Chubby Behemoth - Piece Of Corn

Episode Date: July 6, 2025

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/   SPONSORS: VIIA - If you’re 21+, try VIIA! For 15% off AND a free gift with your first order use code CHUBBY at https://viia.co/CHUBBY   HIMS - Start your free online Hims ED visit at https://www.hims.com/CHUBBY   PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys are all together in Australia! Sam would like to have seen Melbourne in the 1950’s, wants everybody to get back to midnight, and thought it was built in at this point. Nathan thinks we’d be more chill if we were on horses instead of cars, reminds us the worst thing to do is give up, and likes the strong Aussie toilet paper. Splish Splash Zone. The first 36 hours they bake you into a pie. What filling did you pick?   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]  

I think wonder why we don't engage well with the algorithm. Well, I think it starts like this. I'm cutting all of this Oh can't start we can't start the free home with gobbing Okay Well gobbing means spitting on chubby behemoth and that's what you're listening to everyone We put Pat as close to the camera as we can so you can optimize your Patrick Richardson experience He is closer than he appears. Yeah, he's not just that big but but he is also that big. He's edging, he's peeking. He's anything but nasty. I'm a good boy.

You ran over a man and you were so eager to get candy. You crushed a human being. Is that what you said? I was looking for ointments. For your jointments. Do you want to say for what parts of your body? Well, this kind of harkens back to what we were just talking about with the algorithm and all. So don't say anything nasty. Yeah, just use the precise medical terminology.

I believe it's called your anus. What ointment did you want? Some baby cream for my anus. Well, hey, shotgun not applying it. Okay nose goes. I didn't get any. You should do a crazy draft for who has to apply baby ointment to your whole. I think it should probably be the medical professional that's gonna be here later today. Emmy would love that. She's coming in nine hours from Thailand sunburned, dehydrated. Put cream cream on my hole you're in here on

all fours just spreading them barking his face in the pillow we make it look like your butt is actually barking she comes in she thinks she died she's in now make my butt look like the Sydney Opera House. Yeah, everyone's at the show. Pat's in here. It's dark. She lands, comes here. There's a trail of rose petals leading her. Weed and chocolate crumbs.

There's a trail of rose petals leading her to my bedroom. And then she turns the lights on and Pat's in there on our bed. Arf! Faced with a pillow. And she says, fuck boss. Oh, like the guy. leading her to my bedroom and then she turned the lights on and pats in there on our bed pillow and she says fuck boss oh like the guy which is what the guy said when i bumped into him he said fuck boss you went full truck stick all start on that man good thing you didn't bump into him and and you're holding a thing of bud ointment yeah with a baby's face on it. The tube was too big, we'll fly tomorrow. You're like, is this cake frosting? I'm trying to make a fairy cake. Is this baby-flavored cake frosting?

It's for a baby. I want frosting for a baby. My baby's f***ed, Rekt. You can't say stuff like that. So make note of that. Let's maybe bleep that. Yeah, bleep that, Becker. But anyway, we're so bad at everything about this pot except for doing a good pot. Yeah, that part we're amazing at. I wish this was just like the goddamn old school system where you put enough down on wax and then some shady producer

from a city you've never been to is like, boys I'm gonna give you a million spins come on pick us up I want to say stuff that I just we just had to bleep I want to be able to cook as an artist in the kitchen you know I've assembled my favorite chefs and here we are in a food court of the mind and I can't say that my baby's needs goo or whatever Until when like six minutes in what's the there's not a clear delineation Threshold but everybody says it's somewhere between four and ten minutes There are two edits for Becker early on and I like that I like to keep you on your toes You know that way you have to re listen to this and I want you to listen to it on half speed not double speed You have to listen to half speed. Could could you imagine yeah chop and screw this sound drunk

I think a baby's bleep bleep it bleep it a baby's bleep big head you didn't let me finish oh no more bleeps Rebecca on this one though hmm bleep Hmm

Here you are yeah in Melbourne you've been exploring home of the 1956 Olympic Games Two episodes. Hey, well, not everybody's on the Patreon. So I want everybody to know though, the first Olympics outside of Europe or America, right here, Melbourne, is this an ad read? No, for the come on out. It's from the Olympics, 70 years ago. I would have liked to have gone to Australia in the 50s before it was figured out and domesticated. Yeah. And it was still kind of woolly and rough around the edges. And by that I mean just like uncivilized, you know?

Yeah. I think that train station was built in like 58. Like it's all brand new. That donut stand is noteworthy because it was here in the 50s. Yeah. I saw pictures of when they were building, uh, Flinders train station and there was nothing down here. Yeah. Stupid sexy.

And that was like 30 years ago. That was in the nineties. Why would they get the Olympics in 56 then it was just like a planned community, a gated experiment, like, uh, not Pleasantville. Uh, Cooperville. Cooperville. Hooverville. Hooverville? Hooverville? Hooverville, no.

Hooverville is a shanty town. Those are cardboard boxes. Yeah, yeah. Due to the Depresh. We're talking about the... Due to Gary Goldman's The Great Depresh. Yes. At Hooverville's.

Another plug for Goldman. Who's paying you? How many micro ads are you doing on these episodes? So... For pocket change. I would have never guessed that when Sam from Sisyphus Brewing asked me to... here we go. That'd be funny to slip in an ad read I said send me whatever you want and I didn't think you would care, listen, you'd be like what and I'd be like nothing. Yeah.

It was so funny that you both were rocked. Well like you, Sam you were stunned silence, confusion, Becker's just laughing hard. I loved it. Yeah you were like the dazzler entering the disco and there I was Omega Red and you fried my eyes it was nuts I didn't catch I don't know any of that it's been fun Becker does yeah you were mojo you were in your your octopus chair and you were playing ads for all types of networks I'd never seen before mm-hmm yeah I mean I just wondered how much you were getting paid for it or if you were getting paid for it or like... Paid an exposure. Well you're gonna be there the day after Christmas.

Yeah when everybody goes out and does stuff. Minneapolis day after Christmas it's gonna be popping off at Sisyphus Brewing. On the poster it's gonna say who cares. December 26th and 27th, who cares? Christmas came late. Instead of my name, it'll say who cares. Yeah, who cares. That would be funny. My picture, but not my name. Well, my name's on my hat, but then it looks, I'm being advertised as who cares.

I personally love going to Minneapolis in the winter. Well, I do too, but the day after Christmas is a tough sell for anything that isn't Hanukkah. Yeah, I'll have- Anything that isn't Boxing Day. Yeah. I'll have non-Gentiles at the show, that's great. Yeah, you have some-

I'll have a bunch of Browns, I'll have Brown people. The Sikhs. The Muzz, no? I don't know, maybe you will, maybe you have a big like East African fan base. They're there. The Somalis are there the Mong are there. Yeah, maybe you can ring in the new year Which with this all the different patches of the quilt that is America You could probably crush with Indian guys just by wearing your hat. Yeah Wait, you have where the hat go out there cities have

Hindi speakers Indian. They have Hindi music. Who's credo is from there. Okay. The replacements. Maybe you could be in whose career. You could be Grant Hart, the gay drummer who was also fat. I was like, why did you say them for Hindi? But Hindi music independent, independent, come on guys, put down the bong and pick

up the riff. Hey, uh, I was on delay. Yeah. I was on on Tom delay Tom DeLong. He's not from Minnesota. Is he? Good old Tommy D Some delay the guy who would leave the light on for you. No Tom delay was a Congressman I Believe maybe in the 90s early 2000s. Say hi. I'm Tom delay say, hi, I'm Tom DeLay. Or maybe he was in the- Motel 6, we leave the light on for you.

Yeah, what's his name? Hey, shut up, Pat. Sorry we're not doing racist voices, Pat. We're talking about politicians now? No, we're talking about the guy who did the ads for a lesser motel chain in the early 90s. Yeah. What's his name?

I had been Tom DeLong. Tom DeLong. Hi, this is Tom DeLong. We'll leave the light on. Stay with us. What's his freaking name? No one cares. This is a preview of Lund Show.

Who cares? There's a lot of him figuring out which senators are from what places and what their names are as well. Shout out to the senator. Yeah. Mint's on the pillow, let her know I care. There's some open seats in the Senate in Minneapolis right now You know, yeah after that that guy

Yeah, I don't know what how we're supposed to describe him bad, right? Yes, that's good for the algorithm. He's bad Good and then condemning him is is is good. Well, we're number one political podcast in Australia where people get their news. That'd be funny We're International House of Chapo Trap House We're like the fat true and on Man true and on those people The fan base of true and on is interesting. I get mentioned in their subreddit a lot. What? Yeah, because I think you were on Epstein's plane. No No cuz I'm like one of the only leading voices of the left I guess what is true or not?

So political podcast people who think politics is a fun like personality They say stuff like praxis and they don't wink afterward. It's not you've never listened to it. No, I haven't It's a couple it's not like that. Is he getting laid. What is it Pat defend your favorite pod? They they look at freaks. They look at that's all you were on the pod Forgot yeah, they get a load of this weekly They they they touched my anus Yeah, that's what you need cream. No cream. Yeah sons cream. I Tried some cream on today at the

Botanical Gardens. It was very good. Free cream. I think I got it all over that dragon fruit when I squeezed it out of its little shell. You ever pop the dragon fruit? That doesn't make any sense. No, I always cut it in half and eat it with a spoon. Ah, no, no, no. I love fucking skin in it. Yeah. It's like it's close to like ripping the husk off of a coconut or, you know, being in blood meridian is a member we're going to get. Sam, do you realize it's insane? You put on a little bit of lotion at the gift shop of the botanic gardens, and then we walked for like an hour, 45 minutes, and then we ate,

we got food to eat, and then we stopped into a corner market. And then we came in here and ate ate and then you touched the dragon fruit And you think you slathered you were still slick with lotion Yeah, I mean it was very very much and I can still feel it my hands are like shiny still You can see it visibly wet That seems sleek the greasy you try to get your you tried to get most of the bottle out on your hands for free Is that what you're saying? You got way too much. I'm not used to lotioning. My hole is not wrecked like Pat's. You're not a lotion guy. I don't whack and when I do

it's dry. I'm in there, sandpaper Sammy, five finger discount. Pat, I'm sorry I insulted Truett. Discount Pete. It's quiet since I insulted your favorite podcast you've been sulking. I'm laying in the cut. What's his name? Like Jace the mine sculptor? Brace braces. Yeah. Shout out braces. He was like in a war or something. Yeah. That's cool. There you go. He fought the some bad guys. Who did he fight let's see was it was it Warhammer he was in the Warhammer army nice dude come be on chubby be brace building brace come in here I also dressed like a jag off I do I bet me and that guy would have a lot in common and that's probably why we can't be in the same room because we're both leading voices of the left guess what if by the left you mean fucking 44 in my left hand and a goddamn

sawed-off in my right I'm knocking on doors in st. Paul then yeah no more bleeping as long as we keep it within reason. I might say one. No. I might give you a little work around 59 minutes. Don't. No, I don't know. It's such an interesting conversation because it's like, is that good or bad?

Is what that guy did? Obviously, if he was a white nationalist, I don't know his politics. I've been guessing he was a white nationalist based on his favorite mask. Yeah. You know? It's bad that he killed people. I know, but he killed politicians and politicians don't really care about us and the only way to make them fear you is to do like insane crazy things. I mean this is all just like this has been really dominating like where am

I as a human being? Where do I stand on this? Murder obviously bad, but the government being held accountable for all the blood that's on its fucking hands Right. We use they're not held accountable either though. This is just an act of violence That'll be you know manipulated in the hands of the the media They're low on the list of politicians worth killing if that's what I said to Sam when we had this conversation Three weeks ago on the pot. I know and it's been like in my rock. Yeah. I think that it's crazy. And then I said, think, uh, think globally, act locally, but those, those politicians are not where you start and you maybe Luigi, you know,

starts with one of the big C healthcare, or whoever. I don't think this conversation is good for the algorithm either. Yeah, that's true. What should we say? China's number one, America's number two. No no, America number one. It's just like hey if you're an experiment the petri dish is going to be infected with bacteria. I have Google Fi. I mean I'm a Google guy. I have a pixel. Bars keep going. I'm a fun guy. I think you have to say you're a mushroom child. I think you have to say you love Mr.. Beast I also think United did dial back denials pretty hard For several weeks, right? But like that's what you think like is that like a proven thing? Did they just like I get that online that like United has responded what I saw more easy to manipulate me

And I feel like I have some amount of like media intelligence. No. And I still get tricked all the time. I thought fucking... Remember that Joe Biden thing I sent the group chat that one time? Yeah, you're... Like, we got him. Hahaha. It was his eyes like blinking sideways and a lizard tongue came out.

And he said, Snake! Hahaha. Gooooo. Yeah. Uh, no, uh, not that long ago I read that, um, the stockholders in United are, have been pissed because there was a dip and it affected their shit or whatever for like a quarter. And they were like, no, this is not cool.

So yeah. Uh, yeah, no, uh, we have just kind of let so many things Come and go in the last like decade and it's just so much other news that a lot of things that you would think would stop us for like a week do not and Well, if you've been crawling through a gauntlet of shit forever, you don't stop and say look at that piece of corn You know, you're just like in shit of corn you know yeah just like in shit hyper normal eating it it's turning it into pain not good we have to try to undo some of that shit because the thing is like what done does it something insane and dangerous and violent and brash and it's terrible but it does for sure terrible and then it's terrible for

a while but then there's like healing and the scab is ripped off and the blood is visible it's this I'm gonna be on the Empire building, holding up a peace sign until everything's cool. That's the thing is like I'm on the side of everything. I'm on the side of peace, but like peace hasn't worked. Peace has never worked for anyone ever. The workers, you know, like maybe Gandhi, he went on a big march in France. Yeah. But there's like no one there. That's the thing about America is there's so many fucking people and they're all armed and no one agrees on reality. So it's like,

what do we do to get everyone to clear their clocks to hit that, to get everything back to fucking midnight? You know, it's like, there's nothing we're all so stratified. We're, we're gone. Got to destroy the internet. Yeah. Trust bust. We have to do what we did last time the country got like this. That won't happen. That's the thing is like all these things are old antiquated means and that won't ever happen again What did you say trust bus? Yeah, what the hell is that?

John McCain no That's when they busted up standard oil and all the people that were monopolizing and they made it law that you could never do That again until Reagan undid it in 1988. So it hasn't been fucked forever it's been fucked for literally just my lifetime and they could regulate it back out to where you can't have trust because They could they could do our money dividing up standard oil never will made in the first place Which they can show all these guys or we get a guillotine out But as long as those people pay their taxes and they can't have three people fucking us over by not paying anything That it that that would be a step, but no one pays taxes if they make more than like $30,000

a year or something. Everyone who's barely scraping by gets bent over the barrel. They go in there. There's no cream. Fuck boss. Fuck boss. So it's like, I'm the fuck boss. This is the guillotine.

Everyone's always like, oh, guillotines. We need to bring them back. And then the guillotines are brought out. And it's like, holy fuck. They had kids in there? It's bad. It's bad, dude. And it's like the side of had kids in there like it's bad yeah it's bad dude it's like the side of peace is where you want to be and it's more elevated but like it's also naive and childish to believe that anything will

change and even if there were people in the streets blasting people if this is like what a sword dream feels like I'm in it right now yeah yes you know let me say this before I forget cuz I'm high as hell and I'm about to get shot. Community. Fuck, it's gone. No, Collective Action. The peace part of MLK was able to stay as in history, but the other part that is ignored, put dampened is that there was supposed to be a lot of striking and unionizing and collective bargaining. And that's when he got taken out is when there was, or like Black Panthers were Rainbow Coalition so that everybody was doing the striking or the organizing or the mutual funds like collective funds so I mean that is and and general strikes are getting talked about more never will happen yeah well they could be talked about since I was organizing general

strikes in 2007 in Ithaca there's never been a fuck there's a one day of not buying off Amazon no no okay let's hit him in the wallet. And then he like buys Venice for a week. It's like there there's there. They don't even care if we get cake anymore. No, they don't even fucking care if we get circus. Labor is plummeting to like, AI is just getting better and better. And right. But they're all going to be little veal and we're going to be in boxes or, uh, you know, I've seen COVID was supposed to kill so many of us that they could then implement just like, here's your money live in a box. UBI. Yeah, I was gonna say the UBI thing.

Ubisoft. Well, yeah, we all work at Ubisoft and it comes with the GameCube comes back stronger than ever. Yeah. No, I don't know. That conversation did not last long where it's like, hey if you're gonna replace us then everybody needs to just get a certain amount of money to live and they're like, well no. Who cares? We don't care. We're not doing that. I mean in the days of like, yes when people were able to like collectively organize and shut down you know a city in Alabama for a day. They weren't also getting nuked in their brains 24 seven

by their universal or like their, their fucking, their reality machines. Everyone's allowed to see exactly what they want all the time. We've never been less connected as people. No one's in a bowling league anymore. Everything's fucked. When a bunch of people are getting the message

that a general strike is gay or whatever. They're like, oh God, oh no. Right, or they're like, hey, are you gonna general strike? Or guess what, more DLC for fucking Fallout, you know? They're like, oh, here you go, Hell Night's back. Did you dream of the sword last night? No, it's just like, this shit has been on my brain and it's just like magnified by today

when you know we're in the gardens and it's beautiful and it's like we're leaving and it's just I don't know like it's so bleak. I haven't seen a Dollar General in like two weeks and it clears out a part of my brain that allows me to like kind of magnify what I dislike about where I live and it's just tough man. If you get a chance to go to one of like a different country in different cities and see what a government can do for its people it really puts it in perspective. I know and then here we are like on a boys trip and like so many people are working fucking

14 hour days to like maybe be able to afford DoorDash. Like everyone's shit is so fucked. And then last night I do that show and like all the only person I talked to is like, what about the one big bill? It's like everything that we are known for, everything that we're doing is not good. And it's been that way for a lot, but now everyone's stoked. Everyone's doing the worm.

Everyone's doing the wave in the arena of the world being like, you know, and we're fucking Demar Hamlin with our heart stopped on the 50 yard line. It's just, it's just like, it's so bad. And I don't, there's no, it's like someone asks you like, what are you going to do? What's up with the one big bill? It's like, what are we going to do? I don't know. Yeah.

And it gets me back to the goddamn one night in Minnesota where it's like, not that I guess. Yeah. I mean, those weren't even rich people. It doesn't matter if they're rich. They're still like, that's how you like start shaking the trees with the lower branches. You know, you can't, you can't get to the, well, this is bad. You know, you can't, you can't get to the, well, this is bad. I'm not. I gotta change my laundry rope.

Change your tune. I do. I mean, that's the thing is like I walk around as the slap happy giggle baby, like trying to have fun, getting high with my boys, looking at flowers. But I'm like, there's just this like fucking crushing wave of discontent with the place where I live and it, it's bad. Yeah.'s bad. Yeah. It's very bad. I think if you're gonna assassinate politicians or CEOs there has to be

the intent has to come from a righteous place. I don't think that guy wearing that town mask killing those people was coming from the right place. You're not on mic. Think about the horseshoe effect he You're not on mic. I know, I'm just saying. Think about the horseshoe effect, he says. It's a myth. If we run horses instead of cars, everybody would be more chill, because they would have to go get apples and carrots,

and then you see your neighbors. You're like, hey, how's it going? You know, it's like a gas station, but not. It's the horse store. I just kind of wish I was a horse, and like a hot chick rode me around Bareback, maybe she like Maybe she let me fuck her that was like one person in the history of time gap. They're not talking about it

They do it. They're not talking about there's been 50 in all of human history. Oh Who banged a horse had a horse bang them? in history who banged a horse had a horse bang them. It's for sure. Put a poll, a million people put a poll on Reddit about it. How many, what percentage of horse girls do you think if fuck their horse, everybody's slamming everything, they all walk weird. Yeah. That's from the bareback saddling or even a sad.

Oh yeah. The saddle really stretches you out. You're yawning. Get bowlegged. In the morning. Especially those ones that pretend to be the horse, those competitions. Yeah. Oh no, they're like riding like a stick. Yeah. That's tough. They want to get fucked by a horse for sure. Those are tough to watch. Somebody who looks completely normal in every way and then they go to the stable to the track and they prance around like that. Where is that like the Netherlands or something? I don't know. The one I saw on the Daily Show I think was either the Netherlands or Sweden. There's six

million people that do that. And they took it very serious. And they vote. There's so many swagless white cultures like Israel and the Netherlands. All right. They don't have anything covered at all as far as what we shouldn't say Epstein. And we're good. Uh, no one will ever see this episode. This one's fudged. No, it'll be fine.

It will be fine because we're speaking truth. Uh, Sam, the only way out is through, uh, the worst ordained in that bathroom. You just stepped on top of the toilet and started trying to see if you could push a ceiling tile. No, the only way out is through. The good things are happening. The worst thing we can do is give up. Any type of donating to mutual aid funds when you can is good using our step where we're at not our fame but just the fact that we have some money coming in we can then redistribute to funds that

are doing good is good and I also think a lot of people think that we have had this push to see how much the powerful can get away with we're reaching every obvious breaking point They we they reach we reach the breaking point fucking like every every five years we reach a new breaking point Not really that's normalized. That's okay. Well, that's a scary Possibility for some but I think that there is going this is Unprecedented as far as the amount of people getting screwed at the same time basically so then maybe you do have like with kovat people were were waking up to this shit and leaving bad jobs and Either unionize it, you know certain Starbucks unionizing and other

people unionizing or just being more aware of Things beyond their daily world. Those are flowers on a grave. Well, then I say I want to K my S and you're like, no, you can't. The world is beautiful. The world is a vampire. I know. The world is beautiful.

I love the world and all I do is kill it. That's all I do. That's all we do is just feed off of it and suck the marrow out of it and say thanks for giving birth to me. Thanks for being beautiful. Rubbing cream on because we jizz too hard. Cream on our homes. Yeah. Cream on our donuts. That's not why I need cream. No I know. You're on you need cream for friction. You're wiping too hard. You're wiping too too I have a week soft bidet asshole yeah and then we have these paper towels oh yeah I like the strong Aussie toilet paper I'm going on butt strike and if I am I'm not wiping

it instead of a hunger strike yeah you eat as much as you'd like but you're not shitting and you make it everybody's problem that solves everything is you broadcasting from your home and you're just hey yeah I'm not gonna not gonna be off camera and you're not gonna see me poop so let's figure this out and then people start powerful people start meeting up yeah yeah there's a helicopter landing on my house everybody yeah everybody flocks to be michigan uh lansing dolly llama moves in let's do it in lansing so that you know you rent a place everybody thinks it's your actual house but i get outed for being a fraud because i'm also drinking candle wax before every meal so i'm like plugging glue so then i just have

like that hot dog had glue on it he dipped it that wasn't mayonnaise we should have known when he was dipping his hot dogs and mayonnaise it wasn't mayonnaise it was glue he's gummed up and then like we build all this positive momentum but he's so it's like when the Black Lives Matter people bought all those houses and everyone's like when the black lives matter people bottle those houses and everyone's like off fuck What the hell? Mmm. Yeah kind of fizzle but again, that's a few people That fucked up something that blew it that were shitty but a lot of that movement was good net positive whatever I don't get me a kiss hard. I'm sorry. It's hard not to be just a little incel like Pat. Don't go to school tomorrow It's hard. It's hard not to be just a little incel like Pat. Don't go to school tomorrow.

I'm not an incel. No, Pats love your brother. Pat, we're lucky that we saved Pat and Pat saved us. Who saved who? Jesus. Christ on the crush. We're going to Christchurch. Shirts off, boys. Drink these 12 beers. Drive this this car here's all your meds

Get wasted drive Kill your kids here's your testosterone So yeah, we can't do any of the cool stuff in Christchurch we have to be careful What of talking about the big thing over there? Why is that the cool stuff in Christchurch we have to be careful. Of what? Of talking about the big thing over there. Why is that the cool stuff? Well, I mean, not cool. Let's start from the top. This episode sucks. No. Yeah, I just like uncorked all these anxieties that I've had since getting back from Paris. Bank it. Ever since that goddamn guy asked me in London, what are you going to do to save the country? It's like, it's been, that's been haunting me.

That's us. Because I don't do anything, dude. That's what I was going to say earlier is that he popped out at the show last night. Yeah. Hey. He's following me. I'm here now what are you gonna do giving you a month have you solved all the problems of your nation

I'm trying to be British guy and I'm doing a good Aussie I know what the I'm a comedian the least good thing to be he the least helpful guy there is comedian someone said that lives there said that he goes to those events all the time Peter your and asks bullshit questions yeah we're doing our part the bus drivers are on strike we're not paying for the bus here yeah perfect we're gonna get in trouble now it was that a download nap and we said we're with you guys this is our this our moment. Yeah me and Bonzo had to smoke screen this morning and I don't think we did need it was unnecessary smoke screen. Yeah I think you just get on there and yeah just board in the back

but if the bus was empty and then it's just the five of us trundling on and fake tapping so Bonzo and I went up front and I was like, oh hey good hello there just boarding the bus Whoa, what are best practices here, huh? My card is malfunctioning. I want to engage and support this great bus system and the drivers mostly I'm with the drivers and then Bonzo was like trying to tap with his EB Games customer card You guys think Domino's? his EB Games customer card. You guys think Domino's? Then the guy shooed us. And then we maintained our smoke screen because we didn't talk to you guys on the bus. Yeah. We didn't know who you were. The perfect crime. Yes. He like he sees us all get together when we get off and jumps out of the bus and chases us. It was bad

enough being rooked by these two mongosos Then the three of you were in cahoots with them Was a five on five Why is he fine he's five guys He has a strength of five men because he's a bus driver He gets out. I've got the cream for you Patrick I'd let him if it if it's relief. I'd let him if it if it's relief I'd let him huh that's where we're at I mean that's that's pretty much just the country that's the United States our whole hurts but hey if someone can make it feel a little bit better and it means

savaging us go crazy where you going to get his phone oh wow look at that ad read look at that guy oh what a strut Lund has made a decision to be less visible on the crack side He's let he's putting his butt away I put my butt away I was surprised that you Let me off the hook I was like dude, I'm sorry I'm over it I gotta stop and you're like I thought you loved it. And you knew, you know that everybody loves it. It's like, no, it's the worst. It's been 15 years of your crack being out more than it's not.

So I thought that you was like built in at this point. It was a baked in cost to doing business with the boss. It's been, it's been a lot worse. If you want to go to Cobb County, Georgia, boss man. Yeah. Uh, no, it's been, it's been a lot worse. If you want to go to Cobb County, Georgia. I'm boss man. Yeah. No, it's been a lot worse the last few years, these drawstring pants, paternity pants of mine, and lack of ass.

And I can do things to make it better. I need to. And you were like, no, but everybody loves it. And I was like, no, you don't. Well, I also explained it forever. When we were younger and we had tight bodies, it was a little bit of your crack and it was kind of funny because you looked like Jack Black. And he was like, oh, I look a little bit of butt.

That's great. All right, so that's 206 pounds. He's hilarious. Last couple years. And then as you put on a little bit of weight, you know. It's a real Markley Motors situation. Your pants have stayed at the same level, but the crack is elongated.

Just get some shirts that are up a size. I know. I think he looks great in those mediums. That's not the... Baby boy. Just a bigger shirt man. This is not the right... This is the right one. All right. What do you say we pay the bills, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Oh hey, this is perfect. I need need I'm blowing it stop feeling like garbage and start feeling good with Viya. Viya is changing the game in natural wellness they combine high quality hemp derived ingredients with powerful cannabinoids so you get real actual results. Emi's like why have you been getting so high recently and I think she should listen to this episode and she'll know that not only these are the these

are the pervading feelings I have but also I feel an enormous amount of pressure so yeah I've been crushing my woes and Viya has gone a long way to that. I would say that you have been we've talked about this you've been pretty focused on trying to advance your career, strike while the iron's hot, work hard. There's nothing wrong with that, but that is often at the expense of not being able to think about all this stuff. Oh, pass it. I hope whoever owns this Verbo doesn't subscribe, doesn't watch the YouTube EPS. But yeah, now that you're trying to check back in or things are getting to a point where you need to pay more attention. I've never been so self-involved in my narcissism. And also, I'm not saying any of that.

I feel though, all the work that I'm doing, all the things you say are valuable aren't good. They only help me. No, that's the thing. I mean, I want you guys to come with me But like everything I'm doing is like the most like I am doing this for me And I need more people to know about me and I need more tickets sold for me. No just sucks You're helping friends and family with different either money or time You've changed my life comedy makes you saved Pat's life. You changed my life.

You're putting comedy in front of new people's eyes. Well, I know, but comedy's a worthless thing. No, it's not. We need to be putting like, how to make ghost guns in front of people's eyes. Comedy's not a worthless thing. Comedy makes sad people happy. You're right, I know, I know, and look.

It's both, right? It seems ridiculous, but it does. Life's a funny fucking thing. That's right. Everything is everything. It's all the fucking blanket, man. I'm looking for a miracle and you know what a miracle is? Viya. These are legal in how many states? I couldn't tell you but a majority I think. I think it's almost all 50. I don't know. You're bogarting that mind

blank. I don't have it. Who has it? You had it. I gave it to want I put it up It was a roach whether you want better sleep better focus or just something to stop you sense of meaning into the void Whoa, I'm kind of connected. I was speaking to you. Mm-hmm fires got you covered man. It's good stuff I'm excited to get home and have more via. Yeah. It's at home. Also cool font. It's waiting for me. They have a cool product. Hopefully Creech doesn't Bogart the via. Oh yeah. I have a camera on my porch now. That must be what got delivered. Hell yeah.

Oh yeah. You're probably chugging a whole sleeve of VIA. She might be on the sex one too. She's just writhing. A bunch of candles are lit. The dogs are outside barking. Yeah. She's making a mess. I just thought she was having strawberry gummies and now she's all horned up. Yeah. She's doing laps in the church screaming. What is, uh, what does he say? What does she say in the exorcist? Let Christ fuck you. Spinning around cause she's horny via they even let you

they even, they even let you customize your experience with products ranging from zero to high cannabinoid levels. So there's something for every mood. You get zero cannabinoid levels. They call it the placebo. Yeah. You get high anyway. Eat the tube.

Don't sleep. It's good to be bad. If you're 21 and older, check out the link to ViIA in our show notes and use the code CHUBBY to receive 15% off free shipping on orders over $100 and if you're new to VIA a free gift of your choice after you purchase the last square you heard about them support the show and tell them we sent you Enhance Your Everyday with VIA VIA VIA

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We are clear back to the killing CEOs. Back to the Sam's wigging out. And listening to ICP. Smoking DMT. Looks like I can't ever talk to this about anyone because it freaks everybody out. So I just like, it pops out of me on here maybe once a quarter every every half a year I have one of these episodes where I just rip myself open and tell

you why I've been moody. I put my fingers into my eyes. That'd be sick if at the end of this episode I put on my earbuds put on slipknot and jump off the balcony. Then you have wings. Yeah. And Becker says, my mortgage. It's awful. Immediately. You haven't even landed yet. You haven't even splatted in my mortgage. I'm like, my hello pandas!

My surgery! I have a surgery that I need that I haven't asked you about yet. Oh man. And I say, Emmy. Yeah. You can use thinking about your mom. Mommy, mommy. God, that'd be nuts. When mommy said she doesn't make me any food. No, I think he was saying he was gonna bang. He's gonna take my place. No, you better know she loves a project She molded you me. Yeah, she turned you into I'm clearly It's also well It's also funny cuz you've told you've called me an idiot for years for paying attention to shit

And now you're like, what are we gonna do? It's like well good things are happening. You're like, no, we're fucked Yeah, yeah. Well, there's nothing good happening either. All right, that's where I'm at And I'm not depressed in my life it's just like I'm depressed about where the place that I call home and Where our nieces and nephews and kids are gonna grow up. It's just like, what the fuck? We're just literally walking them into the firing line and being like, good luck, the son's dead. Yeah.

You'll never have a banana over 30. Well, and it also sounds simple, but there is something to be said that some of these really old people that are doing the most damage will be gone soon. They are, they aren't the only evil people in the world. It's not just older people, but it is a lot of a

generation that is almost done. So there is going to be this opportunity, this vacuum that hopefully will not be filled by worse, sure young, greedy, powerful people that will have another whole lifetime to dominate. And what I would say is that hurt people hurt people. So that's true. The people who are held in chains

as soon as they get to hold the baton, I mean, also we're giving these kids a dead planet. So it's like, if every climate scientist that matters is saying that it's too late, like why aren't they just gonna, you know, revel as the world burns? Yeah, I mean, it could, yeah. Well, also, there's one thing.

Yeah, no, say some more awful stuff. The thing that I, the stuff that I'm saying, giving up, negation, you know, succeeding, whatever it is, is the easy way out. And that's why. You secede from the union? Well, I mean, it's like, what's the only hope you have? Is slavery.

Coming to the 51st state. Freedom through slavery? No, no. 1984. It's just like, obviously all the things I'm saying are easy and that's why I won't choose them. But like, you can only impact your people people your community. That's all you can do You got to start Sam T nation you need to change some of those dollar generals into

Splish splash zones. I know what I need to do is I need to buy like a thousand acres and then just invite people to come there and live there, but then someone would blow it and and just invite people to come there and live there. But then someone would blow it and it would be wrecked. A bee he would show up. I think you'd have a couple of bees. Yeah. You'd have a solid fleet for a dickhead Olympics. I mean, if I was putting together a fight club,

I'd have the best crew in the world. There, I don't know if you saw in Denver, there have been a couple of big meetups of high school kids, like going to a mall, like 300 high school kids. And then the only like rule that's been thrown out there for, uh, like a, a kind of, uh, fighting like show up, no guns, but throw hands and catch hands and so people are just like fighting and watching fights. This is the generation we're supposed to believe in. At the mall.

Well, again, it's got to get worse before it gets better. It is improv everywhere. That is very Dadaistic. It's using a public space for its unintended means. Yeah, so the last generation millennials would go somewhere and everybody would freeze in a whole foods. Now we have a big crazy fight club chaos. Swinging on people. Yeah, now it's the Foot Clan in public.

They're ripping bells off the mannequin. They should just go to a hardcore show. Yeah, yeah, they're catching hands and throwing them for sure. That's another fascinating windmills thing in American culture is like hardcore now is like in Abercrombie ads. And it's like, okay, so you figured out how to co-op the one music that was all about like, I mean, rap, same thing. Fuck the cops. It's just, it's crazy how they're able to like defang anything that might.

It's why Kurt Cobain killed himself. Yeah. Well, yeah, who knows? I never thought about why. I just thought about whether Courtney did it or not. Yeah. Suppose, well, some people don't believe that he was in a bunch of pain. I think he had some weird stomach pain.

Heroin was a part of getting, treating that pain. Big tummy ache. He would get sick of Shitty people liking his music and how the attention because he didn't want that much imagine how much attention that was Oh, and if you think this is all bad and you feel like succeeding being sober off a heroin for the first 12 hours is Like yeah, I'll just go stand in traffic What the fuck am I doing and he was always like trying to get clean. He was coming down all the time, yeah. It's like I was living in hell, judging himself,

hated him when he made himself feel better than he hated himself. Right. Yeah that's- Courtney's screaming at him. Have you heard about that new heroin treatment where they like for the first 36 hours, the worst hours, they bake you into a pie?

And you're just in there with a bunch of like pie filling, your favorite filling obviously, and you just kind of like get to eat custard. And blueberries. Shouldn't it be your least favorite? No, no, it's difficult enough. You need it. You need a good pie.

And they know that you're like ready for like actual detox when you finally break through the crust. If you're rich enough, you can just do a medical coma. Yeah, I would do a medical coma. Like the tattoos, do you see the basketball players get knocked out for big tattoo jobs Tell me more about this little coma. What do you so they put you under how long? About ten days seven to ten days and when you wake up, you're totally over DT You don't have any addiction anymore because your body processes the opioids out while you're sleeping during the time that you're in the coma

Can anyone be mad at you? No. Okay that'd be interesting. So you're just in like a stasis. Yeah but... You could also get tattoos done while you're in recovery. Yeah all of my friends who did it that way are dead though because I don't think it gives you any consequences. I think it removes the part... Your friends were able to do that it's not a new thing no FD did it he's dead pretty sick to get all fucked up on heroin then go in that coma and also get a badass like full back that's what you get your hamburger burglar done

I'd get Cleveland from the Cleveland show. Yeah, that'd be cool. You don't know him from Family Guy because you're too young. I never watch Family Guy. You're a Cleveland show guy. You think the Cleveland Rocks is from the Cleveland show? Yeah, that's what the bottom of the tattoo would say Cleveland Rocks, Ohio Not Drew Carey version

Yeah, was there a McDonald's person that was a woman chicken nugget pilot or something? There was a lady What was her name chicken? McEarheart birdie? Her name was birdie, right? I don't know By Lord, I mean, it't know World of fantasy, huh? Well, I'll figure it out she had wings though. I don't think she was a nug Jamie. She was a bird right right right that makes more sense I remember there was like a there was like a leather helmet Like scarf right, but yeah, right, but she wasn't a nudge. She wasn't in were there nuggets right but yeah right but she wasn't a nudge she wasn't in were there nuggets there were nuggets yeah I didn't do fly no no they were just in the box they're

like help me I have eyes in a mouth I have a soul barbecue sauce is my blood we're a miracle every one of us quit doming a dozen of us Macca parents we have a history one said Macca's today which I liked let's go to Macca's we're gonna do the land acknowledgement tonight and we're gonna say Macca's they say we'd like to acknowledge the the ants the elders both past and present of this territorial land. It's the same thing as being like thank you McNuggets and then eating them all. Like I value the rich history of McNuggets. They spiked the football. But it's nice. I mean look positive stuff. What's good?

Dragon fruits good playing goalies Public transportation my wife's beautiful face free health care weed from strangers Skewers skewers S'mores hello panda. I'm comfortable. There's a roof over my head. Walking all day and then sleeping at night. Rock and roll. Good friends.

Good friends. Turkish delight. Oh. Chubby behemoth podcast. Chubby socks. Typically Chubby Behemoth podcast is a fucking relief from the horrors of the world. Not today. Yeah.

Yeah, you should put period episode episode because we're on our periods. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just haunted by the sins of my country. Yeah. But you're not adding to it and you are helping. Comedy is huge. That's the thing.

I would have been in a dark place for like a lot of years if I didn't have like stand up to get way too much. Scott Aukerman podcast. Scott and Dan Harmon and yeah that was Jimmy Pardo community yeah I don't know God bless those dressed up like Karl Marx and went on the Joe Rogan experience that was cool yeah I did yeah I think I wore a seven strong brand shirt on. You look like Guy Fieri. I think I was a lobster guy on Rogan. My hat said who farted. That is Becker's had a good point too, because if, if everybody stays hopeful and

you do little things in between, like kind of curling up into a ball, way better than giving up, ignoring completely joining the dark side and acting like you're on the winning side. Now is crazy to me where it's like, no, if I'm just over here, then everything's cool because I'm winning now. And I was like, well, that's crazy, but good on you. I guess, uh, yeah. So talk to your coworkers, befriend your coworkers.

Yeah. That's huge. Talk to the people that you interact with all day every day No one can talk anymore if they're under 24 These kids I speak with they say Mac guys Hi viz Hi viz is cool. I visit school. It's not allowed and all the bars and restaurants is cool. High Viz is cool. It's not allowed in all the bars and restaurants in Melbourne.

I had to keep ceremonially removing it and handing it to the doorman. Are we gonna be able to wear it onto the plane? No, you're gonna have to start loading the bags. Yeah, you'll have to load bags. Then ride under the plane. Nice. I can't believe you have a six-hour plane ride tomorrow. It's not six hours. Oh, you have a different plane, right mean Lund is only eight minutes ours is actually a slingshot and blast into slime I have to pack up all my cool new gear I have so much shit to pack and me and Lund have we all have seven kilo allotments? I've been packing the whole time, because I've had anxiety like Sam has now since I was an infant. Yeah, that sucks.

I know, but that's, it took me 30 years to learn how to stay in front of it. You just put just your do a clock while talking about 30 years? I was gonna say, that's why I've packed everything. Okay, yes. I unpack and then I pack. I put my dirty, I just have to have everything ready to go

because I never want to Be the one fucking it up because I have anxiety My life is like total chaos to you and any kind of like sense of normalcy would be good Yeah, because I've become accustomed to what is complete nonsense It's just my life if you tell someone my life is gibberish. Okay, sure What are they baking you into the pie? Yeah. All right. When he, the filling did you pick? Custard. When he gets, when are you going to get stuck in a big hole?

When he, the food, about that fake volcano we were tricked into appreciating today. Yeah. This place sucks. America's good. There's no fake volcanoes. There's just giant craters there left by people being able to buy grenades at Walmart. Oh dude, how about this? Uh, I just remembered today on Instagram, I think Kyle Canane shared a tweet from our friend, uh, Helena. I can't remember her last name, but he shared a tweet from her, you know, she, she, she,

yeah, she blew up on Twitter and it was something like, if I was ever dating a guy and he cried during the national anthem, I would definitely cheat on him. Yeah. Did you see that? That was such a funny thing. Her tweeting that about you describing you. And then that is shared by Canane. That's why she cheated on me. Funny little world

Funny little small world after all I got it Helena her first apartment in in Denver. She left Minneapolis the day after Christmas That's when everybody moved Day after Christmas Put my hats on in the dark put my hats on yeah, you're Lund in the dark You like putting all your Lund hats on After Christmas, I put I put two hats on my feet and one on my head walk into the snow Thank you the Yeti when to go

Be sick. That would be like maybe I could do that with my People think you're the Yeti. Wendigo! That'd be sick. That would be like, maybe I could do that with my life. Is trying to arrange a way where Lund is actually like both captured and prosecuted as a Wendigo. And make him believe, like do like a giant like fucking gaslight operation where Lund thinks that he's actually descended from abominable snowmen. Yeah You show up when you do look like you would show up if you whistle at night

Yeah, if I don't get that surgery that I was hoping you would pay for right your dream will come true So you can't go full moon anymore. You want to help me? Nine times out of ten you as much as you can but this surgery would prevent your big thing from happening. Where's my earbuds? What do you do? I put my fingers into my eyes. Oh yeah. Listeners Becker brought, bought a new cool truck.

And I don't think that we were told about it, but you want to break the news. I've i've said it on this podcast I Posted pictures of it when I got it. Don't listen. No, he listened No, they listen. I just don't think they imagined when I said I got a truck. That's basically brand new So you're into cars or something jack? I don't think they actually picture I will say it's hard to focus on every time you talk about cars. Yeah. You can't do it every day.

It's a lot. Yeah. I guess I thought that you had bought a, another older truck that needed work. And so it was in the Springs, like, and you were kind of getting little things done and, or you weren't getting things done because whatever, but you were going to, it was going gonna be a project and it is sparkling yeah beautiful baby blue I changed the transmission when I got it so that was probably part of you thinking that because I did buy it and

then didn't have anybody drive at me or my dad for months because I wanted to put a five-speed in it so it could do interstate speeds because they topped out at 45 in the 50s and that's not safe So now not on I-25 aka fury road even two-lane road You're just not you can't get over nobody's used to you taking 25 seconds to go zero to fucking 60. So With my parents using it once in a while or me driving and it made me uncomfortable for it to be that slow It'd be cool if they had a surgery that made you dumb as hell They do no not like a lobotomy like it just like would like made you into like Things that made it easier to exist. Yeah, 70 IQ a couple things above dog

No, if it made you into like a let's fucking go type guy. Yeah, you know you into like a let's fucking go type guy. Yeah. You know, just like, if you were like a legitimate like LFG, we're wearing backwards hats, we're having a nice time. Like I like drinking light beers, being on a boat, you know, I like got a business degree from a state school. Now I like, you know, I'm on my second wife, but I'm still before 30 like, yeah, cross have an ATV. I got my eyes on a jet ski I love the boondock Saints like like just that kind of guy cuz those guys are fucking stoked yeah I have a bunch of those friends that I grew up with I do too they're great guys they're fun they're always happy yeah they're there if you like were to tell

them like yeah I'm just like having an existential crisis they'd be like oh do you want like a Mike's hard or a twisted T? Yeah, I got cold course. Dude, we're barbecue and you're fine. Dude, like these sausages are from Costco. They're all derf. You want to be Alec Flynn? No, Alec Flynn is smart too. He's just young and beautiful.

I know he's, he's aware. He's starting, he's starting to share some messages, uh, with his don't tell family, his, his crew his crew yeah he's letting them know where he's at it's not just grilling meats all right well he's telling the bros how to organize how to broganize yeah bro organ bro organ we're going to Cabela's and sit down start a bro up grill for your own house, brother. This is five in shorts for Gaza That was so good, sorry, there's some there's some gold we're panning through he's the left Alec is gonna be the left Joe Brogan That'd be cool. Well

What do we have to do plug plug patreon plug true and on there Series is good. I I listened to true and on the Epstein things, but for some reason like I've just been on there like It's it they're good people. I just don't want to be held up on any kind of Pedestal or ascribed any kind of motive., I want to build a giant fucking roller coaster in my backyard for Susanna to ride around from the age of six until 18. And then she's allowed to get off when she's 18. She's up there in a VR helmet learning everything she needs

to. Oh, you're saying 24, saying 12 years on the on the roller coaster. When she gets off, she'll be very dizzy for a while. She's barfing for a lot of those 12 years. She's puking through puberty. Yes, she's just vomiting. Puking through puberty. Fuck. Oh God, let me off.

I was six when I agreed to this. Have that contract looked at? She has to wait for her to come back around to finish her sentence. Auckland second show still tickets Perth tickets Dayton, Salt Lake City, Irvine, Seattle,.com Patreon.com slash chubby behemoth. $5 a month gets you access to almost five straight up years of episodes. So many episodes. It'll make your dick spin. Pat Pat.

Cobos podcast.org Cobos Patrick podcast. Cobos and Pat in the morning. Patreon.com slash Sam talents wide world. Yeah. For exclusive little wide world. Yeah for exclusive little wide world wide world stuff on their wide world. But I was a bummer on this folks. We're going to be okay. Bye bye.