Chubby Behemoth - It All Comes Back To Chunks

Episode Date: November 23, 2024

BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week Sam and Becker are in Tampa. Sam has been getting comments on his body, can only name so many candy bars, and imagines fun funeral gags. Becker probably got slightly less chunks, doesn’t think he’s ever been vultured, and was in there longer than he needed to be. Sam realizes the correct way to order bosco sticks, has been wondering about a specific type of Maury guest, and was angry about Becker’s lunch order. Becker spazzed on kratom at the beach. Sam tells Becker about the time he tried to learn about coins. Chunks dry, burritos wet.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

Hello. Hello. Hello, Becker. Hello. Hey. Hey, guys. So, we are in a hotel room in Tampa, Florida, and I'm laying on this Chase lounge with the modesty arm because I've become a bit self-conscious about my body. You don't want them to see anything? So after being in Key West for 10 days, everyone down there, I would take my shirt off, and my friends down there who had been going down to visit for six years now, every one of them said, oh my God, you look great. You've lost so much weight, you've never been tighter.

I wish that Tom would die of a heart attack right now. And then you could call Emily and say that you were helping me mourn. That's what Tom's fiance said because I guess that I'm a sex symbol now. I didn't know that. You're rocking a new bod. So I don't want people watching this to either get disturbed or objectify me, you know? Take screenshots, zoom in. Being horny the whole time they watch.

You really can't laugh at a podcast if you're rock hard the whole time. Or if you're a woman, God forbid you're a woman listening to this. I mean, imagine the ramifications on women. I mean, I know a lot of these women, a lot of them work at the top of slides. It's a new thing women are doing. They go to the park and they sit at the top of a slide and they kind of work remotely

from there. Okay. They have hot spots or star links. So they're just sitting at the top of like a playground tower and they like to dangle their tootsies. Women of course, as you know, love to dangle their feet and legs. They like kicking.

They love kicking. So I'm just worried that they're at the top of that slide. They start to lube up, you know? A lot of them are wearing sun dresses and these last, this, yawning Indian summer that we've had here in these United States. You can still wear a sundress. Maybe you're Winnie the Pooh-ing it,

as everyone's been saying down here when I try to make a woman buy an extra large T-shirt because I don't sell smalls. I'll say why don't you put a belt on you know there's some leggings with it or just be nude under there. Yeah just rock it like a dress. Let your crazy tech pubes breathe. Tech pubes whoa. So women in Tampa have been getting tech pubes. Lined up tight. Mm-hmm yeah they put in like racing stripes or maybe like the Kawasaki motors logo and Adidas symbol adidas symbol that'd be tasteful. Yeah three. Yeah the trifle oil Mm-hmm

So if any women are in a position where they're on a precipice and if they got too wet, they might slide off and hurt themselves I don't want to be held liable for that so I'm using the modesty arm and And look, having this thing made to my specs and delivered here, cost a lot of money. They did a really good job. They sized you up perfectly. Yeah, when that guy came in and he said, hey, I can either measure you for a casket or a couch,

I'm glad I got the two for one deal. You just have to ask people. This'll make a beautiful open casket. You'll be sat up a little bit. People can look you in the eyes and not feel like they're looking down on you. Right. Which you hate. I hate when people look down upon me, whether literally or figuratively.

I don't like being condescended to, and I also don't like when people loom over me and dangle loogies into my face. Because I can only name so many candy bars. Doing that at a funeral would be very fun. Going up to a man's open casket and pushing his widow aside, you're holding a half a gallon of milk and your breath just reeks of ricotta and cream cheese. Working up a slimy one. The biggest slimer that you can create and then saying name ten

candy bars as you dangle a loogie while also holding the dead man's arms to his sides would be maybe the best funeral gag you could do. I mean besides showing up dressed exactly like the dead man. Or acroid. No no no showing up to the funeral dressed exactly like the dead guy. suit in matching suit like maybe he always wore like you know his favorite sports players Jersey nice you show up in that Do you go for more tissue makeup? Yeah, you hire. I mean if you're gonna fucking wreck someone's funeral in front of his wife You need to really spend every dime that you can.

So yeah, I'm saying full prosthetic, maybe you, maybe no. What are we stopping short of? Hold on, so funnier is if you pay off the mortician and then you get the prosthetics and then you lay in the guy's casket. So everyone's coming up to you and saying their goodbyes and you're just laying there trying not to laugh. Of course and then at the very end

You pop up and you say got your asses and then the real dead guy is shot out of like a reverse wood chipper Like all the chunks of him is maybe some kind of man confetti and he's spray it all over the crowd as you play his favorite song You bless that you blast his corpse through a wood chipper while playing the boys are back in town Now that's a good funeral prank climbing out slapping your ass yelling you all believed it at that point You don't really have to slap the ass that might be a bit of overkill I think at that point you just hand the ball to the ref tastefully I feel like getting out of the the casket would provide perfect ass slapping again

I think you'd want to invest in some kind of pulley system if you get a hopeful Peter Pan operation So you're yanked out of the casket and then people still think it's the dead guy And this is his last hurrah and then while you're up there and everyone's like oh my god Dale got us again you know he was such a prankster he brought so much short to the world then you reveal that you're not in fact Dale and you're like double cross bitches and then at that point if you wish to slap your hiney I mean go crazy too bad we don't have any like fun friends that are just barreling towards death that we could plan this for at their funeral We have one that's barreling towards death, but I don't think that he would be described as fun really I think he's fun

I think he's fun, but I don't think that he would be up for signing off on a funeral prank. Oh, he'd hate this Nathan Lund of course, we're talking about yeah, but secretly like it a little he would hate to know that we were having fun at his funeral In honor of Nathan's death I will now Please help yourself to the buffet. I will now be eating a Fifth of everyone's meal off their plate Let me know when you're about halfway done. I'll come over. I'll eat the rest. That's what it's what Nathan would have wanted Yeah, his last vulturing, he'd get to witness it on his way out.

Just you putting in the Lord's work. Well, we were describing Nathan's eating tactics at lunch today because we've been going, I mean, we're in Tampa Bay, we're in Tampa. Tampa, Tampa. We're in Florida, we're in Tampa, as I've been calling it. The people love it, they say it after the shows. Patrick's down here featuring and doing a hell of a job.

He really wailed last night. Yeah, that was crazy good. I haven't seen him do a full set in a while and he did more than an adequate job. He did a really good job. But yeah, we went to the same Puerto Rican place that me and Lund ate every one of our meals at. Last time we were here because it's across a busy highway.

Yep. And I didn't want to rent a car because what am I gonna do? Explore greater Tampa? I did do some research on my long half an hour cigarette walk. Apparently Clearwater and St. Pete's have the nicest beaches in the United States. I have heard that St. Pete has tremendous beaches. Yeah. So we should go there tomorrow. Get pizza, go beach swimming. Yeah, the good people at Violet Stone or Hadamant that I come over and eat some of their Philly style pizza pie. They do a cheesesteak there that's on a sesame roll. Ooh.

That sounds really good. But I really don't need a cheesesteak. I just want a sesame roll. I just want a fresh baked sess roll. Yeah, or maybe just like a Caprice sandwich on it. A broccoli Rob would be great. You know, something of that, that origin. But yeah. So, uh, Lund, when we were there last time, he ate what could only be described as chunks for five meals.

He had five different chunk meals. I remember we got there the first time and we ordered a warm-up round of the chunks the appetizer chunks And then after he had some he changed his order to moss chunks, por favor Appetizer and entree so he had the appetizer. He's like these are so fucking good. And then he changed to the pivoted You know flagged down the waiter, you know Camerero Camerero That's wild yeah, so then also he ate all his chunks and I got the They do a great pork chop porterhouse over there where they leave the fat rind on and they do it like a chicharron

And I being a normal normal fat man. Yeah, you have a couple I had some of the chunks that were attached to my greater chunk and I was like, whoa, this is rich It's a lot of fat. It's mostly fat. Yeah. And then he ate all of my fat rind after he ate one and a half rounds of chunks. Yeah. That's five meals in a row. Even if it was just every meal for the weekend, I just had the chunks and they're half fat. Each piece of meat is a nice big old piece of their marbled very well fat and then a nice little chunk of very fried meat

They're effectively chicharrones. Yes. Let's not forget that the meat is very fried very fried. These aren't sous vide chunks No, no, that is a wild decision to make it is a dry barky chunk. Yeah, my teeth are fucked I heard your mouth hurts. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah Lund Yeah, my teeth are fucked. Your mouth hurts. Yeah. Yeah, Lund, nonplussed by the texture of said chunks. I mean, they're charcoal briquettes and he ate... How many pounds of chunks do you think you were served?

I think it was three quarters of a pound. So, you're a little guy, they probably give you a little less on the scale. Yeah, they probably hook Lund up. Lund probably got the executive cut chunk special. Yeah. So, he took in five plus pounds of chunks. And this is twice a day going there. That is like the meal that would give anyone gout.

Anyone. Anyone starting from any place. I feel like that meal five times in a row, you're starting to get toe pain. You could be an Olympic javelin guy who has dedicated his body to a temple of physical achievement. You come in, you have one and a half rounds of chunks,

your ankle's probably gonna start hurting. Pat got the chicken at this place and got put to sleep by it. I mean, Pat's order was so stupid. He got a chicken breast. And then had the, he dared to complain about Puerto Rican food's quality. Yeah.

He got wet chicken breast. He did get a big, wet, hammered, hammered chicken breast. Yeah. And still plump like a milanese without the breading. Yeah. It wasn't breaded at all. It wasn't, I mean, and then just what looked like Campbell's mushroom soup just plopped across it. Yeah. Not sure what that was. Also to that point, the chunks are dry. The chunks come with parsley and raw onion. Yeah. Yeah. There's no chunk sauce. There's no sauce going on. So chunks come with parsley and raw onion. Yeah, yeah, there's no chunk sauce. There's no sauce going on, so to eat that over and over again is truly heinous. Yeah, and to do it in the same, with the same joy that my niece

gets from eating ice cream she demanded that's hurting her mouth, just a cold dead-eyed war criminal stares. He's pounding chunks. Yeah. He really like leaves his body. Yeah, he does. And I mean, in Rome, he ate the rest of Chris Charpentier's pizza. His last perfect bite that he's been preserving. Chris, much like Bonzo, has been arranging perfect bites for my tenure with him. He had a perfect bite arranged, one little sip of wine left to cap off his beautiful night in Rome. No, no.

Lunn straight up said he ate it and then Chris was like oh and Lunn said you were done. Lunn loves to assign when people have finished their meal. Yeah. Yeah. It's he he finishes his meal and then you watch him have a moment of he's reignited excitement as he like repostures so he can check out everybody's plate Yeah, and then start to determine who's not gonna make it You know that he's got bad intentions when he takes his last bite and the fork doesn't leave his hand When he sits there just like this kind of just predator visioning the table It's all ones and zeros and and green strings of light. That's all one sees

Yeah, it's beautiful. But the crisp one's my favorite. It is not beautiful. It's the opposite of beauty. No, there's a beauty to it. If beauty is white, this is black. Watching someone just live their favorite way while also wanting to regulate everyone else all the time. He does love to boss people around.

Yeah. Lund. What a case study we can do on him. I love him. I love him too. But, um, I mean, look, everyone likes a little picking and scratching. All right. But don't, don't make it your whole thing. I don't think he's ever vultured my food. Well, he knows that you also eat a lot. Yeah. He's never really vultured my food. Well, he knows that you also eat a lot. Yeah.

He's never really vultured my food either. He has forced trades upon me that I wanted nothing to do with. Yeah. Where the two sandwiches come down and before my plate hits, he offers a trade. You wanna do a half and half? I know that he realizes that I made the superior choice.

Yeah, you got the good sandwich. You got the Lamo Supreme. Yeah, yep. I mean, this is coming from a man who loves, at the sushi restaurant, he loves dynamite. Do you know what dynamite is? Is that the tempura vegetables? No, no, no, no.

This is one we're talking about. Yeah, but I thought it was tempura vegetables with like hot mayonnaise rolled up or something. No, it's hot mayonnaise and often cheese and like crab chunks. Again, it all comes back to chunks with this guy but it's like it's like a it's like a you know like a wide dish of goop with some kind of seafood in it and he can't get enough of it and then whenever there's dynamite on the menu I'll be like one you love dynamite he's like I had dynamite one time and I loved it and

now you think that it's my whole thing and then, you love dynamite. And he's like, I had dynamite one time and I loved it. And now you think that it's my whole thing. And then- Three orders of dynamite. Let's get some dynamite over here. We're digging out a mine shaft. We need some dynamite, please. I did learn about the Bosco sticks. Yes, the Bosco sticks, which in my experience

with a Bosco stick, it's more of an open-faced cheesy bread. They're usually not encased like that. Down here, it's a breadstick. It's a crazy bread. It's a crazy bread with a grilled, what is it, a string cheese inside of it. Yeah, it's very much stuffed crust pizza, but just the crust.

Which look, when we were here, again, Lun was augmenting his all chunks all the time diet with a flight of Bosco sticks every night. Yeah. You said he was pounding them. Somebody else said it in a more polite way where they're like, yeah, one really liked those when he was here. Yeah. Well, when we, when we ordered them last night, cause not only did he eat so many that I was worried, a year later, a full year later, he's not even here this time, and the server comes in and is like,

your Bosco sticks, you want your Boscos? And I was like, I forgot all about them, but apparently I was doing so much time on Bosco sticks last year. Lund ate so many Bosco sticks that they reduced the order from four to two. Oh, it used to be four sticks? It was a four pack of sticks in the past.

Wow. Yeah. Yep, they had to dial it down. Also only two egg rolls. You know a fun way to describe four Bosco sticks? Wow. A lot of Boscos? That's fun too, but no, the actual traditional meaning

of a word we no longer use. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can I get a beep of Boscos over here? traditional meaning of a word we no longer use? Oh yeah. Can I get a beep? A boss goes over here? One of the few times in our life we might be able to use it correctly. I think we can get away with it right now. Yeah. But I'm not going to. I might try to play.

If you want to tonight? Oh, where? At the club? Lord over out You better order directly from BT try and pull that move, okay Yeah, especially that is her last night where I was just quiet and weird But I walk in as a man who's diffused a couple bombs in his day This is a real yellow wire red wire situation weird that I walk in as a man who's diffused a couple bombs in his day. This is a real yellow wire, red wire situation.

You need to be very careful with this. With great power comes great responsibility. So yeah, that's exciting. Yeah. Don't, don't be greedy about it. I won't just one time. Get it in once. Make sure that's exciting. Yeah, don't don't be greedy about I won't just one time get it in once Yep, make sure pats there. Yep. I don't know if host MC Kevin's ready for this kind of stuff. No, he'd be worried He's a sweet man such a nice nice man. Uh-huh. Yeah, I don't think that he wants to hear our Our new way to order Bosco's no, maybe they'll put it on the menu. He did enjoy our bit of nasty last No, maybe they'll put it on the menu. He did enjoy our bit of nasty last

Feel like we should only excavate that when pats here Yeah, but holy shit Pat would be here if he wasn't asleep after eating some of a chicken breast. He had a bad night of sleep He's not being lazy No, no, he also, you know, we fucking we really were peddled the metal in Key West Yeah, it was our least workload as far as these wide worlds have gone It was a lot of like us figuring out how to fucking squeeze some more juice out of the petrified lemon That is Key West. Yeah, and then saying fuck it dude. Let's go to the beach Yep, a lot less a lot less walking. Uh-huh golf carts involved electric bicycles Yes, the the temperature was a lot kinder to us,

even though it was humid and warm, it wasn't hot. No, it wasn't hot and we weren't like storming around trying to get like ancient relics of man's accomplishments, you know? It wasn't like, we have to get to the Colosseum at this time so we can get the light coming through the arrow shafts. Yeah.

No. No, the only lighting thing we did was the bikes. We wanted golden hour for the bikes. We got golden hour for the bikes. Joe Hatfield ripping around on those bikes. Dude, what a stud. Dude, bolt roll. Joe Hatfield. As good as he is on a penny board as he is on a bicycle. He was going 20 miles an hour on a pedal bike. He was flying, dude. He was killing it. Going off of curbs. A bunny hopping. Yeah. It's got to be 260 of man bunny hopping. I tried to bunny hop mine. There was no chance I could do it. Yeah. I mean Joe has that reckless skateboarding spirit where he doesn't

care. His core has stayed hard. Yeah his core is hard, his balance is really good. Yeah. And also like he's not, he doesn't have the fear that one would have if they weren't used to you know doing nine hundreds Yeah, he shows the first guy to ever do nine hundreds He beat Tony yeah, I was Tony 760 no Tony did the 900 first I believe I bet there was like a Japanese girl who did it before anyone well No one was watching no one was watching She just did it and then she got off her board and then bowed to the board.

It was done with it for life. Very reverent, yeah. Yeah, like had achieved. Once you've maxed that out, then it's onto the next thing to impress your father. Yes, you worked through all the burnout arts. She went on to hacky sack. You know what I can't get my fucking brain around?

Back in the day on like Maury. They would have a guy who can like write the Bible on a grain of rice. Yeah. What's the deal there? They used to have weeks where I think they were just like, nobody on staff wants to deal with another disgruntled mom or screwed over lover. Okay. Let's have weird rice guy, or let's have dude who studies mummies. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, but could they actually write the Bible on a grain of rice? That's a lot of words on a grain of rice. I think with like enough magnification and like Twitch control, there's people that can do shit like that still that aren't lying. I don't think you write the whole Bible. I

think they were just writing Bible verse on rice. Maybe they would write word by word on an individual grain of rice. Or get like a line on a grain because they can write your full name on a grain of rice. Remember those mall kiosks? Yeah but how do you prove that? You magnify it. So you need to have the rice under a magnifying glass in your home encased in like a Robert the Doll S Cube. The necklaces, I remember them, were in a vial where like one part of the vial had like that magnification bubble, like a bug viewer. You were hanging out with people who had grain of rice necklaces?

Yeah, believe it or not, when we were doing and selling heroin, we'd hang out at the mall a lot. Yeah, I guess you were probably going to some weird backwoods Colorado Springs mall. The Citadel. Yeah, Citadel Mall. Yuck. Park Meadows, of course, the number one mall.

Everyone knows that, you can't disagree. I do love Park Meadows. Of course you do. Yeah, I like Cherry Creek better now. Cherry Creek. Cherry Creek's a walkable mall, but the actual mall itself sucks. Well, the stores have all switched over to not such hoity-toity shit so it's like a nice mall now. Yeah yeah it's a lot of like Heinz ketchup outlets in

there. Stance socks. There's many underwear outlets in there. Why can't men just get a pair of underwear and wear it until it's all tattered? That's what we used to do. It's what I still do. Bonzo had to just get a pair of underwear and wear it until it's all tattered. That's what we used to do. It's what I still do. Bonzo had to throw away a pair of underwear is because it was visibly streaked. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. He his underwear looked like they belong to a sorority house member. Yeah. Or an old sick man.

Yeah. Who's just instead of like spitting out his skull, he just swallows it. Yeah. And then it goes right through him. Yeah. And we all had a good laugh, and he immediately slammed him into the trash. Yeah, well he was doing the funny thing where he was pretending to throw him at my face.

And I was like, oh dude, what the fuck? And he was like, what? And I was like, you wrecked those. And then he turned him around and he went, oh no! And then yeah, he buried him in the sand. We were all wet all weekend, so. Yeah, so how do you get your undies wet? with poop when you're wet actually now that I said out loud he was wiping his ass with Marine toilet paper on the house. They were staying on the boat. Yeah, and that marine toilet paper was a

Fucking nightmare to wipe with it was made out of old sails. It was so thin and slick. Yeah, slick. It was receipt paper. Ugh, that's the worst thing to wipe with. I was in there longer than I needed to be. It was a lot of cleanup for the amount of mess I made. All right, Becker, that's enough. I was in there longer than I needed to be

was adequate information for all the sleuths at home I just feel like maybe Bonzo came by innocently. He was doing his best. He's not a dirty man There was nothing innocent about what he did to those undies. That's true. They were They were ruined. They were destroyed. There were a lot of clothes thrown out this weekend We were yeah, I mean I threw away a couple long-sleeve shirts. I tossed a shirt, I tossed a pair of underwear, I burnt a hole in my underwear trying to smoke weed on the Jack Kerouac bench and then when I knocked the entire cherry out it fell on my underwear and burned through. What was your underwear visible on the bench? I was under my shirt, it was so windy, I was

smoking the joint under my shirt. Was this at night? No, it was when we were you know the big compass Yeah, it was when we were all at the big compass. Oh where I spiked that coconut. Yes. Yeah. Yeah rat lung coconut. Yep jetty Yeah, I fucked my pants up there. It was pretty fun. Damn. You didn't tell us either I did you guys wore it silently all having fun and I think thought I was maybe losing my mind because I was like I just burnt my underwear. Been there buddy. Yeah. Yeah you had a cup of beans for lunch that'll happen. Yep I did have a cup of beans. Who did we tell about the cup of beans after you blasted a gnarly fart? Tom. Yeah. Yep. He was excited he wanted us to

know that the rhyme is true. Yeah but they're not good for your heart. Yeah. It's not just an old wives tale. Yeah. We had all of the worst burritos any of us have ever had. You pissed me off so bad. I don't know why. When I got the beans?

We were driving up to, we were on Big Pine Key looking for baby deer we went to the blue hole that's there was literally nothing there besides like maybe an iguana in a tree And a green diamond does and then only Joe saw right you guys only saw you didn't tell anyone about it You kept it to yourselves And then so we were pissed about nothing. There was no Gators There was no there was any not a fucking Flamingo, which I don't think are actually indigenous to the Keys, but still, just put in a Flamingo. Bring a family of Flamingos to your whole tourist spot.

The Blue Hole, also not blue. Not blue. A very sickly green. Yeah. A diarrheal flavor. Blue Hole more refers to its fresh water. Whatever it was, it sucked. So we crossed the street and we're goofing around in the hobo camps. That's fun. And then oh Yeah, I was pissed that morning. That was the morning I was pissed for some reason and then we like waste all this daylight because we didn't have a lot of daylight because you know

We're lucky if we were all together by 11 a.m Yeah, which gives us until about 6 o'clock 7 hours of usable daylight so we're burning daylight and then we're like okay are we gonna go to the beach so then we said we're gonna go to the beach and then you like gave directions for a place that was the wrong way and I held that against you and then we found this taco truck we get there oh yeah I didn't know we were going to the beach I thought we were headed back no you didn't do anything wrong but I was cranky yeah and then we also there's Oh yeah, I didn't know we were going to the beach. I thought we were headed back. No, you didn't do anything wrong, but I was cranky. Yeah. And then we, uh, also there's a big reason I was cranky a lot was because I wasn't getting real coffee. I was getting those fucking cafe con

leches. They were milk. They're milk. It's a whole cup of milk with like a whisper of espresso in there. It was coffee for me, not coffee for men who drink coffee. I thought you were doing a cool thing where you're getting those boochies, those little espressos. Rule. Yeah, that was like a pretty efficient way to get your caffeine. Yeah. But so anyway, I'm not getting enough caffeine and then we went to this fucking taco truck. We all order totally normal orders. Burritos. I think Joe got pork tacos. Then you ordered a cup of beans. Yeah. did we talk about this already? We haven't I got a cup of beans and rice because I pulled up the yelp

You got a cup of beans originally and then you pivoted to the rice He said he didn't have enough right rice to do the order And then I said that's okay just beans and then he served me beans and rice even though he told me he didn't have enough Rice was the rice cooked the rice was it was actually decent It made me sick later, but it was it tasted good and you ordered the beans because why their Yelp reviews were horrendous Right and you had time to look up Yelp reviews you're driving the van Uh-huh in the maybe 90 seconds between our getting out of the van It's a truck. We parked right in front of it,

we all walk over it, maybe 90 seconds until you order. You had time to do a deep dive on the Yelp reviews of this place? I already had all the restaurants on the road up because I was trying to find stuff when we thought we were headed the other way. Yeah, yeah. And then I just filtered to near me,

like as I parked, popped it open and was like, oh, almost 44 of the 50 some reviews are one star reviews. So he got brigaded. You were trying to be the nail in this man's small business coffin. I think I just get a small side dish since I'm not starving right now. And you didn't happen to pass any of this

very valuable information over to the people who have effectively become your family. Yeah. You know, I want down here. I want to get what you wanted. We're all slacking it out together. Well, also we went to an abandoned taco truck on the side of a road that didn't make any sense that was doing no business. So the fact that it inspired confidence in any of you is crazy to me. Well it was at Ichabod Crane Services, which I thought was we were going to meet the headless horsemen. I thought it was going to be a real sleepy hollow thing. No, a man named Ichabod

just sold crane services. So that had me pissed too. And then you get your cup of beans and I'm like, okay, no, you're not allowed to have a cup of beans. And you're like, it's not a big deal. And I'm like, well, so you, you know, wonder a way to smoke two cigs. And I'm like, I can't believe you got the fucking cup of beans. Who does he think he is? Like I took it as like a personal attack,

which looking back on it is strange and unhealthy. But still, and then you revealed that you had intel, you had a dossier on this place and you didn't share it with us. and then that kind of like justified my anger And then in my head I switched it over that I was mad at you for that reason Instead of ordering the cup of beans because that's ridiculous, but now that you like Kept that this place is dogshit to yourself After you watch us all order that made me mad then the real, real hammer over the baby's head

was that the burritos sucked. You were cranky, so you also didn't seem like you were gonna be receptive to me telling you that your decision you made in the car was a bad choice. Well, it was more of a proximity decision. It wasn't a, hey guys, I've got this all figured out. We took a beating on food. Yeah, we got.

But the burritos sucked. Those burritos sucked. They were very bad they were dry and tasteless. The burritos at Garbo's possibly worse? Yes but it didn't help that I was already mad at you and then you had a cup of beans and rice that you said was yum-yum in my tum-tum which also just fucking I saw red when you said that. Did you feel better about it once I puked the beans up at the beach? You were being a real order of Bosco sticks. And yeah it did it did make me feel a little bit better when you barfed but I attached that to

you downing a bunch of strange island kratom. Yeah, I don't think those were associated, because I was kind of sour on the stomach before I took the kratom. I think those pickled jalapenos really weren't right. Really? I think they were passed or sat out too long. No, a pickle can't really be passed its prime.

That's the beauty of a pickle. An uncovered pickle, or if a pickle's made correctly and brined, it can absolutely be passed its prime. That's the beauty of a pickle. An uncovered pickle or if a pickle's made correctly and brined it can absolutely be past its prime sir. They can make you very ill. I think this food truck in the industrial part of Big Pine Key probably knew what they were doing. That's all I'm saying. They were closed like they ran a scheme on us when we turned around and drove back like an hour later still during daytime food hours Yeah, it was like they made their nut off of us. They're really close it up before they come back They're like, how do we make our money here? Well, we go to

Taco Bell and we order some shit from them and then we smush it all together in our own tortillas and then we resell it Yeah Yeah, but then you got sick and everyone was like, okay. Kratom rules. Kratom versus healing. Yeah, you got fucked up on Kratom and then were just. Two hours of great fun. Yeah, I mean you were a hoot.

You were a real genie in a bottle in the water. Yeah. Splashing around, carrying on. It was great. Ramping, if you will. Yeah, I felt normal for like two hours and then it faded really fast, though. Oh, yeah.

You fell off a cliff of semi-opiate use. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I, on Sunday, we're watching football all day. I will be drinking my kratom. I'm excited to see if it makes you sleepy or if you have the weird reaction that me and one of my friends has, where we get like goofy and loose

on H and opiates. I don't know. I mean, knowing me, it'll be whatever the coolest reaction is, that'll be mine. I don't know which one's cooler. I think people who can like reliably do it to be comfortable and sleepy is probably cooler as an adult. I mean, you, for lack of a better term, spaz. I get sugar high when I take opiates.

Yeah, there was real childlike wonder that returned to your cartoon face. I love it. That's why we sold so much dope. Me and my buddy Geik looked like we were having the most fun when we were on. You gotta quit talking about this Geik guy. It's his name. It's like a Jansacock, but it's a Geik. What's his real name?

Zach Geik. We're gonna start calling him Z, Mr. Z. Mr. Z? Yeah. Jansacock's last name is Jansacock. Geik's name is Geik. I know, but it's wrong. Why is it so? It's not correct. It's such a good name. Geik sucks.

Geik rules. He's a cool guy. If he's still alive, who knows with you? He's alive. But, yeah, whenever you bring up this Geik guy, I'm just like, alright, that's not doable. We can't keep hearing about the cool heroin addict, Geik. Yeah, well he was just also the only other, because even when we were teenagers it was weird to us, like, man this sucks when Hunter does it, he just sleeps on the couch. We want to like go goof around and play grab ass in the yard and be silly all night. And all of our friends would be like, let me have some of that.

And they'd pay us well so we'd keep giving it to them, but then they'd all be asleep. Yeah, you got all your friends addicted to heroin Yeah, I was right to be mad at you By the way, I'm not trying to Pull a full Lund over here. We're all fucking just Welded with bug bites so chewed. I mean Pat's got a bunch of fucking silver dollars all over his body. That poor man. Yeah. He's he's very itchy. He's so itchy. He's itching in bed. His skin's welting up. His histamines are going weird in his body. Yeah. I don't know what phenotype Pat is. I don't think his body deals with as many normal bug bites as say you or I do. Yeah you and I go on a walk once in a while and get maybe a mosquito bite here. We have some pollen tolerance built up. Yeah. Yeah. I think he gets out in the nature and it just starts attacking him. Right well I mean he's only awake when someone plays the

poke flute. So yeah I thought I thought Pat was more of a ground type but I think he might be a normal type because he's not resistant to bug attacks. No. Yeah. Yeah, you got poison stanged We also didn't know until the last day That it's like the third saltiest body of water on the planet Yeah, and we weren't washing it off we would get in that water and then I would just go about my day We'd swim for two and a half three hours. We swam every day. Then we'd wear our wet underwear and pants for the rest of the night. To the show. Yeah. Riding bicycles around in wet undies. But apparently the salt is bad enough that even like a person who's not full of open wounds it'll start to eat

away your skin so I'm sure all of our bites were just torn down to like almost an infection level just by the saltwater. I mean, not mine. I'm not disgusting like you guys. Did I soap shower more than three times in that nine days? I don't think so. But I also don't have any open wounds. I have a couple, but they're not like Pat's.

I mean, Pat's feet look like Lund thought He was almost finished with his meal. I just have the ones where like the tops gone I'm also hairy and it hides it a lot This has been wound update with Sam and Becker. Pat's body is hairless and it doesn't hide the wounds well either So we can all see them. It's true. Yeah. You know what else we can all see? Our great sponsors this week. Yeah, you know, I love seeing them. I love talking about them I love that they pay us to read ads. Is this for Wait, did we not have one?

would have been the week of the 17th Yeah, we could be 18th. Are you get them Becker I'm, dude, I was trying to think if we had one. Uh, yeah. But Pat had a rough night of sleep because he kept waking up itchy. I know he didn't go to bed because I woke up at like 3.30 and he was still up watching movies.

I think he's having not a great time. It also seemed to have put him into a great weird space last night though where he just hit the stage and lit up. I don't have a good time finding our sponsor. No? Chubby Copy. I did. I looked. I put in Fanny and Co. Oh okay. Is that what you do? I do Chubby Copy because he puts it in the subject line every time. Okay. Chubby Copy. That's kind of like Pat and me. He's been copying me. OK. We don't have an ad. That's great news.

Is that two weeks in a row? No ad? No, we had an ad last week. No ad the week before. What's happening out there? Why don't you guys buy the products we show? We told you you couldn't lose. Why didn't you listen?

Our butts have never been healthier. Our butts are so healthy. And I'm really wearing the shorts that we plug to you people. As a matter of fact, the chubby pants that Sam was wearing last night... Don't call them chubby pants, they're just khakis that are tight. The Chubbies brand pants. That's better. The Chubbies brand pants that Sam was wearing last night were such a nice fabric that they soothed his bug bites. Yeah.

He had no more itch. Look, if you live in some kind of bed bug situation and you can't afford to get fumigated, we don't have an, we're not even getting money for this right now. Get some chubby khakis and just wear those things around because yeah, your life is fucked. At least you got some cool pants that are soothing your wounds. Yeah. Also, the chicken heads were clucking last night. I don't know what it is about me, but I have a mustache and I was wearing a cool shirt and those khakis The ladies were lingering. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you had a whole thing going on last night really did. I'm sleazecore. Yeah That's the new thing. Your hair is looking nice. Even though you claim to have quit the hair drugs

I have not used the hair drugs because they were affecting how hard I got. Yeah. Are they a sponsor? Okay. Yeah. The Hymns hair system definitely was making my noodle al dente at best, to quote the great Bobby Quaynesquire. So yeah, I went off of them and now I'm just, I am, I am, I mean hey, that guy in Key West who found all those those silver bars Oh, yeah, if my dick was amongst those bars, he would probably try and give it to a freshwater conk Yeah, he'd chomp on it. Yeah, I thought that was gonna be a big part of my life chewing on money I thought Cuz like in every movie growing up anytime a guy gets like a

First of all, I also thought gold was gonna play a big part in the economics of being an adult. But I thought, I was always like, and I remember doing it to a Morgan head dollar at a coin show one time. Because like my uncle Tom, the man, a numismatist, he collected currencies, and I remember him, I always admired how much he knew about coins.

And I remember one time he took me to a coin show, I think in Colorado Springs, at that big convention center down there. And him showing off his coin stuff, and I was reading coin magazines and stuff, trying to become close to Uncle Tom. And then Uncle Tommy was like, it's a pretty good price on that Morgan head.

And I was like, yeah. And I picked it up and I fucking chomped it. And the guy was like, hey, put that, what are you doing? And my Uncle Tom there is like, you know, it's like, oh, sorry, my fat nephew tried to eat your money. All he knows is Hanna Barbaric cartoons. Yeah, yeah. And I think like the Dennis the Menace movie.

Yeah. I think that guy bites a coin in that one Yeah, yeah, Christopher Lloyd. Uh-huh because what that was to check if it was made of chocolate Is that why they people did that it was to check the softness of the metal? Ah, yeah Gold's very soft. Right. You can bite a gold coin in half and no you can leave it dent You can leave it dead. I gotta get some fucking gold and start biting it You can mark the gold with your teeth, but if it's made out of a mixture of harder metals like nickel or anything cheap, if it's plated, you won't be able to dent it.

You won't be able to sink into it. Give it a little tooth mark, which is also probably why the guy was like, hey, get it out of your mouth, it's real, you're about to put a dent in it. Yeah, I quit eating my money. Can your fat charge stop munching my coinage, Uncle Tom? Yeah, there's not nearly as much of that as you'd think there would be. No.

I'm glad that movie impressed on you as much as it did me. I feel like it's because we're damn near the same age. Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's that movie, the Casper movie. He was so fucking, Christopher Lloyd was so scary to me. He was really scary as the drifter Yeah, and it's like hard to admit to people who don't remember that movie well to be like remember He played the homeless guy and he was so scary and it was like what?

Yep, it was that movie. It was my girl my now and then there's a lot of now and then in my home Yeah, yeah, cuz Christina Ricci was in it. I Yeah, yeah because Christina Ricci was in it I don't think we had now and then now and then involved Christina Ricci as a girl in the 60s And then the flash forward like I think she was Rosie O'Donnell It was like the young women and then the older women. Yeah, you know remember that yeah I didn't watch a lot, but I do think we've I saw it my older sister might have rented it once It was like girls, but it didn't suck I know you love girls. I've never actually seen any of it

Also Becker admitted to watching matlock on the plane yesterday. Yep, and I told them okay You're allowed to watch it, but you're not allowed to enjoy it, right? So now I have to report back what I didn't like about each episode Yes, on a dating app. I hated it hated He hated the dating app, the dating app for old people. This week God punished me and they didn't air a new episode. Oh, that's Robert the Doll's curse. Yeah. Have we done a Robert the Doll breakdown on here?

Maybe a little bit, but not the whole thing. I mean, morning. We met a haunted doll. We met a haunted doll, he was dressed like a sailor, he was in a cube. A couple of very weird things happened and I don't subscribe to that shit. Oh, yeah, Becker like put on the headphones and entered into the spirit realm

Well, no, I just heard a lot of shit. Most of it didn't seem like it was gonna make any sense But when I got left alone, it told me you're fine Yeah Becker had like a blindfold on and like heavy sound canceling headphones and I was asking Robert the doll a series of questions like Robert the tabloids have you connected to Zendaya do we hear wedding bells and then you know so if the spirit is malevolent at all we definitely pushed it past the point of its patience or it loves us or Robert was like hey these guys are cool they brought me a Barbie

doll we brought her a Barbie doll. And we found out it's a little girl, so instead of it being the weird joke we wanted it to be, maybe it was just a nice gift. Yeah, yeah, because Robert the doll's actually a little girl's ghost trapped in a doll, now trapped in a cube, and now trapped in a fort, trapped on an island.

Yeah. That poor little girl, she could have been fucking up there banging Jesus, but instead she's trapped in there. there yeah so like old fat people can come up and be like I had a doll like you when I was a boy yeah or in a rich collector like it could be in Nick Cage's how much for a night alone with the doll some like rich billionaire goes in there and he's bored and then he finds out that it's a nine-year-old girl in the doll and he's like I'll give you one million dollars for a night with your doll. And they're like, sir, we don't really do that.

And he's like, you do now. Give me the girl. I mean the boy doll. Give me the ancient boy doll who's 130 years old and not a nine-year-old. It was the same company made the doll as the people who made the bear for Theodore Roosevelt. Teddy Roosevelt.

Named the bear Teddy for him. Yeah, I mean it was a mass market doll. Yeah. And we really bothered it. But yeah, we left you alone in there because you were blindfolded and deaf and we snuck out quietly as you just sat in there listening for spirit noises and every now and then you'd go, hear? Hear, now, music, I hear music.

Yeah, it was, in that room it was just a lot of music. Meanwhile we're asking Dax, the young man who showed us around like all the different places in the fort that he's banged his old lady. Nice. Yeah. Some cool spots. Oh, for sure, yeah. I pointed a gun at an airport

Maybe my favorite moment of the trip was young Dax going from a very cool loose energy with us there while also doing his job immediate panic yeah He like lunged yeah Well you bring me to a roof of a fort and say that the airport gets pissed when he sees me up here at night I'm holding a gun. I had it. I had a ghost gun and a sword. Yeah so of course I'm gonna point you. I said you think that pissed him off? Check this out. And I pointed the gun at the cop car in front of the airport and yeah and he like lunged and slapped it down. That was the scariest thing to happen an international

airport yeah yeah I pointed a gun at it oh that was great um yeah I don't know I guess I don't go in for the the spooks and the Supernaturals me neither but over the museum the museum seems like I would really enjoy it during the day when I could see all the wartime stuff. They had a lot of displays we didn't look at or see. So you have the option between going to a haunted fort that's been there for 400 years where enslaved people, yellow fever, the Civil War took place there. You could, you can visit that at night

with no one else is there besides a 23 year old who wants to impress you very much and is giving you an all-access free tour or you can go in the daytime with a bunch of Japanese people. No I'm saying if we were normal people and we were going at night with like a tour group to just the one room the hallway. We're not normal people. And the other room we went to. We're big time so yeah we got a cool treatment but we did skip over a good portion of the fort where they had like maritime history and cool displays and shit yeah but we got to be alone in that haunted dollhouse I know but as a normal which was actually scary who wouldn't get to

do that yeah I think the daytime one might be more fun if you're not into spooky shit better you're all that to your days of normalcy are gone You are you are the fucking boosters on a rocket ship right now Yeah, we get nighttime Dax treatment remember when we went to the broil that restaurant down there got that hookup They said they're gonna hook us up They hooked you up, and then they didn't and I just spent six hundred and fifteen dollars on okay steak Mine was really fucking great the food was actually good Yeah, I just thought we were gonna get a hookup because we were invited guests of the owner's daughter and son-in-law

Yeah, we didn't think hookup just meant camera access in the kitchen We got to go in the kitchen and talk to a guy about his sobriety And then a kid told me that he's never left Key West and I was like you got to go to Atlanta You should see the butts up there and then everyone in the kitchen laughed really hard to the point where like, so did he tell them to laugh at everything I say really hard because that wasn't that good? No, they're probably just used to kitchen jokes,

which are the lowest form of humor. Yeah, it's a lot of ice, satin, gum, what time is it? Yeah. Mm-hmm. I made flan, and then it's just your balls in a flan pan. Yeah, it's a lot of noise-based humor. Mm-hmm. I made flan and then it's just your balls in a flan pan. Yeah, it's a lot of noise based humor. Mm-hmm Yeah, yep. I mean I like a noise based joke. Oh, yeah, but I like it spread out between other good jokes These has to be a variety now. Have you heard any good jokes recently?

Yeah Yep You know, I love a good joke Yep You know, I love a good joke No good street jokes, no, I Really enjoyed a lot of Pat's material this weekend I was your pack guy now you had a set about wet burritos because we had another bad burrito at Garbo's which was the wettest Thing I've ever been served Becker got served a burrito that was like

thing I've ever been served. Becker got served a burrito that was like bouillabaisse in a tortilla. There was more liquid came out of it than the volume of it was. Yeah, it was magic in fact. Maybe it was blessed by Robert. But yeah, you had a little like boat that your burrito came in.

And that thing was three inches deep with brown liquid. It was fucked. I've never seen anything like it. It was so... It was... I've done my research on white burritos. It was fucked. I've never seen anything like it. It was so, it was. And I've done my research on wet burritos. It wasn't even good. Like I've had like a pho burrito or something

where they put the noodles in and it's wet. Ew, knock it off. Those are good. I'd rather you say gyke than tell me about pho burritos. Pho burritos are good. Ah, Becker. It's a nice way to go. Oh, shut up.

It's a winter treat. Burritos, pho is like, ugh. This was a dog food burrito. It was very close to what? Wet dog food consistency is yeah, I'm to meet there might have been like six slivers a carrot and cabbage My burger I got from there was like a hockey puck and the case didn't scabs. Yeah, it was hard to chew One would have loved it because it was chunk-esque and then when we called the guy out who told us to go there He was like before we told him how we didn't like it. He was like, yeah. Yeah, you burping it up all night Uh-huh. Okay, but you recommended to go there was your idea. Yeah. Yeah

And then there it was at Hanks and Key West. Yes, and Hank was there Hank is a golden retriever Yeah, Hank sleeping on the floor. Yeah. It turns out that Hank's full name is Hank Edward Panky. So his name is Hanky Panky. So I said that and everyone in Key West was like, that's not funny. As if Hank has like a revered place in their cultural hierarchy. Like at the top of the pyramid of the caste system, there's Hank. Hank and beneath that there's the mayor. It's Hank then Tom Dustin. Right yeah. Then the conk lady who won the competition. Right and then the fanciful

homosexuals who arrange parades by daily. Yeah and then everyone else. The untouchables, the unwashed. There was a moment where they tried to tell me somebody was trying to tell us that Key West has the most parades of anywhere Oh, yeah, definitely not New Orleans is like well recognized for having the most parades of anywhere I mean Tom's full of what some people would call fun facts. Is that Tom? Probably, okay, if it was if it was a parade related bit of information, that's Tom Dustin for sure I love Tom. I do too. We put him in a cooler and made him pop out of it. Yeah, we didn't remember it the next day I was like, I thought you were completely lucid. That's right

He apologized to us for how drunk he was and we were like, what are you talking about? Yeah, I thought you like maybe had a couple drinks and we're just chilling. I was blacked out I don't I saw that trunk video this morning on your Instagram He's like, oh, I was blacked out. I saw that trunk video this morning on your Instagram. It's like, what, dude? Maybe the most lucid he was all week. You literally won a spelling bee in your blackout. You won the drunk spelling bee on non-easy words.

He is a superhero of a human. Yeah. Interesting. Well, I enjoyed my time down there. I loved it. But now, now it's Tampa. We're in Tampa. We're in a corporate park. Yeah, the name of this hotel, this hotel is on Corporate Lake Boulevard.

There's corporate lake. There's three or four giant lakes with corporate buildings surrounding it, so it's accurately named. Yeah, there's a, there's a lake out there that just has the blackwater logo on top of it. It's just floating there. Did you see the end of unbreakable last night? No. Dude, I watched Ladybird and then unbreakable.

Awesome. Unbreakables. Unbreakable is so fucking good. So good. I don't like the ending. It's a bit of a letdown. I don't remember it. I haven haven't seen it in pride 10 12 years So it's like revealed that Bruce Willis has never been injured. So he calls mr. Glass Samuel L Jackson

Bruce Willis admits that he's never been injured even though he was in a car wreck that ruined his football career But he just he pretended to be injured so that he could then Just be with his his lady who didn't like football. Okay. Okay. So then Mr. Glass thinks that like his hypothesis is unproven because he has been injured but then he tells them that he hasn't been injured. So then he's like what do I do? How do I become a superhero? Mr. Glass says go to a busy place and you'll know who the worst criminal is and he's like so Bruce Willis is then in a train terminal and he's bumping against people.

And as he bumps them, he takes in whatever bits of nastiness they've done. So a woman stole the bracelet and then a guy cheated on his wife. But then there's a guy pushing a trash can who family annihilated a stranger's home. He knocks on a guy's door and he's like, I like your house and then he kills the guy.

And then he like, I think big R's the mother to death. Okay. He has some ranch wear until she passes away. And then the kids are also chained up. So like Bruce Willis like follows that guy. After he gets this glimpse from just making contact with him. So Bruce Willis does have superpowers. I remember the glimpse thing happening now

that you mentioned and being like like this is kind of bullshit like no that's not he has telepathy now yeah it just the M night business got involved right at the end so anyway then he goes and he like avenges the family because his enemy is a pool so he like survives falling in a pool and then he chokes the man to death and doesn't get any trouble. He like kills the guy I think but then Mr. Glass like calls him in and it's revealed that Mr. Glass has been like orchestrating all these terrorist attacks. Yeah I do remember that he was in charge of a bunch of shit. Right. He ends up being in

charge of the guy in the next movie. Didn't see the next movie. I didn't either because it was presented as more of a horror. Still I like superheroes. I hate scary things. Alright, well hold on. This is a big part of the pod is me recapping movies from 20 years ago. So anyway, Bruce Willis just walks out of Mr. Glass' place. And Mr. Glass is like, we should be friends, we're not so different, you and I. And then like the final shot just says like,

Bruce Willis's character called the cops and turned in Mr. Glass. And that's like the closing, that's the end of the movie. Whoa, I don't remember that at all. Yeah, maybe it was retconned for a younger generation. Yeah. That could be. I don't know. Or they might have, maybe M. Night re-edited it because he was gonna finish the trilogy. I don't

think he re-edited it. That's true. No, you just want a reimagining so you can like the movie. But no, I remember, it's the missionary style Unbreakable that we all saw as kids. Really liking it though is like a 12 13 year old boy of course. Yeah. Yeah, I Mean, do you remember how impactful the sixth sense was these kids listening right now? Riding around on their unicycles as they learn to juggle. They don't know how important that movie was I see dead people That was huge. It's not just a meme. No. Yeah walking out of that theater at the end of the movie was a real like Tonight's over. I need to go home and have dinner and go to bed and process this. It was a worm burner. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep Yeah, I don't know. I I wanted to see a movie today, but they're only showing Megamind

Yep, it's a weird theater out here at the corporate lake. What am I Susanna? What am I a baby trying to get away from his mom? I'd rather see Megamind than any of this shit they're actually... Gladiator 2, you fool! They're playing the Kieran Culkin... Oh yeah. I Still Love You or... Yeah. It's about two guy friends on vacation. I think it's what, North Goes to Auschwitz? Isn't that what it is something is damn North in the damn movie no I think it's Jesse Eisenberg oh man they needed like a North all grown up remember North no you don't the Elijah Wood star vehicle oh where

he's auditioning to be adopted by different families and he goes like the Chinese Cowboys house yeah it. And it's just, man. It's just racist against Chinese people. It's. And then he goes to like Nanook of the North and he's up there with Inuit people. And the Inuit guys played by.

This is all very vague. Who's that comedian, the brown comedian who everyone loves and he never really blew up. Kind of like a schlubby kind of like this guy. You know, I've been doing stand up forever, you know? Like everyone loves him. He does like a lounge act now. Come on. He's from Canada.

No. Oh. He's just from New York, I think. He's like Italian, but everyone's like, his name's like Joe Pantlodiie Not Joe Montaigne. No, no pants God damn it. This is not what the podcast is about is trying to remember lesser character actors who were in the movie North Look it up. Look it up North cast. My phone is the camera. All right. All right, man

Your favorite movies your favorite movies. My favorite movies are Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Elias Kodiak's best role. North. What was the, their back was one I wanted, I just saw recently on my, I think it was Peacock. Dude, the cast for North is crazy. And I remember loving that, and I wanna watch it with my nephew. Listen to this cast. Elijah Wood, Bruce Willis as the Easter Bunny.

Jason Alexander as North's dad. Dan Aykroyd, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Kathy Bates, Scarlett Johansson, Reba McIntyre, Alan Arkin, John Lovitz of course, John Ritter, Jussie Smollett, he's in this movie, yes. Richard Belzer, Kelly McGillis. Dude, this was a rockin' set. Where the fuck is the guy who played him?

What year was it? Abe Vagoda was the Alaskan grandfather? Aww. Ben Stein? Dude. You need to watch North. Yeah. We should do a North watch along. That'd be fun. Hey guys go off in the comments if you want to see us watch North. Yeah where it's just an audio commentary from us. I kind of want to put the video. I kind of want to put this one out. Should this be the Patreon or the free one? Probably the free one. Okay, because on the Patreon we need to do the bit about my dad and Pat. Absolutely. I want Pat to be there and it needs to be the Patreon. You guys want to see me giggle till I get a tummy ache this week. Yeah, we almost made Becker throw up last night. I was already like really weird last night. I felt very ill. I was kind of out of it.

You guys, I wasn't saying it to get that attention, but very ill. I was kind of out of it. You guys, I wasn't saying it to get that attention, but I couldn't remember what kind of car we had gotten in. Sam clocked that as like, oh, Becker's actually fucking not doing good. Yeah, and we're not trying to like fucking entice you. Maybe the bit won't hold up on the- It'll hold up.

I was dying. Well, I'm just saying that we can't do it on the free one because YouTube will kick us off. That's what kind of bit we're talking about. And it's not just baskets of Bosco sticks. It saved my life last night. I laughed for 30 minutes and it gave me the strength to go upstairs and go to sleep. Yep.

If you if you need strength in your workaday life, where are we at? 5925. You nailed it. If we need strength, if you need strength in your workaday life. Where are we at? 5925 you nailed it. If we need strength if you need strength in your workaday life look I know that it's not easy to go to that fucking that that you go out to your garage you know where it is you've got that toolbox it's locked down with a key that you carry as a necklace much like Becker and his hop head friends used to carry their names written on grains of rice

So they could be identified if they wash up at the morgue You wash up at the morgue, and they're like he didn't have his idea on him, and then they're like oh Yeah, they're just looking over your body for like any kind of clues as to what killed you and then they're like oh, it's Jacob Becker But yeah, you know you you could go out to that fucking box in the garage and unlock that box and take that pistol out of there and go to work and Write your name and history of mortem Don't do that What you need to do is you need to fill up the hours of your life with the chubby behemoth on patreon patreon.com

Chubby behemoth we're going to do a bit on there that um might bum a lot of people out honestly I don't know feel like it's gonna make that whole cruise day hopefully my dad's not a subscriber buddy David love it buddy you got a minute hey buddy I know you're busy. So but you know your buddy Patrick? Oh God. Go to Chubby Behemoth. Patreon.com. Patreon.

Slash Chubby Behemoth. Check it out. Thank you to the other people that sent me birthday presents that let me afford an insane amount of Turkish Delights this week and I appreciate all you guys. Becker blew all your gifts on over under $300 of Turkish Delights. Yeah, but it was all from you guys. So I really appreciate the late birthday present I got to give myself because of you. Yeah, and also if you want to give me a birthday present, come see me in Denver next week. Three of the six shows are already sold out.

There's less than a hundred tickets left for those Denver shows out of the three remaining shows. Springfield, Missouri. Good God. There couldn't be more tickets available for that weekend. Jesus Christ. They're going to have to take hours out of the day to make less of an impact in people's lives. And the tickets we've moved there, go on out and see me in Springfield, Missouri, Dallas, Texas, and hyenas added recently, uh, Texas at Hyenas, added recently, Brookfield, Wisconsin, AKA Milwaukee,

Honolulu, Hawaii, oh, I'm doing a show in like Akron, I think, in December at the Comedy Stop, and also the show, tickets for the Detroit shows I'm doing at the Independent, or on the Independence website. Cool things are happening. Oh, here's something I should discuss here, probably. If you want to order my book from me or from Amazon,

I would highly encourage you to do so before December 25th, Christmas as we call it, in the Christian calendar. I would highly, highly recommend you do that because it might not be available until March 25th after that. So go on there. Also, I'm gonna be selling these sick shirts

that I made of like a big like marauder type guy on a chick, like a babe has him on a leash. Those are gonna be on my website soon. It fucking rules. They're like heavy metal era comic art. Yeah, they're Toltex long sleeves too, so they run big and they're fucking rules. They're like heavy metal era comic art. Yeah, they're Toltex long sleeves too so they run big and they're fucking nice. What we never talked about, if there's any screen printers out there right now who were like where could I get some fucking Comfort Colors or some Hanes beefy tees

for cheap? Key West. Key West $5 stores have nothing but the highest quality long sleeve garments in the apparel business in my opinion. A man who's made tens of thousand dollars selling t-shirts over his life. Maybe we should all go in and buy the, just buy up a $5 store. Cause they have all the most bad ass, where are they getting these comfort colors from? Dude, I think there's like a whole stolen... You think so? Cargo ship economy going on down below the keys. You think like a container washed ashore and it was just full of like...

Yeah. Comfort color shirts? One of those $5 stores was selling Supreme shirts. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. I think there's very much a unsavory element that's getting product to those people. But those Supreme shirts are fake. The Supreme shirts were fake.

Yeah. At least a couple of them were. No, they're all fake. I liked the one that had a I love sluts on it. I mean, the shirts down there. They're crazy what people are willing to. I just can't believe that Lund optioned the rights to his wedding vows

to be put on a t-shirt. Yep. I love sluts. Oh, I thought it was I'm about to go ruin a toilet. Goodbye.