Chubby Behemoth - Bushed Up

Episode Date: June 4, 2023

Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping at https://wwwSheathUnderwear.com  Promo code: CHUBBY   Extra episodes at Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   Front Charlie. Dick Got Fried. Doug Mustard’s Feet.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

He allegedly brushed his teeth. I think he was in there whacking to my mom's memorial photograph. You look good in it. It was like you going in there and pretending to wash your hands. He got his toothbrush wet. He ran the sink a couple of times. I ate two little peppermint candies brushing my teeth. He kept yelling, this toothpaste tastes great.

My brush is in right now that's like when i would fake wash my hands i'd say this soap feels so good is this lemon verbena oh my god is this lavender or lilac i always get me confused when i'm using hand soap on my hands i love the exfoliating beads and the hand soap yeah it's so silky Boba yeah Boba hand soap Boba is It's the fat is about Is popping off I feel like You think Boba's time is numbered?

I saw Boba No Boba was at Del Taco I saw Del Taco had like USA Branded Boba drinks Grilled chicken flavor Is that green sauce or red sauce in your bobas can I get

Christmas style boba I was able to identify where the Best Buy is in Parker, Colorado my dad and I went back and forth while you were in the bathroom

I hated that why because it was like just fucking Google it no I know where it is I just don't remember the name of that street because I haven't lived

here in 20 years but I was like it's across I just don't remember the name of that street because I haven't lived here in 20 years. It's across the street from the old Parker Police Department. He was like, no, no, it's by the new 7-Eleven. There's a Del Taco by it. He was like, yes. That's what brought us together because that Del Taco got me through in high school. Del Taco

slaps. No, sorry. It's a Jack in the Box. Oh, no. Yes. Not as good. No, sorry. It's a Jack in the Box. Oh, no. Yes. Not as good. No, it's better because they have those little dog food crispy tacos. I've never had those. Oh, my God. The tiny ones?

Come on, man. Dude. No, they're monster tacos. Oh. Monster tacos. That's what they're called. They're like as big as the palm of your hand. I thought they had tiny ones.

I think they might have regular tacos and monster tacos. I don't think there's tiny ones. They have monster energy drink flavored tacos. Yeah, those are good. So I'm going to pull back the curtain a little bit. We are actually here in Elizabeth, Colorado, in my childhood property. This is the barn my mom built after the old barn burnt down randomly on Christmas Eve. The one Christmas we didn't spend here.

It was crazy. Even as a kid, I was like, this smells like my sister's pussy. What? Fishy. Are you insinuating something? That's what you get. Instant karma. Mommy, your ghost

is everywhere. Sean Lennon is is everywhere sean lennon is watching sean lennon's watching too that's his baby boy over there little sean beautiful boy but yeah we pulled up at the bottom of that hill last night where i told you to wait for pat and the it was christmas morning for some reason we spent the night at my aunt and uncle's house in leviers which we'd never have done before that or after that and we were driving up the hill and this barn was just gone it was built in 1898 it had disappeared checking your phone immediately huh was it tuning out yeah yeah do you need to like shut up tell the fucking story no no do you need to, like... Shut up. Tell the fucking story. No, no. Do you need to check in on if Ted Lasso's season four is coming? No. It's Lasso.

It's not Lasso. That's Dave Lasso, the guy that you ruined. Oh, yeah. I shattered Lasso. The guy that you puppeteered and then destroyed. It wasn't that Korean poontang. All right. Keep talking about how your mom burned this place down for the money.

So, anyway, it was gone, and there was a bunch of fire department people around here this is such an interesting story this is better than any story you've told in the last two years i'm wrapped yeah you're gonna be wrapped up in duct tape thrown in the pond but it was gone because some kids were smoking cigs in here and well not in here in the old property and it burnt down and then my mom and dad built this beautiful just homage to country living in southwestern style and now we're in it and my dad bailed yeah well we had three mics um it's really i like it a lot in here thanks pat nice of you to say that as a guest in my mom's uh memorial we're here in my mom's tomb tomb yeah i even i didn't even mind sleeping on this tiny couch it's not tiny you're huge don't blame the couch for your specific if it was just a little longer and a little deeper i would have had the night of my life yeah it's me describing my dick on prom night what would you have been doing down

here if it was longer i just meant i would have had a good night's sleep somersaults yeah you do log and hedgehog rolls back and forth from armrest to armrest you could have baked cookies on the couch you would have written the greatest song of all time oh this couch is huge i feel like like a baby in my mama's arms. It's leather so I can't be nude. Catch a wave, dude. I'm gonna wake up sticking to the cushion. Why would he do an Alan Jackson song out of nowhere?

Because he's in the country. Just go through him. Yeah, exactly. Just be sent to him by Dwight Yoakam. Mama, I'm so little on this big old couch. Also, I wasn't saying that it would be about the couch. Just that he would be so rested and inspired and comfortable. Well, you should have pulled it out.

Now this thing opens up. you were you did not sell that you were making it sound like it was a saw trap you were playing mind games you were like yeah it pulls out it's the worst experience you'll ever have but pull it out it'll kill you and wreck your back and your front but pull it out and it was like dude what these are mixed messages so i figured it wasn't worth my dad was like it's not that bad it was like, dude, these are mixed messages. So I figured it wasn't worth it. My dad was like, it's not that bad. It's like, you old bitch, you never slept on this thing. Also, he's a lot lighter than any of the three of us,

so he might not experience it the same way. And he said the cushion was this thick. Yeah. I'll pass. It's terrible, dude. Why'd you want to pull it out then? Have you banged on this? Oh, yeah.

The pullout? Oh, yeah. What's his name? Yeah. The couch? Henry Oh, yeah. Oh, God. What's his name? Yeah. The couch? Henry? Henry the Brown Couch. You fucked this couch for sure.

Henry the Brown Couch. I slept on you. I woke up. I said, ouch, ouch. Now I'm a grouch. The day is ruined because I'm cooking in the sun. That's the worst part is we would drink apple pucker in here until 4 a.m. The worst part is we would drink apple pucker in here until 4 a.m. And then I would try and, you know, bemuse some young thang on this couch.

And then she invariably would grow tired of my advances. And I'd say, shut up. Shut up. Yuck. Okay. Keep going. No, but yeah. so the couch would suck. And it would hurt our backs.

And she wouldn't. No, sometimes she would. There was a whole bevy of young buxom babes coming through this place. Just wanting to sit on Henry. Yeah. And at 2 a.m., they'd say, my dad's on his way. And I'd say, please, my friends are upstairs fucking. Don't leave me. I'm going to have to say that you put out. And they would say my dad's on his way and i'd say please my friends are upstairs fucking don't leave

me i'm gonna have to say that you put out and they would say don't do that or i'm calling the cops and i'd say we're not in elizabeth technically you have to call the sheriff and they're not allowed on my property yeah and my mom has a gun um but anyway they would leave or they would go you know they would grow tired of me trying to finger them with my nublets. And they would sit in that chair and they would sleep there. And then I would sleep on this thing nude and I'd wake up, put the sun directly on me, sweating apple pucker at like 7 a.m. Just reeking. And they're over there smoking cigarettes inside just watching me being like, you pig.

You pig. Smoking in here, huh? We used to smoke in here all the time it was such a nasty thing to do it is it was so fucked up how much did it look like this yes yes my mom immediately no there were a bunch of larry johnson and alonzo morning posters it could have been they could have added more stuff later no No, no. I mean, that inlay over the fireplace is new. My mom's funeral shroud, that's a new addition. Yeah, they didn't predict it. This photo actually ended up being pretty prescient because two out of the three people in this picture are dead now.

So, Aunt Julie, you better be on the lookout. Who's in the middle? That's my grandpa. Which one? That's William Taylor. That's William Baird Taylor. Baird. Como, Mississippi.

Who owned slaves until the 60s. God bless him. The 1960s? No, God not bless him. Yeah. What the fuck? I know. It's not good.

No, you love it. You just said God bless him. Well, that's what you say after someone does something nasty, right? He was the guy who took me to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. And afterward, I asked him, Grandpa, what do you think? And he lit a cigarette and he said, it's for children, Samuel. He was wearing that suit at the movies.

He was saying it was super gay. Yeah, exactly. It's for young homos like you, Samuel. I'll be in the car. You finish up in the movies. Saying it was super gay. Yeah, exactly. It's for young homos like you, Samuel. I'll be in the car. You finish up in the arcade. Make sure you wash your hands for real. FR, FR. He knows.

Ham unit. Gay boy. He knew your move. FR, FR. Yeah. No cap. Before I went to Nicky Patterson's birthday,

we went to see Bicentennial Man. Oh. Remember that movie? Robin Will. Yeah. No cap. Before I went to Nikki Patterson's birthday, we went to see Bicentennial Man. Oh. Remember that movie? Robin Will. Yes. And Nikki was very pretty. And he took me to Target to buy her a birthday gift because he didn't want me to show up empty-handed.

I think in his head, it was like the equivalent of like, you always bring a bottle of wine or a cigar to a dinner party, you know? So we were like in the girls section. I was like 13. And he was like, is this a special girl and i was like no she's just like a normal girl like me and he's like yes but is she special and i was i kept thinking that he thought that he was if she was retarded yeah like only a retarded girl would invite you to her birthday sam he meant, do you have a crush on this girl? Yeah, do you like this young lady?

And even then, I knew she was unattainable. Too hot. She was out of my league. I got invited because I was the funny guy and Mikey Kulhanik was booked. I knew it. He was on the road.

Yeah. He was featuring for Jake Sharon. I went to my senior prom with one of my friend's older sisters who already graduated. That's a fat guy move. How'd you pull that? They felt bad for me. Oh, nobody wanted to go with you. She would only dance with me during slow songs.

It was bullshit. Ouch. Well, okay, you're saying that wasn't as good because the fast songs you were grinding. Oh, it was Grind City, baby. Right. Okay. At first I was like, well, yeah, you're close. I was like, it's my senior prom.

I want to grind. Yeah. What the fuck? I ground the round. You should have danced in a circle. Then there isn't any grinding, but you're still having fun. Yeah, you should have started having a gila. All isn't any grinding, but you're still having fun. Yeah, you should have started a Havana Gila. All my homies were in the middle of the pit grinding.

All my homies stay grinding. Meanwhile, I'm having another cup of punch. No one can tell me no. Oh, shit. Celine Dion's playing. Let's dance again. I better find that 28-year-old. I better find that beautician.

Make eyes with her across. She hot she was hot yeah but you were never gonna get in no you never had a shot no i didn't fucking mutant i didn't get laid in high school you didn't nope when did you when did you blast how old were were you? I was a sophomore. 22. I've always been a late bloomer. You didn't have a penis until 21? Whoa, hey. There was an Annie before that.

That old broad was right. I am a boy. Yeah. If you just keep praying to Kabbalah. I knew these were balls. And not eggs. college huh yeah wow walk me through that uh we had a party at our house and we had these friends that would come to greeley from boulder it was like this group of girls that my other roommate slumming it dude yeah we would party at

their house one of them had like a sick cabin that would get fucked up and anyways they came to greeley one time because we were they going to school at cb boulder yeah and they came to greeley yeah because we were unhinged we would do shit like light couches on fire in the alley and like break plates in the basement because you weren't getting laid smoke inside as soon as you got laid you're like this mess is untidy when you're young you you weren't getting laid smoke inside as soon as you got laid you're like this mess is untidy when you're young you're like yeah we'll smoke inside because it's so cool and then you get older and it's like god just go outside no keep smoking inside as long as you can no kids shower if you can you had a guy on the couch who didn't pay rent casey who i'm

gonna stay with in milwaukee thank god So that's kind of repaying itself. So these worthless pigs came to your house from Boulder? Yeah. No, they were great. They were very fun. They must have been fun if they were like, Boulder's not for us. We don't want to hang out with a bunch of dudes with ski passes and Patagonia jackets. We're going to go hang out with Fat pat ricky smoogey on the couch

lucas mason josh black dante shout out to the 929 um well they threw cool parties one time uh it was like a 1990s party and this guy was like this fat white guy was dressed like quit talking about yourself in the third person he was dressed like he was dressed like an old-timey guy and i went up to his like oh 1890s that's really funny and he's like no i'm dressed like biggie smalls i was like that's crazy the blackface didn't give it away and then a magician pulled a card out of an orange that was on the fridge what he peeled it and there was a card out of an orange that was on the fridge. What? He peeled it and there was a card inside of it.

Whoa. What? Yeah. Whose card was it? It was Biggie Smalls? Yeah. And then that guy went method on Biggie and ran out of the room saying, no! Christopher Wallace. Shit! No! Oh, hell no! He stayed in character for show.

He's just hands on his face. Oh, he starts doing the robot. He fell out of frame. Like the rap gif. Yeah. I'm not a rapper. Okay, so these girls came over. We had a party.

We had a rager, a kegger, whatever. What was in the keg heineken oh it's probably pbr rolling rock or rolling rock um and gold we were just vibing and then she like slept in my bed with me and we talked like late into the night and like to like three in the morning and she's like do you have any condoms out of nowhere yeah she's like i don't usually do this like it wasn't even super flirty or sexual it was just like getting to know each other yeah i think we made out a little bit too before that okay i don't remember you probably came in your pants secretly i think we did two positions and then i came it was probably like six minutes that's great my first time i was glad that i lasted five minutes i was like you did it buddy it was cool in the mirror slapping your chest yeah help a dog i'm like justin timberlake

you're the man yeah and then i so she says do you have any condoms obviously and you say it's a little late for water balloons all my friends are sleeping i did how how hard did you fall for her pretty hard i mean she was cool but yeah she was not interested in dating me for show yeah she didn't want anyone to know that she fucked some bum and greely some trash everyone knew the next day we all went and got breakfast the next day i feel like everyone knew because you probably reaped you smelled of sex it's a very particular smell and you also came out with sunglasses on going three cigarettes in my mouth morning fellas who's got a light

hey can someone get her some orange juice she's probably all worn out six minutes in heaven i was on top and then we did it on our side because i got tired yeah because i cramped because i cramped up yeah oh the cramps god what's the worst cramp do you think this one the this one the horsey front charlie i don't get that one sucks calf sucks because you think you're having a blood clot and you're gonna die and you shoot out of bed fuck yeah that one's Calf sucks. Calf sucks because you think you're having a blood clot and you're going to die. And you shoot out of bed. Fuck. Yeah, that one's scary.

But yeah, this one right here. I don't get that one. Also, these pec cramps suck. Stomach cramp sucks. Stomach cramp. I don't have my period like you, so I don't know about that. Well, like you just hit a weird position. Yeah, when I'm trying to wipe sometimes, you can get the oblique cramp and it's it hurts

it's a tough one because you have to keep trying to wipe you can't just be like well i guess i'm done yeah he's laying on the floor wait for creech to come home yeah put my feet up in the air yeah hey creech open the door let the dogs in here oh my god damn it george ge George Mikey, it's your birthday again. Chocolate frosting. Oh, no. Am I making coffee? That killed out here, huh? Yeah.

I guess. Pat loved it. He tweeted it. I jacked it. We slept in here in this big open space last night. Pat was on Henry. Lum was upstairs on Mama Grunda. And me and my dad were in bed together.

And I woke up this morning at 8, and my dad was right here. It was just Dave T's sleeping prone face. I was like, oh, God. Interesting that you named the couches but not the bed. So the bed is a number. You okay? 3.14. Is that a sleep number or just a number?

That's pie, dog. It's pie, stupid. Oh, so it goes on forever? Mm-hmm. That's what my dad would always say. We call it pie because I go on forever in here. My mom would say, David, shut up. God.

He's right. He's insatiable. I'm exhausted. I'm tired all the time. I'm cramped up. Cramped up, bricked up. I was surprised because I got like a giant blanket from Dave

and I was like, all right, I'm going to be a sweaty mess immediately. And it breathed somehow. It's a huge, like thick blanket. But it didn't get that messy. My grandma wove that blanket when she worked at Bed Bath & Beyond.

When she was the night manager. Yeah, the couch was good. I used to have trouble with couches because I could only sleep on my stomach. So it had to be long enough for me to be fully stretched out. But up there, I was going on my side, my other had to be long enough for me to be fully stretched out. Yeah. But up there, I was going on my side, my other side, a little curled up a little bit. Well, that couch is big enough to accommodate you on your belly. I don't think I could fully. People don't know.

You're actually five foot four. Shh. Sorry. Why is it me to sleep in the bed with my dad? No, no. I'm five four. No, I know what I'm saying. I also admitted to sleeping with Dave T. With your own dad in my mom's marital bed bobby crane style i'm the eighth person to share that with him after my mom died wait so your parents slept put a notch on the bedpost

no no no so we'll go over to the house that i grew up in across the street so there's three there were there were four property four buildings on this property it's 14 acres here in uh unaffiliated elbert county not technically in elizabeth so like i said you can call the cops and all the sheriff here to arrest them um so yeah this barn burnt down there was also a horse stable built in 1901 that burnt down like three years ago i remember calling and my mom was like it's gone and i was like what do you mean she was like it's gone uh she just was this when she didn't have enough words she just kept saying it's gone it's gone and i was like what is she fucking talking

about but that one burnt down but we grew up in the house across that was built in like 1890 or something whoa i mean half of it's underground. It's real like, I'll show you guys after this. So we slept over there, but then when this thing got finished, when I was in, it was like summer going into freshman year, and we immediately started just blowing it out in here.

Like real bad. You ran through this joint. Oh yeah, like you and those girls from Boulder. I fell in love with this place as soon as i entered it much like you did but before it was finished it was just the foundation was dug out so we could play army in the tunnels so that was cool that got me some play with like the young kids they'd come over when i was a young kid y'all get trench foot together kathleen

job lived right up there and we went to kindergarten through and then she left in like 10th grade and there was always kind of this like it was like we were brother and sister but i always assumed that she would take my v you know just kind of like a now and then situation i was rosie o'donnell she was christina ricci but i never like made a move i remember she she was the first girl who saw my penis. On accident? No, I was peeing on an electric fence up there by the mailbox.

You're not supposed to. I know, but I was like, it's fine. Ren and Stimpy told you not to. And guess what? You're such a bad boy. I was trying to impress Kathleen Jones. Did you get zapped? Oh, yeah.

Your dick got fried. So she saw my dick looking like it. Expl look explode like a hot dog in the microwave it just puffed up and you're like this is good and then it popped and you're like it's not good anymore i'm gonna have to be real nice it did look like a 7-eleven roller i don't have a penis anymore. It's like a cartoon. It just shows like one big bone in there. It's a fish bone. It's a skeleton of a fish in my ween.

And then your penis has big hair that's like stuck. Yeah, cut to my face. There's just smoke coming out of my ears. Help! Kathleen, go get your mom. Go get Sally. So she saw my ween. But anyway, she moved away.

And then she came back to some party my junior year. And good God, did she have that. Oh, thank God. Dude. I was hoping she would. She had him in a major way to the point where I was like, who's that chick with the heavy set? And they were like, what do you mean?

That's Kathleen. And I was like, no, no, no. What do you mean it's Kathleen? Holy shit, Kathleen, come and lay it out on Henry with me. What do you mean it's Kathleen? You saw my dick get zapped by that tricky ass fence. And the horses were watching and they ran away when I screamed. What do you mean, Kathleen?

One time you were really mean to Liamada Mollis. And I promise not to tell. Can I see one of those things you grew in Smoky Hill? Just one. Yeah, just the cool one. I'm a gentleman, so one will do. Seriously, one will do for the next couple weeks as I tweak my little nudelet. In fact, I'm going to go into the bathroom at Chase Stover's house right now and pound one.

Double D, Kathleen. I'm going to tell Jesse Kendig, and And then he's gonna tell Melanie Pfeiffer And then all of student council's gonna know I jerked off at that party at Chase Dover's house That happened, yeah You were accused of making all of that up And it's hilarious to think that you would That you would take the time to come up with these random names

And then like typical high school shit Oh, someone said there You were come up with these random names and then like typical high school shit. Oh, someone said there you were making up all those full names and stuff? Yeah, that it was all just bullshit. It's like, what? That would be a crazy move. You did just say Melanie Pfeiffer. Who was Catwoman? Michelle Pfeiffer.

Michelle Pfeiffer. I thought it was Melanie. I'll get out the yearbooks. The yearbooks are in here. He's got receipts. He's got receipts. I can point out everyone who had get out the yearbooks. The yearbooks are in here. He's got receipts. I can point out everyone who had them in the yearbooks. Perfect. That could be good Patreon content.

Me objectifying 16-year-olds. You have a GoPro on your head. And you're just POV of you. Circle them or cross them out if they didn't have them. Their eyes are cut out. Cross them out if they didn't have them. Their eyes are cut out. Wait, so did you end up losing it to that woman?

No. The returning, okay. No, no. Sam TPOV. I thought the prophecy was fulfilled. It was not fulfilled. No, but I remember being like rocked and really upset. So I was like, that's my birthright. Those mighty mounds should be mine. I you know i was a problematic teen it's okay

is it yeah i i'm sorry kathleen um i visit your your tombstone every now and then i don't think it's problematic to wish that you slept with someone is that what you're saying i don't know i'm always you know i've been always worried you're mad at me. She died? Yeah. She drowned. She slept on her back. Yeah, that really rocked me. I remember Bubba Haas and Kendig were like, what's up? And I was like, have you seen Kathleen Jobe?

And they were like, yeah. I was like, it should have been mine. What was she doing? she just came back she had she was hooked up with somebody i have no idea i was like hey kathleen how are you and she was like get your white ass out of here she went to smoky hill trust like biggie like kathleen are you a 1980s ghost? She's like, uh-uh. You could still tell she had them even with the giant Cosby-looking sweater. Dude, it was nuts. And this was the era of the big hoop bangs. Remember that?

The Coke bottle bangs? Yeah. She had those. And she was wearing a sweatshirt. And I was like, what's going on? And then later that night, we were all dancing in the basement. She took the sweatshirt off. And there they were in a spaghetti strap T-shirt.

Spaghetti straps, really. Everyone says these yoga pants are just creating a world of sexual deviant incels who are so horny at 14 they don't know what to do. Give me a fucking, well, hold on. Hold on. But just anyway, those spaghetti strap shirts really did not do a good job hiding the meat. No, they weren't supposed to.

No, they weren't. You're supposed to see. God, Ryan Russell. And go crazy, but also fall in line. Tube top. Yeah. Tube tops are a fantasy. No one had a tube top on ever.

Who had them. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It wasn't allowed. So there was one girl who had a tube top on who had them, and I remember that got yanked down almost before the first bell rang. It was before first period started. She had that yanked down.

I didn't see. I only heard about it. It was in the school newspaper the next day. Breaking extra, extra. What was your guys' mascot? The Cardinals. Well, I'll tell you this, Sam. You don't know this because you're oblivious,

but summer is coming, and that means sweaty dick season. One of the worst seasons of all. SDS. If you're tired of your dick getting stuck to your balls. God, what a dream that would be. And your balls getting stuck to your legs. If only. Does that happen?

It can happen. It can and does. Whoa. My guys don't hang out. Yeah, you're always scared and cold. So you don't know about it. But yeah. It's a DMZ between my peen and my nad.

If you're dealing with that situation, you need to get sheath underwear. There's two pouches, one for your dick and one for your balls. Or ball, if you have one. That's okay. You're still a man. You're still a person. Excuse me. Sam's rocking them right now.

That's right. When you use those two pouches nothing sticks together so you stay cool and comfortable all summer long and you also don't have to put your dick in that pouch it's not like a law or anything you can put change in there you can put some stamps yeah you could put your yugioh cards if you're pat your magic the gathering cards if you're sam if you're cheating and you need to hide it like Alex Bertoncini, use your sheath pouch. Bertoncini.

No one's ever said that fucking joke before. You are wearing them now. How do you feel? Bro, the best part of this whole podcast ascension is that we get all this free gear now, and I've been rocking sheath nonstop, and it rules. Sincerely, it rules. Yeah, I'm excited to try them. I haven't gotten mine yet.

You haven't? No, they're at the house i have to come in via mule train to trinidad yeah there was a snake in the box so i got scared so i want to i want the snake to die before i try to get that undie was it your own snake no my snake is fine okay good i don't have sheath underwear on and my balls are really hot right yeah because your pod sucks, and no one cares. Your shit's ruined. Hey, we get about 100 listeners.

That's crazy. Sheath was created. That's really good. More than I would have thought. Sheath was created by U.S. Army soldier Robert patton general general robert there's a movie based on my balls are dry my balls were in the shit they hit the water in that porta potty i've never been the same they're blue from that fucking chemical uh but yeah he created them uh he's probably cool

not only did he make an awesome product but you can support a veteran-owned company and this podcast at the same time you're double dipping i'm a veteran of what the cola wars the chickens yeah the chicken sandwich wars of 2019 that Lost a lot of good teeth in that. Lost a lot of good pickles out there in the shit. Lund loves the troops, and I love sheath underwear. This is a match made in heaven. Just like your dick and balls. Yeah.

Created by God. Yeah, he must have been drunk. And for our ladies in the audience, check out sheaths, sports bras, bikini briefs, and boy shorts. They're not just for boys. just for boys god i love boy shorts on a girl yeah that's a good look like volleyball shorts but you're not peeping but it's cool yeah uh they have tons of cool patterns so you can have sheath ready for any occasion where your underwear sticks out and people want to see the theme involved yeah what if you uh didn't bring a swimsuit and you're trying to go swimming yeah you're at the rec center and everyone's mad because it's your son's birthday but you won't go swimming you go yeah you're getting your undies good thing i have my lobster print sheath undies yeah good thing everyone can see the delineation

between my balls and dick due to the pouches yeah that's what he wanted over there when he was over there torching huts in denang his balls are named norman d the only thing that can make this fucking orphanage fire better is if my balls weren't touching my dick you can separate your balls and dick but you can't separate the man from the criminals. No. From the crimes. God damn it.

He was just following orders. And you should follow our orders and go to... Place an order today. Yes. Head to sheathunderwear.com and use code Chubby to get 20% off your first order. Plus, Sheath Underwear's 100% money back guarantee. That's sheathunder is 100 money back guarantee that's sheath underwear.com promo code chubby 20 off your first order you can use these things and send them back in i guess money back yeah that's that's the scam yeah and he sells them over in japan where his

secret family lives if you the people who listen to podcasts are wrecking these undies and then putting them back in the mail? I guess, yeah. He's so confident in his product that if some people don't like it, then yeah, he'll take them back and sell them to some freak. And don't wring them out first. Put them in there soaked. Don't wash them. But yeah, again, sheathunderwear.com, promo code Chubby for 20% off your first order. Get sheath underwear, support the show, and support your balls.

They're legit. Tan hut. You're wearing grass hut. Napalm. Napalm lawn. Napalm death. Opening for cradle of filth. Yeah.

We did it, right? That's it? Yeah. All right. We grew up out here. Damn. You guys were all busy watching Degrassi and being like, oh. My feelings.

Oh, God. Go Spartans. Yeah. You were Spartans? Was there ever like a nudes that leaked? No, we didn't have that. You had a scandal? There was a couple leaked nudes.

What? Yikes. Yeah. Not cool, Greeley. Tell me more. Just high school. No. What'd they look like?

They were nude. You saw it. Yeah, but I was also underage at the time. Still child pornography. pornography so i can't remember exactly what it looked like becker beep that out i don't have it on me no i don't i didn't want to see it now that'd be a crime back then god what i would have done there's a girl named becca adams who went on to be a model. She was very pretty.

And one time she asked to wear my letter jacket, which, join the Patreon if you want to see a little video of me in the letter jacket. I'll be giving a tour of this on the Patreon, this entire property. I can't wait. It'll be great. You'll be there.

I'm booked. Oh, what are you booked at? I have to go to Best Buy. We're all going to Best Buy after that, too. Yes. And, guess what? I think there go to Best Buy. We're all going to Best Buy after that, too. Yes. And guess what? I think there's some Jack in the Box in your future. Ooh, doggie.

You got to have the tacos, Pat. I don't want the damn ass tacos. God, what? Why? You're so picky. Because I don't want tacos from Jack in the Box? Well, we got in and out last night, and you were like, I don't want one. Because I ate 13 nuggets on the drive here. Oh, yeah. You had your secret 40-pack of nuggets. No, I got in and out last night, and you were like, I don't want one. Because I ate 13 nuggets on the drive here.

Oh, yeah. You had your secret 40-pack of nuggets. No, I got that for the gang. Yeah, right. Gang gang. And we got you a double-double, and you were like, I don't want it. There's too much bun. I only eat triple-triples.

Yeah. They all got eight, didn't they? I can only eat odd-numbered patty sandwiches. It was an extra bergie for you guys i don't know why you're complaining wait where'd the extra burger go i'm assuming dave put it in the fridge you got a boogie you got a boogie do i yeah get it out for me no come on you're in my house no if you want to be invited to the big mixer you better get that booger out of my nose freshman mixer that's best buy we threw he's having flashbacks i'm literally glory

days in right now if you guys i am so hard thinking about all the fucked up shit i did in this house me and lun just made eye contact when we saw you flick that booger i wanted to see if i could see how if it was a big it was a heavy hanger it was just a little dipper was it a kathleen job or was it a liam automolis it was a Liam Otomalis. I ran into her in the mountains. Liam? That's a cute name for a lady. Leah. I thought you said Liam.

There was the triad. There was the two girls and then there was me and then there was Callan Culkin over there. And Callan Culkin wore like a Cradle of Filth shirt all the time and played saxophone. I played Magic the Gathering with him. The saxophone part doesn't make sense, but the other parts make sense. He was like the total, like, don't come to school tomorrow type guy. Cradle of Phil shirt for show.

Yeah, he had a Jesus is a cunt shirt that he wore and like got in trouble and had to turn it inside out. And he was like, I'm going home. And they were like, all right, get out of here, Callan. His older brother, Corey, was the biggest biggest fattest kid ever like legally fat like the zookeepers when they came to show us the peregrine falcons they were like all right we're taking off and then they like tried to put a leash on cory when i was in first grade cory no i was in second grade cory was in first grade and i was like the cool fat kid who broke all the rules.

That was me. Yeah, I was like the surf's up fatty. Ride the wave. I'd slap my gut. Fart Simpson. Yeah, Fart Simpson. I was Black Bart. You said it.

What? Black Bart, remember? Back then you sprayed N. It never sprayed N because David Borey was my best friend. That was bars. I've said the n probably 10 times in my entire life and eight of them are to make you laugh that's not true yes eight of them were in the five months that you lived together yes they were all condensed because you'd wake up and be like time to say the end i think i've said it like 30 times and a lot of that was in high school on Halo 2 Xbox Live. Jesus Christ, Pat.

But anyway, they made me sit down with Corey Culkin, and they were like, so this is Sam, and Corey, you're Corey. And we just thought that Sam might be able to be like your bigger buddy, you know, like your older brother. Your fatter brother. Exactly. So I never understood. I thought it was because we were neighbors but no it was because i was a cool fat kid and he was a maligned human beanbag machine who kids would like jump off the second story balcony onto his belly and survive you know is that the cradle of filth kid or no this was the cradle of filth kid's older brother uh cory and car callan told me much later on about that story and how his

parents always thought i was a saint because i like took cory and under my wing they didn't know that it was arranged by the school so when i told them that later on they like totally took the flower off of that lily pad but callan told me he walked in on Corey whacking off one time. To you. Yes, to a framed photo of me. No fucking way. No. No, but he said that he couldn't reach his peen,

so he was just laying on his back, wiggling around. Just wiggling around while looking at a porno magazine. Oh my God. Just this maneuver. Shit. That's rough. Did you teach him that or no? Yeah, in second grade. I was like, look, it's going to get further and further away.

He had to rub with his chub. Yeah. But he was on his back. He was on his back. Like he was trying to flip over he could have porno mag over his face like this I mean he's working out too

that's how like super fat people have to work out they just gotta roll back and forth in bed is that true? is that on my 600 pound life? yeah and it's how they don't get bed sores and shit oh god that sucks dude we might see Corey at Walmart later And they don't get bed sores and shit. Oh, God. That sucks, dude.

Yeah, that's dark. We might see Corey at Walmart later. He's alive still? Why wouldn't Corey? You turn over, you're fucking the bed, there's friction. There's better. You're on your back. He's fucking his own gut.

He's got T-Rex on his thighs. Gut fucking. He was really big, guys. He couldn't get under there? I don't think so. Gut fucking. He was really big, guys. He couldn't get under there? I don't think so. That sucks. Like, you know how big fat people can't wipe? I guess so.

They can't do anything that starts with a W. They can't whack. They can't wipe. Win. Yeah. They stay winning. Stay winning. As long as there's Uber Eats.

What's that band called? Behemoth? Yeah, Behemoth. Yeah, Behemoth. Shall we Behemoth this podcast? That's the name of the pod. My friend Josh Romero in high school had a Behemoth shirt, and it was camo, and it just said Christians to the Lions, and he would wear that to school all the time.

Whoa. That was cool. And he was allowed because of separation of church and state. Yeah. Just kidding. Yeah, really, Wes didn't care, I it was the first amendment right i don't know he's like i played the fifth fifth one time we were in here and there was a big magic the gathering tournament the next day and we were all preparing in here me jane sacock brad and callan mount up regulators Callan. Mount up, regulators.

Everybody quit dicking around. This is serious. This is the next day is do or die. We took it so seriously. I'll bet you did. Oh my god. Somebody tried to put music on and you're like, no, no music. We have to concentrate.

Don't forget to set your side deck too. That's important. Sideboard, but yeah. You only get 15 extra cards. Yeah, Yu-Gi-Oh guys. You guys were losers. You smell a little younger. Smoking pyramid lights inside.

I was a WWE raw deal guy. Real ones will know. Jansen Cox. Another round of quesadillas. That was a card game? Yeah, he loves it. He won't wish if anybody has a bunch of those cards send them to sam because i would love to teach wwf raw deal we were watching what's the other day oh we were watching that girls gone wild documentary yeah yes and you were like the girls gone wild show makes me want to play wwf Deal. You made the voice more autistic.

Yeah, that's how you talk when you're excited. You're evolving. He's a nuanced character. You're not a baby anymore. Yeah, I'm growing. Yeah, you've got FBA. I'm featuring for you now. Isn't that weird?

No. I crush. I absolutely destroy. you flounder anyway we were about to go to the junior super series the next day i think in new mexico i think we were driving to fucking santa fe and there was this sanctioned play oh yeah this was big this was dci uh the do list convocational in in international so yeah jesus christ what those the Duelists Convocational International. Jesus Christ. What?

Those guys sucked. You called yourself duelists or no? No, that's what DCI, you had a DCI number that was given to you if you wanted to play in tournaments and it was the Duelists Convocational International is what it was. Why did they have to name it that?

I don't know. Anyway, Doug Musser's sitting over there and he was like your classic, like Callum aspired to be Doug and Doug was going to sleep in that there and he was like your classic like callan aspired to be doug and doug was gonna sleep in that chair and he had his trench coat on his fingerless gloves on and his fucking boots he had don't come to school tomorrow yes he had these insane boots and i remember if i don't win this tournament don't go to school on monday he was giving clebold yes he admired clebold he a big Klebold guy, and he was older than us,

so he would buy us cigarettes and beer. But anyway, he was over there, and I remember laying here, and out of nowhere, Clay DeHaan went, are you going to sleep with your boots on? And Doug took his boots off, and there was a Bowie knife in the boot. And he dumped it out like blazing saddles, and a knife came out, and a lighter came out, and it reeked.

This whole house reeked. It smelled like cigarettes, melted cups of cheese, and fucking Doug Musser's feet. Dude, these shoes you gave me, when I started wearing them, it activated your old sense in there, and it was so vile. Dude. Oh, no. My mom was pissed at me. You should have washed them. I did.

I bet she washed them. The insoles. I washed the insoles i watched the insoles yeah you have to watch wash all of them with fire no they're fine now i have tremendous foot i used to have really bad foot yeah you stank bro you wear sockless shoes i used to but i've evolved a lot i've evolved a lot like a pokemon yeah i to be like you, and now I'm like me. And when someone shows me the Moonstone, I'll go full on. I reduce. I go, fine, fine, fine. I want to be Squirtle.

You are Squirtle. Yeah, yeah. And you're more of a War Turtle, actually, and I'm Blastoise for sure. I like that. Yeah. Okay, I don't know. War Turtle. I'll go with it.

That's me. Squirtle, squirtle. You know water gun. No. I know hydro pump. Oh, gotcha. Yeah. Dude, Blastoise was my guy.

Yeah, because representation's important. Yeah, he had a hump as well. He was round. Yeah. Wait, so what happened with the tournament? Jancicok, I think, Jancicok won the Junior Super Series and got a giant scholarship from it. And then he got to go to Nationals

and he got fucking wrecked in Kansas City. Damn. Yeah. I play so much Catan. What was the meta back then? I remember... Oh, so seriously? Yeah.

What was the what? Meta. Meta. Meta is what decks were were most prevalent what was the ecosystem affinity the artifact deck was number one everyone was playing that and jance cock played it to great success involving disciple of the vault and sacrifice outlets and i played red with like four main deck shatter effects and boy did i scrub out early and then i just had to go stand near the tables with a pen in my ear staring at

jansen cock thinking he's so cool he's gonna get so much pussy from this with his giant bill clinton head dude we call them bill clinton's head like bch is on the table number two he's on a roll yeah and greeley in middle school i would go to this place every weekend called Digital Dungeon. Oh, my God. I went to Digital Dungeon for a tournament. Yeah. Yes. Ed, dude, he'd make you do 10 push-ups to use his phone.

Yes. Did you ever go to Valhalla's Game Center? Could you do 10? Yeah. I was in sixth grade. Of course, I could do 10 push-ups. I was still playing b-ball back then. You were 240 pounds in sixth grade.

My mom would give me 20 bucks and just leave me there for eight hours yes play mage nights that was collector mania for me on cottonwood road god those were the days smells like bo in there dude how bad it smelled like fedora head it was dog shit i, so Collector Mania sold comic books, and I was in there on a Friday night playing Friday Night Magic, and Zach Tull and his girlfriend came in, and I told Zach I couldn't hang out that night because I had to do something else. Because I had this whole secret life.

No one knew I played Magic besides the kids I played Magic with. Otherwise, I was like... You had a blood oath. I had a blood... That was a great card. It cost four. the kids i played magic with otherwise i was like you had a blood oath i had a blood that was a great card um it costs four so zach came in and he's like sam and i was like no no it's over it was totally it's over jump out a window yeah and then zach started telling people about my friday night friends and it was it was really bad for me damn yeah that's right i think that's when i started the punk rock band to get my revenge to get as a distraction yes i can play magic and football too

i could not i couldn't let it happen you're multifaceted i hated it you contain multitudes this is i've never talked about magic in this way publicly on this giant of a platform. A couple people are oozing their pants, but besides that, everyone else is pissed. Everyone's pissed. Everyone's like, no. I have fantasies of, because I play Catan and Risk on my phone a lot, and I'm like, oh, what if I was able to win tournaments and stuff? And it's like, shut up. Some people play one or the other 24-7.

And so i would get wrecked like jance a cock i get exposed i mean jance a cock earned his spot he earned that scholarship oh yeah yeah yeah god that's a victory but nationals he was like on the under 16 national team god i love him i miss those days so So yeah, I would have like magic nights in here. And then next night would be like poker night with Chris White. And all the football guys would come over. And I would just fucking fleece them for their cash. Then we'd throw bangers in this house.

A lot of people lost their virginity. Bonzo Sandrin lost his virginity against the wall out back. And the girl that blessed him had a bunch of splinters all over her back oh fuck yeah that's rough yeah so remember she came in and she was like crying and bonzo was like and it was like he had a glow what just had a glow about him yeah what did he do to her why is she crying and then they took her upstairs and they all the girls took splinters out of her back. Was it her Virgo, too? No, no. She was a crafty veteran.

Nice. Respect. I don't think a girl loses her virginity standing up with her back to a barn. That's probably correct. Yeah. But neither do fellas, usually. No, Bonzo was a late bloomer like you.

Wait, you didn't lose yours in the former barn. It was a different barn no that barn was not you couldn't an actual barn yeah it was full of pigeon shit and like yeah you read it years and years of like hanta virus from all the mice but yeah you were in a barn i was in a barn yeah and cody hockaday's land at his graduation party how old were you i was i could drive i was 16 i was 15 yep in a trailer we're henderson nevada in a trailer marilyn manson girl i was terrified she was babysitting we closed the door on like a 10 month old and a two-year-old and we're like watch tv no five minutes you jeopardize the life of two innocents yeah for sure

so you could spill your rotten seed from manson's been happening for ever had to had to do it i had to take my shot i'm glad you did because if you were a late bloomer that would have sucked i couldn't be on this pod with two losers i'm not a loser being a late bloomer is fine i'm not a loser i just he says like a loser i just all my friends were going through puberty and i just still didn't have any fucking hair anywhere you were pubeless late till like not like super late how late like i said like freshman year I started like late freshman year. I thought you were smooth when you lost your virginity. 20 and a half.

That would have freaked her out. No, I did like learn how to orgasm super early because I don't call it learning how to orgasm. Well, I like found my mom's back massager and I like put it on my dick and I like orgasm. I remember passing around. I was like 10. nothing came out this was 10 i remember having a boner in the shower as a kid and peeing out of it and it felt really good with the hot water on the back of my neck and i was like i'm jizzing this is jizzing i'm doing it right now i don't even have to touch it i can just jizz whenever I want in the shower,

as long as the water's on my neck. I've cracked the code. Yeah, I thought that was jizzing. One time I was being watched by my cousin, Joey, who died, RIP. But him and his friend were over, and they had a Jerry Springer uncensored video. Oh, whoa. And they're like, stay up here. We're going to watch this in the basement.

And I kept trying to go down there. And then this friend kept calling me Big Gay Al. And then afterwards, they came back upstairs. And they're like, oh, that was awesome. I'm really hungry now. And from then on, I was like, damn, after you watch sex stuff, you're hungry. I just thought you were hungry after. So they jerked off together down there?

I don't know if they jerked off or just watched it. Why did they come up and like high five and say, time for tater tots, bro? I don't know. Now that we just watched that video. I don't know. Separate couches. I need some pizza rolls. I thought, hey, big day out.

Get in the kitchen. Whip us up some beer. us up turn the oven on yeah put your head in it get in there big a l i bet that hurt your feelings didn't it yeah i think it did there's something so great about just the lack of care and effort and imprecision put into copying a already a south park reference and calling a younger boy that and being like my job is done here god is this you still got it casey you're the best uh yeah they were burnouts i was pissed because i was like i can my mom can leave me at home i don't fucking need to be watched. I'm a big boy. I'm a big boy.

I'm big boy Al. I told my mom and I think she laughed. I'm weird Al. That's funny. You're a fucking pubeless pet. Shut up. Your dad left. I'm both now. I'm NB now.

I'm your they them mom. I'm your parent. My dad outed me for having pubes to my entire family. That's normal and cool. It sucked. He was giving me a bath. What? Why?

Is that a bitter? 13? What the What? Is that a bitter? At 13? What the fuck? In sixth grade, I tore my patella tendon in my knee. Oh, okay, okay. I had a cast on my leg for like all of sixth grade. Nick Salazar tackled me from behind and I tore out my tendon. So my dad was in the bath and he had to like help me bathe.

He had to wipe you. And he went, holy shit, Betts. He's got hair down there. The hair down there. It was awful. That was the same year that my mom yelled at me for the porn store that I had. In your pants? Yes. So all sexuality was cursed from then on my mom being like is this what you think love is are your

friends doing this to each other no mommy i'm still your good little boy and then my dad yelled hey bets he's got it he's bushed up my grandma was in the kitchen you guys will see the fucking bathroom in the old house is right by the kitchen and i remember dad yelling he's got hair down there and i had to go out there and like hobble on my crutches in front of my grandma and now she knows that i've got hair down there whoa that's brutal yeah he was bathing me that's kind of like when the kid breaks his arms and his mom sucks him off that red post. Oh, yeah. What? But it's like I broke my leg.

Your dad did not suck me. My dad has to bathe me. Yeah. He saw my pubes. He saw my little, just the seedlings sprouting. God, that sucked. I forgot about that until right now. Man, I'm glad we're in here so that you can unlock some of these memories

that were behind a paywall. Dude. Paywall of shame. Yeah. Hey, Matt. No, no. Oh, my God. Still have dreams about that bathtub.

Are you guys bath people to this day? No. I'm not big gay Al. Megan and I didn't have a bath until mr garrison well was he like mr garrison's wasn't there slave as well slave was later i think yeah yeah yeah big al had the like big gay animal emporium yeah yeah is that right that was back when being gay on TV was crazy. Taboo.

It was Big Gay Allen, Ellen. And that was it. And Al Borland. No. He came out as gay the last episode. Did he? Yeah. And then he ended up, it was like, he had lipstick on.

He had lipstick on and he was holding hands with the middle son. And they hopped on his hog and they rode away. Okay. While Wilson jacked it, you could hear him his hand up against the... He got splinters in his back. Wilson, why are you up against the fence

like that instead of peeking over? Shut up, Tim. You're blowing it. You're not helping. Oh, shit. This house. you're not helping oh shit this house me and david bori coming here on our off hour melting cups of cheese and smoking like backwards in here what what do you mean by melting cups of cheese david's thing was he would get like melted like shredded mozzarella cheese put it in a, put it in the microwave for exactly 22 seconds, and then twirl a spoon in there and eat it like a big melted lollipop. That's kind of a fire little snack.

I always thought it was weird, but then I tried it and I was like, It's good protein. We're not going to third period. This is our thing now. This is our thing now. Yeah, just melting cups of cheese, smoking backwoods, and wondering why girls wouldn't talk to us. I think I knew the answer. You reeked.

I reeked. My letter jacket reeked like cigs. But it still does. It smells good. It smells like upstairs. All right. Yeah. Heaven?

Yeah. Smells like heaven? Mm-hmm. We have to do ad reads, too. Okay. Where are we at uh 55 minutes hell yeah nice we're the best we are the three of us yeah we're the best three of us on the two of us yeah me and you lund no no big al you're the third. Me and War Turtle. You're Tally.

You're Mr. Hand. You're Mr. Hand. The guy who got fucked by the horse. Oh, Jesus Christ. Did you guys ever watch that? Did you watch that video? I never did. What?

I never did. Pause it. I did not want to. I heard it scrubbed scrub from the internet that can't be true i could find it in two seconds i remember i remember like a still or something and i was like no it's got to be rough it's gotta be awful yeah it wasn't a delicate beautiful thing it wasn't cool it wasn't you in that trailer in henderson yeah Of course the guy that showed me all that shit grew up to be a 4chan Republican. That's what it does.

Fucking crazy. The internet was so nasty back then. You could have whatever you wanted whenever you wanted it. Ogreish. Oh my god. Pain Olympics? That shit was fake though, I the dick and the up just like stabbing the head of the dick oh god that was me i was doing the pain olympics for kathleen job on the electric

fence you put you put a light bulb in your ass and it broke shut up shut up oh yeah i remember hearing about that my friends would watch those and talk about them, and I passed. I didn't want to experience some. We got a lot of people on Xbox Live with meatspin.com. Oh, Meatspin. Meatspin. Mm-hmm. Yeah, check out our website, meatspin.com.

Yep. Which one was that? Meatspin. What was the site? It was like two fellas having sex. Let's not assume that they're gay just because they're fucking it was two folks having sex they both had penises and the person being ass fucked was like spinning their dick in a circle in the song you spin me right around baby

and it would loop and it would count how many loops you watched and then send it to your parents then send it to the college you were in so facebook was founded zuck has the record for the most meat spins yeah he just played it he fell asleep to it smoked meat it was like me going to bed to love line like the comics that let their albums play on spotify yeah god all night uh don't listen to fucking comedy on spotify there's a there's at least one comic that that jay gillespie did that did it all of my music if you listen to my music on spotify it immediately goes to stand-up comedy right it's so annoying yeah you put some more vocal fry in your throat adam friedman miley cyrus welcome back

yeah i hate it so much such a weird move i'm not doing it intentionally i'm so lazy i don't talk right i better stay upstairs oh my god are you guys done down there is it my turn i want to play nfl blitz before mom comes home i want to jag at the twisted metal oh my god it smells like russian olive down here it smells like what russian olive you said that yesterday it's what cum smells like it It smells like Russian olive trees. Oh, those are the ones that... It does. They're called something else too, I think. Everyone's cum must not smell like that

because some people are like, what the fuck are you talking about? When I was vegan, my cum smelled so good. And now that I'm back on the meat, it just reeks. Bad, yeah. Yeah.

I bet yours is fucked. It it's fine it sucks because it's in there for like three months at a time and it explodes out of your body you retain i know it's not three months i just don't jack it every day like i used to i don't jack it every day like i used to i like to be a pent up on edge i like for it to hit me in the face have you ever there was a time when i good one there was a time when i was jacking and like getting laid or whatever but still i've blasted and it like shot like over my head i was like holy i was laying down before it was wild i I've gotten that before. Couldn't believe it. That's good stuff.

That's when I realized, oh, the blind thing actually is real. You'll shoot your eye out. That's what they meant. Yeah, if you jerk it enough, you're going to get it in your eye. I fucking held it in for two weeks. There's a chair in that house. I'll show you guys. I used to flip the cushion over

and come on it yeah i would stand over the chair in my room and blast on it i would flip the cushion over blast on it and then flip it back over and sit on it and play mad what the fuck dude my fucking dell my fucking dell in my room was just caked in coke i just would shoot it on the tower we should burn some sage in that room because you wrecked it forever i did yeah my god i inherit that house the first thing i'm gonna do is burn it to the ground i'm gonna get kathleen job's older brother over here family family tradition why do you smoke remember that song no i don't think so hank too yeah i didn't listen to hank too oh hank two rips we'll listen to some on the way to the skate park no yes no you guys gonna wear your ponchos at the skate park that would be epic oh we should do a poncho reveal

wait for the patreon join the patreon everyone chubby Behemoth on Patreon. Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth. We are ramping up. Get the camera. Show them the camera, Pat. Yeah, we got this camera off Craigslist. We fleeced a college kid in Fort Collins for it. Yeah, we rooked a boy. We're going to get a fucking mic on there.

Pat's coming on the road with me for the next foreseeable future. Lun, do you want to tell them about Japan? You're going to Japan. And so are you. Oh. Lund's coming to Japan with me. Maybe, Pat. Someone has to fucking film it.

Domo. Domo. But yeah, join the Patreon so we can do these big, wacky fucking videos for you guys. Yeah. I'm about to go film one on my parents' property. And we're going to start doing Sam T. POV, where he goes through his yearbooks. Flat. Who had the boots made of fur with the machete in it and the lighter and the compass.

Sam T. POV, so you can see what it's like to be Sam T. It sucks. I'm always bumping my head off of things. What else? I will be in Washington, D.C. on June 8th, me and Pat. And yet she persisted. We're going to go to the RBG Memorial. You're going to go to RBs, and it's going to be Memorial when you're done in there.

I'm a G at RBs, RBG. You go into RBs, and they're they're like damn he just killed the club baltimore's second show out of june 9th potstown at soul joel's the 10th pittsburgh at king fly distillery the 11th milwaukee fourth show added go yeah fucking dallas dallas june 24th houston june 23rd get tickets to those dallas it's at hyenas fort worth for the love of god buy tickets i'm gonna look like a real fucking big gay al i'll be down there london will be there i'll be in houston and dallas uh june 9th i will be in tulsa as a part closing out the insult attack roast battle comedy show.

That's $10. June 10th, I'll be at the 51st Street Speakeasy, I believe, in Oklahoma City. That's presented by James Neame and Robot Save City. Can we talk about this real quick? What? Why do you plug the show producer? I don't know. Who cares?

Why do you nitpick every time i try to plug shows well no no just because you keep i go on too long i don't say enough stuff i can never do it right in your eyes i wanted to ask you this he's a comic he's a friend i don't who cares okay all right i've just asked i can't ask a question god no not when it's like so weird and nitpicky and just fucking dumb. Why do you mention a comic who you haven't done that? You haven't said Youngblood or anything? Nobody cares about your production. Don't plug anything.

It's things that people can search to find more information because I don't have a website because I'm an idiot. Oh, dude, you do have a website. And that guy bought every, oh my God. you need to get that shit from ball soup yeah yes okay because every website that could be yours he owns now okay hire melissa to make you a dude yes you need to get on your website because he's like keeps messaging me and being like lun doesn't give a shit about this fucking website i'm gonna do whatever i want with it he should oh ball soup put meat spin on lathanlund.com no don't do it no not that what i hate too sweet too sweet he hates me and he doesn't wrestling's gay you want to play a wrestling card it's got cool mechanics it's not about the

and i want to be stand back there's a Yeah, but it's got cool mechanics. It's not about the, and I want to be, stand back, there's a hurricane. I got a cool mechanic for you, pal. That's not cool. It's greased. It's lubed. I'm going to flip you over like that couch cushion in my parents' house. What's that couch's name? Ooh, Hungy.

Bukkake? He's Hungy Henry. We're done. Let's read the card.