Chubby Behemoth - Put Your Raincoats On

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

Extra episodes at Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   Classic Viet Cong. There's Still Time. Josh Blue.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth  

jesus you're a millionaire josh you can't afford a fucking yeti blue microphone uh i guess i could yeah you should buy more land in netherland and not have a microphone you dickhead you beg to be on here so high maintenance high maintenance i thought I thought you were going to say professional, but yeah, high maintenance. We're definitely demanding and bougie. Bougie behemoth. Yeah, we're putting on airs today for you, Joshua.

Yeah, I wasn't expecting this level of bougie. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, we carry ourselves at a very high standard. All right? It's okay. I know. I know. I know you're used to everyone taking care of you.

We still got to work down here in shitville, Josh. All right. I mean, I've heard your podcast. I know what you're working with here, fellas. Yeah, I know. It's a lot of heavy lifting on my part. Shut up. That's just your body.

Okay. Right away. That's him sitting up in bed right away with the nastiness i've listened to your podcast i know what this is about okay yeah you gotta be mean yeah why don't you start us off josh who has them well your whole head won't even fit on the screen okay i think i think josh was the first of the uh denver comics to hit me with the uh like i crushed at comedy works went off stage and josh was like hey when are you up and i was like god damn it what i think he was that was the first time i got smacked with that i know that's a made-up story because you said you crushed it comedy shut up i crushed i remember i wrote it down what was this 2009 what'd you crush the stool come on

the soles of his shoes yeah my arches yeah crushing arches the host toes who was hosting bob metals uh likely i don't know it was a while it was a while ago because i didn't know josh very well and after that you know lou liked to do that fucking uh who else phil palislaw would do it that's just an old school uh welcome to the club thing you know yeah yeah no it No, it's very fun. My favorite one of those is, wow, this line-up's a real who's that of comedy. I love that one. That was a Mikey Long. That sounds like a Mikey Long for sure.

Yeah. Guys, we should probably introduce our guests. We are joined today, you might know him from Dawson's Creek, everyone, Joshua Jackson, everybody. They probably know me better from your impression of me, Sam. Oh, no. So that's actually not me. That's Becker.

No. That's a Becker bit. I would never. You know, I'm nothing but respectful to you Josh nothing is hurtful but it's it's it's not accurate either so God people I don't know people could tell if that was me are you talking that's my impression of your impression of me so thank you so much i mean i really crawl inside of people and hollow them out and become them when i do impressions you have to say your own name a bunch of times that's when sam when you know sam's doing an

impression if it's a character that says their own name several times i'm glad that you guys uh coordinated to get to to do this because you hit us up like a while back and said you would do the pod he hits me up once a week and he's offered me just some money we never made it happen we we made sure to have Noah Reynolds and Patrick Richardson on the pod, but we didn't try to get you, so I'm glad that we... They're repeat visitors and what's a cripple got to

do to get the pod, man? I understand. It's all Sam. I'm a puppet master. I'm trying to suppress you. Actually, the reason why I started listening to your pod is because I heard there was an impression of me on there. You only started listening because you're a narcissist? Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, I heard the impression was so good that I ran for my money. I've actually been doing cameos as you josh well if you'd like to start touring as me as well you could see what a real career looks like josh i don't think i could remember all the callbacks you have this delicate lattice work of callbacks you're building up too i love josh josh blue is our guest today everyone i if you guys couldn't tell 10 minutes in by the grunting and squeaking and it's not because he doesn't have a microphone that's just how he sounds yeah we need a microphone and a speech pathologist to clean this up uh-huh we need an old priest and a young priest to get that devil out of you

i josh i just want to tell this fun story josh and I were at the club one night and uh Mark Maron was was on and Josh was tuning up for like the finals of America's Got Talent or something it was like a big thing and you were trying to get like five to seven minutes together right it was three to four minutes right yes so even even less time and uh and josh asked mark maron and you've done his podcast i mean you guys are you know friendly at least yeah yeah and you asked him uh it was a two-man show it was me and maron and you asked to do four minutes to tune up for your big show and marin said no and then it became personal and josh was like okay yeah you don't want to follow me huh we'll have fun with sam and then

as i'm on stage these are marin's first like shows back in a while and josh is just standing in the curtain area at comedy works as i'm crushing and Josh is over there like Mr. Burns like yes yes and I could see Marin like freaking out like oh my God I was like no way this guy can follow Sam

yeah Josh was very happy and I'll go ahead and say proud in that moment well I even said that I was like I'm gonna stick around to watch this train wreck yeah i tell my dad i told my dad that story and he now he tells it to the women that he's chicken hawking in the grief groups that's his intro a lot you know my son buried mark maron yeah just josh blue's delight yeah josh blue was watching my dad's trying to get laid he doesn't name drop maron he named josh's

he name drops josh that's what he's doing yeah that's more my demographic older women yeah with dead husbands demographic older women. Yeah, with dead husbands. Or sons. There's all these ladies in the grief groups who, like their kid died like 17 years ago and they're still

going in there. It's like, come on. Get over it. Yeah. So anyway, Dad, wrap it up. You know? I don't want any little brothers or sisters. So anyway, Dad, wrap it up, you know? I don't want any little brothers or sisters.

Jesus. Josh, it would be a lot easier for you to join in if you weren't talking through a tin can on a string. Yeah, well, you know, man, due to my palsy, I'm not able to... Oh, wow. Would we want to hear this the whole time? He held it with a bad hand. You can do it hands-free. Yeah, set it down.

I'm sorry I'm not up-to-date on my technology for you guys. That's alright. You're busy kicking soccer balls and cashing checks. We understand. Touching. Yes. Easy. This isn't a Patreon.

He said touching. Yeah, yeah, sure. Now Josh, do you want to introduce us to... Was this your nurse? Who else is on screen? My nurse. She's a big fan as well. Hey, Mercy mercy how are you hi great thanks mercy's a huge fan of the pod and she's actually the one that got me into the pod so uh you know i'm really just here for her yeah wow you're really distancing yourself from our fandom

right away you came in sweet and now you're sour yet again. You're like a nerd's rope. I keep trying to join the Patreon and Josh won't let me. Oh, you're going to get on there. Because he gives you an allowance. Yeah. Goes over your expenses.

Oh, no. We're not paying for that trash. Come on. Come on. Josh blows his nose with hundred dollar bills just open the window to the alley and you can hear the bums fighting over who gets the closest to the trash can fire and it's the same thing for free now mercy as a fan you might be wondering who's this other guy uh it's Becker. He's not black. It is. Yeah, it's not what I was picturing, but I did hear the episode where we explained his ethnicity.

Yeah, he's Loation. Laotian. Laotian, excuse me. He's Frank Ocean. Josh, didn't you get in a little bit of trouble in Laos or something recently vietnam no i got i went to visit my brother and i got super sick uh they pulled the old uh sell me a water bottle that was refilled trick oh damn classic vietcong trick yeah

that's how they almost won that war. And then they put bamboo shoots under my fingernails. Yeah. In the hospital. We're just going to put in an IV. You thought your stomach hurts. Now were you doing a racist impression or is that just how you talk? That was the same impression.

No, it's the phone. It's the phone. Yes, it's the phone. Yeah, I saw you in a Vietnamese hospital bed and I was like, what did he have? Like leg lengthening surgery? What was he doing over there? Second penis. And he come back six foot five and hung.

I'm going to come back six foot five and hung. I'll tell you though, the Vietnamese hospital was amazing. It was way better than American. I was like, next time I get sick, I'm going back to Vietnam. Yeah, there was a lot more mosquito netting. Just timing. They just had me in there within minutes and pumping me with IVs and I don't know what they put in me. Well, they thought you were some kind of trickster god, I think.

They had to honor you. How much did it cost? $200. Jesus Christ, dude. Cat scans and medications. And it was like, IV, it was, I mean, unbelievably cheap. It was great.

You were in there for a couple days? No, just like seven hours. Oh, okay. But yeah, 200. You were in there for seven hours? You're really milking those posts. I thought you were in there for a month. I posted one picture. An hour for three days.

I just kept refreshing it. I was like, what's going on? Is he okay? He's still broken. Yes. Josh, your brother's Vietnamese or something?osh your brother's vietnamese or something yeah yep that's it what do you mean that's it isn't that true like becker's law laudation well my brother lives in vietnam he's uh he's been there for a while back in the day he said if george bush jr won the election he would

leave america and he did and he never came back he was the one guy that followed through on that a lot of people said that yeah same with trump and they didn't actually yeah that's pretty cool your brother was like no i'm serious yeah he's like i'm out damn yeah he's a trip though if you ever go to canada let me not introduce you to my brother we can't stay with him come on I need a place to dry out that's not gonna be with him bro I'll be like hey Terry lay down another bamboo mat the big man's coming I want to see you on a bamboo mat somehow I snapped the bamboo even though it's on the ground

yeah yeah just like old Lund crushing the stage yes Josh it must have been fun for you because you're like my connection to old Denver comedy you know like

you were around before Caden Holland and Ben Roy right You're my connection to old Denver comedy. You know? Because you were around before Caden Holland and Ben Roy, right? Yeah, I was a little bit ahead of them. I feel like I was the liaison between the old school and the new school. Exactly. Yeah, it was a cool time for sure. Well, yeah. Because you were friends with, like I said, Mike Long Long Troy Baxley they all liked you then I was

just like a nervous fat boy 2007 trying not to stink in the green room and then you were nice to me and then as soon as you were nice to me like Mike Long had to like you know not spit directly into my mouth he would aim for my forehead Kearns wouldn't grab the tip of my dick he grabbed by the base

so it hurt less God it was rough back in the day you weren't around man you were back in Vegas I came in in 08 it was a different time you were on the scene when in 07 Sam that's when you started yeah I was in the finals of the contest in 07

that was the year that Baumauer it was in the finals of the contest in 07 and that was the year that Baumauer broke both of his hands before the show yeah bike riding or whatever whatever it was yeah definitely not uh you know improvising an abortion or whatever it was it definitely wasn't handling it as he used to call it yeah ccob taking care of baby now josh i know this might be this might go against your family friendly uh brand it's so funny it's so yeah so like i i was in the finals of the contest in 07 and it was like me and roger norquest and you used to go for the for the contest you'd go and you draw a number out of a bucket and that was the number you went up and i remember i came in right after bomb hour who at that point was like actively mean to me

like you know like he was not pulling any punches and bomb hour drew a number out and he was like all right seven and then he put it back in and then i drew a number out and it was number one and it turned out years later he told me that he actually drew number one and just lied and said it was seven so i went on it was like the fifth time i'd ever done stand up i fucking bombed and then i was just standing in the back with roger norquist like aware of the fact that my career at this point was ruined you know know, after my fifth time on stage. And Wendy walked in and she turns to Jim Hickok's RIP and she says, and she says, who's the giant stoned guy? And I was like, who's this? This waitress is pretty mouthy.

What's going on here? Yeah, man. yeah man so like oh seven i think is when i really came alive i was 19 my shoes didn't fit did you ever win the contest no i did not there's still time that would be crazy i'd get knocked out by like sammy anzer or something because i you know didn't do the robot well enough it would be you have to say who what you look like eight times right yeah that's the key to uh to a solid contest set yeah i look like a guy with another thing i look like a guy but a little different the last time i did it i didn't make it past the second round and i was like well this is this is the it's so embarrassing what i don't i don't remember that yeah dude bob gaudette knocked me out well you little you little bitch that's hilarious you did it london yeah i'm uh when i moved to denver in 0, it had already started. So I, I was in the contest.

Oh nine and 10 and 11. And I made the finals each time. Um, I think I might've won the first year, but Troy Walker got it. Like he went up first and had a good set. I went up like sixth and destroyed. And so like everybody thought I had it,

but he won. And I think it might've been because the year before was when, or wait, or maybe it was two years before when Sam was talking about Baumhauer. Because he won, or he tied with Troy. Yeah, Troy won back to back, that fucking psychopath. Yeah, except I think maybe that was a consolation. I don't know. I mean, he had a good set set but he was first and how deep does this thing go yeah deacon might have uh kept that gate i don't know because i was brand i had just i had been there less than a year or whatever but i think deacon had a hard spot for troy i'm just kidding he's dead he can't defend himself

on his deathbed i'm like hey you gave it to troy right and he's like what and i'm like 2009 he's like what he's like can see god he's like he's on his way are you the archangel are you here to carry me across the river he can see angels and i'm just like dude did you fuck me or what because that would it would have been cool if i could have won it right out the gate when i did the contest uh i i was in the finals and i was like second to last and i just i had a killer crusher set and the poor guy that went on after me, and it's just so damn funny. He's like, every day I wake up and I'm just so grateful that I don't have cerebral palsy. And then he goes, tomorrow,

I don't think it's going to be one of those days. Who was that, Michael Carter? It was like Mike Shevin or something. I don't know. It'd be funny if it was carter and you crush so bad that he follows you and then he goes home and hangs himself he's like well jesus christ also why are you making michael carter 50 years old he was he wasn't around in 2004 yeah josh won the contest in 1988 i forgot no what year was that oh five josh oh four i believe yeah because i remember i i came down to a new talent night my senior year of high school i was like 17 and i came in and i saw you

and you fucking leveled and i was like oh you can do stand-up like that because like my my grasp of stand-up at that point was like oh i think dimitri martin is funny you know like uh you know like we're all like hedberg guys at that point and then you just see a guy fucking destroy at a comedy club and you're like oh you can just be funny the whole time you have to take these weird awkward pauses you can just destroy it's so much more fun isn't it dude i know i mean london probably doesn't agree with us but that's how we like to do it shut up i mean i love hedberg but yeah i also knew about different stand-up i didn't know one guy like you yeah i grew up i grew up with larry miller man the king it was, Richard Belzer. I was watching a lot of Larry

Miller on Comedy Central and Poundstone, of course. Yeah, she didn't do anything wrong. She got away with it, didn't she? She touched a Vietnamese kid, actually. Yeah. But she was interrogating him, so it was fair. She put bamboo in his pee hole oh

we walked mercy that's not good yeah she's like uh now that i can see them this is not as good what else is on I think you guys, how long had you guys been together when we, when I joined you on that road trip, you guys have been together for like a month and then I'm in the car yeah it wasn't a very long time, less than a year

for sure where did we play, we played Wyoming no we did like Durango and For sure. Where did we play? We played Wyoming. No. We did like Durango and Pagosa or something? Steamboat? You're nothing to him, Lund. You're just another fat guy who pitches on gas.

No, it was just funny because they were excited to have a weekend together, but then I got in the car. I was like, me too. It's Josh and Mercy and Nathan Lund. like a weekend together but then i got in the car i was like me too oh yeah it's josh and mercy and nathan lund featuring nathan lund and one's here he doesn't have a car and put his big head between us and like hey yeah just breathe on the side of your heads for a few days yeah josh josh goes to make the move where he yawns and puts his arm around her and Lund's like I'm tired too

that was Wyoming we went to with my kids right Lund wasn't that oh yeah the kids yeah weird shows with the kids too yeah that was when you blasted yourself with a drink

right and yeah yeah it's like i opened a soda and then sprayed everywhere with the bad arm and then yeah your daughter was like get your raincoats ready next time i open it she's like everybody put your raincoats on. Everybody be careful. Daddy's opening a drink again. It's not even carbonated. He opens milk. It still explodes. That's wild, too, because they were so small. And then I just saw them.

And you were so big. At the Christmas party. And they are little adults now. Little young, little YA's. Little teens. It is insane, really, guys. My recommendation is don't have kids.

Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I'm not gonna. Lunn can't. His uterus is ruined. Yeah. Emily would be a hypocrite. You can't scrape and bring a baby in. You can't scrape and bring a baby in

you can't scrape and bake you can't scrape other people's ovens and then bake in your own oven we need some consistency amongst our doctors that's terrible it is terrible isn't it but also

I'm so glad you guys aren't having a kid you better not yeah You better not. Yeah, we better not. I don't want to. I'll leave her. I'll ditch her ass. I'll leave her barefoot and pregnant in some Reno parking lot. Like so many good fathers before you. Oh, man. I'm trying to think of...

Fuck. I can't remember who was on josh but some guy some guy was in town and he thought he was like hot shit it was like new talent night and he was complaining about not closing the show because it knew talent like you know usually the funniest person gets to close at least that's how it used to be um fuck what was this fucking he was from san francisco and he had like some shitty credit that he kept he kept like hammering oh well i'm not gonna say on the pod come on yeah we made it this far fuck was i think it was pablo francisco dude i think pablo francisco came into new talent

night with sunglasses on and was like i'm going up last right and you were going up last and he had like a fit and he left with his gaggle of weird openers that he keeps around him that's funny yep those were the days yo quiero go last yeah or wait no damn it that wasn't him in a world where i was not closing. Right. That's right. I was doing Carlos Alasdair. Yeah. Damn it.

Yeah. You got it. In a world where I'm doing check drop. Why am I not closing? He used to do the girl boys. Why am I not closing? I want to go up last. Josh, I just ran into someone Louis Michael

Who sends his love to both of you Somewhere in Michigan I don't know where you were He just works with Louis He wrestled him for me Thank you He kept saying that you were threatening him a lot I kept slamming him into the wall in the hallway Yes

Bullying him. He's like a big pork chop of a guy, too. He shouldn't have been able to be so manhandled by me. Yeah, he's like a golden retriever of a human being. It's like someone's shaking keys for him all the time. He loved it. Yeah, he loved you. And he loved Mercy a little more than you.

Well, who doesn't really uh lund lund doesn't he's always saying that he's like i'm a josh guy do you do you do you two know that you know thanks to you we had that wonderful night at coors field watching the Lumineers. Sam's response to such a nice gesture was to take his dick out at our seats and whiz onto my feet, onto my wife's feet. I didn't piss on your feet.

You might as well have. I'll bet there was some splash. I pissed near your feet. You peed in your feet? Yeah, it was on Coors Field. Oh, Lord. I was wearing those short shorts and I snuck it out the bottom and was rocking along

and just happened to be urinating at the same time. Is there a yellow spot in the grass now? Yeah. We'll never grow there again. I cost the Monforts millions of dollars. Yeah, Lon thinks it's so crazy that I cost the Montforts millions of dollars. Yeah. Lund thinks it's so crazy that I pissed out the bottom of my shorts at a concert. There's 900 bathrooms at Coors Field.

I didn't want to leave. Oh, yeah. You were wrapped. You wanted to hear all the hits that you love so much from the Lumineers. I didn't want you to make a move on my old lady. I can't trust you around here. Yeah, he was marking his territory yeah yeah that was that was very cool uh there's 12 year olds with their dads all around us and then he decides to take a piss

where we're staying i couldn't believe it no no there weren't we were in the section where it was like friends and family so it was a bunch of like women with those big undertaker hats posing for selfies. And then just me with my little dick in my hand, peeing on the ground, pretending to sing along. Cause I don't really know any lyrics. So other than that,

it was, it was a very fun night. Yeah, that was great. That is, I'm not going to get that out of my head now. So yeah, it's catchy. I'll never go back to Coors Field.

Yeah, right, dude. You're going to be like playing. You're going to be like doing like three nights at Coors Field soon. You're fucking huge. Let's do it. I always forget like, well, I mean, I don't. What's funny, dude, about you is I see you like I'll come down and watch you like do an hour once a year. And it's just the hardest you can kill in a nightclub.

I don't think anyone kills as hard as you do. And then you get off stage and you're like, these fucking animals. You know exactly what you're doing. You think I'm a puppet master? You're the puppet master. You're up there playing. I'm like a fucking orchestra. And I'm like, you get off and I'm like, whoa.

And you're like, another day at the office. You're worse than me. These callback pigs just waiting for their slop t-shirt bandits dude that thing you do or you used to do where you'd say remember from earlier and like they love it but it's you just like having active disdain i literally call my audience dumb like eight times in the show yes they love it they do they love it the other day like why do they like you and you were like you were like shut up don't look me in the eye somebody brought me a gift at the last show the other day they like handmade this big board and they were holding it

up and i was like what are you doing what are you holding up like i made this for you it took me days i was like i don't want that trash trash like an old lawnmower or something what was on the board it was like it says, Kansas City loves you, Josh. That was just a sign. You leave it in the green room? Yeah, you rip it in half. I gave it to someone else.

But he did hang it up in his bar, so that's cool. Oh, that's good. it has like the kansas city chief's logo i'm like i'm not a chief fan like that yeah yeah what are you a vikings fan unfortunately yeah you're fucking secretly from minnesota yeah man yeah secret now that's out on your pod huh you can you can do the accent now you betcha i can when did you come to denver josh 2001 did you start stand up up there in denver uh well i actually started in college in olympia washington uh oh yeah i went to fucking evergreen yeah i went to evergreen started doing like open mics on campus for like you know music

and poetry and shit that i was up there like hey i got palsy you know they're like boo you're silencing the voice of a poc dude evergreen is weird dude you probably got class credit for like doing open mics oh you know what so actually you know you can create your own courses yeah my senior year i studied stand-up god why do you why do you know so much about it sam because i tried to live in olympia for like a month you did yeah i didn't it was like it was the classic story of moving to washington and the sun didn't come out for 30 days and i was like i can't fucking handle this but my buddy bonzo was living up there with his parents and i lived with them and like during the day i would be so bored i would just

go to evergreen and like audit classes yeah i would just like go sit in and like watch them talk about like japanese puppetry in the 20s and be like, whoa, these kids are so evolved. And also, the girls didn't have very high standards. Oh, you were cleaning up. I did okay. That was the only reason I almost didn't leave Olympia, because I was like, God, my dick is fucking chapped. You know what's really cool? Actually, Evergreen just asked me to do their commencement speech

this year for yeah awesome damn that's cool yeah that is cool yeah that rules are you gonna do it or are you booked i said fuck off man yeah you're like you're like i need a 70 30 door deal the graduates have to pay to get in You're like, I need a 70-30 door deal. The graduates have to pay to get in. I'm actually doing it, and then I'm going to do a show that night in Olympia, too. So it's cool. Dude, Olympia is such a charming town. When you were up there, dude, was there that old man riding a bicycle covered in cats?

That sounds right. Yeah. Olympia is like the weirdest, weirdest like boulder times a billion it's like even more kitschy and weird whoa i don't know that it's super strange man it's secretly the capital too yeah oh i know about it no you don't i was i know them all that's good lunch we've talked about this before i've proven myself what is that in july uh june damn who are you gonna open steve yeah you were going to open, Steve. Yeah. I got to get to work on writing a speech, though.

Yeah. I mean, put some callbacks in there. You'll be fine. Oh, I am. You know I can. Oh, man. You're going to kill. Yeah, I'm definitely oh man you're gonna kill

yeah i'm definitely uh gonna make the faculty nervous i know that much yeah but then they can't be mad at you because they're like so progressive there right exactly yeah you're gonna be brave no matter what you say up there yeah automatic standing ovation damn strange you're gonna have a lot of signs that you have to throw away yeah i love that trash olympia olympia loves you no all the signs are gonna say hate is not welcome here stop doing the vietnamese voice we heard you on Chubby B.

Why didn't you have a microphone? How's that for a callback for your candy ass? I have no fear that nobody's going to hear me on this anyway. No, man, you're going to get fucking swamped with the most dangerous fan base you've ever come across lung guys attack yeah i was gonna ask earlier uh how much how much of how much money do you make a weekend yeah how much do you how much do you ask for no how how much have you had uh people people come see you after seeing you on America's Got Talent and then being offended or surprised? Do people reach out, email you, or say anything? Or is that more smooth sailing?

It's been surprisingly less than I thought it would be because obviously AGT is such a family friendly show and then I don't give a fuck when you're at my live show I mean I give them the business you know I've only had a few recent ones that were like I was so offended by

the filth that was coming out of your mouth and I was like fuck off i wish i could put this email in the trash but did they come up after the show or was it a was it a message online it was a message later um like right after i toured my tour was uh after i uh did agt my tour was called as not seen on tv trying to give them like yeah this is not what you used to right well josh i don't know i don't know if you can if you want to talk about this but i i feel like you were allegations no i i feel like you you told me well some i you were kind of relieved when you didn't win right yeah um it's one of those things obviously if you win then you get tied into like these contracts

and you got to go to like vegas and be part of the show and i did not want to do that like everybody that did the vegas show just said it was hell on earth they had to do like i think they had to do nine shows a week jesus christ you know 10 minute sets of speaking or all that and just like you know they they want to control every part of it and you know getting third place just let me go and do all this on my own, which is amazing. Well, yeah, because you get all the followers and shit and the people then, but they're buying your tickets.

Right. Yeah. Just the bump I got from this is like, I mean, unbelievable. I mean, if you thought that was a big bump, wait till you get the Chubby Behemoth bump. There's going to be a bunch of people with bumpy heads coming up you know what's weird dude is whenever i meet a female chubby behemoth fan they're like usually a real solid eight like mercy's a beautiful woman mercy

like represents like most of our female fan base but then they always show up with these men that are like toad swallowing like light bulb eaters you know and it's like damn you got to get out of this baby speaking of toad oh no oh shit we're not allowed to talk about him josh is josh can do what he wants yeah you want to talk about toad josh where can we see these pictures you have people draw of him i really want to see that people draw of him yeah dude the draw picture toad yeah remember the toad post one that were like very active on the chub reddit for a while until we suppressed them i guess not i just know yeah it got a little weird because yeah he's dead and so it wasn't uh yeah our other big guest noah reynolds wasn't stoked he won't be stoked

about this either hi noah oh he'll be so stoked that Josh mentioned him at all well I guess he didn't even mention him he just mentioned his dead cousin I do love me some Noah though yeah man me too we're in the minority on that one people hate

him on this podcast because he comes on and we'll be like so Noah how was your weekend and he's like all Marx brothers he just goes straight zeppo he's like he like can't say a sentence that's how he is yeah i know but we like him we're charmed by him i know he's like a comics comic i think or is this like when he's on to watch him you know yeah yeah he's he's steven wright the crowd not so much yeah too bad the too bad the crowd isn't comprised of all comedians because if that was the case noah would be the biggest act in the world be cashing checks i want to i want to bring him on the road with me, but I'm not sure. My people said no.

It's funny because we know who your people are. And they're like very important in the develop of Noah as a Denver comedian. They said not yet. Yeah. Let it marinate they said yeah he needs to get you know more he needs to get 20 minutes together i've had him featured for me a couple times and it's uh i always think he's funny but like every time he's featured for me it's like oh no my mom is here or like uh my grandma's uh friend is here so he's just so nervous and spazzes the whole time

I can see that yeah yeah Josh has any of our friends opened for you and then not been asked back yeah Lund that is not true your people your people like me no no i feel like uh everybody's done really well i mean as you know the denver scene has so many amazing people to draw from and like it's just fun to bring your friends up how many times have we

gone together sam twice maybe uh i think that i've i've done a couple of those like comedy works entertainment gigs with you back in the day but uh you know unlike most of the people who open for you i'm already selling tickets you know yeah well i'm booked well yeah i mean but before you were selling i think you came on a couple times i did dude and you were always the man and you know what i was always fucking surprised by was because i like to have a couple beers but the amount of budweiser's that you can consume without becoming a fucking piss pants rag doll is insane well i already come in as a ragdoll but i've like seen you like drink some epic levels of budweiser bottles and been like oh

fuck i'm gonna have to carry him out of here and then at the end of the night i'm like you know fucking cross-eyed and drooling and you're like yeah fuck back to the hotel with you pigman poke you with a stick dude my favorite thing is watching you clear a pipe. Because it is insane. You've seen this, right, Lon? Yeah. Yeah, where he just has like... Just blast it.

Josh has like fucking, you know, quadruple blown pipes because in order for him to clear them, he has to smack them against any metallic surface he can find and then he'll load another one and there's just like shards of glass in it and he doesn't care it's funny go ahead no i mean that's i gotta get high right guys yeah i was gonna say say, Sam, you just made me think about how funny I have found it where Josh will have a beer and or a joint wherever he wants. And I've never seen anybody say anything. Everybody's weird about it.

And so Josh just will crack one or light one up inside, whatever. And people just be like, oh, yeah, it's so nice to have you here. And you can tell they, you know, if they're like the building owner or something or we're in Nebraska where weed isn't legal, they'll be like, oh, yeah, it's really nice that you came through. But they don't say shit, you know. And so he'll just be like, oh, yeah, we're going to have a good time. Yeah. Just fucking drinking outside smoking inside i've been in a bar and be like hey can i get another one of these and i'll be like

we don't serve that here sir you didn't get dialed in like william montgomery he used to have a backpack with several different bottles and cans of beer so that he could match whatever was being sold in the bar he was yeah if william kept drinking he would sound like josh right now i remember i remember coming in to uh host like pretty early on i don't think i was even paid yet and i was hosting for one of your weekends at comedy works josh and you like you were smoking a joint when I walked in, in the green room.

And I was like, Oh no, like everyone's going to be mad at you. And I was like, what you can, you can smoke joints in here. And he were like, you can't,

but I sold out all these shows. They kind of really don't care about what I do. That rules. It's true. That's what a hippie man. I always said i always defer to the biggest name in the room yeah what they're doing well i mean like they just started unlocking the red bull cooler for me when i headline you know like man that's a big step in a career i know what dude i'm serious i used to go in there and like you know there'd be like 50 people in the crowd on a wednesday and the red bull cooler would be locked and i'd be like oh damn but now that they sell out that cooler is open and active

and i just make noah shotgun them and then i shove them on stage i pulled the weight on that freak. There's definitely a lot of people who, a lot of comics who think that if they're in the green room with somebody who's smoking weed, that they can get in on it. And it's like, nah, it's not really like, I don't know. People just be like, oh, it's cool. It's like, not so much. I would say if you are the one that gets caught with, you know, holding it, smoking it, then it's not. It's like, not so much. I would say if you are the one that gets caught

with holding it, smoking it, then it's not going to work out for you. Yeah, it's like, did you win last comic standing? No. Did you help build this place? No? Yeah, go into the alley. How many Teslas have your weekends bought Wendy?

All the ones that she's had. Yeah, I know. windy i think all the ones that she's had yeah i know uh sam you know the show i remember it was remember we opened for uh kate and holland and the power was out oh yeah that was so much fun that's such an amazing night and then like try and decide whether they're still gonna do it and they're like well the people are here. Let's just light some candles. And we just did it with no microphone and just candles. That was so special.

Well, they didn't want to piss off those 60 people there to see Adam. No, it was like packed and sold out. And there was candles. And they had given away a lot of free tickets. They didn't want people to throw them away and not come back. They didn't want to send home the second server. Tanya needed that money.

I was very jealous when I saw pictures of that night. I was like oh man that looks so cool yeah it was cool remember I got you in the green room that night oh yeah what no what happened remember it was there was no

electricity you know the green room and I was just in there in the dark and then I see I see Sam's bulk come in the door hello clarice yes it's one thing when it's someone in the green room. But when it happens to be Josh, it's all magnified. Yeah, dude, you got my ass so good.

That's so great. Yeah. But also, what you're forgetting is also like Steve AJ was in there and I didn't even notice. Oh, boy. What? Come on. What? I said, oh, boy. Yeah. oh boy what come on what i said oh boy yeah you you're buried in there i'm weighing in i'm writing this down i don't know dude it's really hard for me when I hear the young comics complain about Comedy Works. Because obviously there's 800 people signing

up for New Talent Night. It's different than when we were going down there. And there was 12 of us. But man, I fucking love that club. And I've become such a company man about that place. I have these maternal feelings for Wendy. And if I ever hear anyone

bash the club, I'm like, you don't know shit. I don't know. like i have these like maternal feelings for wendy and like if i ever hear anyone like bash the club i'm like you don't know shit you know i don't know it's very it's very strange of me to like care that much about a place but i really do i mean i feel the same way and i've been you know obviously they took me in early and you know early in my career and what i love about is it's so open to new comics like if you want to go see a show and there's a place for you to go they'll let you in and they want to encourage you to learn how to be a better comic and yeah one thing i saw a lot of too is that people wouldn't take the time to stick around and watch the show or see like i mean, maybe I just had a lot of time on my hands when I was coming up, but I'd be at the club like five, six nights a week

just because they would let me be there and watch all these amazing – like back when Brian Regan was still in clubs. You just see these monster comics, and I got to see that every fucking night. see these monster comics and i got to see that every fucking night it was just a brilliant experience and educated me on the way of the the the club you know like the inner workings like stay out of the way of the servers tip them well you know yeah just all that shit that that i deal with on a weekly weekly basis now yeah i mean well you work as much as anyone alive uh what are have you had any negative experiences on the road with any clubs i mean yeah i i don't like the heart for funny bone oh no thinking what suck it are you ready to burn this bridge?

They know I'm not coming back. There's just something about it. I don't know. Maybe I just had been there, and then they were like, they had me at some nice club for New Year's Eve, and then like a week out, they're like, actually, we need you to go to Hartford instead, and it just like ruined i don't know the clubs are great to me yeah well especially when you're fucking adding shows you're packing those things in right and now since i've been

doing this like 20 years like i know the staff in a lot of places and it's like it's great when you're on the road and you actually know people that you can hang out with and they remember you and you know it's cool yeah there's those clubs that feel like home like when i roll into fucking go bananas and like you know you know everyone there yeah i love it's crazy man i always forget how much i love stand-up and then you talk to someone else who loves stand-up and you're like oh yeah we're the luckiest people alive we're the best you gotta remember yeah yeah uh I think Josh and I have talked about how it is it is funny how sometimes clubs will act like uh that you're just another guy on stage when it's like hey uh you know these are good shows and like you're a good guy so you have not had to deal with that a ton recently but just to sometimes uh get reminded that some people

aren't like stoked like you just said sam you don't you don't always remember that uh it is special so it's always funny to me when clubs will just be like, yeah, if I can, that when the Red Bull fridge is locked. Yeah. Not that comedy works does that. It was because you were a local pod who didn't know it was on purpose. I actually saw Wendy come in and lock the door and then left the green room. And then she locked the green room behind her and was like, no,

no, turn the lights off. Yeah. Yeah. When you're done. Oh, no. Turn the lights off. Yeah.

Yeah. Walk up when you're done. Josh. Yeah. Go ahead. No, I'm just saying that you're right about just this weird family of comedians that not many of us get to do this on a weekly basis. And, and I always come to find that these clubs, like every club, the servers,

there's always like one server. That's the mom server. There's one server. That's the drug hookup. There's one server. That's the, the, the hoe. Yeah,

exactly. There's one server at every funny bone who has a baby by Robert Hawkins. yeah exactly there's one server at every funny bone who has a baby by robert hawkins telling tales out of school that's just a name i was just trying to think of a road dog you could have said like a foggy smith i don't know it's insert funny road dog name here josh are you always gonna do new year's i'm at the point i got hit up to do new year's somewhere and i'm like i don't know dude they're pretty gnarly i didn't do last year and i um i think i'm done with it man yeah it's not you know it's too much work and yeah it's a lot of

work me and lund did comedy club on state for new year's this year and it was a blast but like i think i think especially now for you because when you go places people are coming to see you like new year's is like a big check and it's the nice but uh god that it's such it's such a fucking the emotional labor to quote uh the books nathan leads or reads um is is very daunting and i don't know if i want to keep doing it yeah i don't think it's worth it i really don't we had such a good time what are you talking about i know dude but i had a good time because it was us you know what i mean like bring me anywhere yeah just bring me yeah yeah i will all right i've been having a land out there with me, Josh. It's been so much fun.

Yeah, that's the key is having a comedy buddy with you on the road. I think, as you know, being alone on the road is just that's the opposite of a fun comedy night is the day just like sitting around your room like there's only so many forensic

files and times you can jerk off before you you know before you start to question what the hell you're doing yeah exactly yeah you can only eat so many calzones in the pool before you're like this doesn't rule this is sad this is a bummer yeah mercy you go out with josh right like you're on the road with him a lot yeah whenever i'm in town i go out with josh it helps a lot yeah you sell his merch don't you yeah and i sell dude i see i see you guys as a dream team out there and i'm like fuck i need i need a mercy to fucking sell my merch because people come up and be like josh i wrote you a poem and can you uh can you facetime my daughter she's uh got three weeks sober and

mercy's like okay yeah then she just like ushers them along and takes takes the 40 bucks and i'm like god that rules yeah hire and come out with you no i know yes we should you hear that josh your days are numbered you know what mercy saves me the most is in the tsa like i have zero patience for that shit really another random search huh oh yeah i thought you just made her carry your drugs that's what you meant you should tell the dog story yeah no i peace out when the dogs start following josh i'm like i don't know him i don't know what he does we literally had that we were going through some terminal and i was like hey do you see the dog the police dog following us and then we just kept walking past our gate and they kept following us and then i was like okay

let's jump into this little store and we went like to the back corner of the store and the we just kept walking past our gate and they kept following us. And then I was like, okay, let's jump into this little store. And we went like to the back corner of the store and the dog like followed us in like, was like, I'll be over by the magazines. And then the cop comes right up and goes, Hey Josh, the dog's a big fan.

I bet. Well, what does that mean? Because there's been a lot of people have said that they aren't looking for drugs, but does that maybe mean that the dog has been a drug-sniffing dog? I don't think you can change them. Yeah. You got to put them down

that cop has an instagram of his dog with people he recognizes in the airport so the dog just needed a photo for their ig oh my god he's a cloud chaser yes a baseball card playing card like here take fido's card like oh the dog's named spider like no dog in the last 80 years yeah you know i have a heart attack i'm about to divorce josh the dog just has an instagram i'm having a heart palpitation yeah oh yeah i'll bet yeah you're you're just swallowing handfuls of thc lubricant josh josh tell the people tell the people where they can find you online uh it's just uh josh blue comedy is um all my social handles And then I'm going to be the next couple of weeks. I'll be in Kentucky at the Comedy Off Broadway.

I am going to be at Looney's coming up in the Springs. Josh, you don't have to do Looney's anymore. What do they have on you? I like Looney's. No, it's good. I like Looney's too, but I assume that you might be moving on to greener pastures. Oh, and then I get to go to the Funny Bone in Omaha. Have you been there?

No, but I've heard that lady's the best. I met that lady at one of your parties and she was very nice. Colleen is the shit, man. She's the best. She's like a mother figure for sure yeah she adores you i went to one of those parties up at your property uh and it was meeting all these nice peoples and having a good time and then i ran into this uh couple that used to live in elizabeth and uh their son had been incarcerated for a long time and i asked how he was doing and the mother started

weeping really hard and the dad lit another cigarette even though he already had one going and i was like okay i gotta get out of here uh you knew you knew he was locked up you just but you just figured they could say yeah he's hanging in hanging in there. I didn't know what to do, dude. That was the only thing I knew about them. I hadn't seen them in like 20 years. And I was like, so how's Corey doing? And they were like, oh, fuck. I'm out of here.

I got to bail. That's brilliant. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, that was brutal. Lund, where are you going to be? I'm going to come see you in Fort Collins Thursday, the 16th. I'm at the Comedy Fort.

There's a hell of a lineup for a showcase. I think everybody's doing tens or something, including your second favorite opener, Courtney Baca. Oh, yeah. Baca Baca. And the next night, the 17th, I'll be at the Coffee Joint in Denver. They don't serve alcohol. So you got to bring all your vodka in, in your belly. And hopefully we'll have a real good time.

That flyer they made of you is funny with the big head. Yeah. It's just my head. And then everybody else is like torso. Yeah. So I look. Everyone else is full body body they're like crossing their arms back to back like the twins logo i look like fucking what's his name uh the guy that snaps his fingers in marvel what's his name thanos thanos yeah i look look ten times bigger. Sorry, Becker. I should have let you get in there. And then April 7th, Lucha Libre and Laughs

at the Oriental Theater. Get tickets because it's going to sell out soon. Oh, nice. Yes, I'll be in Toronto this weekend, Friday and Saturday at the Royal Comedy Theater. There are plenty of tickets available for those shows. a lot uh i don't know why i thought i could do a theater in canada but here we are uh if you're south by south south by southwest hit me up um i will be at let's see providence rhode island second show added on March 23rd.

Burlington Comedy Club, or Vermont Comedy Club in Burlington, the 24th, 25th. New Hartford, Connecticut, the 26th. The 30th, Union Hall in New York City. Get those tickets. There's 40 left for the second show. So please sell that out. Morgantown. Comedy Works, April 13th.

Come to that show. Are you going to be there, Josh? What was the date? April 13th come to that show are you gonna be there josh what was the date april 13th it's a thursday i hope so that'd be awesome i'm gonna i'm gonna cut the power so that you can have another magical night come on down so the lumineers are gonna be there and i'm hoping that they piss on the ground in the crowd. I got them tickets this time. And you got to get on the Patreon. Yeah, please get on that Patreon, man. We're really cooking over there. Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth.

Shut up. You just said 19 dates. I'll do the Patreon. All right. Some of our best episodes are on there. We say it. No, we don't. If you want to know who has them join the patreon everyone because we break it down in gory intimate detail we spill the beans we love you becker what do you got going on

nothing nice becker's got a new becker's got a new ninja turtles movie coming out yeah august 4th let's go to go to that. Don't plug the opening of the Ninja Turtles movie. They'll be alright. I'm very excited. I cried watching the trailer. Oh, shit. Here's why we don't let Becker talk much, Josh.

I totally see why. Yeah. Goodbye. I love you oh wait go ahead Josh I'm in town for your comedy works oh sick come on down you can smoke weed in the green room I'm gonna come bury you

no you can host you can host Josh do you remember when Chuck Roy buried Bob Saget from the host spot and Saget was furious? Yeah, man. Yeah.

Well, they're both dead now. Whoa. Bye-bye.