey than Phoebe. I'll tell you what. But it was a 90s. Cudra was nice. Cudra was long.

She got a kind of a. a horse face. I think from neck to forehead was four and a half feet. Kind of a cone head. No, I'm just kidding for the character. As Sam Talent, Kudrow? A Ouga. Yeah, she was hot. I don't want to hear about her damn cat. Maybe she had some kind of fun animal, like a little horse. Well, they let Lisa Kudrow's character have a horse on the show. Well, they're in New York. I've been there. Not many horses in New York City. I went to Syracuse for a job fair. Well, did you get a job at it? It was not fair.

It was very unfair. I'm sorry about that. It's all right. Well, you shouldn't have mouthed off to me. Now apologize to me about making that joke. Which one? The fair one. Oh, I have to apologize?

Yeah, that distressed me. In my own house? Yes. You tried to do some racist yam bit. I was only reiterating what you said. Oh, I did not say that. I was driving the damn car. Yes, you did.

You said it while you was driving. How would you know that? I have ears, brother. You don't know what a steering wheel feels like. I'm not allowed to drive no. But. You're driving me? You're driving me up the damn wall.

Oh, come on. Oh, hell. Shove it. Concern it. So we were there. And so I tried to book a place, and we found this place called the Starlight Motor Inn. It's on Airbnb. The room looked cute.

They said they had a nice pool. They have a lounge. There was also very little available because it was spring. break in Charleston. The co-eds were out. Hence, the shit show at the butt fuck factory. Yes. Which might be the name of a succession episode?

I don't know. It sounds like something. I've been in on succession, bro. Yeah, it's fucking awesome. It's better the second time, huh? Yes, it's so much funnier the second time. Yeah, exactly. Because you know the characters right off the rip.

I know what they're doing. I know what they're up to. I know where they're going. And, dude, Kendall Roy in season two When he's broken Yeah When he fucking is in the car When that kid dies

Yeah And then his dad like saves him But then owns the dirt on him Owns his soul He's like a little puppy dog Dude, he is so broken That is some good acting Dude

And Tom Tom undefeated good guy Tom and Greg I can't get enough Tom and Greg And knowing now that Tom's British IRL What the fuck? Yeah

I think Greg some kind of like art guy. IRL? Yeah. He's the only, by the end of the show, he's not a good guy anymore, but he's like the only one to root for, really. Well, he's, he's the proxy for the, for the viewer. Yeah.

A little bit. And you get to see him get tarnished. I think he's like, in real life, though, he's like a live my life as an art piece kind of guy, which is just exhausting. Yeah, like. Kaufman is his guy. Like, try hard affected. Yeah.

I could be wrong. He's wearing goofy hats to the Oscars and stuff. I think he, like, has cornrows sometimes. Like, that kind of guy. He's making a statement. Yeah, like no one's free into we're all free type white guy. Yeah. Hey, everybody, you can see me in Detroit, April 15th.

You can see me in Montreal on April 22nd or 23rd. Ottawa? I don't know. The dates are switched up in my head. head. It's a Montreal. I'm in Ottawa. These are all in Punchup. Louisiana. I'll be in Baton Rouge, Lafayette and New Orleans at the end of April. Buffalo, I'm coming to helium. Please buy those tickets. Rosemont and Zanis downtown. I'm there for like six days straight. Those will sell out. Get the tickets. I can't say that in most markets, but those will sell out. So get them if you

care. Comedy Club on State after that. Dr. Grins after that. All types of fun road dates coming up. Also, pre-order brute, please. I was in the top 2,000 of all books the other day. And Random House is really fucking coming around to realize what kind of beast they've saddled up. So, yeah, just keep fucking shoving it down their throat, man. And me and Pat will be live streaming on my YouTube once a week moving forward. Yes, sir. Tuesday night. Probably tomorrow night.

Sick, Tuesday night. Well, Pat, I got to tell you. What do you got to tell me, Sam? I am a big fan of making travel easier. I know you are. You're always making my travel easier. And we do, yeah, I mean, I gave you a layover in Fort Lauderdale. That was nice.

You got me an awesome flight on Spirit Airlines that broke my spirit. I put you on an 8 a.m. flight to Georgia. You know, I got in six hours later. Oh, I mean, dude, you could have been on a bus. Dude, flights are expensive. Could have been on a bus. It's the flight I would have bought myself. I was a bus boy.

Well, when you're trapped at an airport because your boss doesn't care if you live or die. And you're sitting in the bathroom in the stall just because there's nowhere to sit in the packed out Fort Lauderdale Airport. Is that what you did? I just sat in the stall. And you weren't in the lounge. You were just in the normal everyday stall. Yeah. Hiding where the people poop.

Damn, were you vaping in there? Yeah. For sure. I was pooping and I wasn't pooping and I kept pooping and not pooping. How long do you think you were in there? hour. Well, you could have been in there all day if you had the Ridge Power Bank.

Yeah. This little brick. My laptop died. Dude, five and one power bank. Let you charge anything, anytime, anywhere. Shit. Are you in the toilet at the Fort Lauderdale Airport,

vaping? Guess what? You can watch all your shows forever. You can charge five different devices. You're telling me I can watch every season of love on the spectrum in the bathroom at the Fort Lauderdale Airport. Yeah, and you can watch.

watching on a different device in Spanish. If you're trying to learn Spanish. I can goon it. You can... Dude, there's one of the dudes on there. Which one? That like black kid Logan on the newest one? That's in the straight curly hair.

Straight curly hair. Yeah, that kid, they, on his first date, gave him like a mega babe. They found like the hottest autist there was. Yeah, yeah. Or like she didn't have autism. Before he meets the one that he does get with. I don't know. You can't spoil it for me.

Oh. But, dude. She is so effing H. Well, you could charge her up, you know. Charge me. With the Ridge Power Bank. Holds up to three full phone charges and powers your devices fast. It says personal endorsement right here.

On a lot of these, we have to, you know, lie. But this goes everywhere with me. I love this thing. I just charged my AirPods on the plane the other day, so I didn't have to miss out on any succession. I love this thing. It's great. I use their suitcase. I have qualms with the suitcase, but the power bank is really just an asset.

Put in your fanny pack, go on a bike ride. You can be in the park for hours. Yeah, and it's not a bank for white supremacists. No, no, no, it's not. It's not. It comes in olive green, base camp orange, and Matt Black. Okay? So let's clear up any of those aspersions.

Ridge Power Bank, free shipping, 99-day risk-free trial. It's the last power bank you'll ever need. It's the only one. I'll ever need again for sure. One thing to pack, five ways to power. You can find Ridge's power bank at Best Buy, or Chubby Behemoth fans. Can get 10% off at Ridge.com by using code Chubby at checkout.

Just head to ridge.com. Use code C, H, UB,B, and you're all set. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Support the show. Tell them Chubby Behemoth sent you. CB, crack bragging. That's us. Anyway, teach their own.

Greg the Egg. Greg the Egg. Pigman. He's called him Pigman. I used to call Roger Pigman. Yeah, so we booked this place to Starlight Man. We're at Witt's End. Thank you for selling out all the shows.

That was nice. Since helium came in and bought it, you know, there's a lot of pressure on those people, so keep supporting that club. I guess they're partial owner. But still, they can't fail. We're at the Starlight. We get there at night,

so I can't tell really what it looks like. We pull in at 3.40 a.m. Just go in, go to bed. Allegedly you do snore, it turns out. It's just about an hour and a half into your REM cycle. When did you come to that conclusion? The last night, I was up late gaming. You went to bed kind of early because you had to go to the airport before me.

So I was up late. City skylining, crushing it. Oh, my God. Zero traffic issues. What a dream this city is. But yeah, then you started purring over there. Yep. And I went to bed and was like, ah, crap.

I was wrong. Yep. That's wrong about you. I knew it was still in there. Oh, it's rattling around in there. It's like there's a little man who woke up. Give me out! Yeah.

Give me out! It sucks in here. Too much Taco Bell. Yeah. Eat some grain beans. I need some. Some foliage. It stinks in here.

Smells like what you eat. Eat a Game Boy on board. Eat a steam deck. Come on. Yeah, I don't know when he got in there, but he's making it fucked up in there. Yeah, but at least he lets you fall asleep nice and deep first. Yeah. Before he clocks in.

I'm never around when he's around. Yeah, it's got to be weird. Yeah, so I don't get to know him. Like you've gotten to know him I know much better than you. Yeah, you know. I might know him better than I know you, actually. Yeah, well, I left the power cord for my CPAT machine.

Classic, dumb guy, move. It was Pat's first rodeo. I had a 6am flight. I just forgot it. And I spent, I went around looking for a power cord, and I just spent a lot of time in Charles looking for a power cord. A different staples and best buys.

Buying AC adapter. returning them to staples and best buy it was pretty gay yes and i was i couldn't be less interested in your situation i knew that i tried not to bring it up too much you didn't no it was good um but i so yes you had no mask you were bane without his vein yeah and uh i was i was batman of course and tapes was the joker and the ridler kind of by the end of it whichever one likes to have sex with little people scarecrow yeah he came clean about really wanting to I have no interest in No, we were like, it's like you're a pedophile.

Well, no. Someone you were talking to said that. But you agreed. Well, it's kind of my hypothesis is that there's something wrong with you if you want to bang a tiny. Yeah. I mean...

It's pedophilia adjacent. You know who should be banging dwarves? Bodybuilding half men. I'm sure he has. They're the only ones who he gets. I bet he gets them pretty easy. He gets them pretty easy. He gets him pretty easy.

Yeah, he gets him down. He's their name in 20 candy bars before he's tired. He gets to see the art on that deck. I think he feeds off the struggle is kind of how it works. He's like a psychic vampire. There's some metaphysical stuff going on. Right, like something in the kinetic and like the fear and the surprise gives him sustenance. Yeah, he's like penny wise in that way.

Yeah, yeah, dude. Me and Emmy were out there last night building the last of those raised beds. and he built three and then we put him in the last one together last night um last podcast in the left is doing one on jimmy savel yeah oh my god awful guy i mean i knew he was bad from like the documentary and like also from my you know just like every guy who's almost 40 every white guy near his 40s i have a pretty good understanding of the worldwide pedophile network you know yeah i've been in for a while on that. You know?

I've read I've read I the Chicken Hawk. You know, I'm not dabbling. It's a book about, uh, sorry, you know, just part of that cabal, but mostly based out of an island in Michigan. Oh, I heard about that island. Yeah. Yeah. Not Belle Isle.

Not Bell Isle. No. Thank God. Yes. And we don't need to mention anything else about Bell Isle. No, nothing happened better. Give away anything on Bell Isle. That's my big fear.

That's going to get out. And then it's just going to be a bunch of shows. I just mentioned a place. Well, I know, but I was worried that we'd have to do an edit. You're a good guy. You didn't. Hold on. I almost shut up.

So, you put the video. People already know you killed Bonzo. Right, right, right. Sorry. What the fuck was I talking about? Worldwide Pedophile Network. Here's a joke that I did about Liam. Remember a little Liam in the green room?

Yeah. I said to there was, he introduced me to this kid and, uh, the kid said something about, you know, CP. And I was like, oh, child porn. Or as Liam calls it porn. That's fun. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. At Monday is what he calls it. Yeah. What he calls it is, uh, boring. Uh, so yeah, dude, the starlight. A fantastic place. I had fun there But

It was I wanted like You know Well you had your Kitchy throwback You had your gay assistant call them You didn't tell them that That failed horrifically

I called the Starlight The day previous And said hey I said hey I represent a guy He's coming to sound That do stand up comedy And I was hoping

To inquire about One of the cottages At the Starlight Do you have any of the cottages Available Because they had a couple of like better rooms in the back, but they wanted $2,100 for four nights.

Yuck. I'm not doing that. At a motel? Hotel holiday. And? So they were like, let me check. And I said all types of funny stuff is my assistant. He's going to beat my ass.

I'm going to go back to him with that number and he's going to bite my head off. You know, it's embarrassing to ask for a social media discount fund. But that's my job. Pay me to be embarrassed. That's my job. That's what I get paid for. So yeah, I'm nailing it as the gay assistant. But unsuade.

They refuse to give me any discount. I still get the regular room. Off of Airbnb. Next day, wake up, I go to the pool right away. And there's a guy over there. This was before I went with you? Yes. I had an interaction with him day one that prevented me from wanting to go to the pool that day.

because I walked in to check the water at the pool, and he said, jump in! And I said, I'm gonna. And he said, it's liberating. Don't you want to be free? So let me explain who's talking. It's a man soaking wet in his underwear.

He has a insane castaway beard, Robinson Crusoe, shipwrecked forever, long, crazy, stringy hair, intense Manson eyes. about what, 5-6? Yeah. 5-6, 5-8. Sinewy and, like, like, you know,

kind of like Pinto being red from being outside too much. He had like a roofer's body. Yeah. He had a roofer's body. He had like a hot roofer's body, for sure. A man who's bent over in front of the sun, low to the ground,

you know, kind of like a white Ecuadorian-type build. Yeah, but he has a charm to him. God's own prototype. But I can tell he's nuts right away. way. He yells jump in. I said I'm going to. He said it's liberating. Don't you want to be free? When someone's nuts and they present his nuts, I know how to engage. I am very good at talking to people who are dealing with schizophrenia, maybe not there, in between different drugs,

brains melted from microwave, whatever it is, be stung in the eye and it's swalled up their brain. Yeah, usually just kind of go with whatever they let them control the conversation. Yes, and. Yes, and. Present something new. And when they try to fucking fry your head, you just got to illogically 180 uno reversal them and fry them in return.

Yeah. It's just like nonsense, gibberish, balder dash. Don't get hung up in reality. Go on the trip with them. It's a lot like talking to someone with Alzheimer's. Yeah. That's what it's like. If your grandparents are dealing with dementia, Alzheimer's, you walk into their room.

They say, oh, Gwendolyn, I haven't seen you since the dance back in 52. You better put a bra on. Well, you just say, well, Marty, the reason why is because I moved away to wherever. Kansas City. Why can I think of a place? I'm so good at improvising. I couldn't think of one place. What?

Anyway, you just yes and them. It'll keep the conversation going, and it doesn't scare them back into not knowing who or what they are. So, yeah, John hits me with jump in. It's liberating. Don't you want to be free? And I say, I'm always seeking emancipation. That's what I say to him.

And he's like, he's rock hard. Dude, right away, he's like, yes. Fellow, Insano, Acquired. Let's fucking do platitudes at each other. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, the shit when he, so. anyway, I don't have it in me to have an insane off with him aquatically right away. No, you're like, fuck.

I've literally like, fuck. There's a hobo by the pool. No way this guy's staying here. I went, I walked, you know, and I was like, they're going to shoe him off. They'll come with the hose or the broom. Yeah. The management is in between shifts. I think they just got homeless people down there.

Like that DLC just dropped three times. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, that's the worst city skylines patch. The stinky one? The unhoused adon. Yeah. You have to build infrastructure to support the hobo jungle.

It sucks, man. Just zoning little Caesars so they can dumpster dive. I had to put in a needle exchange over by the park. Oh, yeah. No, dude. I was like, this guy's for sure just like some homeless freak. They're going to get him out of the pool. He hopped the fence.

He had a tennis racket? Yeah. And a bottle of vodka. He brought the tennis racket into the bar lounge. Sure, because he loves racket sports. Yeah. That's his thing. If a pickleball is going to break out, he's going to be ready.

So, but here's the thing that threw me, young Patrick, because I'm an observer. I'm taking it everything at all times. Like Sherlock. Right. The bottle of vodka he had. Titos. Titos. That's not hobo vodka.

He was talking about golfing. So I'm just saying in my brief glance off of him the first day before I bailed. Obo, you thought he was hobo? A hobo, but I saw Tito's. I was like, interesting. He must have stole that, you know? Yeah. That was the only thing that was like completely against hobo or unhoused.

Drifter psycho, whatever. Maybe he has that as a little container and he's got the handle back in his room and he's filling that up. Could be filling it up to impress people. He's got the pop-off. And it's more portable for the pool. Right. Yeah, yeah. It's not scaring anyone.

So when I get back from wherever the fuck I went, he was still there. Like, shit. So I can't go to the pool. Then we have shows. And also we got there at 4 a.m. or whatever. We slept pretty late. Day one, one show, come back.

Tapes is tuckered out. The next day, Friday, I go to the pool. He's there. Yeah. He's still there. He's still there. In his corner. He's got a little table with his T-dos.

He's got his own, his various rackets. His schizo-scrawls. He doesn't have any swim trunks. He's just in undies. Yeah. But I'm out there, and I get in, and he says, you lied to me. And I was like, what? And he's like, you lied.

He said you were going to get in the pool, and you didn't get in yesterday. I was like, oh, yeah, man, sorry. You know. And then he hits me with, I can't remember. Here's some of the highlights from our shit back and forth. Compassion is his enemy. Oh yeah, he hated compassion. Hates compassion because what he was trying to say was that if you open up your heart, it opens you up to heartbreak.

Basically, he said he was a pussy. Right, if you're vulnerable, you're only going to get hurt. So that was one of the arguments that we got into. Oh, when we got back that night, we went with the owner of the club Rick. Right, yes. To the blown. So this is Thursday night, first night. I have the interesting, oh, 30 seconds, one minute,

fuck, he's a hobo, got to get out of here. Then that night we come back with the owner of Witsend, who's also a minority owner, which is weird because he's a white guy. Yeah, it's confusing. In the starlight. Yep. And when we walk into the bar.

Yeah, there's a band playing. It's popping off. Yeah, it's cool. I get a drink. And then I'm going to this, like, private room that the owner has or whatever. And this guy goes, yeah, right in my face. Well, you know what he was trying to do?

What? wake up the little guy inside of you that you don't know. Yeah. Because that's actually this guy's job. This guy got laid off from the screaming inside of a different man factory. He's trying to, I'm trying to get a different guy in there. It's like a hermit crab situation. I'm the shell for these hermit crabs.

It's like worm grundling, I think is what it's called. You know, worm grundling? It's the art of like, no, like, it is. It's not the right word. Grumpin? I think it's worm grumpin. Worm grumpin? Yeah, where they like, it's like, you trick people to vibrate.

you like call into a tube and worms come out? He's grumping out the other man so he can climb in. And God, do I not want that guy in my body. It's like when you have a tapeworm, John, the little guy inside of he's a tapeworm. And John, which is the man's name, we find out, he's pretty much dangling a piece of like raw chicken in front of your mouth to try and get that worm to come out. So you can grab the worm, yank it out, and then hop in your tube. Yeah. Schizophrencite.

exactly. Skits no parasite, dude. So that was my first interaction with him. I'm you. I get a drink. I'm walking over here. And then he sat down. That was the first time you met him.

And then I think he asked me a question and I ignored him. He bailed. And I think of my head, I was like, I hope I never see that guy again. Cut to tomorrow. Next day. I'm already in there engaged with him. And I know that he's not a hobo because the owner of the place has come up and been like, Hey, John.

How are you? the fucking custodian walks by he's like Walter we're going to play ping pong and Walter's like I'm gonna dust your white ass I'm gonna beat your ass Walter Ah you talking of that shit Why don't you get in here right now Walter was trying to hustle him

And I know that sounds like a raises impression That is how the black custodian in Charleston talked Yeah, all right If I had a tape recorder I could play it back He was the man He was the only one he could wrangle John John's birthday October 24th, 1987

His mother's name is Elizabeth My's Betsy. There's all types of kismet shit happening. He's searching. That's what he tells me right away. I was like, how are you? He's like, I'm searching, man. Buscando.

And I say, yeah, searching. Yeah, yeah. I'm buscando. Tom Bien. That's what we're all doing. I just right away, I'm like nuts too. I know how to be nuts. Yeah, that's what we're all doing, man.

So it evolves and then you come out. And I'm not ready to, like, be around that. I wanted to read at the pool. You wanted to plop in, soak for a second. And read. Right. Luxurier. But you're talking to this man, and I see him, and I'm like, this is the last thing.

You know what I'm thinking immediately. Yeah, I wanted to tell you, run. Save yourself. Or, or get me out. Say I have to go. I should have done that. Yeah. But I don't know.

You had good rapport with him, so maybe I thought you were enjoying it. And I wanted to be in the pool. He grabs my book out of my hands and starts flipping through it. And he's like, read it for me. Yeah. And I'm like, you came out. You're coming on too hot, man. What's your deal?

I think I asked him what his deal. Yeah, what's your deal? Yeah. Coming in too hot, man. You threw a lighter at your belly once? He did. That was the over-the-line moment for me. For me, it was when he, like, splashed water at the women.

Two women came in and sat at the opposite end of the pool. I don't know why they didn't want to join us. I was like, fuck. They're going to think we're with this guy. They're going to think this is our dude. He's a guy. If you've ever been to a house party in Wisconsin and there's like those guys,

roofers probably, who've had 400 beers and at 6 a.m. And some crystal methamphetamine. And they're just like whispering to themselves. Yeah, yeah. Because they have to work in an hour. Yeah, and somehow are going to be great at it. Oh, yeah.

Better than I could ever be. Yeah. That's kind of the energy he had too. Yeah, shoeless roofer, for sure. Like, someone took his guitar, so now he has to sing without music. This kind of guy. Pat, touch my face. Where?

Just on my face? Smell this. God. What? What are you? Emily's bike seat? I was feeling that thing. Sorry, M.

I'm smooth. You are smooth. I'm very smooth because this morning I used a Harry's razor. All right. You got to ditch the flimsy plastic razors. Class it up. Get the Harry's Plus razor. It's got this crazy pivoting system.

It's made to reach every corner of your face. My face, obviously, chiseled from granite. A lot of corners. A lot of angles. Yeah, it makes it so easy. It's like brutalist architecture. Well, and their German-engineered blades. So they know how to get that wall nice and clean.

All right. Pat, your face. It's full of hair. Gross. It's poofed up. It's poofed up. When you get those bed bugs, your mom's going to have to use. The pub lice comb on your face afterward.

Yeah, and I'm going to be like, Mom, we did this before. You're supposed to do it the other way. She'll be like, shut up, shut up, shut up. She's wearing a house robe. She's wispy. I love that you think that I'm, I live in a Texas chainsaw. I think it's gray gardens. You and your mom are gray gardens.

Here's both in there with headwraps, shaving each other. When did I start using it? I use it this morning. I love their shave gel. The whole thing. I mean, I have to shave. I have very coarse, weird hair. It's, I haven't ever had a better razor.

I'll put you that way. And I have nothing to gain from this because the checker already cleared. The Harry's system. It's very good. It's refined. It's an everyday thing that you, it just, I don't know, it heightens. It's classy. Has a real line of shave gel, which I do love, the deodorant, body wash, risk-free trial.

You've got to try it, Pat. We'll get you some hairs. Maybe I'll go egg mode. You should shave my whole face. And head? And eyebrows. Dude, please go egg bones. Egg.

I'll give you 100 bucks if you go egg bones. 100 bones. 50? All right, deal. For a limited time, Chubby Behemoth fans can get Harry's Plus trial set for only $10 at harries.com slash chubby. That set includes the all new Harry's Plus razor, one refined five blade cartridge, two ounce foaming shave gel, and a travel coverage or protect your blades on the go. Just head to harries.com slash chubby. Afterwards, they're going to ask where you heard about him.

Support the show. Tell him Chubby B sent you. Breaker, breaker. So he's nuts, and he's dominating us, but we're having some, I think I'm making some headway through his darkness. Then he starts talking about how last night. He was CB in. He was crack bragging. He was CB in hard.

He was CB radio. Breaker, breaker, I smoke crack and got my heartbroken three times last night. Over. Is that what he calls it when he busts and O? he gets his heart broken. I got my heart broken all over her check and nest. I like to break hearts, man. I like to break,

I wake up, I break my heart. I can't have a day unless I'm breaking my own heart a couple times. I got to break my heart once a day. Yuck. Yuck. This is come, it's blood. This is blood. Oh, for sure.

From all the gratitude. Yeah, he kept crack bragging. Yeah, he said that he smoked crack the night before as if, and I'm, you know, it's kind of like, well, duh. I assumed you smoked crack. And also, you're not like really like, this isn't you being vulnerable and letting me in. I'm sure you told Walter you smoke crack. Yeah.

He's like, I tried to call my mom. She didn't answer. I was like, well, yeah, she's probably busy, you know, has nothing to do with you. She's probably because you suck. It's three in the afternoon and you're, you probably called her last night high on crack while you were breaking your heart. Yeah, you felt guilt immediately. So you tried to repent by calling your mom. So I do my time over there.

I flee. Yeah, I was in the pool while you were talking to him. I'm in and out of the conversation. In my head, I'm justifying why I'm not, like, engaging. I'm like, it's good to be in the moment and just enjoy being in the water. I don't have to talk to this guy. No, you didn't have to. You didn't know him anything.

But me, I'm a collector of stories, you see. Yeah. And when a guy's willing to be completely nuts, I want to hear what he has to say. So, I ask naive questions, you know, the Adam Friedland School, journalism. It's like, oh, what? What do you mean? You know, you have a compassion? He's like, no, no. He thinks he's putting you under his wing. Right. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't, yeah, for sure, he thought that, like, he was going to break me off some knowledge and freak me out, and then I would ultimately ostracize him because he's so weird, and then he would be right

again about how the world's turned its back on him. And that that space doesn't exist. I did an hour. I did an hour with him. You did an hour. People pay $30 for this. Yeah. And then I, I went and I tried to hide in a different part of the place. You left me. I left you. I was trying to read. He came, sat down next to me on the pool, the pool chairs. And he just starts playing like scripture from YouTube on his phone in my ear. Dude, that's how he opened with me when I went in there. And it was like lo-fi, spooky old man talking about Jesus. And it freaked me out. Dude, that was a recording he got from a different hobo the day before. Because he likes to walk around and ask people like real intense questions.

And then record him. And then record him. So he met a veteran. That's kind of a cool actually. He was wearing like a VFW hat, you know? Yeah. And he was like, did you serve? And he was like, I was in Vietnam.

And he's like, tell me, tell me something that you want to tell the world. He held up his phone. And that guy just said that, I guess. Damn. So that was how he hit me. And I'm like, all right, this guy's fucking nuts. But that was cool. Yeah.

And what a, just a crazy, like, opening volley for him to give me is, listen to this hero. This is what a man sounds like. And I'm like, fuck yeah, dude, that rules. Yeah, I thought it was like a YouTube video or something. No, that was his own. He was out being an, you know, anthropologist. Yeah, he was. Probably spent crack with that guy.

Yeah, cool, cool. They're on the CB radio together. Oh, for sure. So he bothers you. When I leave and I walk to the little zone, I see him get in the chair next to you. and I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah. I wasn't, like, afraid or anything.

It was just annoying because I wanted to chill. You wanted to chill, and he's the opposite of that. Yeah. He's just impregnating you with his shit. John's inside of you. Let me in. Let me in there. There was a brief interlude where he was playing ping pong with a race car driver, you said.

Yeah, yeah. He was bothering me, and then this guy walks into the pool area, and he pops up. He's like, play ping pong with me. And I guess the guy said, yeah. And then he was like, what's 67 mean or whatever the guy's tattoo was, I assume? And he was like, that was my race car driver. And then they walked inside and played ping pong. Went an angel.

Yeah, he might have been a literal angel. Well, all he did was ultimately funnel him out the back door to me where I was hiding. Yeah. I had my weed pipe. P.S. if he can smoke it. I loaded him a bowl, gave it to him, you know, didn't hit it while he hit it. He let him burn it to his face. Weed famously good for schizo.

Oh, my God. If you're worrying that you have schizophrenia, try weed. I'll lock that thing. Yeah, yeah. Just crawl right inside your head and fucking start punching your cerebellum. That might be the worst advice given on this podcast ever. You know, I'm not the doctor, but Emily is, and she gives that advice all the time. And that's on the record.

Yeah, some people will come in and be like, I'm worried, I'm nuts. And she's like, why don't you get high, stupid? And they're like, okay. And then the next time they come back and they're like, I'm a stapler. She's like, exactly. Weed's bad. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the long game.

Yeah. Three D-D chess. Fighting the war against weed. By giving it the schizos. She's doing her own MK Ultra. She's taking the weed here to work. She's creating a bunch of Paul Robson's. She's cryptid making.

I mean, who do you think the bodybuilding half-man came from? Oh, no. Emily's early work. Oh, shit. Her undergrad. Damn. Oh, Emmy. So we, I'm over there.

He comes over. He starts smoking weed. Blah, blah, blah. Half hour of him unloading me. You know, we're playing racquet sports of the mind. He hits me with some fucked up shit. I smack it back with a different light to the point where he starts weeping and I hold him. I held him as he wept for three to five minutes.

real tight too. Like he was crushing me and I returned it. Did you start crying? It was like Fight Club, bro. You didn't start crying? No, I was like, this sucks. But honestly, dude, I was like, this sucks initially. Because he was like, started crying and I was like, I stood up and I was like, get over here.

And I gave him a hug. And I was like, this sucks. But as it lingered, I was like, okay, I'm going to try and literally pump him full of like all the positivity. Like any shit that I might have inside of. me like any energy like a mutant that I have yeah because I feel like sometimes I can like cheer people up like I have that force yeah and I was just okay so I was like this sucks but then as I heard he started crushing me harder and harder I was like it's all right man forgive yourself give yourself grace and I start like yelling that and like squeezing him really hard you had to let that

intensity out somehow I think I popped his balloon bro yeah I think that like all the shit came out of his ears he probably hasn't been pre-posed but he hasn't been touched like that in a while I'm sure. His heads is it and I lanced it. You like fill them with all those like wholesome chemicals in his brain that he hasn't gotten in a while. Also he was shirtless at this point. I forgot to tell you that.

He popped his shirt off after the ping pong match. He didn't. I assumed he played ping pong just in his underwear is what I was fiction. No, he had like a different fit when he came out. But then like as he got stoned, he took his shirt off and, you know, talked about how the sun is God, blah, blah, blah. But yeah, he held that guy. and then I was like, call your grandma, and I walked away.

And then he bumped into you at the bar. I didn't know any of that had happened. And I'm at the lounge having a pre-show beer. I'm talking to the bartender, this woman, Jesse, from New York. Right. She's talking my damn ear off. I'm like, all right, this is fine. I can't win in here.

Yeah, I just wanted to, like, chill and have a beer. But we're talking. And then she's like, she told me that some guy last night said that she had really broad shoulders. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, that's messed up. She's like, yeah, he was being a dick. And then two seconds later, John walks in.

And she's like, that's the guy. Oh, no. And I was like, this fucking guy? Yeah. And then he sits down and is like, Sam's a good guy. Yeah. And I'm like, what? I'm so confused because I don't think you had given him your name.

Yeah. And he's like, I love him. That's what he said? Yeah, he said, I love him. Yeah. You're weird. And then he's like, you're weird, but I really like Sam. I'm like, hell yeah, dude.

He's got like a wet racket, and he's, like, swinging this wet racket around. And the security guard for the motel follows him in. And he's just, like, cussing out the security guard. Yeah. This young black guy who's just, like, just, like, feels like his soul is crushed, just following this guy around because he hasn't gotten the green light to, like, use force or whatever. Well, I did want to have a discussion with. the manager there and be like, hey, when I booked this,

it didn't say that there was a unhinged homeless man crack bragging at the pool. Yeah. Could you guys maybe give me some money back? I didn't do that. But he was a lot. And the next day, he was banned from the property. Yep. Yep.

So that was good news. We were worried he might show up to your show. Because you said you had to go up to dinner. With my cousin, who just had a baby. Yeah. Yeah, dude. So he was sitting on the balcony when we walked across the street to Wits End. And I literally, like, did one of these.

And then as soon as I was behind his back, I ran. Yeah, you did. Because if he would have, if he would have found out that I was lying, he would have, it would have shattered him. He would have been nothing but shards. He would have bounced that racket off your head. I think he would have had to kill you. Because I'm weird. No, to get the little guy out of you.

So you had a partner to run around with it. That's right. What time are we? I have to pee really bad. 47. 47. Do you want to pause? No, no, I can write it out.

Pat, you're leaving. Can you tell the people anything that you've learned while you've been here? I've learned the secret ways of the Michigan people. I've learned how to run red lights. I've learned of toxic fog. Toxic fog.

For you must not go outside when the toxic fog is in town. I mean, that was like the first week you were here. Like the first week and a half, I feel it was. Toxic fog haunts you. It was haunting toxic fog.

I have enjoyed my time here It feels The weather's been really nice Great weather Finally Now Finally You're leaving when the sun's back

The sun's out You came, you were the moon It was good I am the moon The moon has a tail Butter moon The moon has a long tail Did you know that made of sodium

Tell me about this Are you lying? No, it's got a long tail Made of salt I had one of those When I was born They cut it up Yeah

You were a salt bay Long briny tail Yeah Salt baby I had to sleep on my belly For the first three weeks Of my life You popped down

The doctor was like he's pickled It's like we got a little charmender He's a pickle type Yeah Yeah you're gonna drive all the way home Yeah I gotta drive home Oh golly Um, when it Friday.

I'm driving home Friday morning. Friday. Friday. Because me and, uh, me and old Emmett, we're gonna go to Ohio with our little niece and our sister-in-law. Little Susu's birthday, extravaganza. That'll be fun, man. We're also going to a safari park.

Which is like... With the creatures? Yeah, hopefully the bodybuilder's not there. Sisu kills him. Susu pulls out a gun. Like she... Like she gets a gun. Well, she thinks she's hunting because it's a,

safari so she brought a rifle yeah yeah exactly she put the things called she's going to throw the christians to the lions is what she's going to do yes she's going to go full school old world arabic yeah yeah i hope that comes out of her but yeah no i guess you just were going to cruise through in hannah's van and like giraffes put their heads in and you can feed him an apple damn you should recreate my tattoo that was funny when john asked what your tattoo oh yeah that was the highlight of your interactions with John. And I was like, it's a giraffe sucking a guy off. Through the window.

And it took him quite a while to process it. And then he asked me if he could have that. And I said, yeah. He probably thought that he was hallucinating when he saw it. And the fact that you could see it as well, like, scared the shit out of him. And he was like, oh, yeah, it is. It is a giraffe sucking a guy off through the window. Or that's happened to him.

Right, yeah. And he was freaked out by that. never go back to the safari park in Ohio. And his mobile home. Yeah. In his RV. Well, Pat, I'm going to, I'm going to miss your antics around the house. Last night, me and Emily went hot tubbing.

And then I came in and I got nude in the kitchen. It was just bottomless. And I was doing a funny bit. And then I remembered you were here. I was like, oh, fuck, I have to put on undies. Emily was like, I was hoping you were going to stay nude below the waist. Yeah, no. Pat's.

You can go back. to that. We're getting back to it, yeah. You can whinny the poo around. Emmy is historically, like, she is neuter than most people in my history, so she'll be back to her nudity, but that'll be the only change. We'll miss you.

Yeah, it's weird that she only stopped being nude when we were both here. I know, yeah. She was still doing it when I was just here. I get jealous. I get jealous if I'm around, but yeah. I mean, a lot of people are nude around their sons. It's good. She wants to show you her clits,

bigger than yours. And it is. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Huge clit on that doctor. Dr. T. We call her thumbo. She listens.

She's going to kill me. I might have to leave early. Yeah. Like, Patrick, I heard what you said. He said you wouldn't tell anyone I was nude. I forgot she listened. Love you. Love you, Emerald.

Well, you know what I got to say. Oh yeah, you can show me the... Yeah, we got to watch the cut of Wide World. Yeah, and I'll give you notes. Yeah. Get that puppy out. Yeah, please. And then we're going to go to 20 minutes or so, little episodes moving forward.

So it's not this insane task for everybody. Yeah, we can pop them out quicker. Yeah. God damn. I hope John's okay. I just was realizing that what if he, like, found out, that I was lying. Guys like that know how to find out who a guy is.

Yeah. He probably held the night clerk at gunpoint and was like, what was his last name? Yeah. Instead of Googling me, he like does some kind of ritual or sigil and like a bunch of crows form my name in the sky. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, it shows him exactly where you live.

He's coming over here right now. He's walking. Yeah. A big picture of Emily's work pops up in the sky. Right. Yeah. Uh-huh. I must find the doctor.

I bet that guy is arrested. I bet he is doing crack somewhere, having an all right time. Probably. Still deeply sad, but he's partying still. Hopefully he forgot about me forever. John, I'm sure. You meet so many characters? Yeah, he probably hugs a lot of men while he cries.

Well, that's true. That part, maybe not so much. I don't know. But if you see a hobo out there, instead of locking your car door, why don't you get out and give him a hug? Maybe not if you're a woman Or don't do that actually

He might get body lights He don't let a hobo get you But if you are worried you're having like paranoid delusions Or suffering, waking hallucinations Just try a little gungia Try a little of that grass Baby smooth it all out Better yet salvia do some salvia

Hey man You know just give some deterra Get some detoura Go full Josh Sofol Get some nutmeg Yeah Nutmeg cinnamon. Do a bunch of nutmeg.

Banana peel. Well, I said all my safe words, damn it. Guys, follow at Patrick Piss. Patrick.Piss. Patrick. Dot Piss. Even harder to find. A lot of people have been hitting me up after the shows this weekend. Patrick.

Dot Piss on Instagram. You can follow his antics. Pat, I love you. I'm proud of you. I hope you get home safe. I will. I will. And I hope I don't get bedbugs on the way home.

Not my problem. Couldn't care less. Yeah. I hope you show up to your moms and she has to get out the old lice comb and just go through your pubs with it like when you were a boy. You hope that.

That'd be fun. Welcome home. Your mom has to de louse her baby. You're completely nude. She'd love that. No, she would. She would. She'd be like, I missed you, Patrick.

She missed when we did this. Yeah, she'd be like, your turn. I've been growing. Yuck. Goodbye. Yuck.