Chubby Behemoth - Lisa Earlobe

Episode Date: January 26, 2025

SPONSOR: Hims - Support the show and start your free online Hims visit today at https://www.hims.com/CHUBBY   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week Sam’s third mic and Nathan is the Tasmanian Devil. Sam considers the power of fat-guy plate envy, thought Powerade was a good move, and comes up with a fun new way to play horseshoes. Nathan is a colorblock jam man now, watched a 3 go off the rails, and is a proud girl dad. Turns out this thing goes all the way to the top. Put that in a bottle and call it Dr. Pepper.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

Oh, Sam's thing is that he's off mic today. Oh, sorry. I'm third mic. I've been demoted. I'm in the middle chair. They put me in my quote pig pen because that's where pigs go. So yeah, I'm in the middle. These two rooms that I provided.

Here I am in this very, the chair hurts. The chair kills. It really, it's stinging me. Becker, you know the chair hurts because you have a mystery bruise Yes, where do you think you got that from? I don't know. I think maybe the massage chair Well worked one spot really hard. Yeah, if your skins been of Japanese handmade paper I think that you were sitting in that chair wrapped in the auto auction for the last 24 hours That your body developed what I like to call a skin spur. Could be.

It does. Oh, hey, I'm a Tasmanian devil. Whoa. Remember when he and bugs were dressed up like crisscross. Yeah. And they would go back to back and airbrush t-shirts. That's right. Yeah.

I remember I liked that. I didn't like when they made Bart smoke weed. I didn't like when they made Betty Boop be all tattooed up. Yeah, I don't like when Tweety Bird has a face tattoo. Actually, as I said it, I realized I do like when Betty Boop is all tatted up. Yeah, because she's gettable. It's hot.

Yeah. Regular Betty Boop, she's like way too powerful and feminine. It's like I've never shot with her. She was also originally. You give her a full throat? Black. That's right. Yeah. God glad they fixed

that and they also got rid of her pimp who was it the guy from Popeye who was like I'll give you a hamburger today for a hamburger tomorrow. Wimpy. Yeah. Wimpy aka Pimpy. Wimpy the Pimpy. Why don't you give me some of that pussy today. I'll pay you Tuesday. I will never pay you because I own you bitch. Look with your little two-dimensional ass you think you're gonna be getting the money off that flat ass bitch? No way. Pimpy keeps you safe in these streets. You got Daffy Duck coming up trying to get a free piece of that prize pussy Wimpy gonna step in set him straight

And this is the free episode I'm just It's accurate to the time. Yeah stick to third Mike. Oh Hey Betty, I got Huey Dewey and Lutie lined up to pull a crazy train. Huh. Dewey does it. Donald gonna be watching. He'll be watching swimming in his money.

He liked to watch. That made me think of the boxcar children. Oh they got in there. Did you? Oh they lost their virginity like it. To Betty Boop. Or nine of them? Yeah. No I didn't read those. Were they a family that that lived in a box. I think they were American gypsies. I don't remember. Yeah, they were on the run

Mm-hmm. Yeah from pimpy He wanted his damn money He was only 13. He didn't know that there was gonna be money owed. He just thought that she liked him I just thought she loved me bitch. Don't love no pimp. I think they solved mysteries This boxcar children. Yeah. Yeah, and they'd end up in different places on account. Yeah They wound up on Epstein's Island They wound up at a diddy party Yeah, they wound up all the places they did a Bill Gates seminar

He inoculated them and their knees went backward. This is, none of this is good. This is all bad for the algorithm. We're desperately trying to engage with the algorithm. Hence I have my feet out, I'm doing the splits. You're doing the voice. I'm actually not in a chair. I'm being held in this position by the strength of my ankles.

Jean-Claude Van Cram. Yeah, Jean-Claude Van Cram. Now Becker, you're probably gonna have to carry this one because you have a bunch of different nutrients because you had a big tasty plate of food. I'm so full. I'm actively trying not to fart right next to your head right now. Fart. Hey, who cares? I'm third Mike. Do whatever you want to me. Okay. As long as I get my check. You're not. You're not gonna. I don't get any money from this? You don't get a check. Why do I do this pod? We don't pay the guests.

Fuck. Well, this is a big opportunity. I'm glad you guys are having. Yeah, we have a lot of look at this. And if that Becker, that's my thing. My penis is out. You guys can't see in the edit. But yeah, I pulled my flag and instead of half mass like the POW flag in front of the

Madison Capitol What is that about? I don't know. I was just about to say what is that about? Well, you it's always half-mass. It is Yeah, I'm always half-job until they come home. Mm-hmm They're never coming home. I'll give some some gave all some never came home some came prematurely Yeah, some had to apologize with flowers Some had to take their girlfriend to breakfast the next morning Here's the thing Becker you saw that flag because you had carrots and you had pickles you had how many pickles did you have over there? Like 10 or 11. Did you have one? No, I didn't ask and I didn't didn't tell yeah I concentrated on my own food. I ordered my food.

You're over too. No, I thought, I thought it was good. What we got, we got pork schnitzel. Look. Some gravy and lemon. We had a Spetzel. Yeah. And they were both good, but Becker's

plate was colorful, vibrant. It had a pickled beets. Five different types of pickled things, some sauerkraut on there, two kinds of kraut, sausages. I thought we were going to do a salad. Meanwhile. Salafdovers, but. I'm eating a roofing tile across from it. Five different types of pickled things and sauerkraut on there two kinds of kraut sausages Meanwhile, I'm eating a roofing tile across from He can't see me because his eyes cheeks are closing his eyes. He's in such rhapsodic bliss from his meal

Yeah, it was fucking good fat guy played envy might be the most shameful aspect of being who I am I Try to operate with a lot of integrity, I try not to fuck anyone over, try to be a good husband, but man when that pizza comes down and it's got six slices I'm trying to get three somehow. You know what I'm talking about. Pizza man, Kevin James talked about it. No I know but I'm talking about plate and what minute when somebody has better food than you and a meal out that is rough

And me will order a meal and I'll be like, I remember my first fucking meal Huh? And then it comes down and it's perfect. Meanwhile, I'm over there with a hockey pot hockey puck dipped in goo And I'm just steaming the whole time or so here she'll give me a bite You know, she gives me a fucking inch. I'm gonna take a whole damn yard She'll give me a bite. You know, she gives me a fucking inch. I'm going to take a whole damn yard. Me and Megan like to split. We get two things that we both want. We split them evenly. That's great. You guys have three restaurants. You know what you want from those places. I'm out in the world.

I'm sampling off. I'm spinning the globe and sticking my finger in Ethiopian food. We went on a big road trip. Yeah. We had all kinds of stuff. Carl's Jr. Hardee's. We crossed the Mississippi. Yeah, you cross the international date line. I have to have both in one day. You're like a sailor seeing the sunrise twice at the equator. There's a Hardee's in South Dakota. Is that right? Some anomaly, I don't know. I have no idea. We've been to rapids is that right? He says and guess

what? I didn't visit the Hardys. I think it's the Hardys. We had both growing up in Colorado Springs. No, you didn't. Yeah, it was Shangri-La. When I was in high school, they switched to all Carl's Jr. Yeah, it was fast and loose until the 90s.

Yeah, there was no rules back then, man. There was Red Dye and everything. Powerade was in the water fountains at my school. Fruitopia machines. I literally thought Blue Powerade was in the water fountains at my school. Fruitopia machines. I literally thought blue Powerade was just like water. And then I could have eight of them in middle school. And then I went to a nutritionist and they were like, Hey, why don't you keep a food journal? And it came back just sticky with blue liquid.

Yeah. And they were like, that's a lot of Powerades, huh? And I was like, yeah, it sure is. Yeah, duh. I remember the lady went and got the amount of sugar that was in one power aid and weighed it out on a scale and I was like, and so I'm drinking water, getting strong and taking in sugar. Yeah. Okay. So I am smarter than you. Where's that degree from retard idiot state? Because I'm 12. I'm walking on blue water baby I know me Christ yeah yeah but yeah when that plate hit the table I'm still mad we

had to eat water gravy I saved some mustards from the big pretzel and I was like this will make amends for not having any color on my plate and I sat down and I had that spatesle and the big old schnitzel and beckers over there putting together delightful little bites and menagerie of this, a dollop of that, all on one fork and I'm just pissed. It's not like he ordered off of a hidden menu.

You knew you could have that. I knew I could have it. I was like, ah, I'll get the schnitzel. I have an inordinate amount of confidence when I do anything. That you're gonna get the best thing. So I think, hey hey if I'm ordering it They're gonna know to make it look good. I think if we're at a place that's selling odd named meats

You should probably just do what I do in the future because you seem disappointed anytime We're in an odd odd meat place and I go for it You know Becker's one thing to have the better meal but to fucking rub salt in my wound That's fucked. I just know get in the chair in a minute. I just know weird meats. Yeah, I know you do It's where you hang out with London Carlos Yeah, I could did nail it according to our server because he got two sausages and the guy goes those are my top two Well that fucking prospectors been living in the bush for too long Got him Tommy knocker couldn't get me any more water from the well

I want to kill him he did not want us to have more water. I think he They have to the servers have to pay for all the water they serve back or something's happened up there Super producer Becker Hi, please delete all of your car pictures. You want to do a podcast? It's just sausages eating cars. Fuck. Downloaded too many new shoe instagrams are we recording right now now will this will be in this will be an edit becker. this will be an edit, Becker.

Show me that smile again. And we're back. Super producer Becker had too much hentai of cars eating sausages. So we're back in, we're good. Now you're on your phone, that's good. Becker has been out here in Madison. Prowling. Howling. out here in Madison prowling

howling And scowling at all the hot tail That's just abundant on these streets colleges back Becker was like I was like hey you want to come on the road and do some? Some weekends he said sure and then he googled when the colleges were in session And how juicy the rumps were of the coeds and it looks like Madison was at the middle of that Venn diagram. Everybody had a bunch of Christmas ham, Thanksgiving turkey. Yeah also there was a bunch of ham on your amazing plate. Yeah. Oh yeah they gave you ham with your sausage. And at the bottom of the ham. Shut up. Whatever you're about to say just save yourself the pain. The bottom of the ham. Ten dollars.

There was some rind. I love a good ham rind Skin the good skin dude. Oh You're like the people in the border control show to try smuggling Cow skin from Africa. That's you. That's you at the at the beer hall It was so good. I hate this chair you sat I'm gonna sit on the ground Well, we couldn't do both of us in that bed because the hotel warned us we'd have to pay for damages. They've got our credit cards. Ours?

I gave mine over. Did you? Yeah, for one of the rooms. That room? I'm going to order a bunch of room service, Becker. No. Yes. What?

You can't have any. I'm not going to notice. I don't know. You might be busy on that new app that's consumed your brain. What? I don't know. You might be busy on that new app that's consumed your brain. What? I don't know. You woke up, you come in here, you sit down, and then you're playing puzzle piece again. Yeah, color block jam. Color block jam. I think so. You shouldn't. It'll keep me from getting dementia like my grandma. No, it's just shapes and colors. It's like what a baby learns. I don't want to see babies on the ceiling fan. I don't want to creep out my wife by saying, when did we get angels?

I know we live in a church, but there sure are a lot of angels down here. And she's like, uh-oh, time to go to the gun store. Yeah. Time to have Carlos take you on a final walk in the desert. I think that you will not have dementia while you're still living in the church, I would hope. That'd be nuts. Yeah, if you got it in like the next month. I go upstairs, God is up there. Yeah. He's DJing, you're in a rave. Becker's in there with his little moisties. Angels and demons grinding, bumping, yeah.

Schlumping, crumping. Remember crumping? Of course, who could forget? Whoa, you immediately started crumping. I know how to crump. I thought it was going to take the world by storm. It did, but for like a month, right? It was huge. It was what? The inner city use in clown makeup, just like...

Oh, the clown aspect was different, wasn't it? It was what inner city use in clown makeup. Just like, the clown aspect was different. Wasn't it? I know. I think that was crumping. Crumping means clown. It's clown frumping. Is that right? Becker? There was clowns involved and then little John have to went crunk instead of crump. He co-opted it. And then I think that was when we blew past that into the, Oh yeah. Era. God. And then I think that was when we blew past that into the oh yeah era. God, and that was huge. And then Sparks came along, the alcoholic energy drink.

I thought you meant Bubba. No, Sparks was the, the, God, it was like, a brief moment in the sun, everybody was hooked on it. And then I think it went away. Yeah, cause it kept killing children. It slid into Four Loco.

Yeah, Four Loco came out. When Sparks hit the scene, I remember kids were stealing them from gas stations cause it was what, like eight cups of coffee and 5% liquor. Yeah. It's probably six and a half or something. Dude, that was so foul.

I had a guy, an old timer at the gas station. An old head. In Vegas, saw that I was buying it and he goes, that, that alcoholic energy drink. I was like, yeah, sparks. All the kids love it. It's the new van Halen. And he was like, it speeds you up, but it slows you down.

Doesn't it just end up? Nothing happens. It's just like water. And I was like, well, you were like chemists. Watch this you old bitch. Yeah. And then I flipped his truck. He crumpled right through.

Yeah. I turned him into dust. I had Duke in his ass. He was scared because he started crumping. I did Blanca. I crouched and then started vibrating and electricity came shooting out of me. Maybe I should be in the chair forever. I can do cool act outs. Yeah. You're a lot more mobile. Yeah. T-Mobile. Good. His bad

like this. Yeah. The cool boss. Hey, come on in. Let's talk about your numbers. Hey, those IPOs can wait. All right. We're talking about us. Copy machine. You know, those aren't free. You got toner on your fingers. What's that about?

You ever count money? I do in this office all day. Why don't you come on in, wear something a little more tight. Tight suit. Yeah, guy. Let's and wear something a little more tight? Tight suit. It's a guy. Let's get that tie a little tighter. I want that face purple by four o'clock. You're not in the NBA draft.

I want you wearing a tight suit. I want it form fitting. And hey, sunglasses all the time. If you want a McPartner in this candy store, McDonald's manager who has an office in the freezer. Hey Tino come on in the free yeah he's just in there he's always say yeah sneezing all the time and notice you're putting a lot of onion particles on the McChickens. You got time to lean. You have time to clean.

Sorry, my nose is frozen solid. I had to breathe through my mouth. Remember, it's two squirts of ketchup for every mustard. Two to one. Two to one, that's what I like. McDonald's? I ask for the ratio when I go in. Say, hey, that's what I like. It's McDonald's? I ask for the ratio when I go in.

The golden arches ratio. The golden mean, yeah. Avogadro's number. But no avocados. No. We don't do guacamole here. McDonald's doesn't do guac. No, that's a good times thing.

They never do. Why would they do that? Everything else does. They don't need to do anything. Carl's J. Michael Jordan doesn't change his jersey number unless he's kicked out of the league maybe BK doesn't do it became McDonald's were like no guac they met in the middle of the desert shook on it yeah BK is seasonally does guac they've

done it okay then never mind Wendy's would never touch that she Wendy's has guac all over them noac all over the place. What? They do. Yeah, you can add guac at Wendy's. What? Yeah. Why?

Because they do like the chicken bacon ranch. It's not a guac plate. You don't need that. They have square patties. That's true. This is really pissing me off. I don't want Wendy's to have guac technology. Dave Thomas was an adventurous man.

He has baked potatoes, chili, guac. Adventurous. Yeah. He was fucking Magellan serving baked potatoes to fat people in middle America. The man who dared to fly, Dave Thomas. He adopted Wendy so he could bang her. Come on. Did you know that? He was a pederast. No, because it's made up. I don't believe you could bang her. Come on. Did you know that he was a

pederast made up? I don't know. That was his biological daughter. No, it wasn't. He didn't. He actually went the opposite way. He didn't touch her at all. Yeah. He fucked her up. His daughter actually adopted him. It's tough to know who saved who in this relationship. It's like a guy with a dog. It's sort of a personality. Yeah. instead of a personality. Yeah. That's a guy who knows personality is his dog. A lot of guys like that out there. No, guys on this pod girl dad. Decker has cars. Shout out girl. You hated that girl. I hate it. Two days ago or last weekend I mentioned being a girl that squeaked me out and you left the room

Yeah, I heard you punch something And then I ordered a bunch of creme brulee to the room without telling you put it on your card. Hey, it's me Yeah, it's girl dad up in 926 Can I get a couple of sweet treats for me and my girls? You girls up there we know who you are We know what you look like. Just send the desserts. What is this? Matlock? Becker's not watching you. What? I heard, I couldn't hear you, but I heard you light up. What is there a back to back? I remembered Matlock's back.

Thank God. Matlock's back. All right. Yeah. Becker, we were thinking that maybe we would help you get a little, that sweet road tail. You can scroll, but I don't know how we would convey it to the camera. I'll show them. We'll use our words. I'm on wheels.

I don't know that we can just put people's dating profiles up on YouTube. Except for how to fucking fall ass backwards into a better order than me. We can describe what they look like. Yeah. With celebrities or historical figures. Whoa. She looks like John Leguizamo. Look at Droopy, Droopy Bukele.

Okay, Becker. It's weird you have a picture of Bukele on your phone. She's here. She's cute, she looks kind of young. What is she, 23? She was like 29. She's cute? This chick's 50. What Was she 23? She was like 29? She's cute? This chick's 50.

What? No good. She looks like the scream painting. I saw her for two seconds. This girl's name is Fluffy. Oh wow. She's showing you the left one. So that's cool.

Okay, I think you need to swipe yes on her. I don't know if I could handle a Fluffy. She's a DEI lay. She's into Bollywood guys. oh shit, dude the Bollywood in the Bollywood You should say you're into balling good and then send her a picture AI generated if you slam dunking a basketball You just spinning through the air She's like this is clearly fake and you're like, I guess you don't know shit about fuck do you stupid? What's some of this skycock or what? You can leave your job on. Becker who else do you have over there?

Right now we've got Amber she's 35 she passed next shit out of me let's see her see her she was just very buff this here you go nuts okay okay that was a no oh I don't know how to use these brandies into non smokers that Becker smokes so much this woman's name is Quinn and it's a picture of her in her wedding dress tap on the right it'll go to the next picture tap on the right I'll go to the next picture. Tap on the right? I want to tap on this. It's her butt folks. She must have been mangled. It's all of her pictures are from behind. Oh my gosh. She doesn't have a face. What the hell? Her eyes exist on different planes. Why doesn't she let you see her face? Because one eyeball is all the way up at the brow and ones all the way down on the cheekbones Like also you can't see your body either

It's like if you have a crazy huge ass and your face is hit with every ugly stick. It doesn't matter Yeah, I really can't tell if she's got a butt her hair kind of hides. Well, maybe we're looking at this wrong Maybe she's has really long bangs There she is. Hey Quinn. One eye high, one eye low. Whoa, she looks like Taft. She's Picasso. Okay, I'm going to give her a yes, Becker.

That's a no. Whoops. Mandy, ooh, wearing sweatpants. That's a sure thing in my business. Yuck. Oh no, she needs it. Non-smoker loves dogs girl that girl dad well for a girl dad why she look like this beggar this is your type yeah that works yeah trashy huh mm-hmm not even hot just kind of trashy six kids whoa she went to Vitterboro University three baby daddy what's a Vita burrow? She says interest includes sucking balls Christie oh, yeah, she wants you ready to live a simple life and be treated like a queen looks trad and then her next one says come pig extraordinaire

Make up your mind Christie. You can't have it both ways. She's five three Becker. Okay, you like that? Yeah She says she likes being groomed on discourse She wants a long-term partner nope The McValue from McDonald Okay, how do I swipe right on? Literally just swipe right what the fuck you get a sausage biscuit. It's gonna launch an app if you swipe right, okay Right. What the fuck you get a sausage biscuit. It's gonna launch an app if you swipe right, okay The address is invalid, okay fuck pecker

Okay, here's Kayla. What's on her face fucking IG filter? No, no Why I don't want to hang out with a chick who thinks filters are cool too bad Cami living in her van me busted. This sucks. I am a seriously cheap date. Totally happy with McDonald's in a blanket for it. She just wants a lot. She just wants a warm place to stay Becker. I just want to come in from the call. Yeah won't actively watch sports with you, but I will take off one item of clothing every time your team scores Sarah take off one item of clothing every time your team scores. It's Sarah.

73. Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, that's a rough 30. She loves vaccinations and monogamy. You're into one of those things. Send a neither of them. This woman's 37. That means I'm fucking 23. Yeah. Dude. Yeah.

Everybody's lying on there. Lisa fucking earlobe over here. Whoa. Huh, yeah, Becker, she'll do for you. She has glasses instead of a purse. Now here we go. Claire. Ciara, first of all.

I'm blind and you're covering part of it. Ah fuck, her interests include literacy. You're tracking off. Ciara is how you pronounce my name First of all, I'm blind and you're covering. Oh fuck her interest include literacy See era is how you pronounce my name if you were wondering lol If you like petite women, please keep scrolling because I got a whole lot of junk in my pussy You can put that in there. Oh Yeah, Becker this one's for you Sure, she is ready to go Pulverize that hoe is her song.

She's only 26, leave her alone. Becker doesn't care, historically. He's 44. 36. Jordan, ooh, nice. Cool shoulder. Oh yeah, she would give it to ya. She lives in Crystal Lake.

X gonna give it to ya. She's into weightlifting, fishing, coffee, and DP. Excuse me, DQ. She loves ice cream. Uh, I do like ice cream. She has kids, Becker. No. Yes. Amy! The Riddler. Oh my god. Like all the clown makeup wouldn't come off. She's been crumping without makeup for a while. Yikes. She wandered out of the sea. Someone was ice fishing and caught her.

She put up so many pictures too. Of her dogs. Yuck! No! This is the meanest thing we've ever done. I mean, come on. What? It's okay. We're having fun. Look at these. We're riffing. I'm the same, What? It's okay. We're having fun. Look at these. We're riffing.

I'm the same, but my hair's different. I have one smile and it's all gums. How do you spell Tinder? I'm going to see if it's in the app store. It's G-R-I-N-D-E-R. I think it's okay. It's okay to look. It's okay to be on a dating app and then just to talk and like try to get followers, right?

Get numbers up for soup song Yeah, you should just like post your special all over and over again and then a couple pictures of you with the Chilling the wrestling belt on just flexing And then put up a picture of you and creach but X out her face and write dead over her Put a big tombstone behind her yeah, yeah, you should put girl dad and it's you and your dogs And then they're like, whoa, I have kids too. And you're like cool what breed? They better be rescued if you went to a fucking breeder

I'm not soaking your ass now Cheyenne here lives on a hobby farm and she loves horses But she's also a Christian and she wants monogamy. No. Becker likes Christians. Oh Becker, she likes sushi. Pass. Anna, a feisty little dreamer. She's three foot six. Nice. Let's get her in here and we can-

Three six. Dude, if you looked up with a dwarf, I would put a hole in the wall and I would watch. And I would pay for whatever had to be paid for. No, you know what I'd do? We have adjoining rooms here in Madison and I would come in and I would pay for whatever had to be paid for. No, you know what I'd do? We have adjoining rooms here in Madison, and I would come in and I would act like I was your uncle with dementia, and I'd come in and just be in the room

and you'd be like, don't worry about it, don't worry about it. He's just looking for his teeth. He doesn't know what's going on at all. He doesn't know who he is. He thinks he's still in Korea. I'd be like, Santa, your elves are feisty this time of year. What are you doing? You keeping her warm I see Should have done your color block jam. I know now if Becker were to

Run into one of these lovely ladies. I don't think that he would need any help getting hard But if you're looking for a boost or maybe with her She looks at your forehead. She can't make eye contact. She's a forehead girl. Oh no. Stevie Ray Vaughn hat? Yeah. What is that? Renaissance Fair. Oh, Ren. She's wearing a pied piper. I want to go to the Stimpy Fair. I don't want to go to the Ren Fair. This is one of her pictures. Poor girl dude. Poor girl. That's wild. Now chomping on her own palm. Another hat, a different crazy hat.

It's another forehead stare too. It's a hello, m'lady. She hits you with a hello, m'lady. What? Somebody got her pregnant? A bunch of people got her pregnant. Ooh, yes. Yep.

That's all I need to see. Ooh, I'll take that too girl. You know what? I'm getting hard right now as if I was on Bluechew. No. As if you don't know anything about anything. Is that not the sponsor? No, obviously not.

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Prescriptions require an online consultation with a health care provider who will determine if appropriate. Restrictions apply. See website for details and import important safety information. Subscription required price varies based on product and subscription plan. Thank God it got really long and boring at the end. Thank God that was all verbatim. Yeah, we couldn't rip.

I'm surprised you didn't get in there. Why would I get in there? I love hims. You got to spell it out for them. Cause if all of a sudden your Dick is the hardest it's ever been, you don't know where to go from there. You know, hims is not liable. Dude, if you walked around soft for three years, then I don't know where you got just a fucking post hole digger. You would probably run for office. Hi, democratic, uh, subcommittee of Madison, Wisconsin. I got something they can vote for.

You just show them your rock hard cock. Change. You can believe it. It's that thing. Yeah, it's huge. Look at that. That's allowed, but it's, but you can't see the tip. You hold it like this, but you can't see the tip because it's just so thick, but small. Chode. Yeah. Call it the crab apple. No, it's not a chode. It's not whiter than it is long. It's just like dense. Yeah. It's the, it's exactly the right, you know, you know what it is. You get it? It's the answer. God asked the question. You got a little Allen Iverson down there. It's the

answer. You have a do rag on your penis. Tattoos. Baggy shorts. Wear them backwards like Taz. Crisscross Taz. Becker, why don't you invite one of those babes out to the show tonight? Say, hey, I'm in town. I represent a very powerful comedian. They have to match with me too, Sam. Oh, what's yours look like? I don't know. Also, we're in a college town with a bunch of hot dudes. Yeah, but they don't need these loser apps. They've run through the hot dudes.

They want something else. They want somebody that they can talk to. Yeah. They want somebody that smokes a lot because it kind of shows that you I have 11 likes But I don't want to pay for the app because that seems extra sad. What do you mean? I can't see the people who have like I'll pay for it. I haven't seen I'll pay for it. I have cash Shove the cash into your yeah, it's 40 bucks. Yeah, don't you how much is pussy worth to you buddy not $40 what what's free if you match then you can message each other yeah like if I clicked on this it'd show me the 11 local girls dude I want to see that I'll give you 40 bucks cash I want to see what it looks

like mmm we'll write it off to the pot expenses I think it's stupid I know you think it's stupid but guess what's think it's stupid, but guess what's not stupid. These apps are mostly bots. This is all bait to sell us that. Well, I know a certain little boy who wanted to go out of his way to see a big old robot in Japan. So if you have a chance to hook up with a real life gun, I think you should do it. Brain. It's just a profile and it's a Gundam and the guys can't get enough. Becker comes in his pants. That would be, I don't need him's. Mission accomplished. Squishing accomplished. Houston, we have a cum state. Flip the mattress.

I think you get on there Becker. I've been swiping. We'll see what happens tonight. No, I don't think I'd bring a girl back anyway I want to giggle and do nothing. Oh my god, dude. Well, guess what tonight after the last show? I'm not gonna talk to you Unless you got a mouthful of pussy. We're gonna lock we're gonna lock the the partition We have a good system over there. Me and Lunn are sleeping in the other room, and then Becker sleeps in here, and then when Lunn starts snoring so fucking much, I go sleep in the hallway.

There's a nice couch out there. I feel like Betty Boop when I got Pimpy sleeping in the other room. You go sleep in the bathtub, bitch. Porcelain scan on porcelain? That ain't no thang. Yeah, so, but we have a rule that we can enter Becker's room whenever we want through the adjoining door. We have in and out access. He's not allowed to come over there unless invited. It's called the vampire paradox.

I think it's a good rule. It's a great rule. He needs, he needs fucking firm regimentation. That's the thing about him. You said, uh, that yesterday you had to wake me up a couple times. Last night. Did you wake me up a couple of times? No, but I was snoring.

You were snoring horrifically. I thought you said you figured it out. You just had to shove me a little bit or whatever. And I would stop. But one of the times that I shoved you in your sleep you bit my hand Now where my fingers in your mouth sure I was trying to do an epiglottal hole. Let's try to mandible claw Yeah, no I you didn't you didn't storm last night at all weird. Mm-hmm. That's good

But you're you were still pissed at me when we woke up. I wasn't pissed I wasn't pissed until Becker had that rainbow plate and I'm over there eating a fucking brown hubcap Then that goddamn hillbilly wouldn't bring me a pitcher of water because he wanted to get his 10% out of the fucking farmers table Celebrating their birthday cake I do I hadn't thought about it in a while, but I do know That some places the servers are trying to get you drunk and they want you to have six beers even though It's 1 30 p.m. Yeah, and the beers are big enough to baptize a baby in yeah And so when we got three waters, one coffee, I think we got moved to the bottom

of the fucking queue for a serverly attention. Yeah. It's okay. I ordered a half a pretzel. I did my dance. You know, that's the equivalent of getting some beers, Spend a bunch of money. Of course.

Cause we're eating in America. That pretzel was nuts. The pretzel was actually dough, stupid. It was so big. You think it was made of nuts? Give me 40 bucks. Give me 40 bucks and I'll get you laid tonight. How about that? But I could, I could get on stage. You know what, Becker, late show tonight, I'm going to auction you off. Okay. I'm bringing you on stage. I'm gonna say, hey, we got some prime Colorado meat coming to town. This guy gets so hard that you can hear it.

Yeah. He takes hymns. Well, see, I don't need hymns, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't use it. I should probably use it. Why? I don't think you could even help. My body's been weird lately. Yeah, nothing will move that needle. It's for tired.

Becker, you haven't been getting hard? I have been, just not consistently. My nutrition's been weird. I've been keeping food down for like two weeks though, so I bet I'd get good and hard now. Let's prove it. Yeah, Becker, go in the bathroom. How much time do we have left?

Okay, about 20 minutes. You have 19 minutes to get as hard as you've ever been. I will go get some horseshoes from the lobby and we'll have you lay on your back. I'll see if I can get some ringers out of that thing. That'd be fun. A guy with a huge cock, you bring him to a barbecue. Lay down in the grass over there. Hey, Serge.

I thought we were playing bags. We are. We kind of are. Yeah were playing bags. We are we kind of Becker why don't you get on all fours across the beds to show people your pouch? It's not on not on the free one Oh, okay. Sure. Yeah, you have humility now No, I've always been weird about being naked in front of people. Becker, it looks like you got 18 minutes now. This is the time you could be working your shit. Yeah, go in there. Oh yeah, what about this?

Okay. I mean, it's the opposite of what we've been talking about. But I told you last night, on my flight here, there was a very small child in the middle seat in front of me. And she looked back at me a couple times. She was very cute, her parents were very nice. And she had a coloring book and she was going back and forth between watching cartoons and coloring.

And then I see- Sounds like my wife. Yeah, that's right. Well, yeah, he had college kids doing coloring books next to him. Coloring books are back in a big way. Yeah. But yeah, I saw this young girl, Doing coloring books next to him. Color books are back in a big way. Yeah. Mm-hmm, but

Yeah, I saw this young girl. She was probably three She was on a page of the coloring book that said fill in numbers one through six or whatever She starts off, you know killing it one nails it go to two looks like a backwards s but it's a two You know, yeah, it's it's fine. She'll figure that one out but then three Three went off the rails She basically did the same kind of two and then you could tell as she got to the end of it She knew she fucked up and so she just started kind of continuing to squiggle down a little bit started kind of continuing to squiggle down a little bit. And it was so funny to me.

I just pictured her looks around, drawing the three and being like, fuck looks back at the two. She's like, God damn it. Takes her glasses off. She's fucking rubbing the bridge of her nose. Sips her cocoa. Mom's going to be pissed about this. She rips the sheet out and just eats it. Oh man, he offers you have

just take this. Eat it, eat it, eat it, big, eat it, big. It's... I listen to the pod of a big suzu guy. Eat it big. It is funny to think of a little girl just stressed, trying to get to six. One big cram. Done it again. Okay.

Cracks her knuckles. Three, three. I'm going to be watching PG movies by Friday. She calls the flight attendant. She accuses you of diddling her. Honey. Honey, why couldn't you write your threes? Lieutenant. She accuses you of diddling her honey. Honey, why couldn't you write your threes? This man goose me this man breathing right on the back of my neck. This guy had a second on tray. He was sniffing me. He smelled me

Becker 16 minutes. He's hard. Okay. Really hard. Lean your head back. Shut up. I don't like that. Lean your head back.

He's got a bed of nails for you to lay on. You're gonna be fucked. One big spike. I did a commercial with some lions guys. Oh yeah, we haven't talked about it. Yeah, we don't have to. All these podcasts, they're like, yeah, I live this life that I want to discuss. No, it's not what this is about.

We get on Tinder. It's about getting Becker laid man on Tinder and laugh at people's gums. Yeah. Yeah. Their eye to nose ratio. The fact that they don't have a face or if they do, it's so fucked that even a horny dude would not swipe. Yes, like literally what happened to you? It was like four pictures, no face. Uh-huh. Chemical burn? It's illegal, isn't it? Maybe she has that weird rodential like

squish face where it's like the nose is in the nostrils, you know what I mean? It's like indented in. Yeah, it's weird. She's clearly was hit. She was long legs. Yeah long legs. Good movie until the last hour and a half. There's also starts off good. Then I fell asleep. Megan was like it was trash. Megan was like wake up please. She's holding a mirror up to your nose. The dogs are shitting little nuggets into your butt. Becker, what do you have? I was just going to say there's also the phenomenon of like women who are cheating, who just don't put their face on the app.

Plausible deniability. And then he's like, I know that calf tattoo. That's my fucking name. Danny. How many other Guades are out there? Guades girl. Why? Why? It's more distinctive than your forgettable face. You might as well show your face. I might have scrolled right by, but I see Gwade's girl. I know who that is.

Why is he on there too? I know my own name. Well, they have a bad relationship. They should have broken up long ago. Yeah, it's tough to be with Gwade. His name's Gwade. He asks a lot of his partner. He's a girl dad. Hey, can you call me Wade? It's a full time job. Becker, what's your name on there? Is it JB? Jake. You should go by JB. You should go by JB from CB. It just shows your first name. I'd put your first name as Becker. Becker. I think, I think women. If you want to get girls, go by Jake. If you want to get a woman, go by Becker. It aggregates off the name you use on Facebook.

Change it on Facebook to Becker Jake. People can go to your profile? No, it's just all interlinked. Huh, like Starlink? Exactly. Elon Musk? The Muskiest. Musk-ucks. I'm Musk till I busk. I would like to know what your hit ratio is on there. Oh, it's bad. What's your kill count?

You talk to anybody? No. Never? Not since I moved to Trinidad. Who's in your headshot with you? Is it a picture of you and Kevin Hart? I genuinely don't know. It's probably you and Rob Cordray. I probably haven't updated it.

You and Carlos and people are like which one is he? Hopefully it's not the old Mexican woman. Hopefully it's not the werewolf. Yeah, Latino werewolf. It's not L Lobo Loco. I keep thinking of ombre grease. Dwayne. Everybody's rocking a Gway jersey. That's all it takes is one guy with a dumb name to break through. And then everyone's got that name. Well, and speaking of dumb names, like Dwayne is spelled D-W-Y-A-N-E.

That doesn't make any sense. Spelled like Wayne with a D. That's Dwyane. Isn't it spelled like Dwayne Wayne? It's spelled like Dwayne. Dwayne is D-W-A-Y-N-E. Yeah, like the word Wayne. Didn't his is wasn't it spelled goofy on the Cosby show? Yeah, his is D W Y A N E like Dwain. D W Y. Dwain. That's Dwain Wade. D W Y. Oh, that sucks.

It's Dwain. His mom fucked it up and then was like, no. Fine. That's what I wanted it to be. It's a family name. I was trying to name him Gwaid. I want him to be Gwaid Wade. Gwaid Gwaid. Yeah that's the name the character spelled it on different world. Oh. And his mom was probably the right age. Into it.

Yeah. Yeah okay that's. It's a cultural thing. And his name was Dwayne Wayne. Oh Dwayne Wayne. Instead of Dwayne Wade. Is that Khadim Hardison? I believe that is correct. Yep, Khadim Hardison, good job. Khadim, another crazy name. You got Kareem holding it down, it's catching fire. Kareem of the Crop. That's right. What, you're the Khadim of the Dwaap?

Grow up. I'm gonna go to the, now how do you think this middle name is pronounced Sam hmm Cleophas Dwayne Cleophas way oh Cleophas Cleophas yeah that's a that's a classic like a southern black name oh Cephas yeah Cleophas Cleophas clean out those chicken cages chicken cages. Two more shows tonight. Madison. One of the best clubs doing it. Yeah. Nice to feel some goddamn respect. I need to, I need to refine the juice. You did last night. You did an hour five. No, I know. Like I just need to remember.

Sometimes you get up there and you're just like saying the funny things. Yeah, I know. Last night Late Show was a the funny things. Yeah, I know. Last night, Late Show was a really good show. Yeah, I know, but the first show I was just up there like a fucking sleepwalker. They didn't suck your dick until it came off. So you're like, why do I even do this? It must have been good. Oh, you were saying you were going through the motions. Well, Rich was like, yeah, that was the host was like, yeah, it was like when I, at the end of the show,

when I said, do you have a good time? It was like when Louis was here, the walls rattled. I was like, well, I didn't feel shit. I'm already dead. Yeah, hey, I'm already up here trying to sell tote bags. I fucked. For me, it was just a Tuesday. Yeah, you're in-

It's like it's Saturday. You're in Bison. I am. But yeah, the Late Show everybody was having to wait for laughter to die down. It ruled. Becker didn't get up there. Becker, tonight Late Show you're going up. So just be okay with that. Okay. I'm going to call you up right during Check Drop. I'm going to be like, hey guys, ladies and gentlemen.

You guys fans of the pod? Some guys like, what? What's pod? You live in a pod? I smoke pod. He thinks it's pod, not pod. We're like, I'm a fan of pod. It's a gay guy. I smoke pod every day. Yeah. I'm high on pod right now. Like, well, if you like pod or smoking pod, this next

guy does both. Ladies and gentlemen, Jake Becker. Oh dude, how about the fucking? Whoa Becker. What am I about to bring up right now? I don't know read my mind The legless mom. Oh, yeah, dude toe wiggler. Oh my god front row last night red hat. No selling you He said that you hated him Hmm. Oh in the merch line you didn't it was that the interaction? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah god forbid We don't have you know every size of shirt that we used to have right old Yeah, and then like oh you have them on a website. I don't think so Okay strike two what and then he did his card wouldn't work and he doesn't have Venmo

Yeah, and he didn't have cash. He had an old ATM card from 1999 he wasn't the only one. I know. Like four or five people who didn't have. We were also nine feet from a fucking ATM. These are credit union people, dude. They're all farm bureau people. Their money's in a co-op. It's locked up in soy future.

Money's in a coma. Yeah. So anyway, he's in the front row. He's having a great time for me. Who wouldn't? You didn't feel anything. I was numb. I was like fucking Richard Kaplinsky. I was the ice man up there pulling the trigger cause I had nothing else better to do.

So anyway, like around 45 minutes I'm in the closer thing about my wife. He tries to get up out of his chair and he does so like this. He goes, this is the stage that he's using to go and I say, are you about to attack? Gets a laugh. And then he uprights himself and then he starts to walk through the aisle and it's revealed space legs, double prosthetics. And the crowd sees what's going on. They start laughing about 10 seconds of silence passes.

And I say, both of them, huh? Cause he's on the fucking, uh, the South of the South African, uh, razor blade feet. Turns out they're more stilts than prosthetics. Turns out this thing goes all the way to the top. Oh yeah. Cause he's, I, he's, I ask his lady, I'm like, what's his fucking deal? Is he a hero or can I blast his ass? Right. Yeah. Opscotch accident is why you don't jump rope when you're drunk folks.

So barbed wire. She says he doesn't have any legs, but he has feet. So my dumb ass after seeing the double metal prosthetics, I'm like, okay, so they just put the feet on the bottom. I was confused. They're like taxidermied or honestly what my thought was could never be that they created some kind of telepathic neural link between the feet and the nub. So the feet still communicated something. Like I thought that when she said he doesn't have any legs We has feet that he was like born separate like, you know, he came out Accessories come not included. Yeah, like they had to fucking send away box tops for the feet, but no, it's even more hellish and It's even more Lovecraft Ian It's even more Lovecraftian. I wanted to say Lovecraftian and my brain thought Machiavellian.

I was like, no, no, there's no princes being fucking coached here. And look, I was good up there. I wasn't a dickhead about them. It's crazy we went to their place. We went to the Machiavellian, Habsburg, Palace in Rome. We've been there for some reason, the three of us all at once. Medici. She was on the app. So they're in the merch line and he's like, I've been coming here every weekend forever, man. No one's ever made fun of my legs. I like that. I like

what you did. And I was like, thank you, sir. And I'm like, what's your deal? Enough of this fucking glossing me up. What's going on with your nubs? Your mom's pregnant belly gets struck by lightning. She work at the microwave factory. Was this is related or is this some kind of God situation, but no, he lifts up his giant pants and their stilts. He has little feet that are in the top. They're like nestled in the top and he wiggles his little toes. He hits us with a total little flipper wiggle and it's like I don't now. I don't. Every time I see someone, the

prosthetic, I'm going to be like, do you got a little foot in there? How many feet do you have? How many feet are in there? Nub or foot? Stolen dollar? But yeah, you're saying, originally I thought you were saying the foot was like slipped in, but you're saying it was resting on top.

Yeah, just like we would with stilts. It was stilts. Yeah, so when he doesn't have those on, he's this tall. Yeah. Otherwise he's towering. I would like that guy better. Yeah, he was seven two. I would love to watch that guy walk through the aisle on his nubs. That would have been awesome Yeah, he was like, you know what man, you're right. I don't need these at all. I'm free

takes him off and then just toddler Yeah He goes into some golf specials He goes and does some golf specials. He's Dorf on Dwarf. You should put him in your Tinder profile. Yeah, that'd be good, man. You'd look really tall.

Yeah. It's like, God, this guy's like 6'8". What if, what are your pictures? You could Dorf it. Knees on, knees on shoes and just just see if people like it, you know? I just looked, all of my pictures are so old. I never updated. I look at it like once in a grain while.

Yeah, chubby. Chubby. Hadn't gained all the weight I gained in Trinidad yet. Huh. Yeah, that's not cool. You gotta update. Yeah. I mean, is it better now or worse now?

That's the issue. He's thin. It's probably better now. People like a thin guy. But he's got to update. Yeah. I mean is it better now or worse now? That's the issue He's thin it's better now people like a thin guy, but he's got crusty Yeah, he's got crusty hair. Mm-hmm. Maybe have a hat on that's not lying Becker. Do you have any hats? I do have hats remember when you had that fedora that I stole from you Throw it away. No, I used it for like the Cosby thing and then gave it back to him That was my wool hat. You did not give it back. You lost it Yes, I remember my hat I've had for 20 years that you lost I gave you the hat back Nope, you put it in your trunk and it disappeared forever. I

Would have it I'm not mad about it. It was an honest mistake and I didn't tell you it was an important hat I just handed you a hat. Yeah kind of an honest mistake like ordering a better meal than me No, that was on purpose. I chose the best thing Doing five tonight Becker I'm doing the best I can better if if I did call you up there How big of a panic attack would you have I'd have a pretty good Panic attack would you flounder? Oh, yeah, it'd be bad What I think I would have would be maybe I can get them with I'm doing the best I can folks Yeah, but you can't say that until five minutes of abject failure

What if Becker I came up there and I bring you up there I mean and then I just do the setups and you gonna say the punchlines there I mean and then I just do the setups and you get to say the punchlines what if I said hey we're gonna riff real quick folks and it's my act that you know very well after watching it the last two nights you haven't been watching what's he been doing Jackson Barrett who's Jackson Barrett Jackson oh the big car show yeah never mind then this wouldn't work what about this Becker what are your big takeaways from this year's Barrett Jackson auto auction? People in Scottsdale have more money than cents. Okay. More dollars than cents. Yeah. That's good. Thanks. Is that yours?

A rift. That is Herman Melville. I'm most excited to see Ken's truck. It's bleeding. It's nothing. You're bleeding. It's nothing. You're bleeding. No, I'm good. Becker, what should the people be trying to keep their eyes open for when it comes to steals in the 2025 auto market? 50s and 60s four door cars, especially non hard tops are a good deal right now. They're going up.

All the younger kids than me didn't grow up knowing the rule that only coupes are cool. So four doors are becoming worth money very quickly. Anything with the first generation of V8s after 1953 for the GM cars is going up pretty rapidly. Girl dads want sedans so that we can have our ladies in the back of the vehicle. Yeah. More doors for more. that we can have our ladies in the back of the vehicle. Yeah more doors for more core keys. Yeah. If you guys can do me a favor, sorry to interrupt your very boring monologue, what are you doing? He needs that hair. You had a big weird thing in your hair and I thought it might be a bug but it was just a white thing of fuzz. Better be fuzz, better not be skin. It's fuzz. I've been molting. If

you guys can do me a favor out there listeners I know you're all very creative and powerful if you guys can do a bunch of girl dad mock-ups with Lund That'd be awesome because I'd like to get that merch out and available by March 25th girl dad Lund You can put on the face of girl dads Yeah, I've been having fun with that good ask Megan. How are my girls? Mm-hmm, and she sends you a picture of her tits This just in Megan said last night

She wakes up dude from the laundromat is in our basement apartment Trying to take that fucking laundry hamper back. No way we're going to war. Oh my god. Yeah, it's official I'm I mean I'm involved in now a hamper war and she was probably like so afraid that she got turned on and bedded him He probably rocked her. Yeah in the hamper No, this was the hamper was the beginning and end of the story. Like he is laser focused. Nothing else matters now. Yeah.

Drugs. His girl. Yeah. Jug. No, he got sober. He wants the hamper. And now it's like, it's just, I would imagine it's just going to go back and forth and we're each going to each gonna get one over on the other

and until one of us dies. And I don't know when it will be. Yeah, it's gonna be like taxi driver when you're just prowling the streets, looking for victims, but it's really just that guy with your hamper. Yeah. And then it's like him and the hamper

are like out having a great day. He gets the hamper ice cream. They go on like a Ferris wheel together. And you're like, that used to be me. Yeah. Yep. And then next thing you know, you're living under the bridge, him in the hamper, move into the church with Greech. He's girl stepdad. He puts the dogs in the hamper and drives them around in his sidecar. I'd be pissed. You wouldn't be anything. That is the three things I love most in the world. My two dogs and my hamper Reaches forth Hey, you know what? I love is performing stand-up comedy. I love it most of the time. I mean I did like you just get I

Don't want to say anything It's on me. I need to lock in last night early show. I'm up there killing It's like nothing ever happened. It's like none of this matters. You know? I had the opposite. Yeah, you bombed and you loved it. No, I had, I think it might've been early show. Yeah.

Even though the later show was better, early show, I got a couple of laughs that just made me feel whole. Yeah. And I was like, man, I told you last night, I was like, there's so much bullshit involved with standup and there's so many bullshit involved with standup. And there's so many people that are bad at it and people that are company club owners or whatever

who are awful. But the pure form of standup can't be touched. It can't be sullied. I mean, it does get ruined for a lot of people and they move on or whatever. But man, just being on stage and making a bunch of people laugh hard at stuff that you think is funny and and Smart or stupid That's fucking good stuff, man. Yeah, put that in a bottle. Call it. Dr. Pepper

Strawberries and strawberries and cream. I'd love to have some dr. Pepper. I'm up there drinking tab Strawberries and cream. I'd love to have some Dr. Pepper. I'm up there drinking tab If you want to see me drink some tab Come out next weekend to wise guys, Las Vegas town square. It's the south one. It's why the south point No walk up Tickets are very available tickets are ready for you tickets are waiting. Tickets are discounted. Yes. No, they're not. No, no, no, they're not.

Not yet. 65. Who knows? Yeah. They're $130. For some reason, the event page says Siegfried and Roy. So we could have some people who are confused. We may have to try to find a big orange dog.

Oh yeah. I'm going to paint you orange and have you drunk through a hoop. Yeah. Light me on fire. So that'll be Vegas next weekend. Orange dog. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna have I'm gonna paint you or you're gonna be drunk through a hoop That'll be Vegas next weekend the following weekend I'm doing a show in Detroit that Friday at the independent Hey Detroit, if you're out there listening to Lido Lansing anywhere in the greater Vroom vroom automobile Hyperplex I do a show on Wednesdays at the independent. Come on down and watch it. You'll like it After that, oh, where are we going Zany Chicago?

Rosemont Rosemont the big room first time in Rosemont right there by the airport We're not gonna see any of Chicago I'm not gonna see a thing Vancouver's coming up DC's coming up Chicago. I'm not gonna see a thing. Vancouver's coming up. DC's coming up. I added a show in Indianapolis. Indianapolis White Rabbit Cabaret I think March 1st. That just got added. Hey also St. Louis I'm coming to City Winery. February 27th. It's a Thursday. You guys are always begging about St. Louis. Guess what? If you don't sell this thing out, I'm going on Tinder. I'm fucking all your wives. So, hey, if you're Wade's girl and you want to stay that way, you better buy Wade a couple of tickets to the show. I wish I could say samtalent.com

for tickets, but I can't. It's fucked. I live in hell. I'm not even the king. I'm the rug and people are walking their hooves on me. Hey, if you are the person out there who has the website under your control, relinquish it fiend. You know who you are. Family wants closure and a patreon.com slash try behemoth to make sure we can keep girl dads babies

and diapers. Go Becker. Do it. Go.