Chubby Behemoth - Strokes R Us

Episode Date: January 19, 2025

BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week Nathan has his outfit planned in Des Moines. Sam has been furious all day, saw Nathan go into heroic Lund mode, and sees himself with a shaved head wearing giant sunglasses. Nathan thought he was going in the right direction, was giving the coney to a gal in a trailer, and has thought about learning bass and taking it on the road. They called it macaroni. There’s trampolines on the court.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

Hello and welcome going. I'm going pillow style. You know what? Pillow style is comfy. The ones in you get to rest your hand up. Yeah, you know, but also nobody needs to see good. God, I can't believe AJ got you a four X sweatshirt. I can't believe a two X fits. It kind of fits. Are you gonna wear tonight? It fits. No, why not? Cuz I have my outfit planned and it's not you have your outfit planned. It's not a come-and-go sweatshirt I didn't know you had outfits on the road. I Grab clothes that I plan on wearing on stage. Yeah, I think a little bit ahead unlike you. I guess you're in the moment I don't care how I look up there as long as they're laughing, you know, you don't have that luxury

I understand to laugh and I need to look good. We are here in Des Moines, Iowa Yeah one wing out. Oh my god. Was it 50 cent a This looks it does look gross today last night I didn't notice it you were very stressed about it But yeah, this looks obscene. I just didn't want it to look completely Ridiculous feel like one of Ron Jeremy's victims right now. Oh, God, I hate when people call me Ron Jeremy. And it's lank, too. It's what? It's like lank.

There's lank. Yeah. You know, lank hair, kind of like greasy comes down in tendrils. It's lank, but it's up somehow. I think that's a word. Of course you don't. You know, eight words and they're all like ROFL, can kitty have internet quesadilla. Can I have cheeseburger? Yes. It's your pronouns. You have a premium subscription to dictionary.com, the pretentious section. Yeah I want to know how to impress chicks at the library. You pay extra to have access to words Cormac McCarthy has invented. No, no, he just went backwards. That's the thing.

A lot of people think that the modern American literary canon runs from Melville to Faulkner to McCarthy. And I say, where's Joan Didion fit into this whole mix? Hmm. I don't know. Didion. You don't know Didi about Didion. God, you don't. What? What's the last book you read? Captain Underpants? You don't know diddy about diddy and god you don't what what's the last book you read captain underpants I've listened to a couple of wrestling books John Moxley's book

Mox you're reading lazy books in the laziest way. I think when we went to Paris I was listening or Rome I was listening to what James Baldwin to get ready He was a WWE writer I Listened to a lot of that audiobook on the plane to Paris to get ready for the City of Lights I started Becky Lynch's autobiography audiobook but a girl wrestler Yeah, it was her book written in lipstick, but I didn't I was listening to it So I don't know if it was written in lipstick or not you pig

Put some lipstick on that pig and let's go to the market. It's chubby behemoth time. So yeah, I have been furious all day That's a fun little update for the listeners at home today's been an emotional roller coaster. Yeah, but I bared it bravely I didn't take it out on AJ even though he's on the ground like a weirdo creeping me out. AJ's like the kid at the sleepover who doesn't want to sit on the couch because he's been touched too many times. But he doesn't want his friends to know that his uncle takes liberties.

So he's been about five feet away from us at all times. Even though we got all these great chairs, Tanner's in one of the chairs, super fan Tanner, blowing off his wife yet again for a weekend near the boys. This is the second time he's been in the room for a recording. He was with us in Kansas City. I know he's acting like it's not the biggest day of his year. He's over there watching the game on his phone. He's got the Baco tattoo. I know. What do you think he wore his shortest shorts? Whoa. Yeah,

I didn't think about you ever. No, I forgot. I guess I forgot that you got it. Well, he was mad and he's letting it out now a little bit at a time. I can't be mean to one. He's taking the power back. You were just mean to me. When was I mean to you? What book? What was the last book you read? A coloring book that doesn't count.

Yeah. The Bob's Big Boy menu. Everybody poops. Everybody poops. Everybody poops, featuring Lund. That'd be fun. Every time they take a dump, you just superimpose your face in the bowl. It's always your face. Then babies think that your face is a turd.

No, I'm the toilet. Yeah, you're hungry. You're smiling. You have chopsticks. Teach kids it's OK to poop. You're just hanging out with your buddy Lund. Yeah. Time to feed Lund.

It'd be great if your name became a synonym for toilets everywhere. It's a synonym for dicks for a third of the, wow, a sixth of the global population. My phone keeps beeping, but it's actually the laptop. I don't know how to use this MacBook. All I do know is the Tanner came over Dropped off some waters and then he showed us how we could record via my MacBook now

I went to the bathroom while he was in my computer And I'm worried he uploaded some spyware so that now the discord will have 24-hour access to whatever I'm doing on my laptop Yeah, you're whatever you search for. for gets posted. I don't use my computer for porno. I have not used the computer to gratify myself, aka pull my lund, since probably 2006 when I had an apartment. That was the last time I lived by myself was 2006, Grovzner Arms right there at 16th and Logan. I was 19 years old. I had a kitchen with a laptop and all of the big tits, round asses, free clips I could get my hands on.

And yeah, I never really, I never jerked it to anything over three minutes until much later in my life. Yeah, I was a clip pig. I'd go to the barber shop and say, hey can I have the clips? And I eat all the hair off the ground. Oh come on. I get my wings. Not yet. I don't want your wings. I don't have any blue cheese. I don't have any lighthouse ranch. Remember this is an official lighthouse ranch based podcast. When are those checks gonna come my way? Never. I have

sold more lighthouse ranch than you could ever imagine. Out of the trunk of my car. Thank you to everyone who sent me the link to the subreddit post about me from the subreddit, commercials I hate and then a picture of me, a screenshot of me like with my mouth like out and away and open like the dumbest I could look. You had ranch jaw. I look completely ridiculous. I'm wearing a hoodie that has blue cheese and carrots all over on it. It came pre-stained. Yeah, they didn't have to. Wardrobe Department didn't have to do shit. They just said go to Buffalo Wild Wings for an hour, come back. It'd be funny if they filmed you just like actually how when you eat wings, which is just this like cold dead

determination to get through all of them. Another lie. Yeah, no, your eyes leave your face and they're replaced by dolls' eyes. Last time we even ate wings. This is all just... Me and you? Made out of thin air. Oh I didn't know this was the no, but our I'm sorry Lund. Let's defend your honor Oh, yeah, let's never back to the real fun. I'm fat and gross and when I eat I leave my own body You're like AJ on the ground to eat all of the wings or else. I've failed my family What's not fun about that? Well, you have a bit about how you have to eat everything. I'm something in Rome.

We're away for two weeks and you're like, oh, yeah, he went to Rome, he insisted on tipping and they were like, we don't tip here. And you did. I need to tip because I'm a communist and we all swore an oath. Yeah. Where a very specific. You were a wiener in that moment. And you were you were pissing everyone else in the group off because you had to

Nobody find an ATM so you could give a guy ten lira. No, we haven't even used Lira anymore There were 12 of us and they took good care of us So you tip and you guys were like you don't have to and you don't tip here. It's rude Do tip no just don't tip 25% So what did you tip him? I don't know. Five bucks? I think 20 euro on 200 euro or something. We all had a big meal.

That's 20%. No, it's not, it's 10%. Maybe here. But the euro's down, stupid. I thought you cared about the working man. That's why you like Tokyo. You just want to go to impoverished places so that you can spend.

Oh yeah, it's third world over there. Impoverished. Yeah, people are washing their sheets in the river. The yen is down big and you loved it. Yeah, because they've optimized. I did. Guess what? I've been in America for a week. Every meal I've eaten has been $50. Every fucking time you sit down in this country for a nice piping hot meal, somehow it's 50 bucks. Over there, hey can I get the best bowl of ramen I've ever had? Sure How much will that be a thousand yen? Sorry. Oh six fifty. Here you go. Buy a round for the kitchen staff

Yeah, it's insane what we're allowed to do over here to the working man Well, and speaking of we talked about it yesterday that we had you had a hell of a day with this Airbnb Walking through blood and bone and then what what happened today? Today we wake up, there's no internet and Hey, guess what? Still, there was no internet yesterday either here in the second location. Guess what I need? What do they think I need? What have I told them? I need, I need the internet cause I'm here on business and really all I need it for is so I can stream the game to my, to the television here,

but they don't need to know that All right, they think that I'm over here doing forex trading or arbitrage We have to say we're using their internet through a VPN to download dangerous child abuse materials or maybe upload it Maybe I'm an entrepreneur. They don't know we do need to use the internet for business with yeah the episodes Becker needs the episodes before 8 p.m. Because he turns back Becker needs the episodes before 8pm because he turns back into a pumpkin due to that reverse curse. Because tomorrow he's getting a body transplant. There was a young man. Which was a head transplant. There was a young man that was killed in a car accident. He's an organ donor. So Becker's

going to have his head put onto this 21 year old's body. Yeah. It's a 20 year old Dominican kid. Becker's getting his body. Yeah, it's a 20 year old Dominican kid. Becker's getting his body. He has vitiligo like Sammy Sosa, so eventually Becker will look like Becker, but for a little while he's gonna be speckled. Spackled, excuse me. He's our little speckled hen. He's on tap in Manchester, New Hampshire. Yeah, Becker's gonna have a live hot teens body that's gonna be awesome did you tell everybody that you're gonna go on an ozempic yeah okay mm-hmm Tanner said I should yeah I wasn't going to until this angle really every angle I

thought would be jarring for you no I thought I was going in the right direction I've been trying to you are out Had a pastrami sandwich today that I thought was massive, but it wasn't so I was like look how healthy I had diet coke I know you did I tasted it to make sure it was diet coke I got a little pib extra for the road, but that was like a third of a cup No wonder you're crashing so hard you always think I'm crashing Okay, no, but I did taste your Lund actually did a valorous act today. We went to... what was that place called? Manhattan Deli.

Manhattan Deli, the only Jewish business in Des Moines. And we walk in, it's popping in there, people are whipping pickles at us, you know, we eat them like seals. And then we order our sandwiches. AJ ordered... they called it the adult lunchable. It was just two pieces of white bread and then some salami in a bag. I nailed it, got the special of course because that's what I am. Lund, Reuben or something. The Dave was pastrami and Swiss. The Dave. Mustard on an onion bun. It was Dave Berry's favorite sandwich. And

then you go, you fill up your soda, you got soda for free because you came in at the buzzer and said, let me get it. Let me get a cold pop to daddy. And he gave you the cup for free, which I appreciated because it was already $50 because it was three sandwiches in America in 2025. And then we go, you fill up your soda and you notice that there's a little red satchel on the ground. Yeah. Messenger bag, whatever. Yeah, and you activated. I saw you go into heroic London. My eyes turned into doll eyes. You always think that I

go dead inside. Yeah, you're like a shark. The light left my eyes. You have to feed or you'll die. And I went into vigilante vigilante but no I saw they had walked out they left a chair aside went and grabbed it I don't know why you're really mining this for all it's worth well I was proud of you in the 15 minutes AJ just took a photo of us and sent it to his wife and said if you don't see me again these are the men who took me. Sent it to the subreddit fat people in public. Yeah. Fat people fatting. Busted bumps. Yes. So then you ran outside.

You asked the woman, is this yours? She said, why? No, English. I didn't run. Kissed her. You bent her over and kissed her. There was a group of five and they ignored me yelling at them. I was like, hey, hey, hello, hey, hey, hey, yo. They thought you were gonna try and sell them some candy bars or perfume samples. Ask them for a cigarette. So they no sold me. Hey, you like hip-hop? You try to get them to hold your CD. Yeah, hey, you hold it, you bought it. Yeah, I try to put a bracelet on them. You just read shooting around out and yelled satchel. Yeah, then they would have

known I got a satch. I got a bag here. Mm hmm. Bag first. I got a bag for you right here. Buddy grabs his Dwangas, but yes, you got them their bag. But while you were gone, I tasted your soda to see what was in there. It's diet coke. I was surprised you didn't get yelled at. They hate it when one person gets a soda and everybody has a taste. Well hey, you know what these sandwiches cost me? In Biden's America? Yeah, 50 bucks.

50 fucking bucks. And I like crack and open the wallet, you know? Letting the boys have a munch. I was in fucking Tokyo burning yen. It was awesome. I spent so much money in a stationery store that they gave me a special bag. What kind of bag?

They gave me like a gold-handled bag, not real gold, but it was like a special bag for people who spent over X amount of dollars. God, I love stationery. Maybe I'll open up a stationery store in my old age and just import like fine handmade paper virus do wood wood block printing lessons in there human skin you could write on human parchment yeah maybe once we lose all this weight with those M pick we'll get the skin we cut off skin you get to keep the skin I can print on

it most people say no please throw it away or donate it you know yeah yeah give it to a burn victim build a tent in a village with it. How's the homeless? I mean, dick stinkley's legs could he fry those up? You don't need to bury the pig at the next. Yeah, yeah, let's go on. Oh, Zempik. Let's cheat. Who cares? Yeah. Well, I don't hate the idea of Ozen pick for like two months to get things moving to, I don't know, jump the gun, right? And then after that you start to, or while, while doing that, you start to work out a little bit, whatever. and then you transition to like eating better and.

Oh, fuck that. Working out. No. I want to lose all the weight without moving. Oh, Zempik also. I'm going to have a pod implanted in my home that's filled with goo. I'm just going to roll around in there and let the calories burn. Yeah, no.

Hard work. This is 2025 in America. Those days are over. I'm not going to bootstrap myself to myself. There's a lot of potential side effects. Yeah. Yeah. And there's no side effects to morbid obesity. I didn't say that. Did I dip shit? No, I just filled in the blanks for you. That's kind of the word in my mouth. That's where the sandwiches go. Yeah, that's where the very small roast beef sandwiches go.

Ozempic curbs your appetite, right? It's not a fat burner. It works on your serotonin centers. No, no, no. It makes you feel full sooner. You won't eat as much as you do. Yeah, which is what I need a reset because you get to a point where.

Instead of a recess. Tanner. Instead of an abscess. I need to be able to, yeah, like be better about like stopping eating. I've talked about that the clean plate club, my parents yelling at me to finish my food. Combined with us three kids like competing to try to eat the most is a weird combination of eating disorders. Little Kim would compete with you? There was just this like scarcity mindset of like, you know,

there's two frozen pizzas for five people. So if you eat faster, you can go have a third piece before it's gone or whatever. And a lot of times my dad and I got to be the ones that ate a little more. Yeah. And little Kim then lost out to a big pun over here. Wasted away. So. no wonder Jason is five foot tall he's not a camera there Kim is also five foot tall they're both malnourished one because the big dog got all the scraps underdeveloped yeah no she's not like I ate a twin in the womb but she's two years younger than me yeah that's

little Eli's birthday today what let's call's call him. Let's get him on the pod. No. Maybe Kim's breastfeeding. He's six. He's not homeschooled. So no, they, he stopped latching ages ago. They're gonna go to Medieval Times or whatever they call the Tournament of Champions of the Excalibur. That's so much fun. Yeah, that's a good call. I went there like three times when I lived in Vegas. Did you? You get a whole Cornish Hen,

you get to throw the bones at the bad guys. Did you go? Yes, a bunch, three times. With Emily or by yourself? I went with Emily, I went with Alex, just Alex, and then I went with Megan Naponso and Zeke, or not Zeke, Peischer. Whoa. Yeah.

Yeah, I never went. Oh. Dude, we're going. I would like to go because listen to this. Okay. I'm all ears. When Kim tells me a couple days ago, that's the plan. I remember something I don't think I've remembered in years and years, but Marilyn Manson girl lost my virginity. Hope you find it. Dated in high school. We find it in her butt 15 to 16. I think we date homecoming that year sophomore year. I asked her and my plan is medieval times and

Wendy's ice cream or so. I know I don't remember, but she just wanted shoes down for whatever. Oh, I heard you know, she doesn't care. Yeah, she wants, she's just, she was down for whatever. Oh, I heard. You know, she doesn't care. Yeah, she wants, she just wanted to feel something other than pain. And so we're set to go to medieval times, and then day of, she is like hem and hawing about how her parents are like threatening to ground her and not let her go out at all,

and she's not sure if they'll let her go out and she, you know, is just keeping me fucking up in the air, I don't know. And then eventually like the medieval times has started. I haven't heard the go ahead from her, blah, blah, blah. Then she finally says that she is allowed to like briefly go out. And so I think I picked her up. allowed to like briefly go out and so I think I picked her up no I couldn't drive so my dad drove us you were getting laid when your dad was giving you rides well I mean not that night because I think we got dropped off to eat somewhere just we were able she was able to have dinner with me now this is before the heart attack grill was a thing who's just called strokes are us and we had dinner somewhere like

Not Olive Garden, but something kind of sad all of gardens not sad when you're in high school. Well, yes. Yes. Yes But I'm saying no, you're right but I think we had like a dinner and then she said she had to go home again and but I think we had like a dinner and then she said she had to go home again and someone waiting to Piper. Was that what this was about? No, no, eventually was rowdy, rowdy over there. Eventually, a few years later, I'm working at video time, the video store, video rental place, her parents, cp behind the desk, her parents come in. Yeah, you got to leave an id. Yeah, you have hat, you have one of your 15. You can have cp. Isn't that weird? Five you have to fill out a thing. Isn't that nuts? It's for kids.

It's not kind of it's by kids for kids rule. Her parents rent a video or two and like the second or third time they come in. I'm like nine and a half weeks. you have a daughter named Elizabeth and they say yes and I go I'm Nathan we dated a few years ago and they're like oh the dad throws up goes out to the car gets a gun I mean yes he did and then he shot me in the head and then then a Matt Foley came in it was like I live in a van down by a shotgun and then my eyes went dead and then the mayor showed up and cut a ribbon. No, I'm, hey, come along with me. We're, we're riffing and diffing.

How am I in trouble for it? Because I'm telling a story and you're like, and then I'm punching it off. No. And then Ronald McDonald showed up and sucked his own dick. Okay. I'll be the parents. Oh, I don't need, we don't need to, how is that better? I'm trying to help you. I don't need help. I need you to shut up for two

seconds so that I can tell the story. All right. I re I ask if I say that we've, we dated and they're like, oh, okay. Yeah. I remember, you know, hearing about you and they're so nice. She painted them as like complete assholes who wouldn't let her leave the house. And I, so I say that I'm like, it was always like, I couldn't, she said that you guys wouldn't let me come over and, and he, the parents go, oh yeah, no, we, we live, you know, we have a trailer, we live in a trailer and we, and she was always very embarrassed by that. And so she didn't want anybody to know. She didn't want anybody to come over and that all checked out because homecoming night, she said that we were picking her up and dropping her off at her grandma's trailer.

Yeah. But it was her trailer. Oh my God. It was so weird. Yeah. They were renting tapes in 2009. It wasn't, I mean, yes, it was. It was 2009 and they rented Roboocop 7 and there's nudity

So it's a child is nude in it. So it's technically CP. Why did a studio make it? Why was there a big budget? Ripping and ripping. All right took a class from you. You were my teacher Let's you know what? I will pump the brakes on trying to be funny on the pod Okay, not what I'm saying. That's what I'm hearing. Now I'm done with that story, but it was, it was crazy. It sucked because I could have been piping her. We had to, we would pipe at her sister's trailer. Her sister lived in a trailer and so we would, and my mom, you were saying how you thought I was like, it was crazy. My parents would drive me to get laid yeah my mom took me to that trailer like twice maybe before

she was like she probably realized that we were banging packed you a snack have fun oh yeah no that yeah the first couple times she she dropped me off over there I think I might have withheld the fact that this that we were babysitting yeah so she might have thought that the sister was there and we were all just hanging out once she, I think she might've or maybe she thought she was stoked. You were going to bang out two chicks. No, she's like, respect young blood. She did not want that's not in the, your dad's favorite. She gave me Sonic and then she realized I was given, given Elizabeth the Coney and she said, I can't all dress. I can't even describing your penis. Yes. God damn it. We got it. No,

we're okay. No, it's not. It's good. No, they're not. I'm not you eating wings. She took me over there once or twice and then either, you know, figured it out or asked me about it. And I was like, I plead the fifth. She's like, all right, well, I'm not going to bring you over here. So yeah, no. And homecoming. Your mom asked if you were going over there to bang her? Either she did or like I say, or she assumed. Nathan, she picks you up. She's like, Nathan, let me smell your fingers. Look me in the eyes. Yeah, let me smell your breath.

Oh good. It's just gin. Nathan let me smell your fingers. Look me in the eyes. Yeah let me smell your breath. Oh good it's just gin. So yes after that I because I probably went over there and and she and I banged over there like a dozen times. That's so many times. But after the first couple times I had to do the I had to get a ride oh hey my buddy Troy is picking me up. Yeah he walked down the block a little bit. No no he would pick me up and take me to the trailer. Everyone was driving you to the fuck trailer. Everybody wanted me to get laid. This is awesome. I didn't know you had all this support and now you have the best friends. Yeah, me and Tanner. You get me late all the time. Well, if I had my suitcase here, that would be true because I got you to

Tanga eggs in Japan. Where are they? Where what they're in the suitcase at the club? Oh at the club yeah. You can bust one in between shows. I'll handle the merch line by myself. You can have the green room, but you and AJ and AJ will just cut a hole in a plate and hold them up so all you can see his lips, his big wet lips over there. You give me like, yeah, take me to the trailer, mommy. But I did medieval time. I was like, how did we even get here? Medieval times, it's a blast. Yeah, I wanted to go. I was 15.

It would have been sick. I love spectacle and I love an affordable meal and that's what it was. Medieval times gives you and a lot of people don't finish their bones. So you on the way out, you just put them in your pocket. No, there's a bone ghoul that comes by and collects them all. But you can just stuff them right in your tunic. What, do you dress like it's Greek times? Yeah. I like to wear the shirt to the concert.

No, but that's ancient Greece compared to Medieval Times. You show up acting like it's 600 AD or 600 BC instead of 1200 AD. I thought a tunic was just a name for a frilly shirt. I'm thinking of like a Greek. You're thinking of a toga. Tunic is a toga. See how much fun it is to get your rift stomped? I like getting, I like being accurate.

I like telling a story without a dragon coming in out of nowhere. And Chucky and a leprechaun The unicorn fucking a Pegasus I Live in the real world I come from nothing. Oh, it's so funny that that Detroit was he crazy a cornerback Yeah, what it what was the quote? It was so good It was like that they try to treat me like dirt they keep trying to kill me But you can't kill something that's from the dirt. Yeah, I think it was something like that they try to treat me like dirt. They keep trying to kill me, but you can't kill something That's from the dirt. Yeah, I think it was something like that. So good and it was very much I came from nothing

I came from the dirt It tried to shovel shovel shit on me. I said I am a daisies grow You can't flush a turd if it's already in the sewer Something like that. It was great. It was a very, a very like apropos, like hard sounding thing when almost every football player either says,

let's go 100 times or let's fucking go. Or, you know, these religious quarterbacks saying, God is good 40 times in a 30 second interview. C.J. Stroud has Tourette's, but instead of swearing, he thanks God, or quotes the Exodus or whatever. I mean, he's from nothing, I understand. People who come from nothing, they grasp at straws, often that's religion, it's okay.

They grasp at the straws on the back of the humble donkey that brought Jesus into town. Isn't it crazy that Jesus rode a donkey into town and they called it macaroni? They laid down palm fronds so that the donkey's tough hooves wouldn't be calloused by the end of the journey. You know that, Palm Sunday? I'm sorry, Kat Dennings came on the television

and I have her word you said. Oh yeah, and she bulked up like Tanner. She thought, you know, people don't talk about my tits. Probably gained 15 pounds. Tim Allen calls this maintaining eye contact. Oh, that's gotta be a problem. He's gonna pop a fucking zooey cat, cat Dennings is sitting on the toilet on set and she's searching and it's like Tim, Tim, are you in here? And then he says, no, it's Wilson and he pops up over the top. It's just his eyes. Yeah, cat Jennings, that would have been cool to have her on TV when I was at that age where it was important to have readily accessible huge ones, you know, like before the huge ones were just everywhere when you could take what you could get yeah oh yeah I talked about

Mulholland Drive on our episode yesterday yeah or like wild on we brought that up but that was wild hard on for that show yeah wild on e oh yeah wait like that was entertainment, like celebrity gossip? No, it was some kind of like babe would go to a, go to Acapulco where people were going wild. And it was just like 22 minutes of like white ladies, like undulating. Yeah.

And then they would like eat a taco somewhere in the half hour. I guess I didn't watch that. Yeah, it was, it was a big part of my Milan. I was in college and you were 10 or whatever. It was in my recipe book. Yeah, it was a big part of my melons. I was in college and you were 10 or whatever. It was in my recipe book, yeah, exactly. You were renting tapes to your ex-lover's parents. That was a revel, and that,

it was so funny to have all of that. Hi, I'm Elizabeth's ex-lover. They're like, ew. No, it sucked. I felt bad for her and for me. I did too, she was banging you in a trailer. I was 15 and hot yeah, remember you've seen me I seen you yeah, I was I thought I was fat cuz I

Was compared to like a lot of my friends. Yeah, but I wasn't really that fat I looked did you ever have to truffle shuffle for the enjoyment of the seniors? No. No, I did that a lot They'd be like Sam hit a truffle shuffle. I'd pop my shirt up over my face. Just wiggle it. Did you hate it or loved it? Yeah. Yeah. Wyatt Mays did it when he was a senior and then I got passed down that tradition. So I would do it around. Well when we would win games, that was part of the tradition is I would hop up on a bench. I mean that's shake my belly around and everyone be like, yeah's we're going to Waffle House and smoking yeah all of that feels more inclusive than them or as long as they didn't like call you the F slur and push you down after then they were having fun

no it was like it wasn't really bullying it was ritual yeah it was something bigger something bigger than any of us could ever even know school spirit mm-hmm yeah it was like the home. And I passed that down to a different fat kid when I graduated. Did you? Mm hmm. Burger King crown. You put it on his head.

No, no, I just remember his pants. No, I think I honestly is being it was a playoff game and we lost. And I was like crying with Jesse Kendi. Belly cam. And I remember being like, James, you got to do the truffle shuffle now. Then he got up there and tried it out. We were all crying too much. Our black eye paint was dripping onto our chins. You look like Courtney Love.

And I was like, coach is out. Yeah, it was Courtney Love. We put on a hole and then treated him like one. love. We put on a hole and then treated him like one. Sorry for riffing. I'm loving it now. Now Tanner, you said you came prepared with a litany of questions from the Discord. Tanner, Becker, ever since he's got sick, he has quit grooming all of his discord kittens, but Tanner has stepped in and now he has been creating an elaborate situation where he cheats on his new wife through discord. Yeah, it's a bummer. She's listening to this right now. She's like, tan and no, I knew you got a new mouse pad for a reason. I never understood mouse pad. He's in there because he's burning

holes. With all of his navigation. All of his windows are open. He's clicking. He should have got a Nintendo glove, but instead he's burning through mouse pads. Just smoke rising from it. He's wearing a wrist brace so he can navigate even faster. If there are any discord kids out there, just blow up beckers inbox with nudes

and different putting recipes because he's really going through it out there out there in tv land. I feel for the guy yeah. I don't know. I guess I guess I. Yeah, I don't know, I guess. I guess I don't feel bad either. No, I was gonna say, I guess, sometimes I remember him saying he's been doing okay, but it doesn't mean that he has been keeping everything down. It means he's been keeping more things down than he used to.

So there's still something going on that needs to be figured out. And he's going to Copenhagen in a couple of weeks. Yeah. They're going to, I guess, legally kill him because there's more to be learned from an autopsy than a live examination. Right. But they're going to bring him back.

And then they try to bring, fingers crossed, they bring them back. You can be dead for, I think, 90 seconds before your brain starts to. Or six minutes if you're super stoned. super cold like frozen right don't and you have to be like in ice you're like preserved they're gonna kill his brain legally but hopefully it's a robocop situation it's also gonna be hard for them to tell if it's dead or not that thing's been switched down to low power mode for a while yeah yeah his brain's been beeping like our smoke detector. Oh, but yeah, Becker, we haven't said why you were so pissed today. Oh, I

forgot I was even pitch was this not only yesterday's lock. The internet today, it's the all the power went off and there's this cold snap, but and it's been windy, but it's like, what the fuck? Like it just seemed like after all the other random things that this was also just like lack of oversight or attention paid versus the weather. I literally told them when we couldn't get the internet on and the power was off.

I didn't realize how pissed you were cause you were holding it inside. Well, I believe in stoicism. I don't think that me being pissed should ruin anyone else's vibe. But there's also like venting a little bit so you're not like, so you don't explode on a server later tonight or whatever.

Well, I told them I don't need anything else for the rest of the show. Luke, get the fuck out of here. Hey, Luke. That's right. I didn't say anything. Hey, Luke, why don't you beat it, buddy? You do what? It's me, Jack Nicholson. And Jack's back.

Jack never left. You're doing a little yesterday. Little bit of Jack. It was a long way. I was going to say you, you just do a that guy, that the terrorist leader that bore at interviews when he doesn't say anything, he just does this. And the guy goes, run, run. Do you think that was fake or real? They cook some stuff in that.

I know. But yeah, I just, I just see you do this and like, AJ, get out of here. Go AJ flee. But yeah, I didn't realize how pissed you were. We went downstairs and looked at the breaker box instead of switches going left or right or up and down, it was you push them in or they pop out. You push the button in, like I'm playing Connect Four, what the fuck is this?

That's from like 1879 or something. Yeah. It seems like that's an older sound. The generator runs on soy down there. People forgot to load some beans. The cart didn't come in time for winter. But yeah, I was just up here seething and then the peak of my anger is when I told you guys were leaving and to pack your

Bag so we can go to a hotel room and then Miraculously when we come back downstairs the lights are back on and the internet works Yeah, and the internet's not working still Tanner's already in the fourth quarter with this game, but I've had it It's it's like fucking buffering like I'm trying to get a picture of Tara Reed with huge rocking black tits I'm on there right now, but yeah, this hasn't been too bad. So I'm just glad yeah, I'm glad we didn't have to go to hotel. I was just going along with you I couldn't tell you were pissed. I don't let anyone know no you do Emily You do but I thought you were just kind of like well, what are you gonna do? This is annoying, but let's be but I thought you were just kind of like, well, what are you going to do? This is annoying, but let's be proactive. I mean, you were proactive instead of just

being like, let's try to unplug it and plug it back in again. Cause there's only so many times you can do that. As the captain of the ship, I didn't want the mice to flee. That's what I'm always thinking of is how to make sure you guys are okay. You know? Yeah. And look, we got this great new system where we can film right from my laptop. We have a super fan in the chair. You're getting texts? I'm getting texts. Yeah, well, Emily is at Caterina's dress fitting right now

for her wedding. And she's sending me updates of Caterina's issues, which are mostly her, the top exploding. The dressmaker is not stoked. Yeah, the dressmaker is a homosexual. Nervously smoking. Yeah. Don't worry, we'll batten down those hatches, baby.

Gross. Hope he brought some nipple for the rest of the room. He's a teacher too. Yeah, so I'm not pissed now because we got a great crew in here. We got Lund. We got the tan man who's updating us on his wife. I asked how his wife was and he went she's good and I said well thanks for giving me so much. He said you don't really care and I said I do care. I remember her name unlike one of us on the couch. You remember her name, unlike one of us on the couch.

You remember her name eventually. After I ask you, what's her name again? Well, she's not the one DMing me every day like Tanner's sister. Riley's always like, I could go to med school. She's trying to get in there? Yeah, she's like, I'm the doctor now. Let's play doctor.

I'm like, gross. Shut up. She's 23, I'm the doc. I'm the doctor now. Let's play doctor. I'm like, gross, shut up. She's 23. That's young. She's practically CP. No, 23 year olds. When the, when the that's, that's really when the bud comes on the Lily, you know what that's, I don't know. I didn't like it either. We're too old. Too big shows tonight, man. Golly. What are we going to do? You know, next week we're going to be apart for a couple of days.

I'm going to hate that. When Monday through Wednesday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I'll see you Thursday. I don't know what to do. I'm going to have to get out that, that potato that kind of looks like you and do my own secret pod that I only put on the $40 tier. It's me and Tater Lund. I just rock you like a baby.

He understands everything. Yeah, he loves everything I say. He sprouts a bunch of cold dead eyes. Yeah, nice. And it's time for a new Lund. I ate a orange with the skin on the other day to entertain my niece. Really?

Yeah, cause she was pretending like I was a horse at the zoo and she was coming up and feeding me things. Horses don't peel their oranges. And she just, she had a bunch of raspberries, I ate those and then she had an orange and I saw her like look at the orange and then she held up to my mouth and I bit into it and I ate the whole thing whole.

She loved it. But- Didn did somebody just say that they saw someone eating an orange whole Fuck what I don't Brent Rently was a weird life. Yeah, that makes sense. I feel like somebody recently told me That they saw someone eating the an orange rind like this like yeah biting into it yeah I'll tell you what the essential oils in that rind really do a lot for you it they'd know it tastes awful though no not a good orange don't you think I just like I literally just ate one and it wasn't that bad huh mm-hmm

I'll do anything for her yeah no that proves that she doesn't have a piggy bank or else. I'd be full of pennies right now You wouldn't get for anything no I Would do anything for except give her a couple nickels. Yeah. No, I mean she got 20 off and give her all the pennies She wants she's very industrious, but no No, Chinese. I very industrious but no no shinies I dull dull copper speaking of shinies I'm gonna grab another can from the from the fridge here can you vamp oh yeah we should probably get a manner come on just probably get them out of the alright frozen tenor it's the least you could do Tanner brought some waters over and

some lotion for yeah can I get an orange cream are you gonna use that lotion for that. Yeah, can I get an orange cream? Are you gonna use that lotion for what I think? I needed that lotion because my hands have been so bad and dry and I have been moisturizing a decent amount at home, fighting the good fight, but then I don't buy a travel toothpaste, God forbid. I can't remember to buy a travel toothpaste and I did not get like a little thing of lotion, so I came over hoping that maybe this place had some stuff of course it doesn't it

has a puzzle thank you it has a puzzle but doesn't have like some lotion for for home use and so yeah Tanner got me some some working hands cream it's helping corn huskers lozen lotion or udders best friend. I think I've had ever used corn huskers lotion. It's a very Midwestern phenomenon. It's like kind of like a I don't know. It looks like come yeah it's a transparent and but yet kind of cloudy. We had it on hand all the time growing up. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it's real good bubbly it on hand all the time growing up. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it's real good.

Bubbly. Sorry, I know, but while I already had one, so it wasn't a bunch that one sip. I'm going to make a can castle after this. I'm going to do wizard staff on stage with bubble waters. Everyone's gonna be like God, he's a loser now. staff on stage with bubble waters. Everyone's gonna be like, God, he's a loser now. What a fucking dipshit. I appreciated everyone last night yelling ghoul when I came on stage. Not everyone, but maybe 10 to 15 people. Oh wow. Yeah. That's funny. And it's funny that it's AJ hosting that in the clip and here, really coming together, your vision. Yes. You said you had that vis that visage of a ghoul in your head right? Not a ghoul. Excuse me? Of ghoul. Of ghoul. Yes. Of ghoul face. Yes. I just want to draw ghoul faces on a t-shirt and now it's the

viral sensation that's sweeping the nation. I can't go anywhere. I can't pump gas in my foot house. Yeah exactly. Your chubby macarena. Yeah, I go to the grocery store. I'm like I get some grapes. They're like you want some go and everyone at the deli counter just raises their fist. It's like fucking fight club. I walk in people that they don't have like black eyes and busted lips, but I do just get the fist. Yeah, I don't pay for anything at the checkers.

I'm trying to empower generations trying to empower generation of young man who've been forgotten about their greasy. They're they got wings like me. They're ghouly. They're all together. Uli look at that. Look at that lank head. Why don't I cut your hair? Why don't I cut your hair on stage tonight? No. I'll bring

you back up. Not on stage. What if I was cutting your hair and this will do the clip tonight. I'm cutting your hair and then at the end I just go goo and I start throwing the hair in the crowd and everyone starts eating it. That might be a little tougher to set up. I think I really control their minds by the end of my hour up there. You think people like you enough that they would eat my hair if you told them to? Not told them to, if I just threw it out I think they would become human vacuums. Yeah. You want it? Right, yeah. And then they whenever they eat it, then their eyes change and they go cool. Yeah, I'm up there eating your hair. They do whatever I do

Tanner's collecting it. He puts it in a pillow sleeps on it. Yeah, I I just think that there's a chance for me to really this year create like a underground network of chaos. Yes, shouldn't we be, should we be aspiring to more? What do you mean? Good luck. You're my lieutenant. You're my consigli area on this. You're going to be the ultimate fall guy when things go awry. I'm going to be the ultimate warrior. Yeah, when we do the RTD Tokyo sarin gas bombing. No, that's not what we're doing.

No one activate yet. Chubby chasers stand down and stand by. I wouldn't mind if some chubby chasers got into that commercials. I hate post and no actually a few people did defend me he's not that gross he's actually pretty good yeah somebody commented didn't if I'm not mistaken Lund starred in and wrote the commercial and was like what no it was your complete total vision I never said it was in your contract you get complete control I remember telling you that I got in the booth, read the rap lyrics and was like, my God,

dude, what is happening? No, they were fine. They were okay. And I thought, oh, what really, what really gets, uh, can get weird is after you've done the copy the right way and they start trying to just throw ideas at you and, and come up with other lines that, that you can you or they ask me to riff and it's like I don't know ranchy tangy dummy dippy so yummy crazy yummy yeah so that's when it's like yeah I guess you know and then but you do just want to people please well I

just it was really hard to do those commercials because they weren't allowed to have any chicken wings on set because your eyes kept disappearing. So it was really hard for you to like really lock into that character. Yeah, we would rehearse with fake chicken wings. I like right now just pantomime it. I had to hold like a little it was 10. It's a green felt. So they can Photoshop in a wing.

All right. Bring in the Lund lun double we're bringing the wings out there's mixing for a touchdown fuck good thing I've got Nico I've got Nico and Kelsey and neither of them have scored I need Kelsey to get a little tut-tut whoa look at him shake that thing shake that funky thing mix you know what something something I honestly wanna do, and I've been afraid to bring this up, maybe this'll decide this is the Patreon episode, I wanna start a funk band. And I wanna just do like classic, on the dance floor bangers.

And I wanna throw little shows throughout the week where I'm on the drums, maybe I'm lead singing. I would like to be, I'm serious, I'd like to, there's an image of myself where I'm on the drums maybe I'm lead singing I would like to be I would like I'm serious I'd like to there's there's an image of myself where I see myself with a shaved head wearing giant sunglasses and I'm wearing a dashiki and just like leading people in a funky no no no no no no you're not Kevin O'Brien you just have a shaved head huh and big sunglasses right and a dashiki yeah but people want to wanna see what I'm doing.

Who did you just describe? I think I described me in the dreams that I've been having, honestly. When I wasn't smoking weed in Tokyo, I was having these crazy dreams where it was like me in the round and everyone was dancing and I was dancing and I was dressed like that.

And I wanna like try and visualize more dreams this year. And I think that going full KOB O. B. Might be the move because when I turn forty I'm gonna start dressing like Mark Twain white suit white suit lots of linen seersucker. I might even go full Truman Capote. I almost said the black floppy tie, but that's Colonel Sanders. I might get a not Mark. Well, that's the thing. I might get a string tie. Well that's the thing is I can take from all my influences Colonel Sanders, Truman Capote, greaser culture

and just kind of throw it all in a blender and make it happen. Roll your zines up in a tight white shirt in my sleeve and go, hey papa. I'll have to work on the catchphrase. Hey Tom Papa make me some bread. Yeah, but I really think that it'd be cool if I was throwing these like funk get downs in the city. But like open... Open stage jam? Open Cary.

No, no, no. I'll have a band. It'll be me, Jack White, Kyle Gass is probably available. I think a couple of the David Asian are alive from Van Halen. Yeah, yeah, Greg Fitzsimmons. No, who's the guy, the guy who wears sunglasses, the comedian who like plays rock guitars, first name's Greg. He like dresses like a greaser. Greg Barrett. Is that him?

I think he does just like a greaser kind of doesn't he? Yeah. Wait, what's the little guy who opened for Marin forever? Dean Dean, I'm going to I'm going to occupy the Delray space moving forward where I'm going to walk into a room and go Eric Gato Mulatto's that's how I don't think you're supposed to use my lot. Oh well, it's not bad. That's how I like it. Wait, I don't think you're supposed to use mulatto. Well, it's more about the vibe. What about arigato, magato? Everybody's magato from Zoolander.

That Lund is so hot right now. Konnichiwa-wa. Konnichiwa-wa west. now. Canichi Wawa, can you chew while while West? Yeah, I don't know. I obviously can't ever do this because people would make fun of me, but it would be fun to lead some kind of big band swing thing dude in the last few years. I have thought about I've loved the idea of me like learning guitar or race and then the two of us taking it on the road and jamming and ship, leaving the ladies behind hitting the road. We're never home, never home. We don't make any money off the band.

No one comes to the shows, the podcast and stand up pay Taylor Swift and her girlfriend. They pay for the losses that the band and incurs. Are we supposed to act like we wouldn't all absolutely smash Caitlin Clark? Are you crazy? You crazy? I mean, I, Iowa ten, I'm not going to absolutely rip her in half on the silo. People act like she looks like a dog. People call her horse head. They call her the donkey girl. They call her the Midwest Muscle Stache because she stashes her muscles underneath her shirt. She's probably she's probably she's probably into the sapphic arts. Let's be honest. Oh who knows. I would like to know. I want that sex tape to come out. Just that giant clit sword fight has been right at center

court. Her and Brittany Garner Garner is just fucking sock puppeting Caitlin Clark. Well and to act like any of them would like get dolled up before playing basketball is stupid. They should put on makeup if they want me to watch. You know, I'm just trying to save the league. They should have skirts on like the ladies baseball league. I've solved this problem. No bras. Everyone's watching.

Their nipples are just bleeding by half time. It'd be awesome. Jumping around slam dunking. Oh, they can dunk. There's trampolines on the court. Third quarter. Let's compromise third quarter. There's trampoline out the tramps. Yeah, just do topless Thursdays. Play the games only on X, I would watch. What do you mean, ecstasy?

No, X. Twitter. Yeah. Oh, okay. They'll broadcast anything, they do beheading videos. Why can't Caitlin Clark dump them out? On like Arbor Day or National Women's Month, they're just like out there with like bouffant haircuts.

The only thing that has been like something I've noted watching Caitlin Clark is her arms are very long, which seems like it would be distracting if you were out at dinner. Yeah, she's got monkey mania from the forearms down. Our table doesn't have any mustard on it. Do you mind grabbing that one? She's like, don't worry about it. Plastic man. She doesn't have any mustard on it. Do you mind grabbing that one? She's like, yeah, don't worry about it Plastic man, she doesn't have to get up. Yeah Yeah, but yeah, I never thought that she'd looked

If she was in my high school Dudes would be barking at the moon all about a taste to smell her stump. It would be awesome How many soda waters is that for you? That's a third one. We only have 24 No, I think there's 16. Well, there's 13 now because they eight packs Tanner's taking liberties with the Neighbor won't let him have anything carbonated. So he's living it up. Yes, she's in like burps or farts bad for your teeth Tanner You know, I fell in love with your teeth first. I Know everything about her. You didn't remember that?

I did too. Oh. Yeah. God. No one gives me any credit. That is surprising to me. That I care about our fans? That you remember, didn't remember her name until two months ago.

What's the last time you got a $20 package in the mail? He's on that tier. Why not? It's not worth it. Shut up Tanner. I'll send you some of the cool stuff that I actually have now because at first it was like I would color something out of a coloring book or send some hair. So the hair was a hit. That spiked us initially. But that's not, you can't do that every month or else it wears thin much like your hair. Yeah. I'm losing my hair and I'm embracing it. I'm not a coward. I'm not gonna take some fucking Hymn supplement

that then makes me have to do ED pills too. Why do you think the Hymns company also sells boner medicine? That's why, right? Because the fucking minoxidil or whatever kills your T and then you gotta, hey, while I'm at it, can I get some blue chews? Guess what, I stay hard.

I got American metal between my legs. I'm like a fucking Harley Davidson commercial over here, but I don't have any tires. I get fucking hard for my wife and I go up to her and I say trick or treat and I knock on the back of her head with my rod and I say, you better not trick or treat. You're going to take that.

And then she turns around, she gives me a brownie and then I'm happy. You're going to take that. And then she turns around, she gives me a brownie and then I'm happy. You're going to take that pipe to the solarium for some solo area. Yeah. I'm going to jerk off in the sun. I'm going to, that would be probably pretty powerful. I have that room where it's all glass. I could just pin my legs back and jerk off. So I'm sunning my taint in my hole while I'm pounding directly into my chin. That'd be huge. I'm not going to need fertilizer for all the plants in there.

What if I became the best at whacking it in 2025? That's another thing on your vision board. Funk band, jack master. That's the name of the band too. It's a tie-in. And then we project the tapes that I make of me whacking while sunning behind the band. we project the tapes that I make of me whacking while sunning behind the band. It's a real crazy Warhol thing. It's going to be nuts, dude. Yeah, I'm excited. You can be up there. You can play the tambourine.

Well, it would be easy enough if you wanted to incorporate a band into your Wednesday show. The room's not big enough. We have a band. The aromas open the band, the show already. These three kids come up and one has a tambourine and they have two acoustic guitars and they pretend like they wrote lyrics. They've been doing each show? They've done the last two shows. Yeah. They're a fixture over there. Actually, I gave away one of the autoblows and the guitar player for the Aromas won it. There's some new Aromas in his apartment.

Well, I felt bad because he's just like a young dude who hasn't been laid in a minute. And then there was this other guy who hasn't been laid since August, 2022. But I had a woman ask them what their favorite sex position was from the stage. And one of them, the guy who didn't win, said eating pussy in the room, turned on him and started hissing.

And then the other one said jerking off. And she was like, I think he needs it most. And I was like, fuck, it should have gone to the pussy eater. Yeah, he could have eaten this thing out. He's going down on the autoblow. My taste buds have been gone. It sucks all this alive out of his head.

Wait, why did you have one to give away? They sent two. Did you give away the clear one? I hope not. I'm wondering now if I gave away the email stupid. I didn't read the email. All right. Well, I just said good more crap in the mail. You know what's going to suck. We just lost him. Now we don't have auto blow. No. No look him's is a great product But both there's a reason that they're selling both and I'm just gonna lose this little horseshoe and guess what? I'm a clown. I'm gonna look even sillier. It'll be great I also started get wearing fedoras with big feathers from dodo birds all the birds are deceased I'm gonna have AJ collect me a bunch of bird feathers when he's out there at the lake It's all the birds are deceased. I'm going to have AJ collect me a bunch of bird feathers when he's out there at the lake.

And then I'm going to maybe I'll make a dashiki out of feathers. That'll be nuts. I'll be up there. 180 pounds. The ozempic needles just sticking out of my body. Cut as well. No, not cut. I'm going to have my force get reattached.

Oh yeah. I'm going to. I don't want to get that surgery where they cut all the skin off me. It's maybe I'll just be floppy daddy. No you have to I think I'll lay on Emily it'll be like an air mattress deflating. You can prevent that by working out. Yeah I told you I'm not doing that. I'm saying that sucks. You can't have the loose skin it looks so crazy loose skin sink ships. No you just tuck it into your belt. No.

That's how guys have been doing it for centuries. I think some people have a bigger problem with that elasticity than others. I am so greasy from my Latino heritage that I think that my skin will be perfect. You're unstoppable. Maybe. I hope Caitlin and Taylor kiss.

Yeah, get them, catch them kissing on camera. There's somebody who has a camera on them this whole time. So yeah, catch them. Well, no, because there's someone monitoring that camera and the CIA has a red button to prevent that from happening. So this whole Psyop will occupy our entertainment for the next month or so. But Caitlin Clark, man, that'd be great That'd be really fun. Oh, you know me and Emmy bed her that'd be nuts after all of my

My routine of falling asleep to Dark Side of the Ring I wanted to switch it up a few nights ago put on Dark Side of Comedy Yeah, and it brought me back to New Orleans when we were watching together and I kept, they kept showing the microphone slamming onto the ground and I kept going and it's just not as good. It's obvious. It's, it's not the same as dark side of the ring. The interviews are with like four people. Deborah Wilson is on every episode. Like she knew every, but like Artie Lang, yeah, they were on mad TV together, but she's in like every episode.

Well, yeah, it's cause like Melanie Hutzel was in like the whole Chris Farley episode. And it's like, nobody else from SNL wanted to be on here. It's just Melanie Hutzel. Right. Well, they're humping the memory of everyone's friend, but Melanie Hutzel was like not really a part of that crew. What are they going to get fucking Chris Rock to come in? No, I know, but there were other people. I don't know. It's like his brothers and then Melanie Hutzel and it just starts to get kind of old quick. I saw a clip of Chris Farley or not Chris Farley of Chris Farley's brother, Kevin doing crowd work at like, I don't know, a looney bin or something. And it was so bad and I was like

Why is this allowed? How long will our collective grief allow this to keep going? Where it's like he's I don't know. I feel like I've been I've heard that he is funny But maybe the crowd work thing is not he shouldn't be doing that. I don't know. Maybe he's doing that because he's not funny. I don't know. I don't know. I'm gonna only do crowd work tonight. It's all gonna be with Tanner and the crowds gonna hate it. I'm gonna be like, oh look everyone Tanner's here. They're gonna be like, oh maybe, maybe we know who Tanner is. And then they're like, oh we don't. You have a question, one question before we get out of here? Something that's been weighing on you How my life have changed if I played college football I wouldn't be didn't stand up you wouldn't have taken that imprint You wouldn't have asked for improv classes, right? No, my mom wouldn't have had to do that to keep the gun out of my mouth You would have gone to Boulder on a scholarship.

Yeah, I would have been up there. Live large. Just drenched in pussy. Yeah. Wearing sunglasses that are like a lattice, you know? So they still let the sun in. You would have had to get bigger, but you would have worked out.

No, I wouldn't have made it onto the field. I would have been a scout team guy. I would have been a great locker room presence. They'd probably call me Thumper or something. Truffle shuffle. Yeah, it'd be truffle shuffling Anyway, thank you for listening. Yeah, let's get rid of that. I will be I will be in Madison. I'll be in Las Vegas I'll be all over the god. We'll be there too for the London Maniacs

Just let's focus on Chicago Valentine's Day weekend Rosemont the big room I want to sell those out. Make the drive, take the train to Rosemont. Take the blue line all the way out there and then we'll descend on a Chili's and ruin the fucking short order cook's day. I might be in Chicago that whole week. I'm not sure. I'm kind of romanticizing the idea of spending a week in Chicago because Emily's going to be in La Junta. Maybe join the Patreon to send in what Becker did feed to, I don't know what he's going to do with this, but chubbybehemoth.com slash Patreon. And lunge.

Patreon.com slash chubbybehemoth. OK, even better. Go to that one. Don't go to my secret one that siphons the money out. Go to chubbybehemoth.com slash Patreon. See what happens. It probably goes to Trump's page or God Hates F Slurs. All right. That'll do I guess. That'll do pig.