Chubby Behemoth - Save The Date

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

Theoretical Poo. Funeral Pranks. Field Of Spiders. Chris Charpentier.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Extra episodes at https://www.patreon.com/chubbybehemoth

Shut up, I'm going to start the podcast. Hey everybody, welcome to Chubby Behemoth. Joined today by the one and only Chris Charpentier. Thank you, Chris. Hey, thank God there's only one of me. We got, uh, what would your twin's name be? Dave? Dave Charpentier? Oh, I don't know. If I had a twin, I feel like I have Mike and Scott are my brothers, so I feel like it would be another all-American name. Maybe a Nathan. Mike, Scott, Chris, and Nick, maybe?

A dick in there, yeah. Rich, Rich, Charpentier. Rick, Charpentier. Rich, Rich, Charpentier. Just one word. Tim. Tim, Charpentier. Yeah, Tim sounds good. Riveting stuff up top riveting stuff up top

oh hell yeah boys names people love them uh especially really unique ones no no i think the the ladies love to get crazy with their names the fellas are like i don't know my name's fucking fred or whatever let's keep it moving you know they got shit to do but the women are like, I don't know, my name's fucking Fred or whatever. Let's keep it moving. You know, they got shit to do. But the women are like, my name's Flower, but you spell it funny. And it's like, yeah, I'll bet you do. We got Becker here for the first time in a while. Becker, you weren't on the one that Sam did, right? Was that its own?

Was that Sam and Ripple? That was just Sam and Ripple. Nice. Well, it sounds like that's a real barn burner. So, Sharpie, you're going to have to set something on fire. If not your apartment, something nearby that we are going to see on the news. You know what I mean? I'll try to come up with as many names as I can.

My kid sister just named her baby daughter Murphy. Yeah, see, there you go. Like the bed? Yeah. Yeah. Or the gentleman. Like the bed. Yeah. Or the gentleman. Or the brown. Yeah. I was like,

well, I'll call the kid Murph, but that seems cruel for no reason. We are good to have you here. Becker. You were finding out that Trinidad doesn't want coffee past 7 p.m. on a Sunday. Is that right? Yeah.

And then today, the first day I decided to close at 8, it was busy. Oh, shit. But I decided at like 4 that we were closing at 8, no matter how it went. Yeah. It wasn't busy enough to justify being open. Yeah. Getting out of work earlier than 10 is awesome especially in trinidad anywhere yeah leaving work early is like one of the true joys in life even five minutes yes absolutely uh well what's your deal nathan i had a i'll tell you i had a rough start to the morning uh woke up very early probably woke up at like 7 15 which is a god-awful time for me you know

my body's not ready to go my body's not eager to learn and grow and you had just gone to bed like an hour and a half pre right yeah i was barely barely dreaming in the night away and then all of a sudden i'm shaken awake by my body's need to defecate to empty its bowels sure i uh i got pretty high last night and i haven't been getting stoned very often and i when i have gone for it and gotten blasted, I get that just that classic stoner, uh, bottomless pit of a stomach. I ate a ton last night. And then this morning,

seven 15, I'm just like, Oh no, here it comes. I had to sit on the toilet for like the better part of an hour and a half. I kept having to go back in there. Oh, no. I'm done. And then it's like, nope, get back in there, buddy. Were you solid or was it a mess? It was every state that matter can be in, for sure.

It started off theoretical poo, and then it became a solid, and then changed over into liquid the longer I was up pushing stuff out. It was really bad. It sucked. And my dog Mama is uh not spayed we didn't get her spayed because she had the seizure thing and we didn't know if we should put her under blah blah blah so she's not spayed and we keep thinking she'll be done you know because she's getting older and eventually they don't you know they don't have a period anymore but you're waiting on dog menopause yeah trying to trying to have her age out of this shit and uh she's she's been uh it's been that

time of the month for the last like week and today she kept like messing with george michael she like wants him to climb her and bang her he's a tenth of her size and he doesn't have any balls hey that's never stopped me i go that's right so so i like a giraffe what can i say she's she's you know bugging him like hey do me and he's like get the hell out of my face so they're like fighting while i'm shitting my brains out at 7 38 8 15 in the morning and it was a rough start you know i ended up being able to go back to bed which was nice but uh woke up and uh still had the earlier issues on my mind so it's been a weird one for sure.

Interesting. I felt like I pushed out a litter of pups. Food puppies. Gross. I've been tired. Sure, that's a lot. My girlfriend's cats are going through needing to get uh their balls cut

off and it's just that time and uh he is an incredible pain in the ass he's hoarding like crazy he's writhing all over the place uh he's meowing non-stop He's a real terror right now. And we fucking vets are so packed. We're screwed. We have to wait until like December something. Just dealing with this piece of shit, meowing nonstop. They're so cute. And he's like the best other than that he will not allow you to sleep at night. And that's kind of a problem because that's when you got to sleep.

I like to imagine that his balls are filling with more and more jizz and so they're just huge and he's he's like they hurt daddy they hurt time to time to milk me daddy you tried getting high the cat yeah get the cat high says becker you can't always get high for all your problems get pulled over get high no i mean i had cats a lot as a kid i just had another one but i had to get rid of it because i ended up apparently in the last like 10 years getting it too high very allergic oh no yeah so so leslie took over the cat i adopted like a month ago had some yeah because it was bad like i was waking up scared that i was gonna die because i couldn't breathe yeah cool that is definitely the case for me but like yeah you can i i i've lived with cats and then the allergic reaction uh lessened and now

it's been so long that i'll bet it would come on come back pretty strong so that sucks for you you almost had a friend now you're back to being alone but nobody cares about you slept through the night oh well fuck him then well no i i hooked him up with a little bit of pillow hang time you just let him play around in a pillowcase in a pillowcase. In a pillowcase? Oh, this is a free episode. I'm going to get shit for this. Yeah, you put them in a pillowcase because you don't want to blow smoke into a baby kitty's face.

That's too much. So you just give it an ambient smoke. Okay. Let it get a little bit. Interesting. Nice ambiance in a pillowcase. So you blow it in the pillowcase into the into the pillowcase and hotbox this little kitten no you leave the pillowcase like propped open oh okay no you don't hotbox it in just like a little bit you don't blow like a full hit in there sure yeah

but not like the lifting up a dog's ear thing that's wild well i'll never do this so thank you for letting me know what a wild person you are but i'm not gonna get my girlfriend's cats high she doesn't get high i'm not gonna do that oh well that's fair i ran it by my veterinary sister i was like it won't sleep what do you think about me getting it a little high and she laughed and was like you should be fine cats don't have like a aversion to marijuana interesting chris it sounds like some dogs do though chris it sounds like maybe you get a pillowcase you tell renee close your eyes i'm gonna give you a massage whatever she closes her eyes boom yeah i would actually pre-load the pillowcase for Renee because she could overpower you. So I would say blast.

You're in the bathroom blasting into this pillowcase. Yeah. And then she, yeah, she keeps her eyes shut tight because you've got a sexy surprise. Yeah. And then you put that over her head and, you know, obviously very calm, soothing voice. It's okay. It's okay. It's me. And I'm doing this to Renee or the cat?

Renee! That caught me way off guard. I'm a little confused. But okay, sure. She's down. I don't know if she's down. Anything to spice it up in the bedroom you know what i mean

we're pretty vanilla in there pretty vanilla spice up with a little oregano just tell her it's oregano she uh so how you been out there uh in la working working things are good things are fine you know everything's fine. I hung out with David Van Heisen today. It was fun. And we drove way out to, like, near Joshua Tree-ish. And at some point, they got us thinking. We started talking about Grant Parsons.

Do you know who he is? The guy who's a country guy, maybe started that genre of music. He was in the Flying Burrito Brothers, which is a really kick-ass band. You should check him out. Do you know what happened to him after he died? Have you ever heard this story?

No. Dude. Fucking crazy. So he died in Joshua Tree. he overdosed at like at some hospital at some uh hotel right near there partying doing whatever and uh they took him some paramedics took him to a hospital and he died but his friends who were all strung out uh were like we have to honor his wishes he wanted to be cremated you know and they're gonna send his body back to his family in louisiana so they're like fuck that and they broke well they didn't break in they went to the morgue with a hearse

and convinced them that they were the people that were supposed to pick up the body took the body took it back out to joshua tree just dumped it somewhere and lit the coffin on fire nearby the campers were like what the fuck so the police came and they got arrested for grand grand theft and they took the like half charred body and brought it back to his family and they got arrested for grand theft. And they took the like half charred body and brought it back to his family. And they took his half charred body back to Louisiana and buried it there. Oh my gosh.

Fucking A, dude. His friends took his body from the hospital. That's dope. That's what I'm talking about. And they got a hearse. And they got a hearse somewhere in there. That's pretty good. Yeah, that doesn't seem like that would be easy unless one of them just had one.

The whole thing is insane. The whole story is crazy. And I, dude, I also was thinking recently about how funny it would be to be, when I die, to have my coffin be like 16 feet long or something. Just insanity. It would be so fucking funny. You can hear me sliding around in there. Don't make me laugh. Really, why? You can hear me sliding around in there. Really wide. Just the biggest coffin anybody's ever seen.

You want to be able to toss and turn a little bit. Yeah, I would love that. And to have it at the viewing so everybody had to walk past the whole thing to get to the open portion. Tiny in the middle. Seven feet on both sides. That would be awesome. You'd have to be rich as hell because those coffins are not cheap we went through uh the fury that sam had to you know deal with uh all of the the grift you know the

the sham that is uh well what are you gonna do you know steal the coffin in the night grants yes what was that grant parsons grant parsons dude uh my friend matthew you guys know matthew um martella might be i don't know probably say his last name i can say anything bad about him he used to work uh for a really long time as a gravedigger uh and he has like a really what a crazy he talks to people every day, like their families, that were burying their loved ones. How intense, what a gnarly job that is.

But he would talk to them, and they would always want, like, we want this spot where he wants to be able to see the mountains and all this stuff. And he would be like, you know, they're dead. They're like just a skeleton. it's not going to see the mountains it doesn't fucking matter like where you put oh it doesn't matter no that doesn't

matter that the whole thing getting put in the ground doesn't make fucking any sense to me what is it what's the fucking point if they my family or anybody's gonna do that tear me out of there light me on fire. Yeah, because it's antiquated. It was disease prevention. Exactly. You don't need it anymore. No.

Get this gas bag somewhere safe on the farm because I'm sick of smelling his rotting ass. Absolutely. Do me like the Rage Against the Machine cover and just light me on fire. Put me in a funny position. Make it look like a protest. Whatever you feel like protesting that day,

be like, oh, this guy filled up with heart. He lit himself on fire. Get me a free candy bar. You should hit it up. Rent's too damn high. Light him. I like the idea of being stuffed like that old lady I think on Detroiters

like a dab rig and a Gatorade and everybody would come up and say yo one last time Kit Kat hanging out of one side of the mouth a J on the other and then throw me in a fire that sounds like a cool party sure I want to do that, whatever that Viking thing is

where they put you on a boat. Yeah, and then push your boat out into the lake and then set on fire with a flaming bow and arrow. Fuck yeah. I want to do that. I want to be the one that shoots it though. I want to shoot the flaming arrow super high in the air and then

jump on the raft and swim out and blow my ass up you kill yourself that way if we if we get to a point where you're terminal with something I think I think that would be a go I think that would be a go i think that would be a sure that'd be a thumbs up from everybody yeah i'd be like well you know uh he was determined and and and we we said you can't just you can't just do this by yourself and then that's how we find out that you offed yourself there would be some ceremony, some pageantry. Save the date. Shelby's going to kill his own ass in the coolest way possible.

That would be great to send out a save the date. It's just a picture of you. Sad as hell. Clutching an hourglass he's crying don't miss it what about what about though if you could combine it and have that have the coffin be huge oh yeah and then and then you and then you're shooting the shit straight up into the air jumping in and then there's a better chance that that arrow catches that casket because it's

gigantic that's true and i'm gonna need help i'm no archer oh yeah we'd all we'd all be able to also do the flaming arrows i think i think it's going to take more than yours. Yeah, I mean, plus who doesn't want to get on a little bit of that, you know, assisted suicide slash murder. You know, everybody is in on that. Yeah, we get a little taste of the

power of snuffing another life. Absolutely. That would be a thrill of a lifetime, don't you think? It'd be up there. It would be a thrill of a lifetime don't you think it'd be up there it would be up there i mean i can't imagine i feel like it would be terrible afterwards but in the moment what a rush but not if they wanted it if you were helping somebody out of pain yeah that sucks your. Remember your balls are all your balls are either swollen or shriveled, depending on what's going on with this with this disease.

This is maybe one of each. You are puking blood. You're coming vomit. Your body is very much so is it's a wonderland. Well, no, it... It's a wonderland. Well, no, it's turned from a wonderland into an abandoned rodeo, just a condemned haunted house. And so we got to put this thing to bed before... An abandoned rodeo. Oh, I don't know.

No, I like it. A defunded Pl parenthood just uh well but your day got better after you napped i mean you know i went to uh i went to a concert on friday uh went and saw every time I die in Colorado Springs. And it was rough. I stayed out of the, I stayed out of the way, but man, uh,

you know, black sheep. Yeah. Black sheep. I don't think I had been there before. It's, it looked familiar, but I don't think I'd seen any shows there.

Cause I keep telling people, I never really went to shows, uh shows in Denver because I was very broke. And then as I got busier with comedy, I just had less nights free. And if I had a free night and I had been busy, I was more likely to stay home than go see some bands. So I had not seen a bunch of music and then working at Trinidad lounge, you know, a lot of times there's bands while I'm, while I'm working, but that's different too,

you know, cause it's not, I'm not worried about getting kicked in the head by some hardcore maniac, but they were going nuts at the black sheet. Oh, they were going nuts. You know, it was funny too,

is there was a, an opening band and very few people were, were moshing or moving for this opening band and i was like man they're all like saving their energy so they can go ape shit for an hour and 20 minutes for every time i die and that was what happened people fucking went hard they were all very sweaty i i kept a mask on and i was like this is the way to go because otherwise I would smell all of these motherfuckers who have not showered in a week and then they've got

just beer and cigarette smoke emanating out of every bore. It's fun. I was able to stay out of the way of the violence while still getting my face blown off because it was so it was so loud i'm surprised i can hear today because i thought it was gonna i thought it was gonna wreck me for uh longer and i

think it has wrecked me i think uh i'm i'm feeling a little tired overall because of just going just driving for two hours and then standing for two hours and driving for two hours i'm not built to last anymore dude speaking of built to last i went and saw uh deadman company oh shit that's right over the halloween weekend which is very fun and i have never i've been to concerts and raves galore My musical tastes are all across the board. I've been to every kind of live music. It's insane. I've never been to a party-harder show than a Dead & Company show. I've never seen more people just openly doing drugs freely and cool.

You have to. Do they still tune their guitars on stage? Not really, no. Good. That makes it more watchable. It's very tight now. It's a very tight ship. But I will tell you, I went hard.

I went very hard. And I woke up the next day after. I mean, I don't really party like I used to. Smoke weed a lot still still but that's about it so partying is like a whole nother thing you know and when i go for it i guess i still go for it i woke up the next day well first off i went friday and then went to a halloween party on saturday and then i went to again on sunday uh and sunday night I went real hard and I had to work on Monday. Very early in the morning.

And I got up on Monday and put on my pants and I had like just making sure I had everything in my pockets, you know, ready to go. And I had two empty balloons in my pockets from doing whippets on the way out.

I was like, Jesus Christ. It's been a while since I've been doing whippets on the way out. I was like, Jesus Christ. It's been a while since I've been doing whippets. And that was just on the way to the car, like on the way out. Like the end of the night. And I was still responsible enough to put them in my pockets, which was nice. Yeah, no littering in LA, please. Thank you.

It's good. But yeah, man, I went. Who'd you go to dead and company with Dave Waite oh yeah man oh nice yeah he's the best very fun we ran into a couple other people there

but he's who I went with so was it his idea to go and you were like fuck it you know uh no we did no i've gotten real into him over the last like three years ish are you okay i am it's really weird i don't know what happened it's really strange i don't like jam music. It's really weird. I really don't know what happened. It's really good. That's what got me into them.

All their recorded stuff is awesome. The live shit drives me insane. But if they're doing tight shows with Mayer, I'd be into that. Mayer rules. It's really weird. It's John Mayer and the piano player is basically what you're watching. And you just watch a boogie-woogie band. And it's really weird. It's John Mayer and the piano player is basically what you're watching. And you just watch a boogie-woogie band, and it's pretty good. I'm all right with it.

But anyway, those are not the only concerts. I've been going concert crazy. I'm going to one tomorrow night. I'm going to see Japanese Breakfast. I'm all about concerts these days. I don't know who Japanese Breakfast is. Never seen them. It's weird.

It's a lady, I think. Yeah. Yeah, when we had dinner, when I visited you in May, when we had dinner with a couple people, they covered a Weezer song, I think, and I was like, oh, who the hell is this? And it was Japanese breakfast. I would imagine that'll be one show. is this? And it was Japanese Breakfast. I would imagine that'll be his one show. Do some whippets,

watch Japanese Breakfast. He'll go hard as hell. Oh, man. That's one thing that was really fun. The parking lot at the Dead shows are ridiculous, and Dave was wasted, and he's

a lot of fun, so he bought me multiple shirts which was really fun just buying me t-shirts uh but i can get three for 20 let's see if i can get three for 20 and then he does and it's fun uh and he's just trying to do he's just having a fun time buying everybody shirts and he bought me one and i guess we didn't look at it because i don't remember it and he didn't remember it but man it is the worst shirt it's like a poorly drawn jerry garcia i think like very cartoony writing on a guitar kind of shitting shitting a lightning bolt on top of the word fish it's really bad it's like a terrible terrible shirt i should i took a picture of it and showed it to dave the next day and i was like do you remember buying this and he goes jesus christ hurry that well yeah send us a bad shirt send me that picture

and i'll put it on our instagram. Oh, yeah. That's terrible. Oh, I meant to text you because Slim Cessna's Auto Club played down here. Oh, yeah. Halloween weekend. Yeah. And so I missed them Saturday because Sam and I did shows in Denver and we hosted Stick or Treat. And speaking of Jerry Garcia, you know, for stick or treat sam was kyle canane and i was george carlin because i had this white hairspray from when i was dr kev so that i was

just like might as well use more of this you know and so but uh my the first the first joke i thought of for when we went out to start the show was that I was Jerry Garcia because I looked like him. I had long white hair and I was chubby. And George Carlin was always very thin. Yes, but I was hoping you'd still have that mustache. Speaking of which, the Dr. Kev mustache. Oh, yeah. I had a beard start growing back, and so I painted the whole sumbitch white.

I think you should keep the mustache. Yeah, I'll bet you would. I'm a mustache man. I'm a mustache man. What can I say? But yeah, so Slim played Saturday and Sunday, and Saturday I was in Denver, so I didn't see it, but there were a ton of people there, and they lost their minds or whatever.

And it was. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure it was fun. Sounded like, you know, a little bit too much fun for my liking. But then Sunday when I when I was working, there were like 50 or 60 people and it ruled because they were all super into it because Slim, you know, is incredible. But it was a super intimate show for the people that were there and like a lot easier to enjoy as because I wasn't running around slam the whole time. I got to I got to watch them play a few times and they were in Halloween costumeslloween costumes you know so i'm watching i i could mostly see uh slim's kid george you know was playing bass and he was dressed like the invisible man so he looked cool and he's playing bass and i think he was like singing low parts uh pretty sure uh that he was going low on this shit and so but also he looked like uh dwight shrewd on the office when he pretends that he's a

somebody who's been badly burned and so i was laughing at that uh half of the time and uh yeah also the uh that one of the guys in the band looked like he was very sick and i don't i think he was yeah that's just how he looks i think yeah i think that's just how he looks. I think, yeah, I think that's just how he looks. He looks like he died like three and a half years ago. And he's looked like that forever. Right. But also, yeah, but also he was wearing, I think, like white makeup. He was either like a vampire or like, you know, he had dressed up to some degree, but mostly just looked like he was, yeah, was about to he's like light his gas on

fire he's a gaunt man exactly he looked like he was yeah he looked like the viking funeral was november 1st but but dude yeah they they ruled i i meant to text you because i i thought of you because i know you used to did you used to go to most of the or oh yeah new year's eve shows or whatever i just saw them a bunch like a hundred times over a couple of years i don't know if I know you used to go to most of the New Year's Eve shows or whatever. I just saw them a bunch, like a hundred times over a couple of years. I don't know if that's true, quite literally, but I saw them so many fucking times. They're very fun. I get it.

I understand now. Because I never tried to see them. I think New Year's, again, I'd either try to get booked or I would stay home. And, you know, I knew those shows were a little more expensive because it's New Year's Eve. Everything's pricier, and I don't like that. I don't like paying more than I know I have

to for anything. That's the worst. Oh, I have something we can fucking straight up talk about that's a real issue. My goddamn foot. I got a goddamn wart. Planner wart. Anybody been down that road? Either of you have ever had a wart on the bottom of your foot?

First off, I'm a wart man, turns out. I didn't know this. I just got, I got warts. Remember forever ago, Nathan, when you were like, you should get, you should, you have like little, I had all these little zits like right under my eyes and you're like, why don't you pop those? Yeah. It's because those were fucking warts and I can't, can't pop those because it was a wart right under my fucking eyes.

A bunch of them. What the fuck? I have two on my hand right now. I'm a wart man. I got one on my foot. I don't know what's going on, man. They're spreading the last time that we the last time we recorded did you maybe have a ward on your foot i feel like i remember i might have i had i had one not that long ago and then now this is a new one other foot oh damn what is happening to me it's a real pain they They are brutal. Anybody who's had one of this, this is like, as far as like a non-medical issue, like I don't need to go to the doctor, this is about as bad as something's ever hurt. Damn. It feels like I'm stepping on a thumbtack that's inside of my foot wanting to get out.

Does that make sense? That's rough. It sucks wanting to get out that makes sense oh that's right that's rough it sucks dude fuck that meanwhile i used to have a wart on my index finger which was like you know my main cell phone you know scrolling finger press pushing uh clicking enhance well this one did not hurt it was just annoying and it was like you know what am i gonna do i bought a thing to freeze it i think i tried to freeze it and it didn't work and i was like oh perfect there's 17 that i threw in the trash yeah but then all of a sudden it fucking got smaller and i was like oh all right uh the prayer works you know god god god god will get to you eventually you just you just gotta

you know be patient and realize there's a billion people on fire that are just save me to god and so you know he's gonna get to your warts uh if if you keep hitting them up and just being like hey whenever you get a chance you know no hurry but yeah it's. I don't even understand. Interesting. I had had it for at least two or three years. One of those deals where it was like, hopefully nobody sees this. Hopefully Sam never notices this and makes fun of me for being gross or cursed by a witch or whatever.

You're the one. I'm the cursed bitch. It sucks. Apparently, I've done some research. It's some form of HPV. Tight. Great. What does that mean?

Sick. What is that? And it just says, like, a form of. What does that mean? Like a canker sore or a cold sore or whatever? Like, you know how that is or whatever? And it doesn't mean you're like a perv or right yeah help me i'm reaching complex yeah is that what's happening to me right i'm no yeah i'm not a i'm not a gross person no i think all warts are at hpv

i think all warts are some kind of papillomavirus yeah yeah so i'm normal. I'm not gross. No, and they're not toad ones. So it's not like you've got THV or something. No! They're very small. You wouldn't even know, you wouldn't even see them if I didn't show it to you. I didn't know that that's what they were for a very long time. I didn't know that I had a wart. They're crazy looking. They're just tiny. I'm a wart man.

Covered in warts. What are you going to do? Step on it for sure dude that sounds rough yeah and the boxes it'll take 8 to 12 weeks to take care of cool thanks is that a is that a frozen thing the compound w no it's like a i don't even know it's just a little pad that you stick on there sort of medicated pad and then sure there's another little ring pad that you put around that so so hopefully you don't step on it but you do anyway it sucks really miserable not that funny unless you know it's me being in pain well i mean it's funny i

like to imagine you just walking around the house or not walking around the house, holding in a pee for like eight hours because you're like, no, I can't step on it. It's like me with gout. I have to like I have to hold in your piece. my trips out of bed like all right i'm gonna pee i'm gonna get some more water i'm gonna get a snack and then i'm gonna go oh god it's a nightmare because yeah i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to make two trips of course not i haven't i haven't had a flare-up in a while i had a pepperoni sausage pizza earlier today but i think i'll be okay did you have any sort of flare-up after humble no yeah and i was just eating mouthfuls of deli turkey out of the fridge i was nervous for you to be honest no i was so it used to be i tried to get away with like once a week and it was too much so now it's been more like i try to space it out to every two weeks and i think that i think that's a sweet spot it's a salty spot i can have as much sugar as i want it's the ham

and the turkey that can get me so uh yeah just try to do two weeks instead and and you know i was gonna after every time i die after every time i die i wanted wanted Del Taco, but most of them were closed. Oh, I got after the band. What the fuck are you talking about? After every time I die, I was like, what are you, playing a video game? What the fuck are you talking about? Keep up, short-term memory loss. Hey, easy now.

What, your brain doesn't work? It works. Not great. hey easy now what your your brain doesn't work it works not great yeah your brain's on the fritz uh i uh yeah i was like oh i'll have a little bell taco to fuel my drive home but the only one that said that google said was open was like North. So I didn't do it. So now you know, what'd you do up with? Nothing? Nothing. I didn't. Oh, yeah. So you'll like this Sharpie. Chris, I went to the show by myself.

It was sold out. But Kurt, my boss at Trinidad Lounge, also at the High Dive, he must have known somebody at Black Sheep or whatever so he got me on the list so i go i go up there by myself i stand by myself in in line and i get in there and i just stand there i take a piss and then i'm like oh the bar is getting slammed so i didn't worry about like getting a water or whatever and then i just stood there and watched the opening band nobody gives nobody says

shit to me and then uh i move around a little before every time i die because i wanted to be in the middle instead of for the opening band i was kind of too close to the front and just one speaker and i was like this is gonna get this will be too much so i wanted to get like in the middle so i go like in the middle and i just hang out there the whole time. And a bunch of people were going nuts. But I was just like just behind all of the action, you know, and it never devolved to where like the whole place lost their minds. It was pretty sweet. Like everybody kind of knew if you want to go, you know, do a fucking windmill kick or swing your fists around, go in the pit. a fucking windmill kick or swing your fists around go in the pit otherwise you know stand there like an adult and uh so that that part was sick and then when it was done uh i just went outside smoked this like started smoking a cigarette and i was standing there and i was like you're not waiting for anyone why don't you just walk to the car so i walked to the car and did not say a fucking word for like three out you know it was it was the best it was really all i wanted was to

uh see and hear the band live without having to deal with a bunch of talking with people getting into it with anybody you know good or bad and that's that's my that's what i got dream yeah i didn't you know some of the people were like screaming and singing along to the to the music that was playing before the band came out and i was like settle down come on you know they're chugging pbr and i was like grow up get a job i'm the old guy well it's also funny to be old like the band because then it's like i can't i can't oh yeah i couldn't even really get shit on for being old because it's like the band's old too bitch why don't you go see fucking bts if you want to see some young some young ass singing a tune

i do want to see some young ass what are your headphones like fucked up oh yeah okay somehow somehow they're both on my ears but they're very fucked up looking so it looks like it looks like my head is just yeah you look like somebody stepped on the top part of your head and all of the top went to the bottom yeah i look like i'm i look like i'm made out of play-doh and the kid is not too bright and so everything is not symmetrical yeah they got all or you know like just the uh just the unnecessary parts of the headphones got busted up but but everything still works so i don't want to get new ones just yet because i mostly just need them for this or like you know i i brought them to fly to humboldt and back so i could listen to stuff on the plane and it's like yeah they look dumb but who cares i look dumb too i look dumb as hell most of the time

i got to play i don't know if i've talked about it before but every time i'm in an airport and it's it's like as soon as i get off the train at DIA, you know, walking around DIA and then on the plane and then wherever I land, it's always just who would I do? I'm just looking at who's. And it's like I don't think about it any other time. It's just airports. That's great. I am right there with you. Who what i do that's really funny who's who's putting it out there who you know what it is too i think is sometimes so many people dress for comfort and that might include like pajamas or sweatpants or whatever and uh so

there's an element of oh it's bedtime and you know what you do in the bed sometimes is you get you get hard and then wet and sloppy and so it's part and i also think it's boredom it's people it's people watching with a ton of random people you know and then it's just like oh yeah that cool that those are some cool uh rock and honkers that guy looks like he's got a huge dick it's just very sexual it's like the only time I get sexual anymore is at the airport because I didn't do it every time I die

I just do it at the airport I'm like hey what's going on y'all interesting I mean I just I do that all day every day everywhere all the time yeah like a real perv who am i who am i doing here who who wants it and uh usually it's nobody but usually they say get away from my kid yeah

you're just staring just staring at everybody and it's like whoa easy buddy i don't know if i talk i don't know if i talked to you guys i hope i didn't say this the last time that i was on here i don't remember when i was so i apologize if i did i was taking a i hope not i Taking a shower. Girl on a trampoline, we heard it. Oh, okay. Yeah. Boring. Eat a dick, you piece of shit. No, no, no. The original story was great.

I'm joking and saying that it would be boring for you to repeat it. Yeah. Yeah. People hate that. People do hate it. I hate it. No rehash. I'm glad you stopped me.

I have other things to talk about, I'm sure. I had a neighbor who was very hot, and she was a couple years older than me. And I might have mentioned this, but it would have been a while back, so it's okay, so I can get away with it. I'm in the clear. She said she would give me a kiss for a birthday. I think I was turning 15. So she was like 17. Oh, okay.

She said I could get a kiss. And I was like, holy shit. This is the beginning of the beginning. You know what I mean? Like, this is going to be my life. Rocking and rolling, getting laid, getting paid. And she didn't do it and i cried and i felt every i felt very much well not even 15 i felt like a little kid you know because uh you

know i didn't get i didn't get what i was promised for your for your big bar mitzvah oh yeah it would have been nuts man i would have lost my mind she was absolutely she was hot and uh instead nothing she never came through we never never had anything happen uh so that was unfortunate but you know uh next thing you know i got a couple fingers inside a maryland manson girl while we're watching her sister's kids in a trailer and it worked out i was like again it was like god just be patient god answers prayers absolutely instead of a smoking hot blonde evil uh you know cheated on me every chance she got got banged out and told everybody about it you know just fuck me up love Marilyn Manson girl

that sucked man that really she sent you on a bad trajectory that blonde-headed woman she sent you on a bad trajectory that blonde headed woman well yeah did not help i think i mean i just wanted you know i wanted it from from wherever i could get it and i thought i was gonna get it from like this dream scenario she would have been that was right around the time i had had my first girlfriend first kiss all of that So she could have been in the mix, but instead, you know, she, I don't know who knows where she's at now. She's probably, uh, getting ready to die. You know, if I'm 39, she's 41. So she's probably, she's, she's well on her way out. She's trying to find a funny sized casket. She's in, she's in hospice somewhere.

My first date, first girlfriend, first make out, everything, was a girl that I got with specifically because her friend was hot and I was like, maybe if I get with her then she'll see that I'm like a really good boyfriend. Oh God, what a little psycho. I don't know boyfriend oh god what a little psycho I don't know

dude say of course I was I don't know 12 maybe yeah you were you were an early you were you grew up quick trying man I was just trying you did a lot of living from like 11 to 15 you're like i want it all baby you're even smaller absolutely going crazy yeah a little tornado just insane truly insane um with your with your fucking all-american family too it wasn't like you were in a in a busted out halfway house situation living with your aunt and uncle who hate you or whatever no you were just like i want to party y'all i'm i'm sad my parents were like have fun at soccer practice and i was like fuck you i'm gonna go get fucked up for three years uh pretty much yeah it was pretty great uh but the uh the first time i i were because i was just

talking to brent about seeing the first set of boobs your first boobs in the wild uh all natural boobs and it was this girl um what she was my girlfriend we We were making out, doing the things. It was the first time for both of us doing everything. She was wearing a bra, but there was truly no reason. She looked exactly like me at the time, like a 12-year-old boy. No meat? No meat, dude. No meat. I got to tell you, it sucked.

It was really, I i mean it's fine i've moved i've since moved on and i've seen their boobs uh to be honest but at the time you want your first ones to really rock and roll you know and you and they paid their word like nothing dude it was so disappointing i was like what am i doing i was like i can't tell if i'm even licking your nipple i don't know what's going on i'm like is that your nipple or your rib you know what i'm talking about it was like oh what a bad scene what a bad time you gotta let that you gotta let that fruit develop you were you were in there i was trying to trying too early bad farmer i uh have mentioned it before but one of the first uh young women that i dated

had them for sure but wouldn't let me get in there she didn't want me not even over the clothes i was i was i was like hey i just want those I just want to make out and touch those things that you got right there. Yeah. I don't even have to see them. I mean, I can see them, you know. You can see them from space. Hello. Yeah, they're good.

But yeah, she was not into it. That was unfortunate. That's really strange. Not over the top? Yeah, you know, she was doing the um the church thing and i was praying i was i was praying to satan i was praying to satan no no they were there but she was stuffing if she didn't want you to feel them because they were fake no it was it was a god thing dude she was scared of burning in hell because of my

idle hands yeah she was afraid of all the kleenex in her bra burning up that's what she was afraid of oh shit that's right uh i'm calling her out say your name no i'll call her up right now i uh oh god i i hadn't thought about her you know this was high school and last year you know was supposed to be my 20-year high school reunion but well not be not because or not but and because there was covid there was all this like extra discussion in you know like a facebook group or whatever trying to figure out when uh people wanted it to happen because it would have had to have been like early summer or end of summer something like that you know like trying to figure it out and oh my god i liked high school had a good time had a bunch of uh close friends or whatever but to have

like the masses weighing in on facebook very quickly i left that fucking group i was just like they're gonna have to they're gonna have to make me uh participate in this because i was in student council i should have been a part of the 10 year and i did not do that i was like in denver and broke i was like i'm not gonna fly back for that in denver and broke i was like i'm not gonna fly back for that so have fun and then this time i was like oh maybe you know the the 10 the 10-year reunion seemed ridiculous like it's all about the 20-year as far as movies and shows you know it's the 20-year reunion when you get to actually catch up and see who ended up doing what right so i was into that idea like oh yeah go and see you know who's got them who's who's still got them yeah i would have treated it like an airport and i would have

been like all right who's got them who's busted yeah exactly there would have been got a big one but she's still got them i guess yeah how how's uh how's this dude's dick who killed themselves we had a lot of we had a lot of uh viking funerals uh we we had some we yeah we had some some bodies file up so anyway but yeah the floor the fucking Facebook group was a nightmare. So I got the hell out of there and I was like, and I saw they did something earlier this year instead of last year. And I'm glad I didn't go because it was mostly a bunch of fucking squares, a bunch of like, you know, regular, boring idiots, a bunch of Mormons. So I bet they, you know, a lot of them had like 11 kids, which I think is one of the dumber things you can do with your life.

Just have an entire fucking farm league of your own progeny. Like, come on. The planet is fucking dying. Absolutely. Terrible choice. Like, have some fucking self-control and modesty. modesty when when when you hear people say like climate experts say literally the the biggest thing you can do to help if you're not a mega corporation dumping poison into the water is don't have a bunch of kids and people take that as like an affront to their oh i always wanted a

big family oh yeah you wanted to be stressed because you have nine mouths to feed, nine sets of feet that have to be covered with shoes and socks and fill their day with activities. And they got theirs because of all this staying at home. I like that part where they're just like, oh, shit, I have to actually see these kids now instead of them just coming and going. Oh, yeah, what a terrible pain in the ass yeah dude i like that i like the idea of some of these families just reaching a breaking point because they had nine motherfuckers that they you know that like they were little tornadoes like you they're going soccer practice bible study boy scout uh camp fucking can each other's nipples terrible yeah yeah yeah discover discovering

their bodies out in the woods or whatever but then all of a sudden it's just home just are you saying looking at each other the the gal who wouldn't let you under the shirt had a bunch of kids i don't know i don't think no she wasn't mormon she was she was uh i think she was religious but i don't think she was mormon so i don't i think she's got a normal amount of kids she's probably got like three kids or something i'm not sure oof yeah three too many if you ask me uh but my high school reunion reunion won't happen, which is tight, because my graduating class was three people. No, four people. How is that?

Because I went to that weird drug school, drug rehab school. I didn't think that was considered school. It was real, baby. We graduated. I got a real diploma and everything, old high school diploma but it was four people one of them's dead and so then I did two other dudes I can just call them

up and be like what up dudes happy reunion is the guy that died the former roommate of yours that I had met okay just another drug addict Is the guy that died the former roommate of yours that I had met? Okay.

Just another drug addict that's died over the years that I've known. Just another cool dude. Yep. He was actually really cool. His name was Trey. Real cool guy. Damn. Trey Cool.

Trey Cool. Trey Cool. That's right. Trey Cool used to drive around. We'd have a lot of fun driving around. He had rich grandparents. We'd go to his grandparents' house, hang out at his rich grandparents' house while we were sober. And then he got on sober and died.

Yeah. Viking funeral, baby. I heard that he was on a flaming skateboard that got pushed into a bowl. Drop in, baby. And then everybody just whipped, everybody whipped broken glass bottles at him. That is pretty tight. Becker, you just had a birthday, and you're in between 10-year and 20-year reunion, eh?

Yeah. Did you go to your 10? No, the gal who was in charge of throwing our 10-year reunion was giving birth and sent out a Facebook message that was basically like, I'm not doing this. See you guys in 10 years. Nobody cared?

Well, no. Because I mean, also we've had Facebook since the year we graduated. Right. That was part of it for me. Yeah, and there were a lot more kids, so none of them left there. They're all mostly trust fund kids that are living in the mansion that their great-grandparents

bought and ran yeah so like it's they all see each other all the time there's very few of us that left where everybody is they've got their cotillions and their underground dance parties. Whose goddamn car was that, Jake? Is that your new car? Did you get a new car? I bought it a year ago, but I just got it out of the shop. Sick!

Yeah, it's great. I haven't been in it yet. Oh, I give you a ride soon. It fucking kicks ass, man. It's so comfortable. It looks fucking dope. Is it a convertible? I couldn't tell from the picture. No, it's a four-door sedan. Not the hardtop,

but it's a 62 Buick with the big block. It's got more torque than makes any fucking sense ever. It's got 425 pound-feet feet of torque and it's 60 years old. And it was a family car with a two speed automatic. And that's like, yeah, that's enough to torque,

like rip tree trunks out all day. That's a truck amount of torque. Dude, you should pull people around. You should start dragging people. Uh, I need to get a new transmission because it's got the old school two-speed tranny, so I'd either

be liquidating tires or barely hauling ass until we hit 60 and then they'd be like, damn, from 60 to 130 was impressive. Before that, it's very slow. Okay, well, get the transmission fixed and then start dragging people behind

the car around Trinidad, Old West style, by their ankles. It will be cool. There's not enough of that happening these days, if you ask me. Oh, I thought you meant drag racing. No, I'm talking about getting dragged to death by their ankles. I'm set up for that. Yeah, do that now. You don't need to get a new transmission for that.

You don't have to go very fast. In fact, the slower you go, the better. That's the jam. Yeah, yeah. 15 miles an hour. Absolutely. Let everybody know. They'll let everybody know while they're screaming and painting.

It's fun, man. I say do it. Take the principal through the school zone. You got a hitch on that thing? nah but I tie it onto the chrome bumper thing is solid that's nice I'm up for it

how's Trinidad? it's great yeah? you guys like it? there's enough parking that I can drive dumb shit like that that's true. Are the spiders out of there? I listened to that episode. My brother went to school in Pueblo.

He went to USC down there. CSU. CSU, that's what I meant to say. He played soccer there. I don't know how old I was. I was in high school, maybe a freshman in high school. So this is a crazy story. This is a really weird story.

Bring it home, daddy. Great. So I went to – they were playing on this particular field where the college soccer team plays. I was also a big time soccer player at the time so during halftime i went from that field they had like practice fields off to the other side whatever and i was like i'm gonna go over there and play my family was like go for it so i went over there but there was fucking tarantulas everywhere you could not play because there was the soccer field

was littered in tarantulas it was gnarly it was very intense i had never seen one up until then and then they were fucking everywhere you like literally couldn't play because you'd run and you'd like oh my god i'm gonna step on one and that would freak me out because i don't want to kill me whatever and they were everywhere uh so i was like well i can't play at all so i'm a 14 year old boy so i just sat down and jerked off in a field yeah in like the middle of the soccer field surrounded by tarantulas what the fuck you sat down yes yeah i just remembered all of that story just came back to me as i was telling it i was like oh wow this is that's why i was like this is a crazy story yeah because i went over there and was like i can't play they're everywhere i can't run around or like kick the ball because if the ball rolls and hits one like i don't know what the fuck's gonna happen on the ground and yes i if i remember correctly i sat like in like on the side right by the goal

uh and it put like an intense time limit on it because i was like you got to do this quick before they start moving and i did and i took completion i remember that very very well and then left and then was like okay well i'm gonna go back and then i watched the second half of the game man being a fucking intense puberty sucks when you're like i gotta jerk off all the time what a bummer that was damn dude i was like i'm gonna jerk off right in the middle of this field right now you start you start in a movie called arachnophilia because you were loving it i did i love i hated those spiders though it scared the shit out of me so you just really did but an intense like i gotta do this because they're gonna what if they start coming at me i gotta you know finish quickly it was

intense what a weird story so you just did like a quick scan and you're like all right there aren't any right here so yeah yeah i'll be okay for two minutes that's basically what i thought and i made sure i had my you know i was going to get caught by any humans. Also, that was just as important. Could you not? Just as. Yeah. But you were like close enough to where you could probably hear the crowd, right?

So it sounds like they're cheering you on. Come on, baby. Go. Yeah. Go. Go. That's real weird. Go! Go! Yeah. Go! That's real weird.

What a bizarre... Anyway, yeah. Jerked off in a field of tarantulas. We... During the Great Migration. We don't get a... Yeah, you definitely could have put a curse on someone at that if there were a full moon that night i think i know you could have had a wish come true thanks to like satan's fucking that's some straight voodoo magic uh yeah we don't we don't get them down here that is a

pueblo la junta thing because pueblo and la junta are like the same latitude or whatever the fuck. They are both about an hour north of here. So we don't get the same. And I went up there and saw Sam and Emily. Megan and I went up there, but we didn't see any tarantulas. I think it was past the big main migration deal. It's wild to picture a ton of them. If I saw one tarantula, I'd be freaked out, let alone thousands.

Yeah, that was my only experience until living here in L.A. Me and Jordan all went to some place where you could hold them. And did that. And it's pretty fun. They weigh nothing. Which is fucking creepy. Because who knows? You may have been covered in them at some point in your life.

You'd never know. You could have been covered head to toe and you'd never know because none of them weigh anything right you would just you think it was a mustache hair that got loose and brush it off your butt that's the thing that like or that stat that like the average person eats five spiders every year or whatever the fuck it is you know in your sleep two uh two of them are tarantulas my i remember when we when i heard that when i was a kid and my older brother was like nope fuck that shit like that's no way he's like just because he's like it's an averages thing like so the guy down the street eats like 40. I eat none. It averages out to some.

Like, that's fucking insane. I don't eat fucking spiders. He could not handle the idea of eating spiders. He thought it was a sign of weakness. He was like, I never would, and my body wouldn't allow it. I'm too tough. I sleep with my jaw clenched. Right, yeah. I'm ready to go. Nothing's going in, nothing coming out. I sleep with my jaw clenched. Right, yeah. I'm ready to go.

Nothing's going in, nothing coming out. I don't drool. I don't suck my thumb. Good luck getting your dick in there. That's why I do it. I keep it clenched just in case. Because I've always had male roommates. And they, you know, they're know they're oh college they're mean with

their pranks yeah college was a freaking dick nightmare jammed their dicks in my mouth college was a dick nightmare you knew you knew there's gonna be some dicks involved if you passed out early if you showed up, somebody was going to hit you on your dick. You're going to see a dick at some point in the evening. So much dick around that time period. Very unnecessary.

We had a go-to gag, which was in the dorms, if somebody showered, you had the outer curtain and the inner curtain for the stall. And so our thing was you'd go

grab their clothes out of the outer stall and get the fuck out of there. And then your options were come out naked and try to cover up or detach the shower curtain and wear that and uh most people went for the curtain but it would have really been the move to just come out you know flopping

and uh i don't know if anybody i don't remember anybody actually doing that but i think that would have been the way to take the power back for sure but i think you have to especially at that time you had to have been holding you're not coming out there with what i got walking around being like i'm taking the power back they'd be like no you're not not with that now we have that now we all have the power you little penis right yeah so i guess maybe none of my none of my crew was rocking a solid uh dong because i would i would remember the move i would have been like oh yeah this dude fucking came out just swinging just heavy-handed and hands on his hips he wasn't trying to cover it up. He was displaying it.

Giant unit. A complete unit. Yeah, that would have been cool. I think most of us went the shower curtain route. We were mere mortals. You had this done to you? Yeah, I got my clothes took once.

It was all about if you tried to shower when everybody was hanging out like if you're like oh we're gonna go to the bar well shit i got i smell like fucking 10 assholes i gotta i gotta rinse off then everybody was already hanging out and they knew you were gonna go in there that was not a good or if like you know we did a lot of uh if we were hanging out in the dorms you know if it was a night in then everybody was you know raring to go to to prank somebody so if they heard the shower they'd be like oh let's see let's see who's naked right now make their clothes disappear

but yeah i got it definitely got it uh done to me once and i i took down i took down the outer dry curtain because the inner one was uh covered in jizz and puke i'm sure you know just gross as hell yeah gross as hell indeed college my uh i had a roommate who would just uh go into the bathroom while you were showering you would just open the door and then open the shower curtain violently. And you're just standing there shocked and naked like, ah, God. And then he would just leave the bathroom. And you're like, great, thank you. That was just his fun thing that he liked to do all the time. You're like, you piece of shit.

Oh, dude, when I was in high school, we had a trip to D.C. for this government class. I did that too. Well, we, the people. Yeah. You did. We,

the people. Yeah. Your four person high school. I went to, it was before I dropped out of high school in regular high school. I have a crazy fun story about that was the first time I did acid on an airplane. Jesus Christ.

First time? Yeah. That's a habit? On my way over there. I've done it a couple of times. That was the first time, though, on my way there. I was a freshman in high school. Me and my girl.

Yeah, crazy. We never talked about that we both did this, huh? What year did you go? We, the people for me, it was a senior class. I don't, so whatever you're talking about might be a different thing. I don't know. But when we went, uh, you know, I was in a room with I think three other guys or whatever, you know, we were definitely sharing rooms and same and i was like third

out of four for the shower and so i went in there and shaved my dick and balls and i put the hair all over the shower wall i spread it and then? And then I thought everybody was going to think it was awesome. Like, cool prank. But everybody was kind of turned off. They were not into it. They were like, man, that sucks sucks and i was like oh okay i thought i thought it was gonna be like easy enough to just you know to attach the shower head and rinse it you know it wasn't like this permanent awful thing that like should have ruined the trip but

apparently it did for i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure number four for the shower was my buddy Landon and his wife, Katie listens and sometimes Landon listens. So if he hasn't blocked it out, I'll probably get a recap. But yeah, yeah. It didn't, didn't get as good of a response. I thought it'd be like a, Whoa, this one's, we're going to be telling this story at the 20 year response. I thought it'd be like, whoa, this one's... We're going to be telling this story at the 20-year reunion. And instead it was just somber.

It was like, my God. There was a lot of hair in there. Yeah, it was too much Bush. Too much Bush. Nobody likes that. Yeah, I didn't do any friggin' acid, though, dude. Yeah, well, you missed out. Did it on the plane on the way out there.

It was real intense. And then, obviously, I mean, I went because I got to get a week off of school. So that was, like, a big part of the reason that I went. I was, like, tight. And then. You're at the Holocaust Museum on S. Yeah! Yeah!

This shit rules! Look at all these fucking shoes. Holy shit. Whoa. Look at all these colors. Everyone's like, that's a house on fire. I'm like, yeah. The flames are moving.

That's just awful. But the teacher that I went with was like, I mean, he knew what I was up to. Maybe not to that extent, but he knew what I was up to. He thought you had smoked a little J before the plane, knew what I was up to maybe not to that extent but he knew what I was up to so he didn't he thought you had smoked a little jay before the plane and he was like yeah have your fun and you're just like he was the one he told me multiple times where he was like look man there's plenty of times to party just wait till you get out of high school and i was like sure sure and then i didn't listen to him he and my soccer coach both said the same thing they were like dude you you just gotta chill

like you have so much time wait till you get out of high school and then you can do whatever you want i was like right right losers yeah i could i i could wait squares, these very cool guys were like, keep partying. Just wait a little bit. Then you can party real hard. I'm doing it my way. Then a month later, I was in drug rehab. A month later, you're in a cult.

Everybody's watching you poop. That didn't happen. You have told me that that is exactly what happened. Oh, at the cult, people watch you poop? Yeah, I was just kidding. I was just riffing. I know. I obviously.

Probably have ice rattling around in my mouth. That probably sounded terrible. You know what? Cool. You know what I think might have sounded terrible is Becker's got that ceiling fan going on extra high. Oh, I can't hear it.

I think I've been hearing it. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it's something else. It doesn't matter, but shit, man. You want to plug something? You got anything big coming up?

You got a big inspection for your solar panel? Solar panel company? Big inspection coming up. No, nothing big. I'm getting, you know, I've switched jobs a little bit. I'm gone from a wiring technician. Now I'm QA. It's pretty exciting, getting raises.

Things are getting big. I plan on getting raises because of it. That's nice. No, the next big thing for me that I can think of is that I'm going to be starting a show in January here in Los Angeles. to be starting a show in January here in Los Angeles. So we're in Los Angeles and you happen to be out here on January 8th. Keep your eyes peeled. I'm doing a show. I'll have all the details and flyers and everything very soon. But I just nailed down the date for January 8th. We don't even have a name for it yet. So I got to do everything. Get it cooking.

But it's going to be dope. I'm very excited to have a show going again. You got a venue. You got co-hosts. You got a venue. Potentially a co-host. Potentially, we'll see. Might be Columbo, whom I love very much.

He's a very funny boy. Might do that. Got a venue all set up. We'll see what happens. Very dope. It's going to be a house show. But these people, they're dope. And they've turned their backyard into a legit speakeasy.

Like a very, very nice bar. So they have a very nice bar and a cool spot for a show. It be dope that rules that is exciting and you'll be outside so there's a little less yep weird all of that uncertainty yeah because i and i've seen numbers are going up people are dying so that's cool yeah it's terrible right now in colorado what the fuck? It's really bad right here. I think the tarantulas were

all COVID carriers, yes. And everybody was jacking off in the fields. Getting COVID? Yeah. We got a bunch of spider fuckers in here. So I've got a bunch of spider fuckers in here uh so uh i've got a couple shows sam and i are doing lucha libre and laughs um next week uh the night before thanksgiving which is always a fun

show a lot of people are usually back in town i think you. You know, expatriates of Denver will probably come to that show. So that's a... And that's just a fun night, you know, to go out the night before Thanksgiving. I want to come see this. If you're... If somehow people... If you somehow

are fans of this show and have not been to a fucking Lucha Libre and and laugh somehow you are severely missing out it's the best show in denver uh truly i've never had more fun at a show yes i mean it thanks man yeah god damn show this will be a good one it's always nice when sam and i get to do it together and uh the last time i did it i think was was one where sam couldn't be there so uh got that and then colorado springs i'm headlining a new show at the gold room it is uh yeah friday december 10th uh uh i'm pretty sure the guy uh r Keller, that put the show together started our subreddit.

So that's a fun little connection. Yeah. Total Chubhead. Yeah, big old Chubby Chaser. And he chased me right to getting booked on his first show. And he chased me right to getting booked on his first show. So and I think I've done a show there before, but I think it's he's saying there's like this upstairs room. So anyway, hopefully it's I mean, I know what I did at the Gold Room.

It was fun. So now maybe they've got like a separate upstairs that they're using for shows. So that sounds exciting and that's uh in the springs and then um i will be on at least one of the josh blue shows at the comedy works uh december 22nd and 23rd so um those always sell out nice be sure if you're in denver you want to see a bunch of great comics including the man himself josh blue uh go to one of those shows and if i'm not on it uh you will still be able to see a bunch of great uh comics open up for the man now i'm gonna say there's a hundred percent chance i'm gonna be at one of those shows also oh shit dog hopefully we can do the same one man that would be tight i don't know if i'll be performing but i will be in denver uh i have not looked into performing at all while i'm there but but I'm going to be back in Denver for Christmas.

Sweet. All right. I'm sure I'll be doing some shows here and there. Yeah, you should. There's way too many. There's a show. I'm only there for a short amount of time. There's a new show where the crowd is told, don't laugh.

And I think that's, it's bold is what i'm gonna call it it's a bold move uh from uh a few comics that are you know just man taste death live life they're jacking off in a tarantula field for sure with with this uh hot new idea to tell a crowd not to laugh at a comedy show but hey, maybe they're the smart ones. Maybe I'm an idiot and time has passed me by and my bones don't work like they should. And they're the ones that are going to, you know, take us into the next millennium.

But anyway, yeah, a bunch of great shows in Denver. Get on them, Sharpie, and rock those faces off, man.