Chubby Behemoth - So Soft (Patreon Preview)

Episode Date: February 24, 2025

SPONSOR: Autoblow - Get 15% off your Autoblow order with the code CHUBBY15 at https://www.autoblow.com   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week we’re giving everyone a peak at a Patreon episode! Nathan is very excited to have his friends over to record, got a great deal on a flight, and tries to figure out why he has porn. Sam braved arctic winds on a church stoop, tells us about Admiral Eater, and feels like an old bitch. The Primus of my life.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

Dude, I might crash here tonight in this room and just sing. I could lay down like, no! Come on! Why? You need to go home. Dude, you were so excited when we got here today. And now... Yes, I was.

I was singing. Fuck my life. I wish it was over. Can't ditch this fucking Range Rover. You're a Range Rover. I wish it was over. Can't ditch this fucking range Rover. You're a Range Rover. I'm a Range Rover. Yeah, you go. You're a ram charger. You're out of date, but I still love you. You have a giant rental car that Kia is massive. That's nice. Crazy. I'm sure it's called the bitch

stomper. Luckily it's not Gale Force winds or else you'd get blown all over the place. I was going fast too, man, on that road between La Junta and here. I was going super fast. I was going like 70, 75. Colorado Autobahn. Yeah, dude, anything goes over there. The old Santa Fe Trail is what I call it. Yeah.

I like that they're naming them all Colorado names. Sing it to me. I can't really hear you unless you sing. It's the Palisade. It's the Palisade. And theisade and the tell you ride and the tell you right dude. The soldier boy tell you right in here man. Yeah man. It's a fucking real ass church. I'm going to get a drum set. Bring it over here and just whale. It's going to be so loud forever. My queen. Yes dude. Rush creatures going to be up there.

Rush rush. Dumping them. Dumped, dude. Dumped for a drummer? Has that ever happened? What? A chick in the crowd points at the drummer. The lead singer's like, me?

And she's like, no, no. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then all eyes on the drummer, and then back to the chick. And she's like, tch. Yeah, of course, dude. For a drummer. So do drummers get so much gash? I'm not saying they don't get cash yeah they do

they get the gas I'm not saying they don't get laid I'm saying has a fan of a band ever specifically dumped for the drummer yeah I mean makes everybody else hide their hide their stare. It's in a box and then stands in front of the drummer's vantage point. Drummers get it all the time. It's because women think drummers are mysterious and wild because they thrash and they use their limbs and their hair is always going crazy you know just going fucking crazy and then when they get backstage and they're like meeting the guitar player he's like yeah man I

knew I wanted to rock my whole life and the drummer is just sitting in the corner just like playing mumbly peg with a knife And they're like, he's so mysterious then they go over and talk and he doesn't look up It's cuz they're deaf drummers can't hear a fucking thing. You're saying so this whole like oh, wow What's going on behind the walls of that rhythm master? Probably like what's everyone saying? I wish we were somewhere quieter Can we just go back to someone's house? It's echoey in this church We should have gone to Somewhere underground we should have gone in the basement I mean

I know that when it came to red versus black my band there was only two options and if clay was busy which he usually was The old fucking Thunder pig would crawl from out of that bass drum This just made me think of the scene in 28 days later when they're in the church Mm-hmm, and the dude is trying to be all quiet Oh actually, but he's up there and then the the zombies are down here the zombies and he like kicks a can or something and all the zombies It's like making love to a drummer Will you do us a favor? Uh-huh.

So this podcast is all about social experiments, as you know. It's not going to be in the frame. You don't know what I'm about to say. Okay, what are you going to want me to do? Will you sit right here? No, it's not going to be in the frame. How will it not be in the frame? How tight is this frame?

It's tight to here to get us in light. Oh, cool. So we're going to do our puppet show and you can't do a social Between the wood was to learn between the wood overhang and the fucking cans. I use the distance isn't right I can't be up here and be visible. I've been doing a small series What would you hear minutes on you for a long time? What would you do if he was up here? I would sit right here. I'd be like man. You know the boss is sure got his boot on her fucking neck We didn't know how good we had we got to to do something about this. I need to order his

book. Who? Dr. Kev's new books out. Oh, cool. Yeah, it started with the turtle. That's what it's called. Yeah, it started with the turtle. Yeah, I should do the audio book. He's probably doing it. He was rounding up turtles for Alice Cooper to play softball. You could jump in halfway. Listeners wouldn't be able to tell. He gets tired. He gets so tired now.

His girlfriend said he's only going for like 45 minutes these days. For each of them? For each of them? Yeah. What if you sat back there and we kind of did this thing? I don't. everyone's so negative today I drove an hour and a half to get here. I show up ones like

Great. I was out on that stoop in fucking 45 seconds no no no I was out there for like eight minutes, dude I said let me in and then you saw it you use Facebook messenger We know we're not a Slack podcast, all right? We don't need all the fancy bells and whistles. Give me Messenger. I wish I could talk to you guys in an AOL chat room. And I'm out on that fucking stoop, just the wind blowing. I literally texted cold, so cold, tell Emily I loved her. That's how cold it was out there.

Yeah, it was probably, it wasn't 45 seconds. It was probably 90 seconds. No, dude. Check the logs. Check the logs. How long did you bang on the door before you wrote me? I texted right away because I figured you had to surface or come down even from your bell tower. I thought you were seeking sanctuary. You knew I was in the basement, right? And then there's a door.

I don't know anything. My car's right by an entrance. Yeah, there's a gate with a truck parked out there to the basement where we live it's like Llewellyn Moss is parked outside trying to dodge sugar sweet truck it's badass let's do the pot in the truck no that we get the truck in here no no entry big enough but there should be a garage door on this room so So anyway, I'm out there. I'm fucking freezing It's been two minutes out. Yeah, it's been two minutes 15 seconds. You stumble up You're like you you start you you start recording your will. Yeah a voice memo. I did it in a voice though

So yeah, you were sour and then back. Yeah, I worked last night. I know I went to bed You're like, when are you guys operational tomorrow? It's like dude TBA I'm not gonna set an alarm. Thank God. I didn't because you stumbled down whenever you wanted I Didn't know if you were coming notice. It was two hours. No, I didn't know if you were coming didn't know if I was coming I wish we had our phones so we could I have this right here. I want to debunk you. Where's your phone up there? They're filming. Two. Yeah.

You're recording two. Yeah. Because of one fucked up. Same angle, they're side by side. We won't see that it's fucking up from this far away. Yeah, right. Okay, yeah, that's good. But I didn't want to do two this weekend,

I think, and you were like, after like me being here for 20 minutes, you're like, I don't think we're podcasting. Well, there's just been a lot of maybe's and a lot of I have to write, maybe I'll come. You don't think we were podcasting. It's like, there's just been a lot of babies and a lot of, I have to write. Maybe I'll come. You don't know if we're real. Let me, let me cut, get a slice of that Manjaro real quick.

Which I did not, what did you, what was that? How was that going to happen? We were going to just get a shot. You weren't going to trans transport it back to LaHunta. You were going to, I was going to shoot you up. Yes. Will you do me? Will you gig me? Let's do it before I leave.

Yeah, let's do it before we leave. You got a bunch of needles, right? Yeah. Cool. Yeah, let's do it before we leave. Becker? Wait, but does it matter what, are you supposed to do the same day every week? You, no, you literally, our doctor was like,

she's like, look, do whatever the fuck you want. It's awesome. No. Yeah, she, dude, I wish I had my phone. It doesn't matter? She was like, I was like, it was Wednesday a Wednesday the second week and I was like, hey Thinking about up my dose next week and she was like, yeah You can do whatever you want like sometimes if I'm going out and I want a little pick me up I'll just take a little shot myself. All right doc. Gee whiz

Fast and loose. Yeah. Holy miracle drug. Yeah, dr. Savage Henry up there Yeah, we got let's shoot up. I'll take a little nibble, you fucking blast yourself, it'll be great. It'll fuck my whole thing, won't it? No, you'll be okay. Here's the thing though, I know that you were a bit sour and I'm sorry we complicated your hectic schedule. I was a little stone sour. But I have good news for you. On the drive here I was working on a character.

Can't wait. Now we've had some of the best characters ever on that drive have been created on that lonely stretch of highway. Danny Galinas. Who could forget? Danny Galinas. Well, this guy's name is Admiral Eater. Yeah. Okay.

What is he the Admiral of? He was in the Navy for a long time. Okay. Now he's kind of a merchant Marine Yeah, all right, but you don't have to call me Admiral. You can call me Peter Okay Peter eater Peter eater. That's the whole guy Admiral Peter eater I considered Pierre eater and say that he changed his name from Peter when he came to this country

He went to Pierre when he came to this country was Peter Eater and he hated it okay because everyone bullied a fresh start off the boat yes from France he well from Montreal okay yeah the Montreal Navy okay yeah well to be fair they were they were an indoor lacrosse team did he make Admiral while he was in the Navy or as a merchant Marine I don't know that's why I have to do the character so you can figure all this great stuff out. Well go get them. No. That was a test. Both kind of afraid of you. Just do the name and that's it. It's the whole thing. They can create adventures for the Admiral on their own time. We just plant the seed.

This is the original Lund hat. By the way, holy shit man, the hat, that's the hat that launched a thousand shit. The hat that launched a thousand hats. Hopefully shit's the only way I'm gonna turn a profit is if I sell a thousand. Your margins are so bad. I was in the other day and I shut up. I was in Hobby Lobby in Pueblo and I saw the hats you have and they were two dollars now yes in Hobby Lobby and I was like a picture right I want to bum out your mud where what Pueblo Lobby Pueblo huh and you can just fucking sit in here dude and you can do you have your hats your blanks and just write Lund on them and save yourself what was

the $13 now you're printing money figure it out dudes and just write Lund on them and save yourself? What was the $13? Now you're printing money figure it out, dude If you wear a Lund hat to one of the shows Lund will record a one-minute cameo for any purpose for you So remember that you've got Lund by his short and Curly's and he was gonna dip those in Arby's sauce and eat them those and Arby's sauce and eat them. So yeah, I love your house, dude. I also wanted to see your house. I mean, I'm an hour away, hour and a half away and I drove over here and I was like, I want to see the house. And you were like, you can see the bathroom, put your head in the bowl. This is a good view for your haircut. I like to let the people in, man. You know, we got the light shining

through this stained glass. I think it's's dying trees great. It'll look good in like ten days. It'll grow out a little Norman's gonna tune me up in Cleveland He's coming up to old cleetown. I might be in Cleveland all week. Would that be nuts? Just in that fucking hotel bug Shannon Writing Shannon lives in Pittsburgh. Oh, yeah You could bug Donovan Mitchell Oh, yeah, you could bug Donovan Mitchell We had Little Caesars last night, oh god, yeah, ah Little Caesars, it's such a it's so good, but it ruins me every time. How about this the deep dish? I haven't done it. You haven't done it. No, we don't have it down here Why you don't have Little Caesars deep dish with Pizza Hut and Domino's Why don't you guys drive out to La Hunter tomorrow?

No, come on. Dude, it's definitely not doing that. There's an antique mall. I want to go to it with you go by yourself It is what you do FaceTime Can I you can I do FaceTime? Is that an Apple product? Yeah. Yeah, but I can have it We can do Instagram call video and then I'm there. I'm riffing I'm singing I'm singing I keep forgetting to play. Well, should I talk to the camera talk to you? Is it time to talk or time to listen?

I think it's time to do both here on this podcast a lot of great feedback for the ad reads on the last one Yeah, you know what? We should just do a victory lap pod where we pat herself on the back for some of our favorite zingers. Shut up. It just happened No, I'm saying no you're being nasty. No, did you were being nasty when we got here? I was being a little nasty That's been flinching since you came in that's the way I like it Becker wore a trench coat over here You look like he was gonna go expose themselves to a bunch of kids. It looked pretty cool. Yeah, it's warm.

No, it's not. It's ridiculous. It's very warm. You represent this company and you're out there walking around in a trench coat? In Trinidad. Looking like you're selling fake Rolexes? I wouldn't wear it on a plane like a psycho. You should wear it on a plane. There's no way to do that.

When's the next time you're coming out with us? I don't know. We should probably look at a calendar when we're done recording. Pass. Go to Vancouver this weekend. It only costs you $1,200. Yeah, I looked at that when I looked at Chicago. It's not doable. No, it's very bad. Lunn, you got a deal though, right? I don't get it. I was a month out. I was a good boy. I didn't blow it and like check it and be like very good and then not get one. I fucking look. It was was seven thirty five and I was like, well, it's a living I figured you got fucked too and we would commiserate

No, I tell you what I what I forked over and you go what I paid two sixty seven. I was like Time to go sing in the church. I'm also flying from an hour and a half closer because I'm flying out of Colorado Springs. Okay, so like you your whole shit's wrecked this all and you wanted to do two pods this weekend. I saved your ass. I mean yeah, this is great. Thank you. I'm having so much fun talking to the boys becker not doing as I asked sitting in front of us. I can't sit up there. It's cut off right here. We know what's in front of that perspective wizard, your fucking face and body. Anyway, look, I want to talk to

you. I don't know why you give a shit of floating like nose. Good float. That's what turds do. You're not even a good turd. You're all greasy and you stick to the bowl. Don't you? I do. I leave stripes by By the way in the church put your zines anywhere. I'll kill you. Here's what I wanted to talk to you about. Killing the notion of home in your mind. Freeing yourself. Being untethered. Thoughts? What? In what way? I was listening to... I've been feeling a bit soft. I'm gonna come clean on this. I'm feeling a bit soft. Things are going too well. It's making me doubt my integrity. You know, we had a bunch of good

shows this weekend in Chicago. We stayed at a very fancy extended stay hotel. You know, I'm buying the boys delicious dinners and custards in the middle of the day. I was thinking like got back in the day. My what I paid for that hotel, eight hundred dollars Jesus, obviously I was thinking like got back in the day, my what I paid for that hotel eight hundred dollars Jesus. Obviously, the travel buyout involved yeah, so they help, but we had that nice hotel for eight hundred dollars would have been

what I made for like two weeks straight on the road yeah like fourteen days, no nights off some of those nights, multiple shows jumping in doing a show and fucking Biloxi driving to New Orleans for the late show like And you know what? I'm feeling like an old bitch for some reason And this was underlined on my drive here today. You know, I got corny. I got cornet on there. I love cornet I'm studying him. I'm gonna make him like an integral part like a version of him in a book that I'm gonna write But he's talking about these wrestlers road schedules and like eighty four in the mid south.

Dude, Bill Watts worked those boys like dogs. Yeah, no days off, no fucking days off. He said he had one day off in thirty eight days. Yeah, two matches a day, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Holy shit. Driving from Alexandria to fucking Beaumont to Oklahoma City to New Orleans They just running on Jackson, Mississippi. He was he was running on Wendy's dude Cornett. Yeah. Yeah, he was on fucking hopped up on frosties the boys. Yeah, the wrestlers would Yeah pills coke just the pain alone. You'd have to be pulled up

Yes, even if you weren't in pain pills are a great option and then Beers chugging beers in the car to come down or whatever it gets to that when they get to the hotel They can sleep Yeah for four hours before they wake up and drive all the way to Houston wake up early try to get to the gym I used to be that guy I used to be up early eating chicken breasts going to the gym driving to Alexandria Doing the show selling my gimmicks. Yeah. Yeah. And now I just sit in a fucking beautiful extended stay with you guys, eating wet beefs. Yeah. I got a fucking fixer traveling to the city to bring back cannolis. Who am I?

You're supposed, aren't you supposed to feel accomplished? Like you made it. I thought I would. That's why I want to kill the notion of home. Okay, you're not the only one who went crazy today. I went crazy a couple days ago. Yeah, you had all cyber. I was floating. Yes, and now I'm back back to earth. Yeah, no, I mean you're certainly not soft as far as like phoning it in complaining about job. I'll put anyone over. You were great. Yeah, you had great rift sets I wish I could have been out there for the right college back the blue ship but if that was the sold-out show Sunday we were

able to be in the room watching your work your magic no you should feel accomplished I feel good about what I'm doing the product I think is good I think I get people a good night out I'm just saying they're like I could be working even harder out there make it second even more dollar. I know and look at dude. I'm you. I'm fucking term any lazy to yesterday. You want to know how lazy I am? Yes, another shit motherfucker. Sorry, man. There's God is listening. Your roommate's pissed. God's trying to do his podcast. They pronounce GAD

GAD. Okay. Oh my god Yesterday I get that rental car. All right, Kia tank Kia tank. Yeah Kia SS suburban assault vehicle Anytime he's seen a four-door vehicle So When I get in the car the windows the mirrors are compressed. Mm-hmm. All all right so I'm I see mine on my driver's side I pop it out I'm sitting in that car after getting back you know I fly in from Chicago direct to Colorado Springs rent that car I'm

sitting there I'm like do I even need another mirror I drove all the way to fucking Pueblo with one mirror just cuz I didn't want to get out of the car or even roll the window down reach over and pop it out the The driver's side one? No, the passenger side. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's me. That's me being lazy, all right? But, at the same time, I should be leaving it all out there for these people.

I should be fucking bleeding, you know? My wife, I'll see her every couple weeks, pop in, grab some of that ass, take something to go. Yeah? I don't know, dude. I just feel like if the Sun is shining why not plant and reap all the time mm-hmm why wait for the weekends I mean you do you have your Wednesday show in Detroit like you don't really have nights off you do why because you get loopy when you go for like nine weeks. I remember feral.

I go a little nuts, but guess what? You know, what's delicious nuts. Yeah, but like this seems like discomfort. You get like grumpy and nuts after being on the road constantly. I hate LaHunta. Yeah. All right. So being there makes you like sitting in a fucking punji stick chair. All right. I'm bleeding out and the wounds are getting infected. Okay. Well, that's my wife. makes you like sitting in a fucking me well things have been going very nice at home. It's been a lot of horny moments. It's present on jar. We've been coupling frantically talking like everyone's coming all the time. Are you being safe? Are you going to have a

fucking abortion on your hand and feeding her South American Harper and pills, grind them up and put them in her chives. She until recently called chai teas. No, so I love my wife. I love being home with her. I was spending time with her last night. She invites over a couple of bruises from work. Yeah, all right. Brute squad. Yes, these are not doctors. These are women who operate just are janitors. They're well custodians lovely women all that they have kids they're bruisers they brought their kids over full back I've got a 16 month old

little kid just bumping around this fucking shithole we're living in over there that the hospital provides oh you know oh yeah right this is in La Junta cheese keep up slap nuts all right all. All right. I was disassociating Yes, and then the other one brings over her four-year-old this kid They're gonna study him one day. He'll be in the fucking papers What wasn't his Kenny talk, you know, he talks a little bit but he does talk you can't understand him. I

Don't know if he's ever been played with before. I rolled up like a newspaper and Like I put first of all had a big old box of LaCroix's emptied those out had that box and hey Let's put a hat on you buddy. Huh? You need a helmet if you're gonna be a warrior Pop that thing on his head. It's like I showed him a rainbow for the first fucking time I thought he's ever had a goddamn hat on. He imprinted on you? Yes, he literally did. He told us he loved us when he left. He did the leg grab. I wrap him up, you know, a newspaper. He's got a little sword. He's fucking whacking everything in the house. He'd like look at something. I'd be like, oh yeah, fucking whack the doorknob, you know, whack the table. Same spot as last time or no? Um, I don't know. It's not behind the

bowling alley. It's a different place. I picked you up from a house. Yeah, it was a house house. Anyway, so we're having, you know, we're in there. Meanwhile, these bruisers are talking about getting butt fucked. Like, you know, how anal is an option when they're on their period. Like, it's insane! And the four-year-old can hear all this stuff. Nasty stuff.

I'm like, hey, let's fucking put that helmet on a little tighter buddy your mom. Yeah, we had marshmallows in your ears So those are the people who are coming over we get we get the deep dish from Little Caesars, okay All right, as you would with that company only time I leave the house because it's snowy and wind-shapped It was like being on one stoop So I go get the little Caesar's. Soft as hell. Guy behind the counter, guy behind the counter. It's like he's going to a goddamn rave. He's a scene kid behind the counter down there in La Junta. Nice. All right. Yes. He's got the fucking, uh, you know, like the, the kitty cat hat on. Yes. Big gloves. She's got just all these bracelets,

elbow pads, elbow pads. So I got this kid, you know, the heart of EDM down there in La Junta. Invader Zim from head to toe. I got one of the Apex twins. It's not even the right music, you know, but I go in there and he's like, Oh, sultry, whatever the kids say, you know, so what did you say? Sultry? That's what they say. He opens up my box and this motherfucker sneeze on it. Yes, he does. And he tried to downplay it like, oh sorry, and I was like, I need a different one. So I have to stand there for an extra twenty minutes as my deep dish

gets unloaded off a different truck as you eat the sneezed on one free gonna get thrown away spray some cleaner on it big deal I want a new one for my wife and her friends yeah yeah there's children involved I'll eat that one yeah but I'm not paying for it look I'm not gonna pay for that but I am gonna take it to the car all right and what happens out there between me and my key a man stopper so the protest under the Montreal sidewalks. It's a manifesto delivery device, the reclaimer, the redeemer,

the key of blood and soil. Redeemer. Yeah, the key of blood and soil. So anyway, I get that pizza. It takes me 35 minutes. I get back there. What's that little boy doing? Looking in the, looking at the wall. He's in the oven. Oven's open. He crawls in the kid. The ladies are in the other room. Just gabbing, you know, about like, sometimes I like a whole hand in there. Oh, you're too much. Fucking kidding me.

It's crazy. These are the guests that we're inviting into our home. Did any of them care when you notified them? I said, Oh, hey, get out of the oven, buddy. How'd you get that open? And they're all like, Oh, he crazy. Just the oven buddy. How'd you get that open and they're all like, oh he crazy Just like his daddy, you know, the beautiful Latino women I can do that voice because I'm I'm la razza. But yeah So yeah, maybe maybe that's why is I just don't like La Junta and I'm like, why aren't I doing shows on Tuesday? Yeah, I think that's it

Yeah, I'm feeling fucking soft. You get the itch. I get the itch real bad but then I love being still, I love working, I love writing, it's active problem-solving all day. I wrote like a storm yesterday, I write better at night, that's why I was pissed they came over because I couldn't just be like inundated in my words. But I come over here in the daytime, get some talking going, some laughs, you know, some apologies that aren't necessary. Draft it up. I'll sign it. Some fingers crossed. I'm sorry.

Handshake. It's a handshake deal. I come over here in Jenuflec on one knee. So I'm going to go home and I'm going to write tonight and then write tomorrow. But God, that's the thing is like, I could just, I could also just stop doing standup and write all the time. I could crank out a book and 40 days if you gave me enough uppers. Yeah. But then you would probably be very stationary. I know I'd hate it. Yeah. What do you mean stationary? Well,

like how often would you travel around just to write? I don't know. You'd end up being in Detroit a lot. Yeah, yeah, D town. Yeah, what it is doe so we say what's up though? No, what up doe? Yeah, I know. I think that you know, I know one gets all the attention and accolades for being bad shit, but like I have a little bit. I have a little bit of cuckoo powder going on in there. Yeah, well you have, when you have downtime I think it's like, it feels like you're blowing it and that is not true.

I've made three collages since I got home. You have to, what are you gonna do with those? I don't know, use them as flyers? Oh sure. That ghoul video, people were like, what's going on? People think, like people don't know what's happening and people are like, oh he's a prop comic. It's like, look, my people are at my ass to make

promos I'm gonna give him a promo it's gonna be something completely absurd and honestly kind of scary on your terms yeah Pat said it was scary he was like I made this and I was scared the whole time it ruled yeah good job Pat yeah good work Pat yeah it was funny. It was weird not in it. Not everything needs to be crystal clear and the fat squad of dudes come out of that green room. This is the whole thing is scary and that it's byron and a very low. Yeah, go

damn circus train crashed all the pigs and elephants came to the gig Melton him leeching you. Yeah, you're not a fat guy anymore. I'm also not on any of the shots. No, you're not dodged a bullet next next a goal video and acts maybe a saber. I think I'm going to go out there dude with a fucking puppy. I'm just going to hold it up and make people think what's going to happen next. Better come to the shows to find out. Come on out and save this dog. I would never harm

a dog. And the yesterday Emily tells the little boy, cause he's jumping off the couch, you know, eventually it just evolves into him just smacking me of course with the newspaper. And then as it breaks, I have to roll them up another one. Chekhov's newspaper? Yeah it was in the first act. He's just bumping me as his mom's over there being like I don't know sometimes air tights not tight enough. There's air tight and then there's air tight you know. So anyway he's John Benny lands, hits his head. Emily's like, Emily's like, Oh, you're like a cat. You got nine lives.

And you see him like look around. And I was like, but not really buddy. That's just a saying. Cats don't actually have nine lives because I'm like, this kid's going to go kill a cat. This kid's going to prove this theory, you know? Yeah. Wait for it to get up and start running around again. Yeah. What the hell?

Huh? Oh man. Mommy, the doctor lied. It's all they do. It was just, it was like a real, Emily was like, I'm gonna have a couple friends come over. They won't be here that long. Cut to 1 a.m., you know?

They've got fucking Leanne Rimes blaring out the tape deck. They have tapes still, Beckerimes blaring out the tape deck. They have tape still Becker. Nice. Wow. So anyway. Was it 1 a.m.? No they left at like 839. And then Emy's watching Love is Blind and I want to put her through a table. I want to make her be my little Spike Dudley. Put her in the oven. Waiting for you? I hate that show. Oh. Love is Blind sucks. You for you? I hate that show. Oh. Love is Blind sucks. You seen it?

Isn't that the one with the special folks? No, that's Love on the Spectrum. They round up a pack of the dumbest people ever and they lock them in a box. No, that one's fun. I was thinking of Love on the Spectrum. I don't know what Love is. I like them.

I like puzzles, I like blocks. Love is Blind is a reality dating show where you don't see the people, you talk to them like, oh. and then you pair up, you propose and then you are engaged and you have, then you meet and then you have to plan a wedding and then- Going like a pre-moon. Whoa. Yeah.

And it's just like- Dumb. It's just people being in separate chambers going like, you know, when I first heard your voice, I knew I knew that I needed you for the rest of my life. And the girl's like, I felt the same way. And then they go back to their room. A lot of vocal fry. I think he's the one. We were other bitch is like, but who are you talking

to and she's like I've been talking to domain Drion. She's not you see the other way they cut the other woman's face. I've been I've been talking to optimists yeah it's fucking optimist Brian talking to Admiral Eater. So yeah, it's just like they have to make all this drama out of these people and then they get out and then the guy short and the woman's like crying. The woman just starts weeping. Why didn't I ask how to all yeah and the

whole time the guy's like if she doesn't like short guy she's going to hate me and then he and she's like you know. Oh my God, so nice to meet you. Are they all are they like half hot, half weirdos and mostly hot, but they're like, you know, it's dudes who wear like no socks and brown shoes. Yeah, you know, and then like a lady, every one of them has the butterfly tattooed on their stomach. Okay, yeah, it's a lot like black and white tattoos

and like single nose piercings. It's a lot of people who aspired to reality TV. It's people who would have been on the real world. Yeah, if but they were too stupid. Yeah, I just can't take it and Emily's like, Oh my God, can you believe that she's texting her friends and I'm like, I'm gonna see if the oven fits adults to yeah, I haven't watched that, but yeah, it's crazy how much stuff has endured when the writer strike happened and they said they were that a lot of networks or whatever were

coming up with reality shows like fuck man it made me think of like early 2000s celebrities on ice fucking just random people being mined for content for for sound bites and it's just such a weird gross like oh I'm a star it's like you haven't done anything you got drunk for like four weeks and people fell in love with you for some fucking reason yeah you twisted your ankle on a patio and now you have 150,000 followers. Yeah, you were a total shit show and now you get, you know, you get paid six figures to fucking sell shampoo. Yeah, talk about mud water. The year is 2025 and the blowjob of the future is here. The Auto Blow is going to destroy the competition, whether that be your left hand or the hottest

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I'm just guessing. I don't know if any of those are real. Sinking into a non-porno rules. Why not? A night at the circus, getting dirty at the park. Free hot dog night at Brewer's stadium. I would like all, I don't know if it's 30 or 32 MLB stadiums. Come on, let's get a partnership.

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That's autoblow.com, code chubby15 for 15% off. Your purchase, not your penis. It's not gonna cut it off for 15% off. Your purchase, not your penis. It's not gonna cut it off or suck it off. You'll still have as much dick as you did when you started. Thanks, Auto Blow. Yeah, no, I mean, I remember when reality shows were horny. That was cool. You could like watch them

and you'd like see the blurred out boobs, you know, and you'd be like, nice. There's something under there. Trichelle on the real world, I think, I dumped him out in the hot tub. Not that you can see him. Trishel, yeah, she was a smoke show. Yeah, that place, Manila, Hunter, totally sucks.

Real quiet over there. So fucking quiet. And I didn't leave the house all day yesterday besides to go talk to a scene kid about sneezing. He's allergic to pizza. This is a state mandated punishment. You know, I stole one riding mower. You know, they're like you gotta go make the deep dish.

We got the pizza muffins that they have over there. What you ever had them? No you guys suck the pizza muffins. They're great. It's like an apple made a pizza and you bite into it. You know, okay. Yeah, so we get these pizza muffins. I love them. They sound good. Yeah. That one of the ladies is like I like pizza muffins. I was like that's wrong. Okay, you know, and the other one's like I like more sauce and I was like what the other one's like. I like the most sauce and they just want to have like a jar of marinara poured on their pizza. Yeah They're young women they're doing their best in a real shithole

Pizza muffins makes me think of a pizza ball on Detroiters That's under wraps. You didn't see that they figured it out Pizza muffin. It's great, dude. It's like yeah, it was good. Yeah, I love pizza muffins They're just like a little round pizza and you can eat it. And is marinara in the middle of your shirt? No, like a Boston cream, no marinara involved. They give you a side of marinara. You can dip, flip, munch, plop. Okay. DIY pizza muffins. It's because you need to get to the big city of Lahunta, get some little Caesars. Yeah. Why do they have something that we don't leave a Wendy's over

there? They've have one economy forever. What you great stuff Lamar's nearby those melon farmers melons. Yep fuck should have moved to Lehanta. Well, hunt is where the action is. I can have a pizza muffin with my coffee. Dip it in there. Very Sicilian. Hopefully, this is the best shot we've ever had I mean if you want to see my be weird lun tat You're gonna be swimming the whole time

I I'll see what I how much I can zoom before all of us are out of the shot Just do it nice and slow You know you do is you started at the end and then you rewind and that's how you see how much you need Like memento, I do know how to set the parameters I just think it'll wait do you though you're good at a lot of stuff we're pretty tight in both the shots right here yeah yeah hopefully I'm in the shot you should be in both of them you should be right here it should have just an edge of the window I was trying to catch the window I'm gonna try it out I'm gonna pop up there we'll see what

it's like please don't let me sit back here then. Yeah, whatever you want to do. Just do it. Well Becker's counting ceiling tiles Yeah, he's fucking paycheck mafia what so It's no one likes my ideas. It's tight on us right here. Mm-hmm. It's very tight on us right here I love being in a pew man Spend very little time in these things. I was gonna say you didn't go to church. Fuck. No Becker I went to a lot of church. My mom taught Sunday school chicken I went to church till I got kicked out and then what do you get kicked out for being the sexiest boy? I

Pointed out total tease pointed out to the class that my Sunday school teacher was illiterate and then proved it You said they were illiterate spelling bee. So they knew the internet well. She couldn't read Her husband would teach her the lessons before class. I think nice and you were mad that there was a woman being educated She was no I was what I was mad There was a woman who like couldn't answer any intelligent questions about religion and she'd be like, oh ask the priest I don't know and then she but she'd be working out uh, ask the priest. I don't know. And then she'd, but she'd be working out of like the wrong page on the book. What book?

And I caught it. The Bible? Your Sunday school, fucking study guide. SI for kids. MBA inside stuff. Yeah. Finally, somebody asked like a question one day about like, if you died before you got baptized and like a car accident on the way to the

Baptismal and she like couldn't answer it at all and it like pissed me off and I was like what if the car crash you can't even read Why would I listen to you about what happens to us after we die? I'm gonna go smoke heroin and she was like I can read and like my little dumbass walked up there was like read that What does that say? What does that say? It said fuck you and she started she started crying and like made me go see the head Did I and I got rage issues your entire life and I never had to go back Oh, I used to have way worse rage issues, huh? She sentenced you to recite 12 male Harry's and you were like see you can't even fucking talk I was stoked though. Then I got to spend Sundays with my dad at the house. Yeah watching him sleep

I was stoked though. Then I got to spend Sundays with my dad at the house. Yeah. Watching him sleep. I had to go to church until I got a job and I got a job as soon as I could. I got car or a driver's license and a job right away so that I was not beholden. And then my mom would just guilt trip me every like month and a half or whatever God It sure would be nice if all my kids went to church Meanwhile, my dad would say stuff like nothing happens after you die Just in the ground and I was like, well, what the fuck you guys should get on the same page because This is confusing. It should I be terrified when I jerk off or

Does nothing happen? Like it's gotta, it can't both be right. You listen to Dick Penis on that one? Not really. I was scared and worried about going to hell until like halfway through college because at that point I had had some philosophy classes, some world of religion classes that kind of made me feel like this is,'s not cut and dry whatever it is. I don't think it's as childish as be a good boy or else you get poked with a stick or that you know the devil spits on you for an eternity. And so it's like all right if there's there's either something or nothing. I don't think that any type of creator would give a shit what we do here For the most part like if you just do your thing. I don't know and it might not even matter Because it's just big picture or once you get to the other side. It's like hey you did the best you could hurt people hurt people

you know I I sat down with a Johnny DiStefano for an interview for an early issue of Birdie magazine and I said something crazy like you know maybe Hitler's in heaven you know maybe it's like bigger than anything that we can conceive down here and it's just like look bad up everyone all is forgiven yeah I'm sure he published that but yeah I mean maybe nothing matters on the other side and we're all just trying to walk each other home Ram Dass and yeah I don't know we should pull up the fabric on these pews and let it sing man I got some little Caesar's farts and really cook on those benches.

There you go, bare ass. Should I try it out back there? Try it right there. Well, so pews though. You have ADD. Fabric. No, I mean, I get it. Rom dos.

I have to do something. Why don't you fucking just talk? It's a podcast. You don't have to do a cartwheel. Well, I can do a cartwheel. Can you? No, for sure not. I really need to work on core strength

There's this chair we have in that house we're staying I can't really get out of it very easily really yeah because the thing's low Yeah, the recliner pops out and then you can't pop it back in unless you stand up Yeah, so like I'm just like back in this chair and my feet can't touch the ground Emily's like Hitting you with the newspaper she's like you want a sody pop or not fat boy get up she's got a can in her pussy I know look yeah well we talked a lot about Lund's theories on life and death that was 20 seconds no no see that might be a thing maybe we don't have time good Because I was definitely outside for at least 12 minutes Becker says we lack executive function I don't say that you like your wife or somebody else has told you you lack executive function Lund has executive function

What? Yeah for sure. I'm the CEO. I have it too. You just ignore it Because you've never been affected by anybody else as a executive function I'm affected by you guys I drove an hour and a half over here one said beat it fat boy suck it yeah he had his dick out he was like beat it beat it or suck screech nowhere here yes okay I think I told her I have to go take a dump and it's going to be nasty. So I'll, I'll spare you and go upstairs. Yeah. I do believe that you could be like, Hey

I'm going to use the toilet. And she's like, he's been gone for an hour and a half. Big deal. What else? What else? Yeah. No, that and the subway token will get me on a train. Yeah. She knows. I told her that you guys were probably hopefully in here setting this up. So good job. She know about your porno stash. She got over there. I

Don't I think I got those from AJ Splendor. I think she sent me some old porn Otherwise, I don't know why I would have old random playboys But yeah, you're a man with needs Yeah, I've got a phone. Oh, yeah, I don't know that I could even jack to a Playboy. You could. Hustler maybe because there's penetration. He needs that hog. I need to see where the dick go. Where the dick go? Is it airtight or not? Turn a fan on. Let me see. Which way is the wind blowing? Yeah is it airtight or not? Let's get in this tub real quick. Any bubbles coming out of that? Yeah, let's check for bubbles.

Yeah, Hustler was like, woof. Yeah, yuck. It was a whole other level. Yeah, it was a little much, wasn't it? I mean, when you're 11 and you're first seeing porno and then someone's got a fucking wee or cherry, you're like, oh, this isn't what I wanted. This isn't the man show.

Yeah, the trampoline doesn't fuck the girl. Yeah, it's like somebody sitting on a gear shift and your makeup's running and you're like, can't wait to get home and watch the wild thorn berries. Can't wait to get out of this field. This is interesting. I wonder what Vector Man has to say. The first porn we found in the woods was like classified ads. What?

It was like stars over the nips. No, it was like naked people. But it was like usually the head was cut off and it was contact information, like dating classifieds. But it'd be like the one that was the funniest was a dude holding his dick and like chugging the beer With like the camera cut off like right where the beer was meeting his mouth. That's what we're cut off right now So that was like that even stood out to like 12 year old us like that's a hilarious way to advertise to women Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna have a beer while you suck this hog yeah just holding

your hog chugging a beer but it was like your whole thing they were all that really formed you yeah me chugging beer yeah that's my whole thing but there were so many gross people in there like really it was traumatic we had the westward it seems crazy that it seems crazy that it wasn't Censored yeah, it was right behind there's a porn store Yeah, the porn store edged right up to where the woods started guys edged on their way to the porn store Okay, so edging in the woods behind the store waiting for their turn to go in they take it to get like a deli Gotta be hard when I walk in else the ladies will know

You think the ladies can see him? This is you The Westward was horny they had personals in there and then also Savage Love would get you going Yeah, did you ever go to one of his live shows? Of course not, dude. Dude, I went to one once that Kayvon was like sponsoring and he had a guy put a nine inch fucking butt plug in and then hang out on stage for the rest of the show. Okay, I mean I like that kind of stuff.

He sang a song. It's insane, yeah. Just like pick a rando out of the audience and be like, here, take this and put it in you. Well, Darren Savage was a homosexual Yeah, yeah still is it makes sense. Yeah wonder he's up to you right now. We can still doing his thing I think he still has a column. Yeah, there was a lot of cool stuff back in the day. It's all gone now Is that right? Yeah.

Soft go. Soft go, man. Yeah. Yeah, you're so soft. Yeah. God, you yearned for the days when we had no money we wreaked. No, I mean, I'm very grateful and I like the money that's coming in. I like that we're selling a lot of tickets.

I like money. It's just like, I feel like, I don't know, I could be doing more. I just don't want to do any of the embarrassing shit that I see people doing on Instagram or having a tick-tock have a tick-tock What am I? Yeah, fucking unicycles in Portland Yeah, that doesn't help you sell tickets. It's just a crazy number that some people might put a little bit of stock in but it not Shouldn't really Instagram. I think is probably more indicative of adults That could that could come to shows Yeah talk is you know a nine-year-old and fucking Taiwan. I

Don't think they're allowed to have tick-tock. So that was a bad example Nine-year-olds buy tickets to a nine-year-old in Micronesia with a micro penis in his mouth. Do we have it anymore? Is it tick-tock gone? No, yeah some sigh of Trump was like I'll save it if you elect me When a bunch of idiots were like you got my vote man next thing, you know They sent my wife home Sent her back to the old country To Zizek Stan be cool if they say if you were Italian they say into Olive Garden

You're gonna be with your family like Not Taco Bell Taco Bell. Taco John's. More authentic. Potato Olay's. I'm hungry. I need a shot, man. I need some of your juice. No, you have some at home. I don't. I lied because you were so mad at me. Go to your home.

You said every other thing in the messages. You're like, yeah, we could pod we could kick it old-school style We could hit the streets. No wolf whistle at high school kids. It's all in good fun I wonder what's there at our kids. We're not getting out of the car. So there's no real Fear on their part. They know they're safe as scared as they are We're that alive and the whole time or not the whole time, but eventually I'm like, oh yeah, you want some of my drugs. I'll take some for sure.

No, you won't. Please let me get a shot. No, I don't have mine. Chelsea star and put my passport and my monjaro in a garbage disposal in an envelope and mailed it from a FedEx kiosk overnight. This was on Saturday. Has it arrived? No. Where's my passport? Becker fix it. That sucks. I have to. This was on Saturday. Has it arrived? No. Where's my

passport? Becker fix it. That sucks. I have to go to Canada on Friday. Do you have the tracking number? Why not? Why would I have that? Chelsea doesn't have it. I've asked her. She said, let me find out. That was Sunday. Let me do some research. It's Wednesday. Christ. I know she needs a fixer. So okay. You have to get me into Canada. I can't. Yeah, we got to figure out a smoke. I know. So anyway, I want some medicine because I'm feeling weak. And also I don't have a passport. I do have the driver's license though. So I'm not completely for flipping out. I have the Michigan driver's license that you can get into Canada I think because it's Michigan yeah you can when you live on the border you can get like an embossed one I'm not gonna show it on screen check that out okay four six four one seventy five doesn't have my weight on there I was gonna say there's actually no way the weight is the request sure unless that's pretty fun look at your picture is Actually, no way the wait is

Unlisted it's pretty fun. Look at your picture is fucking very fun Rolled out of bed. It looks like you're snarling almost One eyebrow is up. No, I don't know what happened there. You look like you got surprised by the flash. She got scared. I Know it's an boomerang. I was surprised by the flash enhanced means it might Let them see it. They're not gonna be able to see that. Yeah, they can see whatever they want. It cuts off allegedly Is I don't know maybe into Ontario it seems like that would be specific to Michigan's Border with Canada, but I could be wrong uh There's a first time for everything maybe I should freak out yeah, you should be scared right either way I need some medicine from you, and I'll give you a shot

No, I hooked you up man. You got to give me a taste 3.5 Becker could probably score you some some moon Darrow we're gonna go downstairs I'm gonna say hello to your wife and goodbye to do needle drugs and that's what we're doing while I upload files you do whatever you want okay drugs no you need something where are we on this we have about 10 minutes what the fuck are we gonna do we have exactly 10 minutes left shit Becker tell a story quick I've done nothing yesterday

If you would have sat here it wouldn't have been a big deal because we could do fucking cool bits We could pretend like we're like spies and I could be like Leave this suitcase by the trash can Yesterday a guy at Guitar Center Was sort of weird. Okay And on that I went into I went into guitar center. Now what were you wearing when you went in? I think that was the issue. I was wearing like fucking t-shirt and the trench coat. No pants. I was wearing

pants. It was me and Pysher and Hunter. So I think we looked like dickheads who were maybe going to try to start a band in our 40s one of the grossest Crews ever what was Picher up to here's his ride along with My house so when I Remembered that I'd fucked up the night before and not bought cables when I pulled over for weed I was like I need to go to Pueblo Because you knew we were podcasting on Wednesday because we talked about it on Friday. Yeah, correct Allegedly but

But then when I walked in the guy was like do you need any help and I was like, no, I'm fine Do you the guy's voice? He didn't have teaching you how to tell a story special going on. Okay went over to the XLR's You like you like the only double XLR for this guy really mad about the price of the XLRs And then was standing there figuring out which ones I wanted to get Guy came back over and was like do you need help with anything and I was like are you better? Grab the shit went up front and then as I was checking out the guy was like Yeah, usually guys like you take a lot longer and have a lot of questions in here And I was like what the fuck does that mean? I just got my shit and left. You were wearing a trench coat he's

allowed to be curious. I know. As to what you're up to. Yeah. You came in with Pysher. We don't look like Guitar Center guys the three of us. I thought we were gonna go to the synthesizer section. Yeah for sure. Yeah. You're either picking up an electric drum pad, some kind of Moog synth. I get it I looked like I had questions but what a weird thing to say out loud to a customer. Right, to explain him asking if you were okay twice. And being impressed that we like did it so fast. Yeah. Were your hands in your pockets the whole time?

No. A lot of times somebody goes in there in Pueblo and asks, what is a microphone? Yeah. Can I play? What are my options? All of the guitars. I want to get an electric snake, you know, you talk into its mouth Makes everyone hear you. I don't know how it works What did Peter Frampton use yeah, I want to use that on my pod I want to sound like that all the time, but then I went to then I went to shah's Have you been to shah's in Pueblo? I don't go to Pueblo dude. I had their euro Sunnyside breakfast burrito.

Ooh. See, I'm so hungry. So fucking good. It was gyro meat and sunny side egg and a bunch of tzatziki and fries. Go to Little Ceasars, get a sneeze, a little Sneezers. I'm starving.

Well, I know, but I shouldn't be hungry. When was the last time you ate? Little Ceasars. Last night. You probably should be a little hungry. No, dude. Did you eat 2,000 calories last night? I have the manjarro. I don't need it. I know it's in this house. I'm not leaving without any Said you don't need I need it dude. I really do. All right, I'll do anything I'll stay in these pews I'm ripping up the fabric though and letting one sink.

No. There's got one of these has to be peeling somewhere. Put it up, this is peeled. It's not as good. Just prop it up there. Look, when I wanna know. Press ham. Stuff from you, I'll ask you questions.

When it comes to farting on wood, it's kind of my zone, brother. All right. Wood, metal, tin, if you got it. you questions when it comes to farting on wood it's kind of my zone brother wood metal tin if you got it cast iron pan won't do it when I had to go to church in high school this dude Tim Rodoloso and I would crack each other up I don't think we ever went as far as farting because then everybody would have known what we were up to it It was very shushed, hushed tones, whispering, and then like little figures like dinosaur guy, and

then there was like a regular guy, and then there was like a pterodactyl that would fly around, pick up a boulder, drop it on the guy. So I would imagine everybody saw us and heard us, but we thought we were being a little incognito The pastor he probably died young because of us just wanted to throttle us and couldn't Catholic No Nondenominational New Testament Jesus type shit. Yes. It's weird to be here without the kneelers Mmm. Yeah, I'm willing to be a kneeler if you'll give me a shot of that stuff. I don't want you to blow me. All right you can blow me I don't care. Whatever I got to do.

Pysher went for a car ride. Yeah we took Pysher for a nice car ride. He cuddled with a dog in the back seat. Hunter got a new car. It was a big day for all of us. Now. You said your car didn't like the weather No, my carbs being a little bitch about it being in the 20s. You think it's cuz it's a shitty old piece of crap No, I said, but you don't know anything about mechanics my car. Excuse me my carb It doesn't like the temperature your carb. Yeah my carburetor carbo-sum stupid. Yeah, what does a carburetor do Sam? You've used them on pipe lets air in it controls the air. Yes Everyone knows that when the air is cold it changes density and there's no computer on my car. So when it's cold it gets fucked I'm changing density right now

Getting hard just hearing this great story being tired or whatever. It does suck my car needs to pick me up It's fine. Once it gets going. It just takes an extra couple minutes. One's got a sick truck out front We're gonna fucking rip that thing. I don't have the keys. Yeah, we got Becker. I could get in it Yeah, that's how we're started up. Yeah We could probably do that then yeah Go bucking that was like that's what you call it right bucking off-roading. Yeah bucking or mud and mud and bucking I went bucking in my Tacoma a book and read. Oh, whatever you need me to do God yeah, like I shouldn't ever be hungry again

That's not how it works. Yeah, you should be able to know what's going on though Since I'm like three days past schedule like my glue tides are all fucked and now I feel stupid Yeah, maybe that's why I feel so crazy. They feel wonky. Yeah, like you didn't sleep enough save my life. I Think you should probably learn a lesson. I'll give you a fucking shot some other time, bro No, I don't think you will I will I have it all you do is take no when you come out to Toledo I'll give you I'll hook you up. That'll be my payback. Oh Yeah, cuz we're gonna drive home. Mm you up. That'll be my payback. Oh yeah, cause we're going to drive home. You can have all the medicine you want. I can suck your dick there, you can suck my dick here.

I can see your house without having to clean it for you. Remember how much fun we had cleaning? No. We cleaned a little bit. Really? Yeah, while we listened to all of the Drake and Kendrick diss tracks. That was nice of you I remember the diss tracks. Yeah. Yeah, we were cleaning. We were wiping shit down. Mm-hmm You're spinning Emmy like a top. I

Pushed her down the stairs. She loved it to test them. I wanted to see if they were good stairs and You and I would have been too heavy. She was perfect. I want to tell the patreon army no cool thing you can do. Send me a hundred bucks now if you could just share my tour dates on Instagram. I guess that's helpful yeah. I got these god damn managers up my ass because I was about to fire them. Next thing you know hey, we got some bold ideas. What is it start a podcast? What is it make my a podcast? What is it? Make my own TV show. Did that. What is it?

We're warm, old hoodie at a synagogue. We could go to the Photoshop. We could go to the synagogue. What is that? Like a deli? Do you have a synagogue in town? Temple Aaron. Cause this was a melting pot there were a lot of settlers people that took the Santa Fe Trail through here Al Capone was coming through here stash and liquor I just feel like there weren't a lot of Jewish people on the wagons crossing well the the old west was a lot of Jewish people really yeah it was a lot of Jewish and black that's why it like a lot of

barbecue is or Texas barbecue specifically is like not pork like beef brisket and that's just a pastrami over an open flame. I love that. I love learning man. Yeah, the synagogue. It was some some questions. A lot of the people that were willing to go have the shitty wild west life were disenfranchised people on the East Coast. on the East Coast. Huh. Jewish people that had their house burned down in New Jersey or Delaware, and so they had to keep going west until they were not killed. A lot of freed slaves, a lot of escaped slaves. Let my people go, that's what he said. The west was pretty neat. He was Jewish, right?

Moses. Moses was Jewish. Let my people go. If I had a hammer, I'd hammer every morning. Hammer in the evening. I'd hammer till the hammerin's done. If I had a pistol, I'd shoot it off indoors. I'd make everyone know I had one. I'd be the guy who brought his gun to pick up his kids from school. Hey I can park wherever I want. I don't care if this is bus parking only. My gun says I've got a permit. My dad used to park at the bus

parking all the time to pick us up from school at Running Creek Elementary, Singing Hills Elementary and like I just remember those buses honking at my dad and he'd be like every damn day before he quit drinking I think he'd show up with a couple of pops in him and be like cool bus parks wherever it was would he park wherever he wanted yes the rebel yeah speaking of rebels I haven't looked at a lot of the names on some of the stained glass but right over here You've got Wilson. You've got mrs. And miss

Burnhouse whoa. So was this a gay church? I mean now that you're living in it. Yeah, I Don't know I think that's like mother and daughter could be because daddy was gone learning how to make brisket from all those Texas Jews There's a period after the Mrs. And the miss So that's funky Maybe miss is short for Mississippi. Maybe her name is Mississippi barnhouse Call me miss. Oh, we miss. What are you looking at swing? We're Mississippi. We got Nadine Caudill. That's pretty fun. That sounds like a fake name We got Edgar Allen Bo you give a fake name for your stained glass dedication I'm not a Nadine Caudill the stained glass is crazy in here. I'm excited to take a bunch of mushrooms and look at it

I saw the money like oh Yeah, we got a bunch from local mycology group. They keep doing events at mutiny and just throwing spores at Creech. You and her should do some tonight. No. Come out to Vancouver with your eye open. I got a ship hats. Oh yeah, I Got to go to Walmart get some a breva. I think the cold sore came back Yeah From all that eating ass I Have never and I will never here's what we'll do we'll go down there You never popped your nose in there on accident. You're going down on someone I mean, I guess but not really no, I stay away. I've been down that road. Oh, yeah, guess what?

I didn't wear my boots. You know what I mean? You almost drowned You got stuck. Remember when you got stuck in mud or a secret. That's why you don't like La Junta You almost died that was a rock because situation, Rocky Ford. You read a bunch of signs. Hey, dipshit, you're gonna die. Dangerous mud this way. If you walk around back here, but you had a song in your heart. So he,

he, he, he, he started to sink in the mud. And then he just started riffing about it, like, oh, look who's sinking. Oh, mud vein. You're just rattling shit off as you get lower and lower.

I've heard of drowning in mud, but this is ridiculous. My name is mud. I'm in the primus of my life. I'm in the primus of my life. You're freaking out internally, but your brain is like, oh no, no, no, it's fine. Just keep, just riff your way through it. I did. I was drowning mud out there. Yeah. I have a lot of great memories in southeastern Colorado and also I need my medicine so bad that I would just eat something no dude give me a shot I'll teach you how to do it it'll be great that's what we're doing look I'm in charge there's only one guy in charge yeah the big man no me I'm the yes you're the little big man and you're

a little big man from the movie. Remember that movie? No. Yeah, there was like a little tiny kid who like... Dustin Hoffman. The city like raised, yeah. Right? Little big man. He's a liar. Yeah, he lies. He just lies. He tells a bunch of tall tales.

Huh. Does that sound like... I've never seen this. Becker? Is it like an adult's movie about a kid or is it a kid's movie? Becker is it like an adult's movie about a kid or is it a kid's movie? Dustin Hoffman plays the guy and then he like tells his life story to his son or something. Okay I have the book downstairs my mom and or dad were like, oh, it's great. Here's the book And I was like can't wait to read it. It's been 15 years. I can't wait to read your book little pig, man Yeah, well it's been a great episode hopefully I can't wait to read your book little pig man.

Yeah, well, it's been a great episode. Hopefully, hopefully visually stimulating. It's good. Becker's going to do the low slow zoom while playing. So he's never going to do that. I'll see if it works good. I think it's going to be silly. God bless you. God, Vince McMahon wasn't here. Why? I hated sneezing.

Oh yeah. He probably still does. He would have killed that Lil' Caesars guy. He wouldn't have eaten Lil' Caesars, brother. He only ate chicken breasts with no salt on them. He's also still alive. You're making it sound like he doesn't eat anymore. Oh, he's on Manjaro, so he doesn't eat.

Dude, I can't wait to go downstairs and just take as much of that as I want. Not have anyone tell anybody about it. That'll be good. Yeah, we'll tie each other off. Sick, thank you. Goodbye. Bye.