Chubby Behemoth - Gumming Down A Shuriken
Episode Date: October 26, 2025SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/ SPONSORS: Cash App - Download Cash App Today & use code SECURE10 at sign up: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/g0yurtz9 #CashAppPod. Cash App is a ...financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Direct Deposit, Overdraft Coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Hims ED - Support the show by going to hims.com/CHUBBY for your personalized ED treatment options. Factor - Eat smart @ FactorMeals.com/toomany50off & use code toomany50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 year! PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth This week Nathan is back and the boys are joined by Alaina Bamfield in Burlington VT. Sam defends the use of worm, sat in the slumpys for a while, and tells Nathan about the time he drank all the greenroom beers. Nathan would have been mad if he hadn’t got ten hours of sleep, imagines a new pope, and reveals the origin of Old Sid. Alaina tells the boys about her freak blood lineage, has pictures of Sam in wigs, and tries to convince the boys green jello is apple flavor. 1 or 2 hotdogs a day. He chose the one for babies. Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent More Alaina Bamfield: https://www.instagram.com/alainabamfield/?hl=en
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Yeah.
Because you could get a job as the little girl who goes through the, like, the tennis racket.
What the fuck do you mean?
You know what I'm talking about?
No, not a tennis.
Oh, yeah.
That was a classic contortionate bit where they would take the netting out of the tennis racket.
Oh.
And then they would have a tiny, like, fucking freak, you know, slinky their way through it.
Freak through it.
Yeah.
I mean, if anyone in here could apply for an active job at a freak show or some kind of geek pit, it's you.
I think that's probably true.
Yeah.
you're like incredibly strong like i've said i think you have like ant strength yeah i do have
aunt strength i'm pretty good at picking picking stuff up if i need to i don't know my dog when she
had her knee surgery i had to pick her up everywhere for like a couple months save the a material
we're uh we're here uh you've begged for it now you're getting it me and lund and becker are back
with some guy uh you love these episodes we have some random dude on you know he tells us about
his girlfriend's period, typically
jizzing.
Oh, yeah. Right?
When did you last jizz?
Who jizzed, currently, jizz?
Right.
Why does it smell like jizz in here?
Oh, yeah, because Becker was in the bathroom.
Becker wanted to set the record straight right away.
He's like, it doesn't smell like jizz in there.
Yeah.
It was a lady dothed too much.
Like he was under oath.
Yeah.
Like his hand was on a Bible.
There's been a lot of rumors floating around.
I've just been getting a lot of.
a lot of dms with dj gt
well hey bring it up again genius
i don't care she doesn't stand for genius uh yes
it'd be very funny to go in front of a jury and be like
your honor the 12 men and women who are here
and you moon
i respect your gender identity
the first nb juror
yes
the first nbb sure and hey bailiff you're nb too
nice bible i saw that but uh
I just want to let you guys know.
A lot of people are saying the bathroom reeks like jizz,
and it may, but it wasn't me.
Becker, that was you earlier.
There's a palm tree touching me like they're taking a picture with me after the show.
I was getting tickled by a palm frond.
Next time that happens, I'm making pineapple puree, dude.
I'm going to punch through someone's chest.
I'm sorry to whoever got a group picture with us who was a big fan.
And then he just, he, like, made some, he was, he said it was, asked if it was okay to touch me in the picture.
I said, yeah, of course, I'm going to touch you.
And then he just kind of did a little, like, adjusting of his arm, but nothing weird.
But that's when I said, he just beaned at my bag.
Oh, gross.
And he got scared, like, Becker being accused of, it's girl targeting.
Yeah.
It was very funny, though, because Nathan was like, no, I was just, he was like, I'm so, I'm so sorry.
That same kid was the rugby kid.
He's a listener.
Good kid.
Strong young man.
I accused him of Rugbery.
He also adjusted his hand quite conveniently
in the small of my back.
So I think this was a premeditated measure for him.
And how does this feel, fellas?
That was my hand.
Do you guys feel like ladies?
Hold on.
That was my hand.
That was you.
That was me fucking with you.
So it's coming from inside the house.
Whoa.
So you're a gay target or two?
No, I like, you're a grope terrorist.
I like lost my way to.
You are a gay terrorist.
No, I like lost my footing a little bit
and felt it happened.
And I was like, he didn't even check.
You stopped short standing?
Yeah, I was falling.
Oh, my God.
You know what?
Falling slowly.
We'll call him Glenn Hansa.
Yeah, no. It's not good.
I'm not a fan of being objectified, touched fondled.
I never said it was cool for women.
I know, I know.
All right.
I just was just a phone.
I know how you kids are, you know, with wanting to point the finger.
Yeah.
Well, you know, there's four point in your case, five pointing back.
I counted them.
Nice try.
You were doing that one arm pull up earlier.
I saw that you have six on one, four on the other.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's cool.
You told a total of ten.
Your parents said, yeah, as long as she's got ten fingers and ten toes,
but he didn't specify how they should be distributed.
My grandpa had an extra toe.
In a jar?
He had two extra toes and one extra finger.
He was actually from Alaska, and it was in a bottle of whiskey.
He had an extra.
Would he ever, like, get you with it?
I don't know.
He was dad by the time I was a lot.
He was dead by the time I was alive.
Whatever he did, he'd be like, hey, don't get mad at me.
I was given a little evil finger.
I can't be held responsible.
Yeah, he had like a weird like crab claw pinky.
Oh, God.
Yeah, like an extra one, like growing out, kind of like a tree limb.
Yeah, where it comes out of it.
Yeah.
So you have freak blood.
Yeah, I do.
He had forked pinky is what you're telling me?
Kind of, yeah.
Double pink.
Forked pink, double pink and then double.
Two on the pink.
Two pinky toes as well.
I might have.
crazy kids with crazy
if you have any kids it'll be crazy
yeah that'd be nuts
if you bore children
but um but yeah
the extra toes got chopped off
I don't think you got to keep them on perp
on perp yeah really
they did let me keep my dog's arthritis
when they did her knee surgery
my mom's toes were webb do you have any freakery
in your family alcoholism
racism yeah
you're dead my uncle
my dad thought my uncle couldn't
figure out how to get out of the garage as opposed to killing himself on purpose?
He was like, yeah, he had trouble with that garage door.
That's a garage door.
It's a real killer.
He knew how to close it, but he forgot how to open it.
It's like, you just do it backwards, bud.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
You keep minding that bait on this pod.
Have you told the story yet?
What?
About that?
Yes.
Okay.
Like ones.
Okay.
Well, I didn't know if you were, if you, I was hoping you,
would tap it more like maple syrup he wasn't traumatized he didn't know that uncle no he didn't
know that he didn't know no it sucked because my dad always said that it was this like accident
because dude was drunk and he died before i was born so i didn't get to meet him and he was like
the coolest one out of all of my dad's dumb brothers he was the best Nate you would have loved him
he was only bad at one thing got the hell opening garage doors he loved rock and roll and uh even
though the garage door was closed he wanted to finish that song yeah yeah he wanted to keep on rocking
in the free world.
Even if it killed him.
He was knocking on heaven's door.
Yeah, it turns out.
But yeah, my dad's friend, Chuck,
let me know that I was an idiot for thinking that that was true.
He killed himself.
Come on.
I was like, oh, all right.
Thanks, Chuck.
How much longer are you going to live here?
How much longer are you crashing?
How much longer are you going to figure it out?
Are you still laying low, Chuck?
You're still doing a lot of interviews with no callbacks.
Yeah.
A lot of phoneers.
yeah he was like he killed himself come on
he was three feet tall
he was a little guy he was a little guy
he fucking killed himself
he killed himself stupid
chuck
chuck down here
he chuck
hey chuck
hey
this is his own name like a Pokemon
Chuck
Chuck
he blew like a point
two three one time
and the cop was like
the cop was shocked because he did not seem super drunk let alone comatose drunk he was i don't know
if it was two three it was like two oh two one i don't know what it was a lot yeah and the cop was
like wait what he thought it was broken no it was chuck that was broken that's why he was so drunk
oh yeah he was a fucking cup it was just overflowing nothing could fix them not even point two two
you know what could have helped him eye to eye with his peers yeah get pay an adult price for
At the movies.
Quit sneaking in.
Quit being under the rug,
Chuck.
I got too good at it.
Stuck in in a bucket of popcorn.
I made my hobby,
my money.
You know?
We can't talk about,
well,
on the Patreon,
I have a funny story
about getting stuck in something.
Oh,
God,
yeah.
God,
it's fun.
Was it a tennis racket?
No.
Yeah,
he thought he was already
tennis racket sized.
Yeah,
and my leg got stuck.
Yeah.
My calf.
And then that played again,
sports had to close.
Yeah.
Have we introduced you yet?
No.
Tell him who you are.
Hi, I'm Elena Bamfield.
Boo.
We want boys.
Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys.
Don't wrap me out, you little worm.
Boys.
The worm was crazy.
You're a worm.
Did I call you a worm recently?
Yeah, I have a video of it.
Oh, yeah.
Because you were a conniving little worm.
No, you thought you were going to save yourself by saying girls rule after you'd been saying,
boo, we want boys all weekend.
First of all.
And then you pointed at the camera and you called me a little worm, which is almost worse than,
You were trying to avoid anyways.
Voice of God is a sacred pack.
And I got those pictures of you and all those wigs that I sent to your wife.
Yeah, you sent to my wife.
You could sew my niece now, and my niece is going to be fucking confused.
Yeah.
But yeah, during Voice of God, I like to do Voice of God if I can.
But usually the person who does Voice of God clings to it, like a life raft.
It's like their only thing at the club that brings them joy.
Yes.
So I couldn't take it from Joel at the comedy castle, but luckily Joel was nice enough to let me
co-lab.
Yeah.
So when he would say
my name,
hey, we got
Sam Talent,
he would hold the mic out.
I would bark like a dog.
Everyone in the room
laughing,
clapping,
wiggling.
And then when they would say,
hey,
you featured a night,
we got,
you know,
she headlines,
clubs in colleges
all over the country,
which means she has
no credits.
Let's hear it
for Elena Bamfield.
And I would say,
into the mic
offered to me,
boo,
we want boys,
no girls.
We're out here for girls.
It's a fun thing to do.
It was super fun.
Setting you and Geneviva
for nothing but success
in front of my
rabid frothing fan base
that sees you guys
as just like a mile of glass
they have to crawl through
to get to my butt
isn't that it?
They're eating a mile of shit
to get to my home
to see where it came from
and you guys are that mile of shit
so you
Andy DeFrain
crawl through shit to freedom
yeah you're in someone's pocket
and they're dropping you out in the yard
got it
so because you're a little worm
yes
But you went to film me saying this
so you could post and get big laughs
in your women's groups online.
No, no, no.
You can log back on to Facebook.
Blow some dust off the keyboard
to tattle on a man who trusts you.
So you went to film me saying boo,
and instead I said,
boy, women is pimps too.
We love the ladies and we celebrate them,
not just for their artistic merit,
but for them as a species.
Yeah.
And then you were filming like,
um.
And then I went, you fucking worm
You were trying to tattle on me
You treasonous cur
I wasn't trying to tattle on you
He said don't rat on me you little
It cracked me up
Yeah don't bat on me a little worm
Nice
Now you're rat trapped this weekend
Yeah I know you're fat trapped
Well Elena we're glad to have you
You bring a certain
Geneseecois to the room
And also no one else is giving you opportunities
So remember friend to women, Sam Talent
We didn't just want one loud stoner
With Becker being around
We wanted to
Jesus Christ
We got ratcheting clank over here
You guys
Yeah, you guys decided to start
Your morning in our apartment
Where we were sleeping
What was that all about?
What the fuck was that?
We were too heavy
We were trying to bring over
Did you have to, you don't drink coffee
You had a sip
And then you got full
No, but somebody had shoved
Like four pods
into the top loader
of the coffee machine.
I wanted to make a big coffee.
So there wasn't any
we didn't know how to do it.
We couldn't figure it out
because it was fucked up from whoever
had tried to use it before.
I had to flip the machine upside.
You had to stand at one end of the apartment
and he had to stand the other
and you had to scream back and forth
about the coffee maker.
Yeah.
God, you too.
I had to hold it upside down.
I told Sam if I hadn't just gotten
10 hours of sleep I'd be pissed.
Because we both woke up
went to the bathroom at the same time
10.30 and it was like
hey we're back you know it was crazy
and we went at the same time as well
and we both yeah we both walked in
it wasn't a sink and stink it was
a two in the bowl
yes
no but at first
we thought it was
crazy we don't do that anymore
yeah no perfect I got yelled at
so I don't so I'm not allowed to drink bubble water
he used to
burp and scratch.
But yeah, so you guys
decided to come in.
I thought we woke up
at the same time
because we were best friends
but then like an hour later
I was like I think it's because
these two were trying to see
you could be louder.
Yeah.
You could be louder and more stone
at 1030.
We were loud.
That's why.
Yeah, best friend.
You're like, hey, Becker.
You want to get really high?
You always want to be a confused
problem for the next 12 hours?
Sure.
Let's do it in someone else's apartment.
They're still sleeping.
That's not go downstairs.
That's where all the coffee was.
You know what you do?
You come in.
It's where all the vibes were.
You could fucking swing.
You didn't have to hit the ground.
You could swing over there.
You know,
and then.
Yeah.
Leave no trade.
Becker in the hallway, of course,
would be like,
Good work getting it.
You can be like,
you know, that kind of thing.
That'd be good.
Anyway.
But.
That's you too.
Yeah.
I think we just wanted you up.
You don't decide.
But then you called,
no,
but then you called us
from downstairs somehow.
Yeah.
So you were already out of there.
You guys were so lost
in being that high
at that early in the morning.
You walked out behind us?
You walked by.
Yeah.
Are you serious?
Oh yeah.
That's a lot.
I snuck up on you twice today.
I mean,
I'm talking into the mic.
Who knows?
Keep it up.
I think you've got to keep it up there.
You haven't done a podcast.
See?
I thought,
I talk really loud.
This is the biggest thing
to ever happen to you.
You have to remember that the whole time.
It'll make it easy.
It'll make it easy.
Did you truly speak through the room
while we were in there?
No.
Okay.
No.
I came downstairs and was like,
where are these jagoffs?
They're probably outside smoking.
I went outside.
I looked for two twin clouds of smoke.
Didn't see it.
Bopped around,
took in the art with my coffee
that tasted like soap.
I sat in the slumpies for a while.
I figured,
surely, these two will be in the slumpies.
The giant amorphous blob chairs
that you can sit in while you vape.
No, I was the only slumpy in the bumpy.
Shout out to Jillian Mayor.
Shout out Jillian Mayor.
Jillian, send me one for my backyard.
Different than Jillian Michaels.
Shout out Jillian Michaels.
She's killing it.
Yeah.
Very different from Gianna Michaels.
RIP.
No, she's alive.
She's thriving.
No, she's up there blowing God right now.
She's up there sucking the life out of God.
She takes over.
She's up there T. Fing, the big man.
God.
She's getting installed.
Installed?
As the head of heaven.
Headmaster general.
I thought that was a new disgusting term for some kind of sex.
I did too.
Yeah, I was like, what the fuck?
Don't say install.
The lane is here.
Executive position.
She's the new pope.
It's just.
White jizz, ropes, in the sky.
Like in Ghostbusters?
God, the pod's been missing something.
Guts.
John and Michaels is turning heaven
into the stave puff marshmallow man exploding.
What is that?
What?
Ghostbusters?
You haven't seen Ghostbusters?
I guess I have, but I don't know it like that.
Oh, so like how you just said it like that.
Well, this is called riffing.
So the state puffed marshmallow man
At the end of Ghostbusters
The giant marshmallow
It's like the size of buildings walking around
Oh look at me, I don't know what they're talking about either
We're young
And he's wearing
We're too busy doing
He's wearing the sailor
He's wearing the sailor's outfit
He's like a marshmallow
We're talking about the good Ghostbusters
Not the woman one that you probably think is the only
Because your dad wouldn't let you
The one with the demon dog
I don't know.
You see it's demon
yeah
so at the end
that
demon thing
that's doing
a whole thing
what?
Takes over the marshmallows
and the marshmallows
grow into one
that's the size of
like a building
they blow it up
and it shoots
white goo all over everything
Okay
well sorry for ruining your riff
and as a fat kid
I thought it would be awesome
to get exploded
with fucking marshmallow fluff
because I was like
envious of them in that scene
because I thought it was real
that they would have to like
actually eat it
you know because they were in
It was like they were a smore
Specifically Winston
You know due to the hue
Yeah
Free one
Do you guys remember Flubber?
Black man
You know
Flubber?
Was that Robin Williams?
Yeah Flubber
Flubb?
Flubb?
It flubbed
I wanted to eat that
You wanted to eat flubber
It reminded me of
Apple Jello
Yeah
Huh
Green Jello
Wait your green jello
Was apple flavored?
What was yours?
Lime
They switched down.
Definitively line.
I thought mine was apple.
Your mom made it with apple juice.
I bet they make both now.
I don't know.
Because green apple was like sucker exclusive when we were kids.
And then it started to edge its way into like gum and stuff.
Jolly Rancher.
Oh, yeah.
Jockey Rancher, famous.
Green Apple purveyor.
That was like a hard candy sucker thing.
No.
It's lime.
No.
So the green one that I grew up on,
I know this because I would.
It's regional.
I would make it for Murphy Brown with my.
mom and I would not let it settle and I would just like drink it out of the pan because
I was a fat little boy and I didn't have time to let the jet yes and it's awesome it's so
good and if you wine for kids if you let it if you swish it around in your mouth you can
gelatinize it when you cool it down and it's like you're making a little luggy but it
tastes like lime that's so disgusting it was cool you but so maybe you were confusing lime
with apple who knows maybe or maybe they just made a switch maybe we're old bitches as you
accused
to sub
earlier.
You said,
are you going
to say a bunch
of old stuff
we don't get?
Right before we
started.
Am I going to
understand anything?
Well, you said
have you ever
a podcast before
and I said,
yeah,
are you guys
going to talk
about a bunch of
old shit
that I don't know
what it is?
You were a bitch
first.
Me?
Yeah.
You asked if
she knew how to
podcast.
Well,
she's only been on
Wait,
Wait,
Don't tell me
in car guys.
I don't know what that is.
Those are
massive,
those are massive
podcasts.
Oh,
sorry, wait,
wait,
don't tell a car guys.
Were you on...
Is that good?
Prairie Home Companion?
No?
Didn't you do Mo Rocca's podcast?
No.
You don't get any of these references?
I don't know.
What the hell?
I'm so sorry, dude.
I'm not good at stuff like that.
No, you're doing a great job.
Those were all very esoteric references.
Okay.
Look, we're here to celebrate you.
Yeah?
Is that what we're here to do?
Yes.
Allegedly.
Allegedly?
You have any questions for Elena?
What do you know?
No, tell the people, because our fans will like this,
tell the people how many hot dogs your dad eats.
Oh, my dad has like one, he's really cut back on it now.
But for, in his prime.
In his prime, one or two, like a day for lunch.
Every day.
Yeah.
Was he cutting them open and cooking them split open, or there's boiled dogs?
They're not boiled.
They don't, I think he's doing them just on the pan.
Okay.
But there's still two.
full tubes dogs and also like
um they're he gets like the full beef angus
yeah you have to go full bangus
he goes full bangus full bangus
full bangus
and that was gonna be pat's other dickens
you're saying like like every day
of your entire life at home or whatever right
like 15 years no no um he just
it really started because I was having
before I moved to New York I lived with my parents
and I was having a bomb fire at their house
we needed hot dogs
and someone went to go grab them
and I went those
I was like no we have to go to the store
those are my dad's and they were like what
and I was like those are my dad's hot dogs
that was his stash
that was the head stash of dogs
we don't eat those hot dogs
but he was like at the time
eating hot dogs every single day
now he has like a new job and it's a little bit
it's cut into his hot dog habit
what's his new job
hamburger
you've seen my dad he's like impressive
that he eats hot hot
dogs like that he's like a
I'm a small person he's pretty small
both my friends are pretty small you know he's
like he's like he's like he's like he's like he's like
he's a lot of sin you do his body
what he's like ripped right he's got like
my dad works out yeah
vascular my dad's like a 50 year old guy that like
yeah I met your dad in
that show Williamston yes and you met him in
Detroit and somewhere else yeah yeah well I've been
a big supporter of young Bamp
who's got him buff huh yeah with all those
Hot dogs.
We're like sinewy, you know?
They're all beef hot dogs, though.
Like there's no moisture.
Like all of the moisture in his body
has been nitrated to oblivion.
Yeah, so we can look good.
Piss the sour trout.
What's he dogging down with?
What's he dollopin on top?
I think just ketchup and mustard.
Oh.
Bun?
White bread.
No, wheat bread ends.
That's what your dad's eating his dog's in.
Wheat bread ends.
Yeah, the butt slice of the wheat bread.
container of butts in the store.
They were 25 cents on me.
No, just regular.
And my brother's the same. My brother does weird shit too.
My brother just eats like peanut butter and jellies.
Hey, Waldo.
Why don't you put down that BB&J?
I'm an hot dog with you old man.
Put a hot dog on the PB&J.
Hey, does he have the Midwest accent?
Um, yeah, they kind of do.
Hey, those are my hot dog.
Oh, no, not like that.
Put down my dad.
It's the Michigan one.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, it's how I talk.
Not really.
You've tried so hard to abandon it.
California's stoned.
I'm not trying so hard to abound in it.
You sound like a beach boy.
Yeah.
The dead one.
I don't know.
I could do my grandma pretty well.
My grandma says like, like used tos and stuff like that.
Used to's.
And I, how comes you?
Why don't you?
Like those little phrases.
I was so surprised to find out.
Because I met you at Savage Henry, I think, for the first time.
You were from Michigan?
Yeah, that was my first year of doing stand-up comedy.
I was like, she's from like Oakland or something.
And also I'm not sure if I could say she
Because you were like femmed out crazy
And you had glasses
What do you mean femmed out crazy?
You were, I don't know
You looked like you were a 16 year old girl
Like doing a fucking project
I was like 20
You looked like Spacoli from recess
You had like a beanie
Yeah
And you were like
Hey everybody
Yeah, I just
Who's ready to laugh
Yeah
Yeah
So I was very funny when I found out
You were from like
Wherever Lansing
I remember I was doing a
you guys walked in with Chris
and you were like there they are
the kings of show business
into the 3 p.m. fucking dispensary
show that I was doing and there was one real guy
from the audience that was in there
but I remember someone laughed
maybe not even at me but I like realized that
you guys were in the room and I said god damn it
I said something funny and Sam laughed
because I was no we thought you were funny
okay that's I don't remember that
you walked up and said hi
I'm Sam
You were very funny
That's what you said to me
And I told my parents
About it
And I said
See
You don't have to
Kill yourself
But no
But no I had
Been dating
Lou's
Best Buddy at the time
So when we work on
The way there
They're like
Oh Sam Talent's gonna be there
And we're gonna
Get married
Oh God
Come on
But they're like
Same Talent's gonna be there
And so they made me
Wash your special
Oh yeah
The rest is history.
Now your fucking hot dog dad can't get enough
of my giggle piggery.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
One, sorry Elaine is here.
I have so much to say to you.
I've missed you so much.
We had some time, some time in the van.
We don't kiss.
I mean, we have, but I'm not a big fan.
Becker lied to you.
I know we told you that you had to kiss him
to be on the shows and be on the pod,
but no.
It's a big girl targeting move.
I like kissing.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Go on, you haven't talked in a while.
I know, why?
I didn't add to that.
You thinking about freeze-dried Skittles?
Yeah.
They're really good.
I want non-sour.
Because those are like a 10 out of 10.
He's a classic, man.
10-of-10.
I want like a 6 out of 10.
I'm old.
Okay.
Well, I picked them out.
No, I'm just saying I'm curious about the non-sour.
I wish they were fucking.
I like those sour puffed.
I wish they were mellow cups.
Mallow cups.
I don't like those.
Yeah, because they don't fit in your mouth.
people.
Yeah, they're for old people.
They're huge. Yeah, you're getting older too.
Those things are fucking side of the mouth teeth rippers.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I can't do stuff like that.
My teeth are not strong enough.
You really got like gum on it.
And I always put the whole thing in because you try and bite one of those in half.
It's all over your chin and tits.
It's just like in my chest hair.
No, the mallow cut thing, you bite it, it drips out.
I've been craving a zero.
Is it not hard?
Zero more?
Yeah, it's like a gooey marsh.
Oh, okay.
But the chocolate they use this.
infinitely harder than like Reese's chocolate so the cup is just jacket it's like eating a throwing star
it's like gumming down a shirt cap yeah damn i don't know if i've ever had one which you have
got a hobby lobby everybody's now saying yeah right i haven't had every candy sometimes i find one
i stick with it for a long long time another one that's super gummy um that's also super good was the now
and later's those will take your fillings out yeah those are tough they're for poor people
I love an hour later.
Why do you mean they're for poor people?
They always make me think of this poor family.
Oh, they probably are.
I used to call the gas station the gum store.
You take me to the gum store.
Yeah.
You only got gum?
That's what my mom would take us after daycare on Fridays
when she went to go pick up a cart in a Marlboro light menthols.
Ooh, light green box.
And we would get, yeah, we would get gum and sometimes bug juice.
God, you were a Marlboro menthol girl.
Yeah.
For sure.
drinking bug juice
just a microplastic food die
abomination
absolutely
just can't
gaining no weight
you did gymnastics
you drank water
I did cheerleading
and wrestling and volleyball
oh yeah wrestling
not just bug juice
and I also rode dirt bikes a lot
I drink a lot of water
actually my parents made us
drink water and milk all the time
you're your dad's favorite son
I want it to be
really bad
you can't be because of Waldo
you're like I hate hot dogs
your brother
oh Mason
Mason.
Dad, look at how good I am at eating hot dogs.
Daddy, I'm your little boy.
Watch me eat the dog, Daddy.
Daddy.
You're like flipping around.
Daddy, I can fly, Dad.
But no, my dad, my dad was stay at home for a lot of my life.
So it was easy to be into wrestling, I guess.
Because he thought that if he left the house, the apocalypse would happen.
But moving on
And then there was no girls
No girls in my
Country
I mean that's how this pod used to be
No look at you
Breaking the color barrier
Look how much better it is
You're doing good
Have we had a girl on here?
Yeah
Who?
Who?
We've had to name Butler
Oh yeah
Butley and J.B
Yep
Hey J.B
What are you peeping at?
I was making
sure the battery was good because I thought I saw it
doing something weird, but it was just the glare.
Are we doing something crazy?
We're fine.
I'm about to break.
But you know what isn't crazy?
Oh, what?
What is it?
Cash app.
Oh!
Financial technology is advancing faster than ever, but so are the scammers.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
What are they doing about the scammers?
Probably stealing candy from you.
What?
I said stop ripping.
Oh, we have to rip over cash app, they said.
I don't think we're allowed.
They said specifically we had to punch up the cash app.
Have fun with it.
Have fun with any financial institutional read.
Is that true?
That's, I'm going to say yes.
Look, you're a young person.
You're involved in many different marketplaces.
Are you using cash app?
I'm using cash app.
I love it.
Only when people...
Don't say anything bad.
What?
No thing bad.
I'm not going to say anything bad.
How could you?
Yeah, it's a cash app.
I'm saying only when people don't have cash to give me.
It makes me think of eating a big bowl of cash before my meal.
Okay.
Like a cash appetizer.
Yeah, a cash appetizer.
Yeah, that is true.
That's not what this service is.
It's actually for helping with money.
It keeps your money even safer than eating it.
I know you don't think that's true, but it is.
I mean, it's in me.
It's on me.
Fortunately, I'm keeping the banks out of it.
Cash app is constantly adapting to keep your money safe.
Your security deserves to be top priority and cash app treats it that way.
God damn it.
Yeah, finally.
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it's like your money is protected
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my face is protecting my wallet
but that's my butt's job
what my pants gonna do
what the heck plus if you're about to send money
to someone new and cash app notices
something looks a bit off
or that you might be falling for a scam
it will send you a warning before the money is sent
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Hear that, Grandma?
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and now that that ad read's done if you want to secure 10 i got it for you right here
you think that's going to keep people listening and uh hard what that you are advertising
your penis for sale oh it's funny if your dick sponsored like we got an ad read copy yeah
It was just for your dick.
Do you guys just getting it out there?
Just getting it out there.
I think we do.
I'm not opposed to it.
I think it's better that...
I can't just be Becker.
You don't advertise your schlong dongas.
No, I don't have a tenor, by the way.
That's not true.
Yeah, you can't say that and expect to skate.
Yeah, we can't lie on the cash every.
So I don't have a tenor.
but yeah you know the only thing better another one one that's good news is three oh cool according to
the national no you're not good at i'm really good according to remember with becker in my handwriting
earlier remember that that was insane you you felt like you had to apologize to the that was crazy
to the kitchen yeah his handwriting was that bad yeah no it wasn't at all i didn't see it so i
can't weigh in it was not bad it was after the first thing which was baba ganouche write something down
and I'll see if
well I can't
because the observer effect
would sway the whole thing
but anyway
Becker has me
write down the order
I do
it's very legible
in all caps
after Baba Gnuch
because Becker's like
oh well
you gotta write
all caps man
if you want
these kitchen people
to read it
you should probably
write it in Spanish too
so you know
I write it down
and then we hear
him down the hallway
giving it to him
and then being like
what did you say
sorry dude
I didn't write
and went like that
and I was like sorry
man
Sam Wai
wanted to write it.
I didn't write it.
They wanted to be a big boy.
It was totally good and legible.
Did they come back and ask for clarity?
No, of course not.
I stood there and he like made sure he could read it all and then I took off.
Now how long did he have it in his hand before you apologize for my handwriting?
A millisecond?
As soon as he made a face.
And was the face?
Yeah, that was the face he made right.
It felt like explaining it.
Did he go?
It was.
Yeah, so he couldn't see.
No.
He's near-sighted.
He was like, there wasn't a kid in there who wrote this.
You know, you really disappointed me with that behavior.
I'm sorry.
Apologizing?
No, no, no.
The touching goes one way.
Lund?
Now that we got that out of the way,
according to the National Institutes of Health,
as many as 30 million men in the U.S. experience E.D.
What?
It's more common than a bad night's sleep.
Geez, that means it's everywhere,
because everybody's sleeping poorly.
I sleep great.
Yeah, I'll bet.
I do.
Ten hours, ten, ten, ten.
Yeah, you're the man.
An hour for every inch.
But I wish the whole thing
would get hard.
And that's where this company comes in,
I'm assuming.
Unless that's just like a crazy way
to start off a factor ad.
Right.
And you have a soft dick.
So we've got
beets and kale for you.
Pumpkin seeds.
Pumpkin seeds get you so hard.
They make your batch huge.
But they do.
Are they full as magnesium?
I don't.
Elena's here.
Sorry.
It's okay.
Well, I just don't want to be
some nasty mutant.
Too late.
But you know the good news.
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No.
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Yeah, I mean, it's so difficult
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You call in, you say,
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I'm hanging a chat over here.
We gotta do something
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And then they're like,
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These Jamaican doctors
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I don't care.
I don't care.
You got to have fun.
You're thinking of red stripe.
Hooray, boners.
Cut it out.
You know what you don't have to cut out is boners.
Yeah.
You can get hard whenever you want.
Yeah, just like me.
All you have to do is listen to Nathan Lund.
Thanks for throwing it back to me, bud.
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And that's the end of that read, which lets me know.
Go ahead.
Oh, I was just as I ever said, use code Chubby to get Chubby.
be no we're not allowed
I can't say that it's in the
parts of verbatim it doesn't make
your dick actually bigger
we're between reads right now we can have fun
we can play around
you know and also I don't like that hymns is hymns
dot com because if you're NB and you want to get
that fucking phallis hard
whether it's a burden whether it's a gift
it should be thems dot com
it should be everybody it should be dickless
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it should be softcock.org
not
not that sounds good
soft codot dot not org not and then her
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org not should be
hey is your old lady about to leave
Hail Mary.com
I'm kidding they're a great company
Becker
your targeting has been much easier since you got on him
Fall always feels like a reset
with back to school football season
and of course the day is getting shorter
Finding time to cook.
That can be tough.
What are you supposed to do?
Eat dirt or wood or leaves.
There's a bunch of leaves on the ground.
I have pika.
What can you do for me?
I'm eating all kinds of stuff that's not food.
Well, let me offer you a tissue.
That's bad.
Pikachu.
Yeah, what do you do when you need to eat, but you don't have anything?
I usually, I'll just order something.
Ordering in.
Yeah.
But that's kind of expensive.
It is expensive.
You don't have a lot of options in New York.
City.
Yeah.
City goes to bed
pretty early.
It's kind of a food
desert.
Yeah.
There's really nothing to eat.
And what if I want
food dessert and it's 2 a.m.
What are you going to do?
I don't know.
Ghostbusters.
So you're a young person
you're living in New York.
Hey, I'm walking here.
Hey, shut the fuck up.
You wop, you wop, son of a bitch.
That's you.
Just walking to work.
Famous quotes.
You're up on like a beam.
You're like, hey, shut up,
you day go scum.
Why don't you go home?
Go home!
You know, that's you?
Yeah, yeah.
These are bad words to call our Italian friends.
They love it.
Is this, is this, this is word for word?
I mean,
Christopher Columbus.org.
Bring back Columbus Day.
You're going to say.
W.W.W.
he wasn't that bad.
They put this.
These words, these words are thrown around every day.
And yet Christopher Columbus was a.
hero.
Hey, we're putting
the Chris and Christmas.
Columbus Day is on Christmas now.
The Ad Reed is asking Becker to be better
about his anti-Italian rhetoric.
Columbus Day,
or as we call it, Wap
Christmas.
Dego Christmas, yeah.
You know who would love this?
My mom was always
hitting people with Wop and Daego.
She loved them both.
Like pre-stroke.
Yeah, she would always call
Wife Beater's Giddy Slings
Yeah, that's what they are
Yeah, oh man
Do you know about any of this?
I've heard of the
Italian slander
I really don't, I love Italians
And I think it's like
The last slurry you can still say
Yeah, it's not a, I mean, you guys won
Yeah
You got the Sopranos, you got Liberacee
You got cool hair
You got big families
That love each other
Yeah, you guys got a sense of community
I mean, you guys are everything
That's right with America
You have a plumbing
And everything that's wrong with Europe.
That's why we love Factor.
Because they also, I'm going to read it, don't trust Italians.
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It says personal...
Hey, ma.
Make me some chutney.
I read what the personal endorsement says.
Emma.
Can I get some chutney?
Wait, you said that.
Emma.
That's where you got that from.
Hey, Ma, let me get some Sogdoll on my peneer over here.
Hey, Ma, I love you more than any woman I'll ever mean.
It's going to complicate things I tell you, Ma.
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You know what that means.
What does that mean?
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Yeah, they're all number one.
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What is this?
A school of minds?
More choices.
What is this?
Jan Sincock's flatmates.
Make known of that, Becker.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Right?
I don't know.
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Goodbye.
That's the episode.
It's that easy.
You just do three to seven ad reads, you know.
We're like late night television.
There's a lot of ads.
Yeah.
Take out a lot of quality show.
You make up a false beef with Becker.
Give him a nasty nickname.
What's Lund's deal?
That's been carrying podcasts.
I've been on TV.
It's my favorite recurring segment.
Somebody asked me about maybe Matthew Welock when I went to Jungle Jim's last weekend.
Asked me about old Sid.
And I was like, we did the too much.
funcast to find gents we did like 10 episodes and we were like this sucks it's hard yeah but the
guess so we stopped me you just had an old podcast i see podcast and for some reason somebody asked
like what would your hobo name be and for no reason right away you went like this you
old old sit oh shook your head and I was like that's the funniest thing ever I think I'd be old
sid so funny oh and then immediately I'm with dick stinkly and Matthew and
Dix, buddy, Brett, who you call, I believe, Coheed.
Yeah.
And then the other one's Cambrian.
But they almost immediately were like, where can we get our hands on the too much funcast?
And I was like, I don't think it's available.
Do you ever listen to that?
Yeah.
Yeah, Wally eradicated it from the internet along with Shinen, Sam Talent's Half Hour Prophecy.
All those things I wrote for SexPoc are gone.
I imagine what happened is that the credit.
on the computer
or the card it was all on
for syndication
went away
uh huh yeah
yeah
sure he got Factor
and that's the end of the ad read
yeah
why
no so
extra ad read
we're going into
extra innings
what so too much funcast
though we had like
Ali Wong on
yeah
Rory Scoble we had
Canane
we mean Ben Roy
we had some really
star-studed guests
in Ben Roy
I think Rory and Ben, those episodes, we riffed, like, hard the whole time.
Rory came in and said that he was a juggler.
Yeah.
Remember?
Because he didn't want to just do some dumb sit on the couch, get interviewed, talk every seven minutes type podcast.
Call the guest old fucks, you know.
Get out your brush and dust off the fossils, he said.
And he said, I would offer your brush for your hair, but you don't have any.
And you pulled my hat off.
And he threw my hat in the street.
I did.
And then you were like, I'll get it.
And you did a summer salt to get it that ended in a split.
and everyone was like, give her the key,
and they gave you the key to the city.
Meanwhile, we have a contact at Lipson now.
I could reach out and see if they're recoverable.
Maybe we put them up on Patreon.
No, Shinen should never see the light of day.
Not Shining.
I was talking about it.
Me and David had nothing to lose.
Too much fun cast.
Shining, some of the hardest I've ever laughed in my car.
Shinen was crazy.
Yeah, you got out of the line.
I didn't know what was going on.
I didn't know the rules of podcasting.
You didn't think it counted.
I didn't think it counted.
It was, I was living in Vegas.
It was like 2017.
I was listening to a lot of Cumbtown.
What kind of things were you doing?
I don't know.
A lot of fun voices.
A lot of fun voices.
A lot of attempting to rap.
I rapped at the end of every episode.
Can you wrap right now?
No, no, no, no.
What if we put on an instrumental?
I did it sans instrumental because I was all up here.
Okay.
Because I had the knowledge.
You were an a cappella fella.
Uh-huh.
Acapella fella.
Yeah.
The vanilla gorilla.
Okay.
I'm the thriller, no chilla.
Blood spillo.
Wow.
It was nuts.
Nuts is the perfect way to put it.
Why did you stop doing it?
Because our career started budding.
I think we stopped doing it because I got on Comedy Central's roast battle and David got a job writing for some show and we were like, we have to nuke this, bro.
We had Keith D on a bunch.
It was insane.
Yeah, it was like.
It was too real.
It was really like, you know, I don't want to say problematic because David was black, but.
date yeah i mean at one point i just said a slur because i thought that david was saying slurs yeah i know
i remember that yeah he did trick you yeah and i was like what the fuck and he was laughing so hard
and i was like wait but for real like i thought you said a precedent and he was like no why were you
so eager and quick to say one and i was like i thought you said one i thought we were having
Oh my God.
There would be long portions where David would just be quiet to see how far Sam would dig.
Yeah.
See how far he dangled his Chad.
No, I mean, David is the king of setting me up to expose myself in some way that I didn't know I could.
And then him just keep giving me the rope.
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
I mean, that's been established since we're 14.
Yeah.
leave them dead i mean i would just say hey sorry it's a comedy podcast but maybe we maybe if we
figure out who the syndicator was maybe if it was libsen which was the only game no no for too
much fun no we weren't on libson we were too extreme okay we were booted off patreon huh i wonder
if we could get whiskey how good it even was probably bad so early on for our with our stand-up
and with like the idea of having a podcast
came and went pretty quick.
Also, that show was every one.
Too much fun was every Wednesday.
We were so busy.
It was a cultural phenomenon.
We had six days to fill.
I was so hung over.
Yeah.
We were so wet.
Oh, yeah.
So sticky.
You tried to tell me about a time I don't remember where I drank all the beers in a green room for a grolic show that I wasn't on.
What was I doing there?
You were, you were quote, set in the record.
What you weren't doing was making friends.
Except for you.
I was making a fan for life.
It was the first Grawlicks they did, I think,
because they did Los Comicos at Orange Cat,
which was match-bought.
Los Comico's is like the coolest show in Denver.
And we all just pined for them to come down
and bless us with an appearance on that show.
It was sick.
First place I ever saw Canaan, Sean Patton, Maria Bamford.
Awesome.
It was insane.
There was in a little room.
It was awesome.
It was like 2,000, what?
8, 9, 10.
So anyway, they moved their show
to the Avenue Theater on 17th,
and rumors and ripples
of one Nathan Lund's
offstage performance
just cascaded, just peals of
this story coming off the avenue,
that Lund showed up, wasn't booked,
drank all the, literally every beer in the green room,
like quick, too.
That's nuts. Walked in, like, stone cold at a barbecue.
That's a kid in the hot tub.
them.
Smashing them together.
Drinking them.
Wearing a leather vest,
no shirt.
It's simple.
Gene shorts.
That's,
man.
Yeah,
he just,
I guess,
he just showed up.
I don't know.
He's for drinking
and for looking at.
Like,
just,
like,
clug,
like,
I think it was like
he drank most of them
before the
show started even and Adam
was like what the fuck and then
Adam they went out through the opening and they
came off and all the beers were gone
and you were you know wearing a lampshade
as a diaper I was
trying to not move so nobody could tell
I was still in there
and you know I just heard this story of like
yeah lunch showed up and like chugged all their beers
and told them to fuck themselves
and then they banned them from the
Grawlix how much of that is true
I wonder I don't think you told them to fuck
themselves but I do think you drank 20
four beers. I'm sure I didn't drink them all. Maybe there were four in there and I drank them.
No. You for sure down the suitcase. You were a businessman from Japan.
I don't know, man. Yeah. I can't say it's not true, but I don't remember. I don't know why I
would drink all of them. And I wasn't booked. That's fucked up. I wasn't on the show.
You swung by. Damn.
Danny Maupin's doing that now.
That's Danny's job.
Danny.
Well, Daniel.
The squirrel.
Pump the brakes, Danny.
I just came in and see if the bears are cold.
Yeah.
I was like, Danny, I love you, man, but the beers are cold.
All right?
The beers have been cold.
Are you sure, though?
Let me check.
Let me try it with my mouth.
Moppin didn't know he wasn't booked on high plan.
Until he showed up.
He got his wristband.
I want to live that life, dude.
He was busy.
He was busy for that year.
And so he's like, well, I might as well just show up.
He was probably busy, honestly, getting laid.
He's out there, man.
Good for him.
Loving every minute of it.
There's a giraffe in this room that's acting as a coat rack, and I'm obsessed.
Yeah, it's cool.
My grandma used to have something like that, but it was not a coat rack.
It was just a statue.
That's good.
It's good to have grandma memories.
She doesn't have them anymore.
No, she doesn't.
She has dementia.
Oh, demented like Gordy was.
Do you ever say, grandma, you're demented?
Grammy, you're dementoid.
No, but my mom did laugh and say that her brain is the size of a pee, the doctor said.
Oh, God.
Jesus Christ.
It's terrible.
And it was a walnut previous, right?
Yeah.
You guys have very small heads in your family?
Yeah, we do.
We are tiny.
Big, thick skulls.
Tiny heads.
Real bowl rattlers.
When my brother was born, they thought it was like abnormally small, and then they measured my dad's head, and they were like, oh.
wow
medically small
medically small
medically small
lung how's your penis
hanging in there
I said dangling chat earlier
you said dangling but also
hanging chad
what is hanging chad
is it a weird
hanging chad's a cool
surfboard move
it was the election in 2000
this is this is
I had to go back and count
the votes
the way they used to
the bad at Chads was the little oval
and a bunch of them were hanging
So they were miscounted.
That's right.
Hanging chats.
Yeah.
And this is like the second or third time we've told you this.
You like can't form the synapse for hanging chat.
No, no.
I think so.
No.
I'm not harshing any.
You don't remember anything.
If we have discussed it, it was five years ago.
What?
It was a half a death.
Oh no.
We did talk about it, but it wasn't that long ago and it was the first time ever.
Well, what's all that's new again?
So that's good.
Case closed.
It's nice to write.
wrap. Let's put a bow on that.
How about this?
Lund, can we try some of the syrup you got?
I want to give it a second round.
No, I don't want to open it.
Open it up.
I'll look mine too.
Packing it open seems like it's more prone to leakage.
Yeah, I would be scared that it would go...
He's going to wrap it up.
It would go everywhere.
Put a condom on it.
Put it in a little plastic bag or whatever.
No, no.
But you can blast me because you tried the four syrups,
and apparently I chose the one for babies.
I'll tell you what.
You chose the one that tastes like a cigar, so that's cool.
It does.
It tastes like a tire fire.
And then you'd let the truth come out on stage because you blasted your own ass for picking the dumb one.
You want to know how dumb I am?
Yeah.
I tried one and bought it.
What?
Yes, because she was like, that's the one I like.
And I was like, well, you've lived in this sugar mill your entire life, man.
Your tongue is like.
You got the extra dark?
No, I got the second.
I got the dark robust.
Oh, that's what I got too.
I liked it.
That was my favorite.
There was the one that Lund got, which was sunny delight.
And then there was one here that was just honey.
Honey one was also really good.
It tasted like butter.
Which one did you get?
Dark robust.
You got the same one as me.
Yeah, we all got the same one.
And there was one over here that was Lou Rawls.
I mean, this bad boy was dark and smoky.
The darkest one was really tough.
That one was.
It was still good, though.
It was.
It would have been really good on a pancake with butter.
I didn't try it.
Why?
Because I do the thing I always do where I just listen to the,
person and I try that one and I go
you're right and then
I turn around and I buy the big old jug of it
and then because I'm mad
at myself I then lash out
at lawn news or going back
for thirds on all four I had a couple
of each of them yeah I really wanted to know which one I
like yeah you said and you don't get that
from one little taste the sample cups
aren't big enough now these mugs
over here
come on let me really get to know it a little
let me rent a mug
Let me do a lap
Those cookies were really good.
Those cookies were something.
Those were so good.
But yeah, so I didn't try any of them.
I went back and tried the one that you got
and then made fun of you for getting, you know,
bird feeder neck there.
You got hummingbird fuel.
Yeah.
And sugar water.
I thought it tasted light and nice.
It didn't taste enough like maple syrup for me.
It was your sugar water.
I like the depth.
I think it's going to be real good.
Yeah.
I'll go get mine out of the car.
we'll jug out. Do we have anything we can pour syrup on? No. No. You can pour syrup on
yourself. Can we put syrup in that thing? We could. In the bong? Surrup rips. Wait, we have this in
the shot? Yeah. That's not good. It's fine. That's bad. Is this incense burner? They're fine.
We can't have an, this is for tobacco use only. It's a vaporizer. As Jan Succoq
told my landlord once as I was hitting a bong in my apartment. Uh, yeah,
Yeah, you guys should come to Magubis and see me over there.
That'd be sick.
Come see us at Skangfest.
I'll be in New Orleans doing one show, Wednesday of Skang Fest,
of Sports Strength, Denver Comedy Works, go there.
Thanksgiving weekend.
And also next year, I need a fucking,
I really need a historic slam dunk
because I am at war with one of the most prominent comedy clubs
chains in the country.
And I need, not at war, that's not fair.
They put the ball in my court.
I said, hey, give me a weekend.
They say, there's about 98 other people
who sell more tickets to you in the clubs.
And I say, how do you know that?
And they say, we know everything, worm.
I was the worm.
See, worm people, worm people.
You got bullied and said you bullied me.
I lashed out at him for blowing it on the syrup.
I still think I'm right.
It's okay that you called me a worm.
This is a real funny thing to look over
and see both of you from this angle.
It's like Ron Jeremy.
No.
I understand.
I understand now.
Keep yelling.
Keep yelling.
Not true.
I need historic.
He needs you.
Football spiking.
Call in the airdrop.
Steal someone's credit card and buy out the room.
Shows of strength.
Is that what James McCann was saying?
Show of strength.
I can't remember.
Show of strength.
Yeah.
I need victories.
Yes.
Yeah.
Let's round up the room.
The year's going to be good, man.
It's a Portland.
It's going to be good here.
Out there at Magoibis.
Mago.
Mago.
Hey.
Oh, you lie me fuck.
It's me.
Maguby.
That'd be funny.
Yeah.
If you guys wanted to yes and a little bit.
Well, I don't know when you wanted to stop plugging your dates, so I could plug mine.
Oh, you don't have any dates.
November 30th, Comedy Works, I get to headline after the weekend with Sam.
And guess what we're doing?
I'm buying, for everyone who comes to my shows that weekend, I'm buying you Sunday night football tickets.
No.
So come see me and then see the Broncos for free.
The game is in Washington.
I know.
I'm flying everyone.
I'm flying.
I'm going Dan Schneider on the plane, man.
I'm renting out the private jet.
You guys just got to pay for your plane tickets.
and accommodations for three nights.
You're John Gruden.
Also, Cisivis Brewing in Minneapolis,
December 26th and 27th.
Right after Christmas, what a Christmas gift.
Christmas miracle.
San Diego.
Give the gift of Lund.
Give Lund year round.
That's what I get.
Yeah, except for the last three weeks
when he cheated on me.
Lund Desert.
With the industry.
Elena, you don't have anything to plug.
No, Detroit.
Thanksgiving weekend that Friday
correct? Yes November 28th
at the Independent if you've been to my show
you go see Elena she's filming her special
it's real easygoing material
it's all good stuff
you can plug your thing
I'm uh yes I'm talking I am doing
my first ever comedy special
first ever comedy headlining set
yes it's being taped
it's being taped it's my make a wish
I'm dying soon
but no
yes I'm filming my first ever comedy
special bowl
that's good
I took a lunchable
I am going to be talking
about getting molested as a child
so trigger warning on that
but the good news is she was a child
I was a child
it's like learning a language
everything's a little easier
when you're a kid
so it could have been worse
you could have been older
but it's like
but I don't know
yeah so I got molested by my doctor
but it's not like a one woman show thing
it's like stand up comedy so please come
yeah it's funny
jokes it's like it's like funny so
it is good she did it opening for me at the comedy
castle it's good stuff go see it
I'll be running it in Albany
November 2nd
so follow me on Instagram Adela BAMfields
I'll be running it all over
don't do that
yes follow me on Instagram
or go to her show
A-L-A-I-N-A-B-A-M-F-I-L-D.
Thank you so much.
I also, if you're in Brooklyn,
I have a weekly show
every Tuesday at Artichoke Pizza
on Wycoff Ave off the Jefferson L-S stop.
Whoa, that's a good room.
I've always wondered
who books Artichoke Pizza.
Yeah, it's me.
It's huge, man.
Yeah, me and Michael Walsh, we book it together.
I always said, get the dough out of there.
You know, I just want the fucking give me the fronds.
Yeah, and if you guys start coming, maybe they'll give me money.
It's Artichoke crust?
Is that true?
Artichle crust?
That's what he's talking about.
No, they do like an artichoke pizza.
It's got like white sauce as a base and then like artichoke and like spinach and shit.
So make sure you support Vanfield because we got to get her some real hair for this ponytail attachment.
Yeah.
Becker.
Because I'm sick and.
Any new targets you've acquired?
No new targets.
Okay.
I'll be at the Thanksgiving shows and then I won't be with you boys until since the.
Oh yeah. Skankfest will all be at Skankfest.
Mm-hmm.
You're at Skangfest?
I am.
Hey.
Let's go.
You won't be at the Thanksgiving.
December shows.
I won't be at the December shows.
No.
That's all right.
You know?
Oh, yeah.
You've been getting a lot of back.
Tell them where you'll be.
I'll be in Italy with my mom.
Whoa, honeymoon?
Yep.
She's moving around real good now.
We're going to go adventure and see my sister for like 12 days.
Ooh, Willie, won't they?
Yeah.
Find out in January on this podcast.
And if you want to hear a funny story about an old lady, go over to the Patreon.
Because, man, I can't wait to tell you guys this.
It'll be coming out.
tell it in the last two seconds later in the day tomorrow they don't care but it'll be there they know
they're still listening i will inevitably get a message that's like i went there and there's no
story about an old lady oh yeah yeah anyway goodbye bye bye don't follow elena come
