Chubby Behemoth - Not All Gundams And Baguettes

Episode Date: May 26, 2025

SPONSORS: FACTOR - Get 50% off plus free shipping on your first Factor box. Use code CHUBBY50OFF at https://www.factormeals.com/CHUBBY50OFF   VIIA - If you’re 21+, try VIIA! For 15% off AND a free gift with your first order use code CHUBBY at https://viia.co/CHUBBY   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week Nathan and Pat are comfy in a bed in Casper, Wyoming. Nathan remembers saying goodbye to Dikembe Mutombo, needed to see Arnold with a coffin on his shoulder, and tells Pat why he “loves” Megachurches. Pat wanted a moral victory for the Nugs, has the Terminator 2 song stuck in his head, and wants to go to a church with a Coke Freestyle Machine. I thought the news was PG.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

This is Patton Oswald and Emo Phillips. Welcome back to Patton and Emo. Going back to Emo Night. Emo Night with its Emo Phillips, just telling jokes. It's a DJ playing Emo Phillips all night long. Yeah. Remix. Live.

All of them are the live version obviously David cross did a bit long ago where he told Jimmy Kimmel that he was going to Release an album, but it wasn't gonna be live and it showed him in a studio like doing crowd work or Whatever. The idea was pretty funny. I feel like I had had that idea too. And then he, when I saw it, I was like, fuck. Yeah.

Well, nevermind. But yeah, I thought, and he obviously didn't actually do it. So it was probably not a good idea to do it. It was a good idea for a sketch. Yeah. That's good to have that parallel thinking though I think it like makes you feel like you're on the right track for sure. Yeah, I had that a lot when I started out with

Comics asking me if I had watched curb your enthusiasm and I had not I swear But one of the only it happened like three times one of the only things I can remember for sure was, uh, pretending to be deaf to use a handicap stall. Oh, that was definitely one. You do have a little Larry David in you, I feel like. I guess. I mean, Oh yeah, I'm definitely a hermogen with very specific rules that I think

everyone should follow regardless of whether I'm correct in, in thinking that way or not. I there's worse ways to stickler. Yeah. Good. Sometimes. Oh yeah. Another one was, um, I had a joke, God, this is gross.

I had a joke about how I hooked up with a young lady and I didn't get her name. Oh, and that I, we didn't have sex, but I used my fingers on her. I can't remember how I, how I did, how I explained that. I didn't like the term fingered. And so I think I said, I used my hands or something. I used my hands on her. And the whole thing was that, uh, I didn't catch her name. Uh, she speaks Spanish. Uh, and so the next time, if I, if I'm able to run into her, should I use the

two or form or the instead form? And I said, I think it depends. Oh yeah, this was a punchline was I think it depends on how many fingers you use on a person. You know, it's like, what? Instead, instead to, to ideas me. Oh, but you know, that's a five years, four years in or something. That yeah, I bet that crushed with with people that went to Spanish class.

It's a very Spanish. Yeah, anybody who took Spanish in high school was maybe down with it. Yeah, that's a dumb one. That was in Denver, so I might have been six years in. Whoops. I had a joke. That wasn't funny.

I wasn't good right away, like the kids these days. Some of them. Not all of them. Not all of them, thank God. You haven't been to an like the kids these days some of them not all of them I don't think you haven't been to an open mic in a while. No, but yeah, thank God they are It isn't the code has not been cracked across the board. No, there are Savants out there. There's those SGA is out there who are good young Coming from a Yoke-edge fan. He wasn't good tonight. No, T-Wolf's won.

I was kind of wanting the Nuggets to sweep or not. I wanted the Thunder to sweep every other series. So the Nuggets were the only one to take them to seven. It'd have been a moral victory. There's just good teams now. I'm glad that they, that it's not the same, uh, there's like two or three. Yeah. There's not two or three teams that have two or three of the best players.

And they guarantees that they, uh, dominate that's kind of gone, I guess. I think that's good. It is. Yeah. It's annoying that the, well, we're getting into the minutiae of the NBA salary. This podcast is called B-Ball Talk Live with the Boys. So featuring... I didn't tell you which podcast we were doing. I'm starting a new one. Sorry. I should have mentioned it. What is it called? B-Ball Talk Live with the Boys. Well, it's live.

B-Ball Talk Live with the Boys. And this is episode 1500. Oh, this isn't the first one. I was gonna say I'm honored to be on the first one. No, no. This will be the first one that comes out because the other 1499, they just weren't that good. And so I don't wanna start with them.

I'm hoping this one can be episode one and then Jesus I mean talk about stacking Epps, baby. Yeah, I don't I mean I did the work Also, it wasn't a good idea to stack episodes of a live podcast But yeah that kind of deals with the rate the season that's happening. It's our basketball. Yeah and that's happening at the basketball. Yeah. Well, I'm honored and I'm honored to be a guest on the pod, whether it comes out or not. My name is to Kimba Matambo and I imagine what was his full name to Kimba. Oh, man, it's crazy. It's a fun one. Hold on. It'll be worth it. You knew that one ball heads.

I remember it. It was somebody had a joke about it the phone his full name and so they would say it like eight times Dikembe Mutombo and plondo Mukamba Jean Jacques, Wama tumbo. God damn What a man you imagine what a light name is kid My name is Kid. My name is Dick Kambay. Mu tumbo, mu pulando, mu kamba. The song, the band is just like, all right, all right, come on. Rock. Yeah, he's still, yeah, wa mu tumbo, rock.

RIP, man. He hasn't even been gone a year. Feels like it was just yesterday. I had to squeeze his hand for the last time. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym.

I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym.

I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going. RIP, man. He hasn't even been gone a year. Feels like it was just yesterday I had to squeeze his hand for the last time. I was there. I was there when he died. You decided it was time to pull the plug. He was one of the episodes. It was, hey, the Kembe. I have this idea for a, for a B-ball talk live with the boys.

Can I interview you? And he said, I don't have much time left. And I said, I'm wide open. And we, the family was not happy with me. They were in the room listening. I didn't let them be in the room. That's probably a smart call. Well, cause I don't, I don't want to be nervous.

I don't want to Kimbe to be nervous about our big podcast together. So yeah, they were not in there. I was in there and Yeah, he died While we were talking but it was when we had gotten all the way to the end because I asked if he had any plugs And he said yes, there's one that's keeping me alive Plug it baby and he said no no one that's keeping me alive. I said, plug it, baby. And, uh, he said, no, no, he said, no, no, no, no.

We need to unplug this plug. And I said, my God, it would be an honor. I'm not from Denver, but I feel like we both are honorary Denver, Denverites. Yeah. We both put on for the mile high for years. Both bright spots. I told them, you know, I really liked your game a lot more in Atlanta than, and even New Jersey, then, uh, Denver.

There's a line of his family trying to get their last word. They're so mad at me. They're pounding on the windows and the door of the ICU room that we were in. And I just said, just please, just hold, this is B-Ball Talk Live. It's a big deal, I hope. One day it will be. I'm stacking EPs. And yeah, I thought, well, you don't want to start with the death of a beloved,

just a hero. And so I had to, I had to stack that one. I had to bank that. That the people will be waiting with bated breath for that one. Whenever you get the courage to put that one. That's a good episode, you know, five, six, seven, you know, 10.

And yeah, this is one. And then I don't know, I got to, I got to figure out two through nine or whatever. And then I hit them with the Kimbe. Yeah. And then, uh, with the Kimbe. Yeah. And then, yeah, off to the races with. New season, because, yeah, the 1500 EPS, it was mostly two seasons ago and this season.

So, yeah, it's going to feel dated. I didn't think about that. Anyway, for true B-ball heads, they won't care. They just like listening to the beautiful game. All his life. Yeah, they just want people who know ball to talk about it with their with their boys. That's us. I can't get enough on threads.

I'm following this young lady who posts video video of her school and dudes on the court playing pickup like what's what's B ball. What are her accolades? Do you know her accolades? No, her position. And is she like a college baller or something? I think she, I think she played in college, but I think she is now full content out of college, not in WNBA, but my God, and she's obviously the one posting these videos. Yeah. Yeah. But she is posting just the destruction of these random dudes on the court.

They're mean, they're dismissive. They say that's a miss, that's a miss. And she just sinks them. She's got a very quick release. They are not D-ing up. Yeah. Being disrespectful. Being, and well, yeah, the best ones, yeah, are when they are, D-ing up. Yeah, being disrespectful. Being and well yeah the best ones yeah are when they are you've got her or don't worry you know don't guard her or whatever and

then she torches them and uh I bet that's satisfying to watch. Oh come on. Hopefully there's some broken ankles in there. I mean yeah but for the most, she's just a step back or just a quick, you know, as soon as she gets the ball, if she's playing two on two, just puts it up for more ever. Yeah. She's really quick with it. And it's not, I mean, it's been over the last couple of months, so it's not like she posts now and then she's regularly just blasting these guys. Shout out to tits on the Black Court. Look her out. What? No, no, she's gonna school us.

You don't remember her name. Did you look her up? No, I looked up Dikembe's name. I don't wanna keep looking stuff up. Yeah. Gotta be in the moment. We're in Casper, we gotta be here. You never know what'll happen next.

Yeah, this place is crazy. I'll tell you what happens next. Some other kid comes screaming down the hallway. Do you want to rate our Casper experiences on a scale from one to 10 and same at the same time? Yeah. All right. One to 10 Casper one, two, three, six. You were here twice as long as I was going on yesterday. Yeah show day is gonna be a better day for sure No, I was joking about four Casper is kind of pretty green The North Platte River is raging. It is full and I love a I love a full

Churn an ass river. Yeah, let's you know, people are gonna be able to be clean, wash their hands, drink drinking water, hopefully, stay hydrated. You see a low river, you think, oh God, that means what the plants gonna close. People are gray. They're gonna be hungry, they're gonna be dirty. They're dehydrated.

Yeah, they can't. Did you see chug water? Don't do good. Oh yeah. Did you clock chug water? I drove through, loved it. I was like, I have to talk about Chugwater on stage. I don't, cause you try to look for like a local reference to get them on your side or

whatever. Yeah, which you didn't really do cause you're like Chugwater, that's a cool place. Man, I'm thirsty Chugwater. And then you just kept it moving. They also didn't give it up for Chugwater. They don't know what they got got. Right. They kind of did. I think like four people did. They're like, yeah, but they're also used to it. So they're like, yeah, who cares? Yeah. Wake me up when it's a chug beer.

It was either that or talk about Josh Allen for a little while. Yeah, they're sick of him and they're sick of chug water. They probably don't watch a lot of the NFL because the closest team is the Denver Bicos and they're from the liberal rival, the liberal south, the liberal cuck, uh, younger brother that you beat up. Some guy kind of insinuated that I might be trans because I was from Colorado while I was talking to him after the show Yeah, it was kind of funny the way he said it but But it was like this is crazy the liberal south they're all trans

What did he oh did he say when when the What did he oh did he say when when the announcer said you came here from Colorado I figured you were trans No, we were I don't even remember how it came up. We were talking at the bar He was nice. Shout out Jason We had some interesting interactions with the locals as you do and why they get comfortable One guy acted like I like he liked he liked all my Nazi stuff or something. So I was like, what? Yeah, all right. Oh, you do the bird holocaust.

Hitler, but it doesn't mean I'm pro Nazi. It was weird. That was awesome. And Greeley though, the bib stuff. That was, I was loving that. That was great crowd work. Well, yeah, so that's funny that we came. Yeah. We had Greeley Thursday. We were supposed to have Casper Friday, Saturday, but due to lack of popular demand, we

just had the one- I think it was Memorial Day. I think the Lund, the Lundheads all have boats and they just wanted to get out there. They, they had a real Sophie's choice. Do I go on my Lund brand boat or do I see my Lund brand stand up comedy? Oh yeah, it is Lund brand boat. They were torn, man. I keep hoping somebody will buy a hat and say, if, uh, if, if I don't want to tell anybody that I'm a Lund guy, I can just say I'm a boat guy.

Yeah. But then they'll be like, that doesn't look like official Lund water sport merch. Right. Right. They're going to have to say, yeah, I made it myself. Why didn't you just pay $30 for an official hat? Or just say you work for them. I don't like their choices. I don't like their graphic design choices. I figured I could do better. Some people, some. A lot of boats, uh, don't have camo options for their hats.

I wanted a camo boat hat. Oh yeah. I haven't posted about these yet, but I have sold, uh, some camo and some pink lawn hats, I'll have to put them on, put them on Monday. I'll, uh, I'll post them, but yeah. Uh, in Europe, everybody wanted the camo, not so much the pink. And then I bring them to Greeley and Casper. And guess what? Not a lot of guys going for the pink hat.

A lot of cowards. Yeah. A lot of guys who don't want to be called trans or gay. Well, not from Colorado, so they don't even get the option. Yeah, they're going camo every time. It's camo, it's boats, it's Memorial Day. It's men. Being men. Grill them up.

Yeah, now I agreed to these dates because they were the first ones that worked for both sides for the promoter Eli and Co. And for me, and I, at some point after locking it in, I realized it was Memorial Day weekend. I was like, fuck, why? It's always the 31st, I thought. But obviously, no, it just has to be in May, last Monday in May. And so I biffed it. Also the combination, Memorial Day weekend and last weekend was Pat and Oswald and Nemo Phillips. It'so Phillips If you wanted to see a couple of weirdos you'd see them Before us I would imagine But I mean, yeah

What are you gonna do? It's not fucking it didn't sound like the sound guy liked them. No, I don't know from California Yeah, maybe they were just so he's Wyoming and Denver and so California no way Colorado hell yeah, Wyoming hell yeah, but then he like made fun of the Hicks of Wyoming So I didn't know where he stood the place. He's he's in the middle. He's a daywalker He's Colorado and Wyoming. He can have it all because usually when he's That's like some sort of dog whistle and he's like, there are some LA boys, but maybe they were just standoffish or something. I was in, I was in Ratatouille.

I would imagine they're, they're a little older, so maybe they are a tie tie. They were sleepy when they got there. Yeah. Well, and you know, emo, emo's delivery is so not taxing, but it is like, if you've seen him, you know, he's very smart and funny, so it's worth it. But if you don't know anything about him and then he's like, why did you enjoy and you're just like what stop please Either speed up or he's not in he's not injecting energy into the crowd

Mmm, no, you kind of have to be in on it I think to get into but again if you just listen, it's very smart funny Yeah So yeah It was funny to have to be the following weekend to them. Also in Wyoming for the first time, both of them. So if anybody was waiting, they finally... But yeah, now Greeley was very fun and I'm glad that we got to do that. And I'm glad we got to do the show that we did tonight because even though it was only one,

we ended up with probably 40 people, which was enough. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Last night or on Thursday night. No 40 tonight. There was more than 40 tonight.

Okay. Maybe it was like 60 something at least. Oh yeah. That's some real B ball live numbers. Hopefully. No, Greeley was not 40. Greeley was probably like 25 and that was, that was okay. Yeah.

I stupidly until I got there thought was thinking as far as the room, the show, I was thinking of a pinball bar show in Louisville, which is not Greeley. No, it's a different, two different places. bar show in Louisville. Yeah. Which is not Greeley. No. It's a different, two different places. They're both north of you and they both have arcades in the basement. So. Yeah, well and.

Not the craziest thing. No, right, but still dumb. Cause I, I've done the show, it was that tilt in Louisville. It's a good show. If you're in Louisville. Good show, yeah. And I've done the Moxie in Greeley,

which is above Stella's, but I ran it. Probably. I used to run that shit. What'd you call that show? These jokes are for you. These jokes are for you. Yeah. These jokes are Nathan for you.

Yeah. The rehearsal. Is Nathan so for you? The rehearsal. Shout out the rehearsal. I haven't watched the new season yet. Oh, yeah. It really ended up being fun. Uh, Casper, not bad at all.

It's a pretty theater. The Rialto theater is very nice. And a lot of people are stoked for comedy up here. Yeah. Some people you got, got the classic, uh, why are you here? Thank you for coming here. I can't believe people come here. It's like, well, yeah, we go wherever we don't care.

And uh, this is not that far. Yeah. It's worth, uh, driving up for a nice, uh, stage. And those are some of the best shows when it's people that are just stoked for live entertainment. Yeah. Uh, I was, I was hoping that somebody would, uh, say that they went and saw Chris D'Alia, but nobody did. I, I was, I just would have been curious how that went.

Do you know how his new special opens? No. He just comes out and he's like, so I got canceled and the crowds like crazy. I'll bet it's great. Is it on YouTube? I don't know. I haven't even watched it. Cobos.

That's just what Cobos is still a big fan. Yeah. Cobos loves his stuff. Uh, he was up here. David Keckner is coming up here. One shot, one show only. Yeah. loves his stuff he was up here David Keckner is coming up here one should one show only yeah and I know he kind of biffs it as far as his office character like he I think he kind of does oh yeah references a lot of his roles yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah cash and checks

So, you know, god bless him but Yeah Hopefully they'll keep bringing people up here Hopefully Rob Schneider makes his way up Because you just want the thing you want this place to to keep doing comedy to pay your friends So we yeah so that we can all come up here Yes, take a little money back back home with us to the some hats got rid of some hats but uh

Yeah, and I'm glad you were able to do the show. It was fun. Good to see my boys Mm-hmm B ball talk live with the boys B ball talk live doesn't happen without the boys part You're gonna get sick of me soon when we're in New Zealand talk live with the boys. V-Ball talk live. Doesn't happen without the boys part. You're going to get sick of me soon when we're in New Zealand. We're going to be together a lot. Yeah, that's all right. We're going to have some fun. We were in Rome.

I didn't get sick of anybody. I didn't get sick of anybody. Do you have? I don't think. It's crazy how like there were so many of us in that one space for a long time in Rome. Yeah, the couples. No problems the whole time.

Yeah. It was a magical experience. Yeah, it was a good crew. And in three years, you'll be able to watch it on Wide World. Yeah, it's so funny to think about that. It's funny like the comments that are like, Sam, you're fat again. What the heck happened? Right. Yeah. It's a whiplash.

Yeah. Who the hell is that? It's my fault, guys. It takes me a long time. I'm sorry. Well, were they're good when they come out? I hope they sure are. Megan and I watched episode two of the Colorado, the current season. episode two of the Colorado, the current season. And I again, was very like, relieved, proud of you of us, because there's not a ton we're not in Rome, we're in Eastern Colorado, it's like purposely, the unpopular the unknown. It's not all Gundams and baguettes.

Not Gundams and baguettes. It's not Gundams and baguettes. It's not even like, oh yeah, I know Boulder. I know Breckenridge. We didn't go to the mountains of Colorado. We didn't go to Red Rocks. We went to the Sand Creek Massacre. And the Japanese internment camp, Aman And we do like the bicycle car thing. We read the pedal bar and then we like go and watch like the fray practice or something. It's like, what would you do? Like people, like there's not like an underground of Colorado. I guess there's some cool stuff, but.

They're all closed right now. Seropolis club long gone. There's still like an underground of Colorado that I guess there's some cool stuff, but. They're all closed right now. Seropolis club long gone. There's still a good metal scene. Music. Yeah. But yeah, mission ballroom.

But yeah, we're not going to go to Meow Wolf on mushrooms. Even though that's for when I'm off the clock. If you ordered a long sleeve of the wide world shirt, the we're just the screen printers We're getting them soon and I will ship them out as soon as I get them. Thank you for your patience Mmm, shout out to cleaner. They played at Mission Ballroom and cleaner my friend Justin was Wearing that shirt and they opened for Jack White which was really cool. Oh hell yeah. Yeah. It's a hell of a shirt folks. Yeah that's my ad read. Yeah speaking of might as well get down to business with our we got two ad

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Mr. Shelvedere. I would watch that British, British, Nanny Turtle. Yeah. It's a big turtle. Mustache sits on his balls. Do you remember that? No.

Sam I think knew that. I think it's on 30 Rock. It's referenced. I think Liz says that it's on 30 rock. It's referenced. I think Liz says that somebody Belvedere'd himself. And I don't, Sam, I think looked it up or knew about it. But yeah, I confirmed that he like, they were like sitting down for a table read

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Yeah, I'm going to find some of those single soccer moms out there. You're saying, yeah, I get to leave. I'm not a part of it. No, I would prefer you're a part of it. What about this? I go, um, I hide under the couch. So I'm not a factor if you will. Um, but I'm in here if I'm needed, if this person that comes in here attempts to rob you, yeah, yeah.

Keep an eye on. Just a pair of binoculars. Take your identity or traffic you. I am hidden. I'm always getting traffic. People are always trying to traffic me. People always lead you away and then try to snatch you up. I think they want to work you to death because they know you look strong and you're young.

Yeah. Fat Taken. They want to work you to death because they they know you're you look strong and you're young. Yeah fat taken It's a new take me called fat taken and it's a fat guy that gets stolen Hard to take Hard target fat target Anyway via helping you between the sheets apparently dickwise via can get you there Pretty cool. Huh? I mean come on I'm rock hard right now. Thanks to Maya. I OD'd on via once guess what no, I got employee of the month No, I everybody loved me. I thought I thought I was never gonna die because I accidentally took shitload of via

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Pretend it's crumbled up Oreos. Oh yeah. Dirt. Did your mom make that shit? Worms and dirt. Yeah. You put some gummy worms in the dirt. Uh, whipped cream

No rushed up Oreos disgusts me what you wouldn't eat it. Oh, you're not picky. You just won't eat Oreo I would just rather eat some Oreos. No the visual is thing is part of it You feel like you feel like an animal if I was on Viya I would eat it for sure like a bird you're eating worms You. If I was on Viya, I would eat it for sure. You feel like a bird. You're eating worms. You're rolling around. What's the whip cream? God's come snow. White rain.

That was my shampoo growing up. We were poor. That sounds like a white Prince. That's like what his song would, if Prince was white. I guess you crush up the Oreo so much that it's not like there's a bunch of white in there. I thought you said whipped cream. Yeah, up in with the crushed Oreos.

So it kind of becomes mostly black from the... Mulch. Yeah. Black from the... I see. Okay. Well, thank God. Yeah, I would eat it.

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You just get up in there and it takes you where you need to go. Call it your double D. If you're 21 and up, check out the link link to via in our description and use the code chubby to receive 15% off free shipping on orders over a hundred dollars And if you're new to via get a free gift of your choice after you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them Support the show and tell them we sent you enhance your everyday with via Or else you're dead. You don't even love God or else you're fucked. You're dead Dude I just the Terminator 2 song just is in my head all day every day

That's all that's in my head I a couple weeks ago That's all that's in my head. I, a couple of weeks ago, could not, it started as a joke where I said to Megan, we have to watch Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines because I've got to see Arnold with the coffin on his shoulder. And then I really actually wanted to see it. Like I kind of needed to see it.

So I started looking on whatever streamers we have. I don't think it was available for free. And so ended up watching that scene on YouTube Pretty sick. It's probably the best way to watch that movie It's just that clip on you think old coffin right on your arm like it's nothing I saw that I know I saw that movie in theaters and I don't remember it at all and that's the only time I ever saw You're probably hooking up. No. I'm not.

Oh. I'm only, I haven't made out. I haven't hooked up in a movie theater ever. No? I've made out in a movie theater like twice. That's hooking up, isn't it? I guess. I don't know what the hooking up is like finger banging in the, in the car at least.

Hand stuff is hooking up. finger banging in the car at least. Hand stuff is hooking up. I suppose when I think of making out, I think kissing and then maybe some boob honking. But certainly making out is not. I think the younger generation. There's no nudity. I think hooking up just means having sex now.

It can mean sex, yeah. Unfortunately, these kids are nuts. Did you hear that tonight was. they're dancing in videos and putting them online. They chug milk. They drink a gallon of water. They choke each other out. They eat each other's asses. They're making messes in the movie theater. Oh yeah. They're going crazy for what? The chicken jockey chicken jockey. I have to clean that shit up pal. Yeah

You're still in the theater That tonight was the first time I Tried to talk about a couple who tries to do all the popular things, you know Like eat at popular restaurants or see whatever movies are big. Mm idea of them encountering eating ass and being like, God damn it. Yeah. I mean, we said we wanted to be more adventurous. They just hate it, but they do it.

Yeah. They learned how to fucking gritty. They did learn the Fortnite dance. They played Fortnite online. Yeah. They always try to just be a part of whatever popular thing is, is dominating the conversation. I like how they would be like, uh, who eats whose ass sweetie.

They have to like, yeah, they Google it. They're on Reddit. They both try each other's asses. Are we allowed to wipe thoroughly beforehand? Or is it, does it have to be in the moment and raw? Does it have to be? It says we have to buy up a day. I'm just picturing Hank and Peggy now.

Hank and Peg. Oh, Hank getting pegged. Yeah. Oh, Peggy, you're tall. She gives good time. Yeah, that was the first time. I mean, I tried to bust that shit out because in Greeley I did 50 minutes quite easily, had some fun with the crowd.

But tonight, I guess people were a little further away and I didn't want to have everybody start talking so you don't want to invite a bunch of like Questions and answers the sound guy had the monitors on. Oh, yeah, they're not a damn band We don't need to hear ourselves on stage park. Yeah, I wish we were but we're not Yeah, I wish we were but we're not God I fucking love Linkin Park, dude If you can park listen to this part basketball if we can park listens is basketball podcast I fucking love you guys. RIP Chester. Love you Mike and all other guys Make more music like the first two albums. Oh, yeah, what's the deal with the new singer?

I haven't heard any of their stuff with her. It's just they're like remaking old songs with a girl singer now. It feels like I don't know. I haven't listened to that. They just became like Transformers. Your mom doesn't allow Linkin Park in the house. Yeah. Once I move out, I'll get back into the new stuff. But right now, it's just like all the raw nets

I can only listen to do-wop. I didn't know you had that foot tattoo. I don't think mm-hmm What is it? It's my barefoot Have a bear on my foot. Almost looks like an eWalk. It does. It's a Pokemon bear It's the bear for it's a nurse array for the heads was the GF. That was like my Greeley friend group. GF giraffe fights Greeley's finest. It stood for a lot of things. It's also my grandpa's initials.

I forget I have that one. How bad did that hurt? I forget I have that one How bad did that hurt? Honestly the one on my thigh of the giraffe sucking the guy off her way more no shit. Yeah Yeah, this is where I have Baco and then Megan and I got the same tattoo. She got it on her arm I got it here and that's tough. Yeah, like the closer you get up here It hurt this like right here hurt so much Yeah, I figured the foot would be tough stuff. Yeah, I don't remember and it was just my friend who bought who ordered a tattoo gun online

So he wasn't like he didn't have like a soft hand or anything. I don't know. I didn't hurt I don't remember it hurting that much. You were 14. Yeah. You couldn't feel any pain. My dad's fingers were in my butt. Jesus. Thank God he's gone. Him and Dikembe. Yeah, Dikembe's donking on him. Dikembe's blocking every shot

that your dad tries to put up. He did not molest me. I won't. That's good. Yeah. He wasn't around enough to molest you. He, he, he. Yeah, good. Yeah. He wasn't around enough to molest you. Yeah, his heart is kind of a double-edged sword. He did not molest me. He didn't do anything with me. He didn't look at me. He didn't talk to me. You saw him semi-regularly? He was around. He like, he was around till I was his brain, like just my mom got breast

cancer and his, like, he's a hypochondriac. He was a hypochondriac and like, my mom was getting so much attention from having breast cancer, his like brain fried. And he just like left when I was in high school. It's nothing funny about that. Well, I'm trying. It's confusing. He was jealous. It doesn't make sense.

It freaked him out. The idea of getting sick, probably both. He was like jealous of the attention my mom was getting from being sick. Like people. It doesn't. It's not logical in any way So you would say maybe his some of his hypochondria was based on getting attention people care Yeah, maybe hypochondria isn't the same thing as that, but he had I think he Yes, definitely

Yeah Yes, definitely. Maybe that's why. And it was a hypochondriac. Yeah, definitely. And a meth head. He loved speed. Yeah. My mom recently told me that she found little baggies like around the garage after he left. I was like, yeah, he's a speed freak. Coke, best case scenario. Damn. Wait, but there were empty baggies, right? Or else he would have come back for him. Yeah, definitely. Okay. So yeah, he was doing them. And then instead of throwing the bag, the empty evidence away,

he's just stashing them somewhere. It was his workspace. It was his man cave. It was his man cave. Speed cave. Speed cave. He was a speed wolf. Shout out speed. Wolf. Listen to speed Wolf. Yeah.

His heart exploded. I scott him. I've been telling people ice got him. Cause he was rounded up. Yeah. Rounded up by ice. Yeah. Which maybe not everybody knows about meth being called ice, but not anymore.

I sure do. Yeah. I think it's kind of died off as slang which is unfortunate for that joke I just did on here and it's pretty fun the other the the the other ice is blowing up right now so yeah it's All right. And they say that a hero can save us. Is that you? That's that's this Nickelback guy in the saliva guy from Spider-Man. Oh, I know about it. That's I don't know how I how I imagine ice guys listen to that song in the

when they're driving around their jam, the border or whatever. Yes, I gotcha. Yeah, they they love was Chad Kroger Mm-hmm, and they love butt rock. They love five-fingered death Dewey or something what was his name something funny? I don't know. I can't think of it. Yeah watching us what attack team Those two bringing it I They're watching us. What a tag team. Those two bringing it. Uh, I thought tonight, you know, I, when I mentioned, uh, that I only used to listen to Chevelle, I was thinking small towns of people would be like, yeah. But there was like one guy, one guy, but he didn't talk to me about him after,

you know, who did talk to me, a guy who says he was a big lung guy. Say, listen to the pod. Shut up. guy who says he's a big lun guy, say he listens to the pod. Shut up, Chet. When he's at work? Yes. When he loves the pod, lun guy, wants to buy a hat. I don't have cash. All right. Do you have Venmo? Yes. Tries to Venmo me. Something is not working. He needs to like update his card or something. He's like apologizing. I'm so sorry. I'm like, hey, it's cool There's no line

of people waiting to meet Lund so Can't figure out the Venmo sees about an ATM. There's no ATM leaves comes back gives me money Hat comes back, gives me money, hat, asks me to sign it, says I feel weird asking a guy to sign my hat. I say it's literally all good bro. This is what we do here at BeBallTalk Live. With the boys. You're a boy now who do I make this out to? He says Chet. I say CHET. He says yes. I go to write it he goes man it's Ryan. I don't know why I did that. And I was like all right man so I signed it to Ryan aka Chet. We're having fun. It's always funny. He sure got your ass. He got me. He was he was all over the place man. He was rocking and

rolling. I don't know if he was coming or going. But I was glad that there was anybody who already knew about me, about us before the show. And yeah, if anybody would have come up those steps at me, then Chet slash Ryan would have had my back, our backs. Did you mention the stairs already? I can't remember if we talked about it in here. From the stage?

The theater, yeah. That was funny, you riffed on that. I did because it's so, I don't know if that's a new thing, old thing. I don't know that I've seen it outside of like an awards show, you know, where you have people coming up steps to get onto the stage. But this Rialto Theater has like six steps across the entire front of the stage.

It's just begging people to come up there. Yeah. I said, yeah, thank God that it'll be so easy for any of you to come up here and attack me if you don't like my jokes. Yeah. It's like, that's at like mega churches too, right? They have stairs as a part of the front of the stage so that people can come up.

So you don't trip while you're speaking in tongues. Yeah, you go to be healed to be saved. You get touched on the forehead. You get knocked out with the swing of the suit jacket. Justin Bieber puts a big witch hat on you. Yeah, you, well, it's easy to get up, but then if you start writhing around, you just go down the stairs.

You're gonna wake up with some bruises on your butt. But your fucking love for your husband will be cured. He'll be back in love with your husband or whatever. Or if you're blind, you'll be able to see that's that's makes more sense. Imagine the preacher I feel like somebody in here is not getting hard for their wife. Step on up if you are having trouble making love and being attracted to your woman and a guy like sheepishly is like, come on up here, come on up here, Kevin. We're going to get that Dick rock hard right now with the power of Christ. Look at your wife right now.

I want you to get hard for your wife right now. I'm so hard for my wife. I'm getting hard. He's acting like he's hard. He's like, I can tell you're not hard yet. And then, no, I'm hard. I swear this man hard right now. I swear I'm hard hard. He's acting like he's hard. He's like, I can tell you're not hard yet. And then- No, I'm hard, I swear. Jesus, make this man hard right now.

I swear I'm hard, Lord. I swear I'm hard, Lord. I can't see shit. Come on. Unless it's a micro and you barely got- I have a little penis, Lord. It's fine, I'm hard. I can even see it.

And if it's hard, it will be hard. I ask the Lord's permission to have sex with my wife on this stage, Lord. I can't let it go. wife on this stage. Lord. If this doesn't happen right now, God is alive. My whole thing is gone. My whole empire is in ruin. He starts jacking them off. Come on, get hard, get hard, get hard for Lord. Get hard for the Lord.

Mega churches are cool. Oh yeah, I love them. I love, I like how, just like anything, you know, there's just always somebody who will be like, yeah, no, actually, God said it's fine for us to be rich. It's like, it doesn't really ever say it in the Bible at all. They're like, oh, no, no. If you interpret that the way that I would like you to to It actually says being rich as hell is the shit and it's like yeah, I guess I want to go to church where they have a coke remix machine

freestyle freestyle. Yeah, man That's what mega churches are all about. Maybe that's why people go Yes, it's free. It's a free refill. Street fighter two is on all play. You just, you just keep, just keep kicking heads. Did you have a, did you have a main and street fighter too? Did you have a main character that you played? I suppose when I was younger, I liked Blanca and Guile, but my main dude was probably Ryu.

Ryu. Ryu. Ken. Whoa. I liked him. Or even Ken, I guess maybe. I was kind of going with, I was riding with Ken for a long time. So those two boys, I would probably count as like my go-to's because I got, well also as almost like cheating when you could do

back down right for the And then back or forward down back for the upper cyclone kick the upper cyclone kick You could really go Yeah, and then I eventually not when I was young like playing it on Super Nintendo I could not do the the big uppercut, but once I Once I got a little older little hair in my balls I was able to get a little bit better at that one throw that in there

because like Guile you have to hold for two seconds and then he was a little slower boom yeah he's a little slow yeah I like the cheeser characters I like the Vega the guy with the claws yeah and the stretchy arm guy Dalsim yeah Dali Dalsalsim was a cheater that's cheating Yeah, I like that did you do you remember that movie I didn't really I don't know if I ever watched it sheesh I know Jean-Claude Raul. Julia is M. Vice it I never watched it. I don't think I'm pretty sure it's really bad But I hated it. Yeah, I have such fond memories of it cuz I watched it, I don't think. I'm pretty sure it's really bad, but... Everybody hated it, yeah. I have such fond memories of it, because I watched it when I was little, and I was like, this is the coolest thing of all time. It's not the worst video game, the movie adaptation.

I think it's on par with the Mario movie, with Leguizamo at least. Yeah, that was such a funny choice. That movie's cool. I like that movie. Who decided that that was such a funny choice that movie's cool I like that movie who decided that that was the moon. Yeah, they didn't even play the game, right? There's like they read nobody cares. They just like the names Some of the IP whatever we do with it. They'll eat it up and they were very well, let's make it for adults Make it dark. I mean maybe was after Ninja Turtles. Oh So they were like around that's right. It's live-action. It's a little darker more serious

I don't know but the Turtles movie nailed it and the Mario Brothers movie was weird as hell. I like it. I Like the Street Fighter's movie too. They're both crazy and insane and don't make sense. But I think it's just nostalgia for me. In Street Fighter, is there a tournament or is there a plot where they stop M. Bison like from bombing a subway? Yeah, there's some, he's doing something evil. Oh, okay. Yeah.

There's another tournament. He's got like people hostage or something., and all the characters are in it, right? And they look like the people as opposed to fucking Mario Brothers where I guess yeah They figured the Goombas couldn't be Two inches two inches off the ground. So they made them look way cool. They put them on That elevator scene where they make them dance in the elevator. That's classic. It's like a fever dream. It is a fever dream.

It's like you took too much Viya. Yeah. And you get all fucked up. And you played Super Mario Brothers. What the fuck? Bowser's a man or something. Bowser is Dennis Hopper. Is that, is he played Bowser?

I don't even think it's Bowser. It's like a new character they invented. It's a, they were like, we can't get a big dinosaur costume. Is it Theodore Koopa? Yeah. Hi, I'm CEO of Koopa Industries and yes, we are poisoning the water. We're turning the mushrooms evil. We're turning everybody's normal heads into a little gremlin head.

Yeah. It is something like that. But you got big old shoulders, but you get all big and buff. And then there's like a big black lady with rocket boots for some reason. Probably should have been rocket boobs. Both. That would have been better. Well, awesome powers.

Yeah. Uh, I'm glad that I didn't care about getting in the pool because it's right on the other side of this and it was fucking 10 and under. My room smells like the pool. My hotel room. Smells like kid piss in here and under. My room smells like the pool. My hotel room. It smells like kid piss in here. Yeah. Yeah. I got in my room and it just, all I could hear was kids playing in the pool. Splishing and splashing. And then you jacked it and probably felt weird.

Yeah. But what are you going to do? You can't crank up the porn so loud that you can't hear them over there. Else then they hear the porn. Then you get in trouble. You can't that you can't hear them over there, else then they hear the porn. Then you get in trouble. You can't, what, go into the public restroom. I turned the shower on, I flushed the toilet, I turned the air space to jack. I could jack it wherever I want. For our 51st jokes, this was real,

like a couple years ago, for a 51st jokes, this was real, like a couple of years ago, uh, got a hotel room and so I drove up from Trinidad to Denver, checked into my hotel room, had a couple hours before the show. So I wanted a jacket before I showered and I turned on the TV or the TV had been on or whatever and it was on the news, and they were talking about Russia invading Ukraine, and I thought, well, I do kind of want to know what's happening over there, so I'm going to leave this on. And I start to jack it.

I have porn on my phone. I'm not jacking it to the updates on the war. But the audio? The audio? Yes, it's on the war. But it's on the TV. The audio zone? Yes, it's on the TV. And I swear I had never seen it before, but they start talking about someone who had been killed and they showed his bloody corpse that had a-

While your hands on your dick. While I'm touching my thing, trying to blast off- This is on you. There's a sheet. It just seemed crazy that they would show a dead body. Don't have the news on while you're cranking it. I thought the news was PG, man. It's not rated R.

But there's a sheet covering the body and it's soaked in blood. And it was so disturbing. It's so weird. No, don't. I can't condone having the news on while you're cranking it. I thought I was able to like that's worse than listening to kids playing the pool. It was it was tougher to finish. I'll bet you finished

so quick. Yeah now you got to figure out what that means. I heard cannonball and I went catapult. That's that's really gross. But and that's just who I am. Life, life is pain and pleasure and kids splishing. Oh, yeah. I'm glad, you know, sometimes Sam and I will try to get in the hot tub somewhere. I'm glad that like and Megan loves a pool. I love it all too. Likes to swim but I told her I was like the kids

can have this one and and and it's also not anything special over there. There's it's a small pool. It's a little I don't think it said it's whirlpool instead of hot tub. So yeah, maybe there's jets, but no heat, less hot. That sucks. Uh, I told her, yeah, we're not missing out on too much. No, uh, it is nice to get a swim in before a show. That is nice. Yeah. But yeah, ideally you have a very few people in the pool.

Especially kids. Not kids, yeah, because they look at you or whatever. They start to ask questions, like why does he look like that mommy? And why does he smell like that? Getting in the public pool, the hotel pool, and there's like 17 kids already in it is such a crazy move too.

Right. You kind of look like it's your whole thing. And that's not good. It's like, Hey, I'm just a guy. I'm just a guy. Just let me, Hey, come on. I don't know. I paid for the room. Yeah.

I paid for a room just like you. I want to be, get wet and miserable in here. Yeah. Sometimes you do just what a bail, but then that looks weird too. It's like, I can't be in here. There's kids in here. Hey, watch this day a little while. If, if the court allows it and the Lord gave me this boner. Yeah. God, I want you to take this man's boner away when he's at the pool in front of children. It won't go down. Take it away right now, Lord.

He's like, I don't know what to tell you. Please, please make this man's boner go down. It's getting harder. It's throbbing. Lord, it's throbbing. I don't know what to do. It's a gray suit, turns dark. Lord, please tell me that is urine. The guy's like, nope, the dick goes down after the state.

Oh, God damn it. Oh, this man ejaculated. God has forsaken all of us. God is a lie. What, where are you going to be lying next? Let's, let's, let's dismount off of this horse. This joke horse. Where am I going to be lying next? Huh? Let's let's let's dismount off of this horse. This joke horse Where am I gonna be lying next? Yeah, what do you got? If you made it through this whole episode of me and Lund just chatting in bed

Then you're a real sicko and you might like my podcast the Cobos Patrick podcast It's a lot of fun. We have fun. Me and Matt Cobos. That's all I have to say. Oh, wide world. Yeah. Join Sam talents, wide world, patreon.com Sam talents, wide world. If you have some money to throw at it, thank you very much. You help make the show happen. Speaking of Patreons, Chubby Behemoth has a Patreon as well. Almost five years worth of Patreon episodes waiting for you. Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth. Me and Sam will be in Eugene, Oregon, June 12th, 13th, 14th, Australia,

shows in Australia, July 1st through the 11th, I believe I'll be with Sam for Melbourne and Sydney. He'll be in Brisbane He'll be in Perth We'll be in Auckland doing shows in July. You'll be a part of those because we'll be shooting wide world in Auckland and in New Zealand So yeah, Sam talent comm Nathan long comedy comm Hit me up if you want a hat on Instagram or Facebook 20 bug or $25 shipped in the US and Yeah, I got a few different color combinations for you somebody on one of the YouTube I think on the first episode of no it was on and I YouTube

episode of no it was on and a YouTube episode of the pod said dear Lund we do not want your hats sincerely all of us guess what bitch people YouTube took my comment down because I said well I've sold almost 200 of them so suck my dick can't have fun online anymore can Can't take it down now. YouTube, it's up in you. But yeah, I appreciate anybody that wants a hat and, uh, yeah, maybe keep you calm. Negative comments to yourself next time. Rude. When you say mean stuff online, we're making fun of you because you're sad and lonely. You're getting straight blasted chat slash Ryan He proves the YouTube guy wrong, yeah, but yeah, thanks for listening and

We'll see you again on the other side. This has been Be ball talk live with the boys peace