Chubby Behemoth - I've Been Wet Before Man

Episode Date: June 12, 2026

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/     Sponsors: Cash App - Download Cash App today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/g0yurtz9 #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/en-us/card-agreement. Direct Deposit, Overdraft Coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http:///cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.     IndaCloud - If you're 21 or older, get 30% OFF your first order @ IndaCloud with code CHUBBY at https://inda.shop/CHUBBY #indacloudpod     Chubbies - Chubbies is here to keep you comfy & looking good year-round. Get 20% off with code chubby at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/chubby #chubbiespod #ad     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the boys are wearing hats and standing up. Sam is a sweet little cannonballer, has a Cold War brewing with some neighbors, and helped a man with his community garden. Nathan braved a stop at Buc-ee's, wants to be left on the ground, and was turned into a half cartoon. Gridlock traffic in taint city.     00:00 Unless Ghosts Can Buy Tickets 02:16 I Knew What I Wanted 03:45 Roll Up Your Sleeves 06:18 Fort Wayne 09:07 The Way I See You In My Head 12:23 Stray Dog Update 13:29 Saw The Curtain Move 14:11 Some Fun Local News 16:03 Playing Goalie 18:56 Crazy Pitch 19:56 Giant Production Crew 22:38 Dorfing It 25:08 Not Sustainable 29:34 Smoke Signals 32:34 I'm The Shadow 34:05 Pentagram Music Video 37:09 Set Off My Own Alarm 39:25 Pool Yoga 41:54 Dickin Around 43:34 The Thighs Don't Lie 46:10 Pushing War Machine 48:13 Bunch Of Thistles 50:22 Like A Psycho 52:09 Horseshoe Of Hell 53:58 This Isn't Of God 55:05 Working In Shifts Down Here 57:01 On Your Bellybutton 59:36 The Good Chef Quit 01:02:18 Candles Made Of Other Melted Candles 01:04:21 The Orphan Special 01:06:46 Brent The Golf Man     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1

Unless ghosts can buy tickets. Otherwise, you know, I need them. Hey, everyone. We are here and you are queer. And that's okay. Because this is gay guys. Gay guys weekly. I, of course, am Sebastian, joined as always by Mondo and Craig.

Craig, you're looking particularly catty today. And Mondo, shirtless, I see. More Mondo to share. Yeah, I love everyone, a little scoop. Uh, Moss Mando, please. Hey! Hmm. I'm standing.

I'm completely nude. I'm drunk. Just kidding about the drunk thing. No, no. Not drunk. No, I can tell. I don't want to make a big deal of it, but you're clearly drunk. You were drinking on Sunday.

You smelled like gin. Kim made me. Yeah. That's what, that's, I saw that one. coming and she got fucking high. Kim got high as hell in that green room. She didn't know how high she was going to get. I think she did. She wanted it. She smoked. I made her riff my puff co and she hit it like six times and then just kind of sat there and batted her eyes. She was like, I don't want anyone to see me. It's like you're in the room with us. She put a pillowcase on her

head. She, they were originally going to eat something after the show Kim and Evan. But Then they were like, let's just go home. And I was like, all right. So they're as high as they can possibly be. Yeah. Instead of walking across the street and eating something, they just bailed. Evan left his wall. They got an I-25 in a rental car.

Yeah. But they made it. He left his ID behind because he didn't want to be identified as the killer. Can't get in trouble. You can't get in trouble. You get pulled over. He punted your sister into the river. You booted her?

No, he's like somebody rented this car. are good luck proving it's me i'm the man with no wallet no pass i'm the man with no wallet i'm not even driving so you're behind the wheel prove it prove where i am on earth i went to uh the buckies that's like 20 miles south of fort collins and it was 11 p.m and it might as well have been rush hour it was slammed everybody loves slain and you were sliming yeah it's the best I got in and got out. I assumed you did a big lap in there. No, I knew what I wanted.

I wanted some hot food and I wanted a couple of Coke zeros. There were a lot of distractions that I didn't need to worry myself with because I didn't want to be in there for a half hour. So I got in and got out. You put your blinders on and focused on one task and achieving it. Tell me a picture with Bucky. Yeah, hey Bucky. The first time I went into a Bucky's was with you and Pat.

in Texas and that was that was during the day that one was at capacity they were one in one out there's like a hundred gas handle it you literally went on the fritz you went in you were like and then just walked and got a brisket sandwich and left without paying I was like he's okay he's with me I got it he's from a town of four this is too much his There's a street light In the Buckees. That's how big they are.

There's traffic. There's a guy. Right. They have construction crews. They have parking cars. They have L.A. inside for people's rascals. Before you go up to Bucky and be like, Roll up your sleeves.

Show me your tattoos. See if he's in the Aryan Brotherhood. Or in like a cop gang. Or I guess a mascot gang. Like roll up your sleeves. Bucky. Have you heard that behavior? The L.A. Sheriff's Department or what? Yeah, for sure. People will yell that at the L.A. Sheriff's Department and like the

Seamy Valley Sheriff's Department. They'll be like, show us your sleeves because they're all in like murder gangs. They'll have corn tattoos. Yeah. They're listening to shine down and just blowing people's heads off and then getting like and then they'll be in like gangs called like, you know, the jack around jet. or like the loco riders or like the mud honeies and then they'll have like uh they'll have like a snake and when they finally kill someone they'll get like the fangs filled in with blood to show that they've spilled blood for police oh sure you got a boot with blood on it i am the boot

Alex Jones i am the blood i am the state i am the state i am the flag i fear Alex Jones I think he's going to come get me. What'd you do? This weekend. This weekend in Austin, he's going to come paddle me. Oh, no. Wouldn't that be charged?

If I got sexually assaulted by Alex Jones, that'd be so good for the pod. What gender are you? He wants to inspect. He's feeling around. He's just tapping. He has a blindfold on. Let me figure this out.

What do you got down there? You got a V or a P? Oh, I know what that is. That's balls. You got balls, but no penis. God damn it. What are you? You abomination. Is Soros create you? Are you a Palantir project? What are you? These are testicles, damn it? Oh, there it is. There's the peen. I see. All right. He mushes them into one. Brother. One ball. Everybody just needs one. He stuffs them into one side of the sack. bundle all the guys up there you go it's like a hobo packing a bindle not medically possible but he doesn't that's another thing yeah i'll bet your wife thinks you can't tuck tuck to one side i've been tucking since i was 12 i tuck it in i say night night little kangaroo see you in the morning wait

what happened you where i'm going what happened with the the soccer game that delayed us you didn't go because your tummy hurt. No, I went. It was on Fort Wayne. I don't know if we have any Detroit heads listening, but it was in a weird part of town like off Jefferson in Detroit, and you can see Canada right across the way. And there's just big piles of construction equipment like in Canada.

But meanwhile, Fort Wayne is like a, it was built in like, what the sign say, 1915. So you have all these barracks. and you have the married officer's houses, and you have, like, the gentleman's quarters, and you can just, like, walk around. I, of course, you would make so much fun of me. I didn't explore any of it.

Instead, I laid out my picnic blanket that Susu and Hannah got me for my birthday, and I laid on my side recumbent and sassy underneath a parasol watching Emily play soccer. I don't shake your head, Becker. I'm your boss. I know, but you're describing, like, those ladies who would go watch the Civil War. That's who you work for. Yeah, I was a cannonballer. I'm a sweet little cannonballer.

Yeah, dude, that's me. And I, like, there's all these, like, young... Go ahead. Fire the cannons, boys. Let's blast, fellas. I got mine tucked like AJ taught me. The piece is... Oh, my guys are in one shoe.

Oh. No, I get it. I looked at a few pictures of that place, and it looked hilarious to imagine adults kicking a soccer ball around being like, fuck. I blasted it. I missed my cutoff man. Yeah, imagine me watching like Andrew Jackson was my sweetheart. Line up in fire, boys. Let the red coats have it.

It didn't look super exciting. Wrong war. I don't think you missed a lot. Red brick buildings. Have he scored the first goal for their team? Oh, whoa. For the other team? Yeah, she scored her first goal.

No, for her team. Oh, God. Damn. Did she say, I'm scoring in here? No, no. I'm scoring. Because I was like a football field away watching through my Niz Pierce. Just sitting there with my monocle.

Just, hmm, excellent work. Oh, that's not Emily at all. Striking young man, though. Let's see what you're up to. Oh, Chinese. Interesting. Put your clapping gloves on. I don't want to bruise my palms for the fair.

I'm appraising all of the squash. I don't want to bruise any of the gourds. Yeah, I was just sitting in my parasol, but their goalie on Emily's team was maybe four foot two and probably 220 pounds. Oh, bruiser. It was like there was two balls out there. Yeah.

It was like, Lund, if I could draw you the way that I, like, see you in my head and, like, wish that you were, which is just like a little critter furball type guy. Yeah, critter. I have to carry around, you know. I'm just toting you everywhere, and you're like, ah, ha, gnashing. Yeah, keep your nose away from his lips. A hairy, hairy chucky doll with a goatee and or. I mean you, but just smushed. And yeah, and I just get a brandish you kind of like my party favor.

Yeah, he's a he's a full grown guy. And you don't need to nash. Like you're still you. You're completely normal. Your brain works. But yet that's our gag we do. Is you're like a gnashing moron, like indigent. Slauggery.

When you pick me up, I'm gnashing because I'm mad at you. people think it's because I'm feral. But I'm just like, no. It's like the one thing I said is don't fucking pick me up. Unless there's a big gruddle. I agree to this curse. When I took that $200 to be shrank. Yeah.

Unless there's a big puddle or a dog is off the leash. You leave me on the ground. Hey, everyone. As of this recording, there are still a very few amount of tickets left for the shows in Austin this Saturday and Sunday, late show Saturday and Sunday, or have some tickets. Syracuse, July 10th and 11th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and Oklahoma City, followed by Nashville, Huntsville, Naples, Tampa, Virginia Beach, Richmond, Virginia, Milwaukee, Winnipeg, a whole bunch of shows, Samtallon.com.

I want to go back to Winnipeg. I like Winnipeg. Yeah, they want you to go. Becker and I are going to be in Oklahoma City and Tulsa for sure. And July 3rd, see me headline the downtown comedy works, use promo code Lund to get discounted tickets. The tickets are quite expensive and it's ridiculous because I'm just a guy. They're $27 and that's, I mean, I got a lot of, I got a lot of chuds that want to come to the show. So use promo code Lund and you'll get a nice discount and hopefully go to the show. we have so many listeners in Denver

Colorado Springs Elbert County Douglas County Fort Collins Go see Lund It's his big headlining debut It's not a triple threat It's not some bullshit Not my headlining debut

I headlined Thanksgiving weekend No I did Thanksgiving weekend This is my second time Well this is the big one though Yeah It's bigger than ever You don't have to work the next day So go down there

Use promo code Lund and see the show Oh, Linden. Any dogs? Yeah, I actually was going to send you a heads up. I forgot. There's two stray pit bulls that look very skinny over by the bridge on Linden, the underpassed by the train tracks.

So if you're riding around over there, I wouldn't stop right in that spot. Yeah, there's two of them. I, like, reversed my route. And then when I came back, I didn't see them anywhere, but I'm still wary. Are you carrying a Boastaff? or a small sithe? No, I should get a little knife. Your wife's right.

Yeah, look at Cutlass. Yeah. She played soccer with a couple knives on her just in case. Yeah, she said when she'd go in La Hunter, she'd carry her phone in one hand and her knife and the other. Yeah, and she ran topless

and she never got a collar. I want to dance with somebody. She's blasted. Wait, where did she have headphones on and that's why she had the knife? The knife would be your ears. And her nose often. My nose.

She'd follow. I'd smelling that I shit my shorts. Oh, man. I forgot I'm new. You're doing your, I just shit my pants rummage around. I'm nude. Oh, man. So I didn't shit anything.

You saw the curtain move. Yeah, it blows. The screen behind you. It gets knocked over. Yeah. It creatures behind you nude. Like iron hang or making chili. There's like five nude.

people behind that screen. Only the dogs have clothes on and they're all sitting at the table. It's opposite Thursday. Yeah. We have fun down here. We're back in the opening of Roseanne. One of them has a drone.

What? We've got some fun local news is that... What? The two loose pit bulls. Well, yeah, that's right. That was the front page. Yeah. Page two, it's only two page paper. But page two... Toilet paper.

You guys can wipe. There was a beloved pizza place here that closed, like last year. And it was, it went away. And it was like, oh, the building's for sale. There's a, you know, there's a wood oven. If anybody wanted to take it over, it was all for sale or the building. But nobody bought it. And then this dickhead who lives here, who has,

a bar and a restaurant was like, oh shit, I will fill the pizza hole in Trinidad. And so he did this big pivot. He's like, oh, we do pizza now. Our whole thing is pizza. They have other shit still. But it's front and center, change the name, you know, tons of AI flyers with like way too much information. Like so many paragraphs on these flyers just talking about like the daily special, but

then like thanking teacher. We don't, you don't need more than three lines of copy. on a pizza ad you say pizza the address and then you say pizza pizza yummy one of the lines you need one of them explain the history of pizza oh my god okay so yeah just I saw it and I thought of you I was like oh that was I hate this I didn't see that was actually the front page of the newspaper also three days it was like him I on a motorcycle at the top of line on a motorcycle no the fellow was talking about with a long PDF that like explain the history of pizza and then like explained what they're trying to do pizza or as we call it in trinidad

round pie uh he also got some shit because he uh there was a woman who posted oh we tried the pizza at the new pizza place and it was trash it sucked and then he's like hey guess what you shouldn't be eating pizza anyway because she was 4-2 220 or whatever so he blast this woman and then she's like she's like goalie yeah Yeah, she's like, what are you? I didn't know Lund came in. I get some shrapnel. I get, I get, I get some blowback.

You're Dorfing in there. So, uh, he blasts. It smells like Lund's in here, but I don't see him, but I can smell it. Oh, Lund. Smushed by the train. Uh, no, so he blasts this woman. She's the wrong one because she blasts back and like just hits them. She knows them or whatever.

shares his like criminal past and so that would backfire and then he's only been like what was his criminal past he's got all kinds of shit on there it was shared years ago by some rando when he was still like you know acting like me and kavon and jake and whoever i mean jake obviously satanist but like he painted all of us from denver as like these uh communist like that guy Russian spies yeah yeah yeah publicly fired Jay oh yeah yeah he was shitty to

yeah he tarred and feathered Jay yeah and put up flyers before we came here about our Satanus bookstore that we were going to open in town beat the shit out of Jay okay oh but yeah so so he is like all in on pizza and then yesterday the Facebook page for the for Bella Luna

was like hey guess what we're back i think it's it's got to be new owners but like they must have bought the facebook page whatever i heard a remember it was old employees oh shit okay but yeah so like it's coming back i heard it was the mario brothers god that would be huge it's gonna be crazy they want to get away from the mushroom kingdom and just kind of chill yoshi's gonna be down here once a month you can get you can sit on them and if you have an egg he'll sign it I've been cracking up thinking about this dude, just like, literally like steam coming out of his ears. Like, he has to throw a pizza into the trash because he let it burn because he's just like stewing his. He's just seeing red and not sauce.

Yeah, he fucked himself. That's why you don't pop on the new bandwagon, you know? I understand filling a gap in the market, but hey, come on. Stick to parogies or whatever the hell he was making before. And he waited too long. Like if he would have jumped on it when it first closed, he probably would have established a customer base. But now everyone's favorites back. And he's like barely started.

Doesn't have a handle on it yet. So there was an extended period where there wasn't a pizza place in Rattown. Not other than Domino's or Pizza Hut because sexy pizza went away. And you guys didn't say, hey, Sam T. We got a crazy pitch for a business slash sitcom and or reality show. Becker and Lund, Pizza Town. Two guys, a lot of a pizza place. Yeah, two guys, one's nude, and a pizza place.

Yeah, no. Oh, you want us to be here more and not with you on the road. Yes. I mean, no. That's our plan B is a pizza place. And we'd make shit like jerk chicken pizza. And guess what? Godspeed.

There's a lot of fucking idiots down there who would eat that trash. It was good. I liked it. Yeah, have fun fleecing all the other radium brain. that live around you. You could be like, there's a sand pizza that'd be like,

well, I've been eating without the crust. So might as well put a little cheese on there. I like to think that behind Lund's screen, there's a giant production crew of like producers

and like second directors. Like Brett hikers there. There's a microphone over me, big microphone that gets in the shot once or twice. Whoops. There's a whole team. putting this on takes a village a video village it's craft services i know that you have both seen

my new lighthouse commercial speaking of there were craft services there was no hair and makeup person and somehow i look like a cartoon or wardrobe it looked either oh no there was wardrobe they wanted me to look like that huh they dressed me like that and then yeah i think they Dutch boy. I think they joshed me after the fact. You were like the leader of the tulip parade. I look weird. It's uncanny valley, even though it was me.

You look weird. They turned me into a fucking cartoon, like half a cartoon. How did they change you from human to that? Filters or something, some kind of technology. They can't do AI. There's like some clause where they can't. They can't create me. out of nothing with AI but I'll bet there's like a workaround we're like oh but we can make them

look weird though we can give them a we can make it like Shirley Dimple oh yeah they tarded me your legs didn't touch the ground if you sat on a chair I thought for sure you had makeup I didn't realize there was no makeup on because I thought that's all it was I thought you had strings I showed up I was like oh I can't hopefully they got uh what's her name a neat or not Anita. Her Instagram name is Anita. Anita Big Mac. Shit, I can't think of her name. I think it's Casey. She,

there was someone that was on set for a couple of those previous commercials. And then I show up and I was like, oh yeah, I brought some moose or whatever. And they were like, oh, well, cool. Chocolate or vanilla? And very good. I did chocolate on top

of the vanilla. double dutch in it but they were like no no just go do some moose and we'll take care of the rest and yeah I was a little worried that they were going to fucking just have some yeah a filter or something post post effects and I looked weird and they made me they made me sit they made me kneel on that couch and I was like this is going to look insane. Because no one, yes, because no one would ever kneel, like you're at home, I might as well kneel on my couch real quick. It's effeminate. Yeah, unless you're tiny.

If you're a tiny person or like tall and thin, you would fold your, you'd sit on your feet or whatever. But yeah, it looked completely unnatural. And I was like, whatever you got to do, count in the tiles. Well, hey, listeners, you got it right there. London is kneeling on a couch and a ranch ad. if you want to go clip that for me, I would be very grateful. Make him look nubbed, legless.

Put shoes on the bottom of his knees. Or make the couch walk? I don't know. Shoes on the knees would be good. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. Cash App does more than you think when it comes to having your back and making sure your money stays your money. Cash App just released a new status program for the way people actually spend

called Cash App Green. Now, when you spend at least $500 a month with the Cash App card, you earn Green Status, which unlocks benefits like up to $200 of free overdraft coverage. You can also unlock higher borrow limits and custom personalized cashback offers every Friday at places you love to shop. Turn every day spending into status with Cash App Green. Download Cash App today or visitcash.com. To learn more about this and other financial benefits, New Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code Cash App 10 in their profile at sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank, so don't rob it.

Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners, prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, Cash App Visa debit Flex cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, and the Bank Corp. Bank N.A. pursuant to a license from Visa, USA, Inc. C terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton Debit FlexCard, and Bank Corp. Debit Flex Card. Cash App Green features, savings, direct deposit, roundups, overdraft coverage, and discounts provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. brand. Visit cash.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Hey, back to the fun. yeah that'd be great my knee just my knee just buckled I was like I was like crouched and it's not sustainable well if you want to bail on the whole standing gag I get it I know well it's a work in progress we're figuring out as a team I got like I said I got those guys here you were right hopefully they're not it's a rough house to swing by Danny McBride and the gang are there standing by

well I have some I have some news over here what happened I had a little I have a little cold war brewing between me and some neighbors

now there is I don't know how to say this without really doxing myself too hard you live in Michigan I think it's okay to say well so So there's this real nice patch of clover in my neighborhood. And from what I can tell, it's on my property because it's within my fence, you know, it's mine. Right.

Yeah. I know it's all this bullshit. You have to check the, you have to go to the library to see what the original fucking. No, no, no. I read that too complicated because I know the story in my head. head already. It's on my property. It's right by the fence. All right. I like to lay in this clover and I like to puff a joint and read my books. No, but shirtless. I've been shirtless over there. On a real hot day, pop the top off, laying the clover, let it sponge you. You earned it.

And I planted this clover. I've been growing this clover for 18 months. It's perfect. It's cushy. It's like a Casper mattress was green and outside. It's built for me to plop in. And I want to fire up a J. well there's a playground next door to my school or next door to my house all right there's a playground next door to my house and kids play over there throughout the day school's out serves up alice cooper's you know rolling in his grave so i'm doing a jay laying in the grass it's about four in the afternoon i'm reading a jordan harper novel i've got a i got a cup of beat juice over crushed ice next to me all my work's done in the yard i'm really living the american fucking dream right here. Okay?

I have a blanket that my knee spot me. I'm high on my own supply. I'm laying in the in the clover on a blanket. So I'm not killing the clover or getting dirty. All right, but I have the plushness of the clover beneath me. And you know, initially I was laying in the clover. I think I was killing it. So now I'm on the blanket. Anyway.

Doing my jay. I'm in the clove. Doing your thing. Doing your thing. Do you're doing my thing. Yeah, man. You get it. So this mom does that thing where she starts like coughing really loud on the other side of the fence no like a ways away right yeah yeah like very far away 50 feet away uh you know by law fucking judge so i'm i'm puffing my jay clouding it up you know electric wizard high on

fire and by the way dude i tried to play along to that mastodon song that we love Fuck. Call of the, or no, the wolf is loose. Yeah, the wolf is loose or whatever, the wolf one dude. Yeah. Holy shit. I mean, I am not close, but it's fun when you get two bars of it right. It's insane.

And that guy has a double base and he's a technical wizard. Nuts. I put a new snare head on so I can actually do rolls again. I had this like bucket lid on top of my snare forever because it moved from Colorado to here so the humidity ate it. So I had shit on there. I didn't even have a goddamn drum key, but I'm back, baby. Posted a fun video on my Instagram today and me playing, I am, I'm not a loser by the descendants.

Yeah, I want me back behind that kid. And the first one, and it made me think of when I got to see you play drums long ago. Yeah, but I think that I might be, honestly, I'm like really working on fundamentals right now to the point where I'm bored with it. Like, I played that descendant song maybe 25 times before I, like, recorded that one. So, just because I want to be good, you know, like, I want to, like, actually do it correctly.

Blah, blah, blah. So I'm doing methang in the clover, right by the grass. And I planted a bunch of zinia seeds, and the zinias are growing. And they're growing on the other side of the fence, too. So I've created a little cover for myself. Like, I'm not just, like, sitting there in a chair, staring at the playground with my cock in my hand, smoking a giant cigar, you know, like

I'm covered. I'm covered by the Zinia, and I'm puffing on a little bit of that G-love and special sauce. I like cold beverage, yeah. There's other there's other, there's other, like, a whole vibe this summer. There's other, like, vines and shit covering that fence, too, right?

There's a bunch of mulberry trees. There's, uh, yeah, I planted a climatist and a bougainvia there. They're not thriving. But anyway. So I've created a little zone for myself. The mom's coughing, you know, and I know exactly what's happening right away. And I hear, you know, I hear the kids.

The kids, they don't know. They're not doing anything. They're playing. They're running around. I hear the crushing of pebbles, you know, jumping, frogging. I'm not watching them. I'm not staring at them. I'm on my fucking, my clover.

It's in the shade. and the mom starts coughing some more. So you know what I start doing? I'm not even inhaling then. I'm just, I'm just chimonying it. I'm just puffing. I'm sending up smoke signals.

I'm going to be known that, hey, lady, if you got a problem, suck my kiss, all right? I got the hook while the DJ revolves it. Yeah. So she like, I don't want to look over there is the big issue. I can't like admit that I'm

feeding the flames, but also it's like, do these kids pay my fucking mortgage? Wait, I'm sorry, lady. I'm so sorry. Do those children pay for the home over here? Oh, they don't? Well, then, hey kids, come over here and get a germs burn. Put your hand out. So she ends up like getting up and I hear her say, all right, time to go.

And the kids say, we've only been here for, you know, 10 minutes or whatever. We haven't been here that long. And she says, we have to go. It's not safe right now. She says very loud. Mm-hmm. So that's my story today. Oh, and that was it.

That's the whole thing. I thought she was going to, because some of these parents, man, they have so much righteous. Like, everything that they do is justified because it's in the, it's, what's the kids? I'm just worried about the kids. It's like when we, when we stayed with my buddy RJ and his wife, we got the kids here. So we can't, my wife wants you guys to stay here, but we have kids. And so the worst case. And I step out from behind you wearing a cape, and I'm like, hey, lady, don't worry.

Kids love me. If there's any danger, I'll stop it because I'm in the shadow. Dark wing duck. It's me, John Popper. This is a very dark wing duck hat. I should have said Darkwing Duck first. Damn it. No, it's great.

Yeah, no, it's a great hat. It's Jack Nicholson as the Joker. I like that the way it was. Yeah, I'll bet. Where you don't have to do anything. Yeah. So I'm surprised you didn't come over and say, sir, I'm allergic and the kids equals you have to go inside.

I would have said, I would have said you have five seconds. I would have I would have grabbed the cage and rattled it and just started screaming Are you fucking crazy? You're fucking here with me I would have turned into fire I would have burst into a million flames

I was sitting there already becoming mad getting ready for her to walk over so I could unleash as a homeowner the only cool thing about being a homeowner really long run I mean I had to get a new roof we had AC put in I'm back to $40.

My back's against the wall and I'm loving it. You're smoking resin again. Oh yeah, man. I'm scraping. I broke my pipe and I smoked some glass. So yeah, lady, come over. Come over here. Come over here and see what happens.

Were you chieping extra hard so that if she came over, she had to like step through the cloud? Yeah, she had to walk through the pentagram music video. Yeah. Damn. She had to, she, she, she, she, she, I wanted her to be the beginning of Sweet Leaf. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, a-ha, uh-huh, baugh. Then I just start playing Sweet Leaf on base.

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Oh, they sent you some beasts? I think it's like 20,000 milligrams or something. The bag is, they're 500 a piece. No, not allegedly. That's what it is. It's 500 a piece. You know what? Rock and roll. God's dead. The devil's in the head house. Into cloud. Products are federally legal. T.H.C. Everything sold as to certified and lab tested. And so get those breasts molested, ladies. Consensually, Indecloud's all about consent. That's all written down right here. If you're 21 or older and a new customer, go to Indicloud.com. That's dot CO, not dot com.

And use code chubby for 30% off your first order. That's indecloud. dot CO code chubby for 30% off shipped discreetly to your door plus free shipping on orders over $50 and free gifts on qualifying orders after your order fill out the survey tell them MT sent you enjoy responsibly and thanks to Indy Cloud yeah man shit steps to me on my property dude one time I set off my own alarm got to go out there to my own alarm here and uh And the cops came. And they tried to like home to my door.

And I said, right there. Sidewalk's fine, fellas. And they said, we had an alarm go off for this house. And I said, yeah, yeah, that was me. I had an alarm go off. It was me. You guys don't live here. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had a clover. Yeah. Well, hey, you want to see crimson in that clover? Because take one more step. No, my rights.

Yeah, I would have told her, lady, call the cops. Tell him to bring a helicopter. I'll be on the roof waiting. I'll be protecting my business like a Korean owner during the riots. Come back. I think she might be around. Hopefully you stocked up on Gange, because she might be back tomorrow with her inhaler. Oh, I got.

Lady, I got jars ready to go for you and your dumb kids. I got novelty joints that'll send me into a state of heart attack panic. I'd rather smoke three of them at once, like some kind of tuss, like some mastodon from hell, and take any guff from you in your little bowl-cut boys. Macedon. Masadon's going to be in Denver in October. Well, I won't be playing drums. I think I'm going to go.

Scream falls over. Getting a bit. Crack my head. You should become like one of those guys who just wears underwear to events. And you're just like a viral character from the world. Uh-oh. It's the second unit. Bean is freaking out.

Yeah, shift change. That's lunch. Setting up the scaffolding. That's lunch. That's lunch. You can kind of see. I got a sunburn wearing, got a sunburn wearing a tank. tank tap. It's starting to peel like

a mother. I got some son pulling weeds. Also, I went to Megan and I went to pool yoga this morning. And man, it was nice. Yeah, it's a couple times a week. First time I've gone, Megan went a bunch

last summer. The pool is cool, but it's small. There's not, like it's, there's not a bunch of them. There's one pool. And this woman does yoga in the the pool for I was the only dude there's been a couple dudes over the years but uh and it's just yoga a couple yoga poses in the pool some like warmups calisthenics you know to get warmed up and then

some poses and shit it was good nice that's great that sounds fucking perfect it was it was perfect but you know what was unfortunate was um there was a one you know we're we're we're in a loose like circle for some of it and then we face one direction so that you know she can tell us some of these poses and your right leg, your left leg. So we're all facing the same direction. There's a woman behind me. Who knows me? She knows Megan better. But she knows me. But after a couple minutes, I'm like, man, she's right behind me. And my back hair is so stupid. It's insane. It almost was in Sam's mouth. He freaked out. He acted like I was a stranger. Your best friend. Yeah. Your best friend in the world couldn't handle being that close to your back. She's back there.

and I'm like, man, this sucks. But I can't like ask her to switch. It would be insane to be like, hey, let's... You need to be in the back. Because then, well, actually, no, because it's going to look like you want to see her butt. Yeah, I mean, we're in the water. But yeah, yeah, to say anything is weird.

Also, it's my thing. It's not like she cares. She's an adult woman. She's seen some shit. But yeah, I thought about her. You should have been like pretty crazy, huh? I thought about her being back there, right? Trying to breathe and feel good and move her body.

And then she leaves. She's like, oh, shit. She's never coming back. I hear my phone vibrating. She climbs the fence instead of going through the door. She digs a hole through the concrete of the pool. Yeah, she had a swim shirt on. I was like, fuck, I should have worn.

Should have covered up. But no, I did feel good. And then the kids showed up. The good of the community. Yeah. Well, if anybody says anything, then the leader of the class, We'll have to give me some rules. She can buy me a shirt.

I bet you could get one. Anyway, there's kids there. Well, kids showed up with like the lifeguards that were getting shit ready for like first at 10 o'clock. There must have been like young kid swim class or something because they were all small kids. But these couple of kids start dicking around as their parents or older sister or whatever is like getting the pool. like opening the the whole pool area getting the slide going or whatever and it was like god damn it get the hell out of here it's not your time yet you have all summer you have all day we have 45 minutes you got a you got a you got to stop screaming so that we can this is adult swim

i'm meat wad this is my wife fry i'm carl get the hell out of here i thought about carl or meat wad I went with Meatwan. Yeah, I'm both. Because you're shirtless. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm Carl. With your tank top on, with your wife beater out there pulling weeds. Oh, God.

Some of them were in a bunch of them out front. I was like, oh, they're too tall. Kavon did a bunch of shit without me. But out front, there was some shit and they were kind of tall. I was like, oh, it's garbage day. I'll pull them. It'll take 30 seconds. I'll pull them, put them in the trash.

Self-5-5. But they're in concrete, so they were fucked. They were so strong. What kind of weeds were talking? I don't know, but they were massive. They were like those thistle ones, the ones you have to wear gloves for? No, they were. Okay.

No, they weren't super thorny or prickly or anything, but they were strong, man. It sucked. Kind of, it almost undid the fucking pool yoga. Well, Sam's not on the couch right now. He might be at the beach. He just said, summer's the best. And from the couch to the beach, Chubbies are the best shorts all summer long. And we know that's true.

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because when I would sit down with my job, giant ass. It would pull the five and a half inch and seemed up to where it looked like I was a pervert. To where everything was that. His ass was huge. Everyone knew it. But yeah, we are all three of us. Did you say that Chafing killed your father? No, no. Chafing. Chafing. To an extreme degree. Chafing. It was heart disease and chafing. That tag teamed his ass into oblivion. Into the big pool, yoga in the sky. But yeah, we love Chubbies. We've been big fans.

They've been big fans of ours. The shorts, the tops. Hey, yeah, I like those, those under, the under armor. Wait, no. That's a, that's another company. Been wearing them all day. And you don't regret it. Yeah, but yeah, they don't just make amazing shorts and swimwear.

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The thighs don't lie. I'm glad you brought up weed pulling because I had a very strange. day the other day. I woke up, I woke up and was like kind of anxious, so I got on the bike right away after doing my gardening stuff.

And like, on the bike, I did a big lap around the neighborhood and then I was like, shit, I'm going to go further into Detroit. So I went on. On the highway. Yeah. I was on Gratchit. I got on the Vernor Highway.

which is not eight mile people keep telling me that that's not true so i'm like ripping around i go to this part of town that i've never been to honestly because i was worried it was like too heavy duty to be on an expensive e-bike and i also don't have the battery still for my bike so i can't cruise that hard you can't get a way machine yeah like usually on that e-bike i can get top speed 22 miles per hour or so, but just me out there on my Clydesdale whipping it with my hat, it's not, it's not good. But that was me probably being, you know, racist or whatever, because I get over there, dude, and it was astounding.

This guy and his wife have bought up like all these plots of land, and they've turned him into this community garden. And I like, stop on my bike, like stricken. I'm like, holy shit, lock up the bike, walk in there. They have roses. They have fox glove. They've got all these like creeping violets. It's like out of a movie set.

I'm on a movie set right now. Yeah, you are. It's Problem Child 4. Yeah, I'm Charles Groton. They let me take a break because they're shooting some, you know, some random scenes that I'm not in. But yeah, I'm groan. This is your trailer.

Oh, yeah. So I'm in there. And I see this guy. I'm walking around. I see these roses and they have like, there's a bunch of thistles, like tall thistle weeds in the roses. And I'm kind of like, damn, I want to smell this rose, but I can't because it's covered in thistles. So I'm walking around all this beautiful like lattice work covered in Clomatis. Truly beautiful.

And like magic. to stumble upon it in the middle of Detroit. When you thought it was just going to be guys shooting dice or whatever. Yeah, a lot of guys flipping coins. Freestyle rapping. Yeah, guys running the numbers. Spray painting, tagging. Right, breakdancing and bucket hats.

Yeah, big boombox. Yeah. Yeah, I was worried that I was going to wind up and do the right thing. But instead, it was first. Gulling. And I find the guy and I'm like, hey man, this is amazing. And he's like, oh, thanks.

He tells me the story. I'm like asking him about the flowers and stuff, the plants. I'm like, how did you get this to grow here? It's like half a block. How big did you say it was? Several plots. It's five. It's five plots.

They got it from the Detroit Land Bank. which was all the free land in Detroit. Like you could get it for a dollar, that kind of shit. Right. They just need it. He said he got 12 plots and he put gardens on 10 of them all throughout the city. Crazy. So I'm really impressed.

I'm telling him how great it is. I'm telling him that I just weeded at my house and I was on the bike. And I was like, you got some, you got some heavy duty weeds over by the roses, man. You ever need a hand with those? And he says, yeah. grab some gloves like kind of throwing the gauntlet down and I was like all right where's the gloves he points me to the glove bucket I put some gloves on I was out there for like an hour and a half man just like oh no tackling this garden oh and I mean I loved it and it started raining like an hour in

and the guy came over and he says you can leave the gloves wherever and I said I've been wet before man I just worked through the rain like a psycho yeah once I had them all pulled I went and gave him glove back and I was like all right man peace and then hopped on my bike never to be seen again he must have thought it was a ghost as you as you're like half a block away proud of yourself you hear my prize winning thistles yeah wrong thistles those are show you pig you know they were so big that they were flowering so I walked over to make sure I was like you want these too right and he went Oh, yeah. So I was scared that I was ripping out some kind of flour I'd never seen for a good half hour of the work.

But I got a huge rash. I got a huge rash all over my forearms alone. I felt like you last night. I was in the shower scalding my forearms. Oh, fuck. It only makes it worse. Yeah. So I ride home in the rain after weeding.

And you know, when you're weeding, you're like bending over a lot and it hurts your body because you're using, you're not bending correctly. It takes two seconds to kick your ass. Right. I don't know how it's. It doesn't kill every old person the first time. Some of them, I guess it helps them not die. But it's a widow. I like me, I get down.

I get in that ground. I'm on the ground, rolling around, belly down, yank him. So I get home and I'm like, all right, play some drums. Play some drums. Post that Dix video. It's like six. o'clock here. So here we go.

So around six o'clock, I'm doing my buddy Mike Corroses' podcast. You guys know Mike, right? Normal size. An idiot. Yeah. You're yelling at each other from across the lake, the border. I'm like, hey, man.

He's like, we, comea, he's French. Mm-hmm. I'm doing his pod. We're like a half hour into his pot about Magic the Gathering and I sit up and I just start screaming. I sit up and I'm like

Ah! Emily! Emily! My entire groin had locked up. It's the main... A horseshoe of hell. Yeah. It was like Alex Jones

had tucked my bag as deep as it could go. The whole zone where you cram the guys in the van that whole zone was just destroyed. It was gridlocked traffic in Taint City. And I was like, Emily. And she's like, what? I'm on the phone. And I was like, no, come on. No, help. She's like, come on. No jokes.

Call the whole medical team. I need the whole crew. I'm not falling for one of your podcast pranks. I know how these Canadians are. So I like bag her downstairs. And she comes down and she has a bottle of mustard. And she's like, all right, open up. I'm like, what do you mean? She's feeds me mustard and the cramps lessened and then she worked me out but i was like alternating between screaming and talking about magic the gathering for a good 10 minutes on that podcast as emily just rub down my zones yeah yeah and the mustard is part of undoing the cramping yeah she said that mustard is a common thing for high school gym teachers to carry around or coaches for when kids cramp.

And they say it's because of the, they say it's because of the salt or the vinegar or whatever. But no, there's something in mustard itself that like scrambles your neurons because it's so weird that it like pulls your brain out of having crisis.

Yeah. It makes your brain go, wait, what the hell is this? This isn't of God. This isn't for consumption. You're 40 and you're having a Charlie horse and you're eating mustard. All right, we're pausing the whole thing. That's what your brain says to your body.

Mustard, huh? They were out of ketchup, I guess. No relish. Odd dogs. You just went with mustard. And buns. And spoons. It came out of the bottle.

It was sprayed direct like a jet. Mustard spigot, huh? Well, I guess comedy didn't take off. He's out there eating mustard. You just find a thing your stomach being like, what the fuck are you guys up to out there? Hands, eyes, mouth, tongue, lips, you're involved. Like, what are you sending in here? I remember just like eating at 7-Eleven for days in a row and getting home at like 3 a.m.

after drinking a million papsed and having like four tequito rollers and just thinking my stomach being like, get it to fucking gather. We're working in shifts down here. it's nonstop 24-7 we either have heartburn or we have diarrhea those are the two it's night and day those are the binary system down here we're either making wet shit or breathing out acid i used to have heartburn all the time no water bunch of sigs never beer sigs all the time trashedos yeah 7-11 never a vegetable no fiber that's when you get acid reflux Emmy says is when you don't have any fiber. And I was like, oh, that makes sense. I'd ask a reflux for 15 years. Don't forget to check out our Patreon 300 episodes just waiting for around 300.

Maybe it's 298. There's a couple missing. There were some questions. I have answers if you see me in person, ask me. Yeah, I remember there were a couple times where we biffed it. I think a couple times we may have actually queefed it. But there's almost 300 additional episodes waiting. behind a tiny tiny little knee-high paywall.

$5 a month. You gets you in there. You can blast. You can spray. Patreon.com slash chubby behemoth. Some of the best episodes waiting for you right now. Some of the lore, some of the lore, origin stories, backstories, short stories. Patreon.com slash chubby behemoth.

Get in there. I loved orange juice. so the only like real juice or fruit that I would get would be like a you know a carton like a milk cartons worth of orange juice and I would pound it inevitably right before bed and I'd wake up in the middle of night and be like how can you have an ulcer on your belly button just scaring various women my harem of women would wake up and be like oh I'm sorry what's wrong daddy what's wrong surge Lieutenant Smash. Colonel Cock. What's going on? Do you want me to grab the mustard? No, baby. No, no.

We got to save the mustard for the week. I got four shows this weekend. I'm going to be careful. I'm not drinking any water. Rish. And guess what? There's an Arby's on the way. So I'm eating there twice. We watched COVID at an Arby's. We watched.

watched a love song for Bobby Long today with John Travolta, Scarlett Joe Hanson movie that is in New Orleans. And at one point, you know, so we're talking about New Orleans. I love New Orleans. We got to get down there. And then there's a scene where they're like on the river. A couple characters are on the river looking at like a big boat, old boat. And you can hear Zytoe music. And I was like, that's what, that's me when I called her when we were on tour and like, 2013 I called Preach and was like I love New Orleans it's crazy down here and she was like a spider bit my face yeah and and I was like oh well yeah New Orleans I guess it's I mean it's kind of a downer some of it's still all fucked up or whatever you know I couldn't be like I'm gonna leave my heart here I had to know I love

that story because I love that story because that's your like go to New Orleans story and I've heard you tell it to obviously to me a bunch, but to other people, and every time it's, I like it. I try to do it on stage. I was there. I know.

I remember you tried it that night and it didn't work. No, but yeah, the timing was pretty good. You can't teach that. Megan's got good time. We can spider bites all over our body down here, yeah.

We're always getting them all eight legs, getting all over all damn body. day. Yeah, New Orleans. So it's been a romantic day. It's been a nice day. It wasn't super hot. Oh, man.

We took a chance I drove by your place, Becker, and said to myself, Beckman. And I got Bob and Earls. And, man, I was very happy with my meal. Megan, it was like they had the good chef, quit and then they just got a random guy they got old sit she got the snake skin noodles was wandering by get in here yeah what did you two get i got uh eggs do you know how to cook rats and then we got a yeah all the rats you can eat but you got to put some into a into a into a into a plate now and then uh you bet me at all i got bacon and eggs hash browns pancakes everything was great i said

well done. I told Megan had to call because I had to go get it. And I said, please say well done. I hate that I even have to, but I know that I feel like I have to, you know, after a dozen times of being driven to the brink of insanity based on what hash browns might come out, what state. I mean, I'm thinking about so many times with you guys. You've complained about the hash browns at Bob and Earls before on this very pot. Yeah, I'll bet. But it's

been a while because we don't get over there. But in Detroit, that one place we were together. And then shooting Wide World in like Lyman or whatever, I sent him back both of those times. And then another time, I think we were somewhere random, sent them, oh, with Becker in Chicago, sent them back. So three times they sent them back every time I get them. So I never get them anymore and I just get well done French fries for breakfast.

If I'm going to get the potatoes, I get the French fries, that's what I do. They got to learn. Because you're never going to get hash browns done correctly because there's too much hash brown and they steam on the inside. and you just need to have a single layer, but they do it dense because we're all pigs and we want piles. Well, mine, we're fine.

And it's also funny because it's like, hey, I want mine well done. But as far as this other order, she doesn't care. Yeah, she's in a hurry. So definitely don't do them the same as the well done. We're putting that to a dog. She got Megan order biscuits and gravy

and they come with hash browns. And fuck, man, it was crazy. It was like, what happened to these things? The biscuits were so weird. They weren't just undercooked. There was something weird that happened. They must not have put in salt or something. Like, it was so funny that they were like, oh, here you go.

Here's the food. You definitely are going to eat. And, you know, so it sucked that my stuff was all good, solid. And then what did you get? Just fucked. Eggs and bacon, hash browns, pancakes. They were all good. Oh, hey.

we heard that. Oh yeah, I've been farting, man. I'm standing. Wow. We went to the roses in Detroit after Emily's game. Emily scored a goal at her game. She was beat red the whole time. Did they win?

I was wearing this hat under a black parasol, just laying on a blanket. I looked completely insane. I looked like my mom, honestly. Were you reading? My mom after the stroke. No, I read during halftime. Big book recommendation Everybody knows by Jordan Harper

Excellent L.A. Noir set in Modern Times Echoes with Dan Schneider of Nickelodeon, echoes with Epstein Echoes with the Beast, the Hollywood power machine that corrupts and controls. Just a great true detective season two but, you know,

book form. Really good. I really liked it. I read it in one day. Yeah. And you went to roses. Yeah, we went to roses. Rose is Detroit, bro. Amazing.

Truly would be a splendid dining experience anywhere in America. But it just so happens to be here in Detroit. It's a hipster restaurant with candles made of other melted candles and there's flower arrangements and, uh, you know, kind of like a Sarah B. Megan. Lucy All those chicks that used to run around together You know kind of the witchy woman type spot

If they like actualized and wore like a Sleeveless denim pantsuit with a neckerchief And had big glasses You know A lot of those hats You got that hat off of a woman that was there I got half off because I didn't take my hat off But they have a big rose garden in the backyard too

They just have a great flower patio. And we had dinner. I had confi, duck leg, and Emily got stuffed cabbages with, like, mushrooms and some kind of barley, I think, or rice. The orphan special. Yeah, yeah. She got an orphan food. Wilted hay. Well, yeah.

Right. Yeah. She got a bowl of steam. She said, more steam, please. We got, we got very fancy pickles, and we got homemade sourdough, and we also got some, this, like, bean dish. So it was just really spectacular. Mine was like a cherry blood gravy on top of the duck. It was really nice.

I haven't eaten a really nice meal in a long time. So shout out roses. And also $100, which for fancy dining, that's pretty good. For a fancy-ass confi duck in a restaurant where like there's flowers on every table and it has a cool, it's just really cool. You would expect to pay a lot more in this modern. fucked world of life. Yeah, that doesn't sound

too bad. No, I liked it. A couple of starters and did Emily get a cocktail or something? She didn't, but I got my new drink, which I'm calling the tight Emmett. It's, uh,

Emmy got it for me the other day. It's a soda water with a splash of lemonade. All right? So Emmett's keeping it tight, the tight Emmett. Okay. Yeah. And so I was like, can I get a tight Emmett? And they said, what are you talking about?

And I said, oh, I forgot. I haven't done the roll out yet. Not a thing. Yeah, it's not a real thing. So I asked for a soda water with a splash of lemonade and she's like, yeah, I think we have like a turmeric lemonade? Like, we'll be able to figure it out. And I was like, all right, cool. Guess how much they charge me for that?

The whole price of the lemonade. Eight bucks? $11. Oh, God. Of my $100 tab. $11 of it was a soda water with a splash of lemonade. A whisper of lemon essence. They called it a mocktail.

Oh, that's how they got your ass. It's insane. It's insane. Fuck right off. Come by the fence. Get snarl that. Yeah, get too close. Yeah, get close to shrunken Lund and me at the fence.

I would have bit that lady for you. I know you would, buddy. That's why I love you. I'm not going to see you forever. No, we're coming. We're invading. Oh, also. 14 days, 15 days.

I'm getting, I'm going to be hanging with Brent, Brent the golf man. We're going to whole heckle. I'm going with him to Grand Rapids. Oh, really? Yeah, so I'll be around. Maybe I'll go with you guys too. No.

There's only two microphones, two chairs. Yeah, you can come and dominate. I know, you could drive. I'll sit up there. You can, you know, go to craft service. I'll put you through the craft services table. Yeah, no, I think I'm going to try to, I'm going to try to start a fight. I know they're all like, oh, yeah, we know.

You're heckling us and it's like, no, I hate golf. It shouldn't be a thing. This is a class war. Why do you hate your wives? Go home, you're killing the earth. This shouldn't be grass. Yeah, good thing this is all green so that you can fucking avoid your family. I'm the trash can man

This is the Shining. Watch me burn. I'm a Chud. They gave a chud a microphone and guess what? You're dorfing. You're Dorf, Chud? Oh, I could dwarf.

Yeah. Everybody, that'd be distracting, dude. You'd go viral. You would be a huge deal in the tiny golf community if you dwarfed at the whole heckle of that. I'm four too. Should I?

Okay. Yeah, because like after this weekend in Austin, I mean, Austin at the mothership, the Comedy Dome, there's like 80 tickets left for all five shows. Three of them are sold out, get the tickets now. After this, I'm not doing comedy for a long time. I'm not doing comedy again until Syracuse in July, which I guess how much, I guess how many tickets are sold in Syracuse? Dude, they're all on the water, man. 35.

Do you go out of the water. 35. I should do it underwater because that's what I'm going to be after flights and hotel. You be upside down underwater. drowning. I'm going to be dorffing on my hands, which is on your elbows. Forearms are bleeding. Dorf me, Dorf me!

Just spraying spray paint all over your face. Dorf me! They're like, all right, we got to get you out of here. Wherever you are. Bye, bye.