Chubby Behemoth - Spiteful 90’s Mix

Episode Date: April 20, 2025

SPONSOR: ExpressVPN - Support the show and get up to 4 extra months of ExpressVPN for free. Head to https://www.expressvpn.com/CHUBBY   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week somebody had a technical issue right at the start. Sam learned a lot about hookah prepping, saw a guy that was just a head, and left sand and slime all over that limo. Nathan wouldn’t have hopped the fence, played Can radio, and the celebration is over. Becker shit his pants, drove to Alabama, and dealt with grown man tantrums.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

All right, everybody. So here we are, your stalwarts, your, let's call it what we are. We're the A-Team. We're the varsity starters. And okay, good, update. And I was just telling me, look, we're the brain trust. I was just telling Becker that I keep touching my computer screen because I think it's a touchscreen and it never has been or ever will be.

And now it's just smudged up with my fingies all the time as I keep broad. I literally went to touch your face to see if I could make it bigger. No. Yeah, exactly. I was doing this maneuver. Like I'm sitting on a bus and I'm fucking high on mushrooms. We used to ride the mall ride when we were in our late teens and just get fucked up on mushrooms and smush people's heads. But anyway, so we are recording this today and everyone's being very respectful

of my busy schedule. Did we all forget we had a podcast? Yes, of course. But luckily we are doing it today when I don't have anything important I need to be worried about. When I'm not literally pacing around my New York hotel room debating just how sincere I should be in my big storytelling event. I'm doing Ari Shaffir's storytelling show this evening in New York. I'm one of the unannounced secret few. It's very nice to be asked, but I have this fucking heavy duty story, man. I am so stoked to deliver it and take these big pause. It's a storytelling show. It's not the fucking slap the bag, guess everyone's birthday. It's not the, you know, it's not the fucking slap the bag, guess everyone's birthday. It's not half off wings night, you know, it's, it's, it's in a fucking

performance arts theater in Manhattan. If I can't allow myself to, you know, do something evocative, you know, something a little bigger than the common gluttony and vulgarity that I do on stage, where I just need to kill. I have to kill all the time. So I've been walking around the city all morning, just trying to memorize this story that I recorded into my phone,

and I'm walking around trying to memorize it. I know, hey, at three o'clock, you got one thing to do today. Well, actually, no, you don't. You have two things to do today. One of them's very important. It might be the fucking pebble you throw into the lake that causes the ripples of your career, but we got to be here We got to do the pot, you know

And me and Becker get in here. We start touching each other's faces on the screens. Mm-hmm, then Lund three minutes ago, which is already Eleven minutes behind schedule. He just texted us, my computer isn't turning on. So anyway, this might be you guys have been begging for Becker. They've been saying, where's Becker? We need our Becker. Beckman. It's a big Beer day. Oh, you got Oh, no, he's coming. Whoa. Let him free. What did you guys talk about with your extra pre pod pod? You gotta listen, man. No, you gotta listen if you want to know. Never.

That's the move. No, I'm telling you, dude. If you want to know what's happening, and you want to be up to date, you listen to the first three minutes and it's going to be like, Oh yeah. No. So here's what I was saying. One is that, uh, you know, I just have, I'm, I'm, I have a big, big show tonight and I'm really excited about it. And, um, I'm glad I get to talk to you guys, you know, to try and get into just the mindset of a true alpha motherfucker. You know, that's what we do here. We build each other up. We instill confidence. So I'm going to tell you guys my story I'm telling tonight and we're going to do like an hour, two hours just deep dive autopsy on the story and make it better.

Yeah. No, of course we're not doing that. But I have been walking around Old Manhattan all morning, just feeling the beat of the street beneath my feet and just an electric light flying out of town. I love it. Yeah. They call it Madhattan. I know. And everyone here is pissed and it's Easter. A lot of Jews, I think, is what's going on. They're rightfully upset. They're Lord and Savior, destroyed at the hands of

Romans. I'm staying near little Italy is what I mean. Yeah, then the Italians are mad. Not the Jews who think Jesus was a cool guy and a fellow Jew, but not their savior. I think that he was their guy. Oh, my savior. Okay. Well, this is why we had to do the first three minutes so that you could start doing your anti-Semitic impressions.

That is not anti-Semitic. That's how some Jewish people sound sometimes. I know, dude. So, see you in court. Remember Siobhan's husband? Remember our friend Siobhan Sims? Yeah. Her husband who was like heir to like a diamond fortune or something. He's from Miami.

That guy was Jewish. I don't know if I met that guy. Uh, you know, we met him once at the airport. He was taking an Israeli airlines flight. And, uh, you remember that the line was huge because it was all economy. No one was sitting in first class. At the airport, he was taking an Israeli Airlines flight. You remember that the line was huge because it was all economy. No one was sitting in first class. Get it out.

Economy was packed. That's all I'm saying. I mean, first class was wide open. Anyway, so that's a joke I thought of at the airport last night, late at night. Yeah, you had a wacky day yesterday, huh? Oh, I mean, yesterday was maybe one of the most insane days of my entire life. If you look at it from start to finish, in a 24-hour period, it's me and Henry Zembrowski getting aggressively stoned on the downtown streets of New York late at night.

Henry's a delight. That's the first time I've ever hung out with him. Travis Irvine stayed at our house and hooked up some tickets to see Last Pod Live. Man, Henry, funny guy. Little crazy man. Yeah. Small. It's like, Lund, if you were the same guy, but somehow you were a foot shorter and maybe 50 pounds less, I don't know. Drunk and drunk. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we were fired

up. He kept asking, what's Becker like? No, I'm kidding, of course. But you were in New York? No, no, no. I was in Detroit. So we went to LastPod on, God, what is today? The days are so different in New York. It's like the calendar won't obey. It's 420. Legalize it. Have you guys been legalizing it?

I've been getting pretty stoned all morning. I have been stoned too. Well, yeah, but you didn't know what day it was until moments ago. You were just welcoming the sun, worshiping, as you call it. Yeah, so we hung out with them. And then yesterday was the big limousine with Susanna day in Dearborn. And we rented a limo and we went and picked up Susanna and Miriam. I met Miriam for the first

time. She gets it. She's legit. You know? Where was she all these other times? She was always busy every other time? Oh, I don't know. I've never... Yeah, she had to work at the pineapple cake factory because she's four and that's the only place that would hire her. I think she's been working at her dad's smoke shop prepping the hookahs because man, I learned a lot about hookah prepping yesterday, I'll say that. We rode around, we started our day getting mochi donuts. Chelsea, remember Chelsea Lund, she talked you off that one time on the phone. She told me to bark like a dog and I said, no, no, no. And she acted like I wasn't doing the coolest thing ever.

I mean she talks about that moment a lot. So oh shit. That's all I'm saying. I mean she talks about that moment a lot so oh shit That's all I'm saying she dressed up as Elsa and joined us in the limo and We went and got mochi doughnuts Then we went to zap zone and I just it was like that I think you should leave sketch with the dating show and the zip line But Tim can't quit writing the zip line because I pushed Susanna for an hour and a half on that zip line just all right riding the zip line because I pushed Susanna for an hour and a half on that zip line. Just, all right.

Wait, what was it? Lipping off of it. Like trampolines or I thought laser tag Zap Zone. Zap Zone had laser tag. It had everything you wanted. Yeah. But all they wanted was the zip line. So paid a whole bunch of money for a zip line and a big slide and that was fun. Into foam or water or what? There's foam. You don't want water at your adult entertainment centers.

I thought maybe there was an outdoor component and you guys were splashing. The zap zone, you get wet in the zap zone and you die. You get electrocuted. Probably, yeah, because there was an electricity this place, man. The Zap Zone, you get wet in the Zap Zone and you die. You get electrocuted. Probably, yeah. Because there was an electricity in this place, man. You should have seen these kids chewing up chicken tenders, spitting them on the trampoline. A lot of these pictures being taken.

Yeah, they were just jacked. We gave her a- Kids freaking out. I gave her a Hawaiian punch. I mean, it was like, hey, you're only five once, unless you're Susanna, in which case you've been becoming five for the last three weeks and costing me loads and loads of money as you do it. And then we went and got ice cream.

It was just fun to drive around like very suburban Dearborn in a limo and see people outside the car go like this. Whoa. Yeah. It's a lot of that. Who's in there? Is that Tayshon Prince? Oh no, Jeff was carrying.

Jeff for sure had that nickel on him. He was fully plated. I asked him if he wanted a donut and he said, any flavor does it for Jeff. I was like, all right, buddy. Stay up there. You stay up there in your glass chamber. They're a person kind of guy. Any flavor for Jeff.

Jeff's got a big old gun. Yeah. Jeff's up there. Don't worry. When you rent this limo, you rent me, you rent all of my services, including my protection. So for the next eight hours, it's like you're my family. And if somebody comes towards this car with malicious intent, I will put them down and smile about it and sing the happy birthday song, whichever one you want.

Because no one's going to take my family away from me again Yeah, the first time the first time I didn't have a gun or a lawyer no court order or human being But yeah, I just I just watched that fucking That little wide world that Pat put on the patreon. Oh, it's so good. Yeah, made me miss you guys. There's a little wide world on the wide world Patreon, Sam Talent Wide World. Oh, it's good, man. He's like going through his John Wilson period. So he's just like filming, you know, it's his American beauty.

He's filming plastic bags getting caught in the wind. But it is pretty. And Becker was super funny at the car museum. And I was like, ah, Becker. And then Lunn shows up and I'm like, ah, God. I miss you. Look out for Lunn. Yeah, it's been with me home. Megan was talking to the dogs. Is someone yelling? I didn't want to go upstairs.

No. Okay. Did, did, did Lunge's super speed up after slowing down for you, Becker? Yeah, we both saw the same thing. It'll be good on the stale, stable recording. Oh, I was hoping that would make it in there. There's no way for me to replicate what we just saw in the edit. Damn it, dude.

That was good stuff. Yeah. You were chopped and screwed for a moment, Lund. Yeah, that sucks. Everything sucks. Chopped and cheesed. Why does everything suck? Well, I want this to work.

I want to be able to talk to you and not have it be weird. No, I get it. I mean, there is some weirdness between us. There's this like real sexual tension and I like it. I think it keeps us both on our toes. Becker, don't worry. Neither of us will be having you in any way. Okay. Except for in Iowa City and Omaha

where you'll be joining us. Yeah, I'm excited for this week. I'm so excited to finally do our three man show, Becker host, Lund features, iHeadline and it's going to be fucking, might be really bad actually, who knows? Yeah, people only have 33% disappointed. Well in the grand scheme of things, it's more like they're a 90th. They're one ninth disappointed. That's it. Yeah, not a 90th.

He does 90 seconds. I'm almost out of time. You get the light as soon as you get up there. You're like, all right, well, I guess I'll get out of here on this. Yeah, it's Grandpa Simpson walking into the brothel and seeing Bart. Yeah.

Get lit, put your hat back on. Damn. My lips are chapped. I did finally do something that I told you guys I had never done recently. I shit my pants. Oh, yeah. Real bad. Real bad. I was in Denver. The floor is yours, sir. I was in Denver doing a streaming platform debate with Mitch Jones and Matt Orrin and JD Lopez that was pretty fun. Where was that? The steps of the Capitol building?

JD's house, but it was fun cuz Mitch was mad. Yeah, you had to talk quietly so you didn't wake up all of his flat brimmed hats Guys use lower voices cuz my dusters sleeping We left afterwards and me and Matt and Mitch he's sitting there like the undertaker just in fingerless gloves in a throne. He does sit across from the rest of us with his hat on. Oh man, he does wear the hat inside? He wears the hat for the podcast he does. He was not raised well. Everyone knows.

You take your hat off if you respect the people on the pot. But the three of us, me, Matt and Mitch left to go get lunch at Kickin' Chicken. And like halfway through my sandwich, I was like, I don't feel very good, but I thought it was just my- How many chickens did Mitch eat? He had one sandwich. Okay. So one giant, they're giant sandwiches.

They're huge. So I had like half of a sandwich and my stomach was kind of iffy and I just thought it was my normal shit that's going on. Yeah. Yeah. And then I drove seeking behavior. Yeah. And then I drove the 40 minutes to my buddy Mike's house and for like the last couple minutes, I had to pee really fucking bad. Like I was like, Oh God, I can't wait until I get there. This is terrible. Then I get out of my car and my phone died on the drive, so I couldn't get ahold of Mike. I tried to call him before it died and he texted me back when my phone was dead. I run up to the door, door's locked. He wasn't expecting me at that exact time.

What was he up to? I mean, Mike keeps it pretty loose. He was in his basement. He just couldn't hear me and For this low train collection. Yeah, so I threw my Mike's weird. He has a model trains, but it's like it's Auschwitz. It's like a fucking bummer But he says he's just a historian and he likes miniatures He likes are all being painted Yes So I went I threw my luggage on the ground

I'm like almost in tears at this point cuz now I realize oh, yeah, you said you were crying I have to shit. Oh after I shit I was crying so but I'm like Sweating fucking like shaking like back and forth rocking beating on the door like the FBI like answer fucking door So I dropped my backpack and like my podcasting gear because I was going to edit a podcast. My podcast gear. And so I run to jump his fence because I know the code to get into the garage. And as I punch the code into the garage door thing, it dies. Like the battery dies on it. I can't get in. I'm

beating on the back door like a maniac. Finally, I'm like, I have to piss. I go to take a little bit of a pee and as soon as I let go of my bladder, I just paint my underwear. It was like a sneeze. It was like a mucusy wet, terrible, terrible thing. So then I'm like squatted, trying not to let it drip out of my underwear into my actual pants. And I'm standing at the back door and Mike comes in like beats back on the door thinking like, why, like why is Becker trying to get in so bad? When he opens the door, I was like, fuck you. I've shit my pants. He's like, are you, are you crying? I was crying and then had to go. Oh yeah. I was so upset. I was in the backyard. Yeah. I think it's

the feds. He just flushed a whole fucking hard drive down the toilet. He's like, Hey, what's your fucking deal? And it's you. And I'm waddling like an old gym teacher, just like all hips and elbows. And I demand a trash bag and then just go barricade myself in the bathroom. And he's like, are you crying? He didn't ask. I addressed it later and he was like, yeah, it did look like you were tearing up. And I was like, I was full on crying. I was very upset. I didn't think you were coming to the door. I was outside just waiting for diarrhea to ruin my jeans. You were forsaken.

It sucked really bad. It was really bad. And then after I had abandoned you, I realized how funny it all was. Cause you didn't know you had to shit, right? I think. No, I didn't know I needed to shit until I got like out of the car. When I got out of the car, I was like, oh, I also have to shit.

But I also didn't know I had diarrhea, like at all. Like I thought I had. Yeah, so you're not sweating. I mean, you hopped a fence. I wouldn't hop a fence if I had to shit real bad. So you weren't, I wouldn't have tried to take the pee if I thought I had diarrhea, like invite the bladder to the party if the poop's not allowed as well. Everyone knows that it was all I remember from health class.

That puppet show taught us a lot. Yeah. You, well, I mean you, but you you can sometimes you can't, you like rolled the dice. Cause sometimes you can pee and not poop. It is, but it is a tightrope walk. It was like a gunshot. A gunshot. Yeah, dude.

Like the second, like one drip of piss came out of my dick. My butt went off like an explosion. It wasn't like, there was no release. There wasn't a warning. No, come on. Like one drip of piss came out of my dick. My butt went off like an explosion. It wasn't like there was no release. There wasn't a warning. It was like I got punched. It was like an evacuation. She's talking.

Yeah, I know. You just put your babe in her place. Alpha alert. She's playing with BD. Go to the other three stories of the church. Put your babe in her place. Alpha alert. She's playing with BD. Go to the other three stories of the church. There's plenty of room to goof around in there. I know, I wanted to be down here, cause I don't know, I think it sounds better

down here than upstairs. Yeah, it is better. So Becker, you shot your own ass and in doing so killed your own soul. Yeah. And, okay, then you clean up in the bathroom. Yeah. While I'm on the toilet, Mitch was going through it that day.

He's been having a hard hand dealt to him lately. And so, from the toilet, I text him. I was like, if it makes you feel any better, I just shit my pants. So I'm cleaning myself up in Mike's bathroom. And he responded like, I hope you're okay, but that does make me feel better. And then, yeah. And so that was the only benefit of it is it cheered up good old Mitch Jones a little bit. But yeah, it was bad. So then I dried off. Mike was like, are you sure you're okay? And I'm like, yeah, thank God I didn sure you're okay? And I'm like, yeah,

thank God I didn't ruin my pants. And he was like, okay, well, I washed all the bedding. And I was like, oh, I'm not staying the night anymore. I want to go home and take a real shower and be done. So I edited the podcast and then drove back to Trinidad. You shit your pants so bad, you had to drive three hours? Yeah, I just didn't want to crash. I didn't bring a change of clothes because I was just going to wear a dirty pair of pants in the morning and I didn't want to- Beanie can't even look at you.

Sleep without boxers. Beanie is so disgusted that even a dog won't look at you. That's how foul of a creature you are. That's how lowly you have become. It was fucked, man. It was totally fucked. Hey, man, it happens all the time to all types of people. So it doesn't really matter.

No one would ever believe me when I'd say it hadn't happened. If it was a full blast, how are the pants fine? It was all in my cotton boxers. it was like, I was definitely not doing good that day. I just hadn't had any stomach issues yet because then I spent a lot of my time in his bathroom before I left Denver. But it was like – Jared Siff That's one of the benefits of the Sheath brand underwear. Peteus It's like a mucus squeeze.

Jared Siff Is it the Sheath for your turds and it keeps your pants clean? Peteus Yeah, they were definitely old Navy boxers and they're too big for me. So it took a good amount of the blast. The meme of the soldier kneeling with his arms out and then there's rockets and grenades that he's absorbing. Yes, that was my underwear. Just took it all. Your pants are sleeping.

I mean, all of the poops I've taken for the last year for the most part are like, heinous. Heinous, heinous. So it wasn't like a turd or like a mud. It was like a, literally like a sneeze. Oh, okay. We get it. Sure, yeah. I guess that's better than full.

Who are you talking to? Yeah. You don't think my butt sat in some pepper before? Okay, we should Yeah You don't think my butt set and some pepper before yeah, I mostly butt sneeze or shit like powder That's that's the two moves for like the last year like the guy in the movie I don't know I don't shit him my shit like you know that sand that stays dry Petrified it's like, like hydrophobic sand. Man, we got sand all over that fucking limo yesterday. We got sand and slime. It was crazy. You had slime? What do you think?

That rules. It was a five-year-old's birthday limo. You don't think we had fucking slime in there? We had Elsa. We didn't have slime. Surprised Jeff allowed slime. Oh, Jeff allows whatever his family wants, you know, as long as it's not a fucking slime in there. We had Elsa. We didn't have slime. I'm surprised Jeff allowed slime. Oh, Jeff allows whatever his family wants, you know, as long as it's not a fucking injunction.

It's fine. Becker, you never told us the story of your big crazy drive to Alabama. Oh yeah, that was nuts too. Yeah, man. I need to hear this. You can blind item certain events if you don't want to. Yeah. I went and picked up my... I got back from Detroit and then picked up the rental car that night and then went and crashed at Mike's house for like six hours. Got up, went and got my dad and the dog, drove to Springfield, Missouri and got weed there and crashed out for the night. Then-

Mad Fientist Okay. Because you didn't want to carry, you said? Mad Fientist No, I didn't want to drive through most of those states with weed. After Missouri, I was okay. Everything after that's decriminalized. So I just kept weed on me from then on out. Mad Fientist And you weren't smoking cigs, right? Mad Fientist No.

Mad Fientist Dude, okay. So you're without weed, you're without cigs, you're with your father and a dog. Yeah, and my dad's gone cuckoo since the car accident when he hit his head. He's got full blown CT and- Cum tasting enthusiasm? His brain shit his pants. Yeah, he just like- Yeah.

We'll start crying for no reason now. He runs into the family, kiddo. What? Just there's weeping? Random tears. And has like shock pains that you can like see him reacting to and he'll be like, are you okay? And he's like, yeah, I'm just getting those weird things.

It's like when a bell's rung, that's what shock pains feel like. It's reverberation. Nuts. But he did really good on the drive out and then... Well, you threw a blanket over his cage, right? Yeah. Slept the whole time. And then we threw a blanket over his cage, right? Yeah And we got there and hung out with the family and stuff, but then on the last day

Well, it was a blast I took my niece her dog and she like spazzed out right away as soon as we walked in she started calling him Wally Dingo And I was like, that's that's neat Did you teach her that my sister was like I have no fucking idea where that came from. And it was adorable because she'd just be waddling around like a three-year-old going, Wally, Wally, Dingo. Where's my Wally Dingo? And that made me stoked. And like anytime there was a down moment, she'd just be down on the floor hugging him, like cuddling with him. So that made the whole thing worth it. Are they gone with Wally for the name? Yeah, it's like an eight-year-old dog. My sister's boyfriend had it for years before they deployed.

Oh, wait, what's its name? It's just the kid was born after they deployed Wally. The dog's in Space Force. Wally, it was just weird that my niece knew the word dingo for dog or that added Wally Dingo as a nickname because she is three Oh you were impressed by her wordplay and knowing the word like I thought it was something she would have heard somewhere My sister's like no, I have no fucking clue what this is And then we went to Peach Park and she also much like the zipline made me push her on a swing for like damn

Near two hours wait Peach Park in she also, much like the Zipline, made me push her on a swing for like damn near two hours. Wait, Peach Park in Huntsville? Montgomery. Oh, I thought you were talking about Peach Park in Huntsville and I'm like, you fucking took your niece to a black strip club? That is crazy. No, it was like a peach farm and a muscadine farm, which is kind of like a grape. And I had a bunch of muscadine juice.

It was fucking awesome. It's not kind of like a grape. It's a grape. Well, it's like a vine. It's it's not bunchy It's like a shitty grape. It's like a week talk to me about what it is and what is not a grape I've been raising hell. That's my other podcast One day you try to push dried grapes push that little square cutout behind you? Yeah, what's hiding in that thing? Is that a secret compartment? Yeah, push that in.

Ah! Oh no, the room's upside down. But on the last day, because we were in that... Whoa! Hey! Oh nice, whoa. Whoa! That would have been helpful last night. Classic Sam T with the light right behind him now. Oh yeah.

There we go. Okay, I'm back. But on the last day, our flight got fucking severely delayed and then canceled and we weren't going to be able to make it home for like 19 hours. So we decided to stay the night. My dad started to have tantrums like at the airport. Tantrums?

Yeah. That's not what men have. No, it's not. And then- Men have brass knuckles and they punch their feelings with them. Yeah. So we get back to my sister's and her other- Is he crying? Her father-in-law, no. Now he's just being a little bitch. Being like, what? Like really

loud in the airport. Just wanted to get back so bad or like has a schedule or whatever. Has nothing going on, but his schedule changed minutely, so he's pissed. He's doing a cranky anchor voice in the airport? Yeah, and I'm handling all of it. Yeah, pretty exactly. He's doing Mitch Patel? And I'm dealing with all of the changes, so I don't know why he's pissed at all. So we go back to my sister's house and her in-laws are there because they

were coming right after us to visit them while they're in the States. Oh no. So now you've got a romantic comedy. Oh yeah. So we all try to go out to dinner and my brother-in-law's dad, you, your old coach and- Oh yeah, oh yeah And my round mound of touchdown. Oh, yeah Yeah, Jesus Christ Fucking smush oh dude. Yeah, he is. He's like prototype smush. Oh, yeah. He's the first we go What do you think he is 410 for hundo?

That seems about right. That's close, right? Yeah, that's about right. I imagine rolling around with him in front of all your buddies. Yeah. He's teaching you different kind of locks and flips. So they get like we walk into this seafood place that's supposed to be great and they're short-staffed like obviously. So he fits in. Oh, yeah, and then he gets... Because he's short. Yeah, so he immediately gets mouthy with, like, a lady at the counter about how long it's taking.

Who does? The father-in-law or your father? Father-in-law. Awesome. God, I've seen him fired up. Yeah, so Moose is like, oh, good, we're gonna get spittin' our food to me. And I, like, giggle a little bit. It's like watching the foreman of all the dwarves in Wizard of Oz sexually harassed Judy Garland

It's very much like that and then by the way a wild creature keeps appearing in the background here, yeah She does they might like a lady who was picking up her food at the counter told my dad and the other guy that they're short staffed, so cut them a break. And then my dad starts to yell at her like it's his child and it's 1994 when you could treat people like that in public. And then his associate, the other adult man, looks like. Cachoo. Yes. He's the walrus. He has lunge facial hair, but unironically and very well maintained and is also you know as Tall as eight phone books on top of each other used to rock lunge facial hair

He doesn't have it anymore. No now he's like mostly clean shaven and bald. Dude, he was Tom of Finland 100%. Oh man, that's crazy. Yeah. Whoa. I mean, dude, who was the guy? He looks like Dutch Mantel. Is that the guy, Lund, who had that facial hair? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And isn't that guy like five foot tall? No, I'm sure he's a pretty big guy. I mean, this was a good guy, but anyway, he is. I just want to paint the picture because I know this guy. He is a little keg of a man. Yes. So we have two grown men in there with the emotional constitution of like 11 year olds.

One just wants to wrestle. Yeah. And then the other one's Moose's dad. And then so I dragged my dad outside of the restaurant by his arm while he's screaming at this lady. No way. Oh yeah. And then when we get out, I don't, he's fuck you. You don't know me, bitch. She's there's several people in our group with medical problems. Get fucked. And I'm like dragging

him out. And then the other dad tried to say something to me. Like, you need to calm down. And I was like, fuck you yelling like this. Both of you has never gotten anyone better service anywhere. And then we got outside of my dad, threw a fit and like went and sat in a field in like the medium between the shopping center and the little highway. Moose's dad is like, my son has been protecting this country abroad for 11

out of the last 12 months. Dad's like, my son is the third Mike on a pretty successful podcast. And he has recently shit his pants. They were on the same page. They were both like pissed and not being reasonable. They're white guys in their sixties. They're locked in. So my dad's sitting in a field in a busy

shopping center in Montgomery, Alabama so the locals are having a great time watching an old white guy have a meltdown in a field. Oh sure yeah. I mean a real great time like there's congregations of people gathering in the parking lot to watch him and talk about how crazy he's acting. It is very funny to me. You're just hearing people scream world star in the dark. Yeah, I checked. Is Michael Douglas from falling down? So like he throws a tantrum. I finally get him into a different restaurant with the family.

He's being pissy all night. Get him onto the plane the next day, and then he finally apologized like a day later. Wait, you're going to just move past field tantrum like that? I mean, I don't know how to describe it. You're acting like everyone knows what it looks like for your father to have a tantrum in a field. He was sitting on the ground with his head between his knees and wouldn't talk to anybody or get up or come anywhere and if you tried to like walk over to him he would walk away. Oh yeah he was very much like a toddler that like wouldn't deal with anybody. Don't touch me Jacob. Don't touch me. Nothing gives you that right. Wait was part of the issue that he was not smoking weed? Did he not want to risk or something

and so he was going without? not smoking weed? Did he not want to risk or something? No, we had weed. And so he was going without? We had weed for like five days at that point. Okay. No, he's just a little baby. So it's just, he just likes being at home and he likes his schedule and he probably doesn't like interacting with very many people. That was my dad. Yeah.

Yeah. Dick Penis. He was a man of the people. Yeah, no real desire to meet anybody new. He had like three friends. That's all he needed. Yep. And those three friends have been dead forever. So yeah, he didn't talk to the three friends, but if you wanted to, he could. And one of them was Mike Singletary and he never met him, but boy, did he really care about him. One of my dad's oldest friends lives like eight blocks away and all the time I'm like, why don't you go over there and talk to him? And my dad's like, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Dads don't do that. Old guys are weird. Yeah. My dad had an older friend that worked at the bus yard. I think he drove, had driven buses for a while, school buses, but then he like moved over to working on them or something. Cause I don't think he had a route, but my dad would see him. And he was older and crankier and crazier, like probably had like Gadsden flag coming

off of his hog or like had like the two shotguns. He was the guy from Raising Arizona. He sounded like a wild man. I think his name was Bill and he was wild, but I never met him. But I was glad that my dad had somebody else to fucking commiserate with and talk about how everybody's dumb except for them or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.

Dads like to tell stories about their friends. You're supposed to know who they are, and then that friend lives seven minutes away and they haven't seen him since they saw Fog Hat in 82 at Ebbets Field. Yeah. Yeah, but man, you've heard so many, I mean, this is little Donnie Wilson all over again.

This is the whole, it's that phenomenon. My dad actually has friends through the grief group now. He hangs out with this fucking like 88 year old man named Sam who tells dirty jokes and then my dad will call me and be like, Hey, Sam's got a new one. And then like, I'm at an airport and then this like, Hey, did you ever heard the one about the Polak prostitute? And I'm like, Oh, good. And then eight minutes goes by and the punch line kind of hits. And I'm like, thanks, Sam, keep my dad busy, you know, those idle hands, you know.

That's why I like having friends that I talk to. I talk to you guys. That's good. Yeah. How'd you get your dad back into the car? Did you have to like throw a hot rod magazine into there and be like, go get it? Yeah. An easy rider. hot rod magazine into there and be like go get it yeah an easy rider no after like the rest of the family had decided on a new restaurant on the other side of the shopping center you made a trail of poorly rolled shwag joints just a trail of kidders all the way to the restaurant no I went out to the field and went like the kind of crazy I suppressed most the time and told him to get his ass in the fucking restaurant before I made everybody's day worse

Whoa, wait, and I father I was looking up the Ad read so I don't know if I missed it but like nothing had happened in the restaurant, right? This was a preemptive freakout like yeah It was because service was taking too long and then a customer chimed in like, hey, just so you know, they're really short staffed. And he just went off on her after my sister's father-in-law was lacing into the lady at the front counter about how long we'd been waiting, which is like, just order. And that guy loves to lace because he shaped like a football.

Yes. Laces out, Dan. Laces out, Becker Sr. I was so mad. What's your dad look like? And then when we got to the hotel we were staying at, my parents were both still being very quiet because my dad had been an asshole and I was still ready to kill everyone for my dad making a scene in front of my niece and shit.

And so when we got to the hotel, I was like, I'm gonna go smoke weed outside. And there was a Waffle House like a mile down the road. So I will be back in a couple of hours. You went down there and burnt it to the fucking ground. Ooh, I had so much Waffle House. Good. So there was a light at the end of the rainbow.

Everybody, the staff thought that you did, you were doing the, when people lose their fantasy football league, they have to go to a waffle house for 24 hours and an hour gets shaved off for every waffle or whatever. But you're like, no, no. You were there for 20 minutes. I had three waffles, a scramble plate, a giant thing of hash browns that were loaded up real big. It was great. It really fixed my mood.

I love fixing my mood. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, go ahead. Over. I forget. Oh, I wanted to ask about cigs. Did you end up breaking and getting cigs or no?

Once we got to Montgomery, I was able to get away from the family. So I was having two to four cigarettes a day. So still not enough to not be cranky, but I was with my niece, so that helps a lot because she makes me happy all the time. We were having a fucking party. We were running around the yard. She was showing me all the new flowers that were there that she doesn't have in Italy that she was stoked on.

My nephew is tiny, just smiles and dances. You brought her an eight-year-old dog so that she can learn to say goodbye at a young age? Is that... Yeah. She wanted to learn firearm use. Her father was like, look, if you're going to learn how to use it, you got to learn how to use it right. No, it's taking a real life

So because when they went to Korea they had to thank her. Why aren't you in fucking curly from you know? Wasn't it cities Lickers, that's who I imagine your father is is Jack Palance just in a field going It's pretty close It's pretty close. No, they- We're close too. Time to read the ad, I think. Yeah, they have two dogs though, and one was really elderly and they didn't want to take them to Korea when they got stationed there.

I thought they were only going to be overseas for three years. Shut up. So now the one dog's dead and Jeremy and Emily wanted their dog back too, because they just haven't had their dog in like four and a half years. And they put it on my parents who are sickly and old and retired and don't want to take care of their dogs. Yeah, it was always going to be temporary or whatever. Yeah.

And so they're taking the healthy dog that can travel back to Italy with them. It's in Italy now. Thank God. Allegedly. I haven't seen any proof. Show me the proof. That dog didn't make it to Italy, I promise. Going online without ExpressVPN is like leaving your kids with the nearest stranger while you use the restroom. They're probably not a kid- It's like leaving them with Lund at the airport while you go in. They're probably not a kidnapper, but why take the risk?

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months free. Expressvpn.com slash chubby. Yeah. Remember they're the ones that want it. They don't want you in Bangkok for the ad read, Sam. I forgot because I didn't read what they sent us. They did say, Hey, way to go last time. Yeah, we nailed it. Yeah. So, hey, no one can be mad at me. Dude, we saw a guy that was just ahead recently, me and Emmy. Whoa, where?

Just ahead in a wheelchair, and they had a blanket over his body, and I was like, no one can tell that guy no, and Emmy loved it. And he listens, she's listening right now. Hey, Emmy, it's us, your I'm gonna be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do this.

I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do this. can trace her, trace her listening habits. Well, yeah, I have, um, Oh God, Hey, uh, Glasgow, London, Manchester, buy your tickets, please. Yeah. I'll be there if that moves your needle. I think it's, I think the needle's moving adequately. Oh, good.

Are you garbage tomorrow to try and move all of them? Nice. Hold on man. I just had a crazy street bowl. Yesterday, all I had to eat all day, started off donut party and then random remnants of chicken tenders and Hawaiian punch at a, you know, indoor laser tag parlor. Yeah. And then I went and had ice cream with, uh, like a, it was like a, we get the ice cream floating in the slush. I had one of those and then I had birthday cake and that's all I had. And I sat at the airport after everything was closed as my flight just got further and further delayed, just going, Oh, why didn't I eat food?

I could have had food. What was the slush grape? lemon lime Mm-hmm, vanilla ice cream Susanna thought it was slime. I kept eating slime Miriam loved it Miriam would go slimes not for eating and I would say oh, yeah Oh, and then fucking I did the french fry trick for Miriam and she cried. So that was fun What you shoved the french fry up your nose, and she was like, ah. Then I was like, no, no, it's magic.

I pulled it out, and then she tried to do it, and her mom slapped her hand, and then we didn't really talk for the rest of the day. Long limo ride home from Zap Zone. Let's put it that way. There's a real Miriam? Yeah, Miriam's real. Okay. Yeah, Miriam's her best friend from kindergarten or whatever.

Oh, I thought she made her up. And also her fake sister's name is Miriam as well. Okay, gotcha. She's very unwell. Based on true little girls. She's been lying about a lot of stuff, it turns out. But it also, yeah, I thought she made her up, but I forgot. Yeah, based on real events.

It turns out I didn't actually eat a pillow and have to have it removed, and that's why I'm fat. Emmy doesn't actually wear a diaper. I mean, Suzanne has just been sewing all these fucking lies. Can you hear all this? Uh-huh. What?

You have to stop doing stuff. Fuck you! I don't know what's going on. Shut up, Lund! Shut the fuck up! We have ten minutes. Yeah. Starting now.

Dog toy. What is that? Oh, I thought you were feeding Beanie to the snake. We are going to Pueblo tomorrow to get rats. Oh, wow. Hey, sorry. We didn't really let you talk. Oh, wow. Hey, sorry. We didn't really let you talk.

Yeah. I had, I have a bunch of stuff. Go ahead. No, we are going to go to Pueblo. A rat date tomorrow with your wife? Rat shopping. And, uh, I'm going to try to get my windshield replaced cause I've had a big old crack in it for a long time and.

Shrugging yourunk your ass replaced too. Wanted to be done. Yeah. They start replacing my, my butt. It should just cover it with, uh, you know, denim. It should just medically attach denim to your ass. So you're just a little flap. Oh, I did have, I had a fun encounter. God, I can't wait to not bartend. Most of the time it's fine.

Join the Patreon everyone. But man, when people fucking blow it, it's like, oh yeah, I'm always rolling the dice. And luckily, you know, it's a Tuesday. I always bartend Tuesday or Wednesday for the most part. It wasn't just this constant parade of the dumbest drunks screaming at me. A lot of regulars, a lot of normal behavior, but man, last Tuesday, I had this couple come in and they live in Oklahoma City. I was talking with this dude, Max, about basketball and the guy goes, yeah, we live in Oklahoma city.

So I guess our team's the thunder. And then Max is like, well, yeah, they had a real good season. You know, SGA might get the MVP and he's like, and who is that? And we were both just like, okay. So you don't know who Shay Gilgis Alexander is, but the thunder is your team. You don't know who Shay Gilgis Alexander is, but the Thunder is your team. So, you know, now we know they're not basketball people, but they're ordering drinks and they're celebrating because the dude might work for a fucking plastics company or something.

Uh, I think the company is called river ruiners and they just put plastic into the river, uh, as much as possible. Don't shit on the new sponsor. Hey guys, river ruiners. Who have a big, beautiful flowing body of water that you want to poison? River ruiners, the answer. You ever look at a river and think, man, I wish there was some more two liters in this bitch.

You ever see an otter floating and you wish it was facedown forever? Well, hey, River ruiners is giving us 30 bucks to plug their cool new business. Okay, so you're in there, you're mad at the guy, he's lonely. Well, they're just annoying right away because, oh yeah, because immediately, I have the ladies pool league every Tuesday and they do not like the music I normally play in there, which would be rock and roll or like spooky country. They think the country music is too slow. They think the rock and roll is too loud, whatever.

So I usually play like older stuff. So I've got like oldies going, everybody's happy. But then this guy is like, hey man, or no, the lady, they've sat down, they've been sat for 10 seconds and the lady goes, you have a jukebox or what's going on? And that's always a bad sign because people who go into a bar and want to change it immediately and make it fit what they want, it's annoying. Especially right away.

How do I make this bar better for me? And it's like, you can't. You're stuck here with me. Welcome to hell. And I say, I'm playing. I haven't been listening. Creech has been changing behind you. Oh, shit. She's dumped. That'd be nuts. Just an emergency zoom on your face. It's Creech is back there. Okay.

So yes, I don't like when someone walks in and says, Hey, let me, let me control the vibe in here. Hey, let me leave my mark. Let me put on sugar Ray, 100 RPM. Yes. And so he, after a couple of minutes, the guy says, could we, could you play seventies music and I also hate like when people ask if I will play a song, I will almost certainly play that song because it's one song because you want to hear,

you're giving me something specific and I can do that. And when people ask for more songs, I usually say, I'm good, you know, like settle down, uh, but the worst thing is to ask for such a broad, can you play 70s music? And his argument was that it's just like a more consistent, like the lady said something about 80s music and he was like, well, 70s music is a little more consistent. 80s music is a little bit all over the place. Yeah, he just wants to hear ABBA. He just wants to hear Dancing Queen. Does he want ABBA?

Because it reminds me of a time when the world made sense. Is Seventies music to him ABBA or Black Sabbath or? Well, no, because it could be Hawkwind. It could be Cannes. It could be Parade Ubu. Guess what? You could have really fucking monkeys pod his situation. Yeah, guess what, bitch?

What did you put on? Pentagram? I played Cannes radio. No way. Yes. You dog. No way! Yes. You dog! Because... Holy fuck, he asked the genie for a million dollars?

You had doll hairs, didn't you? Hahaha! Well, and it was perfect because Max... Uh... Can! ... said that a Can song... That's what made Becker's dad cry in the field. It's can radio.

Becker wouldn't stop playing can. Max got a kick out of that because he loves the movie Inherent Vice and there's a can song in there and it played. So he knew I was like, yeah, that I was not giving what he wanted, like a little shit. But I wanted him to shut up and I figured there would be some psych rock, whatever, so it would be fine. This couple is celebrating. They might move to somewhere in Northern or Central Colorado because the dude's job would

be in Centennial. So they're talking about, oh, I like older- There's too many fucking rainbow trout in that river and he's going to put an end to it. No more glistening. Your scales look too much like the sky when it's smiling. I'm done with you. But yeah, they are not affected by the can radio revelation. They're going with the flow. They have three cocktails each. They're there for an hour. They have three cocktails each. They're there for an hour. They have three cocktails each. She's drinking vodka. He's drinking whiskey. And they each have

three shots of Fireball. In an hour, they each have six drinks, which is way too many. Slamma ramma ding dong. Oh yeah. And you're serving them. They're driving. You don't care. I'm serving them because they didn't come in drunk. They're serving them. They're driving. You don't care. I'm serving them because they are not, they didn't come in drunk. They're talking normally and I wasn't paying attention to exactly how many they had had and how long they had been there, but I hook them up. Like, you know, it's literally the two of them, my buddy Max, who is a public defender, I like talking to him, smart guy, good guy. And like two other people, four other people are like playing pool.

So it's like really me and Max and this couple at the bar, but I don't realize it's been that many fucking drinks until I notice and it's been an hour and I'm like, oh, okay, these guys are getting louder and dumber. They are talking to someone very smart and interesting because he's a public defender in a small town, but they can't stop talking over him to ask him questions or talk about plastics or whatever. It's annoying for the last 15, 20 minutes that they're there. And then they keep talking about going to smoke a cig, but they don't, because they keep fucking drinking. You throw packs at them, you're like, take mine. This is the bar pack, go wear them out.

Yeah, I try to throw them out of the street. You lock the door and let the pool ladies play topless. Right, no, they're gone. But the woman finishes her third cocktail after having her three shots. And I take the glass to go clean it, whatever. I don't ask her if she wants another one because guess what, lady, you got it. You got to breathe or something like go have a cigarette so that there's some amount of time where you're not slamming it home.

And after like 30 seconds, she's like, wait, what am I cut off? And I was like, well, yeah, I mean, yeah. You didn't ask for another drink, but yes. She's like, what? Why? And I was like, you've had six drinks in the last hour. So, you know, you're done. And, uh, the celebration ends. Listen to that well. The celebration is over. Uh, the guy is like, Oh, well, I guess we'll, and they, and they're both, they're, they're older than, than me older than us, but not by a lot.

They're probably maybe 50. Yeah. Near death. No, maybe 50. And the guy's like, Oh, well, I guess we won't smoke a cigarette here because I want to have a cigarette with a drink. And I was like, can I run your card? And he's like, yeah.

So I run his card and- You know you're getting a big tip. Well, he thinks- They're about to pay your fucking rent. He thinks that he needs to get me, right? Because I've ruined the evening. I've insulted them. I've called them little babies that aren't allowed to have any more num nums.

And they don't know how to react. Because God forbid you say, oh, wow, yeah, that's a lot of drinking. We should probably go eat something or whatever. No. They want to keep celebrating. He tipped 20 on 91 or 93 and he says, I didn't add up the numbers. You can do that. You can earn your tip.

By finally doing something, he says something so stupid and shitty to try to burn me and put me in my place And get his you know get his power back. He doesn't know who he's dealing with He doesn't know that you have written your attitude on stone tablets long ago. Oh Man, that's great. Yeah, there's no food it out two of the three people who were in the bar He's like, what are you doing two of the three people who were in the bar. He's like, what are you doing? And you're like, whatever I want. Welcome to Lund Town.

Yeah, guess what, buddy? This is my bar. Yeah, the lights are up. Welcome to Lunds. I love this bar, but I hate most of the people who come in it. You think I opened a bar in Trinidad, Colorado because I wanted to make money?

No. Well, I made- I'm like playing God. I made their money, or I took their money, and then it was time for them to tell their story walking. Because what? I'm supposed to serve them until she pukes in her purse or he tries to fight me. Yes. No. It's time to go. It's only going to get worse. It's your job.

Oh, also, also. By the way, hold on real quick. Becker, is my crotch on display? Edit out my crotch if it's in the video. Okay. It was just in it earlier for a split second. It's a cool thing. Well, get rid of that. Becker, go ahead. I mean, Lund, the other one.

The other one. He said, oh, also. Before the being cut off discussion, the guy says, cause it's just been can, it's been experimental, like European rock and roll. Yeah. And he says, Hey man, what if we, what, what if we change it up to some 90s? It's like, I'm going to kill you because what does that mean? Like, tell me an artist. Chumba Wumba.

Tell me a song. You want a Chumba Wumba. Yeah. Tell me anything. 90s is 10 years of music that covers every genre and the early 90s are a lot of 80s influencing. The late 90s are its own gross like bubblegum pop, Backstreet Boys. What the fuck do you want? But again, I try to-

I want things to make sense. That's what I want. Random rural barkeep. Why are you holding my feet to the flame? I told Megan when I got home, I know what he wanted. He wanted to hear songs that he knew that he liked, and I don't know what they are, but he wants to hear them and he wants to be able, and I don't know what they are, but he wants to hear them and he wants to be able to talk about where he was when it came out and how

big of a deal he was in high school or whatever the fuck. And I'm not going to do that. So I put on- I mean, I don't know if that's true, dude. I think he just might want to hear some tunes for his big night. I think- No, he wants- I think he has very few things to celebrate and now he has one and he just wants to fucking... No. He wants to talk.

He wants to tell us about how cool he was or whatever. And so he wants the music to inform what he's going to talk about. He's going to tell us about how he saw a candle box or whatever the fuck. I promise. He saw Seven Marry Three. He was there. He was whatever the fuck. I promise. He saw seven, Mary three. He was there. He was at the ceremony. Maybe.

But yeah. So I, I put on whatever nineties, uh, rock playlist, worst nineties music. I'm curating it. So it's well, I'm curating it. Spiteful nineties mix. It's not all the worst. It's not all the songs we heard way too many times. It's not San Aria. I don't want to hear fucking San Aria right now.

I want to hear Bad Fish. Well, yeah, that's better because you didn't hear it as many times. I want to hear their cover of that social, no wait, that Bad Religion song. Scarlet Bagonia. Oh no, not that one. What did they cover? Fuck. Greatest Hits was a Ziggins song.

What was the bad religion cover? And I became an epitome. It's the, it's the punk wrong. Go! I don't listen to a fuck. I don't listen to lyrics enough to be able to help. Yeah, I don't remember. Boy, I can do the guitar part with my mouth.

We're only going to die for our arrogance. I didn't know that's bad religion. Yeah, it's like the good bad religion song. Sorry, everybody. You know where I don't apologize is on the Patreon and we've got a Becker Q&A on that bad boy that people are just singing to. We got so much Becker this week. Get on there. He answers all your Becker heavy questions, patreon.com slash chevy behemoth, Iowa city, Omaha, Glasgow, Manchester, London, Australia, Eugene, Oregon, samtalent.com. Get your tickets. Tired of sweating over ticket counts until you guys all fucking roll out of bed at three o'clock on Friday and buy them up. Denver. Come see me in a free Lucha Libre and Laugh show with Mitch Jones, down in McGregor Square Sunday, May 4th.

It's free. It's supposed to get going at four. There's a bunch of wrestling waiting for you. It'll be outside. Hopefully it'll be a nice day to be in downtown Denver. Let's take back downtown Denver from Rocky's fans. Yeah, it's been abandoned way too long. From the shopping cart brigade.

Yes. But yeah, so I fucking. April 27th, Comedy Fort. I haven't even put those on my website. April 27th, Comedy Fort. It's like the only show I'm doing in Colorado until November. So get those. Casper, Wyoming.

I'm at the Rialto Theater, May 23rd and 24th. The weekend before those shows, guess who's at the Rialto Theater? Patton Oswalt and Imo Phillips. So flip a coin and either see two legends or a real up and cumster. Real up and cum dumpster himself, Lund. I can't believe like two of the best are gonna be at the same place as me Six days ahead of time that sucks and it's like Crystal Lea three weeks before that

It's a real roll of the dice up there you get best selling or Crystal Lea at the at the Rialto and Casper or Lund Don't forget Lund they had butterly they have they have Lund. They had Butterly. Yeah. Yeah, me and Pat. Come see me and Pat, Casper, please. Don't go see Pat Noswalt. See me. Yeah, the one time you see comedy in your life, Denizen of Casper, Wyoming, make it Lund. Don't make it Emo Phillips, my dad's favorite comic. No, go see Lund. Come see me, Screamo Phillips. Yeah, a guy who knows my dad. And whatever you do, don't listen to Becker's favorite comic. No. Come see me. Screamo Phillips. Yeah. A guy who knows my dad.

And whatever you do, don't listen to Becker's other podcasts. Thank you everyone. Goodbye. Yeah, because my story was done. Oh, we're in an hour. I thought we were... Oh, go ahead. Sorry.

Please, finish your story. Yeah, good idea. So, you fucking dickhead. I don't know how it couldn't have been done already, but please. You interrupt me to plug your dates and I'm like, all right, he'll let me finish the story for sure. Oh no, sorry. Go ahead. My bad. Well, yeah, I'm almost done. Shit.

Becker, did you think it was possible there was any more to it? I thought it was possible it was done as well, but I'm ready to hear the rest of it. I'm excited. Yeah, yeah. Well, fuck. I guess to hear the rest of it. I'm excited. Yeah, yeah. Well, fuck. My listening light's on. I guess the main thing was that, unfortunately, I didn't hear the very last thing he said, but I think he tried to get away with something, not even over his shoulder.

Because he hit me with the, oh yeah, you have to finally work for your tip by doing the math, by adding two numbers together, which is hilarious. Also, I don't have to, I just put it in and take the 20. Also, you just gave me $20 for an hour's worth of work. Yeah. But I have to earn it by, by adding the numbers together. And Max hears that and doesn't like it and says, ah, man, come on, you don't have to be an asshole.

And that was cool because now he knows that he's making a lot of money. But Max hears that and doesn't like it and says, oh man, come on, you don't have to be an asshole. And that was cool because now he knows that he's blowing it. His six drinks have made him sound loud and strong. But on the way out, he said something. And I don't know what it was. I wish I did. But I told Max, I was like, you know, I'm glad that I'm getting older because if this was eight

years ago, I would have gone out there and asked what the fuck he said and potentially, you know, given him a DDT on the front of the bar. And it's just so funny, like I could say, it's hard to bartend and see all these people who should stop drinking, should drink way less, should have figured out their shit, like their anger issues long ago and have not and will not. It's a lot because like when we interact with drunk people, they yell out a couple things and they get dealt with, or after the show, they're a little sloppy. But with the bartending, man, people can act like fucking Becker's dad.

If I tell them we're short staffed, they freak out. And when I tell somebody that they can't have a seventh drink an hour and five minutes into the night, you know, like, God, God forbid. So I am glad I didn't hear him because even though I am older, I'm not dead. So if I would have heard him, I might've gone around the bar and seen what the fuck, I might've heard him, I might have gone around the bar and seen what the fuck. I might've turned him into plastic. You follow him outside and Max comes out with you and then he has to public defend you,

but he's also the witness on the stand about how you killed a guy with a quote unquote sidewalk slam. And then you sue the WWE because you thought that's what she did on the sidewalk, you know? You slam. And he's like, he's like fucking, you know, he has to interview himself on the stand and he's running from the witness box back to the- Double duty. Now Max, may I call you Max?

Uh, yeah, that's, that's fine. All right, Max. Uh, so you saw Mr. Lund, uh, absolute D-Llow Brown a guy through the pavement. Is that fair to say? Well, I mean, I wouldn't say it was a D-low Brown. It wasn't really a sky high. It was more the sidewalk sign. Objection. This man is an expert on wing-based finishers. Badgering the witness. I'd like to, ladies and gentlemen of the court, if it pleases you, I'd like to show you In Your House from December 99.

I, for one, am glad. They give them a sidewalk slam on a sidewalk and they cancel each other out. It's double jeopardy. Right, yeah. It's just a slam. Speaking of slams, I'm really glad that you finished your great story and now we can. We don't have to live in a world where we don't know how it ended. And I love you guys and I miss you and I'll see you in Iowa City next week.

Yeah. Yeah, see you on Friday, dude. Travis is going to pick us up. Huh? Hell yeah. Travis is picking us up and driving us around. Oh yeah, we're going to roll around in a big van and record hopefully several podcasts since we're burning one of the two that- I think six or seven podcasts.

One of the two that we had in the, for a rainy day, we have to burn because God forbid I do one without you. I like to talk to you. That's all. I'm sorry. Yeah. All right. All right.

Goodbye. Bye.