Chubby Behemoth - No Perps, No Vics

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://punchup.live/samtallent     Sponsors: Brunt - Get $10 Off at BRUNT with code CHUBBY at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/CHUBBY #Bruntpod     Harry's - Chubby Behemoth fans get the Harry's Plus Trial Set for only $10 at https://www.Harrys.com/CHUBBY #Harry'sPod     Mars Men - For a limited time, our fans get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, & 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://mengotomars.com/     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the boys are together in Springfield without Becker. Sam has a new trick to hide baldness, had 20 minutes on stage that he thought he was dying, and ran the whole way through O'hare. Nathan remembers how much he didn't like calling bingo, recalls the crime scene they came home to, and learns what the Chick-fil-a nugget challenge is.     00:00 Can You Acapulco It? 02:20 Annoying Shower 04:12 Why Do You Think I'm Going Up? 07:05 Counting Tiles 10:30 Giving Away Candles 12:41 Playing The Hits 14:33 Muscle Pain 16:16 Not One But Two 17:12 Something Bad Went Down 19:20 What Look Like Stars 21:01 No One Believes You 24:44 Was A Mule Going To Sleep Here? 31:01 At Some Point He Stood Up 33:05 I Wrote The Whole Thing 37:52 I Missed All Of That 39:02 I Don't Care If We Ever Move 42:29 Hey Guess What? It Happened Again 45:44 Says Its Delayed 50:39 Day 2 Of 3 52:56 Look Man 54:23 Yeah You Do 56:23 They Don't Get Warm 58:51 Sad Shirts 01:00:00 Wasted Four Hours     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1

You started that? Whoa, stud it up. We can't sing start it up, but we'll get sued. Can you, can you Acapulco it and it's fine? You have to do it. It's like octave change it. This sucks. Well, don't point it at the camera either.

Sit up. I'd rather be in the shadows. No, it was directly on my head. Hold this then, prospector. I'm good. I'm in the mind. Becker's not here, so I assume he probably started the video while we were getting into bed because that's his favorite way to start the show is us lumbering into bed.

Your butt cracks out. I'm scratching. I'm like pulling a Zinn out and throwing it on the ground. Eating it. You eat Zins. I eat dog food. A guy today after the show was like, I like that you have dog food like in your act and I was like, no, I don't. And then I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

at the very beginning. Sure. I thought he meant something about me eating dog food. I thought you were winking for the marks. I was like,

I don't eat dog food up there. I don't know what you saw while you were on ayahuasca. Right. Look how you eat dog food up there. That's good. The same guy who told you. Oh,

in San Diego. The table about not eating dog food. Yeah, Mr. Mr. Shobuci. Mr. Yamaguchi. Told us both for free how we could, what, quadruple our cash flow.

He pretty much taught us how to turn Pirate into gold. He was like, hey guys, here's some new science. I want this in your face. Don't, man. Great. Thank you. I want you to look good. I don't need to look better. I already look great. We just did audio. Yeah, that was so good. That was crazy. Oh, man. It didn't change anything, you know?

No, people want to see. And also, sometimes I'll hear us when I'm not looking at the video. and I'm like, yeah, pretty hard to tell sometimes who's talking. Well, who cares. If you like one of us, that means you like both of us. Well, I'd rather be, I'd rather get my accolades. You could have a ball. I want people to know. Take some.

Take a bow. Yeah. This hotel, I got to tell you, has something that I've bitched about before, which is an annoying shower. when we were in France, when we've been abroad, and also Airbnb sometimes. You thought the bidet was the shower. You were confused. For the first week we were in Paris.

The water fountain. That's right. No, the shower is where I would go to barely fit in Paris. But, no, just one of these bathrooms or showers where it's like, there's no lip. Why would we make sure that the water stays in the shower area? Why would we check that this is suitable for your? humans at all. It's the bathroom. Yeah, no, I told you. You get water on the ground. It's not a big deal.

It has to be that these shower artists, these architects of showers and baths are trying to save money, so they do like the half glass pain. Or they do, this one has no lip to a, no tub, no lip, not even like a good incline, decline. You need a pronounced declivity with the drain in it. If it's going to work at all and then you have to stand over the drain. It's the assinine. It's like you're showering in a hospital. It's like knock it off. When they're testing these theories

these broad these new horizons, they're like turning the water on and nobody's in there. I'm like, oh look, it goes right into the drain. There's a person that's going to bounce off the water's going to go everywhere. I'm going to be splashing all over. I don't know where I have to be.

I've never been in the shower before so I don't have a method or perfected it yet. So hey, I'm just going to be in for 48 hours. Eat me. There's water. Hey, eat me, Kweep. Eat me, Seymour. You're going to have water coming up for underneath the door.

Like you're in Lake Placid. Well, and also, like, by the grace of God, we have separate rooms. We're not going to use them. You're going to sleep down here. No, I'm going to. Oh. I'm going to go. All right.

Well. But, like, that makes a shared bathroom way worse. What do you think I'm going to? I'm going to? I'm supposed to clean them. dry it up. Now it's my problem. Now I work here.

Right. I have to tip you when we leave on Sunday. You're going through every towel. And then who's what he's supposed to use? Your big old shirt that you were on the plane as your towel? You shouldn't do that. Not going to do that. I'm going to have Dayton come over and stay in here.

I'm going to use Dayton as a towel. He wouldn't be absorbing. He's naturally hairless. Yeah. He'd be an awful job. He'd be like, e, e, e, e, e, e, e, e. I'd make him lick my head clean like a cat.

Like Dayton, get over here. I didn't clock that you were freshly shorn. I got nothing. Did you do it yourself? No, Emmy did it. What's weird, though, is when I take my glasses off, you can't even tell that I'm bald. What do you mean?

My eyes are so enchanting. Yeah? Yeah, they'd be devil you. You can't even tell that I'm smooth, that I'm egged. I used to not like when you didn't have glasses on it. It threw me, like a dog. That's right. With an owner that shaves his beard.

You're like a baby. Yeah, exactly. Dad gets a makeover. Yeah, no, you look very, or I used to be. It bugged me more. Now it's like, hey, yeah.

I've been going up to Emmy and taking my glasses off and saying, you know what's crazy, though? It's like, you can't even tell I'm bald when I don't have my glasses on. Because you're too busy sucking my dick. Dude, she is such a good woman. Like, sometimes. you're like, all right, I got a good wife. Then sometimes you're like,

fuck, like, I really lucked out. I don't know. It's nuts. Sure. It's so weird. I, uh, I don't,

I don't take nothing for granted. Yeah. I did that for too long. I think a lot of people are in really, yeah, me too. I think a lot of people are in like, and drinking spots. And the boys.

Mm-hmm. And, yeah, Megan gets the fucking spoils. She gets the big reward, which is I make money instead of losing it or bringing in so little that it doesn't count. Yeah, it's not worth the time or effort at all. And you're mad at her for letting you go. She's mad at you for going.

You have to. I didn't even really do that once we got together. I started to just do shows in town because I knew that I would make some amount of money. Comedy Works or whatever headlining a bar show. Bingo. Walking. Bingo. Bingo. Exactly.

Bingo, if you will. Do not miss calling bingo. That got old. It was, you're counting tiles. I was really good at it, and I still hated it. I hated it, dude. You were good at it. I was good at it.

We made it fun, but man. And then it's like, how many people do it that aren't good? Like, obviously the drag queen, great. You got all that pomp and circumstance and fucking ass. Oh, yeah. All that sweet tale. But you need all of that. You need drag queens to sell bingo because bingo on its own is a slog.

Oh, God. It's fucking looking at one to four things and being like, eh? Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. Yeah. And especially if it's during brunch.

Like, no one wants to be quiet and listen. All they want to do is dish. They want a dish. They want a goss. They want to spill tea. It's like a Chinese woman with palsy, you know? She's shaking it all over. The uh-ohongs, ooh everywhere.

and you're up there and you're like, hey, well, you're just fine. I mean, God damn it. I'm getting flashbacks to bingo. I would wake up at 5 a.m. in Chicago and get on a plane at 6.30 and arrive in Denver at like 10.45 and take the fucking train from the airport directly to, dude, I did that so many times where I'd show up with my merch. Or like a block and a half. I'd get in there and it'd be like, ugh, I get a bloody Mary.

Hold the Mary. I just want blood. I'd get in there and like they would like slide me some pancakes with some sausages. I would house it or like a whole barata. There's so many times I'd walk in. They'd be like, you need a beer and a barata? And I'd be like, uh, no, I don't need that. But yeah, I hand it over.

Oh, wow. Like, where were you last night? Minneapolis. B9. That's not what it. It's 063. I need a win. Calling B9 all the time.

069. Like faking it. Oh, hey, you're losing them. 069. You already called that. Fuck, shut up. The referee's decision is final. Yeah.

God. But yeah, now. Yeah. I mean, I was super grateful for that gig. It was really good. It paid like 300 bucks, I think. It was insane to do a brunch gig on Sunday. 150 Saturday, 150 Sunday.

I only did it on Sundays, right? Well, for a while we did both and then drag queen bingo was Sundays. Saturday was comedian bingo. Is that squeaky bean? Yeah. They did Saturday Sunday for a while. God. Maybe right before you left and then I was Saturday, Sunday, and then it was drag on.

I was at milk market at the end. I went squeaky bean to milk market. I climbed the ladder. I established a bingo brunch paradigm in Denver. And Silk Market you were doing. When I wasn't there, I would have like, you know, you fell in if you couldn't do it out of Byron. Byron bombed. They were like, we can never set.

Never have Byron again. I was like, Bukley go in. They were like, never again with Bukley. I was like, how about Steve Vanderplug? They were like, all right. Next day. Hey, never again with Plug. I was like, come on.

What were they doing that I didn't do? I don't know, dude. I have no idea how you blow it calling bingo. Well, but like I'm saying, I think we did kind of have to... I milked it, too. I fucking milked it. I would have five games. That's all it was.

I heard Byron had like 12 games one time. Yeah, by the end of it, he was giving away candles. He wasn't riffing. No, he was like, I, 17. Maybe in the boudoir. Let's see. G53 What is this by credit score?

Mendoobly. Here he go. He's giving the balls away. You keep the little keepsake for your trip, your grand sojourn to the Queen City. Here you are. Bouncing them to people. Ooh, this one's just a gumball.

He eats it. That was a... The milk market was nuts because there were like eight restaurants and then one of the eight things. was you and so there's so many people coming and going here we go everyone upcoming dates minneapolis coming up we added a early saturday show because the other ones are all sold out get those tickets there's 80 left laugh boston 60% sold that will sell out get your tickets if

you want to see me st patrick state boston get tickets looney's comedy corner in colorado springs why not that's what i say it'll be fine not loonies and then hey good news for everyone who was really worried about the Reno show, Crystal Bay. It's a big room. It's a big room. I haven't been. Guess how many people are going to come? All of them?

We've got six tickets sold. Hey, not bad. It's a huge room, Crystal Bay Casino. I will be at Cobbs for sure, though, and those are selling nicely. Get your tickets to Cobbs. Punch up live, Sam Talent. Get your tickets. Live stream every Wednesday.

Me and Pat, having fun. We had Tim Butterley on the last one. We have a legend coming up on a. the upcoming one. Stanhope's going to come on. Well, he didn't have to. No, we're all Stanhope on. And then pre-order brood, everyone.

Join the Patreon. Those are all the things you have to do. You have to do all those things, or you're not getting along to get along. Right? I had regulars for bingo. They'd come every fucking week, and I only had the 12 jokes.

It wasn't like I was, I mean, I was entertaining or whatever, but I was doing, I was playing the hits every time. Yeah, you can't reinvent the wheel. No. Each ball. No. There's nothing. I remember being like, oh, everyone, the most boring ball and all of bingo, G57. Nothing funny about G57. Trust me, folks. I've been trying to crack this nut for a long time. So the first time you hear that, you're like, all right, this guy's funny. You're there three months in a row? G57. The most boring ball in all of bingo. They're saying it along.

Yeah. But yeah, now we're on top of the world, Springfield, Missouri. I remember a 59ing, 50-9ing someone. It's where your belly sticks out and it blocks your cock so you have to use your nose. 59ing? Never worked. Yeah, I mean, and this is it brunch. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. 66, where you're farting on your partner's knees was a 66. Yeah, 68. 68 was your lady falls asleep on her, or no, you fall asleep on your side, your lady stays up in bed with her arms crossed, pissed. Yeah, I remember. That was pretty good.

61 was they fall asleep and then you try to lay very still and jack off. Yeah, I remember. I remember. This was a good joke. No, but then I got sick of it and it felt like everybody had something, variation of the six. Yeah. Enough to where I bailed on it. Didn't make it into soups on.

But in the next one. Oh yeah, bring it back, dust it off. Maybe I sneak it in. Man, it's so funny to be on stage. Like, I had like muscle pain, I think, from playing drums vigorously for the last three days. For sure. It's not your heart exploding. I know, but I'm on stage and I'm like, well, a mini stroke.

I literally reached back like this in a weird way and I felt a pain. in my chest and I was like, all right, it's gas. And I'm waiting, I'm sitting up there waiting for the burp. Chest gas. Yeah, well, I get weird gas. And I burp and it goes away. You're a volcano. Well, I think it's from the ulcers that I had.

I think there's like cracks and maybe gas gets up into some spots. It's not supposed to be in. I have no idea. But I know I burp and I don't feel like I'm going to die anymore. But there was about 20 minutes. I'm on stage where I'm like, fuck, am I going to die up here? Like, I'm going to die? The late show in Springfield.

There's like 40 people here. here? Like, this is where I die. I'm back in Springfield, Missouri. This place that is like a way station for my soul. Won't love you back. I want to know how many times on this pot over the last six years, I've said, we're in Springfield, Missouri. Guess what? I'm never coming back. Every fucking time I'm here, I say, yeah, that's the last time, huh? We learned. We've learned our lesson. At this point, I'm not just putting my hand over the stove. I have, like, my my eyelids peeled up and my bulb, my whole

eyeball is just pinned to the fucking flame and I'm like, I don't know, is there hurt? Does it hurt here? It's like a spike and I'm just what are we doing, bro? I mean, God bless them. We had a bunch of great people come out tonight.

It's just like, I have such an awful gray deja vu in this place. Dude, we came in when fucking Horatio turned on to the strip that has the Waffle House on it, I was like, this is the street where

Aaron Naylor got pulled over once and we had a bunch of weed on us before Missouri was legal. This is the street where Byron Graham did an illegal U-turn and got pulled over once and we had weed in the car. I had not one but two pulled over on that street stories

that... Ratio should have gotten pulled over. For reeking? Well, for dropping us off in the wrong lane in oncoming traffic. And then the guy in the truck doesn't honk. He's just like, oh, there's Horatio. He didn't care.

He went around and he didn't yell anything. He's like, what are you doing? He's the hornblower, you know? He makes the calls. He tells the stars to shine. He doesn't get shit for that one. He was like, oh, bother. He went in the food.

Oh, yeah. Nobody got pulled over that we saw, but something bad went down right around the corner from the club. There's blood everywhere. 1220. There's blood. No, there was a...

It's a drone in the middle of the street. A couple blocks sealed off. Yeah. No ambulance. That was a patty wagon that was open... And then a trans police drone officer. Really? Yeah.

What are they going to do? Landed inside the police van? Is the drone under arrest? What the fuck was happening out there? There was nobody that looked like a perpetrator or a victim or a... Or a car accident. No perps, no VIX. Not a lot of clues.

And I'm pretty tenured detective. You're curious. Yeah. Half my life. Yeah. There are a lot of people in the first show. The sergeant. Detect the funny. Yeah, I'm glad you talked about it too.

Oh, you guys didn't like Lund, huh? Well, you brought it up a lot. You got them at the end. That's mine. Well, you know what's mine right. Nothing. Oh, yeah. I think maybe for a second.

He did for a second. I didn't reprimand you. I didn't scold you. You said you can't. I said, hey man. Never again. Both of us can't pull a gun on the crowd.

Yeah, I didn't think I had pointed it. I said something funny. But I don't remember what it was. Yeah, it's very a funny thing to do. It's a funny thing. It's a lot of power. I didn't say.

I wish I had a gun up there. Are you freaked out by the? the ceiling matching all the candles at the tables? Yeah. It's a dead zone up there. I want to bring people up one by one. And be like, look at what the fuck I'm seeing. Yeah, no, I said it's very, it's very trippy.

Yeah. And to go up there, you know, for that first show, I felt a little bit like a whirlwind because, you know, traveled all day. Your fucking bag took forever. And then the ratio had to go shit his pants. And clean up some of it. And clean up a little bit before. Picking us up, yeah.

I was very big of him. I had time, barely had time to like shower and then we go over there. And then I see, yeah, what looked like stars in a dark sky. Uh-huh. And it was jarring. It's scary. It's cool, but also unnecessary. It'd be cool if that's what the stage looked like.

If they were all looking and they saw it, they'd be like, this looks like a cathedral of light. This is cool. It's for us. Meanwhile, that late show, there was 40 people there. It looks like we were at a candlelit vigil. It was like we were sitting on the... What did I say? We just want him home.

Yeah, exactly. Whatever happened. Get the POWs back. We just won him home. We just won him home. We have to be able to bury the body. We know he's dead. We have the teeth.

We want the skull. Yeah. It was like we were at Charlottesville. It was very bad. I didn't think it was bad. I don't like it. It is a little bit distracting when you're doing your thing.

Yeah. It's weird to look out and it looks like you're just in a giant, like it, dude, Planetarian. No, what are those mocap suits? It looks like the room is wearing a motion capture suit. There's all these bulbs and balls on there. Like it's fucking Ricky Williams trying to, you know, give a spin move to Madden in 2004. Yeah, there's your penis.

Ricky Williams. Ricky Williams. You said Henderson. I think I said Williams Check it You check it Gunhand Irreliable

Yeah that second show is more fun Yeah because they were like I don't know Again they didn't just come from work There's something to this whole logic of yours Lund No one believes you but What? The early show?

The early show is early The early show They aren't ready to laugh Even if they clap when the host says you guys ready to laugh sometimes they're not. They're not ready. They're lying to themselves and to you and me.

But I'm just glad I didn't get an insane. I'm glad I didn't get bean dipped. No, no bean dipping, no fucking sack taps. Dayton did a ridiculous dance at the end of his set. Like when his joke hit that he, like clearly he did an extra joke because the closer didn't hit. He did the suicide thing. So after the last joke hit, he went like this.

Yeah. I hated it. I was sitting in the back with the comics, and I was like, oh, I got to talk to him about that. Don't do a little dance. I told him as soon as he walked by, I was like, hey, no dancing at the end of your set. Little dance.

Yeah. If you're going to do a little dance, make it good. Well, I don't know much, Sam. I know. I'm always blown away. I know this. You deserve workwear that holds up. Check out brunt.

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I piss in the boot. My dog bees all over. Not a big deal. She loves it. Yeah, piss-proof, y'all. You can be in your brunt work boots all day, keeping your feet dry and comfy piss-free. Keep your feet dry and your mouth wet. But yeah, we both have work boots.

Becker has some boots as well. They're great. Yeah. They work. He works in the boots. He's walking. No, I don't know if he's walking three and a half hours in those boots, but he could. I mean, Becker's a guy who has a million pairs of shoes.

Shoahead. He's like his whole thing of shoes and like sweet treats, you know, bong rips. But this guy who's defined himself via the shoes that he buys, and he has so many, you know, they're not cheap. But these brunts have worked their way into his heart. And the rotation. Yeah, it's not easy to get in Becker's rotation. Meanwhile, they're the only boots they wore all winter. They're like cool.

People have said cool boots. And for a guy who... Yeah. Bootsie Collins here? Yeah, there's somebody else that was rocking them. Is he thumping that thing? Yeah, no, they're like actually... I like the laceless ones.

Yeah, we both have the polamones. Look, we've done a lot of ad reads for a lot of companies. I like these guys. Yeah, Bruns got more than your feet covered, too. With heavy-duty work pants and weather-resistant jackets, no matter of the job. Brunt's got your back. When they make, like, a chore coat or like a shirt jack? I'd like to get that shit.

Yeah, they should cover you head to toe in Brunt. Brunt's try on a pair on the job and return them hassle-free if they aren't perfect. They're also great for, like, if you accidentally slip up and call your, like, female partner, like, the worst thing you can call her. She's like, what do you say? He's like, I'm looking for my brunt. Gating my brunt on. Yeah. You work too hard.

I said these stupid bruntz, you know, they're just. You're so strong. You work too hard to be stuck in uncomfortable boots, so Brunt built something better, boots that are insanely comfortable and built for any job site. For a limited time, chubby behemoth fans get $10 off at Brunt. When you use code Chubby at checkout, just head to Brunt workwear.com. Use the code Chubby, and you're good to go. After you order, they'll ask you where you heard about Brunt. Do us a favor and tell them Chubby Behemoth sent you.

Brunt. Get your brunt on. I broke, I popped the pillow. I don't know. Yeah, the pillow is hung up. The pillow's getting dominated. Yeah, it's like a bondage. It's getting top.

Yeah, it's terrible. It's just, I just want to rest my weary head. I don't need. I want to wash my bones. I want to rest my dick. It's very simple to have a hotel room. You have a shower that doesn't get on the ground or just a little bit. And then your wife cleans it up.

also Dayton cleans it up What is this for like Was a mule going to sleep here and eat half the pillow You have to strap this on to someone Put the feed bag on there This This is ludicrous

Yeah Wow Extra Way to go Moxie All about it Yeah Fudge

Uh Yeah no Becker Which is fine Pat's not here That's okay too That's good. No, Dayton either. I was like, love having Becker. I like when things, when everything smells like six. But I was like, oh, you know, no Becker. Switch it up. Old school. And then I was like, oh, fuck. But Dayton. And then I was like, oh, last time Dayton and I shared a room, it was fine. Yeah, you like, it was fine. But I also, it's like, just would rather have it be you or no one. And that's just me. I mean, perfect world. We're two grown men. We probably get separate rooms.

but right because less room for grab ass we don't care when it's the two of us no but now it's been a while where it's you quit dying in your sleep every 12 minutes

which is good I'm not to be over here with a cross and a rosary I'm under three bills it was just gas it was just gas it's just lunch it was just lunch

and then it was just gas I mean everything about that that show it's like I'm dying the roof's on the ceiling mm-hmm this lady's got them and they're dumped

it's her deal They were massive. You gave her an extra shirt. Well, because she was framing it. For murder. Yes, she's going to have that. That's what happened with the crime scene. Your shirt, he's got a gun.

The drone's wearing my merch. The drone's on Kill Tony on Monday. The drone sells out the Springfield Comedy Club. Meanwhile, I've been here at least once a year since 2012. Yeah, I didn't think of it. about that. You put the work in and it's paid off everywhere. I built the market.

This is the only one where people just have not... I think it's a transient place. College towns are, but yeah, but that hasn't been an issue for you elsewhere in other college towns. Well, it's like most college towns, they just sell out a lot of the time, like Madison, you know? Comedy Club on States, like, hey, you can come here and we're going to give you X amount of dollars.

And if you want a door deal, that's cool, but like, we don't have to. that's like the first time you go and the second and the third and now they're like they'll give you some more money but most I mean comedy addict is like a lot of these tickets are going to sell

people will be in here yeah yeah but yeah you don't have any power well this place is like okay it's a guy who was here because the rehab was down the road and when he got out

like he had to do six months within a hundred miles and this was the biggest city or like a lady came here to like give birth you know and like the baby's umbilical cord

got like caught around a fire hydra and then a drone attacked it so now she's waiting for a settlement check it's like this place is very transient she needs cash now right yeah it's like I came into town to sell like a thousand ecstasy pills and I met a girl and we opened up the mud house

she did all the pills now I'm a dead man unless I can get 16K now I got to get back to Jefferson City she's the capital yeah I almost said something oh I brought up Harley race I don't know if you heard that He got a pop.

Of course. He got a little pop from one person. From a young lady. I was like, oh, hell yeah. This wasn't the place where you brought up Harley Race a lot,

though. That was Kansas City. Which you would think would be fine because he was from there, but it was better here. Because it was like three people here versus maybe zero in Kansas City. Yeah.

I actually forgot about Harley Race. So it was negative one. That's how little people knew. One of the greatest to do it and nobody cares like 20 years. Not 20 years later. No, like 40 years later. But it's not ancient history.

And it's like, it's ancient history. Not really, though. Yeah. Not literally. He looked like a poodle. Actually. I mean, God bless him. The man was tough as nails.

He was poured like Portland cement, but no, I mean. It's over. Mahomes fever. Over. It was Mahomes and then everybody was Harley Who. Kansas City loves a curly hair to be a hero. Yeah. Nice curls.

Uh-huh. More product in Harley's hair than. Patrick though. Nah. Yeah. He had like the silk in. Motor oil. It's peanut oil.

It's crushing peanuts until they drip. I was trying to think of Springfield and then I was almost blew it because I was going to say something about Harry Truman, but he's from Independence. Yep. And then I was like, fuck. Oh, and I mostly know that because I did shows through Dayton and Carlos Chaconne. When they were running Kansas City into the ground. No, they were killing it.

the show at the rhino they had a barrel at the bottoms was going yeah going strong and i did a show in independence with them and it was rough sledding uphill oh yeah because uh it was like still daylight out and it was like a brewery that hadn't done comedy it was a train that passes every 40 minutes the show's outside yeah a lot of hobos uh a lot of we a lot of people getting threatened with like a sharp stick by the by the by the hoboes Bose. No, it was just bad because they weren't, they didn't expect everybody to be so weird and dirty. And we were all like weird and gross. Oh, sure. Yeah. And so they were just like, oh, good. You know, like they wanted a nice night out or whatever. And we were like, no. Yeah. It's not what

this is. No, we're going to tell you about having diarrhea at Disney. We're going to make you, we're going to make our problems, your problem. We're going to make you submit. Oh, yeah. What did you hear from the guy? I was going to say they worked all day. The guy said he worked all day and got pissed because He got cut off. Oh, this guy is watching you. You bring him Chappelle. He's like, oh, fuck yeah. And you're like, fuck yeah, Chappelle number one.

And then you're like, you know, you go through your litany of bad bands. But there's a bunch of bad bands. And every one of them, he's like, oh, ah, hey. Body, body blow. And you're like, what are these? All your favorite bands? And he stood up, I guess. To yell at you?

At some point he stood up. Yeah. And that's when Bryant and Little Amiel, Kooky Carlisle is working there. You have to sit. Yeah, so they told them to sit down. It's stand-up comedy for the comedian only. You sit down to enjoy.

I had some weird ones in the merch line. So this guy, this guy for sure, you know, worked 15 hours. He's like, oh man, they told me to shut up. I was like, yeah, well, you were yelling, right? And he was like, yeah, I mean, everyone else was heckling. I was like, I don't think so. I mean, I'm being very straightforward with him. I was like, I don't think so.

Right, but yeah, he thinks you're going to go. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was chaos in there. Yeah, man, it was madness. People were throwing batteries. That guy let a bunch of wasps loose. Yeah, it was crazy.

Everybody was talking amongst themselves. Yeah, people were throwing the fake candles at the stage. It was nuts. Beachball. No, no one was, it was 40 people. They were all docile and tired. And so, yeah, he's like, I'm pissed. And I was like, well, you could be pissed or you could not be pissed.

And he's like, oh, I'm going to be pissed. And I was like, all right, man. your call. I missed all of them. Yeah. And he was like, well, yeah, you had your eyes down someone's blouse. And he says, yeah, well, I worked 15 hours a day. And I was like, yeah, well, I thank you for being here. And he's like, where are you going out drinking? I said, I don't drink. He says, what are you smoking? I said, I smoke a little pot. And he's like, you want to smoke a blunt? And I was like, no. I know, I'm going to bed. And he was like, yeah, I'm going to bed two. I worked 14, or 15 hours. Walk away. So we had him. His buddy came up and was like, man, I love her

the light and I don't care who like helped you write that it's really good. I don't care who wrote it for you. I wrote the whole thing. Hey, I get it. Yeah. Hey man. Your secret's safe. I'll protect the business. What the fuck? So I wanted to kill him. And he was friends with the guy who had worked 15 hours. Real duo. Another guy comes up. His three buddies are very nice. That was great. Blah, blah, blah. He's like, it was pretty good. And I say, I'll agree with that. You know, laugh. Not furious at all. Put my arm. around him in the picture. The guy's taking the picture.

He turns the camera sideways. You reek. And I go, yeah, I know, I reek. I get off stage. I come up here. I put my arms around people. I'm all sweaty. I reek.

And he goes, yeah, you fucking reek. And I was like, all right, man. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. I know I reek. I apologize to people when they touch my back. I say my back's wet. Good luck.

Yeah. If I'm pitted out, I'm putting my fucking armpit on a five foot three girl's head. for a half hour after every show. I know I fucking reek, bro. Shut up. Get the fuck out of here.

I wanted to take him and I wanted to take 15 hour work day and grab him by his rat tail and fucking just clang them together like nun chucks. Shaving your own face shouldn't be expensive.

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Heavy metal razor. Do you use this thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. I love it, dude. Yeah, it's nice. It's like driving a Cadillac. You can use just your one finger.

on the wheel. Yeah. It's like Astroglide, man. I mean, I've been fighting over them. I need to get another handle because she's like, I'm like,

let's share the handle. And then we'll use different razor heads because the razor heads, you open the box, you plop it in, you can do it with an eye patch on, you know? It's literally like,

so fucking easy to use these things. And I'm like, okay, I'll just get rid of it and use the handle. She's like, no, we can't share a handle. Come on, Emmy. Why not?

You share everything. You share cabbage soup. Yeah. I don't know. You know, when your beans aren't cooked, I still pretend they don't hurt my teeth. All right. So let me use your stump. That's interesting.

Yeah. It's great, dude. She's got to have her own handle. This is all Harry's razor. This is Harry's razor from two days ago. Big fan. I like a shave cream, too. Yeah, I mostly only need to do the top of the cheek.

But sometimes with a bad razor, that can fuck me up. Yeah. It can be a nightmare. So it is nice to have a good, reliable razor. This is my least favorite part to shave is right here. Megan doesn't know I have the handle. I don't have your, I don't have your issue because she'll, that's my, that's my hard work in razor form. Yeah, you don't share with your wife.

That's smart. She doesn't listen to the pod. Emmy knows all the products that we get. She'll never listen. She doesn't even know I do a podcast. Yeah. She thinks I'm, she thinks I'm doing a puzzle upstairs. She thinks you're at gem shows.

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That's a fucking steal. Hey, come with it now. I'm not supposed to say this because it's verbatim, but that's a pretty good 10 bucks right there. Harries.com slash chubby. This set includes the all-new Harry's Plus Raver. Ten bucks. Not bad.

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and a travel cover to protect your blade. on the go. Just had to harries.com slash chubby. And you know what? After purchase, they're probably going to ask where you heard about them. You're like, hey,

who dropped a dime? Tell him Shannon Sharp said. Tell him. See if they get that joke, Razor Company. Damn. I reek. No,

shit. I was, I guess just talking to other people, so I missed all of that. Yeah. I really wish I would have been part of it. God. I could have helped.

You know, you would have been like, yeah, he reeks. He would have helped for sure. He'd be like, yeah, he stinks, right? It's his thing. And guess what? You want a picture with him, so.

Yeah. Look how cool you are. God. God. I know I regret. I missed out on a bunch of great stuff. Well, Pat's been at the house, and he's had nothing but nice things to say about the meals I've always been making.

God. Yeah, what, all you told me, what did you say? Well, I went to Albuquerque with you last weekend. Yeah, we had a great time. It was a great time. My flight's delayed leaving Albuquerque hour and a night. on the tarmac. I'm sitting next to a guy

who's just getting so mad. He can't do anything, but he's getting so mad. Fucking ridiculous. Yeah, but the whole time that he's getting furious, then he'll open his laptop. He's nude.

No, that'd be cool. That would have been something cool to see. That I would have told you about earlier in the episode. No, I mean, he's like, he's looking at like gold stuff. He's like gold markets and gold future. right so finally

after like an hour sitting there luckily I got city skylines I don't care I don't care if we ever move I mean bury me on the plane yeah it's great my people keep getting sick from noise pollution yeah it's like hey man yeah it sucks what a bummer right

I literally nobody can be mad at me those 50 milligram edibles I kept just munching off of it you know it was just loose just had it out who fucking cares so I had a terminal case so who cares it was like you bit me

God Thursday it was bleak so anyway he's like so what do you do and I was like I'm a city planner I want to tell people like I'm in college taking a city planning class

because I'm just playing a children's game it's not children's game I mean it's not for babies it's not a lot of colleges use it in their programs for city planning

so why do you know that because I've been getting deep on City Skylands Reddit. Yeah, a lot of people were like, this is my senior project. What do you think? So he's like, what do you do? I say comedy. He's like, oh, that's great.

I was like, what do you do? He's like, oh, yeah, I can't say a thing. Yeah, exactly. Can't say anything, though. Yeah, it sucks. And you reek, so that sucks. Yes, you reek and you can't say anything. God, I miss the old days.

When George Carville would knock him dead. When a man would reek. Yeah, when Richard Pryor. old Dick Breyer would get up there. There's a picture of Richard Pryor on stage here at the comedy club, and I've had a good time saying, Red Fox, Hedberg. And in the middle, Don Rickles looking like a chimp.

Oh, wait, no. Rickles is chimped out. It's not Red Fox. It's Don Rickles. Yeah, it's on Red Fox. I don't know. You've gotten Rickles and Red Fox confused. But I kept saying, remember when Richard Pryor played the Springfield Comedy Club,

folks? Remember the most important night in this town's history? When he was here. He had 40 people. Yeah. In 1988, so I'm like, what do you do? And he's like, oh, I work in like, what did he say? Oh, environmental protection.

And I was like, oh, that's cool. He's been blown. Oh, you guys are the Washington generals, it seems like. Well, he's like. Getting dunked on. He's like, a lot of his, I just work for like gold mines and like helps them open up. And it's like, okay, so you just skirt the law for gold. I don't say this, but I'm like, oh, so you do a lot of gold stuff.

And I was like, so hey. Yeah, I mean, for sure. Doug the skull. It's in the word. It's Doug. Yeah, he's digging. His name was Doug. Dig Doug.

Connect the dots. Follow the goal. Tig Doug. Follow the yellow. Tig Natara, but she's trapped in a video game. Tig one? Tig Doug. Tig one?

Tig Doug. It's very late, folks. So, you started telling me about this thing called Antimony. I was like, so what do you think? Should I get some goal? he's like no if you're going to get a precious metal get antimony it's going to decide warfare

it hardens it hardens things harder than Kevlar it'll make a man into a mex suit get some antimony and I'm like all right follow up question do you have any antimony like I laugh let me hold some he's like there's a warehouse

that I know of I'm like okay so he's there and then every time they come on because the flight's delayed because Captain doesn't know captain's like he's up there he's like you know folks i wish i had something i could tell you but this is ridiculous this stuff happens all the time here in albuquerque and it's ridiculous it's not a big enough airport for this kind of hassle so i'm sitting up here just as mad as you i think it's

back on he's like hey folks like many of you i have a family i have a family as well he's yeah i just had to call my wife and say hey guess what it happened again it's ridiculous albuquerque albuquerque honey and guess what? That's right. It's ridiculous. That's worse than not saying anything. I don't want to hear your problem. Makes no sense. When we land finally, so we take off an hour and a half late, go to Chicago, we land, we get there. He's like, folks.

I left my keys in Albuquerque. House, front door, back door, the shop, my wife's car, my car. Folks, call me Bud's Bunny. because I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque. We're in Seattle. I'm so sorry. This is ridiculous. No, but we land and he says,

folks, I got more ridiculous news. They don't have a gate for us. We're supposed to have a gate. We came in late. We're supposed to have a gate. Oh, oh, oh, hey, folks, good news. Our gates open. Starts driving.

The guy next to me, the gold man, you know, Rupple fucking stilled skin. He's like, he opens his laptop he's looked out the window he's he just keeps going and I'm over it I'm over him he's like

oh antimony he says we're circling I'm like what he's like yeah we just did a big loop I was like all right I'm great I don't care I'm already at this point I'm like I told Emily I'm like I'm not going to make it home I have to spend the night in Chicago she's like fine I have to work

curly great she's like fly home late tomorrow have a big chicago day hit up byron i work late i'll pick you up in deerborn i was like awesome awesome great you know i know i'm going to get a free hotel because this is ridiculous there's no reason for it they have to the captain has told you this is ridiculous he's confirmed that this is a godless place without any law so so anyway we do a big lap oh he says are you familiar with the website flight tracker and i was like Yeah, we've been sitting in the landed plane for half an hour. He's like, since we've arrived, 26 flights have debordered. 26 flights have got a gate.

We don't have a gate. This is too much. So the guy gets back on, pilot. He's like, folks, I am done with them. Our plane that's in our gate just isn't moving. I don't know why. No one's answering inside the plane. But they say there's a pilot in there.

I don't know what he's doing. This is ridiculous, folks. This is ridiculous. I'm like, all right, cool. My flight's whatever. I get off. I see the board of transfers. It says that my flight, despite on the app, it's saying it's taking off,

says, delayed. I ran, dude. I ran all the way through O'Hare. Like literally ran. Gotcha. You were resigned that you weren't going to make that. Yeah. It was like, it's over.

I ran. I didn't think I didn't. can run. I'm serious. Like, O'Hare. Probably felt good because you were light. Dude, it was crazy. I wasn't. I mean, I know this is like nothing to so many of you athletes, but I ran for like

eight minutes. Now I wasn't like setting the 40 time. I was picking them up and putting them down, carrying my bag like a big old football. Like I was carrying Bern-Troyer. I had to deliver him. So yeah, that was cool. But I get home, finally, walk in. I told Emily the whole

I'm, baby, I'm going to get home. Like, it's great. She's like sick. I made dinner. I was like, yes. They walk in the door. Emily says, I made cabbage soup. I have my bags in hand.

That's what every man wants to hear. It's what every hardworking man in the Midwest wants to hear. After a long argy was traveled day, I made cabbage soup. So she hits me with that before I can even be like, great, you know, or lie. She's like, and the beans aren't cooked. I was like, what? She's like, yeah, I put the beans in. to the beans.

Yeah, two ingredients. One of them, fuck. The other one, cabbage. Naturally, fuck. Soggy cabbage. I love it, but yeah, it's not. It's not going to blow your hair back. Get big with it.

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Support the show and tell them chubby behemoth sent you. Chubby behemoth, obviously. Say it. Just say it. Mars men, it was chubby bean. Tell them. Point the finger. Day two of three, because we ate it for three days.

Day two, the beans were cooked, and then day three, it was great. But day one, it was like, oh, I'm eating pebbles and cabbage water. that's red. And like, I really wanted to just have like a whole deep dish pizza, you know, or like three cheeseburgers. It's like three stacked on top of each other like Dagwood. Like anything but cabbage soup. I was so hungry. And I didn't have like lounge time because I was trapped on the planes for fucking seven hours, you know? So I was hungry. And yeah, cabbage soup, the beans aren't done. I was like, oh, fuck. Okay. chewing up the beans.

But yeah, so then the day two, we're eating it again. I was like, Pat, you want some? I'm just like, no. I'm going to Wendy. Yeah, I'm going back to Culver's. He already has like the punch card full at Culver's. Yeah. And...

I'm going to Duncan. Yeah. He's going to Tim Duncan's house. They're friends already. I'm jealous. But he knows, he was like, yeah, you guys just eat orphanage food. It's like we're in an orphanage here. You know he's flushing cabbage soup.

No, I've told him, I'm like, dude. He flushed it. So we made cabbage soup for three days. He didn't really have any at all. On Wednesday, he had Sonic. That's right. Yeah. He ate the whole Genesis console.

No, on Wednesday, I mean, made, like, tempe, like chode salad? I don't know. Like, she even was like, yeah, this is tough. It was barley and tempe. I know. So we like ate some and we plowed it and then she was like throw it away. She never.

She never gives in. Yeah. So I and like he like, you know, had two bites and then was like, oh, I have homework. My stomach hurts. Yeah. My dad died. I forgot.

And then I remembered. Yeah. Now I'm not hungry. Yeah. And then he goes to Domino. So anyway And then I made So he didn't have any of the tempe

After like three bites And then he made I made like veggie burgers That it was garbonzo beans And spinach and the leftover barley Before Emily got home I was like look man You don't have to eat any of this

He was like it looks pretty good And I was like I know buddy It sure does But just be ready For when you bite into this thing What he ate the whole thing Did you like him? I loved it

I mean I make that a lot Sounds good. A lot of spinach. You trick your body and eat in spinach. But then that night, I reserved the garbonzo being liquid because I heard that you could make vegan whipped cream with it. Huh. I know. So I reserved it.

Me and Emmy, I added a bunch of sugar to it, you know. I'm frothing it up. We have the frother, the stand mixer. Emmy's working that thing over like it's my anniversary, you know. and, dude, it was, it tasted like

bean water with sugar in it. It's like not the worst thing. We make tea that night. We make tea. We like tea. Oh, regular tea. Yeah, regular tea.

And then he's like, let's put some on top so we do. It's good, you know, it's fine. It was frothy and wippy. No, it didn't get any stiff peaks,

but it was like emulsify a little bit. I didn't have, I didn't have cream of tartar, so I had to use lemon juice. Anyway, we scoop it on top of Pat's thing and he's like oh I didn't I don't want any

Emily's like well it's good have some scoop some moron he's like oh I don't like it though she's like yeah you do you love it and then that tea was untouched dude he just like put it on the table didn't have any of it Emily was like you like it

you trust me you do but he didn't even try it no you tried a little and he was like I don't like it tastes like beans I was like, yes. A lot of stuff around here does. It's mostly beans. Look under your beanie. Beans.

Beans. Check inside a lunch dog, beanie. There's beans in there. Mostly beans. Oh, man. So, yeah. No, Pat's going to do the chick-fil-A nugget challenge. What's that?

He's going to do, we did the math, and I guess 48 chick-fil-A nuggets is 2,400 calories. so he's going to eat a nugget every half hour. That's his challenge. For two days? No, for 24 hours. Oh, nugget every half hour. He's going to have 48 nuggets and 24 hours. Oh, yeah.

Oh, every half hour, yes. Yeah, so that's the challenge. He's doing it just more for him. To see if he can do it. Yeah. But he has to wake up in the middle of the night to eat his nuggets. To prove to his dad. Yeah.

That he can do something great. I think the smart way to do it. is to have a nugget at 59 and 01. So you get two nuggets, then you can, like, take a nap or, like, rest or whatever, get ready for the next nuggets. Is that cheating? It's within the hour.

You're going to use the hour how you want it. I guess. Yeah. Why don't you just eat them right away? Because every... You have to have one every half hour. I would just eat them. Well, I know.

That's why you're not in the challenge. It wouldn't be a challenge for you. I beat it. Yeah, you'd have a handfuls of nuggets. Couldn't leave you alone with four. 48 nuggets. Oh yeah, we were talking about power hour how we it was easy for us. I also meant to say that there was a time, you know, Edward 40 Hans was really hard. But after college, when I was like just like a year out of college and a year into stand up, which also was a lot of problem drinking, I did an Edward 40 Hans like nothing. Two Mickey's loved it. The big thing is that they would get warm. If you drink them fast enough, they'd. don't get warm they're just nice cold beer the whole time that was the move

exactly you just fucking go you drink them yeah pretty good my buddy jr did edward forty hands just him and i we should tape coat two mountain valley spring waters to each hand that'd be great yeah one time jr's birthday

it was just us and we fucking i taped him to his hands and then i remember him like having i like had to tape my own and then on the last one we were like using our teeth. And then we were standing there and we couldn't get the fucking caps off. So we're just like stuck.

I remember being like trying to get it with my teeth dude. And like his gum started bleeding. Yeah. And then I just had to be like, we're losers. We're alone doing Edward 40 and we can't get the lids off. What the fuck? You got a motorcycle for his birthday too? It's like, so stupid.

tried to drive it with the 40 hands yeah ridiculous had to slow like sadly like chomp tape off my hand and like open his and be like all right let's do it yeah rally yeah god yeah yeah ever 40 hands was like nothing 80 ounces of beer old english my preference yeah i thinkies was fine but man oldie baby i had oldie and And then High Life started making 40s. Yeah, those were good. Oh, man. They might have been 32s, actually.

They were 32s, the fat ones. Yeah, I don't think they did. God. Fat bottom girls. The other day, I told Emily when she got home when I was all bummed out, I was like, she'd do N.A. beers. She was like, oh, fuck. 40 ounces of N.A. beer.

40 ounces of freedom. Jeez. Just. 80. Just go back to, just go back to college. just re-enroll in the frat man yeah I almost got a cold beer the other night I was like I mean I think a cold beer would be all right

when you're all sad yeah how sad are those shirts I made it's funny that you pointed that out yeah I didn't think about it right away but I when I was selling them I was like huh these are black tortured they're black and pink heavy yeah but they looked cool

and then when you said that you made them when you're in your weird, what do you say, twice a year? You're like a little week. Twice a year I get a strange funk. I had it the last day of New Zealand. Yeah, you're like, what are we doing? Yeah. I'm a fraud.

I killed that guy. No, I don't know what it was. But I like woke up and was like, there's a hole in me. I can't make enough shirts to fill it. Yeah. What's the thing is? I don't know. I kind of quit saying that's the thing.

I don't know why I say that so much in this podcast. I'm so sorry. I don't think you do. I think I do. What are you seeing in a museum? That I made fun of you. Oh, here we are. Here we are.

Yeah, I think I would have made fun of you if you were saying that's the thing a bunch. I could be wrong. I don't know. But usually when I make shirts, even if they're not like the best or they don't come out exactly as I hoped they would, I'm still always like, yeah, I mean, I made a bunch of shirts today. And I, like, did this. This is an innovation. And, like, this is the first time I did that. And, like, I'm learning.

It's a learning experience. And these I came upstairs and I told them I was like I just made a bunch of shit These all suck Just wasted four hours making crap down there Shitter's full Yeah shitters full Fuck you

He made He made 40 shirts And when you were done with the last one Fuck you shock aware God damn I fit the Kool-Aid man They're huge I was like

Yeah Somebody was like Oh yeah I need like a big one And I was like Well yeah let's see these. Oh, these are only excels, but,

and I open it, I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, dude. He held it up, and I was like, what the fuck? And I was like,

oh, for the island. Shocko ware, yeah, for a human pineapple. There's like a, like a high life, 32.

It's a round bottom. Remember last weekend when Ethan, the manager was like, him from Hawaii? And I was like, nice, man. And then we were talking,

and he's about to leave. And I was like, I'm sorry for what the dull fruit company did to that Great Island Nation. he just left he flinched I told him my closers

I levitate I float above the ground They think it's magic But it's not It's real They can do it Everyone can do it Well maybe you can run it back

We're in Chicago For like the whole week of May 13th Until the 19th Chicago Yeah That's gonna be crazy You can run back your existential crisis I'm gonna go to Tim Duncan's

Are you whispering? Because the microphone does the work. What time are we at here? We are... Oh, okay. We're at 51. That's pretty good. Not bad.

The most boring number in all of podcasting, 51 minutes. 51. Nothing 50 fun about that. Oh, fuck, it is good. 51, Dick Buckkiss. I did a lot of sports numbers, which, guess what? Nobody cared about. Came by a tumbo.

It was something. Oh, 54 was early. Hawks Grant. 31 was Rishan Salam. That's a good one. 42, Vin Baker. Nobody care. Nobody could ever care.

Number 50. Oh, Greg Anthony. All right. Who's he? Don't worry about it. Big Anthony. Have some more of your swill. Have some more of your crap.

That's some more of your bacon, feta, oatmeal. Whenever the fuck, the drunk chef's pumping out this week. Remember that guy, the owner, Johnny Beans, would just, like, send us, like, lewd memes all the time. Oh, yeah. That was his thing. He was like bean dipping us over the phone. Yeah, he'd send you like a, like,

he was kind of a bean dipper. It'd be like a, like a grandma in the meme, and she would open her, like, gown, and she had rocking tits. That was one he would send. I just remember being like, I don't like this. One time he sent me one of a hot chick who has already had, like, a bikini on,

and she looks over her sunglasses, and her eyes were boobs. I know, man. It was scary. sending weird stuff like Bobby We get weird You know I just remembered I went to do bingo

Squeaky Bingo Not squeaky Bingo Cicino Taco That lasted for a week Sunday of No no I did it I don't remember how many times I did it

But stopped because of COVID Like showed up there Whatever It must have been a Sunday March 13th No but it was like the 15th or something Wow. I don't remember, but like nobody came and so we didn't do it.

And I went home and, yeah. Oh. That's the whole story? Well, just that was, I didn't say it was good. I just remembered Johnny Beans made me think of COVID. Yeah. And how I, that was when like shit was starting to shut down. Yeah.

Be canceled. You were filming waiting for death to come. I was in Kansas City. Whoa. Full circle. I know. Pat Mahomes. Harley Race.

The comedy club's inside of a parking garage. So during Lull moments, you hear a bowling alley upstairs. Oh, yeah. It sounds like a roller ring. I know. And I said, yeah, every one of the lights, because there's just infinite lights up there. He said, yeah, every one of these lights means an open space.

So make sure you get your parking people. All right. Dude, there's times when I'm on stage where I just want to fucking reach out there and slap a guy in the head. That'd be so great. If I'd like plastic man arms, dude, and I can just be like, what'd you say back there,

Chevelle guy? Just fucking smack him from 30 feet, dude. It'd be better than a gun. I'd love to just be like, what'd you say? And then just like elongate arm, like right in the head. Dude, it'd be so great. Mr. Fantastic. I should give every comedian, every legit comedian,

every tenured comic, 40 weekends, or more a year. Just once a year you're going to be like, what'd you say? Slap someone upside the head. Not even if they're heckling.

It'd be so funny for comedic purposes if you could just be like, you gotta fly on your head, slap them, bald guy. That huge bald guy who was in the front road

tonight, he was great. But I just wanted to fucking paintbrushes, goddamn skull the whole time. Slap the melon. See if it's ripe. That's what I'm thinking about up there.

And also, am I going to die? here. Right. Is it gas or is it me developing a mutant superpower? Yeah. And you just start to, and you're like, no, fuck. And you try it again?

No. I would know right away. Yeah, it went back and I felt it smack the wall. And I would know. I would know. I've ascended my final form. Hey, if I slap one of you, you know it worked. Goodbye.