Chubby Behemoth - Framp Stamp

Episode Date: March 19, 2021

Say What You See. Dizzy Bitches. Go Fire Up The Truck. Danny Maupin.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth.   Extra Episodes at https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth

What up, Dan? He's putting his headphones in. There he is. He's talking to himself. He's having a complete mental break. We can't hear you, Danny. Can you hear us, Dan? We can't hear you.

Danny, if you're there. Oh, I hear you. Do you hear me now? Yes. Yeah, we do. Yeah. All right. All right.

What's up, Becker? Not much, man. How you doing? Fucking, you you know eating shit and drinking noon modellos that's what i'm doing i'm doing noon dabs so oh all right well hey whatever gets you there buddy yeah and he celebrates st patrick's day for the whole month. It's like my sister's birthday.

Until the snakes are actually out of the city. Yeah. Danny, I said you couldn't talk about the snakes as you called it. Save that shit for Chicago and Kentucky. LA's too multicultural. Hey, everyone. We're here with Danny Maupin, our friend.

He's on the podcast. Howdy. Danny, I have big news that I want to break now that you're in here, guys. This is breaking news for everyone. It's been a long time coming, and it means a lot to me. Yesterday evening, I finally figured out my karaoke song. So I just want to thank everyone who's been with me through all the hard times, watched me struggle, you know, the good times, the bad times, because we did it, everyone.

We finally figured it out. I hated karaoke, but I was at a doctor party and they were all doing it and there's a guy there who i told danny reminds me of danny his name is miles he's married to a doctor and i really want him to like me because he's really cool and uh he loves karaoke and someone told me outside they were like hey uh if you don't sing like that's kind of how miles, like, judges people. So what the fuck? What kind of scale is that?

I know. I know. I mean, Danny, like, you also judge people if people don't sing. I know that about you. You fucking love karaoke. Well, I do like it. But you know what? There's nights I'll go out and do it. Well, it's been forever, but I'll go out and not do it.

Yeah, because you threw up on your shirt and they won't let you in the bar. It's not a conscious decision you make. I'm just trying to convince everybody I ate a bowl of oatmeal the wrong way. Please let me back in. You know what I mean? You're wearing your pants as a hat and they're like, sir, last time

it worked, but you're going to have to move that canoe on wheels. You're going to have to park that around the corner away from the entrance to the bar. Yeah, I show up with a canoe on dry land with my pants as a hat, no underwear. I want to do some Fenwizzy. They're like, sir, I know you keep claiming to be a shepherd shepherd but these sheep are not allowed in the bar all right i'm walking with the whole fucking whatever that jesus thing is the crook the shepherd thing yeah uh but i cracked the code because i'll sing like low places by garth brooks that's always a

favorite oh yeah but that's a sing-along that's not like i'm belting it out and like having a moment with the crowd right yeah that's you're outsourcing you are uh placating and patronizing if you're going with i've got friends in low places you fucking man of the people is what sam is well you say man of the people i say i need everyone to love me or I cut my thighs above the shorts line. But I figured it out. It was Emily. Emily gave me the idea. She put it on and she said, Sam, this is you. Atlantic City by the band, dude.

Oh, fuck yeah. What a great song. That's the song. It crushed. Yeah. And I literally, Miles was standing like on an elevated fireplace. And he was just watching me the whole time, like nodding, like, yep, the kid's got it. The kid's got it.

Yeah. I kept locking eyes with him as I was like crushing it. And he like gave me one of those like nods, like. I remember at High Plains a few years ago when we made you do Seals Kiss from a Rose yeah but that was like the Denver comedy go to

I didn't know that but you crushed it you pulled it off it was begrudging I hated it I didn't feel like I was really part of the movement but yeah just anyway But it was begrudging. I hated it. I didn't feel like I was really part of the movement. But yeah, just anyway, that's why I just wanted to share that with everyone right up top because it means a lot to me.

Mine is Huey Lewis' Power of Love, usually. Yeah, I know, because you're so good at it. I've seen you crush that. It's right in my pocket. You know what I mean? That has one of my favorite lines, which is, make a one-man weep. Make a, make a, like that.

Yeah, Huey's Italian for two words. Make a one-man weep. Make a one-man weep. Make a one-man a pizza pie. I got to read that as part of a show. I think Ladyface did a Valentine's Day show of sketches, and they had different comics come out and read spoken word lyrics to songs, and I instantly was like, Power Love is so funny to say instead of singing it.

Singing it, you can get away with make a one-man weep and you're you know you're on your way to a saxophone solo so everybody's and a killer saxophone solo too like a great saxophone solo you need that sax solo too to recover oh transcend to transcend to slam yeah slam that beer right yeah you take the well one of my favorite lines of that song too is uh well i just be i mean this is one of it's part of the chorus i guess it's like uh uh don't need no credit card to ride this train most most people that ride trains are felons they can't they're not fucking getting signed up for an american express what are you talking about yeah they just burnt down a church and they're trying to get out of Lubbock.

Yeah, I've slammed a lot of beers in a train fucking station in Baltimore with some weirdos. And then, okay, I don't think anybody needed a fucking credit card. They're not doing a credit check for the bullet out of Mobile. Before we get too far into this, we should properly introduce you. Your name is Danny Maupin. We've been accused of not saying the names of our guests because we want to be welcoming and casual and cool. And at the expense of, yeah, letting people know who the hell is on the episode. So welcome, Danny.

We love you. You were a Chicago guy for a while. You've been in L.A. for a few years now. Yeah. In Kentucky before. Oh, I got a Kentucky shirt up. Kentucky born and bred. Yeah. A lot of people were pissed we introduced Brett Hiker. It's like, oh, yeah, you guys need to know who Hiker is to really get this. Oh, our bad. You know, when Lund, you got to sing that Huey Lewis song. You got to say the lyrics to that Huey Lewis song in the Ladyface thing. They made me read Coward of the County.

So that was a bummer. Who got Wichita alignment? That sounds like a Ladyface idea. You were obsessed with that song, Sam. You used to blast that out of your old Pontiac Sunfire. I did, yeah. After I acetylene torched the roof off, I was like, well. song sam you used to blast that out of your uh your old pontiac sunfire i did yeah i mean like after i uh acetylene torched the roof off i was like well i'm gonna take my shirt off and blast some coward of the county no that song's it's about you know a terrible gang rape

and then the guy like everyone like they confront him and they call him a coward. That's the whole song. It's a real bummer. I tried to do it at karaoke for a while. And Josh Androsky took me aside and he's like, you're bringing the room down. Pick it up with something like Lion Slide. Yeah, exactly. Well, the Miles guy crushed a John Legend song right before I went on. He was beautiful.

And I was like, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. I want this guy to love me. Anyway. I tried to do a different band song. Well, you know, Atlantic City is a Bruce Springsteen song as well. So you could go low and mumbly if you want to go Bruce. And then you can go high and warbly if you want to go leave on helm.

Yeah. I did The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down, and I love that song, but you have to be like, hey, I was at the gin mill, and I was with Janae Burris, so I wanted everybody to know. I was like, listen, this is a great song. It is about a Confederate soldier. It is the point of view of a Southern gentleman. Written by a Canadian.

But yeah, I think I did say, these are Canadian folks, so it's more historical than personal. They're detached. Right, yeah, yeah. Luckily, that song has a long intro so you can be like, hey everyone, we're about to have a good time, but first, a message on the war between the states.

I might have to say the N word, but look. It rhymes. It's a rhyming structure. You don't have to, but it sounds like you could. Yeah. Yeah. I like that song, though, so I listen to it. I rock it.

They just put out a live album, like an old, they reissued some old live album. It sounds killer. It's not the last waltz.'s like just some other time the album version is okay but the the the way that they do it on the last waltz is incredible yeah and the crowd is just like yeah it sounds sick yeah neil young's big old coke mustache

yeah he doesn't blink for the entire two-hour movie right and. And Van Morrison comes out, does some caravan, and for the last minute and a half, he's just running from left to right of the stage doing high kicks. Yeah. Good God, there was a lot of drugs. There's like a second in that movie where Van Morrison puts a cigarette in his mouth backward and lights it, and then the camera cuts away real quick.

They were having fun. Yeah. Van's burning filter over there. Look at this dizzy bitch. We just talked about that. That's when you know you're fucked up is if you light the backwards cigarette. Woo, time to go home, baby. Yeah, the last time I remember doing that was like spring break in college in Fort Lauderdale.

I was like talking to some girl i was thinking i was going to hook up with and then i did that and went backwards and she's like all right i'll see you later i was like and then i was also like god this tastes terrible that was my last winston no bull oh man that is one of my favorite things danny's if any of you guys don't know danny danny's the funniest person i know uh and there was that time where you were arguing with your now ex-wife

uh at that bar in uh that's how you get funny you know what i mean teaching a comedy class hey what are you gonna do well get yeah sign up for second city 101 hell no just get a divorce it's all right yeah but she was she was like uh giving you a bit of the business and you were like god damn you dizzy bitch you've been spinning around too much so mean such a mean thing to say you've been acting like you've been spinning around too much you've been on the damn teacups i didn't remember buying you a ticket

lately my new thing has been like somebody needs to grab that motherfucker by the shoulders and give him a good shake just like a shake it out of them. You know, like, it's fun to have fun, man. Anyone have a good St. Patrick's day? Yeah, sure. I drank a half a pint. Yeah. Happy holidays to us white dudes. I drank a half a pint of Jim Beam and did a 10 mile hike. Oh my God. Yeah.

Why? You know, I got stuff going on. Just thinking about the X, Y. He was following a pair of snakes. If you know what I mean, they went deep in the canyon.

But yeah, it was good. I brought him a Mickeykey's 24 ounce i call them a two by four the big old beer yeah at a mickey's malt liquor and i was like that's as close to green beer i'm gonna have today i think on the hike you brought a mickey's tall boy oh my god i know i know it yeah yeah nothing like sweating into your warm can of Mickey's. It was not the best decision. Hindsight, 2020. For sure. But I did it and I had it and I got through it. Atta boy.

Yeah. Were you solo or did you have a hiking partner? Yeah, my buddy Tom Wisdom, he's an old Chicago guy. He's out here for right now and he met up with me. Everyone's in LA for right now, if you know what I mean. Everyone's going to get out of there soon. It's pretty wild, man. Fucking can't do a thing.

Lund, did you celebrate St. Pat's? No. As you know, I'm almost five years sober. Wait, what? Had some corned beef and cabbage a couple nights ago. Thanks to Megan. She wanted some corned beef and cab. So we had that.

The leftovers are getting turned into a soup. So that's later tonight. You gave me an idea for a whole new The leftovers are getting turned into a soup, so that's later tonight. Hey, over. You get an idea for a whole new show. Instead of comedians in cars with coffees, it's corned beef in a cab. In a plastic bag.

Right, and it's not some famous person. It's whoever that cabbie is. There we go, buddy. Nice to meet you, Prateek. Hey, Onslaum, I'm going to be back here cramming roast beef out of this bag. You want a bite? I mean, it doesn't matter. Offer him a handful. It's like, why are we going to Taco Bell? Well, that's dessert.

Oh, man. You just made me think of the caramel apple empanada. Rest in peace. I didn't make you. You're always thinking about the caramel apple empanada. Taco Bell for dessert. I had not thought about it in a while. I had pushed that to the farthest reaches of my brain, that loss. Yeah, it had to to protect itself.

Right. During the World Series, when the Dodgers were in the World Series, so they had this thing in L.A., like, if you steal a base, you steal a taco. Yeah. And over the course of the World Series, and the Dodgers stole, like, five tacos, but it was all in one day. And it's only one at one place. So I walked around five different places in Los Angeles to get a free taco.

Oh, boy. Because what else am I doing right now? You know what I mean? five different places in Los Angeles to get a free tacos. Just because what else am I doing right now? You know what I mean? What can you do out here? It's like, well, if you're going to get me something for free, that's also something on the calendar. I'll fucking take it. Taco Hut 2020. The Rockies were so bad, their version

of that promotion was like, if the game starts on time, everyone gets an entire 20 taco party pack. Oh, baseball. Whatever. The worst sport. I have a theory that the Rockies are tanking because Taco Bell was sick of giving out. Because if the Rockies are tanking because Taco Bell was sick of giving out. Because it was, if the Rockies scored seven runs, and you're playing in mile-high field, so it happened pretty often.

I think Taco Bell was sick of giving out free tacos. They were like, listen, you guys got to start to tank this fucking team. So then they get rid of Arenado. Two weeks later, we're never going to see free tacos again. Taco Bell was like, our quarterly earnings report just came in and we are doing worse than Dell taco. This is cataclysmic. So I guess what?

There's more home runs. And my eyes, cause of the thin air, they can get the dingers out. Yeah. Wow. I didn't know. The most dingers are whacked out of that field.

It's also a home run friendly ballpark. Oh shit. Yep. Let's run it out. Have a home run friendly ballpark oh shit yep let's run it out have a home run derby embarrass ourselves i mean i bet they would give us the field for like you know a wink and a nudge right when i was in college my one of my good friends i played football with roomed with uh at csu with walker monfort who was the son of Dick Monfort, the guy who owns the Rockies

and all the meat packaging plants in Greeley. And boy, that kid was a real piece of work. Jesus Christ. I don't know if you ever hung out with a millionaire whose dad owns a baseball team when he's 18. Oh, God. But hey, girls, protect your drinks. That's all I'm saying.

Yikes. What's he even doing in college? He's like pretending that he's going to get a real job on his own. Yeah, exactly. He's bootstrapping. Right. It's formality. I'm majoring in sociology.

I'm going to change the world. Yeah. He was also at CSU. It's like, dude, you could have gone anywhere. What are you doing up here in stink town? He's staying close to the money. Yeah, exactly. That's what it is, you know.

Anywhere you go to school, I can't believe you went to college. That doesn't make any sense. Oh, God. I was even more of a mess in college. But University of Kentucky. Go Wildcats oh wow uk yeah yeah yeah right there in lexington i i was there for the golden ages uh tayshaun prince and rayjean rondo and all that stuff and were you there for jared lorenzen oh yeah i had biology with him i did oh my god what a just a really nothing but a bag of meat the dumbest motherfucker you could ever ever i mean you'd see him raise your hand and i'd like

nudge my buddies like you now it's time to pay attention because this motherfucker is going to say something like this guy's going to say something like – this guy is going to say something like – and it's about it. You know what I mean? It's like barely a sentence. He's just like, when's the test? Oh, yesterday. Fuck.

Well, class, we were supposed to dissect frogs, but Jared ate them all. They're all just the legs hanging out of his mouth. But, man, what a beast that motherfucker was. He like rushed. He's so huge. And he like rushed for 400 yards one game. Yeah. Yeah.

What a fucking crazy man. Becker, do you know about this guy? No, I don't. I don't know much about sports. So Jared Lorenzen was the round mound of touchdown. Exactly, yeah. I think he played at a weight of like 320 pounds, that quarterback for the University of Kentucky. Jesus. Exactly, yeah. I think he played at a weight of like 320 pounds,

that quarterback for the University of Kentucky. Jesus. He got a Super Bowl ring with the Giants. Yeah. He died recently of being a big, fat turd. Oh, did he? Oh, yeah, dude. Did he die?

Oh, man. It sucks. I just fucking shamed a dead man. I don't think he'll do that. I accused Walker Monfort of rape, I think. Literally the one person. It's all alleged. Yeah, Jared's allegedly dead. No, they did some spotlight on him because he was playing arena football.

It was his comeback. How did they fit him in there? I don't know. He ballooned up to like 600 pounds in their arena. I'm sorry danny no that's fine yeah but then he cut weight and like made an arena football team and he was coming back and then you know his brain and heart exploded oh i mean gosh jesus uh i'd see him at parties every now and then and stuff too and you know it's Kentucky and some people are coming from like

Paducah, Bowling Green and like the sticks in the hills where big old corn fed boys stuff like that just like handles of fucking whiskey just in their hand like this is my drink tonight and stuff like that like fucking Lemmy from

Motorhead shit we used to do that with gas cans in high school me and david borey would fill up gas cans with liquor oh yeah the the the fucking crunk juice right yeah we were drinking crunk juice but it would always be someone's gas can they found in their garage not oh so it would have like gasoline remnants in there and me and borey would be like fucked up and wondering why we threw up blood. Did you want? Yeah, exactly. Was it diesel or unwet? Just tell me. I gotta know. I gotta know what high I'm getting ready for. Yeah, what vintage is this?

Yeah, I hope this is a 1986 British Petroleum. That would be fantastic. Oh, man. You think when BP fucking spilled all that oil out on the coast that all those fucking birds, I mean, they died, which sucks, and the fish died, but you think they got a little fucked up first? Yeah, I bet. For sure. Yeah, go out good, you know?

Yeah, you could just go to orange beach alabama and huff just standing on the beach it's free smells god that's i like nature i want to just say that okay you heard it here first folks those are jokes i don't want fish or birds today we had you on here to clear up those allegations about whether you liked nature or not. After I just said I did a 10-mile hike, whatever. Okay. Have you been in LA for the last year for all of COVID? Every day, maybe.

Oh, boy. No traveling? A few times. I got out to Joshua Tree for a weekend. Way back in July last year. Drink some gasoline, look at some cacti. Right. Sahuache?

Yeah. Run into Jim Morrison in the sand. Punch him in the gut. I just would like to punch him in the gut. I hate Jim Morrison. Yeah, that's why I don't want to give him a good one. But no, I mean, just got out a little bit, but no, I mean, it's LA and the apartment

and like the grocery store. And that's it, basically. So it's pretty, it's bleak hey it sounds bad i mean it's yeah it's a rough year and then there's like its own strain of fucking covet out here now like a mutation is out here it's yeah it's a real chill strain from what i heard yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It wears sunglasses and surfs. Real Malibu. It's nice,

but not kind. I don't know if you saw that, but the East coast strain is kind, but not nice. And then the West coast strain is nice, but not kind. But yeah, I've just been out here the whole time.

Is that a Huey lyrics lyric one? No, it was a tweet. Oh, okay. But yeah but yeah keep up i don't know huey lewis well enough to have that i am uh i am uh uh begging for the days of getting to get back out to travel or you know just you know travel well i've i've seen comics in LA say that the only way that you can live out there is with the distraction of shows and then the hope of getting something, getting an audition or getting a gig, getting shows you haven't done yet,

getting into the clubs. So without any of that hope, you're just out there with some decent weather and some tacos, and that's the end of the list. Right. I was talking to Sam yesterday, and I was telling him, I was like, yeah, when I was out here, when I first moved out here, it wasn't a pandemic, and I was still doing pretty much the amount of traveling. Oh, wait.

Throws up. No, no, no. No, no, I got to do this. Takes his hat off. He's like, hold on, guys. but when i barf i don't like make grunting noises i just literally yell fuck hold up anyway um no i wanted i had a burp coming and i'm a listener of the podcast i wanted to provide my own burp let's do every fucking episode you guys know that it's like every episode's got some sort of ripper coming out of somebody it's never becker becker's modest i was trying to figure out how to fart with the microphone near my butt like i was trying to mic the chair and not my butt and it never worked.

Oh, yeah. Wait. That didn't sound healthy. That was pretty good. That was real Tim Allen. That Wilson was going to pop over the fence. Yeah. You know what? Wilson's just fine, but give me Al

every day. You know what I mean? I'm all about the Borland. Oh, yeah. And he just threw him under the bus all the fucking time. So funny. Yeah, it's like they would build a new porch or something, and he would collapse and a bunch of kids would die, and he'd be like, that wasn't me. That was Borland.

Yeah, Tim was the alpha, so he was always selling out Borland as the cuck making him flinch no but i want to travel you know i haven't uh so yeah that's the thing so yeah what did i say i was i was on sam i was telling you that uh i was traveling so much and sometimes you just get like one or two shows a fucking month out here. Yeah. I don't get it too.

But the thing is, it was like, Oh, it's great to go get out of town. It's a great place to come back to and sit down and relax and not even worry about doing comedy. I feel like. Oh,

sure. Tend to your, but it's also, you know, I, I don't want, I want to do comedy everywhere. I, you know, how want to do comedy everywhere I am, you know.

How does everywhere feel about that? There was a time in Minneapolis we were up at 10,000. Me and Danny have had some real good times on the road. There was a time in Minneapolis where by the end of the weekend, Danny had lost his voice from screaming, where's my boy all weekend. He made up a fake son that had disappeared. But Danny does late, late breakfast, which is a great show.

They do it at like brunch time and they did it at a VFW hall. And Danny's opening, he said something about like Vietnam and the crowd completely turned on him like leave no man behind unless it's danny moppin i didn't i didn't mean to it just kind of popped out well yeah there was all those pow flags that eternal flame in the corner you were like well i'm just riffing i work in the room right you to say what you see. You know what I mean? This is all I see. That's another bit of your comedy class. You see it?

You say it. Give me $100. What did you open with? I'd ask you to give it up for yourselves, but it doesn't look like a lot of you could put two hands to each other. Boy, it looks like a lot of Born on the Fourth of July out here, doesn't it? Yeah. It's like fucking dark, you know what I mean? Yeah.

This room's rougher than a punji pit. They hated me. That show was for an hour and 45 minutes, and every second of it was hating me. That show was for an hour and 45 minutes and every second of it was hating me. Like they just every time every riff I was just like, fuck. And then you just come back at me and then it was time to just dig in and fight them. Yeah. Kronberg style. You know, and and then yeah, I told you Dante Powell and James Doyle were sitting at a table near the stage and after like me

what were they sitting in was reinforced benches there were a couple Jared Lorenzins those people good God but they were sitting there and uh you know it's a broken teeter-totter yeah it's my job to do like uh introduce like 15 comics because there's too many comics we book on this shit you know and every time i go up i gotta do a riff and buy like the fourth comic it was

just never gonna happen everything fell flat so it was like all right fuck you fuckers you know what I mean I'm coming after you and then after that point every time I said anything Dante Powell you could just hear his voice over the silence of the VFW just go oh no and I was like and tire was looking at me too like what the fuck are you doing and i was like i had like the white knuckled fucking no nobody's nobody's slowing down the hate train today baby i'd rather be back in denang than right here and also you were you wearing the yellow green man suit that full body suit i think i had to

at some point you had to yeah it was contractually obligated that only comes out for one game and when it comes out for that game i just guarantee that i'm going to continue to wear it for the rest of the show yeah it sucks is when it's the first fucking game and now i'm sitting there with my dick out in a fucking morph suit looks like a banana god damn it yeah your dick would be out too you can see the whole display commitment i guess you know that's hey that's comedy folks oh yeah we were in that green room during 10 000 laughs and you you had that bottle of elmer's glue and that was your bit for the night where you're like i'm huffing glue and you jam the glue thing up your nose

like who's so stupid that they huff Elmer's and it was a great bit it was killing Mike Cronin fell off a bar stool he was laughing so hard I remember we were in the green room and Ahmed Weinberg didn't know you and he's like he literally said aloud at one point

this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my entire life and you were like what's stupider than glue? And they dump it on your head. What a jumping it on your head. Oh, man. I miss festivals. Me too. I mean, that's the big thing.

Oh, you know, oh, I got a story. If you guys want to get into Juggalos. Of course. What? Yeah. Are we going to do the gathering? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, we could talk about the gathering. Oh, you went. You were there with Mack Sabbath? Right. Yeah. On the road crew. I didn't perform at that. Very happy I didn't. But I mean, I did leave the festival with a very big respect for the Juggalos. There's no doubt about it. This was crazy. with a very big respect for the Juggalos. There's no doubt about it. This is crazy.

But they're fun, fun family folks. But wow, it was... Sniff and glue non-ironically. Right. Like we rolled up in the van at like 9 p.m. I've been begging the fucking band to leave early that day so that we can get... I didn't tell them. I was trying to be coy. I was like, can we not get to the gathering in't i didn't tell them i was trying to be coy i was like

can we not get to the gathering in the dark like i don't want to i don't want to meet juggalos in the dark i want some daytime get to know you guys and then yeah here we go get my get my sea legs yeah and they can't get their shit together so we got there at fucking 10 o'clock. And this whole time I'm thinking I'm going to get zero dark 30 dead. Like if anything, just drop me in the gathering. The performance is over and we're right the fuck out. Right. So just get me in and out. That's how it's going to go.

There's got to be some sort of artist entrance or something like that. No, you got to go down a dirt road in Springville, Indiana for five miles past three cemeteries in the middle of the dark with a fucking bunch of juggalo woodstock motherfuckers like just walking down the street with you and every time they see you they just they say hi by flipping you off it's like ah like i'm already terrified oh yeah but the juggalos are fun but oh i can tell you some stuff about gary bucey's nephew get him is that the whole story of the juggalos no no this is also a continuation okay all right yeah he was there so of course gary bucey telling everybody i'm gary bucey

because he's got like a traveling stripper sex show thing going on. Wait, is that the meat palace guy from Florida? I don't know. It's called Busey's Beauties. That's Gary Busey's nephew? Yeah. Oh, boy. And he travels with that big fat guy who's always getting lap dances,

but they're just rubbing his belly button instead of his – they can't get to his junk. Right. Oh, that happens. Oh, my God. A lot happens happens let me just tell you like you're making it seem like we have to go see the show so that you yeah no no free rides yeah no no no no just dish i mean everyone everyone should experience rome at some point. But I wouldn't spend the high dollar for the ticket.

No, as soon as it starts, he comes out and nine thick fucking strippers, they got him. Now we're talking. They come out and they've got buzz saws and there's just a bunch of stripper poles and they just start creating sparks everywhere and then like that goes on for like two minutes and then after that gary bucey comes out or not gary bucey's nephew i don't know who it is i don't know his first name larry lar Larry Busey. Yeah, I think it's Gary Busey.

More like Leisure Larry Busey. That's an old one. Hey, tip the weights there. But he comes out and his words, not mine. He just runs out and he goes, hey y'all, to a sea of juggalos. hey y'all, y'all want to see a midget? The crowd goes crazy. And then sure enough, I will change it, a little person comes out, and then he goes, now hey, do y'all want some hot dogs from this midget? Do y'all want some hot dogs from this midget?

And then Gary Busey's nephew picks up the little person and throws him into the crowd. He's crowd surfing and pulling hot dog, raw, loose hot dogs out of cargo shorts and just tossing them, the juggalos. And they're like, they're like fucking, it's like asteroids, you know what I mean? Jumping everywhere for that shit. And then the next thing that happens is he calls two volunteers on stage to have a dick tug of war

contest. He tied strings to two people's dicks and made them run away from each other. Oh my God. And then I was like, all right, I got to get the fuck out of here. I'm leaving. Apparently somebody got shit on.

Apparently there was live sex. I wasn't there for that. I was like, I'm going to go get back with the band and try to get myself right because we've got our set soon or whatever too and i'm on like the drum tech on the road crew but that my job for that night was basically to block all the fago and fireworks from the stage you had to catch the you had to catch the bottle rockets before they smack them down and everything you're just Dikembe Mutombo up there right so that was like my job

and we'd all decided that you know and I was like alright whatever if you're gonna be here you're gonna be here so I was doing that shit but before we got on stage I look over and I see there's just this thick thick

layer of lube all over the stage. Like, as soon as all of us walk out, we fucking fall down. Like just boom, like, like worse than ice skates and stuff, you know,

just fucking eat it. And then, um, and then what base player grimace is like back like a turtle yeah i gotta help everybody up i get myself up the fucking singer ronald osborne has got a little blood coming off of his forehead it's like oh no and i was like uh what can i do to get you out i ran i grabbed him like a band-aid real fast and then had those like I'm gonna run and talk to the stage manager because we gotta clean up this lube man we can't do a whole show with all this fucking lube here everybody's swipping around like a bunch of dizzy bitches you know what I mean

and so I go and I find the stage manager whose name they all had juggalo names his juggalo name was shadow so i'm like hey shadow shadow's good he's union yeah he's great he's like i gotta clean up uh i was like dude we need to clean up this lube he just busts out like this floor broom that's kind of kind of squeegee bottom to it instead of broom part and just runs across the stage and it starts creating like a tidal wave and then at the last second when he gets to the very end of the stage he pulls like this wild card audible and instead of pushing it off the side of the stage he hooks left and splashes all the lube into the fucking crowd it's just all these getting in people's eyes like 28 days later and shit like that it's like

good god shadow just dosed his whole family with a bunch of used lube it's like and then we leave as soon as the show's over we have to drive to columbus ohio and i found out we end up at the venue where dimebag daryl got fucking killed oh no way yeah and you go in as soon as you go into the stage there's like just even a circle around it just says dimebag daryl was shot right here and then you go in through the front and then you go around to the back for the load-in door. And there was just a dead deer right in front of the fucking load-in door. Just a dead fucking deer. And then the security guy comes up and he goes, hey, hey, we're happy to have you guys here tonight. I don't know if you guys know this, but, well, I got some buddies. They're playing the fair down the street and they're coming on by later.

You guys like to meet fog hat and i was like did i just live in the fucking like were my past 48 hours just like an undeleted scene of first season a true detective or something that's why i've seen that lineup of fog hat and it's it's pretty much just molly hatchet with one guy who was in fog hat that sounds awesome yeah it'll do yeah yeah that'll work didn't you hang out with peter frampton for a long time oh yeah let me take a plug off of this modelo but i'll tell you about peter frampton take a knee gang and roast some weenies because i got another mopping story yeah i've been with the old talk box boy um didn't you ever live with him forever? No, I didn't live with him. No, I lived with the guy that recorded Frampton Comes Alive for like six weeks.

I see. And that's how I got hooked up with Frampton, with the band I was in. And then he just liked us and asked us to record a song with him and then take us on the road. And so that was a summer, you know. Oh, yeah yeah you opened for him yeah yeah yeah opened his mouth and butt opened his mouth and closed his eyes yeah yeah every night he'd fuck me in the ass and i'd say like oh put it put it right on the framp stamp baby put it right there right on the lower back and sign it i was trying i was i was trying to remember what uh what your

what your deal was when you were down here two years ago for the the southwest chief festival and it was you you found i think maybe that cowboy hat behind you oh yeah yeah yeah and you were like you were you were blasting cowboy by kid rock the whole week. Yeah, it was like, that's, yeah, it was my, you got to pick a festival jam, you know what I mean? That's another one of your comedy class. And you got to spread. You don't put it in your fucking earphones either. You put a Bluetooth on your fanny pack and you go around town.

That's right, yeah. With it on repeat, you know what I mean? You gotta know it's i want to be a cowboy baby we were in orlando that one time for the orlando fest and you were we were on that pool and you would come to one end of the pool and like be like hey guys are this funny and you'd like do the bit and you know act like you were reading a newspaper and fall into the pool and we'd be like yeah Danny that's good you know maybe if you walked in backward and you'd be like all right all right then you'd go to the other end of the pool and do the punched up version of the bit after running it down with the a team yeah yeah man gotta stay stay busy, you know?

Yeah, idle hands, man. Just guys being dudes, you know? Remember in Orlando, we did that. Oh, God. I know what you're going to say. The ventriloquist dummy bit. Yep, good guess. That was so much fun.

Yeah. We had to do, we like got thrown on some show, or I did, and I was like, hey, Danny, Yep, good guess. That was so much fun. Yeah. We had to do, we like got thrown on some show, or I did. And I was like, hey, Danny, you want to do this bit? And the bit involved Danny being my ventriloquist dummy. And I put him in two different, I put him in two trash bags. And so Danny just had to like sit in these trash bags while, you know, like the opening comic got done. And then I was like, hey, everyone.

If I can back you up, I think I got into that trash bag four comics too early. I was in there for a while. For sure. And then I tried to bring you to the stage and I was just bumping your head off of stuff. And the bag ripped.

It was terrible. Before we even got to the stage oh yeah well we were fucking three sheets we were at that point yeah and then the whole bit was uh danny sat on my lap i like drew the i think i drew on your mouth so you had the ventriloquist mouth right yeah and then uh the bit was i was like i saw everyone i going to drink a glass of water and Danny's going to tell you a joke. And then, like, I'd take a drink of water and he'd say something and I'd spit take and just spit all over the side of Danny's head. It wasn't water. It was beer, too.

Right. It's just beer. And then we'd finish our set. Got it bombed, I'd say, too. It did not go over very well. They weren't ready for it. They were like the fuck i don't know i guess there was like almost the same people at every show and they're like well we've seen you guys be funny elsewhere going on now you know i guess a bunch of pissed off veterans all over again yeah we bomb and it's time to walk off the stage and i go to walk off

the front of the stage and i don't realize that i still have some of the garbage bag around my ankles and i eat shit and fall into a table that got a big pop and knock on the people's ear and that was like oh okay i guess this was an art piece or something like the crowd was all sitting like oh okay it was all built up to that i don't know and it was all a complete mistake and it hurt really bad yeah that's what happens when you throw someone on a show after you've been with dart and danny all day god's perfect boy god's perfect boy yeah oh yeah that weekend i kept saying i would i would do it. I ran this bit by you guys too many times.

I'd make you guys stand next to me and go, look, between a rock and a dart place. God, it's not even any good. But if you say it 50 times, it gets good, you know. Don't fucking let the horse live. Beat it to death, you know.'s like don't fucking let the horse live beat it to death you know kill that motherfucker we need more glue so I can do my other

you know what I mean I love nature sorry somebody just rub a balloon what was that what was that well you guys can't see what's below my waist so Did somebody just rub a balloon? What was that? Well, you guys can't see what's below my waist, so.

But I'm not going to tell you. That's up for your Patreon folks to figure out. Oh, yeah, everyone. Get on the Patreon. It's good. We do really good work over there. Show me the hemoth on patreon.com slash show me the hemoth. Yeah, this is is a free one we're giving this out to the masses it better be it better be you think i work for money god damn it

i feel like we're just getting warmed up oh good becker's not okay oh good becker's not okay well becker i mean to talk about festival stuff i met you at bridgetown right yeah and we were jumping around with cave on and andy jewett and smoking bunches of weed but i know i had a catch phrase for that weekend that i kept doing i can't I kept doing. I can't remember what it was. God, I can't remember what it was either. I think I spit it in your face like a hundred times. I do remember you beating a horse for sure. Yeah, you cut it open and crawled inside of it.

Yeah, yeah. Like Kentucky Tom Tom. So I soaped in that equestrian and get in there. Well, Becker's whole thing at High Plains is he would like lurk in front of one of the venues and then some comic would come out and he's like hey you want to go get high and they'd be like sure

and then you'd take him up above Denver Relief's offices and you'd take him in there and give him dabs and people were dropping like flies Becker you fucking Becker ruined more shows than uh pete holmes you know it was right i did that with i don't should i bring up a father of two uh uh baron vaughn i did that with wally and baron vaughn like after high plays we went right

up to there did a couple dabs it's like okay right. This is – glad I don't have anything for the rest of the day. Festival living. Festival living. Oh, what a way to live. You got the festival? Oh, go ahead, Becker. Yeah, there's another one coming up. The Trinidad Comedy Festival.

Oh, yeah. Shelby Behemoth doing our first live podcast ever me london becker up there on the big stage nice in a funeral in the funeral home chapelle funeral home right i remember the funeral home yeah because i did arguments and grievances and i'm pretty sure they weren't even allowed to release it because most of my first argument was playing the cowboy song. Like I just took my voodoo speaker up there and I was like, I'm just going to play this.

I wasn't arguing for Kid Rock or cowboys. I was just being an asshole. Oh shit. I remember. I remember. Yeah. You yeah you you were we were hanging out my second my second argument was a bit i've done on a whole other arguments and grievances before that's right also had nothing to do with what i was arguing for so i just i knew i didn't have anything i had to go up against tyler the fucking madman, writes a fucking hour every second sort of thing or whatever. He's just like a joke machine, especially if you can do some homework for it. You know, I'm not a homework guy.

No, you're not. You and I were hanging out before that, and I was up against Steph Tolev, and we did like big dicks versus big clits. And we were having fun, and we were writing. And you were like, dicks versus big clits. And we were having fun and we were writing. And you were like, I should probably write something. And then you'd like get on your skateboard. You just like pound a beer and you're like, well, I haven't written anything yet, but I think I'll be all right.

And then you smoke some weed. And it's like, I don't think you're going to write anything. And then at some point you were like, oh, shit, I could do this other thing. And then you were like, man, I've got it made now because you were just going to just recycle some old shit. Right. Yeah, the first argument was just me playing Kid Rock's cowboy. The first argument was just me playing Kid Rock's cowboy. And the second argument was like, I had like a big old stack of index cards that I've made up different names for farts

that I would just say it and throw it at people and say it and throw it and say it and throw it at Tyler. But it was from something like a year ago. I just happened to find it in my backpack. Like 10 minutes before the show. I was like, oh shit,. Like 10 minutes before the show. Oh, shit, yeah, I've got the cards. Danny's like, oh, I better write something.

Oh, no. Turns his hat around backward. Walking like an Egyptian. Yeah, well, you know, I know this is always one of your favorites, Sam. I didn't come here to read the news. It's bullshit. You know what I mean? I'm a nerd. That's how Danny describes bad comedy.

I didn't come here to read the news. Danny, do you remember when we did those shows in Indiana? Oh, yeah. Yeah uh it was me you and lasso right and we and like a snowpocalypse hit the midwest yeah my dad's huge truck yep you're giant yeah fucking huge truck we went to uh that like comedy party afterward and adam gilbert was there it's the first time i ever ever met Adam Gilbert. right right right and he was so funny yeah oh dude I couldn't handle it. I'm pretty sure Adam Gilbert was the one handing hot dogs out of his cargo pockets

he's legally small he's a little guy and I'd never seen him and it just blew my mind and we were all smoking weed in that office party and some girl uh like gave everyone a kiss goodbye and Adam Gilbert was sitting on the couch with his feet sticking straight out obviously because he's you know three foot tall hilarious guy and she kissed everyone and then Adam says again again everybody like oh no i have to leave earth right we're in like some old horse barn in fort wayne indiana yeah there's a little guy begging for more smooches i remember i remember you closed your set by going outside and picking up a big block of snow and just smashing it over your head like oh and somebody had just like fed us a bunch of weed cookies and we got all slap happy like right before it was like yeah

and then we had that this is one of my favorite stories ever we went back to that comics house because we're supposed to stay at somewhere but like lasso had to take a girl back there so we were like okay lasso you take it we'll sleep in the truck or whatever and this comic was like no come back the comic who did the shows with us it was like you can stay at my house and we get back to his house and it was like negative 35 degrees freezing it was freezing cold yeah you slept upstairs with all your clothes on, and I was downstairs just furious. And then in the morning, it was like super early. We didn't sleep, and we're like, man, let's get out of here.

So we go to the door, and this comic, who didn't have the best sets, you know, he was like, hey, thanks for staying, guys. You taking off? And we're like, yeah, yeah. And he's like, hey, before you go, guys. You taking off? And we're like, yeah, yeah. And he's like, hey, before you go, I'm funny, right? Like, I know I didn't have the best sets,

but, you know, I'm like a funny person. I'm not wasting my time, right? And Danny says, I better go fire up the truck. They just left me there to console this guy. Sorry, buddy. You know?

I don't know what to say. You're going to want the heat on when you get there, finally. You know what I mean? Hell yeah. I saw that coming and I was like, hey, I got it. I got gotta move along I do remember though too when he told us

like well we were at that bar and we met at what Scott Eason was in town and stuff and we were hanging out and then he's hitting off with this lady and he's like I think I'm going to end up going home with this girl or whatever. I'm like, all right, sure. Fine. Just let us know or whatever.

And then he like Irish goodbyes with her and sends a text to me that just says, he's like, yeah, I'm going home with the girl. I'll meet you guys in the morning. And I just replied back with, that'll do pig like i bathed his ass you know we just had that fucking novelty size monster truck the whole right taking out like doing fucking donuts in the parking lots of the hotels and shit. Yeah, splitting like 35 bucks after every gig. I know. It sucked.

That's what we miss. We got to get back out there. Well, yeah. That's what we miss. You guys just made me think of a time when me, like three or four years ago, me and Derek Stroop and Ben Bryant did some shows in the South, and we stayed with some comics in Nashville,

and they were funny. So we didn't have the same awkward encounter where they were trying to you know get some confirmation that they weren't just you know ruining a whole decade of their lives but uh but you know I was I had been living with Megan for years you know and hadn't lived in a comedy house and then to stay in a you know comedy there were like four comics that lived in this house oh man i got i got that was a blast from the past because we showed up and we had talked to them a couple days beforehand you know we had done some shows and i think we came back through nashville and needed a place to stay so like

we we gave them a few days heads up and we show up and, uh, they were like, oh yeah, uh, we're, we're out of toilet paper right now, but there's a bunch of fast food napkins in there and I've got some coffee filters. And I was like, oh good. Some coffee filters. We used coffee filters for like a day or two. And then I was like, Hey, guess what buddies? I'm going to get four rolls of toilet paper for you kids.

I'm going to get four rolls of toilet paper for you kids. I think it's why they agreed to let us stay there is that they figured that we would cave and buy toilet paper. Not right away though. I, I tried to hold off for, for the first few shits and I was like, I'll make it work. I've, I've, I've wiped my ass with cardboard before but I had to tap out after a couple days I was like I can't handle this I've been stuck in the woods getting chased by the law just like Lambo you know what I mean like oh we're out of t-shirts but there's some socks in the drawer I can't remember who i stayed with but it was like the first time i ever went to

st louis to do shows and i stayed with and they were like oh yeah we got you for sure and at the end of the night after we've been hanging out and i'm like it's time to pass out they just pull out like this orange kind of raised um a camping cot and i was like all right i can make that work yeah i can sit on that but then what happened is that was where their cats decided to fight for the entire night under me just like howling and screeching and clawing and stuff and i'm just like god fucking damn it next time i think i get the 35 dollar economy in maybe it's like oh yeah you'll stay anywhere to avoid having to pay to sleep somewhere but man sometimes it is uh it is not worth it no no it's not we stayed we stayed with uh i i just

remembered uh joey ficken when he lived in iowa was young and didn't care much about cleaning his uh apartment and then we stayed there. Me and Sam stayed there. Oh, my God. And the bathroom was troubling. It was fucked up. Because he would shave. He'd shave his neck and shave his face. And he just let the hair fall wherever it flew.

Right. It was just everywhere. The whole sink was just fucked dude that was common beard hair and head hair remember how bad it smelled in there too just the entire apartment and i was mixing uh over-the-counter cough syrup with beer to go to bed remember that i i remember it being pretty fucked oh and you know so bad it's not like the poor man scissor up yeah no i remember i was like this is the worst man i gotta go to the gas station and i got some cigs and they had over-the-counter cough syrup and i was like well i'm fucking

making slurpees back at the house i was doing it because it was so shitty and thicken was like that's that's really cool i'm gonna start doing that oh no yeah throw these couch cushions out and open a window there's so much more you should do first yeah the next time i went to ames that was the first time i ever bought a hotel on the road because i didn't want to stay at Ficken's house again. I love Ficken, but fuck, that place was gnarly. Yeah, and like I said, he was younger, so I'm sure... We were all young, you know? I'm sure he grew out of it

and realized, you know, you gotta wipe down your fucking bathroom sink now and then. Yeah. Flush the toilet paper. Don't just leave it in a pile in the corner. Did he have cats too? So it was like leave it in a pile in the corner did he did he have cats too so it was like cats on top of jack-in-the-box leftovers everywhere and whatever i don't know that was for sure the worst place i stayed i think cats can make shit go from bad to worse

pretty quick oh yeah it's probably half the smell you were talking about. The other half was just the ecosystem. He had created. But that's the thing I like about, like, you stay in touch with road people, get back out on the road, is that maybe you find, go visit them. Don't stay with them. You go visit them, and you go, oh, hey, you've gotten some shit together. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think he got his shit together for sure.

He's out in Bastrop,as now doing a lot better and also that comic who we ended we stayed with uh in indiana indiana he ended up getting funny too oh yeah absolutely i agree yeah i also just think that it was kind of a rough weekend maybe oh it was it was shit it was terrible and so you do that at the end i've done that shit at the end of the weekend i mean not i not, I didn't bear my soul to anybody. No. Yeah. That's like the most humbling thing. Am I funny?

Yeah. I could feel like a die if they even say it out loud. I'm pretty sure I am. I'm going to stick with it. Yeah. You are Danny. Thank you so much for joining us. You got any plugs,

Danny? Oh yeah. I got a whole lot going on. I guess whatever life gets back to normal, you know, late, late breakfast. I'll be back around. I'll be back around. Dannymoppin.com, late, late breakfast.com, Dannymoppin Instagram. You know, that's. Are you going to do another season of Running With The Mustard?

Maybe. I don't know. So I said I was going to just do the four and then revisit later. But yeah, check that out too. That's on YouTube, backslash Danny Maupin, my series Running With The Mustard, where I try a new fitness routine while I simultaneously chug the mustard. Yeah, I liked them all, but I think my favorite was the prancer size. That is a fun way to get your heartbeat up, is to just prance around like a complete psychopath. Mustard on your face and chest.

With a bunch of Grey Poupon going down your throat. Oh yeah, that's right and then uh the the marine one was also very funny because you look like you were gonna die yeah i was hurting so it was intense why did i think oh yeah i've i've tried to exercise for one month let me do the navy seal fitness test while i'm chugging mustard did you never puke no did you ever puke on those no no i'm not a puker really i was kind of i mean i wanted to support you know your web series but i also wanted to watch you puke up a bunch of mustard like out your nose and it didn't happen i every now and it would sneeze out a little bit or i'd have to just jesus or I'd have to just straight up spit a whole mouthful of it out

to be like, my cheeks are on fire. My heart is. Again. Again. So, yeah, that's out there if you want to check that out. But that's probably about it for me. Follow Danny, y'all. Yeah, see us.

Buy tickets for the Trinidad Comedy Festival. What's it called, Becker? What's the official name? Southwest Chief. No, it's now The Chief. Oh, okay. I don't know why you would ask Becker, Sam. I live down here.

I know. I thought Becker was like a promoter. No, I was working more on the first one, but now I've got like a move and a bunch more shit going on. And the pandemic, so it's going to be a smaller undertaking for Wally. It is just the chief now, because Wally's not worried about working with the Amtrak line, the Southwest chief.

That makes sense yeah he thought it would be cool to to make comics get on a train for 24 hours he was like it'll be fun and then everybody was like it was a fucking nightmare the trip there was in a sweeper car and so that would be fun and but then the trip back was in coach so it's like 24 hours on the coach. It was like, oh, my God. Yeah, that hurt. It didn't Brent Gill like try and bang a couple old women? Anyway, we don't need to get into that. He got blackout.

He almost got left in Arizona. He got blackout on the train. And I remember he was at a different dinner table than me when I was at dinner, like on the in the diner car and two old ladies I just looked across the aisle and were like could you stop saying fuck and Brent was just like uh like an uh unstoppable force at the point. He was so drunk. And then I think two seconds later, it was back to just being himself. And the ladies were just like, God damn it.

Oh, yeah. Brent is inexcusable. Often. We call him Brent the Button, because that's a good story to go out on. Fucking blackout Brent. Yes. Also, though, hey, Colorado Springs.

I'm in Colorado Springs this weekend. Three East Comedy Club. Come down Friday and Saturday. Sorry. The button was correct. I had to get that in. You got to do your job. Yeah, you got to move three tickets in the Springs.

Hell yeah. Man, I need help.