Chubby Behemoth - Island Of Murder

Episode Date: February 27, 2021

Bay Of Pigs Theme Night. Mourning Our Bodies. Chickens Beneath Me.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth.   Extra Episodes at https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth

Sam forgot how to pawn. There he is. How'd you go to Florida and get no color? He dyed his hair. I didn't hear it. I just came in laughing. Oh, that's unfortunate. Were you guys blasting me?

Yeah, we each got a couple blasts on you. Oh, man. Glad you waited for me to come back to be funny. It's our pod now. Oh, yeah. Nice. I heard. I heard you guys were really cutting it up in here.

A couple of goofus and gallants. We're both goofus. Yeah, apparently Lunn gave a handjob to a stripper. That's all I heard about the pod while i was gone yeah i'm sure you didn't make that up and then i didn't i got hit by multiple people everybody's talking about it they are they're like lun got it got it either got handsy or got hands on with a stripper okay so they quoted me and then you were the one that deduced, oh, hand job, hand on penis. Oh, yeah.

I don't know the codes you guys use in those sordid clubs. I'm just trying to keep up. You weren't at the Compound Basics that night with Chuck Roy? I think it was after a show at Castleman's. No, I wasn't down in the den of sin you were trying i wouldn't 10 minutes the hard way off chuck i would never i would never lower myself to enter a gay men's establishment is what you just said i don't think that they're gay establishers i just think there's establishments you're the one assigning sexual roles to establishments oh yeah yeah they had men

men and women strippers in there no it was all dudes in their little boy short underwear oh so it was uh i mean it sounds cool sounds like a cool place to be with uh you know your mentor chuck roy you don't see sexuality just like you don't see race i don't it's just it's just a number to me man binary yeah yeah how did you've been in florida for 12 days and you're even more translucent than you were when you left no i'm not man i'm just wearing makeup i just have a bunch of pancake makeup on isn't that such a gross uh when you get behind the curtain like when or if you see enough uh young ladies that don't do a great job of putting on all that makeup god it's awful such a hilarious when when you can see where

it ends on their chin yeah like they they put in three and a half hours of makeup in front of the mirror and then it just ends right here like we're like where my beard used to start you know just the mennonite style but with blush and uh rouge if you will and you will i heard about you at compound basics yeah uh it's a it's a just a weak facade a house of cards and as soon as you uh take a picture you know i woke up like this it's like oh god you woke up as a completely different person yeah what do you fall asleep in the batter what do you mean you making waffles and hit the ambient kicked in what's your deal lady there was a there was a fun time whenever uh high def cameras became commonplace because uh wrestlers were using so much bronzer and fake tan and stuff, and then the cameras were catching it all, and they all looked so ridiculous.

It's like when a young lady will get a picture at night, and then the flash just exposes how funny they look. They look like a glow worm. You remember those? No, I don't. What were these? This was around the time. You remember those? No, I don't. What were these? This was around the time. These were before your time, probably.

They were a children's toy, a glow worm. You squeeze their little tummy, and their face would light up. Yeah, you got one when you waited in line for a gas shortage, right? That was the consolation prize. Yeah, after the Bay of Pigs, we needed a big distraction nationwide. Now, that was the theme night when you were at Compound Basics, right? The Bay of Pigs? No, it was a glowworm thing where you squeeze a dancer's tummy and then his dick would glow.

It was the Gay of Pigs, and Lund was the center of the stage there. Oh, you tried to set yourself up and i refused to go along and you just soldiered through no no i just i just punched up uh you know i heard something i said you told a boring anecdote and then i made it funny that's our thing that's what we've been missing on here right oh good i forgot when we don't talk for a week you uh come back as a bully you're gonna call me a homo any second. I would never do that. You do it all the time. I do not do that all the time. You're the one who lies on the pod. You're the pod liar.

No, you probably talked to Chris Pierce or Andrew Polk earlier, so you're going to call me something mean any second now. I guess we could count gay as pigs. It was a gay club. You're the one who labeled the club. Look look here's the deal guys

all right i heard you guys are putting out some pods doing your thing and i just want everyone to know daddy's back all right so uh everyone you know put your cigarettes away put the porno mags back in the top drawer because i'm not putting up with any of this horse shit or horse play you guys have been up to you You guys had a black woman on? Jesus Christ. What's going on here? I'm woke. That's what's going on.

No, I heard the Janae episode was good. I heard Jordan swallowed his tongue and you guys had to wake him up. But no, man. Good work. Thank you guys for doing that. I was on vacation down there in beautiful Key West, Florida. So I couldn't, I didn't bring my microphone or my laptop. down there in beautiful Key West, Florida.

So I couldn't, I didn't bring my microphone or my laptop. Yeah, you just, you brought an empty suitcase so that you could buy a bunch of souvenirs, some collectible coconut cups. I brought back six pounds of sand and it was worth checking the bag. I'll say that. Because there's only sand in Fort Collins. Yeah, so I'm...

You have your feet, your bare feet in sand right now? Yeah. That is a good feeling. I'm just sitting in a pile of sand. I'm bare-bottomed, sitting in a chair filled with sand. Oh, well, I was going to say, that's the other side of the coin. It's pleasurable in between your toes. It's pure evil in between your thigh and your nutsack.

And so you have to be careful to just keep it down uh south of your knees south of the border that's where i was man down there in old key west mexico getting it on the florida side going to cockfights starting cockfights can't finish your cronk fritter throw it on the ground two roosters will start pecking away at each other. It's great. It's a real evolved place down there. Is Key West in the Gulf side? No, I mean, one side of the island is Gulf side. One side of the island is Atlantic side. And those sides are about a mile apart. Oh, it's the very tip?

Yeah, it's the very bottom of America. It's the southernmost point in America, right down there about 100 miles from cuba i didn't realize that i haven't been i've been to orlando pensacola both with you you're my florida connection i am man yeah we're at the orlando indie comedy festival i don't know if you want to say the name of the other headliner that was very mean to you while we were there, but that was funny. There it is. You'll never work for HBO nor Showtime. No. I mean, I won't work for anyone except for the toucans and the parrot heads, man.

Those are my people. I finally found my demographic, and it's old guys that are very sunburnt. Those are my people i was i was hanging out with homosexuals too man you weren't the only one keeping it compound basic all right i was mixing it up with the boys yeah making green tea shots letting them touch my nipples it was a fucking freak show man emily left on sunday i had four days and saw them is that true and i want some gomorrah of it you know what i'm saying is that is that a fact i was confused as to how you originally said i'll be back monday and then on monday we were like do you want to record tonight and you're like i'm back thursday and

it was like okay did something come up did you get a new case a new lead down that a guy that killed your and i killed your dad that widow that hired me to find her husband uh let's just say the check cleared but he is dead so it was a win-win no man emily left on sunday and then she was like why are you going back and i was like i don't know because i love you and i have a life there and she's like no you don't and you don't have a life there either kid stay here stay here with these randy hot-handed homosexuals and keep playing patty She's like, no, you don't. And you don't have a life there either, kid. Stay here. Stay here with these randy, hot-handed homosexuals. Keep playing patty cake, patty cake.

Be the baker's man for the boys, daddy. She wanted you to explore your sexuality without her judging. She was like, why would you go back? And I was like, I don't know. It's time to go back. And she's like, stay. So I stayed until Thursday. And I was very glad I did

because her flight was canceled till 9 a.m. So she got to Miami and had to deal with a real ordeal because of the snowpocalypse you experienced. And meanwhile, I was taking the peels off of plantains without using my hands. It was a blast.

You were making money. The trip paid for itself in those four days. It was the right move. You were in Key West the whole time, or did you bounce around at all? No, we flew into Key West Sunday, and then we went up to Isla Morada, and I took Emily to an old resort. We were on the resort for four days, then came down, headlined. Well, I didn't actually.

I didn't do any comedy because unemployment but i did um no are you on unemployment again yeah i want to get back on but i think they're gonna fucking put me in the hoose gal if i keep pulling that trick i keep double dipping yeah i'm not sure how that's gonna shake out well and there must have been some weirdness because for a few days it said that I had been overpaid. I think I mentioned it. They were like,

Oh, we gave you too much money for a year. So you owe us money now. And it's like, I spent that money. What are you talking about? You're not getting any of that money back. I can't talk to my landlord and be like,

listen, I overpaid you. Can I give you the money back in the form of all these cool pro wrestling teas i bought all this mustache wax that i've been using yeah look at that huh what is that about i'm a mustache guy now it's so blonde which is like you're about to get assassinated by an anarchist to the 1865 world's fair this is insane yeah i'm doc'm Doc Holiday, baby. That holiday is May Day. I need some help. Somebody needs to shave this thing. I'll come down there and shave you.

Yeah, I wish it were fucking any shade near the rest of my beard hair so that it doesn't look like I'm bleaching it or that I'm in the sun making kissy faces at the locals. Yeah, it looks like your beard is black coffee,

and then you got cafe au lait from the nostrils out. Yeah, it's an interesting look. I'm not really flaring it out before I go out in public. I'm not a mustache guy. I'm a beard man. Always have been. My dad was a beard man. He switched to a goatee fella for the last

chapters of his life. Those were the days. He's just buying chargers and sending chain letters on Instagram. That's right. We went up to Isla Morada, man, and fucking let me tell you this.

If there is a one-man water sport craft, your boy's going to flip it. All right? There's not a piece of, you know, fucking factory-made rubber or a surfboard or a kayak. There's nothing that I can stay on for more than, I don't know, three heartbeats before I'm just in the water and then a bunch of, you know, fucking Italian tourists are pointing and laughing. What a nightmare. I was hoping I was like, there's there's no way that he was gone for that long and didn't do something very embarrassing, very stupid, where everybody got to laugh at the big,

the big moron. Oh, yeah. Let's hear it. Well, I mean, Emily, at the resort, they had every kind of watercraft you could just take out because, you know, they had a guy there who looked like Captain Ron who for sure has been the cause of 17 divorces. He's just a fucking, you know, shirtless, hot dude of whatever descent i'm not sure honestly because the sun got him so much he's just walking around shoeless oh yeah you want a boogie board baby you got it all right you want to play bocce ball sir yeah go over there i'll give her hang gliding

instructions and separate yeah divide and conquer with every couple that he meets yeah every fucking pair of legs he meets he he divides and conquers. He's a fucking pervert. Just down there sand castling. Pounding sand. Yeah, and Emily went and got one of the, you know, the ones you stand on. What's that called?

Where you paddle and you stand? Paddleboard. Paddleboard, yeah. I don't know. I've been on the island so long, I forget what you guys call it up here. What do they call it down there turtle style they call it a lifestyle all right they call it their means of transport that's how they get to the bar but emily's on it she's having fun she's nailing her tits are swinging she's looking like a fucking thousand dollars dipped in gold and i'm on the beach reading some book about child soldiers, you know,

just smoking cigarettes. And she's like, come on out here. And I'm like, shut up. They're about to cut the head off the priest or whatever. And then I went out there. This Truma's about to get justice. Yeah, exactly. Johnny Mad Dog's about to bite this kid's eyeball off.

And I'm in there. I get on and I flip right away you know and the best part of this is that there's two bars that have uh double-tiered patios where everyone can see you fail so it's not just me and the beach going patrons it's also everyone who doesn't want to go in the sun just wants to drink vodka red bulls until their marlboro lights run out just 700 people stacked on top of each other yeah exactly it's florida during a pandemic that place was packed and i'm fucking i get on there i fall off i try and do the thing where you get on with your belly first and then try and slide your your torso on and i just go face first into the water it's very shallow i hit my face on the sand. I come up swearing. Eventually I get on there seated because Emily's helping me, which if there's one thing

more embarrassing than falling off, it's your beautiful wife holding the board steady so you can sit on it for seven seconds before you inevitably fall off again. I eventually conquered it and I got on there and, know tables are clapping it was it really sucked it really sucked people clapped for me and I get out there I get a couple strokes in you know I managed to flip it around and look back at the shore and I try to flip back around I fall off again biggest laugh I got all weekend that's perfection yeah you don't want anybody seeing any of that but yeah every time you have an opportunity to try something like that it is in a resort it's yeah it's not like a private lesson before you get out there i think moon dog take me out and give me a private

lesson no way that is the shit yeah the first three days we were in isla mirada emily got and give me a private lesson? No way. That is the shit. The first three days we were in Isla Mirada, Emily got very drunk every day. I was trying to play it cool because one of us had to drive to Joe's Crab Shack so she could get bottomless conch fritters.

You take your pants off, it's all you can eat. She's hiding them down there. Yeah, she's cramming them. They're back at the hotel. Got a little Ziploc in there. Whoa, there's vinegar on these critters? No, baby, eat up. I'm sunburned.

So I don't know. It was a blast. She did good. She's very good in the water. I figured out the water. I came to terms with my natural state of buoyancy, as we've talked about a lot on the pod. I'm unsinkable. I'm Molly Brown.

And it was, you know, just good old-fashioned fun, man. Lots of, you know, marital sex going on, if you will. The best kind of sex. Sure. Becker got laid laid we talked about that he just becker just all over his window treatment oh yeah but that was like six months ago you surprised me i was like i got laid oh okay i guess we yeah there was it wasn't a recent thing it was just any time yes i have been laid in the past well no my phrasing was something like have you jizzed real hard anytime lately and so yeah but it wasn't like in the in the last few days

no i wish i didn't know i didn't ask for more details i i mean details about the come but not what the calendar said yeah emily and i had all you can eat crab legs. And then she was like, all right, let's get back to the room and have sex. And I was like, God damn it. You don't understand anything. You're a doctor.

You don't understand anything about anatomy. What are you talking about? I just put this mom and pop out of business. So you want to go back to the fucking cabana and get poked? You're an idiot. So we're back there and I'm like, all right, you have to do all the work.

So, you know, she fires up do all the work. So, you know, she fires up the steam shovel and, uh, she's on top of me and we're having marital intercourse. And then there's about, I don't know, three minutes in,

I'm like, get off. I'm going to puke. That might be the least romantic thing I've ever said. Oh, intercourse. Get off. I'm going to puke.

No, I didn't puke. Did you puke? No, I didn't puke, but I didn't puke out of my mouth or my ween that evening. But yeah, just lots of good daytime you know, husband and wife interactions and real wholesome fun at the postcard inn resort

up there in Isla Mirada. Check it out. Tell them Sam sent you. And also tell them that that was in fact melted chocolate and not human shit on the towel. Tell them that. Isla Morada, of course, Spanish for murder island. So I'm glad

you both were able to make it back alive. Me too, man. I mean there was a couple days where I didn't know if we were going to make it or not. Well, I was going to say, you pay enough money and you go from victim to perpetrator. And so you don't have to say it on the pod. I'm sure you signed some documents, but I have a feeling you've got a look in your eye that looks like you felt what it's like to be God. Every God. Emily gets to be God. Every Emily,

Emily gets to be God every day. She's at work. Oh yeah. She chooses who lives and dies based on their insurance plan every day. So that's a lot of fun. Uh, yeah. The insurance plan just has like numbers where it's like,

Oh yeah, we've the odd numbers are, are, uh, the people that can just be forgotten. Don't worry about them. Focus on those evens. Those are the ones that we work uh the people that can just be forgotten don't worry about them focus on those evens those are they work on the slaughterhouse those are the ones we want to keep around put them in the sausage maker who cares yeah get them healthy enough to get back to work so that we can finish them off and sell them in some uh yeah in some uh chicken tendies. There's a chorizo shortage.

But what else was there? Oh, yeah, we got a free rental car from this comic named Stephen Crane. Shout out Stephen Crane down there at Key West Jeep Adventures. Ah! Yeah, and he was like, hey, can you drive a stick? And I was like, of course not. I'm a modern man. You're almost Gen Z you're jake's furious barely a millennial you really can't drive a stick no man no i'll teach

you pass it's what i want it's easy it's fun yeah it's fun to be emasculated by a guy that thought he knew you that's always a good time. Well, you could change that opinion over the course of a few hours. I'm not emasculating you. Oh, yeah, you would be smoking cigarettes, probably rolling your sleeves up. He's got a big anchor tattoo on his arm. Yeah, exactly. He's wearing one of those USS Arizona hats, you know, POW t-shirt on. those like uh uss arizona hats you know pow t-shirt on a cigarette in one side of his mouth a cigar in the other yeah his drinking warm gin yeah his fists are just twice as big as you ever

noticed that they were god damn your dick just shrivels as soon as you get in the car he's got a mom tattoo crossed out for some reason killed his own mom yeah the toughest dude of all time you know this this guy's like uh can you drive a stick and i was like no and emily's like i can brother yeah all of a sudden she's got the tattoo, the anchor tattoo. Yeah, exactly. She's got a mustache like yours. Aviators. Yeah. Mustache like Hulk Hogan.

So she got to drive one of those slingshots, Becker. You know about those things? Yeah. Yeah, there's two wheels up front and one in the back. Oh, it's just the creeper. She got to drive that two hours to Isla Mirada. Because he had to return it up there. So he was like, you take the Jeep, Sam, because you're a girl.

It's a hard top. Don't worry. It won't blow off. You're safe. He literally was like, I want to put you in a hard top. I was like, oh, thank you. I don't know what that means, but I'm sure it's awful to hear. But we get up.

Emily's just blasting Lizzo. I'm behind her. She would dump her boob out and put it in the rearview mirror, you know, and squeeze it. It was awesome, man. It was really cool. You wrecked the Jeep. Yeah, I ran over the slingshot with the Jeep.

I just mount it. I'm listening to NPR and drinking coffee. When in Isla Morada, you got to get somebody. Why not your own wife? So yeah, that was Isla Morada, man. And then the next day we drove back down to Key West for the shows. And Emily, she skydived. Whoa, why couldn't you?

Because I'm terrified. I can't drive a stick. We've established this. Yeah, but like the one. I'm scared. I'm literally scared. I'm't drive a stick. We've established this. I'm scared. I'm literally scared. I'm scared of a lot of stuff. I'm a scaredy cat.

I'll say it here on the pod. The one fun thing that you could do that doesn't require any balance or agility, you just have to get out of the plane and you're done. And you didn't do it. No, I'm so scared of heights, man. So you would rather your wife die in front of your eyes than join her for a magical memory that would last for the rest of your lives i didn't go with her oh jesus you had to finish a book you fucking psycho yeah no i went down to uh key west and she was like i'm gonna go skydive and i was like cool i'll pay for it but i don't want to sit in

the fucking parking lot for two hours while you're up there attached to some Captain Ron. He's getting hard behind you. He's like, whoops, that's not the ripcord. Tweaking her nips. Yeah, exactly. She's like, do it! Sky law!

Yeah, I'm not married up here. Yeah. Cheating only happens if there's gravity involved so she's that's why she fucks so many birds but yeah she skydived and it ruled and she loved it meanwhile i was you know doing nothing that cool i'm trying to get the shit out of the towels no the towels we took with us. It's just weird because I was really scared that she was going to die up there. But it would have been a lot cooler if I didn't like her and I could have just been fingers crossed the whole time. Come on.

One time. One time for old Sammy. I've been good. But no, she lived. Come on, freedom. Yeah, I'm back. Key West is a great place to mourn. I've been good. But now she lived. Come on, freedom. Yeah, I'm back. Key West is a great place to mourn. I'll say that.

Yeah, you just stay down there and tell everybody your story. You go to the double-decker bars and just let everybody know, hey, I know we had some laughs out there. I was playing it up. I know what I'm doing out there, but I wanted to make you guys have a good time well sad update um my beloved is no longer with us and i don't know what i'm gonna do and then they just get you wasted and every night for the rest of an orgy life you start to have orgies you become an orgy guy you just live in key west you become the next captain ron next thing you know that's what happens that's what that guy who was giving out paddle boards his wife died yeah he's got a bunch of sadness in his eyes but

you can't tell because he's hot and uh tan you know looks good and he's wearing sunglasses so you can't see that he's crying all the time right yeah but every time he peeks down to wink at a 17 year old you see a tear in his eye his eyes are all bloodshot because he hasn't slept in a decade yeah because he doesn't have any potassium he needs a fucking vitamin water and a nap but yeah emily skydived she loved it uh and then we just you know enjoyed key west old tom dustin down there running that club sweet joe the owner uh it was cool man i mean sold out shows but it's only 55 people due to covid law which no one and i mean no one gives a shit about covid in key west florida yeah that's cool i'm excited for the police the reckoning on duval street their main drag there's a cop down there

and on every block and he tells you to put a mask on unless you're smoking cigarettes or drinking on the street then you don't have to wear a mask have you bought something okay cool then uh then you're smoking cigarettes or drinking on the street then you don't have to wear a mask have you bought something okay cool then uh then you're good all right oh yep your daughter got braids in her hair all right cool keep it moving she's safe is that a henna tattoo yeah all right moving on where'd you buy that walkman oh yeah it was a gift three christmases ago come over here what's your last name yeah they give you a ticket. Yeah, that's 50 bucks. You got to show up in court, too. You got to pay it in person. But also, you get a 50-dollar gift certificate to tell a couple times because Emily dumping it out in the car reminded me in high school, some of my friends and one of my girlfriends

from high school, Jessica, they would do that too. They would drive around. She and like three of her, they were all gorgeous. They all had them. And they would drive around and dump them out and then just drive by strangers, just drive by people and they just drive around and dump them out and then just drive by strangers you know just

drive by people and they just look over you know or they would i think sometimes they would have it like peeking out from around the seat belt you know that cross their chest that's a good look man just well yeah and i'm talking about dividing and conquering that's right one so i got uh scared for them because i was like, come on. I mean, you're going to flash some psycho and he's going to follow you guys and kill you all. I thought that there were a lot of negatives to this little innocent fun that they were having because some people are these charged up, you know, just complete psychos ready to explode. You can't get in trouble though. If you see a 16 year old tit in the wild,

you know what I mean? I'm saying they're doing a public service. Well, yeah, but I just felt like there was going to be the wrong lonely, you know, guy with nothing to lose. And then he just sees a sign from God that says,

you know, this is my offering to you my son and then you know and then there's a tragedy then they and then the five of them have to kill a man you know with their tits out um also way to die man also i'd always be like what's what's the route you guys think you're gonna take because maybe i should follow behind yeah i'll be the pace car yeah i'll pass you now and then and look over make sure that you can you got a good view of everybody's honkers and then give you the thumbs up and were these honkers you'd been privy to or were these just like her

friends who weren't letting you get a taste i was privy to the to my girlfriends right and her friends no i don't think I... They would dump them out when they would do girl parties or sleepovers. Of course, it's all they do. Yeah, they were exploring each other's bodies. All they're doing is giving each other Princess Leia haircuts. One boob over here, one boob over here. Yeah, for sure.

It's a blast. Yeah, they were having a lot more fun than uh me and my friends we were you know playing goldeneye and doing shots of the worst vodka you can imagine yeah goldschlager yeah goldschlager trying to break the bottle over each other's heads you know backyard wrestling sometimes there was a pool or a trampoline involved but we weren't dumping you know we weren't showing each other our hogs and being like whoa gotcha caught you looking yeah you're gonna take a lap yeah they were too profliging they were truly another dick

got you they were truly living and we were uh yeah we were still in elementary school as far as living a life. Oh, yeah. Emily and her friends will just talk about how their vaginas look. They know each other's vaginas so well, they'll be like, oh, how's your dangle, Chelsea? How's that left lip? Did it ever catch up? Right, yeah. Then I'm just sitting there like, god damn it.

We're repressed. God damn it. Yeah, well, we're repressed, but also our bodies aren't changing as much as young female bodies change. They're also not as cool. It's not like we should be celebrating our bodies, me and you. Oh, yeah, no. Look at us.

We're so free. And it's like, no, put that shit away. We should be mourning our bodies yeah yeah i should have to walk around with an american flag over mine instead of a towel at the pool i should have to get out and put an american flag over the over my face and body it had to have been so funny for these uh for these people in the bar just seeing emily like you said just uh perfection just god's perfect little creation and then you you just bringing her down literally figuratively and then me being mad at her it's even worse she's out there trying oh it's

fun look you almost got a baby and i'm like shut up leave me be uh yeah i didn't yell at her i was laughing i mean i'm gonna laugh harder than anyone if i'm making a public spectacle of myself yeah you saved the self-flagellation for in the hotel room when nobody can see exactly i would imagine you were trying to take it easy because it doesn't help to also be furious. But it's got to be tough because all you want to do is have the fun that everybody else gets to have. Not like you're asking for more than you deserve. You should have been able to have a nice time. I want my state mandated amount of fun.

I want my baby back ribs. Why can't I just have some ribs and then get in the water and get up on a paddleboard oh you're also so good at the water and i'm bad at it you reminded me uh of an of a time when uh brett hiker and i and i think a couple other people went up to golden to uh tube down the river is Is it the Platte? I can't remember if it's something else, but there's a river up there, and everybody tubes, and everybody has fun.

And I went, and we got a tube, and the water was low, and I was like, oh, good. This is not going to bode well for me. I was hoping for more water and there was less and sure enough it was a fucking nightmare because i was pushing the tube down onto the bottom of a lot of the parts of the river oh yeah and so i'm just getting my ass torn up by your balls your legs are up so the worst parts of your body to be

ever raked across jagged rocks are exposed yeah the only hole your taint and my balls that's right there yeah the orion's belt is the only part of my body that is getting wet yeah and i'm just scraping but here you go and take it and it was lose lose because when i wasn't in the tube and scraping and just bleeding i was flipping the tube and then having to get back in and hikers loving it hikers just you know laughing his ass off at my misfortune because we're not married so he can he can giggle as much as he wants he doesn't have to be supportive and try to give me tips oh emily was laughing i don't want anyone to think differently right but while also and and hiker wasn't just being mean and didn't you know didn't yell out to passers-by

hey check out this load yeah garbage barge floating by stat niland ferry is running late but he's making up for it giving us a show one time me and bonzo and jr went up to boulder to tube that thing in boulder and it was like we were getting in the water and we heard this couple arguing as we finally like launch we hear one of them yell it's white rapid day like it's like the worst water it's ever been in boulder so bonzo was ahead of me i remember and jr goes over this like little you know thing and he's like i just hear jr go oh fuck and bonzo who can barely swim he goes over and then i come down and there's like a world i just see there's a little whirlpool down there. So no one's moving. I just got JR and Bonzo right below me.

So I go over and somehow, I mean, I come down. I'm wearing Bonzo's face as a hat. When I surfaced, Bonzo was, we were in the same tube. His tube or my tube had shot far away. And now Bonzo's in mine and his head is between my legs. The legs are out. Bonzo's wearing you as a hat. Yeah.

Oh, no. Oh, man. Bonzo can't swim. He's almost drowned a bunch. Good God. Yeah. Becker, you ever almost drown? Nope.

I'm a pretty okay swimmer. I grew up doing it. He can drive a stick. He can swim. I sort of just assume everyone can drive a stick. It's not a male or female or masculine thing. It is an age thing because as we've talked about off of the pod, there used to be, you know, it seemed like a 50-50 split. And then enough people were like, I don't want to, you know,

so they just like stopped making them, right? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, why would you? You got the automatic. One of the first times... Automatics break worse. They hurt your gas mileage. They hurt your power. They hurt everything about the driving experience except the fact that you can yell at children and drive

at the same time. Or you're a fucking war hero who went away to Vietnam and lost a leg on a grenade. How are you supposed to drive your Wrangler, dude? You're anti-American. That is the majority of the buying market. You're right. Think of all the Americans who've lost a foot to the war of diabetes.

You can stump a clutch. Okay, yeah, I was going to say. Well, you also can drive. Or no, you want both legs. Yeah, you do. For down below. Well, I was going to make fun of you because I thought that you thought you needed legs more than arms to drive a manual.

And I was like, all right, we got to start with the basics for you. I learned how to drive. I mean, I don't know a lot about cars. You know, the other day I was like I'll drive I got in the trunk somehow it sucked I learned uh how to drive stick in college and before I learned because uh I I bought this awful piece of shit car from a co-worker and it died like two days later so I like kind of learned on that and then eventually bought another bought a truck that uh that was a stick but before either of those cars there was a night where a bunch of my friends and i got uh drunk and a few people

wanted to go home and one of their the only car that they had that they had or one of the cars was a stick and i was drunk enough to be like we'll figure it out together and i don't know how much damage i did to that fucking thing but it was an oh god it felt like i was playing cruising usa and uh with real out of the pizza hut after with real consequences and luckily i don't think anybody got hurt but holy shit just so to have the drunken confidence, confidence to volunteer, to drive a stick when you don't know, you know, a lot of it is feel it's not really, uh, you know, specific across the board rules. It's more like, all right, yeah.

You feel when it's time to shift uh into the next gear and then you do and i fucking was not ready so it was just it was a wild night for sure i feel like you gave me six minutes no i'll say a half hour i could figure out how to drive one of those things yeah you could it's not complicated you just have to you just have to pay attention to like i said some cars you don't have to shift into second until you're going 30. And then others, you know, you barely use first. You are almost immediately in second. And the tough thing is hills.

And then, like, if you come to a full stop, it kind of sucks to have to start over from first. But, yeah, it's definitely not a super difficult thing that you have to be very intelligent or experienced in order to pull it off. Well, Becker, weren't you in the car with me and Lun that time we were driving down to do those gigs? Yeah, you were there, remember? Yeah. And I didn't know you were supposed to go into second gear when you're going down a hill. Oh, yeah. And it just smelled like burnt rubber.

It felt like the car was about to explode. And you're like, well, yeah, you could probably put it in second and you'd be a lot better and i'm like we're all gonna die this is bad i do remember that now yeah yeah yeah the brakes were just smoking and you're like well here's the move kiddo yeah gearing was a mystery yeah you're like 23 skidoo down to second gear all the daddy-o's play that thing. Come on, Wynn. That's why everybody should do it. It teaches you a bunch about all of driving, even if you're not going to use one. Yeah, but also, Becker, no one should be driving.

I feel like I should be allowed to drive because I'm good, you're good. You know, Lund is a good driver, but I always worry about his heart whenever anyone is going too slow in the left lane. Do you have a Maraca? Did you buy a Maraca in Florida? No, Becker's the one making noises.

Am I? Yes. Oh, there it is, yeah. He has his headphones around his neck. No, it's because there's snap buttons on my shirt. No, it's because you're wearing not one, but two puka shell necklaces right now. He's wearing a wire, too. He's turned state's witness.

I think one of the snaps was slapped in the microphone. It was, for sure. A lot. It doesn't give me feedback from my own mic, so I didn't know you guys should have told me earlier. No, I thought you were trying something out. No.

I thought this was a new bit you guys had worked out while i was gone we're like oh yeah we changed the name it's uh it's mustache and the jingle jangle man we tried to do an impractical jokers and see how long it would take before you said something one of the various homosexual couples i was hanging out with i had to walk away not once but twice from two different situations one of them involved one guy saying the impractical jokers was funny and his husband being like that's shit that just defines who you are and your taste you love the impractical jokers you love celine dion like can you be original for once in your life what i was like well i'll be hitting the old dusty trail you you felt tension as opposed to just being able to join in

and make fun of this person? Oh, no. I didn't want to be talking to them already because they were super annoying. I like the idea of a stereotypical gay man because of Celine Dion and Impractical Jokers. Like, as we all know, the gays are big fans of these two main things.

I think they love the Joker's cruise. That's what I would guess. Okay. The international water, you know. The other one, I had a fucking... You're not going to kill someone as a prank? I had a wild one, man. Because we do the shows at Key West,

and then we didn't want to go to bars because we weren't begging for it. We weren't like a bunch of 16-year- olds driving around with our tits out you know um that's the thing too yeah they were deaf they were in high school so none of them were 18 and so you I mean a good driver is going to look at cars as they pass and all of a sudden you you have to fucking reconcile where you're like oh god let me see some id damn it before i know if i can jerk off to this later well that's what i was saying is that you can't get in trouble that's what i said earlier where it's like they were thrust upon you sure the universe winking at

you so here you go yeah that's why jeff ross always looked at 16 year olds as long as they were in separate cars. He was able to court them. He's guilty, right? I guess. I mean, I think so.

He didn't get any repercussions. It seems like he's constantly just commenting on people's Instagram posts and everybody's like, Oh, it's the, it's the Ross man. Watch out. The roast master generals here.

Yeah. I don't know him and Chris D'Elia are trying to figure out how they can open up a comedy club in international waters and still make money from the Joker's cruise no, but we would whoops, you've been pranked

he's 14, you've been pranked god damn, what? my god that'd be a crazy prank I didn't know Ross got caught doing that too oh yeah this like woman put out this long video series and essay about

how Jeff Ross groomed her and you know gave her a little taste of the business there were I think there were several stories and gave her a little taste of the business. I think there were several stories that came out from people that said that he was pretty aggressive or whatever. He'd fly people out and bang them. I don't remember specifics with him because it was like, was it right after Louis?

There wasn't as much attention on whatever happened with Ross. Oh, okay. So I think. It was right when D'Elia happened, and then Ross' people were like, well, this has to come out sometime. So there's a pretty big smoke screen on the horizon. Let's light this cigar and see what happens. Yeah, okay, yeah.

That definitely sounds right. That there was someone else that was also getting a lot of attention for being a creeper. Yeah, I don't know. All I know is Jeff Ross has always been very nice to me and women are known for lying. I'm kidding. I think he did it. Yep, yep, yep.

I do think he did it. i don't know we're in too deep here but i believe women i believe women all right i believe that they're better than me and you brother that's right i mean yeah they're at 16 17 and they're dumping them out for the world to see They're at 16, 17, and they're dumping them out for the world to see. Yeah, come on. They're angels on Earth. If I was driving around with my dick hanging out the window when I was 17, yeah. Yeah, you'd make it two highway exits before several cops just shot the tires

out of your car. Yeah, they're on the spike strips. We assume they're going to Taco bell off wilcox and castle rock there was that time when fucking david borey was mooning people out my window at like 11 30 during the daytime in vegas oh my oh yeah i heard about that have i told that story on here that was the worst if there's the worst ass you're gonna see on your way to from you know starbucks back to work it's david boris drunk ass taking up multiple windows in a convertible too right so there's nowhere there's no it wasn't a convertible it was my old buick okay and he's like it's hilarious he was still

he was blackout from the night before we're going to get all you can eat korean barbecue or something and he's like you know barely able to bend contort his body in a way where he can deliver full ass to pass, you know, passersby. So his like, you know, heads in my lap and he's just,

you know, faking the moon landing. I was so pissed. Put it away, David. I'm drunk too. Put it away. And he's like,

Oh boy, you guys are tasting death and living life and luke lockfeld copied him and put his butt in the back window and it's like no one's looking at your butt luke what are you talking about you have david's ass you have the fucking face of mars right there you're gonna look at a star shut up red and angry yeah uh but i like that you were against it because typically you you always want people to to show ass and if you and then you you really secretly i think want someone to be like no you do it and you'll be like yeah and then you would do it but you don't want to just do it without someone uh requesting it no it's because's because I was definitely still drunk from the night before.

Okay. So I was like, good, if we get pulled over with, you know, Hakuna and Matata back here, we got Timon and Pumbaa, they're going to breathalyze me. They're going to be like, sir, no man in his right mind would allow that ass to be unleashed upon his fellow passengers. What are you doing?

And also, you know, it was a safety hazard i couldn't see my mirrors uh couldn't see anything you want to talk about a blind spot jesus christ um he couldn't hear anything either oh yeah what was i gonna say it's a giant vacuum fuck uh oh yeah the gay guys a couple yeah we would go to tom dustin's uh house and sit on his patio which is like a little bar and it's like awesome just drink way too much uh and i left at like 2 a.m when him and his girlfriend were arguing she she like apologized too much and tom was like what do you say inside for and she's like i don't know and he's like you apologize and you don't know what you're apologizing for and i'm like okay that's my cue uh so i went to the local pizza place mr z's and i walk in and it's these two gay guys

from boston who came to two shows they're really nice the guy tipped me a hundred bucks after a show just like venmoed me a hundred after he bought a book really cool well jason and michael in boston if you're listening hello and i walk in and i see these two guys and i'm like well look at these boston homos you know the room goes silent and then they start laughing and i'm like okay good um so they buy my pizza they buy me some beers they're like let's hang out i'm like cool i don't know anyone here my wife's gone you know i'm locked out of my condo what am i gonna do one shoe on yeah exactly uh so they took me to this sports bar and they kept buying me green tea shots which are just like vodka mixed with sprite it's fucking it's bad news and we're getting drunk in there and

we're having a good time and we're having a real fun blast and then these three dudes from detroit walk in young men they're shirtless they're hot as can be just smoking like two dollar pistols and of course the gay guys start nagging them because they're trying to get weird the worst sixth way in the history of sports going it's just me as the head coach i'm like that's good head you're getting good work uh fucking box out box out time to box i gotta use your ass low man wins your ass is a weapon yeah get real low yeah so they come in and of course the gay guys right away are like where are you guys coming from the strip club?

And they're like, no, we're just trying to get some shots. And they're like, where are you? And they have thick Boston accents, the gay couple. And they're like, where are you from? And they're like, we're from Michigan, man. We're here for spring break. And the gay guys are like, oh, Michigan sucks. And one of the hot dudes is like, where are you from?

Fucking Boston? Boston fucking sucks, man. Listen to the way you talk with your dumb accent fucking tiny ass state you guys fucking suck man and i'm he's like the up is beautiful and michigan rocks and i'm in the middle of this and i have no allegiance is really besides the gay guys you've been to michigan a bunch but in michigan a lot and i say that i'm like well actually michigan is beautiful i've been to the up sue saint marie's amazing the cherry festival up there it's marie's amazing the cherry festival up there it's great and one of the hot guys is like well tell your tell your friends

that and i'm like well they're not really my friends you know and then the gay guys they've taken such good care of you and you i know lovely but i don't i don't want to be yeah exactly just threw him under the bus what do you just sniff what do you just smell a candle candle okay so then the gay guys are like oh we're not your friends are we we've been hanging out for two hours we came to see your shows twice i bought you all these green t-shots but we're not friends okay and i stood up and i grabbed my backpack and i said this sucks and i walked out the door was it getting tense they were actually being like kind of shitty to each other like there could be a fight well

then yeah you don't really need to even out their their side so that it's a three-on-three brawl no and i also i don't care enough like i'm fucking wasted like i went home and like pissed in the sink and then i went outside to smoke a cigarette and i fell over i got in the hammock you lit the filter dude that's a classic that's a classic drunken smoker move you light the fucking filter I went outside to smoke a cigarette and I fell over. I got in the hammock. You lit the filter. That's a classic. That's a classic drunken smoker move. You light the fucking filter. Yeah.

Yeah. That one sucks. But so that night I get in the hammock and I fell asleep in the hammock. And somehow I woke up face down in the hammock. Like when the sun came out, my back is as mangled as it can be. Cause I've been sleeping you know in a u-shape and there's a bunch of chickens beneath me so i wake up back broken bunch of chickens like right by my face in the hammock just clicking and clucking

pecking your eyeballs yeah exactly my tongue they're treating me like a little worm and then i then i had to go inside and i slept until like 5 p.m that night it was that that was my i think monday in key west after emily left i was yeah that is why you had trepidation about being alone as you know that you're gonna get into some misadventure yeah i got wrapped up in a hammock a bunch of birds laid eggs inside of me. I sold out a lovely gay couple. Yeah, you leave, and then those three dudes just pounded the shit out of this couple from Boston, just left them for dead. Or they all hooked up. Well, yeah, if the negging worked out.

Because one guy had kind of like bitch tits, and the guy was like, oh, where were you? Oh, look at those things. Let him watch you dance. He went gay ball Mauro gay ball maoris i got like a tit fuck you and i'm like whoa this is insane were the were the three guys gay do you know they i don't think so so you figured yeah there was there was trouble brewing because these three are not going to let a bunch of shit slide. They're not going to let these dudes from Boston win the battle of wits. And also, they're not going to let them win a fight. They're going to hate crime, these guys.

It's cold in the D. So, yeah, they could have started swinging and then you're useless because you haven't been in a fight since you were trying to get pants on a few years ago. Yeah. On an incline. Because I got my pants caught in that escalator. I didn't. But then the last two days in Key West, I just hung out at Louie's Backyard Bar. If you're ever there, it's right on the water by Dog Beach.

And you can just hop a fence, get a drink, go swim around. I was in the water for probably a combined eight hours the last two days I was there just floating like an egg, man. Did you have the dry hand for books and or cigs or no? I was making that move, but I was also joined by comedian James Patterson.

Remember that night that the Walsh Brothers did Them Gator Boys at Too Much Fun? Yeah. So he was with them. He was in town with them. And he remembered me from Too Much Fun because that was his favorite show he did. And I was like, so he lives there now. He's just fucking

leaving Las Vegas. Drinking himself to death? No, I think he's doing okay. He's not like old Tommy Dustin. But everyone down there is drinking themselves to death. Yeah. Everyone's not drinking themselves to death. They're all leaving Las Vegas.

It's just in a coconut, so it doesn't look as sad. They're all living out lyrics to fucking Jimmy Buffett lyrics, but it sucks. Like, you know, lost my flip-flop. That's funny in a lyric, but if you're like a 53-year-old man who's walking through the streets saying, I can't find my flip-flop that's funny in a lyric but if you're like a 53 year old man who's walking through the streets saying i can't find my flip-flop it's three in the afternoon your nose is bleeding that's a kyle canane joke okay there you go i'm a big kyle head i'm a kyle canane historian so yeah uh you're on the right track keep it up but fucking uh you know like tom's tom's girlfriend's parents come down there and

i'm like well maybe this will put a semblance of sanity into it and we went to get breakfast at 10 a.m and they're sitting there and they have the bottle on the table they didn't just order them they didn't just order screwdrivers they ordered just a bottle of vodka and a bunch of orange juice so i'm like oh oh good. 75 year old couple from Minnesota isn't going to save me from debauchery. They have bottle service at the IHOP. Just everywhere you go, you can get Let me get a bottle of Grey Goose and

10 olives. Anything goes. I would never tell anyone who's on the wagon or any kind of sobriety program to go to Key West because it's not what it's there for. Did you see Andy? Jenea's flame partner? He's out there. I think friend is the term. Yeah.

No, I didn't see Andy. Roommate, former roommate. Yeah, concierge. He's down there. He could have taken you fishing. He could have done a lot of stuff. I had a real good time with Andyy when i opened i went for josh blue in tempe a couple summers ago god it was like 130 every day and uh i stayed with andy because you know no hotel they're like hey you're getting 100 a show

and why don't you spend 400 on a hotel for four nights oh cool yeah so yeah i stayed with andy and we had a really good time he's uh easy to talk to you know sports uh he's older so like anything i could say he that i remember from growing up he was you know eight years older than me so he was right there knew exactly what i was talking about we had a good time that sounds fun yeah it was good we paddleboarded we tried to hike at like 11 30 in the morning and we were out there for like 20 minutes because that heat is for real it'll kill you it'll just dry you out with every step you're closer to death if you're not careful. Sucky West, man. Every step, you're closer to the beach, brother.

Every step, you're soaking in sweat. That humidity's bad, isn't it? No, man. It's perfect. I was drinking 007s all the time, which are screwdrivers with a little splash of Sprite. I was on top. People were so desperate for outsiders there that I got taken to dinner twice by people who came to the show. Like, very nice dinners in, like, the best hotels and restaurants in town. Like, if I ever moved there, I'd make it three weeks. I was about 14 days away from just being found drowned in the urinal at, you know, Captain Hoooch's or whatever gay bar i got into trouble in you'd get footsie just start trying to shove a toe up somebody's ass yeah and speaking of that

lund i saw on the reddit today that someone called you uh into question that was fun specker have you seen this you heard about this no okay yeah it was random somebody on the chub reddit accused not even me of lying it's my wife's story megan's the one that said that she uh while she was working at starbucks there was this dude that was like oh freaking covid you know the only reason we're dealing with any of this is because we freed the slaves and she was like all right i'm not serving this guy and yeah the somehow that's with all of the stories that we've shared over almost 80 episodes or wherever we're at uh this was the one time where somebody was like ah i don't know about that i don't know if if there's anybody that's that deluded and racist in America, in a small town in America.

There's people that are that stupid. So what are you talking about? Yeah. The post is titled is London a liar? Question mark. I saw that while scrolling and was like, Ooh, I saw that furious.

Nathan is. Well, I saw that this morning. I had to wake up at 8 to give Mama some of her pills and feed Mama and George Michael. And I saw it in my notifications on my phone. Is Lund a liar? And I was like, oh, I'm going to save that for later in the day. And I didn't know what to expect, but I wasn't scared because I'm not a liar.

So I was curious. And yeah, it was a story that I relayed from Megan. And it's random that his spidey sense is, well, I don't know if it's a guy or a lady. Oh yeah, I'm sure that there's a bunch of chicks on our subreddit. We have a lot of women fans. I know we do, but, uh, Oh yeah. I'm sure that there's a bunch of chicks on our subreddit. We have a lot of women fans. I know we do, but they're better than Reddit.

Women, women don't need to be on Reddit. Right. It's the front page of the internet. According to Reddit, uh, the guy, one replied,

it's my wife's story. So you're calling the love of my life, a duplicitous piece of literal shit. And I demand satisfaction. Uh, the guy says, don't bring your wife into this. Haven't you put her through enough by now?

I'm letting it slide, but I've got my eye on you, serpent. So that was pretty good. I put her through secretary school. You put her through a table after Hell in a Cell. You got your whole fire up. I tried to defend you. I said I was there when Lady One got home, and she went into the story unprompted. So I can confirm it happened as

can dr t if anyone is a liar on the pot it's becker i've never told a lie and then one response every sentence in your post is a lie so thanks for you're you're the guys from boston lund all right and i'm the guys from michigan now. Yeah, I know you. Well, I finally missed you a little bit. And so I figured I'd nag you and spice things up. Make sure you came in hot for the pod. And you did. I did, man. I missed you guys. I got to say, played you like the fellas played you like a fiddle. Yeah, it was nice to to be able to catch up because we end up talking quite a bit in between episodes. Some would say too much. Yeah, we should probably just save it for the pod. Yeah, Lund. Keep it spicy. Oh, yeah.

Me and Emily are going to live in La Junta in like a month. Why? Really? Yeah, we're going to go to La Junta because she has to do an away rotation. Actually, I think it's going to be in June, but we'll be right there. Yeah. See, Becker was excited. Lund couldn't give less of a shit. Lund's already thinking about what kind of ice cream

he's going to put between which cookies as soon as this is over. Shout out to Bakery. It rules. Yeah. We got great sweets. What do you know, Be Becker did you get one cookie and it wasn't up to your gold standard nope the bakery is

amazing I'll tell you about my problems with it after we're not recording oh shit white supremacists he's nodding they don't serve the outside of the oreo just the cream filling yeah you just have to open your mouth and you have to show the inside of your forearm to see how pale you are.

Thank you to all you thought criminals out there. I appreciate you all for the messages of support while I was gone. Thank you for busting Lund's balls. Rhea, Rhea kept being gay. That was fun. When I was still playing fantasy football there was a picture that i i don't know how one of my friends found it just this picture of two guys kissing and one

of the guys looked exactly like me like almost completely like me and so that was uh you know some great ammo in our fantasy football trash talk and eventually i realized uh the the way i knew it wasn't me because i drink i party this is someone making fun of me for maybe kissing someone we used to play gay chicken where you'd like touch your dick to somebody else's balls in order to prove how how much fun you were you guys had some guy had his balls out and you wound up to him by putting the tip of your dick to it no so that guy's extreme gay chicken oh for sure yeah these these guys were going for it i don't know what's like no holds barred that's right yeah we went hard in the uh fantasy football league but the ecw of a gay chicken oh yeah everybody was bleeding

the hard way which girls would have wanted to play straight chicken that would have been fun yeah get the ladies and look how crazy we are look how straight i am you're just honking them but yeah the eventually i was going zapruder on that picture and eventually I saw that dude had attached earlobes as opposed to the dangles and I got the dangles. Did this guy actually look like you or is this like when you said you looked like Jason Momoa?

He looked like me. He looked like Jason Momoa but he looked more like me than Jason. I looked more like him than I do Jason. Rock and roll. Do you have any dates to plug? Are you back at it? No. April 17th, I'm doing

Galley's outdoor show in Pueblo. Oh, wow. I'm going to have to write some stuff. Well, I'm cashing in on these COVID antibodies. Also, you want to go to amarillo and get our fucking shots or what uh i don't know the comic just died in amarillo i feel like uh i don't want to be the next comic to also get hit by a van down there all right well i'll be the first to say uh if you're in fort collins come to fort, the 12th and 13th, to see me headlining.

If you are in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, see me at Helium Comedy Club on Tuesday the 16th, the day before March. Before, what is that Irish holiday? St. Patrick's Day. Tuesday, March 16th on St. Patrick's Day. And maybe listen to Matt and Shane's secret pod that day to hear me i don't know that makes sense and then uh i'll be there the 19th and 20th i am in for colorado springs colorado at three e's or mr e's or whatever the comedy club is down there oh nice it's a it's half church half comedy club have fun down there you're not allowed to swear you're not allowed to blaspheme oh no i will be at kate strobel's show at number 38

on thursday the 25th of march the pandemic is over folks you can tell because sam's booking dates again i'll be in bold i'll be in b for two shows. March 27th at Jose Flores' show and then Midwest The Boy is coming back your way. I'll be in Milwaukee the 9th, 10th, and 11th. The Renwick Mansion the 13th and then I'll be in Chicago in and

out that week too. So hit me up if you need any more information. The Boy's back. I got COVID antibodies until May 2nd, my birthday. All right. Well, yeah, don't forget about the

Patreon, too. Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth. Get up in there. Five bucks a month. Get you extra episodes. Some of our best ones are Patreon episodes. So catch it. Also, the pandemic is over. Let's just call it. Who cares? Yeah, you were in Florida for 10 days

and you listened to some of the drunkest, dumbest people that were like, it's all fake anyway. And then your wife doctor tried to talk some sense into you and you facepalmed her. I shoved her up a jet ski. Whipped her tit out and you're like, oh, this doctor says everything's fine.