Monsters Of Rock
00:00All right, we're good.I am fine.Nothing fine.Behind your mic.Call me sand.Well, I can't be upstairs because my wife and Chelsea are upstairs, even though I haven'tbeen home in eight days.But, hey, you know, it's great to come home to Girl Kramer.
00:20Are they comparing notes about how to kill the rest of your plants?Like, it's not doing enough to just not water them.We have to actively step on them.We should poison them.Put a blanket down.Fireworks.We should be using fire, electricity.We can call lightning from the sky.
00:40Ashing sigs.I actually been...Like four in each hand.We could breed rabbits and just let them kind of loose back there.I would take care of the pumpkins or anything low-lying.Yeah, I mean, dude, someone was supposed to water the inside of my greenhouse.You know, the flowers in the greenhouse.Someone who's been staying here for four days, in fact.
00:59somehow that memo got missed so this i was talking about every other time i didn't know therewas a current well shit i'm sorry then it's okay because that's the last thing you want tono it's cool i had just gotten not pissed so i'm glad you're right on time to rip off that scabyeah it's it's still gushing i mean it's just weird it's like you water everywhereeverything, we said water everything.And in order to water everything, you have to walk 360 degrees around a clear glass buildingfilled with other things that could be watered.But, you know, you'd have to look up from Candy Crush, I guess, to do that.
01:44So I don't know.I don't know.You're a candy crush her head.No, it's just like, what the fuck do I have to do?Like, do I need to, like, monitor it with a drone?She's like, hey, I'm watering.And I'm like, cool.You missed the azaleas.
02:02I was going to.Just like pelt who ever with...She's hostile.Yeah, just light her up with pellets.Shoot a wasp's nest so they attack.No, it's all good, man.We all make mistakes.And you know...
02:21We all make the same mistake every time.Yeah.But as a Christ-like figure, I need to turn my other cheek.And that's what I keep doing.You don't have any cheeks left.Yeah, they're all red and bloody and chapped from getting paddled with incompetence.Everywhere you turn, you're getting used.Getting lit up by people who are supposed to be my trusted allies.
02:45Such close allies, they're allowed to stay in my home for four days while I'm not there.But hey.So it's okay.We all make mistakes.You're saying you just got home?Yeah, I just walked home.And Chelsea came out of the backyard and said, oh, no, it's a lot.bad, it's bad. And I'm like carrying two giant suitcases because we're coming back from up north.
03:04And I'm like, what, what's bad? And she's like, my diarrhea. And then she goes into the house and dumpsin the toilet that's right by our front door. So the first time I walk in my house after eight days,I smell period diarrhea. Just the best kind. Yeah, the only kind. The connoisseur's choice.Your house, your home's value went down $500. Yeah, the fire department's here.DTE's hereAnd the water supply people are comingThe whole table's been poisonedShe's been there
03:37So she's hadIt's not like that was the first die-dyeOf the last four days, right?This isHey, I don't knowAll I know isYou're in the eye of the stormI haven't been upstairs
03:49I immediately walked into my basementAnd I'm the mushroom childBroadcasting to millionsThe brown eye of the stormYeah, it's crazy that millionsmillions are currently tuning in.Also, this might be the last,this might be the last episode from Trinidad
04:05because it looks spooky out there.I think we might get some kind of hurricane,a land-based hurricane.That's what they call a...It's never been done.Isn't it a cyclone?A sandstorm?It's not a cyclone.
04:17It's not a twister.It's not a tornado.It's something new.I think the serial killer has something to do with this weather.So it's insino.Oh, yeah.Insanonado.There's probably just a murderous drifter out there.
04:28traveling via whirling dervish storm.Yeah.It's just a man covered in dust devils just being like, girl, 15, and then the fuckingcyclone rips the girl in half.Yeah, it is freaky out there.It's like not really green, but it's definitely a weird.It looks like a bruise outside.Shouldn't you guys all be in the basement?
04:53We'll see what happens.I'm in the basement all the time.Oh, yeah.Okay.You're always safe.Becker?Safety first.I think it's just going to be a bad hail.
05:02Bad hail.Yeah.Huh.It reminds me of that guy.The worst hail that I ever saw was for this character named Hitler.Yep, those are bad ones.I didn't like that.That's the worst hail that you can have.
05:21Satan, that's a pretty good one.Sure, yeah.Baphomet set.Did you guys sacrifice anything to Baffa Maffa?I'm at Wancha Week?I don't know.No, I mean, Wancher Week ruled.Yeah, Wancher Week was great.
05:39No one hates their family secretly.Everybody, a lot of high fives, low fives.Yeah, yeah.Slapping of skins.All the dads love their kids very much.Everybody's showing up.Yeah.I mean, I'm the man up there.
05:57I do a good job with all the kids.And I know not to bother the older kids.There's this one kid named Tim.He's cool.He's 11.He loves soccer.He looks like one of the cranky anchor kids.He's awesome.
06:10He's just like at that real awkward stage.His brother's an absolute stud.He's 14, like the best hockey player in all of Michigan.You know, I just, we know you're going to make it sweet tea.Just hold on for a couple more years because right now you look like Jim Florentine does your voice.Oh, yeah.It's awful.Yeah. It's a hard, it's a tough time. And you really do have all the crazy hormones. Yeah.
06:37affecting your day to day. You hate everything. You don't know why. And then you're young so you can't just explain. And then a bunch of your parents, a bunch of parents instead of being like, yeah, you're going to feel crazy. Whatever. Like it's just hormones. They're just like, deal with it. Man up.Well, luckily. We don't have a lot of that with the launches. It's a bunch of women trying to get to the bottom of everything. And.And that's why the boys play a lot of Pokemon Go.Because they don't want to be in the hen house getting pecked.They're not allowed.They're not, yeah.They have to figure it out.There's a caste system.
07:11The boys are untouchable until they're 25.So anyway, no, the kid's awesome.And he's like the sweetest kid.He's just, you know how when you're 11 to 12, you just look like a freak?It's like your body's fighting against symmetry.It's like you just have 12 months of like, nothing is going to make sense.He's in that.He went from like little cutie to like, all right, you know, de plain, de plain.
07:39And then next year he'll be like six foot two and everything will be great.He actually, he caught a fish dude and he called his mom immediately.It was fucking, I was like weepy.He was like, oh, yeah.And I like, you know, he pulls it in, take a picture with it.And then he immediately calls his mom.I was like, this is what summer's all about.There's so many moments where it was like, this is what summer's all about.
07:58This is what being a kid is.No one was blowing it at all.that's good yeah everybody everybody you kept batting through the through the whole lineup yeah i meandude i got a fucking story for you but we'll save it for the patreon just remind me yeah yeahwatch a week a complete success shout out to the good people of western michigan for notbothering me and it only rained once it's it's in the same place every year right yeah yeah we've beendoing it the same place the last four years.Hmm.
08:35I couldn't remember how far away it was.Four hours.Yeah.I just drove four hours.And I wondered.And my greenhouse was untouched.There was a fire in there.Yeah.
08:47Someone had been smoking cigars in there.It smelled like a humidor.I think she had a bunch of guys over.And they were burnt light bulbs.Yeah.And there was like a Cuban soccer jersey.He was that or Argentinian.I'm not sure.
09:03But someone's been makingcasidias in there.That's all I'm saying.I had myI had my favorite meal today,black bean, sweet potato tacos.Nice.That's your favorite meal?
09:22It's a good choice.When we did the Q&A,the website,you looked up like Washington State,HR, icebreaker,questions for a Patreon episodebecause Becker forgot to askour listeners.
09:43And one of the questions that wediscussed was if you had to eat one meal.And I said black bean, sweet potato tacos.And I stand by it.I keep getting them at the store.I'm sure that I said a red potato and a golden potato.A million dollars that by I had answered that question,I probably said pussy.
10:02Now you said beef and or tendonfah.Yeah, but I didn't say pussy first,Becker, check the roll of the next.You said butt hole.Probably said,ariola.Okay, so you're eating your favorite meal.
10:17Well, yeah, it makes me feel strong.No pool yoga yesterday.It's been hot.Oh, actually, yesterday we didn't gobecause it was still chillyand cloudy, so it wouldn't have been as good.Is it outside?But, yeah, it's an outdoor pool.
10:33You're swim-shirting?Have you been back since we talked last time?No, it's twice a week, but Megan's got to work a lot.So we'll have to see.Hopefully there's going to be a 5.30 p.m. edition.It's possible.So that would be, I wouldn't mind that.Yeah.
10:54Yeah, there's going to be a bunch of people coming from the mine.Yeah, it's going to be you and a bunch of roughnecks, truck driver.Blue Collar Joe's, farmers.Hey, everyone.Syracuse, New York is a city in upstate New York.I'm at the Funny Bone Comedy Club there, the 10th and 11th of July.No one's coming currently.I'd like to beat that record.
11:15So why don't you all buy one ticket?How about that?Let's start with one ticket.That'd be great.And then Tulsa, Oklahoma City, also in July, Nashville, Huntsville,Naples, Tampa, Virginia Beach.Richmond.Let's go to Virginia, bitch.
11:33Let's go to Virginia, bitch.I'll see you in Virginia, bitch.Go to sametalat.com, get tickets to all my shows, and pre-order brute.This is a sincere message to all of you.Stop this fucking podcast right now, and if you've ever given a shit about, you know,anything good in the universe, good men, good women, victory, triumph, heroism.I know how many books I have pre-ordered.And also, there's a little rumor going around
12:05about how many books Mr. Beast has pre-ordered.All I'm saying is, for the love of God,please just go pre-order the book right now.It's $28.You don't have to join the Patreon ever.In fact, cancel your Patreon subscription.No.Oh.
12:19Do both.Sorry, sorry.And also, you don't even have to stop the show to do it.The links in the descriptions of the video and the audio.You know what?If you don't pre-order the book right now,you don't deserve any more of the pod, any more of me, any more of Lund.So if you just want 60-minute Becker podcasts about things he's seen on his walk and cool
12:38cars that he's heard of, then keep it up.Then keep it up.Don't pre-order the book.But if you do want to keep your laughs coming and a gun out of Nathan Lund's mouth,put there by me, pre-order that book, all right?28 bucks.Go get it.there's already going to be a gun in my mouth if more people don't buy tickets to my show at the Comedy Works.
13:03Oh, yeah.July 3rd.Oh, yeah.Use promo code Lund for discounted tickets.And it's a 730 show.It's stacked.I have a bunch of funny people that will be on it.And then me.
13:16So, yeah, get tickets now at ComedyWorks.com and use discount code Lund.I wish the pool was bigger.I wish there was like another whole pool.But it's all crammed into one.It's like there's a slide and laps like lap lanes and like a little kitty section,but it's kind of one big pool.It's not even that big.So I don't know how often I can go without it being just slammed, tip to tail.
13:48Yeah.Little tikes.I think you got to get in there, man, and you got to cement your territory.You got to show up early and stay all day and just keep.No, that's like a locals only thing, but for kids.I feel like the kids, no, the kids rule.They're going to bully anybody that they want.They're going to want every square inch of the pool.
14:08Hey, buddy, no one wants anything to do with you when you're at the pool.All right.So you just need to like Nash, you know, start wearing an eye patch, like a bandana.Yeah, I don't want to be the bad guy at the pool.You're not the bad guy.You're that guy.Oh, okay.You're the guy at the pool.
14:25You're not the bad guyYou just describedLike several differentClassic villain tropesYeahIt's more of like a stay awaySnarlingYeah
14:34A hookLike you should be on roller skatesAt all timesYou can bother peopleYeahYou're like listening to likeBang your headYeah
14:49YeahRemember thatRemember Monsters of RockThat mixtape that they soldOh yeahOn TVmonsters of rock and it was like Cinderella motor and bum bumthat's your price yeah that was a good
15:05you're just listening to that over and overwhile sitting there wearing like awearing like a Rishiki cutoff shirt you know like a lesserWWE character but you think he's the best everyou're wearing like a Farooke sleeveless shirtJohnson.You're like the biggestAhmed Johnson fan.
15:31A lot of people of color on mywrestling shirts.Yeah.That way people know you're not a racist.You're just that guy.Right.That's like the only,this is the only thing I have going for me.
15:41Everything else says stay away.It's scary.But,and it just adds to the confusionbecause it's like this guy,how is he not racist?He's everything else bad.He's every other negative thing.
15:55the goatee shave the goatee oh man so this this this got me i was watching oh we were watchingprisoners right which is from 2013 uh Hugh Jackman has a oh yeah Hugh Jackman is a dad his kid ismissing uh he thinks he knows who got him who's who's kidnapped his child and he tries toget to the bottom of it but he has a goatee right and it's I'm laughing because you knowgo tea bros but then like his kid has been missing for like five days and so he's all like reallyfreaked out you know he knows that time is against him he needs answers but he also still hasthe full like you know this my cheeks have grown in you know so it's not not shaving andsculpting sculpting a goate this motherfucker day five still very much maintaining the goate he's mowing
16:53the lawn.So he's like mid-elevators for this fight and he's like,but they don't show him shaving,but he must have been shaving regularly because the wholefilm is probably eight days, seven days,eight days.Damn.And he's got the goatee.
17:11He was shaving.Like he had no time.No time for his other kid.Dude,if Emily wouldn't miss him.He's not 11,but he's,if Emily disappeared,
17:20my pubs would be back in four hours.you're not shaving they would grow in they would come in just like knowing that they needed to be at the readythat got me and then also uh the the main the guy that hugh jackman believes has kidnapped his kidis played by paul dano and he's very creepy you know the mind of a child and his name the character'sname is alex jones so i got a kick out of that it was it's a heavy brutal movie but there wassome laughs between the goatee the guy with the mind of a 10 year old is namedAlex Jones there was there was some levity intentional or not so that was nice well I waswondering about the 2013 thriller prisoners it's not too late I appreciate you catching me up
18:09you know when you're at the goatees all around us you also have to like hang a poster of likeyou know Emily day Chanel or something like a grown woman not a girlYou got to hang a poster of a grown woman.Then you're like, I love women.It's got to be like an ACDC poster.Yeah, dude.You need a carer.Yeah.
18:31You need a go cart too, not rollerblades, but a little go cart.You just rip around the pool and you're like, no running.There's...Adult swim!You're like a lifeguard, but no one gave you the job and no one wants you there.No jean shorts.Yeah.No jean shorts.
18:52Why me, Iri Pa, no swim in hemdenum.And you're like, it's not my problem, pal.All right.Get out of here.Uh, shit.I had something.The lady that drives around town of that miniature Jeep?Oh, yeah.
19:07Yeah.That thing's sick.I haven't, so I haven't seen it being driven.I've only seen like a little go cart of like a Jeep kids go cart.Not even a go cart because it's not.It's like you would buy that.Oh, you can buy it.at big r right they have the little uh scooters yeah and then they also have like a little so it's maybe
19:29maybe a step up from like a Barbie oh yeah i'd carry you and me together okay so what is it like575 cc engine it's like the hey it's like 40 i dare you to give me a DUI in this mobileyeah it's torqued up so am i legally driving yeah it can pull but it won't go very fast it'lltop and they have rodinger's cheap they have a manual they have a manualearbox so you see her driving she looks like aMario cart character because like adwarf even body and it is hilariousno but the Jeep is
20:00the Jeep is very small so it'syeah it's just barely bigger than akids play toyit's like a miniature horse and I've only seen itI've only seen it outside of thethe liquor storeoh sure I haven't seen her wrapped aroundI didn't know who was driving it
20:16it's like a lady probablybetween our agesand I've only seenor driving it to the Alta in the liquor store.I think it's somebody who found herself a little loophole.Yeah.I don't need a license for this.But she's shifting the shit out of it.
20:32I bet that was exactly what it was, dude.Oh, it is.She saw that TikTok with that Texas girl in her Barbie Jeep and was like, oh, I saw thosejeeps in a big R.I'm 56.She Googled.You can't put a breath of ice for it.She Googled three DUIs, how to get around question mark.
20:51Yeah, she looks like DK, hauling ass in that thing.Like her knees are up by the top of the steering wheel.She's shipped in like a rat fink.They're pretty sweet.Oh, yeah, a drag.She's good.They make ones that go fast that are like 10 grand.But that would scare the shit out of me.
21:11No, those ones are about what you should have.You should go like.Becker, you should woo this woman and we could have her on the pod.No.Becker, what about a segment called Becker's Conquest?where we we like put a bounty on your proclivities and every month that you do it or every week you do it with a girl we have her on the pod that sounds terrible and then she gives you an uncle laser which is where she blows you on the pod did you know about this no uncle laser got blown on his podcast Jesus no is this recent yeah I mean probably in laser years you know he's going at the speed of light so it's toughI had not heard about that.Yeah, I got to ask him about him.
21:55I got to ask him about it face to face.And he said, oh, man, you know, anything to keep a sponsor.And I thought that was very funny.But he was on my flight from Austin to Minneapolis.And I was like, you got blown on your podcast.And you had anything to keep a sponsor.And then I laughed really hard because it makes me think that that's what like Turtle Beach requested that he got sucked on the pod to put over.Maybe blue chew.
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24:21terrible thoughtsand strongthey like to smokethey don't even mind the smokingit's the crazyyeah no shitthat's what you have in commonyeah you love smoking
24:30right you can smoke with themafter you poke on themand then we make joke on themthat's whatthat's what you got arrested foris what you just saidhow about thiswell the tornado's gonna get rid
24:48of a lot of these single momsyeahtornadoesevent. I truly, I don't think I've seen a woman in like four years down here where I went,whoa, wait, who's that? Oh, come on. I'm sure your little spud wants to be watered every now and then.It's fine. It's dead now.Why don't you and Bobby go whoring in Retone?I think Roton might be more even dismal. It's even dismal. There's more people there. There's like 30,000 people.
25:18No. No, you're thinking of Las Vegas. I'm not thinking of Las Vegas. I'm not thinking ofLas Vegas.You're the only one thinking of Las Vegas.That's all I think about.Pueblo, South, Las Vegas, New Mexico.They got food.They got, they shot a bunch of no country for old men.Not so much here.
25:37How about this?We're running out of food.We don't have a lot of food left.Yeah, because you guys are there.Especially after this tornado.You guys haven't been on the road.You're eating all the food.Yeah, I went through my supplies.
25:50What if I told you guys?guys that I was about to pitchMattel on a street sharks moviereally?Yeah manmy manager's rulenot real yes it's 100% realthey were like hey Mattel wants to have a meeting
26:07and I was like all rightwhat the fuck are you talking aboutand then I like look at Mattel's propertiesyeah look there he iswhat's his name? Jawsyeah Jaws he'll have a big role in the filmYeah, he's the boss.He's like the Leonardo.
26:24Here's the idea.It's the spiritual sequel to the original Ninja Turtles film.So it's like, it's all like puppets like they did that way.And it's gritty.It's R-rated.And it's pretty much the warriors in the Mattel universe with all of their lesser properties.So the street sharks have to fight the Shogun warriors,have to fight the skateboard kids.
26:46But you do it like in that uncanny valley like Pee We Herman kind of stylewith like the turtles were because the people buying these tickets will be men our age who had thestreet sharks but uh yeah have access to them have you been watching them no no no i i wrote awhole movie in my head off of kind of knowing about the street sharks i don't think you have todo too much research you know jaws is big and then what's the other one's name uh bladesyeah blades he's probably got blades or something yeah i forget all of course there's aMark. Mark was the other one. Mark the shark. Mark the shark, get him in there.Uh-huh. Yep. But yeah.
27:27Shout out Mark the Shark.That's what I have it all on DVD if you want me to bring it.Yeah, I mean, we should probably do a little bit of research on the street sharks.But yeah, that's what's coming up for. What people want is more random crap.Do people have actually been kind of demanding a street sharks movie for like four or five years?Hey, what you and Baker get up to? The four guys in that subreddit.Yeah.They brought the toys back.
27:52Nobody thought they'd ever do that.Most of the guys are in that subreddit because they just wanted,they had a different idea when they joined R slash SS Rocks.Okay.They liked the street shark.What's Jaws sound like, Becker?Do a little Jaws for him.I don't remember.
28:10Well, what if you had to do Jaws?I think Jaws sounded like Leonardo.I think it was like, hey, man, I'm the leader.So I'm the one.that talks like a big brotherthat doesn't do drugs.I'm gonna make Jawslike a gay
28:28bodybuilder. One of themwas like a biker. I'm gonna chompyour ass. I haven't hada carb in years, honey.Get over here and get chumped. Suckmy fin, slut.They are ripped. But the suitwill be easy to make the puppet out of
28:44because it's just waste up. And hey,how about Meat Canyon? You havemeat canyon do the puppets.Okay.That'd be sick because then I get to work with Meek Canyon, who's kind of Lund-esque, but good at puppets.Unlike Lund.Bad at puppets.I'd probably be pretty good.
29:02You can't leave you alone in the room with puppets without you trying to have sex with it.Everything's a tanga egg if it's made out of that material for you.Yeah, that's where my head would go.Anything's Silicon.You should get Ernie Rage Jr. to come back.It would make the most sense, I think, to incorporate a lot of different.IP instead of just street sharks.Yeah.
29:25Because that's like 12 dudes.The rest of them are in jail, you know, for like killing their first grade teacher or whatever, whoever hurt them.Yeah.So you're not going to have a lot of people who are like, street sharks.There's not going to be a line, I don't think.But I think that you attract people by trying to do like, you know, a turtles type thing.But it's like the raid meets warriors, you know, but with like freakish,kind of garrish, weird-looking, you know,
29:56street shark people. Are you calling the street sharks right now?No, I'm trying to figure out who owns Biker Mice from Mars.They were not on the document that I received.Well, that might have just been because it was a good choice.But they'd be fun to make no.They have hot wheels, and they have Thomas the tank, the tank engine.So you can have, you know, some kind of death train come in.There's like a bunch of like,
30:21Yeah, train to Busan.but it's all Nazi ghosts.It's like a reverso train.Damn.Yeah.That's awesome.Yeah.So,
30:30Becker,you're pretty much going to write that.I'm going to cash the check.All right.Mattel's also Barbie.So what?They're just trying to find.They want Barbie for boys.
30:41Well,and they just fucked up real bad with He-Man.Yeah,He-Man sucked.Everybody was speculating that they might just pull out.And then they publicly were like,no,we think we just missed with He-Man.
30:51we're going to do it a couple more times before we give up on this who's going to savemottel's to a movie franchise me sam talent with my x-rated street sharks where they you cansee all of their penises dude i think the key to most of these ipes from back then is to make themlike logan and make them r-rated because you're right the market is guys are age without kidsit's not for kids yeah or girlfriends street sharks they have human legs and pants so i guess whatGuess what's in there?They're cox.They're throbbing fined cocks.
31:26Yeah, dude.Check me for gills, bitch.Yeah.That's in the trailer.Check me for gills, bitch.They all have guns.Mm-hmm.They just have guns.
31:38They don't know any kind of kung fu or anything.Yeah, nobody gets bit.Yeah.There's no biting.They were just like, no swimming.Biting and muscled up.I don't think there was a lot of karate in the street sharks.They were.
31:51street. They have to bite people's heads out.Were theyturned into half human, half sharkby radioactive ooze?Or is it just, hey, guess what? Welcome toShark City. We're alllike this. It's fine. I hadEmily read the Wikipedia to
32:10me on the drive.Two doctors createa machine called the animal slammeror thegene slammer or something.And it can specifically combineIt can make anthropomorphic versions of aquatic animals.Only aquatic animals.
32:29Becker read the whole thing.Wow, yeah.It is, I'm looking at the synopsis.It is Dr. Peridime.It makes the gene slammer to mutate the four Bolton brothers and the shark-like hybrids.Because the other doctor, Dr. Bolton, he mutates all four of his sons.Yes.And Dr. Paradigm wants to make the entire world.
32:51into his own army of sea creatures.Yes.And why sea creatures?This is Ripster.I'm sorry.Not Jaws.I got it wrong.It's Ripster Streaks,
33:03big slam-oo.The whale shark's pretty dope.It was just aorca, though.I don't think it was like actually a whale shark.And you know what he'll say?This orca what a porka.And then he like
33:14bangs Barbie or whatever.Yeah, dude.Jacks afucks a dump truckthe hot wheeldamn it's alreadybeen updated to saythat there's a
33:28darker and more modernreboot in developmentwhatwhen did they say thatit says it at the bottomof the synopsiswhen was that addedyeah Becker just added it live
33:40I didn'tlet me check itand the sourcesays chubby behemothand then he's alreadyoh it's a seriesthey have a seriesis returning and that was announced February 8th.
33:54February 8th.Okay. Well, I want to make my movie then.That's my way into Hollywood is street sharks.Man.I remember they used the term Jawsome.That was definitely like in the commercial or for the toys or for the show.That's Jossum.Vin Diesel did the toy ad.
34:18Okay.Because he was the most shark-like actor that they could find.Yeah.Yeah, they wanted a shark guy.He was the closest looking to the toy.He looks like a missile.Yeah.But it was before he was anybody and he's speaking in his actual voice.
34:32It's like the toy fair promo video.So it was like what they showed people to carry him.He was still vehicle identification number diesel.It was before he changed it for sack.Yeah, he's like shirtless and a leather vest being like,They're Jossum.They're Jossum.It's a good toy.
34:50It's pretty fun.They all had cool features.No idea what to get dad for Father's Day.I don't have to get my dad shit.He's dead.But the Ridge Power Bank is the last power bank you're alive, dad, will ever need.It's crazy.This is word for words so far.
35:06They must listen.This is a good copy.They're fans.No, it says to spice it up.Ridge's 5 and 1 power bank lets you charge anything at any time.Anything.MagSafe, wireless charging, lightning, and USBC cable.Ridge has got you covered.
35:23The Ridge Power Bank holds up to three full phone charges and powers your devices fast.I don't have mine to show off right near me, but it rules.My power bank is in my backpack where it always is in my travel suitcase because it goes everywhere with me.I love the power bank.You can prop it up.It creates like a little phone tower for when you're on the airplane.Yeah.Sorry, Ridge.
35:47I don't have it on me.Power bank.You can imagine what it looks like.It's a rectangle.it's not about what it looks like it's about what it does which is keep you connected to thestreet sharks reboot and look if i wasn't afraid to go upstairs right now because i think my wifeheard some of the podcast guess what it's planet i'd go up there but i am afraid so i'm staying downhere but if you were to if you were to look at my ridge five and one power bank charger you would
36:15see that it was actually like probably a 16th of an inch uh smoother than the floormodel because of how much I've fucking handled it.All right. So if we get any heat from Ridge,you know,availablein olive green, base camp orangeand Matt Black. I love Matt Black.I went to high school with Matt Black. Yeah, he's a good guy.
36:37He did porn, right? The Ridge PowerBank comes with free shipping anda 99-day risk-free trial.Hit him, Lund.One thing to fact, five waysto power. It's written here. I have to sayhit him, Lund. It's written.there. Well, yeah, you had to read
36:54two sentences so that youcan get all the money.For a limited time,get up to 40% off duringRidge's huge Father's Day sale.He's dead. At ridge.comslash chubby. Don't miss one of their biggestdiscounts all year. Just had to
37:10ridge.com slash chubby and you're all set.After you purchase, they'll ask youwhere you heard about them. Support the show and tellhim Chubby Bohemoth sent you.What about Battlechodes? Get thebattle chodes in there? They're just thick cocks.I thought about that, but that's video game.I don't know.
37:27They're not the battle toads.They're the battle chodes.Are you not listening?Oh, gotcha.Yeah.Just go to court.Right.Just have a bunch of litigation.
37:35That could drum up some interests.You know how you drum up interest is it's the only movie that's only for guys.And women aren't allowed in the theater.They deny tickets to women.That would be awesome.Guys only movie?That would be jossum.You can, like, grill in there.
37:52making skirt sticks it's like a kinseniera without the girl it'd be awesome just watching puppets fucking kill people this is jossuma bunch of guys high-fiving and tank tops jossum and then it's like women are like watching from the like projection booth like pissed with like rolling pins oh dude we got busted at the movie theater well megan did she tried to bring in a fucking soda water no no andwe sat in the back we went to see back rooms and we sat in the back and i was going to tell her to waitto crack open her soda water until like a few minutes into the movie but no either before i think it wasbefore it even started she cracked it and then 45 seconds later gosh guy walks up with a popcornbucket he's like hey need to bring that need to bring your drinks out to the front man and i was like whatAnd then Megan's like, what?And I have to tell her.
38:55I said, he saw the drink.She brought two, but I told her to only open one.What?Guess what?We got to drink that on the way home.You know.Did he work there?I get it.
39:07What?The guy, that, yeah, yeah.Why is he eating popcorn?It was for the drink.Put it in the empty bucket.Oh.In case it was contaminated.He didn't want to touch it.
39:19Well, because if he would have picked it, if he would have grabbed it,I would have started filming.And I've been like, this guy's drunk at work.He's giving a shit acting like, acting like we didn't pay to get in here.This guy reeks like gin.He says I was fingering my wife.He was probably 19 and they thought that it was a beer.And so because he was underage, he's not allowed to handle alcohol.
39:41I don't know.It was funny.Well, you know, when a movie theater needs every cent probably to survive, I don't blame them.And I wondered, because that was only the third time we went to the movies.We missed a couple things.And finally went to see weapons last year.And then Rocky Horror Picture Show for Halloween and now this.Did you guys comply willingly with the drink?
40:08No.Oh, yeah, yeah.Yeah, yeah.I didn't say fuck you.Oh, I figured that.I'm not your mom.Come back with a warrant or whatever.Yeah.
40:16I thought you went Michael Douglas probably.They're still finding parts of that kid all over the Trinidad.that sign. No, I get it. Because, you know, when I worked and well, I'll say this, when I workedto the Mayan, I wouldn't have said anything to most people if they had something unless they wereso stupid about it, you know, unless they were so brazen. And this was not brazen. This was low key.So I was kind of surprised that he cared. But they probably, I don't know, they need, they need everypenny. It's that crack. The crack is what gets you. Yeah. I don't know if he was watching from theprojection room or what but
40:52pretty looking down her shirtsaw her crack that thingsaid you're seeingyeah he's seen everythingone stonehe finishesyeah comes downgets the Bev
41:03now he's got it in his shrinehe's got her DNAhe's at home combines it in the jeans slammerright he's in the jeansturns it into a fucking street shirtuh huh and he's fucking her blowholeoh nohe's no he's at home
41:18he's wearing one of creatures like stolenhouse dresses, but he's like putting on, like, shoe polish around his mouth to look like you.So he's becoming both of you at once.Like the killer in Elmore Leonard's killer on the road.Did you watch backrooms?No, I never even heard of it.Everybody's kind of been freaking out over obsession and backrooms as these like new thriller, horror, whatever.movies that people liked but it sounds like obsession was actually good.
41:56Beckrooms was challenging.There wasn't a lot.Kind of, yeah.I mean, I liked where it was going,but then it didn't really land with like, oh, okay, you know?It was just like mostly confusing and I thought it was building towards something.And then it was kind of over and I was like,all right.
42:17I got yelled at by a tween for this.He didn't yell.He was chill.He was like, I don't want to call the cops.I don't want to fight over this.Give me the water, Lou.The biggest bummer is that it's based on like a Reddit creepy pasta.And it's made enough money that now they're like already talking about how there's like a Hollywood scramble to scrape Reddit and see if there's any other cheap ass IP they can make movies out of.
42:47Fuck.Yeah, like my time.Here I am trying to compete with.the Kings for street sharks.Yeah.And Sidney's coming out with anotherReddit movie soon.What's it called?
42:58The girl with the juiciest tits.Something almost thatstupid.All right.I guess he was bought a ticket.The girl who faked herdisappearance, I think, is what it's called.I remember a creepy pasta with
43:12or no, that's like a trope.Isn't it a stairs in the middle of the woods?Stairs that don't go anywhere.I remember when creepy pasta was just whenKraft macaron cheesedid jack-o-lantern shapes for HalloweenYou knowWhen your uncle made you shells and cheese
43:27Yeah and then made you eat it in the bathroomWhile he watched from the showerwearing his mom's wigThat was creepy pastaOh dude manWancher Week the best had a blastThere's this guy Dave up thereWho's like the most down dude there is
43:45He's the absolute manAlways there to helpmarried to Emily's aunt the best.And he does shit for people all the time.And I'm always like, Dave's the best guy there ever was,the best there ever will be, the best to ever do it.Well, we're playing Dave.Yeah, so we're playing volleyball.
44:02And like Dave runs up and he's like,hey, Sam, I need.And as soon as he said need, I was like running towards Dave.Like he could have said, hey, man, there's a bunch of fire ants on the porch.We need someone to eat him with their tongue.I would have been like, I'm already down here, Dave.Give me the honey.Here's my shirt.
44:26Yeah, I was just like running right away.It was nice.Nice to be there for Dave in his time of need.Did he need you to smoke weed with him?No, he's not that kind of guy.He's just like a nice man in his late 60s who's always like helping the kids put worms ontheir hooks and like, you know, scouring dishes that no one else wants to.do. No, what did he need from you? Oh, a family member, one of the family members had a seizure,
44:55so I just ran to help him into the bed. It was a known thing. They all knew what to do. They justneeded a big man to help carry. Damn. Mm-hmm. The vibrator. He's dead. He's followed his own time.Yeah, you weren't able to pick him up because you're not strong anymore.Dude, I'm strong and I'm fucking lean.I'm wearing an Excel shirt to my party.Hell yeah.I bought an Excel shirt today.And Emily had to talk me into it.
45:28And I was like, I don't know.And then she took pictures of me and was like, look at you.You're beautiful.Right.Well, yeah, you know that you got all those shirts and they're too big,but you also didn't maybe think that you were actually an XL.No way.Right.
45:46I'm not ready for an Excel lifestyle.You went to Destination XL and you were like, hey, I've never been in here before looking for the namesake.Yeah.I would love to go to a destination.Where'd you go?I went to L.L. Bean in Clinton Township.XL Bean.My atelier.
46:10I might be dressing like Dave T. at the party.I think I'm going to get a cream linen suit and just dress like pure sex talent.and it'll just be generationallike, you know, hot dudes.My dad, of course, not allowed to wear a shirtand he has to wear a ponytail as per my request.He's going to be completely smooth underneath his jacket.He's got to wear like, what is that look where it's like a zoot suit
46:38but no jacket?So like the high up pants and then like tank top.Hat at a severe angle.is that gusano or somethingoh nocreatures had enoughyeah no more podthere's some scary pasta
46:56I have to work at mutiny nowyeah I have to get a real jobI have to work at a bank she saysoh shitbecause those are realI have to be a professor at the collegeI have to givefucking walking ghost tours
47:11you get hired because they wanted a visitinga visiting lecturerand you go inand you just likeread the kids down every day.You're like, here's another dumbass thing about you guys.You're like, oh, no.Just read creepy pasta.
47:24Yeah.They love it.You're the best teacher they've ever had because you can read.Fat Poet Society.Was I talking?When was I listening?I don't know.Your shit fell over.
47:40And then he said Fat Poet Society and everything's different.Are you hairy and sweaty andgross in the hot weather oh maybe you should read this one no sorry this is for the other guysright this is for other people not us cool off when you shave it off with the harries plus razorharries plus if i ever shave this off i would i would be honored to use harries but i don't knowif i might get buried in the goatee sooner rather than later maybe we'll shave you this weekendbefore we paint you i got to i got to do somethingsomething, I got to do something nice for your wedding anniversary weekend.
48:21It's not going to be this.Oh, I mean, it's got to be something better.It's got to be something extreme.Maybe you get rid of the chin.Do like the full handlebar.Yeah, it's pretty fun.Do the Tom of Finland.Well, no matter what kind of hairstyle you want to surprise your best friend with at his
48:37anniversary party, with blades engineered at three different angles, plus a lubricatingstrip with aloe and vitamin E.Harry's Plus lets you ditch the beer.and keep your skin smooth.I'm a big Harry's guy.I'll be using Harry's on my face and we'll see how mad I get.If Emily goes missing,I'll have to get the Harry's out to shave my pubs when they come back.
49:01When they reach out like ganglia to find her.Even if your kids are missing,you're still going to want to shave your face if you got Harry's.If you've seen the 2013 thriller prisoners,you'll know that keeping it tight,up top will help youfind your daughter.So I love their gel
49:22too. They have a nice littlestrok kit that I travel with.They have their own line of shave gel,deodorant, body washwith a risk-free trial.You're going to try Harry's today.For a limited time,because of the team of fans
49:37can get the Harry's Plus trial setfor only $10 at harries.comslash jubby. This setincludes the all-newHarry's Plus razor.One refined five bladecartridge, two ouncefoaming shave gel, and a travel
49:53cover to protect your blades.On the go. Just head toharries.com slash shubby.After you purchased, I'll ask you where youheard about them. Support the show.Tell them Chubby Behemothsent you. Can you seemy nads? Edit my nads out of this.
50:09I can't see your nads. I'm blur them.It looks like I got some duck eggs in mybasket. Oh, the fuckingthe outfit Dave T. in thewhatever. Oh, yes.Criban Pete.Yeah, with like suspenders and like a reallyloud, he has like a big pocket
50:25watch. Yeah, is thatMiami or is that likeL.A. in the 50s orsomething? It's probablyboth, but it stayed around in L.A.Lowrider and Cholo culture. Yeah, bandanawith the hat. So you have likethe bandana and then the hat.
50:41And then the hat. Way and the high-wasteddeep rise. Super high.pants,past visible.No, that's why the rise is huge so that they don't make your confidence.Oh, yeah, they're low, yeah.Low crotch.Right.
50:55High up, but then still a low-ass crotch.What are you guys wearing to my party?Like hammered.Well, I wanted to ask you at the end of this so that didn't air it all out.Are we going to be inside?We're inside outside, but it's 75 degrees, baby.It's going to be perfect.All right.
51:12I think I got some winter or some summer slacks that I can wear.And Lund.You're wearing full leather, right?Oh.You're going to wear dress blues.You should wear your dress blues, Lund.Steal Valor for my party.Whoa, that would fucking show up like Major Dad.
51:34Officer and a gentleman me.Please.Major Lund.G.I. Lund.What about Dark, gritty reboot of Major Dad?He has PTSD and he hits his kids.He's always whipping them with his sword.Not as exciting as the sharks.
51:54No.But yeah, I want one of you to steal Valor for the party.You guys figured out behind the scenes.A lot of saluting.Anytime you see an old guy, you have to salute him.There's a guy here in town that walks around and salutes everybody that drives by.Oh, good.I'm glad you found a new thing, Becker.
52:14That's all he's got.I've talked to him a couple of times.He's not saluting the cars. He's not saluting the people.He pretends to drive the cars.Yeah. Thank you for your service.He's actually trying to mind meld with the motors.No, why is he saluting the cars?He's an old veteran.
52:33Yeah.Hell yeah.But, you know, sometimes there's like a bunch of cars.So I would imagine it really holds him up.It's like, fuck, he's always late.God damn it.He's never moving very fast.Yeah, he's always tired from it.
52:49Just his one arm is buff as hell.Yeah, because he'll start a conversation with me as I pass him.And it's like, dude, you know I'm going to have to stop doing what I'm doing to talk to you about nothing.You know, we've talked every day for the last 380 days straight, sir.I can't talk to you anymore.I walk 15 miles an hour.Yeah.And you are at a crawl.
53:07You're at a snail's pace.It's crazy.Like, I think it probably is hard on his muscles to move that slow.It's nuts.resist yeahthink Pilateshe's long and leanno he's an old
53:23old uhMexican dude rightI can't think of his nameI think I know his namebut yeah he's usuallycoming and goingI think it's uhwhat was that
53:34what was the big street sharks namethe big cahunadamn itnever mindyou're just likeyou should just like start sayingstreet sharksStreet Shark lingo to him whenever you see him back here.
53:47He's like, oh, man.Big Slamoo.Hey, big slam moo.You're having a jawsome day?Just slowly street shark pill him.Okay.The world's dumbest sigh off where you just think this guy,this guy now thinks that people are talking in shark puns.
54:05I don't think anybody would correct him.No, no one talks to him.He's saluting people.Have a jossom day.Mm-hmm.Yeah.War is hell, but Trinidad is Jossum.He gets sued by Mattel.
54:20Trinidad, hopefully it'll still be here.We're going to have a night tornado.I mean, I hope you guys are safe, but it'd be great if that place was removed from the earth.You guys had to move to society.That'd be cool.Creech gets a settlement.Becker's toys are all insured.They are.
54:35That's right.His shoes go to.I got excited when I looked up the weather out your way.Hold on.Whoa.Oh, no.That was not Jossum.You're going to lose an eye.
54:52I saw that it was like 70s in your neck of the woods.Oh, yeah, maybe.But then I thought the humidity makes it not as cool.Not when you're by the wire, buddy.Yeah.The mosquitoes make you forget how hot it is.No, no.You guys are always looking for bad stuff.
55:14It's the best.best the best here you're going to get here and you're going to say creach creach who this is jossumhumidity's jossom and guess what my hair's going to look cool you can have anything in a can in ourmovie theaters including chili soup whatever you want are we going to the theater no no I'm tryingto get a screener like I told you a jackass it's not going to happen I think it will I'm wielding a lotpower. She's listening to this. It's a free one. Never mind. We're not, we're not going to plan somesecret trip at midnight. That pilot that I gave you guys that you read, my new management sent itto everyone in Hollywood figuring cast a wide net. Everyone loves it. Fuck yeah, dude. So like,
55:59it's kind of the talk of Hollywood at this moment. And what am I going to do with all thiscachet? Street sharks. Battle Joe. Yes. I'm going to do a dark, gritty Bobby's Worldreboot.Where Bobby's actually in a coma because his dad, his mom tried to drown him in the tub.So all of his hallucinations and mind powers are actually the fact that he's like being floodedwith DMT because he's living in the moment between life and death.That sweet, subtle infinity.Yeah.
56:32And then he comes back to life and he reeks.That's Howie Mandel.He's like, I was Bobby the whole time.He's confused.What?Oh.That's all cool.It would be, I'd rather the, the thing you wrote, get traction versus just, you know, an attempt to, like you said, what is, who's it for?
56:59You?Like, yeah, we're all older guys.Literally, Becker?No.It's for Becker.Yeah.There's a lot of Beckers out there.A lot of those guys are gone, you know.
57:09It's easy to get a gun.It's hard to get a in-ritment condition rip-sore action figure.A lot of the street sharks guys are in prison because they try to mail a bomb to the guy that canceled street sharks.They tried to make their own gene slammer and just melted a bunch of cats in a microwave.There's a bunch of guys who can't legally buy a microwave and are ban for adopting animals.They're like, oh, what can I do?Are you supposed to talk about any of this, you psycho?Yeah, for sure.
57:52I wield all the power.What are they going to do?Have someone else write the Street Sharks movie?Okay, cool.They're going to get Seth McFarland to do it all.He's going to wake him up.He's going to do all four guys.No one's buying spawn, Seth.
58:09Yeah.No, I don't know.I mean, I don't.What I'm hoping is I just get a bunch of jobs all at once,and then I can just write a bunch of scripts,and then by this time next year, no one knows where I am.And I'm just like walking around with robot legs.He can step on Chelsea's house.
58:28Oh, yeah.Hey, you know what?We all make mistakes.Oh.That's my official party line.Because look, me and Emmy have 10 years.I'm just going to, now it's time to tighten everything up, you know, just be the best husband.So I was like really good.
58:45But now I'm just going to like really try and tighten it up.be like number one maybe be around or whatever hey i'm around man i'm around as much as we can bothstomach yeah i went to austin you know well i was going to say the wedding was 10 years ago yesterdaypretty crazy oh you were there oh yeah you have to speak at our uh at our anniversary partyi know emily already asked me i texted her happy anniversary but not you which wasdumb, but I meant to text you as well and then didn't. Yeah, I figured. But yeah, I texted her.And I said I was very excited to party. And that was a really great wedding weekend because I did not quit drinking because I thought that sounded like it would be hard.Yeah. But I was conscious of like I wasn't going to win. I didn't want to. Oh, good. I didn't want a medal at all in the dig head.
59:46tornado struck evergreen style i wanted to be uh i wonder what becker's doing yeah who knows whathe's up to can't be smoking yeah because it's a free one uh-huh um definitely not zorking his own gronkbut yeah it was nice to not blow it i didn't get into a fight with anybody you think you didn'thit on anyone i didn't blow it at all you don't remember you were fucking blackout the whole time noI took your cock out and shook it at my mom and said, let's make Sam again.Street sharks.Yeah, street sharks.This is Jossum.
01:00:23You have a cop's gun in your mouth.It's got some.No, I did not want to have a bunch of beers.The night before, two nights before, I definitely did some drugs.But that was, you know, we were in the woods.Yeah, I do.We're amongst the trees.Oh, I just remembered who.
01:00:44did win the dickhead Olympics yeah it wasn'tI didn't forgetit wasn't me that's for god damn surewell you know it was a ladyyeah lady dickheada real a real cuckumookait's not their faultit's nobody's fault
01:01:06it's nobody's fault it was a great time it was the moon's faultbecause it was asking her riddlesI shared theI shared that flyer, the Too Much Fun Flyer with you guys.What a lineup.There's a lot of guys from San Francisco that were able to come.Classic.And then like Randos, a couple random people were also on that show.
01:01:28And I would imagine it was weird because so much of the lineup and the people that were in town were all like close friends and family.And they were like, yeah, we're headed to Kansas City after this.trucking ongetting that white line feverwell I can't wait for you all to get herewhen you guys get to townFriday Fridayexcellent yeah noon
01:01:55all right well yeah just uh you knowwe'll give you the addressand you guys can fight your way through the city like street sharksI'm gonna be a battle toadyeah I'm gonna be Zitare you gonna wear nothing but greenyou should be shirtless and paint yourself greenfor the party.
01:02:13Big shell?Yeah, be Zit.They don't have shells.I thought you were going back to other intellectual property.No, no, no, battle toad.Yeah, just be shirtless.Wear like pants with a rope belt.Yeah, completely nude.
01:02:31They were nude.You don't paint your penis.You're like, I ran out of paint.I was going to notice.
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