Chubby Behemoth - Calle Lago Tequesquitengo

Episode Date: April 30, 2023

Extra episodes at Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   Goosed Yourself. FTA. Talking To Taco.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

Alright, sorry everybody. We care a lot about the sound of this recording, so we're doing a lot of tests and whatnot. No, we're one take Charlies. How's it look? Take one. Looks good. Okay, cool. So yeah guys, we're recording this on my phone because we're coming at you from a casita

in Ensenada, Mexico, where it's us and then a bunch of, from what I can tell, people who've eaten a lot of sand instead of food. A lot of roustabouts. Yeah, it's like we're on a fucking submarine. Yeah, we're back in Treblinka all over again. Those nasty sailors. Yeah, everyone has scurvy, everyone's teeth are falling out and their gums are rotting it's us and a bunch of gear heads and then a film crew comprised of uh canadians

it's funny to be around like older guys who also are in very much in a like isolated an isolated world of their own yeah because they're still like really loving the yeah he's gay check this out take this for a spit because like comics got over that shit a while back yeah we got over it most of them but you know what i mean like this is like back in high school where it's like guess who's gay oh yeah oh yeah you guys you guys still go to that well well i remember eighth grade it was like oh well like sixth grade it's like this guy's gay look at him he loves being gay but by ninth grade like i was so evolved comedically it was like you know what would be crazy if i was gay wouldn't that be nuts oh to lean into it yeah like that was transgressive was being like oh i, I'm here. It's me, Sergio. Uh-oh, I dropped something.

Watch me pick it up with my cheeks. Like, that was, like, mind-blowing. Yeah, well, and they're at that point, too. I used to do a bit for Stephen Williamson's dad where I'd walk into the room and be like, oh, hello, Don. It's just you and me again. Hopefully nothing happens. It might.

And he'd be like, this is good stuff, Sammy. And I'd be like, no, Sergio's here, Don. you and me again. Hopefully nothing happens. It might. And he'd be like, this is good stuff, Sammy. And I'd be like, no, Sergio's here, Donny. You know. Let me butter up your head. He was all bald. He was bald then. He was a child. Yeah. This was his dad. I would do this for Stefan's father. Yes.

No, but seriously, good group of guys. It's been fun. fun but yeah we're used to comics who have like kind of left that behind and here it's like we're shooting a gay porn yeah exactly i love this mustache he's gay i'm gonna blow this guy later like they they're like you in ninth grade where they took it to that next level uh but yeah they're post-modern and they're home they're anti-homosexuality. Well, it's not anti. It's just like flitzing about. Well, it's kind of like they can't fathom kissing another man.

So they're like, whoa. Oh, yeah, we should try to kiss one of them. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're gay? Cool. Let's kiss Justin Chatwin, the kid from Weeds. Yes, please. I don't know if he was on Weeds.

He was on Weeds. So, hey, let's break it down what we're doing tell them lunt well before we do that i do want to before i forget so i was goosing you at comedy works which i got to give you guys the vernacular that's where you take your thumb and you go hitchhiking on the hershey highway up the guy's butt cheeks and you try and go as deep as you can through their pants obviously yeah my asshole wasn't exposed yeah thanks for clarifying oh god you just goosed yourself just checked your own oil i just rang the neck of a big old goose what were you trying to say you didn't actually You didn't actually goose me? No, no. So, I goosed you, Patrick goosed you, Emmy goosed you.

I was like, well, this is good old-fashioned fun. But then the other day, I was walking around in my underwear in New Orleans, and Emmy goosed me, and I was like, what the fuck? That sucks. What the hell? I feel violated. And then I immediately was like, oh, yeah, like four of the fuck? That sucks. What the hell? I feel violated. And then I immediately was like, oh, yeah, like four of us did that to love. Yeah, you loved it.

Yeah. Big difference between you having just boxers on and me having boxers and pants. And your thick, burly pants. Not burly. The pants your mom made you. Those were Joanne fabrics. Yeah. your mom made you.

Those were Joanne fabrics. Yeah. So I would imagine yours and Emmy might have, you know, she doesn't have a lot of experience. Or self-control. Goosing the fellas. Yeah. So she might have gone hardcore.

She did. It was like she was trying to mother the, she was trying to give me a prostate exam. Yeah. Trying to measure the length of her first digit of her thumb. And I was like, what the heck? And she was like, what? And I was like, oh, God, we did that to Lund a bunch, and he loved it. I did not love it.

I hated it, and he loved it. I no-sold it because it was, I don't know, it didn't, like, hurt. Yeah. You thought it was pleasant. You guys weren't trying to bully me. Well, yeah, I warmed myself up. It's not like the first thumb that's been up there, I'll tell you that. Yeah, you were also eating.

It'd be funny to put a thumb up there. It'd be hard. You want to try? No, no. Get over here. I'm just saying to choose a thumb. That's your starter digit? Of your own design.

Yeah. Short, but thicker. Thick, yeah. Anyway, I accept your apology. I'm not apologizing. I'm just saying that I learned a lesson that day. I walked a thousand miles in another man's butt. How about this?

Okay. Earlier tonight, we're talking about past conquests. Yeah, sexual. Yeah, back when I used to like sex. Back when it was your thing. Before I preferred reading or watching Community for the 12th time. Or just staring at the ground and thinking, that's where my feet go. Looking at Twitter.

Looking at my dog, petting my dog. Getting on Etsy. When sex was like my number, it was like comedy and then sex. Comedy, food, sex. Now sex was like my number, it was like comedy and then sex. Comedy, food, sex. Now sex is like number 29. But right after Willem Dafoe, right after the works of Willem Dafoe. Yeah, right after the Koran, it's sex. Right after watching Spotlight way too many times.

And you mentioned a former partner who you described as gross as hell. You said the following. She totally reeked. And you farted for like 45 seconds while also reeking. While also reeking, like, just the dumbest, the dumbest of things to say. While also embodying the thing that you're saying, like, you could judge at all, you know? It was so perfect. I highly enjoyed it. It was horrific!

You were laying in the bed and you kicked your feet up and down Especially because it was like Nine farts Each one deadlier Than the last It was like we were auditioning Different fart noises For the fart musical

We went for the fart musical. You better. We went for the cycle. Yeah. The cycle of farts. He's heating up. He's on fire. Yeah, you burned the nut down for sure.

Yeah, I literally got up. I was like, oh, she reeks. She was gross. You should have goosed yourself to stop the embarrassment. Stop the insanity. And then we laughed to the point, we weren't even making any noise. Yeah. It was just silence for like 20 seconds.

And Lord knows what the fucking, you know, roughnecks next door who won't, they can't figure out how to keep our door unlocked when they use the shitter. Oh, yeah, this is a real Pan's Labyrinth for them. They go in there and they're like, okay, I want to lock their door so they can the shitter. Oh yeah, this is a real Pan's Labyrinth for them. They go in there and they're like, okay, I want to lock their door so they can't come in. I'm going to lock my door so that roomie can't come in. And they already locked the toilet lid too, so no one else can use it while I'm

in here. Close the toilet lid. Sit down. We're not supposed to put toilet paper into the toilet, but we are. Do you know what's going on over there? What? Have you seen the trash bin? Yeah, there's toilet paper in there.

Used. Yeah. Oh, like the first... No. People are straight up wiping and then piling. They're making dirty snowmen in that goddamn basura. You're doing what I'm doing, right? Yes, but I've only used like four sheets of toilet paper since I've been here

Oh It's the best wiping I've ever done You're in the zone Yeah, uh-huh, yeah This is my fucking flu game This is your poo game Yeah Your poo game is strong

Yeah, so I've been like folding, quartering, diamonding Yeah It's like I'm making the worst origami ever in there Meanwhile, that fucking trash can just getting fuller and fuller because fucking johnny henchman and the million dollar smile over there balling up turd paper and putting it in the goddamn basura yeah and like my piss smells hot because we're not hydrated see i've been drinking water you've been cracking beers i've had a couple beers big deal you. You're wasted.

I'm not wasted. I had four beers today. Yeah. In the middle of the day. And I laid in here and heard you talk about all the fucking pussy you used to get. And that sobered me up pretty quick. As you were like, did you ever get her? Because I got her.

I got her all the time. Every way I wanted her, she was mine. No, no. Yeah. You were being nasty. No. You were being explicit. I was going down memory lane.

Memory lane. Yeah, you were going down on memory lane. We figured out there's two that we shared. We're two-time Eskimo bro-bros. We don't say that anymore. Is that bad? Racist? No.

No. You're just supposed to be sex positive. That's sex positive. So you have to say that we shared two sex workers. No. Yeah, you paid those girls, right? No, free. Those people, excuse me.

Really? Yeah. They paid me. They were like, I need it, and I'll give you any goddamn penny you need. I'll bet you're worth at least two pennies yeah a penny per inch not a penny more penny per pump uh but yeah yeah you want to list off some here okay all right let's let them be in peace god also hey fellas hey i think some of the lady listeners. Quit. There's no video. Quit, dude.

There's no video. This is the worst. Who cares? I do. I'm not doing anything. You're making Yokey with your fucking nutsack. Feels good. It sucks.

It's pretty cool. All right, here you go. Thank you. I'll just censor it for the Mormon. Cover it up. For the fucking homes Mormon Cover it up I want less man You're doing it over the covers Is that okay? Isn't that better?

No I itch Dude, put your hand underneath the blanket, please No Oh, man What were we saying? Dude, put your hand underneath the blanket, please. No. Oh, man. What were we saying? I don't know.

I can't remember anything. Is it because I'm scratching? You know how hard it is when you're in the moment trying to black out and repress a memory? You're not pinching it. You're just like fucking squeaking. I'm squeaking cheese curds. You're playing the little violin. That's what it is. Yeah.

I'm going to do it too. I don't care. I'm cool. I'm sex positive. Oh yeah, the Eskimo bros. Oh yeah, we got a couple of bodies. We're not allowed to bond anymore? We can bond over it.

Yeah, I think it's cool. We weren't deriding these women except for the one who reads and that was your fault the poor thing i think you might have been smelling yourself no she put her she put her tongue ring in backward and utilized it on me, and it scarred my wangus. Oh, I think she killed herself, honestly. No, no. I think she's long dead. No, she's sucking off the devil with her tongue ringing backward. He hates that.

He's like, yeah, you freak. Wait, am I in hell? What did I do? I thought I ran this place. What gives? I didn't sign this tos i don't want to get blown by this bos what the shit so yeah here's where we are everyone we're in ensenada mexico that's right and we're doing the bar we're doing the nora 1000 excuse me, everyone. Yeah, maybe formerly the Mexican 1000.

Yeah, I don't know. It's a few different races that are down here. Right. One of the drivers saw you perform a couple years back. Thought you were great. The legendary Mac Johnson. Yeah, the man, the myth. So we got him down here.

And then we got his rival, Tescolez, a rival racer. Are we cake-babing this? A white guy, Tescolez, a rival racer. Are we cake-babing this? A white guy named Tescolez. Yeah, who has a hilarious perm wig that I thought was real. Well, because he was wearing it when we picked him up. Why wouldn't we trust that that was his hair? Right, I was like, okay, this is a drifter we picked up at a U-Haul somewhere in Southern California.

Yeah. He's like, I've just been drinking beer over here all day. All right, get in the car. We're crossing the border. So, yeah, my flight got delayed from new orleans to san diego you didn't explain the idea at all why we're down here well we'll just start from the top we always jump into the middle with people that's not fair the top would be explaining what the movie is and then describing your flight. Oh, okay. No. Recover. I'm hot.

Oh, good. I'm not going to itch. Yeah, right. It's your whole thing. Trust me. Nate the Snake. Oh, God. Remember that snake man today?

I saw him, yeah, for a second. I didn't go over there. That's the new hustle in New Orleans. There's all these guys that ride around on hoverboards, and they just have snakes. And they stop, and they're like jacked dudes, and they talk to chicks, and they're like, I'm going to put my snake on you. They're all jacked? And they probably fuck all these chicks, yeah.

Huh. They're hot as hell. They got boa constrictors and hoverboards. We're totally living in, you know. No driver's license. Yeah. So they only have the hoverboard. Yeah, no green cards either

probably i think they're like hondurans okay yeah god bless them god bless them i'm not giving but it is just like cyberpunk post-apocalyptic dystopia down there in new orleans it's just men on like made up uh means of conveyance putting snakes around like drunk bachelor red party's next yeah bitch one and bitch two yeah and, and then they're like, let me take a picture. Alright, it's 20 bucks. They're just like scamming women. Oh, really? Yeah. They do that? Yeah. I don't think they're just picking up chicks with snakes.

That's so stupid. Yeah. And they're on a hoverboard, so they're like elevated and they just get to look down girl's shirts all the time. Noah was so jealous. I was like, if you move down here, you could be a snake man easy. The snake would just eat Noah right away. Swallow a hole and then ride the hoverboard away. Oh yeah, Noah wants to do the pot

again, so weigh in. Oh, also, I was telling Yeah, be nasty. I was telling the fellas and the ladies, cool it on Instagram. When we post pictures with women, you don't have to say, whoa, they've got them, or look at the one on the left.

She's stacked. Or, dump them. I think someone just said dump them. Luckily, one of the ladies was into it. It was like a laugh emoji. Yeah, she's responding to people. She's about to do an AMA on her goddamn Chubb Reddit. Like, don't do that, Senior Rita.

She followed me, though. You were very jealous. I am. Why didn't she follow me? I was nice to her. I think she looked at you and she threw up on her phone. She said, this guy reads.

Yeah, and then farted. And then quiffed. Speaking of... London and I have been giggling a lot. He's playing a doctor in this film and he's carrying around a stethoscope, and how funny it would be if I had a cool fart while he has the stethoscope in his ears.

Oh, yeah, we'll... To fart into it. We'll capture that moment for sure. We promise you guys. Yeah, we'll get that on video. We just need 30 more followers on the Patreon, and we'll get tattoos, and I'll fart into a stethoscope.

Oh, yeah, that is coming up quick. Let's get dirty needle tattoos down here in Medico. No, no, we're not going to do it down here. Let's share a needle. Okay. Tortuga. Blood brothers. Yeah.

Esmo brothers, blood brothers, fart brothers. Everything brothers. So anyway, so this guy, Mac Johnson, saw me do stand-up in Colorado. He said, hey, I need you in this fucking movie. I said, all right. And then he said, I need another funny guy. He said, I got just the guy. Bring in Lund.

Cut to us. I fly in. My flight out is fucked up. I get into Mexico. I get into San Diego. Lund's waiting for me. You get into San Diego six hours after you're supposed to. And you didn't complain at all.

Five hours. Yeah, I mean, what was I going to do? Call the FAA and say, I need my baby boy. We have to cross the border before it's too dark out. You call the FAA fat ass assistance. Help me. I'm stuck. I want a wheelchair.

It's like I'm walking through this airport. Yeah, doing laps all over. I didn't complain because there was a jack-in- want a wheelchair. Yeah. I was thinking of walking through this airport. Yeah, doing laps all over. I didn't complain because there was a jack-in-the-box. Yeah. And free Wi-Fi. Yeah. So you could eat all the tacos you want, and then you go, and you whack off, and then you come out with a disguise on and get more tacos,

and then whack off again. Somebody came in my tacos. Can I have some new ones? Sir, this is the fourth time you've been up here. Your hat turned backwards is not a disguise. I thought it was a shift change. I've been studying your movements. I know all of you guys.

Stacy, Jared. Rockmore. Roxette. Remember, that was a guy we knew. Rockmore? Stacy Rockmore. Oh, yeah. I forgot about him. He was like the gay guy for a while. He was that was a guy we knew. Rockmore? Stacy Rockmore. Oh, yeah. I forgot about him.

He was like the gay guy for a while. He was gay. Now he's not. Yeah, he switched back. He's married to a woman. Yeah. He loves it. He can't.

He loves tits. I love boobs. He's like all of you when you see a picture of some women. Yeah, guys chill. You're like... And when I say chill, I'm definitely not winking. I'm definitely not saying, keep it up, fellas.

I'm definitely not saying, I love it. I'm definitely saying, chill. Yeah, yeah. Listen to Lunt. Well, we're specifically posting pictures of us with girls with hooters. Yeah.

Some of them might be legitimate prostitutes. We're not sure. We'll never tell. We're sure. Anyway, I get to San Diego, and then we got to go pick up this fucking rental car. Or not even a rental car. Some guy named Jesus left it in a long-term parking lot. So we go over.

We pick it up finally. God, you really want to tell them every step of the way, huh? Yeah, it's called weaving a yarn. It's called being boring. Ever heard of it? Okay, anyway, it is kind of cool because this bumper's falling off this car. The tags are off. So we have to go pick up this other guy I've never met.

He's hiding out between two U-Haul trucks drinking beer. We pick him up somewhere in Mexico or north of Mexico. Sorry guys, I'm fucking tanked. Wasted. Why don't you join in? Quit looking at me and touching your sack. Whenever I talk, you're like, so anyway, you're being confusing. So my flight came in

quite late. The airplane has two wings and a tail. The Wright brothers originally created flight after riding a wings and a tail. The Wright brothers originally created flight. The wrong brothers. After riding a bicycle off a cliff. During a windstorm. Yeah, they had like a kite attached to them and they got struck by lightning. And that's where coffee makers come from.

So anyway, go ahead. You lead. I'll just be the co-pilot. Why was, I wouldn't start with. We're in 2D part. We drove into Mexico. We drove across the border in an unregistered car with a bumper falling off

with a man wearing a wig that's not interesting? you don't think that's a little more exciting than some people's day to days? I'm laughing there was not a front bumper or a back bumper because Mac, as he said, hit a deer and then backed over it yeah, because the deer was fucking his wife

it was personal he had to finish the job yeah yeah for the front bumper was to make him suffer the back bumper was like a half hour later to finish the job yeah he did it he did the block so he went and got jack in the box yeah yeah it was uh you pulled the fucking hood release while driving yeah that's what you wanted to get to. I'm just saying. Me being dumb. One of the dumbest things to ever happen. You tried to hide it in just...

I'm just saying the facts, ma'am. But you really wanted to get that in there. Why don't you defend yourself? Well, the car was, yeah, very janky. Like, random shit was, like, broken or looked broken, whatever. It was rigged. It looked... You know what I thought that was funny is with no front bumper

no back bumper those are two places where a lot of people would stash drugs right so it was like two less places that we would have for drugs so we're clean you know clean as a whistle well we had two pieces of contraband known as elf bars yeah because as you said i told you oh yeah mexico's like got all these new anti-smoking laws and you're like yeah they should start there yeah that's the biggest concern issue number one the teens are having too much cool sex and then smoking a butt after so they yeah yeah it's mexico's list of priorities is the same as your like level of interest in sex. It's like, number one, elf bar.

Number 30, random heads rolling down the street. People being flayed and attached to bridges. We'll worry about that once we get rid of the vapes. Speaking of. Yeah. Yeah. They can't see us in here. But you pulled the goddamn.

Well, yeah. So the car has random shit wrong with it. It's kind of off, you know, and Mac tells us that it drives fine, and it does. But there's a few times after crossing the border where I'm worried that there's something wrong with the tires or something seems off. It drives a little weird a couple times. Here's a solution. We go, we're approaching the first toll booth. Here's a solution.

We go, we're approaching the first toll booth. So I slow down and I'm like, God, maybe the emergency brake is engaged slightly or something. And I don't know how old the car is. So I'm not sure if it's all just foot, you know, foot to engage the brake and then push a little further to disengage. Or if it's old school and there's a little handle right so i start fumbling down there in the dark in the dark yeah while a man with a wig is behind you while slowing down for that toll booth yeah and in a move that would have made dick penis so mad because it was so stupid my mom's fucking laughing down at you right now.

She would have hated that, too. Yeah, if she could still roll her eyes, she would have. But yeah, I feel something that I very quickly realize is the hood release. Yeah. I pop it. Right. Yeah, the hood. Luckily, you know, I wouldn't have done it when we were doing 110 kilometers an hour.

Yeah. But I figured, give it a try. I pop it. I'm like, immediately I know that's the hood. And I get the blinking exclamation point in the yellow triangle that says, you fucked up. Yep. By the way, it just wouldn't make. It's the hood.

It wouldn't just make your dad mad. It would make every dad in the history of cars mad yeah they'd be like what is the matter with you every dead dad that was watching our tv channel in the afterlife yeah like oh god damn it yeah they're done watching like you know fucking college volleyball locker rooms they've watched that for eternity now they're like oh what are these fat fucks doing with this wig pig let's's switch it up. Yeah, they put it on random. Land on us. So luckily you pulled over.

I got out. I closed it. I said, don't worry about it, big papa. Little baby's got your back. You said, how do you close the hood? I said, sit on it. Potsy? Yeah.

Pothead. Yeah. But yeah, that was dumb. Could have been worse. It was not full Tommy Boy or anything. No. It was stupid. In your bees.

It was stupid. Yeah. That was black sheep. Thank you. No, you fucked up. Oh, I blew it? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't blow that.

Guess who's disappointed now? Yeah. Our father, Chris Farley, who farted in heaven. She was gross. She reeked. God. But yeah, that was dumb. We got to Mexico safe. It Mexico safe Lexus got us here

And Slightly terrified going through Tijuana It is scary And also Bebop and Rocksteady put it in my brain That we were going to get beheaded No they said that they were going to make us do incest stuff On camera

Your sister and your wife My sister and my wife said that they were going to make us do incest stuff on camera. Your sister and your wife. My sister and my wife said that they were going to kidnap us and make you and me suck each other off on camera. The cartels make people, make friends have sex with each other. So the last people that they kidnapped, there was like a brother and sister involved

and they tried to make them do incest stuff. They read that? Yeah. Huh. Yeah. I didn't hear about that. Yeah. In like, you know, every magazine that every woman reads. Like, date, rape, and murder quarterly. Fingered against your will monthly. Bad housekeeping.

Yeah. Well, yeah, I'm glad they didn't share that information with me. Yeah, they thought that they were going to cut my penis off and shove it in the tip of yours. Two dicks. One man. Four inches. That was, it was scary. Like, you know, we saw several ambulances go screaming by.

Oh, yeah. Some really tasty-looking strawberries. Fresas. And we wouldn't have had to get out of the car. We could have bought them. We could have bought them, yeah. We reach our arm out, machete. Just, wham.

Then they make us suck the arm off like a dick. I think they thought that they were going to, like, make us do gay stuff and then send it to our wives, and they'd be like, like no we must pay the ransom now we knew it yeah meanwhile my wife would just you know use that and then go back to bed she's like finally someone let me out of my cage it's like my eyes are open so yeah it was tijuana was sketchy for sure everybody was like don't stop there ever if you drop a quarter uh kick it to ensenada before you pick it up no you keep making that joke or else somebody's gonna get goosed i did it twice god forbid you repeat something you silver fox

you crutch bastard but yeah uh i wish we could have seen the ocean while we were driving but it was nighttime yeah we don't because of years delayed flight we could have had a nice sunny drive through Tijuana everybody's nice and Tijuana during the day yeah but at night they go cockroach Kakarotcha. The raccoons. La cucarachas. Mm-hmm. So what did we do when we got in? We went to bed? Pretty quick. We said hi to everyone.

So here's who's here. Met everybody. Yeah. Hung out for a little bit. And then slept for 12 hours. Went to bed for 12 hours. You probably slept for 13. Yeah, because you were up late diddling your own pud.

No. Yeah. I did my phone for a little bit and then when you woke me up and said it was noon i was like fuck you yeah what is it 9 30 maybe 10 you're like let's show it to your phone it's 1205 i was like holy fuck which was actually like 2 p.m due to my internal clock being in central time yeah isn't that kind of a construct time time zones yeah i'm still like yeah that's how it works because i'm much from you know anyway i've had a long travel time and i love it every minute i've had a long day yeah but yeah we woke up the next day and we what the fuck happened yesterday why can't i remember anything? Yesterday we... Filmed? Ate. We went, walked down to a place called Vintage.

Oh my god, and I had the best fucking green chili in my life. Yeah, dude. And you blew it. I didn't blow it. You had chili relleno, which is for girls. Yeah, well, you say that, but... It's true. Boys eat chili relleno, too.

When they're wearing wigs and lipstick. I had had a Five Guys Burger for dinner in Denver and then at the airport I had a chicken sandwich at Jack in the Box so I didn't want to eat a bunch of meat well each of my personas had a chicken sandwich Jimmy Mysterion had a chicken sandwich

Admiral Dante Aglavar had a chicken sandwich Ol' Sid had a chicken sandwich. Old Sid had a chicky sangy. Don DeLuise, D-A-W-N. Dom's sister. She's a sub, though.

Sub DeLuise, damn it. No, no, Don was good. Thank you. See, we filmed yesterday, us doing... We were supposed to be in a strip club, but it changed to a bar. Oh, dude. The taco guy. With Taco El Flaco, who is huge.

El Rey. Mexico. El Rey de Mexico. Yeah, in San Diego. Mm-hmm. He's a big deal. El Padrón. What?

El Padrón. We were outside for 30 seconds And somebody came up And then every time he was out front of the bar People came up Two dudes in a truck Circled the block to come back And they were like, hey, taco It was a septic truck

It reeked It was like that girl There was shit spilling out the back You were like, what is it, 2013? Whoops, 2011? I forget how long we've been with our beloveds. Yeah, this was pre-Emmy. Don't worry, Emmy.

Don't worry, Emmy. You're the only hole for me. You're the only place I park my Jeep. That's what we call it. I say, Emmy, open up your garage. Beep, beep. And then I back my ass into her pussy. The doors are off.

I'm so glad she doesn't listen to this. So anyway, we go to this, what was supposed to be a strip club yesterday. And this dude, they're like, can you open the gate for taco? And I'm like, yeah, any time of the day. I love a taco. And then there's a guy in like a 1984 like fucking mercury grand marquee grand marquee badass blacked out he pulls in he's wearing snake skin boots like a fucking bespoke fitted vintage suit live snake as a belt yeah sick ass cowboy hat bad lady on his arm

sweet diana who's a biomedical engineering major, graduate. Where'd she go to school? Fucking New York in Toronto. All right. Yeah, she's fucking legit. I gave her respect and treated her like a person. I'm like, all of you pigs. Yeah, okay.

Who are just like. Her name wasn't Diana. Yes, it was. Yeah, I know. Thank God. Because I was calling her Diana all the time. Yeah, I was kidding. Yeah, no, he is cool looking.

Like, just, I think makes videos. It's just like a personality online. Yeah. He's like cool. I don't even know. I think he made some money and now he's just an influencer. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, people dig his stuff. I dig his stuff. Oh, yeah. He's the coolest guy I've hung out with in a long time. And I was in a green room with Dave Chappelle. He looked cool yesterday, and then today he shows up in a different suit. Yeah. And I said to Diana, holy shit, he looks cooler than he did yesterday.

She said, duh way. That's how you do it. Yeah. Every day, cooler looking than the last. So we got to hang out with him here. So he drove us around in his sick-ass whip. Blasting CCR. Blasting a tape of CCR while whistling at every Mexican he saw.

Do it. Honking the horn? Yeah, honking, whistling. I guess whistling is cool. He said yesterday, he was like, yeah, when you whistle at Mexican people, they look at you. But when you whistle at white people, they don't. I said, yeah, because we're afraid of you.

Yeah, we think you want to get us right between the eyes. Yeah, you're dressed like you better call Saul. Yeah. Nice. Other people said that today. Did they? Yeah. At least I steal from myself.

I didn't hear anyone say that. Yeah, you did. No, I didn't. You're like, I was busy being on camera. Unlike some people. I was on camera, bitch. Yeah, because it was a wide lens. I stole the show.

Yeah. Nobody was looking. It wasn't nailed down. Right. Yeah, Taco, very cool. Check him out. Follow him. He has way more content from yesterday than us.

We had, like, two pictures. He's got Diana working that damn phone. Yeah, we don't have any. Yeah, we go to some bar, and they're like, all right, it's supposed to be a strip club. You gotta sit up, buddy. You don't know. You gotta go like this.

Yes, I do. You don't know anything. I do, too. I know everything. Okay. So the strip club, not a strip club, just a bar. Bunch of dudes hanging out. We come in, and and they're like, well we couldn't get strippers so we got straight up prostitutes. Pros.

So they got three working girls, uh, chicas trabaharas. See? Ah, who cares. Uh, trabahores. Trabahende. Trabahundo. Yeah. I've been really good at Spanish, Len's been blowing it. Trabajadores Trabajende Trabajando I've been really good at Spanish Lensman Blowing

Just kidding, you've been great You said vender today and I was like, whoa Yeah, you were like, no vender Okay About something I don't think I did Maybe you should roll back on your side and start pulling your putt again Because you're tapping out

Yeah, you take over. No. Yeah, let's go minute by minute what our day has been like. Okay, sorry, go ahead. You lead. Shot a scene in the bar, got my finger cut off. That was luckily not as difficult as I thought it might be, because, I mean, I also don't think that it looked like classic

horror. It's very Troma. Yeah, maybe. A little ham-fisted. I had ham in my fist. Yeah, and you wouldn't give it up. Yeah, until the machete came out. But yeah, it was a good first day.

And then today, also good, but it was tough because we were shooting at this meet and greet. A bunch of the cars were there. A lot of the drivers were around. Yeah, it was like a parade for all the cars that are in the race tomorrow. Yeah. They could party contingency, which is biblical to me. Like an expo, whatever, meet and greet. A lot of people checking in.

There was music. More CCR. Yeah. Fish tacos. More CCR. Yeah. Fish tacos. Live CCR. Churros. Free churros, which... We didn't know about until like four hours in.

We didn't have breakfast. Yeah, we could have had churros. Could have been lubed up on churros right away. Until we got cut off. Yeah. Free beer, free churros. Mexico rules. That's a very

It's not like it's a free beer everywhere you go It's everywhere you go Churro and a beer Yeah Every corner you turn Uh huh Oh, bienvenidos Oh, last night we had to go

Check in Justin Chatwin After we had dinner Who's a Actor Of Of merit He's been in films And television

Yeah He was on Shameless Yeah, he was on Shameless He was on Weeds He's been in films and television. Yeah, he was on Shameless. Yeah, he was on Shameless. He was on Weeds. He's been in movies. There's a movie called Chum Sucker or something. He was on Orphan Black. Orphan Black, yeah.

He was, believe it or not, the orphan. He wasn't black. But last night we meet him and you didn't look him in the eye because you're autistic yeah beta autistic or whatever low t yeah low t no i he is very high t right and he was rock hard when he got out of the car he does that thing that hollywood people do where they just stare at you until you have to look away oh yeah i don't think that's a thing that hollywood people do dude that's what they do that's what like the most famous people i've ever met just stare through you until you like cower like you do with your dog to show who's the boss exactly animal dominance yeah it's primal

yeah i held i held with him last night for probably 12 seconds and then i and then i looked away and as soon as i looked away i saw him look away and i was like fuck i should have just held yeah i like to hold. I usually hold with people. I hold with you. I hold with people I know. This is definitely like a, you better look away, pig. How dare you look at me?

And then today, I had to do that, like, we had to riff with them, because it's all improvised. And they had that thing where they were being interviewed by, like, the Nora people, and they called me over to be their manager, and they asked me questions and I just got to like be funny yeah and I was killing over there you know that because I came over and said I just killed yeah eight times everybody that walked by hey I killed yeah did you see me over there I was on fire fucking kill well finally they gave me the goddamn ball I gotta run to the end zone you know what I mean but yeah so i'm in character and they're like so what do you like about mexico and i was like oh the people the people are so easy to

exploit you can get whatever you want from these people to do anything for a fucking buffalo nickel you know so i'm like being very problematic well yeah that's my character oh i'm in character bro yeah it's called acting yeah glancy hobart Hobart, Esquire. And then later on, I was walking with Justin as you were, I don't know, probably eating more churros or whatever. And he was like, man, that stuff that you improvised over there, that's truly amazing. That was some of the best improvisation I've ever seen. When you said you could easily exploit Mexicans, I said, this guy's got it. I was like, that's the one thing you liked? The worst stuff I said?

Justin? Why won't stuff I said? Justin? Why won't you love me, Justin? Be good to me. He's a handsome fella. He's not hard to look at. That's for sure. I'll bet he's never had somebody reek in the bedroom. I bet if he has, he's never told the story

and then immediately farted for a minute and a half. How about last night? We've been giggling like a couple of eighth graders with a Mad Magazine subscription. Yeah. With like a back catalog just going through the best of the best. Oh, yeah. We got cracked in here. Yeah.

It's crazy. I showed you my crack. You filled it. Gay stuff. It's back. We're bringing it back to the States. It never in here. Yeah. It's crazy. I showed you my crack. You filled it. Gay stuff. It's back. We're bringing it back to the States. It never went away. Yeah.

Talking about the idea. I don't know why we got onto it, but I remember just saying. Oh, my God. The idea of trying to be a professional wrestler and getting in good shape and getting in ring shape. Right. And taking it very seriously. Working out. Getting your cardio together. Eating correctly. Yeah. Protecting. and getting in like ring shape right and like taking it very seriously working out getting

your cardio together eating correctly yeah protecting knowing that the main thing is that you have to trust your opponent with your life getting waxed with your body getting lubed up getting spray tanned like you did hell yeah i'm gonna be a wrestler but just the idea that you do all those things and you take it very seriously and then you decide to wrestle for like a promotion like, oh, yeah, you got to wrestle this wad. It's just some fucking asshole. Some fat guy who works at Costco. Yeah, he reeks so bad. Who reeks and is like almost certainly going to hurt you.

Can't do anything in the ring besides like stiff you over and over again. Sit on your head. So then, yeah, you're just like, oh, cool. I'm glad that my budding career is over. I was an Olympic gymnast, but I didn't make it. So now here I am. Yeah, I tried to combine parkour, gymnastics, and my love of entertaining people.

And now I'm a paraplegic. Because I wrestled Fatty McLumpus. Because I had to wrestle the ghost of the giant Gonzalez. Yeah. Blump Bortley. Some jobber who's been doing it longer than you, so you gotta sell for him.

The Blump Man. Yeah. Lonnie Bash. That would stick that would stick just be like oh good i'm glad that this went well for six months and now i'm dead yeah and you also can't be mad at that guy no because you have to respect the business your brothers right yeah brothers in Your brothers. Right, yeah. Brothers in arms. Sorry, boss. You get $10 to never eat a real meal again. Right, yeah. Sorry about that.

And their boss sat on your head until you died for a couple minutes. No problem. No problem, brother. We got to protect the business. Yeah, like with comedy, sometimes you're on the same show as somebody who sucks, but they can't hurt you. Right. They can't physically harm you. Yeah, they can't, like, do violence upon you that you've agreed to.

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, you know. I'm glad that the last thing I did before I never walked again was puke, because you smelled so bad. Yeah, these guys aren't washing their ring gear, most of them. Yeah. I'm glad you made me barf before you crippled me forever. That was good. We really popped the marks.

Yeah, that would suck. Yes. So we left about that last night for... Real hard. Real hard. They must think we're insane in here, or we're fucking. No. I think so. No.

They just know that we're best friends and that we're very funny. If we're making each other die laughing, that's pretty cool. Oh, it's the best. I wish we could translate that to on camera. Yeah. We did a good job together yesterday. Well, we didn't really directly really interact yesterday. It was mostly kind of us talking with Taco and being

intimidated by him and threatened by him. But yeah, we'll be able to shine together. We've done a good job separately and that's great. Well, we're kind of the dream team. That's what people keep telling me. Like, we gotta give you guys your own movie.

I'm like, hey, let's do it. That'd be sick. Here's the pitch. Here's the bitch. Here's the pitch. It's two guys who are trying to have a devil's three-way before one of them dies of lupus. Which doesn't exist. Yeah, it's fake.

It's a sigh up. Did you hear about what happened with Katrina? You told me. Oh, okay, God. Where did you hear that? I just heard that recently. Uh-huh. Yeah. In New Orleans? Yeah, when I was down there.

Huh. Yeah. I actually came up with that hypothesis. Really? Yes, in the car. We almost crashed and we were laughing so hard. Okay. Yeah. I didn't get that part. Uh-huh. We... What? You didn't get the joke that I told you? No. Yeah. I didn't get that part. Uh-huh. What? You didn't get the joke that I told you?

No. Oh. What was it? Well, I mean, it's not even, it's more of a conspiracy. Uh-huh. You want me to say it on the episode? I don't remember anything about it. Oh.

Was it naughty? No, I'm just, it was, there's a conspiracy in New Orleans that Katrina was not actually a hurricane. That the government did it. The government broke the levees. Yeah. Yeah, no, so anyway. Ugh, Becker, take that out.

No, that's just an idea that someone had. Yeah, you. You just admitted that it was you. Hold on. This was the royal you. That's not how it works. Yeah, you. You just admitted that it was you. Hold on. This was the royal you. That's not how it works. I think so. Hmm.

Well, great. Another cool thing that you did in addition to in character talking about exploiting Mexican people. Do we have to pull that?

I don't know. Let it be. You're the john lennon of colorado comedy thank you you beat emmy i do not beat emmy if anyone beats anyone it's her she always makes me flinch she goosed you she did she's goose goose down syndrome that's what she has are you vaping in here yeah you're so cute And they're like We can't bring our vapes And if we vape in public We're gonna get arrested Patrick's not down here

Yeah but you're kind of my Patrick I'm Patrick I'm Patrick Oh yeah Hey everyone Noah wants to come back on Because he says we bad mouthed him We libeled him and slandered him

That's right We took out an ad In the Denver Post Yeah with a blind item. This guy reeks. On stage and off. I said that he did very well. Are you texting?

Are you having a secret text chain over there? No. I had the Nuggets-Suns game on. What happened? On the phone. On Google. Just Google. So it was just the score.

And they won by 18, baby. Nuggets. just Google, so it's just the score. And they won by 18, baby. So yeah, guys, please comment on one of our posts or maybe get on the Chubb Reddit and get a poll going.

Do you guys want Noah back on the pod? That's not fair. Hey, it's okay. We'll have him on. We think he's funny. We do, but he can't fucking wet the bed again and then wring out the sheets and do a smoothie and then drinking out the sheets into a smoothie and then drink it on his cousin's grave all right he needs to be respectful have some respect i just think he overthought it the couple times he was on and his bit was to like

blow it played um and not go along with anything and it back backfired. His bit was to be the worst podcast guest in the history of broadcasting. Great bit, Noah. I can't wait to get him back on here. He's going to enter the dojo with us. After we've been together, that's the first thing we're going to do when we get out of here is have him on the pod. Sit on his head. Yeah, we're going to have twin language.

That'd be really funny to put Noah's head between our butts and then tell him to pull our fingers. And then as we do, we both get hard somehow. Like when you blow on a noisemaker. Yeah. That'd be funny. He thinks we're going to fart on his head, but really we just get hard. And then we make him watch us whack to completion.

That's a fun prank. On the pod? I don't know. Maybe a live up. We'll do it at the Chief. Next year? I won't be. I'm booked.

It's always on my birthday. No. Yeah. It's the 5th and 6th. Yeah, it's my birthday. Your birthday is the 2nd. It's the first weekend of every May. Yeah. It's the 5th and 6th. Yeah, it's my birthday. Your birthday is the 2nd. It's the first weekend of every May. Yeah.

Sometimes the 2nd is on a Friday or Saturday. So that's the hand you've been itching your nuts and balls with. Over the clothes. Yeah, and then you just put it right on your face. Oh, you're twiddling your debonair mustache. Touch my stash. Oh, I bet that thing smells. No, it's good.

It smells like that apartment on fucking Iliff that I drove to. Why do you keep fucking dropping breadcrumbs? I'm not. Somebody's going to show you a picture of their house and be like, is this where you were talking about? Yeah. Like, fuck. I like when they do detective work. Hey, by the way, guys, if you guys can find Lund's parents address

Go for it I haven't given as much information as you And Elizabeth is very small Right but they live in My dad lives in heaven Yeah on opposite day One day of the year he goes up to heaven He gets to run the water slide

He works for the FBI in heaven The federal breast inspector One day of the year he goes up to Evan and he gets to run the water slide. He works for the FBI in Evan. The Federal Breast Inspector. It'd be funny if the shirt said breast. That it was respectful of a lady's autonomy. I work for PBS. Anatomy. I work for the penis butt stuffers. Yes.

I was going to say, asking everybody about Noah doing the pod is like when Andy Kaufman asked the country about being on SNL and they were like, no. Yeah. That backfired. That was wild. What about UPN? What would that one be? Upper pussy nostril. Oh, how about when I blew it with the member of the crew?

He said that, because we were talking about how your jumpsuit, your coveralls were hiking up in your crotchal area. And he was like telling us about how sometimes he has to call out his wife's vpl and i said visible pussy lips yes and he goes no visible panty line yeah i was like whoops sorry that was a slam dunk maybe that's why you weren't in as many scenes as we thought you were gonna be no there was one there was one scene that I was in, and then there was another scene, and it didn't really make sense. I didn't have to be in it. And you weren't really in the scene that I was in,

so really it was selfless and nice of me to get you in there, give you a shot, kid. Yeah, I really need more stage time. Kid Hollywood. You know what was funny, though, is since you weren't busy being filmed today, you had another job, which you loved. Yeah, I got to man the T-shirt table. In the sun, in the parking lot. Literally a thousand people did the exact same thing.

They would come up and ask in English or Spanish, how much are the shirts? I would say $25. Eventually, later in the day, it was $20. Initially, it was $30, right? Well, when I first asked Mac, how much are the shirts? He goes, $25 or $30. And I was like, which one?

What do you mean? It's a sliding scale based on your W-9s? Are you on government assistance? Okay, then. Yeah. Oh, snap. So that was dumb and uh it went down to 20 but each time every time ebt english ball taster that's good oh have a whiff have a whiff old chap uh how much are the shirt how much are the shirts tell Tell them how much they are.

Oh, cool. Are the stickers free? Yes, they are. And then they would grab two to 17 stickers and fuck off. Yeah. And it was annoying. It was fucking just boring. It happened a thousand times, too.

Yeah, constantly. I know. And people kept leaving me there. Yep. Or, like, they'd be nearby, but talking to somebody else about, like, oh, were you here in 95, brother? That was a hell of a year. They all had them, and they dumped them.

They dumped them for free. They'd pay you. They'd be like, want to see my tits? And you'd be like, yeah. And they'd be like, all right, here's $10. And then they'd dump them. Just like everybody had all these great stories. Were you here in 99 when that motorcycle drove that dune buggy through the finish?

So, yeah, it was just not super exciting or fun. Also, I don't know anything about cars. Me neither. And I'm surrounded by vehicles. Well, but I'm wearing the gear as if i'm a driver yeah you commit to racing team i'm looking at your breast it says yeah yeah uh yeah so people would come up and be like what do you got under that hood and i'll be like i don't know i'm an actor yeah so i act all and una pelicula and they'd be like okay as uh la pelicula no say I'm an actor. Yeah. Soy actor. Mm-hmm. En una película.

And they'd be like, ¿Qué es la película? No sé. Es un chiste. Soy un cómico. Yo escribo un NDA. Nice Dick Agreement. Where you have to tell everyone

that I have a nice dick after we have sex. Or else. Have we said that before because that's one of my favorite bits did you used to say it on stage no you you strictly at parties i would say it to like emily i'd be like i'm making you sign an nda tonight yeah she'd be like why i'd be like a nice dick agree we have to tell everyone i have a nice dick and she would say never mind.

Farted on my own phone case. Yeah, well, oh, yeah. I was like, why do you keep fucking with it? But it's because it's just off of your phone. I got to throw all the underwear I've worn today away. All six pairs. How much underwear? It's going through.

I'm like, the other room's going through toilet paper. So, yeah, you're in the coveralls and you had to go use a port. How bad was the port-a-potty? Oh, my God. It was early in the day, so it wasn't wrecked. It was that apple. Yeah. It was a green horse apple. I thought it as we ate the apple.

I was like, this is fiber. This is going to make us have to poop as soon as we get to a place where it's just like port-a-potties. Also, either it was washed or it was unwashed. But either way, it was a Mexican apple. Verde manzanaana it didn't do anything to me yeah you know what i thought about what uh if i could handle drinking unpurified water down here i've been thinking about that a lot should we do it i think i've been training my whole life for this that's what i mean i'm a fucking goat i could eat eat a can. Yeah. And I'd be okay.

Yeah. I just saw an old picture of my taquitos from 7-Eleven. Kevin O'Brien had shared my taquitos. And that was like constant. I ate like 26 knockwursts at one point in 10 minutes. And I was fine. Yeah. I think we could maybe handle half a glass of water.

Maybe we should do a challenge for everyone on the team. None of them would probably do it. They all have to do real shit. Yeah, and we're just playing grab ass. Yeah, we just... We're playing who farted, oh, it was me. Yeah, it wouldn't really be fair for us to expect them to risk it all. Yeah.

But yeah, it's funny that we both thought it. I thought that right away. I was like, this water is fine for me. I'm the trash man. Right. Yeah. I've got my own unique ecosystem internally that science is afraid of. If it got out, it'd be like the new Coke.

Yeah, I don't know. it'd be like the new coke yeah i don't know i the only thing that sucks is that our schedule is like at the whims of the rest of the people that are down here hey you guys someone in there right now no we're still doing the podcast yeah that's all right that's okay there's other bathrooms i think you had to shower again We have a five bedroom house With one shower And a guy who already showered Just bugged us That is Spal, he's the new guy

But also, maybe knock? We could be doing anything in here Anything We could have been 69 God, he would have driven back to fucking San Diego. We're 69. You were telling me earlier you used to 69 one person over and over again. No, no, no.

I didn't. Yes, you did. I didn't say that. Just shut up. Give more details about a poor woman that allegedly reeked. She wasn't a woman at the time. It was almost certainly you. Then you put it on her.

No. So, yeah, that was weird, though. Knock. Yeah, whatever. It's the real world house. Everybody was supposed to be fucking and fighting. We're sharing this bathroom with the two guys over there who are driving their own car. Yeah.

Shout out to Taylor and Jerry. Been bumming me six. I'm bathroom with the two guys over there who are driving their own car. Yeah. Shout out to Taylor and Jerry. Been bumming me six. I'm down with the boys. Keep forgetting to unlock our bathroom doors so that we're locked out. So there's a toilet between our rooms, and they'll go in there to use the toilet. Then they lock our door so we don't barge in and say, oh, what's going on? Soup's on. Yeah, like I can't hear them dumping through the wall. And going,

ah! Yeah. Why? I should have done the water challenge. Why'd I eat that apple? The first apple I ever have in my goddamn life. So yeah, they keep locking our doors, then we have to go through their room and

unlock our door. But anyway, what I've been thinking about is... Oh, fuck, what was it? The toilet paper thing? No, no, no, I know. What I've been thinking about, though, is if I do do the water challenge, and then I do have violent explosive diarrhea... For ten hours? I can't get out of that goddamn jumpsuit.

Yeah. Today, I had an alarmed look on my face, and I went up to Jesus, and I said, Hey, man, can you help me out? Can you pull the arm down on this thing? Don't I style a banya? And he was like, it's over there in this fucking... He wanted me to go to the plaza where we had dinner tonight. And I was like, all right. And then I started doing the, you know, Michelin man, no bent knee walk.

And I hit the port-a-potty, and I was like, this has to happen. So then I had to strip, effectively nude in a port-a-potty, a Mexican port-a-potty, on Carnival Day at La Fiesta Grande. Was it already bad? It was. Worse than you could imagine. Whoa. It was like The Cell.

It was as bad as that movie, The Cell. There was a horse? that movie, The Cell. There was a horse? Yeah, just bisected. In sections? Yeah. No, dude, it was gnarly. Wow.

Free churros, free beer, hot sun, orange port-a-potty. And I go in there, and I have to peel out of this fucking eggshell that's all over my weird body. And then pop and sing without using my mouth. It was awful. And I was like, please, I hope no one comes in here. This would be the worst time for anyone to walk in on me. It was locked, huh? Yeah, but I couldn't tell if it was actually locked because I was in such a hurry.

Because of how dumb you were. I have because, yeah, I'm stupid. Yo soy tonto. You could have locked it, made sure it was secure. You were looking at the door. So yeah, but all you could do was just turn a handle. There was no actual lock. When you rotated it? Yeah.

Yeah, that locks it. But it didn't confirm or deny. Much like President Clinton. I'll never tell. Yeah, but they could all smell. So yeah, I'm glad no one came in because i would have shattered a lot of innocent minds if a little boy opened that up and just saw me me every day that made me think of uh when i went to the honky tonk hodgepodge last year

oh god a bunch of bands speaking of 69 i was speaking of there were like 10 porta potties but i showed up on day two and my god i've i've been to outwits it was fucked that was my vietnam a couple of them were so wrecked they raped my nan king of course of course i had to dump like right away yeah and i'm like oh this is like it was pretty early in the in the in day two so there's one day evening night of music and people having beers and burgers but yeah it was fucked i had to go to like three before i found one that wasn't you know ruined yeah it was like at the end of blood meridian that wasn't, you know, ruined. Yeah, it was like at the end of Blood Meridian. That wasn't filled up. Yeah. The jakes.

The judge was waiting for me today. He embraced me. Yeah. I was like, some say he's shitting forever. Just dancing and shitting and dancing. Shitting and dancing and laughing. And watching his friend itch his nads. And he'll be doing it forever, and he always has been.

The pinch and swirl. So tomorrow we have to get in a car and drive 200 miles at 30 miles per hour? Not 200, I don't think. It's five days, 200 miles a day. Oh, fuck. God, king of math. Yeah, that's what they call me. Self-proclaimed king of math. Yeah, that's what they call me. Self-proclaimed king of math.

You can't lose these wristbands. These are our key to eat. You remember what we're eating the next couple days? Four free tacos. Water and peanut butter sandwiches. Yeah. That's all we get for five days. No.

Yeah. And these. Yeah, but who knows what they're going to be serving us. Whatever these meal is. It It's gonna be lizards And turtle heads I hope they serve beer in hell Well you've already been there Honky Tonk Lodge

Yeah we're rooming with you No No No Well do you wanna Plug anything? Um Let me see.

Where are we? What do we got? We're good. Are we good? Yeah. Well, Becker has to edit out that great joke of mine. Yeah. Where are you going to be?

Guys, I'm not going to be anywhere. Oh, yeah. You don't have anything. I'm going to Ecuador until May 26th. But then I'll be in Indianapolis with the Are You Garbage guys. I think we're doing a show I'm doing this I'm like a race guy here

Then I go to Ecuador And I'll be a racist And then I go to the Indianapolis 500 With the RU Garbage Guys So I'm just like race guy I know But June 1st at Lulu's in Manitou Springs For all you Colorado heads

Then Lucha Libre and Laughs of course June 2nd and 3rd we're both doing that June 2nd and 3rd 10 year anniversary First at Lulu's in Manitou Springs for all you Colorado heads. Then Lucha Libre and Laughs, of course. June 2nd and 3rd. We're both doing that. June 2nd and 3rd. 10-year anniversary. Yeah. And then what's the following weekend?

Can you go to samtalent.com on your phone? It just redirects to Biden. That's San Diego. Oh, yeah. So the fuck... Hey, guys. LA people. I'm at the Brea improv all right because i have a new agent and the first thing he did was book me into a giant room where i've never

been and probably have no draw oh wait no that's july sorry oh fuck what's june i don't know june uh i'll be in oklahoma city june 10th. So figure out where I'm going to be. I don't know the name of the venue, but hit me up. The king of promo. Figure it out. I'll help you. Don't go to NathanLund.com. Oh, I'll be at the DC Comedy Loft, guys.

Another new addition due to my very powerful agent. June 8th, DC Comedy comedy loft uh come and see me i got little patrick opening for me uh and then i'm in uh soul joels i'm in baltimore at the port comedy club and then i'm at some distillery in pittsburgh go to my website and also australia i'm coming down there in august man go to guilt, man. Go to guiltfreecomedy.com. Guiltfreecomedy.com. Tell your friends. I'm doing all the big cities all over Australia,

bringing my wife. She's not bringing any bras. Come see the real show inside the show. Yeah, May 19th and 20th, come out to the biggest city in Wisconsin, Janesville. I'm at the Comedy Cabin, which is a new spot looks really nice so i'm excited for that and uh that thursday may 18th i'm doing uh two shows in

chicago one at the house of blues and one it'll be the house of booze when you're on stage damn it uh there's another show I'm doing too So hit me up I can't think of it Isn't that the Who sucks parlor And they'll be saying you suck While you're on stage

No that's not where it is Join the Patreon we need like 30 more people And then we can get tattoos down here And I'll post a video Farting into Lund's stethoscope as he's listening to it. We're not getting the tattoos down here. Yes, we are. No, let's wait.

No, who cares? Well, you know, we should do it Henry Rollins style, like in Jackass. We're driving through the desert, and we get the tattoo gun, and I'll be Steve-O, and you'll be Henry Rollins, and you tattoo me as we're driving and bumping around in the buggies. God, no, I want Paco to look cool. Oh, I don't care about my body. Yeah, you have a bunch of bad tattoos.

I only have one. Oh, also go to... Yeah, so if you want to see, you know, more of our great podcasts, patreon.com slash chubby behemoth, everyone. $5 a month. Please join that. So I can get off the goddamn road so much and remember my kids' names. Maybe see a sunrise on my own back porch for once.

God damn it. No, I'm just kidding. I'm very grateful. But, yeah. Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth. Please join the Patreon. And I think that's all we have to say. Yeah, I can't find the other damn date that I'm doing in Chicago but if you're in Chicago

and you want to go hit me up and I will let you know how to do that