Chubby Behemoth - Pueblo Mix Up

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

Furry Deep Dive. Ask Dr. Pat. Free Bleed On Stage. Carlos Madrid and Patrick Richardson.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Extra episodes at https://www.patreon.com/chubbybehemoth

Hey, everybody. It's Chubby Behemoth. It's an episode. It counts as an episode. There's no Sam. There's no Becker. There's no Dr. Talent. There's me, old Sid, Nathan Lund, my guest, Patrick Richardson.

And we have a guest recorder slash producer. It's Carlos Madrid, Chubby Behemoth charles behemoth superfan we call him chucky b because he's such a big charlie behemoth thank you carlos have you heard don't don't sound like sam's impression of you that's not fair i want people to hear the real you i thought it would be better if i did if i did his impression of me no let's not we just let him get away with whatever he wants and that's part of the problem nobody has yeah don't do the dance you're putting you're putting the strings on for him and doing what you you don't you never have you don't speak a lot of spanish i know you know some

spanish yeah i i i can understand some of it but i speak it really terribly so i don't even attempt meanwhile sam also very bad at it but that doesn't stop him from whipping it out. Yeah. Patrick, you both speak it way better than me. I'll have to say that, though. Well, yeah, I took several years of Spanish classes in high school and college, thought about minoring in Spanish, decided I should go for something even less desirable on a resume and less applicable to real life, the real world, and that was to minor in philosophy. Patrick, welcome. Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. Sam didn't want me to record with you, but I don't listen to Sam. Unlike Carlos,

I try not to placate that motherfucker as, as many chances as I get. He thought that you, he thought we had just had you on and it's like, yeah, but you and Matt didn't talk very much. It was mostly me and Sam and you guys chimed in and I figured let's, let's hear more from,

uh, old, uh, Pat Cobos. Yeah. Path you, path you, co path you crowbar.

Uh, I'm good. I, I i i uh i've been recording podcasts all day so i'm in i'm fucking i'm ready are you ready or are you tapped no dude i'm i'm still in peak performance i'm still in performance shape i'm ready to go okay Okay. Yeah. You have two other podcasts. Please don't plug them. But I'm kidding. We'll try and give a shout out at the end of the show. If there's time. Also, there's not going to be time.

But thank you for making some time. You are a busy boy. You have comedy shows. You have several podcasts that will go unnamed and unplugged you have a music career you just did a gig uh first probably first music gig in a while right live music uh performance yeah yeah um in ford collins close to greeley but not greeley yeah um it was not ideal i was just going solo i'd like to get a band together again but so much work that's why yeah it it has to be a night rocks right it has to be a nightmare anytime uh a member of a band uh and i are talking about comedy and they're like man i don't know how you

do it getting up there by yourself i always tell them i don't know how you trust other dudes or even women to be on the same page to work together to not have some bullshit come up and uh i always think of a few of my friends that were in abandoned vegas and they very quickly two of them hated each other. And they had to play gigs. And it was very obvious that they hated each other. Totally. It was like, oh, yeah, that's what you want, is to be stressed while you're trying to recreate these songs that you enjoy, that you want people to fall in love with. You want to be thinking about killing your drummer the whole time. And to really be

good as a band you should be practicing like twice a week and that's so hard if you're in a five-piece band that's so hard right and you all work at different pizza places or auto zone auto zone next to pizza hut yeah that you're one of you is in aurora the other one is in lakewood you both work at a pet boys but you have different you know you have one of you is in aurora the other one is in lakewood you both work at a pet boys but you have different you know you have different shifts you have different managers yeah different boys an oil boy the pet man you have to answer to the pet man yeah you're just a lowly pet boy you don't have any say you're not in the union what's that daddy Daddy Pep. The Daddy Pep. So you did music. Did you get laid thanks to your musical performance?

God, no. I was so sweaty afterwards. Did you just have the tracks playing, and then you're behind the table with the laptop, or do you go in front of your laptop? What did you do? I was running around. I didn't want to do it

that way but it was the only way i didn't have time to like plan anything else but yeah i was just running around like knocking over the other band's gear during my set farting on their bass yeah oh yeah just making sure that they'll never work with you again. Yeah. You I got to see your your former band. And I'm not going to mention that because you guys are, you know, in litigation. But it was a lot of fun. I enjoyed your stuff. I was excited to hear more. And then it was gone. And like you said, you're relying on fellow humans. And that's a roll of the dice, to be sure.

And you came up short. Now, don't you like that it's just you? Or you're saying with music, you do want the full band experience? Just for the performance. Like having a real drummer and like a bass player just adds so much. Yeah. Fun. Yeah, I get that. that but yeah it is nice uh well and i guess you're kind of getting the the experience of running a show with other comics and that has

to be frustrating because you uh run a weekly show which is almost impossible yeah and it's been two years it's actually been around forever i've been we were we were doing it before the pandemic i think i've been doing it for like four years almost now and then you started you added kobos and corey healy later um i think kobos was doing it and then or him and corey were doing it and then i got added on yeah so you're at ratio you may it's likely that you'll be killed by the guy that lives behind ratio do you agree with that uh yeah except i don't we don't even know where he lives we just kind of pretend that we know for the bit because but he does he has to live somewhere he lives close very close he's furious with you because every week you

have a show and he can hear the show show that ends before 10 p.m so loud he calls the cops every week is that true um i don't know if he's called in a while to be honest but it's a fun it's a fun little reoccurring bit we do every week right just to make sure that you're pushing him closer and closer to the edge every every chance you get exactly um i got the ring back on the predator i also have this ring bk gave me that's of a like a pit bull or something i didn't realize this oh yeah yeah it looks like a pit bull and there's a ring i was gonna say that uh it actually rocks there are three of us that host it but it's awesome when one of us doesn't show up because then the other

two get paid way more well not way more but right and those guys don't have anything going on so they're there every week yeah and sometimes you give them a little extra money for diapers in cory's case and and kobos's case who knows what cobo yeah diapers for for kobos or for cory's kids either way you're keeping a butt nice and pampered exactly that's uh comedy's all about yeah you guys got to fix the sound for sure uh that's why i bombed not because my jokes suck oh good it's it's way better now what'd you do after i don't know they just went in and cleaned the whole soundboard and like went through it and i think they just like sprayed a can of air in the cracks and that made it sound better i have no idea you should spray some air in your crack and see if that helps you sound better i need to get the lint out of my fucking belly the the underbelly

uh yeah i had the reason i was late uh to record is because I had all day to shower. And instead of doing it at any point before the immediate time before a time commitment, I tried to get in there. And I'm glad I did. I hope you guys are okay. Because I didn't want to. Yeah, you said 8 o'clock. And then I was like, what the fuck? It's 8.07.

Where the fuck are you? Two more minutes then I was like what the fuck it's 8.07 where the fuck are you exactly two more minutes of course I texted Patrick so that Patrick could tell you that I needed a couple minutes but then you guys couldn't talk I thought Sam was the one that was always

late to these things but I don't know dog no you don't know but I'll tell you no no it sounds like it's you all the time not all the time uh often yes it's me um but i'll tell you what sam is in alaska allegedly and so he is hard to pin down as well his schedule can be a little bit crazy a little wacky and so becker up to becker went up to uh denver for the wedding that if you've been listening uh you know we were gonna try and get him into uh the bako the bako costume for the wedding of uh jake brown and sam tiny dynamite

taylor and uh we did costume i finally saw a picture of it and that costume is fucking it's really funny it's pretty yeah i wish uh it's what funky it's it's wonky it's wonky yeah well i was hoping for something that looked a little more janky as opposed to wonky. I guess wonky is good. We can turn wonky into janky because, you know, Baco is definitely supposed to be wonky, janky. Like he's supposed to look like a fucked up, you know, forgot long forgotten and neglected member of the Ninja Turtles. Splinter's forgotten son but uh I think the first time Sam was telling me about it and he was like describing it like you know we're gonna get like a cinematic like a movie quality one or something well there was there was an option for it for a much more

expensive suit to be made and uh there was a little bit of discussion and it was like i don't know man do we really want do we really want to spend whatever it was fourteen hundred dollars on bako people love bako they do and i think they will love what we can do with a 400 version what we can do with a $400 version. That's way more reasonable. Well, and that gives us more money to spend on accoutrement, on weapons, on realistic looking artillery. Yeah, we need like a fake AR.

We need like some fake handguns. And I think it's hilarious. That was one of the main things I think that we laughed about when we first uh started talking about bako was the idea that instead of having uh sometimes some type of ancient ninja related weaponry he just has a bunch of guns and just just kills the teens that are the foots the Foot Clan? Yeah. Oh, and I forgot. I don't know if we talked about it with Matrick, but just the fact that the TV show had the Foot Clan was they were all robots. Do you remember that, Pat? Oh, yeah.

So they could get away with, like, chopping their heads off and shit. So they didn't have to worry about murdering teens. Yeah. So they didn't have to worry about murdering teens. Yeah. That's a 14-year-old kid who didn't have a mom at home that loved him.

Ninja Turtles just kill him. Yeah, like the kid in the subplot of the first one. He gets mowed down by Pocko. Danny, yeah. In the second act. The four of them are about to like teach him a less teach danny a lesson and send him on his way barco's like sorry fellas he just sees him in the

foot clan costume and he didn't he he has fucking green light he always has the green light yeah he's got no restraint i mean nobody showed nobody showed bako restraint when he was created in a sewer out of uh you know nuclear radiation yeah and so you uh yeah malt wicker got mixed into his you get what you get what you get he didn't ask to be born. No. Are you, do you know if you're doing High Plains yet? I am. I am on High Plains.

Cool. Me, maybe. I don't know. Maybe. Well, I haven't been announced yet, so anything is possible. Maybe I won't be. Maybe I won't be invited and I'll turn into Baco. anything is possible.

Maybe I won't be, maybe I won't be, uh, invited and I'll turn into Baco. I'll show up. I'll show up uninvited as Baco and I will rain pain on South Broadway. Just, uh, even though,

uh, HQ isn't a venue this year, I will start there and I'll just, yeah, you, you should infiltrate that furry group and then just mow all them down oh yeah yeah i saw that picture uh yesterday i think of the the furries that went by south broadway last year that was hilarious i am full-throatedly

anti-furry why you shouldn't have that anonymity about you like oh come on in public who cares they're like all sexual and anonymous it's freaky do whatever in your own house but i don't i don't have to be i don't have to like those people i kind of fill you with the freaky it sucks that i don't know who they are and they're like trying to pump me like their identity is that they're sexual and it's like you can't do that that's not oh you're saying you are jealous because you wish you could put a mask on and grab somebody's butt no i i don't want to do that at all i think i want to do that in the privacy of my own bedroom okay i i i thought that they were funny because they the group there

were like a dozen right there were so many of these uh furries in a in a group uh skipping along south broadway and then they come across a bunch of comics and the comics all like giggle and laugh derisively at them meanwhile they know who they are and the comics are all trying to be one of like six comedians that have come before them and you know both groups troubled uh do not have the answers but they're searching and they're trying to make themselves and others happy and i feel like uh neither side should be able to point and laugh at the other because we're all just trying to figure it out yeah that's very open-minded of you but that's a very uncharitable comparison for conduct for comics you think yeah maybe they're maybe furries are weirder but we're both on that spectrum and yeah that's true i think i don't know it's just something perverted about it maybe i'm just not that open-minded no maybe you're not uh i mean god it is out there i'll tell you that too

the sexual component like if it was just hey i like to have fun and it's fun to be in like this fun like get up this costume and this is like the persona that i think of when i like think of of an ideal version of myself that's all cool or i think that's that's um easier to grasp and then the the sexual thing it's like whoa all right uh wait now are you is the furry i'm gonna ask you patrick is the furry community are any of them in their costume banging like a person that's not a furry or is it exclusively furry on furry i'm sure that i'm sure it's both i'm sure there's like they have names for it i bet too crossing over um there's like a they like famously like had a furry convention i don't remember what state it was in and they

just like wrecked the hotel that the furry convention was in you could probably google it they were like coming on the elevator buttons like in the hotel and like they like flooded the hotel because they were like clogging all the toilets because they're like just they're masked the whole time so they can do whatever the fuck they want i like the idea that uh someone who's uh avatar or or person that furry character is a horse just like collects a bunch of giant piles of horse shit so that they can be more realistic and i'm like sorry sorry i'm a horse it's like periodically it's a reverse colostomy bag

yeah they want to have a bunch of horse shit put inside of them so that the costume is more believable and they have to put they have to like eat glitter so that the poop comes out like sparkly like they're crazy colorful outfit i don't know whose podcast i was listening to not so long ago and they were talking about they were it was another comedian that they were talking about they were at a hotel where there was a convention. And they said they were talking to the people that work there. And those people were saying that people that were there for the first thing were asking to put litter boxes in their rooms. So they could use a litter box instead of the toilets.

Oh, hell yeah. I love it. What the fuck? Yeah, I don't know man and scattering them throughout the hotel too oh they could just drop trial just like go on it like what the fuck yeah that's why people get into that stuff but yeah too sure just yeah sure just don't touch me just don't fucking touch me with your commie mascot fuck you it's funny to imagine them all the outfits being like day three or four of the convention they're just completely soiled and they reek yeah because when we saw them uh last year they all i i mean i guess i wasn't looking closely but

they all looked like they had clean uh costumes on and it's funny to imagine like the hair getting matted and sticky yeah they're all gross as hell just a big poop spot on their ass of one of them i'm sure there's some of them that are just in it because they like sports mascots and they're just having fun and they get pissed when all the perverted ones do stuff but oh yeah right some of them are just into the new persona anonymity or like yeah a character that they get to be that they get to create and there isn't the sexual component and then and then some frog guy comes up behind him and tries to fuck and he's like get the fuck off of me that's not what i'm here for actually uh uh those aren't furries

they're called scalies or something like that i forget what they're called and that's cool i like that what if that was my stance on that if just because they weren't furry i liked them right you don't like you know like mammals you like lizard and amphibian cosplay yeah if they're doing if they're doing cold-blooded animal cold-blooded sorts of creatures that's fine but yeah they have a different name if they're not a mammal yeah yeah we're doing a furry deep dive yeah we should probably switch switch gears change lanes uh it's internet hour pull over dr patrick oh yeah we were supposed to do Dr. Patrick instead of Dr. Talent. Uh, yeah, we, uh, Jean from Omaha writes Dr. Patrick, how fat is too fat? Now, if I could get up to, uh, 420 pounds, I think that would be hilarious, but I'm so short. Patrick, have you seen 420 staring up at you from the scale um no i have not i am probably

at the heaviest i've ever been i'm at about 325 oh fuck yeah and i have not seen 420 i am so big too though so 320 isn't that crazy okay i also have my hump i have my hump that adds 10 pounds i'll tell yeah that you don't you don't count it because it's it's not due to your diet it's just due to science yeah i i do the i have to do the notre dame equation to minus the hump uh yeah that actually just backfired on me because i am probably 300 and i'm like i'm not i'm 5 10 and a half so i am i'm still fat as hell but i know but i'm denser than you i'm my bmi is probably worse than yours that's not good yeah no carlos shut up you're old as hell you're gonna die too

No shit, Carlo. Shut up. You're old as hell. You're going to die too. Good. I hope so. I hope so. Yeah.

I'm surprised. Like, my blood pressure and everything has been pretty good. I'm surprised every time I go to the doctor. When's the last time you went to the doctor? Did you have to steal someone's identity? You find an ID that looks like you. You fucking see if they have coverage. Yeah.

Why do you have... You have twist and shout insurance or what? Hell no. I'm on Medicaid, bro. Okay. Yeah, I did that once. I work there just little enough to get Medicaid. It's the best insurance. It's really not.

It's a nightmare, isn't it? Having wait times or... No. You have to see a guy who works out of a van. No, it's really not that bad. It's like... I mean, or you have to see a you have to see a guy who works out of a van no it's really not that bad it's like i mean the what you have to pay i pay like six dollars for my antidepressants uh sure it's really cheap but yeah i don't know what were we talking about uh ask dr pat you're the doctor remember why do you go on Medicare? You should have doctor insurance. So I've never seen 420, but I have watched My 600-lb Life a few times. And it doesn't seem fun up there, big guy. So Gene, I'd try to maybe stick to where you're at.

You don't have to change your life to become someone you're not. But being fat is unhealthy. Okay. So just keep that in mind. Do you feel like every, I haven't been to a doctor in years, but I feel like every time I would go and see a doctor, they would just be like, well, you know, you are fat as hell. It's just like where they want to leave it. Like, well, you know, anything going on with you is probably because of how fat and gross you are so maybe change that i was always like well yeah but what else what else do i need to know and it's like well if you lose some weight i think you'll be all right

i just remember when i was like 12 going and getting a checkup and i was in the room with my mom and the doctor was like yeah if you keep being fat your whole life you're gonna have a heart attack when you're around 35 whoa and my mom was like yeah that's true and then I never forgot that that scared the shit out of me and how old are you 35 no 31 you got a few years to turn this around or else uh you don't want the doctor to be right do you she was cool fuck that she was cool yeah but what if she what if she's right what if she warned you so long ago and you were like just ignored it and roll but again rolling those dice and they come up heart attack i'm just having fun everything's crazy i'm having fun if i have a heart attack let's go you think you'll survive it

at uh that would suck 35 i think you know the heart attack, the mild, right? Like not, uh, not going to kill you. And then that's the wake up call. And then maybe you have a second one at 42 and that one is worse, but you know, you're, but you've been riding a bike a couple of times a week for a few years. So, you know, it doesn't kill you either. And then you're like, all right, now I really got to buckle down. And then, you know, then you actually get healthy. That's my plan.

I think I didn't have insurance, so I don't think I know about the first heart attack, but it probably happened. And so the next one will be the, hey, Lund, come on, wake up, get a bike. Stop thinking Arby's. Yeah. I had Arby's today. Oh, shit. I went down to Red Town. Do the Becker. Tell us what you got.

It's not going to be as exciting. No, it wasn't, but I got one sandwich and a medium fries. Actually, my order was like $23. Just for you? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

It is pretty expensive there. So, yeah, I got a double Arby's with the fry and a Coke. And then what is the – is it just a regular? Yeah, the regular. A regular Arby's also by itself. Oh, roast beef. Yeah, nobody calls it an Arby's. You mean a roast beef or a beef and cheddar?

Roast beef, my bad. Yeah, roast beef. Beef and cheddar or roast beef? No, just roast beef. Just roast beef. I can't do the beef and cheddar. It's just too much. Yeah, no shit.

It is the most disgusting cheese of all time. Yeah, exactly. I kind of like that about it. I've done that several times and i just can't do them anymore but so i did those two and then i did a five piece of jalapeno popper that's that's solid that's a good order uh you are not uh a big wad so you're kind of you are becker-esque as far as like big order little hand little body to put it in that's that's pretty cool i like that have you have you heard uh all episodes of chubby behemoth

carlos oh hell yeah nice i i'm and patreon too right yeah that's what i meant i was including the page patrick you joined the page and this is the second time around is it not yeah i uh yeah i've been a subscriber a couple times and you just now you catch up and then you bail no i think i was only not one for like a month or two right i think i just got a new card and didn't think about it okay i was just curious because uh i had mentioned it sam and i had both mentioned it before i think on episodes but when i said something like that how you know you don't have to pay every month you could you could pay and then listen to all of them you know like nobody would you listen to listen to five a day yeah three weeks and then bail and he was like shut up dude don't don't don't

don't give them the secrets the world domination that's what he thinks of your listeners he thinks they're that dumb that they couldn't think of that on their own yeah but until i said it nobody realized it was a thing but uh yeah and me and kobos just started ours but we only have like one patreon episode so far and it's like why would anyone subscribe to this yet we don't even have a back catalog you know yeah yeah i don't remember how we navigated that i think we did a bunch of free ones first and then i know we didn't bank a bunch of patreon ones before we went live with it so i guess you just have to just put it out there make a bunch of them keep making them and then see what happens right there's not like the perfect way to do it before you're guaranteed

success that was really only our only rule was just be try to be consistent and you know which is impossible it is i don't know that's like the biggest law of podcasting is be consistent because if you don't people start dropping off because they're like what the fuck how come they're not doing anything for sure yeah yeah and we i know we constantly break the the unwritten law of dude like have a sketch like have a set day that the episodes come out we we're bad boys we don't do that uh sorry but you're too fat who knows i mean we're a couple of wads we're not uh business majors we're not film students i don't know who's ideal to uh do podcasts on time librarians and uh yeah it's gotta do it you have to use the decimal system to figure it out you have to be organized and you have to not have a lot going on and sam is busy as hell and i am moody as fuck and between the two of us uh you're lucky you get anything but we will be together

a lot over the next few weeks I'll be up in Fort Collins this weekend and then we're in Cleveland and then we're doing High Plains and then we're in Cincinnati so hopefully we will be able to record a bunch of episodes together so that we can

make it up to you I don't know you shit listener but except for my eternal gratitude uh so much gratitude for for making fun of me for calling me fat even though you've never met me uh i appreciate it what about the london maniacs hey no i really appreciate him uh there was a lunda there was a big lund fan at lucha libre and laughs and he didn't he didn't scare me at all i wasn't worried about him unlike sam's heads you know it's like oh god please don't kill me we're he and i are best friends uh yeah don't think that you're gonna fill my spot by taking me out sam's not gonna love you more than me no matter how loyal

you think you are that's awesome i hope do people like that exist they want to take you out and switch places with them i don't know people people definitely love sam and then anytime i try to critique him he like is fucking bulletproof and then it makes me look bad and so uh yeah i've been i've definitely been called the weak link or whatever and shut up and let sam talk more which i don't think is possible but most people like the two of us together two years strong we started two years ago man which is crazy. That is crazy. And we have done a pretty good job of releasing episodes to a week, most weeks. So that's all you can do, I would say.

I started listening pretty late. I didn't go back and listen to the ones. I just started listening to the current ones I've listened to my backward to go backward no I haven't listened to the back catalog at all you just started where you started and then yeah just a bad an active acted like you discovered America scrub through and try to hear my name and if i'm not talked about i don't listen to it that's pretty much what i do nice god damn what that burp tastes like oh it was bad uh i tried to get uh mexican food from this place habaneros called in the order uh accidentally

called the pueblo location which i didn't know existed and it's never been the first thing the first google result when i've when i've looked it up before so i got done dirty and also blew it you know it's not like so would you like it wasn't my fault did you no obviously not that would be almost as dumb as doing what i did, which is go to the Trinidad one and then get mad at the girl working for no fault of her. I really didn't. I started to get annoyed with myself because I got scared that I almost certainly blew it. And I did. And I didn't have my phone with me. I blew it even more because i didn't bring my phone with me i left it to charge and so when she yeah so when when the young lady was like oh yeah we don't have an order for

you did you call the right location i was like i don't know i think so i couldn't confirm so i just had to leave and i was fucking annoyed and then i got got home. And of course, I called Pueblo. And so I had to call. I had to call the Habaneros in Pueblo and say, hi, I'm an idiot. And I called you. And I live in Trinidad. Can I get a refund for the food that you made? And it was Carlos. And he was like, no, fucker.

No way. That's your fucking problem, dude. That's fucked up, dude. You expect me? God damn it. Viva la raza. Viva habaneros. Chinga tu madre, cabrón.

Yeah, Carlos doesn't know what any of that means. But... Hey, fucker uh so yeah i i felt like an ass but i did ask for my money back and now all i can do i owe i owe the pueblo habaneros an order i need to spend some money there i need to tip them but yeah i got my money back and we had a couple of uh frozen pizzas instead i was so angry i had to have two instead of one frozen pizza from safeway i was like damn it i'm still gonna overeat it was a big good one two big good ones no they're two little small thin crusts safeway brand pizzas uh but yeah i had to i had to shove for sure i had to i had to eat my feelings so that i could uh be less angry with myself

i've done that before where i'm like hungry and then i'm like this it takes me forever to decide what i want to eat i'm probably really hung over and then i like find forever to decide what I want to eat. I'm probably really hungover. And then I find out that I fucked up and ordered at the wrong store, and then it's like a two-hour ordeal, and you just want to be at home eating. It's the worst. Yeah. Megan suggested that we order from another place so I didn't have to go back with my tail tucked between my legs and be like, I'm stupid.

I would do my Patrick voice. I'm stupid. I called the wrong store. And then I got mad at you for no reason. So, yeah, I didn't even want to go to a new place. I was over it. And luckily we had some frozen beef so that I could just eat here tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll fight another battle.

Hopefully I can have habaneros without incident, without fucking blowing it. What's your order? Yeah. What's your order? Whoa. Nice. That was crazy. Yeah.

We're on the same page. Look at the chemistry of the B team over here. Yeah, not bad. So, Habaneros, they have those grilled chicken tacos that are very tasty. They're a lot like the Del Taco grilled chicken taco. Small, but a bunch of chicken, a little sour cream instead of whatever jizz whatever jizz like sauce del taco uses it's like ranch i think yeah but it's not whatever it is you know it's pretty good uh the the habaneros chicken tacos are solid and a little bit a little

bit bigger and so those are really good and then uh a lot of times I like to get the carne asada fries or nachos because it's just like any family-owned small Mexican place. The nachos with a bunch of shit on them or the fries are really tasty. This time I wasn't going to do that. We tried to get a bean burrito chili relleno burrito and some chicken tacos but alas

wasn't it another day brother wasn't meant to be hopefully the Habaneros in Pueblo was able to give my food a good home maybe a family meal eight people working there get to eat what what yeah megan and i were gonna have mostly me i like to eat twice as much as megan they probably love a

refund i hope so yeah the owner doesn't but the employees do yeah i stuck it to the man up there in pueblo town the owner's like nope we just gotta throw it away yeah that would suck god damn it right on mike right on cue uh we got another letter for dr pat this one comes to us from tinsley in orchard park illinois she asks dr pat i get my period every day of my life what should i do god damn every day that's tough uh how do you how do you plug up your pee hole without uh getting filled up like a water balloon. I think is what she was saying. Well, I mean, I'm trying to translate it. It's kind of a broad question.

I can't save you, Tinsley. You haven't encountered this before. I like to imagine you in a hospital with the old school mirror on your head. Yeah. No, what is that? Was that a stethoscope? If they just listen to it, the heartbeat with their forehead, that'd be pretty fun. The little mirror thing?

I know what you're talking about. Like the little round thing, and then they pull it over their eye. Yeah, it was to reflect the light down to where they were looking. It was slightly concave. I forgot you were a doctor in the 70s and then for sure dude that malpractice suit uh yeah you've lived several lives before before we met oh yeah dude i like this i like uh carlos You're older than me, Pat. You're fatter than me. This rules. I get to be the Sam. I get to be the one

poking fun. Did we just establish that you're just like five pounds lighter than me or something? I'm grosser than you in a way because you're taller. Yes, we did, but I thought you'd forget because you're dumb. We're back did. But I thought you'd forget because you're dumb.

We're back. I rule. I'm back to holding court. Shit. What else? I would say to that young lady in Illinois that she needs to steal, beg, borrow and steal as many pads and tampos as possible mostly pads right you don't really want to shove or you get a you get a diva cup i've heard those are cool as well yeah just spray in everywhere and you have that everywhere you go and it's the new breastfeeding in public where it's like look I bleed every goddamn day

oh I got it I actually know what Tinsley should do what you should start doing like become a noise musician and just free bleed on stage and like everyone will start coming to your shows and thinking it's really badass oh just lean into it just free bleed on stage is what i say oh god might as well get paid for it right yeah commodify commodify your dead eggs turn it into cash turn it into a claim so there's just one giant egg that's been bleeding inside what's going on oh who knows i showed i'm sure i showed my ass by thinking that a woman could bleed every day uh that's right tinsley was made up she is my creation you sick fuck gross uh moving on moving on dr pat i have a question for from me come on okay uh guys are more my uh speed

yeah what would you let's say you are intersex you have a penis and a vagina which one do you go with as a doctor oh when they're born no well yeah but you're so let's say you're let's say you're an adult let's say you're like almost 18 and and are you gonna pick one are you gonna try to have both what are you gonna do that's tough i feel like that every uh i don't know i've never been in that situation. I'm going... Doctors only know about things that they've personally been through. They're both...

I'm a reasonable doctor. I'm a doctor of the people. I like to sit on the floor with them. Really get into their minds. You make your patients sit on the floor? Yeah. And then you act like you're doing something cool by joining them on the floor instead of having somewhere for them

to sit that's some life coach bullshit let me level with you you have no chairs you have you have any doctor everywhere you don't have any butcher paper on top of the the plastic uh reclining uh stoop yeah no stirrups just an empty room have a seat like where right here and then you sit on the floor first like come on what are you better than a doctor you can you sit on the floor first like come on what are you better than a doctor you can't sit on the floor you start dominating them right away fucking with them just gaslighting them there's no light on until you enter the room it's like jesus doc i've been in here on the ground for 45 minutes aren't you to look at my penis and vagina? Check this out.

Are they both fully formed? I feel like I'm worth the wait. Yes, they both rule. The hog is sick. The cooch is top notch. Why not just switch back and forth at your leisure?

Or just be both all the time well yeah that is an option that's what i wanted to hear do you do you stay with both or do you pick one okay well no i'm not i'm yeah i'm i'm not transphobic or anything like sam yeah sam sucks uh can't read can't wait to read his next book so we can see uh who he brutalizes and gets away with it because it's quote-unquote fantasy quote-unquote fiction and not uh an account of his secret life more ends than mark twain yeah let's see how many uh which which uh which word is going to be used more n or poor scene uh i'm sure there'll be a couple of fat fucks in this book that will be described as

uh behemoth like and uh unwieldy yeah do you ever books? Do you ever read Cormac McCarthy? Patrick? I've read a couple Cormacs. I've been bad about reading. I read Sam's book. And then I reread Dune recently. That was fun. Is that one big old book?

Or is that a few books? It's just the first one. It's pretty big. It's huge, right? right yeah i haven't read it i don't have the energy to read any more of them though reading stuff uh i haven't read in a long time yeah me too i try to read boom fall asleep noah too i called noah i was like what are you doing he's like i'm trying to read oh yeah because he like didn't have internet and i was like let me not go over to your house yeah but 70 years old jesus christ well yeah something was going on his internet is included with his uh group home rate they just take it out of his

check he's getting taken advantage of like the old folks in better call saul which i am almost caught up on i think it's more likely that he's haggling them and they're just pissed at him. Yeah. He's trying to play the game. Meanwhile, he's got his pieces in his mouth. You know, he doesn't even know to put them on the board. So he's blowing it.

But he was saying he was trying to read. And I was like, dude, every time I try to read, I just go to bed. That's what he was struggling with as well. Plus, he was cranking as well. Plus he, he was cranking his AC for a long time. And I was like, dude, be careful.

Cause that adds up. And so then, then when I get to his house, it's just off middle of the day, it's off. And I was like, dude, you're going to die.

You're going to suffocate in your own apartment because you don't know how to have your AC on for a few hours a day it's just all or nothing yeah with this young man oh god bless him he's gonna die on his own for sure he's gonna die in his own place because uh you know the water gets turned off for a couple hours and then he doesn't think to go get some from 7-Eleven. It's going to wither away. It's going to overheat like a baby in a car. Listen to Chicken and the Nuggets. No, nobody wants to from this pod.

Believe me. They're just going to find it and shit on it. And I'm not saying to do that, listeners. Do not act like I'm not saying to do that. Listeners do not, uh, act like I'm puppet mastering over here. I am saying leave poor Noah. We tried to have him be a part of the pod and almost immediately. Sam again,

just zeros in on a dead cousin. And it turns into this whole thing where I'm sure he likes and hates us. And I don't know if we'll ever be able to repair what's been damaged. He just needs to separate. It's just death. Come on, Noah. It's funny. He looks like a toad guy.

It's funny. He had a disease. And Sam made fun of him for it. That's funny. He had a disease and Sam made fun of him for it. That's all. And not even the adult version of him, but the even more sympathetic version of him was mocked and ridiculed. He's in heaven. He's laughing at it.

He likes it. He likes it. He's laughing with us. He's laughing with us. we're not laughing at him it's fine because sam says it's okay he's the judge and the jury ultimately toad gets to decide if we're laughing with him or laughing at him and he's dead so who In the game of life, are you going to be a toad? Or are you going to be a bako? God. We're creating our own language.

That's for sure. And I don't know if that's. You could be a guiguo, a bako. Yeah, well, yeah. I guess there's a few. There's a few options. But I feel like bako is the lion and Toad is the sheep. And there's an obvious choice for some.

And it's like, yeah, sure. Strength, whatever. But what about the fucking complexities of day-to-day life? There's a lot of gray area out there. That's right. And ideally, we'd all be To there's a lot of gray area out there that's right and ideally we'd all be toad a being of pure light yeah following his dreams anyway we should stop talking about him i swear i left him off of a post when i when i when i celebrated 10 or 2 10 years jesus two years of chubby b i didn't say anything about toad and somebody in the comics did and i was like god damn it noah's never noah's

never gonna let me stay with him again anyway yeah i brought it up too or yeah you might have brought it up no i don't i try to be a good friend and not fucking jab him in the ribs uh literally or metaphorically and anyway that was a lot of fun last year god we uh at high plains we we ended the episode with noah storming Mutiny and saying, shut the fuck up. He was standing right next to him. Oh, yeah. And I was like, dude, they're talking to him. I was like, because he came walking in and I just pointed at him.

I started laughing. He was like, what? I was like, dude, they're ripping you. And he was like, what? And then he stood there and he started laughing a little bit. But then those laughs turned into nervous chuckles. And then then when you're like i was like no it's right here and then you guys were like no come up and he was like oh shit and he's trying to get away i'm glad that you pointed and laughed at him i'm sure that's like exactly what he hates about

it was hilarious the Yeah, I know. But to point at him, God damn it. You ever been up to Alaska, either of you? No. No, never been. What about Hawaii? I've been to Hawaii.

You're not supposed to go. Why? The locals don't want us there. All we do is go there and make the hotel owners richer, and then they continue to fuck over their staff. I don't know. It's complicated, but we certainly used to think that it was just like yeah we go there and we spend our money there and that's a good thing but that it's it's not really true

yeah i've watched that hbo max show too what was that shit called i heard about it before that what is that's what is it what it's about what's it called white white lotus yeah it's really good but i went to uh kawaii the little island to officiate a native's wedding so i feel like i got a pass nice yeah actually i suppose you did my first wife marrying a haole though fuck my first wife was half hawaiian oh yeah like we never went there her dad her dad was like full hawaiian like he lives on um what's that one nobody goes to uh god starts with the k oh kawaii the time no no no no it's the other one It starts with a K. Oh, Kauai. No, no, no, no.

It's the other one. Kona? No, it's like just locals only over there. They don't even like people. What is it called? Oh, no, sorry. It's called Molokai. Sorry, I thought. I was thinking because where he lives is called Kauai.

Kakawate is peanut in Spanish, so I don't think that's correct no i didn't say okay i said molokai molokai yeah that's where he lives but he's also he her dad is the the organist for pearl jam well he's boom gas bar i don't know cool so whatever oh i was i do you know who cephalic carnage is yeah yeah i've heard of him yeah uh i was talking to like a newer open mic comic and he was like yeah my dad's in was in a metal band in denver and i was like what band and he was like cephalic carnage i was like whoa it made me feel really old yeah right yeah my dad's 43 yeah that's funny it's pretty cool uh did you ever see them perform see them live were they

all over denver for sure i i like i never really listened to them but like they would always i feel like they would always be on shows with bands that i went to see i feel like i've seen them a few times okay yeah it's carlos you ever see them oh yeah i've seen them a few times do they rock yeah they're pretty dope okay good yeah they're they're a little bit harder than what i like but they're they were pretty good for being you know a local band that hard yeah i was like oh fuck yeah these guys are freaking pretty sick so yeah yeah no they're pretty i just remember like being in like high school and like them being like oh they're from denver and they're like the biggest metal band like heavy heavy metal they got they got big

uh globally i don't know yeah they did because they've been on a lot of huge festivals that i've heard like you know something like helsinki death fest and all that but even uh who's it feather and bone was just at helsinki i just saw them at the dive recently they're so good they're so loud feather bone is dope primitive man is huge denver's metal scene rocks yeah they're snap some very big big ones and um what's the other one too um yeah fucking oh dude the big they're uh fuck what is i know who you're talking about we'll have it because another one that they were pretty big. They had a lot of big albums. They were pretty dope. They were ever local.

Damn. Shit, dude. Who's those? Start with a K. Yeah. Oh my god. Concentration camp. I don't know. They're both with K's. I just smoked too much weed.

I don't know. I'll tell you guys. Like Mouth King. Concentration camp with a k with k's yeah uh did cephalic carnage do the thing where you couldn't read their fucking logo uh i think it was pretty i think theirs was like more like sci-fi or something i think it was like pretty legible okay because god i know it's been made fun of a million times over but it is so funny to me when you still like i it's something that should have come and gone like once people made fun of a logo looking like a you know like a scratched up leather chair or you know whatever the fuck but god damn it sticks it endures yeah yeah where you there's so many where you just you can't like i have read enough

of those to be able to like you know i would say i've got a little bit of a train die for it and therefore if i can't read it it's hilarious because nobody can except for like maybe uh you know like such a devoted yeah like such a devoted metalhead or font guy where it's like yeah i can see the little uh till days and the fucking yeah i can crack the code fucking instead of davinci it's the bako code yeah that's just you can't fucking unless you're about ready to kill your whole family whoa what's happening for a while sorry oh you got a fucking feedback loop the files if this file corrupts that was that's their logo okay yeah they they weren't going for weren't going for that trend in metal.

The spidery. Yeah. I think for a while, bands were trying to one up each other on how ineligible it was. Yeah. I also have definitely made fun of, I think on stage, I used to try to do a joke about a particular lineup I saw in the Westward years years ago where it was just like, come on. Like, I mean, cephalic carnage is pretty ridiculous too. Cause it's like, well, what is, what is that a bump on the noggin? Like brain, brain fart, you know, like skull, skull chaos. But there's so many,

there were so many bad ones where it was like dying fetus. And it's like, Jesus Christ, dude. Like, yes, of course, that is a very gross, like dark thing to fucking name your band. Yeah, but I mean, even that is like goat whore. Goat whore? I don't think either of those are as dumb as dying fetus. Like, what's he dying of? Old age?

I was like, oh, God. I'm barely holding on. That's deep, dude. That's got them they're just gonna beat the shit out of me next time they see me uh god yeah the lineup was i can only think of dying fetus but like the other bands were also just crazy where i was like god that's on your merch that's how people know you yeah again your whole thing i remember going to like warp tour all the time in high school and college and like every kid sure just had big cuss words on it it's so funny suck my fuck damn i mean that's pretty cool that's pretty cool though like you buy a hat that says that then your mom knows you're calling the shots now yeah like get on your knees bitch like back when

it was cool to be all misogynistic in metal music was that uh was that shirt the one that had bugs bunny dressed up like crisscross he's holding it and he's holding a gun at you that's i'd wear that he's pointing a gun at you and he has a backwards hat on and his clothes are on backwards and it says you know what i don't like is uh and i and i hadn't seen it in a long time is uh and until maybe you patrick you might be the reason i saw this online but i don't like when uh classic like beloved cartoon characters are smoking weed like the simpsons i don't i don't i don't want homer and bart to be smoking weed together like come on they don't smoke weed like they're not you you know

like why make them like you you don't like the fan fix fan fiction the weed fan fiction no and sam and i have talked about uh the porn intellectual property like we don't like that either sometimes it's kind of cool to just see the uh the ad you know like the picture where it's like oh hell yeah lois's tits rule but i would i have never and will never watch them uh watch a video of them banging because the voices wouldn't be right and i don't like when they some voices wouldn't be right i don't like when they smoke weed because, yeah, it just makes me feel weird. I remember even being a kid and loving The Simpsons and thinking that I would love weed. Spoiler alert.

I do. And I did. But, yeah, it makes me feel icky to have some other person be like, yeah. And then, look, it's Bart smoking a bong. And it's like, did you talk to Matt Groening about this? Is Matt Groening making money off of this? Because if he's not, then it doesn't. I don't feel right.

He's made enough, Lund. Come on. I love a bootleg shirt. I'd wear, like, Homer and Bart hotboxing. That's cool. I'd wear that shirt. In Marge's That's cool. I'd wear that shirt. No. In Marge's car?

She's got to get to work. Or in the garage. In the garage with the car on? Come on. I did. Because that's what you were thinking. I think it's really funny. But I think it's funny in a different way than I think The Simpsons is funny.

I think it's funny in a different way than I think the Simpsons is funny. Don't you think it's corrupting a great thing and making it base? It corrupted itself. It's still on the air. Yeah. God, I'm going to puke on my own dick. Dr. Pat. own dick dr pat pizzas are there any are there any benefits medically or uh hygienically to puke on your own dick and balls this comes to us from not nathan in just outside of trinidad colorado

um what's up no nathan i uh i i i'm surprised i am i'm excited to hear this question because yes, this is something I've been preaching to a lot of people lately is there are many benefits to throwing up on your dick aside from stretching your balls out and rewilding your dick like I've told people to do in the past. like i've told people to do in the past um throwing up on your dick is very good for your dick uh it the the the natural bile in your throw up will soak into your balls and it will make you more fertile it'll make you it'll it'll increase your testosterone it'll make you primal which is what we need did you say sex you're talking about rewilding your balls? Yeah. Have you seen that guy? No. He's like, they just did a pre it's like, you know, channel five, the YouTube channel used to be all gas, no breaks.

Okay. No, I'm, I'm 40. Carlos is 50. So we don't know. Well, I'm sure your listeners will know, but he just interviewed this guy. But he's like a, I don't know, he is like a fake guru-like guy. And his whole thing is like he gets with these other guys and they like hold each other's balls and look into each other's eyes and like remind each other of their own manhood. And it's like supposed to make you more fertile for women or something oh so you're you're ripping off a

more successful no he's a psyche I just think rewild is a fun hey but that's what he talks that's what he's saying is happening is you're putting more what you're returning wild into your balls you're making them feral again it's all i don't really understand what his point is because it's stupid and fake but it's really it's not he's a psycho it's not satire and he's not a character he's trying to yeah tell people to grab their friends balls and yank on them and yell at them so that they can bang gooder. Yeah. Oh man. I love it. So let's check that out.

Uh, well, Blunderfield, that's his name. Okay. Well, let's not platform him. Some of our listeners are pretty fucking malleable.

I don't want, I don't, I don't want them yanking. I don't want them yanking on their balls. I want them joining the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth. There are so many great episodes on there. Patrick's on there.

Carlos is on there. Loving it. Sam and I just did an episode together. He was in Alaska. I was in Trinidad. We're both living our best lives. Alaska. I was in Trinidad. We're both living our best lives. I'm exploring

the wild frontier of the small town in Southern Calo. That's the Alaska of Colorado, I've been told. Yeah, a lot of guns and bears and sixth grade educations. So,

like I said earlier, Sam and I are going to be together recording a bunch in the same room uh we'll be a part of high plains i don't know if the uh podcasts will be but last year was a lot of fun uh ask anybody except for noah and it was a good time so hopefully we'll get to do that again and uh yeah we'll be coming to uh cleveland the first weekend in uh september at hilarities and then uh go bananas in cincinnati one of the best clubs in the country i haven't been and i'm excited to be able to uh to be there with sam and i think shows are the 15th through the 18th i think it's like a th Thursday through Sunday. So a bunch of shows there in the nasty natty. And

yeah, we are somewhere else too. But hey, this is the Patreon. You didn't pay to get fucking sold to sold a bill of goods. Thank you for being a part of the page Chubby Chasers. And yeah, Sam and I

will be back in action soon making fun of patrick and carlos probably i mean god what else what else is there patrick where are you gonna be um follow birthday piss on instagram i'm gonna go to i'm gonna be at elvis fest and we're gonna make an insane video of all these elvis impersonators so we're gonna interview them and things so you're gonna get stomped you're gonna get stomped out they're gonna smell you your sarcasm from a mile away and your irony and they are going it's like the furries they're gonna know and they're gonna get mad we're planning it out. We're going to figure out the perfect tonal balance of trolling to do.

Also, we'll have Alec, who's way more charismatic than I or Kobos. No way. He's good looking, and he'll have a smirk on his face, and an Elvis impersonator is going to wail on him while wearing rings, even more rings than your fucking...

You better wear the predator ring so that you're ready to return the favor so you can defend yourself. I'm bringing my fake gun. But I just got another email from them and they're like, if you're flying in, here's some tips. So people fly in for this thing.

Duh. It's some people's whole lives. We're going to interview some Elvis enjoy enjoyers it's gonna be awesome um for your for your for your podcast the patrick kobos podcast is that right uh kobos kabo's patch cast all right video content though uh cool all right well yeah thank you patrick thank you carlos thank you chubby nation uh love you sam t nation fuck sam fuck o'rains old sid nation old sydney where my london maniacs let's go yeah london maniacs we need a new name for sure uh where are my car lunatics at? My car lunatics.

Shut up. Lunatics. All right, that's it.