Chubby Behemoth - Bugsy Bones

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

What Happened To Papa? Lip Attack. Don't Chew On It.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Extra episodes at https://www.patreon.com/chubbybehemoth

Hey, hey, hey, we're checking again. We've been checking for 15 minutes. Look at that. You're coming in real strong, but am I? No. I got to get up on it. Yeah, because you're not using a big voice. We have to kiss.

We got to kiss. It's been leading to this. It actually worked just fine when we were using two mics, but I couldn't smell your breath. Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. Wait, does it work now that I'm unplugged? No. Does this have wireless crapability? can you please put that somewhere sit on it potsy okay so you've got big

and we are live here with another episode of chubby behemoth live from my couch in fort collins colorado two dicks one mic yes two noses two mouths one microphone to connect them good thing we've eaten a lot of weird fucking chinese food today and we can breathe on each other i'm glad you had cold mushrooms yeah dipped in vinegar and garlic oof yeah they were pretty good though do you want me to go brush my teeth Oof. Yeah, they were pretty good, though. Do you want me to go brush my teeth? No.

Do you want to handle the pod while I'm gone? No, we should definitely get this over with. Yeah, I know. My wife's going to be home in an hour. She's going to be pissed that someone didn't mow the lawn. M the W. Wait, M the L. Yeah, you thought lawn had a W. Whoops. It does, but not in the beginning. No, it doesn't.

Mow the lawn. And you didn't do that, even though you said you would. No, I said I would do the dishes, which you like to make fun of me for being adept at, and instead you're like, I'll handle this. I never say you're adept at them. You said I love it. Yeah, it keeps you from family annihilating. You think I love it and I'm bad at it? That's cool.

Yeah, I've seen the remnants after you do the dishes. It's not well done. I do a good job because I don't have a dishwasher. I don't just set it and forget it. I have to do A to Z. Spot check. Did that come out? Taste test.

Can you eat off of it? Yes. Oh, shit. I have to wash it again because I just ate off it again. This is the worst when there's soap remnants on the dish or in the glass, and then you drink it, and you're like, oh, God, and then you just have diarrhea. That doesn't happen with me because I do a good job. It happens to me all the time. Because of the dishwasher?

Yeah, the dishwasher doesn't do a good job. And also, when you put the dishes in the dishwasher, you're supposed to clean them first and then put them in the dishwasher doesn't do a good job. And also, when you put the dishes in the dishwasher, you're supposed to clean them first and then put them in the dishwasher. Yeah, it's a fool's gambit. It's the closest I've ever come to using the extension cord around my neck. I wanted to kill myself when we were getting this thing going. Yeah, that was weird. I know we've used two mics on your old ass.

This is like the third laptop that ever came out. This is very retro. Yeah, it's coal-powered. Good thing we have Becker on retainer to help us with this kind of stuff. Becker's off volunteer firefighting. Yeah, he joined the Coast Guard. He's protecting Colorado from its southern neighbors. He's so stupid.

Becker, if you hear this, i want you to know you're a real dumb piece of shit damn what it's what you've been saying no yeah well off pod off pod no becker we love you we miss you we hope that uh the renal failure works out or whatever excuse you used today not to help us my colon hurts oh my god I pooped a bunch of blood. I have polyps. Man, you ever had those? Chauncey polyps. No. I don't like this. We're not, this isn't good pod posture. This is great. Podsture.

I'm relaxed. I'm chilling. Yeah, it looks like you're leaning in to give me a smooch. My balls are sticking out of my shorts. No, they're not. I'm looking. Oh no, they're in. They're looking. Oh, no. They're in. They're in. They're in all the way.

What if we did a nude pod? Oh, God. That'd be so bad. That'd be cool. For who? For the listeners. Not you. Not for me.

No. Not the listeners. Yeah, we'd sacrifice for the listeners. Oh, nude, but there's no video. No video, yeah. They would just have to trust us. They'd have to envision what it looks like when we're over here just unleavened dough so bad i'd have to have a shirt on i'd be one of those i'd have a shirt on and then no bottoms and it'd be like gross and it's

like you want to see gross i'll pop this shirt off right now you don't even know what gross is welcome to gross my neighbor comes in the yard to get the cat it's just you shirt on dick and balls out me completely nude for some reason because you've been trying to be healthier and you should show it off no it still sucks i hate it there's a moment every night when i go to get nude before I climb into bed where I'm like, all the lights are off, okay, the windows are closed. Emmy? Emmy? Okay, she's asleep.

One, two, three. And then I just fucking shuff my clothes like a snake and then hop in bed. You're nude every night? 100% nude. Why? Why would you sleep with clothes on? I don't know. Just some amount clothes on? I don't know. Just some amount of clothes.

I don't know. No. Just in case there's a fire? No, I mean, I do sleep with clothes on in a hotel room in case a maid has to come. You've said, yeah, you used to not, right? You used to go nude, and then you realized there was a chance you would die in the night. Right, and then a bunch of firefighters come in and laugh at my little fucking dead penis. You're dead.

Your penis is still alive. What happened to Papa? Trying to wake you up by slamming itself against your thigh. Not your chest. Come on. I'm trying to make noise for the pod.

I thought you were trying to act like you had a three-foot dong. That's what it sounds like. Papa! Wake up, Daddy! We're supposed to go to Skyline Chili today. Are we going to eat the skyline? You are. I'm going to come and watch. Yeah and watch yeah yeah i'm gonna have binoculars i'm gonna go from across the street i'm gonna see how you interact the skyline on your own it's dumb right it's a dumb waste of a meal no dude it's i mean it's uh it's great

noodles the noodles are really good they call them spagato or something i don't know it's some delicacy from over there and then they plop a bunch of chili on top and then it's just the biggest clouded mound of cheese you're really just paying for a way to eat as much cheese as you want without anyone judging you because the cheese like the plate you know is maybe two inches three inches thick but then the cheese mound puts it up there around eight inches i I'm serious. You're going to love it. And then afterward you're going to go like this. You're going to go, oh. Oh God. Just bottoms.

No, we're going to go to the market in Cincinnati. Well, we're going to be in Cleveland first. Cleveland's market is great. Okay, sweet. I haven't been. I'm excited. What kind of chili do they have? I think they put cinnamon in theirs.

Pass. This is not good pot. No wonder LeBron left. We're too comfortable. How do you normally pot? On the edge of your seat? Yeah, I'm usually kneeling on glass. I'm flagellating myself with a cat of nine tails so i can be in the mood

do you want any coffee should i get some coffee yeah we have more over there yeah here vamp for a minute wait what do you mean there's only a little left in the pot you have to you have to make some oh shit you drank all the coffee i had a second cup if that's what you call drinking all the coffee if you're trying to malign me because i had two cups of coffee in a morning then yes no i need it i need it to live that's you clomping back over here i I'm not clomping. Your hooves. No. Oh, man, this coffee's great. It's really helping me. Room temp? Yeah.

Ice cold? Room temp black. Your favorite. Mm-hmm. Here, can you hold it for a while? Put in some of that coconut almond. No, that's just for the morning. I like how you tried to shame me earlier. I brought up almond i said you know it's a wasteful nut it's too much water you go you eat beef as if you didn't have every type of meat that you could

find for what nine months you're like oh i'm healthy this is keto i just i don't need water because all the beef and pork I eat already drank water. Well, it's just insane when you try and be like, yeah, you shouldn't drink almond milk. It's not good for the environment where you have had seven different animals since I've been with you today. Not true. Yes, very true.

Also, I don't eat a lot of meat. You drink almond milk probably every day. I love almond milk. It's my favorite milk. Yeah. Yeah, besides like human. It's better than... If I could drink human milk every day. I love almond milk. It's my favorite milk. Yeah. Yeah, besides like human. It's better than... If I could drink human milk every day, I would.

And OnlyFans where you can buy milk. Yeah, but I'd want to like... I want to go right to the pump. Yeah. Yeah. I want a Joe Biden sticker on the lady's chest that says, I did that. Pointing at her nipple.

Because he knocked her up. I want to drink Biden's offspring offspring's milk he's still fertile at 79 yeah i want to drink the milk that made hunter the man that he is today oh god how much more are we gonna see his from his phone i hope a bunch hope all of it i hope there's finally some some transparency in this whole wicked ruse we call democracy that was wild that like minute long video that got released of pictures of him like smoking crack and hanging out with sex workers yeah you see i mean i like the one where he's just sitting in the ice cave yeah you know he's smoking crack and drinking booze and just like doing crazy faces at the camera

yeah he's all blue he looks like a smurf yeah there's got to be i mean if he was if he's documenting all of that then we're gonna see like a whole movie i hope so yeah i hope i get to play him in the movie there's just a bunch of kids rubbing their feet on my face you smoke real crack yeah because I'm Method. I'm the crystal Method. Because you're a Method. You're a Method, who is also Method. Hunter Biden, in his head, the soundtrack is just Prodigy 24-7. Yeah, he's in that video. That first person view.

And it's revealed to be Hunter Biden. He's not my bitch up. He's not my bitch up. How he lives. What did you say today? You worked in the oh, we passed by Moby Arena. Oh, yeah. You said it was formerly called the Chemical Brothers Stadium. Yeah. That was fun.

Moby stole valor. He said that he boinked Natalie Portman. Yeah, he made it sound like they were, like they dated for a while. Dude. She says, uh-uh. The only V that I want to know about is Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta. Yeah. Because that thing's got to be a toit.

V for vagina. Yeah, her toit little books. How are we peaking all of a sudden? Now we're going too far in the other direction. We peaked a bunch of episodes ago. We peaked with Baco, and now it's all downhill. Well, yeah, downhill means you get to coast, you get to enjoy yourself.

Throw it in neutral, let it ride. Let gravity do its fucking job. Yeah, it's better on the car. We're going to be coasting tomorrow on the river. You said it was low. Well, when we get in it, it'll rise. We help everybody have a good time by getting in the river. You're welcome. Weekend saved. Tips good time by getting in the river. You're welcome.

Weekend saved. Tips are not mandatory, but they are appreciated. Yeah, throw a quarter at us and then we can't find it in the river. How about all those quarters in that take a penny, leave a penny today? Oh yeah, at the college discount bin

at CSU. You Patreon pigs are going gonna get a real special treat so hopefully you're hungy if you're a $20 patreon member you're getting so much csu branded merchandise this month in the mail and we did not pay full price you actually paid over you did a little stinky scratch-off. You found what? Envelopes. Allegedly. Allegedly there were some 10x13 manila envelopes,

the kind that I send my books in. The book is available at samtalent.com. Not behind a paywall. And there was a $10 sticker on there, and I surreptitiously removed it while no one was watching. And I walked up to the front counter. You were buying a big novelty foam finger. Middle finger.

The middle finger towards the CU Buffaloes. Oh, it sucks to be a CSU Ram. They sing that. That's not cool. It sucks. We had shirts that said F-U-N-L-V. Whoa. So it said Fun LU-N-L-V. Whoa. So it said Fun LV?

Yeah, Fun Las Vegas. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah, but I ripped the sticker off and I went up there and I was like, um, how much are these? And she turned to her boss and she was like, I usually charge five for that. And I was like, yes!

Because the sticker initially was $3. So I wanted to give back more to the school. I totally effed my own ass. Anonymous philanthropy from a, not an actual alumnus. No, no. But a huge fan of the program. Oh yeah, you wore your Metro State hat on the CSU campus so that everybody knew. I'm less than.

I was not less than. I went to a school in denver i couldn't afford to go here no these fucking turtle screwers had to come up north to learn how to milk a goat this ag school i was down there in the city learning how to fucking smoke rock with hunter biden i went to jail at metro yeah i went to the metro state jail that they have because i was jail yeah because i was blasted on campus. They left me in there overnight. No way.

Yeah, they're like, I'm just going to let you dry out. They turn the lights off? Yeah. That doesn't seem like they'd be able to do that. I had a 7.30 class. This was before I dropped it or quit going to it all completely. I had like 11 no completes. In the morning, 7.30 a.m.? No, no, 7.30 30 night night class for all the hard-working latino

mothers who go to metro working on my night school working on my night physics i it was the physics of sound and music and i had no business being in there uh but my then girlfriend was like it'll be cool you'll learn how the drums make that noise and i was like oh yes i will cut to me in jail because i drank a bunch of Four Loko. Damn. Yeah. And then what? You were mouthing off in class or headed home and doing cartwheels or what?

I think I went outside and I lit up a weed pipe on campus. And then one of the cops on the bikes came up and they were like, is that weed? And I was like, uh, what? Allegedly. Blind item. It's weed. And then they took me down and they left me in there overnight and I got out at 6 a.m. I was all alone in there.

That's rough. Yeah, it sucked. It was better than Denver County Jail, of course, because I didn't have to sign a form that said, if you're raped, I won't take a shower. Ugh. Yeah. Denver County J county jail they make you not shower yeah because they want to collect the evidence out of your gaped hole so that it can sit in a box for 10 years yeah so they can never so they can call bones

what's her name emily rajikowski uh de chanel yeah de chowski uh yeah that would suck if you got raped by a man at jail and then they're like hold on and then fucking one of the hottest women in the world zoe's big sis comes in and scoops you out oh that's a lot this looks like multiple people and you're like no no just one guy one. They call him the A-Train. No, there's at least 12 samples right here. She tastes it. She's like, oh yeah, Senegalese. She knows all the different flavors of cum.

That's her. That's archaeology for you. I went to seven years of cum tasting school. I know what they call her bones. She gives me one. She bones me up. Uh-oh, I'm thinking about her. Daddy!

Come back! Take me with you! I don't want to be a dick with no brain what else come on is that an hour i need you is that an hour yet no look i can see exactly how long it was three seconds of silence yeah hopefully becker gets rid of that trim it up trim the fat yeah becker quit quit knock it off at your fucking correspondence taxidermy school and get to work on the pod i am curious uh yes you are you're a specimen when we were at lunch and we were getting ready to leave the young woman that was working apologized to me for a smell that i could not smell and i wonder what it

was she didn't say hmm maybe it was me i've i should have a second too late i thought to myself damn it you should have said oh that's just that's just my buddy sam we're leaving so you won't have to you won't have to apologize much longer but no i'm curious if like what was the deal did they burn something did she did she quit did she quave sorry i quit well i mean i just ate a big bowl of fucking earwood fungus that's soaked in vinegar and garlic so it's like i can't smell anything yeah i gotta watch you eat eight soup dumplings that was brutal you had one uh that's allegedly you broke it well i tried to show you how to eat them oh yeah ah dude you queefed so hard you queefed it i did i beefed my queef i put it in my i put the whole thing in my mouth enjoyed it and you said you

uncultured swine that's not the way to eat it you unwashed mass you mound you prole yeah you you you dressed me down and looked down your nose at me and then you said this is how you eat it you take the bite off of the nipple of the dump and then you did that and then soup went onto your shirt and your thighs it scalded my bad leg and you went ah i did i went oh oh you got scared i did yeah i'm on fire and this dump is on fire yeah you uh you really s'd your own d. Souped your own dumpling. Maybe that lady was just apologizing for the smell of scalded skin. It was my leg. It was like burnt bacon. Somebody must have used Nair. We were the only people in there.

I think someone was trying to use a curling iron on their pubes, and they got too close to their thigh. That's what this smells like. Yeah, that was perfect you got soup on your shirt yeah and you're still wearing it i've had zero protein today mushrooms have veggies have protein very i mean do you see what i got for the vegan dan dan noodle yeah corn and pickles corn and pickles classic chinese recipe corn and sweet pickles they were sweet pickles that's funny and then it was just peanut butter that's their dan dan sauce is just peanut butter so i had a big bowl of corn pickles and peanut butter with some

noodles i had to watch you eat 11 tiny little breasts eight soup? Seven. I had seven. You had one. Okay. Well, you didn't have to call me out in front of God and country. I actually didn't eat it, though. I chewed it up and put it in a napkin. Did you? No. You've done that.

You act like that's insane. I have weird stuff with food. When were you doing that? When I was keto. Yes. Yes. You'd chew on a piece of bread and then walk by a lake and spit it at ducks. Oh, yeah.

I would chew up an Oreo and then spit it out. Yeah, it was Oreos. Or cake, croissant, anything. I would do that with Skittles, which doesn't even count because they melt in your mouth, not in your hand. That's M&M's. Also Skittles. Skittles tastes of rainbow. rainbow yeah i know the fucking motto it's a say what they also do swallow the swallow the rainbow swallow the turd ape swallow the jizz bones we oh man god damn dude when she got pregnant on bones

oh my god hotter yes and she's already beautiful Because she has like cold, placid blue eyes Like two frozen lakes Because she's autistic on that show So she deadened her eyes? What do you mean? Yeah, so she's like gettable So she'd get hit in the head real hard Before they would yell action?

Yeah, it's like, hey look, I have a model train Do you want to go on a date? She'd be like, I sure do I'm on the spectrum, see? Why don't you come up and see me sometime? I'll be in the Smithsonian dissecting Comanche bones. She said it. She said the show name.

That would only make it better if Bones talked like that. Woman on Love on the Spectrum season one. Oh, man. Dr. Bones? Or no, what was her name on that show? Prennance Brennan? Prentice? Something Brennan.

Brennan, yeah. Like, Dr. Brennan, we have three different bone samples from three different grave sites. We think the killer is taking the femur as a trophy. Can you help us solve this case? The president's daughter is missing. I've got some suspicion, see? She can't help it. And then everybody has to explain that she's the

best in her field. There's no one better. So you just kind of have to play along. You don't have to do the voice, but it helps. You'll be here a lot shorter of a time if you go along with it.

If you call her Bugsy Bones. Look, hand her these marbles. Once you hand them to her, she's going to know exactly how many there are without counting. Damn. Dr. Brennan? Look, we're about to meet. Dr. Brennan? Dr. Brennan's not here, see?

All right. Bugsy Bones? That's right. What do you need? Well, you told me to come up and see you sometime. Oh, good. I'm glad we're honking into the fucking microphone

so it gets all blown out. That's alright. They like it when it's blown out. Like Bones when she was pregnant. Dude, she had him. It was crazy. She's all milky. I missed.

And I think they put her in like a cowboy outfit. There was one where she was her and Angel, David Boreanaz. Yeah, what's his name on there? Booth. Yeah, Booth. Sealy Booth. Agent Booth.

Yeah. Sealy Posturepedic. They called him Sealy Don't Call Me Posturepedic. Yeah. Booth. And she was Apprentice Don't Call Me Autistic Brennan. But that's what you are, doctor. Why would you say that?

I'm not autistic, but my Tommy gun is. I took a break from forensic pathology to run rum for the Irish. Uh-oh, the St. Valentine's Day massacre's coming up. Mrs. Bones, excuse me? Call me Bugsy. Unless you want to eat your dinner through a straw. So he's threatening to punch people in the mush. Yeah.

The cat's in the bag and the bag's in the river. Is that your expert analysis? Speaking of bones, Emmy loves bones. Megan loves bones. Yeah. I've been playing a game. It's a pretty solid show.

I mean, I was solid when she was the, she was like a knife thrower or something in the carnival they had to go follow freaks around that was awesome god i love bones i've seen every one of them because of my wife my wife's longing penundal longing um but it's my wife's birthday coming up that's why we're together what did you get her orchids from whole foods and why did you get her that because there were some orchids here and you had probably a particular set of guests who biffed it and decided unprompted to water said orchid uh probably every day probably twice a day yeah it's such a beautiful flower that must be watered twice a day a half gallon a day yeah of almond milk water and almond milk i can grow big and strong say you're gonna have a washing machine on each shoulder. Mr. President,

here's what I think, see? Your son's a perv. Your son's a crackhead, Mr. P. His favorite type of weed was crack, see? Whose joke is that, Troy Baxley? No, that's one of the four audio clips that's on every Instagram reel right now on TikTok.

My favorite kind of weed, I think it sounds like Theo Vaughn. My favorite kind of weed was cocaine. It sounds like Theo Vaughn, but... It does sound inspired. I'll never know whether it's him or not, because I will not deep dive. Maybe you could do like a Snopes. Snopes.com? Yeah.

Is it Theo Vaughn that says my favorite type of weed was cocaine, or no? False. It's Prentice Brennan. It's Brennan doing her Bugsy Bones character. Who's hotter? Zoe or Bugsy Bones character who's hotter Zoe or Emily Bones or Zoe I think I would

go with Zoe her eyes are bigger she looks like an anime character Emily is her looks are very she has like a severe kind of jawline hell yeah classically beautiful she kind of looks like the Predator. Yes.

Hunter Biden. In a good way. I'm not knocking it. And I wish she was buff like the Predator and had fishnets on. Oh, she does have fishnets when she's the circus character. Why'd the Predator have fishnets on? That's how I drew it in my notebook, see?

It's part of my Deviiant art account saying i'm a suicide girl saying god that was a great time for internet pornography before suicide girls went corporate what happened did they get taken offline no they're still online oh there's just a bunch more competition all of a sudden well no now it's like uh back in the day it was like organic and girls were making their own stuff and posting it underneath the banner of suicide girls and now it's like you know it's like you have to be vetted and uh brought to you by chili sleep yeah fucking the ghost of Dimebag Daryl Has to put a pineapple in you If you want to be a suicide girl

This is what you gotta do You gotta bang all of Shinedown They're probably hanging out with Good Charlotte More than Shinedown and Daryl, right? I don't know I feel like suicide girls are more like Behemoth or Mayhem, that kind of thing. Behemoth?

Yeah. Maybe we should open for Behemoth. One night only. Chubby Behemoth and Behemoth. Open for Bones. Bugsy Bones. Hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. Hello, my darling.

Hello, my good time gal. I swear to God. She's a triple doctorate. Undergrad at Yale. Masters from Harvard. Why is she wearing that hat and doing the cane dance? Why is she doing the WB frog? Nobody knows. And any anytime we question it she starts

to hit her head against the wall yeah she throws a tantrum in the middle of starbucks i want it all whipped cream i ever tell you that story about the kid who's just fucking melting down in a starbucks and screaming i want it all whipped cream. No. And his mom's like, well, you can't have all whipped cream. And he was like, I want it. I want it. Where was that? Somewhere on the road. I was all bleary-eyed and hungover and just watching a kid beg for whipped cream.

And I wanted to be like, we all want it all to be whipped cream. You think I want to drink this shit? Remember last night when I was like, let's go get Frappuccinos? Yeah. My wife said, uh-uh. That didn't happen. It didn't happen. It didn't happen. We didn't do shit today.

Oh, Emily shut it down. Yeah, she said, no way. Why couldn't we? Because I've never had a frappuccino before. We had to have coffee at home? Yeah, I had to make coffee. And drink it out of my Rena Calm brown mug. Don't talk to me until I've had my whipped cream.

A whole cup of whipped cream. He wanted just whipped cream and then was mad when it was my whipped cream. A whole cup of whipped cream. He wanted just whipped cream and then was mad when it was half whipped cream and half coffee? I mean, it was like a Frappuccino. It was one of their caramel macchiato situations, but it was... I didn't get a gauge how much whipped cream,

but it looked like there was plenty of whipped cream in that cup, and he was spazzing. He was still pissed. I want to be like, I'm going to hold your head in the toilet. I'm going to drown your head in the toilet. I'm going to drown you in what I call whipped cream. Prentice Brennan is going to come test you after I'm done with you. Yeah, they're going to have the whole team on this case.

There's a lot of great characters on that show. There was the rich guy. The hot boss. Yeah. The hot boss was so great big eyes uh there was the there was the kid there's hot boss and then there was other hot assistant and then curly-haired schmo curly-haired schmo was the guy who was a billionaire and didn't really need the job but he did it because he loved it i'm just and then he lost everything and hot asian lady stuck with him okay remember her yeah she was a hot co-worker a real fine piece of ace uh she was all spiritual yeah she was like oh i'm gonna bless the air in this triple

homicide room and bones would be like you cannot no she excuse me she'd be like, you cannot. No. Excuse me. She'd be like, we can't bless her. It blesses you. Filled with hot air. What am I, a dirge ball? Hello? Mommy? No.

That's what she did. You moved the microphone away? Yeah. Because I knew you were going to laugh. So people couldn't hear as good? No, I know when you're going to explode with laughter. Hold it straight up. I'm holding it. Come on.

Come with it now. Put it up. Put it down. You're fully collapsed over here. We'll tuck into the top. Okay. I took a nap for 10 seconds earlier. Did you?

Yeah. Sleeping on the clock. We've got... Oh, wait. Tell them about the pear that I missed. No. Why not? It's not worth talking about on the pod.

Chick had them. Yes, a chick had them, and you missed it. All right. Expand on that. She was expanding my pants. I'm thinking about it. Hold on.

Oh, daddy! You said you were going to double back. Yeah, I was like, I'll do the block. For the double Ds. Uh-huh, yeah. I mean, it's fucking, school is in session up here in beautiful Fort Collins. CSU campus is running wild with girls in skin-tied pants. It's just like, hey, did you ever want to see every fold in a vagina

without having the woman take her pants off? Here you go. We've got the pants for you. So it's just full lip attack. It's just never-ending gobstoppers. Come see me. The vagina. Yeah.

The basement lips are talking to you. Hey, check out these pets. I'm poor Janvash. Look, probably should have gotten a large, but I went with a medium, see? Yeah, so their vaginas are out, and then also, it's dump truck city. No one wears a bra, which I'm all for. So yeah, if you can just drive around campus up here pretending you're an Amazon delivery guy.

Pretending you're lost. Yeah're lost help I'm also blind hi I have a tactile understanding of the world can I oh undergrad I was honking for everyone at home who couldn't see acting out an air honk

so yeah they got them and they're letting everyone know it honking for everyone at home. We couldn't see. Acting out an air honk. So yeah, they got him, and they're letting everyone know it. And it's enough to drive a man insane. It's enough to put a man in the goddamn loony bin. It's enough for one adult man to point to his older friend and say, whoa!

You missed him! And then his older friend would be like, oh, you threw it in reverse. You blew my transmission. I fucked up the Impala. Yeah. Oh, man. Yanked the steering wheel.

I love him. There was a couple. There was some cool ones. I mean, this isn't what the pod's all about, talking about who has them. It was. We got away from our origins. Yeah, we lost our roots. Which was, who's got them?

And we were just reminded, because people love them. No, people enjoy that part of the pod, where it's like, hey, some people have them. Good for you. If you don't, be cool. Like, you know, don't be mad. What are you talking about? Sometimes people don't have them and that's okay that's great you can also you know you have don't be a dick about it don't be mad you know how many people i've been with who haven't had them enough for me to know it's great quite a few

yeah it's cool you have said yeah you like like the young teenage runaway look. And that's normally a boy that runs away. Pretty much anyone who looks like they were in the strokes, besides Albert Hammond. Short hair, don't care. Short hair, don't care. Long hair, all cheekbones. Flat chest is best. Yeah, yeah.

Flat chest, narrow hips. Kind of like an emaciated, like hiding out from a zombie apocalypse for three months, living off all their fat stores. Living off bugs. Yeah, I'll eat bugs, then I'll eat that pussy. I'll put a bunch of bugs in that pussy, and I'll get them out of there. Finish the job. Go on, get! Lightning

bugs. Lighting up their womb. Put a bunch of lightning bugs in a woman's vagina and then you go down on her and you come up and your face is glowing. That's a good trick. Cheshire cat. Yeah. Smiling like a certain comedian.

Who? Well, remember when we were starting this pod and we were going to do impressions of two comics? Not the Queef guy. The other guy. Yeah. The other guy who I asked in Alaska last week, Hey, so who's the worst comic that's ever been up here?

It was that guy. What? Oh, yeah. They said that he took his... This guy. Oh, yeah. Wow. Wow.

The worst. He said... The only thing he said to the feature, this guy Jared Hazen, funny young comic, he was like, yeah, all he said is, I'm only doing 45. No more, no less. And then he took a giant piece of paper, like butcher paper, and stuck it to the wall, and then he sat on a stool next to the paper and pretty much just looked at the paper while he talked.

With his set list on it? His set list was on the paper. No, it wasn't nothing. It was an invisible ink. Riffing on a blank sheet of paper. Yeah, and he's like, I think he looked at the paper more than he looked at the crowd. And then exactly 45 minutes he got off stage. Mid-joke.

You guys ever go to the movies? Hey, that's my dad. You guys ever think you're God and the devil okay i gotta wrap it up buy a shirt yeah anyway that's a good guy that's wild that he was name dropped oh yeah up in alaska mm-hmm crawling in my skin You were up there with your wife. Emily was up there. For half of the trip or what? No, she just left a day early. A day early.

Yeah. I was very jealous of how beautiful that glacier hike must have been. That looked incredible. You wouldn't have survived. I would have been fine. You wouldn't have lasted a day in my shoes. would have been fine you wouldn't last a day in my shoes yeah because i'd keep tripping because i'd be wearing size 15s when i have size 11 feet dude you should have got those 15s those orange shoes they pointed out today no were there two you only showed me one yeah there was two okay

didn't have one shoe for sale you psychopath we were in a weird uh you know surplus store whatever the hell it was yeah it was there's not it was army surplus but for academics was academic surplus the ram cellar i love it up there dude i go there every day wait the ram skeller is up here right yep the ram skeller is on campus and they used to do those lunch shows you did you did one there right oh yeah did we both do one together and it was the worst i did it i did it and it was the worst yeah it was the worst show i've ever done at that point it was like yeah i was up there it was like uh i think i said on stage that it was like trying to perform in an

airport terminal because everybody was just coming and going and eating and studying and talking loudly and ignoring you headphones on yeah oh yeah it was bad middle of the day like you said it was lunchtime 12 30 on tuesday you're standing on what is just a bunch of crates whose idea was that i'm gonna guess laurie callahan booked that student events uh chairperson was like let's brighten up the student's day by bringing up these aged alcoholics to yell at them by having yeah by having some fat glow they came up with quick quote years ago yeah and i stole it glow is me but that's mine yeah you that's the first time i've heard that and i love it thank you uh you came up with it yeah i know it's not patrick you just did and that was great uh shout out patrick for

being on the pod uh last week when you were in alaska struggling to breathe i was unreachable man yeah i did god's work everyone thinks that my job is just another cushy fucking day at the office every fucking time just eating whole cornish hens and getting fingered by Prentice Brennan as she does the WB Frog voice. Oh, deeper. Hey, where's my watch, Sing? What time is it in your hole? Prentice! I can't talk

because Booth's dick is in my mouth. Getting ravaged. Yeah, dude. That would suck. Your dick says that it wouldn't suck daddy's lying it's my lie detector test my guy detector test yeah you would love it yeah but no i had to do a eight hour drive up to mccarthy i had to walk around a glacier which i should have died at any moment and then eight hours back while listening to system of a down

rereading world war z yeah that sounds pretty good uh sam talent's book of the month world war z brother i've read it so many times it's fucking perfect it's so good yeah Yeah. Max Brooks is the son of Mel Brooks, right? Yes. And he wrote World War Z. Very good. And then he got accused of being a total dick. What? I think he's a douche.

Who cares? I'm just saying. It's pure genius, that novel. Alleged douche. I don't believe it. Douche. Total douche. He douched. welcome to douche in

the quay i'm the quay and i'm the douche i do 45 i like that somebody in people in alaska who haven't seen many humans let alone comedians yeah still thought that he that he kind of biffed it this was just the comedian who told us so yeah he knows he knows what's up oh yeah jared knows it all you said the the crowds were unhinged oh yeah just a bunch of people cleaning their rifles yeah they're a bunch of fucking sap suckers who ate a bunch of soap berries cutting a hole in the ground of the club so they can ice fish while you yeah while you're on stage trying to connect the pinks are biting yeah it sucked uh but it was a nice time and i mean coots is always fun because they send

you five shots to the stage and you have to drink them all or they uh hold your wife down they do they kidnap your wife yeah she's in the back of the truck with a with a topper on it so she's she's topless for the topper she can't get out well there was a guy there's this guy mark who uh it's actually a cool guy but he looks like the gnarliest motorcycle man in the world and his wife yeah his wife's name is sharice and they've been to all the shows i've done at coots and he was sending me shots to the stage and he's like you know he's a fucking veteran he runs the legion in anchorage he does like a motorcycle ride to raise money for kids toys like an all-around good guy and he always comes up after the show and he's like young man anytime you perform in

the 49th state mark and shenice will be there all right but yeah he uh i was like hey mark can you round up the boys and go find my wife and he was, you don't want my boys to find your wife. And I was like, okay, very good, Mark. He wasn't kidding. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for intimating a sex crime against my wife. Yes, I'll have another shot of fucking fireball. You beardo piggo.

Yeah, did you... You encountered that flag in the wild, right? Yes. That was not like a Google image search. No. For psycho fucking... For funniest flag ever? You were telling me that you saw an old woman doing Cornholio.

Yeah, I can't find it online. And you didn't think to send it to me. No. That sucks. I figured it would be everywhere and it would be that you would find it yourself. No, I mean, my favorite internet video

is the old woman asking for pumpkin pie. How does she sound? Give me pink and pie! Pink and pie! Pancake pie! Yeah, it's like an 80-year-old woman

with her shirt on her top of her head and the hands up saying, I am Cornholio. Whoa. I need teepee for my bunghole she

probably needed tp for her i think she might have been inuit she might have lived in alaska she opened for me in mccarthy i need tp for my bunghole oh dude it's me it's just the greatest hit give me tp god damn it the monkey wipe of my butt that's a throwback for all the real heads. Yeah, somebody recalled that. Was that Max Ripple? Was that his favorite part? I don't know. And he's listened to every episode?

Somebody commented on my post about two years of Chubby B. Yep. And brought up the... Because I just listed some random stuff off the top of my head. And yeah, I think Max Ripple. Shout out Max was like saying that that was still one of his favorite parts was the monkey man. Monkey dude.

Where does he live? Florida? Monkey dude? Yeah. I don't know. I think he's in El Salvador now. Oh. I think he's working working deep deep undercover with the boys he's i stole the monkey it's full monkey yeah um i've had so many great memories on this podcast uh and now we're evolving always constantly evolving and uh you know as a hub of inclusivity uh as the number one woke podcast uh in the world

someone posted on our chub reddit a woman with severe down syndrome who had a couple of b cups in a bra don't say severe okay mild down don't diagnose her you're not you're not bugsy bones she's got a bunch of chromosomes see You're no Bugsy Bones. She's got a bunch of chromosomes, see? More chromosomes in her than there are bullets. In my pal, Big Head Todd. What?

I don't know. You put a hat on, and now you're beefed. I put a hat on. Yeah, so get on the chub reddit everyone reddit r slash chubby behemoth and uh join the uh join the community that some people are calling problematic and i like that there's i almost said uh that the vict Victoria's Secret model is behind a paywall. But she's blurred out. It's the not safe for work filter. And that was a fun surprise.

It's not safe for waffles. Keep the waffles away from her. Take it in. You earned it. Suck it down. What was a nice surprise? Whoever posted the... It was Chad textbook from Indianapolis.

Okay, yeah. So Chad of the Hartford textbooks. Yes. Made their money off of Scantrons. It is funny to click on what you think is going to be a picture of, you know, a big-tittied lady with the normal amount of... I shouldn't say normal. I didn't know what it was going to be. There's no right amount of of, you know, a big-tittied lady with the normal amount of... I shouldn't say normal. I didn't know what

it was going to be. There's no right amount of chromosomes, you know? Yeah, but there's enough to go around. Yeah, she had enough. She was like fucking... It was like she came to class and she was chewing gum, but the gum was chromosomes and the teacher asked if she had enough for the class. And she did. Oh, she did.

There was much left over. And she thought the gum... Anyway, so we're having a lot of fun online. And we're going to be having fun in real life, Nathan, at the High Plains Comedy Festival. Can you believe this? Oh, yeah. We are going to have a live Chubby Bee

Saturday, 4 p.m., Mutiny. Saturday, the 10th of September The day before Right around the Christopher Dorner Yeah, Saturday, 4pm Mutiny Information Cafe right there On Broadway and Ellsworth Lund used to hang out there, Becker used to work there And we're going to have so many great guests

Some all-time favorites from the pod Maybe A certain gun-t toting amphibian we'll see god fingers crossed yeah that bako suit cannot get here quick enough say a prayer because i do want to unleash bako uh on our second live pod last year was great uh yeah we outed noah we learned how toad actually died which was not a hilarious way no yeah noah was pissed yeah no i was angry noah tried to fight me i uh took his pants off flicked his wiener in front of everyone

that'd be so funny dude if that's how men fought. Instead of fists, whoever can de-pants the other one and flick his peen. They're the winner. It was all crotch-faced offense. Yeah. Like UFC is just, oh, Joe Rogan and Dana White. Oh, he's got one leg off. Oh, here's the other one. Oh, the peen is out and it's been flicked.

Ding, ding, ding. They put a bell on the end of his penis. Yeah, you have to ring the bell. That's how Prentice Brennan would do it. I'm going to have to go uncork my torque. No, don't jack it. I'm going to have to pingo Jay Owens. Don't jack it five minutes before your wife gets home while I'm here.

Also jacking it. Save it for Emmy and give her a little birthday afternoon delight. You'm here. Also jacking it. Save it for Emmy and give her a little birthday afternoon delight. You're here! Yeah, let me be... I'll be downstairs, you'll be upstairs, I'll be able to hear some of it but not all of it. Emmy, we have to go upstairs right now.

I've been thinking about that model that my friend posted on the Shub Reddit. Victoria Ziegret. She brought enough gum for everybody. That'd be funny if I blew that up and hung it over the bed. And Emmy gets home. No, put it in the tiki bar. Yeah, catch of the day.

I definitely pulled a Sam T when I got here because I was hungry and I started looking in the cupboards and just eating whatever wasn't raw ginger root. Yeah, we don't have any snacks here. Yeah, nothing cool. Well, actually, I found that Uncrustable. That was pretty sweet. That was a sick find. That was quite the come up for the crew because we shared it after you heated it up with your butt i mean it was my thigh it was in the freezer and you found it and you sat on it like an egg and before it was even defrosted we were into it munching still in the wrapper so you know it's not like there was any yeah loose hair

that got into there. Lunn got here and was like, you got any snacks? And I was like, I made you a delicious lentil curry. There's pounds of it on the stove, and you had two bowls of that. And then you ate half of an old pita pocket that someone didn't finish earlier at dinner. And then you ate a bunch of sunflower seeds. I did. Yep.

Shell on. Yeah, shell on and shell off. You downed a whole bag of just kernels. And then you had a popsicle. And then you had a bunch of leftover cake. And then you had an Uncrestable. You acted like it was a king's ransom of cake that could feed an army. A whole battalion could enjoy cake. that could feed an army.

A whole battalion could enjoy a cake. And that I was insane for dismissing it as half a piece of cake. It was two pieces of cake. It wasn't two. It was one by the time you brought it over from the fridge. Decent-sized piece of cake that we shared. And then what was the little nubbin? It was like a peanut butter cup from a restaurant? That was a peanut butter nubbin, yeah.

A caramel delight? Well, that's because our friend Sarah B. came up here the night previous. She's got them. butter cup from a restaurant? That was a peanut butter nubbin, yeah. A caramel delight? Well, that's because our friend Sarah B. came up here the night previous. She's got them. Dumped them out? She did not dump them out. Made them dance? No. Quit objectifying our friend.

Hmm. All right. More like Sarah D. More like Sarah G. More like Sarah J. She's got them. Oh, yeah. Legend.

Yeah, she's been around. We should take some... That should be a goal for the Patreon. We got the Bako suit. Thank you guys for joining. Chubby Behemoth. What is it? Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth.

This is a Patreon episode, isn't it? No, it's not. Oh, says who? You? I just sent the Patreon to Becker. Oh, okay. What? The solid gold that is you talking to two queebs?

It's three queebs. Oh, good. The more queebs, the merrier. Oh, dude, that Jared kid? We were at the state geographer of Alaska, and he got wasted in that room. And then on the way out, and she's like a 70-year-old woman. Seven? Seventy.

Seven-zero. Gross. So we're in her shack, and we go out front, and we're putting our boots on. And Jared, so the woman is Jake Armstrong's mother-in-law. So Jared's fucking wasted, and he says, Hey, Jake, you ready to have a new father-in-law and then he farts really loudly and who's standing in the doorway watching all this no one else rather it's the state fucking geographer here's the husband no the woman here's jared be like i'm gonna fuck that old lady

wait jake's one of the comics yeah jake armstrong he's the guy that uh liked the post about me my send-off of you really yeah wow yeah i mentioned him earlier and jake's doing a deep dive yeah well yeah he like googled sam nathan las vegas goodbye i don't know yeah it was funny. He liked it. Yeah. Facebook told me, and I was like, hey, who's this psycho? Well, Jared farted in front of his mother-in-law after saying that he was going to bang her in her own shack.

That's the kind of fun we have out on the road. Alaska, the 69th state. You need to get your hand away from your mouth. Nah. Yeah. I'll put my your hand away from your mouth. Nah. Yeah. I'll put my hand wherever I want, Sam. I put my fingers into my mouth. Mouthless.

Yeah, so we got that big show coming up. Get your tickets to that. Let's sell that bad boy out. We got Steve AJ's on. Sweet. Rob Gleason. Sour. Former homosexual.

Didn't know that I was with my wife of three years. Been with for ten years. Thought I was still, you know, gay. He was like, you still gay? And I was like, that was you. He was like, oh yeah. He just doesn't know anything about anyone except for his own life. You were the one who was gay. Now he's married, oh yeah. He just doesn't know anything about anyone except for his own life. You were the one who was gay.

Now he's married to a woman. Yeah, that's going to be good. Did he get hitched? Oh, he's hitched up. Got married in a winery up there in Oregon. I couldn't make it because I was out making the money. Oh, I wasn't invited. You were not invited.

I don't get invited to weddings, I guess. Well, Chella was invited. Yeah, and he expected her to bring you as the plus one. Yeah, he forgets. Plus one and a half. Plus Lund. You're coming to our friend Greg's wedding with me as my plus one. No.

Yeah, I'm going to text Erica right now. No, I'm not going to go. Come on, dude. Please. No. It's right after High Plains. You'll already be in town. It's Monday the 12th.

No. Hold this a minute. I've got to burp. I'm going to do a commercial after High Plains for Lighthouse Ranch. What? Yeah. The D-League boys got me a gig. What the fuck's Lighthouse Ranch, and who are the D-League boys?

Lighthouse Ranch is in Safeway. Safeway carries it. They have a jalapeno ranch that's really good. They have a dill ranch. Oh, it's ranch dressing? Ranch dressing, yeah. That's what people want when they're going to buy a product. We see that you eat it.

Look what happens if you have too much Lighthouse Ranch. It's like a responsible commercial, you know? It's like how at the end of uh alcohol commercials it says they're gonna say that too while i'm chugging ranch like don't turn into this guy hey be careful with lighthouse ranch can turn into a heavy home ranch do you want to go full glow if you slug it quit pushing away from me well you're it makes me feel like you're interviewing me why don't you i am contribute i am i'm listening to you talk about the hot commercial you're going to be in they asked for my uh d league uh is chad neat and woody roseland they've done some funny

videos out of denver and then uh chad you know did stand up for a while. He had funny songs. Guitar comic. Guitar comic, but don't say it like that. He's a guitar comic. They did some funny videos that I got to be a part of, and now they've been working with an ad agency, and I guess this upcoming ad, they thought I was perfect for it, probably because I'm fat and funny. Yeah, the face of Lighthouse Ranch. They're going to make me fall down, and my pants pants will split open and a bottle of ranch will come out.

Maybe I'll be a crazy lighthouse owner. Lighthouse Ranch is all I eat. You know what would be great is if there was a little bonus scene where you're J-O into a bottle of Lighthouse Ranch. of lighthouse ranch oh god yeah and it's empty clearly and then you go and it's full and then you put it on the shelf you seal it and put it on the shelf there's a new girl in town zoe she has enough gum for everybody that'd be a fun character victoria's secret. He comes ranch. Emily Deschanel, but she has enough gum for everybody. I love my baby.

Alright. Maybe you should give me the microphone because you've lost it. You've gone full meth head. You're a meth head actor a meth head man I'm sure that's been done to death and somebody's gonna tell us it was on

Fighter and the Kid four years ago you've gone full Schwab we should have Schwab on the pod no we should take the money now that we have the Baco suit our next goal should be to get fucking Gianna Michaels on the pod.

That'd be crazy. Because Chris Pearson, buddy on Death Metal Dicks, had Buck Angel on, a.k.a. Kyle Kinane with a high-pitched voice. So we could have Gianna Michaels. I'll bet she would charge us $1,000 for an hour of her time on Zoom. But we're not even doing anything to her i know what what what do you think is happening if i have my hand near my mouth all of a sudden it negates my vocal cords from projecting you're already not talking into the mic because you're so now you're moving it away from me yeah you're trying to fucking puppet master my ass and it's a lot harder to

do in real life because i'll just smack your face i wonder if try and i wonder how hey if anyone out there works for gianna michaels or is gianna michaels adjacent i wonder if we could call my guy leave her alone no no no let's get her on pod. I'm saying we don't need fucking 90 people to try to hit her up on Twitter. Also, it seems like she has several verified accounts. I don't think there's any one that's actually her. Well, it's one for each tit. Mm-hmm. One for each.

God, what a perfect specimen. Yep. I love her. Top-notch banging. I would just tell her, hey, Gianianna before we get started i love you is this weird yeah she would leave right away because you'd be like going no i'd be so respectful i say thank you for your cervix salute her vagine yeah you know it just it just sound like this

it'd be cool yeah it'd be cool if she did a live pod. I don't know if I'd want to talk to her on Zoom. Well, I think she got on High Plains. She got High Plains? Yeah. I recommended her. I vouched. A lot of cool people got High Plains.

My dick vouched. It's like, no, she's great. She doesn't chafe you. Chafe you? I don't know. She doesn't chafe you. Chafe you? I don't know. I don't know why that would be her fault. If I jerked it dry and got chafed, why would it be a poor reflection on her character?

I don't know. That's not fair. That's not fair to her. She's just a hardworking woman. All right, we're at an hour. Shut up. No. That's all they get. That's not how we do this.

That's 15 more than *** gives them. Oh, hey, dude. What? Who cares? What do you mean, who cares? What? He sucks. No, dude. That's not what we're doing. Oh. It's not nice. He's our friend.

No, he's not. Yes, he is. He's no one's friend. He's the devil's friend. If he were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick. What? Wayne's World. Garth.

I went full Algar. His name's Garth Algar. Why is his last name Algar? What? What is going on right now? This is the end of the plot? I'm killing it. I'm finishing strong.

Yes, you are. I'm coming with it now. This episode brought to you by Lighthouse Ranch. Dip a finger in, but don't chew on it. Can I be in the commercial, too? No. Why not?

Because it's my time to shine. It'd be great. Shine with Ranch. They should do it like, it should be a lifetime of Ranch, and it's you being born shine. It'd be great. Shine with ranch. They should do it like a lifetime of ranch, and it's you being born, and then you being baptized. My mom dips a finger in Lighthouse Ranch, and then that's what I suckle on instead of her boob. That's right. Instead of getting mommy's milk, I get ranch.

Or you won't latch, so she has to dip her tit in ranch. That's it. Yeah, that's how I latch. That's it. That's won't latch, so she has to dip her tit in ranch. That's it. Yeah, that's how I latch. That's it. That's how I latch. Yep. And then you're baptized, you're dipped in a baptismal full of ranch. Giant ramekin. The first time you go to J.O., you use ranch.

Growing up Lighthouse. Yeah. Growing up in Lighthouse, North Carolina wasn't easy, but we made do. I'm showering in ranch. Yes. Yucky. Yikes.

So yeah, buy Lighthouse Ranch, everyone. Oh, and hey, you know who else is a sponsor of this pod? 7-Strong Brand. I don't think that's true. We've never seen a dime. I think they were a one and done. They just gave us some defective shirts they gave us some former boat covers dropped us

well hey if you want five percent off your purchase from seven dash strong seven hyphen strong.com use code chubby five at checkout to get five dollars off your fifty dollar shirt it's five percent off it's i know but it's 50 bucks for a shirt oh but these shirts look great you and me are gonna be wearing matching seven dash strong brand shirts at the live chubby behemoth right there at the high plains comedy festival yeah we'll show them off oh we're gonna look great in those things i wore i wore one of mine to uh the last luchare and Laughs and people loved it. They were like, holy shit. They were losing it, I remember. This guy looks cool

as hell. He looks snazzy as fuck. Why does Sam look stupid? Yeah, you were just wearing whatever soup dumpling covered tarp that you threw on before you left the house. Look, there's no stain on this shirt. That's pretty cool. That means there wasn't any flavor to the soup. That's right.

I got those bao buns I'm going to eat in the fucking fridge right now. Yep. No one can stop me. Happy birthday, Emily. I love you. You're the light in the tunnel that is my life. Thank you. And go to

patreon.com slash chubby behemoth and join the fucking Patreon so we can get Gianna Michaels on the pod and see if she'll dump them live oh my god if she dumped them on zoom insane holy fuck i would lose my freaking mind i would have to i would have to fucking lighthouse ranch feedback from the dead oh my god i'd have to like go to emily's work the dead oh my god i'd have to like go to emily's work like emmy broom closet now take 15 who cares if that kid lives or does yeah i need to blast and yeah and you don't and you don't like taking care of your own shit no i don't although i might go do it right now before emmy gets home i might go make a handful of lighthouse ranch dill flavored dildo dildo