Chubby Behemoth - If Grandma Farts Dinner Is Canceled

Episode Date: December 7, 2024

SPONSOR: Factor - Support the show and get 50% off your 1st Factor box, plus free shipping. Use code 50CHUBBY at https://www.factormeals.com/50CHUBBY   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week Sam has had a very whimsical 18 hours. Sam had dinner in a former hookah bar, got shown the rules of Detroit parking, and made a child cry over a fart. Nathan earned a trip to the White Sox, feels bad for people celebrating at OG, and got his hit his classic trademark phrase on a plane. Sam made a new friend on one flight and had to tell a hard truth on the next one. He blue himself. Scratch-Off Christmas.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

This has always been a semi-professional podcast. Yeah, but today, not just the gloves are off, it's also the shoes. I just got here to Springfield, Missouri. It is bubbling with excitement. I have so much, I have so many cool things to tell you. I've had a very whimsical 18 hours. You said, Lund, I hope you didn't want to talk on the, this episode of the pod. Cause I'm going to fill an hour. Like I filled my diaper.

I just, I, I first of all, I'm excited to see you. It's been five days. It's been five days. I told Emily last week on Sunday. I was like, I'm going to miss Lund when you were leaving. And she was like, when do you see him again? I said Friday. And she said, shut up. I hate. Yeah. She goes, I hate you. Yeah. You've seen me three times this goes, I hate you. Yeah.

You've seen me three times this month, but you miss Lund. She says, what's my middle name? And you go, I'm excited to see Lund. It's Lund here. Lund would know. Yeah. Lund's middle name is Robert. Yours is...

Talent? Is your name Emily Talent? Talent? That's convenient Yeah, we have to get through this episode it's four o'clock which means the shows here start in about an hour What yes, this is a sundowner town for everyone the purge happens every night Yeah, if you're at work, they can't lynch you and drag you so that's why we have to be here crazy, mm-hmm looks looks very like pleasant bill which also had a dark secret but yeah this everybody's

like hey make sure you're inside when the Sun goes down or else you can get in trouble when the crow start blocking out the sunset that's when you head underground because they're hungry when you're a lot of meat on you yeah this place is very quaint route 66 town the guy who runs the club is literally a head wound victim he was like roller-skating in front of a bus to try and get on X'd I think it was pre-tosh point oh so yeah yeah he was like like trying to court the favor of Jamie Kennedy. So yeah, Chris Ray, shout out, great guy. We call him Crisco.

You should call him Crisco. That was his rap name, his DJ name. Oh boy. He's lived many lives and he remembers most of them. He has adult amnesia. He has Lego-based amnesia. So yes, I haven't seen you in a minute I'm gonna hold your hand through a world of yeah, I'm excited. Okay, pin me pay me a dude

I'll be an active listener. No, no, I'll be coming for hot tags There's children in the walls here Roach We all are we are under the stairs. Yeah, we're the people under the stairs. Yes. we're in an atrium suite, which means no windows. It's very nice. So yesterday, Thursday, in the parlance of our time, me and Emily Talent Talent, we go to the Lions game. Yeah. Because we had a big win last Thursday, sports gambling. I had some money. I was like, I'm gonna get some lion's sick Well, I gave you guys the parlay. My phone was being weird Something was up. I couldn't get in there. Oh, they suspended a bunch of bets like hands were too greasy right as you snuck some gravy

You were in there scooping I had a canoe in the gravy but yeah, they're a paddle not a canoe It was one for you too for me it's okay you're good wake up 20 milligram edible did you know well I did last night I took 30 milligrams well I grabbed a tin I thought there was two in there there weren't there was three so me and Emily have a big night we got to say Va which is a the cool thing about Detroit is there's all these buildings and people just open up whatever the fuck business they want in those buildings Yeah, and then because they own a business in Detroit, you know, they receive a medal from the governor, you know and like

Who knows how much money in startup funds? It's called Detroit match so like if you want to start a business the city of Detroit will give you some money like down To help with your business. So Saiva is a vegan restaurant that's just in what was most certainly a hookah bar. It's right downtown, it's on Woodward and- Still reeks. It reeks in there.

It reeks of cologne. Yeah. There's like all these paintings of like Middle Eastern men. Like I think they're sheiks. What's the one up north in India? There's the Sunnis and the Shiites are the Muslim contingency. The ones with the sword.

So it's just like men like standing Napoleon style with like insane head wraps and the biggest sword. No, Coptics are Egyptian, I believe. Anyway, it's just like brown warrior restaurant and me and my wife are in there and I'll tell you this about the Lions yesterday before the Lions game we went to the post which is like a craft store where they have a cool coffee bar in there and we talked to one non-binary guy and two homosexuals and as soon as we mentioned

we're going to the Lions game, they're like, yeah, I don't like the Packers plus three and a half, I don't know, that hook's gonna get ya. Anzaloni's not playing, and our whole D-line's busted up, like everyone there is a Lions fan. Yeah, they know about it. Yeah, we talked to this non-binary person who presents feminine, and I was like,

we're going to the game, and they're like, I love the big boys in blue. Yeah, that McNeil, I got a McNeil jersey for my dad. Who's like the D tackle. Yeah. It's awesome. So we go to dinner at Save Awe. Our waiter is comically gay. He's ridiculous, has the hilarious mustache,

saunters over. We're wearing, I'm wearing, he did, he literally like came over and was like, what am I pouring tonight? Cause whatever you want, we got it. And I'm like, brother, I'm on 30 mils. You could just pump the brakes on the gay train. That'd be huge. No, I didn't say that.

I joined in and I was like, well, I wish I was drinking. Cause you look, you got a strong pitching arm, you know, I get folksy. And I mentioned you were wearing the jerseys like you wanted the game. And we're like, yeah. And he's, he's like, if St. Brown doesn't get a touchdown tonight, I'm not going to be able to pay my mortgage.

Yeah. He's just got the, he's got his whole bankroll on St. Brown, which didn't hit. No, it didn't. I tried to ride that train as well. Yeah. I mean, there's like a seven-year-old black woman in there She sees the jerseys, you know, she's like golf better get to over two touchdowns. I'm not getting my medicine

The whole city has that team on their collective backs and it's awesome So we drive from save off which is near Wayne State University campus for all our Michigan listeners. Great restaurant you should go and we, Emily's like okay we're gonna park and I'm like we're not gonna be able to park like she's like driving like just towards the stadium. Just right towards Ford Field. I'm like what do you mean we're gonna park? We have to get a lot and she's like no no no you don't know the rules. Like what are the rules? So she parks like in front of an alleyway. Yeah.

Right there on brush street, like maybe three blocks from the stadium. And she just parks in front of an alleyway. And I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, you just leave your car. You take the ticket. The ticket's 45 bucks. Parking $60 is what everyone does.

And I'm like, we're going to get towed. And she's like, shut up. You don't know anything. Shut up country boy. Yeah, exactly. I'm pin eyed. Allegedly I say the word grandma, like I'm from the country. Grandma. Every time. Yeah. Cause Sue's I'll be like grandma, you know, fell in the shower about Sue's and she'll be like, Oh grandma, listen to you.

Hey, bail. Huh? Anyway, what does she say? Grandma? Grandma. Nobody says grandma. No, she probably says grandma. Yeah. Because they flatten the A's. Yeah, she's not saying grandmother. No. Everybody says grandma. Right. G-R-A-M-M-A.

Right, grandma. My grandma did MMA. Oh, that's cool. She wasn't good at it. She died of C2B. Oh, she died. Yeah. First person to get a pile driver in an MMA fight. Yeah.

She didn't know what she know where she was going and then she got dumped on her head. Next thing you know. It wasn't even a clean one. She thinks she's back in the arms. She thinks she's back in Muncie. It's like you haven't lived in Muncie since you were seven. You're a dog now, huh? And then she died. There was a kid named Muncie in my high seven. You're a dog now, huh? And then she died. There was a kid named Muncie in my high school. His first name was not Muncie, but I have to go to my high school reunion in like six months. So I'm not going to use everyone's names. Bring me. I want to really bad. Sammy Loft and Melanie Piper would love that. Yeah. They would love that.

Shout out Sammy. Sammy, if we can bring Lund, uh, put it in the group email chat that I'm not paying attention to about the reunion. But yeah, Muncie's mom like embezzled like, I don't know, $150,000 from Elizabeth High School from the schools. Why was there so much money? I don't know. She like blamed the superintendent, but she was the treasurer. She like did time for this. So I'm not telling stories out of school, but I remember me and Stefan Williamson were trying to get ahold of my friend, Jesse Kendig. So we called Muncie's house

because we knew Kendig was spending the night there and no one answered. And then it was the classic sitcom move where we thought we hung up, but we were really leaving a message. And it was just me and him like riffing for 15 minutes about Muncie's mom in prison, like going down on people for like

Salem's and stuff They're passing her around in there. Yeah, yeah, Chad You'll be able to answer the phone when no one's there to do everything for you You fat fuck like it was brutal and then we get over there and his sister's like You need to sit down and listen to something like we get to the door and she plays the tape Yeah, what there's new Limp Bizkit? Yeah. Yeah.

What do you got? The Jerky Boys are back? The Fuji's reunite? Yeah, and then we just sat there like with Muncie and his mom and his sister as we listened to this. His mom was there. Why are they not picking up the phone? I don't know.

She thought it was the news. But Stefan's giggling the whole time. Cause he doesn't care. Yeah, yeah, and it was awful. And then she was like, you know, there's a lot of allegations and Chad's like, I don't want to be your friend anymore. And then like three months later she gets, you know, jail popped. Yeah, anyway, gets the bracelets anyway. So me and me park the car legally, we go to the game and like I said she throws the keys to a rat in the alley the rat says see you soon sister

keep an eye on it for you yeah we had that guy when your windows licked my dad and I went to a White Sox game cuz I got to like the worst tickets you can imagine for getting straight A's or something yeah and we we part it was better a personal pan pizza yeah yeah and my dad And my dad was like, take the pizza. I don't have to drive if you take the pizza, we won't share it with your sister. I don't have to go downtown. If you take the pizza and I was like, I want to see Frank Thomas. But yeah, we parked probably four miles away from Comiskey park.

And this fat fuck was like sitting outside of his house and he was like, Hey, I'll watch your car for 50 bucks. My dad goes, go fuck yourself. And we used to keep walking and I was like, why would he was gonna like watch out for the car? And he goes, nah, it's bullshit. He's gonna go back and sign. He's not gonna watch the car.

I was like, oh, okay, very good. Also we show up where he looks at where our tickets are and he goes, we're not sitting up there. So we sat closer and had a good time. I had a good time your dad he probably hated it yeah I wonder where he's at I don't know probably doing a 50-50 raffle in hell right now he's with Frank Thomas no Frank's alive because of eugenics he does even a commercial for eugenics Let me finish before you get out your forceps to measure my skull shape. It's a boner.

Before you ask if I have an extra tendon in my leg. Yeah, he, yeah, Eugenics. Who the fuck, who are the ad wizards who came up with that one? You remember that? Oh yeah. That was an SNL sketch with Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah. Nice. Seinfeld was good on there that was a great episode I was speaking of Frank Thomas Miguel Cabrera is that the name

of the baseball player for Detroit yes he lives like near my house because we had our new couch delivered and the guy comes over and he's like carrying an entire couch and I'm like do you need help man and he's like poppy poppy no no no I don't I don't need your help poppy and he comes in and he's like carrying an entire couch and I'm like, do you need help man? And he's like, poppy poppy. No, no, no, I don't, I don't need your help. Poppy. And he comes in and I was like, Ooh, wow. Uh, uh, it's, it's toss movie. Ferti and he's, Oh, you speak Spanish. Oh, you speak Spanish. The people in this neighborhood, they all racist cause I don't speak good English. They, they leave review. They say he does speak English. I'm speaking English right now.

Motherfucker like as he's holding a couch. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, OK, come in. He's spinning it like a basketball. Yeah. And I'm like, you're strong. And he's like, oh, yeah, man, I'm strong. And he puts his leg out. He grabs my hand and he puts it on his side. He's a squeeze.

Like I'm squeezing a man's leg. He's like, I squat like 700 pounds, man. I'm strong, Papi. Yeah. And then like I try to speak to him in Spanish. And he's like, I squat like 700 pounds, man. I'm strong, papi. Yeah, and then I try to speak to him in Spanish and he's like, you're Puerto Rican, eh? And I was like, no, mi abuela is de Mexico. And she's like, oh, he's like, oh, okay, okay. So anyway, he keeps having me touch his arms and stuff.

He has me do this and we take a picture. It was crazy. Did he know you from Kill Tony? No, not at all. He was just like, what do you do, man? You work on computers? I was like, no, I'm a- Why did he think that?

Because you had a computer? I'm a fat guy at home in the daytime, watching him, you know, couch cuck me as my wife's in the other room. He felt how smooth your hands were. Yeah, exactly. Computerdores. So what, do you work with pillows or something? Yeah. Couch cuck me as my wife's in the other room. He felt how smooth your hands were exactly computer Doris So what do you work with pillows or something? Oh

What are you working the slime factory you're smooth with me You must work in the blowjob factory yeah, and you're not you're not on the floor either not using your hand you're in the office So he was fun. Shout out Alexander blow just brothers gonna come over and cut my hair. You need how many blow chops? By when? Oh God, I mean I guess. Alright. They're not gonna be around the cock. They're not gonna be great. They're not gonna be great. I haven't been practicing. We'll have them. Come get them while they're hot. So Manuel Cabrera lives near me and he's like, Manuel Cabrera lives in this neighborhood,

man my brother cuts his hair, he'll come to your house and cut your hair. I was like, I don't, no tengo mucho peludo. You speak Spanish? He kept saying that. And I was like, yo hablo Espanol, pero no escucho bien. No conozco. Very different. Yeah.

And he's like, oh, you speak enough. Hey, hey, when the snow clear, I come over, I do your yard. Give me a chance. He kept saying, give me a chance. It was a crazy hour in my home. Yeah. Give me a chance.

I come over, I do your yard, my brother cuts your hair. Wait, so you needed a couch for the living room. Yeah, because I lost the war. No, the good ones are in the basement. Yeah, for now. No one will ever hang out down there. I'll hang out down there. Yeah, you will.

You have to. I love those couches. I do too. These new ones are pretty sick. They're really comfy. I tell you about Suzanne. I made her cry because she farted so hard. I told you about this. Not on the pod. because she farted so hard. I told you about this on the pod.

No, I don't think so. This little bitch, she comes over to my house like a month ago and she farts and I laugh and she's, you know, she's not stoked about it. Which I don't understand. She, all I've heard is about how she's a cut up. She loves, she'll do anything for a laugh. So how has she not figured that part out? She doesn't like being laughed at.

Oh, Emily said that it might have something to do with starting daycare, and then so there's that feeling where some kids laugh at somebody in particular and she can feel the us versus, you can feel a little isolated. The pack tactics Yeah, but anyway, I like laugh and then she's like and I'm like, oh, I'm sorry and then she does it again and I'm like and Then she looks she turns she's sitting on that bench in my dining room farting bed farting bench

When I've talked about pulling your pants down sitting on the hardwood wood letting it rip. It's hilarious It's super loud and she turns and she looks at me and she just, it's like, it was like an old man inhabited her body. It literally sounded, it was like your, if you would have farted this loud, it would have been noteworthy. And you fart loud as it is. If I did this fart, you would have been like,

Jesus, chill out. It would have been in your top 10 all time. Yeah, it's like, she's farting at a 12th grade level. But she turned, she gives me like the, you know, the gopher look and farts and I go, ah, like laugh really hard. And she starts crying and then she ran upstairs. She's like, I'm going to my room.

So, Emmy goes up, talks to her, says, comes down. She's like, she doesn't like being laughed at, so if she farts, don't laugh. Oh, the other thing Emily said. Let me put a fucking gun in my mouth right now. What are you talking about? She farts, I can't laugh? The other thing. She farted like a man, it was sick.

The other explanation that I think probably is also a part of it is that One or both grandma not Sue's right great grandma. Yeah. Yeah farts, but nobody laughs because she's incontinent So it is confusing to little Susie right like yeah, she thinks that farts are solemn, right? Ignore. But then you grandma farts, they have to pull the car over grandma farts. Dinners cancel. And then she turned it's grandma. You have to call her doctor. Get it in her chart. Yeah, when her grandma farts, Emily boards the plane. Yeah, so Suzu thinks that farts are like a medical anomaly.

But what have you been doing with farts before this? I don't fart in front of her. And she's not, she's never like- She doesn't fart a bunch. She's like just farted before, but but it's not it's just like move along Yeah, all right. So then like we have this truce where I'm like learning I'd rather die than not fart at my knees when she looks me in the eye and Let's just like it's like a baseball team came over and ate every can of beans in my goddamn cupboard

And then sat on the bench for some horseplay. That was the fart. It was like butt ventriloquism. So we go in the basement into the art room and we're drawing on the ground and Susanna, she would look, she would fart and then she would look at me real hard. She'd be like.

Which is hilarious. Hilarious. So funny. You have to look at the ceiling. I know know, she'd be like, which is hilarious. Look at the ceiling. Yeah. And I'm like, it's like trying not to come, you know, it's impossible. My niece is over there like, and back to just drawing the ring on the ground. drawing the ring on the ground. So anyway, you gotta, you gotta get her out of that school before she,

I can't her best friend, her homies. So anyway, me and Emily walked to the game and like I said, we had a big parlay that hit. So I took those tickets and I bought the best tickets I could find. They were reasonable. So we're in row one right against the field right against the pylon yeah Thursday night football is like right here we're sitting up there it's awesome the guy comes in behind us his whole head and body are painted blue he's got the stripe down the middle middle of his head you know people are

losing it introductions Introductions happen. We're having a blast. Let me set the scene. Beside me is a woman on her phone the whole game, just looking at Facebook, just scrolling, watching Facebook. What the fuck? And I think that's pretty funny. Whoa, road rage. Whoa, a Karen at the golf course.

Karen at the golf, no, not even that. She's like watching like this like weird kind of like elf doctor. It's clearly a doctor who's got like smush syndrome, which is just Setting the table with smush syndrome. Mm-hmm. So anyway, she keeps showing it to her husband and her husband's like yeah, that's great, honey That's yeah hilarious. Yeah, we should stay away from seed oils and she's like just look at the fucking video Jim I know and he's like And then goes back to watching the game at these tickets, you know, yeah, so I'm like I keep telling Emily I'm like she's just growing and Emily's like I know it's very sad. It makes me very sad. I'm depressed by that

Okay, and then I don't know where I hear Emily who's sitting right here. Go Sean, the man painted blue. Yeah, behind us in his sold out Ford Field Stadium is Hannah's ex boyfriend, Sean. Oh, and he is completely blue black and blue. Oh, and he is completely blue. Black and blue. Hold on.

Don't laugh. I hope you're laughing at a funny Facebook video that you saw. Sean is a great guy. I like Sean. It bummed me out when they broke up. It's none of my business. I feel like things happen. Things happen. But so I'm like, some people are attracted to adults. Not Anna though. Anna wanted a boy. She wanted a smooth boy. I was, I was trying to make it sound like he was a pedo. I know, but he's not. He's not. I think he listens too.

So Sean, if you're listening, I just want to say, bro, you being blue was maybe the greatest surprise in my life. Sitting right behind you. Right behind us. And, and Emily goes, Sean, he goes, hey, Emily. And I turned around and I'm like, whoa. He's like, what's up, dude? And I get up, I Dap him, his brother's there, you know.

His brother is silver. So then Emily says, I'm so sorry about your- His brother's a lion? His brother's a lion, yeah. His brother's just a football, he's all brown. And Emily says, I'm so sorry for your loss. And he's like, yeah, my dad actually did this was the game he picked Oh, I heard that his dad died. Yeah, so Shawn's there with his brother in the seats his dead father wanted

Just trying to enjoy you're trying to get away from it all Instead now he's blue in front of his ex-girlfriend sister And man mountain rock. Completely blue. Dude, you ever been surprised that a guy behind you is actually someone you know and they're blue? So crazy. I'm glad you didn't tell me that,

cause holy shit. Crazy. Completely crazy. Completely blue. So then he like gets up after the first quarter to like go and she's like, Hey, let's not bother Sean and his brother. Like they're here. Let's put, you know, give them their privacy. And I say, it's so funny that he's blue, right? And she says, yeah, he blew himself.

I lost it. I'm losing it. Cause you know, it's from arrested development. And Emily says, of course it's from arrested development, you know, and I'm like it because you know, it's from Arrested Development. Yeah. And Emily says, of course, it's from Arrested Development, you know? And I'm like, no shit. Toots. She feels bad because she thinks that she's stealing the laugh. Yeah. I'm like, I know. So then Sean comes back and I'm just, because he's also bald.

So it's straight up Tobias Funke. Sean comes back. I get the giggles because I'm high as fuck. So now I'm just giggling. I'm just giggling the whole game. I got the lady next I'm high as fuck. So now I'm just giggling, just giggling the whole game. I got the lady next to me, Jim, Jim, look, this is what they're saying. Look, you can't have any red 40. And he's like, yeah, it's in everything, honey.

She's getting mad. What the fuck? The play comes down to feel it. Oh, it's like seething. Yeah, it's we're having a blast. We're standing up. A guy tells me to sit down. He's like, first time on the front row.

You don't have to stand up It's like okay. He's like sitting next to Emily and I'm like leaning over, you know trying to get on TV I want to get on TV. All the NFL and I'm doing this face. I'm going Just looking insane cuz I think that'll be a funny just I'm just that's what they want. Yeah, they want colorful characters So I'm having a blast. This lady's pissed. Sean's blue behind us. There's a guy who's working for the NFL Films.

I point him out. He's got one arm. He's a nub. Nub guy. Emily's like, what are you saying? I was like, guy with one arm. She's like, thank you. Cause I always tell her where the freaks are.

So whenever he's running by, you know, Emily will go like, there he goes. It's the nub man. And I'm just half the giggle so bad. Cause I can't get over the fact that I haven't seen Sean since they broke up. And now he's here and he's, dude, he's like, what are the odds?

And I'm like, Sean, I don't know, man. It's astronomical. Ford field is 70,000 people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also the fact that we both have good seats, it's crazy. So, Nub Man's out there. At halftime, Nub Man comes up and he says, Hey Sam.

And I go, What's up? What's up, dude? And he says, Hey dude, big fan. I reach down for the handshake. It's not the right arm. He reaches up, gives me the reverse of, yep. He's like, yeah man, I was like, go Lions. He's like, go Lions. It's not like you couldn't tell which.

I know, but I was just like, I was one of those things where I'm talking and I hear, hey Sam, and I'm like, oh, what's up dude? I look down, sn what's up, dude? I look down snubby cool guy So then that that just exacerbates the giggles So Emily goes up at halftime Shawn's behind me and he puts his hand on my shoulder and he says Really wish I wasn't blue right now His nipples are silver. He has a fucking arrow down the middle of his head that's all silver.

Otherwise he's all blue. I really wish I wasn't blue right now. I said, yeah, man, this must be a nightmare. He says, yeah, this is the worst. I haven't seen you guys in forever. Here I am. I'm blue And I was like, yeah and figuratively to your dad died

We have a little giggle yeah Emily comes back business as usual Yeah, so the issue with these seats is at the pylon the big NFL films rig like the two-tiered camera rig Whenever it's within the 30 on our side it parks literally right in front of us yeah so we can't get a note when you bought the tickets no anything no idea view nothing but now I know why they were available and they were cheap comparatively for right up on them dude yeah for can't see shit I'm down like and if we were sitting two seats to the left or two seats to the right It wouldn't have been an issue at all

It's like the lady next to me on space late is fine the guy who told me to sit down me and Emily I'm in the people directly behind us including the blue man group So fucking The lady when the Chapman's called the Chapman is the name of it and people were like out of the way Chapman move your shit Chapman Chapman you motherfucker keep going they just keep you like keep going move the kid to the camera no to the back of the camera guys because they're filming the field so everyone

that's like blocked is furious yeah a state trooper reaches for his gun you know he's like chill out So the lady next to me Facebook Looks up and she goes I Can't even see anything. She's been on her phone literally the whole time. She hasn't seen shit She's literally like I see her take a picture of her And her husband be like having fun at the Lions great game great tickets and then just refreshing the Facebook to see if there's any comments Oh my yeah, and then being like, oh Judy see if there's any comments. Oh my god. Yeah, and then being like, oh, Judy liked the picture.

And he's like, yeah, Judy's great. Dude, bleak as hell. And then- It is. That's like how I feel when I used to see people celebrating at Olive Garden or Chili's. Like I'm there because I live nearby. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, your girlfriend's washing dishes.

It's just, it's close. It's cheap whatever, but then you see like Like a whole family there and it's like oh god Yeah, yeah, it makes me feel weird. It made me feel really bad I was trying to laugh at it cuz I was giggly and Emily pointed out that no, it's incredibly sad weird I was like, thanks. I'm nice tag. Can we go back to Pete blue himself? So then she's just bitching even when when Chapman moved, she's bitching to her husband. Yeah, so then the whole game I hear them bitching, Sean behind me, he's blue,

and then Chapman's in front of me. So that was the game. Great game, we win, you know? The crazy game. The fucking hook did indeed bite a bunch of people in the ass, including myself, including your best friend. That was blue. Yep. You were blue as hell. You blew yourself.

So then we leave and we go and there's a 40 we're walking with everyone on brush street. Stoked great game. You know, black people, white people, high five. And there was like a break impromptu break dance competition with a cop and a Mexican guy, literally. Like the cops doing the robot and everyone's like, all right, all right, you know, it's fun. City's on fire. And then as we're walking.

But not literally. No, no, on fire with conviviality and fraternity for these great Lions players. And oh, I met Penny Sewell's brother, dude. Penny Sewell's brother was sitting like three seats to the left of Emily. And when we went to leave, she was in her Sewell jersey and he's like, great, he's wearing a Sewell jersey too.

And he was like, I was like, he's like, oh, great jersey. And I was like, he's the best player in football. He's all world. And he's like, he's my brother, bro. And we fucking dap it up. It was awesome. Yeah, it was so cool. You were in La Porta?

No, I, Emmy got me a Hutchinson jersey. So. Oh, 97. 97. I thought it was, cool. You were in Laporta? No, I did. Emmy got me a Hutchinson jersey. Mm. So. Oh, 97. 97. I thought it was, I thought you had 87. No. I was like, all right, I guess.

Emmy Laporta's caught a couple passes. No, I wanted to, I wanted either a Sewell or a Skipper or a Rag Now. I wanted an offensive lineman jersey, but she didn't give me one. Shout out Miles, our buddy with the no nipples. She went to Seattle. He hooked it up at the Nike store.

So we all got jerseys. But anyway, we're walking and literally everyone's like, all right man, see you later. And peeling off tickets on there when everyone has a fucking ticket and no one's pissed. I just keep hearing, 45, it's 45 bucks. We would have paid more if we get to ours. Emily's like, told ya.

Awesome. We get back to the house. I copycatted you, I had a Quado. Like the exact same spot, I have assist. I get home, I'm like overwhelmed, it's like 12, 30. My flight leaves at like seven. I'm like, I'm not even bringing merch, Emmy. I'm not gonna bring any fucking merch.

I just won't make any money. No one's coming to the shows. Tickets are available, I'm not gonna make any merch. And she's like, all right. Yeah. Chill. And I lay down and she's like, Oh God, I'm like, what? She's like, your Quado looks bad. So I'm like trying to go to bed. It's like 1 30 AM at this point, you know, but what I won't shut up. Quado is not sleepy. Quado is working a swing shift. He's got the graveyard.

So then she, you know, she allegedly scrubs in. Yeah, she allegedly washes her hands and nothing happened. She didn't do surgery on the Quanto at all. So anyway, uh, oh, let's do the ad read real quick because I because, cause this morning was also, you want to talk about bleak images and glimpses into people's lives. I got one for you, brother. Well you know, we just celebrated Thanksgiving. We did.

It was nice to celebrate it as a unit, as a family altogether. It was great. Yeah. We had a good time and you know, Christmas is coming up. Thank God we didn't have to eat a microwave meal by ourselves in our sad apartments. You know, we were with people. Makes the food taste better. Everything tasted great.

But you know, uh, this time of year there's presents to buy, holiday cards to send and tons of errands to run. Oh, you don't have time to cook right now. I don't. Factor has you covered. Oh, Factor. That's right. Factor. Factor. We didn't learn our lesson. I don't. Factor has you covered. Oh, Factor! That's right, Factor. Factor, we didn't learn our lesson. We're back. We're back for more, more Factor. Yes. Make a Factor meal in just two minutes. There's no prep and no mess.

Tastes better than that gun you've been polishing. Just pop the meal into the microwave. Don't, don't pop the bullet in the chamber. Or heat it in a skillet and you're all set heat it over the sink cold fucking freak if you choke on it no one will mourn sit on it fact or warm it up by sitting on it for a while yeah make it penguin style while you watch cops yeah you know you've been raising that kid since Sheila left she's having fun in Cabo do the same thing with your meal, Factor. They have 35 meal options each week as well as add on convenience items.

So you'll never have to worry about running out of time to make dinner. What's a convenience item? A single serving of sour cream so you don't have to buy the tub because you can't control yourself. You know it's going to go bad before you have nachos the second time. Doctors said to lower the sodium and the fats. Well, sour cream's both. because you know it's going to go bad before you have nachos the second time.

Doctors said to lower the sodium and the fats well sour creams both so pick aside. We did enjoy our factor meals did we not yeah yeah my dad's been eating them. He loves them. They're good. He's a lonely widow or it's perfect for him. They're nice because you're sad, but the meal isn't. Yeah, the meal's warm. The meal's the bright part of your day. It's a belly hug, yeah. It's not, it's not Factor's fault that you're blowing it.

That you're told your boss to suck your dick. You thought that you had hung up, but you left a voicemail. You knew she was a victim of essay in her old job. She was a total chode. The sooner you heat up that factor meal, the quicker you can get on indeed and try to get back on your feet.

Factor. We're back. Oh, factor. We're back. You choose from six different menu preferences to meet your goals. This is the only goal you have is picking a different meal. The only goal you have right now is make it to 2025. That fucking 1201 on January 1st. The world's going to know know your name you think one CEO

of a healthcare company's newsworthy wait till you get a load of me well whether your goals are to drop a couple of pounds or eat vegetarian factors got your ass covered thank God man someone has to. Head to the lonely world out there. Head to factormeals.com slash 50 chubby and use code 50 chubby to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code 50 chubby at factormeals.com slash 50 chubby to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping while your subscription is active. Hell yeah. Factor, don't forget to torch the house. Factor, she didn't take everything. Yeah, and what she left is all you have.

Factor, the kids are gonna remember you. Yeah, you'll be fine. Brad's not that cool. No. Yes, he has a sidecar on his motorcycle. Yes, he knows Will Ferrell. sidecar on his motorcycle. Yes he knows Will Farrell. He did the worm at their wedding. Big deal. You set the high score on Big Buck Hunter. Don't forget about you. You know who would benefit from Factor is my Uber driver from this

morning. Monty. Let's hear it. Car arrives at 620. I'm in the car. First thing he says is, ah fuck we're going to Toledo. No20. I'm in the car. First thing he says is, Oh, fuck, we're going to Toledo. No, we're just going to the airport. Oh, thank God. I can't go. I can't drive in Ohio. What's he looking at? His Uber, just the Google Maps. Look, we're going all south. I can't drive in Ohio. Okay. Where are you going? I'm going to the airport. Yeah. But where are you going? I'm going to Springfield, Missouri. Why? Uh, I work for boys and girls club of America. I hit him with that.

You love to lie. I love to lie. Don't say I'm a comedian. Yeah. It's out of self preservation because you're sick of having that same conversation, right? Which can go a million different ways. None of them really. Good. Also I'm in the car for 40 minutes with this guy. Yeah. You don't want to get rung dry with how do you come up with your skits? Right. Yeah. Do you know Theo Von? Pete Davidson? Uh huh.

Does Pete Davidson really have a huge dick? All the classic questions. So I say Boys and Girls Club of America, you know, I'm going to Springfield to talk to some at risk youths. He says, I wish I had a job that gave me some fucking purpose I go what he says? Yeah driving this thing man. I might as well be driving a fucking hearse It's 6 25 a.m We're not on the highway yet

Yeah, you know, my old boss. God, he's my best friend for 11 years. He promised me all this money. Then the money came. And where's he? He's in Port Huron counting it. In his $700,000 house. Does any money come off for Monty? Not a damn dime.

Now I'm driving this thing. I can't stack up enough money. It sucks. And I'm trying to give. I can't stack up enough money. Sucks. And I'm trying to give him a pep talk now. I'm like, well, what about like a change of scenery? You know, like that might be good. That's what I say. That's what I tell the kids sometimes.

Is if you want to get out of your situation, the best way to do that is to go somewhere else. You could drive Uber everywhere. And he's like, no, you can do Uber Eats, but I don't like to handle food. Okay. Monty. Not much of a food guy. Okay. And he says, he says, yeah, man, I've, you know, I did some traveling, did some traveling in my day. I've been to Missouri. I used to do petitions from that scam. It was like, what? Yeah. It was like a dollar per signature. Me and a bunch of black guys from Detroit would go bother people get some signatures

We'd be gone for like three months. It's crazy. It was great Best time of my life living in that Signature yes Petitions they don't even know what who does what yeah this one? Kills the kids this one saves them sign both sign both, you know today to dollar in my pocket All it costs you is a flick of the wrist So I'm like, oh that sounds that sounds good. And he's like, yeah, it was good till I got sick Like oh you got sick he's like, yeah, I guess I, oh, I guess I was always sick. My dad had it, I got it.

I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. And he's like, it's all right, I got it, I got it. He checks his watch. I got about 17 days clean. I'm like, what? And he's like, oh yeah, my dad, he was addicted to pills. And then when I was a kid, I would go get the pills and my buddy would steal the pad

and it was a whole operation. My dad had like, uh, he had like his sacrum was busted. He had like a hairline fracture. So yeah, I remember he would have me have the hammer and I would just smack his back with the hammer until it was black and blue. So we could go in and say, it was a fresh break. He's like, yeah, so that got me fucking caught for like 22 years. That's what he means by getting sick Yeah, yeah, so the throws of addiction, right? So he's got 17 days off of opiates. Oh, yeah

He also just got off his antidepressants that day Perfect. I was like, well, yeah, you know, do you have any you have a community? He said I got my mom and my stepdad, you know, god they got patients They really look the other way a lot. I appreciate that. They let me get away with all kinds of shit. They didn't care, there was no rules, just right. He was just a grump in a fucking Harveys.

And I'm like, I'm like, well, you're gonna do it? Outback, I think. Outback, sure, yeah, whatever. That's where he's living. Outback. In the garage. Behind the skating rink. Uh-huh, yep.

He says, yeah, you know, Christmas is coming. I think, you know what I've been doing? I've been buying a couple scratchers every day. I go to the gas station, I get my smokes. Hook him up with Facebook, lion's lady. I get like $2. They're both so sad. Dude, I get $2, $5 in scratchers.

I'm putting them in a stocking Christmas day. I'm just gonna sit there and I'm gonna scratch lotto tickets all fucking day. I'm like, okay. He's buying them for himself for Christmas. He's buying them for himself for Christmas. Oh no. I'm like, oh, and he's like,

yeah, something to look forward to. Christmas day, me and my scratchers, it's gonna be a big pile. You know, if I win a couple bucks, I guess I'm gonna look forward to Christmas day. Me and my scratchers gonna be big pile. You know, if I want a couple bucks, that's great. It's more about just having something to look forward to. He's looking forward. To scratch off Christmas. Oh, no, the saddest fucking thing you've ever heard? And he's not saying it with an ounce of irony.

He's telling me, hey, Christmas is coming. It's not all bad. Life's like fucking hell of a ride, but you know, every now and then there's some stuff that makes you stick around. It's like I'm on fucking roller skates and the whole world's greased. But I got one day Christmas. I'm going to have that stock and I'm just going to sit there scratching. I still smoke a little grass here and there. I'm going to get a little high, scratch my scratchers. It's Christmas. I'm like, he misses the turn too. So then the next one, he almost misses it again. And I'm

like, I think our exits on the right. He just drives across the median, just drives across the grass. And he's like, yeah, to like, cause he missed the exit a second time. And he's like, yeah, I'd rather do this than get a bad rating. I'm like, all right, Monte. So we get to the airport, I get out, I'm rocked. I'm so, I have to get out and I'm like, shit. Yeah. Yeah.

And then he rolls down the window and he says, wish me luck. And then he does the scratch off thing. Like he like motions the scratch off and I'm like, yeah, you're going to hit the jackpot. And he says, yeah, right. And then I go in, I can't have any more Monty. So I'm like, this, this is so fucking sad. God you have you got the

full Monte that's for sure. But you know every rainstorm usually gives birth to a rainbow. That's true. Because brother okay I get on the plane I'm sitting up there one F I got upgraded It's awesome. I Got a seat next to me. No one's getting on small planes. No, this was to Houston. So it's a big player I get on We're sitting there you know, we're about five minutes past when the doors are supposed to shut and then Wheeling onto the the plane I see a

wheelchair come around the bend because I got right the doors right there dude okay imagine Verne Troyer always but a woman now we're talking imagine that tiniest woman in the world imagine Lois, smushed down to Verne Troyer size. Her feet look like they're attached to her pussy. It's just her feet. Dorf. She's Dorf in a wheelchair. And she's like kind of like singing as she comes down.

So then. Spread in the news. Dude, I don't, I't I because I'm like huh they said it was a full flight so then she they dump her out of the chair they flip her like a pancake out of the griddle she and she comes trundling up, literally crawls into her seat, like throws her foot up. It's right next to me. Oh, perfect. Gets in there.

She looks up at me. She's got a lazy eye. She's got a lazy eye, Nathan. So she looks up at me and she's like, you can have the arm rest. I can't even reach it hey we're quite the pair huh she says sure are and then she's talking to me I'm gonna say her name's Tanya but all that matters is her last name's Carlisle her name's Tanya Carlisle mm-hmm all right and she's like plenty of room over here you

know I dude and I'm like I don't know what the fuck to do I I'm a little I got high after I hung out with Monte because I needed to fucking wipe my brain. It's early. I want to fall asleep, but no one's sleeping on this flight because I'm next to Tanya Carlisle. So her, her dad or her dad and her mom or her nurse and another guy, you know, they get on and they're like, you got everything you need Tanya and she's like, Oh, sure. I got everything I need. I'm sure he'll help me out. If I need to reach the overhead, I'm like, I need anything you need, Tonya. It's awesome. She's got a crazy fish eye.

She keeps looking at me without turning her head. It's nuts. She's looking up at me, crazy. I'd I'm like, this is as good as it gets, you know, she's like, I I what she would she say do they serve breakfast I was like yeah I think so it's a three hour flight and she's like alright hopefully the spoons not too big like she's killing like these are her bits she reveals that she's a motivational speaker she's going in girls in no I don't know she she should be in the Boys and Girls Club. Yeah. She's like you, she's lying. She's just lying.

She's not actually small. She's actually huge. She's wearing like a mirror suit. So- It's David Blaine. She's sitting there. Blaine takes off. You know, I have my earbuds in, but I'm ready if she needs to talk.

We're talking a little bit. About 20 minutes after they turn off the seatbelt thing, mom or nurse comes back and says, you got everything you need, Kookie? And I'm like, pause. So I can hear and she's like, oh, I got everything I need. And she's like, all right, let me know if we need anything, Kookie.

And then she turns to me and she goes, yeah, that's mine. They call me Kookie, Kookie Carlisle and I lost it. I laughed so loud on that airplane that it must have woke people up in the back row. You scared her. Like Susanna running on the bench. She runs away. Dude, if she would have ran away, I would have had a heart attack. If I would have spooked her and she would have hopped down. Yeah. And she always, she's awesome. She talks like, you know, she has the little guy voice. Yeah, yeah, Kuki. You has the little guy voice. Yeah. Yeah cookie You know, I'm a bit crazy. They used to call me crazy Carlisle, but I said, I don't like that. I'm not mental

I'm just listening So I'm sitting there with kook. It's our lives. It's time to talk. No, it is time to listen So kooky Carlisle melts my brain and then I'm like, all right, all right, Tonya. And she's like, call me Kuki. All right, I'm going to try and get some sleep over here, Kuki. All right. And then she just sits there and she like nods off and her little heads just bobbling all over her little shoulders.

And then I'm like worried that she's gonna like snap her neck or something, because like, I got kind of scared because she was like. That's how we all sleep on Blaine. I guess, dude, but her head was so big. She's just like us. Anyway, I didn't sleep a wink because I had Kookie Carlisle next to me the whole time.

Shout out Kookie Carlisle. Drooling on your thigh. Dude, just curled up in my lap like a cat. I, if any, look looks if first of all if she lives a public life don't harass kooky carlyle Alright, but if you do find her, please send a DM because I'd like to follow her and say hey Hope you made it. Alright, let's take it on the road kooky. We gotta do so she was going to Houston. It's going to Houston. Yep Hmm, so kooky car Carlile rocked my socks. And then the next flight I get on and it's there's this huge

dude behind me. Yeah. And I go to load the overhead and I hear him say, Oh, oh boy. And then there's a small regional flight from Houston to Springfield, Missouri. I get against the window again, upgraded first class. And then the eclipse sits down next to me and I'm immediately pissed. I'm so pissed. He's so big.

This is not kooky. This is not kooky. He's like, not much for not much for first class, huh? And I was like, yeah, literally vampire in his coffin bed trying to shrink your shoulder, your width. And he says, says yeah I'm a lot of beef and it's like I wanted to be like dude yes you are literally the size of a cow you were cow sized and you're sitting up here you need a whole

row bro I wanted and I wanted to tell him you need a whole row yeah so at the end of the flight hour and a half later you know the fucking lady keeps looking at me over him. He's like sitting like this to try and give me space, but he's still just humongo, bleeding over into me. And we land in the bell dings, he takes off his eight seat belts he's wearing, and he says, well, we made it. And I say, man, you need two.

He's like, what? What do you mean, two belts? I'm like, no, you need, dude, we made it. And I say, man, you need, you need to, he's like, what, what do you mean? Two belts? I'm like, no, you need dude. I'm it's me. You need two seats, no judgment, no judgment. You need two seats. And he says, well, I usually sit up front. I was like, you, you need to, I wanted to say, this is, this is a a human rights violation what you just did to me. They should take you off. You could feel his heat the whole time and it was literally like they took a whole side of beef off the pit and plopped it next to me. He's so fucking warm. You're the pit master. I was not. No I was the coals and he was roasting over me. He was just dripping his drippings on me

He drank like Again, I couldn't sleep so so uncomfortable. He must have had seven dr. Peppers on that flight Oh god, maybe five five at least in an hour and a half an hour and a half He just keeps can can another dr. Pepper the can can a a Dr. Pepper. It's a lot of DP. It's 10 AM. Yeah. He's had five dogs. I got off. He doesn't like coffee. No. Yeah. And I, I've never looked, I'm a huge fat guy. I've done what he's done to people. Yeah. But I, after going from cookie Carlisle, not being able to sleep to then sitting next to

the beef, the cow size man, I said, you need two. Two seats? No, you need two seats. You think so? Yeah, you need two. He's rocked. He's rocked. He writes it down. Two seats, question mark? Yeah. Underlines. I mean, when he sat up, like, you know, it's low over your head. So I'm like bent over, like waiting to get the fuck out of this because he stands up, he's blocking the entire doorway. But I'm bent over and my head's right by where he sat for an hour and a half. Oh no, reeks.

Reeks. And not in a fun way like we sometimes reek where it's like, oh, take a shit, like medically reeks. Like his ass is made of Quatos. Like he was bleeding and shitting the whole, like, I lean over, I often do the move where I lean over, like, hey, I'm gonna get the fuck out of here, letting everyone know I exist.

And I'm right there and I'm like, oh, fuck. So now I have to sit back down. You need to. That's as brave as I've ever been. Telling another fat guy. I was like, look, I'm huge. I know, you need to. Yeah.

Yeah, so hopefully he comes to the shows tonight. I can be like, there he is. He's a lot of beef. Get him. Everybody get him. Tear him apart. If you care about me at all. If you, I will. I will perform. I will marry

you and your girlfriend. Bring me to your wedding to the man who kills beef. I wanted him dead. When I got off to the lady, the stewardess gives me like a, and I go, yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I was trying to do Kramer, but it was more like macho man. Oh yeah. Jerry. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I was trying to do Kramer, but it was more like macho man. Oh yeah. Jerry. Oh yeah brother. Yeah I hated him. I got to hit my classic, my classic trademark phrase on a plane. I'm leaving as well. Yeah yeah. I had a guy, old man, Air Force jacket jacket Air Force hat Stands up immediately. He's pretty tall which I understand getting up as soon as he can and then waiting for your turn But he is like shuffling and like spinning a little bit like and his ass is right here and I'm playing Yahtzee Right and I have music on

But his wife's your huge medical headphones. They're just headphones. They're not earbuds. I don't like your He his wife Must have said your ass is right in in this guy's face He's gonna kill you because he like is like trying to see what's going on back there and she's like, but trust me is like trying to see what's going on back there. And she's like, but trust me. But, uh, they at least like waited until it was their time to go. Meanwhile, there's people behind me just chomping at the bit. Yeah. It's like they're fucking running in place. They're like dogs on leashes. They're like getting ready to just fucking blast by me.

And this woman is like right on top of that hot fudge fountain at the end of the line. Yeah, there's only 10 of them and there's 35 people on the flight. So yeah, she goes as soon as she can. She cuts off the guy in front of me who's has waited patiently for this Air Force guy and a serious jazz to get by because he's a hero and then yeah, yeah, because he only killed the bad guy right? Yeah, some of those good bad Japanese thinking about it, but Yeah, just right on top of the couple next to me and they go it's a woman and then a man and I just say twice. I'm just like oh, yeah. No, I'm also getting off the plane. I was gonna

Get off the plane and then a woman behind me goes, well, they're elderly. And so they, and I go, yeah, all right. And I keep it moving. And then it's a fucking traffic jam immediately out of the plane because all of these old people who were in such a rush waiting for their chair are getting a wheelchair. And it's like, why?

They're waiting for you take your time yeah shine your shoes I understand giving someone some time like that couple next to me it took them a sec to get up and grab their stuff so I that's fine but to go cut me off and then jam it up and then have somebody act like I'm a dickhead for saying hey, I'm also exiting this plane, I don't live here, this isn't my stop. I'm not going to curl up and watch a movie while you guys... This isn't a time share dipshits. Yeah, yeah.

Get hit with the, well they they're, they're elderly. And so they, what, what they need to get off the plane faster so that they can sit down again sooner, like whatever. So they need to get on the plane first, but then they also need to get off the plane first. That's not the agreement we've made. Yeah. John Locke would be so pissed right now.

Social contract theory exploded. It was a whole lot of, uh, is that Locke? Yeah. It wasn't Hobbs. Social contract theory exploded. It was a whole lot of, uh, is that Locke? Yeah, it wasn't Hobbs. Social contract was Hobbs was, uh, life is brutish. Right. Yeah. Short. It was just Ayn Rand and something. Yeah. Uh, I went chest to chest on a teen recently on a flight. They tell you about that. No. Yeah. This kid tried to jam. And I saw him coming. I was watching him. So like from the back of the plane?

Well, I don't know where he's come from. But he definitely had like cut some people already. Yeah. He's trying to get off. And I just went and turned to him. And went chest to chest. And then as I'm looking at him, I grab my bag out and grab it. And then as I turn, it's on my shoulder.

I swing, and I think that it hit him I did a swing bag put on yeah All right, yeah, no I had enough That wasn't kooky Carlisle. I would have carried her to her destination if I had to Yeah, I could like freak the mighty like your Puerto Rican friend on the couch you and kooky. It's come on. Just feel it Just feel it man. Yeah, grabs my hand. Gives it a squeeze. Kuki Carlyle. I miss her dude. You should have exchanged information. No, she, I mean she must, either she was doing a speaking engagement in Detroit where she lives there, but I'm hoping that I see Kuki and her nurse and or mother and father

again, track her down. Yeah, she'll probably be behind you the next time you go to a lion's game. Dude, if she was painted blue, I have to just jump in the right. I can't. That's like the end of my life. Everything else would just be a downward spiral after seeing Kuki Carlisle painted blue going crazy behind me. Alright folks, one lucky fan has been chosen to be the football in the next field goal attempt. Kuki Carlile, come out to the 35 yard line.

Dude, they do Simba Cam at the game where everyone holds up their babies as they play the song. If Kuki was there... everyone holds up their babies as they play the song. If Kuki was there her googly eye, they just zoom slowly call me cookie where we had time was oh it's about it's about that time. It's about that time just to wrap up to say goodbye wrap up this way. Watch Andrew Polk special on my YouTube it's very good yeah I can't wait for it to

surpass my it's already had like 6,000 views yeah it's cooking over there is 850 Instagram followers uh-huh practically a recluse but you know he got the same talent bump well he's just not allowed on most social media sites after some of the funniest things he said went viral. But yeah, God bless them. I'm sure it's very funny. I haven't watched it. I've been busy.

It's like a half hour. Watch it. I'll watch it. Quit doing memes about the CEO killer. And I've been shouting out and sharing people's Spotify reps yeah because for the last few years that has been a fun few days yep to see us at number one or two or three yeah but really being at the top it's always like number one us number two Tucker Carlson. Number three, Jordan Peterson.

Yeah, number four, Warmo. Andrew Date. Yeah. He's wearing all the free podcast merch ever since. Shout out, Scuf Realtor. Oh yeah, I was wearing my ComedyWorks hoodie when Chris from the Blue Room picked me up in his Comedy Store hoodie.

Yeah. Dude, I can't wait to see you interact with Chris. He's a handsome guy. He's holding up. He has those twinkly eyes. Good looking guy. Yeah. Yeah. Watch Polk Special. Oh, do you want to mention that very funny tweet that you sent to the group chat? You screen shot it. Yeah, just with all of the fun stuff. Yeah that people have had to say following the murder of that United healthcare CEO some people some people just have that extra gear When you think that every every every

every little Thing you do is string from the the ball of yarn has been pulled out. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes there's an... When you think that sweater song is finally at the last guitar solo. This is from an up and coming comedian. You know healthcare is getting bad when CEOs of insurance companies are getting shot. Check and mate. Put it in a packet, send it to John Oliver.

What the fuck? You're gonna have the next share of the Daily Show with that one. Just nothing. Just nothing at all. Also. No, not that one. No, this one's funny too. Oh yeah, dude.

There was another guy who's... Amongst all of the number one, Chubby Behemoth, top of the pod, which is so cool. Number five for this person, Stobby's World. Number four, my mama told me, Dave Borey. Number three, the Daily Zeitgeist. Number two, Chubby Behemoth. Not bad. Number one.

You would never guess in a trillion ever ever now the dollop no mat and chain no no less podcast in the left arm chair expert with dack shepherd yeah no joe rogan maybe yeah no broke down garage the jake becker vehicle broke down garage. This guy goes back and forth between Becker and Becker. Can't get enough Becker. He must talk a lot on broke down garage. Cause it's just him and Brent.

Yeah. Brent never talks. No, I'm, but I'm saying like, it's not like chevy B where he gets in there right once or twice an episode. He's like talking a lot on that podcast. He's driving the broke down garage. Calling things gay or whops or whatever. Yeah, that car's a spy. Yeah.

Yeah, this guy, I should probably send this to... The FBI. Homeland Security. We found the shooter. If you're thinking about checking out broke down garage might I suggest our patreon instead literally anything else might I suggest you some punching yourself in the thigh yeah put some scratches on the stocking and give it to yourself you just buy one to five dollars a day doesn't matter as long as you get at least one you put it in that and you just

gonna sit there and you're gonna scratch and you guess what at that point you might have 40 days of sobriety who knows it's a little reward for you so I'm gonna look forward to Jesus Christ money yeah get on the patreon it's excellent we're like four years podcast in the game four years of patreon episodes are waiting for you so uh-huh get in there some of the best ones are patreon episodes Yeah, it's awesome. Get over there if you want to see me come to Akron Oh Detroit show We're doing it. So I'm coming Wednesday the 11th and the 18th

Akron I'll be there the 12th at the Cuyahoga Comedy Stop, I think Dallas hyenas Milwaukee, Wisconsin Honolulu Des Moines Tokyo Honolulu to Des Moines yeah yeah I'm gonna do a show in Tokyo on there one show you think so I guess that the Comedy Bar Tokyo Tokyo Comedy Bar doesn't let Americans do shows anymore because they get terrible reviews because everyone just does the same thing where they're like Japanese people, huh? They're so tiny. What the hell a bunch of cookies over here. Everybody's a cookie Carlisle. Oh God,

buy a t-shirt. I got the Marauder long sleeves on the website. Watch wide world Lund. What do you got? I'll be with you in Dallas. Oh shit. I'll be with you in Milwaukee. Oh hell yeah. At the improv. Unless Pat kills you. I yeah, I'll go to Des Moines. I don't give a fuck. Hey Susanna, listen to this. Ah, that's my couch. That's where Dayton's going to sleep. I put a little chocolate under his pillow. Goodbye.