Chubby Behemoth - Bucket Bird

Episode Date: October 18, 2026

Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1     SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/     Sponsors: CashApp - Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. Click here to get started: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/g0yurtz9 #CashAppPartner. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement), Sutton debit flex card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-sutton), and Bancorp debit flex card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-bancorp). Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct Deposit, Round Ups, Overdraft Coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit https://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.     IndaCloud - If you're 21 or older, get 30% OFF your first order @ IndaCloud with code CHUBBY at https://inda.shop/CHUBBY #indacloudpod     Chubbies - Your new wardrobe awaits! Get $20 off @chubbies with the code chubby at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/chubby #chubbiespod #ad     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the boys are together again in Kansas City. Sam doesn't like the usage of 'let', witnessed a crowd turn on a woman overdoing it with quesadillas, and ate a half jar of peanut butter over a sink. Nathan felt a way for the first time in a decade, only does that with Pat, and recounts a crazy gummy experience.     00:00 Is This Too Much Foot? 02:04 Bed Hopping 04:09 On All The Towels 06:15 One Of The Negatives 08:46 Should Of Rolled You 10:20 Little Curve Ball 11:54 Show Of Strength 14:06 Kiss Coin 16:57 I Didn't Mean To 19:49 Rolling Their Eyes 21:51 We Would Go 25:50 Not Trying To Brag 27:04 Six Of Them 29:32 Some Zingers 31:03 Very Much In Detroit 33:28 That Song Came On 35:06 4 Bowls 37:18 Car Juice 38:08 Fall Moves Fast 41:31 Tell The People On Your Phone 43:58 Shout It Out 45:36 New Target 47:38 It's Interesting 50:00 It's Nice To Have A Good Teacher 52:23 That's Why I'm Showing Belly 56:33 Dora The Explorer 59:32 That's A Long List 01:00:35 That's Also A Lie 01:02:28 Next Thing I Know 01:05:40 Half A Jar Of Peanut Butter 01:08:00 Welcome To Denver Moment     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

Is this too much foot? I'm not going to give them all this. I don't like what they do with my toes. I'm giving them everything. They love your toes. Yeah, I don't want them to tickle their pickles to my pickles. They already got shirtless Becker today on Instagram. How about that?

How's the response been? I thought it was crazy when you posted that. You didn't even tag me, I don't think. What are you talking about? I don't think there's any way to construe that I posted it. Yeah, because you posted it from the account. Oh, yeah. On your phone that you're checking all the time to talk to your kittens.

I saw it. I didn't grid post a photo of you on my Instagram. I thought it was on yours. I didn't say, hey, cats and kittens. It's me, sexy Becker wishing you all a sensual Saturday on my main. Yeah. Oh, man. I let you read it.

I texted to the group chat. I know. I thought that was what you were going to write on your account, though. On the Chubby Bee account, it's much more like I might have done it. Yeah, exactly. That's why it's hilarious. It is hilarious. I just put it together, though.

You stone joke. And you want to be my butler. What's the hell? How many cigarettes have you had on the balcony? Like, Don't lie. I don't care. No, I'm trying to actually think.

Probably like six. Okay. Because I had two last night and probably like four the night before because I didn't really sleep much. Yeah. Why didn't you sleep so much? Because your discord was active. No,

I just like went back to the room and then had to go to the bathroom. and was in there with that crazy light on. Oh, dude, the light is such a menace when you're sharing a room. It's daylight in there. Dude, daylight in there. And also, the light switches on the outside of the bathroom. So you can't do anything to be. So if I'm sleeping in here, I'm getting the sunrise.

Yeah. Yeah. So I went in there, woke all the way up. And it was just like, well, I'll just get a little high and watch some bullshit TV and pass out. Yeah. And then, no, next thing, it was like 3.30 in the morning. and I was mad that I wasn't asleep yet and then went to bed at like 4.4.30.

It's tough to go back to bed when you're mad. Let me tell you. Yeah, why don't you share that experience from two nights ago? Well, it's been a bit of bed hopping, you know? It's kind of like we're to swing or sleep away in here, but it's the three of us and no one is getting laid. Me and Lund were sharing this room initially.

And Lund, you know, due to his unique proportions as he used. to say. I guess some skinny people snore, too. So it's about your mouth more than your gut. But that skinny, the skinny snoring is their bones actually rattling in their holdings. It's the hip socket. Yeah.

It's a chattering. It's like teeth. Yeah. So Lund has a bit of a snore. Sometimes way worse than other times. Because you've said before, in recent memory, it's been a lot better. It's been like little and cute and you haven't cared. And that was nice.

Yeah. And we also don't always share, you know, you've gotten us some Airbnbs recently, so we haven't had to worry about it. But, yeah, Thursday night you said it was, B.Bibb, Babb, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B. And I forgot that Becker sleeps with headphones on. So it actually makes more sense. I only sleep with headphones on on the road, though, because...

But you also do sleep propped. Yeah, I sleep. So you sleep in a position that's actually more hospitable for headphones. Oh, yeah, absolutely. When I as I sleep on my side, like I'm in my mommy's womb. I'm fetus. My feet's are tucked, arms up like this, clutching a pillow, because my wife won't share a sheet with me anymore.

We had to share a sheet the other day when we went and got that dog, and she must have elbowed and kicked me 10 times in the night. She was like, stop! Every time you move, I move. And I'm like, yeah, you got to get separate bedding. Oh, at home. At home, yeah. But in the hotel, you just didn't think about it. She takes the big one. Or like, this one has thin sheet, blanket, thin sheet. Optimal. What'd you do? What'd you have in Ohio? I mean, it was a similar operation. It wasn't a Sinesda hotel. It just bifta. Sanesta. We're not Hilton. We're not Marriott. We're our own thing. Do you want to sign up for our rewards program?

I'll never be back here. Sanesta, fuck you. We don't care. Why would you? Senesta, there's a little bit of blood on all the towels. Oh, dude, Senesta, the pull-out couch,

make sure you flip it over. Oh, yeah. Was it? Blood. No. The head. It was discolored, like someone's gums bled

through into the mattress. There's also like blood discoloring all over the back of that couch. Oh, dude. Right here? Yeah. Oh, it's someone popped in there. It looked bad.

Someone had a Lizzie Borden-esque mencies all over that thing. But not if it's at the head. Well, maybe they were twerking. It's in the middle, you know, or the lower third. Maybe they popped a balloon. Then it's Vaj. But otherwise, it's just maybe somebody like me, scratching, picking their back, their shoulders. I hope it was a chronic picking, sit.

And then going to sleep. And not a gunshot womb that he tried to sleep off. Yeah. Because it definitely does look like they got like a hammered. to the head and then they hit the couch and kind of bled into that for a while and then you know pulled it out yeah someone hit him with the

spike in the heart like Pulp Fiction and then they pulled out the couch as he levitated you know and hit him with a different dart to reverse it and then he hit it again and just bled but yeah I had to flip it so that the blood one was at the bottom yeah so my feet might be infected but you guys will never know because I'm hiding them

luckily you said it was comfy oh yeah because in addition to me snoring bad. So you said you were up 8 a.m. to 11 a.m. Because of my snoring and you were like hitting me with pillows and then like small rocks and then big rocks and then a hammer.

I got some bottle rockets. And I just kept saw on logs. Yeah, I wanted to saw you in half honestly. Yeah, it sucked. I told you when to wake up and have you tell me like man the snoring kept me up. It sucked. I'm pissed. Like not at you but I didn't sleep

for three hours. Man, you were snoring. Real passive. No, I could tell. Well, I know it's bad. Well, I know, but I could have said, hey, what's up, man? And then, like, let you wake up before I hit you with my shit.

But I chose to be pissy immediately, which totally nukes the morning. And I regretted it because then I have to win you back with my new shimmies and shakes. No, I felt bad. And I told you it's the first time in a decade that I felt like when I was drinking. Uh-huh. Because I did.

some shit that I don't remember that sucked that pissed you off and I haven't been pissed about any of it until you told me something like 20 minutes ago about maybe not remembering a dalliance with one of the most beautiful women we've ever laid our eyes on yeah one of the yeah one of the negatives of drinking till you black out is sometimes you don't remember bad stuff but sometimes you miss out on some cool shit and this lady was so beautiful and so just I would I told him that if I was ever in a situation where I had like an exploited prison victim that I was satisfying my most carnal-based needs upon, I would have this woman's contours tattooed on his back. Because it's like she was the assemblage. God bless her. Still is. Yeah, totally. I mean, I want to say your name just to be like, hey, you still got it.

But I'm not going to do that. Yeah, like I said, if you were in eighth grade and you were drawing like your dream woman, Yeah. You'd probably get pretty close. So, yeah. Right, like Jessica Fox, is that the lady from Roger Rabbit? Jessica Rabbit. Like, Jessica Rabbit, if they would have drawn her with this woman's proportions,

they would have said, hey, tone it back. Jessica, Fox rabbit. She has to be able to stand up. Her maiden name was Fox. If she's that top heavy and she's that big on the bottom, but her waist is that spelt, she'll literally snap in half. Yeah. Or, uh, well, Lana on Archer was just, you know, and the, uh, the motion capture actor.

was obviously similar proportion. Who was that? Just a, I don't know if she does. Really? Other acting work? No. In my head it always was. And in my hand.

Pounding it to Archer. Christina Hendricks is like Jessica Rabbit come to life. Yeah, pretty crazy. But yeah, so you snore and you reminded you of being drunk. And much like when you were drunk, you knew that you came, but you weren't sure why. and the person they also slept in the room was disappointed. I told Megan that... And couldn't get to sleep because they were mad at you.

Yeah, well, yeah, I told Megan you were pissed because of my snoring, and she said, he should have rolled you. And then I told you that when we were hugging to try to put it behind us. Yeah, yeah. And you said, brother, I rocked you, I shook you. Yeah. Because you've done it before. You've had to deal with bad snoring.

I've saddled up and rode this bowl. Over the years. Yeah. I know how to... calm this storm. I don't know what. Seated these clouds. Better or worse.

Well, usually it's a simple nudge. And then you'll get like maybe three to five minutes of quiet out of you before you readjust and your accordions collapse again. But the nudge method wasn't working. So yes, there was a pillow on the ground. I woke up. Well, I woke up the last time because you were like, hey, hey. Yeah.

You're snoring. And I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah. And then I think I stayed up. no you went back to bed you were unrocked in fact he said

good he said I'm glad yummy down on this yeah that sucked yeah that sucked I get mad because I can't sure I didn't be mad at someone for something they're not

in control of I can control it yeah you were awake the whole time chose to snore It was just a noise on your phone. Yeah. Like, this will show them.

Three hours. I'm Nathan Fielder. Yeah, that sucked. And then last night, I gave you another curveball because I felt a little pre-sick. Not actually sick, but that shitty, like, run down even though I slept good or whatever. It's coming. All of a sudden, it was like, oh, no. I know what this feeling is.

I haven't been sick in a while. and I was like, oh, no. So I told you, and you slept in the van. No, I'm glad the couch was okay. I told you not to put everyone's fingers in your mouth at the meet and greet. You shake their hand, and it's like, that's boring. So you try to give them a memory. And so, hey, put your finger in my mouth.

What will you? Touch me wherever you want. Right. Use me. So you get to touch me wherever you want first, but I get to touch you wherever I want second. So if you're nice, I'm nice. But if you go hard, I'm going to fucking. Benyon hat.

Or what about I'll touch you wherever you touch me? That's fucking hot. That's a hot thing. Take that home. I mean, I mean, I know what my wife would touch something. Shout out to, you know what I mean? Whoa. What's up all you sexy freaks?

Come see Sam T. in the gang live in Bentonville, Arkansas for the Big Diamond Comedy Festival wrestling show with Lund. As well as my own headlining event. get your tickets. November 4th, I'll be in Governors. That's in Long Island. That'll be insane.

Hopefully McFolly will be in attendance. Hey, here's the only show of strength, as the great James McCann would say. Get your Bell House tickets, please, because I really want to try and add a second show. Bell House, New York, November 5th, Manchester, Connecticut, Comedy Works, of course,

for Thanksgiving, Helium Philly. And then I'm going to probably record at Royal Oak. So get your tickets for Royal Oak at the end of the year. I think I'm going to film it. Be done with these jokes forever. And, uh, you know, see what comes next. I will be, uh, at Comedy Works with you and headlining that Sunday.

You're doing Sunday, but. I have an audition to try to get those feature spots with you. Well, I heard that I want to do a two-man show. I need someone to do a half hour. I heard you only have 15. I can scrape together at half hour. I can do some, I can do some crowd work. I could sing a song.

Me and Pat. Whatever I want. You're whacking. I'm not whacking. I promise you don't have to worry about whether I'm whacking over here. I couldn't see over the thigh. I did it earlier while you were on the phone. Oh, good.

I will also be back at Cisophis Brewing, December 26th, and go bananas for New Year's Eve weekend. So we'll do shows on the 31st and January 2nd. And those Groke Bananas tickets are available now. Cicephas should be soon. Figuring it out. For Boat and Brewing

in Loveland, Colorado. Whoa. October 28th. Nice. Whoa, that's gonna be all bright. Steamboat. January 29th, I might try to bring Noah

along with me and feed him a bunch of coffee. See him a bunch of coffee. See if he fits in the glove box. We'll see if his audition tape is accepted. Feed him coffee and oysters. The Tacoma Toosum. And join the Patreon, of course.

Becker, tell them why. Because we have some of our funniest, not because we choose funnier ones, but just some of our best episodes are over there. It's a dollar 25 an episode a month. Plus we throw in some bonus Nathan NWO wrestling commentary in every like two years Sam does a music episode. So come check us out over there. Patreon.com slash chubby behemoth. Shout out to whoever last night. I've only witnessed, maybe I haven't seen every encounter that you've had with somebody who has that yak.

Oh, yeah. What is it called? Yeah, kiss coin. Kiss coin. But last night was the first time I've seen somebody spin it. It lands on kiss on the mouth and they actually did it or let you kiss them. Hey, didn't, it's not let me kiss them. It's me honoring the rules of a thing I didn't agree to.

to engender myself further with people who I want to sell tickets to. I understand. I'm saying that the first time they abided by the outcome of... Because every other time, there's been a few times... He's spun it? He showed you, so I'm guessing

he had spun it already. I've never seen the spin. I don't think there's a spinner in it, is there? There must be. I don't know. They just present the coin and I say, all right, I'm kissing you on the fucking mouth, though. But isn't it like a wheel of fortune

where there's a little... There's a little... There's different thing outcomes. I've never investigated. I've just seen the coin and said, all right, pussy, let's kiss. You have it tattooed on your chin or whatever. I'm sure my wife touches me. That's the thing.

The one place she would touch me, I don't really want to touch her. What does it look like? The coin. It's like a medallion. And one side of it has like the yak branding on it. And then the other side is like a pie diagram, you know, with a bunch of different colored segments. Yeah.

Kind of like trivial pursuit. But I don't know if that inner ring spins or not. or if it's just like, I don't know what it is. I've literally, whenever anyone hands it to me, I say, time to make the donuts. But then they don't let you kiss. Then you don't kiss on the money. Let is not the term. I know semantics.

I know, counselor. I understand, homophobic. It's not that you're fucking. It sounds like I'm begging that. No, it's like, let me kiss you. I thought that there were, that there was a little spinner or something where it's like, hey, do you want to play this game where we do whatever it says. Sure.

But I was mistaken, I guess. We'll look it up. I don't understand. I've just seen where people are like, hey, look at this. And then you're like, oh, okay. So do you want me to kiss you on the mouth? Will you let me kiss you? I would love to kiss you on the mouth.

It's my favorite thing. It's kissing a dude. That's why I work the Midwest so much. Kissing a dude who showers now and again and love sports. Kissing a guy who listens to barstool on his tractor. That's the guy who's not using Red Man or Levi Garrett at all. That guy is definitely not plugged tobacco. So, yeah, I guess I don't really know.

But yeah, the dude was like, hey, bring it in. Yeah. And you guys kissed. You know, he wanted a kiss on the cheek. Okay. He was like, kiss me on the cheek. And I said, I'm only kissing you on the lid. I'm so over it now.

I don't get. Oh, that exhausted you? That two minute exchange? Well, it's just like, what is even, so it's just like a stupid thing. I don't know. It is stupid thing. It's a stupid thing that these guys. It's jealous that I don't kiss you or not.

No, I don't want to kiss you. We've kissed. I know, and I didn't like it. Yeah. We're not like that. I told, I think it was just Becker and Pat where I was like, yeah, Pat said something about kissing, you know, and it was like, oh, I tried to kiss him after my set, one of my sets in St. Louis. And he negged me. And he acted like he didn't know that I, or he said that I didn't go in.

And I was like, I did. And you pulled back. And he was like, well, I didn't mean to. At least he pulled back and you didn't get a big paw to the face. Imagine that meant. But it got a laugh because it looked like I went to kiss. him and he was like ugh yeah and then he did i think he said he tried to kiss me yeah so that was all very funny that's very funny yeah for i ended up saying something like you know i i don't kiss

other friends it's just pat i just want pat he has those big wet lips man i don't even like the wet part but he's got those pedophile eyes those big wet lips non-sized yeah short-eyed that one Who's this lady? Christina Hendricks at home? Jessica Chastain. Oh, yeah. Well, she, that's, I thought it, I was worried that.

Or wait, that's a reduction. It might be Bryce Dallas Howard. Yes, that's a little Howard. She's got the big backyard. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. She's got the outback. Is she the lady in the water?

God, there wasn't any water left in that hot tub when that dump her. Oh, there it is. Oh, yeah. God, it's crazy. I just, I love, I love a woman with natural contours. It's so refreshing when you see. It's like what Kendrick said about, like, give me the one with stretch marks.

Dude, a woman, like, now, like, I'll see a woman's, like, hip with, like, little stretch marks, and I'm like, oh, like, that's been getting me. Yeah, I don't know. Like, the, like, the weird dimple side of a woman's hip, you know, right here where, like, there's sometimes a divot, and now I'll just see, like, a 33-year-old woman with a little stretch mark, and I'm like, it's because your wife is trying to live forever, and so that is, like, the standard for you. Right.

And so anything else is exotic or whatever, you know, what you, what you, what you, what? what you can't have. Oh, yeah. She looks like, you said recently, when we were in New Zealand and she was in the hot tub and she, like, posed herself like a, like a, like a, like a life-size doll, it was so funny because she does the skin care routine, eats healthy. Constant exercise.

Yes. She's keeping it tight. And yeah, she's never been tighter. She, uh, yeah, that was very funny. She nailed it. Yeah. She was able to, and then just like lifeless eyes or whatever,

like just stared straight ahead. It was very funny. She nailed it in one take. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she looked like a doll that you would order on the black web. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. This guy's still alive.

Is this the Jurassic Park you guys were talking about earlier? No, this is the one from like 10 years ago, I think. You said that the new Jurassic Park is just people are rolling their eyes at Velosteract. Jackoff motion at dinosaurs because it's been 30 years. Right. So you mean that, like, a bunch of young people who have not been around for 30 years don't give a fuck. What?

Because video games are cool? And also they cured autism in this weird future? No one's on the spectrum anymore? No adults are, you know, constantly splitting their time and paychecks between dinosaur watching and train spotting. Yeah, horns and funco pops. It was so, it was, and it's in the very beginning. Like, that's the whole setup of the plot or whatever is, oh, yeah, it's been 30 years. and everybody's moved on.

And then I don't remember why dinosaurs are just roaming in the cities, but it's like they're homeless. Yeah. And what? People throw change at them and then they wreck a whole freeway overpass. Right. It doesn't make any sense that people are just like ignoring them. And they're offered a clean your windshield.

They're marginalized. And if you don't, they bite your car in half. It was so annoying. Becker, you'd love dinosaurs, right? Yeah. Dinosaurs rule. If dinosaurs were real, how much time would you spend going to see them? Well, I think it'd be like a Disney World situation,

because I imagine it would stink real bad. And it would be... You'd be surrounded by the worst kind of people that want to, like, you know, reptile people are pretty weird. Yeah. Yeah. I think you go, like, once a decade and check out, like, the bronosaurus is. And be like, whoa, this is a cool place to be stoned.

Man, I feel like we would go. You'd see the feedings. You'd see, like, they would have to have a lot of land. So you'd have, like, a tram, like, going over. Safari style. Yeah, like, it would be sick. It would be cool. And that movie was like, oh, but everybody wants to gamble instead.

Or what I was like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. It's a candy crush, replace dinosaurs. We would go. Like, the way we travel, the same way we went and saw a movie yesterday, we'd be like, dude, they got this mating pair of Tyrannosaurus. and they're going to make them fuck tomorrow, we're going. That's what I would have surprised you guys with

instead of street fighter chickens. By the way, and no, it's not to make it a write-off, but now it is. Street Fighter, in theaters, mandatory viewing.

Very fun. For anyone who's a similar age to us. Yeah, it checked a lot of boxes. I was happy. You know, some of it, I told somebody last night

that some of it was dumb in a bad way, but most of it was dumb in a good way. I liked what they did. I liked the flashbacks or anime. I liked the amount of fighting. Just some of it was annoying where it's like, yeah, I guess. But

you do have to kind of not, you know, I didn't care. It wasn't like I was pissed. And I certainly didn't care about any accuracy to the video games or anything. Was Joe in the video games? Or did they make him up? I don't remember Joe at all. Okay. He might have just had to

be like this he was like a patsy or whatever you know just yeah and pc right literally yeah an npc and then uh you know at the end it was a fitting end told joe oh yeah so yeah i don't know uh but yeah i yeah i thought i'm glad that we watched it you kept it a surprise until did i guess yeah you guessed thursday or whatever uh because i was writing it off because i had to take that emergency meeting yeah oh you had to yeah you had to pivot and so you you updated us on what it was or alluded to it. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm glad we saw it.

And also, you know, we want to see, you can see everything. But everybody keeps talking about how rocked they are. And I know how other Nathan Fielder stuff has made me feel, which is like confused or like, just kind of like dizzy, like because he can do so many weird little things that like show people's real sides or many. however much she's either manipulating or reacting to real people and letting them be however weird they are. It's kind of a lot and it gets in your head. Megan like tapped out right away on,

she didn't love the rehearsal, the ending with that kid actor being all confused, like wanting Nathan to be his dad. She thought that was kind of fucked up. Or was she worked? I don't know. But I mean, that little kid was kind of, he got worked. No, but was that kid or work?

Oh, I don't know. That's the magic of this like almost Andy Kaufman-esque world that fielders created is like, okay, how many accidental masterpieces can one man make? Yeah, no, I'm, I'm all in. Like, he's so brilliant. But I, so yeah, I think it would have been tough to do what we did with Street Fighter, which was, or with, you know, with, you can see everything, which is watch it and immediately go try to do two shows when you just, we would, we would have maybe just wanted to talk about it for. an hour and a half. Yeah. So.

But our voices hurt like mine does right now. Doesn't? Oh yeah. Fuck. I screamed into a pillow last night to get my excitement out. Oh, yeah. Hey, by the way, Chubby Behemoth Army, the boys stay winning. All right.

We got some cool shit to share with you all upcoming. Big things popping, little things stopping. Yeah. And you guys can say, I knew it. You could say I was there since day one. I remember the mutiny basement. Six years ago. Yeah, baby.

But I wish that I could, I don't know. You can say they changed. You can say they used to be cool. You can go the other way with it if you want. You can turn to kneel. You can say that their politics have changed. They're gay now. They're gay and woke.

Whatever you want. Well, Nathan. Sam. I know one thing about you. I'm not trying to brag about knowing you the best. You know me inside and out. But if I know one thing about you, this episode is brought to you by Cash App.

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Visit our link in bio. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. I love financial services. Oh yeah, somebody responded to Becker's picture by saying, why doesn't he have any nipples? And I said, he has six of them. They're just covered in hair. Right, zoom it.

See if you can find them all. Yeah. Find the half does, as he calls them. Go digging for donut holes. Yeah, no nipples. It's hard to see him in the picture, but it's because of the hair. I saw a great movie that was recommended in the total glazed job. that was the Anthony Jessel, Nick Pat and Oswald,

Brute episode. If you haven't seen that, if you want to hear a thing that made me the happiest I've been and most seen, as my sister says, she does improv. Right, yeah. And seen. They just really, you know, words like masterpiece and stuff like that.

Thank you to those two men. It was beautiful. But Patton Oswald asked at the end, he was like, I wonder if Sam's seen this movie called Writers of Justice, which is a Danish movie. It stars Mads Mikkelson, and I watched it because I hadn't seen it. And oh my God, I've never seen a film navigate tone like this. Awesome.

It is a comedy, and not just a comedy, but a laugh out loud, ten times comedy. Whoa. Like, how many times do you watch a movie? laying on the ground in your house alone and you're laughing out loud. So, and I didn't realize it was a comedy until like halfway through because Emily was kind of watching it. Not really. She was doing, uh, work at home on the couch and like I would laugh and she'd say what happened. So I'm figuring out it's a comedy in real time. But also it's taken, bro.

Wow. It's like Mads Mikkelson's wife dies on a train crash. Yeah. But then they think that the train crash was orchestrated to kill the head of like a motorcycle gang. Okay. So it's literally taken, but also like, dude, it's a family comedy, too. It's PG-13. No, no.

It's heavy-duty action. There's a lot of breaking guys next, you know, and like shootouts. It's awesome. But it's also like, that's what I'm saying. I've never seen a movie that did, that walked this like crazy tightrope spinning the plates. That sounds all at once so well. I can't recommend it enough. So Patton thought that the book was very funny.

Yeah, he thought it was hilarious. Which I want to read again because I've seen people say that, and I feel like there's not a ton of laughs. I don't think there's any laughs in the book, honestly. I think Uncle's a big character and he's funny. Yes. I don't know. I guess they do add up.

Yeah, but it's not like running the light, which had more laughs than, well, I guess a good, mix of laughs and dark fucked up stuff. Yeah. Obviously. I think that what the compliment that he gave me when he asked if I'd seen it was Sam's, the book does a lot of things all at once with different tones

and makes it into something new. And yeah, but no, I'm not trying to glaze myself further. They did a great job. I mean, there's nothing left. Dude's books number fucking 53 on all books right now. That's new releases, 125 overall on Amazon. Like it's cooking, man. That was

the nicest thing. They didn't have to do that. I'm glad that they were motivated to do it by the strength of the work, obviously. But so why did I bring that out? Oh, because that movie. Yeah. So, but what did I eat during that movie was Chipotle. Okay. And where did I get the Chapolet?

Down the street. The spot? Yep. By my house. Yes. And, you know, Detroit, it's still a thriving city full of many different patches and a cultural quilt that shames the world. You know? It's a beautiful place to live.

They're back, baby. We're back, baby. Detroit City. So, but this Chipotle is very much in Detroit. So I walk in. I happen to be the only white person in there. Why is it like we're in a cave all of a sudden? I don't know.

You started echoing. Really? Yeah. Oh, maybe it's a vibration through this thing. I don't know. I have no idea. Weird. I think I uncorked.

It just started. Or my vocal cords healed. Maybe they pop back into place. You're fired up. Mm-hmm. Doing the big comeback. Right. But at 6.30 during a weekday, so it's packed.

There's a line out the door. We're in the little antechamber, you know. So I'm standing in there, and I get in, and I see that the front of the line, the only other white person in there, happens to be a small blonde woman wearing scrubs. And, you know, heads are turning. Lines are not really moving. So I see, finally, from my vantage, she has three bowls in front of her that have been made. there's a fourth bowl being prepared nice oh man oh dude also in this scenario

a young woman moved over to the to go counter to try and order from there because things were getting so frantic and fever pitched and they said we don't do that you have to order on your phone and then she tried to order on her phone couldn't figure it out tried to come back over

and get back in her spot in line and the person refused her entry denied denied and saw that they oh come on and had been standing behind this person for at least seven minutes because the line hasn't moved since I got there she and that that is not just selfish to try to do that that that would have helped the person behind them so I don't like that I don't like it either but I'm saying this is the kind of atmosphere that's going on and I don't I don't like that more than this the other interaction the main interaction I would have a loud back in.

Because that's kind of a tough. Yes. I wouldn't allow. They tried to do something for a minute and it didn't work. But there's also the person who's like, oh, you thought you were so smart. Look at you now. Stupid. Yeah.

I don't know. Also, we've talked before about the whole, oh, yeah, we have plenty of, oh, it was you ask, can't you just get the veggies from over there? No, it's separate. And it's like, shut the fuck. No, it's not. Go get my goddamn veggies. Get over there, DoorDash.

Go on. Bring me my roughage. please. Okay. So, damn, that is cold. That describes...

That's a cold-ass move. It's so cold in the D. All right? How the fuck are we supposed to make peace? Dude, that song came on when I was like...

The radio? No, like at a bar? Oh, yeah. That song came out at a bar one time. Me and Emmy were in there with her sister. The whole fucking bar sang along every word.

Hell yeah. This was probably like 10 years ago. I didn't ever heard the song before. It was like a meme. Just a YouTube video. Well, not in Detroit. Right. No.

Not in the city of the D. No. It's like they handed out fucking lyric sheets an hour before we got there. We shall overcome. Yeah. Yeah. And it was like young white. Hannah was new every word of course, you know.

She's arm and arm with like a 50 year old black woman. Everyone's twerking. But it wasn't it like the ninth video on YouTube to explode? It's from a long time ago, I think. Oh, yeah. It's an old one. It's so cold in the deep. They're in a cemetery.

I don't know. Yeah, I remember. Yeah. It's been around for a while. Like kind of in front of it. underpass. There's a couple of iconic shots from that video. Right.

Probably shot it on Bell Isle, where I went birding with Uncle Tom, and he saw a lifetime bird, which was cool. Whoa. Yeah. Once in a lifetime, you'll see that pretty little bird. Yeah, he was on his lifetime goal sheet. Wow. Yeah, pretty sick.

Bucket list. Bucket list bird. Usually my bucket bird is, you know, deep fried. Covered in pubes. You've called your penis a bucket bird. Probably. I'm kidding. Who knows?

I'm kidding, but I got you. I meant chicken fried. It's got the spices on. So we're back in this Chipotle. The woman has four bowls. Four bowls. Which I, if you know what each one is getting put in there, it's okay. She's doing this one.

Constantly taking her time. Yeah, you can't. She's been sent. She's the low woman on the totem pole, obviously. She's not a doctor. Right. So she has been sent to do this unpleasant task. But you could do it quick and it wouldn't be that big of a deal. You got to call it in.

You got to call this order in. Yes, yes. That's the online order. But three or four bowls, you could do it quick and I don't think it's that big of a deal. Well, I'll tell you what. But she was blowing it. It's not the most efficient Chipotle I've ever been to. Yeah.

That's all I'm, that's, you know, it's just, that's fine. So, and I go there, I love it. But she's on her phone like this. And so I'm in the very back, like right against the door where the ante chamber heads. People are constantly throwing their hat on the ground and then picking it back up. It's a lot of crossed arms and like, muttering. Shaking ahead. And like, now it's audible muttering.

The room's soaked in kerosene. All we need a little friction and the spark's going to pop. And that's when the spark pops. because she says I just need and it's like you know I just need one

I just need one more thing I need three casillas That's not one more thing I just need three casillas And the man standing behind her Who is a man in his 50s I'd say maybe 60s He's gray underneath the ball cap

Yeah He's wearing He's thrown on the ground several times He's punching it Yeah Punching a hole Damn, that's from like cartoons. Yeah.

Buster Keaton. Coolidge wins. Yeah. It's like Jim Hickok's type hat. That's why he got it. So he could be mad at the suffragette movement. All right. That's pretty good.

Yeah, three casadillas. Three casadias. That's nuts. And the man behind her is wearing, he's a mechanic. So he's covered in the blue mechanic gear. Car juice. Car juice, yes. Becker Jizz.

Yeah, he smells great. Sexy Becker's Sensual Saturday. Who's that? Who the hell is that? I don't know. Oh, my God. She looks young, but this movie's from a while. She's not 15.

She looks young, bro. She's probably 22. She looks young, brough. Okay. So you're trying to paint me as a sexual villain this episode, and I don't appreciate it. Yeah. I'm begging people to let me kiss them. You were so defensive about...

I wasn't letting it. I don't want people to think that I'm overjoyed whenever I see a kiss coin because then they're going to bring them to the shows more. Well, Lund, there's one thing I know about you. It's that fall moves fast. And I move faster.

You might move faster than fall, yeah. Not spring or summer. And winter can be swift, but yeah. You're like a fall type guy. Nice and slow. I love a long fall. Dude, on stage tonight, a guy was alone right by the right front row left alone, long body. I was like, what are you doing here alone?

He's like, I'm in town visiting my daughter. I was like, what's she up to? And he's like, she's on fall break. And I said, oh, I hope she gets up. Hope it wasn't a compound fracture. And you know what's insane about me is I wish I said, I hope she springs back. but and I yeah I mean they only wish I had to redo but yeah there's one thing I know about you it's that Halloween the holidays to the new year slow it down with Indy Cloud

there it is yeah what is Inda Cloud oh it's our favorite is it a fully legal online cannabis dispensary you know it does it have all the treats I need for the season oh yeah do they sell beast mode all-on-one vapes what yeah oh yeah oh Do they have relaxing flour and pre-rolls? Yes. Do they have high-grade pharmaceutical ketamine? No. No.

Oh, well, they do have energy gumming, sleep gummies, and zero-sugar T-HC sodas, as well as low-grade non-fartaceutical-grade ketamine. And that's what I love the most about into cloud. They'll get you what you want. All right, I mean, look, the customer service over there, you reach out, you say, hey, I love the flour, I love the gummies. They put me to sleep. I eat them on airplanes all the time.

But what I need right now is a little horse. I want to ride the white snake. Indicloud's customer service people, they won't provide that for you, but they might be able to connect you with the people who can. Yeah, give them a call.

You psycho? I mean, I love Indicloud. They're fans. I feel like we can have fun on this read. For sure. You know? They're not a financial services platform. No, they are. They're not a bank, though. They are a financial services platform, but not a...

That's where I get my advice. I call it into cloud. They say invest in potato chips. Yeah, they say legalizes. Comfy socks. Trampolines. Yeah. Have you seen the Pusher trilogy? Well, we recommend you do with Indicloud. It's never streaming. All into cloud products are federally legal hemp THC, lab tested ship to street leader your door. Tell them, Lund. If you are 21 or older, like me, just a little older than 21, go to indecloud.

That's dot c0.c.com and use code chubby for 30% off your first subscription order. Again, that's indecloud.com. Your subscription ships regularly and discreetly with free gifts and free shipping on qualifying orders. After you order, fill out the survey and tell them Chubby, behemoth sent you. Enjoy responsibly and thanks to Inda Cloud. No, they're all scared. The man behind her, she says, I just need three casadias.

He says, you don't need those casillas. There's people here who need their casadias. People here are real hunger. People here who work 10 goddamn hours today and we need our casadias. So you're not getting those cascadias. You can go to Taco Bell. Tell the people on your phone, they're not getting their casadias because we need our casillas. Nobody getting

50 ccs of cassidias at the hospital tonight. No one's getting their baby food, damn it. So she's now like, you know, I can't hear what she says because I'm in the back, but he's yelling and then other people in line are like, mm-hmm, you know, there's a lot

of like preach going on. And I, of course, don't make eye contact with anyone in the room because I'm about to be like, this is is ridiculous. You know,

like I want to get involved. Let everyone know I'm with it. I'm on the side of... I'm with the movement. Yeah. You're not going to tell them, hey, my wife's a doctor. She works in health care.

You got to give her a break. You're not going to step in on her side. Also, she looked like a vet tech. She's covered in dog fur. Yeah, yeah. She's high on pills. She has a collar on. Her crocs had a bunch of bobbles in her.

Yeah. She was vet tech coated. But yeah, it's like, I don't, I'm not getting involved. No, you're a dog. I'm a dog. You've turned into a dog. A dog brain.

Hello darkness, my friend. I don't think that being the only, that's what I saying, to let them know, you know. What? Everyone was black except for me and this woman. And I want everyone to know. I went wide up. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's like, I don't think that's right, but like I do feel the need to like, you know, that's me wanting to be an ally. That's me wanting to virtue signal. You're saying, no, it's not right. But it's. It's okay. We're going to make it. No, and that is not okay. I think four bowls, I don't know.

I guess actually, thinking about how many people are in line, like you kind of can't have four bowls, let alone seven things total. Not at 630. No. Not at 630 at the busiest, the only Chipotle. Call it in. That's like a four in the afternoon or like an eight o'clock at night move. Yeah.

No, you're right. That's us rolling in for breakfast at one. Yeah. You know? Let's us getting our breakfast bowls. Noah tried to get my ass in Fort Collins because I got burritos for Joe and Pat. And then Noah got a bowl. I got a bowl.

But Noah ordered first. And then I was going to start to order two burritos in a bowl. I have all the shit I need. I'm going to shout it out. And he comes up. And it's dead. There's nobody ahead of us. There's nobody that came in right behind us.

But after he ordered, he came back over and he goes, there's a lady behind you, you should probably let her go. And I go, we don't have time. What are you talking about? We don't have a bunch of time. Like, she'll be okay. Yeah. Because, yeah.

Also, Noah, what guilt do you have about this stranger? What did you do in your mind to her? Did you hurt? Yeah. And also, maybe she's a vet tech too. Moral oral. No in his taste. Trying to tell.

He's looking his lips, you know, at a fucking ankle bracelet that's actually, you know, a piss tester or whatever. Some mobile can't drink ankle unit. and he's like, wow, I love your beach braids, you know.

God. But yeah, sorry. I was going to kill him. Oh, yeah. Do you want me to buy your bowl or not, buddy? Why don't you shut the fuck up

so I can eat before my special? Yeah. But I've also invited you on. I'm just supposed to let whoever comes in, hey, I'm ordering three things, so it'll take an extra 45 seconds. You should go ahead of me.

What are you talking? That's guilt. That's just guilt in your head. He's unwell. His parents yell at him? a lot. Right, yeah. I don't think they yelled at him.

I think he got the fucking yelled at himself. He got the belt. I took the belt off. Thank God. Becker was flinching a lot. But yeah, how did that resolve?

Oh, so how it resolved is they took her over to the mobile station to make her three casillas. What did the lady that tried to do that? And the ten DoorDash people who are standing there waiting for their shit

now have a new target. Oh, yeah. So they brought her from one pool of sharks Yeah. And we're all frothing, dude. Into the orca tank. I was the closest I've ever been to like, you know, you know, like let him.

I'm like, fuck this bitch, get her out of here. Like, if I was hungry too, and also, I hadn't eaten all day, and I had to get back. And so, yeah, then I just hear the murmuring over there. And then the line flies. It's like people were sliding down a pole in the back to come put this thing out. Yeah. It was crazy. fucking poor lady yeah they didn't have safreitas i was like can i get sefridas and they were like

what's that and i was like uh you never mind yeah it's like the the vegan meat and they were like oh yeah we don't have that what else do you want they were just like burn them and turn them yeah yeah it's fun it's fun doing black business it is i did white business my whole life it's standing on black business yeah it's uh it's a it's a whole new uh experience for me and i'm thriving in it. Yeah, you're from Colorado. Yeah. I'm from honky tonk, USA. Except in the books. You know about I'm from books.

I'm from rodeo town. You know, I'm from Garth Brooks. Oh, shout out. The son of my favorite teacher ever, Mr. Travis, whose wife was the one. It was either her or Sandy Storch. Mrs. Travis or Sandy Storch got me the special chair.

Shout out to Mr. Travis. He was my high school teacher. Blasting a bunch of. of other ones? Yeah, they got me the special chair from high school. So yeah, he hit me up to say that his dad loved my book.

And his dad doesn't have social media or a way to get a hold of me, but he wanted me to tell him that. So that rules. Shout to Mr. Travis. Didn't let me slide on charm. This motherfucker called me on shit all the time. He was like, why do you act stupid?

Like, you're so smart. Like, you need to be in this play. I'm going to make you Conrad Birdie. Like, you're, you know, like, you're going to quit. basketball, that kind of stuff. It's like, you need to do this. You're really good at this.

Quit like, oh, dude, he used to catch me smoking sigs. Because Joe Hatfield lived across the street from him, and we'd always be over there, like, scraping resin and smoking sigs or whatever. Joe was, like, 12, and it's me, Jordan Barry, crusty, Bonzo. We used to make him jump off roofs and stuff. Like, but yeah, Mr. Travis, but then Monday at school, he'd be like, it's interesting that the Hatfields let you enjoy cigarettes on their property. Don't they know that's a crime?

You're under 18, Sam. He's obviously busted me smoking in Clay's car one time. He's like, hmm, wonder if Clay's parents know that you smoke cigarettes in their automobile. Quisical. You literally, yeah. Jesus. He, like, made me take AP English. Interesting development.

Yeah. He was the man. And then I posted something once on Facebook about, it was like probably 2008. You'd be working at a gas station if it wasn't for him. I mean... You'd be a burnout. Yeah. You'd be the guy in the fucking mechanic outfit.

Oh, yeah. Hey, I gotta get home, girls. My wife's going to kick my ass. Hey, Raw's about to start. I gotta get home for Smackdown. You fucking coos. You piece of shit. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's who I would be. I left my, I still got to go and get my smokes from my old, ex-old lady's house. And you're fucking fucking me right now. I left the dune buggy running.

Gas is $7 a gallon. I got to get back to Destin. Damn. Oh, that guy saved your ass. Oh, for sure. 100%. You'd be one of the guys dead. Fucking, you would have,

you would have drowned in mud if it wasn't for him. I'm going to say, I'm going to guess that. Yeah. I would have drowned in mud, but I wouldn't have been able to talk about it on a podcast if it was for him. So, yeah. Shout out to Mr. T. It's nice to have a nice teacher.

Dude, I'm so grateful for the several teachers that were cool, gave a shit. One of them was like, you, I'm going to help you. When I moved to Henderson, I've told you, Jerry Beckhart, RIP, giant woman, but so, funny and warm and realized that because my transcripts hadn't transferred over from Evergreen Park, I was in like normal classes instead of the smarter, you know, whatever they called it. Better kid class. Yeah. Non-mongos.

The, she was like, I realized that you're waiting on your transcripts, but I'm going to make sure that we get those or whatever. And thank God because I was getting hit in the face every other day in math. thanks to old Chad Bordeaux, who was a man, and I was still a little boy. He was 22. Yeah, he was, ugh. So, yeah, I know I've talked about that before, but I have a handful of teachers that were really helpful in supporting me, letting me know that, like, hey, keep it up or whatever. And I know that that hasn't gone away, but we've made it harder on teachers to do that, to be there for students or to,

take that initiative because your teach Mr. T could have gotten in trouble if like your parents or other parents like raised a fuss. Oh yeah. And now a lot of parents try to put teachers in a weird place where they're not, they're supposed to teach them, but they're not supposed to help them in any other way or mentor. Or share their lives. Like Jerry Becker was gay and I didn't know until I think after she had died, another, a classmate's, parents were like told her that she was a lesbian and then she told me and I was like I don't think so she would have told me because we were very close but she couldn't or was scared to because of parents how you were in the music you listen because of my dad somebody somebody messaged me

recently and called him dick penis and it cracked me up it had been a while since I had thought about it well Lund if there's one thing I know about you it's your fall wardrobe should be cozy not constricting that's why i'm showing belly is i had to unbutton a couple of shirt buttons over here to get comfy and cozy yeah i was constricted over here i mean i'm wearing a button up i'm wearing an office shirt to the to the podcast recording i know you're at the luo well chubby's wardrobe or whatever chubbies chubbies chubbies chubby's ball collection is built for maximum... Oh, sorry, Chubby's fall collection

is built for maximum fall collection. I hope she gets up. The pride collection comes before the fall collection. Well, the pride collection came in June, and it was tight. And this is not. The fall collection is built for maximum comfort and minimal effort,

which is your whole thing. So who cares situation, for sure. For your balls. But you can trust Chubbies is going to make you look good while you barely register what's going on around you. Well, you think bed comfy, feet cold.

Chubbies has you not nude. Check that box, stupid. Chubbies makes premium shorts, swim around everyday clothing. Flannels. Oh, sure. Very soft flannels. Yeah, that's nice. Becker's been studying textile flashcards.

With quick drawing fabrics in bold prints and colors, chubbies are perfect for days outside on the couch or on the go. Now here's what I want. On the run. I want a couch that's on wheels and desks. that I can take outside and go with. And that's what wearing chubby feels like. They're the only shorts I wear around the house.

I really hate that fall has come for one reason. It's I can't wear my comfy shorts anymore. But the fall collection says, hey, God, shut up. I'm in charge of the sun. I love when you can bundle up up top and then still rock some shorts and some crocs. A hoodie with shorts. Oh, yeah. It's a summer camp.

Yeah, they're great. I do want one of those fucking shirts. I haven't gotten one of those shirts. Be and Be and Be and Becker both have that one. Yeah. Yeah, you do. That's pretty nice for you guys. Yeah, it rules.

You look comfy. You can tell people it's free. It's from Chubbies. They're soft. Yeah, I've touched it. Check out Chubby's new OG crew comfort shorts and sweatshirts or rep your favorite team with the NFL by Chubby's collection. Go Broncos. Oh, it's fun to watch that game with a bunch of Chiefs fans.

Give them all the finger at various times. whether you're layering up for tailgates, lounging through lazy Sundays, or giving a bunch of chiefs fans the finger. Sorry, this is verbatim. I thought it said a verbatim. That's my favorite new DJ. Whether you're layering up for tailgates, this is so important. I have to read it exactly word for work.

Yeah, or else we're going to get in trouble. Right, or they're going to give me the fucking belt, which is tough because they're mostly drawstring. Whether you're layering up for tailgates, you could hang someone with a drawstring. Hit him with a garot, a trip wire, fall into your pungy pit. your balls will feel like they're in the opposite of a pungy pit with chuffies whether you're layering up for tail there's no feces soaked spikes in these underwear

I think I can no trap I think I can say that yeah there's no one screaming Diti Mao while you eat mice uh oh hold on I haven't gotten the verbatim part yeah you're never going to either no no whether you're layering up for tailgates, lounging through lazy Sundays, or spinning a chamber on that six-shooter.

Dear Hunter? Keep it up. I'm sorry. I don't care. Hey, what else am I going to do? I don't know. Whether you're layering up for tailgates, lounging through lazy Sundays are just leaning fully into fall comfort.

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Damn. Mm-hmm. Unlike Becker, it's anti-Becker. Yep. Opposite ends. Oh, wait, before, do you have anything because he had a funny thing? Please, Becker. Tell us what happened at home, your journey into, because I told you how I got all

fucked up. Oh, I didn't. So I'm going to say my thing and then you say your thing. Oh, yeah. The gummies. Yeah. Yeah. We both took sleep gummies with crazy results. I have enjoyed having like some of a nighttime gummy before I have to drive to Denver because, so I can conk out. You're like timing it. Without without, and not a full one because they're a lot or whatever. And if I'm going to sleep for like three or four hours, take half of one or whatever. Helps make sure I go to bed instead to like thinking about random shit all night. So I, before driving up to Denver for this weekend, I take a full gummy because I could have slept for maybe like four and a half hours if I would have conked.

But I realized there were a lot of dishes and I didn't want to leave them all for Megan. So, because she has to do everything else while I'm gone. And we have three dogs. Maybe four. Who even knows? I don't love it. It's a fucking thing you have to do to be an adult. dishwasher.

Yeah, we never have dishwashers either. I hope people know that we... Yeah, on purpose. No, it's not like I choose... You keep choosing houses without dishwashers. No, it's just how it's been, which is weird. Yeah. But, um, so I take a full gummy and start doing dishes.

After like 20 minutes or a half hour, they're fucking, it kicks in and I feel nuts. I'm like, oh, what? And like, tired, but also like, oh, it was crazy. It was crazy for like another 20 minutes or whatever. Describe the feeling. It wasn't like, it just felt like out of body almost, like, uh, wonky,

like, uh, dizzy almost. Like, uh, weak knees for like a second or two. Like you're like teetering on the edge of something. Not drunk, but definitely like, affected or whatever. Like so tense that you're like a rubber band. Yeah. It was just like, oh shit.

And then resonating. And I, and I, and I, it felt like scary a little. like not fun like oh i'm fucked up it was like oh no what's happening and i guess because i other times haven't uh if if i ever had a whole one i it was right before i laid down so i would conk but uh yeah so i'm like oh shit i'm like riding the snake and i'm like i got to do more of these dishes so i'm making you know doesn't leave me yeah so i don't die so i fucking uh ride it and then it goes away where it doesn't feel like that

for very long. Then I go to lay down and I have like an hour and a half panic attack where my heart is going. I'm thinking about all of like the potential negative things that can happen to a person in a life. That's a long list. Eventually. Eventually Beanie comes and lays like by me and I'm like, oh.

Through him across the room. Does she know that I'm dying? And I was like, no, that's cats. She doesn't know shit. So she's by me. But she does like... That's your first thought. Does this dog know that I'm dying?

I'm dying. I'm dying. So funny. Well, and you know, nine times out of ten, I've told you guys, nine times out of ten, I know that this is weed and it'll go through me and it'll be fine. But I'm also 44 fat as hell. And so I'm like, it is, it's just the weed until it isn't. So Beanie actually does like help my heart slow down a couple different times.

A couple times it goes back up. But it helps where it's like it is the weed. Like I'm thinking about how there's no, there's no other like pain or any signs, like no arm numbness, whatever. My lips aren't blue, my hands aren't sweating. I don't have a stomach ache. I can smile.

Yeah. That's also a lie. Everybody loves my smile. Emmys told me, yeah, I thought that too. Or burnt hair. I've heard it my entire life. She says there's nothing true about that. Whoa.

Yeah. Just like three guys said that. You know, that's why they say swim, bro. It's like smile, you know? Or safe. It's smile, arms, face droopiness. I can't remember. It's fast.

It's this. Fast, yeah. Face arms speech, time. Yeah. So if your face is drooping on one side, your arms don't go up. If you have like slurred speech, you need to immediately go. It's time. Because you don't have a lot of time.

Yeah. And that's why when I had those panic attacks in Humbold back after my mom's stroke, I stood in front of the. mirror literally for like Chris Sharpen I's here we're sharing a room and I was in the bathroom like this talking to myself like hey you're okay just both arms up smiling like yeah as you're talking

and smiling everything's okay you're not having a stroke if you can do this just for three out my next morning my lips were all chapped and my eyes were all red and he's like what the fuck happened to you and I was like brother there's those weird cookies that they gave us and then I ate like a plate of weed cookies before bed

and was like who cares legalize it and then I woke up like Undertaker I'm like, I'm talking, keep talking and walking. If you're grooving, you're moving.

Yeah. So yeah, it sucked. I was actually worried that it was going to last so long that I was going to hear my alarm and I haven't slept and I can't drive

three hours in the middle of the night from three to six a.m. And I wasn't going to come here and dick around with you guys and ruined your night of sleep. Yeah. It would have been for the best. Butterfly effect.

No, but I was able. to sleep for a while, woke up feeling good, and that was a relief. And you told me something that was also funny. Well, we were talking about, like, I think, though, the new gummy formula is extra good for, like, knocking you out. But I ate, like, six of them. Four or six of them? Like, it wasn't a lot. Like, I was kidding. I didn't eat the whole bag. I think it was four. How many milligrams? They're like 10. They're not crazy, but they have those alphionine. They're the sleepy time gummies. And they keep changing the... formula and the new ones i think are like right on but i had a bunch of them got pretty high was

sitting in my chair fucking decide it's time to go to bed put all my shit in my bed have a podcast playing get naked getting bad chubby behemian jubby behemus jubby behemian yeah listen to us truly insane you and doug started over fucking crazy shout out dug uh and then like the next thing I know, I was waking up in my chair, but not like waking up. It was like coming out of a blackout. Like there wasn't a It's like you were hypnotized and came too.

It was like those weird levity moments when you're too fucked up, but it definitely wasn't like I wasn't like slumped or drooling and then like woke myself up or something. It was like I was already looking ahead and all of a sudden it was on. Yeah. And I was like, oh fuck how long have I passed out in the living room? The TV's

off. And then I was like why are I like naked already? I usually don't get naked until I'm like in my bedroom And then I was like well I better get my phone and go to bed And then started looking for my phone Like where the fuck did I How would I have lost my phone And then went in my room

And saw that like no I indeed had gone to bed and done my whole ritual I think I slept sleepwalked a little bit But I don't know if I like He totally did you check the oven to see if you're making a giant sleep sandwich I didn't No Oh no Is there a bunch of turgish delight receipts?

seats on your phone. No. But I don't know if I like totally just went to the living room for some reason. What? You were nude in your chair? Yeah. How long did you be to sleep? Like an hour and a halfish. What? I think. Yeah. Because like, the TV was off. The TV was all the way off. My podcast was playing in bed. Like I had done my going to bed ritual. You lit your candle and you rubbed the rosary raw. But I don't know if I like half woke up on those sleep gummies and went to like piss and like return to my chair on auto

pilot. Yeah. Or if I like got out of bed and sleptwalk for some reason around the house and then ended up naked in my chair. I hope I didn't have like a cigarette on the porch. I don't know what I could have done. You think you had a midnight nude cig? I have a lot of midnight cigarettes.

Oh my God. The chair took your clothes off. Yeah. The chair was trying to bang you. It was freaky. I don't think I've ever had any like go to bed one place, wake up another place situations ever unless I was like heavily. drinking. That company also sent me a lot of those because this isn't the end of cloud one.

This is the one from Colorado. Yeah. It was very nice to us and I really enjoy their product. But due to the fact that it almost killed one, made one nude and scared. But I've eaten a couple of those as well and had some kind of strange events myself. What'd you do? I ate maybe half a jar of peanut butter the day after I took my shot. A big jar? At like four in the afternoon. When your stomach hurt, when you ate through it anyway. Yeah.

When you don't really want to eat. Not hungry at all. Because your tongue hurts. But we got those and like historically I've really enjoyed that product. Yeah. But yeah, maybe it's a new recipe or whatever. It is for sure. And I was like, I'm trying to figure out how, I hadn't smoked any live rosen out of my

puff co since that panic. attack on Sunday or whatever. Right. So I'm trying to like dose myself on like edibles to see if I can do that instead of like trying to fucking ride the snake or walk the tightrope with like smoking. Maybe I hit my pen before I smoke a joint throughout the day. Squeeze little Danny to death. Save me.

Save me. Danny. You're going to die too. We curse you with the name. Taking you with me. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's like running through the house with him over my head so spiders don't get him.

But yeah. So I dosed in the morning, which I really don't do, and then cut to, like, me having some yogurt and then deciding to put some peanut butter in the yogurt and then just having the peanut butter. And then just, I do that a lot. Oh. Raspberrys peanut butter, yogurt. Yeah, and then a bunch of sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds. Maybe some granola, if I'm feeling myself. Maybe some, what makes me think of your awful waffle or whatever?

What were you doing? Peanut butter and gravy. I don't know, a savory waffle with chili on a waffle. I like chili on a waffle. I also like a peanut butter, Swiss cheese and red onion sandwich with a bunch of black pepper. Yeah, fuck yeah.

No, I've done that. Yeah, that one rules. Yeah, that one's a great one. But yeah, I just like was like, standing over the sink eating peanut butter out of the jar, which I haven't done since I was destitute. Yeah, yeah. Back in the day when I would make ramen with like half a jar of peanut butter in it

and then like eggs on top because that's all I could afford from, you know, Logan Liquors. Logan Liquors sold those. Lickers and stuff. Logan Lickers and shit. Logan Lickers and whatever the fuck else. That was a big sign. Most of the letters were not illuminated.

Never tell you about my welcome to Denver moment? Probably. Dude, I don't know. Bonzo, I think, reminded me recently. I moved to 16th in Logan. Grovna Arm, shout out. Bonzo and Krusty lived with me for the first two weeks before they moved to 13th in Corona.

So like the first night they were down there was the first night. It was like the third night I lived there. And like my mom stayed the first night. The second day I just like got high all day, but was like scared to go to Colfax by myself. Yeah. Because I was 18 from the sticks. Colfax back then in 2005. Still pretty bad.

Was a legit heavy place. Oh yeah. And this was before that they put in like the drug free corridor thing. So like you could walk a block from where I lived and get whatever fucking drug you wanted. And Logan Lickers was it 15. Is it Colfax and Logan right there? So that was like the first place I went. And I ventured in there by myself, like the night of the second day.

And it went really well. It was fine. So the next day, Krusty and Bonzo show up. And I'm like, oh, man, we got to go hit Logan Liquors, man. Like, that's my spot. Like, I'm there all the time, you know, immediately lying. Yeah, yeah. Like, those are my boys, you know.

Hey, Walt. Yeah, what's up? The guy's name was Hey, Noosh. Hey, Nush, what's up, man? Because I went there for years and years. But. Hey, Noosh, sensation. Yeah.

Yeah, inner sensation. So we walk over to Logan Lickers. I walk in. I'm like, what's up, man? The guy's like, hello, you know, doesn't, of course they don't fucking know who I am. Right. You were really trying to. I mean, yeah, showing off for the boys.

I'd lived in Denver for two whole days by myself, you know? A block off Colfax. So, yeah, so they, we walk outside. I have my cigarettes, probably at the time, Bronco 100s, because they were like a dollar 75 at Logan Liquors. They smelled more than they taste. So I walk outside, me crusty

and bonzo. There's a bunch of, you know, people doing business right there. Commerce. I walk out of Logan Liquors, you know, like I'm fucking Mary Tyler Moore, dude. Pack my six. Yeah, pack my six, which is the Colfax mating call.

Oh, yeah. People are jumping out of trees. A guy ran across Colfax from the church steps. Literally. I just was like, hey. So I opened my pack of sigs and, you know, I'm fucking Daddy Warbucks. So everyone's, can I get one of those? I handed out half that pack of cigarettes to people. And as I'm lighting mine, a guy came by knocked my hat off. Fuck yeah. Nice. A man came by and just knocked my hat off my head in front of my two friends. And then I had to be like, yeah, another day on Colfax, you know. You bend over to pick it up, kicks you in the ass. I get hit by the 15. that's where I saw that guy get his head crushed by the 15

was across the street dude that was brutal and then I had to come home a third day yeah it was Wellington Webb I know I remember I saw that guy I walked to 7-11 when we lived in the compound and I was in a little Chechnya

and I walked to 7-11 and saw the guy get his head crushed I came back and I like was smoking a sig and Emily was like hey what's up and I was like I saw that guy get his head crushed on Colfax and she was like Are you okay? And I was like, yeah, totally fine. And then just, like, sat out there alone and stared at the moon.

So heavy, man. Yeah. Yeah, it was crazy. Welcome to Denver. Welcome to Denver, man. Fuck. Yeah, it was a whole different place. I always felt like I was rolling the dice walking home alone, drunk at night.

But I was big and confident enough and walked fast. Swaggery. Walked fast. said, you know, no, not, you know, sorry, you can't, you know, to everybody. And, uh, was okay. As far as I know, I don't, I never woke up from a blackout with blood on my hands. So I don't think I ever, I don't think I was the 15. No. Popping anybody's head. No. But man, I was ready. I really was, I steeled myself for those walks because the last thing you want to do is look hesitant or scared or whatever.

And so I was just, you know, tried to look like I was 12 feet tall so that nobody fucking tried to roll me. Oh, yeah. I remember my friend. I also had a knife a lot of the time. Yeah, yeah. So that was my little secret. I carried a knife for them.

A little farmer's helper. Right. The first two years that I carried a box cutter with me. Yeah. Jesus. All right, El-Ga-Dade. I don't know. What was it going to do with it, you know?

Better to have something. Just to be like, hey, no. I was so scared the first like six months I lived in Denver. You could fuck somebody up with a box cutter. Yeah, I'm never. What am I going to do? Pull a box cutter out. Just plunge it.

Open a box for them. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Get in the box. Help them tape it shut. I'm useful. Ship me. Goodbye.