Chubby Behemoth - Talking With His Toes

Episode Date: May 17, 2026

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://punchup.live/samtallent     Sponsors: HIMS - Support the show & get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care with HIMS @ http://hims.com/CHUBBY     Cash App - Download Cash App today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/g0yurtz9 #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/en-us/card-agreement. Direct Deposit, Overdraft Coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http:///cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the boys are all together in Rosemont for episode 300! Sam finds out about the orphan meal accusations, wants Becker to carry a knife, and had to work a button for his little buddy. Nathan saw a dog defy death, clocks a plane going straight up outside, and reminds the fellas that it is episode 300. Becker got chased by a dog. Thank you all for listening to the first 300 episodes, we appreciate every one of you.     00:00 What Was Aquaman's Deal? 01:40 Fly Or? 03:48 Mashed Potatoes And Cries 06:39 Trapped On A Ferris Wheel 10:27 Chased By A Dog Again 13:37 Can I Say What I Said? 15:57 Medium Size Mutt 18:37 Likely Serial Killer 21:28 It's Been Jack The Whole Time 22:49 Dog Over Human 24:24 Big Fat Golden Retriever 29:04 Becker Cam Goal 31:03 DIstant Memory 33:41 Hungover Today 36:19 Upside Down In A Swamp 39:34 Here's What You Do Man 42:20 My Master Stroke 44:32 American Psycho Routine 46:39 Room For Dracula 49:45 Less Than Nothing 52:03 She Was This Kind Of Woman 53:16 Fun Thing To Consider 56:12 300 Free 600 Total 59:35 Jack Becker: Bitch Hunter OR Last Podcast On The Right     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1

Well, we're already two minutes in. All right. I haven't even been funny yet. Hi. What was Aquaman's deal? He was underwater. Yeah, he was the bastard son of the king of Atlantis. Yeah, he was the bastard son of like Poseidon.

Yeah. And Namor was Marvel. Yeah, Namor's Marvel. They never hung out. Nope, never. It sucks. What a wasted opportunity. Yeah, because Namor would have beat the shit out of Aquaman.

I don't know. Namor is like a war-scarred psycho that like lives in his dead kingdom underwater. Yeah, but he sucks. He looks like Leonard Nimoy. Yeah. Whereas Aquaman was blonde. Yeah. And then became Mamoa.

What? He became Jason Mamoa. Oh, yeah. Well, Jason Mamoa is actually... He got dark. Got tan in the water. Yeah. And also very drunk.

He started licking his daughter's head. Do you guys see that video? I don't think so. Was it the Cravitz? I think... What's Kravitz? He was married to Lenny's ex. I don't know.

There was like a video. of Jason Momoa like honking like his 11 year old daughter or niece or something it's very bad honking? Yeah honking

her butt or what? Topside huh yeah maybe probably tickling I don't know man anyway that's all alleged this is a comedy podcast you know this is all for

this is a what's it called satire yeah right yeah we're satirizing But we're looking out across this parking lot at Aquaman's World Headquarters, and it's not a water park, believe it or not. It's like a data center. Yeah, they're killing all of his water.

God. Lund, fly or breathe underwater? Fly. Fly or be invisible? Fly. Fly or teleportation? Fly. Fly.

Shrinking or getting really, really big? The big, strong is the only thing I, like as much as flying. So getting really big or small is so versatile. It seems like that's almost. But man, in my dreams,

if I'm flying, I'm not dying. Yeah. I'm alive. I like flying. I would take teleportation overflight. I would too. But telekinesis make somebody suck their own dick. I don't care about telekinesis at all. Yeah.

I don't like knowing what's going on in the world. But you're saying night crawler? Like you can tell me. I want it to smell bad like nightfall or two. Every time I do it, I want it to be heinous egg smells. Yeah, it's like a quiff. Yeah. Yeah, there's a queef smell.

Salad barqueef. Right. Yeah, it smells like the Wendy's bathroom. Salad barqueef is tough stuff. Imagine being in line at a salad bar and he just here. And you're like looking at everyone's butts. And you know it's not their butts. And there's just like a 53 year old woman.

Sorry. sorry I had to drive the bus for 10 hours today sometimes I get sticky there's no more jello cubes my dad would do the heinous move of jello and cottage cheese

yeah I didn't even know what that move yeah I don't like that I don't like it I like cottage cheese with beats any pickled stuff salt and pepper is good for cottage cheese or go the other with like peaches

canned peaches Right. Pairs. Cottage cheese on toast. Okay, yeah, that's fun too. But I don't know about your dad. That's not bad. Oh, my dad would do beans and everything.

He would just round up every bean, put a whole cans worth of olives in there. A bean in every pot. Yeah, bean in every pot and every bean on his plate. Pot in every bean. Dude. A little bit of pot. Beats. So you come by this piling of food.

It's like a genetic desire. Oh, yes. Pat blasted you. He was like, you guys eat orphan food. Oh, yeah. I wanted to say, do they eat. eat nutritional stuff? We eat nutritionally dense food.

Because it's not like Emily's not, she's seasoning the bean soup and the cabbage surprise. Yeah, I mean, but Pat's never had a vegetable because his mom thinks that he's perfect and he's never done anything wrong. So he's just been fucking coddled to death and now he's a chicken tender adult and it sucks. His sides are always mashed potatoes and fries. Dude, he's mashed potatoes and he cries. He has no right to say a bad thing about the food we tried to. to serve him for six months for free in our house.

How about that? How about that's my counter argument? Force feeding him. Tricking him. How about that? You fucking pat. When he wakes up, there's like a vegetable dangling broccoli's dangling in front of him so that it goes in on his first like coughing fit.

You just make it go in, dip it in off of a string. No, we have like a picture of like, you know, the singer from 100 geeks. And he wakes up and he's like, oh my God. I'm so hard. And then he goes to give it a kiss. But then we move the picture and it's a carrot and we shove it into his mouth. That's the fucking move. Fuck you, Pat.

You fucking wet wad. Are you crazy? He said you were making just like unseasoned lentils. Oh, dude. Yeah. We do do that. But then we'll add them to like a deep curry that I've made. So yes, we would, I'll do a pot of lentils to then add those to the curry.

And then you have more lentils if you want to make something the next day. Right. Because we're getting all of our protein from, you know, plant. Yeah. Pat's getting all of his protein from Arby's. Bagged meat. Dude, that sucks. That makes me so mad.

I've seen how Pat eats and it's like, dude, this is not sustainable. You hunchbacked mutant. I was... Hey, Quasi, I'm going to go fully motto on you. I was curious how... What if he was saying was maybe sometimes Emily being so like, pragmatic and also trying to be so healthy and live she she's going to be 300 years old yes 100 percent uh she's she's like peter teal or wait no no the blood bag guy is a whole other guy with

or the with his son what's that's a that's not i know he's a tech guy but i only just calls him andy i don't know he swings by the house and drops off his uh pudding it's very dark i wondered if pat was talking about specifically if you're gone and emily's just like i don't care. I work 19 hours a day, so I shove in nutrients and she doesn't worry about trying to make it taste nice and good. But he just has a different palette. He has a palette of like a six-year-old boy who at six years old, he gets trapped on a ferris wheel. And then every time that he swings down, he's up there until he's like, you know, how old's pet, 38 or whatever? So yeah, every time he gets trapped on the ferris wheel, when they come down, they just hand him a corn dog. And then he does a lap.

And then they come down and they give him a milkshake. He has a lap. And then it's like an elephant ear. And then he gets off of that. And he's like, what's this green slime? And it's like, that's cooked cabbage. And he's like, why would I eat that? We didn't have that on the Ferris wheel.

And then we have to take him seriously. Because we didn't grow up on the Ferris wheel. We have to respect his different background. It's like, shut up, man. He's back in Greeley. His mom's changing his diaper. Everyone's happy. He would bitch about the food.

He's bished about the food. I mean, you know, he flushed soup down the toilet. There's been many. I heard that you might relitigate that. I heard that there's new evidence that makes it so that, you know, the first go-round was a shot in the dark, but you needed to try to get him on something. Or like get it into the court, get it on record that this shit was potentially going down

so that you could build more of a case. So you're saying, Well, there's actually... Upday breaking news. Well, we lucked out because you've heard of a hung jury. Well, there was a William Hung jury, and he's not a citizen. So he couldn't actually be in the jury of 12. So we lucked out that William Hung from, I think, American Idol.

Oh, yeah. Season two. Singing Ricky. She bangs, Ricky Martin. What did that sound like, Becker? I really want to do it. Well, why don't you do it? It's a free one.

Well, here's the thing. It's for him. historical wrecker. Bigling chew will be pissed if we talk Kiko man will be pull out. I want to keep getting free cup of noodle. Yeah. So don't do it, Beckett. It's not worth it. Tan, Becker.

Tan hot working out, Becker. Who would have guessed it? What? A year ago he was on death store. How he's healthy as a fucking horse. Well, Emily said to me once very matter of factly, like, you're going to get fat again. And then just like moved on. If she wasn't talking shit or trying to

make me feel bad. It was that she had done her assassin math and her mind. Yeah. She was like, okay, you're better. You're fucked. Diagnosis.

You've been described. And it really motivates the. Is that what pragmatism means? I don't know. Logic. Logical. I'm not saying she's following the logic. No,

she's not autistic, but like she is very much ones, zeros, terminate, target acquired. Bones. Yeah. Bones. But bones,

autistic. Yeah. So, I don't know. No, I mean, I don't know what pragmatic means, but Emily is very direct, I think.

Doesn't beat around the bush. Her mom's even worse. Yeah. Like she's like, I've definitely softened that in her. And I've become much more direct as a result of hanging out with her because I've had to fight fire with fire. But they're also, you know, plenty of heart, warmth, cutesy. It's like they do it all.

They're fully formed. Yeah, they're not a monolith. I appreciate it. Literally everyone else in my life was like, that's great. Do you want to go eat? And she was like, hmm, you'll get fat again. What are we doing the rest of the day? And I was like, oh, no, she's right.

I am going to get fat again really quick. Well, I don't like that you guys were making plans for the rest of the day. We were all together. Okay. Were we in New Zealand? I think it was New Zealand. She just looks at you. Fat again.

I think she was like, what did you have? And I was like, three hamburgers. And she was like, you're going to get fat again. Fat boy. Now that you're better. You're fucked. She didn't do this, though. Like, she was stimming.

I'm fucking with the weird road rash scats. What the hell is that? It just got loosened up. Let's lead into that. I got chased by a dog recently. Turned it out again. Fantastic. What?

Yeah. When? Another dog chased me. Two days before, the day before we left. Either Monday or Tuesday. Now, we're talking. He texted the... I texted the group, so I wouldn't forget.

You texted the group chased by a dog. Dog chase. Dog chase. Yeah. I thought that was a band or a new hot dog card opened up. I don't assume it meant you were actually chased by a dog. Yes. All right.

Great. I was like 11-ish miles into my lap around town and got up kind of past where like people actually live and it's just a bunch of ranches past a tow yard on county road. And I'm walking past the tow yard and like kind of just looking out in the field, see a dog like hauling ass at me. Oh, I would imagine people are like me. You think that like most of the rest of his day he's smoking, alternating between weed and sigs? No. almost all of this walking or the whole time have you like

I don't take you I don't take cigarettes or vapes with me on my walk so I have like four hours a day where I'm not just consuming shit mindlessly you get high first yeah I do usually do a dab in the morning and I have a cigarette after my shower so that I can kind of dry out and then I get going yeah you don't the cigarette's palletive it dries you out yeah after I do my nasal rinse the cigarette makes it where I feel like a normal person that's why some who do that you've been spouting, but I'm with it. No, that works. The heat of a cigarette dries out your sinuses.

That's why idiot doctors in like the 20s and 30s were like, it helps. It gets rid of all that. They were all sponsored by Winston. Well, and they believed that it dried you out. Keeps nice and dry. And when the air was all dirty during the Industrial Revolution. Dry out your tubes. It kept your pain.

Filled them with cold smoke and nicotine. Yeah. Cold smoke. Hot air. But anyway, see how. Burn it. Lucky Strikes. Burn the dinosaur bones.

You're smoking Lucky Strikes like you just got back from Danang. Yeah, and they suck. They suck. If that's what our boys were smoking, man, I'm sad for everyone over there. They had to kill a bunch of kids. Nah, they all started adding stuff, right? Yeah. Back in the day, they were small.

It was almost all tobacco. To tasted great. But then they started fucking with them to save money or whatever. Make them more addictive. Make them burn evenly. Great taste, less filling. They put aspartame in the sigs. Here's a question for you, comedy slits.

No, but we're going to go back to Trinidad and the dogs. Oh, yes, please. Yeah, so I'm walking past this field. Wait, what are you going to ask? Because we'll forget that. Well, no. Do it. Well, last night, he'll remember the dog story.

You know. He'll never forget. A dog got in, got in. I can't wait to hear it. I'm trying to end that story. But while we're on the topic. This dog was over in the Middle East and then came over here and didn't forget what he was trained to do over there.

Which was a, you know. This is a free one. Fuck. Hunt freaks. I'm a fucking Hedged Lord. you dance right up to the line Maybe you're just having fun with your friends Yeah maybe you don't have to

You know No everything's moralize Everything's political now No it's not Not on here What were you gonna ask? Not in this room Okay

Last night I know I know This is our little playhouse But it's not It's both And also I mean our neighbors Can hear every word This art is crazy

Yeah Can I say what I said So the only reason you didn't say this Is because yesterday You did four hours Of Barstool podcasts God, yeah. So you were, and drove an hour in and an hour back.

I was cooked by the time we got here. Two shows last night. The meet and greets. I was like my mom by the end of it. Hulk Hogan. Yes, Sam. We're almost done. We'll watch Hulk Hogan.

City Skylines. I tried to play city skylines for like 10 minutes and anyway. You didn't have anything to give your city. I was like, yeah. The city flooded and you weren't able to close up. The dyke. Yeah, I just kept digging. Earlier, we saw our dude, the family next door, and the dude is maybe from India and his son.

We said, hey. And then when we came back in again, we could hear him. And you said how they would hear us. We would hear them. And you said, it looks like, are you had also been singing a new sensation. I was setting myself up. You were singing new sensation. I had that Rolling Stone song in my head earlier.

So I was just doing On our walk But then you After the pool Cold Pool Cold Pool 2000 You were wanting to a boy You're humming new sensation

So that's going to be the next song That we're kind of humming Right And then you say about our neighbor Yeah he's a cool looking guy Looks like his name might be a nush And then I say a nush sensation Yes

We lost it We did the alley in the oop It's been a good day. Well, I was hoping to pay it off myself, but you got in there, much like this dog attacked Becker. Yeah. You saw a noosh from across the field,

and you saw its tight rump and it's sweet brown legs. Becker has sweet brown legs. I saw his new body today. Yeah, the dog. I saw your ass today. You didn't recoil in fear. Sorry about my butt. I saw yours on purpose,

because you did a funny bit when you ran, and your pants fell down. Oh, yeah. I've ran twice now. Yeah. Becker. Did you ask the question? No. I forget the question.

Perfect. Yeah, so I'm like pretty, I'm over halfway into this crazy long walk I'm going on because Emily lives rent-free in my mind. And I see this dog. You're proven her wrong every day? Hey, she lives rent-free in my house. Well, yeah, it's also just like I would rather do this extreme thing in my life and, like, work out constantly than give up sub-s sandwiches. Right, right, right. Candy.

Right. you're learning. Right. We saw you eat yesterday. It was gross. Well, I know that if I dieted it, I would not enjoy my life. Whereas, like, punishing myself for four hours a day really doesn't affect my enjoyment of life.

I do the same thing. I watch the new season of the Punisher when I feel bad. Yeah. But I see the dog and it, like, doesn't. Coming at you. It doesn't compute immediately. What kind of dog is it? I don't know.

Like a big? Like medium-sized. Blue-tick healer. Not like a tiny dog that it would be like, oh, fuck. Australian Yellowhound? Yeah, like something Was it a Mongolian? Anybody down in mallet mermaid?

No, like a New Mexico res dog. Oh, come on. I mean it. This is a free one. That is a thing. They have res dogs. No, I know they do. Yeah.

Those can be scary. Yeah. It's about that size and it's like hauling ass. A skin walkers after you. It's pissed. Yeah. And so like at first I'm like... And did you have like a big sandwich in your possession?

No, and this is the third time I've been cornered by a dog or dogs. And like the last year walking around Trinidad. dad. Last time I had to walk backwards down a hill while they just like barked at me and kept following closely this time. Third time, you've been menaced by dogs. Uh-huh. That's why I said we could go handle those dogs that got his friend's mom.

I'm fucking, I got a vendetta now. That sucks. You're getting attacked by dogs all the time. Yes. Not me. Yeah, because you're not outside. Your wife's out there getting yelled at for riding her tricycle in the street. I'm in there where it's safe.

Yeah. I'm in the. the church praying. Okay, Becker, I'm sorry. So the dog gets close enough that I'm like, oh, it's coming for me. It's not just running in the field. And I start to, like, jog to get away as quick as I can. And then it tears ass out onto the fucking street and sidewalk and starts chasing me.

And it'd get from, like, here to the camera and start, like, haunching up and, like, really barking and acting like it was going to get me. And then I'd fucking take off running, like sprinting, get farther away. It'd catch back up, do that again. And then finally I ate shit because I was like trying to look to see where it was because it was louder than it had been before. And I just ate it onto the fucking pavement. How slow is this dog? It just like would stop when it got close and like haunch up.

Yeah. I was in its area and it wanted to fucking kill me. And you didn't have a stick? I don't have anything. Yeah, I don't walk with anything. You don't have a knife? I don't walk with a knife or water or anything. I know.

You don't have a, you don't have water? Blade would be good. What's the matter with you? I don't want to carry. For death? Two of you have a fucking death? I hate carrying anything. Hey, I'm looking good.

I can get water anywhere in town. I'm healthy now. I have my phone. I know everyone. There's people. Like, when I fell, I went right to Leslie just to clean my wound. There's self-admitted drifters. Yeah.

You can't go under the bridge. Yeah, I can't go under the bridge at all anymore. There's dogs attacking you. Yeah. And there's likely a serial killer on the loose in your town. It's probable. And you don't have like a walking stick? Uh-uh.

Oh, my God. All right. I just love you. Go on. So the dog tackles, well, It doesn't tackle me. I eat shit, like, looking over my shoulder to check on it. But as soon as I, like, and I like yard sale, my keys go out of my pocket, my phone's out, my fucking headphones fell off, my glasses are gone.

My glasses. Yeah. My glasses. And then as... My books, need my glasses. As soon as I, like, roll over to see where it is, it's, like, on top of me. And I had to kick the shit out of that dog. Yeah.

Oh. Whoa. Yeah. I connected pretty, I, like, felt it due damage to the... Acted out. Lund you be the dog. I'd have to move the camera to lay down. I gave myself a Charlie horse kicking the dog.

I didn't fall on this cheek and it hurts the worst because I like wound up that hard. Yeah, I'm on my side. And then as soon as I look up, the dog's like right there. And I just going for your dick probably. I think it was going for like one of my calves. I meet. Yeah. Oh, the calf.

Fatty calf. It feels like a boob. So it was probably going for your calf. And I kicked the shit out of it. And then it went down in the ravine, and I just, like, laid on the ground for a while because it hurt when I fell. And I just, like, laid there and was kind of just listening to hear if the dog was coming back. And also kind of hoped, like, anyone nearby would be like, are you all right? And be like, no, please give me a ride home so I can clean up these rocks out of my hand and shit.

I scraped my back up a little bit, but not as bad as I thought I would have. And, yeah, it all sucks. So I had to have another battle with a feral dog in Trinidad. and I should probably start carrying a knife. Carlos said I should just spray. You should have a gun. Pepper spray might be good. The wind down there is so fucking bad most days

that I'm truly afraid of carrying pepper spray or bear maize. Dude, carry a sawed-off shotgun on your back with a strap and get a big hat and just be like Robert Rodriguez. Yeah. That's how you got to go around town. Yeah. The machete is a grifter killer, Jake Becker. How about?

You're just going to have a knife on you. Yeah. No, strapped gun. Yeah. On your back. And if anyone walks up on it, you can say, you want to talk to my back, back, Jack. And I need to just not be, I can stick to town and not leave town. Homeowner with a shotgun.

You know, it's a fun sci-up. You should perpetrate down there. What? It's everyone, whenever people are like, what's up, Jake? You could be like, it's Jack, but what's up, man? And just make everyone think that your name's been Jack the whole time and that they're all crazy. Yeah. Rebrand.

Go by Jack Becker. Proop's proposed this years ago. He told me. There's too many Jake's that's stupid. Jack's better than Jake. Strong name. I like Jack. He's not wrong.

He's a smart guy. Yeah. He tells everyone. Change your name to the guy. No, that he's the smartest guy. Oh, he's the smartest man in the world. Yeah. Huh.

Well, Becker, that story bummed me out more than it should have. I'm sorry. I know we're supposed to be goofing and jacking off in here. It was fun. I don't like that you're on your walk and then you have to kick a dog to death. I didn't kick it to death. It took off. You didn't have to kick it to death, but you did.

Hopefully the dog learned a lesson. The old Chris Pierce School of dog grooming. Oh, shit. Yeah, you and Chris have two things in common now. He purchased that dog. This dog happened to me. He didn't purchase a dog to kill. He was protecting his dog that he loved.

Oh, okay. Yeah. What? Do you think he did? I thought he was training a dog and got too extreme. His dog got attacks, so he fucking snapped the dog in half with his shin. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude.

Yeah. Now, Lund, I know that you're a dog over human supremacist, so how much does the story upset you that Becker? I hated it. You think the dog probably should have been allowed to eat Becker? Is that right? Dog right. Is that my logic? Dog should be able to vote and kill us.

Right. Yeah. That's Bobby Crane's School of Law. That's what he gets into. Dog lawyer. You win the lottery and you just start paying Bobby to go to. Represent all the feral dogs. Yeah.

These dogs were born here. your honor. You send Bobby to Congress. Protect our dogs. Let them marry our women. You've lost your mind, but you have like a billion dollars from a settlement

because you got sick at Quiznos. Someone left their keys in the sandwich at Quiznos and you ate it? These Quiznos were not very good for us, hamsters. And guess what? You're going to pay. I'm going to buy a house.

Put a port of subs in it as a real fuck you. I'm going to hire Danny DeVito to make me spaghetti. I also think because of the mild winter, we're having a real bad feral cat year. Oh, no. I was going to say I don't blame Becker. I'm not sad or mad that Becker had to do that. Some dogs are aggressive and he had to kick him to not get his probably dick and balls chewed on mangled.

So I'll bet the dog will be okay too because they're tough. They were really killing a baby right now. Yeah. I mean, I was out in the middle of nowhere. That dog's probably just enjoying that field and terrorizing small rodents. I watched my friend's dog get hit by a car when I was young. It was a big, fat golden retriever. And I thought, oh, my God, oh, my God, he's dead.

And I run home, or not home, to my friend's house because they were having like a, it was like a birthday. A barbecue or a birthday party. And I was like, oh, good. I get to go tell everybody that Max is dead. He wasn't. I don't know how. He had like a broken leg. He was fine.

It didn't make, I saw it. Yeah. The guy was going like 33 or something and didn't slow down. I think Lerner. And didn't stop. He kept driving and I was like, oh my God. Do my hypothesis? I have to run.

Stop. Run. Lay down. Adalian beef. Stop. Green river show. Lemonade stand. Green river.

You don't have any. Water hose. Somebody forgot to turn off their water hose on their lawn. You don't have any money for the lemonade stand. So you're working there for a couple of hours. I found three and then I try to run away Yeah Can't run

Pants fall down Hits me with his dad's car You fall on the dog Kill it Yeah Oh shit Yeah man I saw a dog get hit by a car On a 13th

Right by Cheesman Park It was like a beautiful like gym style husky dog And a guy was like chasing it And he was like stop stop like trying to stop cars and the cars didn't stop and then the dog got thumped but like it got thumped it made a horrible noise and I like it was really really bad you went but the dog ran away the dog kept running whoa yeah so like I'm thinking big dogs there's like something in them where they can sense like and they like go limp they know how to

fall I think so they're trained professional wrestles they're like ballet dogs or jackass guys yeah they're good at it speaking of man Or like how birds can avoid, they have that, like, instinct to, you're saying? Some kind of survival mechanism or else they wouldn't be a species anymore. Dogs being able to kind of sense danger and go limp or whatever you're saying. I don't know. I think dogs are going to be fine, man. There's like that hypothesis that dogs are why we learned to speak out loud.

Because we had to yell at dogs. To give that back. Give me back that newspaper. Yeah, exactly. That rock had my birthday on it. I didn't finish reading. that rock. That rock was my bookmark and my paperweight and my lover.

Give it back. You dickhead. You have four legs. I have two. Come on. Otherwise, I'd be kicking your ass. Come on.

Wait, we can kick them? Okay. Get over here so I can kick you. Get over here. I'm going to start kicking you. Hey, everybody.

You can come see me in Madison, Wisconsin at Comedy on State, 521 through 23, Grand Rapids. after that at Dr. Green's, the 28th through 30. I wish it was Dr. Green's. It will be when we're there. Nothing but fiber and bong hits. Green into gold. Only shows in June. Listen to this little time off I have.

This little gap attack, don't talk bad. I'm in Austin, the 12th through the 14th at Joe Rogan's Comedy Emporium. And then I'm off until the 10th of July. Going to New York. Going to Syracuse. I might pop in and try and do Ithaca,

but I doubt I will. I really want to get back to Ithaca. Lund, I would encourage you to come out there and we'll try and do a little journey to Ithaca, like we're going to Evergreen Park tomorrow. That sounds good. Or Monday or whatever. Then Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Nashville,

Huntsville. I am doing Huntsville? Fuck. I think that's like kickoff weekend of Alabama football. Naples, Florida, Tampa, Florida, Virginia Beach, Richmond, Brookfield, Winnipeg, Cleveland, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City.

Going back to governors. That's right. We're doing governors again. Yeah, that's going to rule. Shlaw Island. Yeah. Yeah. Manchester, Denver, Philadelphia, Royal Oak.

Get your ticket, samtallant.com. Pre-order Brute, please. If you want to get a signed copy of Brute, there is a way to do that via a local bookstore in Michigan in the greater Detroit area. Shuler Books. Go to Shuler Books, and you can get a signed copy of Brut right there. Anything else, fellas?

Plug-Wool Shuler. Not for me. I'll be in Grand Rapids hanging out. If you got any good Michigan hash, let me know about it. July 3rd, I'll be headlining the Denver Comedy Works downtown, so you get tickets for that. Oh, yeah. Lund Apocalypse, July 3rd, man. Yeah. Come on out, D-Town, Carlo. And join the Patreon so we can get Becker cam up, please. We need a new project. We got to keep this thing hot. And if we get up to 10K a month, which is not that far away, honestly, that's like a couple hundred more people.

You guys love the fucking show. We're going to be live on Becker for one month. The hottest month, and he'll only be allowed outside for eight cigarettes a day. If you guys can pull it off before June, I won't have any. I'll only be gone for like one weekend. Oh, yeah, June would be sick. Then you could just be in there. Well, this episode is brought to you by Cash App Ash. Capash.

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read in linen pants. And here's another little fun nugget. Well, no, that's not fun. But my niece, my niece is very much like her uncle. Remember that little fun? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right, guys. Goodbye. Yeah, dogs are fine, man. I'm glad people have dogs. You said you were hung over. You felt hung over today. Yeah. Because of how funny you've been. And hey, that's why I, when we were here last time, part of the reason I thought I disassociated and was out of my body, but not literally.

I wasn't literally levitating. It was because we had had so much fun for like two days straight. That was part of it. We had been fucking giggling. So. Yeah, I posted. That's you today. I posted the link to the yak. I was on the yak yesterday for like three hours.

And they left me alone for like an hour with. this band called Two Friends, and they just entered the fucking dishwasher man. Like Big Cat left and like the other like lead host left. And then they just like let them loose in there. Because they broadcast 24-7. Yeah. They're usually, he was like coming for two hours. But then like, anyway, you can watch it.

I did a good job. I asked if they were, you know, that's what they were into. DJs, huh? Yeah, DJs. And I asked them immediately. Well, the first thing I said was, hello, I'm Big Cat. And then they sat down. And then I was like, so you're DJs, huh?

You know, I just want to get ahead of this. You know, whenever we have a DJ on, you know, you guys rapists? I can't remember exactly what I said. And they're just rocked. Well, pretty much. You're just trying to, like, shock them into stun silence. Well, I'm kind of like play with their unconscious body. Like, make them do funny things.

Yeah. Because they don't know what to do. And I was chugging across the field. Yeah. And they didn't have as good of a shin kick as Becker did. Fuck. Yeah. Anyway, well, it was just the thing where, like, there's a guy in there you haven't met yet.

Like, everyone else I've met on Barstool on the Act. They're cool. They all know I'm funny. And, like, I contribute. There's this guy, Dana who came in. And he was huge. And I was like, all right, this guy's cool. And then his whole thing is, like, drinking beers.

And I was like, that's sick. All right. But he was watching me. I was trying, like, I wanted him to know that was funny. I wanted to impress this new guy and show him I was funny. so that meant they were collateral damage as I was just making him laugh really hard. Or you know that if he was literally looking at me

the whole time and going. If everybody is not, if you try to slow down for them, then that's not going to be good for anything. So you have to get in there, like kind of carry it. And I had a warm-up of an hour. I've already had an hour.

I've been in the batting box for a while, you know, I was just taking pitches. So yeah, if you want three hours of me, being rude, I think. Fuck yeah. Then they have this simpleton named

Mincy who comes in. Mincy? Mincy, yeah. And he went to Old Miss for 12 years or whatever and, you know. Minced around. I think he was upside down in a swamp for three months.

Nobody could find him. Yeah, he was talking with his toes. He learned how to say help with his feet. They thought he was a reverse, so scarecrow. He was scaring the worms away. So feed the bird. Yeah.

So anyway. The human tree. Yeah. Mincee. So he like brought a, he brought a swamp log. He brought a super hot lady to Barstool like on a day date. The day previous. And that was the, that was the big talk of.

Yeah. So they had to bring. Everybody's kicking him in the ass as he goes, no. It's a Lord of the Flies and there's always someone getting it from the rest of the office. Yeah. It just smacks in the back of the head. Oh, man. Well, he came in and, like, at the yak, it's like a bunch of chairs and a horseshoe.

Everybody's so scared. It's a bunch of horses. To do anything stupid or wear anything challenging or out of the norm. Yeah, I was wearing a salmon shirt and was like, fuck. Yeah. But I wore my, you know, New Zealand Warriors hat up the walls. So I'm, uh, it's a bunch of chairs in a horseshoe and mincy comes in, dude. And obviously the viewer can't see.

And that kind of sucks, but. he walks into the room and he's like confronted with all the chairs and he's been in this room maybe a thousand times but still then he like comes to try and walk between two of the chairs

and he can't figure it out so there's a moment where he like tries to sit in the chair and then try and spin it and that doesn't work so then someone on the far end all the way at the end of the horseshoe vacates the chair so mincy can just walk around the loop and sit down finally.

So this is the super genius that we're confronted with. Damn. Yes. So, like I've seen this guy. He's impregnated my fucking algorithm because he's just the dumb guy at barstool. So it's like, oh, Mincy sat in a pie and now we can't go to Greece. Yeah.

It's like, oh, Mincy thought his shoes were mittens. And now he can't put the code into the Airbnb. It's that kind of thing. He's their low cow. He's their sin eater. I described him thusly to wanton-dawn. And I said, he's like the guy, he's like the guy of the Vikings would have, like the simpleton, the knave, the dummy, who would eat the mushrooms so they could drink his piss. And I said it on the pie.

I was like, yeah, you guys all drink his piss. Like, he's the simpleton who eats the mushrooms. Then you guys rush into battle high on his piss. And they were like, all right, well, that's the end of the episode. So who do you got in the Eastern Conference finals? Right. Yeah. I tried to bring up the Denver Broncos.

They had a bunch of dirt from the Oakland Coliseum, and I said, fuck the Raiders, go Broncos. That was a little too much, maybe. But so what they have from Buffalo? The trough. The trough. I pissed in the trough. Yeah, Big Cat bought the trough.

From the stadium. He also wants to buy, and that doesn't matter. But so Mincy brought this babe in, and my big gag for Mincy, my pitch was, well, hey, man, here's what you do, because they're like, is this your girlfriend? Can you close? And he's like, no, it's early on. We're dating, you know, we're figuring it at. She's in Fort Lauderdale right now.

She's a pickleball influencer. So I was like, well, here's what you do, man. Just say you'll get her a job at Barstool if she'll have sex with you. And everyone loves it, right? But Mincy then says, well, yeah, but I don't really have hiring and firing power here at Barstool. And I was like, yeah, that is the only problem with that. Oh, God. Again, and it's the wicked fucking smart, fat bitch boy that I was where you can like,

learn how to make fun of an idiot to his face and he's laughing too. Yeah. You know? It's like, that's the only superpower I ever had was like, you know, rocking Danny Wilcox to his face.

Yeah. And then including him. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Damn. So yeah. I posted the link on the Patreon.

If you're on YouTube, you can just search Sam Talent Yak, but I figured the real heads would very much enjoy my performance on there. But yeah, I had to do that and then, or I got to do that. That was cool. And I did anus.

I bet you did And you loved it I love anus yes I'll have to check them out Anus is fun They like you Cool Not enough to have me come through

And maybe get a little bump Maybe do a little bump No I'm glad you got to shine But I could have gotten in there But also when it's It's tough when it's a bunch of people To get in there You know

Sometimes it's best for me to just lay low Stay away Off Mike I'm not in the building I do like you there so you can manipulate from behind the scenes I should have been in the parking lot

and I call in a few different times I'm Lund I'm another guy Hey I'm Eddie from Elk Grove London again Hey you guys giving away tickets To Cubs Padres Because I'm from San Diego

And I would love to bring my mom Watch the Cubs take on the pods Come on She named me Tony after Gwen I think they're having a gender Reveal in the next room I was trying to pick up the thread So I could tell it's it almost seemed like they were trying to prove a point

No no I think they're to us yeah No I think they picked up hey we're monetized They picked up the threads themselves yeah I'll say this too Fuck I had something to say Oh I bet you did god damn it Sports

Baudres who you got in the Eastern Conference finals I don't know how much do they do they make everything about sports? No, not really. Yeah. They're so big. They don't have to. This was my masterstroke.

I brought in a copy of Brute and I had it on me the whole time in both shows. But everyone there, you know, not everyone. Yeah, can't read,

yes. No, but like I did hold it up and I said, Mincy, this is called a book. You use it to kill flies, but there's also some information

on the inside. You sit on it and it makes you taller. It's like traveling for your mind, Nancy. He's like, I'm traveling to see Old Miss play LSU. That was his big pitch because he gotten hot shit for that. Like people have been fired for bringing dates to Barstool. And his big way out was like, well, what if I went and covered Old Miss versus LSU?

And they were like, Mincy, you were going to Old Miss LSU already. And he's like, yeah, but I'll bring Tate. And they were like, you idiot. You fucking idiot. But I brought that copy of Brute and like, you know, there was a lot of people there who were like, God, I want to read it. So I left it there. And they're about to start filming surviving Barstool. stool so that thing's going to be on set for all of surviving barstool which comes out the week

before my book comes out nice yes very smart very smart sam t i like barstool man hell yeah they get shit on i like those guys i don't know about the company i mean portnoy obviously is his own dude he's an iconoclast but they've always been nice to me yeah big cast seems cool i got to talk to him briefly when Noah and I got to be like in the cafeteria waiting for you. Right, yeah. And it was cool to be able to be a propeller hats on. You were wearing Sam jerse. I was complaining about the free food.

Yeah, your shirts were too big. You couldn't tell if you had pants on. You were wearing everything barstool had for free. Yeah, we had armfuls of swag that we weren't given, but that we sniffed out. Yeah. And then we, yeah, well, I didn't want to be in the way and I didn't want to like try. to get into any room where all of a sudden there's like, oh yeah, it went from six to eight people because of me and Noah.

No. And you hadn't been there before, so it's like you're the man. Yeah, that was the first time. Do your thing. We got burgers or whatever and got to hang out in there. And we got to, you know, see it and meet a few people before you got going. Yeah, that's cool. It's impressive.

I don't know if I told you guys this, but when me and Polk were on the road, we got into his hotel room, we got separate hotel rooms down there as boys. but he had his travel bag and he put it on the edge of the bed and unzipped it because he has to do his whole American Psycho routine or whatever yeah where he folds out his toiletry kit and it's mostly blades put his toenails into a little toenail jar right yeah put the clean neck boxes on his feet yeah put his hairnet on in his robe and curl up in his hoops it's one of those like steam boxes where just your heads up So he's just in a cube with like deep trance music.

He's in a cube. There's no bed. He has the bed removed. He's in the center of the room in a fucking cube with like a candle. No, but his bag falls off and I went, my inhaler. And then Paul picks, he goes down and he grabs stuff. He says, not an inhaler, too. And then it was all of his medicine.

And they names off and it was like seven different medicines. Yep. It was awesome. Not an inhaler, too. Also, there was a tricky button at the hotel and, like, you had to really jam it in bulk, like, couldn't get it. So I got it. The automatic doors don't open for him and then the elevator doesn't react. Because he has no soul.

It doesn't react to his touch, like in ghost. No one invited him in. he's a rath, cool. Dude, before we forget again. Hold on, hold on, hold on real quick. So he can't press the button. I'll remember. So I pressed the button.

I'm like, yeah, you really got to jam it. And he's like, great. And then we get on the elevator and go down. He forgot something upstairs. So he's like, I got to go back up. And I'm like, cool. And he waits a beat. And he goes, can you come press the button for me?

Nice. Holy shit. So funny, dude. The devil needed help. Yeah, man. All right, before you forget, go ahead. Just that when we had the two people that sat up front last night who were separate, so two singles front row with a chair in between them,

dude is all in black, like those big raver pants, right? The big zipper pants. Yeah. You're talking Thursday or last? A hot topic. Thursday. Yeah, yeah. The very pretty young woman who was obsessed with you.

Oh, my God. I wasn't even thinking about what she did to me. I was thinking about what you said. The two of them, very funny looking, you're killing. and then you look at them and she's all in black as well. And there's an empty chair in the middle. Nobody between them because they're separately. But they assume they look.

They both look like gothers. Goth-esque. And you just, what are you guys doing? Saving room for Dracula. That's why you watch the show. Yeah. I don't see the live show. Well, and well, me in particular because I can watch all those shows and you don't

always have a bunch of new shit. But man, I don't want to miss any. of them. Something like that is so funny. Well, it's just nice to be back in Rosemont because it feels like a home game, you know? It's like they've been so good to us, Zanis for so long that like, I don't know. They're having me here for a fucking week.

Yeah, it'll be nice to do. I wish we weren't in a brutal recession and the tickets weren't priced higher than I've ever allowed in the past. Yeah, that's... Dude, they just made a play because they were like, he sold them all out last time. Well, it was also fucking Valentine's Day and the tickets for $25. Yeah. Yeah. And this time they were fucking

50 bucks. The cheapest ones were 43. It's like, anyway, they've been scolded. Everyone's been scolded and we're going to see those prices back down so that the people can come out and enjoy. Yeah, that makes more sense. We need more people in there. Dude, my click-through rate for ads, I told Becker this. And this is why I know that the ticket thing is on and there's a brutal recession. Because obviously, like, I'm looking for every reason why to cope.

And I'm like, no, the bubbles popped. I'm done. They all found out I'm a fraud. But so I hit up my ads guy and I'm like, dude, what's going on with Rosemont? and he's like, what do you mean? The click through rate's insane. This is the lowest click through rate you've ever had. And I'm like, what do you mean?

He's like usually like a good click through rate, which means like people see the ad on Instagram and then they click the link to buy the ticket. Right. And he's like usually a good click through rate's like 25 cents. So you pay a quarter for people to like click through and buy the ticket. Right now your click through rates 13 cents. He's like, that's the lowest you've ever had.

He's like, everyone's clicking this link. And I was like, what is the link broken? Like, what do you mean? The link's getting clicked. And it's people must have. clicked through and then seeing the tickets were $43 and then they can't fucking go. Whoops. That sucks.

Yep. That's ridiculous. Yep. That's not what we need to do. I'd rather tickets be $20 and the room is fucking packed and everyone's juiced. Oh, yeah. And then in two years, you can do the Chicago Theater on the success of that. Literally, my agent said, yeah, we just thought that we would capitalize on the momentum

of last time. We just thought we would capitalism. Yeah. We thought we would just bend these fucking people over the barrels so you could put your dick in every hole they have. and they'd love that. They would love getting fucked by you via us. Oh.

So yes. Go ahead. But yeah, that joke was very funny. We laugh. This woman is very young and pretty. I didn't notice. Yeah, but, and then after. I'm at work.

And then after the show, I'm a professional. Meet and greet. She does not give a shit about what I am or did up there. She knows sells me. I'm like, hey, thanks for coming. She goes, I giggled. And Melton's like, are you nagging him?

Host Jason Mountain, the host with the least Jason Melton. Melton. Jason Melton on some cheese on these nacho chips. Melton's like, are you nagging him? And she probably doesn't know what that is because she's 27. So she's like, no, no, it's fun. And then like is doing the thing, which I say to Melton, I've said to you, Becker, Jack Becker, where like she was one of the many many people

that are there to see you meet you and so being in that line they're nervous and excited and then I'm like wondering if they know me as well right but when they don't I see them when they do the they're like talking to me but they keep looking at you because they know they're like next or soon

and they only have so many extra lives left I thought maybe you watched you know did any of our stuff together. But no. You know Sam and I'm less than nothing. Sorry, I'll go fuck myself now.

Yeah, it was very funny. A lot of times it's dudes with Kill Tony hat, shirt, suspenders and the big pants with zippers somehow have Kill Tony on them. It's why, Gary, why? Yeah, War Mode hat, Kill Tony

neck tattoo. And they think that I'm yeah, just like part of the background. Right. That you were supposed to take the picture in front of? Yeah, they think you're selling a hot sauce at the table. I'm the bathroom attendant.

You're the bathroom. They drop trow. They're like, no, no, no, you don't pee here. You go that way. Oh, sorry. Try to give me a quarter. I just peeled off a callus. It's been bothering me forever.

Oh, good. But I put the skin behind the couch. Don't worry, Becker. Perfect crime. Yeah, yeah. It'll smell like the anime convention people. She had me sign a book of literary criticism. him about Raymond Carver by Harold Bloom.

She was this kind of woman. She was cool. She had a, you know, a very pretty face. And that's all I noticed about her. She tried to flirt her way into a free t-shirt and it offended me. You said she was shaking him around like it was a bongo, bongo party. She bent over and shook him at me real hard on purpose. Come on, Jack.

Yeah. She did. Oh, my God. You all sold it? You said, very good. No, I was just like, okay. Yeah. She, apropos.

She was like, she was like, yeah, nobody's buying theater tickets, so I can't afford to buy a shirt while also trying to be like very flirty and show me her tits and distract me. So I'd be like, oh, okay. That sucks, miss, you're so hot. Would you like a shirt? Yeah. Yeah, fuck that. It really offended me that she was trying to like. Becker's Pragmatica's Jedi mind trick me with her tits.

Like I was 12. Yeah, you took offense at it. Yeah. What's how she got her college degree? Yeah. So it's like sometimes it works. God. I bet she has a lot to offer beyond what objects you've made her into.

She made herself into that object so she could try to get a shirt. A plane's going so far straight up. Why is that? Here's a fun thing to consider when you see a plane in the sky. They don't go that straight up. It's just thinking that. What the fuck? Everybody's screaming on that planet.

Yeah. A new level. What the fuck? Pilot cranks Pantera. A new census. Just straight up like a fucking rocket. Everyone skirts are over their heads. That was bizarre.

What are we going to say? Well, they're just thinking about when you see a plane that big that the people in there have also been made smaller. They get smushed down, however big the plane is there to scale. Because you stay the same and everything else gets bigger, smaller. Correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm the judge.

Yeah, I mean, compared to that one, the other one was cranking straight up. Oh, okay. Yeah. You have to go to... That one was going to the North Pole. It had to be there today. It's just like the mayor and the governor trying to escape a certain nuclear blast.

They just have to go straight up to try to get away. It is one of the proposed ways to do, like the new Concord so that the sound wave doesn't bother everybody. They're trying to figure out how to design seats that would rotate comfortably for all shapes of people, and they haven't figured it out yet. Different people are different shapes. Yeah.

Guys like you, guys like us. I can go straight up. Take off up and then level out. So your seat has to... Because when it breaks the sound barrier, you want the blast to go out sideways and not perpendicular. It's like when you fart and you spread your cheeks.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. You don't want to break the crust. It will be funny that after being home and doing shows Thursday, Friday, Saturday, that the next day it will not be goodbye. It'll be what do you want to eat? And then shows, shows, shows, shows, and then

not shows, and then show, show, show, show, show, show, show. And then show, show, and then wedding, and then bye. Weird. And then Becker and I have another week together. When people ask, I know, you extended the trip. Yep. Because Becker is scared of that dog. You're hoping that the longer you're gone, the more likely the dog is handled. It dies from heat stroke. Hit by a train. Yes. Or that dog, that serial killer starts branching out. drinks gasoline instead of water. Right, yeah. Carlos is making Berea.

Yeah. Carlos eats dog. Yeah. Dog Maria. Yeah. Shit. I invited him to my party. You can't come.

Yeah. He's going to see mushroom head in Seattle. Oh, God. Yeah. He's going to... Ray's birthday gift. He's going to the Soundgarden that the band is named. named after to see a different band.

Yeah. That sucks. He's actually going to Eddie Vedder's new men's clothing store, Eddie's Sweeters. Yes. Yes. How long have been doing this? 500, 600 episodes?

Oh, no. 50 minutes. But 300 episodes. Is that today? This is our 300th episode. Thank you guys so much. We've had so much fun, you know. 600 total

That means less than nothing Yeah 300 It means exactly 600 total On the Patreon Because we started the Patreon right away Yep And like two years ago When I did the math somehow

We lucked out to where We missed a couple of weeks with this Even though we did two free ones a week at the beginning So Yeah so remember that They're balanced out Tell how that go to your head Stacked we tried to stack

Yeah Tried to get to a hundred quicker I've enjoyed it It's done the best I'm glad we're right where we are. I'd say more Patreon guys would be good. Almost all of them are very good. I know money's tight for everyone.

Yeah, yeah. We're not asking for $4,350 a ticket plus tax, two item minimum in the showroom. And parking. And parking. It's nuts. And a sitter for your kids. You're asking people to pay like $300 for an experience

that like two years ago from me was $50 a head? It was literally. It was pass a hat. Yeah. It was bring a can of Pepsi or a non-perishable item. A couple smokes. Yeah. Can I crash?

It was literally, can I crash and we'll pass a hat? It was like my guarantee. Cash or cash or gash? Yeah. Yeah. I want a bunch of weed crammed in a pussy. Cash, hash, or gash? And now it's like, hey, come really far away from the apartment you share with four people, even though you're 33.

and ride the train, maybe. Crawl out from the data center that you live under. Yeah, come out from the shadow of the Colossus. Yeah, everyone comes in their hair, cramored. Glowing. Doesn't have eyebrows. God. Yeah.

So we appreciate you guys, and we've had so many laughs on this spot, so many great memories, I mean, so many great characters. It might be a good place to stop. Territ's the minor attracted, leopard, We're going to keep going. Mr. Threeundo. 300 wins is a hell of a baseball career. James Head.

Yeah. No touch Terrence. I said that. You know what people might not. Who was the guy who had 40 years and song and dance? Remember him? I don't remember, yeah. You hated him?

Donnie Galles. Donnie Galinas. A man with no penis. That you shot now. No. He said, no, no. No. Why would I not have a penis?

That wouldn't be funny at all. That's my only whiff in 600 episodes. You have a couple more scars than me. I'm just a regular guy. We're not going head to head on that. Your feet don't touch the ground. He just had his feet out like this, and it looked like he was sharp and tearing. Speaking of sharp and tear, so many great guests.

Sure. To seven guests. We didn't want to rely on. We have had chicks. What? Yeah. A couple of them. Butekely, Jeney, all the stars.

Kristen Rand, I think. I dragged her onto one when you were touring and I was new to Trinidad. Well, anyway, guys, this is the last podcast. We're rebranding to Monster Energy presents Jack Becker. No, let's do... Bitch Hunter. Last podcast on the right and we're fake right wing. Wait, what would we do?

Tales of conservative... serial killers. Or with the last podcast on the right and it's horror stories of the woke satanic cults. You know what? You should do that on your own. Okay. You should do that on the Patreon. I'll do whatever I want.

And here's, Lund's going to make a promise to you that he's going to come through on one of the many ideas he's had. Lund, what's coming from you? I'm an ideas guy. I know. What are we going to, what can we expect by June 1st from Lund? Oh, don't worry about it. You got this. No.

Come on, hit him with something. That wrestling thing you said last night was fucking easy money. Oh, well, yeah, I have a few things that I want to try and do. I'll watch some wrestling, maybe on my own. I'll watch like movies with Creech. Yeah, Creech. And it would be, you know, they'd both be like watch along. Sure.

The wrestling and the movies, yeah, it's just audio. And when we get to 10,000 a month on Patreon, we are going to install Becker Cam for one month. We're sending Becker to Turkey. Yeah, you can watch me chain smoke. We're going to have cameras. up in the corners of Becker's home for one month, and you'll be able to tune in 24-7 and see what Becker's up to.

Yes, he'll be in the queue. The red light will be on. And we're not joking about that. That's true, right? If we get to 10,000 subscribers, yeah. 10,000 a month, $10,000 a month? $10,000 a month still, yeah. Sweet, deal.

All right, guys. You heard that. Get on the Patreon. A month of Jack Becker Cam. Jack Becker cam. It's like when there's like a nest and the eagle's going to crack out of the egg. Yeah, you want to be there for them.

But it's Becker like. When Becker... Standing over the sink. and staring into the mirror. Backer getting ripped. Yeah. And eating so crazily. But then, oh, also four hours of him not in there because he's on his walk.

Right. Yeah. But you still, the camera's on. Oh, wait, no. Well. You see the Ninja Turtles come to life. You have his apartment. We love you guys.

Yep. Goodbye.