Chubby Behemoth - My Name's Astro Crag

Episode Date: August 9, 2026

Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1     SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/     Sponsors: HIMS - Support the show & get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care with HIMS @ http://hims.com/CHUBBY     Chubbies - Your new wardrobe awaits! Get $20 off your full price purchase @chubbies with the code chubby at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/chubby #chubbiespod #ad     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the boys are back together in Nashville! Sam imagines a prisoner that has been in since 1997, remembers Lund trying to book a road gig for the boys over the phone, and tells the fellas about his time at Tom's wedding. Nathan is not going to do a skin care routine, reminds the boys about Mo from G.U.T.S., and has a new idea for Ran Barnaclo and him to do together. It's A Tom Jones Song. Like A Bear.     00:00 Right Down The Barrel 01:03 All Bent Over 03:31 Don't Know What They Like Here 04:45 That'd Be Tough 08:14 Look At Him Once 10:51 A Pack Of Real Ones 13:24 Aggro Crag 15:26 Often Impassable 18:25 Not Talking About Salon 20:53 Korean Prison 25:08 Let's Add A Show 28:08 Still Haven't Gotten The Stink Out 32:17 Tricked Clayton New Mexico 34:46 I Think It Was Coolidge 36:24 Does It Make More Sense? 39:40 Full Throttle Busy 44:10 Whole Squad's There 46:17 Maybe Someone Should Check On Him 48:55 Crushing Tom's Mom 50:32 More Fun Than Anyone 51:44 We'll Never Know Who 53:05 No I Fucking Don't 55:33 Still Like To Do Some OF The Poses 57:15 Good News! 58:24 Jibber Jabber 01:00:36 He's Dead 01:05:42 Sponsor A Dream     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

God, they're going to write down the barrel on me in this one. Your gremlins are out. Yeah, don't feed them. No one's been feeding my gremlins. I might build a zoom in and frame out your gremleys. No, no, just leave it. Just blur it like Asian porn. Can you blur my entire lower half and make them think I'm nude?

I'll try to learn that today. And then blur his face. His face is too disgusting for the algorithm. Anonymous guest. Anonymous guess. Some people's experience. And then let's blur your, like midsection, like you have a gunshot wound.

Okay. That'd be, yeah, we should be playing more with after effects. Yeah. Do you have any cool ideas? Green screen. Here's a cool idea. And behind us, it's just Matt and Shane. Here's a cool idea.

Becker and I did both episodes last week, so why don't you take the wheel? Oh yeah, I mean, I'm accustomed to carrying this production. Catch everybody up. You mean, business as usual? I'm taking this one off, and I don't have my shades on, but... You took one off recently. I'm taking this one off too.

Becker, how are you, buddy? I'm great. How are you doing? It's rainy out there. That's pretty good. It's cooling off. Yeah, man, chilling out here in Nash. We got an old man coming outside, grabbing his soaked newspaper. Oh, he slipped. He slipped right on his bum bum.

God, look at him. He's down. He's turtled out. His butt is bleeding. Becker, go help him. The sidewalk is covered in want help. Crimson. But the rain is washing it away. Yeah, it looks like the jelly from Becker's cookies he got from the French store.

Oh, they're good. Yeah, that guy, you know, that's why you got a, I told Emily, I'm like, all right, I'm going to start, like, doing weight exercises. Because you see a bunch of old guys and they're just like, they're all bent over because they physically can't stand anymore. You got to stretch. You got to hydrate. Yeah. Like, I don't want to, you know, I don't think I'll ever be yoked. But I think practical strength is probably a good move.

So I'm not bent and stooped and strange. Range of motion. I think a lot of it is. injuries that they didn't rehab. And so they just like one arm will shrivel or... They're stumped out, but they don't have to be. Yep. Yeah.

Evolve into Josh Blue posture instead of been bored in that way. Yeah, that guy's just laying out there, man. I would imagine he doesn't live alone. Hey, shut your mouth. He's cooling off. Somebody will help. He's just enjoying the cool weather for once. By the way, don't reach out. If you're a personal trainer or your brother owns a gym. Pass. Or, you know, one time you... Oh. Oh, that's really coming. We're getting that thick rain now.

Yeah. And now, dude, the water's carrying the man down the street. Whoa. Oh. He's floating away. He's floating away. Shit. Well, I guess if we see somebody come out, we can just, like, go out and point.

Like, he floated that way. Oh, no. It looks like the current has switched. He went downriver. Some kids. are surfing him up the hill now. Oh, they attached a motor to him. He's outbound.

Yeah. Outbound motor. Wait, that's not it. Outboard. He's going to be in the Warrior River in Tuscaloosa tomorrow. He's not bored. He's having the time of his life. Getting served.

I mean, they should give him his pants back. What are they supposed to whip around their head? You're right. Like an helicopter Tennessee style. Here they take their shorts off. off the elderly around their head instead of a t-shirt

in a parking lot. Did the crowd really not like Gashville? I don't know what they are in here. I'm kind of convinced these might be some of the surprise dumbest crowds we've ever had.

I don't know if they're dumb or if they have a certain expectation. A certain type of comedy that they're used to not just like Nate Bargatsy clean.

No, no, not that. I think they want like, hey bitch, why are your titty? so stupid. I think they want a lot of that. Who's trans? There's like the bingo card that they expect to

get a blackout on while they get blackout. I mean, we had a real unique... I can't remember. I mean, maybe once or twice before, but you're on stage at the show yesterday, and there's a young man with a backwards hat. Literally will not look at you for 25

minutes. I thought he might have been blind. That was my hypothesis. I thought he was directing a attention. Because I'm about to go out there and scream at him. Make him see. But I don't want to yell at this guy if he's blind. Yeah.

So, like, I asked Eve, I was like, did he have a cane or anything? I was like, Donnie, do you see him at the meetings? For squigglys and squeakers and all-around tweakers. Yeah. Donnie Galinas. Donnie Galinas. Hosting for Josh Blue on the early shows. Yes.

And he has a penis for a tongue. That would be bad. That'd be tough. But he wouldn't look at you. You asked a genie to be good at oral sex or something, and then that's the weird monkey, yeah, the twisted. I can't talk no more. Yeah, he's got a dick in there.

Yeah, and everybody calls him gay. I want an 11-inch penis and I want to make my wife come all the time. And it's your tongue. 11 inches. 11 inches. Can't eat, you can't breathe. It hangs out. It's always in the soup.

It's uncut. We might be in a tornado warning here. We're in flash flood. What do you think about that? Flash flood. is all that it said. Good thing we don't have a car. We don't have to worry about anything floating away.

I don't think we'll be swept away like that man was. He wanted it. He wasn't swept away. He was taken into the life he wants? Was that guy fucked up because you got him to look at you and pay attention for some amount of time, but I think he went back to looking straight ahead. I honestly to God, I say it all the time.

I think the kids are getting too fucked up and not on booze. I think booze is, part of it, of course, but like they're coming in on drugs. That guy was on drugs. When he would look up at me, he was like glassy-eyed and like extreme, you know, like considering me, not seeing me, but like putting my pieces together. And he wouldn't acknowledge you one single time, bro. The whole time I was in there, I was pacing, getting furious. I would walk up to the television and tap on your penis. That was a fun one I was doing. I saw that Instagram story. Trying to see if I could

make you come or something. Yeah, I was driving us all fucking crazy that that kid was just, like, Like fucking acknowledge his presence. Yeah, I clocked him for like half a second and did not engage. I tried to do it to a guy at Liz Splatt's show in the lab because those were like long tables that came up to the stage. So you could turn the chair around or I think he was eating. So he was like facing. And they didn't serve food in there. So he brought it from home.

Yeah, he brought his own. Just a big bucket of potato salad. There's a hallebys. he was like kind of just barely a little turn towards me and so I noticed him right away and was like I got to say something at some point and so I said something like hey buddy feel free to look at me if you want a human being talking into an electrified sound machine

I don't know what you're doing over there but you could also you know turn or whatever unless you're like working on a puzzle hand out of your belly button but yeah he like kind of turned and gave you one of these yeah I'm good I have ankylosing spondylonditis, whatever, spondylosis. Anyway, he's fused.

His neck is fused. Oh, okay, yeah. He can't turn. He had to turn his whole body, so it's like, hey. Trying to enjoy the show, but it hurts. Maybe if he had a dick for a mouth, I would turn, but you're just a guy, so I'll be all right. I think I can do okay hearing a fat white guy. I can picture what you're doing up there.

I got you up here, pal. without clocking you every second. Let me guess. Your gut showing underneath your band t-shirt. No, never. I would never. I would never allow that to happen on stage. I can't.

Back in the day, man. I loved it. It was great. Yeah, so I saw this other guy and just thought, you know, I'll leave him be. It's a real who cares for him. I'm having fun, so I don't know. He sat up front. He was stoked for me.

I came out. I gave him the classic, like, you know, fake handshake, give the finger. Why wouldn't you look at my friend? I tried to tap his penis till he jizzed. He's not that gross. Just look at him. Yeah, look at him once. You don't have to see him in the Airbnb.

Right. Toppless shorts. On the ground. Riving. It looks like he's shipwrecked most of the time. He's presentable. He's professional. Yeah.

I had to just wear a T-shirt because it was hot in there, which is always annoying. I like covering up my arms with long sleeve so that you don't see my pale and or, well, it's either pale or like burnt, you know? So they just, they always look bad. And no, I'm not going to do a skincare routine. I'm going to cover them up like Graham Platner did. But it was just too hot.

He ran for the Senate in Maine. He has like a Nazi tattoo. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had to drop out because of rape allegation. Oh. No, surprisingly not that one. The Nazi tattoo. That's like SS.

That's superstar. Yeah. It's my favorite Molly Shannon movie. It's from Marilyn Manson's catalog. Yeah, that was like he got the tattoo with like other army buddies in the Czech Republic. Sure. And it was something that was, I think, Flash or like on the wall. And they didn't know that it, because it wasn't SS.

It wasn't a swah. but it was some type of dog looking thing or skull. I think it was a skull that was in like Inglorious Bastards. Like that one you have on your back? Yeah. Yeah. But smaller. Yeah, Grams was smaller.

But. More tasteful. Oh. Yeah, I was too hot. So I was just wearing a tea last night. But it was nice not to just be dripping buckets in a place with cold. Came off stage on Thursday and you were just peeling your shirt off. You were like, oh, God.

Goddam. It was like it was raining on stage. This is so nice. I wish we were out there. We should be podcasting from the porch. It would be very loud. Oh, loud shmowed. Who cares?

We've recorded with air conditioning off so many times, but we record in the big torrent. Well, this is like a human. It'd be like people could put this on in the dark and just shut their eyes and be in the cave. Sleep to it like our buddy we met last night. Squibbo. That guy listened to us all the way through three times. God bless him. And guess what?

I love him. He couldn't have been nicer. That tall young guy? Yeah. No, I think this is the one with the baseball. Oh, baseball. We're all baseballs. No, I was talking about the handsome guy that came up and talked to us.

Said he'd listened to it three times all the way through. And then also said, like, yeah, I listened to it to go to sleep, but I've listened to them all so many times. We had a pack of real ones come through last night. Yeah. After the first night, like, I didn't sell a hat. You sold three shirts. people were like yeah great stuff people were nice but they just like most of them kept it moving

only a couple people wanted pictures with you more people wanted pictures with you yeah last night it was a bunch of like wide world chubby heads and they were stoked to they wanted becker in the picture they wanted a lot of nervous sincere men with their girlfriends gently shoving their lower backs there was uh i like saying now after the woman's like he listens to you all the time. I know everything about you. Don't worry. We're not ruining him. Don't worry. We're not rotting his brain. No, we're feeding. But I like caress their cheek. We're nutrition. Did you see that there was that car in the middle of the road just like right in front of us for like 20 minutes? No. It was a stopped vehicle, not at the inner, not at the light just behind it, like direct straight ahead in front of us where it's like, what are you doing? I thought that there had been a very,

very minor accident and the other car had left and they were just like waiting for a ride. It didn't make sense because it was John Chris driver. In the middle of the car. He's deputized. And eventually a couple got a picture with me and then they were like, all right, let's go to our Uber. They've been waiting. And I was like, I don't know who's dumber. Like making them wait so long or the Uber driver was like, I'll just be in the middle here.

It'll be fine. The wife, the lady in the dress, went and talked to the Uber driver to make sure he was cool with it. Hey, these guys mean a lot to my husband. Yeah, I think it was that. He quit drinking because the big one quit drinking after the other one quit drinking. But he thinks it was the big one's idea. Anyway. You're the little one.

I'm the little one? He's the little one. Between the two of us who quit drinking. You're like the, you're the bruiser. You're just a guy who goes. Rock biter. Yeah, yeah. That's bad.

Crag. Pat looks like a rat biteer. He sure does. I look like an agro crack. He looks like a henson creation. Yeah. You look like a big wall made out of foam. I look like agro crack.

He got guts. Mike O'Malley. You're Nickelodeon's guts. It's so funny that Mike O'Malley went from like doing cocaine off of Lenny Clark to being like, who's going to mount the astro crack? Beat these kids from the Czech Republic. Which 13 year old is going to come out on top today? It was going to get all the way to the top.

I can't do a Boston exit. Hey, it was going all the way up there. What do you think? What was her name? Like Stormy, Shoremy? Guy's name, British. No, there was a girl. There was a hot woman who was involved.

I think she had a guy's name and she was British. She did have a guy's name. It wasn't Frankie. It wasn't Stevie. Cody. It wasn't Lou. It was Lou. No, it was.

Was it? Are you sure? I don't think so. I was joking. My phone's fucking. Greg? Greg was her name, Greg. Yeah, Gregory.

It was Greg. Mike. Most in Nickelodeon's guts. People are screaming. People are screaming. Oh, Mo Quirk! Mo! Mo Quirk!

What happened to Mo Quirk? Where's Mo Quirk now? Mo Quirk, only fans. Yeah, no, it was a lot. A lot of big fans. Oh, no. Of ours last night. And hopefully tonight, too.

Her body was found in Los Angeles in 1998. No cause of death. No gut. Her guts were removed. Oh, yeah. She got. got cragged. Oh, no.

Agro-cragged, probably. Crap. No, she's actually married to a comedian named Michael Raynor. They have two kids. Nice. Oh, cool. Oh, she was recently...

Came back to the news for defending Israel's right to exist. All right, well, a bit quirky, you know, from old Moyer Quick. Yeah, but Mo. Ooh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Was she actually hot, or were we not? She was hot. She was hot. She looked like she would substitute for your English class and let you read comic books. Would you have wanted to do guts

more than Legends of the Hidden Temple? The end of Legends of the Hidden Temple was often impassable. When it was that like side profile kind of like platforming thing, ultimately went to the prize. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that thing was tough

and like people would pop out and be like oogabuga, like it was like people in blackface and like traditional Tahitian garb. You had lives. Yeah. Or coins. And if the guy grabbed you, you lost a coin and you had, you could maybe get an extra one if you found it.

Yeah, it was all loaded. On your way. The kids didn't know it. And then the stories of production that have come out in like the last couple of years are like harrowing. Dan Snyder told you when you guys were hanging out. It wasn't, it wasn't like Dan Schneider bad. It was more like they'd film four or five episodes in a day. And it was like staged where these teams would face off for the final thing.

in the next episode. It was like the dwarves and the Wizard of Oz the guys who would pop out and grab the kids. They kept hanging themselves. Honking, drinking, pills.

They'd have 11-year-old kids on set for like 12, 13 hours that they'd like pulled out a vacation with their parents at Universal. Is that how they got them? Yeah. And so these kids are like

wrecked, tired. And then they don't, they think that they're like actually trying to get through the puzzle and the producers had already told them like, four kids a fucking season can we afford to get through this one.

We only have so many dreamcasts to give away. So like you they're fucked. Everyone gets the Sega CD. Sega's being real dickheads about it. So we have five of them. Neo Geo came through.

After that, I'd rather be dead. All the natives just have to shove the kid off right away. Don't even let them get close to the end or else we'll be fucked. There was that. One arcade.

It's the producer being like, look, I got into show business for one reason to bring joy to children's faces. And you know what's not going to make them happy. Easy bake ovens. All right, I'll burn this whole fucking thing to the ground if we have to give away anything else with molded crap. So either we're giving away Game Boy Colors or I fucking torch this place. Tyco RC. Tyco RC. Yeah, dude.

Nick Arcade had a funny, like, minimalist set. It wasn't fun at all. it was like... It was competitive. Joyless. What was that the one where they would play Super ghouls and ghosts?

They'd play real video. Oh, I loved that show. Yeah, but I'm thinking now it looked like a weird... It was like a laundromat. Mind fuck or something. Yeah. They didn't have fun with it or anything.

They didn't want to glamorize arcade culture. They paid all their money to get the cabinets. That and they just thrown all of that Canadian money they had at Klaski Guzbo to like make the first round of Nick tunes.

Oh, God. And then that was they were tapped? What was the Renan Stimpy guy's name? Like John Kersuskitt? Klaski's. No, no, no. This is the Renan Stimpy guy. Oh, yeah, the creator dude who ended up being a real problem.

God, a real problem. He was grooming and I'm not talking at the salon. Multiple times. He had 15-year-old girlfriends and he would like go on Howard Stern and talk about how all of like the horny girls he drew in his adult cartoons were not only busty and nude, but also underage. would like stop Howard Stern to correct. And they're underage.

And they're underage too. As he's dressed like. And their parents are fighting. Yeah. Yeah, the kids don't feel hurt at home. Yeah, that production was apparently nuts. There's that old, there's that old junkie who bops around South Broadway who used to do the

watercolor backgrounds. Johnny Thunder. I don't know. I don't hang out on South Broadway with junkies. He hung out with some of the guys I used to hang out around. Yeah. So he was like a burnout artist. Mondo and Papu. Yeah, once a while we'd sell some of his art to, you know, help.

But he had some stories about being there that were like, fuck, you didn't punch everyone? Oh, no, I mean, they were all fairly complicit. Everyone knew he had a 15-year-old intern every year. Yeah. Couldn't even draw good. Dude, and he would also, he would also turn in like, the intern. It's like, yeah. We know why they're there.

She's drawing like this. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. He found another genius. Stay in the lines. Is this Stimpy or run? What about Rann and Stimpy?

Randiklo? Ran Barnaclo and me in a Stimpy suit. It'd just be Stimpy and Stimpy. Blake could be Stimpy, Ran and Stimpy. Blake's like, I don't want to go by Stimpy. Blake's just nude and painted brown. You're stimpy now. Hey, man, you're stimp.

They body tattoo him. Red. He's just red. He's stamped out. Hey, if anyone in Cincinnati wants to make that happen, I've got a thousand dollars on Rand and Stimpy. It's just Blake. Take him to that tattoo shop in Kentucky where I got my banana two.

And have him done up, just head to toe. Stimp style. The blue nose. Knock him out. And when he wakes up, he's chained and being tattooed by four Asian men. He just wakes, ah! And they're like, stimpy. Stimpy.

You're stimpy now. There's a mirror over him and he's like, ah, I'm stimped. Before we forget. Oh, sure. When we talked last night about ending up in a Korean prison, there were several. You joked that like, oh, because the leader of the Filipino prisoners comes up

and approaches the one white guy. The American, yes. Eve Ellen Bogan was talking about traveling abroad, she taught English in Korea and another American got in trouble got mixed up with some other characters

got arrested and like it's impossible there's no crime so they only there's no like little crime so the only people in prison in Korea are like the worst like bad dudes yeah and they've been locked up since like 1997 it seems well so you had

a certain cast of characters that the guy that approaches the American would call him. Right. The leader walks up to the white guy and he's like,

well, well, well, hello, John Elway. The first one was John Elway. Yeah. And that was funny. It's like,

you think it's going to be easy for you in here, Mark McGuire? It was, last night it was John Elway. Joe Montana got a big pop. Hey, Joe Montana. Chill out.

Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney got me pretty good. Hey, Dukakis, don't rock us. and like it's a 22 year old in 2006 who's in there and has no idea what's going on. Who's Dick Chaney?

Hey Dave Matthews, you don't run this place. P.F. Chang's does. The Chang man. Yeah, that sounded scary. Instead of... Because Eve said that he's only in there for three months, but it really rocked him.

And I was like, three months. It must be like hell. and then she said that he was like in solitary for the three months and I know that that can really mess with people. Messes with the men's brain. And the guards aren't even like communicating in English so there's like no connection with anyone even that brief like here's your food is nothing.

Except for when the leader of the gang walks up to you. Paula Dean. Martha Stewart's here. What brought you here? Emerald-A-Garagasy. What did have, HGTV? You only have. Rick Steves, what are you traveling Asia for?

Do you have PBS in there? Well, well, well, well, Michael Malley. Yeah. Looks like you have the guts to be here. My name's Astro Cragg. Hello, dear listener, this will be up by Sunday, right? Yeah. Yeah, hey, Tuscaloosa.

We're at Sanctuary. I think it's called in Tuscaloosa, a little freak show show. We're doing with those dirty cats down there. Naples, Florida, at the comedy club in town. I think it's off the hook. Maybe it's been rebranded. Size splitters in Tampa, those tickets are actually selling well. Please come join us.

We're doing 12 shows or something. 4 o'clock. 6, 8, 10. Virginia Beach, Richmond, Virginia, Milwaukee, Winnipeg, Cleveland, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, Long Island, Brooklyn, Manchester, Connecticut, at Denver, Philadelphia, Royal Oak. That's where I'm going to be for the rest of the year. Get your tickets.

Come out, see the boys, fun shows. Book events. I don't know where those links will be posted, but the post in Detroit, September 21st. Chicago, we're doing a book event. Various bookstores are vying for our attention there. I think Toledo on the 23rd, and then we'll be in Cleveland that weekend. Pre-order the book? Also go to the Patreon and sign up.

Patreon.com slash chubby. behemoth. We just started the Patreon when we started the pods. There's so many episodes waiting for you. Yeah, yeah. A hell of a deal. And extra shit like the NWO. Nathan's watchalong orgy. Watching wrestling, talking over it. You're there with me. There's three of them so far, and I've been having fun with it, so I'm going to keep doing those. I'll be in Reno, August 28th and 29th, and I'll be sharing ticket information soon. Also, October 8th, Fort Collins, please come to the comedy for it. I'm going to record my second special. I'm very excited. Patrick Richardson is going to direct and I really want to be able to add a second show if we can sell enough of

the first show. So please, if you're in Fort Collins or nearby, get tickets and come see me record Soup's On Two, the Soup honoring. I still like Nathan Lund more shit. Oh, good, more If you want to be on the Patreon book club, we're reading In a Lonely Place by Dorothy Hughes, killer novel about a World War II veteran, Rays in Hell in Los Angeles in the 40s. In a Lonely Place, probably in the library. But yeah, read that by September 1st. I'm the crag, and I'm agro. Agro-crag, that's it. The video game show was awesome.

It was on Nickelodeon and kids would play competitive video games, and it was like games that I could never find. there weren't any arcades really besides like tilt at Tiffany Plaza. One or two real games. Or new ones? And then the rest of the games were like Nickelodeon made. The rest of the games I think where the kids were put into a game. They had to do like a competitive physical skill. That's right.

That was clunky. Right. Very bad. But then the actual video games was like, holy shit. Yeah, and it'd be super ghouls and ghosts. And it'd be like, what is this game? I got to play video games on TV. but it wasn't Nickelodeon.

It was just a guy with his home video camera. And he wasn't supposed to be in there. Yeah. And then they let him put it on public access. And it was like, who, there's no adults in sight. Like, there's no consent being given for us to be on this show. In a room. He also was mean.

Instead of being like, oh, oh, go there. He'd be like, idiot. Yeah. Jump, stupid. And it's like, hey. You need the duck. I'm eight and a half. Chris B, not R1.

Yeah, it was fucked. Yeah, that was a good show. I mean, I liked that guy compiled them on YouTube. ComedyWorks just shared a video of me playing video games when I was eight and a half. Yeah. It's like, why? I was just there. From 2018.

No, yeah, it's an old clip. It's a good one. I liked it. I was like, I had some stuff. Like, sometimes I'll tell Megan, I'm like, was any of my older stuff good at all? And it's like, it was. But there was certainly a time when I first. moved to Denver where I think I had like some weird dark stuff and then it was nice to get

from that to like the next level of like better more relatable stuff instead of it's always like the weirdos but yeah I didn't want to be the guy that nobody really connected with right so it was nice to see that clip was good it was about how I used to look like I fell down a big hill you went swimming earlier that week I went swimming two weeks ago yeah sorry my my hair's messed up I went swimming two weeks ago yeah oh dude Becker have you ever heard the story of when we were leaving it was the fine gentleman's club and cam amlid and we're leaving denver to go on tour and our first show is canceled in like somewhere in oklahoma or something i think it was kansas city it was a weird no because we did kansas city yeah probably lorence

kansas city lit and a with louis cats remember we did the kansas city improv storytelling show yeah but yeah the first show was like east and then we were supposed to go to amarillo Sure. Could have probably, yeah, probably club like 204 or whatever in Amarillo. That coffee shop. Right. Yeah. They cancel. They say, hey, we still haven't got the stink out of the couches from last time. No, thank you. So we open up an Atlas, like an old road Atlas. And we just start looking at like the size of fonts on the Atlas. Right. In the zone of where we're going to be. Between Denver and Amarillo. Amarillo, yeah. So we headed south instead of east. So we're like driving down. You know, you know, know, like through that weird part of New Mexico. And Clayton, New Mexico is like the biggest one. And then there's some other ones around.

So we just start randomly calling bars and like hotels in these towns and being like, hey, we're four comics from Denver. We just did odd ball fest. And now we're like on the road. And our show was canceled tonight. What an opportunity for your small town to like bring culture. Yeah. The yokels and the toothless few.

So we call some people are like, of course not. not, you know, real quick. Some people are like, tell us more. And we're like, well, and then they're, you know, two sentences. And they're like, okay, never mind. But Lund gets one on the hook. I called somewhere. And it was a young lady.

And I was like, we're hoping we could put on a comedy show. And she's like, are you funny? Tell me a joke. So we're hearing him on the phone. Four of us are listening to him on the phone. He's got one on the horn. All right. He's got the hook is set.

He has to reel her in with one of his patented jokes. And I have some good jokes. Yes, you do. But for some reason, I tell a joke about Tom Jones. A joke, you ever hear a joke and wish that it were longer? And so I would tell an already existing joke about guy goes to the doctor. It says, no matter what I do, I can't get Tom Jones out of my head. It's all I hear day and night is Tom Jones, and I'm coming to you, a medical professional.

Wondering if this is a common thing. Have you seen this in other patients? Remember, he's on the phone's one side. And the doctor says, you want me to say. it's not unusual because that's a Tom Jones song. But guess what, buddy? I've been a doctor a long time. I'm not going to fall for your ruse.

You've wasted my time and yours. The guy apologizes. I'll be on my way. But I just, okay, I'm going to take it from here. Okay. Because I want to do the timing of it. Please. Unless you remember how the timing went.

Do it. You remember. It's burned into your brain. You love it. Me looking like an idiot. So he gets to the big first punch line, you know, and we're like, okay, this is the twist, you know? Like, this is where he gets her.

This is where it sinks into the gills. You know, we're going to have this fish flopping. Yep. So, you know what, doctor? You're right. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to waste your time. But before I go, I just want to say that the guy at the front desk did an excellent job when I came in. He really took care of me.

It was real quick process. And I just wanted to give that guy's props. And the doctor says, she's a lady. It's a Tom Jones song. I definitely said pretty quick, how old are you? Yes, yes. Because there was silence. There was no reaction.

There was silence. How old are you? How old are you? Yeah. I'm 21. Oh, all right. Okay. Well, do you want to hear someone else in the car?

Bobby's got some stuff. Bobby might connect. Butta, milk, cheese, butter, milk, cheese. And you remember. So, yeah, that was. It was awesome. Perfect. We bombed.

We start dying because she's a lady. Dead on a vine. how old are you and then we start howling but somehow we tricked Clayton New Mexico into having us that night we called Jerry Phillips at the hotel

Eklund and he was into it and he was like there is like a big volleyball tournament so it might be a little like a later start but we should be able to get a crowd yeah we might have to start it around 630 if that's okay with you yeah it was like a state

high school volleyball ball or something, something big that a lot of people would be doing. Right. But maybe afterwards or whatever, we could play it by year when we start. You all are all ages, right? You're family friendly. Of course, Jerry. Sure.

And it ended up so fun that we tried to go back a second time on a different run. He said, but of course not. Nobody was there the second time. There's no sustained interest here in Clayton for your antics boys. The first time was a pleasant. How'd that one go again, Nathan? He's a lady. I should have, I should have told Jerry because he was.

He would have He would have shit his medical pants. His suspenders would have flown off. But yeah, so we went Clayton, Amarillo,

and then West, like Phoenix, San Diego, and then North, San Francisco, Reno. And for some reason at the gas station in Reno,

there was an older lady working. And maybe you were like, oh, hit him with a joke or whatever. I'm standing behind him in line as he's paying for gas. Trying to set me up. And the lady's like, oh, what are you doing out here?

And he's like, oh, we're comedians. We're truth tellers. You know, we crisscrossed this country. We're kind of like warrior kings. We were still young. So you would tell people that you were a comic. They were fired up. And we just drove 100 miles.

I'm just a guy. Yeah. Just a guy, you know. Let everybody know that you're living your dream. So she's like, oh, your comics. And I was like, yeah, why don't you tell her a joke? And Nathan tells her the exact same joke. Vindicate.

Hoping for some vindication. Bombs again. Older lady doesn't care. A week later. Word for word, bombs again. And the lady's like, good luck out there.

Enjoy Reno. Enjoy Reno. Yeah, that was funny to get it face to face thinking, all right, this time it'll get a good laugh. But also, that's why you don't, when a random person on the street says, tell me a joke, you don't do it. Because it's never really, it's not the same.

No, you have to do a street joke. They're being judgmental. We've all learned. You can't do a piece of your act. I was doing mostly a street joke with a little extra, but it wasn't enough. No act out. The cool thing about that Hotel Eklund, though, is it was one of those wild west towns in Clayton, New Mexico, and like Billy the Kid had hit out there, like that kind of thing. Remember when Calvin Coolidge became president?

I think it was Coolidge. He beat Dewey, I think. And there's that classic. That's Harry Truman. Harry Truman beats Dewey. Dewey. defeats Truman. I think it was Coolidge then, but in that

bar room, when Coolidge won, I think, there was bullet holes from like a bunch of people being like, hell yeah. Yeah. There was also the guy. Brass rail, like everything. That rules. The main cowboy or whatever was

Black Jack Johnson or something and he was like hanged barred or something. Yeah. Yeah. There was like a bed. I don't know if he was a horse thief or something, but. We got to stay at the nice hotel for free. They paid us and they served a steak dinner with like potatoes and all the fixings. Damn.

Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. That's a sweet move. Happy ending. Big fuck up. Random.

But yeah, we tried to go back and there wasn't the same magic in the air. Everybody had moved on from comedy. But that first night, that first show, people showed up. They had a good time. It was nice. And we drank like 151. Remember that meth head came up to our room with his strange twitchy girlfriend. And Cam was like, yeah, we'll drink some of your liquor.

And then he told us. us all to like put our wallets away like cam right away was like this guy's going to try and rob us but we can drink his liquor until that happens right yeah trying to yeah make sure that we didn't get got and then i i know not too long ago i saw a facebook memory where i asked people because i think i got shit for saying that they could come up to our room you guys are like you never do that with random people and i said it does it make more sense to have randos in your hotel room or go somewhere with randos because that felt weird too we didn't we didn't know because the bar closed where to go yeah after midnight the ghost take it so yeah we it ended up okay they didn't like

stay too long or anything they were cool there was five of us two of them but they did have the strength of 12 men the crystal meth coursing through their system irradiating their veins yeah that was a fun trip that was also the trip i think we're like you guys like we're waiting for the hotel in oklahoma city you're waiting for the elevator and you look back and I'm standing at the syrup machine and I just have like my hand under it and I'm like ah and then Chris is like what the fuck dude Sharpie's like

what are you doing and I was like I don't know and then I put my hand in my pocket oh no yeah like I'm so I was like blackout whoa I don't know I was just eating syrup like a bear yeah rules but also continental breakfast yeah it's like 3 a.m.

Whoa They'll never know. Yeah, Chris loves that story. He's like, yeah, you put your hand in your fucking pocket. Like, oh, that we wouldn't notice. Yeah. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? Oh, that's so fucking dumb.

Yeah. That was a fun one. Oh, man. I won the Dick had Olympics that night for sure. It was all four of you and Cam. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, Cam helped.

he like officially was going to take pictures and then just try to help us with random shit or whatever another person that could drive yeah even though I don't know if he ever drove maybe not sit in the back and like smoke cigarettes and have his legs crossed like this and be like another yawn boy

he was like a Truman Capote-esque character yeah I remember being yeah I remember being in awe of how much you guys were smoking It was a lot of six. All four of you, and I really didn't or wasn't at that time or something. I used to love when you would smoke behind the wheel. You'd put on like, you know, radar love or something if you drive. You really look like you loved that sig.

Like your fingers were built to, like, have a cigarette and the steering wheel in your hand. It's very comforting. It was like last night, like being in a green room, listening to Josh Blue destroy through the door. Like, I just felt, you know, something's remarkable. You find you being a little boy. You said you felt 23. Oddly comforted. Yeah.

Just like, that guy rules. He's the man. He's out there crushing. I'm allowed in this room, which is cool. You know, it just so happens that like we're switching off this weekend. That's really nice. Yeah. Lucy said that she's tried to do that to have a couple of her favorite comics in Ed Zanis at the same time.

Really a treat. Weird in a fun way. He's on stage right now. Yeah. Yeah, I'm an idiot. Quit selling so many tickets, Josh. Whoops. Backfire.

Oopsie. Sorry about my absence last week, guys. I was full throttle busy at a wedding in Key West. Delightful wedding. Tom Dustin. His beloved bride.

Kristen, Dustin. No. You said you were in the water constantly. Asai bowls, fruit. Bike rides. Sunshine. done just like outdoors for 12 hours.

I liked the idea of you riding a bike into the water. Like instead of parking it and then getting in, just no time to waste. So you just ride it in. Or like, it floats off the seat. Jump on me. Yeah, and just crush your nads. As soon as you hit the water, just go, jar your bag and then drown.

As everyone's like filming you. Yeah. Oh, he did it again. Look at him. Go. I did a fun one. We were all in the pool at the scar. at the Scarlet Mango where I stayed.

Yeah. And it was like the Swingers hotel. And I didn't know that until I got in there and they were like, you're checking it alone? I was like, yeah.

And they were like, okay, good luck. Free agent. Yeah. Okay, you're in the unicorn suite. It's just a guy who wants to fuck a bunch of guys' wives. It's the reverse situation down there.

Yeah, there's supposed to be a swap. It's not just you take. I know the owners. I'll be in the suite. But I did know the owners from Scotland and I got to stay in the suite and it was really cool and the pool was nice

and I was out there but like it was all of us were together it's like fucking Chad Daniels his soon to be wife Kelsey who couldn't be more delightful and also has them secretly insane in a bathing suit I was like what the fuck

I was like crazy it's really a fun surprise I mean hilarious delightful but like when a cool woman secretly has a set you're like, damn, way to go, Chad. Right on. Hey, Lund.

Yo. I got some crazy news for you. Ah, this just in. Yeah. When something's off in the bedroom, I'm hoping it's a condom. I hope it's the light, so I don't have to see my own nude body.

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Bulger, Dan Bulger. All these Boston legends I've heard about forever. Big Al's there. The Whitman Brothers. It was crazy, dude. Like dudes who were like in that movie stand-up stood out Like they're the kids that are like you know in the back of the room Watching like Kenny Rogers and shit

The Walsh Brothers like class of comics I didn't see that Oh dude Might be my favorite stand-up doc It's just like yeah we were fucking good And no one from New York wanted to come to Boston and follow us So when we went to New York they were mean to us Because we were so fucking good

It's just a bunch of studs with chips on their shoulders Talking about when cocaine was free I'll watch that We should watch it dude if our fucking TV Oh yeah, we have a joke TV. We have a tiny little baby TV that you turn it on for two minutes and then what happens? The screen turns into the ring. Yeah.

And you can't watch dark side of the ring. Nope. Even if it's a bootleg, you can't watch it. It almost sounds like a guy, like it doesn't sound like a sound that a electronics would make. It sounds like a guy going. It sounds exactly like that part in the Fat Boys Slim song. right about now

the funk soul brother check it out now there's a part in that song where it goes yeah go go go go go go go go yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it sounds exactly like that yeah yeah yeah

and maddening because oh infuriating we had the volume up to watch something and then it did the thing and it was loud and then we were like try to 12 more time turn it off turn it back on the sun came back up

won't get fooled again and then And then I think a third time before I turn the volume down as a just in case. Yeah. And it's just wrecked. Yeah. Becker looked it up, did a hard reset. Like, and it just kept, ah, gag, yeah.

So we stopped. Some bachelorette party knocked it on the ground and didn't tell anyone. It's also the size of a prestige trade paperback. Like, we could just watch it on our phones and have the same experience. Yeah. But we're in that pool. And I, as no one's paying attention to me, it may was ultimate grab asses. I had Joe List on my shoulders.

He's posing, you know, chicken fights. You were playing chicken? He got up there and then someone tried to mount, fuck, someone tried to mount Big Al. But Big Al who's like secretly 78 years old. Yeah. Like he was like, oh, my back. And then everyone was scared to be on the bottom or the top.

Yeah. Because everyone was brittle. Yeah. But I did the classic just like and then float. And I can still hear. And like, you know, immediately someone's like, oh, Sam's dead. you know, people are laughing.

And then 30 seconds go by and they're like, he could, he could be dead, you know, maybe, maybe he popped it a thrombo and we're never going to know, you know, that'd be, that'd be crazy. What is here, goofing? He's dead. And then a minute goes by and Sarah Talamash is like, maybe someone should check on him. Joe's like, oh, if he's dead, he's dead. What are we going to do? Get him out of there?

Can't get him out, give him out to mouth? It's huge. Another 20 seconds go by. Guess who gives me a nudge, Joe List. Want to make sure I wasn't dead. they popped up, you know. I was like, King of the mountains.

Son of the high plague. You were like really trying to do it as long as you could. I could have been under there longer. I've been practicing in the lake. No shit. Yeah, dude, I think I could do two minutes. Emily timed me once at the pool

at a minute 36. Damn. But then that's when the lifeguard said, hey, you can't be dead guying out there. You can't be a corpse in the pool. There's kids. So I was like, what if I do thumbs up? And they were like, come on.

Just quit floating like a corpse. Like a teenager. I was stupid. Because my plan was to just do this and see how long I, because I love floating face down. You're like airless, you know, there's no gravity. Eyes are closed, just kind of bobbing placental. I just was like, what if I do thumbs up?

And they were like, come on, man. What if I do? Dio. Dio, yeah. Wolfpack. Yeah. What if I do the NWO Wolfpack signature kiss? So that was fun.

There was a, how much we're in a pool versus the ocean? We were in a pool a lot more than we were in the ocean. Sunday was a dedicated, we're going to the ocean, but that of course meant, okay, who's going to drive waves of old people all the way to fucking Fort Zach? So it's like, okay, we're just going to go a couple blocks away. But then once you get out there,

you have to wait in line to get onto the beach with the big line of cars. So it's like, bring them in bicycles. We'll be in there quicker if it's bicycles. In Tom Dustin's, of course, not trying to be around anyone, but so he's dedicating himself to service, which means we need more ice.

So Tom's like, I'll be back. He runs away. comes back with a bingo machine. Man, I was crushing Tom's mom. Tom's mom is like maybe four foot eight. Damn. You know? And just the spark plug of a lady.

Yeah. You know, just built Ford tough. Where Tom came from. Where Tom came from. Yes. And Tom has two sisters. One of them is, you know,

legitimately a gorgeous woman. A beautiful woman of a certain age. Blonde hair. Classic, like, you know, just Massachusetts. juice's sweetheart, sun kissed, you know, eyes bright and shining. And her husband is a white guy who's black somehow. Yeah.

Just a black man, but like a white guy who's Italian looking, you know, but like fucking ochre dude, like eggplant emoji colored man. Never has his shirt on, popped his shirt off almost immediately after the wedding. After the wedding. Everyone was like, right on, Ricky. I made a joke about at the wedding. I was like, we did a show on Thursday and I was like, I'm going to get spray tanned. because I think someone

there should be a person of color at the wedding and no your brother-in-law doesn't count Tom everyone was like yeah beep beep he's a bee call him a bee you know be pricky I hadn't heard the word

so many times as I did this weekend it was always funny it was never said out of hate other words could have been chosen they didn't have to go back to that well so many times. But they knew the water was cold. I mean, these people are from

Shidhole, Massachusetts, and they've been friends for 30 years. All the families are intertwined. Yeah, that's beautiful. There was a guy there named Matt Lever. Shout out Matt Lever. He was having more phone than anyone. He found out that he missed his flight,

like four hours after it took off. That kind of fun. Fuck. There's a guy in Key West that I really don't care for, and Matt Lever wanted to beat him up immediately. Told you about that? I think so Leaver shows up after the wedding

And there's this guy there And he's like You know I'm a plow I have I'm a nice guy But you got something in your face And I just want to fucking punch you In your fucking face

Something about you Makes me want to punch you In your fucking face And me and Bulger Are up top on the balcony Being like Kick his ass Lever

Get his ass Someone they've known They've known each other a long time Matt Leaver Joe List and Tom Dustin Started together But the guy that he doesn't like

Never met him before. Oh, never met him before. Just got a vibe and was like, something about your face makes me want to punch you at it. So just be aware of that tonight. Me and Bulger were up top. Just stone to the bone. Drew Dunn.

Me and Bulger got so fucking high for like three days. Just constantly, Bulger would be like, hey, you know. I mean, like, all right, he couldn't talk anymore. Yeah, you like, yeah. I want to know. Bulger was the guy when we were in Boston and we were doing that show in the basement

and someone vaped and set off fire alarm while you were on stage. We'll never know who. It was either me or bulger. But yeah, so Lever, you know, Lever 3,000. He's his head on a swivel, raise in hell, dripping wet.

He's wet the whole time. His girlfriend, her wife of a long time, was one of the most unpleasant people I've ever met. Oh, yeah, that's right. And you know me. I'm sweet. I'm trying to just be the vibes guy,

no matter what's going on. Yeah, dude, I'm down. And also, I have a real high bar for annoying drunk bullshit. It's someone I don't know. Yeah. Because, like, it's kind of delightful when you're not at all attached to just watch a guy completely self-destruct amongst people who love him. Yeah.

There's a bunch of people here who have to tote him about. Yeah. So, fuck. Like, the first night I, like, you know, Matt's really nice. I try and say hi. He's really nice. I try and say how to his wife. She's like,

you know. Like a Tim and Eric character. I'm like, all right, she's faced, whatever. Next day's the wedding day. I ride my bicycle up. I'm parking it. Matt Lever and his wife get out of their car. And again, I like Matt Lever a lot.

Nothing bad to say about the guy. He was nothing but pleasant to me. He gets out of the car. He's got a beer in hand, his Uber. He's somehow getting drenched, even though he's getting out of an air-conditioned Uber. Just Captain Ron. Hey, what's up, man? Lever, nice shirt, man, looking sharp.

He's like, right on. Give him a hug. She gets out. I'm like, oh, and you look beautiful. And she said, no, I fucking don't. And I went, all right. It's celebration. All right.

We're in front of the Audubon house where the wedding is. No, I fucking don't. All right. She tries to bite you. Matt's like, oh, you know, she hasn't had her clonop in today. But yeah. So, Leaver spilled a beer on Tom Dustin's mom. We're on Tom's feet, depending on who tells you the story. Either way, he's built a beer.

So he's raised in hell. Tom's mom comes out front. It's me, Bulger, Drew. We're smoking weed. It's like 11.30 after the wedding. She comes out. She's like, where's Tommy? And I was like, oh, he's down there begging Matt Leaver to stay. And she was like, yeah, you son of a bitch. It's actually a sign of love when they bite. Yeah. So the next morning, I get to the comedy club where we're meeting up to go to the beach. And so many fun activities were planned for us. And we get there.

And me and Tom's other sister, who is a seventh-degree Kempo. Yeah? Is that the one with the stick or without the stick? With. Kendo's with the stick. Right? Kendo's stick. Kendo's stick.

She's Kempo. She's a fucking brutal black belt Sensei. Whenever I saw her, I would bow to her. So we're outside and she loves weed. The night before we bond over weed, she's like, hey, Sammy, you got one of those sticks? And I was like, you know I do, Sensei step into the dojo.

We go out front. And she says one of the funniest things I've ever heard a human being say seriously. Kristen's dad comes out there. Old cool guy, Jim, likes to have a single toke of a joint. He hits it like this. Go sit, you know, holds it in for six minutes. It turns purple.

Can't let any of it get out. Yeah, you want another one, Jim? Still holding in the first one. Like one of those guys, you know? So he's like, so hey, you're Tom's sister, right? You're the karate master. And she's like, Ken Poser. And he's like, so, you know, I used to do karate

when I was younger. I still like to do some of the poses, but I really got to stretch now. Before you do all the kicks, do you stretch out? And she's like, no, I don't, I no longer need to stretch. Yeah. My body's adapted to the violence.

Whoa. She's holding a joint, you know? My body's adapted to the violence. It's like insane. Yeah, that's so cool. That's the craziness of like that shit and taking it serious. Like people don't get like,

no, you beat your tendons past like needing warm up again. My body's adapted to the bottom. Like I'll never have this shit tight ever again in my life. Yeah. Yeah, it was awesome. And Jim's like,

oh. Yeah, like that's, it's terrifying. So, yeah, so Tom's mom comes out and she sees us smoking a joint at like 10 a.m. And she's like, ah, look at you, huh?

Yeah, you're away from your husband for 10 seconds. You got to get stoned. And then she looks at me and she says, and you, look at your fucking eyes. Like a little old woman and you, look at your fucking eyes. I'm sorry.

I'm friends with your son and now your daughter. And she says, yeah, you're wasted. Yeah. Calling you out immediately. Wasted. That rules. So we go to the water. We have fun, splashing around.

Matt Leaver has not surfaced even though they missed their flight. That's all we know is that Matt missed his flight. And we're all in the water floating around. Joe List, all the old Boston guys, Tom Dustin's mom, cute as a button, and her husband, Tom's dad, come down to the water. They're getting in the water. They're going to float around. She comes down. She's like, ah, what are you jaggoffs doing out of you? And I said, good news. We found Matt Leaver's body. And she fucking loved it again. Joe List went, oh, Sam. All right. Because Joe was always accusing me of not talking. Yeah. He was like, Sam, why don't you talk?

You know, we're all talking. Whenever you talk, whenever you talk, everyone says, wow, funniest thing ever heard. Let's hear it, Sam. What do you got? Let's hear some of that Sam T. Magic. And I made the mistake on the four-hour boat tour we took that we couldn't swim and there was no food.

Wow. Oh, yeah. Couldn't hop off without having to call the Coast Guard, is what they said. Yeah. Just from, because of water you were in? You couldn't, you can't swim on these, this type of cruise is not sanctioned for stopping and swimming.

And no, there's not any food. And yes, it's from two to six in August in Key West. And guess what? There's no, there's no canopy. There's no cover. You're out there cooking. Matt Leaver's girlfriend's biting the heads off gulls, you know? So Joe's like, Sam, let's hear some of the great stuff you're always saying.

And I'm like, I'm a listener, Joe. I like to listen. You know, you guys are over there. Just keep jibber jabbering. And Joe lists went jibber jibber. Jibber jibber? And I was like, yeah, jibber jibber. And I was like, yeah, jibber jibber.

And it's good. A lot of great stories. And he's jibber jibber. That's not good. Jibber jabber's bad. What if you put out a special? I said, hey, Sam, I watched your special. A lot of jibber jibber.

And I was like, that's not the same thing. He said, jibber jabber. Yeah, he talks like Seinfeld. Gibber jabber. And he's always holding, Joe Liss is always holding his son, his adorable son and being like, hey, Marty. Hey, whoa, look at the tits on that black lady. Oh, that'd be nice to, blu, hey, all right.

Marty right here, 12-inch penis. Right, Marty? come on you know just like goofing and doing hilarious bits but he's holding a child which i figured when you were saying all that that he was very young but if he's two he knows some of it his parents are comedians growing up going to be here in his whole life yeah yeah uh but yeah that i didn't like that false equivalency there's a very big difference between jibber jabber for a wedding weekend when you're all just dick

it is dicking around and a special which is supposed to be like your best thought of and written and polished jokes And also Joe you came at me and demanded me to

join in the fun You know No And I'm sure you were talking Quite a bit I was getting in But it's really hard to talk When there's seven

comedians from Boston Who's known each other Since 1999 Yeah Why would you Talk as much or more than any of them?

They're all telling some of the best stories, literally going around the circle, telling stories about each other for the last 30 years, the same way we would do if we were hanging out at my 10-year anniversary, and Joe List was the guy who was in town, you know, the newest member of the squad. Right. He would, yeah. They're telling stories about people I don't know, you know. So, like, I would get in there and tell my little story,

and then they'd go back to, be like, Kenny Rodgerson put his fist inside of her, you know, that kind of stuff. Great big. It's lost a ring. James Patterson kept coming up and like, hey, you sons of bitches. They all call people kid, even though it's like a 60-year-old man. Oh, yeah. That kid.

It's like, he's dead. He died of Alzheimer's, that kid. But yeah, great time. Fuck, yeah. Great time. Yeah, I was glad that you said something when you did as opposed to like trying to find an hour. I couldn't have fitted in. It was mandated.

You were over scheduled. Overscheduled. In town, don't want to be rude. And also, there's a bunch of other comedians who are not ditching the events to do whatever. So it's like, I really felt a peer pressure. Yeah. But you guys did a great job. You told me.

Yeah, they were both fun. You asked me if I listened to the episode. The fucking cat's fine. Leave me alone. I know where it is now. It found a family with a nice kid. They're taking care of it. It's all good.

What the hell happened on the episode? I saw a cat get hit by a car in like a bunch of. The fans were mad that I didn't, you know, spend $1,000 to take it to an all-night vet in a different city. Give it mouth to mouth. You guys ever read origin of the species? Yeah. I mean, come on. Yeah.

Can't save every cat? No, there's hundreds of feral cats in my town. There's also homeless people eating lead outside. And I spent hours like making sure the cat was okay. So I did what I could. Yeah, yeah. Becker, you know. But the cat's great now.

But you said, oh, this is the one that you like snapped its neck and buried it? No. Oh, is a different cat? Different cat. Okay. There's a lot of them. Make another popsicle cross, people. There's another mound that needs marked.

No, don't hurt animals. That's bad. No. Yeah, I like animals. Yeah, I think we're getting a dog, allegedly. Yeah. Breaking news. Raise itself.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. We'll have... It'll let the run of the house. Get a saddle for it. You know, summer may be winding down. Don't remind me. But it's not over yet. Oh, shit.

Yeah, no. It's not over yet. We got time. Thank God. There's still time to take your thighs out for a farewell tour with Chubbies. Oh, yeah. They're out. Chubby shorts and swim trunks are the best you'll ever wear.

You're wearing them right now. I'm wearing some chubbies now. I've got the swim trunks ready for, hopefully we have a pool tomorrow. We do. Or Monday. We have one tomorrow. Oh, my God. I'm sitting on it.

Chubby shorts and swim trunks are the best. Sit on it. made with a lightweight, quick drying fabric. That's your cock hang low. Bold prints and colors. Yeah, have it to hang out the bottom if you want. And sit on it. Chubbies are wrinkle resistant and comfy enough to wear all day long.

Chubbies come in a range of in-seam options so you can find the perfect balance of comfort, confidence, and thigh exposure. I'm going to show them. I'm going to show them off. So I'll do like, this will be like the weather. So as you see right here in this zone, this is your genital area. As you can see, it's compacted, but it's not showing. You can't see his protuberance. Well, I have a sock in there.

Right. But if you turn to the side, just enough. There's just enough to let him know, hey, oh, hello, hello. And then turn around. You can see Lund actually doesn't have a butt, but in these, it looks like he does. There's room to grow. Yeah, yeah. You know, aspirational shorts.

That's what Chubbies provide. I'm trying to get caked. But, yeah, no, we love everything that Chubbies makes. It was just you in the shorts and pants for so long, and then they started doing everything. Everybody. And they're good at it. Yeah, hoodies.

I'm excited for the flannel, or for the hoodie, especially, because it's very soft. So. Chubbies. Yeah. And guess what? I don't put my shorts away. I don't put my thighs away when it gets cold. I just put a hoodie on top, but still I want shorts and crocs, like, unless it's the coldest

shit. Lund will be in shorts. He'll be in a hoodie with his hands jammed in the pockets, wearing a hat. It's November. And he looks like a guy who's watching his strange daughter's softball game from across the street. That's the kind of look that you can achieve. But yeah, over at Chubbies, they don't just make amazing shorts and swimwear.

They've got hoodies, rugby shirts, and button downs that will keep you comfy from the beach to a night on the town. They don't give up. I aspire to wear a rugby shirt, honestly. Yeah, that was always tough as a bigger guy. Because the big stretcher. Yeah. I think you're there.

Yeah, probably. Yeah, you can wear whatever you want now. Yes, man. Whether you're getting dressed for your workday, a workout, or a summer vacation, Chubbies has you covered. For a limited time, Chubbies is giving Chubby Behemoth fans $20 off your full price purchase with our code Chubby at chubbyshorts.com. That's code Chubby at chubbyshorts.com.

Hey, guess what? Save that 20 bucks and then pre-order brute. Get brute. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with Chubbies. Hey, one of us has a lot more to lose than the other two. I'll cut it out. I'm just saying maybe we don't need to get into that type of talk.

And we're back. We're plenty of time too. Hey, why don't you all pre-order my fucking book, huh? I know how many orders we have. And it's not the amount of listeners we have. have for the pod. Literally, if half of our listenership would pre-order a book, I'm golden. I'm counting on you guys.

All I need is you. I know this sounds lame. Oh, the army. Activate. Army of garbage. All right. I'm Kevin Ryan. I'm H.

Foley. He's Cassidy, you know. And depending on what other stances you take, you might be Toby. All right. I cut that stance out. You're going out of here. But yeah, please. It's 28 bucks.

or if you go to bookshop.org, it's $22. It's $6 off. They have 500 copies up there for $22. Bookshop.org. Just pre-order. This is the $28 tithe or $22 if you get one of these copies that I'm asking from you. All right?

I love you. We give you everything that we have. We tell these stories. We censor Becker when he gets strangely racist. We're doing our best. All right. You know, we got Lund. Lund doesn't need $28 right now.

Becker, he needs $28. But right now I need the $28. So don't buy, you know, for Zintins. Two smoothies. Two smoothies. Two smoothies. Don't buy one bowl of fah from the Vietnamese restaurant across from Zanis here in Nashville. Yeah.

Here's what you do. A dollar a day for 22 days. We'll sponsor a dream. For a man that loves you and needs you, this is my moment of need. All right. So please, just pre-order the fucking book so I can quit worrying about if I'm going to make the top 10 bestsellers list. Oh, what a crazy, selfish, egotistical dream. Yes, it's my only dream.

All I want is to be a top 10 bestseller. Just the top 10, just one week. And it's, why, Sam? Why, Sam? Why do you need that? Why do you have to stoke these flames inside your mind? Spite! The same reason you would want to be on the list. The same exact human reason you, the listener, would want to be on that list.

So you can give the finger to a bunch of butt fucks who were nasty to you on your eyes. Literally, that's it. I want to pave my road to success with the skulls of my enemies. And that's where your $22 comes in right now. You want to be able to call your ninth grade English teacher and say, hey, guess what? I'm going to bend over and you're going to eat until you pop. Hey, hey, welcome to Golden Corral. You've been seated in my ass.

start eating until you taste my tonsils. That's why. It's also a great book. I'm not selling you crap. I'm not selling you a memoir. It's not used panties. It's not a signed picture. It's killer.

It's better than running the light. Lunt said that last night, it blew my fucking mind, probably sent me into my death spiral that had me fleeing. No. I think I was just too happy. Oh.

Oh, I built you up and then. Built me up and then I went out and the staff at Zanis couldn't have been nicer. And I was like, I got to get the fuck out of here. My dick hurts from getting sucked. Like, everyone's so fucking nice.

I don't know what to do. I literally ran back into the green room. He was like, we have to go. And then Eve was like, hey, did you see my set? And I was like, what? I have to get out of here. I'm freaking out. But yeah, just please pre-order.

I know how many we have. I know how many listeners there are. Get involved. I'll be making plaintive pleas like this. Maybe next week, if none of you order, it'll be the whole episode. You want that? Is that what you want?

Femtee telephone. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I love you guys.