Chubby Behemoth - Exit Only

Episode Date: April 6, 2025

BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys are in Kansas City realizing cabbage is the real star. Nathan notices a sketchy car meeting outside the room, remembers turning into a dog at Disneyland, and tells us about surprising his wife with his new facial hair. Sam is excited about his black fungus salad, isn’t sitting down without fries, and is going to Disneyland. Still covered in chalk.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

Fire up the fired up chainsaw. Oh yeah. Joke alert. Joke alert. I'm coming in, coming in for a landing. I'm signaling. I had my semaphores up. Air traffic controllers have been fired because they don't want to work with me. They don't want me coming in for no more landings. Air traffic controllers hate him. Runway maintenance people love him. I'm keeping him working overtime. Oh yeah, the only thing that went up after Trump's tariffs was tarmac because we're traveling the world.

Dude, for my flight yesterday, I think I was 49th in the upgrade list and it just made me think, God, some of these people. Because I mean, and I've only been flying a lot for the last like two years. So that's part of it. But to be 50th, it's like, Oh God. And when some of the names are maybe, um, Chinese, you just think, Oh, well, like seriously, if it's because they are regularly doing that long, long flight yeah back to Chinatown USA, but China, the real deal, they're going to start

calling America home. Yeah, that's right. I mean, we'll be one big China. I would be fine with that. I live a very Chinese life. We just had a nice Szechuan meal. I just I'm full of succulent Chinese me. I'm full of woodier fungus right now. Yeah, I and tell me I'm not Chinese. I thought I joked about. Oh yeah, let's get the black fungus salad and you're like yeah, we were gonna and I was like what yeah, because I wasn't thinking about it's my it's my top five favorite things to eat is black fungus salad. I was overjoyed when he said that right. He looked at me kind of sad because your killer

immediate sit down joke didn't hit, But really it filled me with joy for a different reason. Yeah you got excited. I know it was great. God it's so good. It's chewy, spongy. It's kind of like the tendon that grows from the ground. Sure, yeah. And then another shocker, the cabbage in the beef and cabbage meal dish.

The cabbage was la in the beef and cabbage meal dish, the cabbage was lapping the beef. It turns out that vegetables is pimps too. I've been knowing. Obviously girls. Meat. Boys. Oh yeah.

We, we, we, we meats louder. Meanwhile, vegetables are doing all the work. Here's the question. Getting half of the credit. Are pillows or bed boy or girl Bed is boy bed is not boy. Oh what nothing? I didn't think about it You have thought about you minored in it you'd have you had a dissertation to graduate me and Tanner last night We mined the data you talked about it last night with Tanner. No, but okay, but you get the data mining Is this you and Emily's?

Right now Tanner with Tanner. No, but okay. But you get the data mining. Is this you and Emily's pillow talk? I really want to hear about this right now, Tanner. God bless you. Shout out Tanner. He's listening. No, we've got two cars that are having the meeting. Is it drugs? Is it cheating? Who's cheating on who? Yeah, there's who rescued who being built across the street from our hotel. It's back. Kansas City was like, listen, we need things were better in 05 in a lot of ways. So let's go with some of it being commerce, CDs, physical media. It's a fucking circuit city and it looks like a rainforest cafe is going on. Oh, is that Planet Hollywood? But they're going to be, it's Mandarin, the Mandarin version. Oh, they're doing Michael Madsen's mad about tacos Sorry that got me I want to see a bag and some cash be exchanged between these two vehicles here

I want to see a lady get into that car and the car just starts. Yeah GT. I want GTA The guy gets out and throws a grenade into the car. That'd be crazy. That'd be the best thing that we've never got on film. We would have to position the camera. Then we'd go viral, we'd be on live leaks. Then you could put soups on live leaks, unedited. You can tell them exactly.

The last five minutes? Yeah, when you went loco. When you went full Richards. Come on. Oh, you did! No, you didn't. We were having a nice time. Talking about a guy blowing up a lady with a grenade. But you had to ruin it.

We're back. God, look at that. Oh wow. So that guy just got on a... He threw up... What was that? What was that? Grappling hook?

Yeah, he grappling hooked his way to the ceiling and now he's on the roof? Oh no. That's a big rifle. Oh no. Oh dude, there's that fucking country festival happening behind this building. What? Yeah. Really?

Luke Bryan's playing. Huh. Yeah, that guy's going to gonna fucking a theorize a bunch of country fans Nashville is gonna be bummed He's gonna what a theorize. Yeah. Yeah, what's that? To turn something to aether. Oh shit Yeah, so you like blow a hole in someone's head and you know the matter of the brain and the skull and the blood all turns to You know pretty much just dust

all turns to you know pretty much just dust. Dust in the wind. That's what we all are. We're in Kansas. I really have no idea where we are. I'm pretty sure we're over into Kansas town. Okay well I love Kansas man you know that. Land of the Free. Great band. They have a cheesecake factory out here that looks like a mosque. It looks like a grand mosque of Paris over there. That was so funny. Yeah it looked like yeah it looked like a grand mosque of Paris over there. That was so funny. Yeah, it looked like, yeah, it looked like a temple from the 14th century or whatever. Yeah. And it also made an announcement that it was time to pray. A bunch of people put down placemats and melt, but then yeah, they put their head down into a cheese cake, right? She's gonna have to eat their way out, eat a little, eat a little, come

back up. Oh, what about what about He got excited about eating a whole cheesecake. No, I got excited about Trump got fucking punked. How? Somebody yelled a la Akbar at a press or at a town hall, whatever event that he did, book event yeah yeah running the country is what his take on running the line Trump's America yeah somebody yelled out I lock bar and he goes yeah and Secret Service come up and and you know they're on high alert or whatever. And everybody gets a little scared for sure. Yeah, free speech is scary when it's actually used. Well, I would imagine that's kind of a fire in a movie

theater situation. If you're incredibly racist. No. Yeah, for sure. No. I don't know. All right. What, yelling out a very, very common, one of the most

common phrases in the entire world? Trump was speaking at an event you know of his own and so to have anybody there that would scream it mid-speech. Made him flinch. I think for flinching Trump. Yeah he flinched. It was the verbal equivalent of this one. He looked at it. He shit his diaper like you did last night. Remember? You in a diaper, what'd you say? I'm not wearing a diaper. I'm definitely not wearing a diaper right now. I'm definitely not shitting in my diaper

and getting off on it up here. I'll coy about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yesterday was a diaper heavy day cause Emily flew out to California with Susu and Hannah. How did that go? Susu on a plane.

Oh, she's good now. She sleeps, she watches as well. Yeah, but it was like cultural. So it was fine. Also, there's a big difference between a la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la president is talking. I love it. Look, if you want your guns, give me religion and free speech to I'm just saying bad. It was a and I'm and I a I'm all for it. I mean that's pretty much he is like the guy got up and went loser says what? Yeah. I mean yeah, you got Trump's ass. It is a no harm no foul kind of a thing. I would say anything if you're gay not saying the man should be deported. Here they said a Maryland guy to El Salvador accidentally. Yeah. They said some guy from Maryland to a fucking El Salvadorian prison. I bet he had a nice time down there and he originally left El Salvador because he was worried afraid of the gangs they had threatened him.

Yeah. And then they were like, all right, well, yeah, we'll put you in there with them. And you guys can sort it out. Right. Yeah. Talk it through. He's got a couple extra holes for sure.

Oh, there was a bunch of prisoners who was like, we're going to feed your ass your ears. And he's like, I'm staying in Baltimore. That's how scary they are. Yeah. I've heard that before. Prove it. This meeting is still going on. could I could just be two workers

Me not talking shit. No, they could just be they they went there to grab their tools and now they're talking about the chiefs I mean, there's a lot of reasons that two cars could be parked at a job site But I like the other day the two men two riveters who've just been staring each other down One's holding the ladder for the other one just looking up at his rump the whole week in those sweet dicky pants. And then they're like, hey man, I needed some help hanging some drywall on Saturday. Yeah, yeah, let's go when the crew's not there.

You got it, brother. They're just in there fucking rolling in wood chips. Here's just dust in every available crevice and they've never felt so alive. Now they both know they have to go back to their shitty lives and Lee would with their wives and their cars and their jet skis jet skis. Yeah, honey.

Why do you smell like you've been rolling around in a job site? I got you a necklace. Oh Daniel. job site. I got you a necklace. Oh, Daniel got you the West wing on DVD. Big loves me. Yeah, great. No, in there. Remember face down lights off. Daniel, it's my birthday. That means you probably want to suck my dick. It's my birthday Daniel. Yes. It's the gift you give me in my mouth. All right. God. How about how

about Ludwig Borges tattoo? Well, oh yeah, that was fun. Uh-huh. Serious Sam Super Saiyan Super Saiyan. Yeah, it was a Super Saiyan back in the day. It made a lot of people feel very powerful. He said a lot of stuff. It was a super Saiyan back in the day. It made a lot of people feel very powerful. He said a lot of stuff. It was pretty much the Nazi Shazam. Oh yeah. Ludwig Borger exit only on his butt. Oh yeah. I forgot about that. That was like such a big joke in fifth grade. Oh yeah. he had a couple great tattoos He had the he had the you know dollar sign dollar sign with the German word the Deutschmark Deutschmark on his on his calf Then you get in there and wrestle to Tonka

Yes, but having the most genocided to have an SS tattoo yeah, and have that be and not to be a ship. One of the one of the just a contender in craziest tattoo on a one person's body. Oh yeah, but yeah exit only bold choice as well. There's a female performer who has lucky you tattooed above her pussy, a comedian has Lucky You tattooed above her pussy. A comedian. Comedian? Yes.

Oh, I figured you meant it. My driver in Houston at Riot Fest told me this story and I was like, well, who is it? And he's like, I don't remember. And I was like, well, why would you dare tell me this story if you don't remember who has it? You're teasing me with some goss? Not cool.

Bren, what are you doing, Bren? Yeah, that's not fair. He's got a he's got to get back to you about that. Yeah. But anyway, yeah. So fucking Borga, the Finnish assassin, has exit only tattooed above his butt cheeks. Yeah, nothing happened to him. Right said I'm not a homophobe I don't fear them they fear me it's like well you got the tattoo because you worried about getting bent over everywhere everywhere you went yeah well they kept alluding to this trauma from his past his dad drank a lot his dad drank and his mom like didn't get him a birthday card his mom didn't look at him until he was six. Well, I bet that's going to mess you up.

His buddy who they interviewed was probably like, if you tell the truth about Tommy, I will fire bomb your house. I have fire bombed many home. I do not care if I burn you alive. Your children are in there. I turn them to little Jeteron. So, yes, he had his mommy was mean to him. He did. He had rocks instead of teeth. yes, he had Mommy was mean to him. He did he had rocks instead of teeth Yeah, he had fucking granite in there. Yeah, and he's got his lines on right now sharp granite. Oh

She's doing the work. It's crazy. Oh, yeah Yeah, is that for like a few months or whatever in visible in her teeth are medically small is what the dentist? Oh, it's extra Yes, they're trying to elongate actually pushing her gums deeper into her head to expose more of the teeth because she wants to go quote full Elway by Sophie's birthday. She wants to ring in Halloween with an authentic Elway man. She wants to be a horse for Halloween. Now it's adorable and she's like perfect but now she has just this, she's learning how to talk with them in. So she's like figuring figuring it out so I'm just looking at my beautiful wife who I adore and then just like Wait, but it is it's not to straighten them. It's to push the gums. Oh, no. No, it's it's she I look I have no idea

They're not Jack. I've never seen a flaw in my wife. They're not jacked. I know that yeah, my wife will be like Like I remember in Vegas when she gained weight because she was in med school and she, oh hell yeah, yeah, she gave everybody remembers. Yeah, but she was cheesecake city. She's like, I was shoes at the mosque. She was at the cheesecake factory mosque five times a day. I'll ackbar baby. Yeah, she's like remember when I was fat and I was like no, you remember Vegas. Oh yeah, I remember. I was there.

Big titty city. I was writing a lot. Yeah. So anyway, she gets these Invisalign and she's like, yeah, it was because she has like this very slight gap right here and she's trying to close it anyway. Okay. But she's in fucking she's gone full Borgo over there in San Diego. Oh, so I don't know. Not really. Not at all. Not in any

real way. She's not bulking up. She's fucking shedding. But yes, so Susu and Sadie, who is Susu's first cousin there in San Diego. And I met yesterday. I wait for you to arrive at the airport because I'm your day one yeah that was really nice of you it's a fuck it's 40 minute uber over 70 bucks I thought it was gonna be an hour because of your shower no I wanted to see what Becker's deal was you want to see what Kelsey Rosen's up to you know there was something I think that I put into our chat this is research keep talking So yes, I wait for you to arrive

two and a half hours. Um, and during that time I went to a Barnes and Noble and asked them why they didn't carry my book. And then- No, you said, do you carry the hot new thing that everybody's talking about? Hey man, I'm from a book exciter. I'm from literary bleeder.org and there's this like hot book that literally everyone's talking about. The streets are like... Have you heard the news? Yeah, have you heard the good news about this book? I think the guy's name is Tullent. Yeah, god. No, that would have... Is it T-A-L-L-A-N-T? You could have done it worse but it sounded funny that you asked. Yeah, so I was like, do you carry running the light? And they were like, no.

And I was like, okay, have you ever like had that book in stock at this location? Looks like we haven't. Why? Why not? What's the deal? What's going on here? What's your problem?

Tell me the truth. Is it me or is it you? Is it the world that's not ready? Groove on this. But I had a big bass guitar, shake hands with me, expose myself. I did. I went to jail for a couple hours before you arrived. He had a whole day and then I went to red Robin and I was you put it in my head that I'm I need to be less of a demanding taskmaster I think is where you put it a Borgian figure about my fries on Borga no I I

think it's funny and I know you wouldn't do it now no well yesterday since it was in my head I walked in when you're young your fries and then your buddies laugh and then yeah the waiter tries to laugh with you and you're like no no seriously fries I'm not sitting down without fries get them going you ever want to sit down And then your buddies laugh and then yeah, the waiter tries to laugh with you and you're like, no, no, seriously fries I'm not sitting down without fries get him going you ever want to sit down. They're back there Give us some fries Yeah, that's yeah, you can't keep doing maybe that's why Borg I forgot that he was a waiter at a Red Robin in Helsinki For a while and he didn't get some of their fries quick enough

And he got deported for having a newsie and then they had him come back. I didn't think about it the first time I watched it but then you're like they say how he came back for lethal weapon three now to do die hard with a vengeance and you were like they deported him for the weapons thing. He wasn't supposed to come back. You're the only one who can play this role. Bruce Willis was like now we got to have Ludwig Borgia. Yeah they actually filmed it in international water He was a Borga could come They wanted him and the Uzi they had a lot of chemistry

Yeah, hey Borga we need a guy who kind of looks like what Brock Lesnar is gonna be. Yeah, he look like a big buff, baby That too. I like that about him He's using horse steroids. His first wife was like, yeah, when he killed himself, I didn't feel a thing. I didn't care. I didn't care. She did.

How's that feel? You know, you love a man, and then 20 years later he's dead and you don't feel a damn thing. What's that mean? That's how you know you really biffed it. Yeah. That's how you know he's a real sub bitch.

But yeah, Red Robin. I'm at Red Robin and they're like, hey, how many in your table? And I'm like, so real quick, I've never been here before. Oh, is this like, do you guys have running the light? It's about, I know you're, I know you'd get a lot of French fry oil on the, on the pages, but do you carry a novel called running the Lizite? I should have asked them if they could deep fry my book. Someone suggested that I do a video where I melt a bunch of cheese on the

book. I was like, that's great. I'm probably going to do that. Maybe get some slime on the book. Oh, slime, a book, save a horse. So I'm like, so like, how's this where I, there's just one of me, there's one in my table. Um, so I sit down and then I order and they'm like, so like, how's this where I there's just one of me, there's one in my table. So I sit down and then I order, they're like, yeah, it's a restaurant. So the guy comes over and he's like, so yeah, play that you've been in a coma since since you were four. First of all, I'm a grown man having lunch at Red Robin for a while and like I also knew that I was going to be there until you landed. So I got there to make it. I got there like three forty five and and like I also knew that I was gonna be there until you landed so I got there to make it I got there like 345 and was like I'm gonna be

here for an hour and a half yeah I couldn't show my whole come in hot and then fill up on fries hey I tried to go to the Cheesecake Factory but they wanted me to wash my feet first I'm not not doing that, so. I'm over here at, uh, what is this, Red Goblin? Is that how you say it? And they're like, okay, man. So they sit me down. Oh, and then Noah was my server who had the most face tattoos I've ever seen on a guy. What?

Dude, it was like, he was Calico Jack. It was insane. All over, and then he had like something like vaguely nationalistic right here across his throat exit only on his mouth It's like what how does that work you only puke? Hope it was his mouth and not his stoma. Yeah Sorry everybody. So Yeah, so I'm sitting down with fucking Luca Borges. He looks nice yeah totally and totally nuts whoa yeah and they're fresh too they're like dark black there it's like he got him done

that morning to work yeah well you get a couple red Robin paychecks then the world is yours finally finally take advantage of this canvas here and start to tell my story I mean it's an ecosystem in there I told you who he went to bartend because I was there for so long So I had a new server come over who was training a different server and a woman walks up behind me and I'm like Am I a dandy dance? What's going on? Oh, yes Do the ping-pong show and I turned it back to it's just sapphire. Oh, yeah Yeah, and she had you know enormous breasts and a huge ass, but clearly had, you

know, she'd seen her fair share of sunrises in her day. Yeah. Yeah. But she just smelled like stripper and I was like, Oh, okay. Yeah. Makes sense. A smell have a definitive smell. Yeah. No, it's a very specific smell of like whatever kind of glitter lotion and or baby powder. There's a powder involved. To or tal, you know, something with the pole, uh, some type of powder. It's very good. It smells very good. I know it's a clean, fresh smell, but it's a, and then sometimes you get the cigarette smoke. That is mixed in with them.

Why you don't think, you don't think any dancers smoke? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Not in the air. No no no no the smell. Yeah the smell of cigs mixed in with this clean. It's like pure. It's like a cloud would smell this way. Yeah you know. Right but it is specific yeah so you know you know some of her story that's been told and then this is trying to pick up the pieces mm-hmm so yeah it's gone it's all gone he's gone the kids are dead I can't dance anymore because I had a fake leg red Robin I guess day shifted red Robin when that was the lady in Trinidad that was let go because she was working at a restaurant but would like writer only fans or her number she was good looking for dates sure sure sure yeah wall bus and tables you guys need another lemonade or do you want me to eat your ass she was trying to bust some nuts nuts for the table. Oh, so right on the bucko tattoo. Oh, I forgot in a short no short shorts

tonight. Yeah, never healed. It's just been a weeping three years and see them. So I sit down and the guy's like a so your rock hard because of the former dancer. No, she came later in the meal. Okay, it's just me and post. You came right away. Yeah, post Malone. Yes, I think I said post Carl Malone moments ago on the pot. Yeah, it wasn't good. I didn't hear that. Where was I? I don't know. Riffing. I was thinking about this encounter across the dead drop. They're fighting black bag.

So yeah, he's like so everyone just assumes you've been to a red robin before because it's red robin. You know, it's pretty much like you're dining inside of the Statue of Liberty. So he comes over and he's like hey man, you know the deal and I was like pretend I don't I didn't say that, but he was like hey, you lost your mind on some fries and I was like yeah. So how's it work? Like I can get unlimited fries and unlimited broccoli and he's like, yeah. Yeah, that's good I was like, is there I said is there a world where both exist in the same order and he went Well, I'd probably charge you for the broccoli. I was alright. Cool. Yeah, it's fine. I know my burger

I that's the thing I blew it where I was like, yeah Can I get the Tavern classic and he's like, oh no what you want? I was like no I blew it where I was like, yeah, can I get the Tavern Classic? And he's like, oh, no, what you want? And I was like, no, Tavern Double. You didn't pretend to look at the menu first? I did. And so he clocked you? No, I mean, I was blowing it. The game was over. Well, yeah, he won.

He had to get back to SoundCloud. So he brings my fries over, and then I just sit there and very, very, very slowly eat over an hour and a half as I finished tree of smoke I'm just like reading Dennis Johnson's National Book Award winner, which may be the best. It might be better than blood meridian Yeah, I got a really I don't know. I don't know. I can't tell a recency bias but I've been enjoying it so much reading it again and Yeah, I'm finally into the best part and I'm just sitting there eating my fries, but then Emily, Emily reaches out.

Oh, yeah. Because in the car, Susanna and Sadie have been singing. Emmy wears a diaper. Emmy wears a diaper. You know, she's having a nice time. It's on the radio. She loves it. What the hell? The new pop single.

What? She looks back. Sus Susha is wearing Gucci sunglasses. She looks back. Susie's in a different limo somehow. This is rich from everywhere as a diaper. She's dating the middle kid from Malcolm in the middle. Why he's not forced to still for he was never for no one seen. He was not so it still would have been bad. Malcolm was in the middle. The middle kid neither.

Whoops. Shout out fucking these weed bins. What the hell? The middle kid from Malcolm and we both know who you're talking about. We're both wrong. We're those guys across the street. We can't figure anything out. Will they or won't they? So yes, Dewey or whatever his name is is dating Susanna because her smash single is the song of the summer. Because she hasn't aged or he hasn't aged and also she has doubled in age. If I had any power in Hollywood I would try to make Emmy wears a diaper. With her money she spent some of it to age herself a few years to get, so it wasn't weird.

Susanna's 33 now, she's smoking. She smells like my server. So Emmy's like, they keep singing this, so I send back a video of me singing, "'Emmy wears a diaper, it's really hard to wipe her, "'Emmy wears a diaper.'" And so now, Emmy sends back another video of just the girls, Emmy's in the middle

and there's two girls in kid seats and both of them just scream laughing. And Emmy's face is just, as they're losing it. Hello darkness my old friend. Yeah, it's two beautiful little girls are laughing really hard, It's Emmy's nightmare. Because it's at her expense, a better diaper user. Because there's something about it.

Like last night at the show, you're making fun of me. You're doing the bits, CPAP machine, blow job device. And I'm so fat and stupid. We've talked about it before. It's great. But it's funny to be in there as people are laughing really hard about it before it's great, but it's funny to be in there as people are laughing really hard about it And then to have that very

primal anger When people are laughing at you even though that's almost completely gone for me because it's the point you're on stage, you know But yeah, I would imagine similar for Emily to have just that little bit of I'm gonna fucking kill you Well, yeah I was gonna kill both of you looking over at you and seeing you while I was doing those bits but I so I had some trepidation about that with Pat I'm like who cares I'm gonna call him stupid and fat but with you I'm like he's better than this but

then you do that bit about how I'm dead and there's paramedics yeah so I'm kind of like I guess it's a fun it's fun it's very funny if anything I don't mind the CPAP stuff because it's fake but but you brought in the Harley race stuff yesterday and I got a little, I got a little mad. Come on, you were so wrong. Not really mad, but yeah, that little bit of something, it's like just a chemical reaction or whatever of like fight or flight of like, that's one.

Yeah, it's human. Yeah, more human than human. Yeah, I wish I don't, you don't feel like an uber mint You don't feel like Ludwig Borgo when you fucking When you're getting a little hot now a little hot under the collar because people are laughing at you So then I respond to Emmy and I say you need to quit lying to them about your diaper These girls look up to you and I know it's being read through the car. Yeah. So then that just, Emmy's like, okay, well they want another video. And I reply with poop and pee and puke and blood and diarrhea and skin. So I'm also over there eating in a Red Robin while

I'm doing this. By yourself. So what people have seen is a man reading a Kindle while eating bites of fries slowly. It's slower than any giant man has ever eaten before. And after every fry going, huh, so that's a fry. And I can get as many of these as I want. But not everywhere, just here. That's like your exclusive deal. So they see a man who's just been quiet for a half hour and then out of nowhere puts his

Kindle down poop and pee and puke and blood and skin and diarrhea so then Emmy says okay now they want a scary one because they're overlapping now they want to feel something new they've had enough liquor now they need a little beer. Oh, this was funny too, because then Emmy, so after that there's a little more discussion and then I send the classic video of the french fry up the nose and as it's sending, as the blue line of sending is going on, Emmy replies, they want a video of you putting a french fry up your nose. No way.

Yes, and then it arrives and then before I can say anything, Emily says, LOL never never mind So they have that and then she asked for a spooky one So then I reply with I have a knife my burger knife and I go I'm Chuckie And I lick the blade So again people are seeing this That's all this poop and pee and blood and piss I'm Chuckie after a French Fraggers up my nose Licking the blade and then back to my Kindle Emmy says they want a scarier one

Spookier one so I reply with and I have two knives now and I just go I'm the devil now and I just go I'm the devil and then Emmy replies with that one scared Susanna too much so I can't fucking win over here I'm just pumping out gold I'm one of America's favorite entertainers and I'm sending them personal cameos for free but no I'm the devil with two knives too much it's she's about to be five grow up okay wait I'm just gonna tell Susu every day when we're at Disneyland and she's having these beautiful moments with her mom and aunt you know just being little girls with her beautiful women I'm just gonna go up and be like you know it's paying for this right all right fun. I'll be at Minnie's. Make her cry.

The devil! So this all happens and then six hours later at like 1 a.m. our time, Emmy's in California. No, that's not true. Probably at 11 our time after the second show. Emmy sends me a video and it's them at night in the car and the girls are still singing, Emmy has, Emmy wears a diaper, Emmy wears a diaper? So it's been six hours of this. I've just ruined her day. I love those girls. Girl, dad.

Yeah. Girl uncle. No, I'm a girl that to my wife. Oh yeah. That's true. Damn. Yeah. It's a wild ride.

It's fun, man. And you're about to go out there. You're about to go out there. Yeah, so. God, you're gonna have to really crank it. You started him off, whipped into a frenzy. I can't imagine. So you're gonna have to do stumps?

Have you done stumps, Randy's stumps? Never done stumps for them. Oh, dude, it's so funny. They'll love it. I gotta hit him with stumps. Stumps. But the issue with Susu is if stumps hits, I'm just gonna be, she's gonna demand stumps all but the issue with Susu is if stumps hits, I'm just going to be. She's going to demand stumps all the time. You love it.

Yeah, I know. It's tough to get stumps going once you're in. Oh yeah, you're not going to want to do it for more than it's always like five minutes. Yeah, she's going to want it for a whole day. I want it at Disney. And the next thing I know I'm getting saluted. You get to go to the divided stumps on a roller coaster. I mean, I'm not, I'm not almost five, but it's I'm loving it. So I gotta do both of you. But. I mean.

Splash Mountain, Stumps. How could you not? I can already imagine how Emily's gonna be mad at me. I'm gonna hit Susu and Sadie with stumps and then we're gonna be at Disneyland. You know, they're gonna fucking lower the flag to half mast when I walk by. Fuck. God damn it.

It's a good pod, baby. Speaking of, a dude yesterday said, man, I love you guys so much. Thank you, I listen all the time. I wish, man, I wish I could get more of that sweet action. I wish I could get more than one episode a week. And I go, we have a Patreon and he's like, Oh, he literally like right away says, you guys don't talk about it much. And I was like, yeah, we talk about it at least every episode. So this is not on us.

Are you about to explode? Are you grabbed a Zen it? I thought maybe was a butt problem Red Robin Red Robin's Revenge. That's the real RRR You liked that right? I haven't seen it that three-hour RRR is a movie out of India. I think that everybody loved you saw that I gotta watch it. I keep not watching it Because it's nine hours long. Yeah, I haven't watched it but yeah, join the patreon. What are you doing? Please? We're the band. Thank you. We started the patreon right away. So you got a bunch of episodes over there some of the best ones Yeah, I mean for only five bucks a month 542 after tax Oh, here's cool travel videos way tariffs went up. went up so... The Proto Wide Worlds are on there.

What's that? The ones that Pat made about like DC and Baltimore. Oh sure, some of the mini, little mini movies. Yes, oh man, Dude Stumps! That's in there right? Baltimore, Milwaukee or whatever? Yeah, Milwaukee, Randy Stubbs. Sharpies in it? Yeah, no that, that's a very funny video. One of the funniest things I've ever done is Sharpie was in a different room and I'm in a different room and I do stubs which is where my I thought it was stumps I don't it was it was both I guess you acted like it was only one or the other ran I think it was always Randy stubs People hear stumps they hear what they want to hear I'm chugging on the devil whatever But yes, sir, please if anything, it's it kind of proves

Him not knowing about our patreon proves how tough it is to get over in this in this territory It's crazy because and or like I get it south and 85 I get so annoyed when You know Mid-south and 85 I get so annoyed when you know There's a certain amount of promotion that I think is so cringe and difficult to do and we're well below that and Then that's the result though is you know we watch everybody just pass us by on the way to the top I'm because they are shameless. I'm happy where we are man. No, but I'm well I'm saying I want I want more money for you I want more people to know about our shit, but I don't want to be annoying about it I want it to just happen because we've been doing it and we say something quick at the end about a patreon and we're out

We don't do all that all the shit up front that is really tough to do. Yeah Dude, they wanted us to read an ad for fucking Israel in this episode They wanted us to read an ad for fucking Israel in this episode APAC maybe next week if you want to join the patreon lube it up also No, we're having fun But I just keep thinking about how I have to spend so much money on these flights I mean, that's why I keep putting it off because we're going to Australia New Zealand get those tickets We're fucking selling tickets in Australia. We have to add a show in Auckland. What are we doing? Pretty crazy. We have 70% of tickets sold throughout Australia and New Zealand. This is huge.

It's gonna be nuts. I don't need a big car because of what I got. Got a big boat. Bigger than that. We're going by boat. That's why it's expensive. It's gonna cost so much money to bring everyone down there. It's gonna take us six months to get out there. Well yeah, we have to fucking float you in steerage.

Boats are slow as hell hell but it's old school. I'm so I'm nervous that Pat's not gonna be able to keep up our hiking adventures. Yeah we're gonna be hot and bothered. I hope not I don't want to be hot. No I think we're gonna be thin because of Manjaro. Ho ho ho Manjaro yum. Did you do that at all in Red Robin? Come on I guess face tats face tats should have hit you with one red Robin Yo, they did sing their version of the birthday song and it kind of there was some kid in there having a birthday and it Kind of like threw me back to You know 2003 birthday at Red Robin we all smell like Bacardi 151 it was a bad time really

fun Jesus yeah 151 yeah flaming dr. pepper flaming dr. pepper had the 151 that's what caught it on fi, that's what caught it on FIFI. That's what lit it up. Drinking Everclear. I got a little gaggy there. How unpleasant that was. Yeah, I'm gonna be in Disneyland. That's true. Come find me.

Are you saving your money? No, I'm taking girls to Disney. Maybe you could swing by the Chuck E Cheese that I was at for a little Eli's birthday Full-band I don't remember which neighborhood But they live in Whittier So it's somewhere like I think it's just outside of Whittier Somewhere that was pretty close but not technically Whittier because there's a million

Nate little neighborhoods and enclaves telling Tell me man. This redlining is terrible so, uh, yeah, maybe you check out fucking Luigi man. Gioni. I think i'm gonna try and have as much fun as possible But I had a good time at disneyland. I I talked about it. Yeah, even though it's insane You kind of do you kind of turn into a dog a little bit for, for, as a defense mechanism. Yeah. You kind of go, you meet, you know, you wake up, you got an exit tattooed above your cheeks, meet the masses at Disneyland in the middle. You know, you, you, you turn off your brain a little bit and you just go,

Hey, this is pretty fun. It's, it's a good time. It's supposed to be fun. How much does it cost? Can't worry about that now. I just got to survive. It's cool that you can sell blood right into it. We have plasma centers there. You could stump. Whoa. That was sick. You could donate your hands and then go to the front of the line. Yeah and be stubs the front of the line. Yeah be Stubbs or Stubbs Yeah, what the fuck that's a that's our Mandela situation our Mandela effect You can go to YouTube and see me versus Rob Gleason as Randy Stubbs. All right

I always thought that I liked Stubbs better, but you insisted on Stubbs. So that's really throwing me for a loop I mean I could have who for a loop yeah who cares your brain your brain wasn't fully formed yeah I was doing whatever I want I was molding you you were to impress you guys you're my jar you were a little jar of clay for me and I wasn't doing anything Christian with you I was rocking you though you should tell them about that funny picture that Creech showed you. Funny picture. From the big show.

That Creech showed me. Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I thought I already talked about it. I guess not. We have some catching up to do. When I came home after shaving my chin, after Shannon turned me into a Civil War looking guy, I didn't say anything to Creech, I just came home

and she laughed and oh, when did you do that? Tell her about Shannon, sweet Shannon Norman. Check out his special that just came out, Goodnight Sweet Bits and the Patreon. Dip shit who doesn't listen to the last ten minutes of the pod but loves it quote-unquote Allegedly didn't buy a hat She says I Was what I'm watching a show and Paul Walter Hauser is like the villain and he has that facial hair and I was like oh shit it's called Blackbird I can't remember what it's on.

So Apple TV. I watched the whole thing. Yes and so she is watching it like puts it on she had been watching it while I was gone dicking around with you and she says how it's a dude that gets in trouble for drugs and then is like supposed to try to coerce a confession out of Paul Walter Hauser in jail in prison so that they can because otherwise he might walk or whatever yeah and so I'm watching like just this first this encounter between the two of them or whatever and Paul Walter Hauser's character with this fucking look it's exactly like you and

Pat put in a blender it looks yeah Some people have been saying some people last night said that I looked like him because a couple people watched the show so that hit It's your eyes it hard in Pat's facial. She knows with his dumbass bowl cut that he had once Okay, yeah, if we had a kid it'd be PWH But yeah, the character is a pedophile serial killer. So fun stuff. And Civil War reenactor, which yeah, you can't help but think of Ambrose E. Burnside's. Yeah, his character's whole thing is that

they're not sideburns, they're actually burn sides. Yeah, well who decided to flip it, put my thing down, flip it, and reverse it for Arnold Ambrose? Wasn't Missy Elliott, that's for sure. He takes money out of, you know, takes food out of the mouths of the Burnside family and then these random sideburn carpet baggers. Oh, you don't want to get me started on chop mutton. They come in and, that's what I'm saying, why do they, Ellis Island, you take a perfectly wonderful 13 letter long Greek last name and you shorten it to it's got a K

And an H all hanging out got an upside-down question mark in there. It's got growlix in there The pound sign it's got the Hoba The print symbol it's beautiful, but you don't just take to that with it takes with an axe Don't kill someone's lineage shop down their fucking family tree it's pretty nuts isn't it they somebody shows up and they have this whole family history and some dickhead at Ellis Island is like we're gonna shorten that to Tomo T O M M O get out of here what's your name Zappa populous all right so your names Ziggy Keith Keith, Keith, Keith Stanton. Yeah. Hey, private. Beat it. Yeah. What a wild, wild world we live in. I wish I had a burlap sack. I could have put over

that woman's head in the front row last night. Why? Because she just, they were talking back. They were having so much fun. That guy was a farmer, the young ones, they were dead center. So I can show deep feet for show deep right here, haggard lady guy had a t shirt on with on with the cross. Yeah. Ed Hardy with the cross on it. That's a whole other brand. I can't think of on Dutch. No, they were Vaughn Dutch people for sure. Yeah, they were. They were shopping at Hollister in 2002. They love. They were never going to die. Urban outfitters because they like to be naughty. They liked getting

instead of apples to apples. What was the nasty one? Oh, what was it called? Apple's apples was good clean fun. That was Mormon fun. That's a Mormon Saturday night. Better game.

Yeah, because we didn't need. And then a boner or whatever. Yeah, it's like my cards are like pussy Fuck what was full throat job? I keep thinking I Oh cards against you mean cards against you man, right? and then Uncalled for was the Denver version cards against you and there were nothing the same. Oh, yeah legally There was nothing at all going on there to avoid now they got shut down. You've biffed it dude that Houston Comedy Festival. They were sponsored by

a place, a thing called two hoots, which is a blue can tall boy and what's in there, a hard ice tea. So I get on stage and I say hey, let's give me over two hoots man. You know, if you like, what's the name of that? If you like Mike's hard or no, what's the twisted tea? Yeah, you like twisted tea. This is it. And the lady who brought them into the green room and asked me to put them over is in the back row.

And I see her go and I was like, well, actually, it's nothing like it. This blue can full of alcoholic ice tea. It's nothing like twisted tea He said it again Literally by the light back there with her lanyard on and her fucking suit coat and I just see They also had a giant inflatable moon man. It was MTV's fucking music awards at that Houston riot thing against the ceiling.

Giant inflatable. Just, and only I can hear it rubbing against the ceiling the whole time. Driving me slowly insane. Me on DMD. Yes, exactly. I'll never recreate it. Me on DMD. Yes, exactly. I'll never recreate it. Becker, find that moment. Russ, get on it, Russ.

Clip it. Yeah, Russ. Put down your newborn child and clip it. Put down that Bible, Russ. Find it and go. You think you're still getting in after working for the devil? Yeah, I forget we have a Christian scientist doing our clips now. No, no, just a Christian.

It was a Christian and a scientist. It's different from Christian scientists who thinks, you know, that blood tests are the devil or whatever. Hi, I'm a Christian and a scientist. Pray the diabetes away. Yeah, yeah. Hi, I'm a contradiction in Pray the diabetes away. Yeah. Yeah Hi, I'm a contradiction in terms. How much does Emily have to deal with that with what just somebody coming in and being like I need my child is sick, but you can't do anything cool You can only do like, you know basic medicine or else it's against God

Well, Emily's gotta be someone and we still know someone very well Who actually lived in a house down in Rocky Ford and that house was owned by Christian scientists And those Christian scientists were also doctors at a hospital yikes. How does it say anything more? It's just band-aids and good vibes. We go against his will Just like we're playing buttons or not. Yeah zippers. Yeah Amish I think no stitches Shit yeah, no, it's just Don't get me started. Yeah, that's good. I'm stage I got kind of motivated cuz I was like, isn't it crazy that you can't have eggs in America

Like I'm sorry. I don't want to get political but You know my whole life eggs were kind of guaranteed and now eggs are on the way out people came from all around To Ellis Island they accepted a new name An Americanized name people gave their wedding rings for punch it up and eggs. Yeah grandma's freaking brooch Yeah, broach. Excuse me brooch brooch in brooch freaking brooch broach. Excuse me brooch brooch in brooch in order for a shot at the at the brass ring and one taste of that big omelet. They they yeah it comes with eggs. The American dream comes with a side of eggs. They didn't call it the big apple. They called the big quiche forever

egg city over there. Yeah. I mean the egg in Albany. Just saying. How much time do we have left? We got like 10 minutes left to to to land this Maguilla. Oh hey if you want to see us live Lexington Kentucky next weekend. Dude yeah we're back. We had the weird little week off after hanging out. I go home for 36 hours See the ladies your loyalty no all things to all people no no you did you came back It was a good show and then I came back big yo-yo string across the country. I sucked you back I was a boomerang. I was getting ready for Australia by being a boomerang going back. But yeah, I told Megan and Curt and Suzanne at the dad lounge like I was all fucked up by having our very predictable typical schedule

Get thrown to the wayside because I'm do do a normal weekend go home Sunday But then all of a sudden I'm out of town Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday fly home Friday Brothers are a world. You want to ask me where up is? I don't know. I Might have gotten that one wrong. Yeah, cuz it was yeah, it was Discombobulating but Anyway, yeah, it was so much fun. I'm so glad I got to do the the book events look events, dude Crazy and your shit is sold out on Amazon. Oh my god. You guys are buying that freaking book You like the tiny version you like the smaller one for your little hands. It smells better, too

It feels like it smells more like a book you crack them classic like fucking grit to the paper Not that smooth shit that Amazon's pumping Anyway, so yeah, if you tried to get my book and you were like oh I can't get it till June 5th it's because Amazon and a variety of Barnes and Nobles sold out of my book in the first week which is a huge success and I'm so grateful and happy for that so we could fucking ram it down that smooth throat a big publishing and say oh here it is here's the future of male literacy published this exit only this you should have gotten the tattoo cuz I'm in there but fucking a penguin

because the publishers but yeah so now you can probably get it again because what's there yeah they should but fuck a random house well so and Adam Gilbert hit me up and was like so some random house published very funny You're telling me a random house publish this book Gilbert great So yeah So if you if you had an issue with the book you can it should be they ordered fucking a reprint in the first week Which you know rang an alarm with random house?

So yeah, it should be back in your hands order from a local bookstore that's actually more beneficial because I get the same cut no matter what so yeah if you want to keep the lights on in your local bookstore that's nice see ya we have Lexington Iowa City Omaha and then fuck what you okay Amsterdam on May 1st at the Soho house. Come to that show. I'm going to be celebrating my birthday in Amsterdam by myself because Rory Scoville is not going to be there anymore.

Um, and why not? Why the fuck not? I don't mean Rory. We're going to do a two man improv thing on May 2nd in Amsterdam. Wow, dude, my fucking the man. Yeah, the goat at what I'm trying to do. That would be So crazy if you guys join forces. Yeah, he was gonna have a harp player up there, too It's gonna be sick dude, Joyce Brothers. Mm-hmm. But anyway, I know a great harp guy Joyce Brothers

Brothers wait not Joyce Glasgow London, and just Jude Brothers and honestly Australia get those fucking tickets cuz You think we want to add more shows come on yeah more is more Now less is more except for shows. Yeah more wide world more shows. I will be in what Melbourne and Melbourne Sydney Auckland Auckland gonna add a Wellington. I Have shows in Casper, Wyoming at the Rialto May 23rd and 24th No ghost story check that out. I'm hoping to to fill that bitch up. It looks like a very nice theater That Thursday the May 22nd

I am doing Stella's in Greeley with Pat Richardson for all of those all three of those shows huge sucking Yeah, I can't believe he was gonna be in Greeley. Can't believe was available so Huge soaking. Yeah, I can't believe he was gonna be in Greeley. Can't believe he was available so Please. Oh, yeah, Nathan lung comedy comm is live. Thanks to gave Our Tokyo friend our Tokyo connection Nathan lung comedy comm. I've got some dates up there link to soups on and Yeah, hit me up join my mailing list It messaged me on Instagram if you want to buy a hat.

You got a mailing list? Through gave. Really? Some gave all. You should be using Jan Seacock's mailing list system that I made. All gave some. Okay. Anyway.

Hook it up. Yeah, so it doesn't link to the Westboro Baptist Church anymore? No, it's a real boy now. That's good. Yeah, that joke went on a little too long. Donald Trump is president because of my, our fans. Whose fault is that? Kind of me.

Your fault. Allah Akbar. Uh, patreon.com slash Chevy Behemoth. There's almost five years of episodes just waiting for you. Oh no, we only have seven minutes left. We landed it too quickly. Yeah, we're, yeah. Let's go short.

We're a little disco. We never go short. No, we don't we give you everything we have Now I'm wondering there. Maybe there's not even two guys over there in those cars. They just parked funky Yeah That forklift could it be I'm falling in love How much is the already? How much is the already very, very tenuous grasp on any kind of like economic certainty of most Americans? How much is that going to be just completely cratered when GTA six comes out?

Save us, dude. The lights are going off. Ron functions had a funny video where he told everybody to hang in there for GTA six and I was like, he's not wrong Man punches already talked about this. I Mean he just said like, you know, we got it. We got to hang in there damn it so we can play GTA 6 Well, we can talk about it too. Look when GTA 6 hits the pod is canceled Becker will be living in a box somewhere

Becker can handle a few episodes on his own. What was the name of the while we play? Just off-camera. Yeah, Becker's gonna be the German kid in the Simpsons when they have the Lord of the Flies episode He's just gonna be in a bone cage The Uter Uter yeah, we're gonna swing by roaches in there Eat them cuz they're not they're not you know, weed endings. They're bugs and yeah, I just I know that I'm going to be completely ruined by that dude. It five ruined us. That was such a funny time. I almost didn't get married. We didn't talk. I didn't make it to other people. We didn't do comedy. We played

that shit for like two weeks or whatever we wreaked ruined a copy we're over we're also over at Aaron's place where you're his place where he's got like other roommates who want the living room probably and we're just there all like literally all night a couple times we stole Devin Davis's Xbox we did we had to get another copy of the game because we fucked up the the physical it was like a factory this three shifts bro I would wake up come over you would clock out go to bed I'd be there until you surface six hours later you make coffee come in do the dishes for a couple hours

and then sit down I'd be like all right time. I'm gonna go say hi to my wife The sun's been down for two hours Yeah, it was I remember it well. It was a perfect time. It was a very just no no responsibilities no money whatsoever Often well yeah often mismatching shoes hmm I mean let alone socks Do you think socks is crazy or Or if you, if you even wore shoes, also those neighbors were, uh, uh, almost certainly addicted to crack and very unpredictable. So that was a little tenuous. We never like dealt with them, but they, the yearist and Nate Balding and whoever else lived there told

us that they were prone to just like all night scream fests having Sketchy people over and like I think stuff, you know anything that wasn't locked in their car, but left outside would disappear Yeah, they live in DU. There's some bad Some bad juju over there But we oh wait that was that was gonna care to buy I remember by waha house one time by wahoo's fish tacos I looked up in that house after the Denver Film Society Festival one time it was awesome. What? Yeah, well the crack we did crack with somebody No, I hooked it up an intercourse with a woman in that house in balding's house. Was she cracked? Oh in there. Yeah. Yeah

Also, my sister just moved into a house where she sent me a picture and I was like She was like I've been in this house multiple times and she's like, yeah, right Sam You're not the king of Denver and I was like No, and then I went through my Facebook and found pictures of me partying in that house in like 2006 when I was 19 Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, there was two people in the photo that I sent her that are dead Yeah, look at this. I mean me and Nigel were having a blast in there and then he had a blast on his own, but shit that's funny as hell. Suck it, Sophie. You think you're the queen bee? I built the hive.

You're me, you're me. You you like make a little hole in one of the walls and find a bag of weed that you stashed in there. I ever told you this story about when we descended on a house party down by like Calamath and Santa Fe down there, like by Metro. Me and my friends went there and we ate a bunch of ecstasy and they had this like chalk drawing on the wall going up the staircase. I told you this story. I don't think so. I feel like I have, but they like there was like this very intricate like chalk drawing on the wall going up the staircase. Have I told you this story? I don't think so. I feel like I have, but they like, there was like

this very intricate like chalk drawing going up the staircase on this wall that was made of chalk paint. Yeah. And we took acid and like drained a keg and made a bunch of people flinch. We were a la act barring, you know? So at one point I thought it was funny to just rub my body all over the wall. Oh God.

Yeah. I'm a human eraser. Yeah, yeah. And Bonzo loved it. Krusty's there, thumbs up, you know. And then I get down the stairs and some guy goes, dude, what the fuck? Our dead friend drew that. That was like all we had left of him.

And I'm, it's like a Holley Festival hat, but I'm covered head to toe in chalk. Yeah, it wasn't me. Why do you assume it was me? Why are you pointing fingers over here? Excuse me. Excuse me. No, but there was no confrontation because I was on ecstasy. So I felt so bad.

Yeah, too. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. So empathetic. Your face just turns to dust. Oh God god I'm so sorry so empathetic your face just turns to dust oh god I'm sorry and then I went out back and I slept on the ground in the backyard and woke up the next morning just covered in chalk it had to like I tried to get over the fence but I couldn't so I had to like knock on the door and like still covered in chalk oh. My friends for sure. They didn't

they didn't drag you over the fence with them. No, that's not how it worked. They just back flipped away to safety. There's no there's no honor amongst mercenaries. Oh no. God. They like had to be like hey, they're all so bummed. They're all they're all so bummed. I was in India. They're like the next morning. Like at least that guy is gone and then they hear the knock. I hope I never see that fucker again. Rainbow boy. And then you knock on the wind on the sliding glass door. Hey, my pants in there. Who has a cigarette. Hey, someone shocked me. pretty bad out there. Can I buy three cigarettes from somebody? I have a dollar. I have five.

You start hitting the chalk off inside. It's off of the smoke smoke detector. Like whoa it's getting smoky in here. Did I rob a bank last night. Stupid. Oh hey all right. I go to a credit union, they use chalk. Stay local. Oh man, bunch of fucking chalk all over me, huh? What happened? You don't even remember. No. So yeah, looks like I got pretty crazy.

Is this pixie dust? Oh shit, who'd, who did yeah must have hooked up with a wiccan. Yeah Fuck anyways, who's got some smokes? He's got some smokes for franimal It's me that guy you never met who shouldn't have been in your home Who's like 15 years younger than everyone in this house? 19 huge I for sure unstoppable dude bulletproof. Yeah made a rubber. I for sure also had a mohawk at that time to of course dead squirrel going on and probably wearing a blue flannel shirt and basket or not even basketball

swim trunks. Yeah. Oh man. Hell of a party. Did I hear some shit about a guy died or something? Did a guy die last night? I die. I felt pretty bad. I hope I didn't kill him. Yeah.

He stepped to me. I would. I would do it out in E town. Did Bonzo say anything? Do you guys know Bonzo? Or Kilroy? Yeah, Cresty was here, right? Oh man, I can't wait to descend upon Elizabeth with all of my old cruncher friends, the Heshers.

My buddy Courtney's been sending me old pictures of us when we were in high school. Okay, yeah, you've shared You've shared a bunch of them. It's hilarious because We're very different which is how it's supposed to go my hair my fucking hair. Your hair is long gone It's not coming back. Yeah, but it man it was good hairs. My hair drew some shit on a chalkboard I'm going where it's not painful anymore Yeah

Watching me walk down a staircase and as I'm at the top, I'm just you know Knights in white satin. I'm perfect. Where's the pussy? One of the chicks gonna show up. It's crazy just like how fucking wild you will go when you write off the idea that you're gonna get laid. I think that was probably a big reason why we would drink so much because we were like afraid to talk to girls, like in Denver, we were country bumpkins. We would just get fucked up.

Every now and then one of us would catch a wild piece of patient strange, but. Well, and as we've said, sometimes that's exactly what the women want is the guys who aren't cool water and no while they are yeah maybe not if they knew that dead their dead friend but if they're there and you do that and they don't they're not connected to that art or that dude then maybe they're like holy shit this guy's everything no

or just yeah wild and free you're not up my sheets you're not doing this with your polo on and your cool water cologne just being like hey what's hey just trying to have a good time tonight you know what's what's what's Reuters what's your deal yeah yeah holding the mic you have a microphone so what young comics Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, behemoth. Buy the book, buy a hat, take a take the ride. Let's get out of here. Two shows tonight. Yeah. Lexington. Lexington, Iowa City. Oh my. Bye.