Chubby Behemoth - Houston BBL Tunnels - PiTM SwapCast

Episode Date: April 6, 2026

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://punchup.live/samtallent     Sponsors: Hims - Support the show & get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care with HIMS @ http://hims.com/CHUBBY     Rocket Money - Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster at http://RocketMoney.com/CHUBBY     MUDWTR - Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code CHUBBY at http://mudwtr.com/CHUBBY #mudwtrpod #sponsored #ad     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week is a SwapCast with the PiTM crew, Andy Malafarina, and LeMaire Lee! Sam wants to know if his watch is cool, wished he had a gun, and . LeMaire is glad everybody forgot about the gun thing, decides they're the rowdy rough boys, and has been watching the freakiness. Andy asked right after being told not to, plans on going all beans, and almost had a situation with two ladies.     00:00 Leaving My Body 01:54 The Last Time I Saw You 04:43 Don't Say Anything 07:43 They Might Not Like Me Anymore 11:11 Auditioning 13:18 A Lot Of Kias 16:33 Austin PD Called 19:15 Content QVC 23:42 We Sell Chicken Tenders 26:37 These Scraps 30:54 Beyonce's As Far As The Eye Can See 33:54 What Are The Tunnels? 35:35 Never Repeat 37:45 They Go 40:07 Reddit Situation 43:36 More Of A Red Dragon Guy 48:48 Big Chinos On 51:31 I'm Irish 55:15 Thought White People Were On TV 58:38 Luckily 01:05:23 Curly Susu 01:09:50 Koolaid On Tap 01:12:52 You Need An Appointment     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1

I was doing one bit where I was like, I just, the punchline was just like, oh yeah, it's like when I come. This is like when I come. And I'm like, it just, and then I just turned it to come leaving my body. And it just hit the crowd different. Yeah.

They were like, thank you. An original take on Jizz. They started throwing roses on the stage. It's like a streamer match in Japan. So thank you guys for joining me here today. Wait, what? Wait, no, no. Us first.

What the hell? Oh, yeah. Welcome to the panties in the mouth. with Pannies in the mouth. Swapcast. Welcome to Panties in the mouth. I'm overjoyed to be here. We're here with Sam Talent,

also known as White Nathan Marshall. Thank you. White Marshall. I'm a certain Harrisburg black thing to the pot. Central PA black vibe. That's it, dude. I get it, man.

It's to watch. Dude, I know. The flea market special. Dude, look, it has the fucking Virgin Mary in it in gold. That's so sick. Do you think it's cool? Do you think it's cool? My wife got this.

me for Christmas. Yeah, that's so awesome. Yeah, dude, that's sick as though. But I know, but I'm on stage performing for, you know the demographics we draw. And I'm just worried that there's some, like, dead-eyed guy in the front row who's on Suboxone and just got fired. And he's seeing my watch being like, fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you. There is a level of, like, you get worried if you're not retorted enough.

You know what I mean? Like, you do a joke about sucking ass and being retarded. And he's like, yeah, your wrist is pretty shiny, though. I know. Or, like, you're wearing a French chore coat. And you're like, yeah, I like to nut in her butt. Everyone's like, the dichotomy here is jarring. They've seen guys take their watch off.

They just put in their pocket and then they go up there. Yeah. That's a Nate Marshall move. That is a Nate Marshall move. Yeah, he takes off that Cassio and puts it in his sock. It's in his shoe. He puts in his satchel he wears every time. So like an ankle monitor.

Yeah, exactly. I would be remiss if I didn't bring up Lemaire. Last time I saw you, I think, was a Skangfest. And I don't know if you were in the... the room, Andy, but it was that little green room. Were you what's a gang fest this year? Not the last game fest. Not the New Orleans one. I'm sure it hurts your feelings and I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, Andy, remember that fun we had? Oh, no, no, no. I just took it personally. It's not a big deal. I get it. No, it's good, man. Anyway, we're in a green room. It was like me, Nathan Lund, Patrick Richardson, and like two other. Oh, Jimmy Gillespie was in there. And fucking Lamar comes in cock-eyed, swinging his dick around and says, what is this? The fat shit room? And we, it was the funniest thing Anyone said, it's gang fat.

That is a solid. Le Maire coming in, fat as fuck, nuking us all. It was brutal. Oh, that used to be such a fun move for me. I mean, it still is. It's just like if you go to a slight, a guy who's as fat or less fat than you.

And you go, you sack a shit. Right. What? What? I got to be, everybody was skinnier to me, especially Jimmy Moynihan. Wow.

Oh, Jim. Not Jimmy Gillespie. Never mind. Lespe. Yeah, Gillespie probably made up for everyone's weight they lost. Jimmy was wearing a 9x white tea, and he kept saying, hey, I looked like a fucking tooth. That guy's so funny. He's so wet.

He's so wet. And then also, little sweet treat, he's gay as hell. Yeah, and he bought a girl with the fattest ass. What the heck was that? Yeah, I made her mad at me. Why, by going up and saying, how much? Yeah. He talked right into her butt, and you're like,

$400. He just started swiping his credit card in between her cheeks. Yeah. It was a bus pass. He thinks it's his credit card. She's my face next to the bed. Like, damn, where you've been my whole life. I mean, that butt was nuts.

He tried to pay her in EBT, but the cheeks were hot so he couldn't. That's right. She got mad at me. That was good. Thank you. It was logically there. It was solid. I'm not even an EBT black.

What? That's crazy. Sam comes in the room. you get racist, Andy? Excuse me, I'm racist whether he's in the room or not. I'll tell you what, brother. You must love being in Houston. Oh, yeah.

This has a real Caribbean vibe guy to it. I don't know. We've all been loving being in Houston. We're calling Houston a ton of ass. Like Jimmy's friend. Yeah, dude. Was her butt on payroll? I mean, I don't understand their relationship.

Yeah, I don't understand their relationship either. But she was delightful. She was very funny. She had a great sense of humor. And also, she's just a... me. Just a not, well, because you were going up going, blah, I went.

I went up and said, hey, Sam Talent, monogamous and proud. How you doing? Hey, do you feel safe in this room? Because if you don't, talk to me. I would love it if you would sit in a cake as well. I want to let you know. Jim Gillespie and Rob Stanton, they were in the circle. And she was walking by and they were like, don't say any.

I was also pretty hammered. They were like, don't say anything. It's not a BBL. Don't ask her if it's a BBL. Yeah. And then she came over. And I'm like, hey, is that a BB? Jesus Christ.

The call of the void, LeBair. It's crazy to tell you not to ask that. And now I know you get consumed with that's the only thing I'm going to ask. Yeah, immediately. Yeah. Oh, my favorite bit at Skank Fest. I was doing this bit where we were outside of a group people. I'd be like, Dan Soder.

And then he walk over. I'd be like, dumb ass. That's good. Wasting busy people's time It's a funny gag One of the four times you see someone once a year Give him the fake handshake through the hair Hey Jim Norton

How you doing? Never mind He's hit him in the nuts Hey, you sack tap Bobby Kelly He fucking hit him with a stunner We're listening to this We might be recapping the live pot we did last night But we were listening to Opie and Anthony yesterday

Oh cool And I realized anything Jim Norton says Between the years of 2015 and like when he first started it's all a lie interesting yeah because he didn't like admit to any of his truths well I think that he came out as like he was horny yeah but I don't know if he came out as horny he came out publicly as horny I think he was just like I'm a sexual creep for a while

no no he went on the city hall steps in Manhattan and said ladies and gentlemen I need to admit that I'm horny right before trade right before trading started at the stock market yeah he rang the bell with his cock Yeah. Now which one of you gals has a cock? I did Montreal in 2019, and I got asked to host the Jim Norton Gala. That was like my big extra show that I got. Because I don't know if you remember, but there was another young upstart that year who was the other funny, fat white guy. And his name was Shane Gillis.

So there were some scraps coming my way, you know, because Shane couldn't make it from the helicopter party that Hugh Hefner was throwing him. So I showed up for Jim. That was his last helicopter party. That's right. Yeah, RIP. And Kobe was driving, you know? It was a nightmare. But I remember Jim Norton said, hey, so I hosted, and then there was a middle. And then Jim was like, hey, my people weren't here to see you.

So can you do an extra five minutes before you bring me on to headline? And I was like, what a gracious act. Cool. So I do that. Nothing comes of it. And then like two years later, I do Jim and Sam. And I was like, hey, man, I just wanted to say, like, thank you so much for, like, letting me do more time in front of your people.

And he's like, no, man, I just have to, like, piss like three times before I go on stage. So I always need. I always need someone to do five minutes before they bring me up because it's like my body needing to get piss out And I was like, oh, I thought it was you We're putting the ladder down to me, a worm He's like, I literally, I thought you were a waiter. I just had to rip wicked farts.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I thought the catering was bad And I was kind of mad at you. Yeah, I don't, I don't ever, you guys are lucky You're going to hang out with the New York guys, you know, you're going to be in the same spheres. That's cool.

I don't know. I haven't been back. They might not like me anymore. Oh, yeah, because you showed your ass online. I didn't show my ass. They showed their ass. I thought it was, you know, as Andy's people say, gay and retarded. Because people got to be, like, have you seen this Lamar shit?

And I was like, what did he do? Get a body pillow? What's he had to? Did he put a wig on a pillow? I'm so glad everyone forgot about the gun thing because of that. Oh, the gun thing? He posted a picture of him holding a gun. What?

And he said, don't go to school tomorrow? It was a prop gun. It was a fake gun that looked 100% really. Oh no. Yeah, that happened. Oh, my God. You swallowed us in? Oh, no.

Whoa. You're going to have... Was this in the middle of you standing on business? It was a prop gun. It was a prop gun. Yeah, he said, don't go to gas digital tomorrow. And it was a Saturday. Don't go to Black Rabbit tomorrow.

Yes. So this was in the middle of everyone? No, it was before. Okay, so you posted a gun and then they were like follow up. He did it first. They're talking shit about us. I was so grateful to not have to fly a flag because I'm a pirate who lives in the middle of nowhere. I'm a mercenary.

I hang out with you guys. I hang out with Chris Getherd, you know. I'm in it. And then, yeah, I was just watching you. Actually, I was getting screenshots of people sending me the latest updates. Oh, my God. Oh, red basket. How big is your head?

What the fuck? It's a 44 magnum. It is an hilarious good too. Lemaire had to solve crimes in a trench coat in the rain later that day. Just eating boiled eggs in a fucking civic. One day a rain's going to come. You look so silly. People took this as...

People took a associate. Everyone was like, NFPA. FBI called the Austin PD and the Austin what the fat black idiots I'm like hey we want to put you on the calendar Hey we need a new director of operations Oh my God

I thought it was America I thought that was good clean fun It is fun for sure And I side with you Because a joke is a fun time That was that was better than anything you tweeted afterwards

I'm off the Twitter You were like Mike Eaton is Louis C.K. Yeah, dude. You guys hang out with Mike Eaton? Yeah, dude. Oh, I love Mike. He definitely jerks off in front of women in rooms. Dude.

Yeah, but they're like, keep it up, Mike. Yeah. Your body looks great. Yeah. Mike, he definitely jerks off in a bunch of women that are still trying to figure out why they want to fuck him. Oh, yeah.

Because he looks like Bob's big boy. I think it's those rosy cheeks. Yeah, he looks like boxing. And he's covered in 19 tattoos that are all puns. Yeah, yeah. I mean, who would do that? Who would have a bunch of word tattoos on their body? God damn, so this is podcasting.

This is podcasting. This is fun. You guys are so good. Which is hot. You guys got a kind of bucket hat watching us, you know? It's like we're auditioning at a Jewish summer camp. It's hot in here. That's the party.

That does look like we're trying to audition to be on a kid show. Yeah, yeah. way you're dressed. Show me your feet. It looks like we all showed up for the same role to audition. And you got the wrong casting, I think.

Yeah. There's just two people in the back being like, I mean, he could be black. You did good. He could be black. He is a rapist. I mean, we're trying to go in a different direction, but yeah. There's a girl out there. She sees ready to audition and her eyeliner's just running.

All right, now act scared. Come in this glass cube and act afraid. I'm the cleaning lady. Yeah, yeah. Very good. Go with it. Very good. No, I'm actually the cleaning lady.

Yeah, yeah. Nice, nice. Cool method. You're doing great. I'm very horny. Well, hey, I'm actually a rapist. No, no, no, no. Sack after.

And you have to fuck me if you want to leave. That's the intimacy coordinator over there. He's just jerking off. It's slower. You know, look at this picture of Lamar with a gun. Why does his head look so big Or the gun looks so small You do have a big ass head

Yeah I feel like you want to Do you think the head Because you weren't always fat Were you always fat? I've always been fat Oh okay He was actually a triplet

He resorbed the third What's your brother's name? Jibri Yeah And where's he at? He's in Philly He's not in Detroit No

He's in Philly chilling How long were you in Detroit? Right, Lamar? It's like 13 years. 13 years? Yeah. First 13. That's like where you're from.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then we moved. I'm there. I'm there holding it down for you. Oh, nice. Where you're at? On the east side.

Okay. Oh. In a neighborhood that historically kept guys like you out. There's literally walls in my neighborhood. Are you on? No, no, no. That's not the game we're playing. Docks me?

To the panties in the mouth community? Now, have you seen the black squirrels? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude, they're all over. Nobody believes the black squirrels. Yeah, they are. They're hip to the black squirrels.

What's going on there? They steal a lot of Kia's. Oh, nice. Uh-oh. Racist alarm went off. Too many jokes. The pretending to be rapists was fine. I guess the lights on the timer.

Yeah. Yeah. You said it to a podcast and a half. Yeah. So we have some extra room. I like waving because we look like insane. narcissist. Oh, she got the igloo. She got the munchkin belt.

Oh, sure. All right. She's championed a munchkin. All right. Yeah, we play a card game at the creek in the cave, and if you win every week, you get a W.W.E. belt. That's fun. It is fun. That's fun. We stick snacks in it. There's like two sticks of beef jerky in there. We've been in there for about a month now. There's one stick of beef jerky in there. Because you won last week. I think you could have pictured that. You were really given Clay a lot of business about eating the snacks when I'm the one who eats the snacks every time.

No, no, no. It's not about eating the snacks in the bag. Clay eats the bag. He does it in a crawfish, boy. Oh, and get on it in a dumb doughy belt. This thing's steaming hot. Master of impression. This belt's hot as hell.

I got a couple. He always magically pull snacks from his back. He goes like this and then he just has a brownie. It's under a fold. You see what that shit hangs on him? He's got a lot of places to put a lot of things. My favorite part of Skangfest is just watching him change throughout the day. Because he's always posted up at the green room.

He show up at like 9 a.m. And he's like, how you do it, man? We're going to have a big old time here today. And you see him at one and he's like, oh, the fish don't fry. in the kitchen. All right. Let's get him a glass of water.

He's been running on surge for 13 hours. He just starts talking like he's a Creole witch. Someone get a glass of water to foghorn leghorn. Hey, the wind can't talk but it listened to you, boy.

Don't tell the secret to the win. Clay's sharing ancient wisdom. Let's get him to bed. His parents came to see me in Lafayette. Oh, really? Yeah, I met Clay's parents. That's awesome. Yeah.

Are they nice? Are they? Of course. Yeah. I mean, Cajuns, we really, I feel like, as far as white culture in America, some of the best we got. Cajun is the blackest. I'll take Cajun. I'll take Vietnamese guy from Houston.

Those guys fucking rule, bro. Their hood is hell. Oh, my God. No one's more exciting than a Vietnamese guy in Houston showing up with a bag to a party. It's like, what's in there? Egg rolls or a gun? What do you got, buddy? What do you got, tang?

He pulls it out of one of those rice containers. Yeah. Yeah, it's in a pressure cooker. He takes the lid off. Oh, stick them all. It looked like you took a gun out of a pressure cooker in that picture. In your head is the pressure cooker. Lamer got that gun to have an easy bake oven.

Dude, it was cold as hell that day. I was ashy. Yeah, yeah. That's why you were mad at all the schoolchildren? I was so fucking piss. I get it, man. It's tough. It's tough to hydrate your skin.

Austin PD called me. Adam Eigot called me. No, no. You were like, why do you have my number? Yeah. I mean, it's like, no more spots this week. You're too funny. Hey, the gun thing was hilarious, LeMere.

I thought it was pretty funny. Hey there, Becker and Lund here with a little ad break for your ass. You know, millions of guys struggle with E.D. Some say billions. Hymns can help you do something about it. Even you, Becker. The Dick Beyond Return. it hard again?

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It's, you know, it's fun to have fun online. Yeah. I do this live stream every week, and people come in there, and they're like, oh, what is this? The fat shit room or whatever? And then I say, hey, guys, I get having fun online, but that's not the vibe here. And then, like, an hour later, they're like, my wife just left. What do I do? I'm like, all right, I see you, Jake Smith.

Yeah, he was just crying. Yeah, exactly. They get on there to be mean to a guy they respect, and then invariably they're like, my life's in shambles. How can you help me? And I'm like, how about a $5 super chat? And I'll answer your question.

How about you pay me? Yeah. And then I'll listen. Well, I'm trying to like invigorate my YouTube by like doing engagement. Yeah. I don't need them to, I don't need the extra $200 a week that trickles in. Yeah.

So it's hard to go on there without being like, all right, give me money, because I just want to ask, I want to answer all the, dumb questions. YouTube is a content QVC. Yeah, yeah, right. You know, like, yeah, all right.

You want my attention? Ten books. Hey, here's some crap. And, like, I'm on there, like, with the travel show, we tried to make, like, art, and the editor got the yips because people liked it so much. So it's like, hey, buddy, this is crap that people, like, kind of watch while they're also going like this. Yeah.

Like, they're playing MTV Arena and looking at this thing that we put, like, six months into. Arena? Yeah, I play MTV. arena and I listened to politics and try to remember what they said. And you're like, oh no. Biden's at it again. Yeah, I literally said that. LaMere was like, how's your day today when we drove here and I was like, yeah, I was playing

Mags of the Gathering. Something's going on in the Strait of Hermuse. I still not sure. Yeah, yeah. But I know that it exists. I know that that's the thing. And I know it's not a homosexual. Yeah. Because it's the straight of Hormuz. It's the straight Ormoose. I don't know. I don't know why they're obsessed with its preferences, but go ahead.

Now, if you excuse me, powered cube is back. which means I don't have a wife Have you guys been playing PowerDCube? They should call it the gay guy's butts, right? What? I wish I had a gun. Yeah, a little man, don't go to the comedy festival tomorrow.

Oh, it's barbecue after this. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's what's happening. Is that at the main festival grounds? I think so. Yeah, Brian invited us, but barbecue, guys, what are your thoughts on barbecue? I love it, but I'm going to go easy today if we go do that because it's like

only a couple half pounds. Yeah. Just one slab today, Mama. Maybe just a cow and a half. But a baby cow. I'm going all beans. Just beans. Just a bucket of bean.

No, I get like the it is crazy, even off a little bit of barbecue. So I always got to like watch myself. That's all right, dude. You've got shoes to eat. It's over like six. Yeah, guess what?

They're going to be packed. There are going to. I had to mind the riot last year. They were putting them away. Can I say something to what you were talking to, though, about with the engagement stuff, where you said your editor was getting the yips. I have been noticing on, like, there's, it's a weird thing where it's like some of the stuff I've been personally putting out outside of panties. I've, like, actively been putting in, like, very little effort. Yeah.

And it's all doing better. You're being rewarded. Yeah. I'm like, what is this? I don't know what this is. And there is something to that. I think that there's content that you can emulate, you know? So when people watch your thing,

remember that classic internet video of the young black man in the woods. Unforgivable? Yeah, that's one of the, that's so funny. So that thing should be in the fucking, like, national, like, archives. You know what I mean? Like, that was such an important piece

of, like, meme art that just reverberates in all of us. And that was literally a man just staring into a camera and then he puts it into black and white or whatever. So, like, I think that people see content and they're like, fuck, I could do that. They're watching it a little bit longer. because they're like trying to figure out just how dumb you are and like how smart they are compared to you. Whereas when you put out like really like a heavy duty shit that you put a lot of sweat into, people are like, look at these fucking try hearts.

Yeah. Because we have that thing in us of like not trying hard, not being sincere, killing the voice in your head that calls shit gay for like looking like people attempted to do something. Yeah. So yeah, I don't know. It's a, it sucks so bad that we have to have these conversations at all. About what? Trying? They're not trying, but like, just like, oh, how do we fucking maximize the 12 seconds of attention that someone's going to give us today?

Yeah. Well, the thing that fucks me up is like, I've just been a, what? Go ahead. I was going to say, sitting on your balls. Because I got sincere for 90 seconds. I was like, no, no, no. Actually, I have run into that problem. That's why when I get out of the car, I do a little lift just to be safe.

No more wicker for you. No. I've been banned for a while. Yeah, no more Amish weddings. It pains me. They're so beautiful. They're beautiful. And the apple butter is just transcendent.

Yeah. And then they take the barn down right away. Did you guys come up on sorghum? Was that a big part of growing up in Pennsylvania? No, what's that? Sorghum is like a denser molasses. Anyway, it's an Amish thing. And I never get to talk about it.

I thought it was, I don't know. Soar gums is what you have. You were like, yes, I have sore gums. I think I need a root canal. Oh, no. I was just going to say there's it. like weird. It's like, I don't know, you have to like figure out almost like a Buddhist thing where there's

that weird combo because it's like I've just been obsessed with comedy my whole life. But then it's like, I'm the best at it when I care the least. Sure. And it's like, that's fucking weird. And then you just, you have to realize you just have to like fucking do you. Yeah. I think we just have to realize that it's not important and we're not the philosophers and we sell chicken tenders. Dude.

Oh, yeah. Literally. That's literally where everyone's, they're like, fucking, who cares? Right. And like, I don't know about you guys, but I know. never got into comedy to make people think I was smart or like let them know that I also read the news. Yeah. Like I get up there and I try and kill for fucking 60 minutes. And then people like, you see them in the crowd. Like you see the young men and they're like fucking stoked. And then about

40 minutes in because I've been pummeling them. They're like, I get this pack of guys at the show. I get the five guys who all play golf together. They've been friends since high school, maybe went to a frat. Five of them come out. One of them is too high. One of them hasn't been high in 12 years. He hit the pen in the car, ate net a bowl. So there's four dudes. having a blast and then one guy just like dying. And I can pick him out because I've been doing it so long so I always fucking call him out and I'm like look how fucked up you are

and the guy's like ha! It's like showing a cross to a vampire. He won't have happened. Oh yeah. No, his nightmare's happening. And it's happening in front of the four guys you've also been like, you're too fucked up. Yeah, we knew you were going to do this idiot. Yeah. Do this every time, Dakota. Yeah, he's like you can see me. Kind of like I see you. I can fucking knock your hat off.

Reaching out, reaching out and grabbing a high kid's nose is like the most fun you can have on stage. I like to grab it and do the fake thing and I take it off and go, and then I swallow it. I put the fake nose in my mouth. I pull it out my ass and I put it back on his face. And I say, now you know what my ass smells like?

And he's having ego death. Man, you know what sucks too? I do a lot of fun stuff, but people don't want to engage because they think that I'm filming it for clips. And I never filmed shit for clips. Yeah. Like if I ever post a clip, it's because the club filmed it from a terrible camera in the ceiling. Yeah.

And then some, like, quiet person without pronouns sent it to me. You got the 824 security cam angle. Yeah, exactly. It's up here. It's like the bad safeties watching me hold my penis next to a child. Yeah. No, it's crazy that we're like, we're trying to make sense out of this thing that is ultimately based in no logic. Like, comedy is devoid of any reason.

It's either funny if it's not. And we're trying to make, we're trying to fucking read the bones of this ethereal. thing all the time. But in reality, it should be a fun thing that people pay 20 bucks to do when they're not throwing axes. It should just be like another thing you slot in to like your date night rotation. Yeah. It's not this fucking highly elevated art form. It's a fucking craft that sells Bud Lights. I'm trying to talk about come on butts, dude. That's it. Yeah. And you know what? Maybe I'll use some adjectives that are a little fancy, but that's part of my craft. No, it's not ostracizing or pretentious, jag off. One of the funniest things I think I've ever seen. Oh, you talk. All right.

We needed another fat guy. I've been heavy breathing out of my door. That's good. But it was you on stage somewhere and you went to take a drink. Yeah. And you blew into the straw drink. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, you didn't write that.

No, no. But you came, that was just, it's just funny. You're just being funny whenever you can. Well, it's like you have all these scraps. And like you do it enough where the connective tissue should also be a joke. If you've been doing it 20 years, everything you say should be a part. punchline. Yeah.

You can get to the point where you shave every bit of crap out and it's just grenade, grenade, grenade. So yeah, if you can take a sip and make that into a funny thing. It's fucking hilarious. I laugh out loud every time I see that clip. I'm glad. I'm very glad. I wish that, you know, and that's another thing, bro, is like that clip, the Houston Punchline posted it. It got half a million views.

I spent the same amount of money I do on promotion. And still, we're in there with not sold out shows. Yeah. So it's like, what the fuck else can we do besides like going to people's houses, you know, with LaMere's tiny gun and being. being like late show Saturdays life. Don't go to school.

Go to the funny bone this week. Go to the funny bone, Dayton. Go to the Atlanta Helium next Wednesday. That's right. I got a Wednesday. Since we're complimenting Sam's comedic abilities. Oh, let's not do that.

No, I had a very... No, we're going to do it. No, you can get complimented? I'll take it gracefully. No, because I don't like... fucking, I haven't really had a stand-up special I've liked to watch, but it was yours and Soters were like the two in a while that I fucked with. But then it was, when you were, it was like a year or two ago, you were in Austin doing Noctus. And I was like, I hadn't seen you do stand-up before.

And I knew you were funny. So I was like, I really wanted to see Sam do stand-up. And I was watching it. And I was like, man, he's just like fucking talking up there. And then I was just like, and I was like, Doi? He's a professional comedian, you idiot. But I was like, oh, that was actually nice because it made me feel like I was two years in and I didn't fucking know anything. I was like, wow, man, he's just been talking

for 15 years. Fuck, I'm a mark. Well, that's very flattering. I appreciate that. It's so good to watch comedy and just be reminded that you're not very good at it. You know what I mean? That's the comedy I try to watch.

Yeah. It's because, like, the other stuff makes me like, I'm at a point now where the other stuff just makes me angry. Yeah. Oh, God. And partially it's my, I feel like it's my fault because I'm like overly critical and I know too much about the craft. You know what I mean? So it's like you can see all the tricks. Right.

You know exactly how they're pulling the strings. Yeah. You're a puppeteer too. Yeah. Some people are all strings. Oh, brother. Bro? Yeah.

You're not fucking lying about that. Like, yeah. It's crazy. It's no puppet. It's all strings. You see the hand, you see his lips moving, and you see all the idiots being like, how's he doing this?

And you're like, hey, everyone. Whoa! No late show tonight. Two drink minimum in hell. Yeah, I want to see the comic drop the puppet and try to fucking get back to it. Oh, dude. I mean, it's like, I watch comedy all the time,

and I don't watch comedy all the time. I watch very specific comedy. And when I watch it, usually I either go, God, I'm the best to ever do it. This guy sucks. Or you're like, Oh, how the fuck do you do that kind of? Like, do you guys see Chris Fleming special?

No. No. So I think a lot of your listeners would probably assume that it's gay and stupid. But this guy is so silly. He's so much fun. We're silly fellas. Well, I just assume you guys are like the young, like bad boy, you know. We are bad boys.

We are bad boys. But we're goofy bad boys. Right, right. We're like silly goosees. We're like silly goosees with jean jackets. No, we're the rowdy rough boys. Yeah, you are. Yeah.

That's a really good way to put it. Great. Yeah. You're the rowdy rough boys. You like hell raisin, but you respect boundaries. Yeah. You're not going to touch girls. I am.

Unless they ask. Yeah. Or they have a huge ass and your friends say, don't bring up the ass. Or she comes in and you go, ass. This is the one request. Right. Yeah. You should have seen this on the street last night.

We were like, God damn. Oh, yeah. Pat hit the best line. You can't walk around going like, Beyonce's as far as the eye could see. It's like there's a direct flight from downtown Houston to Brazil. leaving every eight minutes. I think that's where the trade goes. Have you guys heard of the tunnels under Houston?

I'm serious. You know what the tunnels? Really? The Houston BBL tunnels? No, I wish. No, it seems to be the Houston like manicure slash gynecologist tunnels. Because I went to the bank yesterday and I asked the guys like, is there anywhere to eat around here you like?

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right now yeah you're in the tunnels right now and then the other lady the other teller went you know when they are not from here and you bring up the tunnels you sound insane there's like there's an old Mexican woman being like you know when they're not from here you sound completely insane

you really don't know how this sounds right now there's like six miles of tunnels under downtown Houston. Really? Because it's so hot that I guess people want to be able to get around down there.

So it's like you're just walking through liminal spaces and you're in this corridor and it's fluorescent light and it feels like you're between here and now and then you come around the corner and there's a Starbucks there and like an action puncture place.

Yeah. So it's just this like entire Japanese type city underneath of Houston. Oh, we have to hit the tunnels. I think it's closed on Saturday and Sunday. What the fuck? Outside be in the tunnels right now.

Yeah. Bro, there's a lot of shit like that. Me and Pat did like a walk around I'm going to say Pat, who are you talking about? Pat. Pat. Pat. Or if you go by Starbucks, I, uh,

Pap. Pap. My name's Pap now. Pappy Van Winkle over there. Old Papp smear. Let's get him in here. Let's have guess on the Fannie in the Mous podcast. We're artists.

That's what this is. Hey, we're content creators. They're going to go gang bang that young woman. They're looking for the gym. Yeah, they're going to go gang bang that young woman. We're headed there after. You guys thought you were the nasty pod. I'm up

Talent Denver bad boy We gang banged there yesterday So yeah We try never to repeat a gang bang Have you guys ever been in a In a three-way situation Lemire tried Like a 2-1-1, the two of you versus one

No I was I almost had a Hell on a cell It's like on it Oh yeah It was me Kane the Undertaker And no I almost had a situation With two ladies

But then right before It was about to get real One of the ladies. Came in your pants. Yeah. No, actually, I was, it was, I was like, the whole time I was sitting there being like, the whole time I was sitting there being like, fuck, fuck, fuck, this actually, it kind of like organically happened. We were like drinking 40s in my room. And then it kind of like organic.

She was like, I need bus money. Yeah. You were like, that kind of right. Well, no, you can only take the tunnels. She's like, oh, I thought this was bad, but it's worse somehow. We were just going to three-way But now there's tunnel talk She's like I'm not surprised

But I'm still scared But yeah no It like organically started to happen And like we were all kissing and stuff But I couldn't get hard Because the whole time I was like Oh fuck fuck fuck this is actually gonna happen Yeah yeah

But then I got Luckily the one girl was like Because we were all friends And then the one girl was like I'm about to eat my friend's pussy And I was like Yes you are And yeah

And then it stopped So thankfully Like I mean I was bummed I didn't have a three-way, but also, I was also like, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get hard for this. Hey, man, you're in the huddle. Yeah. I was so scared. The play call doesn't always go your way. I don't know, dude. It was going to be a pick-ticks, though.

Pick three. I had a pick four, probably. I had a three-way. But it's a thick pick-four. Oh, yeah. I hit each end of the wool. You could dig a hole in a fucking Oklahoma Coliche with that. You could put a post in. You know.

It's like an old bottle of High Life. That's right. Yeah. One of those stubbies. Cans, I mean. Yeah. The kind of foreman on the line drinks. Yeah.

The way goes back to work. You need a can opener and it hurts if it hits you. It's the kind of dick you find in your father's gun safe after he dies. I have the kind of penis that when I have sex with ladies, they go. Not bad. All right. Okay. All right.

I can work with that. I didn't see. We're like, I didn't see that coming, man. I don't see. Okay. I mean, I'm right. You get a Dutch angle on. They get a little distance.

They're like, Yeah. Yeah, I think we could get in this under budget. Yeah. We shoot this through a lens. I think we got it. The lighting is good right here. Well, let's use natural light.

I know. We'll do the, fuck. I wish I knew film terms. Hey, you're on fire. Thank you. Don't you beat yourself up for goofing around so well. Do the follow focus. What?

Follow focus on your dick. Is that the one where it like... Color correction. You, like, move the camera and zoom out. at the end. You knew what I was thinking. Thank you, dude. All right.

Cut that part out. Yeah. I'm sure you've been. You were in a lot of like, filming. Sexual experiences, right? I know that about you. I've been out.

I've just been, I've been watching the freakiness now. Well, you have to. Yeah. Sorry. It's okay. I didn't really live it much.

I didn't do anything. I did some crazy stuff. Nothing like three way E. That would be nuts. Yeah. What are you doing? Eating a man's calm in public? No.

Something crazy. That's my brother. First off, that's my brother. And it was for $30. No, but like there was this, sex off the internet was my thing for a bit. Because you can, there was a website I'd go to and then you just like message people.

You'd be like, come over. Was it like freakylink.org? No, it's called Doublest. Doublelist.com. And it used to be free. hands as we tell this story. I'm just reminiscing right now. He's remembering the good times.

I was sorry. Yeah. I remember. Like, ooh, I'm about the relapse. Houston got one? I'm not going to relapse. I'm off the stuff. I didn't know you were hip.

I didn't know you were doing that like on the reg. I was getting Reddit successes. Yeah, that was pretty good. What were you getting? Reddit successes. What's that? Like, is that like a badge if you're active in the community?

Like if you're, if you hit one of the R4Rs and you like actually meet a lady. That's crazy. That's success. Happen like three times. That's huge. Yeah. Most people like get nobody.

Most people aren't allegedly famous. This is before. This is before anything. One of the first times we hung out was in at the Shane's old apartment in New York. And they told me about your like Milwaukee Reddit situation. Yeah. That's the like more. That's the known one.

That's yeah. There's one. Double list. All right. I got two. One I went to a lady's house in West Philadelphia. She was like it was like. like, all right, there's a bowl of condoms on the table.

And I was like, a bowl. And then like, the door's like unlocked. I opened the door. And then she's just like, it's like a room this big. Yeah. The table's right there. Bowl of condoms, as she said. Big guy in a fucking hat over there.

I was like, don't eat the condoms. Please. Don't eat the condoms. Don't eat the condoms. Those are mine. Also, keep that here. We reuse those. Bring it out.

And it was just like, it was a pretty big lady. She was like, on all fours. And she's like, all right, put on a condom, do what you need to do. Wow. Wait. Was she on all fours when you walked in? Yeah, she was just waiting.

Her life alert was going on. She'd suffer to fall. She's literally screaming. LeBair's tagging her up, like, you freaky bitch. Yeah. And I couldn't get hard. And she was like, what's wrong? I was like, I can't play with my bowls.

That's not what this is. I'm a whole. You use it. Yeah. Damn. And she told me to take a picture. And I was like, all right. of the mess

the mess yeah really he made clam chatter on her back Lamar dropped his Tripoli on her he's eating tripola over her broad back sorry

hey you won't look at me why don't I tell you what I'm up to his crunching chips you all worry about me just eat my carrot damn so like was that was that one fun for you

or was it kind of like when you were done. When I was done, I was like, did that happen? Yeah. It was that real. It was like 30 minutes. I loved when home came back. Like that was, yeah.

Because I feel like for me, I would have a lot of fun in that like full balls. But then like when I would come and I'd like be driving home, I'd just be like, what am I? Who am I? What am I doing? Windows down, no music. Yeah, you're smoking. You don't even smoke. You're listening to Bruce Springsteen.

Nebraska's on the radio. She goes, Siri, pretentious jazz music. Hey, reflective sad songs for a man figuring it out. Yeah, that was, yeah, 2019, 2020, I was definitely figuring out. That's all right. You were doing that in the midst of COVID? Yeah. And then there was another time I had a lady.

It was a website success. And she came over. and she was like, I was beating off too much that day. I didn't expect any pussy, you know. You'd expect a response in your inbox. Yeah, I didn't expect any response. So I like beat off a cum bunch. How many beats?

Like three. Oh, boy. What is it? Your 13th birthday? Yeah, I was bored. It was like a day home. What the fuck? Three times?

Yeah, I was super bored. He got his hands on a Victoria's Secret Cettle. Yeah. Hillary Duff was on TV. This girl came over and she put on silence on the lambs. What? I was like, yeah. Yeah, she put on silence on the lambs to like have sex to.

And I was like, okay. What? And then like. Which part? Just any part of the movie? He had to turn off old boy. It started to start at the start of the movie. It was at the beginning of the movie.

I'm more of a red dragon guy. Oh, yeah. Was she a great big fat person? No. now. Very good. That's why you got the mic. All right.

All right. Now I get it. Then You came. I couldn't. I couldn't come. And then she left. Wait,

so she came over to your place, threw on Red Dragon. And are you guys? The original. Oh, wait, no. Sorry, he punched it up. Was it Man Hunter?

Or was it? Silence of the Lion. Yeah, fucking mixed through the coming. I was like. It was actually the Hamel. Hannibal TV series. Yeah. And, uh, okay, so wait, are you guys?

Dexter for boy. Yeah. What if we made Dexter, but women didn't like it? Hannibal. Wait, so are you guys, are you, is she just trying to like fuck you regular or? I think so. Just walsanta the lamb is on the back. Yeah, I mean, that's rough if I didn't beat off that day.

Wow. Then I have to tell you guys something after the podcast that else happened. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. If I learned anything, you either have Martin or a family guy in the background.

Dude. That's what you fuck to. Martin, family guy, Detroiters. Or Boondocks, if you want to mash them up. I just showed my... The Cleveland Show, if you're feeling it. I just showed my girlfriend the Stink Meanor Trilogy from the Boondocks. Oh, dude.

Do you know the Boondocks, Andy, like that or no? Oh, yeah. I watched it hardcore when it was on Adult Swim, but I haven't really watched it as an adult. Dude, that Stink Meanor Trilogy is so crazy. It starts out. with the niggum moment, then a niggum moment reborn and in Stinkminer's friends.

Yeah. What's his big line in that? What was Stink meter? It was just how he would say the N-word. Yeah, he would like hit it with the N-U-H. What's gonna do now? N-h-h-k-ha-kaw. Like it's a Pokemon's name?

Yeah, you gotta say it with your eyes and throat. N-throat. That's how I always say. I always try to throw them. my back into it. Usually I'm being kicked off a bus. Dude, Fred Willard, blasting ends on that show. It's like the best thing ever.

He was playing the teacher? Yes. Nick is, nigga, nigga. Yeah. Can a nigga get a pencil? Can a nigga get a French fry? Yeah, could it Edward get a French fry? God, I love Fred Willard, bro.

Holy shit. RIP to the goat. You forgot how good boondogs was. I remember, didn't they have the one episode with like a lemonade stand that ended like do the right thing. Everyone's going crazy and just throw shit through the one of the next.

Oh, and then the yeah, when you were saying the N-word moment, that always got me as a kid when the guy was like about to argue with the dude and he goes, oh, wait a minute,

I'm white. Didn't the same dude do dear white people? No. That's a different. That's Princeton's Penny. He's, I hated dear white people

because it was like it was all beautiful black people. It wasn't a real... There was a representation for you. No, it's not even... It wasn't even a real black representation. It's like L.A. black. You know what I mean?

Well, no. I think they were trying to do like Ivy League college black people that are kind of in a weird way doing their own appropriation to like the poor black experience. But it was just the rich. Well, there's no war but class war, fellas. Don't forget that.

There's no war but class war. Last war. Yeah. Don't I know it. Yeah, man. I don't know to your white people. I don't watch a lot of gay stuff online though, so I don't know. Yeah, white people is pretty.

I liked it. It was like, it was all right. Didn't it end with like a weird vanilla sky party or some shit? No, it was a blackface party. They're going to do a black face party. I'm listening. Okay. Was that the TV show?

No, that was the movie. Okay. Because I remember the movie I loved it. And then I saw the trailer for the TV show. And they kind of did the trailer in a way. We were like, oh, this is going to be so annoying. And then you want, I thought the show was really good, too. I just like the way they went about it.

It was very well shot. It looked nice. It looked very good. But everything was too... Overproduced. Too aspirational, not legit. No, no. Too much of a...

No, it was just too, like a... Every moment had a message. It was too much of a guy trying to tell people about the black experience, but he never actually lived it. See, I thought he was... I felt like he was criticizing those people. The black people. people? Yeah, I thought he was sort of

like criticizing black people like that. No, it feels like he wrote something for white people and then just recast him as black people. Like, this isn't going to go. But you know it would help. It was all black. He just wrote dear black people and he's like, wait a minute, hold on.

White people. And they just gave Hollywood gave him a check. How's a billion dollars sound? One movie, three seasons. That's a lot. You know, I grew up bereft of black people in rural Colorado. Yeah.

We had, there's two adopted black kids out there. But I saw Crooklyn when I was like 10 years old. And I think Crooklyn is maybe the most reason that I had a hard time ever being racist. Yeah. Because it humanized. It wasn't, they were black people. It was a family experiencing. Hardships.

Hardships. And I was like, holy fuck. Yeah. Crooklyn really just leveled any idea of we're better than anyone. Yeah. Because I was like, fuck, this, I mean, it shocked me. That's what are I favorite. So scary.

When she's on the bicycle high on glue, dude, that was like a nightmare that I had over and over again. Dude, and then the mom gets sick. And then there's that shot of him, the dad coming out of the fucking hospital. And I was like, oh, we're just, I mean, I was young. I remember thinking, fuck, Delroy Lindo, bro. The man. Yeah. He looks so cool in that movie, too.

He's got like big chinos on. A strong, powerful dad. Dude, yes. And he's sad about his wife. And I was like, I mean, not that I like understood it 10 years old. But I remember Crooklyn being very important to me, like, forming a piece. Indian of black people. Yeah.

It's a great movie. It's so fucking good. And it's on Delta flights now. Yeah. I threw it on like three weeks ago. I was just sobbing. Dude. Yeah.

I'm about to sob right now. Yeah. You see Brooklyn, bro? No, I haven't, but I want to now. It's a Spike Lee joint. Yeah. It's a Spike Lee joint. Oh, nice.

I think it's his most human film. I'm sure. I actually, this is going to sound funny. You don't like Spike Lee because he's black? No. Because it's... You're more of an Antoine Fisher guy. I don't.

Damn. What a cut. I don't like Spike Lee because he looks like a goldfish. Like a nosy goldfish too. Like the sky is falling type goldfish. No, actually, it was funny. I was trying to work this into a joke, but it was like too personal to like Le Mare and Nate.

I don't know. This is about us. No, because I realized later in life I was like, I didn't really meet, like, because I grew up in the suburbs and like every black person I knew in the suburbs was like the suburban black guy that like

acted in a black way a black way to entertain white people and so like funny enough LaMere and Nate were like the two black people I met that like weren't like that and I didn't realize so that I was like later in college and then I was trying to make a joke where I was like and then I got like a little more racist

and then I started realizing I was like oh my I was like, that's not black people. That's just lamarinate. Right. Yeah. Understanding that certain people are not a monolith is like very helpful. Yeah.

Like everyone's a unique organism. Trying to figure it out just like the rest of us. Well, because I also grew up around like pussy white liberals. Sure. Me too. Well, that's not fair. I was raised in a house where like my mom said fuck the cops and my dad wanted to be in the American Indian movement because he was a quarter Indian.

Yeah. No, I just I just grew up around. I'm sorry. I was going to say. I just figured out of him Irish. You're Irish. Yeah. Really?

My seventh great, just in this history. My seventh great grandfather, his name was Paddyo Wall. Wow. But he changed it to Walls when he came to America. They changed it to Paul Walls. Houston legend. Yeah. I'm sorry.

Great, great grandson, break the walls down. And what's funny about Paul Wall is he was probably the white guy that gave a similar experience to black people that Ameren Nays. supplied to you. Yeah. Like, oh, all white people are, you know, pocket protectors. Well, I grew up around, like,

I grew up like a tried and true pussy white liberal. Yeah, yeah. So, like, you had that, like, you had that, like, caricature of black people. And then actually... It's very condescending.

It's very patronizing. It's super con, they call it... So they can help themselves, so we have to do it for it. Yeah, they call it the soft racism of low expectations. And then when I met...

Because, like, Lemaire and Nate were two of the first, like, black people I was, like, very close friends with. Yeah. And then, then it was like an experience where you're like you were like

if I got mad at you for something and realizing you're like oh yeah I hate him because of the thing he did right and then you start my last ego yeah you start to realize you're like have I been making black people mona with those whole time wait he doesn't want to fuck my sister

hold he just keeps beating me in UFC wait a minute maybe I'm maybe I'm not the one that's going to help him get out of the hood yeah fuck they're different people What the hell? They're not all one guy. They're not all blade?

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I just thought white people were on TV. Yeah. I didn't think they were a real being for the truth. Because I was the same way where I was like, I don't know any black people at all. Yeah. Wow. Then one shows up and you're like, huh? Huh.

What the hell? From the TV? Yeah. Say your catchphrase. Are you from publisher's clearinghouse? Where's my check? Actual Ed McMahon. Yeah.

And also, like, I would go to Air Force basketball games. And that's, like, where you would think that you would see black people was in a college basketball game. But it would be, like, Air Force was Utah State. So, no. I think the first black person I saw succeed, I saw Marshall Falk play Air Force when I was, like, eight. And he put up, like, three touchdowns in the first half. And I was like, whoa, it's true. Did he go to Utah?

No, he went to San Diego State. Oh, okay, yeah. Oh, yeah. I did. You reminded me, too, because in fourth grade, I was, like, Randy. Moss is the coolest guy to ever exist. Because I, like, without, because I, like, I had black friends, but, like, not, you know, suburb, like, suburban black friends and not a shitload.

But I still, like, I was obsessed with NWA. Yeah. I thought Randy Moss was the fucking man. I mean. That whole Minnesota Vikings receiving corridor in the Randy Moss era was pretty nice. Dude, wasn't Chris Carter there, too? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck. Oh. He got a doc on, like, HBO or something. Randy Moss? Yeah, about his life. Yeah. Yeah.

About West Virginia. Yeah, because he's just survived cancer. Yeah, man. He's country too, so I love the way he talks. And he went to Marshall so he could, like, be at home. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's West Virginia, right?

Yeah, yeah. He grew up in one of those towns where he's like, yeah, that's the road. Right, yeah. They put the stoplight in after the high school wrestler died. Yeah. That was my town. We didn't have a stoplight until a star high school wrestler died in a car crashed, and they put in a stoplight right there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, my town is a, uh, just a one way. Just like, they just got a train station. This was in Detroit? In Ackland. My grandma was down where she lives there.

Okay. They're just getting a train station. It's almost done. Wow. Yeah, I'm about to open up a business with my brother out there. We're going to sell some food. Okay. At the train station?

Near the train station at least. Dude, a hot dog card's like a killer way to just like have like cash money. You can like wash pretty quick. Yeah. Oh. Wait, wait. Where in Detroit did you grow up? Grash and Seabird.

Wow. Gratch it. That's how we say it. Right off Van Dyke. Yeah, man. You know where there's a Kony. There's a grocery store. I don't know what it's like now.

Grocery store, gas station, Coney. Then it was like a retirement home. Yeah. And then my wife works at a hospital up there. Really? Yeah, yeah. My wife was like, I don't want to do rural medicine,

but I still want to help a patient population who needs it. Yeah. So inner city, Detroit. Man, yeah. It's right. How do you say, how about this? How about this? There's a street there.

Charlotte. No, no. You say Charlotte Vox? Charlovax. Oh, come on. You know. Charlevovoix. Charlevoix.

Yeah, Charlotte Boy. What about this? There's a street there. O-U-T-E-R. O-U-T-R. Drive. How do you pronounce that? Outer.

Outer. You say outer. They all say otter there. Otter drive. And it makes me so mad. Yeah. Gratchett, Otter. Woodward.

Woodward. Yeah. Bandike. I'm learning at all. I fucking love living there, dude. Detroit. How long you've been there for? Since for two years?

May of 2020. And we were you Denver the whole time before that? Dude, I was Denver until 2016. I started comedy in 2005 in Denver. 2016, my wife got into med school. We went to Vegas for two years. It was bleak. My mom had a stroke, luckily.

So we moved back to Colorado. Thank God. We were back in Colorado for the last two years for med school. And then we were like in Colorado for like five years. But we were in Fort Collins. We were in Lahunter. We were like all over as she did her doctor thing. So I really haven't been like attached to a scene since like 2016, bro.

That's good. 18. That's what I was curious about. What did you do to like stay in the mix and just was like better at stand up than everyone else? Oh, okay. Yeah. That was kind of my move. I got really funny and could do the job for anyone. Yeah. You know, I made myself an asset. Yeah. I figured out to make myself resourceful in every avenue. Well, it was cool, dude, because like I never had to worry about like what anyone was doing anywhere else. It was like we would do Denver. We had a great scene in Denver. There was cool shows. There was the clubs. So you got good at both kinds of comedy. And, and, then we would go and do fucking one-nighters, you know, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and like, Mandan, North Dakota, Columbus, Nebraska, fucking Brookings, South Dakota. So we were doing shows for people who, like, never saw comedy. So we got really good at learning how to entertain fucking agricultural people, like, literal, dude, there were all these shows in North Dakota. They would be only around for, like, two months because they would find oil or natural gas

in North Dakota. A week later, there'd be a tough shed city built. A week after that, there'd be a bar. that had $22 bud lights because everyone would come off the rig with

with like $50,000 cash every two weeks. And then the third week there would be a brothel put in

and then week four they would do comedy at the bar or the brothel. It would be up for two months and then that

city would be gone. Yeah. So dude there were so many times performing an oil field towns, New Mexico,

Arizona, the Dakotas where you would get on stage and everyone in the crowd had been fucking working

in an oil field for like 58 hours straight. They come out, they have 30 grand cash. You're not a babe

that they can try and fuck for money and they would sit there and make your life hell. But if you could win them over, you were like, okay, I can probably do this for a bunch of people who care in New York. Yeah. You know?

I can probably go to Good Good Comedy Theater and, like, be really good for the people who like comedy. I got kicked out of there. Well, of course you did. Yeah. And then you posted a picture that don't go to Good Good Tomorrow.

It wasn't even my fault, actually. You get to kicked out of Good Good. Oh, was that because of compound media? Yeah, yeah. I remember Shane had that show and they were like, no more Shane. They're being so good. Yeah.

But yeah, anyway, that's where I would, so that's how I did comedy. Yeah. And I would meet people who'd come to Denver because it was the only city that had comedy between Chicago and like L.A. Oh, okay. I mean, Salt Lake had shit, arguably, whatever. But like, so whenever anyone would come work at the club, they would do our dumb show on Wednesday. So you'd meet Moshe Kashar.

You met fucking Ali Wong. Yeah. You met all these people on their way up. And then you'd be like, hey, I'm coming to San Francisco. And like, Ali Wong would be like, I know people who run a show on Thursday Friday. Oh, okay. So that was the network that we built. So it wasn't like we got into clubs or got to go open for people.

But it was like you found out every cool show in Portland, Chicago, Tampa because people would invariably pass through. Stay at your house. Do your show. Yeah. That's how I met fucking Mecky Leaper. Chris O'Connor. They came and did our show, stayed in my house. You know?

Yeah. I don't know. You're also throwing up a cool situation for them where you go, you could stay in my house rather than, you know, spend money on a hotel. Well, it's not even that. It's like, that's how we did it. It's like the first way I got on the road is I would go and I would do the open mics in town. Crush. Like I was a fucking vigilante fighting for my dinner.

And then someone would come up and be like, hey, if you're ever back in Oklahoma City, we do a show at the movie theater every third Wednesday and it pays $200. Then you have that and then you build that and then you put on fucking, you know, a different city. And then you just build little loops. And that's how I met everyone was out there doing that. But yeah, I don't know. It was cool coming up in Denver because we didn't have to give a shit about the coasts or anything. Yeah, that's sick. And people would come to Denver.

And literally they would come to, I mean, fucking Bob Sagitt, RIP one time I was hosting at Comedy Works. Or no, I was doing a guest set. Chuck Roy was hosting. I had a guest set. Ben Roy was featuring. These are all killers. Ben Roy's the man. Ben Roy's the fucking man.

And this was in like 2013, you know? So like Chuck Roy's on stage crushing. Bob Sagitt's in the back of the room talking to the manager being like, this guy's trying to bury me from the host set? Like what the fuck are you talking? This is insane. Get him off stage. And I remember the manager going, okay, yeah, we can get him off. Sam Talent and Ben Roy are going up before you. And he was like, who cares?

I get up there, crush. He's singing the same story. I get lit early. Ben Roy does 10 instead of 20. Because we would just fuck. We were like head hunters. We didn't care. We wanted to make your life bad.

And we knew that we could do it. And also comedy works as a kill box. It was our home club. I mean, it was a really fun place to be a little dickhead who thought they were better at comedy than everybody. And then, like, festivals were a big deal back when I was, like, new. Like, doing Bridgetown was like, you got Bridgetown, you were the man. Yeah. And I would submit to Bridgetown, and then I wouldn't get it.

And then I would get on Facebook and post everyone who got it. And I would say, you know, this person couldn't follow me in San Diego. I buried this person. And I would just go through and be like, this person is a hack. Like, this person's act is actually this person's. So I did that every year. Wait, what year was this? This was like 2007, 8, 9-10.

And that's when Facebook was way bigger. It was the king made. Everyone was on Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. And then I met the guy who booked Bridgetown like 12 years later. And I was like, you booked Bridgetown. I never got it.

And he's like, yeah, you would always post their lineups sucked and you were better than everyone. And I was like, interesting. Okay. Huh. Yeah, that's some good feedback. So that got to you. Yeah. You heard that.

Well, yeah, you tagged us in it. You tagged at Bridgetown Comedy Festival is sucks. Oh, you took every notification. So you look at all of you? them. Why don't you get a fucking life? What's up a loser? You're stalking me?

You stalking? So like all these little things you would do, you throw stones and you think it was into the void. But no, it would ripple all the way across. And they'd be like, oh, you're that dickhead from Colorado who thinks he's really good.

You'd be like, oh, yeah, that's true. That is accurate. How did you know? Yeah, yeah. How did you know? Like, well, the eight Facebook post from today. You've been adding me on Twitter all day. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I bet I have. Keep sending Photoshop of me with dicks in my mouth. Sorry, how are you like in Detroit? I love it, dude. I love my house. I love my wife's family. They're my family.

I love going... Dude, I mean, we just did my niece. You ever seen that movie Curly Sue? Remember that? There's a movie about, like, Jim Belushi and, like, a little girl, and they pretty much do Annie

for, like, a 90s audience. So just a little girl being, like, treated to a nice time by a drifter at a hotel or whatever. So we did the Curly Sue Sue for my niece where we took her downtown. make that anymore. We stayed at the Renaissance Center, bro,

for like no money. Renaissance Center on a Tuesday. Awesome. We went to the fucking optical illusion house right downtown on Woodward. We went to the fucking DIA, which is maybe the best art museum I've ever been to. All the money that was in Detroit is still there in the form of the downtown architecture and all of the big, like the opera house is amazing.

Yeah. All that shit that the rich people invested in is still there. And due to the fact that it's Detroit, you can go wonder around in these like opulent settings for free all day. Because now they're like office buildings that some like, you know, Builder Burger Group owns. But yeah, we had like the most fun in downtown Detroit on a Tuesday with a five-year-old girl.

And it was just non-stop bangers. And I was like, I don't know if I could have this much fun in most major American cities in the concentrated amount of actual physical space. Because downtown Detroit's not that big. But everyone's like, it's scary. It's like, bro, we're walking around with a five-year-old. And it couldn't have been. a safer, better time.

Here I'm during the day. But even at night, dude, even at night in downtown Detroit, it's not that heavy. Like, I go down to Sweetwater, I get wings at like 1 a.m. That's where all the fucking companies are now,

like all the money, so they're just... Well, isn't it Detroit also like, isn't it similar to like Philly in a sense where like Philly's got a bajillion nice places, but if you just go in the right direction, you're like, a lot of bars on the windows.

Bro, any city in America, you're going to have blocks. that are hotter than you want to be. And also, if you're on those blocks, you're fucking nine mile, you know, after dark at a catfish restaurant, maybe there's gonna be shit popping off. But if you go to a fuck,

in New Orleans, you could be in the French quarter at fucking 2 a.m. and receive bullet fire knives. Like, I think that the whole thing about Detroit, it being like sketchy. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

But that's everywhere you go. Yeah, I remember Cleveland. You ever worked hilarities and you get out the late show on Saturday? and all of a sudden it's just fucking the purge bro. It's just creeps and you're at the best place like the tourist hub in Cleveland right there at Piccadilly Square and it's like it's just I don't know. I really don't care for the aspersions on the city. I remember realizing how bad Philly was when.

That's your town now. Yeah. Well, it's just like. Nice. Yeah, I feel, dude. Dude, I honestly love the city and I'm glad to be there and we're having our fucking 10 year anniversary party and we're doing it like in the city and everyone's going to come from all over and be there. and like I cannot wait to show off just how beautiful that place is. And also the weather, three months a year is great.

You know? There's five months where the sun just goes away. And then there's five months where you wish you would fucking chill a minute. It's about to come back. Bro, I got the garden going in next week. I'm so excited, man. I'm also like, dude, I'm like an old man. Like, I'm not out there swinging it.

I'm happily married. Like, I don't drink. Like, I love going home. tinkering, making little dumb art stuff. You know what sucks? It's like, you keep saying all this, but I just keep remember the last time I went to Detroit, and it was like, it had to be like 2007.

That was the last time you were there? Yeah, well, 2000, I drove through it to see my family, but they weren't home. You just waved out the wind. Yeah, I was going to stop by the day. They weren't home. I called them and everything. But 2007 was last time I, like, for real spent, like, time there.

And, like, first day there, my cousin gets robbed in front of a game stop for like no nothing. He's just like has a gun. And again, I'm not necessarily hanging out in the parts of the city that you call home for sure. Like I'm not going to try and claim that, you know. But I definitely spend a lot of my money on Maccab, you know. And I live like right by Connor.

Like I live right by Chalmers. Like I'm in there, bro. And I like it. And also like I never lived around a majority black population. Yeah. So like everywhere I go. is a cultural experience. Yeah.

And it's very exciting. Just new. Dude, Caldeans, black people. Like, I'm up in it. There's days where I don't see anyone white, except for when I'm driving around my neighbor.

You hit the coney yet? Dude, all the time. Yeah. Yeah, the cony on Jefferson and an altar. Yeah. I think it's Joseph's. Dude, they got fucking Kool-Aid on tap in there.

So, and, like, and dude, if you order anything in there, they give you a cup. And I've been in there with my friends and they'll get a drink.

And I'm like, I don't need a drink. And they're like, baby, you get your own drink. You don't have to share a cup. Because like everyone who gets a cup just passes it around, I guess. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, dude, but they got fucking Pepsi and Kool-Aid. And I've been getting Pepsi with a splash of grape Kool-Aid.

Dude, it's time travel. That sounds like a game changer. It is fucking nuts, dude. You're on syrup. You're on lean. Pretty much. Yeah. I would love to be on lean in the scene.

Cool. No. Sounds like a good. No, the splash of flavors a fucking move. I mean. Because I've been doing that with, uh, with the, with the, the, the, the, the, the, Soda remix machines. They got a lot of those

at the Circle K's in Austin. Sure, yeah. And it's a dollar. You get the polar pop and you do, you know, mainly Diet Coke. Throw a little cherry. Throw a little orange.

Sure, man. A little cream soda. A little cream soda. Have you guys done a fucking Pepsi with a splash of half and a half? What? Like a... Like milk?

Have you ever... You had the nitro Pepsi? Oh, yeah. The nitro Pepsi. Are you talking to young blood? Dude. Oh, Lemaire was big on the Nitro Pepsi.

Yeah, dude. That shit so good. Bro. It's creamy. It's like a Guinness in a can. I thought you were having. All day. All day.

I was doing one of my patented act acts. It's a bit of French bouffal. I see you. We need some skin, brother, Sam. I see you. We need to get some buffs. You come out to the city. We'll go raise some hell, man.

We'll go to grease hat and scare people. Get some shinolas. Get some nitro Pepsi. Hell. Just cracking nitros on the street corner? What up, no. Which I have not said ever sincerely. Anyone.

What up, Dole? I think my 10-year anniversary in the city, I'm going to have a big press conference. I'm going to say, Detroit. My adopted city, I love you, and I just want to say, what up, though. Yeah. Dude, that's my favorite part about Martin is it's in Detroit. Oh, my God. Yes, dude.

I drive by those apartments all the time. They're right there on Jefferson. Near the I-Hop. Yeah, bro. Is that I-Hop still there? Oh, it's there, baby. Oh, my God. Not only is that I hop there, dude.

I stayed in the Renaissance Center, and I had breakfast of that IHop on Wednesday. Yeah. On Wednesday with my niece. And my mother-in-law couldn't get a coffee So she walked up and filled her own cup up Yeah And I was like, damn, you are from Detroit A little 60-year-old white woman

I'll get it myself, blacks And look, dude, this is true You just need to build in like an extra half hour To your errands Because no one's in a hurry I go to the post office And I'm like, ah, right? I'll be home and maybe an hour

Yeah, that's that East Coast thing is still in me Yeah. I hate people not in a hurry. I hate people who got all the time in the world. I get super antsy in those situations. You got to chill, man. I do.

They're not on your schedule, brother. No, you're just walking each other home in this crazy world. That's a good way to put it. Yeah, man. I love it, dude. I'm so happy to be there. I got racist against Friday. I forgot about this.

Yesterday? Yeah, I had to get a social security card. Yours or? Yeah, my. Yeah, they're on the dark web. I had to go to the... You were racist towards the guy you were beating up, stealing his card. Yeah.

I was trying to get my car. I walked into the office and the guy was like, hey, you need an appointment. And I was like, all right. I mean, I tried to do the machine. He was like, you need an appointment. I was like, I got one obviously. Yeah. Like, you know, and he was, oh, right.

You know, we did that because I'm black at the Social Security office. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. But I was a white guy. He was like, this guy knows where he's going. He knows what he's going. Right this way.

Here we have coffee in the back. Yeah. My ID. dude. I got my driver's license in Detroit and the lady took two pictures. Yeah. And she laughed after both of them. She said, don't worry, honey. We're going to use the good one.

This was the good one. Please. Come on, dude. What? Come on, dude. What, indeed. That's me. That's me, human being Sam Talent. Is that you trying? That's the good one. That's the one that she said, don't worry, honey.

This picture looks like you being like, yeah, am I feeling luck? Are you feeling lucky, punk? I look like the bad guy for men in black. I look like I'm saying sugar. Yeah, we're two old black ladies laugh at you at the D of the fucking DMV. Oh, don't worry. They're not going to use the good one. They're not going to use the good one.

So give me a third. Give me a third. Maybe you have to implement, uh, were you trying to implement, uh, were you trying to? trying to smile in that? Yes. Maybe you got to do a... What do you got to understand? This was the good one.

I just... I was like, maybe someone like blew air into your face right before they took it. Like a baby was surprised. Yeah. Yeah, were there keys in the background? Someone was testing my foot response. Maybe you had to...

Maybe you got to adjust to a close-mouth smile. I had to do that. No, I'm a... I think I was trying to hit him with a casual, like... Yeah. Instead I just looked like, you know. I didn't know she was 15. What do you mean?

She's 15? I thought we were just playing Fortnite. I don't want shorts with my new body, so everything could be falling out of my fucking pocket. These things used to cling, man. It used to be tight. Tight as hell. That's how I keep it. You know how we do in the deep.

You get the fanny boots. Yeah, so cold in the deep. How the fuck are we supposed to make peace? So, dude, I want to say just when we moved to the city, it was the year that Detroit held the draft. All right? The NFL draft. The NFL draft. And they had the big thing, and Eminem came out

because Roger Goodell was coming out and everyone was going to boo him. Yeah. Because they hate him. So they brought out Eminem first, and he walks out, and he said, Detroit, what up, dough. And I teared up. And I said, I'm a part of this now.

I'm always tearing up, dude. Talking to me. He's talking to us. The city is us. It doesn't matter what color you are. And there is that feeling in Detroit. Like, if you're downtown on a Saturday, everyone's like, hey, all right, look at us.

We're down here. Yeah. This is cool. We survived. Yeah, we survived. And now we're spending the money we kind of have. We survived another winter. Yeah, dude.

We're making it happen. Or the jazz festival? Yeah. Right there on the river walk? The number one rated river walk in America? They got a solid river walk. Oh my God, bro. It's so nice.

Is that the Bell Out one or no? No, it goes all the way to Bell Isle though. It goes along the river right there downtown. And you get to look across and see Windsor and be like, we're still better over here. My people think Detroit had it hard. Windsor depended on Detroit. And they had to depend on like the iron sheik keeping it alive. What was that big fat guy?

That big fat guy who had the scars on his forehead? Kamala. Yeah, Kamala. No, the butcher. Abdullah. Abdullah, Windsor. And he was pretty much their GDP in like the 80s and 90s.

Dude. Yeah. I think he was the one giving people herpes or something. Oh, he gave him all bloodied. Yeah. Didn't they talk about that in Dark Side? Yeah, in Dark Side. Yeah.

It wasn't herpes. It was like Hep C, bro. Wasn't one of the ones you guys have. Well, I think that's it, dude. This was a great time. This was fucking awesome. Thank you for having me, guys. You're so funny.

Hey, thanks for having us. Hey, bro. Thanks for having us. Had this swap cast over here. And no, it's not because we don't want to do less work. We're trying to spread our reach to each other's burgeoning fandom. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, Atlanta, come see me. The 8th, Charleston, South Carolina, come see me. And then, hey, why not come see me in all the cool people? places I'm going to be. Yeah. And if you're in Florida, no, no, I'm still plugging.

Okay. Zadis, I'll be at both of them, Comedy Club on State. Just go to Punch Up Live. Samtown or whatever it is and find my dates. And he likes Florida. Yeah.

I'm going to be in Florida May 16th. And where are you going to be? Well, somewhere in Jacksonville. Oh, wow. I remember these bookings. I remember similar calendars. This one's side splitters in Orlando. That'll be nice.

Sidesplitters in Tampa for sure. Tampa. Tampa. Yeah. You know what? You can go to LaMerely. Dot fun. Dot fun. They're all up there.

Andy will be at the Buckees. Yeah. I'll be working part-time cleaning cars on the, under the freeway. He details. He details. He gets in there. He gets the maps clean. Yeah, I have a bunch of dirty water in a bud light can.

I'm going to throw out your window. He's got the. bucket. He has the bucket. Give him the $12. Duh. Oh, also, please pre-order my book. Brute, September 22nd. It's available on Amazon. Oh, you got another one. Let's go. Another one, brother.

The last one. The next one's about a gay hitman in Paris doing one last job. It's a fantasy. It all just poured out of me. Hey, and also keep supporting these guys, man. These guys fucking work hard. They always cracked me up. I haven't got to spend enough time with Andy, but every time I do, he brings a smile to my face. Lamar is one of my day one

East Coast guys. So yeah, great dudes working hard. Thank you. Take care of each other. Thank you.