Chubby Behemoth - Comedy For Motorcycles

Episode Date: August 23, 2025

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/   SPONSORS: Chubbies - Your new wardrobe awaits! Get $10 off @chubbies with the code CHUBBY at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/CHUBBY #chubbiespod   HelloFresh - Support the show and get up to 10 free HelloFresh meals at https://www.hellofresh.com/CHUBBY10FM   PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys are all together in Charlotte! Sam tells the boys the meanest thing he’s said to someone on stage, reminds the boys about a couch shenanigan from the night before, and tells the story of the Chex journey. Nathan pretty much did everything in the car except call Sam a theater kid, hasn’t got low on anyone in a long time, and got to do the Flair Flop on stage. Went full Kattan.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

Really? Well. Maybe. No, I think it's your breath mixed with your high potency THC seltzer that you're having here at 9.30 a.m. That's probably it. When you said, let's rise and grind last night, I was like, dude, it's 3.30. We've been watching wrestling clips. You said rise and grind last night?

No, no, he did. He did. He's like, I want to be angelic and I want coffee. Let's rise and grind. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, dude? And again, it was after he had three of those. you know, the chicken tenders it took us three and a half hours to

require. But yeah, he was like tomorrow, 9.30, we're going to start potting. And I said, you're fucking psycho and you're like, you know what, I am. Let's make it 915. Here we are. It's 931. I'm still wearing my pajamas.

Okay, that's where that came. That's where that came from. It's 730. Unfortunately. Shout out to Big Willie Soul. which sounds like a fake name or a black wrestler, but Big William Soul got me this sick ass pizza shirt, which I would never, ever get for myself despite like,

it's an object that I want because I value it as art, and also I make a lot of T-shirts. Yeah. Why would you not get it? Why would you not get it? Because, well, these specific ones, this was the one that I wanted, was the Pokemon. He did 151, the original 151.

And then you would just, like, buy one, and you'd get it randomly assigned. but I've also heard that ass pizza like most geniuses struggles with shipping things on time yeah like some of our greatest minds you know

have an aversion to the post office so I didn't want to like roll the dice no no no salt to ass pizza I admire you very much young man but it's cool to have one yeah you have a cool shirt too yeah where am I gonna wear this church church is chicken

where I live for a job when I work in the back Yeah, but then there's an emergency out front and I'm forbidden from helping because I'm wearing this you guys butt and butt 690ing shout out fancy lad

that was in a care package Yeah, we get to look real cool now Dude, we're cool guys It's nuts The glow up We're getting haircuts You shave Yeah, I shave

You're Mark Gagnon Okay You're Mark Gastinoe. You're Steve Gastonoff. You're Steve Gastino. A comedian slash metal sculpturist. Oh, I do know. We talked about him today.

He was better sculpturist. He had some stuff, but God, he was so, just yelling. And then it's so hard to do that in 20, what, 14, 15, like angry yelling guy. And then it comes back, obviously, but not in comedy president is Steve Gassano. But then even we. or for him to still be yelling with like a guy like him. I don't know if he was a Trump guy. And he's yelling and he's doing this all the time.

Being pissed. For 20 minutes. Making fun of anything and everything that's not him. Yeah. One of the most insane lines of us. And that was okay sometimes. Some of those crowds ate his, ate that shit up.

Almost famous. When I'm finally almost famous in comedy works. I'm hosting guest set Ron Ferguson. Feature Steve Gastino. Headliner Hippie Man. You want to talk about it. crazy lineup, dude. It's me, young, more absurd, you know, sillier on stage.

Yeah. And then into Ron Ferguson, God bless him, you know. Tribute act. The hits. Tribute to the troops. I'm going to try to kill Sam. Motorcycle comedy. It's comedy for motorcycles.

Not motorcycle riders Yeah, Ron Ferguson We tried to call Doug Standup tried to call Ron and be like hey So we co-wrote a joke huh But he didn't answer I called him from my phone He didn't answer

And then for the next week I got frantic calls from Ferguson And text being like Hey you're ready to get a hold of me Hey what's going on Hey whatever it pays I'll do it Yeah exactly Whoever it is I'll kill him

God Yeah and then Gastino Old Gastino He was around and then he wasn't Gastineau should have had a bandana on. He's that kind of guy. Baldhead. He should have had like the undertaker bandana and the snake skin pants.

And then a hippie man getting up, who's an excellent comedian, but the opposite energy of everyone else on the lineup. Yeah. Well, yeah, to end with calm, chill. Good jokes. Like you have to listen to every word. Hippie man. God, what a master.

I just talked to Dr. Kev for like 10 minutes and it was like, dude, we were lucky because So many scenes, we've said this before, but so many scenes, the guys above were all, it was a lot of Ferguson. A lot of Fergis. And also Ron was always cool. Yes. That's not what I'm saying. Ron was always cool. Yeah.

So I'm not saying, but some of them very much protective of their spots. I mean, Chuck Roy was, you got to Chuck Roy. We had some bullies. Fucking gay monster. Some scenes. Chuck Roy. No. Yes.

Yeah. I'm not saying that he was. monstrous gay is the patreon or no no i mean he is the only gay person his bio gay monster i've ever heard who told me that he really enjoyed turning straight boys yeah he loved turning straight boys you're bleeding we're talking about gay guys my shin is bleeding we're in our pride

classic pie we're glowing up you're talking about ferguson i'm almost throwing up becker getting involved i mean we're hitting all the keynotes yeah dude I did Chuck and look he was he was probably the best at comedy right so there was that too right and don't get me wrong and he did a bunch of shit and helped us whatever

great guy don't want to get it into all of that turned out to be nasty towards the end and I think he's doing great now I fucking he's doing well now at Vine Street it was the meanest thing I've ever said on stage face to face with someone who's in the room I've said a lot of bad stuff about people aren't there to defend themselves but me and Chuck are in the debate and I'm crushing his ass.

We're in the headlining debate and he had just quit he got fired from hosting film on the rocks and then he's up there and I'm killing him and then at the end he cuts me off

in the second round of the debate and he says yeah why don't you fucking plug your dates or something he says why don't you oh yes and plug your dates and I said I'll be hosting film on the rocks

all summer at the legendary Red Rocks amphitheater what a dream gig right to his fucking face and he went yeah kid all right kid yeah yeah that's good even he did he was like nice to us eventually but then when he turned on me and he initially excluded me from that cool thing you and him and and andy juit and chris sharp and tear

did yeah the morning show and that was when i was so desperate to be your friend so well and so how we were just talking about working real hard on stuff and it leads nowhere yeah that was a lot of work early in the morning with chuck and hippie man and chuck was the mean dad and hippie man was the cool mom right yeah well chuck was the mean mom hippie man was the cool dad i fucked it up yeah hippie man wears a dress shirt and tucks his mom and wears a belt. He smokes weed, but he's still the day. Hippie man should always be holding a candle

and wearing a sleeping cap. That's how I always imagined him when he's not on stage. But crushers, some of them very cool to us. Most of them helped us in some way. Just glad. And when I mentioned flying with Mercy and then seeing Josh Blue

told Mercy how being, they reminisce about Denver 10 years ago. We had a killer time, and we kind of knew. Dr. Kev always says, we didn't know how good we had it. Come on. Sorry.

No, no, no, no, it's perfect. You already, we're perfect. I'm Chad Henning. We did sometimes know how good we had it. Sometimes we did pine for more and for money because we were poor as fuck. But we did enjoy. And because we didn't have a bunch of, man, some backstabbers and shit, joke thieves, really fuck shit up. Well, it was also cool to have like those guys, like Vic Alejandro and Ron who like, like Lori Callahan.

Yeah. They crushed. And you've got to see how like a comedian. could kill in any room in the mountain time zone. That's a valuable thing to learn. But then you have hippie man. You have Josh Blue. You have like, you know, the Grollics, these great guys who then you got to see like

how you could also do comedy. And then when you have that juxtaposition and you can compare them, you can be like, well, I actually want to do this kind of thing. But I understand like how this is effective and valuable to. Like how I made storytelling comedy and you were like, that's cool. You pretty much did everything in the car besides I'd say that I was a theater kid and that's why you didn't like me. You said I was on.

I wouldn't shut up. I said you were on. I was always sitting in pies. Hey, new hat. Is it okay that I said that you were on a lot of the time in 2009? I don't remember that, but I'm sure I was. You're listening to Under Oath. So you better fucking come with it.

You better say that yes, you were a lot. Well, I really don't remember how I was as a person, which I think is very, common. I remember everyone else very well because I wasn't watching myself. But yeah, I bet I was a lot. And I was a lot too. How many times did I chew on the scenery? It's not like I, you know, when I got drunk, who knew what the hell I was going to do? Oh, yeah, for sure. Where's the fire extinguishingers? Oh, you're fucking spinning a globe on your finger and saying you're the globe trotters. Yeah, it was, you did some insane. You took a shirt off. Dunk on people. Yeah, yeah. You would just go up to girls and go. Dunk people like a basketball.

Yeah, yeah. Roll them up. Pick them up. Pick them up. Pick people up. A lot of picking up. A lot of feats of strength, intimidation. Indian leg wrestle? You were trying to intimidate people a lot when I was early in our courtship. Yeah. Oh, dude, you haven't done that in a long time. Shoot, double leg, double leg.

He used to shoot on people, dude. Not really. Not that it was a thing. One time out of 100 was real. Come on, it was not. You haven't done this in a lot. Spike somebody. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, get low. You used to do that all the time. Menace. Yes, menacing. Like a little wardhog. I started wanting to stand a little taller. Sure, I understand. I wanted to grow up.

No, but yeah, it was so much fun and grab ass. And then pretty quick we were hanging out every day. Yeah, but I just don't make me feel bad because I didn't love you immediately. I don't make you feel bad, but I didn't know who you were. And you know who did that to me, Adam Catenhollen, like, didn't give me a ton of time until I crushed like four or five times at the Squire. And he was like, just, he's like, there's a lot of guys where it's like, oh, you're, that's what you do. And so why, like, get to know someone if they're just really going to be someone that you could never hang out with or whatever? And so I had to do that.

And I'm not saying I did that specifically with you. You did. But you were intimidated. You were younger. I was cool. I was always being funny, as you said, never turning it off, crushing all the time. You figured it out. But not immediately.

That's my thing. I was the cool, huge guy. You were great. I wasn't that big. You had those stilts. Remember, you brought those out? And you're like, now who's tall? That's the only thing I couldn't do was be taller.

Adam Caten Holland. I wasn't on a freckle on his nut sack to him. You know? Yeah, at all. Well, because you, it seemed like a lot of times you were half-assing, what you were doing was riffing. What? Yeah, no.

What do you mean? I know that it was control chaos. No, because when you would, I would literally think, this is what I, this just came into my head is how many times I thought to myself, just fucking say the punchline. Like, you're meandering so much. And it's because you were building a scene or whatever because of improv, but I was like, just say the funny thing that is good and get the fuck out of here. What?

Yes, dude. Some of those sets. And I did the same show. shit because you get drunk and you think that you're Oh my God, coming from you? What? Fucking lost in the woods over there? Guy walking around.

Oh, no. In 2009, I'm saying I was not infallible. I was telling stories. Yes, but I'm saying you. I was usually drunk. I was usually drunk and that's when I would do that. Yes, you were. I was usually drunk as well.

No, but if you were sober, you could still go for a little walk. Oh, my God. No? me a laugh every 12 seconds talent literally barefoot that's none of us were doing that none of us thought about that I started thinking that oh if the punchline's good then everything else is like setting the table and word efficiency almost seemed more desperate but it's not it's its own language so less is more nine times out of 10 whatever and then even within that it depends on your style because storytellers can still be funny as hell and punchy I'm trying to think

If any of my bits that were not tight. Yes. Oh, dude, I'll kill you. You're serious? I'm just thinking of... Diablo was a minute and a half long? Diablo was nothing but it was a thrill ride. It was long, though.

Oh, you're saying without laughs. It was all tags. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's an interesting way to remember things. It's funny how memory, you can't, you know... The things you think you remember, your brain abhors a vacuum, so it fills them in. Another thing, you wonder if the fine gents and or any other podcasts would have been worth it, if we had continued them, maybe.

I mean, if we would have kept doing the Fine Gentlemen's Club podcast, it would have been much more successful. Yeah. Would have been hard. Me and David Bory, if we were still doing Shining. Yeah, people would know you guys. That's for sure. People loved it and still do.

You wouldn't be here. Nope. Well, you'd be dead. You would have had to have. And no one would know about it at some point. You'd be lost. Nobody would have found your body, I would have had you killed. You're going to Zora Ranch.

Have you in the milking barn? Come on. We're fucked. We're a pretty far in. Unless it's past 10 minutes. Yeah, we're like 13, 40 minutes. Oh, thank God. Nobody's listening. Now we can tell the truth.

No, no, no, no. The, yes. Yeah, no. I mean, I'm glad we had those seminal times together. Yeah. It was nice to learn. It's weird to go back that. Under the shade of your tree.

We're to go back that far. Yeah. because it's weird to go back. I was thinking not that long ago about 2016 quitting drinking because next month will be nine years and it's just weird to think about that amount of time, let alone another seven years. 2009, what the fuck?

Yeah. Crazy. I was 22, 23 years old. Time is nuts. This just in. Times bonco. Times crazy. When did you stumble onto the scene?

2009 is when I started coming to shows in 2008. 11s when I started doing them. You were such a bizarre little specimen back then. Yeah. With your big hair. Yep. All of that hat.

Why don't you go put on the gift I got you? One's wearing his. I'll go get it. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. Oh, yeah, what we should have thought. We got our shirts on and then left Becker's dick swinging in the breeze. Twisting.

His dig is twisting in the breeze. It hurts. He's got like a duck's cock. It's all wrapped around a rose bush. They were supposed to be a hurricane. Becker's dick. It's like the thing that the lady has in weapons. I was going to say, do we?

What do we say? I saw weapons. You saw weapons. Yeah, we talked weapons a bit. Now we can write it off. Yeah. Hell yeah. All right.

I'd like to see Emily in it like that because she wore it popped. And it's a, it was a look. Yeah. I said British spud, English spud. Yeah. Spud's a skinhead. now. Sharp.

Yeah, sharp. He's a sharp. Pop it. Yeah, put it in a sport mode. Hey, if you're a chick, hope you're sitting down and you're in a bathtub. Because there's about to be a flash flood. Look at that.

Someone's pipe burst in their basement. It's Mario, but it also makes me think, like, Kaiser? Is that? That's not right. Kaiser, So-Sae. That's not correct. Dangerous autist. Russian Stormtrooper had that.

It's something weird. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They had the floppy. Yeah, that's like, oh, dude, there was that. There was that. On it instead of an M. Dude, flop it over the side again.

Or do you have to do a J for Jake. Would you want a J? He'd want a J for joint. Right. Yeah. But yeah, if you wanted that Mario style, but what would your letter be an M? If you do it.

For mom? Yeah. No. Now it's, he looks crazy. You live upstairs. When you turn to the side, you look like that hot chick.

who was in one of the later street fighters who had like the cammy. Cammy. Wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, I think so. Pretty sure. Yeah, do we tilt it over again? Give him a show.

With the camo. There it is, yes. Except, yeah, there's a little logo on there. I don't know what Snowbird is. Check them out. Snowbird is an old ski resort. Oh, okay. Yeah, this was part of the steamboat,

Taos. This guy sent me a bunch of cool old ski resort hats. Yeah. Mm-hmm. To have Bryce in Chicago. Oh, cool. Geez, you're getting all kinds of cool stuff. I get shit in the mail.

Then I get death threats and let me suck your dick. Wait. Well, hey. Four years ago, I was getting the same thing. Oh. Yeah. Oh, dude.

Last night, we're fucking, we're with William's soul. So there's four of us up front. And then you and you and James, his cousin are in the back seat. Yes. And William's soul, God bless him. You know, bless his heart. Literally, I'm praying for it. Big guy.

so he came back over here gave us some lovely gifts for smoking weed and then something happened not Joseph Conrad Joseph Heller Ah Heller

Yeah the better book Than Catch 22 William Sol is sitting over there On that couch And his cousin handed him his cell phone And much like Kyle Canane said about me When I crushed the hammock In northern California

He wanted a butterfly land on you? It was literally a butterfly landing on William and then the couch exploded. And it was awesome because I was looking at him and then he went from being normal to, but just staring at me, worried that I was going to be mad

and you started laughing really hard right away. I was in Amber. Yes, he was encased. It was Jurassic Barp. And you laughed a little bit. Dude, I was like casually looking for food on my phone because James was too. So I was like sitting there doing this

and then heard and saw his one leg go Rockhead. Like up? I have to make sure my dick didn't come out when I did. It's past 15 minutes. Gillis is shown hot.

They had to edit the recent pod. They took it down and then they put it back up with his crotch blared because he was sitting in someone else's gum. It wasn't even his sack. And it was like

and his balls are smooth. That's something you guys aren't talking about it was like thousand year old eggs yeah so i and find it his balls are like you could fuck they're like shiny like billiard balls yeah yeah check it out guys get to the bottom of that but make that shame's problem as all you ball sack truthers out there as his ass went in that one leg went up and i just like huh like i had to stifle the laughter and then it was i couldn't beat it so i was still giggling because everyone was giggling i would have never thought to suppress.

I wanted to run a lap. I wanted to do... I wanted to jump out the window like one of the kids in weapons. Yeah, urban kids seeing magic run. Like, that was... What would you do? That's with that hat.

You went full cocker because of the hat. You have to wear that tonight. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, wear it. Yeah. Nice. But popped up.

No. Yes, at the merch table. That's enough. It's insane to wear a butt. You know what? You need, much like the Lund hat, if you had these, but then open it and it says Becker? I don't know if we need, we don't have room at the merch table. I'm going to, we're only going to sell those. You're over there doing laps on me with the fucking merch.

I'm upside down on your merch sales. No. Oh, yeah. You brought 40, you only got 12 left. No. 22 of them went the trash, but. What? They bought them and then threw them away?

No, I ate soup out of some of them, defecated in a few. The rest, I was just feeling nasty. Well, that's unfortunate. Yeah, pay me. But anyway, couch. I'm murdered. Couch blasted. Of course, I'm going to laugh because I hope he knew and we told him right away anyway.

We've been there. You've probably broken something. You got big. He said he was 265 in Vegas. He said, only thing he's broke his hearts and hiding. I almost brought that up when James last night was like, I'm 206. And I was like, dude, you don't think I was 60s. pounds heavier than him when I could only stand with my arms this far down.

I guess I wouldn't have thought that. Yeah, it's just... I said last night I didn't, or I said how, you know, I used to carry, I used to carry my weight well, then I got past that into this where it's like, yeah, no, you're over 300, yes. But used to not be that 240, 250. Meanwhile, yours truly could wrestle in a high school wrestling match as it's two days ago. That's funny to say.

Yeah, 274. get low come at me I'm gonna take you down you both get hurt dude that'd be sick if tonight when you get to you know I love my wife and I miss her you should shoot yeah

fucking take it from behind spear you from behind would be no no no what I would do is I would go hey and then you would turn and then I'd throw a towel in the air and as you're like about to catch it because it's a reflifes in the air

yeah I'll just throw something in the air and then I'll throw up a fucking Dave single throw it up Catch in your mouth like a seal? Yeah, then I fucking spear you. I take your hat on. I put it on. I stand on you like New Jack

in the mass transit incident. I say, I hope this fat fuck dies. And then I do 50 minutes standing on you. Now you do 75. Okay, yeah. Oh.

Yeah, yeah. That's fine. I went long last night. I was having fun. You weren't. Yeah. The only time I go long, Well, last night, it was a timing cruffle in my head.

I thought the show started at 7.30. It started at 7. But the only time I ever do go long is when I'm like, I really got to close strong. Like, I got to give them something. Yeah. You know? And last night, Thursday, 7 o'clock, you know, they worked all day and I'm in there doing an extra 23 minutes. It went well.

Yeah, it was fine. They were a great audience. And then I get off stage and I apologize to everyone who works there. Tammy said, you're too darn funny to do your car. correct amount of time, sir. I brought my smoke detector. That was cool. Whoa.

When Tammy, I want all the smoke. We were walking down the ramp with Tammy right in front of us. I... And she said, I'm looking for all that smoke. And then she said, I brought my smoke detector and we both lost it. I went, whoa, that's cool.

There's a thing that she's probably heard people say 30 years ago. Anyway, what are you looking at? Well, if you want this to be the free one, okay. We could... It's getting close. I'm going to disassociate.

He's getting it ready. What are we at? 24 minutes? He's already pulling up the ad? Already, there's two of them. Yeah. Sorry. It's time to go.

Well, let me explore what happened last night, though. Please. You went long, real long. You ate it, you wore it. I didn't eat it or wear it. You did a Q&A? You thought you had to do... I did mango.

I went full Catan. I hate the apple. You thought you had to go until eight. So you're looking at... Watch. At some point, do you think that you, because you're stoned, that this is possible that you have to get to eight and that instead of how you've done 50 to 54 minutes 100% of the time yeah when you're supposed to so what it's so funny that you still

trusted your watch more than your brain and mouth and legs no your legs been up there for an hour well you know what it is honestly is like I haven't done an hour in two weeks because last week you were doing how much 15 yeah okay so then 15 I got to live you're life for a little bit. It was very nice. I don't do 15. No, I'm saying featuring? Yes, yes.

Oh, my God. I was like, oh yeah, why not? Pay him less. The smartest one of them all. Yeah, what an idiot. He just wants to feature. And just go wherever and do cool shows. Never receive ticket counts on Wednesday and go, what are we going to do?

Yeah. Don't think about anything until I'm on stage. I don't give a shit. I'm just going to hang out with you. By the way, Mohegan's son, please come. All right. So we go, he snaps the couch. Fatality.

We put it in order for checks, which is the go-to local chicken spot. And he, his cousin says it's 10 minutes away. Awesome. Cool. We start driving. We're in downtown Charlotte on a Thursday. What time was it then? Maybe 10.45?

Yeah. I thought maybe we didn't all need to go, but it didn't make sense for any. one or two of us to not go I thought about that too right like should all five of us go no but I wanted to go and would you have stayed home alone like it didn't make sense

they want to go and hang out with Sam the whole time right and this is like could be a fun cool thing sure or an easy dumb thing but we come back here together it's 20 minutes in the car we'll have some laughs we'll shove in also in my head I was like we're only going to be in the car for like 20 minutes

we'll probably park and I'll jump out at the grill James born and raised here in North Carolina No Charlotte like the back of his ball sack. He says it's 10 minutes away. There's never an issue on Thursdays. He doesn't say that. But we get down town. We get down town.

He promises there'll be no issues at all. Slaps his hands together. Job well done. Let's go get our reward. We could have had Bojangles. We could have had Bojangles. We passed the Bojangles about five minutes into the drive. I'm glad we're not getting Bojangles.

I'm glad we're getting the local flavor. Yeah. We're behind a train. We're driving on the train tracks. I'm like, well, that train's going slow, but hey, who cares? You know, we're six minutes away from our delicious chicken, which we've already ordered. Who could give a shit? And then I start seeing all the Panthers jerseys.

And I say, hmm, my God. Did the Panthers have a preseason game? Did Jake Delome die? Yeah. And, well, and James, see, I don't care. What? Deep cut. Thank you.

I don't blame him. for not, but he knew there was a preseason game, and he didn't say anything about... Well, he didn't put it together either. He was excited about hanging out, he was hanging out with his cousin. Yes.

And then... But man, he could have avoided disaster because there's other checks. Yeah. And as soon as you asked, that's what I was going to say too, is he didn't like look at his phone or even have to think about it.

You were like, was there a preseason game? And he went... Yeah. Yeah. And I said, did they play the Steelers? A bunch of Steelers jerseys. And as we're turning right, it's just all.

jerseys and then that's when the cannibalism started did Hans Ward die not as deep I wanted somebody deep also a stealer um Heinz Ward Charlie Batch would have worked

he was a steeler for a while Heinz Ward was a stealer I know but I'm saying like we're in North Carolina oh but Steelers jerseys come on anyway you're nuts you got greedy you went back to the well if a fan from if a Pittsburgh fan goes to a game

they only wear current jerseys or rothlisberger's the only retired one that they're not they're not rocking jake delome jerseys down here in crack alack i'll tell you that right now oh they don't wear the old stuff sorry you have to see us like this you have no idea what the fuck we're talking about car parts and magic the if he does magic the gathering anyway you're learning wrestling terms but used to be dog when we would talk about wrestling yeah and when you talked about dog the bounty hunter we would turn into dogs when you talked about fucking doctor who and the wrestling guys like they're in it for long enough that like

it's easier for me to follow sports I'll like know what you guys are talking about one time and then you will slip two years in one direction talking about it and I'll be like I have no idea what they're talking about anymore You guys should have ran a fancy team together I'd like that would have any interest I would do it as a bit

but I don't know anything I know but if you well I was literally going to say if you do all the shit I hate about it but I I don't know. We could. He could be beautiful minding it.

Oh, just trust him. Oh, yeah, you could come to me with like, feels, easy questions. Gut vibes. This or him or him and I don't know. I don't know. And then his response is, wait, I'm him. And you're like, whoa, Becker. Maybe.

But anyway, we get down there. Traffic stops. We're in a crawl. The last two blocks of the drive takes. 23 minutes. At least. Yes. James gets out.

He's like, I'll go grab the food. wait wait but before that like we're stuck it's way worse than the bus or the train and you say oh good awful traffic and cops and I'm stoned and driving in a foreign in a city for the first time I said if there's one place where I like to be driving in a new downtown while stoned as hell surrounded by car or no I can't remember I said yeah with cops everywhere there's one place I want to be driving super stoned with a bunch of cops around me in the middle of the night it's a city it's a downtown I've never been in before so yeah yeah we're going great lines we're flying everyone's keeping a smile on it's a little it's pretty stressful i it was stressful enough being in the car let alone driving

it was the exact opposite of exactly what i want to be doing right it was the antithesis of the experience that i valued but you have to kill preference yeah this is the new thing not preferring anything everything is everything keeps you safe yes it's all the blanket mm-hmm so everyone's keeping a smile on you're not in traffic you are traffic james gets out reduce reuse recycle sure Yeah, yeah. Go Panthers. Is these more shirts you're going to start selling? Just do it.

What, Steve Berline died? He was a Jaguar, right? God damn it. Yes. Because he beat the Broncos and the... Okay, so here we go. James gets out, and then we keep inching. And I say, it'd be kind of funny if we get up here and...

He disappears for 30 seconds. We catch up to him. James is up there. His hands are above his head. pants are down. There's a guy kneeling in front of him, sucking his dick, and the guy has a gun to James' head.

So he's getting his dick sucked at gunpoint. And that kind of saved us. It did, yeah, yeah, yeah. It saved us for about 12 more minutes about moving as policers surrounding us. It broke the tension of

what, luckily, was like, the halfway point. If it was longer, it would have really sucked, but it it was we were out of it and it was like oh thank god because yeah it could have been another 20 minutes of that if just depending on whatever and the question is do you have to tell your why if you got your dick sucked if it was at gunpoint this is one of the great questions of our time this when you put your phone down these are the ponderance that you start they bloom through the concrete when you start uh yeah letting your your mind feed

roam watering it nutrition instead of crap yes instead of shit Garbage. Oh, speaking of wonderful things on your phone. Is it back door? No. Oh, okay. It made me laugh. It would have been cool.

Now it's weird. The part that really got me was when we were talking about him getting sucked it, gunpoint, and him telling us like, go around. Yeah. James. James. Who are you guys? Yeah, wrong guy. I'm Donnie.

Yeah. I'm almost there. It's my gun. It's right under his chin, isn't it? It's right here because the guy's down there. No, because you can't, though, because then your dick is in it. You're sucking his dick. Wait, what?

No, you're right. It would be because you're going up like this. Or you're down there and then the gun. The gun is right here. What if the guy is like, hold this gun to my head as I suck your dick? Yeah. The cops would have a lot of questions either way. there was that chick with the jugs who almost popped out

I mean there's a lot of beauty in the world when you learn how to see it again well we made the most of it and kept the windows up because when those ladies walked by I'd rolled it down to see you know how the meat swayed just to make just take it in I wasn't going to yell anything

I wasn't going to moon them like you suggested I wanted you to moon people you wanted me to front moon them I wanted you to front moon them as we're stuck in traffic and there's no escape and I'm honking the horn like dirty work and your dicks out And you're like, hey, go steal it, Sam. And then I just crank 96 bitter beings.

I'm wearing the shirt. Yeah, yeah. Bano, wow. My dick's wearing a little version of this shirt. Yeah, your dick's smoking. Willie thinks of everything. Becker reaches back and Becker's flicking it and saying, ring the bell. Ring the bell.

That'd be cool. Yeah, and then Becker pops out in that hat, and that's when the cops just opened fire. It wasn't the dick. hide behind William. I'm fine. You guys are all dead. But the chicks are like, we didn't want him to die. We wanted to suck it. And then the cops come over and they're like, allow me. So anyway, a lot of fun was had in the car. It was a preseason football game. The chicken was worth it. Let me tell you. Also, Chubbies is the ultimate football apparel brand. Oh, sure. That's what when I think of Chubbies, I think the ultimate football apparel brand. You're half pinged. I'm wearing Chubbies right now.

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Fantasy, you, maybe we do a fantasy team. God damn it. I never wanted to go back. Beckers hoping it's a final fantasy team. No. And you can have a bunch of chocobos. I'd rather it be football than final fantasy. Oh, shit.

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Dude, what if you get to the, like, you lose your fantasy league? And they're like, all right, we're going to reveal what it is. And it's literally what we just described. Guess what? You get to read the next one. I'm a good boy on this one. Yeah, we'll see what I do. Look, you probably already know about Hello Fresh, or as I call it, Kanichi, Wyoming.

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I hadn't checked the email because I do love them and I was looking at getting them back now that I can keep food down again. Why don't you start checking the emails more? No, I check it. Get in there. I check it up. I check to see if there's stuff I have to do. I don't read the copy every week before we do it. I love reading the copy on Lund's phone

because I can pretend like I'm reading it and really I'm just liking a bunch of photos on Instagram from like years and years again. Hey, Abby, looking good. No, you better not. So yeah, eat it. It's good, man. You like food?

You put it in your mouth. You chew it up. It turns into poop. No, energy. Energy. And then the waste is poop. Oh, shit. And with you get enough veggies,

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and he says but that's what the toilet bowl already looks like I don't want more of that yeah I felt I felt bad I was like damn it this could really

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Their shrimp's fucking good. Do you eat that chicken tender last night? I did. I was glad it wasn't me. What? There were several more. Chill out.

I was feeling good about the one. I was feeling good about one that I didn't eat. But if there were four and I could have had half. Yeah, I had it I had it probably like two o'clock in the morning.

Okay. Can you guys clip that for me? Whoa. Your fat enthusiasm. That and me being horny in the last one. Okay, everyone, shut up. Yeah, yeah.

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C-H-U-B-B-Y-1-0-F-M for 10 free meals plus a free item for life. God. Damn, that's a good pod. I know. That's good pod. Nice. I'm stoked to have Hello Freshback. You do have to weave it in because the only thing worse than not being able to read it straight through is to read it straight through.

Yeah, that's what you're doing. You're like a black lady's hair at the roller rink. You're weaving it in. Jesus Christ. How hot was that lady at the gas station? I missed it. And he said that she was wearing panties and not even shorts. Looks like she forgot, yeah, to put on two layers.

I don't know. I only saw her huge t-shirt. and her beautiful face. Damn. God. I missed the whole thing because I walked out the other side of the building

to avoid the crowd of people. There's something about a black lady with natural hair and no makeup. It really makes me want to Erika Badoo, but it do, baby. Jesus Christ. I do.

Cool. Erika Badoo competed with us last night and guess what? I think it was a draw. Because there were 400 people outside of the film war. And then we had a solid 76. Yeah, you came in and we're like,

it looks good Hey there's like 50 people out there yeah in the biggest room ever you hated it yeah but I haven't even been in there yet I don't know what do you know there was more than 50 by the end of the evening it was great they were really fun too

a lot of people came in after you got off because they wanted to see the good part they said right they were in the they were in the hall just waiting to hear the end Tammy was strip searching all of this oh oh oh was the was an employee was one of the servers telling you that she went to kindergarten

with the nature boy's Rick Flair's daughter No one tells me anything You guys get all the cool stories I'm on stage Keeping the lights on You guys are back there rolling around

I was in the green room And I could hear I was doing around with this dab And of course Yeah No I was doing what you do Wasn't I I was like yeah

Because I felt I was stoked It was a good show Yeah So I just started I was dicking I called Crow and Owen Crowin

They're like yeah We get that I thought I was On to something But then he came up with a bunch of other pretty good one Yeah, because he was bombing.

He started sweating. No, he was having fun. Do you guys call this place Crown Town? No, it was good. But yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah. He told me that he heard that from the green room. Yeah, and I didn't want to open the door and interrupt

because it sounded like they were talking right against the door. So I didn't want to like, hey. What's going on out here? You should tell Nathan when he gets off stage. But she was like, yeah, it's crazy. I met him when he was the nature boy. And he was so nice. He just loved having lunch with his daughters.

He's like, hey, why don't you call me in 12 years? But that'd be hilarious to have memories of like that freak of nature, especially back then, coming in and sitting at like a little lunch table. Yeah, if she was any older. Drunk. Wasted. Yeah. If she was any around our age, it would have been when he was in the 80s when he was peak.

He was the man. How old is Charlotte? I don't know. Probably 36. I don't know. Maybe older. She might be 30. 40 she might be 39 she looks uh you know you know she looks yeah she looks nice she looks cool sure

uh it's because you're attracted to her father so you like what she's up to what did i say oh he comes into the the show last night bleeding from the forehead wandering i got to do the podcast the susanna thing yeah but on stage in charlotte so that was cool yeah because oh how many people People in a random comedy show room know what I'm talking about immediately with Flair bleeding and wobbling around and doing it. I did the flop. Yeah. I mean, we drove into town from Clit on Rick Flair Memorial Highway. No.

Yeah. And they said they bought the sign too early. They got to. They biffed it. They said, you know, every month we had to buy a new sign. Why not put it up? Yeah, just put it up. Fuck it.

I mean, he's going to die. It's not like we won't be wrong. Prisoners keep making them. Forever. they're free yeah that was that was all very fun I am a little scared that someone may not like any or all

of that talk of Rick Flair after what he's done for this area so maybe I get in trouble what's he done impregnated a bunch of ladies and then driven him across the state line after three months I would say he's proudly entertained and given back to a community that he's been a part of for a long time am I wrong

I don't know. I don't know about his civic duties that he's performed here. I would imagine, yeah, people are stoked that he's been from here, or, you know, for a long time, claimed it as his second home. He was born in Minnesota, I think. Yeah, for sure. Well, no one knows where he was born. Adopted.

They found him in the trash. He was sucking. He was sucking from the forest. Yeah, he had a bottle full of apple puck or stumbling around. Yeah. Because he's a baby, but also because he's bleeding profusely. It wasn't the flare flop. forever. It was initially just a baby walking.

And he was like, well, this gets, this goes over hard. This pops the marks. His parents at the orphanage. They're not there. The nuns are losing it. His parents work at the orphanage. Mm-hmm. With the janitor. Oh, I want to tell you this. Please.

Where are we at? I don't know if there's a Patreon story. Okay. My dad, who I haven't talked to since when I was up north with the wonches. Yeah. I haven't talked to him on the phone. He texts way too many reels all day in the fam chat, which I've recently named to tall fam rat chat and switch the uh the fam photo to a very embarrassing picture of emily but she can't figure out how to change it so it's awesome uh full bush admin rights yeah yeah yeah it's insane full bush you know my mom's still in there my mom's still in the fam chat yeah it belongs to some random person now like we can't

keep saying i'm not your mom yeah my sister won't like let my dad deactivate my mom's phone. Oh. I don't know what the fuck's about. So she is, oh, she called the voicemail? Uh, maybe, maybe she does.

I've thought about taking over my mom. Calling my mom's voice man. Taking over my mom's voice. I have her number. I can give you her. You start answering. I've thought about taking over my mom. My mom.

I text with your mom. Sometimes she texts back and she's like, sorry, what are you trying to get out? I was going to keep, I was going to just thinking about taking over her business numbers because she has like a long message that was what I heard when I tried to call her my whole life.

and I don't want it to go away. No, no, I want you to take over my mom's phone number. Okay. I know when my sister gets drunk and calls it while crying, you answer it, and you go, Sophie, it's mommy. I don't approve of your marriage. You're racist.

It's not the black half. It's the Korean half. That'd be a cool bet. Rattle her. Or no, we get you a fucking, a soundboard of my mom's greatest hits. Julie. Ju-Ju-Ju-Mimosa.

Julie. P.F. Chang's. You said some about rolling up the window on someone in the car today. And it reminded me of your mom. I thought about it, I think, on the drive to Denver two days ago or yesterday morning. That's awesome. I think I thought of that. that time.

I'm pretty sure. Hey, Betsy, how you doing? I'm almost positive. It rolls the window up. That exact thing happened. And then I was like, was she joking? Was she so dry that she didn't sell it at all, but did it as a joke? She could have been.

That makes more sense because I think she liked me. Was this pre or post stroke? She was driving. Oh, so post stroke. That it must have been a bit. Or she just did not want to talk to one of your dumb friends. Her car. Couldn't take her keys.

Or was living in her head in that moment. and didn't register that you were someone that she knew or she's scathing and parked on Colfax some drifter walks up knows her name she was

I can see that happening but anyway my dad calls me and we're talking about tax stuff so she doesn't everybody's just blurred out my mom didn't get on pills

until after her stroke she was drunk drinking all the driving yeah constantly but at like three in the afternoon downtown too like we would go to lunch

she'd do a half day fucking slamming them back and then she'd drive me up to cap hill drop me off and then drive home to elizabeth like cocked yeah all right yeah i've been a pirate a poet a pop over bump yeah she's ghostwriting i can't think of the words what is that that's like yeah no it would be pretenders blasting yeah did you watch license to drive there's a car involved uh-uh license to drive core phelman corey haym oh i have someone i was way yeah i wonder when i was Younger, yeah. They take the grandpa's awesome car. It's a boat.

It's probably a fucking Buick. I don't know about. I think it's a Lincoln. It might be a Buick Centurion. I haven't seen that since I was barely. I've been a pauper. Yeah. I saw that at the age where I thought like flames on cars were cool.

I was like eight or nine when my older sister showed me that. Yeah. That was one that we watched a lot. One time like in 2006, the Mayan did a like afternoon showing of my own private Idaho. Oh shit. So my mom came and like we were just chilling at bonzo and crusty's apartment and we had some weed and I was like mom do you want to roll a joint and she rolled one up immediately muscle memory. Then she took a couple hits and then she just like left the apartment. She got high and was like I got to go to the Mayan and then I was like fuck I just like unleashed my mom

on Denver high in the middle of the afternoon and I walked out and I saw her and she was like standing behind a car crouching. I was like what's up? And she's like I had to cross. the street because that guy looked like a lizard and just like a guy walked up and I was like you can't go see this movie she's like if you think I'm missing my private Idaho in a movie theater you're very wrong she wouldn't saw the movie just her you weren't invited no I want to fucking take gravity bong hits with my friends anyway my dad calls me and we're talking for like a half hour about like taxes and very boring shit we went so far away from that nice bull

And then he says, hey, do you have time for a story? And I'm like, of course. Yeah. So he's like, so. I hope it's six minutes long. You know, the band, his band, martyrs and the fabulous cheese tones, his Elizabeth bands. That was one band name? No, they were cheese tones first and then they were martyrs.

No, no. Martyr is the best band name ever. It's awesome. Yeah, it's real good. But they used to play at the UU church, the Universalist Church there. And he's like, yeah, so like we haven't played a gig in a while, but then we got a call. And Molly called me and she said, hey, we're going to, we're going to get the band back together. We got a gig.

And I said, oh, okay. So go over and it's this lady's backyard from the UU church. And, you know, I knew her over there. She was real nice to your mom. You know, she's got Parkinson's. And she's real sweet. And we're there. And I'm like, well, maybe it's, is it a birthday or an anniversary?

Buddy, she killed herself after the party. Whoa She was Yeah she She had the potion And this was her Living Memorial So she got all of her friends there

And her kids And her grandkids And you know We had a big nice party And we played some tunes And You know And we left

And she killed herself And that was why we were there The house just goes up In flames The kids are in sight They're pulling People are just pulling out And they're like whoa

I figured she'd wait Like a half hour I pull out. She's going to kill herself. So. Oh, boy. Wow. I mean.

Holy shit. Save the 70 cents. Devastated Dave. The game where the send-off she ate, buddy. Walks out of the house last. Smoking. It's almost completely engulfed. He's wearing that all-white suit.

No The house isn't on fire My dad's having sex with the woman He's the last one out And then he throws the lighter Over his shoulder Because he just sent her off With coital bliss

You're the one that's He doesn't run in She's gonna do what he wants I didn't say do what he wants I'm saying they did it She set the fire He walks out as it's, like, getting real bad in there. Okay.

Yeah. I thought you meant, like, he's like, well, I mean, if she's, I mean, he runs in. Like, he's trying to get his records. No. No. When I was like, dude, that's super heavy. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, do you think that her last memory of being alive is listening to you singing

Carmelita? And he's like, could be. Because we played it. We played it. We played it long. That's one of the ones we know. That's awesome. That's a great, fucking...

That was, like, the first time I heard my dad sing in public was him singing Carmelita and nailing it. I didn't know about it until. Kurt. I was like 12. Kurt told me about Warren Zevon. Gave me the playlist of his favorites or whatever, 15 songs.

It's an hour. It's an hour of him. And I used to listen to it three years ago when I was first opening for you all the time. And it was fucking great. Carmelita. So my dad says, no, that's a story. fine. I'm sorry. My dad says, I was like, so it's heavy, dude. And he's like, yeah, really makes

you think, you know, when the sun went down, you know, she just went and sat in her chair and she watched it. And it was a beautiful moment, you know, her final sunset. And I really was glad that I got to see that. But then I look over and all four of her kids are just crying about 10 feet away, sobbing. And I was like, dude, I'm so sorry. And he's like, yeah, you know, I could never, you know, if I ever do it, you'll never know. I'm not telling anybody. What the fuck? Dave knows what's up.

This is the smartest man I know. Yeah. Yeah, you throw a party and you don't tell you. The celebration of life, living memorial, I like that. I do too. But I'm sure, obviously it's tough for the kids. Everybody says, yeah, you'd never know. All right, buddy, I'll see it the fantasy draft.

So that was the end of the conversation. My dad's sign off is if I kill myself, you'll never see it coming. All right. Remember two fantasy drafts? No note. Yeah. No note. No funeral.

Most syslack style. Full syslack head in the oven. Please. Hey, patreon.com slash shabby behemoth. This is one of the best ones ever and it's a free one. But there's so many of our really, really good podcast. Get him on there. Mahigan sun tickets.

Stress factory tickets. Austin. I think there's still tickets available. Oh, Big Diamond Comedy Festival in Arkansas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some other shit. Oh, Sacramento. And I'm going to this. Hey, if anyone has a hookup at the Sacramento History Museum, I want to go to their printing lab because they have like the biggest collection of like etchings and every day they post a video. I love that old guy. I love that guy. Yeah. And I really want to get in there and like ask them questions about printing. I want to see where cake and Papa Roach used to fucking rehearse. I want to see where, uh, I want to see where fashion nugget was recording.

oh Denver get your comedy works tickets now because maybe I can come in and do the whole week that'd be sick what if I could sell them all out I could do the Ari Shafir and do Monday and Tuesday as well and just like be in Denver that full week Sunday you take it from me one's out I forgot you're doing the Sunday yeah dude November 30th guess what I figured out Tuesday during my shift of the dad talking to Max Holland my buddy public defender like Bobby yeah cool dude fucking uh that night we were talking football football. He's from Virginia. He's a commander's fan. Hey, get to the punchline. Yeah, no, shit. One of my 2009, Sam. Oh, a tree can't talk, but it can listen. It's the wind, doesn't it? It's funny. No, it's great. The wind can talk. It was great. Yeah. Yeah, everybody loved it every time. You never did it three times in a set. You were all pilled up. You got your mom hooked on pills. The pills caused a stroke. You're why my mom killed herself. fuck your best friend max he's the coolest guy ever oh yeah yeah we're talking football oh yeah uh broncos commanders play he looks it up oh yeah they play november 30th oh yeah what time he goes oh six 20 it's the sunday night game i go sick i make comedy words oh no the only saving

the only thing that could prevent it from being worse is no one was coming already it's kind of a who cares it's it's damn it's in at Washington it'd be funny or if you're slightly less funny if your show whatever if your show sells out on November 30th and then Wendy's like hey so Sam you're down to like split Saturday with Nathan and then she's like hey we're gonna let Nathan do the Saturday you're gonna still do Friday and Wednesday then she's like hey how much is Wednesday because these Nathan Lund tickets are in high demand yeah I'll bet and then I fuck maybe if they would have Hey, dad, no one's going to see it coming.