Chubby Behemoth - Eyes On Your Own Coconut

Episode Date: July 18, 2025

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/   SPONSORS: VIIA - #viiaparter If you’re 21+, try VIIA! For 15% off AND a free gift with your first order with code CHUBBY at https://www.viia.co/CHU...BBY   HIMS - Support the show & start your free online Hims visit today at https://www.hims.com/CHUBBY   PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week Sam is trying to open a coconut, it makes some noise, it doesn’t last the whole time. Nathan remembers when they played different, teaches Becker about The Shockmaster, and only wanted to dip a fork in the soup. Sam ate the bark, thinks of the worst thing to do to your wife, and doesn’t talk about magic cards on the pod. Our pal Marc Cornaz @marcthesharcc joins us on this one! Wide World Party.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: mutinyonmainstreet@gmail.com

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 So what? They're just like, hey, good fucking luck, stupid. I've never seen this technique. Well, have you seen someone try to drink out of a coconut before? No, the ones I've seen, they have it shaved out. Yeah, I know. Well, these people down here, they do it a little bit different. This says, did you find the drinking mouth? If anyone says drinking mouth again, I'm going to wig out. Look, it's between the tits and the belly button of the coconut.
Starting point is 00:00:21 Yeah, I know. How is it? This straw straw is gonna be wrecked that's the bamboo stick to stir right is that no oh cool oh we're just meshing up the straw bra what bro god damn it and I hope my drinking mouth camera He thought that The straw was a stick a poking why would there be a separate digging implement? Well, it was hard and in in the package. You said this was God's perfect Capri Sun And here I am a complete jag on my own pod I got it back. I'm gonna do it for you so it doesn't dig me out dig so what I'm
Starting point is 00:01:08 supposed to scalp this thing yep poke it in okay so it's a poke and pry I think you're just trying to make a hole big enough to put your straw in I'm making a huge mess more than anything find a drinking mouth damn wait wait what is that what is that it's kind of like a drinking mouth. Don't look. Don't look over here. Eyes on your own coconut. The only time you look at another man's coconut is to make sure he's got a drinking mouth. You drank, you had a bunch of coconut water and you were like, you know what? Oh, you want to talk about who's had how much or what? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:38 Is that what we're doing? Well, I'm just saying. Becker? I've been switching it up. You were going cuckoo for coconuts. Well I love a raw coconut and I've never had the opportunity to drink out of one and I thought this would be a fun gag for the pod. Not today. Fucking Donkey Kong. Maybe tomorrow. Oh that wasn't. That's bark.
Starting point is 00:01:57 He ate bark. He ate the bark. You're like I'm halfway through I deserve a treat. It's part of a coconut. It's gotta be good. This is radico. I haven't gotten to the milk yet, but surely this is the flesh Was already high from laughing at you in the boys room and I was in the bathroom laughing to myself thinking got him but now I'm the ape. Scraping a nut. Why was that? Because I just said man when the last dance came out I was like God is real. So I walked into the boys room. Four boys deep, four boys across. You were standing three inches away from the television patting your gut saying they just played different back then looking at Michael Jordan No, I was like, hey, is this man bothering you? Yeah, I got you with the legit. Let's get you out of here pops
Starting point is 00:02:53 Which is the dream? Someone in a legit let's get you out of your father's suicide coast. Yeah, come on by the end of your pod We're gonna get you on that glacier and send you out like north. Into the garage, get the van in there. This is... You're just gonna give up. Yeah! I need you to drink some of that cocoa.
Starting point is 00:03:12 I can't have... You also touched my mic and you are diseased. You are lousy with SARS. You have HIV. HIV for sure. You have HPV. I was sharing needles with guys down on Queen Street. You have cat scratch fever
Starting point is 00:03:27 You've got jail bait. I don't have that one We are joined on this episode by our fucking valuable asset our inside man our local our Kiwi our friend mark the shark Key, y'all are mark cornaz everybody And that's all mark has to say yeah
Starting point is 00:03:56 Hello to all the chubby bohemoth listeners out there now mark you say you're a listener of this pod Yeah, and you quote turn all your mates on to our groovy voices Yeah, I was a few of the boys listening. That's good. Who are the boys? Shout them out. I'm gonna Peter Dams We got no, we got Tommy boy Nelly. Hey Vanilli all those ridiculous names. I want to say what up to you All right into the entire Escher community of Australia who mark is their their point man We're bereft of allegiances Did you say you've heard all the free ones pretty much damn ones with good audio yeah
Starting point is 00:04:39 So you do it so that's the second the last couple years Yeah, you've missed at least three. No, I've listened to pretty much all of them, yeah. I think so. I think that looks like a drinking. That's cool. But I haven't jumped on the Patreon yet. That's alright. That's fine. That sounded like a Hymen breaking.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Oh, Emmy, remember that? Remember that, baby? Remember what a mess it was? Oh, god. You win. Remember that baby? Remember what a mess it was? God. You win. The drinking mouth and then you use your mouth. It would suck to take your wife's virginity. That would be the worst thing you could do to your wife. The person only is you. When you stunk, now you don't stink as much, so that's good.
Starting point is 00:05:24 But she had to put in a lot of work. She has no idea what else is out there I'm glad you were busted in Emmy You fit nice and comfy So Mark it was that good no, it's mostly shards honestly, it's mostly shards Even though it was peeled there's hair inside well doesn't there have to be two holes so you can suck out of it right yes yeah turn uh-huh get back in there days never over you have to go in on a 45 degree split the diff do a 45 degree angle so you get a good car This is so ridiculous get a coconut to drink I thought we're almost to the ad read yes
Starting point is 00:06:18 Wait, so yeah, I think that bra right. I think you do need two holes or you make that hole bigger than the straw So that it can have air come in around it. Don't are using the straw again He is using this use this poking stick succeeded with the straw. We're gonna convince him to go back Oh, no, the straw didn't better try to touch my thing You have put wet shit on the couch. I moved it. Oh tattletale Wet stuff on the couch. I moved it. Oh tattletale Wet stuff falling the couch No, but to get the coppers over here look Emmy Let us know when you get some of the you guys can talk to I was gonna say just keep working at it mark
Starting point is 00:07:03 What you're 33 No, I want to catch people up you've been doing stand-up for a while Listening to us you live in Australia, but you're from New Zealand. They're usually from New Zealand Basin Brisbane, Australia Can we don't let them yeah, I'm gonna turn them up turn them up in the headphones But yeah, but I've been doing stand-up for six years now this year. And we're your heroes. We're one and two, right? One and two on your all-time favorite comedians list. Yeah. That's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Wow. We did it. This just in. We did it. Does it taste good? It tastes so good. Is it worth the squeeze? No, not at all. And I bet there's like three ounces in here. But good.
Starting point is 00:07:43 But I want to give Emmy a nice treat after the pod so if they already drank all of it You drop it. No, I meant I'm gonna drink all this. Oh so that you can Crack it open. I'm gonna crack it wide open She's gonna bust it wide open for a real one. Whoa, I mean you gotta get out of here I'm gonna keep trying to make you laugh. So why don't you quit being the Oracle? Excuse me Oracle Oracle girl in the chair. Look at her over there. She's recumbent. She's in her lane. What is that word? Recumbent is when you're laying on your back. You ever heard of a recumbent bicycle? No, I haven't even heard of the first word.
Starting point is 00:08:18 So, bicycle, it's made for one person, two wheels, and then recumbent is when you lay back and then you pedal with your hands If you're a cripple or your feet if you're just lazy like me don't say cripple so the flood bigger people no London London couldn't be that low because You you know all the all the local animals in the forest would follow here I gotta use my big legs not my tiny arms. Yeah no, have you seen the clip of the guy on the recumbent bicycle on the bike path? And there's people who are like you can't have electric bikes on the path and he's like what?
Starting point is 00:08:54 Because he's all low to the ground and the guy comes up and he's like you can't have electric bikes on the bike path in The forest and the guy's like I'm handicapped. I can't walk and the guy's like you shoulda led with that pal. Oh man we're just describing clips what are we Matt and Shane? Yeah come on. Look it up Becker. Pull it up. We've got you two pulled up but it's been great having you with us man. I hadn't met you before you guys met a year ago. Yeah I right a year ago to the day? You were in Australia I was working on the docks And mark was working an upstairs downstairs scam running a Shanghai outfit Yeah, and I remember when I pulled in a Newcastle when I got off that steamer
Starting point is 00:09:39 Put my duffel over my shoulder and he was the first guy to wink at me So I knew that I could trust him next thing we know we're in a hop den on our sides, just fucking loose on that opium. And I said, hey, have you ever thought about being like on the road with me? And he was like, well, I don't speak Vietnamese, but he didn't speak English yet. But it was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you know?
Starting point is 00:10:04 And then I was like, Well, yeah. And anyway, a year later, here we are, we're in New Zealand, or as you call it, Al Tirol. Al Tirol, which we have forgot to say all the time on camera, which bums me out, because I wanted to learn a little bit of the, I call it the Maori language,
Starting point is 00:10:22 which I kind of knew beforehand, because I used to watch a lot of Sister Sister Was the neighbors name huh was the neighbor Roger Roger? No, you're thinking Roger Yeah, then Roger would come over and be like Tia Tamara. Which one is use which? It was black twins Yeah Is it was go big in that I know now but not a bad pull for an American black woman And she did eat her twin in the womb But yeah, no, so Tia and Tamara Maori introduced the culture of your first peoples to America
Starting point is 00:10:58 They were black twins and the show was called sister sister Mm-hmm, and it was about them arguing with, so they were Maori, but their adoptive parents were white, and they didn't understand, so they wanted to get a chin tattoo, and they'd say, before the prom, you know? And then there'd be a switcheroo because of the twin element. That was mostly what it was.
Starting point is 00:11:20 I don't know, existed, that's true. That's erasure. We celebrate Maori culture, just really that one show, and it was in the 90s. I don't know existed this That that's erasure we celebrate Our culture just really that one show and it was in like the 90s and we were all very confident in exactly how to pronounce The name of the first people's you think of them every time right I do The intent I and then you say Maori and it sounds pretty good probably, but we're not sure Maori right yeah And then but it's better than, which is what I thought it was until 12 days ago. I think that a lot of people think that,
Starting point is 00:11:49 and that's fine, because you just read it. That's a tricky word, bro, it's a tricky word. Tricky people. Although like, their nouns are all different and stuff, you know? No, we are going to see a haka on Thursday. Maybe. No, we are, we are, because Mark did one of the the rare rare things that very few people were able to do which
Starting point is 00:12:08 Is make me change my mind and I did and Mark was able to phrase it in a way because I was worried that we were gonna go see you know You know What you know I'm talking about What? You know what I'm talking about? Were you making a face? Kind of like a blackface thing, putting on the headdress. Oh, really? You know, I didn't want to go and like make the natives dance for our entertainment. So did you think like white people would be running it? No.
Starting point is 00:12:35 I thought it would be people who might be in need of a buck or two, and then they put on this ceremony that's kind of you know, cheapening this ceremony that's kind of you know cheapening this thing that's beautiful and admittedly makes me weep all the time whenever I see it whenever when they have those clips of like the young men doing a haka at their friend's funeral it's full on what the hell yeah I mean that should come not safe for guys around their girlfriends so that you can really yeah be blown away by instead of being like yeah It's cool or whatever. I guess yeah, that's pretty fucking tough
Starting point is 00:13:11 Like bro, imagine how you feel when you're watching on your phone like when it's in person. Yeah, whole different level Yeah, I would be reduced to a puddle of just Whimpering to be simpering you're gonna be scream crying. Yes. I'm gonna be hectic. I Want so like I've obviously seen like them at like rugby games and high school and stuff, but the best one I saw was, I was dating this girl at the time when I was living in New Zealand and it was her dad's 50th and she had three older brothers and they did it for the dad and the three brothers, they stood in like a triangle towards the dad and they started doing it and then the dad, it was like a family hucker and they did it and then halfway through the dad started joining
Starting point is 00:13:48 and then they started like walking towards each other so they're like the oldest was like face to face with his dad and it was crazy yeah and all of us was like a big circle watching it. They didn't kiss though. A little bit. So what was trying to go on there? What was the dad trying to communicate? Thank you. Yeah I I think it was a thank you. Yeah, yeah, because yeah, because the sons were doing it to him and then you kind of do it back. They'll do it together as well. And also, I think it's called a Hongi bro. So Hongi might learn that on Thursday. And that's a way that the Maldi greet each other and they go face to face. Have you seen that? No so this this might happen on Thursday and no one greets you yeah you pose but um you go face to face bro and when you like you touch foreheads and touch noses and you're supposed to like breathe in like
Starting point is 00:14:35 that and when you breathe in you're breathing each other's like mana mark is this a prank no okay so you're gonna breathe in your mana yeah yeah now am I gonna breathe in red black blue green. Yeah. You know am I gonna breathe in red black Blue green or white mana what it was what if a man is in saw me over so mana means like spirit Yeah, it's also the the fuel source and magic the gathering. I'm very familiar with mana What's magic all this like little card game you play not a little card game? It's global fucking chess a big deal It's just in poker I was like you playing you go. Yeah. Yeah, and you know what?
Starting point is 00:15:07 I gave you a pass once it's not a little baby game. Why don't you played fucking solitaire some more? I played far call and yahtzee you for adults. Why do you play candy people and guess what? Those are the furthest things from babies you can imagine Their brains aren't they're very similar. I alright. Yeah. Uh-huh. I would love to agree I would love to greet a Maori head-to-head and breathe in their energy I think that'd be great. I think we probably do on Thursday. I'll be going face to face with any motherfucker who steps to me Well, hey, you know in front of my babe so I was to go face to face all breathe in his fucking soul and your magic cards Oh boy Can you explain what these magic hands are well his fucking soul and your magic cards oh boy well like you but worse in 1996 kids bullied the magic well the UGio kids had black kids too so yeah well
Starting point is 00:15:57 there wasn't a lot of black magic players besides David Williams Hall of Famer well I took the gathering. Invented collectible card. We should go to the Hall of Fame. It's an excellent game. It's like poker meets chess. It's takes a very high IQ to master and a lifetime to enjoy. And I've been playing it since I was twelve years old. Oh, well, it's been.
Starting point is 00:16:24 What do you got? What's what's your obsession you want to go you want to go back to Australia and a body bag we've been talking about wrestling yeah something else you're real nerdy about yeah maybe conducting your legs look like they like like to conduct trains you couldn't wear your hat because they'd be jealous of Mark's fans but um I don't talk about magic on the pond oh you talk about magic on the pond. Yes you do. No I don't.
Starting point is 00:16:47 Oh you talk about it after shows with people. Well secretly if they're real heads. You know how much fucking shame I have playing magic? It was four. Oh I have so much shame. I never talked about it ever. Like Nick Salazar didn't know I played magic, like Jan Seacock did. David Borey knew that I had my Friday night pals
Starting point is 00:17:05 Yeah, and that was fucking embarrassing. I was like so happy when football season we go over in middle school So I could get back to the card shop Yeah, yeah, do you need a high? HQ to them IQ to be to be good at it at the highest levels like the Hall of Famers and like the Pro Tour Is like very very like serial killer levels of IQ Yeah, a lot of like MIT Harvard like autism and when you're playing When you're playing on your phone, are you playing real people? I'm playing other adult men Yeah, you talking to them. No. No, you can't communicate because they knew what would happen. You can only there's like five
Starting point is 00:17:43 Selected things you can say you can say like good game good luck nice like nice is what you say when you're pissed your mom's a cunt yeah how far we in how far we had for the algo is it nine minutes yeah we're over now you guys don't say the big C here all you and right notice not as much as Australia. Not as much as Australia. Australia loves it. Did you pick it up when you moved to Australia? Yeah for sure. Yeah. Yeah, especially because loving up north and it's like said a lot. Richo says it all the time. Too much bro, he says it too much for my personal opinion but it is funny. It can be a harsh word. It sucks. Some comedy clubs, I don't know if you remember it, the one in Brisbane, Sit Down Comedy.
Starting point is 00:18:26 It's a great club. Yeah. Don't say it. Really? Unless you're gonna say it like in a good joke, but don't say it on stage. Sure. Huh.
Starting point is 00:18:35 It's in the green room. Yeah, they have one at Rogan's Club where it's that, but it's for the N word. Fair. Fair enough. What are you looking at? Just then what are you fucking looking at? Don't drink it all. I drink it all. That sounded like the bottom. I drink it all out. Can't wait to split this thing open. I'm gonna go outside, split this open,
Starting point is 00:18:58 get in the hot tub nude. Where this pause is gonna be 40 minutes long. There's a camera in there. Guess what? I'm gonna swallow it That is a camera, isn't it? Yeah, pretty sure looks like it has to be and for sure Is it okay? It's their property. Can they have cameras wherever they want except for the bathroom? It is outside and it's not a bathroom So I think it's okay. Yeah, we're fucked. I've been using it as a bathroom I bet that tub is full mostly to check and see if people are using it after Ted Bringing and bringing in glass. Yeah, they don't anybody doing the stone-cold kid in the hot tub. Yeah, there's no party. I'm those together God damn it
Starting point is 00:19:42 And I mean how how fun would that be to do that? And he doesn't have to clean him up to be able to be that guy, do it and then walk away. Somebody else cleans it up. Two more beers. Turn your best around. That was take two. Cause he was wearing the best in reverse. One thing I've enjoyed about this trip is actually all the wrestling we've been talking about. Oh yeah. Well I'm glad you've been enjoying it. Yeah, I didn't realize how much of a wrestling nerd you are, bro.
Starting point is 00:20:14 I didn't know what a nuanced take I had on Goldberg and how I dislike him. So you freaked out. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I know. Me and Lon talked about that later, eh? Really? Yeah, we were like, what happened with Sam? It was funny that you had such a strong opinion against Goldberg, because at that time he like,
Starting point is 00:20:31 was a massive, huge deal, and he really helped WCW by at least a couple years, because they didn't have a lot going. Like, out of nowhere, he was just like this, superstar. Made me turn off the product. And it's funny that you didn't like him But I know what you're saying he beat up a lot of like lower guys for quite a long time Yeah, like I said, it was humor and he couldn't talk. Yeah, so I'm cold like I'm gonna kick your ass dickhead And it's like whoa, this is nuts Like doing a haka, but Jewish haka. He was kind of a Jewish, Maori.
Starting point is 00:21:11 But yeah, you were like, eh. Or a lot of people, that's when both were pretty solid for a stretch, so you could watch both, like I did, and really nerd out. And remember, way too much wrestling stuff to impress Mark with. He hadn't seen Shockmaster until last night. Wow.
Starting point is 00:21:30 Showed him the Shockmaster. It was super funny. It was really, really funny. And that guy was like a legend who had a great career and then they made him do that. Yeah, that sucks. It would have been bad enough if he would have just come out and been the Shockmaster,
Starting point is 00:21:41 but he fell on his face. What is the Shockmaster? Looked like a doof. It's a two in the stink. Bring it up. It's two in the stink, one in the stink. Pull it up, Baga. would have just come out and been the shock master, but he fell on his face. What is the shock master? It's a two in the stink. Bring it up. It's two in the stink, one in the pink. Pull it up, Binger. We'll watch it after, but yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:51 Just a guy was supposed to debut by breaking through a wall. We could put it up real quick. Yeah. Because we watched it, and I was like saying to Lon, there's actually no way to redeem that. Like I was saying, should he have laid down for a bit longer and then done something else? He should have sold that he tore his ACL. He shouldn't have
Starting point is 00:22:07 got up because as soon as you put the helmet back on, it's over. You die and you let him bring the lights down. Tell me back. Oh, you'll see. Yeah. Cause the funniest part for me bros, the way he like the way he straightens up again and just like stands there Tries to be scary That's not him talking it's a voiceover from Oli Anderson who had like really deep voice here we go Becker you haven't seen this no. Oh my god. Oh, don't be good. He put it up We're just gonna watch it and then we'll edit it in I Probably can't know. I mean we'll cut back. Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's just watch it and then we'll edit it in. I probably can't. No, I mean we'll cut back.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Oh yeah, yeah. Let's just watch it and then we'll come in. Oh, gotcha, yeah. And we're back. So Becker, your thoughts? Becker. That poor fat man. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:58 Yeah, like what? Did they put a stud a foot up for no fucking reason? They reinforced like almost all of it so that it looked, there was like more of a pop to it or something. Okay. But they like did it down there too, or like he didn't kick as well. Yeah. So he just did all of the force in knocking it out at his fucking tits height. And then tumbled right through.
Starting point is 00:23:22 And tumbled for you. And passed over cheek-head-el. Up and over because it's like shin height. Uh height uh-huh oh that's so fucking good they thought that was gonna save wrestling huh they didn't think psycho Sid and Booker T that legendary tag team versus Davey Boy and Sting would move any tickets Davey Boy has beach braids like he just got back from Cosmo after spring break did you guys have those braids growing up here? Yeah, not that people would go to like Fiji or like Vanuatu and come back and go first white girls, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:23:52 And we had him on our wedding day. Yeah, as soon as your helmet fucking falls off, you can't put it back on and have another guy go, oh, come at me. Did he do that more or did they go like, you blew it buddy. That guy's dead. Yeah, they were, they were, his first match was supposed to be probably a few days after that. And I don't know if they made him tough then and then changed him but pretty quick he was like the lovable he was uncle Fred and he was a lovable guy who was trying his best
Starting point is 00:24:32 or whatever really yeah yeah pretty much he was just like he was well he wasn't like sad about it that was definitely in the ring and he would go they had ladies gentlemen, I'm doing the best I can. Listen, god damn it. I hate shit, all right? I'm a guy. I'm not a literal shock master. I'm just a man. I know a lot of you thought I was, in fact, a shock master. I am not.
Starting point is 00:24:59 I'm just a guy like you. They really did turn him into like a. Putting the helmet on. He had to own it. And saying, I'll kill you. They really did turn him into like a Putting the helmet on He had to own it And say I'll kill you I'm still not over that Come at me
Starting point is 00:25:16 You just, you're titanized Emi said his belly looked fake Yeah, he had a pregnancy belly on It's like the fuckin' It's the seventh gimmick you've been through. You're like, I used to fucking main event with Hogan. I got this helmet on. Well, would you rather be tugboat or the tugboat looked hilarious. It was these red and white tugboat. He was my favorite. I loved it. I was for kids. I loved him. Yeah, he did this. But it was a boat. Yeah, you
Starting point is 00:25:48 do that on the water too. Dude, if you want to hear a horn, you honk it. No matter Lancy or air. But yeah, tugboat was ridiculous. Typhoon and earthquake were show Becker tugboat. No, no, we'll look after. I'm excited for after the looks like a sailor boy like Do you want to be a sailor? Sailor boy for your birthday or Ryan Sandberg or fucking Leslie Nielsen I want to be a shock master So yeah, he looked ridiculous then. Shockmaster would have been dumb. They tried to be like, hey, what are you going to do? We should look that up.
Starting point is 00:26:30 What they did with the pivot. Because he did have to be just like, yeah, I dicked that one, didn't I? But I'm going to go out there and show them what's what. And yeah, I don't know how much longer he did that. Sorry, I said I'll kill you right away, folks. Yeah, he overreacted, I said I'll kill you right away, folks.
Starting point is 00:26:45 Yeah, he overreacts. I'll fucking kill you. Here, I wanna show Becker Tugboat. All right, well why don't I show our listeners a cool product that they might enjoy? Oh yeah. Right, cause we've been having a good time with some of our, some of our favorite
Starting point is 00:27:05 medications. And when your brain needs a break, you turn to buy the gimme a lollipop or else. Yeah. Was that his own character? Did somebody give him that? He was given. He didn't come to Vince and say, Hey, somebody got up with Vince came up with wrestling genius. Man, I was like, let's put a little, Oh my God. It's me. Your little cutie. It's an ice cream parlor. It looks like London when you don't let them have the last bite of your soup. Yeah. Let's get into that. Hey, son of a, you son of a, I came came in to get you know how much of your soup I wanted I had a fork and you still were like Perfectly calculated my next three bites. I knew every grain of rice left. I didn't want I know but I had the right amount of
Starting point is 00:27:56 Soup the heat and it's like you didn't have enough meals I just wanted a fork a couple times worth no taste. It wasn't even a spoon Yeah, exactly. You still want risked it all wanted a fork a couple times worth. No taste. It wasn't even a spoon Sam. Exactly. And you still risked it all. I did. He saw red. Hey dude. And you heard Chevelle. I stood my ground. That was Castle Doctrine. Let me read this. Great. Go ahead. Vaya. You know you should chill out with some Vaya. I'd love to. They're changing the game in natural wellness combining high quality hemp derived ingredients with powerful cannabinoids You can't drink that to create real effect driven results whether you're looking to improve focus mark
Starting point is 00:28:33 Study for your big test your paternity test sleep if you want to be able to sleep a little more You want to help your love life or you just want to chill out? Viya's got you covered. I'd like to turn this thing into a bong your love life or you just want to chill out via's got you covered like to turn this thing into a bong With products like calming drops gummies and more ranging from zero to high cannabinoid levels You can choose what you're in the mood for each and every time We have enjoyed this shit since they gave it to us since our mom has had us and look We if you listen to the patreon episode you heard becker We, if you listen to the Patreon episode, you heard Becker rip Lund's head off when it comes to cannabis products.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Well, Viya makes it easy. So you don't have to threaten your friend with a knife because every two tokes that you take is a third of a joint that I don't get. You're taking weed out of my baby's mouth. I'm my baby. I'm the baby and I have to love me. And the only way I can do that is when I have cannabis in my brain Well via makes it so easy to get these products to your house and that way you don't have to
Starting point is 00:29:31 Break into your neighbor's house and steal his You don't have to be out there selling your hole at truck stops near Rotorua Just to get some joint money like old Becker over here. I mean you've had an edible in your day right Mark? Well plenty. There you go. So take Mark's word for it. Viya's got really great stuff. I don't know if they have it over here for you but if they do you should check it out. Hey, I like that.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Here we are. There's no doctor's note or medical card needed and Viya ships discreetly. Don't look at the camera nobody say nobody has to know your business god you're a little rat person if you're not even a rat person you're a nutria you're a huge nutria local favorite local problem regional nuisance if you're in fact that sure check out the link to VIA in our description and use the code CHUBBY to receive 15% off free shipping on orders over $100. And if you're new to VIA, get a free gift of your choice. After you purchase they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them
Starting point is 00:30:50 we sent you enhance your everyday with Viya. Viya rules. Lasted every day who cares. You know what I mean? You get it in the mail in the States just like you did in Australia. My prescription that's pretty cool. You need a prescription for Viya though. How much can you get? That's not the point. That's cool. Yeah, I don't think they limit how much you can buy. Send you a plane full if you want it. They crash the plane into, well not your house, you put obviously something you don't like. School or hospital. No, they just, yeah, they drop it from from the sky from a plane and then you have to catch it. Yeah, like this though. Yeah, they drop it from the sky from a plane and then you have to catch it. Yeah, like this though.
Starting point is 00:31:25 It's called the Yoshi Air Drop. They have a new Kiwi flavored one too. Sit back please, you're a carrier. Let's move back a little bit. Beep, beep, there you go. That's good, that's better. Give me the extra three inches. How about this?
Starting point is 00:31:40 I'm like that god damn Uber driver who just sneezed on my head. That was gross. Speaking of an extra three inches, also let's start it off verbatim you're not broken all right you just haven't tried hims yet you're not broke you're not broken is the opener yeah what you're not broken him is that because we keep calling them broke dick jagoffs or whatever no I think it's just a general thing that occurs sometimes with the ED. Huh. So you think that something's wrong with you that you're broken it's not true. You just haven't gotten some hems
Starting point is 00:32:11 inside of you. Right I mean one knows about ED. We call him the horseman because he's Mr. Ed. My dick is ceremonial. Yes do that bit. Hymns? Come see me at Sisyphus brewing to see more yeah day after Christmas hims gives me that's definitely not a prank booking for sure it would make more sense that I set you up for this that I hit up Sam and Sisyphus and was like hey here's somebody's really funny all right we're gonna have one come head like nothing no no look like me. No, no, no, no dwarves. All dwarves and they're all dressed like they're all dressed like elves because they just it's
Starting point is 00:32:50 the last day. Yes. They got the day off. They're wasted. They're all wearing Lund hats to cover their entire faces. Their feet aren't touching the ground, but you walk out and they're like, Yeah. They're all wearing shock master helmets. Also, there's no backstage. So I'm just in the back of the room, seeing them like, God damn it. So I'd get the full effect. And then do I go up there and do the show? Yeah. Of course.
Starting point is 00:33:18 I'm there to do the job. So I do the job, but they don't laugh. Here's what we do, force perspective. Just like we learned in Hobbit Town today, you think from the back of the room that they're all normal-sized people but then as you approaching it closer it turns out no they're small. Good don't have an hour. I know the- Let's line up shortest to tallest. I'll be in the middle.
Starting point is 00:33:54 The lines start on each side of me. I'm the sixth tallest. But yeah. I I think I saw a big phallus in a room full of 150 dwarfs. God, it sucks so bad there was no dwarfs today. One hobbit walked by. No! She wasn't a dwarf, but she was a hobbit. Yeah, I know she was. She was an ugly woman.
Starting point is 00:34:37 It's not a dwarf. Oh, come on. What? She was ugly. Yes. I just heard her and said, ugh. Yeah. Oh, come on. For sure, she looked like a hobbit. Emi white
Starting point is 00:34:46 Did you see her and go? Great it's not her fault. Well, yeah hims can help you there too. It was all right If I was a bunch of dwarves there, I wouldn't you ever need to get Walking around knocking over honey pot your head I'd be swinging every pot on the wall hard sideways even if you don't want to if you want to get a promotion or whatever go Hems or go home. I haven't even read any of this. That's alright. We don't need to. We got a bunch of great stuff. Hymns gives men access to personalized prescription treatments for ED so you
Starting point is 00:35:35 can get your confidence back in the bedroom. Mark, I know you had the yips you said. Honey. Penis wise. Honey, I can't get hard. It turns out I was the sixth tallest dwarf. I got nothing. You can't lay with honey. I can't get hard. It turns out I was the sixth tallest dwarf. I Got nothing. You can't lay with sleepy. I'm taking some real dark energy into 2026, babe I was real excited for these two shows. Guess what big old prank from Sam. Oh, yeah, he's got a fire With his family their opening presents. I'm in Minneapolis The coldest dick part of the year. She's like hey FaceTime me. She does I'm in Minneapolis, the coldest dick part of the year. She's like, hey, FaceTime me. She does. I'm in bed with her. I'm in your house, dressed in all
Starting point is 00:36:09 your clothes. The dogs are licking my face. I'm like, haha, we're scrolling. Happy Christmas. Alright. There goes my bedroom confidence. Jesus. With treatments that cost 95% less than brand names, you'll be saving a ton of money and saving face between the sheets. You don't know about faces in between the sheets because you don't go down. Oh yeah I do. You're like Biggie.
Starting point is 00:36:39 You're like Notorious B-I-G, U-W-O-N-T. No, I'm the notorious P I G. I say Emmy, fill up the trough. With options like hard. Put the scraps in there. What are the scrap? Whatever she has left over. With options like.
Starting point is 00:36:54 Mostly pubes he says. With options like hard mints and sex RX plus climax control. Ooh, I did that. You're sure to find something that's right for you. The process is totally online, so no doctor's visits and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. That climax control would be really handy
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Starting point is 00:37:40 Hit her with the D. Lo Brown man, well I'm gonna hit her with the D-low Brown. Oh man, well, start your free online visit today at hims.com slash chubby. Find ED treatment that's up to 95% less than brand names at hi-ms.com slash chubby. Hims.com slash chubby. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan.
Starting point is 00:38:00 Featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required to see website for details restrictions and important safety information whoo and We're clear. Ah Good work guys What a wild ride well
Starting point is 00:38:21 We've done way too much to even try and catalog it all in the next five seconds No, no, you're you keep getting your hopes up. They were almost done. We're wrapping it down and wrapping up No, no, we're not. It's just in we're using climax. We've got a letter from little Gary Wananopoulos out of Bloomington, Indiana. He says Casey My great-great-grandfather fought in World War one and two. He wasn't supposed to he gave his all twice For this country of ours. His favorite song was put another coat on the garage by Elvis's brother
Starting point is 00:38:59 Dwayne Presley We're gonna play that song right now. I thought it sounded like Casey Kasem. Yeah, I don't know what you were doing. That's why I just explained it. Let's get you out of here, big guy. Maybe Mark should talk a little bit. I've been talking for the last at least 40 minutes. Who's your favorite, me or Sam? Oh, come on.
Starting point is 00:39:16 Probably Becker. Now, Mark, you told us a couple of fun stories in the van. You've lived a crazy life over this way, you know? We drove through your hometown today. Yeah, that was really cool. Yeah, that was nice. That pie spot was the best pie I've had in all of New Zealand. I think so for me too, bro. Excellent pie. It was really good. That one and we had, I forgot what the other one was. It was really good too. Now, when I say pie, I'm talking about beef, ground beef that is, with a gravy type coating. And then there's some cheese in there allegedly.
Starting point is 00:39:52 Yeah. And they bake it into a little pot pie type delivery device. And it's really all we've been eating since we've been here. And it's a common staple of New Zealand. It can be breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a lot of food you out you could be able to eat Underground or on your way being delivered underground in some kind of cart because there's so much mining in the history of this place Yes, it was it's definitely a lot of food that like some lady wearing rags was like
Starting point is 00:40:17 Hey, Mesh, don't forget your pie Comes trundling back wearing like, you know fireproof clothes before he climbs into a kiln Before he gets lit on fire cuz that's his job. Mm-hmm. He has to be fired There's nothing based a hot pot on the morning as well. Yeah, you're telling me man Yeah, I've been having a lot of hot pie since I mean I said IED that time and she's your hottest You don't have to put your you have to take your shoes off at the airport So you might as well go for it. Yeah people. Yeah people that's really trying to run through with their shoes on
Starting point is 00:40:55 Because they don't know that it's okay now. It's like goddamn Get him. Oh What about this? I thought about this a while back You know how when the Beatles were really big they had their fans these young women that would scream and lose their minds and chase After them. Yeah, what I thought about you and your fans doing that to you, but they're they're your fans They're not like cool chicks. There's some cool chicks. Not really I mean these people these throngs of yours. Yeah would be your just just your typical Dwangus not chubby behemoth fans. They're good-looking magic players. I'm talking about like But just Sam Talon only
Starting point is 00:41:35 Yeah, the true the true head the ones that have some taste like you a lot don't know who I am fans of literary fiction No, not from the book from anything else else Well, I feel like my podcast appearances Yeah, when I when I've been in Harper's Bazaar talking about the zeitgeist and what's next? No, not them The guy just guys with like an eagle shirt on backwards hat zins They can't wait to show you that they also use in they scream and run at you You have to run I like the idea of them chasing you. Right. And you know you can't let them get to you
Starting point is 00:42:07 or else they'll tear you apart because they love you so much. Because that was like real and insane. Elvis and the Beatles had to deal with that. But yeah, I wish you had to deal with that. I wish you had to get hurried into cars and be kind of scared because there's 80 dudes that want a piece of you somehow.
Starting point is 00:42:25 They name their creative team on NCAA. They want to smell your hair. Sam Talent, yeah. They want a piece of you, like your shirt. They want my you zins. Yeah, spit it, spit it at me. Spit it, hawk two on that thang. They just quote internet memes.
Starting point is 00:42:42 The kind of guys who get let's fucking go tattooed on their ring finger. LFG instead of a wedding ring. Guys who would beat the shit out of Becker. And just, yeah. I know you could beat them up, but they'd want to. What is some of the bigger, hairier cretins, you know? And maybe there's some lung guys in there.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Well the lung guys are on all fours. They're all in the trash. Just losing their shit for you and you like looking back down an alley while you run away like it's been a hard day's night It's really been getting me. That's great. I like that. I haven't said anything. I'm like hiding from like a mannequin in a shop Yeah, yeah you have to pretend you jump into a sewer newspaper on the park bench right right hide in a telephone box yes yeah duck into a massage parlor yeah come out with a cigarette yeah poke out oiled sig hey how about that fucking fun picture that the Japanese food place made us the other day oh I haven I haven't. I've been thinking
Starting point is 00:43:46 about it all the time. That was really funny. That was that they sent all of us to all of us just laughing and him, the guy who delivered the good news. Oh, he loved it. They, we went to New Flavor in Auckland, shout out our friend, poet laureate of Denver, Ken Archine, who since renounced his American citizenship and moved to Auckland, which is a great city. It is. It's a great city. Yeah, yeah, it was. I wish we had more time. I was going to say a great American place, but it's not.
Starting point is 00:44:15 You were thinking of Denver. I was. But anyway, we went to this place and they take a picture of you if you have the upstairs table, the party of eight table. And the guy comes over, he's very Asian, he's nice, we're having a good time, he takes the picture and he comes back with a laminated version of that picture
Starting point is 00:44:32 that he's printed out downstairs very quickly. It says wide world party on it, which is very fun. It didn't take him long, eh? No, no, no. It was real quick. That's his whole job. He's not a waiter, he doesn't work in the kitchen. He laminates the pictures So he says if you turn your airdrop on I will send you the photo
Starting point is 00:44:52 So you have the digital version so Joe turns his airdrop on and he receives two files and Joe says oh There's two and the guy says that's right And we had no idea what it could have been. It would have made more sense if it was a picture of his penis. And then he just winked at Joe and blew him a kiss. No, through the magic of AI, this gentleman had turned us all Japanese.
Starting point is 00:45:18 Yes. I am Japanese. I'm wearing, we're all wearing kimonos in the photograph. A lot of big buns. Big buns, yep. Samurai knots. Becker looks better than he does right now, honestly. Probably. But I don't look like I'm all there. No, no. You look like Hashimoto. Um, Den of a Friend was it? The poet, I forgot his name. Ken Arkine.
Starting point is 00:45:39 Yeah. Yes. He's really cool. He's very cool. He also looked Japanese in the photo. Joe looked very Japanese. Emmy looked like a geisha. It helped that Lun was already doing Chinese eyes. He was pulling them already. No, I was just sitting there looking dumb,
Starting point is 00:45:57 but in the picture, I'm throwing up two threes, and they're like Ws, like Wide World. Did he do that to match Wide wide world? I don't know We'll never know we won't Laughed so hard, and then he just like nodded and he was laughing very hard as well. It was a nice moment Because no one could be mad at us for that like if they find that on your phone You can be like no no new flavor Auckland. It was silly. It was fun. We're very unexpected I don't know what he was gonna bring up for us and then after that we flipped off that statue of that
Starting point is 00:46:27 little boy. Oh yeah fuck that little boy. Back into the coconut. There's a big arm. Fuck end it. Still tuckering. We've got four seconds left. What'd you call it? Tuckering in. Tuckering yeah it's tuckering me out honestly. We pulled it in and tuckered out. Like a raccoon but, there was a little boy statue that has been built in the Chinatown district of Auckland. That was massive I expected you I didn't know if Ken mentioned that it was huge that I pictured a little green looking Statue or a pewter statue or made of stones. I didn't expect it to look like it was out of a flaming lips music video. Young boys life for the Boy Scouts of America magazine. Right. It was it had to be I don't know 130 feet tall. It probably weighed 12 tons. It was
Starting point is 00:47:16 massive. Yeah. It was it had a Dennis the Menace type thing like red striped shirt, shorts on. It was tugboat. T-esque. Tugboat would have been good. But I guess they just showed up, Ken said one day, and everyone hates it because it just represents how unstoppable gentrification is, because now white people are moving into this neighborhood. Oh good, a white kid, a white boy. My rent's about to triple.
Starting point is 00:47:38 Oh no, it's a boy. Attack of the boy. You couldn't live in that neighborhood. Why not? You you get distracted? Oh To any ramifications by the boy. Oh, no, I'm not talking about the ramifications of a Chinese lifestyle But to relax from all the massages. Yes Tomorrow we're gonna get mudded up. I mean are we doing the mud bath? Solemn nod from empty
Starting point is 00:48:09 Beth. Solemn nod from old MT. Mark, do you want to tell that insane story you told us earlier? No pressure, obviously. It's very personal. Yeah, the first one? Yeah, yeah. The one why we drove by that house. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You mentioned this story when you were young and then you said you lost a different conversation. I said, oh, you lost your virginity in this town, right? Cause you grew up here. You're like, yeah, 19. Was it like the first time you had sex? One time you had sex, you had to deal with this aftermath
Starting point is 00:48:33 or just pretty much early? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You were new to the game. Yeah. So we, yeah, we'll yeah, I put that together earlier. I was like, oh shit was this like a one and done anyway, so yeah Yeah, so we're not we're not quite but for those for those listening. We're driving through a town called Tim's and before we entered that town Talk a story for the boat to the boy. Hey, you want to hear something funny? You guys want to hear something? But yeah, I just told my story when I was 19. I got this girl pregnant and The town will going through Tim's But yeah, I just told my story when I was 19, I got this girl pregnant and the town we're going through Tim's when I was growing up and the Tim's hospital once a month would
Starting point is 00:49:11 be like kind of like abortion day I guess or whatever you want to call it. You sure? So me and my girlfriend. They didn't call it that. No, no, no, they didn't call it that. They probably called it a scrape job roundup. Scrapey Mondays. Scrapey Mondays.
Starting point is 00:49:23 Scrapey Mondays. What am I? We're the backseat bastards we believe in women's health. Get a body. Yeah. Time for a quick body. Okay. So you. So me, my girlfriend at the time and her mom go to the abortion clinic. You went with her mom too? Yeah. She drove. I didn't know that. Yeah because someone, because I didn't have a license at the time and someone had to drive back and because my girlfriend at the time couldn't drive. You can't have your girlfriend riding on your pegs to the Abo clinic. So we get there bro and it happens that day too they have all the anti
Starting point is 00:50:01 abortion protesters there and stuff and that was pretty wild. We're here for a different thing. Yeah that was pretty pretty hectic and we go in there and stuff and my girlfriend's mom she was like pretty like everyone knew her there. No no. Everyone was like, good to see you. The usual. Right this way. Oh, I see. I see you brought the one that got away. Her daughter, her alive daughter. Yeah, she was pretty like, just like a hippie bro, pretty down to earth.
Starting point is 00:50:41 But they made a decision decision the mum and my girlfriend at the time to like keep the baby afterwards bro and it was it was pretty heated because right on the cutoff date so like because we go on there and stuff and then my girlfriend goes in for the operation whatever the procedure and because I'm like so like nervous and anxious products go to sleep for a little bit You passed out. Yeah pass. Yeah, and then I woke up and She's packed bro. You're like a possum. Yeah, that's your fear response. How do you look like a possum? Also when presented with stress you
Starting point is 00:51:18 Play dead. Yeah, it's like those goats brothers. It's like get stuff and just Sure. Well getting stiff is how you got into this mess You're overwhelmed like my god Your body tried to save you from freaking out Knocking your ass out. It was freaking out. I gotta get through these ends so I can start smoking again But yeah, that all happens right and then she comes up Brian the I can just got the baby in a bag like a little takeaway like For us to take home with us and like in order
Starting point is 00:51:46 to eventually cremate. Yes we want to get cremated and that's something I think you... It's such a funny... I don't know if you still do that in New Zealand. Yeah they probably got rid of that when yeah when there was some yeah some hiccups some weird conversations. So yeah that's happening. Honey no I'll get the groceries. You get the back of the car what the fuck. Yeah it's loose man. It's a loose stitch, loose unit. But yeah just on the way home with it in my hands because it's cool because I wasn't cool. No I guess it was kind of cool but crazy but I could see it's like fingers and stuff and it's like little head but this is like the most strange thing was broke because like we wanted to get it cremated but we couldn't find anywhere
Starting point is 00:52:27 in our town that would do it or yeah this would do it so we had some had to put it somewhere bro so we just put it in the bottom of the freezer. Big in the kitchen. Next to the peas and the pies. And the ice creams. And the ice cream speaking of which I'm about to have one I'm about to have two. And the ice cream, speaking of which, I'm about to have one, I'm about to have two. And didn't you say you were concerned with having Oh, it was a party house. The remains of the procedure. It was a party house.
Starting point is 00:52:53 It was kind of like a lot of people coming in, a lot of people coming out. Yeah, it was a bit of a Becker's brain just came out of his nose. The person living there sold weed. So it was like constantly people coming in and it was pretty relaxed. So like if you were hungry,
Starting point is 00:53:04 so you know, go help yourself from the fridge. Sure. And yeah, I was freaking out though. Some would come out and defrost it or chuck it in the microwave or something. I know let's hear it popping. When you told us to get the oil hot, fry up some chicken tendies. I think we got some prawns over here. But we eventually, eventually we got a cremator. I got to take this real cool spot down the South Island with these on the beach and there's these natural boulders that are like big circles. Yeah. And just sprinkle it there.
Starting point is 00:53:34 But yeah, it is a funny little, all right, and your cremation. All right, here's some numbers to call. Good luck with that. Here's your baby. Yeah, I know, right? Here's your borscht. Yeah. Oh. Funny. Life's a funny fucking thing. Here's your prize. Which school are you going to take them to?
Starting point is 00:53:55 Are you thinking private or? They give you a little bike and a helmet. Propeller BD. Holy shit. They got me snowed. and a helmet propeller BD oh man yeah someone I didn't have to go through with it Sam did dozens of times he kept forgetting he kept forgetting to pull out like almost every yeah for sure. So yeah, they know it all. Yeah, it wasn't does you feel the debate small team with a bullpen
Starting point is 00:54:39 including catchers. But it was pretty crazy because like told you that story actually drove past that house and I lost my Virginia in that house too that we drove past. Damn. To the mob? Well that is something else and look it hasn't been just this Macaws gummo down under type situation that Mark just described. It's actually a beautiful, beautiful place. And Mark's been a great guide. We were able to dig those holes yesterday in the beach. That was fun. What a beach. We went to Hobbiton today. Not a single dwarf. I had a fun bit.
Starting point is 00:55:16 We only got reprimanded once. Met a guy from Jamaica. Yeah. Fuck. Allegedly. What the fuck was that? He probably doesn't listen. No way. Maybe he doesn't. No way. Maybe. He just listens so he doesn't know what we look like. Can we know his Becker's face?
Starting point is 00:55:32 Cause he looks like his uncle. What? Remember he said his uncle was black, didn't he? So here's what happened. We go to Hobbiton today. Yeah, I was like what? Yeah, and people think that Becker's black and then they meet him and they're like,
Starting point is 00:55:44 I've never been more wrong, but Hobbiton Becker was sick until we got to Hobbiton and then he had a blast But Pat is actually sick Pat's still getting sicker. He didn't take any drugs today Right, right, right. So for his insulin and I'm full of whatever is in that box Right Emmy's been feeding you all types of laboratory chemicals But we get there so we're two down on the squad Mark's doing a good job But Mark's like moved to tears by the bus ride to Hobbiton. They got me out of nowhere
Starting point is 00:56:19 Yeah, you've got emotional we pulled up. I was just like, oh no. Yeah. Whoa, I didn't catch that Yeah, I would have made fun of you. I'm like that a little bit. Good. Right. And I was like, okay, so Mark's weeping. Okay. Uh, that was beautiful. One kept, uh, do you think about all the hard work that went into the movies? Yeah. Everything. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it means. Everything's everything. The Kiwi nation. Yeah. I'll serve Peter Jackson. And that was kind of proud too, I think. Should be. And you guys were there, yeah it was nice. Dude, you should only be proud.
Starting point is 00:56:48 Yeah I am, bro. This country dude, and I mean we saw a shitload of it. This is a great fucking country. It is, it really is. Anyone would be lucky to live here and build a life here. It's just, I've never been anywhere that I was like, fuck. Everything that we value in America has been disproven by this place,
Starting point is 00:57:06 and everyone's just laid back, keeping it casual. They don't boss you around unless there's some fucking trans plan who pretends to be black from Kingston, Jamaica. And he did, he got up our ass, because it was just, you know, I was doing a funny bit where I pretended like a... Like you were in Dub Dub Doo? Well, no, I pretended like I was in fucking Nom.
Starting point is 00:57:30 Nom? Yeah. Well, I wanted to say Dub Dub Doo. Oh yeah, Dub Dub Doo. Which she said at a Dub Dub One memorial. Yes, Dub Dub Doo's the big one mon. That's how Kingston describes it. The kid's name was Kingston and he looked like the sweet life of Zach and Cody.
Starting point is 00:57:48 But he was like, yeah my uncle's black. But anyway. Patrick Mahomes. He yelled at Bonzo because I was running around pretending to shoot up all the hobbit holes. And I was like throwing grenades at an umbrella. I had it as a bazooka and I was blasting all the sheep I was saying we don't need a warrant. I am the judge and I keep pounding on the doors Yeah, it was just me
Starting point is 00:58:14 Turning Hobbit town to glass because I kept saying in the camera that we found petroleum and precious gems underneath it So America needed it, so I'm here to seal the deal. So I got away with that for an hour. You told me to do one thing and you said get my six and then you started talking about taking them out and I was like this is gonna last for four seconds right the more of us that are doing it and I didn't want to get yelled at so I played I started to sing in the rain with my umbrella I was dig Van Dyke and I skipped away yeah I mean while that you can you're doing the hut yeah what else sucks is the decision to be a part of a smaller group may have backfired because if there were a ton of people then you could have done we could have done
Starting point is 00:59:00 whatever we wanted in the back I'd rather contend with one tour guide than 35 people I don't care if anyone else tells me getting distracted Yeah, right and then we had that German family whose babies kept crapping themselves All right. Oh, yeah, they had to like get like get a radio in say we've got a mom and a baby and they need the toilet So that baby was just full of crap and I'm running around You know Bonzo has never laughed as hard as he had it. That's why I kept doing it because he was cracking up and
Starting point is 00:59:29 when he's cracking up, you know, it's good. We, I kept saying like, I can't tell if those are kids or hobbits. Yeah. God will sort them out. You know, just popping their heads. So anyway, Bonzo after an hour of this, anytime I'm alone. I try to be good cop and like ask, ask Kingston questions about the film. Meanwhile, I'm like, he's gotta notice his whole thing is that he has to see what everybody is group is doing. I kept saying, he has to check in with everybody. He sees you.
Starting point is 01:00:01 He made a point of telling me and Pat that we were lovely. I kept kept saying shit like wait that it seemed like he was being like you two were good meanwhile Yeah, meanwhile, I'm like we just poisoned the wells. I Think the orphanage is this way that was a big one that got bonds. Oh, I'm so what holy shit But yeah, so that was a lot of fun we had and then Bonzo got told off and then we had to just play it By you know normal for the second half of it But yeah Hobbiton was a worth every penny place was fucking rad. Yeah Right got a free mug it was under construction That was cool. Yeah, it's gonna be even cooler in a year or whatever.
Starting point is 01:00:45 Did I say what little building in there? Laser tag. They're doing one of the bigger venues. Putting in dispensary. That'd be sick. He was like, it wasn't marijuana, it was tobacco. It's like, hey Kingston, you're 18. I'm 38.
Starting point is 01:01:01 When I was first getting laid, guess where you were? In some guy's nads. You want to talk to me about being cool? Hey Kingston, the first time I smoked weed, you were negative six. So do you want to crawl over, or should I get the leash out? Fucking freak. So anyway, he tries to make us feel bad, and then as soon as he's alone with Mark... Well, I mean, also, did you see there's like so much money involved that there's like Handlers where we need it that are like walking through like I don't know if they're just like Making sure that they don't catch us stealing something or starting a fire. It was weird though. I don't know if it was just normal
Starting point is 01:01:39 Oh, we're walking around or if it's like eagle-eyed. There's 8,000 cameras in there and they're all seeing what you're doing. Well, yeah, and then meanwhile, I'm like All gave some like having a flash. They're in the trees. I Mean it was a hoot dude It's the most fun you could have at a Hobbit town unless you were a hobbit and there weren't any so I want my money back But what else was there? Oh, so anyway, he gets alone with you and what did he say to you mark about being from Jamaica Oh, yeah, tell me so yeah from from Jamaica But his like grand his granddad was uncles like really quite got quite dark a black guy Yeah, black guy and he's there too. And he's just like yeah, he's just like he's so
Starting point is 01:02:24 What he's saying? He's like darker. He's just like yeah he's just like he's so what he's saying he's like darker he's so dark he's like a minute from midnight he's so black the only difference between him and midnight is 1159 there we go what about being on look like he was from under the bed he's so black he looks like under the bed he is under the bed he said all of the old wasn't there another one kid there wasn't another one was the tea thing oh after he said all of the old ones. What else did he say? Wasn't there another one? There wasn't another one? He said the tea thing. What was the tea thing?
Starting point is 01:02:49 Oh, after he said all that, I was just like, oh, bro, it doesn't matter how much milk there is in the tea, it's still tea. My man. Because he was telling us how dark he gets in the summer. He had male acne. Yeah. Black guys don't get acne. He had a lot of things. They do? Yeah. You live and you learn
Starting point is 01:03:06 If you want to live and learn from me come see me in Perth July 19th come see me in Dayton, Ohio the following weekend. We've got Irvine. We've got Sacramento. We've got Seattle coming up Salt Lake City Salt Lake City. Oh, yeah. Hey Salt Lake City everyone when it's when Salt Lake come to Salt Lake now Salt Lake First weekend of August get your fucking tickets so I can come in with a big ol splash And then soak yeah, I'm gonna soak around it Oh, yeah, Columbus Comedy Festival in September and then we're doing a big show in Detroit on September 17th for the Motor City Comedy Festival We're doing a big show in Detroit on September 17th for the Motor City Comedy Festival
Starting point is 01:03:52 Steph Tolleb is not the headliner Sam Talon calm patreon.com slash chubby behemoth five bucks a month mark five bucks bucks a month mark you get $12 so many Yet if you don't watch the patreon I mean that last patreon if you like wide world you want to see how the sausage is made you want to see how it gets ground up because Becker shoved Lund's head into the grinder and just weaved. We don't want one. Yeah no. No it was an honest and open discussion. I let the air out. I let the air out of the balloon a little bit. Yeah all the way up. Pop the zit. I was talking about the here we are part, but yeah. Oh here we are. Yes. Yeah. You got mad just now. No, no, no. Or earlier when it happened. You got mad. I did, of course. Of course. I get a little mad every now and then. I love you guys and I'm really glad that we got to spend all this time together, but when it's over,'s cool too you know dude yeah get it couple more days choked up name two couple more days choked up mark where
Starting point is 01:04:53 can they find you I mean if I'm an Instagram mark the shark mark with a C and shark with a C also on YouTube nothing is real with mark when is I'm gonna start doing some mini documentaries around Brisbane and stuff. I like that. So come check it out. Very funny, very creative, very emotionally intelligent. Mark Cornelius. You've been a delight. We've, we've had so many dudes come on this. We've had Zach Mama, we've had Filippo. I mean we had the great late Tom Dustin, our IP, uh, You know, we had David Borey. You wanna talk about Under the Bed. Seji and Togi.
Starting point is 01:05:27 But anyway, we've, yeah, we had, come on. And in the closet. Yes, anyway, you have been. Bigger Kelly fan. You've been an excellent. Still today.

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