Chubby Behemoth - That's A Conflict Soup

Episode Date: July 3, 2026

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/     Sponsors: RIDGE - Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% @ Ridge with code CHUBBY at https://www.Ridge.com/CHUBBY #Ridgepod #sponsored #ad     IndaCloud - If you're 21 or older, get 30% OFF your first order @ IndaCloud with code CHUBBY at https://inda.shop/CHUBBY #indacloudpod     Mars Men - For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, & 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://mengotomars.com/     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the boys are all back home after their big celebration. Sam feels like he's between a rock and a hard place with fireworks, remembers being a Slipknot lyric, and kept popping into the kitchen. Nathan is not doing the ren fair despite the turkey legs, thinks he figured out our problem getting the gals jetski rides, and picked out a fella that looks like he's on Sesame Street.     00:00 You Got To Get Outta There 02:54 Nobody Tells Me What To Do 04:31 I Used To Touch It All The Time 06:38 That's The City's Problem 08:12 Let's Get To The Bottom Of This 09:52 They Grow From Dirt 12:22 6 Hours With Chat GPT 13:31 Still Haven't Seen It 16:06 It's Illegal In Denver 18:12 I'm The Diamond Man Of The Hole 19:34 We Are Not The Same 20:55 He Was Driving A Milk Truck 22:02 Two Casualties 24:16 Done The Simulation A Million Times 25:27 Some Sucker Steps To You 28:01 Hell Of A Crew 30:01 Loose Strange 31:17 Can My Homegirl Get A Ride? 33:06 Confronted With How Old We've Become 35:48 Gets In The Flaps 37:40 Oh It Did 39:20 Running To The Freezer 41:23 Wack Pack 44:43 Generational Performance 47:51 In Mayor Mode 48:59 Cut In Line For Caricature 51:14 Everybody Nailed It 53:50 Doing Everything Right 56:15 Want To Know My Mental Illness? 58:48 Is This A Movie Star Party? 01:01:04 Shirtless Drifters 01:03:58 Living Forever 01:06:32 Quick Hits 01:09:20 What's It All Mean?     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1

I mean, that's just three dead one week. Yeah. They got to get out of there. Yeah. Yeah, the curse has not been lifted yet. Oh, they. Yeah, the curse is strong and ancient. Try not to look like a ghoul with the, there's shadows that can really make me look sinister.

The shadows follow you, or do you follow the shadows? That's the question. my darkness and my light I gotta shave this the flavor saver jokes over either you shave the flavor saver or you shave everything else except for the

flavor saver that might be the solution you still have the sides of your head correct yeah they're there they're just full on they're just blending into the to my backdrop you look like a guy who really

thinks he looks like Freddie Mercury and his friends don't have the heart to tell him that he doesn't look that much like Freddie Mercury and they're just letting you lean in and it's your whole thing. Fatty Mercury. I think it's because of the black wicker cage that you're in, but it just seems like real,

you know, heavy metal men mayhem type vibe. Oh, we're recording. All right, well, Jesus, I would have been saying funny things. Three Dad and Elizabeth. Well, yeah, I didn't know if you wanted that. that in there or not. Oh, I was going to cut out that part at the beginning. That's fine. Yeah, three kids I grew up, I mean, they're in their late 30s now. Dead. All in the last week. Not connected, right? I think that they were circling similar drains. That's not fair. Again, I just logged

on to Facebook to open up the Facebook Messenger that we get the link. to record with. And the first thing I see is my friend Pat Sutton just eulogizing someone. And I'm like, oh, shit, I knew that person. Bummer. And then the first comment is Nick Salazar being like, oh, another body on the pile. Three dead this week in Elizabeth. Yeah, it's crazy. I would imagine there are three very different ends. There's a lot of ways that you guys have kick the bucket yeah but they're all really good at one way yeah one way it seems to be everyone's favorite way

yeah that one guy actually kicked a bucket and there was some kind of weird mold in the bucket that killed him that was crazy yeah yeah and the mold grew out of his eyes and choked him from the inside it was like a cordyceps monster from last of us pretty much I'm excited to see how this weekend leaves Colorado because there's like 80 fires and everybody's like nobody tells me what to do when it comes to me and my fireworks and it's like okay let's see let's see what happens then

when you're so gung-ho on freedom and freedom to you is doing something really stupid because you like to do it at this time of year like do it whenever you can do the grilling you can do the patriotism slash racism you can do all kinds of American things for the fourth but if you don't do fireworks it would be really cool and they're like well how about I put a firework in your asshole and light that see how you see how you enjoy going to the hospital it's crazy it's a real you actually have to swallow a firework because it's in the constitution so i'm sorry do what you do what you tell me that's the only way they rage against the machine is when authority are like, hey, it'd be really cool if you guys backed off on the fireworks.

We're in a drought and there's fire everywhere. You can smell it. 1776. You will not occupy me. Don't tread on me. I'm going to stand up in this one specific selfish way because I'm an American. That's what we do. It's like, oh, so you've ignored all the real stuff you could do.

Well, yeah, because those don't involve fireworks. That's the thing is you like can't do anything else. So this is the only way you can't do anything else. So this is the only way you can express liberty. Just honk your balls. You have a social credit score and like you have to work 60 hours a week. And your wife's addicted to do her phone. And your son just died in Elizabeth Colorado from hanging out with the old gang.

So yeah, you're like, all right. I know what I'm going to do. From touching the amulant. Yeah. You're not supposed to. Come on. You didn't pay your blood tribute. You shouldn't touch it.

But I want to touch it. I used to touch it all the time. Yeah, you were 17 when you were touching it. No, I'm 37 now. I'm going to touch the same dose that I used to touch. Yeah, we'll see. I can't, I really can't join in on, it's a tough pickle you're putting me in

because you're asking me to, you know, decry fireworks. And I really have a hard time doing that, even though I really don't like fireworks as an adult. I guess I like what fireworks stand for. which is freedom and liberty. But I don't like that your ray is going to burn because of it. Yeah. But I guess we came from fire.

And everyone who lives in your ray is like a billionaire who works for Palantir, or some other shady government operation. So I guess I'm going to rock in a hard place here. No, there's ways that you can enjoy them. If there's certain professional setups that you could go enjoy, then you're enjoying them. The lightning is the only enjoyable. People want to light them. And then you could light them if you went to, I don't know, a big enough parking lot where there's not a lot of trees or dry grass nearby or something.

I know there's not a lot of... So do it in the cities. Yeah, go downtown. Go to Denver. But the cities burn. But, God, there's just so many stupid ways to do. You're the trash can man from Shut the Shining. You're going to torch the world.

And yeah, people... I have a family member who really enjoys fireworks and not being told what to do. and I know that he's got big plans for the 4th of July. So if you're anywhere near five points, I'd stay away as soon as the sun goes down. Well, yeah, we'll see what happens down here too because I know it gets bad every year. I've driven down residential streets where it's like, oh, okay. So not only is it, you know, American to light off a thousand dollars worth of fireworks, but God forbid you throw them away.

you gather them, get them out of the street, throw them away. You also have to leave them or else the city's problem. Or else the terrorists win. Yeah, the cities that, the cities that form some kind of social contract where they... That's why you pay taxes. So the street sweepers will come once a year and eat all your blown fireworks. Eat the fireworks. Then the city puts down.

You guys have a stray dog problem down there. That would actually be helpful. Yeah. Yeah, Beckers lighting off fireworks. not cleaning them up in one particular area. Becker's wearing a bandolier of snappers and whenever a dog comes near he just, ha, hisses, throws a handful like Spider-Man. Becker, how have the dog's been treating you?

I saw a big as stray yesterday, but it left by the time I got up to where it kind of was, so I didn't have to deal with anything. And it wasn't Lund taking a nap. Nope, it was walking around on all fours. Because Lund from up top could, if you just saw his head and he was all in all fours, you would think trooper you'd think goat sucker. I would think, oh no, Lund fell. Yeah, me too. I'd be like, we gotta help Lund.

Where's his bike? Why is he in this field? Fireworks. You ran when you heard the fireworks. You just started running into the desert. I am scared. Let's try and get to the bottom of this, man. Like, are fireworks good or bad? If you're in the desert and it's a drought, it's definitely bad. if you're in Washington, D.C.

and they're going to light off the most anybody's ever lit off, it's probably pretty cool. Yeah, but no one wants, it's not about watching them pop in the sky. It's about holding the punk, having that sig, holding it to the wick, back it up just in time, telling your wife to shut up, you worked all week.

I remember, I think I've talked about this, but being a kid, when the neighbors are lighting them off, and it's like, I know these guys are some of the dumbest, drunkest people near where I live. And this can't be safe. There's cars everywhere. There's kids running around and dogs. Like, they're barely paying attention.

And it was scary. I was like, man, what happens if a car explodes because Butch blew it? He had too many bush lights. And it gets kicked over before. Did you grow up? Did you grow up with fireworks that left the ground, though? Did you guys have access to real fireworks? because in Colorado, unless you went to Wyoming, we only had the ones that were terrestrial.

I think that they were able to get those. They'd skip. They'd bloom. Well, I was scared about the ones that skipped and spun around because they could go right under a car that leaked oil and gas. But I feel like we had... You're watching too many Stevens Seagall movies, I think, as a child. We had the mortars that would go up in the sky in Evergreen Park. I don't know if they were legal or if people went to Indiana.

What's the deal in Michigan? Anything goes. Canada's right there. Everything's north. Everything's wet, so it's probably okay. It is all wet, but it's also, it's been 100 degrees. As soon as you guys left. Yeah.

It was been 100 degrees. Saw them out. So I've been clinging to the shade. My gardens wilting. I'm not really doing everything I can out there. I'm not going to lie. I water it in the morning. And I'm like, all right, I hope you guys bounce back.

Say a little prayer. Yeah, people are like, put sunshade out. I'm like, come on. They grow from dirt. We're going to be okay. From dirt they go. From dirt, they will return. Hey, anyone who's ever heard of Syracuse, New York, love a God, let's get some tickets next weekend, the 10th and 11th in Syracuse. No one's coming. Maybe less than 5% of all tickets available are sold. I'll be there. I will be there. why don't you be there it's a walk-up town yeah you have to walk all the way to the mall that's not really in syracuse after that tulsa oklahoma city

why not get those tickets lund will be there becker will be there becker's new girlfriend will be there that'll be exciting uh Nashville zanez boy people love to be indoors in the summer in tennessee huntsville that one's for sure gonna happen no one's going to come to Huntsville on a Sunday I'm going to be at all these places

Naples Florida I wish it was Nipples Florida Tampa Florida Vagina Beach okay now we're talking Rich Lund sorry Rich Mund Virginia Milwaukee Winnipeg Winnipeg I was sold out last time

and then now I'm not sold out so let's I was supposed to go up there in February I couldn't fly out of a America. All those tickets were sold. Now we're there in September when the skies are opened. Not sold out. I guess it's far away. Cleveland, big book event news coming soon. Pre-order Brute. Why don't you go ahead and pre-order brute right now? If you don't, the podcast is canceled forever. Everyone who's listening right now, you need to send me a receipt of your pre-order to Jake Becker lives.

Oh, good. Becker's gone. Uh-oh. That's what you want. coughed his way off the pot. It's because I told them his real email. Jake Becker lives. I need those receipts, guys. I mean, why not order a book that's been nominated for a Pulitzer now? Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

What the fuck? I thought it was just like they nominated every book. And then my dad, like, did six hours with Chat GPT. Chat GPT, like knew his nicknames and his birthday. I read the whole chat log. with chat GPT and it's like Dave I know that Sam's success has been something that you're very proud of and not just because he's your son but as many many accolades over the years have just been leading to this moment blah blah blah and get the Patreon but most importantly folks I'm going to say it right here

Nathan Lund comedy works July 3rd that is today tonight yeah tonight tonight I'll bet there's still tickets available too. So get them. If you go online, well, I don't know if they have the promo code will work. So get in there. It'll be a really good show.

And join the Patreon as we just told you to do. But me and Emmy have plans for the 4th of July and it does not involve any fireworks. We're getting ketamine. I'm kidding. That'd be cool. I pitched it. Why don't we get some Molly and just roll around on the ground and connect?

She was like, come on. You're 39. I'm a doctor. We're not getting Molly for the 4th of July. Fine. Do it by yourself. Then I had to eat all the Molly. Yeah, I'm just going to eat it all.

Yeah, there's fireworks right up here, Mama. Take it and go to Jackass. Still haven't seen it. Yeah. We have it at our theater, Becker, but it's what today. Go! I think today might be the last day. Go.

Go there. I was what? Show your nails? I got a- Jackass. I literally got up early today to do half of my walk before we recorded so that I could hopefully go see Jackass tonight. Good boy.

Good work, Becker. Yeah, maybe we go. I'm checking times right now. I think it's 7.30. Ooh, the witching hour. There weren't a lot of times is why I remember. It was like one a day because we're a small. Oh, it's not showing today.

What's showing? That's bullshit. Supergirl, no, what the fuck? Just Supergirl? Called the theater right now. Oh, the new minions and monsters movies out, and that will be fucking huge here. So that's because of all the minions. Yeah, that's taking over jackass.

You guys are mostly minions. The population is. Mostly Latinos and then minions and then whites. Yes. it's like 50 30 20 the minions are a voting block down there they are they're kicking out three movies for minions so they're planning big things

so your petition worked that sucks they're getting rid of toy story and jackass and I wanted to see both toy story's coming to the little theater in my neighborhood fuck yeah Conan man what about Conan Conan plays a toy that's made to look like Conan the barbarian

No, the O'Brien. Oh. I didn't know that. That's fun. That's cool. Yeah, it rocks. I like COVID. Shit.

Yeah. Well. Fuck. Mm-hmm. I'm like pissed off. I got up to an alarm now. Now it's going to get spoiled for us. I'll be in Denver, maybe.

It's illegal in Denver. It's illegal in Denver. We're going to have a nice, Nice Denver weekend after my show hanging out with Megan's brother, sister-in-law and niece. We're going to go to the Jellystone RV water park. Well, it's not a water park, but so there's a little water hang. There's a hose there. Yeah, there's a bucket.

There's a spigot. There's a hydrant and they let you bring your own wrench. They got slides or by Larkspur. Yeah, the slides were great. I was like hoping that they could be worth of shit and they were because. When you're 300 pounds, you can get going pretty quick. You get all looped up. You're a fucking cannonball.

Yeah. You really should lube up. You should cover yourself in baby oil before you go down on that slide. Give everyone a show. Yeah, we went last year. It was great. They're going to do the Renfair. I am not.

I got turkey legs there. Yeah, the run fair. Yeah, we got the dogs. So I'll probably watch the dogs and then meet up with them at Jellystone. So it'll be nice. last time was fun last time there was that guy that just like dropped a tall boy of Coors into the like pool and just kept walking and I told you guys I wanted to scream at him but I was with so much of Megan and my family I didn't want that didn't want that does sound like more fun than the Renaissance Fair I'm with you are you going to have fireworks at Jellystone you could be the fireworks guy you could hand out fireworks by the water all those RVs like fire him into the pool all that retirement money that went into RVs I don't know that they'd want a whole bunch of whistling dixies so I can't I don't want to

retire into an RV I'd rather retire and dig a hole for the rest of my life I just keep digging till I hit something just pales of dirt just coming up some kind of pulley and rope system you're up How's it going down there? Good. I'm pretty deep. All right. Let me know if you need anything. I'm hungry.

You're already back on your phone. You've left. I start eating the dirt when I come up. I'm like 1,200 pounds and I'm full of diamonds. I'm the diamond man of the hole. That guy's back from the hole. That would help the retirement plan. If you could fill up on diamonds.

bring them to the surface. Someone give me a bucket. I'm about to, I'm about to shit time. Ting to ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. They'd rip you apart. No, I can go back down there and make more. They're the hardest substance, though. You'd be, who.

Buddy, I haven't eaten dirt. It'd be blood soup. No, no blood. I'm tough. That's my metal album. Blood soup. Blood soup. on.

Yeah, that's when I get real nasty with it. Do black metal comedy. Instead of blood diamonds, blood soup. That's a conflict soup. How many people, how many kids had to die to make that soup, you bastard, you pig? I have chapped lips. Yeah? How's your ear?

Yeah. Huh? How's your ear? So I have water in my damn ear. I thought you got it out of one ear. The other one's just doing a thing. The other one's a fucking canal. And Emily's like, you're fine, kid, you don't got to, you don't got to do anything.

You all right. I think she fixed me. That peroxide wash, I think, was enough that I kicked it. Yeah, she had to fix you or you would have died. Yeah. I'm the one shitting diamonds that I create by eating dirt. Yes. We are not the same.

Yeah, people were scared because we, They were like, oh, here we go again. Beckers in the ER with ear, nose and throat cancer. It would have just been an infection. It wouldn't have been that bad. Becker's sick. Time to cancel my Patreon again. I weighed the cost before we went swimming.

I was like, I want to go really swimming. You dove in. I saw you dive in to Goose Brent Gill. That was the one that fucked me up, but I dove in like two or three times already. You were practicing? No, I was having fun. Oh, yeah. No, you were having fun.

I think you might have been having the most fun of anyone. Unless you were quietly freaking out the entire time. I'm not sure. No, I was high as shit and eating sandwiches. It rocked. I was doing a fun bit with Becker at the 10-year anniversary party when we were all in line for food. Oh, yeah. And I kept going up to people because the line was very long so I could get everyone.

I kept going up to them and saying, hey, make sure you thank Jake Becker for being here. he was driving a milk truck in the 50s before this and it was tough to get through the time tunnel because you were dressed like you were like pony boys dad uh you were dressed like you were in the irishman bro you literally you looked like when he was the delivery man at the beginning of the irishman i'm yeah that was the outfit you were wearing only watched that once but it wasn't that long ago and i think that's pretty good Yeah, no, it got my ass when you said, you look like a 50s milkman. And I was like, oh, and then watched you literally go down the line.

And it was cracking everyone up that you were going down the line. Yeah, it was very good. Well, I mean, the only thing that makes a bit better is repeating it over and over in the same proximity. So that was fun. I had to get up there and cut off Keith D from screaming at my friend and his daughter. Yeah. He's done. Yeah. There's been two casualties from the party.

You know, it's funny. There's been a few that I've heard of in the last week between you, Emily, and then I come home and catch Megan up on the tea. And then she gave me some Trinidad shiz where a long time couple of friends might be done. So that's been still the tea, girl. No, maybe on the page. But there's a couple people down here, friends for a long time, both lived in Denver now lived down here, and they may be parting ways. Damn. And I guess that's getting older where you get.

You should monetize it. You get old. Have them on the pod to break up. Oh, yeah, that might be. Have me be, I'll be some guy from abroad and I'll weigh in and decide what happens to their relationship. You may decide that they have to be attached at the wrist for a month. instead of cutting the baby in half one of them has to crawl on the other one like a human centip

they have to be one person for for a year ATM and then they switch off after 14 days uh but yeah there's just i mean you're you and emily aren't wrong you get older and your time is more precious and you know what you want more and you're being more selective right like instead of having to run into a bunch of the same people at mics or shows or whatever you pick and like you decide who you're going to hang out with and if you try to do these group events and these parties you don't want turds there you don't you want to get rid of the turds so yeah it's also that everyone's gotten old and like grown up and doesn't need to be a turd because they're out in public so yeah if if we're on one big swimming pool you don't want

a couple turds floating around in there because no one wants to swim And you're like, why did I fucking buy this swimming pool so this turd could scare everyone out of it? So yeah, I'm, I just think you recognize patterns as you get older. And you've done the simulation a million times. You know how the conversation's going to go or how the behavior is going to result. So it's on you, if you don't make a choice eventually. You just like the drama or you like the pain or you like fixing the problem afterward, whatever it is. and I don't like any of that shit.

I like eating blueberries. I like smoking weed. I like wearing linen and reading books. I couldn't be more of a single cell organism. And now I got to do all this shit, which is cool, but damn it, I had a pretty good thing going. And I was just like a worm and didn't have any money. Yeah.

When I was a slip-knot lyric, I. Ridge wallet, the last wallet you'll ever need. Ridge wallet is, it comes in materials like titanium, leather, and carbon fiber. All right. So here's what you do. You choose from over 50 colors and styles, and you get that wallet. I like the one that's made of titanium. You carry a little, I don't know, you can carry a sock.

You can carry like a crown royal bag on you as well. And there's some sucker steps to you. you put that bulletproof wallet in your little sack and you've got a flail you just tune them up yeah just start whacking them man that's what ridge wallets all about dense it's jagged it does it does the work that you want a flail to do and you can customize it with accessories like air tag cash strap or tracker card that way you can know exactly whose ass you left it inside of you always know where it is Every Ridge wallet comes with a RIF blocking technology. I know a couple people who have that as well.

Sorry, RFID blocking technology, a 99-day risk-free trial and a lifetime warranty, personal endorsement. Remember when we were down there in Shreveport and we were working on the rig? Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah, so we came back from the boat. We were out there, you know, fucking churning up dinosaur blood. Sun-baked. $300 an hour.

Oh, yeah. You thought Bobby was. baked. No. So we roll into Shreveport, you know, we're like, hey, let's go over to Bojure City, actually have some fun, you know. Those suckers stepped to me. I remember, that guy stepped up to me and said,

you lizard some bitch, you take your eyes off my wife. And I said, look here, you dirty dog. If I had my blade, I would cut you from throat to testicles, but I don't. You know what I got is this, and I fucking took my ridge out of my pocket, and I shoved it, and I broke every one of his teeth out of his mouth.

I just chipped his fucking teeth off right. the gum line. I don't know. So yeah, I love Ridge. I don't know that they want self-defense to be the main feature that you that you tout. You don't have to be defending. You can be the aggressor if you want to.

I mean, it wasn't like I wasn't starting shit. You were looking. Yeah, you were leering and looking and licking your lips. I was licking. I kept, that's why I had my wallet in my hand.

I was showing her how much cash I had from offshore work. It all fit in there. I love their key cases. I use their key case every day. Their key rings. They're portable chargers. I mean, I'm a big Ridge guy. Maybe I'll get one of their backpacks.

For a limited time, Shubby Beheemoth fans get 10% off at Ridge by using code Chubby at checkout. Just head to ridge.com and use code Chubby, and you're all set. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Support the show and tell them Chubby Behemoth sent you. Oh, but yeah, I will say that we had a hell of a crew on those two boats. Not a lot of turds on the boats. And that made for a real nice day.

I wanted to be, I wanted to be able to do cool stuff off of the boat, which would have meant being in deeper water. But that would have been annoying because of all of the traffic, all the boats that were making the- And Donnie can't swim. Well, he was having a fun time looking at everybody in the water, imagining. Yeah, so he couldn't swim or wasn't comfortable swimming. He never learned. I think he put on all that makeup so he looked like the crow from head to toe. So I think that he didn't want that to wash off. Or that was the color of his skin, which seems impossible. That was the color of his energy. 63. I think you'd have to have your shirt off once in your life outside, but maybe not for old Donny Town. Did he say that he could not swim? no but I mean but he didn't I kind of did the math did he get in yeah he never he got in once and he clung to the ladder and he was like oh that's cold and I was like we've been in it for hours he's like all right big cat I'm out of here and then he took it he was wearing like

billy kidman shorts it was very strange he was very kidmanesque jean shorts yeah um jean shorts knee pads but yeah the boots it worked out great because instead of being in the middle and just constantly having to deal with like choppy and just like hoping that all of the boats were being captained by a non-turd who wasn't wasted yeah it was nice to be uh in like five feet of water between four and five feet of water and it was almost all sand underneath so just like and you don't have to you don't have to tread water the whole time you're in the water so that was cool man it was crazy it was very fun and uh i'm glad that that worked out with the amount of people that were in town that could do it and that there weren't like, I mean, we couldn't have had really any more people between the two boats because they filled up.

And, you know, we needed to leave some room for any loose strain you guys collected at sea. Yeah, Beckert. Emily didn't want me to tell you this, but like we couldn't unload the boats further out in the water. Like, because there's like these Canadian seal. hunters and she was worried that me and you and brent would get poached so we kept it close to american shores and we all survived yeah i didn't i wasn't scared but yeah i did see those those swarthy canadians when we were entering and leaving the the dock and they looked they loved their seal me they looked hungry mhm becker uh you you were there yeah boat as well he looked hot

Remember how hot he looked when we were in the water and he was in the boat and he was like glistening and tan and ripped it was crazy. Hot body all tan long arm short torso you guys kept cock blocking my sister-in-law because she was trying to get swooped up by some guy in a jet ski but then all the dudes started getting on the girl boat like Somali pirates and guess what no fellows wanted to swing by no what i think was an issue and i told mel mel was trying to run well Was he the issue? No, no. Well, to me, the issue was that instead of several hot women, chicks being like, hey, can I get on your jet ski? And then like wooing or whatever, like batting their eyelashes, it was Mel being like, hey, bro, hey, jet ski. And then he said that he was saying, can my home girl get a ride? but if a dude is yelling at you and you're on a jet ski you're not going to be like come again

you know like it looks like the dude wants to get on there or something and you're not interested and also if you're if you're screaming can my home girl get a ride it kind of sounds like can a homo get a ride that's fun i mean they're good on jet skis let them rock let them roll but i don't think that these like backwards hat lake michigan dudes are going to get in there I thought that, yeah, they, they, they needed to be, that the person asking should have been either Hannah or one of her sisters. A much younger woman. The funniest one was the guy who tried, it was like, you have to have a life vest. And everyone on the boat was like, oh.

And then they were like, oh, we have a life vest. And then he did like the, I'm getting another call. And just like drove away. Yeah, he just, he like froze. I'm writing another jet ski. It was facial movement. and hand gestures, but he had nothing else to say. And that was pretty, that cracked me up.

I was sitting on the edge of the other boat stone, just like, ha, this dude doesn't know what to do right now. I think we were all confronted with how old we've become, because there was that group of like 22-year-old to, maybe 18 to 22-year-olds like right next to us. And I kept being like, man, these kids are probably going to want to party with us. And then not one of them came an inch closer to our boat than they had to for the whole time.

And I think that, you know, the ladies were like, yeah, we'll get on one of these jet skis. I've been on jet skis my whole life. And it's like, oh, wait, never mind. World's turned and left me. Dumbullweed blows across the top of the water. It's like, what the? Yeah. How is this a ghost town?

A hobo walks by. Lund did a funny bit where he was pretending like he was hitchhiking with the other boats. And well, I had my thumb. out and then in the other hand were my my trunks you took your trunks yeah in a in a weekend of bits I had a couple good ones because the shit the the the bald head reveal very funny looking so completely different than I ever have in my life very fun and then on the water you know I started dipped a toe by doing the classic like pull my trunks down and then swim on the top of the water so that everybody sees my butt and then I was like wait a minute right if I take these bad boys off

everybody's going to know the score which you've done before right uh yeah i mean not a lot we weren't always there was like one dude in high school that would get naked and he was a couple years older than us we 38 we weren't big on the you guys beer nude is on the nude is on the nude being new is helping him find his dog uh that was his thing we would do the butt like have your butt sticking out of your shorts when you dive off the boat or like when we would go bring the boat over to Hoover Dam all the tourists you know you honk the horn and you wave so that everybody's looking at you and then you dive off with your butt out but I never usually would uh take take the trunks off but it is great because even though it was the middle of the day it was you're in the water so it's not

like everybody sees it's not like the news is there four feet of water there's plenty of cover so yeah it was yeah it was a good millionaires on the shore in their mansions like, you know, looking into a telescope trying, yeah, exactly. And then all of a sudden, oh, it's the biggest ass I've ever seen, Margaret. Let me take a look, Peter. Oh, is that one ass or two? Are those conjoined twins? No, that's one ass.

They grow big out there. I love taking the shorts off. And also, you think that like, hey, it's pretty much the same thing. having shorts on, not having shorts on. Being nude, it's so much more fun. All the water gets in the flaps. Your guys get doused, you know, there's like a zero gravity feeling. It's really special.

You can recreate it in a bit of bath. If you get in that bath completely nude. Some people don't bathe nude. That's, okay. I love taking the shorts. off waving them around. Yeah, I did it twice. Brought it back.

You were pretty much the good time party pig. For a man who can lose his patience and big groups, you were maybe completely on for 72 hours. I saw no cracks in your facade. I don't mean it on like annoying. Right. I was ready.

Warm. Social. Loved. Drop of the hat. New bits. hilarious. You showed up guns blazing with your dick out. I was lubed.

Yeah. Well, and instead of hitting a wall, I was able to sleep real good like a couple nights to where, and also not drinking makes it so that I can usually, I can be okay. I almost thought. You were, you were catching buzzes. Well, yeah. Saturday. Saturday I thought, oh, shit, everybody's, everybody's like too drunk. But that didn't last very long. It seemed like people chilled out pretty quickly when we got from the, from Bell Isle to your house. I was like, oh, shit. It's just going to be people drunkenly, like talking too loudly and not listening, but that didn't. There's just one of them. Well, it felt like that for like a half hour. And then it seemed like people chilled out. I don't know.

But I remember being. I think someone was handing out muscle relaxers. So that kind of put a blanket over some people. That helped me. Oh, yeah. I don't know if it really. But. Oh, it did.

You have a, you get a, you get a kind of, you know, there's kind of a mat that goes over your eye. Your eyes usually shine, but the few times I've seen you on like a sedative, you definitely get like a glazed kind of. Because usually you're just pure light behind those things. Well, and also, I mean, almost everybody that was hanging out was in my top 30 people. So that made it easier to not, to not get. tired. You know, at the party, it was funny because I did get not stuck, but I talked to a few random people like Dr. Friends of Emily's and they were cool, but I was glad I didn't get stuck for too long with any of them. Like having to learn where they grew up and stuff, there wasn't

a lot of that. If you're planning to be high as a firework during America's 250th, I know we all are. Get up there with Inda Cloud. That's right. In the cloud. In the cloud has everything you need to kick back and enjoy the show. Soda flavored gummies and zero-calorie THC sodas. Yeah, we all love those gummies. Also, premium vapes, fat pre-rolls, and high-quality flour.

THC cereal bite edibles, perfect for a day on the couch. Yeah, I'll bet we get those next time. Me too, yeah. I have noticed that you take a bite of the. rope because the rope isn't a hundred it's 150 milligrams so you take a little chunk and you're floating your twinkle toe in it your light is a feather and stiff as a board well not me but you know typical person with a working dick but yeah we love all other dad confused on a boat these edibles are fucking great for that all weekend little dave tea was run into the freezer to have a

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Becker, have you eaten the Beast yet? Oh, yeah, I've eaten a whole bag of the Beast. That's what, 20,000? Yeah. When did you eat them? Not all at once. No, no, no, no. I ate them like 4,000 at a time. Okay, normal dosage.

That is not what IndyCloud recommends, but hey, why sell the product if you want people to get absolutely thwack fucked up? It's called the Beast. All Indicloud products are federally. Oh, that's you, Lon. Go ahead. Yeah, I'll keep reading. All IndyCloud products are federally legal THC. Everything sold is D-A certified and lap tested, so get a warrant.

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One of the doctoral students that was staying with Jim, I think it was the only one that Jim brought. Oh, yeah, Jim's whack pack. Did he bring one or two or three roommates? I think he brought two this time. I mean, Jim's, he showed up ready for, you know, five on five before with his strange batch of wacky dude that live with him. Jim is my ex-father-in-law. He's, you know, they still co-grandparent. Everyone gets along.

But he has this house. And when my mother-in-law moved out, he just brought in roommates. He said, hey, I got rooms. And, you know, he did the cost-benefit analysis of being happy and alone and said pass. So now it's just like he has like three dudes, three dudes from Qatar living there and then this other guy who was a history major that's the guy you're talking about yeah right yeah because i walked outside and i hadn't said hello to that guy because i thought he here's i'll tell you the whole thing there's this guy named jim osomacher he was emily's dad's best friend i heard that jim

brought a guy so i was like oh cool this must be jim's son i walk up i say hey man i'm sam he says hey thanks for having me i said you're jim's son right and he said well no we live together and I said you live with Jim Awesome Mocker and he said who's Jim Awesome Mocker and then I thought I was being fucking prank I'm like all right man you know at that point I'm like all right dude do your bits I'm going back in

you know kind of like like all right hey I don't have fucking patience for whoever the fuck you are but enjoy all the Polish Village Cafe that was kind of my attitude immediately Did Lund put you up to this is he is Are you going to try to pants me when I turn around Are you an agent of O'Brien Are you a sion of DeSouza?

Who are you? But then he's like, yeah, I live with Jim O'Connor. And I was like, oh, you're one of Jim's guys. And then he laughed at that. And he was like, I wouldn't put it that way. And then like three people came up and said, this guy rules. We love this guy. And I was like, okay, so you found people out here.

And he's like, I love history. I love smoking weed. And I said, all right, well, you're home. And then let him be. But you spent more time with him? No, I would have talked to him more because he, His, I think, like, I think he's PhD candidate for, specifically Arab and Middle Eastern history. And I was like, oh, shit, everybody wants to talk to you because of all the shit popping off over there.

But then, like, Lou Michael came over and, you know, ran a new joke by me or something. Yeah. He was like, I mean, oh, he told me all of the potential titles for his special. I was like, oh, yeah, I'd rather I'd rather hear this than talk to a scholar about what's going on with Iran and what we can expect for the next year or two. Yeah. But yeah, I would have talked to him more, but, you know, after that, I don't think I saw him again. I think that was one. It was his X-rated album.

Work and Lou. Well, I think he's got, well, yeah, I don't want to, I don't want anybody to steal it. I don't want to spill trade secrets. I'm surprised you remember one of them. I remember two of them. but he's got a whole plan. I'll tell you this, Lund, every time I saw you, you were not alone at a table eating, you were not on your phone, you were standing with someone, engaged in conversation. It was really a generational performance. I mean, it was nice to see the old vet still had it because we go on the road,

you know, you're mercurial, you're like, who cares, this guy's stupid. You were just in it, man. You were smiling, you were having fun. You were making everyone laugh. I was really proud that you were my best friend. well yeah i got hired to do a job i want to do a good job you did a good job man and you didn't just lay back and count the ceiling tiles no you weren't jobbing you were putting people over you were the old vet who comes to the territory and you know well and maybe makes a little money for everybody maybe that was the like used to be that we would have a get together like that more regularly so it wouldn't feel as important as special oh yeah yeah i would take a lot of hanging out for granted because it felt like it happened often enough and you know texting and

DMing made me feel like I was still you know keeping up with a lot of close friends and that has fallen off a little because we've gotten busier and then when I'm home I'm home like trying to do more here or like spend time with Megan so yeah I think I kind of realized that that this was you know that when's the next time we're going to have something where a bunch of us get together like that. So I tried to slurp it up. And I did feel I like I felt you're going to slurping it up. Becker's blowing the mic right now.

Yeah, he's he's secretly smoking. No, no, he would never. What were you doing, farting? Yeah, man, you were just, you were just on. You were just in vintage Lund. I didn't hit a wall like I sometimes have with like I've said how when you drink, I don't know if it's the sugar. It's your brain getting a little dumber.

You're a depressant. It's actually poison. No, no. But it gives you the ability, I think, to kind of hang out longer. And if you don't drink, then you just kind of realize that everybody's just gotten louder. And then it's, you know, let's just go to bed. But like I said. You heard this story already.

Yeah. And that wasn't really happening Friday or Saturday. It was like good friends. And then a few people. And you could Bob and we. Eve, if you had too much in one of the old heads, you can go find some new meat. You know, it was cool. There was enough like 25-year-olds there that you could be like, what the fuck do you know about anything and like give nuggies?

Yeah, it was nice to be able to bounce around a little bit, come and go, like go hit the bathroom, get a drink and then try to catch up with another person or two. That all flowed pretty well. And it was nice that it wasn't just all of us from Denver comedy, 2013 through whatever. you know it was Marcus bond coming up from Akron but we know him from new orleans and it was cool to talk to him a few times byron we don't see you know we saw him in chicago briefly but it was nice that he came up for for the for the and it was also nice to cross-pollinate all these different like varietals from across the country that we only see with them like we see byron we get byron it's nice to see byron talking to bobby crane talking to merriwhiles you know

just nice to be reminded that like you got all these great people in your life um yeah it was and i was in fucking mayor mode i mean i'm walking around making sure that the roses are in water that uh you know we have enough coke zero uh the sinks in the bathroom don't work okay that's my problem for sure um oh the ice maker quit working well you thank god that i have a you know a degree from cast tech in ice machine maintenance i'll get up there and kick it a couple times before i walk into a different part of the kitchen. I kept popping into the kitchen and just like, because there was no one in there and then walking out and being like,

hey, oh, look, look, there's trouble. Grandma, hey, the vodka's for everyone. Sisu, what's that? Oh, a punch in the stomach. Very good. Thank you. Who's Keith screaming at? Be right there.

What was, he said he got cut. right that he was cut in line to eat no not to eat for caricatures oh even better for caricatures and two people gave me the update who were also in line he was not in line it turns out or if he was in line he was in a line that he'd created and was not in any kind of order or cue so april and her daughter you know her child daughter both cute as a button they're waiting to get their character drawn. And then Keith comes up and he's like, oh, you just cut me in line?

And they're like, who are you? He's like, I'm the guy who's been in line? And they're like, you were in line? Oh, I'm sorry. And then a bunch of people were like, you weren't in line, Keith. And he's like, oh, so I wasn't in line? Okay, fine. So then, you know, he files that away in his rolload decks of human slights and injustices.

So when he has his opportunity to recut them in line, at the food line. He jams up there and he's like, oh, I'm cutting you. You like being cut? I cut. I'm the scissors. There's no rules. So I see that and I plug myself between them and he keeps ranting about it and I turn to April and

Tanya and I'm like, hey, you know, he's a bit of a cuck, you know, April is why you don't drink too much and Keith's like, I'll kill everyone. I'm Shiva. I'm the destroyer. I was like, all right, buddy, let's get some pierogies in you. And he kept talking about it And then finally, I took his play out of his hand and I said, Keith, this is my party.

If you say another fucking word, I'm going to make you wear this as a hat. And he laughs at it. Then we sit down. Bobby steals my chair. Great. So I'm sitting by Keith instead of at the table between David Bory and Nathan Lund, my two best friends, the table that I set up, bought the table cloths for, put the runner on. I'll be over here with keys. And he keeps fucking talking about it.

And I just had to tell him, Keith, you got to shut the fuck up. You put one of the tablecloths over his head so that he thought it was bedtime. I would have liked to have put him in there and then hit him. You know, it was pretty great as the group, the group photo. Almost everybody nailed it. Like it looks like as if everybody got approved. Like, okay, you're good. Stay right there.

And that didn't happen. Everybody just kind of, I know it's obvious that if you can see the. camera uh-oh i can't see sam but he he can see me if you can see the camera then you're probably good oh no he's just completely gone he got booted

he got tooted and booted we just had like a like a power surge or something or you had 78 uh everybody's supposed to be 78 that's the big thing everybody's freaking out about online and if i've just set my thermostat to

78 degrees. I'm going to use fireworks to take over the town. I'm going to hold the mayor hostage with with M80s until it's crazy. People are. Are you talking about like the thing on the eastern seaboard where like you always have to have it at 78 during like. New York's going through a big heat wave. And so mom donnie said, hey, we all, like you have to, you know, pitch in and have your AC. Is that one of Raza ghouls henchman?

I'm not up to date. Zoran Mamdani was the villain in Temple of Doom. And he said that, you know, you have to keep your AC at 78 or else the grid could suffer, could come down. And everybody's acting like it's the first time they've been asked to do this. It's like a common thing for energy conversation conservation during a heat wave. Texas has done it like it's 78 in the summer and then like 60s. in the winter just to try not to overload a particular power grid during extreme weather. Everybody's freaking out.

I mean, I remember that from living in Ithaca in the summers. They'd be like, yeah, so it's 78. Which sucks. But it was like 78 across the state will all feel great, I think is what the rated NPR used to say. And it's not like, oh, this is the new mandate where we can't go below or else we're putting a camp. No, it's a particular heat wave. So it's hopefully just a few days where everybody has to, if you want to live in a place where there's 12 million people, you have to like try to do some fucking make some moves

that will prevent further, like more extreme consequences. But anyway. Hey, guys, are you doing everything right, but your body isn't working like it used to? Yeah, what the hell? No, no, Mars, man. We're not, right? Let me just stop you right there, guy writing the cop. No.

Are you doing some things, right? And you still feel like shit. All right. I do a couple things okay and I feel pretty good and I'm sure that it's all going to come crashing down pretty swiftly. Mars Met is here to help you turn back the clock. Awesome. I can't reach it. Most of the awful stuff about aging can be linked to high cortisol.

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Just real ingredients like zinc, boron, and vitamin D in a daily capsule. Take it with food and feel like yourself again. Now, vitamin D is not a penis in a capsule, right? That's like the actual vitamin. No, that's like a fun joke that a lot of guys like to throw out there on dating apps. Now, Becker, you took Mars Men. What do you think? I have my father on Mars Man, and he likes it a lot because I took him off his TRT after his head injury.

How hard is his dick? Is he blowing out your mom's back due to Mars Men? Probably. He's got his energy back. He's back in the gym. He likes it a lot. He says it's a lot better than where he was. All right.

Actually, my mother-in-law is on Mars Men right now, and her mustache is. is impeccable. We're probably going to lose this one. Over 90% of Mars men users report higher energy levels. I prefer three musketeers. Sorry. And third party lab tested with 90-day risk-free trial. You have to check it out.

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That's then go to mars.com for 50% off for life and three free gifts when you check out. After you purchased, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Support the show. Tell them, Charlie Mahima set you. The group photo. You want to know my mental illness. You said mandate and then I didn't hear a word after. I was thinking, that's a funny word.

Two guys holding hands. Yeah, I'm just like trying to think of a joke about mandate. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's me. What about two men who are half date, half man? They have a giant pit in the middle of them. Oh, yeah. Okay.

All right. I think that that's what Jim's roommate was actually studying. They were a type of Nephilim that lived in the caves, the man dates. But yeah, the group photo was very fun to watch because out of nowhere, there's one guy that I became obsessed with. I didn't see him in real life the whole time. He had like a big dark, dark brown afro and a big beard. He almost looked like Jean Shalett's kid. Mitch.

That's my boy Mitch from Powabic. That guy has a masters in ceramics, believe it or not. Yeah, he ruled. I'd believe anything about this guy. He looked like he was on Sesame Street. He was very funny looking. He looked like he was part snuffel up against, like just a big hairy guy. we debated whether or not it was a wig

it was like me and four people standing around and all of us were like that snatch it grab it looks like it could be a wig and then he moved a specific way and at the same time all of us were like oh that's his hair no man instead of like a piece of paper degree you get that hair when you get a ceramics masters he looked like he was doing a bit

for sure like he was trying to keep up with me or like Brent getting his ear pierced yeah you said oh what this guy's fucking deal I'm cool hair guy I called hair. I'm the cherubic cool hair guy that everyone wants to party with. Going the opposite direction doesn't mean that it's a different bit. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I just, I hadn't seen him or talked to him the whole, you know, and I was there the whole time. Like you said, I was present. But you were, he came really late. He came probably around seven o'clock with his girlfriend and his sister and his sister's kid, who was an adorable little boy who was running around. And remember the post where we did our event? for the book? Yeah. In Detroit.

Yeah. So he's in with the people at the post. That's where I met him. He came to that book event. He's fucking funny and cool. And he makes a lot of weed pipes. I mean, he's a ceramicist. So I was like, oh, me and this guy are similar.

Him and they all showed up. So I go talk to them. And I introduced myself. And then his sister is like, wait, are you married to the woman in the red dress? I was like, yeah, yeah. It's our tenure. And she went, holy shit. shit. I'm pretty sure that she might be the most beautiful woman I've ever met in real life.

And I'm like, okay, well, that's very kind of you to say. And she's like, no, no, like, for real. I came in here. And I was like, is this like a fucking movie stars party that I don't know about? Because like, I don't know about like, you know, movie stars or musicians. I was like, that, that lady's a movie star. And everyone was like, no, no, that's her party. And I was like, well, you know, she's not just beautiful on the outside. And she's like, yeah, yeah, I get it. but like she is a sweet piece of ass. And I'm like, okay. Who was this saying this?

This was Mitch's sister. Okay. Who I never met before. He brought a sister as his date. I get it. He brought his girlfriend and his sister. Oh, plus two. Mitch plus two.

Two and a half. Yeah. Yeah, Mitch is cool. He looks so cool in that picture. He's screaming. His mouth is open. He's just like a void. That Dorian guy looks really cool.

He looks like the black king. pin yeah no it was it was cool that almost everybody nailed it couple people weren't looking or didn't realize it was picture time or whatever but a lot of people were on point and it made for like a really nice a lot of times those are garbage right they look like shit half the people are looking oh yeah elsewhere or yawning or whatever looking at their watch looking at their they're doing the watch gag where it's their penis that they've stretched over their wrist which is a good one but if it's blurry then it's you know it's not as good Yeah, no one did the finger through the fly penis gag.

No one's doing like a gun to their neighbor's head, you know. It was just, yeah, I don't know. That Libby lady, she was very helpful, photographer. Yeah, I want to see the picture of me and you and Bobby and Chris because those always turn out nice. Yeah, you're doing the Aaron Anderson. You're throwing up the four horsemen. Yeah.

It was so cool to finally have a picture of us together. We got a good one. at Charpey's wedding, but I held the four in front of like a light background or something, so you can't really see it good. But it's a good picture of us. It is funny that little Chris is. It's funny that Becker and Bobby are both walking around their towns, like being known as the guys that walk around town.

Yeah, you're like characters from a Flannery O'Connor novel. You're just the shirtless drifters who don't talk to anyone and wear giant headphones. I can't do the shirtless thing. I thought about it yesterday because Bobby was like, you got to pop it off. I really was like, yeah, no, I can't be the nude guy around town. Bobby might have had the best Renaissance showing of everyone there. What do you mean?

He came in like 30 pounds lighter. Oh, gotcha. Yeah. All of his clothes matched. He's got some fun new opportunities on the horizon. There was like a confidence to him that we hadn't had recently. and it was nice to have it. Because for a long time, he would show up and be like,

this high life's warm. Like, all right, Bobby, good to see you. You got into parliaments? I quit smoking about four years ago. Yeah. Yeah, he looked good. I think Emily's dress was the number one for the weekend. But for like best dressed of the whole weekend,

Bobby would probably take it. Oh, Bobby, yes. I think so. He looked really cool every time. dime. You should have seen him on Thursday at that show that I did, dude? He showed up his, like, his shirt matched his shoes. They were both, like, foliated copper snake skin designs. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I was like, who's this guy? And Rose Gold Bobby. The only lawyer I'll ever need. Rose gold from H.RGB. Yeah. RGB. Rose Gold Bobby. Big Rose gold phase and it's working.

Yeah. So I think maybe he takes it for the whole weekend. Yeah. But, Emily, Emily did look nuts. I mean, that woman was probably straight and was still ready to lose it all, risk it all to shoot her shot. My mom said lewd things. Your mom responded with how much. Sam's dick must be huge. Yes. What your mom said.

It got me and my dad good. Well, I'm very flattered, but I've been hearing that shit for 15 years and it's like, all right, why don't you, why don't you, uh, you use the bathroom after her and then maybe she'll come down a peg. Why don't you see the giant ball of hair that she has created in the shower? God forbid I have a single like, you know, I shave. And if she finds three stray chin hairs, it's like, oh my God, Sam. Meanwhile, she's growing an uncle fester day by day. And every now and then I'll be like, this is truly a lot to deal with. And she's like, that's my friend. Okay. You mean cousin? I'm going to turn the lights off. Cause a nice your bath.

Finish your clothed bath, buddy. I meant to say something about how, I guess my, my, my comment about us going on daytime talk shows because I'm the only person to get fatter on a GLP one, kind of won out over another thing I wanted to say, which is something about how she, her like new, uh, interest or, you know, the thing that's coming next after, you know, this, uh, being a successful doctor. was the pursuit of like living forever my blood doping and like yeah she was attached to sous via IV tubes for like three days before I forgot she wants to have a kid yeah yeah like that like that guy that wants to he doesn't think he's going to die he said something about how his body functions as if it were still 18 and therefore he wouldn't have to it the cells wouldn't die off because they're not old

and that's why you die is because your cells die. Whatever his plan is. Emily's doing a similar thing. I hope he doesn't slip on any black ice or, you know, ride in a car. Drive buzzed. Yeah. God, I forgot.

Like I said, I was, actually, I was caught up and having fun and didn't take time to like finish my speech. But I'm glad it worked out well. It was good. It was perfect. Yeah. Emily rewatched it yesterday and she was crying. She just couldn't be present for it, man. Oh, because everybody was looking at her?

Everyone's looking at her. Everybody's jacking on. Everybody's trying to jack off while looking quietly. Yeah. Everyone keeps like asking her. Everyone keeps being like, now what's up with your shoes? And then she bends over and people go, I kept trying to get her to bend over on the boat.

I'd be like, hey, Emmy, come whispered. me off the side of the boat and she'd be like nice try tom cat she oh she was i thought she was given you enough more than enough oh she was she was dumped you're saying but at probably after you set the bait or put you know put that out there she was like oh okay it wasn't bait i said hey honey can i see your cans from this angle she'd be like oh you i hit her with a do you come with the boat And she was like, what's that mean? And then I forgot she never watched The Simpsons. Or she didn't hear me.

I think she didn't hear me. But either way, you want to connect on that level. Okay, Becker. Let's quick hits with Becker for the party. Becker, biggest laugh. That I had? Yeah, not that you got. Yeah, I didn't.

I was going to say, I don't think I did that good. Biggest laugh I had. All right, let's start easy. Biggest sandwich you saw. The biggest sandwich I saw was that bad boy we picked up before you dropped me off first night. Holy smokes, man. Those people weren't playing. They were not playing.

Okay. That was an easy one, a bit of a layup. Yeah. The funniest thing I saw was Bobby tells somebody he wasn't going to deal with their douchebag shit the first night. Oh, yeah, when he called him a cunt. Yeah,

and I almost bit through my lip because I was sitting between them when they started bickering, and I didn't want to, like, scream laugh in the other dude's face and blow up the whole situation. and I like legitimately almost bit through my lip. That was great. That really got me. I was high on that for hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was really envious of Bobby's freedom in that moment.

That was, when you were talking about his newfound confidence, I was like, yeah, I watched him tell somebody to fuck themselves artfully. It was awesome. He blasted someone right off. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, Becker. Hottest girl.

I'm kidding. Don't answer that. It has to be your wife in that amazing dress. Okay. Great answer. Yeah. Yeah, she looks so cool. I was so proud of her.

She did all that shit. Like, she did everything, you know? And she just kind of like told me what to do. And I learned not to complain too much. And she would be cleaning until like 2.30 a.m. to get the house ready. And I'd be like, but I'm tired.

She'd be like, you can sleep when you're dead. I was like, you got it, mister. Yeah, she was just a total weapon and it's really cool to be married to someone who's so capable of letting everyone have fun around them. Yeah. I don't think any, I don't know how much fun we had on Saturday. There was a lot of like pride and satisfaction of like what we pulled off and how beautiful our friends and family were and how much fun they were having. But man, Sunday in the boat, shit. Yeah, that was the finest day in a long time.

You didn't have to plan the next. Classic American day. You didn't have to plan the next thing or wonder how tomorrow was going to go. Or wonder if everyone's having fun. You're looking around at your friends, smoking weed and jumping off the boat. And you're like, yeah. We were screaming that we were. We were screaming that we were having the most fun.

Right, yeah. And then my dad would just be on the boat. You know, he took a little bit of mushrooms. So I'd look at my dad and he'd just be up there like, Kevin's playing Polish disco I've got to get him off the boat when we first In Lund ate a muscle relaxer

He kept asking my dad that night Like so Dave what's it all me No It was great I did I told you I got to Have more than a few minutes Of Dave T time

Which normally doesn't really happen At get-togethers Because he kind of keeps it moving And I Yeah if you want Dave Tee time time usually you have to wait for your wife to die and go to a grief group many's all ears no you said he is usually high enough to where he'll like need to leave the room or whatever or like get distracted but i got him for a nice we talked about being sober and getting older and how it's good more than

he was like do you have any more muscle relaxers i love being sober he was shaking uh no it was nice we got to and or like uh if we're hanging out there's a bunch of other people so somebody comes up and weirds him or me out and over and over and over again. Doesn't want? Blows it. Interrupts over and over and over again. Right. So Bobby has to tell him to shut up.

We had a nice extended kind of talk. And God, I'm so glad I'm so glad that he, I've told him he's like my chosen dad because, or, you know, anybody that I have a lot of chosen dads that filled the void, so many cool older dudes in comedy mostly. Me. not yet you're getting older than me all the time unless my hair doesn't grow back and then we'll be the same we will look so many young men at the party lou marcus all those kids kept coming up to me and being like you're dad so wise and i was like really i'd like to know more he just kept imparting wisdom

on them and then uh you know meanwhile sometimes you can't pronounce the word uh rouge you know but hey he puts it together when he asked to yeah I was gotta love that Dave T he's still here he's still upstairs

clamoring around nice oh yeah till tomorrow yeah he leaves tomorrow hmm that's nice you got some extra time

the pool's closed tonight for fucking heat and swim practice or something so we're going to go to the pool and now we're just sitting

around sniffing our own asses oh yeah I was gonna say you know We talked a whole lot about the whole weekend on the, on last week's Patreon episode. So feel free to get the full scoop for all of the weekend's events by going. It was like an hour and a half. Yeah, we went.

Such a good one. Yeah, right? It's got to be top 10, I think. Maybe even top five. After a sleepover, giggling. And we were. That's what it was. We were all pretty damn tired because Brent and I had had to drive to Grand Rapids.

and back we had a couple of weird late nights and then early morning so but yeah uh patreon.com slash chubby behemoth check that one out that one was that one felt really good and it was like nice to end up doing one when we thought we maybe weren't because of you guys getting water in your head which is your kryptonite and just a whole it was bad man I still have water in my ear right now yeah that's no fun I know uh well guys we love you I loved you guys at the party. He did a great job. And I'll see you in six months.