Chubby Behemoth - Claymation Nose

Episode Date: June 6, 2025

SPONSOR: Turtle Beach - Level up your game and get 10% off @TurtleBeach with code CHUBBY at https://www.turtlebeach.com/CHUBBY   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week Sam is in a protectorate of the British Crown. Nathan tells the boys about a Coach blooper, got unwanted chicken, and thinks Sam has been cock blocking in Europe. Sam changes podcasting forever, threw up on a dog’s legs, and imagines what heaven would be like for Nathan.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

I don't know. Becker said that he wanted to come in wet and I don't know what it means, but I'm going to give Jake Becker, super producer, the floor to, I guess, perform his masterpiece. I imagine we're going to record tomorrow too, Sam. Oh, who knows? Well would you rather record tomorrow or Saturday? Because I know you come home Sunday. Saturday would be nay impossible for me. That's what I figured. So I was thinking tomorrow we record it. Right. But tomorrow I might not want to.

So I understand that. That's why I tried to get you to commit to things ahead of time. Beef. I mean, the thing is, is look, it's 10 30 here. I'm in a, I'm just going to say I'm in a protectorate of the British crown. I won't say where I am, but let's just say that they keep this place real safe. A bank state. Yeah. I'm staying at Banksy's house in Bristol. Lund, are you finishing up a game of snake? What are you up to?

No, I literally told you what I was doing and then you forgot as soon as the lights came on yeah I wasn't listening I'm sorry please I'm here man I'm here I'm bisexual just for June yeah trying to get booked I think that's a plum of an idea. Oh shit, that's what you were excited about? That's what you said was going to change podcasting forever? I said, hey Knight, prepare to meet day because I'm the sun and I'm coming over the horizon with Plum Thumb. What's wrong with Plum Thumb?

Plum Thumb's fun. I like it It's a bad one to crunch that is not a ripe plum this plum. Oh that might be your issue Not a plum at all. I'm guessing nectarine Plucot What Plucot I hate the apricot? That's a plum that looks like a Plucot. Oh, I thought the apricot. That's a plum. That looks like a Plu-Cot.

Oh, I thought you were talking about Steve, our comic friend, the hockey player in Denver, Steve Vanderve, Plu-Cot. No, that is none of your business what it is, Becker. So why don't you leave me alone? You said, I'm coming in wet. Everyone's going to be in the splash zone. Hope you guys are about to... You said, hey, you like the lazy river? That's not what this is. This is the raging river. So go ahead, Becker. I, okay.

I don't know that I'm wet. I feel good, which is nice. Hold on, Becker, I'm getting a call. Yes? Yeah, oh, thank you. A better bit is here? Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll pass it on.

Use the whole fruit basket. There's no way I have more fruit Still got orange you glad I didn't say orange that was gonna be the next thing that I Said so damn. Yeah. I'm sorry. I have nothing else. Don't worry There's no cherry man, you're gonna try to bring up warrant so that you can get to cherry or no No, I wish man. I wish I had some fucking cherries in here. SpongeBob. But I do not, of course. Pineapple under the sea.

I've got Patrick Star here with me. I watched a very funny clip from a coach. Oh, I do have cherries, by the way. I'm sorry. Jubilee. Buck cherries. Oh yeah. By the way, I'm sorry. Jubilee. Fuck Jerry's. Oh yeah. Uh, the coach, it was a blooper where coach, uh, comes into the office and he's like, is everybody here?

And Dauber says, no, uh, still w we're waiting on Jerry and, uh, or wait, it's not Jerry. It was Jerry Sandusky. Jerry van Dyke. It was, it was, it's not Jerry. It was Jerry Sandusky. Jerry Van Dyke. It was predictive programming. I think it was plays Luther. He's like, we're still waiting on Luther. Coach says, God damn it. He's like mad and Dauber gets thrown because I think he says, you can't say that because I think he figured, oh, we have to stop this take because you can't say, God damn it on ABC.

And Coach, what's his name? He is like- Craig T. Nelson. Craig T. Nelson. Craig T. Nelson said- Who was not Lieutenant Dad. Remember that show? Major Dad.

Major Dad. Holy shit. Maybe I'm retconned. But yeah, it throws Dauber and he's like, you can't say that. And then coach is like, what? Because he thought he just said, damn it. So then they start again and Dauber is like, we're still waiting on Luther. And coach goes, ah, fuck, shit.

Everybody loves it. And then he leaves and he comes back in and he says, Ah, fuck, shit. Everybody loves it. And then he leaves and he comes back in and he says, uh, is everybody here? And Dauber goes, fuck no. And then everybody creams. I mean, this is a, this was a real orange plum orange banana situation. Like, yeah, I mean, now you can't call someone Dauber similar. So it's come full circle. Yeah, I mean, now you can't call someone dauber. Similar. So it's come full circle.

Yeah, that was a story. Yeah, daubers on the no-no list. Dauber is honestly where my first take of putty came from. Because I used to do dauber for my Uncle Tommy. He liked when I would do dauber as a little boy, seven, eight years old. Uncle Tommy, I'm dauber. Dauber as a little boy, seven, eight years old. Look at Tommy. I'm Dauber. Dauber's a little more like this. There's a little bit more stink on Dauber and putty's just flat, but Dauber's right.

I'm Dauber. Yeah, so Dauber came first. Dauber lets it breathe. That's a little inside the actor's studio for you guys. I have more plum to eat quietly off mic. Oh, well, I got distracted by Becker coming in wet. I was going to say I'm coming in hot because... So we had to get some teeth pulled out of mama's mouth because it was stinking.

They were bad teeth. At least they were her mouth this time. The teeth went bad. And so we had to get rid of some and we were scared because not because of the seizures, I forgot that she has a heart murmur. You're over the seizures. No, she has a heart murmur. And so that was like- That's where you got it.

The reason we didn't get her spayed is that there's a risk with anesthesia. Also like- Yeah, you couldn't do that to her. You can't be still that beating heart. You can't take a pussy away from a dog who's all heart. Yeah, so we didn't get her spayed. And, but with the teeth thing- Did you get her farleyed? We had to risk it.

And- Come on, that's good. No, it's good. Hey, I'm fake laughing because it was good. We... You're okay. No, I was really laughing because it was good. And I love when you interrupt me because then it makes the story that much longer, which

I like. I like a long story. I like a long me entering story. Well, I know you do. That's why I'm trying to punch it up. Now go ahead. You were telling us about mama. So she gets teeth pulled and she survived. She woke up.

And like Becker says, you know, who knows how anesthesia even works? So heart murmur, no, there's a risk. But she was okay. We go and get her and then we go to the grocery store for some stuff. And Megan says, I wanna go in because I don't know what I want, but I want some stuff.

I said, go in because I don't know what I want, but I want some stuff. I said, go on in there. And we agree that we're going to get some chicken. If we were to get chicken, what would I want? You guys know me. Fried chicken. Okay. I know what you want. What? Whole rotisserie before you get home? No. And then chicken tenders.

No. Fried chicken. You eat the whole tis on the way home. We used to get 12 pieces, so we would just get whatever they give you, two of everything. But then, last time I went, I just got eight pieces. Not enough. No, it was fine. Do I like light meat, dark meat?

Oh, dark meat. That's what you're asking. Okay, yeah. You want dark meat chicken. You would like thighs for sure. And if you're lucky, the conjoined wing, the wing that is not split, it's the little drum at as well as the wing that is not split. It's the little drum at as well as the wing. That might be the best piece of whole fried chicken there is.

Right. All right. So yeah, you guys know me. You listen to me. You hear me. I feel heard. Dude, we both did Apple of my eye and I'm in a different continent. So I think we're locked in here. Well, you would think that the apple of my other eye, my wife, would know this is your wife. What to do. Yeah. The other apple. She comes back. That's me. Oh, and together we're quite the pair.

Whoa. You were lying about being done. I love that. Secret pair. Gentlemen, we've done it. Podcasting has been solved. It has officially become checkers. It is no longer chess. It's a closed system and I've written the book on it.

Oh, Pear. Oh, man. Well. You know what's funny? I didn't even make it 10 minutes in before I burned through all the fruit that I had. Yeah. I don't know if I believe that because you could still have a grape up your sleeve, but- Well, you better hope you don't get grape by me.

We're not on TikTok. So we can say whatever we want. So yes, Megan comes back from the store and says that she, I said, what'd you get? And she got four drumsticks, which she likes the drumsticks. Yeah. So ice cream just opened things up. That's a good move. Oh yeah. That's for the drive. That's for the drive home. On the drive home. Yeah, of course. They're little ones. No, she got four drumsticks and four breasts.

She says proudly confidently. And I was like, Oh good. She's like, what? And I was like, I don't know. I've said it probably every time we've had fried chicken for the course of our relationship, that breasts are for dummies. They're like stereotypical American. You know, the breast is the biggest thing. So they want, a lot of Americans want that big old breasts when it's really like... Yeah, breast sucks. It's almost, yeah, it's almost always dry. And yeah, white meat is inferior anyway.

So yeah. It makes a better sandwich. I like that. I like a chicken breast sandwich after the fried chicken the next day, cold chicken breast with mayonnaise and mustard. I like that on white bread. That's a great sandwich. That is, that's what you do with Thanksgiving leftovers. You get rid of the white meat by piling it on, yeah, a bunch of mayo, salt and pepper.

Some people make soup. There's a big push for soup for day after Thanksgiving. And I don't really like that, but they say we have all these bones. And I say, yes, but most of the bones have already been leached into the gravy. So you're just humping your turkey carcass twice anyway. So Megan doesn't know you at all. We're fighting. No. Yeah.

She thought I was mad. I was like, I'm not mad. It's just insane to me. I hit her. I hit her guys. That's what I'm trying to say. And well, and it does prove one of the things that I tell her that she does not always agree with, but I think now she has to, concede. She hears about a third of what I say. So she knows

I like fried chicken. She thinks... Yeah. You like breasts. She knows I like breasts. Yeah. I honk hers all the time. But, uh, yeah, no, it was funny that she came back with and I was like, well, I'm glad you got, you got what you like so you can have your four drumsticks. She's like, I'll eat the brass. I was like, no, I'll eat them. You should have said, I'll eat them. She said, I'm stoned. I've been smoking weed all day. And I was like, yeah, I haven't, cause I had to stay sober so that I could take care

of my family, bring mama home, hopefully not in a body bag. It sucked, man. It was scary to not know. I don't know what the odds are. Like with a heart murmur, does it drop you to like a coin flip? No, cause what you think there's just one number, but I just knew that it made it so that it was, I don't know.

Yeah, maybe it turned it into a coin toss instead of like 90%, everything's fine without the murmur. Or maybe she's a miracle. Maybe she wasn't supposed to live. Maybe she's the dog who lived. She could be Colton Burpa. She can't be killed. I told Megan, she certainly is tough

because she was on death's door like a few months after we got her. I think she was allergic to the first seizure meds that Dr. Kev put her on. Phenobarbital. She's been dying the whole time you had her. No, there was that. She got sick.

She was probably allergic to phenobarbital. She threw a straight pie. Sure. And then you were like, I don't know what to do. 2021. She, uh, she had a bunch of seats the day before my dad died. That classic story. She had a bunch of seizures and we had to take her to the Springs and she was in the Springs for like four days in the hospital for like four days. But so yeah, she is. Um, and then all the seizures, none of the seizures have, uh, have taken her days. But so yeah, she is. Um,

and then all the seizures, none of the seizures have, uh, have taken her down. So she's undefeated. That's all you can ask for. Yeah. You know, uh, yeah, prayers up for mama. We did. Sorry about the go ahead. Well, we just, we wondered how many teeth she was going to, you know, get yanked because sometimes it's 15 or whatever, but it was eight. Dude, you don't want a gummo dog. Right.

She can still have- 40 with Mr. Flappers towards the end. He was just, man, just numbing on stuff, coming up, putting those wet chunks on your hand. You're like, oh, gross. How many? I remember he got a bunch pulled in one go, right? Oh yeah. I mean, he said, Hey, take as many as you can eat. You know, don't. You wanted to make a necklace. Yeah. Uh, no, he, and they stank like his mouth. Oh yeah.

Smell like your butt. Yeah. After rubbing up against my butt. Like if our butt's french kissed. Yes, yes, yes. That's how Gordy's mouth stank. And all the time I was like, man, his mouth reeks. And I mean, would be like, it's his new food. And I was like, he's never had new food. He's been eating the same food since day one. And she was like, huh. So then she made me put my nose in his mouth one time and it smelled so bad that I kind of threw up on his legs. I like, oh, like all over my dog's legs. Then she got mad at me and I was like, what the fuck do you want me to do? Why is something wrong?

And I barbed. Why are you mad at me? What wouldn't you have? I mean, it sounds like you went in full throttle and took a big old whiff instead of being cautious. To be fair, she didn't make me whiff. I dove in because I wanted to be brave. I was trying to turn her on.

You were trying to win the argument. Yeah. I took my shirt, well, I didn't take my shirt off. I unbuttoned it from the bottom up and then tied it off underneath my tits and I said, something reeks and I hope it's you. And I winked at her and I pried him open and I went in and I threw up like kind of on him. Oh God. Yeah. But anyway, we had to get him yanked because they were befouled. And next thing

you know, no more turkey for Gordy. How many was it? Do you remember? It was probably like 22 or something. When he got his teeth pulled, we had them all taken out. It was a lot. It was every tooth he had left. It was all of them.

Okay. Yeah. Well, yeah. I didn't even get the money from that guy. So that was a bummer. The tooth fairy? No, he's like, if you give me all your dog's teeth, you know, when he dies, I can bring him back.

Here we are. Yeah. Gordy, last time I checked, Gordy, are you in here? No? No, Gordy. No one's eating Emmy's tampons? Okay. Was that a concern?

Oh, it wasn't a concern. I mean, we had to do it like a bear bag. Anytime she used one, she, you know, we had to do it like a bear bag. Anytime she used one, we had to dangle it out the window so the crows would come take it. It was bad. Yeah, he would go nuts for them. And then her panties, of course, he couldn't get enough of those.

The panties is a thing. I don't know what Megan's doing with her tamps, because I haven't had to deal with any of those. Probably flushing her panties. A lot of girls are flushing their panties nowadays. You're back in London. Off the wagon. Paris to London. This is gin.

Your dad is banging his old lady. Dude, I don't know what to do about that. As soon as you left. Because you were in the way. You were in the way that whole time. I don't think I was in the way. They're in the city of love and romance and then you're like third wheeling it. While Duddy's third leg in it.

That sucks. Nice, yeah. That's funny. You were cock blocking. I did not. I was not. You were blocking your dad's cock. From inserting. Yeah, we know where it goes. So, what?

All I'm saying is, all I'm saying is, I do not think anyone's behaviors were curtailed by my presence in any room in that apartment. My room, there was a situation last night wherein I was lounging. All right, so this guy. I don't know. Dave's on top in the bathroom or in the bedroom. was lounging. All right. So this guy, I don't know.

Dave's on top in the bathroom or in the bedroom. You're in the bathroom going, ow, my butt, my stomach and my butt. Yeah, yeah, that's me. So here's how it works. My room's over here, kind of a little passageway. This is all one big area. Kitchenitchens right here. Two couches. The chair I wrote in. A table over here where I was painting things. And then bathrooms back here. All right. This is what was insane.

This is the big communal space right here. Oh, I'm writing right here where this is. Oh, I'm writing in this chair. Who's in here taking the loudest shit I've ever heard? I don't know. Everyone once a day, that's who it was, right here. And then there's a little room right here where Suze stayed, Emily's mother.

Then there's a shower right here. And then this is Duddy's lair. This is where the big dog barks. So last night I'm hanging out on the couch right here. It's like 1 a.m. I'm doing final laundry. This door opens and I have my ear pods in. I'm listening to, you know, some compelling media and I'm playing MTGA

arena on my phone. You're listening to 70 year olds having sex just in case. I don't know. So that's, I don't know. I literally can't hear. And I got really good. Because when I was writing in the room, sometimes they would be in the communal space,

blah blah blah. So I'm locked in. Everyone knows that I can't hear you if you talk to me. You tell them, hey, pretend I'm not here, and then they start fucking on the couch right behind you and you're like, hey, I guess I told them. Alright, making up for lost time. I put it out there. Yeah.

You just know how precious it is to lose someone, so you really got to make up for it. Anyway, it's 1 a.m. last night. This door, this is in my periphery, this door opens. I hear a scream. I look over. It's my dad's old lady, and I did not see anything, but I think the reason she screamed is she may have been nude. She was coming out of here to go to the bathroom to hose off.

She could have been in her underwear. I didn't see anything. That's why I'm not sure. Shut up, Lund. Why? That's why I'm not sure Shut up Lund, but what like he doesn't he doesn't like his own medicine What medicine is this? I've never fed anyone this kind of medicine Don't receive this medicine from me. What you've never consistently interrupted a story. Oh, I don't care about that. I mean about Lund

Talking about what my father may or may not have been up to a couple times a day. I don't know. I thought you were more upset about not being able to get it out than you were about thinking about Daddy. I apologize. Please, punch up the story. That's what the pod's about. Someone brings a bit of material and then we all enhance it through collaborative fun. That's how it works. I didn't know how to break it down But in this instance Lund said That she was like dripping calm or something because she just been railed He comes out she's topless. She's wearing underwear, but the underwear has a dildo

attached Okay, that'd be fine. And that's dripping. If she'd been pegging Dutty. Yeah, because she was bending Dutty over. Yeah. That'd be fine. He does love it. Look at you two.

Why weren't you? Now this is bad roommate behavior to me because you should have probably been in your room, but instead you were hoping for like a game night to appear at 1 30 AM in the area. I had the, I had the twister board set up. I was ready to go. You guys do whatever you want.

Mouse traps to mouse trap takes about 45 minutes to set up. So you do whatever, pretend I'm not here. Maybe a little shoots and ladders, whatever. Start slow. Up and down, right? Snakes and ladders, they call it over here. I had shoots and ladders. I think in Europe it's snakes and ladders.

Yeah, in the UK they call it snakes and ladders. Maybe UK, but not Paris. You gay. It doesn't matter. I'm not in Paris anymore. And last night, I'm pretty sure that my dad's girlfriend thought that I saw her nude. And that was the last interaction we had before they left this morning. They left at 6 AM. I was asleep. We already said our goodbyes.

And then last night at 1 AM, you know what? You can tell if I'm not in that room because the lights are off. Whenever I leave that room lights off most of the time. So she should have known hey lights are on. Sam T's out there occupying the space he's paying for. Maybe I should you know not walk out there completely nude. That's all.

You know I like to wake up and walk directly from the bed to the toilet nude. I don't. I've been throwing stuff on. You know, no one saw my dwangus. I didn't see her. I didn't see. But the way she shrieked makes me think she was nude and she was terrified. Yeah.

So yeah, that's where we're at. No follow up. She slams the door. You keep doing your thing. Yeah. What am I going to do? Go and knock and be like, hey, if you thought that I saw something, I didn't. So don't worry.

It's not weird between us at all. No, I just was confirming that that was what happened after the scream. She didn't like, she should have booked it for the bathroom. She should have. Well, that's the thing. If she wasn't completely nude, then she would have just kept walking to the bathroom. Yeah. Because I've seen the big sleep shirt that she has. Who's on there? Taz and Bugs Bunny? No, it's a... Tweety Bird. It's a big Johnson shirt.

No way. From the Dave T collection. Uh huh. It's my dad on the shirt. His dick's like a fishing rod or something. I don't remember. Getting chicks out of the lake. He's like, why do they... what are they, sirens? Why do they live in the water? Right. But they're like, oh, I got one.

It's a chick. Uh huh. Those are fun. Yeah, that's old Dave T. Yeah, but anyway, so that's what's going on with me. And I'm also very, very, go ahead. Oh, she dies in like two days, so you never, nobody ever knows what happened.

Dave doesn't know. You don't know. It's real murky. Did I kill her? Did she do it herself? Was it an accident? Where was my dad? Maybe he's so jealous that she presented herself to me.

She tried to give herself to me that way that he killed her. Then I have to cover and be like, yeah, he was in London with me the whole time. Then Becker has to learn AI to put my dad in this episode, so it's his alibi. It's just like Alf. Becker just puts in Alf clips, but with his impression of my dad. What do you think? What do you think Dave? Yeah But I have good news. I have finished a second draft of my next novel. Whoa, that feels nice. Yes

It's I've never been so completely locked in and committed to living my best life as I have the last month in Paris man, holy shit. Yeah Dialed in it was I was dialed in I was writing I was revising I was fixing problems I was walking around I was inspired you pop over you see me for a week. We have the time of our lives You pop over, you see me for a week, we have the time of our lives. You know? Yeah. Oh, it was perfect. Yeah.

I really, this cements Paris as the number one destination for cool guys like me. You should spend a month over there every couple months. It'd be good for the pod. Allegedly. Why don't you guys come out and see me sometime? Becker, you could have popped over here. I'm always coming down to see your ass. Yeah, I couldn't afford it.

Oh, come on. Well, you know what would help you being caught up in my flights of fancy? We'd be joining the Patreon over there at patreon.com slash wet hot teens. You can get some of the best content you've ever. Do you buy that up? Are we still, yeah, are we still going with wet hot teens? You're getting confused. That's the other, that's not, we advertise that Patreon on our Chubby Behemoth Patreon.

Oh yeah. You're skipping a step, that's backup Patreon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth wet hot teens thing. Now, is that it? Now you're mushing them together, like a pear and a banana. That's what these teens are doing, that's why they're so wet hot.

Oh yeah, shout out to Mondo, my man Mondo, who hooked up immediately four spaghetti jars of delicious cannabis. Shout out to Mondo here in London. He's like, oh, I heard you coming over there, mate. And I go, would you like a shred off the cat's whisker? And I was like, what? And he's like, would you like to whisper a kiss to the hobgoblin? I'm like, what's going on? And then it turned out he was actually

allergic to peanuts and someone gave him a Reese's earlier that day. So he was having an attack. And then after the paramedic sorted it out, it took like three days, you know, socialized medicine. He got me three jars of weed. And I want to say shout out to Mondo for hooking me up with some hash plant that's got me. I'm super iry. I smoked a joint in the Queen's garden earlier. I'm staying right by Buckingham Palace and I was in the garden and I fired one up because no one was looking at me. Was I wearing green pants and a red long sleeve chore jacket? Yes, I was. Was everyone looking at me? It felt that way after this hash plant. So yeah, it's been nice to be high eating fruit, but boy do I

miss Paris. I don't miss anything. I just miss Paris. I miss Susanna and Hannah. I'd like to see them. Sophie, I get dabs and dashes of her. Becker, I talk to you twice a week. Yeah, that's all you need. You FaceTime Hannah and Susanna says hi and I'm a puddle or whatever. You'd probably be okay. That would scratch the itch. No, because Susanna will steal and I'm a puddle or whatever, you'd probably be okay. That would scratch the itch.

No, because Susanna will steal the phone from Hannah. Susanna just calls me now. She knows how to use the phone. And God bless her, she's so cute. Fuck, she tried to call Emily the other day, but she didn't know what letter her name started with. So she called me because we have the same letter that starts our name. So she called me and I was like, Oh, that's so sweet.

And then she puts the fucking phone on the ground like this, just straight up on FaceTime. And she's like, look at all my toys. And then I don't see a fucking toy for seven minutes until I'm finally like, Susanna, I have to go. I think I told her that I was getting into a submarine and she went, wow. And I went, yeah, I got to go. I think I told her that I was getting into a submarine. Wow. And I went, yeah, I got to go. I'm at work. I work in a submarine. But yeah.

You're going to FaceTime me. Let me see the toys. I want to see your Peppa Pig mask. You don't know how phones work. You're five years old. 2025. All she knows is COVID and phones. Yeah.

Peppa pig, you know, uncle pig. That's me. I have this cool hat. Well, you know, sleeping in the hat, the hat, the hat would make sense for our ad read. I'm wondering you get on a submarine. Maybe it launches off of Turtle Beach If your headset doesn't make you feel like you're in the game, what's the fucking point? Turtle Beach. Hey, hey buy a bullet and rent a gun

Completely immersed in the action if you do even doing why are you ignoring your wife and kids if you don't have PTSD? From your gameplay then who? It doesn't even count. If you're not, if you're, if you're lettering, if you're letting your marriage just wither on the vine so you can get a hundred percent on Tony Hawk too, you want to hear, you want to hear Millen calling, you know, you want to hear Goldfinger, you want to hear all your favorite hits from a time when life made sense. And that's where turtle beach comes in. That's right. And tell them what it is.

Turtle beach drops you right in on the action with their gen three stealth 700 headset, the audio is richer, the surround sound is more immersive and the battery lasts for a crazy 80 hours. What am I? What the hell penis 80 hours. What am I? What a hell penis? 80 hours, what am I? sting from the police God that's how you could get me to

you know Self-harm and or admit to any coordinates that I might be keeping nuclear secrets If you put 80 hours of my dad banging his old lady through some turtle beach headphones. There's some crystal clear. Oh my God. You hear every flak. I don't know if they were. Every slap.

I don't know if they were, but I think they were. What? Because there was definitely some mornings where everyone was everyone was real light and breezy you Know oh, yeah when everybody's real chatty they just came Turtle Beach There's no better product than TB do you have TB and you want to hear a doctor tell you about it and how long you have You better put some TVs on Tuberculosis they the headset even has a quick charge feature

So when it does finally get low on juice, you can get back in the game right away So you yeah has as you play for eight hours straight like the rest of your fucking life. Well, if so You don't need to wait for 81 hours to get back in the action. Well, yeah, you're on fumes, but you got to get back in there. So you had quick charts. So much balls, Guarana. You've just been redlining it on Monster Energy Drinks and Truck Stop Speed so you can set the new record in Excitebike. Remember that? Oh yeah, Excitebike. I played it not that long ago, just about every game, old game. It's really hard to get stoked about it. But back in the day, yeah, it was like my whole

thing. I wanted to beat it. I don't think you can. But yeah, that one's now you play it for a few minutes. Anyway, yeah, Turtle Beach the best in the game It doesn't get no better When I die bury me in Turtle Beach so that I can hear how much everybody loves me and is gonna miss me When you die, I'm just gonna take some Turtle Beach headphones I'm gonna put them on and I'm gonna get some of that NASA tape and I'm gonna just Put that whole roll around those turtle beach

I'm gonna keep them connected to my head and I'm gonna listen to classic episodes of Lund on chubby behemoth And Emily's gonna just take me my wheelchair and just point me in front of a bay window I'm gonna look out over my fox gloves and my lavender listening to this guy talk. I don't know who he is. Yeah, you forget. Your brain is... Boy, is the other guy putting up with it. And who's this third guy? This guy they never really let talk, but was clearly the star. Who's this young dynamo? I'm not saying that it's true. I'm just speculating and pontificating. But what if these turtle beach? So no, what if they're so good? They're

so strong. You can talk to me or maybe at least hear me up in heaven or whatever you whatever comes next. Maybe it's not. Yeah, I want to I want to hear you give me Facebook updates from heaven. I'm strolling. It's heaven. So you have a phone that it's never it's never on low battery and guess what? Jody champions always popping off on me. Yeah. That's you in heaven. Guess what? Jody thinks about seven G. Someone comes by with like some Cincinnati chili and that you just funnel them and they flop it in yet. And that's you in heaven. And you're telling me all about it. You're like the chili appears good, but the cheese isn't really that great.

And I'm like, it's heaven. I'm sure it's the best. And you're like, well, no, I remember I used to have this in Chile when I was alive. And it was different than this. I'd'd be like have you met anyone up there? I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, remember Remember big from Robin big? He's an asshole Michael Carter doesn't think that we did enough to try to help him. Everybody's giving me shit Everybody's pissed at me all the time. Yeah, you find, we find out together, we find out together that I think I'm in heaven for like a

couple years, but I'm like complaining more and more. And you're like, this doesn't sound like heaven to me. And sure enough, I enough, I get punked by the devil. Yeah. Like why is your dad there, dude? Why does your dad keep pissing you off if you're in heaven? You're like, I don't know, man. He has the answers to any question you could ever imagine and he still has the same racist bullshit opinions from when he had a human brain.

This is nuts. Yeah, like you're scrolling, you're like day, like the first year you're up there, you're just scrolling, you're having a blast. And then like, eventually, eventually you're like, huh, Instagram won't load, but I can still use threads. Okay. Well, let's see. And you're just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and then one day it's like, huh, so I guess threat blue sky only. Well, you know, whatever. When in Rome. When in Rome. Hell, who am I to complain? Gianna Michaels, one more blowjob lasagna please. That's where she sucks you off while feeding you lasagna. Dude, that sounds like heaven, but the lasagna is not that good and the blowjob is kind of

toothy. No, no, you love the blowjob, but you can't get hard and you're embarrassed. She's trying really hard. I'm hard. And you're like, I'm hard when I'm eating the lasagna. As soon as the lasagna runs out, I'm soft. And she's like, what happened? I'm like, I don't know. I was having a good time. I wouldn't mind some more lasagna, but-

Hey, Gianna, nothing happened, right? It's heaven. Nothing happened. All right? Yeah, this doesn't count. I'll see you at the X-Men arcade machine that you can only play as Colossus on. What's that about? Everything's a little off. Why is it all, it's all breasts at the, at the fried chicken factory. That's my least favorite part. Also, why am I working at a fried chicken factory?

I don't work there. I get a free tour. I gotta do 40 hours a week on the line to get some chicken. What's going on? The stuff, the stuff, 700 eating the chicken out of the fridge. I'm like, you have a roommate. What do you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Only rich only Ron Ferguson. It's crazy. I'll tell you before Ron finally kicked the bucket, he didn't start looking less like a California raisin. Oh, dude, his nose. His nose is fucked up. I don't know if it's been smushed a couple times or what, but he has a fucking, he has a claymation nose.

Yeah. Uh, the stealth 700 has the industry's first ever cross-play dual wireless transmitter system. That means you can seamlessly switch between your consoles and PC with just the touch of a button. See, this is what I'm thinking. Maybe the, you know, consoles and PC, you should, you switch that with, uh, earth and heaven and maybe touch of a button.

We're talking, we're, we're doing pods from beyond the grave. Head to turtle beach. You think I'm doing a podcast when I'm dead? When I'm dead. Two words for you, pal. Well, I don't, I don't need any of the money anymore. So you guys, you know, you keep doing it. It's like, I'm doing something cool for you guys.

I'm providing for you even though I'm gone. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Becker, Becker will probably start his own podcast after one of us passes and really be big. It'll be called the Jake Becker show. Let me read this, please. Head to turtle beach.com and use code chubby for 10% off your entire order.

That's 10% off your order at turtlebeach.com with promo code chubby. Support the show and tell them we sent you. Get the ultimate immersive gaming experience with Turtle Beach today. Well, Zanya almost came up. Did you eat a turtle earlier? I haven't eaten anything, but man, yeah, my breath almost came up. Did you eat a turtle earlier? I haven't eaten anything, but man, yeah, my breath control was fucked. Damn. I just had a succulent Chinese meal.

I started to pass out. Did you? I had a huge Chinese meal with like eight people and it was all good. Dude, you ever had duck tongue? No. No. Ooh. Well, someone's brother ordered duck tongue. And boy, did we have fun with those.

Doing little tongue in the mouth, like kissing, you know, like tongue fighting. Yeah, it was pretty cool. Crispy or gelatinous or what? No, dude. they were bizarre. They were, they kind of tasted like chicken feet and they were kind of like tendony and there was a bone in them. What the hell?

It's very strange. Yeah. That wasn't tongue, brother. That wasn't tongue, brother. Dude, we went to, we went to dinner tonight and fucking asked for a Coca-Cola and, uh, we go around the table and then he's like, the guy, the guy's like points it points at him again. And he's like, Oh, I said Coca-Cola. And the guy goes meal. It's Chinese place. This guy's Chinese.

And we're like, Oh, okay. So then we order a bunch of stuff. And then his brother is like, can we get the duck tongue? And I'm like, all right, you're a psycho. I love it. Um, and then we just talked about what the duck tongue was going to be like for 10 minutes. And then the duck tongue came. We each had one and we were like, huh, this is, this isn't good. And then we just sat there and like looked at the duck tongues. Yeah.

Another one. There were 30 more. Oh dude, there was probably 50 duck tongues on there and they're like the size of the first two, like my pinky, the first two knuckles right there, that's a duck tongue, there's a bone in there. So then everyone's like, well, I'll try one. Oh, it's gross. You know, someone's like, oh, what is this? It's duck tongue. We've said that's all we've been talking about. Right.

Where were you? Where were you? Right. Dude, literally someone who was there was like, what is this? Ate one. And then was like, 10 minutes later was like on their phone, the whole meal. And then was like, what are these? Because it's and then was like 10 minutes later, was like on their phone the whole meal and then was like, what are these? Cause it's a lazy Susan. So every now and then you just look up and you're like, oh, what's that? Yeah.

Duck tongue, had two duck tongues, spit them both out, forgot what they were. It was insane. But so then what was funny though, is then, you know, old brother man over here sitting next to me, he's nuts. I like him a lot. We have a lot of fun. He's just salt of the earth guy. He starts spitting the lazy Susan. So the duck tongues are directly in front of his brother

And then the brother would look up and he's like, oh what are those, you know, it's like other duck tongue We've gone over this and then you know spins it again you know, and then they wind up back in front of them and then the brothers nudging me and being like It was it was a fun bit it's fun to hang out. Yeah. Yeah Completely nuts. I heard Michael Jackson's coming back one one last show. I Mean that was what killed him was the oh two, right? He was gearing up to do he was supposed to do like 30 shows there. He was on gear for sure.

And then I watched that movie that they put out that showed him getting ready for the shows. No, no, no. Megan and I put a goofy movie on like a week ago. Becker, what happened to you? Why are you looking at us like that? Huh? Why are you glaring at us?

I was looking at the time and thinking about editing things. He was... What do you have to edit? He was at work. Nathan sniffles. He was at work. I was just blocking him so I could get one isolated so I could try to get him out because he keeps sniffing the mic.

It smells like mama's mouth. It smells like fried chicken. No, it doesn't because I didn't have any because as soon as we got home, I came up here to talk with you all, with my friends. Well, look, we've achieved cruising altitude. Why don't you go grab a piece of that chicken? I don't have it up here. We'll let Becker do Becker's wet minute or whatever he's talking about. He came in wet, allegedly. Dude, no whatever he's talking about. Yeah, he came in wet allegedly.

Dude, no, he's back to eating like a psycho. It'd be funny if you had the same way that I have all this fruit if you just had different pieces of chicken. I have chicken over here. Yeah. Becker, tell us, you ate what? A pound of soppressetta last night? Oh yeah, last night I made a giant sandwich on a loaf of acacia that was what did I have

on there? I had a serrano ham and chorizo and Toscana and Calabrese sausage and red onions and raspberry basil jam and then those Monteleone peppers that I bought yesterday when I was picking Nathan up. You picked him up? Did he bring you back? No. Yeah, that ruled. And then the night before I had Kung Pao chicken, Mongolian beef, an order of fried rice and

eight egg rolls. Did you, were there any leftovers? No, there was no leftovers. Damn. This is like when Jordan quit playing baseball. So why are you eating like this? You don't care? No, I just, I want to get to where I don't have to like do PT every day so that

like my shoulders and back don't hurt. I need my body to like start getting nutrition now that I'm not fucking sick every day. Yeah. You need to be a big strong boy. I told you that you had to gain a bunch of weight in New Zealand. Yeah. So you don't get blown off. I'm trying to eat a lot of protein.

No, I want it to be dirty. I want pop tarts. I want gummy ropes. I want Just straight up like lard. Oh, you know, we can fatten you up on which would be nice would be some foie gras I have a couple jars of foie gras and if any of them make it home, which they won't because I got a layover I will Maybe let you have some but probably not. I don't know why I brought it up because I love that shit and I'm Smuggling it back to America one But whole the time this is the free one. You're fucking your own ass

You just told you just told James Bond your plan. You fucking dummy. Hello, governor. Do you have any goose liver pate? No, I don't. Don't check my asshole, whatever you do. You won't like what you find. It's poop.

May I go? What? Oh, I've, I was, I was just saying hello there. I didn't mean to insinuate that I had foie gras on my ass. Yeah. I know the rules, pal. Am I right? Queen's dead. Who's in charge? Me. Don't mute it. He doesn't want to crunch on them. Me. Don't mute it. He doesn't want to crunch on them.

Hey, I'm sniffing. You're crunching. I am going to crunch hard tonight. I'm eating two boxes of cereal, at least. What? Why? What do you mean? Playing this out? Yeah, I just went and bought it like right before the podcast.

What to? Honey Nut Cheerios and then Ratio, which is like a high protein one. Fancy. And then I got to two pounds of blackberries. What are you gonna do with those? I'm gonna eat them all. And of course it makes sense. And half a watermelon. Blackberries in the cereal or no? No, just wash them eat them by themselves later. Penis in the cereal or no? No, just wash them eat them by themselves later penis in the watermelon or no That was a big thing where you grew up

Penis in the watermelon in the spring. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know about this. All you guys were fucking melons. It was gross You remember that you remember melon madness 2003, I don't recall't recall Melon Madness. I was pretty high though. Slightly Stupid wrote a song about it. Melon Madness, ain't no badness when you're sharing a melon under the sun. You don't remember that? No. Oh yeah, we don't have the Key West episodes out for a while. Lund, you would have hated me knowing all that stoner music on the boat or laughed really hard at me. Lund Lutz What?

I hate when people know. LJ What? I knew all the... No, it was bad music I knew. It was funny and stupid what I knew. LJ It was some of the worst music that anyone has ever resin hit a Gravity Bong to. LJ Who was the DJ? LJ The boat driver. LJ I think it was Peanut from 311.

Yeah. But yeah, it was all the worst shit, and I knew every word. Like every word, bro. I don't even know who you'd be talking about. Not slightly stupid. All the Expendables. He played some Pepper once he figured out that I liked his stoner music.

Cottonmouth Kings, Pepper. Bad. It were opening bands for Slightly Stupid. What's that one, HOA or OAR? OAR. OAR rules. Yeah, you love OAR. Yeah, OAR's fun.

Hammer and Sickle, he was grooving to that. Shit. What? I don't remember that one. Yeah. Remember the Mayberries. He was looking that stuff. Butthole surfers, skank and pickle.

Mu 380. I think maybe some Ziggins. Ziggins. Ziggins. I don't know them. Ooh, the Ziggins rule. Is that a guy? No, it's a band. Family band.

It's like a slower version of Sublime, but punkier. It's like Sublime's punk songs, but slower. I don't know that I hate the... Bad religion. I don't know if I hate that music That might have been alright, especially on a boat kind of apropos Yeah, but I shouldn't have known any of it. It's like something I am. I know is bad that I like Yeah, no Becker. It's funny the thing of you listening to any music because when I'm not with you I Yeah, no, Becker, it's funny to think of you listening to any music, because when I'm not with you, I assume that you are either in the act of smoking something or you're just kind of powered down.

I think of you in like kind of like a stasis, kind of like a sleep mode that your body goes into, and you're just like, all of a sudden you'll be like getting high, you know, I'm high. And then all of a sudden you're just, and all of a sudden you'll be like, getting high, you know, I'm high. And then all of a sudden you're just. I went on a Mondo hike today. Did you do Wormhole? Mondo's my friend, Mondo's the guy who got me the weed.

You're mine. I did Wormhole and the Sandstone. I do all kinds of stuff. I listen to terrible music all the time. Did it rain on you? No. He listens to that song. No, I made it home in time. What's the sandstone up there with wormhole?

Yeah, it's like, dude, it's kind of weird. It's the loop above wormhole and it's not quite as long, but it's like giant, just sized abdomen sized sandstones, like paving most of the way. And I have no fucking clue who did all that effort, but what an insane-o thing to do. You should get up there and tag Becker rocks. There's a backpack that's been left on the cliff for like five days and I'm afraid to touch it because it might be evidence. It could be full of snacks and you might eat them all and then you go to jail because you're

the fruit by the foot rapist. Yeah. People keep fiddling with it because I can see that it moves when I go up there. Fiddling? Look, man, when they do take you in, when you're in questioning, don't use the term fiddling, please. All right? Because I can't get a lawyer that can get off the guy who says fiddling after getting busted with the dead girl's backpack. The fiddling diddler. I never touched the backpack. I walked over to the edge of the cliff to make sure nobody had got real brave.

Nobody was hanging on for a week. Yeah. But not saying help. Yeah They come back Last sandstone, but don't go up there if it's super windy Too embarrassed. Hey, hey, hey, sorry to bother you, but uh, I am barely hanging on lol for real though I hate mondays. Can you get me up off of this crazy thing called life? Becker's like is this your backpack? She's like thing called life? Becker's like, is this your backpack? She's like, uh, no.

And he's like, okay, I've got problems to solve. You would love that trail London. It's where all the crows in town nest. Well, he'd like it though. Cause it's up a hill. I'm wondering if it is new or not. Cause I went up there and did a big old hike with Tim messenger like through four years ago.

It's not new. They just cleaned it up quite a bit because I guess no one was really maintaining that trail for many years. I'll bet I get up there Lund. You go viral. People will think they have big foot footage. I think Tim and I did like whatever you could do up there. Like, so I don't know.

Uh, that would be all of it. Yeah. And it's got a weird, but you'd remember it's like a weird paved path. Cause it's like, is this something we took from another culture or did CCC boys actually build this? Cause this seems insane. Hmm. Maybe not then.

I don't know. I haven't been up there in a while. Megan and I have gone up there, but a couple of times there was snow up there. So we didn't like do a lot. We were kind of played it safe. Yeah. We probably shouldn't have gone up at least one of those times because you're not supposed to not supposed to muck it up.

You guys should get into sledding in your 40s. You guys should become sledders, man. That'd be fun. Up there in Trinidad, just fucking haul some balls down a hill. Tobogganists. You and your lady. Go down Riton Pass. Yeah, Tobago.

Trinidad? No, no, no. Tobago. Dude! Trinidad and Tobago! Okay. There you go. You're welcome.

God. I forgot about this. We had an intruder. We had an interloper come to the church a couple mornings ago, like 7 a.m. Did he nail 99 problems to your door? No. Was it Martin Luther? No. Who would you be more scared to see? Martin Luther or Martin Luther King Jr.?

I think I know Becker's answer. Lund? I guess. Be honest. You don't know who it is. Martin Lawrence. Yeah, I'd be scared of that for sure third option Luther from Martin Luther, but it's Martin Lawrence dressed up like Luther from coach

full circle No, what about that guy who was in? Designing women wasn't his name Luther the black guy wasn't his name Luther? The black guy? Idris Elba. Are you thinking of the Luther show? Designing women. I didn't know if you were thinking of a guy. Oh, I remember designing. Was that the same early nineties? Was that also when mannequin two on the move?

Dude, hold on. I think so. That's Hollywood. Dude. Mannequin 2. That movie was so scary. No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. I was a little boy. Dude. Oh my God.

What? You just pissed yourself? Yeah. No, I forgot all about how much Mannequin 2 used to scare me. You're getting rocked? I don't remember it being scared. Dude, man. I can't think of bad guys or anything.

I think there's bad guys. No, there was like a horror movie where it opens and it's like a Mannequin, it's like a factory or a warehouse where there's a bunch of Mannequins and it's scary. And then there was another one about like a house of wax that was scary. There's a horror movie called House of Wax. I think Paris Hilton is in it, but I didn't see it because- No, this was one that was from when I was a kid. I was like seven. These were all like USA. These were all movies. Remember the shows they would have where it'd be like dinner

in a movie and it would be like some hot rod babe and then a dude who like had mutton chops and they would make rigatoni while you watched like what about bob that's like he rules she did my own podcast and i geeked out really hard because i had a crush on her my entire childhood what was her name annabelle girwich i believe all right which I believe. Oh, right. Hmm. I can't be a real name. Okay. Anyway, London, I'm sorry. Mannequin two fucking rock to you. Yeah. No, totally rock. So yeah, it was like 7am. I, Megan and I often, you know, one of us will get up at like 530 to feed the dogs. Then at seven she's getting up. That's her now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. No, she's very cute. Nothing wrong with her. Um, but yeah, so we're both like kind of up and hoping to go back to bed. And then Megan is like, I just saw a couple of people walk by. We have like one window in the basement that isn't, uh, opaque. So you can see out of it. She said a couple of people just walked by towards the backyard.

So she goes out back. I hear her say, Hey, you can't be back here. And then they say something. And then she's like, yeah, no, it's, it's not an active church. We, my husband and I live here. So you have to go. And then she comes back in, Oh, this guy and this woman wandered on back. We have a gate and a fence on all sides.

So they didn't come in, but they were back in between our place. And there's two like 80 year olds that live next to us with, it's a husband and wife, and then the wife's brother. That's like, Hey, get out of here. We're trying to fuck before we're dead So each boner could be his last they got a take advantage they got to use them and then the brothers I thought that was you you're popping out and saying that to them like you gotta beat it We're trying to fuck before we're dead and they're like, hey, man, we listen to the pod Just ask us to leave you don't have to lie to us

No, I just I sometimes think about what's that brother up to? You know, it's like, what is the brother's like 69, but he hasn't gotten his shit together yet anyway, uh, he, they, this, this, this man, this woman are back there. Megan gets rid of them. But then like eight minutes later, we hear somebody out front, somebody talking to themselves or whatever. So we go out there. Sanctuary. Yeah. Somebody's trying to claim asylum. No. So we go out there. This woman is now alone

and she's on the front steps to the sanctuary, to the church. She's an older white woman. She has funny oakly shades on, and then pants that Becker probably wore in high school, like patchwork hippie pants, like baggy jester. Yeah. Hacky sack pants. Hacky. I know exactly the pants you're talking about. It looks like they're made of Tibetan prayer flags. Hacky pants. Yes. She's rocking, she's rolling. She has a walking stick and she is like-

That's the worst kind of crazy white woman. Walking stick lady. She's not well. She's unhoused and she's unwell. And she is just talking about whatever. Oh yeah. Megan heard her say the first, the first time they talked, she said something about, I just want to climb Jacob's ladder, but I'm stuck here for another 20 years. So she wants to die, but can't. So yeah.

I, so I, I'd rather, I'd rather she just went the Kuna Matata. Give me just some good old fashioned gibberish crazy. Don't give me Yeah, religious. Jacob's letter came out in like 83. So that's a scary movie too. She hasn't Yeah, it is. It's fucked up.

She Becker told me it was about his life. I didn't even know it was a movie. I just knew the old stupid religious references and the game at the fair. Jacob's ladder. Jacob's bladders. Well, yes. The first time I figure, let's let Megan be the face of the church and she'll be nice.

But the second time, I do not want this to be... I don't want her to be our Wilson always showing up with some wacky story. I don't want her to feel welcome. And yeah, and it's seven in the morning. Like maybe if it was 1 30 PM, I could have been nicer, but I went out there and I was like, get the fuck out of here. I was like, this is not a church anymore.

There are other churches that have. Programs that help people. We are, this is not a church. Like There are other churches that have programs that help people. We, this is not a church. I'm trying to get late. It's 7 a.m. I'm rock hard. This is when we bone. She's like, I can see your penis. You're not rock hard. You're like, lady, I am. All right. I'm sorry, but I'm rock hard. Get used to it. Later in the day, I felt bad because I certainly was very mean and I just I'm sorry, but I'm rock hard. Get used to it. Later in the day, I felt bad because I certainly was very mean and I just wanted her to leave. I did not want this to be.

Then she said something about how she was looking for an AA meeting. Megan goes, there is a building with a giant white flag on a flagpole. They do AA meetings. It's a block and a half away. She went on her way and she came back at some point a little bit later. I didn't go out there again. Megan told her, we just live here. Our friend owns this church. We live here. That was a few days ago and we haven't seen her since, but man, it was, yeah, it was a little,

I was like, please, please don't let this be my life now. I was like, oh, fucking Gladys is back. We got to make her an option. I was like, I'm please don't let this be my life now. I was like, oh, fucking Gladys is back. We got to make her off drifters. We have to either make her a sandwich.

That actually is where your life should be. It makes sense that your life is now just a series of telling hobos to beat it because you're trying to pork. When we moved in, I thought, man, one of the first interactions we had with random people walking by was this older couple. They just start asking me the most random. I was trying to get a washer and dryer offloaded from our friend Dan's trailer. They come up and they're just like, oh, you live here, huh?

Yeah, yeah, we just moved in. Can we see the inside? No, no, you can't. How long has this been a church? I don't know, dude. My friend bought it and my wife and I are gonna live here. What kind of church? I was like, please, please stop asking me questions

so I can get this fucking washer and dryer down these stuff. Is that what you said to him though? What do you say? I kept saying, I literally said this fucking washer and dryer down these. Is that what you said to him though? What do you say? I kept saying, I don't, I literally said, I don't know, dude, like I don't look it up. Like what do you, it's always so funny to me when people assume, like it's the same thing when people come into the bar, when I'm bartending and they think, Oh, this guy surely knows every answer to the questions that I have about this town,

this bar, how long has this been a bar as long as it's been a town? They're fucking talking to you should they're just like hey and you're like look I don't give a shit about whatever you're about to say Yeah, this is this bar and I don't care this church. They're not my whole thing So if you want if you want a deep dive call Jacques Cousteau because I'm not the one Get yourself a diving bill because I live above the water Yeah Eugene, Oregon come see me Come see me in Eugene, Oregon coming up here soon next week right we're doing a show on

Wednesday this Wednesday here soon. Next week, we're doing a show on Wednesday. This Wednesday, I think the 11th come see me in Detroit. And then Australia. Look, Australia, things are going quite well. We're not going to be embarrassed anywhere. And that's good news. We're going to sell out these shows except for Brisbane Brisbane. What's your beef? We're sitting at about 40% sold there and bris bris big room 700. I don't know why they picked it. It's not my problem It's yours pack it out bris and then perth we're like 60% sold if you knew what a fucking hassle It was for me to get there

You would you would buy an extra ticket one for you and one for jesus So get those tickets sam talent.com a lot of fun shows coming up uh lund I'll be in eugene too june 12 13 14th. Oh, you're. Lund? I'll be in Eugene too. June 12th, 13th, 14th. You're coming? Yeah, I'll be there. I'm excited.

I hope we're staying in that campus hotel again. Whoops, Becker. Take that out. Got you. Becker, tell them where you're going to be. Wet, I assume. I'll be wet. I'll be with you guys in Australia, New Zealand

Yes, you will and you're going to plan the whole route for wide world and I'm very grateful for that So why don't you get to that? We're gonna talk together No, I'm busy No, go to the patreon this week. Hey, I'm very busy Yeah, they're right here they can see me Very busy. Yeah. Yeah. They're right here. They can see me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. I'll mute my mic. Yeah. Hold on. Oh dude. I know. Yeah. I'd love to.

Well, one of them's fat and the other one's like, I've been poisoning him, but he's like not sick anymore and I don't know what to do. Yeah. It's kind of messed up. Bunch of money. Yeah. Reisen? Reisen? Andre Reisen?

Yeah. Yeah. No, he's, I mean, he's fat and he's like, not, he's like, she says he's not getting, he's like less fat, but I'm not sure. Anyway. Fuck really. That's a lot of money. Evil genius talking to James Bond again.

Laying it all out. Yeah. I mean, that's a lot of money. Yeah. I'll tell him. Yeah. I'll call you back. Unmute my mic. Hey guys. Hey call you back. Unmute my mic.

Hey guys. Hey, welcome back. Let's land the plane. Oh, sorry. Sully. Sorry, I was talking to Emily. Yeah, we got to bring this thing down. Join the Patreon.

Yes. Bye.