Chubby Behemoth - Skeeter Burnwell

Episode Date: November 13, 2022

Extra episodes at Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   Crave Clutch. Forged Paperwork. Down In Front.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   This Weeks Sponsor: 7-strong.com Code: CHUBBY5

We're in, we're on, we're locked, we're loaded. I'm loaded. I have so much cash. I'm glad I don't get robbed or else the guy would be like, whoa, I'm rich. Yeah, he'd be like, oh my God, becoming a criminal is the best thing I've ever done. Dude, normally when I rob a dude, he's got between like $13 and $150 on him. Yeah. And, you know, a week or so later, I need to rob another person.

I got to keep targeting portly gentlemen of leisure. This guy looked like he was on his way from one Chinese food buffet to a hot pot situation. But no. He was on his way from a gold mine that he owns all the way to

the diamond factory. That's right. He thanked me. Usually I rob somebody and I'm very angry with them because it's just a blip on the radar that is sustaining my lifestyle. But in this case, I'm retiring at 36. I've never been happier. He gave me some of my money back

because I had so much on me that he didn't even need it I don't need to be greedy I'm an honest criminal yeah it was pretty wild I couldn't believe it he couldn't believe it I said this is going to blow your mind

that's not even a dent in my fortune he goes dude we're both rich now and I was like, yes, welcome to the club. Here you go. I'll see you at the meeting. See you at the yacht fair.

My name is Ignatius K Bertrand. And I'm a wealthy industrialist who likes to go around helping petty criminals achieve wealth. So welcome to Mindhead. Is this good? We just woke up. I ran a bunch of errands. A bunch. What'd you do? What'd you do to help us and our listeners

achieve their goals of enjoying the podcast? I changed my flight. I'm going to see my wife eight hours later than originally. Neither do you. She doesn't remember your name. She's just had a faceless throng of men coming in and out of there since you've been gone. She doesn't care, neither do you. I do. She doesn't remember your name. This sucks. She's just had a faceless throng of men coming in and out

of there since you've been gone. She's getting railed. Oh, yeah. Good for her. She loves it. Yeah, see, that's cool that you can share. Oh, yeah. That means when you're on the road now, you can get some strange gush. No thanks. It's not what it's about. It's about entertaining people, making new fans,

creating art. My comedy is art. Yeah. I thought it was about some fucking wild Ned and... Getting blasted? Eh, maybe when I was younger. Now, when you were younger, how was that for you? Did you have a nice time out there with the ladies? Yeah, I got blown in a parking lot while it was windy and I couldn't stay hard, remember? The dream.

That's why you get into stand-up. It was nuts. Yeah, you were all nuts. You had no dick. Yeah, it was too cold. One time I made love to a woman and she put her nose in my mouth. That's the only way she could achieve orgasm. The only way. She said, I need she put her nose in my mouth. Cause that's the only way that she could achieve orgasm. The only way she said,

I need to put my nose in your mouth. So I was just like honking on this lady's nose as I was grinding away on her while doing it. Mm. Hmm. Connecticut. Did she blow harder than anyone ever because of the nose thing? Total whale spout,

baby. Yeah. It was like she swallowed some dynamite and i lit the fuse kapow yeah so what errands did you do uh i ran to menards you didn't run i i fucking shuffle walked hustled yeah all right it's across the street it is yeah and meanwhile you were swearing into the toilet. Taking a dump. Yeah, uh-huh.

I took a dump. Yeah. And I know, I came in and I was like, oh, fuck. All that White Castle's come back. With a vengeance. The revenge of the White Castle. It's not over after you eat it. It doesn't slide right out.

It slides right in. That's act one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you really earned it last night last night brother you really wore the leather what are you talking about i'm talking about is i get off stage i'm selling merch and on the horizon i see this kind of like frantic eyed furball man appear and i'm like like, who the hell? That kind of looks like Lund. But he's so happy. He looks like he's finally

figured out whatever was missing inside of him. And then as you get closer, I realize it is you. And you say, I've got 30 White Castle sliders on the way. I was pretty stoked. You were stoked as hell. I didn't want pizza.

No, who wants pizza? I do, some of the time. Well, Ahmed wanted pizza, too. But we had had pizza the night before. That's right, and that's why the room smells like this. My body... Help! Help! Send help!

My body likes to switch it up food-wise. And so, when I saw White Castle, I said it had to be done. It hasn't been crammed since Cincinnati. Yeah, and how did you just happen upon the White Castle? You're acting like... Uber Eats. I was scrolling. Nice, man.

There were other options that sounded good, but I didn't want to have to order a bunch of Indian or Malaysian food for us and then hope that it's good and i was like i don't want to make a mess i don't want to have you don't want to make a mess so you got 30 white castle sliders yeah i didn't want a bunch of well i didn't want a bunch of sauces dripping and a bunch of uh sides to to finagle you don't want any distractions no you want to just pure carnal bliss this was efficient this was yeah it wasn't so much about the destination. It was about the journey, which was filling our bellies with something that was going to make us feel great. With quote-unquote food. Yeah, that's right.

Something that would make us feel tired and gross. Yeah, and then you went on stage. Right away. I'm so sorry, everybody. I'm full. I'm full again, my God. I stole your act sorry, everybody. I'm full. I'm full again. My God. I stole your act from Charleston.

I was like, I'm full. Yeah, but in Charleston, I put a new spin on an old dance. By saying it eight times? Yeah, by calling back to it. By slapping my belly. Guess what? I'm still full, y'all. I like that you got the White Castle offers.

The Crave Case, of course. 30. Which is 30. But last night, you were feeling kind of frisky. You were a bit coquettish, and you got the Crave case of course 30 but last night you were feeling kind of frisky you were a bit coquettish and you got the Crave clutch for the woman on the go yeah it's a fashionable

it was pink Dolce & Gabbana clutch the Versace Crave clutch brought to you by White Castle Kanye West Yeezy by White Castle Kanye West Yeezy presents White Castle stylish

lighter so that you can get where you're going a little bit faster I like when the Crave case you pick that thing up and you're like I could beat a drifter to death with this I could go to the fucking train yard and just split some heads but no the Crave clutch was like I need to catch my flight to Milan

what's in here to the fucking train yard and just split some heads but no, the Crave Clutch was like, I need to catch my flight to Milan. What's in here? It feels like tampons that I make up. No, it's 20 sliders. 20? I thought it was 30. Maybe if you're a huge wad. A lady would never reveal. You never ask

a woman how many sliders are in her purse. The crave clutch lies on the outside. It says that there's only 10. So that you can get away with it. It lists the calories as 60 instead of God knows how many. Oh, I saw it. How many? I don't remember.

What are the calories per slide? It's a lot. Tell me. You don't want to know? i do want to know no 180 what was that that was my insides uh yeah they want to play too i thought it was i thought it was a fart that you didn't mean to have come out no dude i'm not suppressing that was anything that was your the silencer's on That was your guts 180? I don't remember but it's a lot You do remember and you don't want to say

No I don't remember because I was looking at the case And the clutch You don't remember because you were so excited You just saw dollar signs Like I'm the smartest man alive This is the best investment I've ever made That's right But yeah I got

Porsche 20 and then 5 Impossible Sliders so that we could really confuse our bodies. And so we could pretend like we were doing the right thing. You had one Impossible Slider, you're like, okay, prime the pump. Ahmed had one and I was like, have one of the

20 regular ones. Why are you having an Impossible? Sam and I are trying to be healthy over here. He's already on his way to weight loss freedom. And you're on the way next, dude. Yeah, to impossible slainer. You just gotta keep fucking rocking that crave clutch. I brought it on stage.

I talked about it. No one seemed to care. He gave it away. Well, that late crowd was a little drunk, stoned. Sleepy, pilled up, nodding off. Nebbed out, barbitched. They were barbitches. They were laying on the floor.

Yeah, they were face down. Snoring. Yeah, hands to their side. It looked like Heaven's Gate in there. They were all paint-fumed up. Yeah, dude. Yeah, they were a good bunch, man. I mean, they came through.

Thank you to the good people in Minneapolis for helping me sell a whole bunch of tickets. 88 per show, right? Yeah, 88 per show. I saw 88 and I was like, uh-oh, we're dealing with white supremacists over here. Yeah, you got your hopes up. Maybe more like-minded fellas. ABV of 14%. Hold up to my butt.

No, no, no. Don't move it. Don't move it. Oh! No! You're going to kick us out of this room. For sure. I mean, after our first night's performance,

I'm glad they haven't called the fire department, because they think a bunch of kids are trapped in this room. It was just farting and giggling until 3am. Yeah. That was cool! Sounded like two 14-year-olds got a hold of a parent's credit card. And were able to get their own room.

Or we were just the most fun-loving underage prostitutes in this fucking crack hotel. Were we next to some not-fun- underage prostitutes in this fucking crack hotel. Were we next to some not fun-loving prostitutes? So I was... I think that prostitutes don't even know what the word fun means anymore. Yeah. Yeah, it's just the thing that they never had, which is why they're in this sad, dour life.

Or they're empowered, who knows? You know, yes, queen. I don't want to be nasty. I don't want to be on the wrong side. You know, sex work is real work. Yeah, but what was that dude doing? Counting cash. He had to take off his velour gloves to peel back hundos.

Licking his fingies. Dipping them in pots. I guess they smoked enough weed to be non-verbal because they came up behind us when we were entering the hotel. Yeah, they thought that we were casting extras for the movie Gummo 2 in this room. They bumped into us. I was like, what are you doing? Give me a second. And then they did it again up the stairs.

They were like, up my ass. So I let them pass. Did they get your wallet no hell no no the guy last night he did that was two nights ago yeah yeah you empowered they should have or they could have had a new life yeah dude you because you rock around with just like bonds in your wallet yeah yeah it's all stock certificates yeah yeah uh yeah i like and so i like said go certificates. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like said, go ahead. I was all annoyed with them.

Well, that was because you bailed on me when I had two giant suitcases. I thought the guy would say something. Yeah, let me help you with that. That's what I thought he would say, because he was more of a friend than you were. Hey, let me give you a hand. Your short-legged buddy didn't seem to give a shit, so here's me.

You know what it is. Don Caballero. You know what it is, is so many people are not in the speaking business like we are. I know. And so they just don't talk so good, do they? I'm very verbal. Well, and just like, I don't know,

I think even our personalities, if we weren't comics, we would still interact with people, social. Well, re-watching Seinfeld has totally warped my brain to human interaction. Because I'm talking to people all over town as if I was in Seinfeld. As if it was 1996 and everyone knows that I'm Kramer's neighbor. I was in Seinfeld. It was 1996 and everyone knows that I'm Kramer's neighbor. You know? Like, even on the walk back from Menards today as I was running all of our errands so we could do

this while you were on the toilet. You got batteries and coffee. And who we bono? You runned. Uh-oh. I'm turning into a local. Yeah. I have street worker brain.

At least you're not in the streets you're running around town getting produce and ribbons and gift wrap yeah it's like I had a brunch shift coming up that's how I view crossing the street and buying batteries stop acting like you were put upon thank you

did you want to do it? I would have after I dumped. Yeah, okay. So we would not have started recording in time. What were you going to say? I was going to say that on the walk back, I was crossing across the, what is that called? Parking lot? Cross, cross.

Yeah, it was cross, cross. Zigzag. Pig blend. I was crossing the parking lot and there was a sock in the middle of it. And there were two older gentlemen with dreadlocks. White? No, I said gentlemen.

Hmm. I didn't say race traders. God damn it. Uh, two gentlemen and they were smoking cigarettes by their car. And I saw the sock and I said, there's my sock I'm like waiting for

applause you know like pause alright kept moving they no sold the shit out of it it was like wrestling Goldberg Justin for a heater hey let me get one of those darts my man hey man let me get one of those

I'm assuming cool brand cigarettes. I don't want to brush my teeth today. I don't want to brush my damn teeth. These teeth, they stay clean. Let me get one of them. Let me get a tasty long white boy. Come on.

I did the sock gag. Pay me off. Let me get it heated up. Come on. I did the sock gag. Pay me off. Let me get it heated up. Come on, man. Shit. I farted. I farted and slipped on the sock and couldn't get up. I went turtle style. They came over.

He gave me one big palm pink belly. Just. Ah! He put cigarettes out on me. Oh, you like that cool? Yeah. Breathe it in. Not with your lips.

Stop doing the voice. Well, it's fun up here. It is fun. You know what else is fun? The Minnesota, North Dakota voice. Yeah, yeah. Oh, hey there Dakota voice. Yeah, yeah. Hey there, coach. Hello, coach.

I'm here to kick the ball. I'm Brock Lesnar, coach. Hello. I'm here to wrestle and play football. I'm from North Dakota or am I the indigenous warrior? They stole the land and they stole the voice.

And they took the voice. That slower, thoughtful kind of voice. I am talking slowly. I am from northern Minnesota. I am white. God forbid Sam does a voice on the podcast. I am Swiss and Dutch, but I talk like I'm Sue. My wife's name is Sue.

Sue Murnack. I sued my neighbor because he didn't trim his tree. He was poisoning my dog. He put strychnine in the treats. And now Rufus is passed on with the other dogs and the ancient dogs in the sky. I keep slipping into different cultural beliefs due to my tone. You're a man of the world. I am a manic man of the pixie world.

I am a mannequin. Come to life. I am. Don't fit me for clothing. They don't fit because I have no genitals. My butt is flat because I am no genitals my butt is flat because I'm a mannequin at Menards when you were in high school did you notice when sometimes the mannequins had them

yeah of course so in San Francisco the first time I went over there to hang out with Bori we were walking on you were 23 I've been to San Francisco before that but this was the first time when Bori. We were walking on... You were 23? I've been to San Francisco before that,

but this was the first time when Bori was out. There was 22, 23, and we were walking in the mission, and they had these fucking mannequins that were just

from the waist down. No. Oh, not even... Have you ever seen these? Yeah. It's the fucking hugest asses in the world. Pants mannequins.

Well, pants mannequins, and this was like when they just introduced tights. They just unleashed tights upon the general population. That was a fucking psyop. They're like, hey, men aren't horny enough. What do we do? Let's paint up every ass like it's a candy apple.

And then send those girls off to eighth grade. My Aunt Julie once was like, the girls with the tights, you can see all the way up. You can see all the way up. She's talking about seeing into children's pussies. What? Yeah, you can see all the way up. Not good. You can see all the way up. She's talking about seeing into children's pussies. What? Yeah, you can see all the way up.

Oh, because they weren't always putting a skirt on over them? No, because the tights were so tight that sometimes they go inside. Oh, no. Sometimes the lips swallow the nebbins. Oh, no. Sometimes the grundle's inverted, if you know what I mean. The deaf people are reading lips left and right. That's right, and the lips say,

I love Lycra, I'm hungry for Lycra. Put my nose in your mouth, daddy. She did. I loved it. Just the one-time encounter? Red vs. Black on the road over there in Wesley in Connecticut I said hey what's going on with you and she said I'm a freaky freak you want to smoke a bone in my room

and I said yes ma'am cut to 8 minutes later I'm fucking hard so hard and she's like put it in put it in and I'm like I already am and she's like no no my nose into your mouth just suck it out like a nipple she blow she blow her nose she blew everything

yeah i think so i think the swollen bugs what's that called the farmer farmer's blow farmer blow yeah so yeah, these huge mannequin asses. You and David, right? Right, and we're like, what the hell? What we wanted was to know the first butt, the original butt who sat in that plaster. Yeah. We wanted to find the lady who they made the mold of. She's probably down in Brazil, just fucking climbing trees.

Counting cash. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Counting cash. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Looking like Lana. You know who I wanted to see was who was the model for Lana from Archer. Lana from Archer. And she's... Aisha Tyler?

She's pretty hot. She wasn't the physical model for the drawing. She's the voice. I see. Yeah. So wait, that wasn't just someone's mind that created that it wasn't an imagination yeah no they had people that were like that helped capture them what about pam i don't know i can't remember i was mostly looking for lana was pam

the blonde lady yeah he was trying to get fucking railed all the time? Yeah. It's like, that's your thing, Pam? You're horny for Archer? God. Write a spec script. Well, I guess Cheryl also is very horned up. I don't remember Pam. Pam's blonde. Cheryl is the crazy one.

Pam was kind of the rectangular-shaped woman. Yeah. She played softball. This is an Archer podcast, everyone. All right? We break down the ladies of Archer. And we rank them. On three, who's your favorite?

Lana! It's all about Lana. Is that because it kind of rhymes with your name? Which one does it rhyme with? Landa. It's me, Landa. I don't know if you're thinking Nathan or Lon. And that's a Buccaneers touchdown.

What? You got me. TV's not on. You got me. I've gone crazy. You're pretty good at that. What about the guy who... Remember the crazy guy?

When? When I said I'm crazy on the podcast? Oh, yeah. What if he was horny? I'm horny. I'm horny. No. It's worse than when you were mental.

I'm pinged. Who's got a nose for me? Oh, God. Dude, how about that tricky Asian fellow last night? I was watching Adesanya set himself up for failure. Oh, dude, I was having fun out there, man. I was fucking setting new records. Yeah, what happened? Well, there was a there, man. I was fucking setting new records. Yeah, what happened?

Well, there was a table of gentlemen. One was from Uzbekistan. One spoke seven languages. The other one was from Wisconsin. And then there was an Asian fellow named An. And An... You know how I talk to the crowd. Alright, you know how I make everyone feel special and seen?

Yeah. That's most of my act. It's just making everyone feel like they're part of some ancient cult ritual where we all share the same dead tongue. Same seen? Yeah. That's most of my act is just making everyone feel like they're part of some ancient cult ritual where we all share the same dead tongue. Same tribe. Yeah.

We're all from the same tribe. One love. We're all from Malmo, Sweden. Norway. Yeah. The tribe of Malmo. Ismo.

Coming to Comedy Works this New Year's Eve. Ismo. Where's he from? Finland yeah I did Montreal Ismo bellied up to the bar and drank like 8 shots of vodka in 12 minutes and I was like whoa and he was like I'm Ismo

that's like all he would say and then he disappeared Ismo yeah I went and saw some panel where he was talking. He just kept saying, I'm Ismo. Everybody loved it. The answer to every question. How do you get Montreal?

And once you do, how do you translate that into further success? I'm Ismo. How do you drive traffic to your website when you haven't had any major credits to your name? I'm Ismo. How do you drive traffic to your website when you haven't had any major credits to your name? I'm Ismo. Yeah, that was pretty much it, dude. Everyone was like, this guy's the future of comedy. It's him and Andrew Schultz.

This was 2019, and they were the bells of the ball, all right? But what the hell were we talking about pre-Ismo? The Chinese dude tricking you. So, he figured out that he could be part of the act, and him being part of the act meant that he pretended like he didn't speak any Spanish. Or, I mean, didn't speak any English.

The other guy didn't pretend like he didn't speak any Spanish. So, like, halfway through the show, the guy that spoke seven languages would translate the jokes for him, and I was like, is that Cantonese or Mandarin? And he said Mandarin. And I said, you speak orange? Everyone was like, yeah. Come with it now.

Yeah, I was like, you're never going to get scurvy, are you? He's like, whoa! He's Ismo. He's the new Ismo. Look at me. Look at me. I'm Ismo now. I'm the Ismo now. Captain Phillips, hell of a film. By the end of the

show, I did my book pitch. You were busy fucking bullying Ahmed more. I was watching MMA. We were watching MMA together. Yeah, well, it's not the memory he's going to have after this weekend. That sucks. I think it might have replaced the previous encounter. No, you really made him feel small. That's what he wants. He have that sucks. I think it, I think it might've replaced the previous encounter.

No, you really made him feel small, but that's what he wants. He's losing weight. But anyway, he was like, he held up his hands as if he was like begging and he kept putting his hands together and a traditional Japanese bow. And I was like,

brother, you're not getting me with that one. All right. You set the trap. I'm not going to step into it. And he laughed and I was like, Oh, you're not even, you're not even

fucking really Chinese. Or whatever, I didn't say that. I said, you speak English. And he went, oh, oh. He waved it off, you know?

Like, oh, you know? Dr. Jones, like that kind of thing. Yeah, that's wild. Yeah. So I kept saying how this was very precarious water

that I was floating in and how dangerous this was. And then I was like, interesting trades, welcome for the book. And he held up two coasters. And I was like, all right, An. I'll play your game, you tricky son of a bitch. And I gave him the book, and then he gave me the two coasters. Then I took his beer, and he gave me the candle off of his table.

So we were having fun, right? Then after the show, he comes up, and he's like, my name's on i'm from duluth minnesota that was a hell of a show you just put on there i was like yeah i know you were fucking pranking my ass and he's like i don't know if you did and i was like yes i did on is that even your real name and he's like it sure is here swipe my card i'll buy one of them t-shirts and i I was like, okay, it is on, AHN. And then he was like, can I keep the book? And I was like, no. And he's like, oh, come on, a deal's a deal. And I was like, you tricked

me, you swindled me on. And he's like, we're very tricky people. And I laughed and then I gave him the book. Nice. Yeah. So you have a new friend. I have a new friend. It would have been funny if his name was Hank. It'd be funny if my last name be funny if his last name was Off. Yeah, on and off.

If he was on and off. Eli Klatt says, great seeing you fellas on Friday. Thank you, Eli. That's what the pod's all about. You know what else this pod's all about? Seven Strong brand shirts, everybody. Oh, hell yeah. They sent us more.

I wore them last night. Yeah, and you're doing a lot of cool bits about it. You should do a whole fucking special that's sponsored by Seven Strong. Shut up.

You should, dude. You do have like 17 minutes on the shirt. No, I don't. Yeah, you're like, and imagine if instead of little pinatas, it was little airplanes.

You'd probably go a little something like this. My whole act is sponsored content. Yeah, that'd be great. No. Man, you know what? I'm getting about getting thirsty up here everyone i don't drink but uh could you bring me a big piping hot glass of hormel brand chili it's the kind of pros drink no straw needed because it's chunky i like to chew as i go you got a boba straw. That might work out. Oh, yeah. There's no beans in this. It's just grade F dog food.

I'm horny for Hormel. It might not be for human consumption, but guess what? It's not a problem for me because I'm the dole. Here in America, we don't let labels from the USDA get in the way of us having a nice meal. Yeah, what is that? The Ugly Sucking Dick Association? Bunch of uggos. S and D's.

So yeah, 7 Strong. That's 7-strong.com, everyone. That's right. There's a hyphen right in the URL code. 7-strong. Put in code chubby to get five.

Is it chubby or chubby five? Try both. Chubby Five. Maybe you can try Chubby Five over and over again and you'll get the shirt for free. Try that out. Hack the system. Get inside of the Matrix here at 7-Strong. Take the power back. Hey, do you have

a morbidly obese family member? Because 7-Strong will make them fun for your luau event. There was a woman after one of the shows that said, I like the shirt. It's really nice. My cousin also wears those shirts, and he's not huge. I said, that's what we're trying to get out there.

These shirts aren't just for wads. They're wad-friendly. They're accessible to the guiguo in your life. But they've got maybe even small-sized shirts. If you're a little tiny guy that wants to look cool, hit them up. Yeah. And also, if you're a guy who lost both his feet prematurely to diabetes, hey, people are looking at your stumps.

All right? You know they are as you rascal around in your mobility scooter. So, hey, do you want people to quit looking at your stumps? I got an idea. Get little cowboy boots. And put those little cowboy boots at a fucking 90 degree angle right on your stump. Just glue them on.

That's fun. Not enough people are pulling stump-based pranks. Look, you love Skittles. I get it. We've all been there, okay? It's not your fault. What are you going to do about it now? Whose fault is it? Big Skittle. Big Halloween? Yeah.

The people trying to make Halloween year-round? Yeah. Hey, are you like visibly and horribly disfigured from some kind of grease fire? Here's what you do. Start wearing makeup. A lot of it. A lot of it. A lot of it.

Cake it on like Mimi from Drew Frazier or Drew Carey, all right? Just do it. Drew Schultz. Yeah, yeah. Put it on there. Put a bunch of fucking female clown makeup on and go to your job. Go to your job at Buffalo Wild Wings and say, Hello. My name's Murgatroyd.

Would you like some sauces on your wings? No one's going to notice that you fell asleep in a fryer. Greasy ass, burnt ass face. Because now you're Uggwald the Wacky Clown. Hello. Uggwald? I'm Uggwald. I'm a man and a woman who's hungry for dipping sauces i'm a gold uh or you can just be stumpy the cowboy boot bandit you ride around on that scooter dropping extra cups of ranch

dressing off all right it's fun well you can do that until the future arrives, as it did yesterday at the dim sum place, and all servers are replaced with robots. We got served awful dim sum by a freaking robot. Yeah, dude, that was... It was crazy. Look, we've had a good run of restaurants. From Husk to Gray Grace Hall to Appoy. Shout out Sean over there at Appoy, serving us some great Filipino food.

Oh, everything was so good. Yeah, dude, that sisig was tuk-tuk unguane. What was that? In Filipino, that means a really good time for the mouth. What was sig-sig? Or sisig? It was the fucking barnyard scraps. It was all the pig remnants.

It was tails and snouts and eyelids of the pig. That was like the best shit. It was cartilaginous. You had that egg in there and you tried to like... So it's a big pile of meat and then there's a raw egg on top. And you didn't think to stir the egg in? You were going to eat the raw egg? Yeah, you didn't.

I had to tell you to. Says who? No. Yeah, you were going to scoop out pieces of the egg and serve people portions shut up okay you didn't even know what it was until i reminded you i don't remember the name of it because we ordered eight things well someone ordered eight things what did you want two things me I wanted two things. Yeah. So. Mmm, I had eight. I saw the raw egg and I tried to just eat the egg first. Yeah.

No. That's okay. Well, that's what happened. I got a straw to try to slurp the raw egg. Mmm, it's like chili on stage. So, yeah. Shout out to Sean. Thank you for all the Filipino delights. But we went to that Minnesota football game.

What a fucking barn burner that was. Go Gophers. Yeah, go for it. Shut up, bitch. I was wearing that Wisconsin hoodie. Yeah, you didn't think about it until we were like right outside of the stadium. You're like, oh, God. Or maybe.

I'm wearing a Wisco sweatshirt. Maybe some men just like to create chaos wherever they go. Yeah, you're the Joker. Mm-hmm, yeah. Hey, he's a real Joker in that Wisconsin switch shirt. That was you. That was me, and people were coming up, and they were like, trying to be mean, but they're from Minnesota,

so they were incapable of being rude. So they were like, oh, buster, that's too much. Hey, you gotta go. Hey, you gotta go. You gotta go. I didn't know what that guy meant. I thought he said, you gotta go. Hey, you gotta go. You gotta go. I didn't know what that guy meant. I thought he said you gotta go for it. He was smiling and clapping you

on the back. You gotta go, buddy. You gotta go. We gotta get you out of here. You gotta go. And you were like, why? I paid for my ticket, sir. I'm not visibly disfigured underneath all this makeup. These are real feet. Yes.

I can hear the wood. Like, oh, you gotta take off that Wisconsin sweatshirt. And I'm like, I can't. You'll see all of my scars. You want to know how I got these scars? I fell asleep and a bunch of my friends covered me in honey and a bunch of turtles and ants came and munched me. How does that make you feel?

But yeah, I walked in in that Wisconsin sweatshirt. Everyone was like, this guy is here to... This guy just shit his Wisconsin pants. This guy is from Wisconsin. He shit his pants. These orange Nike sweats are ruined. Yeah, dude. You should try to return them at Menards.

Oh, my God. Excuse me. I'm pounding. I bought these not three days ago, and they are filled with farts. Hey, Buster, we're not falling for this one. You know how many big fat Randys come in here and try and trade in their pants for new ones? We're not falling for that. Look, Ted DiBiase's from here.

All right? He was born and raised in this very Menards. And his daddy, Theodore DiBiase, well, he tried to pull this prank once or twice. And he said, get out of here, Teddy Senior. So, what else happened? Oh, you tried to pull a slick one and and switch shirts in the bleachers and guess who found you scott the very man who bought the tickets for us the very pants i was going to return yeah no yeah scott thank you for getting us those tick ticks didn't sit by us so that was weird but

what are you gonna do you know, he has a reputation uphold. Yeah, you can't be seen with me, a man in a Wisconsin sweatshirt. He's running for mayor. On the second show last night, a lady said, I don't like your sweatshirt. And I said, shut up, bitch. Get up here and show us the big one. Get up here and dump out the one you showed a company.

One of them's bigger than the other. You know one of them's larger than the other. That's just how it goes. That's God winking at you. Show me where the hungriest baby feeds. The alpha. Show me the alpha tit. Yes, because I'm becoming Irish every now and then.

It's hard not to slip into the Irish brogue, even if you're from Minnesota. It's crazy how all the languages are the same. It's straight up mental, bro. It's great. It's straight up mental, bro. It's unbelievable. It's a real barrel of corks, all right? Anyway, so, yeah, I wore it. I switched it. I put on my Albany Medical College sweatshirt over the top.

Everyone was like, thank you for your service, doctor. I got this thing on my back. My wife says, go to the ER. I say, the Gophers are playing. I'll find a doctor on the field. There's one thing I know about the Gopher fan base. Most of them are medical professionals. That or they're a bunch of hippos in hats.

A bunch of big people. A bunch of big guys. A bunch of big guys. You look kind of dainty in the stands. I was just a fucking hair on the head of big guys. Yeah, you're a bunch of big guys. You look kind of dainty in the stands. I was just a fucking hair on the head of humanity yesterday. You're just a pig in a herd. I was a pig herd. Here's a new thing.

I don't know if you guys go to a lot of live football games, but they're effectively like a government brainwashing camp. So it's all like, hey, we support the troops. Hey, we believe in traditional values. One man, one woman. If you're gay, just shut up about it. Don't make it my problem. Tell your story walking off a short pier.

Yeah, that's their whole thing, pretty much. It's like, hey, don't adopt a child that's not the same color as you. It's nice of you to think that, but don't really do it. Yeah, it's confusing for you and the kid. I'm in a Menards, and I see a goddamn rainbow walking towards me. I say, who the hell put this family together? A psycho? Who painted this family, Picasso?

I was an art history major, and I went just to learn that joke. That's where I attended. SCAD. That's where I went to RISD, so I could have some hot takes on multicultural families. Of adoption. But yeah, every fucking time out, every TV break, it's and now a message from the Mayo Clinic. This boy's name

is Skeeter Burnwell. And he's got some wild cancer that we don't know about. It was first identified in his balls. And then it ate his penis too. And then it ate his penis too. The announcer sounded like Don Pardo.

He did. He was stealing Pardo. Which was hilarious. He was stealing valor. From Don Pardo. May he rest in peace. He served. He was in World War I and II. Which nobody...

We didn't think anybody did that until Pardo came along. Yeah. I was in both. This kid's balls are fucked. And he lives at the Ronald McDonald house, and everyone's like, oh, stop. But hey, we're honoring him here today, and it's his birthday. That's right. So everyone was like bummed out because this kid's got funky gross disease balls or whatever

even though he's eight it's like his balls are down just keep them up there maybe they weren't done cooking yet you know they're under baked but it's his birthday oh my god what an honor it is to see him on that field it's his birthday so because he's dying of ball cancer, even though he's never been hard, he gets a $50 gift certificate to Menard. Which is kind of ironic, if you think about it. Because that's what got him here in the first place. His Nard. We couldn't go a whole lot without doing a Menards bit.

Yeah, there was the kid who's currently temporarily beating cancer. Right, yeah. It was his birthday. And then wasn't the, they honored a service member that just like graduated or something, and it was his birthday, right? Yep. So yeah, my take was that the stadium realizes, look, these fucks aren't gonna

give a shit about any of these other people unless it's their birthday of course it's everybody's birthday today here at menard stadium we found the engagement from the crowd increases three thousand percent if it's one's birthday so for this day act as if it is your birthday today we're honoring corporal Randall Walker. He's the first serviceman to burn a hut since Vietnam. Back from the war crimes tribunal at the Hague, Randall Walker has 18 cases of infanticide pending. But today we honor him as our service man or woman of the week.

And let's not forget... Hey, I'm talking to you. That's right, you on your phone. is our service man or woman of the week. And let's not forget, hey, I'm talking to you. That's right, you on your phone. It's his birthday. Phone goes flying. Whoa, yeah. Two giant mittens just pounding together.

He's wanted. It's that time of year where you turn another age. Also, everything's sponsored. The John Deere 30-yard line has been breached. Everybody is in a raffle for a Toyota Tundra three-year lease. Oh, yeah. Sponsored by Coney Dogs. Put some Coney in your dog. Speaking of dogs, Purina presents nachos.

Purina presents the Hormel Chili Challenge. This dog, on his birthday, has to decide which of the three bowls has Purina and which of the other two is Hormel. And the winner of

the Kia Sedona Free Biscuits for Life raffle is Corporal Randall Walker. Oh no, this just in. Corporal Randall Walker has snuffed out Cancer Ball Boy. He says, this is all I know. It's a world of violence. Corbis McCarthy is our winner of... Corbis. Corbis is a name.

I know. Anything can be a name. That's right. Corbis McCarthy, come on down. You are going to hold the next three field goal attempts because you won the Sonic Drive-Thru Award of the Week. You're holding the football, and the kick is up, and it's no good, but it's that football's birthday. It's that football's birthday.

That was a fun time. It was a fun time. It was a great time. It was cold as hell. Cold as hell. We left at halftime. We had to. Yeah, I didn't... I mean, I had the over.

Over? I had the over in a fucking Big Ten matchup. In November. In November. On a cold day. Outside. Out, outdoors. I did not get the over, believe it or not. Yeah, Northwest On a cold day. Outside. Outdoors. I did not get the over, believe it or not.

Yeah, Northwestern is like 1-8. Yeah, and luckily Minnesota ran the ball 65 times. They ran the exact same shotgun draw, left or right, trap play. It was so fucking boring, bro. Yeah, we saw two touchdowns and a field goal, and I thought, this could be it. The second half could just be a bunch of grab asses. Oh, this could be crazy. All the birthday boys are out of gas.

Yeah, it's like Big Ten football is cool if you hate the forward pass. It's like, get out of here. We're going to run the goddamn same play. Somehow we're going to have eight fullbacks on the field at all times. Northwestern, I could beat up anyone on that Northwestern team. Bunch of Allstots out there. Yeah, a bunch of Allstots brought to you by Allstate. It's Mike Allstot's birthday every day for this month.

Allstate presents No Progressives Allowed. Get out of here with your mixed-race family. Traditional Family Values presents No Adoption November. Where you get to adopt Noah. No adoption. You can adopt Noah Reynolds. And he'll not allow you to stay in his house. All right.

Even though you're his friend and older than him and have done a lot for him. Yeah, but it's not fair. I always forget. Anyway. Noah's a very special boy he is and i can't just say hey i need a place to crash because they let old sid lie low for a bit i'm on the lambs the heat is on they're on to me they found out who set those fires so i'm gonna have to crash somewhere incognito tell them I'm your Uncle Pauly. I fixed the Northwestern Minnesota game.

Everyone's pissed. They all had me over. I hit a linebagger with my car. He's not going to be okay. It was his birthday. So we wouldn't have Chinese food. I said we needed to bail. When nobody came over for five seven minutes i

told you why that's bail there were eight other owned by chinese people there were eight other places we could have gone to and you were like i'm sticking to the plan yeah dude but the more like legitimate the restaurant is the worse the services yeah that's something i know as a gourmand yeah as a culinary conquistador. All right? Yeah, but that backfired. That was not true. Is it cooking colonizer?

It was bad. It was bad. Well, why was it bad? What did we order? Well, I ordered... You had the Dan Dan noodle. I had a nice bowl of noodles myself. Noodles were good.

And then I let you pick the dim sum, and that involved... What did you get? I don't know. Was it octopus and chicken? No, I thought that it would... Pork and crab was the legitimate order. Pork and crab, dumplings, and then... Pork, or shrimp and pork shumai.

Pork and crab dumplings. What if it had been good, though? That would have been crazy. What is that? It's just the most mashuga order I've ever had. I thought maybe it would be alright, but, you know. It wasn't. It seemed like a cool spot.

The robot? I was like, oh, hell yeah. When the robot came out, I was like, oh, hell yeah, I'm doing the fucking worm over here. This is going to be neat. Get a picture of me and the robot. And he's like, do not touch the robot. Hands off the meat. Don't touch me now.

Stop nothing. give you that right to touch me that is a exciting voice I'm doing not bad exciting? people hate when I do voices they just want me to slurp this is a robot

hosted podcast what do you got? you got some cool news? no man the poor club owner in that tiny green room in the back hosted podcast. What do you got? You got some cool news? No. No. Man, the poor club owner in that tiny green room in the back last night. You got that White Castle.

Yeah, I had to put it in the green room. There wasn't another place a good place to stash it. Yeah, too bad there wasn't a dumpster we could have closed you in as you furiously ate it

in the dark like a raccoon. You ate it too. On his birthday, I had to. You shoved it. I had to. You're like, mmm, num num.

I was like, mmm, the sweetest taboo. Of course. I know. Of course, I had to. You shoved it. I had to. You're like, mmm, nom nom. You got excited, too. Sweetest taboo. Of course. I know. Of course, bro. Look. I saw your little dick get hard. Why do you think that we're such good friends?

Because we support each other. Same brain. We celebrate each other. Yeah. All right? But yeah, the club owner, Sweet Sam, over there at Sisyphus, thanks again, Sam. He walked into the green room, and he'd never had White Castle or experienced it. Then he came up to me, and he's like, yeah, I've walked in that green room, and I smelt it, and I thought something was wrong.

He did say that. His fight or flight response kicked in. I thought something was wrong. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He's like, we're all in trouble. There's danger afoot. It's like when there's a forest fire and all the squirrels start running. And then the deer follow.

And then the elephants are after them. Yeah. Oh, there's a tornado coming. There's a storm of ruin. And I know that because I'm from the traditional lands of Mandan, North Dakota. My daughter's stripping on a rig right now. I've put my ear to the ground, and I have determined trouble is coming this way.

There is trouble a-brewing, and that trouble is. My son ate way too much Hormel chili at the Minnesota game. My son put Hormel chili onto White Castle sliders. And now he has bald cancer or some shit. I had a dream last night, dude. I've been having wacky dreams in this bed. Yeah, in, yeah.

In this bed specifically. I dreamt about my mom. I woke up crying yesterday. Yeah, thank God I missed that part. I woke up weeping. I was, I was still crashed. Mom, I miss you so much.

I miss you so much in New Orleans. I was like, shut up. I had a dream last night, though. And I think it's that weird peanut butter beer that I was drinking this weekend. Well, it could night though and i think it's that weird peanut butter beer that i was drinking this weekend that's well it could have been it's your own brain it has nothing to do with well this is what my own brain cooked up for me last night you miss your mommy

that's fine aaron urist lying in bed oh hell yeah he can't get out of bed for some reason oh so i know he's in this room and he's in bed Meanwhile I have to play a high school football game And it's me as an adult And all my friends from high school are still boys You forged the paperwork Yes I have a 50 year senior Oh no it's like a big situation I had one more year of eligibility

You wished at a carnival that you could be big And then you woke up 35 And I was bigger somehow My god The scripture read correct And then he woke up 35. And I was bigger somehow. My God. The scripture read correct. So yeah, I'm big. Everyone's little.

I can't get on the field for some reason. Too big. Too big for the field. So we win. All right. And it's Elizabeth Cardinals. While you watch? Yeah, so Elizabeth Cardinals, but we're wearing green jerseys. And like, it's fucking, you know. Elizabeth Cardinals, but we're wearing green jerseys.

And it's fucking, you know, Jesse Kendiggs at running back. Dan Starkovich is the right guard. I know everyone on the field, and I can see them. Jake Camp is the quarterback. So we get done with the game, and then Coach Klein, who did not like me historically, because I was a bit of a cut-up and a goofball. And guess what? Also All-State. So fuck you, Klein.

Suck it. I was having fun and raising hell. So Coach Klein's like, hey, we can't drive back. You have to stay here tonight. And I'm like, okay. And I go in the room, and Urist is in there. And Urist is in a bed. Just like fucking Who's Eating Gilbert Grape.

He missed the game. Yeah, he can't get out of the bed for some reason. And Coach Klein comes in, and he's wearing little tiny shorts, and he says, you guys want to get high? So me and Klein and Urist all smoke weed. And then I fall asleep on the floor, and I wake up the next morning, and there's a bunch of missed calls from emily and she's like where are you where are you oh my god are you alive why

won't you call me back and then i look up klein and urist are in bed spooning what the fuck dude oh no so yeah i start getting dressed and urist wakes up and he's like where are you going and i'm like oh i gotta go anywhere anywhere but here yeah and meanwhile like his hand is like draped over the top of klein's head and he's like stroking it from a weird angle and klein wakes up and he's like that was a hell of a game yesterday talent i know dude your brain is bleeding my something at least the white cast oh my god yeah dude wild ride so yours is fucking klein while i'm sleeping on the floor like a dog

and meanwhile my wife's pissed cause I'm not home to fucking you know wipe her butt you're not even starting even though you're huge I was not allowed on the field too big

too massive too big to play where are we at in this ten minutes ten minutes to go y'all well if that's the case, I gotta tell you guys

something for ten minutes. I gotta dump so bad and we gotta get out of this hotel room. Yeah, they're gonna come a-knockin' at any moment and say, Fuck, I hear him. Clean up the meth lab. Hello, white slavers, time to get out of there.

Put away the farts. Hey, I know you guys are acting like you're celebrating three quinceañeras in there, but we know you're not. We know you're two white guys. You're two white guys, and you ate a bunch of white gas. And now the room reeks, and we have to throw it away. They come with a giant dumpster and just throw all the beds and the headboards in there. This keeps happening. We knew we shouldn't have rented, do you?

The lamps and the dressers. Mr. Town, your Hotels.com account's been flagged. You've been farting all over this country. The reviews are in. It stinks. I read the reviews. Some of the reviews

for this hotel. They were all funny. Didn't sleep at all. Nothing but screaming and partying and door slamming i didn't i didn't feel safe couldn't sleep kept dreaming of dead mother yeah that's a recurring thing yeah must be some kind of hell mouth because i was driven to the brink of insanity every night. They all gave two stars. I kept dreaming of a big man in a bed.

And a ruddy-faced football coach. The most evil of trysts of all time. In my brain. I'll never recover. Two stars. It was all two stars. Why is it always two stars? Watched a man die in the parking lot. Nobody cared. Two stars.

They only had a banana for breakfast. Daughter drowned in toilet. Two stars. Well, I don't want them to go out of business. I mean, the parking lot was safe. Plenty of parking. I didn't feel safe out there. No, you should not have.

That's where everybody was smoking their drugs. I know, yeah, they were all breathing in cannibal. I don't think it was all cannibal. I think it was some of the harder stuff. When we wrap up here, you have to pack all my bags for me. No. Yeah, because I have to go drown my daughter. We don't have any toilet paper.

What? You went through a whole roll? Not I went through a whole roll. I went twice. Okay. And mine are easy because I have fiber in my diet, unlike you. I get a bunch of fiber from the White Castle bun. Yeah, you were eating the little cartons. I ate the shells.

You ate the boxes, too. I ate the shells at the game. And the White Castle. The peanut shells. You think that the cartons are shells? I'm pooping good. Thanks to the shells. Yeah, you acted like you uncovered some state secrets.

You were teaching me a brand new dance. You forgot. You were shelling them. I eat the shells. You were shelling them. Yeah, because I didn't want to fucking showboat at the game. I showboated. You showboated for show show.

Did you hear the dad next to us who had to explain every fucking in and out, every moment that took place around them? That was to your left, right? Yes. And then to my right? I couldn't hear to your right. Three dudes, one of them blind. Oh, no.

So he's sitting in the middle. On each side of him, they're telling him to play. Oh, weird. I did not. That's Ibrahim off left guard for four yards. They're on the left hash right now. Listen to the announcer. He's saying all that shit already.

No, no. He just says, and that's Ibrahim. That's all their offense is, is Mo Ibrahim. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the guy to the left was a dad of two kids. One was 10, one was 7. It was his weekend for sure.

And, God, he had to say everything. The running back took the ball, and he ran for a couple of yards, but then he got tackled. That's crazy. What were you looking at? Were you picking your nose and looking at your finger? Watch the game. Was one of the kids blind as well?

Were we in the blind section? Well, he had some funny-looking glasses on. Yeah, he looked like Bootsy Collins. They were bedazzled. Yeah. But no, I think they were both just little kids who don't know anything, so the dad has to explain every fucking moment. Weird, dude.

Oh, that announcement about the kid beating cancer was all true. His dick, I think, is fine. Right. They gave, like, a whole story. We gave him another boy's dick, and now he has two. And that dick's birthday is today. too and that dick's birthday is today the the announcer shared the kid's whole journey and then we clap and then one of the kids is like daddy what happened with the cancer and the kid and it's like what are you talking about you can't understand a giant booming announcer voice it

has to be in your dad's voice little girl shut the fuck up and use your brain for two seconds quit acting like your mother that bitch oh man it was a lot it was a lot oh also we get we get the old down in front when we are immediately yeah we were there for two seconds it was the first drive there were eight guys in the rows ahead of us that were standing so we stood and then we get the down in front it's like hey if you want to sit and enjoy a game go home down in front hey lady it's the national anthem put it on yeah get up you traitor get on your little boot stumps all right it's veterans day weekend yeah it's the only time i care that's when i have to yeah i moon the flag that's how i show my appreciation for those brave men and genderless women. My ass is out.

Yeah. But, no, that was crazy. Yeah. They were Northwestern fans. Hey, down in front. Hey, down in front, wide load. Hey, guess why we're standing? Because there's a whole bunch of people blocking our view.

Right. I want to see, too, lady. Yeah, so. Get up. lady yeah so get up and our our our options are sit down and not see anything or stand or tell 15 blackout drunk dudes who are bigger than you hey down in front but instead yeah we get shushed and told to sit by some illinois fucks yeah dudes by somebondale see you next Tuesday. Buy some Joliet Jag-Offs. Canaan has that funny story about going to see the Misfits, and there's

a guy sitting behind him, wearing a leather jacket, and like studs, you know, and he's got like a tough punk rocker. And Canaan stands up because he can't see, and the guy behind him is like, oh good! I guess I'll just be unable to see the whole show! It's not a bit. It's just a

story he told me. He's sitting for the misfits? Yeah. What the fuck? I don't know, man. You gotta stand. Stand in the place where you work. That's a misfit song. You work at Menards. Cause you're too dumb to work in the battery factory. Just like

your mom and dad. You ate too many off the line. Now you have aluminum poisoning and today is your birthday. So hey guys, I just want to say this. If you've enjoyed this episode of Chubby Behemoth...

And who could... How could you not? I don't know, dude. I don't get it. We should be the biggest goddamn pod in the world. We laid it all on the line. We've laid every bit down. We put our dicks on the train track and let the choo-choo come and

take it but uh it's a union gig oh hey shout out to all the pod heads that came out it was del bauer arlo again oh tanner tanner proposed to his girlfriend last night at the show spoiler alert what the hell oh what here put your hand right here why i'm gonna fart on it no come on no come on let me feed it no okay cool stop all right fine wrap up the pot i guess we're not having fun anymore play time's over i put my hand down because i figured i could trust you and of course no i cannot i was gonna fart on your hand yeah but uh yeah shout out to i mean Don't just hear it and smell it. I want you to feel it.

Yeah, feel the vibrations. Underneath my cheeks. Oh, Corey Nelson. Congratulations to Tanner and Amber. They got engaged at the show, at the early show, and then came back for the late show. Yeah, so, Tanner, you've got to fucking knock that off. All right? You've got to go.

The honeymoon can't be watching sam in fucking biloxi mississippi yeah uh also tanner when you propose to your lady your beautiful lady and you two fucking studs you gotta go and pound out in the hotel room leave yeah get the hell out of there i know your sister was staying in the same room but guess what she's old enough yeah let her learn some stuff from monkey bruddy put some earbuds in yeah yeah crank some taylor swift hey put on your t-swift play your pokemon go and i'll be over here pounding your sister-in-law but yeah shout out to her that was very sweet he hit me up a couple weeks ago i was like i want to propose to my lady at your minneapolis shows he reached out to the sweetest man alive cory nelson who uh helped film the whole thing she cried the ring was rocking

big old fucking diamond on that bitch really hell yeah dude oh no he's i was gonna say he's a personal trainer but he just works out a lot he's an umpire i don't know what the fuck he is he's an umpire i think he's like a vigilante and he goes from town to town. He sees my shows. Cave Crusader. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he stole my idea. He stole your act. Well, actually, that's perfect.

What if we were a team? Yeah, what? Capable guy in the wad? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're going to, what, the lookout. That's your name. No, I just help him figure out who the next target is. So you're the guy in the chair.

I'm Professor X. Yeah, you are. By choice. My legs work. I would just rather zip around in a giant fucking bumper car. But yeah, that was a very special thing and I'm really glad I got to be involved in it, Tanner.

Congratulations, buddy. To you and Amber. I remembered her name, Lund didn't. I didn't remember it, but I finally got it. You got it, and then I got to act like I knew it. I didn't remember it, but I finally got it. You got it, and then I gotta act like I knew it. I was like, hey, keep it going, everybody, for Tanner and

his new Mrs. Race. I fuck up the last name. Tanner Brown McGillicuddy. And friend. Sex girl. Yeah, permanent best friend. Yeah yeah and his pal what's I'm gonna just

guess is it porgy but join the fucking patreon guys alright get on there

patreon.com slash chevy behemoth really just join up please cause we're trying to do

some fucking big shit I got pat living in my house we're trying to get the content house

going we're trying to grease up the door frame so he can leave eventually yeah we're trying to do some fucking big shit. I got Pat living in my house. We're trying to get the content house going. We're trying to grease up the door frame so he can leave eventually. Yeah. We're trying to get Pat out of bed. He's eating me out of the house at home. Alright. But yeah, that is patreon.com slash showvahimeth. Five dollars

a month gets you countless back episodes and a free episode. Two years. Yeah. We have a lot of fun. Two years of past episodes. Two years of hot gossip. Two years of hot gossip. The hottest gossip in town. Dicks were lost and regained. Parents were died and brought back to life.

And then died again. And then, if you want to see me live, and I know you do, San Francisco next weekend at Cheaper Than Therapy, the 17th, 18th, 19th of November, I'm going to be at Looney's Comedy Corner down there in Colorado Springs the 25th and 26th.

After that, I'm going off to New Orleans and I'm bringing Lund and Becker and we're going to be at Hideaways in Mandeville right across the Giant Causeway. Also, look for more dates. I might pop around town. But that's on December 3rd at Hideaway in Mandeville, Louisiana. London will be on that.

Going off to Zany's the next weekend. Zany's, downtown Chicago. Fuck, let's sell those shows out. That would be sick tits on my nips. That's the 9th and 10th of December. And then Amsterdam the following week. And Berlin the 16th and 17th at Cosmic Comedy. Wrapping it all up

before Christmas at the Detroit House of Comedy on Friday the 23rd and then Comedy Club on State in beautiful Madison, Wisconsin the 29th, 30th, and 31st New Year's Eve. Love you guys. I need you guys. Thanks for everything. Good night.