Chubby Behemoth - I Love Bacon!

Episode Date: September 26, 2026

Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1     SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/     Sponsors: Ridge - One thing to pack, five ways to power! Get 10% @ Ridge with code CHUBBY at https://www.Ridge.com/CHUBBY #Ridgepod #ad     Chubbies - Your new wardrobe awaits! Get $20 off @chubbies with the code chubby at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/chubby #chubbiespod #ad     DraftKings - Download the DraftKings Super app now. New customers sign up with code CHUBBY & spend $5 to get $150 in rewards within 14 days @ https://www.draftkings.com/mobileapps     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the boys are together in Cleveland where Sam has ascended. Sam knows what the headline should be, told a young man who could have been president, and demonstrates on Becker. Nathan lets his plans for little men slip, reminds Sam about the group we had in Chicago, and got a front facing Shaka.     00:00 By Definition 01:58 Pie In The Sky Happy 03:49 To All Our Enemies 05:50 Tattooed Hands 07:13 Start With This Book 09:18 Tailgating The Book Event 11:12 No One Saw It Coming 15:15 Say What You Said 17:31 Dan Arbor 19:04 Zombie Eating Habits 20:28 Can I Show You Guys Something 22:49 Have Become The Sword 24:55 There's $200 There 27:53 One Oklahoma Slam 30:55 Victory Lap 31:56 The Opposite Of Shortcuts 33:27 Towards You 35:59 Back Channel 37:14 Action Bronson Poetry 39:55 Nationwide 41:23 Hall Of Fame Stat 43:21 Well That Makes Sense 45:50 Male Love 46:43 That's A First Down 48:11 Tuna Is Its Own Thing 49:20 Bricked My Head 50:54 Like Wheat 53:01 That's Not How You Use A Gun 54:57 Quash 59:02 If You Still Think Yes 01:02:02 It's The Culture 01:03:19 Feedback 01:06:20 On The Toilet     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

That's the issue. By definition, a chode doesn't dangle. It protrudes. Mine dangles. Everybody's worried. It just has to be wider than it is long, so it could dangle,

but it would look insane. One dangle's like a chat. That's what we're scared of. Like the country chad. No, I meant like the election phenomenon. The hanging chads. Yeah, hanging chads. Dangling chode, hanging chad.

Guys, it's neither here nor there. What is here is the grand announcement that, you have helped me as they have get to heaven and kill God. I have ascended. I am being a pure light. I might not register on your camera right now. I might just look like a radiating orb,

like a ghost photo. But yes, I am effectively, and I'm just quoting Harper's, the hottest shit in publishing right now. The It Girl. I am the hottest girl at the bar, and I don't even have to show any tities, but guess what? I got them, and everyone knows I got them now. Because my sweater's off, my bra is burnt, and I'm pressing them on the glass.

As of this writing, my book is in the top 150 of all books on Amazon. It is number one. Oh, yeah, get hard. I mean, let me know when you guys are hard. That was my day. It's number one in four different. categories across both print and audio book. It's number two in assassination thrillers because of some guy named Ray who I'm not, you know,

plotting a new revenge murder book about right now. That's it's so insane. There's this one guy's book who's like number one and I'm two and I'm like number one in four categories, top 150. And still I'm like, assassination thrillers. How do I, how do I climb up there? but I am over the moon elated pie in the sky happy about what everyone here has achieved from me writing the book to me ghost writing the book I also ghost wrote the whip

Becker was ghost riding the whip earlier today yes and that's where he gets so high that he forgets he's driving yeah but you guys bought the book and not only do we have these numbers which are fun, but we don't have any of the numbers from the local bookstores that you guys have been posting the photos of and I've been sharing. I got to tell you, my editor didn't really talk to me for two days and I was like, what the fuck am I in trouble? Did I sell too many books? Now everyone's mad.

But no, he finally got a hold of me. You were worried about that. I literally was like, I figured he sent me a very nice email the morning of pub day. And then I like texted him like, you know, a nice thing. Didn't hear from him. I'm texting the group chat. with him and my agent as my agent's like giving updates and like, you know, just like sending pictures of his rock hard cock because he was right, you know,

because like that's what's cool. He's dunking on everybody right now. Yeah, Dan's going around making everyone flinch because he was right. Yeah. Like literally Dan's validated. So has Ben, my editor. Like so is the whole squad at Random House is like. And now my editor finally hits me up.

And he was like, I was like, oh, I thought I was in time out. And he was like, no, dude, I've been fucking frantic. Like, we're having, we're reprinting and we're like printing another reprinting. So we're doing two reprintings right now, which is insane. It's been out for 48 hours. Dude, to go into second and third editions immediately after release means that suck our dicks to all our enemies. All right. So to tell a dude.

We fucking did it. I am just like relieved of course I think is the term and also rarely in my celebratory but god damn it I'm fucking enjoying the cool stuff that's going on and just being right man and also even better people love the book yeah like it's one thing to sell a book and a lot of people buy it and some bullshit memoir or some like dumb-ass cash grab about, you know, if I did it. The history of gum. Right, yeah, chew it. A history of gum. Swallowing every piece, the Nathan Lund story. Yeah.

Another lies your mom told you. Yeah. Don't spit it out. There's not a little tree growing in your tongue. No, I'm still surprised that you've survived this long, knowing the volume of gum that you're swallowing. Study me. I'm peak.

I have. been. Never going to die. No one's watching you closer than I am. Every piece. I haven't been chewing gum on this trip because I've had a pouch in there instead. Sure. Oh, yeah.

You're a fucking koala, man. Whoops. Yeah. You're a kangaroo. Addict to those eucalyptus? No, I meant pouch and I said koala. Gotcha. Yep.

Because that's right, guys. I'm done riffing. I'm a literary giant. All right? I'm Willa Cather, everyone. It's me. Truman Capote. But gayer.

Even gayer. I don't have to be straight as a comedian now. I can just be fancy free. And that means being gay as hell. I'm touching my own nipple right now as I'm looking to the camera. Which is freshly pierced. Chris Pierce, bit it off. I'm getting into cage fighting.

But yeah, my editor was like the amount of photos, because I've been sharing all the stories. He's like, the amount of photos you've shared of people holding up the book with tattooed hands. And like, and like their names of their accounts is like, all terrain,

like all terrain, Victoria. Like, it's like a chick. Like, there's like hot chicks that have like fucking chokers tattooed. Or, like, dudes that have like, you know, cut here.

They have like the Trevor from GTA5 tattoo. A lot of these guys aren't buying a lot of books. I've heard that there's been a record amount of bookstore employees hitting the red button under the counter this weekend. Security guards on high alert. A lot of false alarms. Yeah, a lot of relieved tellers at the bookstore because you guys are going out in droves. And supporting the local bookstores is very exciting. And I just can't wait because knowing where we're at on Amazon plus the local bookstore volume, I mean, we might.

we might make the bestseller list, you know. I hope we do, but regardless, just the fact that everyone's scrambling to do a immediate series of reprints. So exciting, and I can hopefully have Luke Lockfeld's name spelled correctly. A lot of people have talked about, and you and I have talked at these book events about starting a book club, a nice way to recommend, talk about books with your friends. Start with this book. Start with Brut. I think people that start. some people already did start one with running the light. It's cool. Heartening because like you said, it's a struggle to get people to read. And you and Jeselnick have been trying to use your audience for good

and recommend books, talk about books. It's not just you like out of nowhere. Oh, I wrote a book, so I care about books. You've been a champion of reading. I haven't shut up about it for a long time. Everyone's been saying, hey, we get it. Shut up. And also to all the people who were worried the book was fake, no, no. All right. It's out. It's good. People are stoked. And to the fucking true psychos who, like, read it all the way through in one night and or listened to it because it's 10 hours.

So that's like one day. If you're at work, you're autonomous. That's the drive. That's through lunch. That's all day. Man, thank you. Thank you to like Hashman 430. Rodney Carrington Live.

Fan account. Yeah, rotten Rodney. They all start with ours. But all that matters is, God, I'm so happy. There's a guy in line tonight who had already cranked it out, read the whole thing. I know, and then I shook his hand. I felt bad about that. He cranked one out, and then he said, when I get home, I want to read this book.

Yeah, I cranked one out, and also I was up all night reading your book. We had a fun interaction with a guy who was like, wait, this is a gay book? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. He said he turned the first page. He's like, gay hip man. He tried to get a refund. Yeah, yeah.

Sam said, no refunds. Can I exchange this for a Lund hat? Yeah. Wait, the Lund hat isn't a gay hat, is it? Depends who you ask. How about last... I'll take a straw poll. Go to Kalshi, see what the odds are right now.

How about last night, Big Rob? Oh, yeah. Laughing at a lot of random. things. Sure. A lot of very sincere moments in Cincinnati. But a lot of times his reaction was laughter and it's like, are you on mushrooms? Are you thinking about an old South Park? Yeah. Honestly, those guys

were outside. They were from Kentucky and they were literally tailgating the book of it. When we got there, they were drinking I think Iron City light in the parking lot, which is an insane beer. Yeah. Yeah, like Iron Light, that's a weird one to have. Yeah, it made me wonder, it was almost as if, like, the expected response is when you're done talking to laugh. Yeah.

So it's almost like, and we're in go bananas. Right. They've seen me, they were at Toad's Moral. Like, they saw me do stand up a bunch. It's just a, you know, it's a Pavlovian reaction. Right. It's not the, it's a huge curveball to come to Go Bananas Comedy Club and see Sam Salat, who has. made a fucking living killing there.

Like literally go bananas. I climbed the ladder. They brought me in the first time. I sold 40 tickets. I came back the second time. I sold 35 tickets. So it was a real... It was snowing.

It wasn't a ground swell. It was a ground smell. It was actually, it turned out that there was something in the water and the basement flooded. It had nothing to do with the mounds nearby. So we came up. all the way up through there. So it's just like, it's weird for me too. It's very strange for me to be a go bananas

and being sincere and like talking about like the creative process and the books that influenced me. And we're going to put that entire go bananas set set, that entire you know, in discussion. Yes. With no one fucking saw it coming.

Suck my goddamn balls. Yeah. You guys did. You did it. I mean, shit, dude. Like, it's literally having a share in some company that, you know, all the people who are already, like, in that industry, no one wanted this company to succeed. And if they did, I mean, now the New York Times kind of has to say something. Like, don't they?

I mean, won't it invalidate kind of the idea of, like, books themselves mattering? Like, they've been looking for someone to do this type of, like, out of nowhere. Holy shit, who is this guy? Like, selling books to people who don't. buy books. Yeah. Like, come on. Reckon with me.

They have to at least read it. Bring me to the table. Yeah. Say you don't like it. Whatever. Just say Sam Talent. I mean, the headline should literally be America buys book.

That's the breaking news. Boys read again. I mean, not even just people. I know it's all people, but boys are the ones not reading. It's cool that the dudes are in the stores. Because now the big hope is they're like, holy cow, cowabunga, dude. This is tight, dude.

What a rocking good time this was that I went on in my mind. Maybe they'll publish my book, Little Men, which is about a pioneer family. But they're all very small. So it's a metaphor, but it's also very real. Little men, stay tuned. Hey, y'all, in Fort Collins, please come see me at the Comedy Four. October 8th, I will be recording my second special name, TBD. But I want you there.

Patrick is directing. I'm so stoked to be able to do it in Colorado, in one of the places that is near and dear to my heart. Supeson was in Chicago because that's where the production company was shooting specials. And so I went there and I grew up there. That's cool. But I'm really excited to be able to have picked the comedy fort. Fort Collins crowds are always so great.

So please, if you live anywhere nearby, Greeley, Loveland, get a ticket, one show, one take. If I mess up, it's in the special. No editing. It's like Birdman. But yeah, I'm very excited. So yeah, Thursday, October 8th, please come out. Dan Soder sold out. So you have to come to my show.

And like Birdman, he will have frosted tips. I'll fly at the end. I was thinking Chris Anderson. Chris Anderson. He'll be there. Live dates for both of us. Helium, Indianapolis, the first and second of October. St. Louis Helium, the third and fourth of October. Kansas City, Missouri, the 15th, 16th, 17th. Governors in Long Island, the 4th in November.

Huh, Bell House is not on my website. That's not good. Bell House on the 5th, New York, November 6th, 7th, Manchester, Connecticut. Comedy Works for Thanksgiving. Hometown Heat. Helium Philadelphia, the 10th, 11th, and 12th, and Royal Oak, Michigan, coming up at the end of the year. Also, a book event, Morgan Stern's books, Bloomington, Indiana, September 30th. Yeah, thank you all. I'll be at Go Bananas in Cincinnati for New Year's Eve weekend. So tickets should be available for that soon in the next few days, if they're not already. interact with the book online if you want to further our progress you know share it in your story put up a post tell your friends review it on amazon or good reads if you're not all right five stars only i'm sorry that's all right five stars only like you're playing gta and you're 14

patreon dot com slash chubby behemoth a bunch of you are in there already but if you were thinking about it do it we started it in 2020 there's so many great episodes waiting for you you say what you said at go bananas and on stage about who the president could have been. I don't remember. It made more sense last night when I was discussing the merits of Slipknot with a 22-year-old boy and how much it meant. The late 90s, early 2000s. Just how weird it was that like mud vein was like a big deal and like we were forced to like be upset that like they had like, you know, bullet holes in their forehead and sat next to like Christina Aguilera.

Yeah. And this was right before, you know, Britney Spears kids. Madonna, you know. The Wild World. Stone Cold Steve Austin meant a lot to America at the time. And I said to the kid, you know, Stone Cold could have ran for president. And if he would have won, we wouldn't have had 9-11. And, yeah, that got a huge pop.

It was great. You're going to hear that on the Patreon. Yeah, hear it on the page. A little preview. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. It's been, it is bizarre that we're doing book events. And there's people there.

majority, what percentage is there from comedy? What percentage is there because they're stoked that I do comedy versus like hardcore literary, like, enthusiasts? 80-20? I don't know. I think in 90-10 maybe. 90-10, but I'm very aware of that 10. The one I remember where it was not our crowd was for running the light in the bookstore upstairs somewhere

and it felt like everybody was a little older. That was in Ann Arbor. Ann Arbor. That was Pub Day running the light, R-TL. That was the only time I remembered thinking, feeling like there weren't fans of you or us there. It was mostly older people that probably love that bookstore, found out that an author was going to be there and showed up. And it went well, like they were all cool. Oh, yeah.

But they didn't feel like they, no hand tattoos, no ankle monitors. No, no, not at all. No dogs. Nobody brought their dog in off leash. We didn't have anyone that was asking for pee in the parking lot. It wasn't that kind of thing. There was one guy in the troth saying, feed the pig, feed the pig. He was his thing.

Yeah, he worked there. Well, he had a tip cup. That was Dan Arbor. I was like, you guys have a bathroom attendant? And Mikey was like, what are you talking about? I was like, oh, who's in there? Dan Arbor is a good guy. I always get him from my limbs.

He does all my trees. You said Dan Arbor, right? Yeah. Awesome. Dan Arbor and Ann Arbor. He loves getting peed on. He's like a tree. He wants everybody to be a dog.

He's like, I'm a tree. Peen on me. He's painted brown. Mark me. He doesn't understand why people think he's racist. Why would people not think that you wrote a second book? Like you wrote a book. And then so the joke or the disbelief for the first one makes more sense.

Yeah. And then for like a year and a half, you're like, I'm writing a second book. I wrote a second book. Well, it wasn't even like. coming out. It wasn't a joke. Yeah. They're like, all right, I'll believe it when I smell it.

All right, man. Believe it when I read it. Fucking smell it, bro. Smell what the Rock is cooking. He would have been VP. Man. No, it would have been Taker. Yeah, it would have been Taker for sure.

The Rock would have been the Secretary of Education. Sure. Well, he needed to get the conservatives and the ghouls. So that's where Taker comes in. Exactly. The undead vote. A.k.a. Florida. A walking dead.

Christopher Walking Dead. I'm a zombie. Yum. Yum. Give me your skin and your brain. Your skin. I'm going your skin first. He's so busy acting. He doesn't know what zombies eat.

Give me a skin. They eat flash, right? To get to the brain. They're always tearing. Yeah. When they swarm, everyone's eating everything. They don't know where the brain is, but they're trying to get to it. Well, sure, but still, like, they're eating the whole.

They rip people apart. In a lot of stuff, it's not just brain. I wonder if Romero did brains or what? It's mashing. Yep, I think. Or you had to shoot them in the brain, but then what did it? You have to kill them. Dumbies eat people.

But they are, the, there was a zombie that would say brains, brains. But what was that? I feel like that was like. Or like in the Simpsons. Day of the Dead? They must have been Don of the Dead? I don't think so.

I mean, maybe it was pre-Romero, but wasn't Romero the first like one? He started it, yeah. See, I don't know zombies. I'm not one of those guys. The brain was anything in that one with the newscasts. No. Shoot him in the head.

I think that, I think the kill shot was the brain, but I think they were just coming for people. It was going to be a plague. I don't think they defined. But why do you think of like a zombie he going brains. Do rules? Somebody did it once.

The Scarecrow wanted a brain. The scarecrow was kind of undead. He was dead. Then he was brought back to life or brought to life. Yes. And he wanted brain. Give me brain. Give me brain, brain, brain.

Scarecrow. Okay, can I show you guys something? It was pretty funny, I bet. I don't want to post it. So there's this guy. You know, I'm of course, this most I've ever been on my phone. Oh, yeah.

long time because I'm just like refreshing and sharing and like getting getting the purest form of dopamine, which is the adulation of strangers. So here's this guy, right? He says a little bit of self-righteous indignation and a lot of really fucking annoying extra words. Part one was really good, but he just said way too many things to make him feel like a smarter person than he really is. And like if that is his take on Bojolet, yeah, that's exactly right. He's like, trying to sound smart all the time because he's like upside down but okay so i of course click on the guys all right so i just want you to watch this little video all right so i click on the guy's uh you know profile all right that's his name there and uh in his profile his it just says

i love bacon exclamation it's to the point it describes him i mean he's not wrong with only six posts you took a long time To say I am smart. The six posts are the American flag next to a tiny CRT TV. Deep. A spinal surgery image. Human. Building with Christmas lights that's, you know, got a bad glare.

A snowman. A snowman with hair. Hey, I like that. Three semi-trucks and a big bridge. That is the whole thing. Look, man, God bless you. I mean, everyone's opinion is valid. I guess.

I don't know. But, like, yeah, first of all, Bojolet does, like, he's too big for his britches. He's, he's in over his head. So it's also, like, I'm upset at this man expressing his opinion on my post. But kind of, like, agreeing with it, but he's missing the point type thing. Like, you are being perceptive, but you're mad about it when really you should understand it's a character facet. Also, do you want a 40-page book? Like, you have to write words and create, God, it's crazy when people are so dismissive.

And yeah, like critique, give feedback or your opinion. But like, what the fuck? What do you do? Well, hey, God bless. That's the thing. You put a piece of art out there. People are allowed to interact with the way they want. But you know what I have to say?

Number 135 in books. So if I can reiterate, I don't dream about the sword anymore. I have become the sword. I'm on fire. All right. I'm alive. I'm so alive. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I'm alive. and it's every one of you every one of you purchased the book i mean i'm not trying to be like falsely facetious or like oh my god we did it i'm a folk hero everyone who chose to buy the book owns a share in my dream happening like i'm just really happy i'm so happy thank you all what a victory for uh i mean i'll say this i'll be congratulatory i'll say something everyone out there who's doing any kind of like do it yourself creative endeavor.

Whether you're in a band or run a creative space or do a zine or do like collages or screen printing if you're a poet, if you take pictures, make sketches, if you do comedy, like, I think this is a major victory for people who've done it themselves because I did it myself, honestly. And obviously, like I said,

like every one of you is a stockholder. Thank you. But I came from, you know, sleeping outside in fucking Laredo, Texas, because we couldn't sleep inside because there's dogs in there and like they had fleas. No, no, this was like the second day of tour with Red versus Black and Sparkler Boys. And like we couldn't sleep in the shed because the dogs had fleas. So we had to sleep outside in the Texas sun. My horse is sick. Waking up on a leather couch to Texas in the middle of summer, of course, because Clay wasn't in school.

just waking up there like vampire style yeah I mean and I was you know what I was happy as a clam then but now I have achieved something that I've always wanted and it is a tremendous feeling and I'm not trying to sound braggy I just want to communicate how grateful I am so just keep doing the things because for a long time for the first I started standing up in 2005 and in 2021 maybe was the first like time I got any kind of steam. There was there was victories along the way, roast battle, you know, when I didn't know if my mom was alive or dead. Opportunities.

Yeah. Yeah. Big, well, bigger and bigger. Grains of rice. Grains of rice, man. Right. And it's so funny when people like, I don't know when a few years ago, when people would call you an industry plan.

I would just want to think, I would just think, Ames, Iowa, Talaqua, Oklahoma. Like, everywhere that you went, you were gone. A bunch. So much. A bunch. A lot of guys go there once and they're like, all right. I was like, there's $200 there.

With my name on it. Right. Yeah. Yeah, no, you were the opposite. And again, it's somebody who doesn't know the whole story thinking that they've got a lot of information, which is that they hadn't heard of you. And then they did. And it seemed like you were everywhere.

and it's like, well, yeah, you weren't everywhere, and it's not like you posted everything that you were doing, you just did it. No, because that's, I think that's how you like turn people off. And obviously the tide is turning against old Sam T, you know, because just like anyone else would in these moments, they would, you know, while looking for truffles, they're going to find shit.

I'm trying to see anyone talk about my book anywhere. So that means the fatal mistake of searching your name on Reddit. and I happen to do an episode of Kill Tony recently, and, you know, people have a lot of opinions. And then, of course, you get a little bit of extra acid splash from having gone on the yak. Oh, yeah. You know, those guys are opinionated,

and they think I talk too much. Well, guess what? When I go on there, the bit is that I try and take over the show and host it. Again, like, I am so excited to maybe be able to do something that isn't so public. I would much rather work on things right. things, create things from behind the scenes so that there's less direct interaction with the people who experience the things you make. Because like, I did it for a long time and I really like it,

but like, man, I don't understand if the human brain's really built for this kind of fucking constant concussive punishment. Honestly, man, it's like, it's like this existential thing where it's like, it's very nice to make a bunch of money off of stand-up. But like, in order to do that, I see the compromises people have to make. And I really don't know if I'm willing to make those. So, like, doing one-nighters in 100-room theater, like, black-box theaters, like, that sounds juicy to me. And, like, I'll always do stand-up.

But, man, like, I really hope to... I really would love to bring it back to when it was completely in my hands. like we're at one of the great clubs this week hilarities and not only do both of the people in charge go out of their way to make you feel like you're literally their own son and family like Nick is hilarious

80 year old Nick is like doing bits and like I'm slamming him and it's just like if every stand-up weekend was like this great you were body slamming him he was like I'm 80 and you're like take another one I gave him one Oklahoma slam and one death belly driver. And it was safe. The driver was through the table.

The table breaks the fall. It's fine. He didn't land on his head. He didn't have to sell so hard. We were fucking scared. Don't get stuck with a dead phone this fall. The Ridge Power Bank is the best you'll ever use. Oh, yes, it is.

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When the baby comes, I'll know. Yeah, exactly. You're not there, but it's like you're there. Yeah, yeah. You FaceTime with the baby. It's fine.

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Just head to Ridge.com. Use code Chubby, and you're all set. after you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Support the show and tell them Chubby Behemoth sent you. And again, I'm sorry that I'm jibber-jabbing and taking a victory lap. But again, this is currently the big, this is currently the billboard on the highway of my life. All I can see right now is that brute. Book is good.

Book is good. People like book. People purchase book. Validation. I told Nathan, I would have been ecstatic if my voice. book was in the top 2000. Yeah. The fact that it's in the top 150 is staggering.

Yeah. And again, I started from the mud. And if you're doing anything and you're wondering, is it worth it? It was worth it to me when I didn't have any kind of, you know, laurels, when I didn't have any crowns in my, you know, that I was wearing. Like, and now it feels really good to go from that. So, like, don't doubt the thing you're doing. doing and keep doing all types of different stuff. I did all types of different stuff. And it was all so

thrilling. When somebody or maybe a couple people have asked you about trying to get going with writing or creating and how it's difficult or like how do you find success and it's like you don't, there's no easy way to do that, but you do it and you get better and you meet other people who are doing that thing and they invite you to this thing. You know, you make connections and the industry. Go to gallery openings. It's so funny because you could have been more strategic with your moves from the beginning and been like, all right, New York and L.A., bigger cities. I'll try to meet everybody I can who, like, produces shows, whatever. And start with, like, trying to make friends with people who are further along than you.

You didn't do any of that. I had to go to Pensacola. I had to go to Chattanooga. You wanted to go headline places where there was any amount of money and then hopefully come back and do, like, the other, the better show in town. one up, yeah, yeah. Or the bigger city nearby where, you know, somebody sees you at the small show, says, come do my show.

Start doing Lincoln on Nebraska on Sundays instead of Fridays, you know, that kind of move. Yeah, and so, yeah, just the opposite of shortcuts or you didn't sleep your way to the top, I'll tell you that, because you don't sleep. Well, I actually sleep, I sleep pretty good, which is nice. It's a blessing. But yeah, I don't know. there's like, uh,

it's like, you know, which way anon. And I'm glad I went the ways I've gone. And there was, you know, I don't know. And it's nice to be here with you guys in Cleveland.

I'm your little geisha, because every step I've taken in my life has been towards you. Wow. Do you remember that line? I thought that was a good line from memoirs of a gaysia. I'm, uh, I don't remember that.

No. I don't remember that. I don't remember that. I've also just become very self-aware of how much I've talked about how happy I am, but whatever. Move forward. I love it. Yeah. We had a good time in Detroit.

Everyone came out in Detroit. My wife's grandma came. That was cool. Jerry. And we were screaming. We were screaming so that she could hear. Yeah. I didn't think about that.

Oh, yeah, I did. And like, Susu was there, you know, running around wearing a fur coat. It was a very surreal experience. yelling at staff. Do you know who I am? I'm Sousy. I'm little Sousu. You know who that is?

That's my Uncle Sint. So why don't you get me another cookie, Tuts? Before I become a problem. Before the shit in my pants becomes the shit everywhere in the store. There's a lot of greeting cards over there. I wonder if anybody wants to be greeted with my shit. It went, your success went to her head.

Fuck. Fuck, dude. No, no. Why don't you give that cookie to some other idiot? Because I want the good one. Fuck, man. I mean, there might be a possibility for her to turn out like that. Like, if things go well, like, hopefully...

If you buy her a car in a couple years and she's nine and driving. Hopefully she hits a waiter with a car. You know, the waiter survives. She soberes up. But she has a fun couple years. you know, who knows? Make some mistakes. She starts tagging.

Yeah, that's really funny. This is what Sam does. She starts tagging. I'm creating. You're creating a mess. Yeah. So what's your name? Oh, yeah.

And you're the mail owner in this place? Be a shame if anyone said you molested them. All right. Yeah. So let me take it all the cookies. See? Looks like you're out of cookie. Eat up this milk.

And I'm out of patience. Yeah. Eat up this milk. I'll be in my aunt's lap. Keep him coming. I mean, Emmy had fun, huh? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Emmy was in a celebratory mood. Wrote me a beautiful, beautiful letter. I read it. No. I'm kidding. She said don't. So I didn't.

Yeah, tell me about that process. Tell me about the whole back, you guys have been like fucking back channeling for Emily. She just didn't want you to know that she wrote you something. So she hugged you and then gave it to me and I put it in the car. You saw the whole thing. You probably thought it was drugs. No, no, no.

Or the note said, run away with me. Once the book stuff dies down, I'll be free. I thought all of her stuff was going to be packed and they'd come home to a house with just a bunch of like blank pictures, like holes on the wall where the pictures were. Yeah. Yeah. I think, well, you said she's not. I don't want to be married to an author. I married a straight comic.

You were a big burly jock who drank beer and smoked sigs. Now look at you. Yeah. Where's my big tree of a man? Yeah. No, she wrote me a very moving letter. She's not really capable of such romance and sentiment typically. She doesn't like wear that on her sleeve like I do.

So it's a real hammer when she lets them flop that way. Yeah, you cried. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I cried, man. I also cried a bunch. We had a great conversation with a friend about our late buddy, Danny Moppin, had some big laughs. Yeah, that was a lot. After all we've been doing is like celebrating and dicking around and that was just like, you know, come back down and be very real.

Oh, yeah. Trying, laughing. Talk to Liz about Danny. Oh, yeah. Well, we're going to keep her a nice. I don't know. I was just trying to be, I'm fine with that if you are. Yeah, I think that's fine. How is that weird? We talked to her. She's our friend.

I have no idea. Some people lead private lives and, you know. But yeah, well, I mean, we're not going to get into it. But yeah, it was, it was a lot to haven't seen her in a while. It was also very cool to make her laugh as she was crying so hard. And you could tell she'd been crying for so long. And she says she hasn't lost a lot of people or not. life you are the, and I told her that I'm also lucky. Right. You, unfortunately, have dealt with loss a ton. And so it is, it's not like it makes it a lot easier.

It's not like, you can just be like, oh, yeah, that's fine. But, yeah, we were, we were all fucking crying and it was a lot. And meanwhile, Pat's like, look at my butt, like 30 feet away. Right. Pat and Rand Barnaclo are doing action Bronson poetry. It was the best. like about to throw up. Mikey's dog is wearing sunglasses.

There's a pug with a top hat on. And then we're over there. You know, consoling a woman. But yeah, it was, it was just very, I don't know, damn, dude. I'm glad that we were able to have some time with her. And she communicated the stuff that we were saying to Danny's parents. I think that was nice. Yeah, I don't know.

It's been, that was a big swing. but it was very, it was, that's all introspective. The thing about Moppin now that we're realizing, I mean, like I said, we've lost a lot of people. Me, specifically, Becker, I think, some. You know, all of his friends that he poisoned to death. Yeah. But me and Bory.

Well, his favorite voice actors are gone. Yeah. They were born in 1930. Correct. Yeah, Mel Blanc. Zippy Carlyle. I was mad. Chewy the Cabanaman.

How bad his son was it doing. the voices. Jeremy Moonraker, Come. His nickname has nothing to do with this crazy last name. The Moonraker. The Moonraker. Or Mr. Come, as the New York Times calls him. Uh-oh.

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And also Bory lost the same people. So like, and, you know, we immediately, there was no chance that we were going to show any real emotion on that phone call. No. So to sit down with Liz was a real chance to, that was the hardest I've wept about the whole thing. but look

you know it's really nice to leave behind the legacy he did where everyone loved him and he made everyone laugh all the time and I told her like I've met so many people since he's passed that we've only laughed

when we talked about losing him and that's like that's a happy memory that's a rare stat that's a hall of fame stat like the man's he was an angel on earth and he's peaceful now

so everything's good besides him being dead yeah but like yeah we talked about how there's so many ways that we end up living and dying and he lived a hell of a life. Yes, it would have been nice if he had had more time. But while he was here, traveled the country, with music and comedy, having the best time, helping friends, entertaining strangers, being there for people, like all the things that

you want to do in a life. and the longevity is one aspect of life. It doesn't guarantee a better life, a higher quality of living. Some people don't experience a ton of joy, but they're around for a long time. Is that better, you know, than dying young, but having a blast? Like, no, I don't think so. So there's ways that you can be still smile and you can still, you know, as we're saying last night that this sucks, you know, like don't want him to be gone. But, man, had so much fun.

You didn't have to get old and less funny. And or more bored or, you know, just like. Tired. Tired, yeah, like not really sure what do I do now? Get a job somewhere. It's okay. On 50, what the fuck happens now? So, yeah.

Becker, your thoughts on our friend's death. Yeah, it sucks. I'm going to miss Danny a ton. It was always a joy to see him. I was thinking more about how, yeah. You were thinking about pizza. No, I was thinking about... You wanted to get a Cleveland-style pizza.

How many of my friends, there wasn't all laughs at, like, the announcement of their death? Because it was like, oh, yeah. Well, that makes sense. He was a piece of shit. Which bathroom did they find him in? Yeah. Was it his dad's house or, like, a bus stop? Right, yeah.

Was he on the bus? He loved the bus. Yeah. Was he using the bathroom? You're not allowed to shit in on the bus when he shot up too much? Did the baggie have my name on it? Why did I keep signing my bags? Yeah.

Yeah. Why did I print it out instead of at least using a cursive signature? What did I say? Beckers bags. I can get $10,000 made. And now sell them to other dealers that isn't even my drugs, but they're still using the bags. Yeah. And, you know, this is a lot, but why did I have my address printed on the bags?

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Sure. I mean, branding is solid and you were ahead of the curve. Maybe the cop. They offered me a discount. The cop of the corner sees the bag. Oh, Becker, huh? Maybe I'll dip a toe.

Sure. Yeah, no, but Danny. Danny was the man. Nobody loved Rainforest Cafe like Danny. He was a good friend to everybody. And I'll miss him a lot. Well, that said, come see us in Indianapolis where Danny was banned.

They wouldn't let him back in. The mayor put up a. that electric fence and put that chip under Danny's arm to keep him away from the Indy 500. Or as Danny called it, the Indy5 Dubdub. He made all those shirts and the state had to have put an injunction. Keep him out and he said, you can't keep the rat out of the raccoon trap. And, you know, managed to pretend like he was covered in milk and that he was a driver and that he won a different event. and he got onto the track

and of course let a conga line I won a milk chugging contest and I'm going to drink some more milk about it I am and I'm going to do it out here and there were 17 dead as a result I drink milk off the field too

How do you think my bones got so big how do you think these hips keep this ass up float shame until you shake y'all I will say too it was so cool in Chicago especially as you're talking about

male friendship, male love. We have like a dozen comics there to support you that are like stoked for you. Great hang afterwards at Billy Go the Billy Go Tavern. God, that was perfect, man. Down under. Yeah, the original location. It was delicious. That hadn't been there, but yet.

Two doubles, man. I went hog. Hell yeah, we did. Man, what a treat. Becker, how many double cheeseburgers could you have eaten? Well, if I hadn't had two doubles. had four feet of sub that day. Oh, yep.

Yep. I'd had three subs in the morning, and I had one sub after the two. Double cheeseburgers. So I think without those, I probably could have had like eight or nine double cheeseburgers, but as it stood, two was maxing me out. Right. Yeah, that wasn't you, like, ready to go. No.

If I didn't know, that was the plan for the night, I would have played things a little differently. You had one in a third yards of sandwich inside of you. Uh-huh. First down. That's the first town. They were good subs. I went and got a bunch of really nice subs. I got you guys some mafalda's.

Yeah, they were delicious. Very good. And tomorrow you're going to, tomorrow you're going to eat more sandwiches. Yeah, tomorrow I'm going to go to Larder and get at least two sandwiches. Pat said, I don't want to keep eating sandwiches. What a baby. He doesn't have to. He's alone in a hotel room.

high rise in Cleveland right now. And it's like, I don't know about sandwich. Yeah, that's why I said earlier. That's what I'm doing and you're all invited. I don't want a sandwich. I have to work tomorrow. But yeah, please bring me back to sandwich. Yeah, I got an idea.

One they have sounds like something you might love. Okay, remember, I like strong ingredients, not a lot of ingredients. I know. You like to freak it out and go nuts sometimes. It's going to be a strong four ingredient sandwich. See, four, four could be precarious. It's not four meat. Four ingredients.

Four ingredients. Total. Okay. Sloppy? It shouldn't be sloppy. The pictures look very not sloppy. I like a dry sangui. You know that.

Yes. Even a, you know, a pickled onion can go too far. I've also seen you order tuna with every version of pickles they have available. Well, tuna is its own thing. Mm-hmm. And it ain't no thing that I'm thinking about tomorrow. Okay. Because I'm going to be in here doing very serious literary conversations.

Oh, I wasn't thinking those are the... are all books of podcasts you have to do or interviews one's an interview and I'm doing other people with my old friend brad listy who was the only person in publishing media who gave a shit about running the light that's not fair I'm forgetting people I'm sure and I apologize to everyone who uh it you know was there to help me along the way for that one but as far as the big book podcasts this was the only big one of any merit that I really was allowed on yeah gotcha so I'm going back on there and hopefully I'll be spiking the football and Brad will be able to put some things

into perspective that I'm unaware of what's going on, Becker? There was like a weird noise from behind it. I heard a crackling, it sounded like a water bottle uncrinkling because you know when Lundrinks water he crushes them. That is probably,

something moved around but it was either the rapper settling under that. There could have been a rapper. Oh dude, fucking Pat bricked my head yesterday. Yeah. God, I felt like Benoit's son.

He fucking got me right in the middle of the forehead. He was hiding the knife under my bed. You tried to give you Xanax after. I don't know why that detail is so funny to me that he did that. What? Then he put the knife there like it was self-defense. The tiny child came at me, giant monster man, and I had to handle it by...

I guess. I mean, isn't that an argument for how fucked his brain was? It is. It's just a funny detail that they... And they also... Like a cop. Put down the knife. They flew past it in the video, too.

It was like that long when they're like, then he returned to his room and put a knife under his bed and then just move along. They don't explain like, we think to divert blame. Instead, they just show a chilling slow zoom on a photograph of the knife underneath like a bed with a stuffed animal on it.

It's very scary. It's also a funny, they said that when the lady found Benoit dangling from the bowflex, she pulls her gun. First reaction. He was like, Fring! Kill him.

Because of the beer. Right. Yeah. So it looked like. like three guys were in there. He can see the wire because of the mirrors. Uh-huh. Yeah.

The cop had to be like, don't shoot the corpse, please. He has a knife. Yeah, it's under the bed. It's a knife family. The knife squad's here. Misses him. Yeah, shoots the mirror instead. Shoot the reflection.

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They don't stink. The Chubbies pants? the ones that are also like water resistant or whatever. Then there might be a smell. No, man, you can pound into. I'm telling you, I've been three days on the road. Airplane Thursday, every day in them, on stage, back on the plane, get home. Do you take a shower?

Yeah. Lie to your wife? Don't have to worry with chubby's on. Yeah. Oh, I took a shower. That's a fucking indoors. Let's go. You never have to shower again.

Let's go upstairs. Yeah, you're not going to stink with chubby. Sure. If you wouldn't wrap that present. And there's a stinky little turd in there, sure. But on the outside, no one's going to know. I'll tell you what, I'm excited because it's getting colder, and that means we get to wear.

You were rocking the flannel. It's thick, but it's breathable. I can't wear anything with long sleeves without sweating. But once it gets a little colder, I'm going to pop that thing on. Everyone's going to be like, ooh, you're on it for me. They're so cozy. And the hoodies, because we kind of got the hoodies at the beginning of summer. It's going to be a hoodie season.

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Chub, chub. Slap them. Oh, yeah. I just thought of another genius. Who, somebody online said something about the book cover. Is that right? How you use a gun? That's not how you use a gun.

Like, that's the kind of, it's a big spectrum of internet comments. And that one is a good one. That's not how you use a gun. Why would I read this? That's not even how you use a gun. It's a guy holding a gun by the silencer. There's clearly blood on the butt of the gun. you know

but hey also maybe again and I don't want to have I said this on the pot already which one maybe he's bad at his job

like you ever think about that we said it at one of the discussions I'm just saying the Patreon I'm just saying maybe the guy's bad at his job yeah that maybe there's some subtext maybe there's some fucking art at play

not everything has to be spoon fed to you should happen also every opinion that you ever had my God keep it to yourself what are you doing what are you doing What are you doing, spouting off in the town square? It's insane.

It's insane to express yourself in any way online in the comments. I don't think the comments is where a lot of the discourse is going to happen. Somebody won the Dickhead Olympics in the comments this week. They said that they got inside information that you had a disease you couldn't have less of. That's what I get for delving. Oh, yeah. And while, so I don't have Addison's disease, whatever that is. Some guy said, you know, I know that Sam Talon has Addison's disease,

just like my brother and he struggles with it privately. Then another guy's like, hey, how dare you out Sam Talon for having Addison's disease? I want to go in there and be like, hey, I don't have fucking Addison's disease like this idiot's brother. So let me dispel it. Instead I said, I'm not sick. Or I said, I don't have this disease, but I am sick with it. I commented publicly to let everyone know I don't have whatever fucking made-up disease this guy's brother has. And if your brother has the disease, you know, more power to him.

I hope he's doing all right. Also, I wanted to just put quaff, quash, any of these Donnell rumblings that are going on. I have no disdain for the man. I became incredibly frustrated during the events of Kill Tony, due to this phenomenon happening between 20 and 30 times, wherein I'm Donnell. This is Jake Becker being me. Over there's young upstart, Nathan Lund, the legless one-minute comedian. Tony Red Banner right here.

I'm Donnell. Whenever he's talking about the comedian while talking to Tony, he's going like this. he's gesturing, he's hitting, he's pia fish hooking, you know, the hat's getting, you know, this kind of thing, glasses, you know, it's just, it's everywhere. You know, it's, it's,

dude, and look, you try and do it for an hour. I took it for an hour without showing any public to stay. Yeah. I just got fucking fingered and touched and rubbed every way. Yes. I think if you watch around an hour and a half, you might see me go to the crowd like this. maybe you see that maybe they didn't show it out of respect

Tony was nice he said you're like Rick Flair because I think he understood you know whatever dude it's all good at show business my head got fucking flicked and fingered you know I got Chelsea smiled I got wet willied I got I got Ashley Lairied

and the best part of the whole thing is that you do you're a kid watching Chappelle's show and then one day you're in show business and it's your job to get fucking slapped upside the head by Ashley Larry. You're mad at Ashley Larry. That's a surreal moment in a man's life. Never thought you're going to have that. You never did.

You never want to be mad. I mean, and look, I fucking, I champed it. It's all good. Was it my best performance? Of course not. I was fucking furious. I was so mad. And when he wasn't hitting me in the head, he was talking over me.

So, you know, look, first time I ever met the guy. did we have instant chemistry? No. Was there a magnetism? Yeah, his hand to my head. Over and over again. Like I had an earring and he was wearing a ring and we were doing some kind of fucking weird signal

at a poker tournament. It sucked. I was mad. I'm a human being. You go to work. It also like you can't be mad in front of people. You can't like break and become mad. No.

That's a real delicate bomb to, you know, take a part not only in front of the crowd at the mothership that night, but also in front of the millions and millions of opinionated people who love bacon. You know, all the American flag first posts on their grid of six who love bacon out there. I can't keep commenting. I can't believe he didn't acknowledge it, notice it, because you're hitting something over here. It's probably you, but he doesn't care what his hands. is touching over and over?

He was conducting my brain. He was literally a maestro of malevolence. Just smacking me. And you know what, dude? What have I always told you my dad used to do? My dad never hit me, never laid a finger on me. But the one thing he used to do is flick the back of my fucking ear. I hate my fucking ear getting flicked.

I hate the side of my head getting flicked. I hate the feeling of a hand by my head. Because when I would blow it, my dad would fucking flick my ear. So yeah. You know what? you try and do it. That's all I have to say to anyone ever who has an opinion.

Before you comment, maybe think, huh, imagine I'm Sam Talent on Kill Tony. Okay, first of all, insane. How did this happen? I'm scared. I don't want to be up there. I have no business being up there. I don't have any expertise in what he does.

Okay. And now Ashley Larry's hitting me in the head over and over again. Well, you know, you're also, well, if you're me, you're sitting there, you know, trying to not be transphobic or racist as much as possible because you're trying to sell your book to people. Anyway, just always be a person and put yourself in that person's shoes

and then think, should I say they're fat and gay? If you still think, yes, it merits a fat and gay right now, you know, go nuts. I understand, but it's like I was so, I'm so good about not being on the comments. And then the book thing sucks me in there. And of course, I'm a moth to light, man. You know, I'm a vampire. And I'm drinking my own blood. And maybe there's a world where I don't have to do that anymore as much.

Or I can be more precious about when I want to give the pounds of flesh away. And I know it sounds dramatic and hyperbolic, but you hit your head against the internet over and over and over again for 21 years. And tell me the... You definitely has lupus. Dude. I can tell. I'm Chris Minois. I'm fucking Canadian head.

budding over and over again and I'm also don't want to kill my wife and son you know I'm glad Daniel's in Canada with mom what quit peeking around I was checking the time that would be a hilarious button it makes me worried that you're going to you know make edits no okay that you're like scared that okay you know that one's earlier I was just curious how much time we had covered because it felt like it was way less and there was a weird no quick and then just now that was hilarious i don't want to sound defeatist i'm going to keep doing stand-up i'm not going to do it fucking 45 weekends i'm not doing it over the summer you want to do other stuff i doubt that you could ever or would ever want to emmy won't let me

be done with it i mean told me i was like what if i took like six months off stand-up she was like you could take every other weekend off that'd be great you'll go crazy you'll go insane She's saying if you're home that much. But if you're busying yourself with all this other stuff. She said you'll miss it. You love it. It's your favorite thing. It's your whole thing.

And you're saying you're not going to do your whole thing where you're going to travel the world and everyone says you're great. But you've done that. It is great. It comes with a lot of being away from this home that you're building with her. It used to be such a nomad. And now you have roots. I'm finding peace.

I'm finding peace. And so it's, yeah. So I, and I agree. I remember you saying once that you were like, yeah, but if you don't do it enough, you're not as good. It's like, yeah, that's true when you're younger, for sure. It's true when you don't care. It's true when you're not that funny, but you're none of those things. Like, you would always care.

You would always have that desire. You would always be thinking of new jokes, you know, and that you wouldn't really have to, like, work out and go do a bunch. You would just have them in your back pocket. And then, yeah, you get to do like your favorite spots. and it's in between other projects. And those projects are still for a bunch of people to enjoy, consume.

So it's not like you're not getting validation feedback. If there's a legitimate life in books, which it seems there is. And look, we're three days in, sure. Am I celebrating a little early? Yeah. Am I burning this bridge? No, I'm not.

Like, I'm really excited. You did tell Sam at Hilarities and Nick to suck your balls. I don't think they heard you. I told Nick to suck my dick and Sam to suck my balls. why you listen you're out of you're out of job anyway i'm not ghostwriting this i'm not the stenographer i'm not the biographer either yeah it's just like i know i'm not going to be the first guy to

beat the internet you know like no it seems like uh it's great and uh it's it's the culture and i'm what i'm going to expect the world to change to benefit me no i'll change i'll gladly change I'll adapt. I'll do shows that are, you know, a thousand dollars a seat. And they'll be in some kind of pleasure palace, hopefully in Milan, maybe in Crete, if we have to go in the islands. And you fly in via helicopter, and you come in and you see me, do whatever I want for eight hours straight. I do one show, every moon cycle, and it's eight hours, the doors are locked. if you want to leave early

it's an extra thousand bucks another thousand what about the guy who his creating is commenting on stuff on the internet I'm creating discussion discourse

feedback sure I'm no they wear a petite chippo while they're on YouTube sure

bunch of them think that though I guess scariest thing man but who's the fool the man expecting them to stop like I'm the idiot I'm the moron they're right.

That's what people do. They comment. They say, this guy's not only fat and gay, but he cheats on his wife. He's rude to the waitstaff. He has Addison's. He's bad at stand-up.

He has Addison's disease just like my brother. He ghost-wrote Gomez's book. He is, you know, I'm just starting to think of all the things that I've seen people say about me online. We've said how, like, He ragged on the town that I live in. I saw that recently.

All he did for the whole show is rag on the town I live in. It's like, oh my God, dude. I can't believe that you made fun of shithead, Indiana. I can't believe I made fun of Buffalo, Winnipeg, wherever. I came to town. I was there for three days. I walked around. I stimulated the local economy.

I observed. I reported. Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up. And that's what the idiot says. Yeah. You guys aren't going to shut the fuck up. Go nuts.

And if you really want to be motivated in a positive way to interpret, rack with the internet. You can rate the book on Amazon. That's cool. Good reads. Five stars are huge. You don't just go on there and be like five stars. Do rock and roll forever. You know, the surfer emoji, whatever you want. Just the five stars. That goes so far. Whatever. I'm just so thankful. Thank you all. There's so much positivity in the world. And I've benefited from so much of it. So many of you have just been fucking rainbows on me. And I radiate with your luster and your color soaks into me. And then I've been talking the way I have because I went back into the internet for the last two days.

And guess what? Guess what happened on the internet? Here's how poisonous and corrosive and acidic and awful the internet is. I was on the internet to see my book explode. To be sharing hundreds of people holding up the thing they bought that is my dream in their hands between two covers. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm on there to see my book ranked number one in so many different things.

Everything's exploding. Best sellers added to the book on Amazon. Like, it's awesome. All these little little bumps of fucking dopamine, a pure joy. Not even joy, vendetta. Bumps of ketamine. No, I'm off that now, man. I'm on fucking horse.

Yeah. Becker's got me back. I got a Becker bag, baby. Yeah. And I'm not doing keys. I'm doing fucking pinkies. Doing the whole house. Yeah, man.

He's open doors. I'm in there. I'm doing fucking gaggers. But while I'm on there, just getting my dick sucked by the World Wide Web, guess what? While you're on the toilet, a blumpkin, if you will. Sure, yeah, wherever I am, I'm just, I'm just levitating, penis first, dangling from heaven. The cosmos have their fucking mouth around my hog. And what's my takeaway?

I need to quit the thing I love because people call me fat and gay all the time. Isn't that crazy? I mean, imagine you're that guy. Imagine all of your dreams come true and you go online to see people say you're the man and three people have something kind of mean to say about you.

Maybe one of them is constructive but they're missing the point and you're like, I am moving to the woods. I'm becoming the Unabomber. It's a lot. We're not used to that much. The brain's not built for it. That much interaction.

Fuck no. I'm not built for any of the feelings that I had this week. This is all new. These neurons aren't in the brain to actually feel like you accomplished the thing you always wanted happening. That's like beyond the realm because it's like how many people have that? Like how that circuitry is not there until it's fucking hardwired in. So yeah, like I'm dealing with a lot of different soldering live while hanging out with you guys and doing book events. navigating, you know.

Tricky showers. Yeah, it's been a... Tricky showers. Yeah. We had that clown open for us. Tricky showers. A guy at the show tonight gave me one of these. Yeah, yeah.

This way, not this way. He gave me front-facing shotgun. Do you hear me do the classic lawn when two people showed up 30 minutes into my set? No. Hey, the show's going to start any time, but make yourselves at home. We're going to get Sam out here in a minute. Yeah, of course, yeah. And I did it, and I had two or three seconds to think about doing it as they came and sat down.

I was like, fuck it. I'm doing it. It's awesome. It's mine is yours, baby. Well, I'm sorry, but I never get to do that. Well, I never going to do it. I wanted to do it. I know.

So, like, it never happens. And if it does, I never spot it. So I definitely hacked you. Normally they sit them in the bank, but. Right. You know, they said them right in the second row. It was a hegy bee in the unit scene. It was an electric Jeremy times two

One came trundling One came bundling And I saw them from afar I'm talking about one thing And I'm like all right Well it's so crazy When you're talking about one thing And you're thinking like

Am I going to do this other guy's thing That he says that I never get to Hey we're going to start the show anytime folks Come on in Yeah so sorry buddy but No come on I had to Bye

Goodbye Goodbye